Erin is the Funny One - The Hardest Quiz Ever

Episode Date: August 23, 2021

In this episode Jack challenges Erin to America’s favorite game: “Dave Matthews song or Tony Hawk Pro-Skater Trick?” We kick off Virgo season with all the celestial pleasures and did someone say hotline?  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome once again dear listeners to yet another episode of Aaron is the funny one. I'm your co-host Jack Douglas joining me as always and not my first choice, it's Aaron. Hi! Once again, thank you for being such a gracious co-host. That's me. So respectful. Hella respectful. Hey, happy 9th episode number nine, number nine, number nine. What's that from? It's a Beatles reference. I hate the Beatles. And I hate that song. And I hate you. Cheers. We really did just cheers. Yeah, yeah in case you couldn't hear it. This is our 9th episode.

We're almost in double digits. This is our last single digit episode. I feel like this is monumental. After this, we can't really be noobs anymore, which so I think the pressure is kind of on us for future episodes to be like really good. That's not true. Yeah. The pressure, no, no. You are allowed to be as good as you can be forever. Nah man, I feel like we're no longer rookies after episode 9. This is our last chance to just like bullshit around and you know. Are we bullshitting around? I don't know. It takes me a long time to like prepare for this. So if we were bullshitting this whole time, how many hours of preparation is it going to take? No, that's an interesting topic right there. Like how long each of us take to prepare for these podcasts. Like writing the

horoscopes takes time. Yeah, that takes like at least an hour. And that's just like right. And that's just a segment. But like finding out, I always stress about what the meat of the podcast is going to be week to week. It took me a while to figure out what the heck I wanted to do for for today's show. And at the 11th hour, I thought of something. I don't know whether to be scared or excited or doubt or doubtful. No, no, be merry. Okay, I will be merry. Merry. There you go. Hi, I'm merry. That's me. Hi, dad. I'm merry. I think in all sincerity, I think this could be the podcast where we introduce the hotline number. We have a very exciting development, I think. And I say I think because I'm not totally confident that we're all the way there yet, but we're going

to try it out and like cross our fingers that it somehow works because I don't totally know if I did it right or if I know what I'm doing. So, Jack, please, what is our development? We have a hotline. Maybe. Maybe. Asterisk. We are not going to be publishing the number online as of yet. It is exclusive to those who are listening to this podcast. And the reason for that is because I would like to keep it a little bit exclusive right now while we try to figure out how this works, how what we're going to do with it. And I was the one that set it up and I have no idea what I'm doing. And so I'm crossing my fingers and knocking on wood and trying to just like wish and hope that what I had done was the proper way to do it. Is this the podcast where we first announced the

number? Duh. Why would we talk about having it if we're not going to like give out the number? I want to make sure we're not going to blue ball our listeners. That's all. Blue balling our listeners. Ew, your foul. So, okay. Okay. The phone number is three, two, three, four, eight, four, six, three, one, zero. Now, here's the thing is that we don't really have any like requests. It's like people can call in and say what they want if you guys have a question, if you have a story, if you have a suggestion. I think I'm open to it all. This is a grab bag moment. Oh boy. So please feel free to test out our number and leave us a message. I have no idea if I set it up properly. We'll find out. But I hope I did. And again, what's that

number? The number is three, two, three, four, eight, four, six, three, one, zero. Do you think you can come up with like a jingle for the number? If it works properly, of course. Right, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three, two, three, four, eight, four, six, three, one, zero. I definitely think I can. I would love to. That's a fun challenge. I've never done like a radio jingle for a number. That could be a lot of fun. No, I'm up to the task. I'm up for the challenge. Call in. Please be our guinea pigs if you so feel that you have something you'd like to say to us. Any topic that we've discussed from the last, from the previous eight episodes or whatever we discussed in this ninth episode, feel free to give us a call and we'll figure it out.

We'll figure this out. I'll write a jingle. Honestly, it was kind of like, I think I did this right. I don't know. We'll see. We're not going to tweet this number out or anything like that. This is just for you listeners because you're a special lot. Yes. This is strictly for listeners of the podcast at this point in time. It's like a secret club. One, because yeah, I don't want people taking advantage of it if they're not actually listeners. Right. And two, I have no idea if this is going to work. Because I feel like you listeners have put in a lot of time and hours into this podcast. What a waste it would be if we just tweeted it out. Yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no. This is for you guys.

Yes. So anyway, can't wait to hear from you in the event that it actually pans out. I'm crossing all my appendages and limbs. I know, because I don't know how many triceratops they give me for storage and stuff. So I'm not sure from a voicemail standpoint. It tears through and eats up triceratops and triglycerides. Yeah. So I'm not totally sure how this is going to work and how much space I get, but we will figure it out together. They'll either work or it won't, but let's try it. So I guess this does lend itself to noob territory. Yeah. And I'm allowed to be a noob, because I'm a noob to the hotline. I said it myself, guys. You did. My tech training is limited

I knew how to change my password on AIM in the sixth grade. So I am not techie whatsoever. That's fine. I still know how to change my password. I'm still calling them triceratops. You did make our wedding site. I did. And you did a damn good job on that wedding site. I do. That took me like 50 hours. That was a passion project to the max. Yeah. That was one of those ADHD hyper-focus moments where I looked at the top 10 wedding website formats and I was like, I'm going to figure out how to do this.

And you cracked the code. You did it. Well, no. I mean, I tried, but... Was that Wix? It was Wix. Not sponsored. You were sponsored at one point, but this podcast is not sponsored. Correct. Just saying what else. Honey. Yes. What are we drinking?

I'm so glad you asked. Well, in prior episodes, I have said like, I don't know how much this costs. I don't know how... Well, I got to tell you, somebody tweeted at me. Oh, really? Remember, I told you guys that like, hey, tweet at me if you... I recall. Yeah. Yes. Because you're very good at responding to people.

Well, I'm responding to people. I read a lot of the mentions at me. I'd say most, unless I have an off day and I don't get to the Twitter. However, somebody tweeted at me and their name, their username is Boop Spoopy. Hey, Boop Spoopy. And Boop Spoopy informed me of an app that is called Vivino, also not sponsored, but that it might be interested in downloading this because it like gives you a price point and ratings and all that stuff.

Very cool. So anyway, so I downloaded Vivino. And so now I can accurately tell you, folk, how much we paid for the wine. I love that. I love that. So with no further ado. Please, I'm sick of all this to do. Tonight, we are indulging ourselves in some Josh, Josh Sellers, Rose from...

It says vintage 2020, but I don't know what that means because 2020 is not that long ago. I wouldn't... I'm not sure I'd call that Victor. How does that make... Although it feels like 10 years ago. How does that make advantage? I'm not sure. 2019 feels like 20 years ago.

Tonight is a Rose night. And Jack, tell me about how you feel about this Rose. Yeah, this is embarrassing to admit, but I've been sipping this throughout so far. And I honestly, I sip this Rose. It tastes like a Chardonnay with a hint of red wine. And I don't know how else to describe it. It's fine. It's not my first choice, but Aaron was in a stubborn Rose mood.

Get this, you won't even believe it. She made me leave the house and buy Rose. Oh, what a monster. Honestly, what a beast. So I did because that's what husbands do. Scale from one to 10. Five. Damn.

It's very not outstanding. I would say it's just simply standing. It's just very mediocre, which is interesting because I'm not a wine snob. I don't consider myself a wine snob, but I am very underwhelmed and unimpressed. It's not bad by any means, but it also has no outstanding qualities about it. I've had better wines on this show and I don't know. I'm very underwhelmed by this.

I can't give this the Jack film recommendation. Who hurt you? So many people. Mike, this first off, it's interesting because you're like, it's fine, but also I wouldn't recommend it. Because life is too short? No. For mediocre, not outstanding wines.

Guys, this is a great Tuesday. Hey, our podcast has released something. This is a great Monday night wine, I would say. Good save. Well, I was just thinking like middle of the week. Yeah, I will say middle of the week wine because it's a middle of the road wine. I would give it a six and a half because it's not great. It's not offensive.

No, it's not offensive, but it's neither a boring people. I would say it is a bit on the sweeter, drier side, which is not necessarily up my alley, but I'm not offended by it at all. I have drank many, many a bottle of this wine. Yeah, you're not joshing. Stop. That's not funny. Pun intended.

What is wrong with me? Okay. So according to Vivino, which I actually think that we may have paid more than this. However, just because the retailers mark this, according to Vivino, we can buy this bottle of wine for $12.99. That's a good price. And it's rated 3.6 out of five. No, it is not a 7.2 out of 10.

You are rude. Look, listeners want me to be honest, all right? They don't want to shill and I want to give. Don't look at me like that. I just feel like you're being mean to the wine. Look, I like Josh Chardonnay's. It's very hard for me to be mean to wine because I know how much work goes into making the wine, Jack.

And so for you to be mean to it, I'm like, but it works so hard to be what it is. And I say and I'll say it again. Life's too short. It's okay. Thank you. I mean, it's $13. What do you expect? You know, fair.

So it's a fine midweek. Wine, I will say that. I can't disagree. It is a good midweek wine. It's a good Wednesday wine. Tuesday wine. And Tuesday. And Monday.

That's not middle of the week. But our episodes come out on Mondays. You know what? I wouldn't drink this on a Monday. What? Yeah. But Bachelor in Paradise is on Mondays. Yeah, I would drink a white wine for Bachelor in Paradise.

You just admitted that you watch Bachelor in Paradise. I had a lot of fun. I'm not ashamed to admit it. David Spade makes an excellent guest host. He's not a guest host. He's the host. Okay, you keep changing your story. No, I didn't change it.

When I said host, you corrected me to guest host. When I said guest host, you corrected me to host. I was trying to keep you current with the news that I have, but I haven't been informed of any other hosts at this point in time. Oh, I can tell you because we watched the trailer coming up and it was tightest and dronimous. It was... You know, I don't pay attention to that stuff.

They had other guest hosts too whose names I forget and faces I forget because of the face blindness, but I think there are a rotating hosts for this season. And by the way, I've never seen a full season of Bachelor in Paradise. We tried watching a couple of seasons in the past. We loved it and then we just... It fell off like the other... Like so many other shows we tried.

Like Succession. We enjoyed Succession and we didn't get past Episode 3 of Season 1. And we know, we know. I know that the end of Season 2 is transcendent, but we got to get there. There was another show that we never... I can't remember what it was. So many shows.

There are so many. Mythic Quest. We never finished Mythic Quest. Yeah, yep. I enjoyed, but we just kind of got stuck in between Season 1 and 2. So many shows. So many. I'm not doing it justice.

How many shows we just kind of leave in the dust? To be fair though, we're just saying see you later. It's not goodbye. It's not goodbye. It's see you later. That's right. It's less harsh. Okay.

It's less harsh. Hey, honey. Hey. How are you feeling right now? I feel great right now. I'm a little apprehensive of what you have coming at me. Sure, sure. Well, don't be.

I feel great overall. Honey, are you in the mood? I had a good day today. I went to Orange Theory. Oh, I didn't ask. I didn't ask about any of that. Honey. And listeners, are you ready for a quiz?

Yeah. Yes. Yes. I'm ready for a quiz. That's the spirit. That's the attitude I'm looking for tonight. I got a good quiz for you. And I'm really proud of this because this is not some quiz

that I lifted off from BuzzFeed. You've been lifting quizzes off of BuzzFeed? I have never actually done that. But I'm saying that this quiz is so good, it's going to sound like I lifted it from a BuzzFeed-like source. That's how confident I am, but I didn't. Are you going to test my Enneagram? No, it's so basic.

Or my Myers-Briggs personality type? No, it's basic and trite and overdone and tired. I'm doing something that no one has ever done before. This is a quiz. Are you going to read my tarot cards? I thought about this quiz, like I told you I would while we were working out today in the gym. I came up with this idea.

I'm very nervous. It's time. I'm very nervous. It's time for. Is this a Dave Matthews band song or a Tony Hawk's Pro Skater trick? Aaron, I'm going. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Do people even in general know Dave Matthews that well

that they know all of his songs? The dude has like literally like a thousand songs. So, so many. And Tony Hawk is a very talented fella, I'm sure. You've got the half kick, the half third single kick, the half wily whoopy kick. All of these very legit tricks. You know.

Well, honey, the answer is yes, there are many in both of those catalogs. And that's why this is not a short quiz. Oh my gosh. Okay. This isn't a five question or a 10 question or a 20 question quiz. This is a 51 question quiz. Is it like rapid fire or I'm supposed to go like Dave Matthews, Tony Hawk? It could be.

Okay. Yeah. So don't take too long. Okay. Wait, are you going to give me like a time frame though? No, I won't time you. No, because that's not fun. I'll just be like we need an answer.

How 51 what? That's insane. Yes. Single handedly killed our podcast. Nobody's going to stick around for 51 and then they're never going to figure out they'll never get to hear what the gods have planned for them this week because they're not going to hear their horoscopes. Totally.

So Aaron, I'm going to read you something. You have to tell me if it's the title of a Dave Matthews band song or if it's a trick from the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater series. Are you ready? Hold on. Can I ask a beginning question? No, what's there to ask? Are there actually 50 tricks?

You're adorable. There are as many tricks as there are Dave Matthews band songs. Is that real? I mean, yeah. Baby, they've made like 20 Tony Hawk's Pro Skater games. All right. So you're in for a ride. Okay.

To be fair, I would just like to say that I have so much to be fair happening. I have been to a Dave Matthews band concert maybe more than once. I'm not going to disclose that because I don't want to embarrass myself, but. It's not embarrassing. That's cool as hell. I went because of other people, not because of myself. That's all I'm going to say and game on. Okay.

Dave Matthews band song or Tony Hawk's Pro Skater trick? First question. Impossible. What? Oh my God. Dave Matthews. Incorrect. Damn it.

Next one. Two step. Dave Matthews. I know that one. Correct. That's a good song. Japan. Tony Hawk.

Correct. Madonna. FYI, these start off easy. Oh no. What? Tony Hawk. Correct. Benny Hanna.

Dave Matthews. Incorrect. Damn it. Crush. Dave Matthews. Correct. I know that one. 50-50.

Dave Matthews. Incorrect. Damn it. 900. Tony Hawk. Correct. 5-0. Dave Matthews.

Incorrect. Damn it. 41. Dave Matthews. Correct. I think I knew that one. Yeah, you know 41? I think I actually knew that.

41's a good one. I think I knew that. 41's a lot of fun. Backflip. Dave Matthews. Incorrect. Damn it. Front flip.

Dave Matthews. Correct. Oh, this is the best quiz ever. Yo, we ain't even close. Warehouse. Dave Matthews. Correct. Oh, yay, okay.

Samurai Cop. Tony Hawk. Incorrect. Phew, what the fuck is he doing singing about a Samurai Cop anyway? What does that even mean? No one knows. Ferret Fight. Ferret Fight.

Correct. Ferret Fight. Yes. Ferret Fight. Yes. Is that a Dave Matthews band song or a Tony Ashborough Skater trick? Neither, because it's... What the fuck?

Nobody would name anything Ferret Fight. There are no trick questions. You must choose. If it's Dave Matthews, we need to cancel Dave Matthews because he is encouraging animal fighting. So I'm going to say Tony Hawk. Correct. Got that one, right guys?

We don't need to cancel Dave Matthews yet. American Tribute. Okay, he's South African. Tony is not. He's a San Diegoan or something. Tony Hawk. Correct. Nice.

Gravedigger. Dave. Correct. Dark Disaster. Tony. Correct. Oh my god. Quick draw.

Dave. Incorrect. Damn it. Slamma Jamma. Slamma Jamma. Dave. Incorrect. The Maker.

Dave. Correct. Spaceman. Dave. Correct. The man loves his space. Also correct. He made what was like Show Me Your Universe.

Yeah, yeah, that's the space between. Yeah, the space between. It was like Show Me Your Universe. But then it was also like, oh, the space between. And then there was another song too that I was like, oh, this guy's obsessed with space. I bet you this guy cries thinking about space too. I bet you all...

We got to get you guys in a room together. I bet you. I'm not alone. Talk about black holes. You guys are both just messes on the floor. Let's fucking do it. It's existential, man. What else?

Let's get Dave here on the next one. I got another question for you. Okay. I have so many questions actually. Bartender. Dave. Correct. Diven.

Dave. Correct. Belly, belly, nice. Tony. Incorrect. Busted stuff. What does belly... What does that even mean?

What does belly, belly, nice? It means a belly. It means a nice belly, but twice. Next one. Busted stuff. Is that Dave or is that Tony? Can we go back to like... It's like duck, duck, goose.

Belly, belly, belly, nice. There you go, kids. Fun new game for you and your friends to play. Belly, belly, nice. Really confuse your parents with that one, unless they know Dave. Then they're like, oh, great song, great game. All right.

Busted stuff. Is that Tony or is that Dave? Mmm, Tony. Incorrect. Well... Gross. Why is he so gross? Stage dive.

Tony. Correct. Up and away. Tony. Incorrect. Granny. Tony. Incorrect.

Flamingo. Tony. Correct. Got a hard one for you. This is where it gets hard. Musca beats. Tony. Correct.

Proudest monkey. Dave. Correct. Guy does a lot of drugs. Like that's, I'm pretty sure. David's drugs? I don't know. All I'm saying is that I am assuming things.

And I just feel like he's probably thinking about the jungle and things like that quite a bit. So... Time bomb. Tony. Incorrect. Oh my God. Hula hoop.

Tony. Correct. Tripping billies. Dave. Correct. Crash into me. Dave. Correct.

Come on. Chomp on this. Dave. Incorrect. Alligator pie. Dave. Correct. What the fuck is this guy saying about?

What on earth? Can we talk about how Dave was one of the stars of what are my favorite like turn off your brain? Just watch the movie. Adam Sandler movies called Just Go With It. Which is also the premise of the whole movie. It gets stupider and stupider. Just go with it, man.

But what's interesting is that the cast is stellar. It's got Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, Dave Matthews, Brooklyn Decker, Adam Sandler, like huge cast. I really enjoyed the movie. I laugh out loud every time I see it. It's among the better dumb Adam Sandler movies. If that makes sense. Yeah, I've literally played the movie on repeat over and over

and over again while like on vacation. Just like getting ready in the morning, brushing my teeth. Oh my God, so many. Just like because it like puts me in this like great mood. Yeah. And Dave Matthews is a part of that movie. What on earth is this man doing making songs called Alligator Pie? Belly, belly, nice.

What is that? What's that? What is Alligator Pie? Is that a thing? You're going to have to ask him. What's he singing about exactly? When he's on our show next week. Oh, OK.

Is your little rant over? I guess. Are you going to step off your little soapbox? Guys, you guys might enjoy Just Go With It if you haven't already seen it. This is a very good turn off your brain movie. It is. Satellite. Dave.

Duh. I know. I just want to sprinkle in some. Oh, that was another thing. I was like, that guy's an obsessive space. Oh, yeah. There you go. Satellites are in space.

The space between the next star to the next planet. Show me your universe. Dude, the guy's an astronomer, I think. Bloody Eddie. Tony. Correct. The last stop. Dave.

Correct. Over crook. Tony. You're on a hot street. Correct. You've got the last five in a row. Correct. Let's make it six.

Smith. Dave. Damn it. Ruin your hot street. Damn it. Jimmy thing. Dave. Correct.

Halloween. Dave. I've been to a concert where he sang Halloween. Yeah, you were. In the encore. And one of the people I was with went nuts because they had been to literally like 40 Dave concerts, something crazy.

And he had never sang Halloween. And I got to be there because I guess Halloween was their favorite song. Yeah. Yeah. And it's got to be mind blowing. And they just went crazy. It was kind of cool experiencing that for them with them.

You know, I can imagine. Absolutely. It was almost like because they had hyped it up. Like, oh my God, this is my favorite song. They, you know, Dave is never saying Halloween. Like, and then it was like very surreal. But it happened. It was like a celebration in itself.

I love that. It was really cool being there for that. Yeah. That's really cool. Yeah. I've always wanted to hear Dave play Say Goodbye Live. And I've never. I've seen him about, I don't know, five times or so,

something like that. That's my, that's my Halloween. Guess you need to go to more Dave concerts. Yeah. Erin, I guess I do. Oh, did you know we were in a pandemic? Jack, did you know? Wow, it's like there's no pandemic at all.

It's not stopping Dave. They're still torn. I'm going to go. Yeah, they are. Yeah, they are. Hey, honey. Yes. Is this a Dave Matthews?

I can't remember. Is this a Dave Matthews band song or Tony Hawk trick? The Jackass. Tony. Correct. Nice. Oh my gosh. Final five guys.

It was a special trick that only bam. Marjira. Marjira could do. Oh, sensitive subject. Very big eyed fish. Also, did you know he was from Philadelphia? Oh my God. The Philadelphia area, did you know?

I was aware of that. They were at one point in my childhood, they were like the celebrities of the area because it was like everybody knew somebody who knew somebody that knew somebody that was involved with Jackass. And they used to film in like a Westchester parking lot. I dated a guy in high school that used to work at the Acme that they used to like film at.

I don't know. It was like the crowning jewel of that like era. Anyway, I know Jackass is still a thing, but at the time it was like, oh yeah, no, did you like, you know, you tell other Philadelphia people that you like knew a person that knew a person that knew them. I was probably way more like in their heyday too. Yeah, it was huge.

Yeah. It was huge. It was like 2004. Oh, that was them at their peak. Yeah. For sure. Like around the first or second movie. Both of those movies.

Yeah. I got five more for you. I thought you already told me that we were on the final five. Like I'm telling you right now we have the final five. But okay. All right. Okay.

Big eyed fish. Dave. Yes. The maker. Didn't you already give me this one? Let me check my notes. I did. I just want to see.

Did I get it right? I'm not telling. What's the maker? Oh my god. Shit. Some memory test. It is unintentional memory test. Okay.

So at least I remember that you already gave that one to me. Yeah. That's impressive. Is that Dave or is that Tony? Dave. Correct. Okay. Did I get it right the first time?

You did. Okay. Yeah. You got it right both times. We don't count that one. Fan dangle. Tony. Yes, two more.

Final two. Big hitter two. Wait. What happens if I get the rest of them right? Like what happens if I go on a streak for the last five? What should happen? Do I get a prize? Name your prize.

You name me my prize. I get a week off and next week Ernie has to be the co-host. Okay. I like that. Let's do that. Okay. Okay. Paid.

I want a week paid. All right. I'll see if I can swing it. If you get these next two right, which would give you a streak of eight in a row, you get the week off. Okay. Here we go.

Big hitter two. Tony. Yes. Nice. And your final question. Oh my God, guys. It's happening. Oh, God.

Oh, don't fuck this up. Okay. All right. Okay. Ah, yeah. It is spelled. Ah is spelled A-A-A-H and yeah is spelled Y-E-A-H.

Ah, yeah. Is that a Dave song or a Tony trick? And keep in mind, if you get this right, you get to take the week off next week and Ernie will sub in with her terrible opinions. I'm going to say, oh yeah is a Dave song. The reason why I say that is because I feel like if it were a Tony trick,

it would be A-H-H-H-H. Not A-A-A-A-H. Okay. And so I'm going to go with Dave song final answer. That is incorrect. See you bright and early next week, 9 a.m. sharp. That's a Tony Hawk Pro Skater Ford trick, if I recall correctly.

Oh, that's so lame. Tell Tony Hawk to get a dictionary. That is not how it's spelled. So out of 50 questions, I did say, I did initially say 51. It's 50 since I accidentally repeated one. Let me tell you. But I got them both right.

Yeah, I'll retract one of your victories. Let's see how many you got right out of 50. You got 33 out of 50. That's not bad. Hey, it's not. If you doubled it, it'd be a 66, which is technically failing. But in my case, that's a pass in my book.

That's an Aaron pass. That's because I know all of like five Dave Matthews songs. So I'm going to say, I just passed the test. That's awesome. Guys, you don't need to study for your driver's exams. Just go take the test because maybe you'll pass, just like I did with the Dave Matthews. I think the question-

That's the kind of confidence we need more of in this world. I think it's the same thing basically, you know? You don't need to know the rules of the road. You just go take the test. Just go. Just go. Maybe you'll get lucky. It's the worst that could happen.

You'll never know. If you don't try. You'll never know. And so I say you go do it. One of my best friends from middle school always used to tell me like trying is the first step towards failure. What? Oh, that's great.

Wait, where is that guy now? I couldn't tell you. Is that the guy that made you poop your pants? It is the guy that made me poop my pants. It's also a real story. He was a funny middle schooler, you know? A lot of wisdom. He was wise beyond his years.

I feel like you now need to tell the tale of how you pooped your pants. Oh, there's not much to tell. But he used to hang out with this guy, one of my old middle school buds, and I used to go over to his house. We'd play like N64 into the basement. We were playing this game. Oh my God.

It was like, it was a fighter game for the N64. It was like clay fighter, 63 and a third, something like that. And it's a game with a lot of like silly voices. You know, all the fighters have like these goofy voice actors. And this friend of mine was mimicking all of the accents and all the voices that the fighters had. And middle school me thought this was just the peak of comedy.

It was the funniest thing I'd ever fucking heard in my life. To be fair, though, you didn't leave the house a whole lot, right? So anyway, this guy's making me laugh. I'm laughing, I'm laughing. Then all of a sudden I laugh a little too hard. Whoop, poop my pants. So I excuse myself. And this dude, this dude had one of them

fancy basements with a bathroom. My childhood home did not. No, you got to use the bathroom upstairs. I ain't going upstairs with the- They're going to smell it. With the load. They're going to smell it. You guys have trapped in the basement.

They're going to smell it. If I walk upstairs, though, I'm not going to leave the fucking basement. But at least they would smell it, not you. Are you high? No. No, I stayed. I do the smart thing. I stay underground.

So many mistakes. I go to the restroom. There's no ventilation down there. And I take so, so, so very long. I try to clean after myself. And I mean, like, God, put yourself- I was wearing jeans. Put yourself in the scenario I was.

It was just, you know- Yeah, it would have gone upstairs. There was a lot of- I would rather- I would rather his mom smell it. A lot of cleaning. Because his mom would not narc- Well, I don't know what his mom-

Matt, I would like to think his mom would not narc you out for being a stinky, stinky guest. I mean, like, I'm a middle schooler boy. Like, who doesn't stink? Exactly. So the mom wouldn't care. But like- That's fair.

You just outed yourself to your friends by using the bathroom in the basement where there's no ventilation. Well, he actually- I remember telling him this story years later and he had no idea. No, you mean he said he had no idea. I'm confident he wasn't lying.

For sure. Yeah, I'm pretty good. If he was, he's the greatest liar ever. But I'm pretty sure, you know, I fooled him. I'm going to call that a fooler. But yes, that is the story of the friend who made me laugh so hard. I shot myself and, you know, God bless him.

It's awesome. So congratulations on your quiz, love. That's very impressive. For my passing grade. You know, you don't know much about either genre and you did very well. Yeah, I've never played Tony Hawk. Is that true?

Yeah, I've no interest in it. Yeah. I have read his Wikipedia page, as one does. You're far more interested in the celebrity behind it all. I'm far more interested in like- His wives. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

And I couldn't care less. I'm all about, I'm all about the tricks. I'm all about the games. If I remember correctly, I think he might be on his fourth wife. He has a kid, he has like an older kid, and then he has like maybe two or three kids, like with this, with another person. That's so funny you mentioned that because-

And now he's- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Fourth wife, that's funny you mentioned that because my favorite game has always been Tony Express Gator 4, and I'm just dying for them to remake that. It's also funny that you picked up on that because like I have this feeling that I'm going to have

my best marriage with my fourth husband. Really? Yes. That's a lot though. I just have this like feeling about it. That's a lot of shit to go through to get to number four. Hey. You're not even done with number one yet.

That's what you think. Oh damn, yeah, that was a long pause. So sorry. Damn. We should talk later though. We should like talk. Okay. Later, just like let's talk.

But for now, honey. I wonder how many millions of dollars all of his ex-wives have gotten from all the divorces from the proceeds of the video games by itself. Like he- Yeah. He would have probably been a billionaire by now. Like-

I mean, I correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's where he made the bulk of his money. His- Not tournaments, not even brand deals, I think the fucking video games, I'm pretty sure. His heart led him to only being a multi-multi-millionaire when he could have been a billionaire. You know?

Kind of trust love. Ah. Honey. Yes. Do you hear that? Is that the gods? The celestial zodiac gods are- Entities?

They're calling upon us to be their vessels for the evening because it's time for horoscopes. Please just like promise me you're not channeling demons again like you were. I can't promise shit because I kind of like- I tune out. You're not a very good vessel. If you can't tell the difference between a god and a demon.

No, I'm a very good vessel because the eyes roll in the back of my head and I don't know what I'm saying until I'm finished saying it. That's what a real vessel does. They don't judge. They expel. And that's what I do. I expel. Ew.

Ew. I mean, I guess it's on brand with you shitting your pants. But also- Hey, I told you that story in confidence. We weren't rolling, were we? Okay, good. And Jack, do you know what today is? Why?

Yes, I do. It's August 23rd. What else is it? Oh, it's the first day of a new season, isn't it? And what season is it, Jack? The one that comes after the last one. Leo? What, after Leo?

Were you even here when we were recording? No. Or like any of it? You know I don't know these signs. But like you barely even knew it was Leo season. And we've put Leo season to rest. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Still like our- What's after Leo though? Virgo. Hey, happy Virgo season. It is Virgo season and welcome to it, ladies and gents. We are here and we are ready to bring in Virgo season with all that is the Virgo-ness that makes Virgo season, Virgo season. Shout out to all my Virgo boss bitches and boss babies.

What's going on? I have a handful of Virgo friends, close Virgo friends. That's so cool. And they are all Virgos, if you can believe it. Wow. I am, the hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end. With electricity, that's such a wild story. I just pissed myself with excitement.

You're pissing yourself, pooping yourself. What are you not doing these days? This is just a glimpse of my 80s and 90s, yeah. Are you going to like be throwing up on yourself later tonight? Yeah, if we play our cards right. Well, maybe if you channel hard enough, we'll get some vomit out of you like the exorcists or something. That'd be cool.

Can't relate. Never seen the exorcist, never will. Looks very spooky. It's really not. It's actually like laughable how non-spooky it is. My mother says I'm not allowed to watch it. I do believe that. Donna, no offense, but you didn't let him watch Rugrats.

So I do believe that he was also not allowed to watch. I mean, that's fair. Rugrats was fresh. Angelico did not set a good example. Did you know that's who Lin-Manuel Miranda named her after? Everybody knew that. The entire Hamilton play, she was carrying around this weird doll with like half its hair.

Oh, my God. Called Cynthia. Oh, my God. We all knew that's where Angelica came from. Pretty cool. What a cool little Easter egg. Do you guys know that? Also, she was very rich and very spoiled,

and thus we all knew that Angelica. I mean, the similarities don't end there, you know. You know, she was kind of bitchy. OK, that's. Well, one would say no. That's a little extreme love. OK, OK. She was kind of boss ass bitchy.

Better. OK. Better. She, she had, you know, dominance, dominance. Just like Angelica from Rugrats. That's not my version of a girl boss, but it's somebody's version of a girl boss. Absolutely.

So because I don't think you need to be mean to be a girl boss. So Horace. OK, all right. Fine. I hear you loud and clear. But I have channeled the opening horoscope for Virgo season. So, Jack, will you do me the pleasure of reading our first Virgo horoscope of Virgo season?

Aaron, it would be my celestial pleasure. Virgo, welcome to Fuckboy Island, everyone. Wait, is Virgo season not the same thing as Fuckboy Island? Oh, shit. Oh, well, feels the same to me. Anyway, may the Virgo gods and demons bless us this Virgo season with some of Virgo's best known traits. Passive aggressiveness, backhanded compliments,

lying about being on a rowing team to get into college, grainy face-tuned photos with wavy backgrounds, forehead jokes, shrek jokes, halitosis, adult acne, using the lash of the toilet paper and not replacing the roll, using the lash of the toilet paper and replacing the roll, but they put the roll on upside down. And they're also pretty good listeners when they aren't judging the shit out of you.

Happy Virgo season, bitches. Happy Virgo season, bitches. We hear, we ready. That's interesting about the replenishing the toilet rolls, toilet paper rolls. Yeah, what about that interests you? I'm trying to remember, you're not a Virgo. Are you?

No, you're a cancer like me. And yet, every time, every single time. I think I'm a Virgo sleeping. I think I'm a Virgo sleeping. That's my, it's like- Oh, is that your- Cancer rising, cancer, moon, cancer, something else, but I'm a Virgo sleeping.

And so, yeah. I think you're a Virgo-awaking. Awaking, waking. Libra. Tomorrow afternoon, you will hear a knock on your door. When you answer it, you'll see it's a pizza delivery guy. But I didn't order any pizza, you say? Oh God, this is what I was worried about.

He responds, so what am I supposed to do with this big sausage pizza? Jesus Christ. I'm immediately just taken back to being a senior in college, watching videos on the internet. Okay, you dig into your pockets. I don't have any cash. The pizza delivery guy says, I'm sure we can think of something. Oh shoot, I'm sorry, Jack.

Huh. This is no horoscope. This is an excerpt from my daily blog. Aaron's exotic erotica. This is why we're rated E for Ernie, okay? Don't worry. I put the good stuff behind a steep paywall. Feel free to purve out my excellent erotica for only $50 a month.

Yes, Jack, I charge $50 a month. Damn. It's called knowing your worth. Well, I'm gonna have to check out that blog, honey. Wow, I didn't know you're living this little double life here. Well, I have a lot of creativity inside of me. Don't say it like that. It needs to escape somehow.

We all need outlets. Well, as long as you're charging $50 a month, that's fine. Also, I like just going back in your previous, the Virgo one, I like the weighty backgrounds. That was a good touch. I don't know if you remember reading that because you're channeling the gods. I don't understand the compliment. It was like, but it's real.

It just is. I mean, that is a trait of. Scorpio, right? That just is a trait of Virgo. So I'm not totally sure what you mean by that being a good touch. Scorpio. Oh my God. Scorpio, lean into your insecurities, Scorpio, because you have a lot to be insecure about.

We've all been talking. Yes, everyone is talking about you behind your back. And we all agree that you should feel super insecure about all the things you feel insecure about. And maybe you would be best if you just start constantly blurting out things that make you insecure. That way, when anyone starts to judge you for something, you're like, no, you can't judge me for that. I already judged myself. The perfect loophole.

But also, we've all been talking about you and how insecure you are. And we all agree that we all agree, agree that you're really insecure. And like, maybe you should try to be less insecure. It's not a very attractive trait. Toss, toss. Wow. Oh, where am I? Scorpio is really going through it right now, you know?

To be burdened with all of these insecurities. And it's just like so ugly. It's not attractive. As mean as that is to admit, it's not an attractive trait. It's just like, I wonder if they just got fat shamed on the internet or something. Makes you think. It's a good loophole, though, that they got there. Yeah, you have to get out ahead of it.

You got to get in front of it. You can't call me ugly. I called myself ugly. Honestly, A plus move. That's a pro gamer move. It's genius. It's genius. Sagittarius.

You're still not going to know what cryptocurrency is. Like, you kind of get it. You understand. You can like buy things with it. But when words like blockchain and decentralized pop up, you just tune out. That's it. That's the horoscope. You're still not going to 100% get crypto.

To be fair, you haven't really tried to get it either, though. It sounds like some real nerd shit pass. That's a good horoscope. I like that. You know, it's like it's very direct and to the point. You're just not going to get crypto. I have a theory that even the people that think they get crypto don't actually fully understand. It's like one of those times where like the people that created the AI and the algorithm,

they are now admitting they're like, we don't even understand the AI anymore. That's a great comparison. Like we don't get it anymore. It has evolved far beyond us. We developed a computer that has begun to work itself so much that we don't even totally understand how it works anymore. It is a beast beyond our domestication. They've created calculuses that.

Calculi, honey. Calculi. I have no idea. Far, I don't know. Exceed our own. Outpaced their own knowledge. Right. So that's my theory on crypto.

So don't feel too bad about it, Sagittarius. Also, like just knowing Sunday who was a Sagittarius, like there are limitations there. So many. So like don't feel too bad about it because you still have people that love you, even though you don't understand crypto. It's very true. Yeah, she'll never understand it. And like Sunday, you're probably very furry.

Also very furry. Capricorn. Top of the morning to you, Capricorn. This week, expect to be dazzled by milky charms. Hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons. Unicorns and rainbows and tasty red balloons. Wait, what the fuck? Why are you eating balloons?

You know, I used to have a cousin that would chew on balloons. I think it was like a sensory thing or something. And and then they swallowed the balloon by accident and couldn't breathe in and they died. Well, they didn't actually die, but they could have. Oh yeah, no, they didn't swallow the balloon either. But they could have actually come to think of it. You may get hella clout in the internet for doing something like that. Keep eating those balloons, you crazy rascal.

I did. And I do have a cousin that did chew on balloons. And they lived through the ordeal. That's a feel good story. I don't even know how the gods also had cousins that did that. That's the weird part. I didn't know God's a cousin's period. But no, they know they all do like hercules, hercules.

Oh, sure. They're rather incestuous. But yeah, chewing on balloons. Like what kind of balloons does a celestial god chew on? I don't even want to open that portal. And in case there was any question, the balloons are deflated. Oh, naturally. No, you're not chewing on an inflated balloon.

No, I got that picture in my head, of course. They would make a squishy noise in the mouth, too. Don't try it. It's bad for you because. But the horoscope just said try at your rascal. No. Who do I believe? Don't, don't, don't.

No, well, I'm torn. I'm going to flip a coin later and see where it takes me. Aquarius. Yes. Tomorrow afternoon, you'll hear a knock on your door. When you answer it, you'll see it's a plumber. But I didn't call for a plumber, you say. He responds, uh, so, so basically cryptocurrency is a digital currency that can be used to buy goods,

but it uses an online ledger with strong cryptography to secure online transactions. Wow, it's your lucky day. You're about to get dicked by a guy who can mansplain crypto to you. Did you die and go to heaven? I'll have what she's having. Lucky. Did you just use, I mean, did you actually channel the word dicked? Is that, did that come through to you?

I simply transcribe what I hear, but wow. Dicked. Really? Yeah. That's, uh. Yeah, it's old fashioned, but. It's surprising to me, I am surprised by that use of vocabulary. I don't know, maybe we should come back.

But yeah, how about that? That's a good horse go. It's a good day. That's a really good day. I was hoping that the plumber would actually be Mario and that. That he get dicked by Mario? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, think of the clout.

Like, hello, DuWa. I am here. It's a me. You guys may have heard of him, but I may or may not have had a one night stand with a very famous plumber. He had. He's got a lot of coin. He has a lot of coin.

Oh, I like that. Yeah, he seemed like obsessed with his ex-girlfriend, but also I didn't care because think of the clout. And now I have a million subscribers on YouTube. They have a very platonic relationship. He impeached. You don't know their relationship. Yeah, sure I do.

Do not pretend like you know their relationship. They're just friends. If he's in the friend zone, of course he is. No, there's got to be some something somewhere where they've like kissed at some point. She kisses his nose at the end of Mario 64. And that's literally it. And Mario Odyssey, she rejects both Mario and Bowser. So yeah, Mario's fucking zoned friend zone.

She was hanging out with the feminine ghost hat lady. That's right. She sure was girl boss in each other. Yeah. And she was always like stuck up on like a rooftop or something. No, she was vacationing. She wasn't stuck. She knew exactly where she was.

Right. Oh, Mario. That's pretty. That's eerily good. Yeah. It's going to turn out a lot of user scenarios. Say the cake speech for Mario 64. Quick, sit on the cake like Peach did.

Stop, stop, stop. Mario just being gross. Dear Mario. Wait, there's really no like they've never had a romantic relationship. I mean, it's implied like. What about the TV show? I don't know anything about the TV show.

I didn't watch that shit. What is the lore of Mario? The lore is. Why is he a plumber? He's probably gotten to like third base, but that's it. But why is he a plumber saving a princess? Yeah, none of it makes sense. And why is there a dragon?

Right. Where did this all come from? None of it. None of it makes sense. Why are there pipes everywhere? None of it mushrooms. None of it makes sense. Well, now you've sparked my interest.

This is my hyper focus. Maybe that's what the next horoscope's about. We'll never know if they don't try. Maybe we've sparked the interest of the gods. I don't know. Gods, here are plea. Why is the Mario universe oh so random? It is truly nonsensical.

Imagine pitching that today. Imagine pitching like, okay, so there's like this plumber and he jumps real good and he collects four coins. But there's like a dinosaur and he steals a princess and he loves the princess. Hold on, there are mushrooms everywhere and he spits fire sometimes. They mention he jumps good, he jumps good.

Oh, and there are turtles. But there's turtles everywhere. And there's so many turtles. There are turtles and they're bad turtles. But some of them are not bad turtles. But also, there's also goombas. But you're like living bad mushrooms. They're like mushrooms.

Are you writing this down? Write this all down. Hold on. Yeah, and there's a brother. And there's a brother. Oh, there are ghosts, there are ghosts. Of course there are ghosts. So many ghosts.

Why wouldn't there be ghosts? But if you look at the ghosts, the ghosts go away. Oh, can I bump ahead of that? But if you don't look at the ghosts. No, you can't. Don't make drug references on that. No, you've never even done drugs. But he's pitching.

He has to be on drugs. You've never done drugs. You can't try. You don't pitch a Mario pitch unless you're just any who. Also, some of the coins are red. Pisces. Be aware of your surroundings, Pisces, as you may begin to feel claustrophobic this week.

That's what happens when you fear Santa Claus. And I don't think you're ready for a very girl boss Christmas just yet, Pisces. Start preparing yourself now because Christmas is only 124 days away. And if you're going to be suffering from claustrophobia, you better start mentally preparing yourself now. Definitely try not to think about that big,

long, creepy white beard or the ruddy cherubic cheeks. Or the illegal sweatshop he's running in international waters to escape the law. Or how he fucking watches you when you're sleeping. Or how he can literally enter your home without any notice whatsoever. Just don't think about it. Pray the claws away, Pisces.

We're all here if you need us. That's really cool. I feel like if you didn't have a fear of Santa Claus before, you still don't because you can just pray it away. There's nothing creepy about him. Pray the claws away. The whole universe. That's similar to Mario in that the more you think about it,

the more dread you feel. Makes you think about it. So don't think about it. And that just makes you think a little differently about the term claustrophobia, right? If you take it literally, of course it's about the fear of Santa Claus. What do you mean literally?

No, that's what it means. If you're afraid of Santa Claus, thus you have claustrophobia, that makes sense. I hate that I didn't get that until when they wrote out claustrophobia in the middle of the horoscope. I would say I also hate that. But yeah, I'm not surprised by it

because I feel like you don't get anything. So Aries. Take some time today to question your emotions. Ask yourself, what is making you feel so strongly about certain subjects? Let your intuition guide you. Wait, wait, I'm sorry. I totally forgot to say this earlier.

Jack, remember last week when we had a debate night and I said that iPhone was better than Android? I do remember that sweetheart. What about it? Well, no, I'm not reading this. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. It is your literal job to read what the gods have written for you.

Finish your thought. I mean, oh wait, no, wait, this isn't a thought. You're just, hold on, you had a point. What were you saying, babe? Allow me to do a complete 180. And admit that I've been an ice sheet for many years. Okay, don't do the gallant point. I just saw a commercial for the new Samsung

Galaxy Z Fold 3. You're ruining the horrors. And oh my god, the smile on my face was as big as a child's on Christmas morning. Never before have I seen a phone design so daring, so bold. What the fuck is happening? A phone that falls out into a tablet for a mere $1800? Honey, I just pre-ordered his and her phones for us. And I threw my iPhone in the garbage disposal earlier today.

iPhone, more like I'm getting an Android. I'll have what she's having. Whoa, whoa, what just happened? Why the voice? Wait, I'm sorry. I must have just been possessed by a demon. Oh my god. What voice?

Oh, that's why I did that. Okay. What voice? I don't remember doing a voice. Oh my god. I don't even, what just happened? You proclaimed your allegiance for Android instead of iPhone. Oh no, I would never, I would never.

But you did though. That, no, that must have been a demon that possessed my body to say that. And you ruined it with a demon voice. I didn't ruin anything. The demon ruined it with a demon voice. That wasn't me. That was the demon. Only a demon would be a proponent for Androids.

So I don't know what more to tell you. I disagree, but I guess the spirits tried. You know, they tried. We'll get them next time, boys. Yeah, guys, I'm feeling very fluid. After that possession, that was wild. That was weird. You know, why don't you get a throat sausage for your throat?

I don't want that to happen again because Androids are evil. And I guess now we know that talking about them and trying to promote them instills demons. Not the conclusion I drew from that, no. Oh, okay. I don't know what further proof you could have had, except for the fact that you've never seen the Exorcist. So maybe that's why you don't know a demon when you see one.

But later tonight, I'm about to barf in your face and all over your bed. I thought that was my job, since I'm the bodily fluid expeller. Well, you know what? The demons do as they do. Demon do as demon does. Oh, I love that saying.

Okay. So my parents used to tell me. I just realized that demon is as demon. Wait, what'd you say before? Demon do. Even Forrest Gump did better than that. Demon do as demon does. My God.

Drink your Josh wine, idiot. You're such a hater. I am. You're such a hater. You and the demon belong together. That's fine. We can share the same Android phone. Android phone.

Taurus. You're being awfully self-centered, thinking that you have all these problems going on in your life, but stop acting a fool, Taurus. There are real problems in the world. Did you know that there is a man who is running a global scheme tricking innocent children

into thinking they're going to get presents delivered to them by a magical sleigh fueled by flying reindeer? Oh my God. Not only that, but we revere this evil man and have, without question, just handed him the literal keys to everyone's homes and made him one of the most powerful people in the world.

What? First Jeffrey Epstein, now this? Oh my God. When are these sheeple going to wake up? Ah, I've been woken. Well, that's where you come in, Taurus. Only you have the power to take this man down. It's a blessing and a curse.

We're all here if you need us. Unless you need us to help you take him down, because then we can't really do much, because only you have that power. Again, blessing and a curse. Good luck. My God, me thinks Taurus has the whole weight on their shoulders. Weight of the world.

Let me try that again. Jesus, weight of the world on their shoulders. Oh, demon do as demon does. I love when Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump said that. It was like Niagara Falls. I was crying for a week. Demon do as demon does. Oh my God.

If you know, you know, you know, God, American cinema. Jim and I. Oh no, this is a terrible horoscope, but as a vessel, it is my celestial duty to read it. Yes, it is. Okay, here goes. The next time you go to the gym, do not use the treadmill.

Just don't do it. Let me guess, you're going to do it anyway, right? You dumb idiot. Don't say I didn't warn you, because here's what's going to happen the next time you hop on the stupid treadmill at your gym. The guy on the treadmill next to you will make some serious eye contact with you, and he's not going to break it.

While he's staring, he'll ramp up the speed. He's gunning it, going full terminator, all the while looking straight into your eyes. You look around, they're like 10 empty treadmills on either side of you guys. He chose you, and he keeps increasing his speed. He looks mad. No, that's not right.

No, that's not right. He looks like he loathes you. To leave the treadmill, turn to page 50. To do battle with the treadmill, God, turn to page 12. Ooh, ooh, God, where do we go from here? I kind of want to battle the treadmill, God. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Cancer. Hey there, you beautiful soul. Have you been? I hope JackFilm hasn't made you listen to too many of his choose-your-own-adventure stories. There's such a ripoff of Arl Stein's goosebumps, but with like way worse plots. Like, what even is a crab person?

Everyone knows that a crab person isn't a human suit filled with a bunch of regular-sized crabs, but rather a human suit filled with one giant human-sized crab. Duh, what an idiot. So I hope that hasn't been too awful for you. Your horoscope for the week is that, damn it, is that if he tries to pull any of that

cheese-your-own-adventure shit again, oh my God. You get to ice him? It says so right here in the universe rule book. Oh no. Did I just, did I just ice myself? Oh, you did, honey. I'ma go get myself a Smirnoff ice. I literally iced myself.

Oh my God, she totally called that I was gonna do another choose-your-own-adventure thing for the horoscopes. She's literally running off to your listeners to grab a warm, we have like a five pack of Smirnoff ices that we don't even put in the refrigerator. They're just, they're room temperature, so they're not even refreshing. This sucks.

Oh good, she's back. She's back with a room temperature lukewarm Smirnoff ice, just how daddy likes them. Hey, I didn't write the playbook. The gods wrote the playbook, okay? I hate that I'm that predictable. Yeah, you are. To be fair, writing the choose-your-own-adventure,

it's good because it's like two for one. It's a good way to like, you know, if you have four and you're like really struggling with five and six, hold on, wait. What do you mean, right? Have you been not vestiling the gods? Wait, shh. Okay, continue.

Have you not been vestiling the gods? What do you mean you've been writing these? According to the surgeon general, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy. Oh. Do you know that? Good thing for you. Okay, bye.

Just to get on one knee, like. I will not make you. The playbook does not specify. Rules are rules. You know what? If you're going to ice me, I'll do it proper. All right. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely, she's recording it. She's filming it. Are you rolling? I'm rolling. Oh, damn. It's easier when it's room temperature. Damn, that was impressive. Pretty cool, huh?

I mean, I didn't write the rules, but like, that was impressive. Oh my god. You did better at that than I thought you would. Me too. I don't think I've ever, I hate to say this. That was the easiest Smirnoff ice I've ever chugged, and I think it's because it was room temperature.

The good news is, is that now you're not going to get, like, smited by the gods because you followed the rules. So you did it. Good for you. I got on one knee. Erin has the video to prove it. I did it proper. I do.

Like a good little frat boy should from, you know, 15 years ago. I just need to, you weren't in a frat. No, but I'm saying like, that's what frats did 15 years ago. You wouldn't know. You've never been to a frat. It's true. You've never been to a frat party?

So hurtful. Oh, right. It's the last horoscope. It is the last horoscope. Leo. You choose to do battle with the treadmill god. You meet his eyes and decide to play whatever game this is. He points to your treadmill and grunts up.

You look to your treadmill, then back to him, confused. Up. He repeats pointing harder at your treadmill. You realize what he's trying to say and increase your speed. He nods approvingly more up. He bellows. You increase your speed some more more up. Now he sounds angry.

Your legs are on fire, but you've committed to this so far. So you take your speed up to the max. Just like your nameless opponent. More up. He yells. You say, but I can't. This is the highest possible speed. Big mistake.

You just poked the beehive. I don't think that's the saying. Furious and red. The treadmill freak screams at the top of his lungs. More up. He throws his wet, soppy sweat rag at you, which lands on your face. You become so discombobulated that you trip and fall off your treadmill face first. The crazed man disembarks from his treadmill and walks over to you.

Now you are the treadmill god. He smiles. My curse is lifted. A ray of light engulfs him as he ascends through the ceiling towards the sky. Suddenly, you wake up, finding yourself in bed. Lying next to you is the pizza delivery guy. But from earlier. I didn't order any pizza, you think.

Yay. And Finn. What a fun choosy one, adventure. Yay. Wow. Our listeners have a lot in store for them this week. They are about to go on a Mr. Toad's wild ride. Oh my.

Yeah, that's putting it mildly and wildly. And childly. Oh my God, is Eminem here? That's an awfully hot coffee pot. It's not funny. Well, that concludes our ninth episode of Erin. Number. This is the ornery one.

Number. Jesus Christ. Are you trying to say numero nuve? No, isn't it nuve? Do you say nuve? Nuve, yeah. Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nuve, oh. Diaz.

What's nuve? I guess we'll find out next week. I think it's new. Nuevo? Nuevo? I think it's new. Niete, siete. Niete.

Just stop. We're doing ourselves no favors. I, you know, took Spanish in ninth grade. I did better on those tests than I did my DMB Tony Hawk test, but that was also literally 20 years ago at this point. Niete. Thank you all for joining. What?

That's a good idea for a quiz. Quizzing us on like, you know, ninth grade or fifth grade, you know, school topics and such. You mean like, are you smarter than a fifth grader? Yeah, but like our brand. There was that one time we went to Mexico, and we took, we took a cab, and Jack. God damn it.

Jack, I think you said moochisimo. But I, I tried so hard. I don't, I don't exactly know what you were trying to say there. I had an isimo. You had a moochisimo. And I, I remember just looking at you like, really, really? It's like, uh, you know, I'd rather you try to use sign language

than say things like moochisimo. Whoops. Really showed my American ignorance there. Yep, yep, yep. Anyway, thank you so much for joining us on our ninth episode. Please don't forget to try out our hotline. We're in, we're in the test phase of it all. Um, please call us.

Let us know what you think. What's on your mind. Tell us about your job. Tell us about yourself. Ask us questions. Tell us about your problems. Tell us about, you know, what happened in the world today. Rank your favorite Dave Matthews band and or Tony Hawk tricks.

We're open to anything and everything. Except for like, you know, the stuff that's not very productive. But regardless, hit us up. We look forward to hearing from you. So glad that we got to ice jack film for the first. I'm still burping. Well, you are the expeller. Of course.

Sounds like a bad wrestler name. So, so glad that we got our first inaugural. Is that the word? Yeah. Like, you know, we get to do it for the first time. inaugural icing. There will be more to come. Oh, God.

And we are here for it. So thank you so much for joining us. I can't wait to hear from you again. Tweet at me on Twitter at two toes up. That's the number two toes up like the things on your feet and then the direction. I can't wait to hear from you all and be good. God speed and we'll see you next week. Till next time, haters.