Erin is the Funny One - Tweenage Twivia

Episode Date: August 30, 2021

In this episode Erin and Jack test their salt with a game of trivia using two very different approaches.  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

It's the 10th episode of Aaron is the funny one. I'm one of your hosts Jack and I'm sorry but here's the other one me Aaron it's me Aaron that's the right way to pronounce it come again Aaron as opposed to Aaron which is how everybody's been pronouncing it's like it's kind of like if you were to compare like the correct pronunciation of Mario which is Mario versus the incorrect pronunciation of Mario which is Mario so it's like my name is Aaron not Aaron you know what I mean pronunciation's aside honey yes can you believe we made it to 10 episodes I sure can Jack double D's double digits let's go what is wrong with you I'm excited we did it why did you think we wouldn't that's my question so many reasons namely we're rated E for Aaron you know that was just

that that we're already an underdog that made us stronger if it doesn't eat you it makes you stronger is that is that the same I think so I love that Kelly Clarkson song they don't call it weedies for nothing you know that's a reach we ease so it's our 10th episode yes it's our 10th anniversary yeah god let's hope not and we have a lot to celebrate here not just because it's our 10th episode of the podcast but because we finally got the hotline working yes we did it is the best thing ever dude guys I know last week I was totally like you got it you got to undersell over deliver right and you guys don't really understand because like you know that's an assumption well well no like because they're not on the receiving end of what's coming out of the

hotline guys I have spent literally oh my god oh my god she's been tied to her phone six hours at least the last few days I've spent six hours every single day listening to every single voicemail that has come in it is so cool guys she has spent the amount of time it takes to watch all three Lord the Rings movies extended editions like twice it is awesome I wish I had done it sooner I'm so glad we did it yeah it's really cool it is so cool basically we haven't figured out how often we are going to incorporate the hotline into podcasts because we don't know how we're gonna like necessarily do that and we actually are still waiting for kind of like legal approval to see if we can use the actual audio of the voicemails that are left on the podcast because we want to get

you guys in the podcast so to speak that's what my lot of fun it would be a lot of fun that's my ultimate goal because some of the things that you guys have called in about are just I we could paraphrase it but it's just so much better hearing you guys tell the story in your own intonations and voices and it is awesome so for this episode we unfortunately cannot include any of the audio from the voicemails as of yet but but the night is young my friends because we have so much more to go and I am not planning on getting rid of this hotline anytime soon so please keep calling in we do have a designated topic that we would like you to call in about this upcoming week yes we do but in the meantime I would just like to say for everybody who's called us thank you so much I

am so happy that at least in the first week we determined that the dang thing works and that trust me on the receiving end I received the voicemails I listened to them there were a handful of people that assumed that like mods were listening to the voicemails I can assure you no no it's me with a glass of wine in hand listening to all of the voicemails it's literally been your entertainment for the last like three days it's I just I sit at the kitchen counter with a glass of wine and I have my earbuds in and I just listen and then when jack film is done filming I'll take my earbuds out and I'll make him listen to them and so he's heard about probably half the ones that I have right but it is so much fun so guys thank you so much for at least being

my test subjects for the first week and calling in it is much appreciated yeah seriously thank you guys they've all been massively entertaining like some of them are really heartfelt and really kind some really kind messages a lot of you guys left a lot of long-term viewers and and listeners and then some are just really dang funny yeah people got creative people sang some songs at us I believe a lot of you guys had stories from your perspectives we have to share some of these stories but I don't want to take it away from them because if I paraphrase some of them I just don't think it would do it justice oh my gosh I hope to share the voicemail someday but there's somebody that had called in they were commenting on how I wanted to have people that had like odd jobs or

like right you know just non-interesting jobs and like they called in and told us about how they had at one point had some odd jobs and they shared that story and it was awesome and I'm like oh my god this is perfect it was everything you wanted since episode one it's exactly what I wanted yeah so anyway thank you to everybody yes thank you guys has called in yet we haven't had enough time to get legal approval we're gonna figure out a way to get legal approval I hope that's my dream and also having listened to every single voicemail I gotta say I am really appreciative of that Philly representation that's coming in I'm talking to you uh two one five four eight four maybe even six one zero let's get it hey I even saw seven one seven in the mix okay exotic that's

not really Philly it's like central pa but like it's closer to Philly than it is Pittsburgh I'd say but like Holla Jack I believe I only saw maybe two phone calls come in from the Baltimore Maryland area could could you please explain yourself what's there to explain I'm happy I got two I'll take two hell yeah oh my gosh and also it's not just the state's honey I think you have a list of all of the international territories or just some of the international territories yes okay so we received calls from we have received calls from so far Germany Italy who by the way oh my god so many thank god so many people corrected your mispronunciation of Mario God bless you thank you so much you guys they don't love you guys you're like by the way it's Mario not Mario

but I love you people but hold on but also Jack maybe you weren't listening or you had you had your rose colored ear muffs on okay that's a new one but people also called in to say I don't know what they're saying I have a cousin his name is Mario and he says Mario so I did not hear yeah exactly because yeah because your because your ear my rose tinted ear muffs yeah yeah so okay so we got Germany we got Italy we got UK we got Norway we got Morocco the United Arab Emirates so cool Mexico who by the way somebody from Mexico called in and actually said that muchissimo is something that they say I told you see but that is but they were like but you have to like follow it up with something uh and the way that the way that you had said it didn't make any sense but like muchissimo

is a thing apparently good to know good to know Australia could die and that's it but also one of the people from Germany that called in I believe their name was Timo Timo Timo and they reminded me to include a country code yes they did before you dial the actual number so I guess that's uh 001 if you are dialing internationally but so cool that like so cool that we have to say that like that's right thank you guys for calling in from all corners of the globe so wild it's so cool yeah so we're gonna have fun with that so so I guess the consensus is we're gonna hold off on some of these stories until well just until we get legal approval yeah we're working on that we're working on it we're gonna figure out a way even if I need like hey

can you please sign this waiver and send it back to me or something I don't know whatever it takes because these are too good to pass up so keep on calling and by the way what is that number that's another thing that people we're calling in to tell me that instead of creating a jingle like one 800 empire uh they were like what you can do is you can abbreviate the number by using the letters on the keypad and so a lot of people came up with the abbreviation dad hug me 10 gad hug me 10 but I don't know about you but I came up with my own yeah let's hear it let's see how it holds a candle to dad hug me 10 okay so it's not like dad hug me 10 where we're just doing letter by letter we're doing word by word yeah okay so it's like that solar system yes thingy we're like

the king ate pizza or something the king something with the king oh my god it's really weird I see I don't have that problem I just know all the planets of the solar system in order but I don't know like the the hold on what goes up what goes first mercury mercury venus earth Mars mercury venus my oh my very my very dear aunt sally no no my very no my very it's something with a king hold on now now we need to look it up hold on it's funny this kind of ties into what we're going to talk about today my very earthly mother so the first thing that came up is no my very educated mother just served us noodles I could have sworn there was something with a king in there I I know the educated mother but just memorized the planets there are only eight of them now

honestly it was way harder when I was a kid he had to know all nine okay maybe that's why they changed it because there's no because kids were too dumb to know because no because Pluto is no longer considered a planet so maybe that's why maybe there was a king at some point that makes sense yeah but okay so dad hug me 10 or yeah Aaron always dabs hard then gargles onions finally one zero can you imagine like someone like saying that to themself while like Aaron always dabs hard always okay then gargles onions no finally finally she does cheat gar you know I'm a fine onion gargler I don't know about you but I am a fine onion gargler have you gargled that many onions sounds like the worst euphemism I've seen all of the four

Shrek movies and so yes I would say by association I have gargled on my yes I have my next date I'm going to pull that out tell me more about that yeah I'm just gonna say you know girl let me gargle those yeah it sounds like euphemism no it doesn't you but you just made it one why'd you have to go there hug me dad 10 hug me it's so simple it's so elegant or Aaron Aaron always dabs hard then gargles onions one zero all right we'll let our listeners oh wait gargles onions finally shit Jesus damn it accidentally a whole thing Aaron always dabs hard then gargles onions finally one zero yay take your pick listeners call in now for your free tower reading should we give our listeners

that prompt now like what they're calling in about because we have a subject yes we do have a very specific subject because it's an ailment of mine that I need is incredible help with and I have a feeling that the listeners of this podcast are going to be more helpful to me than any web md article that I may read so this is amazing I'm so excited to share this with you okay so as of late and this is not something that I am aware of even though it directly pertains to me I have been suffering how so I have been suffering from sleep talking and sleep walking and this is by the way I swear to god that this is what jack tells me happens at night time I am not present I mean I am but I am not if you know what I mean so I mean I think I should tell it since you don't even

know what you do okay all right jack take the floor you're literally not conscious when it happens but I would say as frequently as once and sometimes even twice a week I'll be awake in bed maybe I'm drifting off to sleep I don't know or maybe not Aaron will start talking and here's the weird thing she'll say one of two things she'll either say like complete like baby gibberish nonsense like just slurring all our words together just completely unintelligible language or it will be very well enunciated and that's worse it's so much worse because she listeners she's dead asleep that's the weird thing she will start talking about nothing in particular never makes sense but she does form whole sentences sometimes and she says her words clearly so there's always I always have

this like hesitancy of oh is she is she actually awake or is oh oh no she's sleep talking got it because she'll just like continue as if I didn't say anything sometimes I'll answer back like you'll ask a question and I'll try to you mean I will ask a question yes yeah you will ask me a question or you'll just ask not me just you know the void of question and I'll answer sometimes I'll be like honey or I'll answer your question I'll be like no we put the dogs away or something like that but you'll just keep on going you'll be like whatever so listeners I'm telling you this because this sets up you wait hold on before we move any forward do you swear to god and swear to the gods into the universe yes the old ones in the new may they strike you down this is the god to honest

truth okay yes yes yes I do this yes that regularly I think so I'm not I don't think I'm exaggerating okay it's about once a week okay and sometimes more have you been woken in the middle of the night because of me no you probably do this more often than once a week but I'm always awake you never wake me up with your with your fucking sleep talking okay but so it's possible that I do it more often than we know but right you don't wake up exactly okay so this is just what you've been present for this is what I've been cognizant for okay right so my wife sleep talks hilarious it's kind of scary sometimes and often not only will she sleep talk she will sit bolt upright still asleep and start talking is it quick is it a fast upright like yeah it's actually it's

usually really quick oh my god but but the best it's even faster going down you like slam your head against the pillow going down it's really aggressive you go okay it's hilarious every time you go upright you go back down twice as hard well not as terrifying as what I'm about to tell you wait by the way I will say no before anybody asks themselves I am not under the influence of any sleep aid oh yeah people 100 ask that yeah I do not take ambient or I have taken like ZZ Zquill but like I don't take it on a regular basis this has happened allegedly on nights where that's not being ingested in my body so a few nights ago I couldn't get to sleep I had a real rough night for some reason I don't know why I just couldn't get to sleep so I was up at four in the morning

I'd been up for hours and then Aaron who's been asleep for hours and is still asleep does her usual sitting up bolt right thing and she starts calling out into the blackness Sunday Sunday Sunday well no you said that I tried to talk to Alexa first oh you triggered you did trigger our Alexa but I think that's unrelated I think yeah you said that like I tried to like I asked Alexa question oh you tried to ask earlier in the night you before before this happened earlier in the night you were still asleep you did trigger Alexa somehow you're like oh and actually lit up from across the room and then he just started saying gibberish like a child it was like a little toddler learning that if you say Alexa the pretty circle will light up but you don't know what to say after

that's what happened it was amazing thankfully Alexa did not respond okay so after that okay so it's four in the morning you sit upright you call out Sunday's name multiple times and the funny thing is Sunday is not in the bed with us the only dog we have in our bed is our oldest dog Klondike she's in the bed with us behind Erin but she still calls out for Sunday and then and then she she literally she throws the covers off and gets out of bed she like stands up and walks out of bed I have never seen her do this ever this is the first this is a brugless first so I actually this is when I actually speak to her because first like she sits upright that means nothing to me she does the shit all the time that's fine start saying Sunday a few times all right whatever some

witch cast a spell on her that's fine when she gets out of bed that's when I'm I've never seen her do this so I actually call out I call out to you since I happen to be awake and I go what what are you doing get back in bed that's what I wrote down on my phone I took notes by the way this whole thing I'm like what are you doing get back to bed you walk over to our tv we have a tiny ass little tv in our bedroom and you look down I think you're looking for Sunday she's looking for our dog that isn't there isn't in the room has never been in this room when we sleep but you walk over to the fucking television you look down I keep going honey come back to bed because I'm a little concerned I've never seen you sleepwalk and then while you're looking down at nothing you say out loud

while standing up oh I was literally talking to a shadow and then you turn around so embarrassing turn around and walk back to bed oh oh oh and the one last thing the last note I've written as you very aggressively you know hit your head against the pillow like you always do you say the words okay we'll try again tomorrow you fucking freak what does it mean oh my god I'll try again tomorrow so that so those were the last words I heard oh my god before I went to sleep oh my god so so listeners that's the story of this past week where I watched my wife sleepwalk for the first time and it was terrifying imagine how I feel

when you told me that story I was like oh my god I need to like hide my car keys from myself so I don't like get in my car at some point by the way you know this isn't the first time that you've sleptwalked well okay so well okay so I've had incidents in the past but it's usually when I'm in a different time zone or okay and I've chalked it up to stress of like okay so if let's say I'm traveling and this was you know in my past life but like I used to travel to the east coast quite a bit for work and every single time there would be an early morning meeting which is like so an 8am meeting on the east coast is a 5am meeting for my body clock which means I need to be getting up at like 3 30 body clock time to which is actually 6 30 eastern standard time

to get ready to get to where I need to be at 8am so a lot of times when I'm on the east coast I have had a number of incidents where I will wake up at like 3 or 4 in the morning eastern time and I will convince myself that I've overslept like I don't know I don't know how it happens because I'll look at the clock and it could literally say like garbledy gook and I'm like oh my god I'm late and I will get out of bed I'll turn on all the lights I'll turn on the shower I immediately I'm like okay turn like I usually listen to a radio like podcast to get my day started and I'll like start that whole routine and it'll take me about three minutes before I realize wait a second it's like three in the morning right now that's fun that you can trick your

brain like that yeah it's really weird so I've always chalked that up to like just stress of being late for a meeting and being in a different time zone and like having to trust my body to wake up so I have had like moments like that where I've convinced myself I'm late for work in the middle of the night I've never tried to talk to Sunday I don't think if you hadn't been there to tell me yeah we would never know I don't know what I would have how long would I have continued to do that I don't know if I affected you though like because I was talking at you I don't know if you listened or heard me I don't I genuinely don't sometimes you do respond to me though when you sleep talk uh-huh it's so scary you're in a different dimension

are you scared by me you ascended the spirit plane sometimes I'm not scared by you like right now presently it's scary when it happens sometimes because I don't know where your head's at you mean my body is a vessel is that what you're saying it's yeah it's the purest form is the purest form of people okay jack has witnessed me vessel I saw her talk to the zodiac gods guys and it's really freaky oh my god okay so based on my dilemma in that I may now have a sleep walking sleep talking problem I need you guys to call in to the hotline one tell me if you also suffer from this issue two have you ever witnessed somebody suffer from this issue three do you have any cures for this issue because I feel as though I am being betrayed by my own

body and my own mind in a way I literally like wake up jack tells me these things and I'm like why does my body and mind betray me like this why must I suffer this way I should have taken video man so if I had a partner just imagining it's you doing this if I had a partner like this I would be terrified I literally would recommend maybe we should sleep in different bedrooms or something because really that's scary well I'd be like all I think about is like American horror story straight up like all of a sudden I'm turning on all the oven like stove top flames I'm just like I'm going nuts man like that's where my head's at okay I am no longer able to trust myself should I just like literally strap myself down to a bed I can imagine you turning on the ovens

while going Sunday Sunday we'll try again tomorrow oh my god flames five feet high so anyway please guys please call and help me cure myself or just tell us your best walking stories or at least commiserate with me because I feel as though I'm possessed at night I have no control over me over my vessel clearly there is no cure for sleepwalking because otherwise how would people still sleepwalk well there no somebody somewhere has a cure I don't know man like I was like online reading about it and it's all like go to bed at the same exact time every night and I'm like how the hell is that even possible like that is just literally the most impossible thing things weekends exist travel exists like what that's

straight up just not no no no so anyway please this week that's what I ask you and in the meantime we will work with our team of lawyers our team of lawyers they're in the back right now just typing away on their typewriters calling people making threats and stuff that's what they're sharks they're sharks yeah I think that's what I think that's what lawyers do so they're chasing down all the callers with waivers in the meantime please call in help me cure myself or also just commiserate with me because misery loves company dad hug me 10 also Aaron dabs hard not as Aaron always dabs hard then gargles onions finally 10 that's right do you like this wine oh my god I just forgot wine of the week shit we're mixing it up listeners guys we've got something new and

spicy for you except it's not that spicy but I will say yes I like this wine quite a bit me too Jack tell us about this wine oh I'm so glad you asked Aaron and listeners this is a girl it's germiner it's a white wine and the bottle we're drinking is castle feather castle feather oh that's a toughy castle be like it could be like it's one word stealthy there you know yeah it could be because stealthy there castle feather right castle feeder or castle feather today oh it could be French to castle for day I don't know how could be yeah C A S T E L F E D E R all one word all one word no spaces okay let's let's use the Vivino app what do we got what do we got what do we got let's go here's the thing it's both light and heavy it's sweet and heavy it's a sweet wine

but it's heavy I think it's a 14 and a half percenter which is on the higher end as far as whites go what you didn't tell me that jazz 14 and a half jazz guys that's hella strong that's why the show so good it's like the four loco of wine okay just watch yourselves oh that's a good comparison am I reading that right is that from the distant year of 2015 yes wow 2015 holy crap the world was so much simpler there was no tiktok Olivia Rodrigo was only like 13 years old at that point no she was like 12 my goodness I don't know how I think she's like 18 now I don't I suck anyway 2015 was a fun year for us I think what happened in 2015 oh we went to Mexico we went to Mexico there were a lot of jellyfish in the water you can go in the water because all the jellyfish

we like worked out all the time we did because it was fresh it was the year after p90 but I you know what I gotta say though we worked out too much yeah 100 it became not we worked out on vacation it became out and it was never with like we want to work out this is fun for us it was I don't want to go back to your previous state it just for me that was the motivation wasn't positive it was negative totally so we were working out a lot what does the thing say about the wine okay so Vivino says interesting all right so user reviews say 3.9 out of five however I like this wine I think it's different interesting it is apparently from Italy where Mario is from I don't know Mario we paid 14.99 for this bottle but they said that on average users paid 17.79

for this bottle it's not okay however Gerard Streminer is an interesting wine because it is sweet but apparently also very high in alcohol yeah so unlike other sweet wines like usually you can correlate like the sweetness of the wine to the alcohol percentage absolutely they usually correlate to like the sweeter the wine the lower an alcohol it is this one's a puzzle Gerard Streminer is I would love to hear from somebody that actually knows about Gerard Streminer because it's delicious and sweet and it tastes like a dessert wine but it's also very strong 14.5 percent is crazy like not crazy crazy like it's not like 18 percent but like from a wine standpoint I would say the average Chardonnay probably it's like 13 percent yeah so I've seen Chardonnay's range from like 11

and a half to the highest being like 14 but I find that like the ones that I like the most are probably in the 13 range maybe I'm thinking too much into this but Gerard Streminer Jack why don't you describe what you're tasting I just keep going back to it's sweet and yet heavy I can taste the heaviness it is kind of heavy I will agree with that it's got a heavy body nice gold color it is a golden color check how hydrated would this person's urine be there's a good question not very hydrated at all I would say I would say this no this person probably drinks like 30 ounces of water a day they need to hydrate right they need to hydrate more rookie numbers you gotta up those numbers yeah you gotta up those numbers pump them up as somebody who doesn't hydrate a lot yeah you gotta

up those numbers pot kettle black anyway I gotta tell you guys as much as I love Chardonnay which is not a very sweet wine Gerard Streminer is like it's a delight somebody had actually called in on the hotline and asked like you guys make me want to drink wine what's like my intro wine I would say Gerard Streminer except this one is a little bit strong on the alcohol percentage I'm gonna say go a little bit lower on the alcohol percentage if you're just starting off with wine or stick to one glass and that's it to quote the great Adam Sessler I give it a four out of five who what what was that who was oh he's a he was a co-host of this um video game review show on g4 slash tech tv oh wow wow that you know what why didn't I understand that why didn't I get I don't

know how did that reference go right over your head you're telling me you didn't watch extended play how did or later x play or x play how did that go right over my head I'm such a good show they reviewed video games on television it was kind of unprecedented any who uh yeah delightful is it still on tv I don't think so I can't imagine why I think they're trying to reboot the whole channel on uh on twitch actually oh okay cool but yeah sorry I just love Adam Sessler and it's way of reviewing things he always says four out of five nice there's always this long pause you always said out of five the same way love it so honey yeah I think it's time we quiz each other why why why would we quiz each other

I think we should find out how much we each retain from our middle school educative experiences why why do you think it's time for that you need to stop asking why this wasn't in the pre-nup and start and start leaning into the yes what it's time for tween age twivia what did you come up with that name that's I did I thought it was kind of genius are you saying that this is twivia that tweens no yes okay and so you're saying like I as an adult I should know this twivia yes that's exactly what I'm saying tween age twivia listeners here's what we did we each behind each other's backs picked out questions from various school subjects that a fifth sixth seventh eighth grader would probably know you mean a tween I mean a tween

okay and we're gonna see legally it's not called are you smarter than a whatever legally it's extremely distinct from that property okay I just wanted to make sure couldn't be more different I just wanted to make sure yes okay oh yes no this is totally different because we're quizzing each other oh okay okay all right I understand the premise now yeah so so you pick some questions beforehand I picked some questions beforehand we don't know what the others are gonna ask us listeners let's see how your uh your gray matter is upstairs you know let's see if any of these brain busters bust your brains oh I love this all right I can't wait to win do you have any tie breakers written we each agree to like pick 10 questions yes I picked like I don't know 20 or 30 I guess I

didn't narrow them down 20 or 30 yeah I don't keep track it was like 12 lame all right we agreed on 10 we were on a break house 30 oh my gosh okay that's fine I know I'm going to win so do you want to go first no you go first okay all right everybody buckle up for the first round of tweenage twivia starring me Aaron because I still haven't gotten that paid vacation yet and jack film who I don't know how he got an invite here but he did so here we go it's a showcase showdown let's go Aaron are you ready for your first question I am ready what is the approximate area of a circle with a diameter of two inches can I use a calculator no wait what you don't need a calculator wait say that again say that again okay say it again okay what is the approximate

area of a circle with a diameter of two inches 15 seconds on the clock no shut up I wish I wish you guys knew that I literally wanted to become an actuary which is a profession that is very good at math because there was a time once upon a time a lifetime ago I actually excelled at math yeah so what's your excuse here okay simple area of a circle question area of a circle yeah and a radius wait no no of a diameter diameter of two inches okay so a diameter oh my god okay wait isn't the area of a circle pi r squared you tell me wait why would I not be allowed to use a well why would I not need a calculator you literally don't need a calculator for this the area the error fine the area of a circle is pi r squared okay hold on hold on what are you doing I'm writing

down the question because I'm better you know I can't hear I read fine oh my gosh this cheating but will allow it if not cheating I'm just writing down the question all right you want to know what is the area of a circle area of a circle yes with a diameter of two inches okay and the area of a circle mm-hmm pi r squared okay a diameter is all the way across which means that the radius is half of a diameter oh so it's one a diameter is two inches the radius is one inch the area of the circle is pi pi what what unit oh um you know this you got this inches pi inches that's you're missing one word square inches yeah pi square i square inches 3.14 inches square inches oh my god so you didn't need a calculator I didn't but also a fun one right

all right all right my question next all right so you're over one okay again I just want everybody to remember this is a game of things that tweens should know tweenage twivia name the four teletubbies come on no yes yes yes yes we decided these are things that tweens know the tweens know the teletubbies twinkie winky dipsy lala po hold on hold on I'm double I'm I'm back checking no need could you repeat your answer tinky winky dipsy lala po that's not what you said the first time twink my answer is tinky winky dipsy lala po final answer yes that is correct hell yeah that's correct all right try to stump me with thinking outside the box get out of here all right give me another one Aaron yes here's something all children should know tweens yeah they're children

all right and tweens back me up I know you know this how many feet are in a mile how many feet are in a mile whole bunch of them oh my god how many how have I not learned this yet I picked this one because I know you don't know yeah okay all right five thousand two hundred sixty oh it's so close is it five thousand two hundred eighty no oh my god damn it you are off by like the length of this room uh probably not even I think it's pi r square square inches uh by the way you should have told me that I was allowed to use a calculator because that would have thrown me off that would have sent me in a direction you know what that's fair yeah that would have sent me in a direction of like damn it I need to figure this out so yeah you screwed Aaron thinking like a cruel riddle master

like she is all right Jackie you ready for your second question always what is Dora's monkey friend's name I've never seen an episode of the show but I want to say boots is that your final answer my final answer because it's right that is correct question do tweens know that though yes of course they do well tweens of an era ago but I think the tweens today watch different things well no they just made that movie they just made that movie gen z knows Dora the explorer I don't know if the gen below gen z what is the gen below gen z do we have a name for them yet I don't know gen omega I don't know gen pi pi r square gen lambda it's gen lambda square inches Aaron yes there is a patch of lily pads on a lake every day the patch doubles in size if it takes 48 days for

the patch to cover the entire lake how long would it take for the patch to cover half of the lake these are such lame questions would anybody like actually ask that question to like a fifth grader is that like what shows guys you tell me con to our hotline tell me do they ask questions like that for fifth graders don't you dare or I mean tweens tweens definitely not fifth graders okay all right it's a good riddle it's a good question and it's a good good word shemeanor oh 47 days is that your final answer that's my final answer 47 days correct but that's a riddle that's not a that's not something that you would ask you're like you want to throw me up and use a calculator so that was me throwing you off that's a riddle that is a riddle all right I got better ones but you go next all right

I have so many more questions than you I can't wait question number three let's go well no we're all we just we agreed on 10 each we'll see question three yes what country are the wiggles from oh I know I should know this one I should know this one I should know this one isn't Australia isn't Australia is that your final answer yes that is correct all right all right thank you miles from tiktok you have until I say the answer to say the answer right are you ready for this yes multiple choice question we're in sixth grade science class right now okay all right I was never good at science even on those like state tests that they made everybody do I would always like they'd be like there are no strengths found in this area which is weird because like math and

science go together and I was always really good at math of course yeah yeah not so much science not not science at all well maybe a little fair better this time you won't in the periodic table the elements are arranged in order of increasing what alphabetical symbol electron number electron number mass answer number final answer electron number final answer that is incorrect if what is it what is it what is it if you had let me finish perhaps you would have changed your answer to proton number no I wouldn't have I would have chosen electron all day every day what was the other what was the other option yeah it was okay it's a mass number oh uh no yeah I would have chosen electron which is what I picked I would have

always chosen electron is proton the one in the center proton it's like proton and neutrons like yeah they're in the center together in the center and then like electrons are the tiny ones orbiting that are they do they make up the nucleus I believe so ah interesting yeah okay I didn't do well in science like at all I told a thousand bajillion bajillion years all day every day I would have chosen electrons so nothing would have you know changed that answer well we got a whole bunch of other questions hit me all right jack are you ready yes what is the premise of the show Hannah Montana we went such different routes it's kind of awesome um if I recall correctly Hannah Montana is a story of four brightly colored beings one's red one's purple one's green one's

yellow are you serious they all have screens in their stomach no seriously what is the premise of Hannah Montana oh I'm sorry I'm thinking of something else no the premise of Hannah Montana oh my god do you not know wow oh there's there's something of like a split personality or like a double life she leads right there's something of a double life is she like a secret rock star or something but she still goes to school and has friends wait I'm getting like Hillary Duff mixed up okay okay okay Hillary Duff wait to back up okay do you know who starred in Hannah Montana yeah yeah Miley Cyrus okay do you know who played Hannah Montana's dad was it Hannah Montana's dad in real life who's Hannah Montana's dad Billy Ray Cyrus Hannah Montana is not a real person Jack

was it Billy Ray Cyrus okay who's Hannah Montana's real I'm such an idiot Hannah Montana's not a real person okay she's real in here listeners I'm pointing to my heart furiously no I've never watched an episode of the show okay nor have I ever seen did they make a movie they did I don't think I saw the movie here's the thing I keep getting it mixed up with the fucking awful Hillary Duff movie you made me watch what's the awful Hillary Duff movie a little animated thing um in the like you mean Lizzie McGuire that's the one that wasn't awful that was amazing no that should suck get on track get focused focus Hannah Montana is the story of a little girl can't say that not sound like a creep

no it's the story of a little girl who's like a rock star but she leaves a double life I think she's like a secret like she has dual personalities you're literally describing the Lizzie McGuire movie right now okay I can see defeat what the fuck is Hannah Montana about never have I ever Hannah Montana okay so you're you're out white flag surrendering I mean I'm close I feel like I'm close I feel like I'm close the general premise something along the lines of she led like a secret double life or she had like a split personality or had like split identities or dual identities right regular person and then like moonlighting as a rock star is that thing is that right okay yeah that's that's close enough yeah thank god do you have do you have an answer

written down no no oh you're just gonna go off your brain and like man's playing Hannah Montana Hannah Montana was a pop star but she also like played just a regular girl yeah with regular friends and the main crux an amazing part of the entire show which by the way I loved Hannah Montana I used to I was probably way too old to be watching Hannah Montana oh most certainly yeah but I loved Hannah Montana and what was the crux uh the crux was that nobody knew her without her wig incredible a real Clark she takes off her like it wasn't even like that it was like she had bangs and long blonde highlighted hair but as soon as she took it off and she was a brunette nobody could tell the difference incredible absolutely no national without bangs you know you know what

that's real that's absolutely real I've seen the videos and photos and she is a different woman I've never seen that one before in my life I absolutely right exactly I don't think anyone on the history of humanity and planet earth has ever used the word crux to describe the Hannah Montana show it deserves to be recognized in such a way the plot was critical to not only my life but many youths across the world so I don't know what to tell you I think maybe you just might be uneducated in the lore that is Hannah Montana yeah excuse you all right give me another one let's go Erin the first successful printing press was developed by this man um fuck oh by the way maybe I do say the f word too much my dad called me to tell me I say the f word a lot on the podcast

that's my b that's on me that's I don't think you do okay who invented the printing press every middle schooler knows this it's drilled into their little middle school brains okay give me there give me the first initial no it is don't tell me yeah don't say a word yeah that's the it's multiple choice I don't want to give you oh it's multiple choice yeah but I think you can figure it out I feel like if I give you the options you'll know immediately yeah I would know immediately if you give me the options you want to give me the initial give me the initial first name Jay Johan what's the second name you're right von versenberg versenberg very close von is a von there's no von uh Johan you're adding a von Johan Strauss G Graus uh Gurtzschriminer

it ends with a burg Greta Thunberg that's correct talented person um okay hold on hold on hold on Johan Guten tag burg oh my god I'm fucking spoon feeding this to you oh wait Gutenberg Gutenberg yes it's Gutenberg yeah Johan Gutenberg oh you know what no I don't know if I would have gotten that really I honestly I'm like no I'll know this as soon as I hear the answers yeah I don't know if I would have gotten Gutenberg you're what were the what were the other options here's the other options you would have gotten this so Johan Gutenberg Benjamin Franklin oh sir Isaac Newton okay Martin Luther all right I would have gotten it you would have gotten it yeah I

would have gotten it that's why I didn't want to give me I know it was a you ha a you want a you why it's a you haul Johan I knew it was Johan something I gotta take it up a notch Johan von firstenberg Johan Hamilton Johan von vonzenberg the greatest printing press there ever was that's right beautiful musical hip hop musical about the dawn of the printing press our first president was also the founder of the printing press it's such a cool story it really is you know all right Jack what is the name of the person who is the lead singer of the band Paramore oh I know this one I know this one I know this one Olivia Rodrigo pew pew pew pew I got jokes I got jokes it's not

funny it's very funny because now you're giving Olivia Rodrigo credit for Paramore songs as opposed to giving Paramore credit for Olivia Rodrigo songs okay you're on the wrong side of history I think it's Tina Tina no do you mean Tina Turner no different Tina Tina final answer I don't know you don't know I don't know is it boots again I don't know is it a woman or a man it's a woman but I don't know her name I also don't know her face if I bumped into her in the street you would say hey there's a pandemic don't touch me you wouldn't know her at all yeah you are correct it is boots her name is boots let's go baby five or five no what's her name Hailey Williams that was my second guess I should have gone with my gut next question Hailey Williams Erin I want you to round

this number to the nearest 10,535,279 why do you keep giving me questions that I need to write down I said 500 can you repeat that of course 535279 and you want me to round it to the nearest 10,000 no I want you to round it to the nearest 10,000 asking for very different things I don't even know what that means come on honey middle schoolers know this one also do middle schoolers know the lead singer of Paramore okay shut the fuck up hold on okay 54,000 but no 540,000 that is correct that is wait maybe maybe I tell you to shut the f up too much maybe that's where my dad was getting it from oh but it's funny I love when you do that it's fun it's your brand baby no guys if anything we should be teaching children to be more accurate with numbers thus we don't need to teach them

rounding unless it comes to decimals so fu american education system because that doesn't make any sense okay all I need to say it's like yeah it's like 535 grand hit me with a question okay hit me with another fun pop culture question since you didn't take the assignment seriously who are the three main puppet characters of lamb chops play along aw alright I can at least give you two of them lamb chop charlie horse there's a third there's a third oh isn't it like a meek one no is it a donkey you're not gonna tell me are you why why would I tell you so evil all right why would I tell you I don't know I just thought you'd be a decent human for once but all right let's see you know me better than that I should can at least get like the species of animal is that a dinosaur

unicorn literally don't remember anything other than charlie horse and lamb chop it's a dog okay that sounds vaguely familiar dude five-year-old me would kick the shit out of 33-year-old me right now you'd be like are you freaking kidding me it's a dog bark barkles megan barkle sparky the dog bark um oh boy can I get an initial of the first name h herbert herm yeah her herb herb herb dog and herb dog herb but hush puppy hush puppy oh my god it's hush puppy oh my gosh I can't believe you got it yeah yeah it's hush puppy pull that out of my ass all right so lamb chop hush puppy and charlie horse and charlie horse honestly such a good show that show so good right I have a distinct memory so this is a show that I watched religiously as a child um in like my kindergarten

days and I have this distinct memory of one episode of lamb chops play along where they started singing this song about addition and or subtraction maybe just addition and it broke my brain so much and I didn't get it so hard that I started like crying and screaming because I didn't like what I was seeing on screen I felt dumb and I felt I was like no stop this I don't know what this means stop it jack that's every day man I don't know what to tell you and to this day still still guys I know we told you that I sleep walk and sleep talk but really it's jack and all he does is he sits up in bed and he screams about hush puppy and lamb chop and charlie horse and how they traumatized him as a child they did it's getting it's getting to be too much everybody what was

her name sherry sherry louis sherry louis she ruined me that day she broke me okay next question yeah pulling it up it's time for the big guns okay which of the following does not contain a nucleus neuron cells my god red blood cells root hair cells sperm cells um okay neuron neuro is like brain or spine red blood cells uh exist allegedly root hair cells I don't know a whole lot about except that their hair is dead um and sperm cells need an egg to make life but that doesn't mean that they don't have a nucleus okay I am going to say root hair cells final answer mostly just because I think hair is dead allegedly or something it's like keratin I'm not sure anyway final answer the correct answer is red blood cells why why don't they have nuclei

I don't know what's that about where's the nuclei according to this little quiz that says 95% of the cells in the body are bacteria that's terrifying that doesn't make sense I hate that fact but we knew that I actually went to the dermatologist today she told me that one dose of antibiotics removes just one dose and that's like literally like if you're prescribed antibiotics it's like you're taking it for like 10 days multiple times a day so one dose of that gets rid of six months of like flora or something oh really god yeah that's kind of cool because like I don't know we're trying to figure out my acne situation that's come back and so I was like yeah I've done that before it didn't really work anyway okay next question jack film are you ready I'm ready the classic

children's character arthur yes has a sister oh what is his sister's name man I've never arthured before I never arthur the yard varch wait you never watched arthur no my parents wouldn't let me it was too fresh oh arthur is a classic you never watched arthur I never watched arthur it came on before zoom I know they did a collab with the baxi boys once but I don't wait up our thopper doppid up a oh god kappa lopper bopper rapi shopping wapa thopper bopper extrappy bop boys up his thop at rapite that is right really yeah I had no idea my wife speaks up which I learned kind of from zoom I learned I'm gonna say something interesting like I learned from arthur but no no I learned from zoom which came on after arthur oh I thought you mean like I'm an idiot I'm here

not like zoom yeah yeah not like zoom that zoom I apologize zoom the tv show on pbs they've started a bunch of children and they spoke ubi-dubbi but my friend in middle school spoke op and so I learned op which is the same thing as ubi-dubbi bop but yapis api loppern tapau tapu spapi up up to end hoppy or woppy oppa honey again I ask you do today's tweens yapis watch arthur yapis I asked my fellow gen zers and they confirmed that they watched arthur all right all right fine Cindy Cindy Lou no her name is her name is Cindy is that your final answer it's my final answer her name is not Cindy what her name is dw oh that sounds familiar you fail you lose I do know there's a really good meme what's the meme the meme of dw is there's she's standing outside of some

door the door reads like do not enter you know room prohibit or something like that and she says out loud good thing I can't read and parches in I don't know it's a good meme it's meme worthy all right next question okay which of these substances is an element okay chlorine ice methane sodium chloride um ice is water which is h2o which is not an element it's multiple elements put together what was the first one again chlorine no not chlorine methane or sodium chloride those are also multiple I'm pretty sure I think I think those are multiple elements methane final answer the correct answer is chlorine no way no stop it you are wrong chlorine is an element no way stop yes what number 17 what the fuck chlorine people throw that shit in their pool

who knew who knew oh I know shut up middle schoolers no no I know no I middle school me definitely did not I don't think middle school me knew either middle school me definitely didn't know that all right are you ready yeah hit me up with another question babe Selena Gomez rose to stardom in 2007 when she was cast in what television show fuck okay there's so many to choose from it's like one of those like it's like I carly and wasn't there like Invictus and that's the Invictus games that's what the prince harry does he does the Invictus games is that a joke about the hunger games no Invictus games yeah that's where he eats people oh he's a royal isn't it wasn't there sure like victoria or i victoria or victoria i carly i carly i victoria that's why i'm that's

why i'm confused shut up i walt victor isn't there like victoria i miley was it i hannah which was a sequel to i miley is it i want to say i carly here's the thing i didn't watch any of these fucking shows i've never seen i carly i've never seen v for victoria sir whatever because what didn't didn't didn't what's her face uh come from one of these shows um what's her face yeah i'm getting there ariana grande she came from one of these shows did she jack yeah she did which one did she come from i don't know either nicole odine or disney channel show and i don't know the Invictus games do you think that she came from it might have been Invictus and justice victorious i don't know i don't know uh my brain is just so diseased uh dying um it's all

that 14 and a half percent wine you're drinking ah who's keeping track i want to say i carly uh final answer king me it's at your final answer it's my final answer purely because i can't think of anything else that is incorrect damn it the correct answer is wizards of waverly place oh never would have gotten that yeah okay another show i didn't watch all right next question oh boy this is hard how many permanent teeth does a typical adult human have are we including wisdom teeth i guess because you realize i can just like sit here and tongue my teeth right now and count them plus four that i'm missing because i don't have wisdom i mean don't do that we'll be here all night 48 final answer 48 am i allowed to count them or should i know no it's all right then i'm not

gonna sit here and count my teeth thank you i'm gonna say no hold on i think you just stick with your gut are you fucking counting no i'm not i'm not i'm not okay hold on my tongue is out yeah i'm holding my tongue yeah literally she's holding her tongue she's thinking if i had 48 teeth that means i have 24 i'm top 24 below i guess i'm gonna say that's a lot of teeth to have on top and bottom i'm gonna say 42 final answer the correct answer is 32 you're probably thinking of a shark i could have sworn that like i don't know we had every time the dentist like you ever go to a dentist and they're like oh number 77 number has an occlusion over here and then whatever and it's like every time they name a number you're like i have that many teeth yeah i just

always am impressed by how many more teeth i have than i think i have yeah so because to me i'm like yeah i've got like 10 up top 10 down bottom right but really i have way more than that which prices right rules would have gotten you a lot closer 10 up top 10 on the bottom 20 teeth that's closer to 32 so uh okay all right here we go hit me babe teenagers who generally dressed adorned in scrunchies pukashell necklaces and bergenstocks were known as what type of girl i know this i know this because i made fun of this type i referenced this in videos of years past what was that little phenom called it didn't last long they never do it's not like jenko it's like uh what what was it what it's um shit shit i know this i know this it's a term that i haven't heard in years no one's

heard of this term in years no i've heard of this term this go girls final answer that's your final answer this go let's go that's correct yeah it's correct next question yeah buddy i don't want to celebrate you i want to celebrate anyway okay little me doing it again hey babe yes babe the battle of hastings in the year 1066 was fought in which country france russia england norway which now country or which then country because i'm not sure that those countries existed me thinks they did but uh the quite england final answer i don't give a shit i don't think a fifth grader or sixth grader or seventh grader or eighth grader even knows this but sure england erin yes every fifth grader worth their salt can tell you that the battle of hastings was

fought in england congratulations yeah thank you smart fifth grader yeah thank you you can't say that no you can't because it's different jack this is your last question are you ready always which means that was your last question but that's fine can you please describe what a ponytail is oh that's mean that's so mean listeners she made she asked me this question like the other night she was talking about ponytails and she was like jack do you know what a ponytail is i'm like i know what a ponytail is is when you and then i guess i sloppily described it's to such a degree that because you didn't know what it was i don't know what a ponytail was i do though what is a ponytail ponytail is a hairstyle that people do where they take like a little scrunchie and they pull back

all their hairs and the scrunchie goes like the base of the head and their hair hangs out at the other end of the scrunchie much like a horse to your ponytail i don't understand maybe the tails braided in such a fashion you have since hold on you must have since felt so ashamed by how you didn't know what a ponytail was oh no you you said that girl had a ponytail and she did not have a ponytail at all no she was wearing her hair naturally it was different no no no you did not know what a ponytail was at all you did not know what a ponytail was final answer i win no you may have gotten it okay i will accept your final answer reaches what do i win but by the way sorry guys it's reach his birthday today oh what but he's dead happy freaking

birthday reach but he's dead is that your final answer when this podcast goes up it won't be his birthday anymore that's the problem that's okay but it's it's reaches his birthday today can we cheers to reaches cheers reaches i used to watch who wants to be a millionaire religiously as a middle schooler high schooler it came out in the middle of the day didn't it no it was a prime time show they probably moved it to like daytime when it wasn't as popular but like in its heyday it was a prime time like 8 p.m show okay that was like middle school yeah for us yeah one time i knew the million dollar question you want to hear it okay cool here nobody wants to hear it nobody how many miles is the sun away from the earth how do you know that how do you remember that because

i know that you're a space nerd and i didn't think i knew that that was a million dollar question because i'm pretty sure the guy ended up being like can i use my phone a friend and he called his wife and said like hey i'm about to win a million dollars i knew you would know that one because you're a freaking nerd do you know how many though how many miles 17 bajillion 17 000 r pi squared inches times 1000 alexander hamilton's that is correct i fucking knew it sorry dad i said fuck again my bad erin it's 93 million miles away from the sun every fifth grader worth their salt knows that i don't think any fifth grader well this fifth grader did yeah but you're not worth your salt so so i am here to contest that fact okay also we live in a society

so are we really that many miles i mean it all depends on how many terabytes you have in your microchip whoa whoa pulling out the big guns like terabytes i know this 14 and a half percent you gotta give me something different bro this shit is no no no i'm impressed i'm impressed that you said the word terabytes and not triglycerides or triceratops well somebody actually called into the hotline and they called them pterodactyls and i really appreciated that oh see that's good too god bless the hotline anyway so i think i won that quiz no no no i'm pretty sure i won that quiz i'm pretty sure you're the textbook definition of wishful thinking um tortoise meat hair okay wishful thinking i will agree with because otherwise i wouldn't have married you

because like you just like wish it goes okay like well but that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's wait erin yes is it horoscope time it's horoscope time oh my gosh it's time i hold on wait wait you've seen me you saw jack walked in on me during my channeling session i walked in on erin now that's gonna end and and so i i hope he didn't um like get a spoiler for what i channeled because i think i was channeling some good shit and we'll i didn't see or hear anything we'll see Virgo greetings earthling virgos i come bearing gifts for you this week so you better be grateful because i worked really hard on this one actually you know what get on your knees i want to see

you big for it i don't hear enough gratitude from you virgo i said be grateful and i mean it if you really wanted the gifts that i brought you you do as i say are you on your knees yet what an idiot you just kneeled in dog shit finally i'm able to pay you back for all the times you didn't pick up after your dog karma do be karmaing this week virgo so hopefully you haven't done anything else too bad or you'll be getting paid another visit from lady karma and we all know she has some of the stankiest breath in the universe so good luck with that stanky stanky stanky stanky this sucks a gypsy will curse you causing you to end every sentence with i'll have what she's having and you don't just say it you have to yell it every

single time oh god imagine you're at a funeral passing along your condolences some grieving widow then you involuntarily scream i'll have what she's having to no one in particular holy shit this is the best curse ever imagine you're at a nice restaurant and after every time you order something a coke an appetizer more bread you yell i'll have what she's having and startle the poor server who probably fakes a laugh each time but is already writing the tiktok they'll make later of the crazy screaming person that they had to deal with yo this curse kicks ass imagine you're on the phone with your mom and it's been a while since you too have had a proper conversation and she's so excited to finally catch up with you and your cursed ass

bellows i'll have what she's having after every heartfelt thing you say and your mom doesn't say anything back because she assumes this is just how kids talk now but you know it hurts her a little more each time you say it holy shit yes that's a good horoscope i mean honestly as far as the the list of curses go that seems like a fun one fun one scorpio mirror mirror on the wall who's the most annoying of them all that's right scorpio you went ahead and ate yourself a big old poison apple of annoying and we all know annoying apple is even worse than oh my god we all know annoying apple is even worse than annoying orange which is basically impossible to do the witch that handed you the apple didn't even wait to see what it would do

because she just wanted to get away from you as fast as she could and those seven small woodsmen that said that you could come live with them are now trying to say that they all have covid and you can't live there anymore because they don't want you to get it but we all know that's like a huge lie because how is it that they've caught covid in the middle of the woods and they all just happen to be asymptomatic very unlikely it's like all those people that got covid last year and they're all like OMG i have no idea where i could have gotten it because they didn't want to admit they were hanging out with people because the internet would just shame them if they did because we were all supposed to be isolating inside of our homes for months on end and like it

would be totally unfair for them to do regular socializing behavior when the rest of the world was playing by the rules and staying inside playing animal crossing and among us in stardew valley and drinking copious amounts of wine and gaining 30 pounds by themselves you know anyway there's no cure for annoying sorry i don't have better news bye oh my god that's kind of cool that god's no annoying orange yeah still going strong you love to hear it wait is the annoying orange still going strong that's amazing oh they never stopped babe oh my god i had no idea okay i thought it was a throwback

no no no no such a deris miss a missed communication or miss communication with a romantic partner could find you waiting in the wrong place i'll have what she's having if you're planning to get together with someone special tonight make sure you get the full details of the location including the exact address cross street and driving directions i'll have what she's having are you okay write it down and don't forget to note the time i'll have what she's having that's good advice that's really good advice you know just like making sure there are no missing medications that's a genuinely good horoscope i agree i agree capricorn omg remember

that time that god's named the worst or tropic after you like what even is the tropic of capricorn so stupid and embarrassing oh right your horoscope okay let's see here is oh this is actually pretty exciting you're going to have an idea for an amazing invention holy shit this is good this is literally going to change the world you're going to apply to shark tank and get accepted oh my god oh my god oh my god what if mark cuban agrees to fund your invention holy crap that'd be amazing we're gonna be bajillionaires but wait what's this oh capricorn what the hell man what are you amelia bedelia i said the show shark tank not a shark tank oh you're such an idiot you're gonna die getting

eaten by sharks ugh never even got to meet mark cuban shaking my head tragic tragic horoscope for a tragic zodiac sign so tragic but also like predictable predictable it's the worser of the tropics you know i agree so i bottom three it's almost supposed to be expected bottom bottom bottom Aquarius this yummy horoscope is sponsored by cool ranch beer the only beer with the refreshing taste of a thick creamy ranch dressing and listeners we heard you starting this week cool ranch beer now has more chunks than ever before chunks of what we'll never tell be sure to try our all new diet ranch beer at only 600 calories for the ranch fan on the go it's cool ranch beer find it in the beer aisle next to the blue

cheese beer your horoscope is cool that's on to something i'm into it that's kind of cool i think that's our first horoscope sponsor i think so too that's exciting go wood elf go wood elf Pisces hey Pisces how you doing bestie are we doing better than last week has your claws trophobia cleared up yet oh what's that claws is your trigger word oh shit that's my bad i'm real sorry i i didn't know i couldn't say claws damn it shit okay no more claws the funcicles i just can't get claws out of my head ah sorry pisces it's like it's got its claws in my brain got pisces uh no no don't leave don't leave i'm so sorry please please forgive me i promise i'll do better next week are they gone yet i knew claws was their trigger word all along they got what they deserve

yeah i said it next that was a mean one that was that was kind of mean it's not my fault that was kind of they're afraid of Santa Claus okay that's a little rude i don't know i'll read whatever the gods write me but i feel like that was really uh you know claws trophobic today you will you'll you will you're you gonna you're your horoscope you're gonna today will you're you horoscope today you you you will gonna be your horoscope will your you your today horoscope god i'm having so much trouble with this spit it out all right okay okay you got this you got this your horoscope will be you're gonna have gonna you're you're gonna you your shit hold on let me take a swig of my cool ranch beer that's the stuff okay your horoscope is that someone on twitter will

leak the spider man no way home spoilers and it'll ruin your little day but in the grand scheme of things if that's the worst thing to happen to you then you must have it pretty good no i'll have a cheese having okay thanks cool ranch beer i don't know why i had a made my day and aries day i don't know why i had so much trouble spitting it out in the beginning that was a real weird i don't know i guess you have good days and bad days it happens sometimes yeah it's like the speech jammer torus oh boy this is your lucky week because you're gonna fall in l o v e love that's right torus and not just any old run-of-the-mill love i'm talking love of your life soulmate calling them your person captioning photos on instagram saying you're so lucky you fell in love with

your best friend type of love not only that but this person is drop dead gorgeous straight up oh shit they just dropped dead okay well uh this is awkward rip to your person i guess very sorry for your loss i probably shouldn't i probably shouldn't have even told you about them my condolences they were probably like a mouth breather anyway yeah just like imagine they were probably a mouth breather and you'll be over them in no time we'll find you another soulmate next week i swear in the meantime might want to check out tinder i hear it's great 10 stars jeez torus we we are here for you if you need us totally understand what you're going through except not but like i get it but also i don't but also i get it do you think that's the origin of

drop dead gorgeous or drop dead sexy like someone saw someone who was so sexy so gorgeous that they dropped out in the spot hence the term obviously i want to believe i want to believe so bad i'm pretty sure that god's just told us as much as much well hot girl summer is officially over that means it's time for frumpy girl fall my favorite season frump up ladies don't be shy frumpies the new sexy get frumped tuck in your frumps and let your frumps loose what's the horoscope i personally am here for frumpy fall okay yeah i can't wait to put on some sleeves and sweatpants and chill what is frumpy anyway like there is no frumpy i mean front there is frumpy but there isn't frumpy frumpi just like wearing baggy clothing and lots of it like frumpy

is fall frumpy is just frumpy girl summer frumpy or frumpy girl fall well no just frumpy fall frumpy is frumpy fall that's when you can start frumping that i'm here for the frumps you want to front me not in our first date whoa why'd you have to like get your mind out of the frumper cancer hey they're gorgeous great work earlier pretending to die that was some of your finest work and now torus is going to die alone mission accomplished on a side note you have really got to get a better agent because you literally are a good enough actor to star in a girl boss christmas i hear they're cashing that soon so you better get to work oh and you almost forgot don't forget to make numerous catfish tinder profiles so that we can keep fucking with torus

can't wait to make him drive an hour to meet you and then we don't show up the video of that is going to go so viral anyway keep on keeping on queen that's kind of fucked that's so evil what no that's cancer cancer is amazing cancer is not evil cancer is funny torus is evil there's having a sense of humor that is why we're doing it to torus nah you're wrong i speak to the gods i don't think i'm wrong about this okay you speak to the trees i'm not the lorax you witnessed my wrestling session okay you know better this is the last one last and definitely most least whoa rude leo stop putting so much stock in silly horoscopes don't waste your life reading about zodiac signs and emotional energies it's time to take charge of your own destiny there is a big

beautiful world out there waiting to be explored and conquered so put down the phone and pick up a cool ranch beer elia now in 20 ounce cans crack one open and chew on those chunky goat cheese crumbles oops i guess the secret sound call your doctor today and ask if your heart can handle the all-natural whole milk dressing we cram into every can if your doctor responds with no you shouldn't drink a 20 ounce can of alcoholic ranch dressing call them a pussy and drink it anyway what did doctors know anyway my body my rules they can't make me get the vaccine and it can't make me stop drinking cool ranch beer you will say you will say i'll have what she's having leo i knew you were up to no good i knew you were up to no good oh thanks for that zodiac gods

with that that concludes our first double digit episode yeah r.i.p to taris's love but also big one rise up cancer because we show him taris who's boss we come please join us next week i can't wait to hear all of your sleepwalking stories oh my god don't forget that hotline i am so excited don't forget erin always dabs greatly and loves her dad what dad hug me 10 dad hug me 10 that's all you need man thank you so much for listening thank you so much for calling into our hotline i can't wait to hear from you in the future please be good be safe and i can't wait to see you guys next week till next time haters