Erin is the Funny One - “Working” 9-5

Episode Date: November 8, 2021

Jack and Erin have made it through the teens and are now onto the roaring 20s! This week on the podcast, a very buttery Chardonnay takes center stage for the wine of the week, then, Girl Boss Erin quizzes Jack on the realities of working for the man and finally, a new twist on the classic EITFO Horoscopes! Enjoy, friends! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome back to a new episode of Aaron is the funny one I'm the hostie with the mosty Jack Douglas what does that make me who cares we got a new episode why don't I just go this is like okay bye bye I might as well just leave if I'm not gonna be appreciated and if you are so confident in your own abilities I am why waste any more of my precious glorious time in doing this Aaron yes can you believe we've been around for 20 years now 20 years the 20th episode of Aaron is the funny something 20 years that's what that means I guess I don't know we've released an annual episode and this is our 20th annual episode feels

longer I'm sure the audience feels the same well okay it's our 20th episode it is our 20th episode yes no longer a teen very sad I will say just kind of looking back on when I was 20 that was when Ben the Libra like really done fucked me up real good so not not a good year not a good year no no not a good year let's see I think I was in I was in Prague when I was 20 I was pretty fun wow titillating I know all right let's go back let's go to the wine of the week Jesus well just give me an hour I can think of something no I'm thirsty it's time for wine of the week and Aaron what have you picked out for us this week

well you see to be fair I just picked it out of the fridge you were the one who went to the store and picked it out from there I did so I just picked it out of the fridge you were the one who actually purchased it for dollars you're just completely free of blame yes fellas are okay so today we are going to be enjoying a lovely 2019 Chardonnay love love love me some Chardonnay's by aviary vineyards which hails from Napa California another one as they do it is 13.7% alcohol so try not to get too drunky drunk Jack film it's pretty high for a shard if I recall correctly after the last podcast you wouldn't shut the

hell up and we had a cut at least 45 minutes of Jack just going on and on and on so so I'm a rambler sue me I just noticed you got the big glasses we didn't we didn't have any clean little ones we rarely do yeah we only have three little proper size wine glasses and we they're always in rotation they're never free I went through a period of really bad luck it was like the equivalent of my god so funny I kept just breaking mirrors basically it was like the equivalent of that except every single time I would end up breaking guys it was hilarious wine glasses in the same exact manner every single time so we're

down like what eight I don't know we had eight we have three now yeah so it's true anyway you know what they say you don't learn from your mistakes so they say something Jack film why don't you take the first sip lovely golden Chardonnay can you taste the Napa on the tongue do you taste the Napa baby this is buttery buttery yeah no way is it really yeah I like this oh yeah oh yeah you taste that too that's that is a classic California Chardonnay hey hey that is what I love about California Chardonnays um let me really quickly consult the Vivino app oh I love this this might be my favorite Chardonnay we've had so far on the podcast this might be my

number two favorite wine my number one being a Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand called Orchard Lane probably my favorite this is a close second though I don't know maybe a tie for first this aviary Chardonnay okay so apparently on the Vivino app yeah what's it say the average price is $17.99 okay a touch higher than what we normally yes yes so it is a Saturday night that we're recording right now that's fair it's a Saturday behind the scenes if you will I will but so I would say this is a great Saturday night wine I agree out of 118 ratings it to get 3.8 stars out of five that's higher than what we've also seen usually middling threes yeah I'd give

it a four no I would do four out of five sure might as well delicious delicious and nutritious ew ew no I'm there's Jack just picked something out of his wine glass and then instead of like you know I just pick it instead of picking it out and like putting it like wiping it on something he literally ate it no I that was like the equivalent of Ted Cruz eating his booger off of his face you leave Ted Cruz out of this no no I I didn't get the debris so I just had I just had because I had because I had wine juices on my fingers so I had to lick it clean waste not want not jeez Louise guys imagine me watching this in real time like

what did you just do what she's always listener she's always looking at me judging me give me side eye you know the look I get that 24-7 for my wife it's like mostly an eye twitch like it's just like a what did you just do what was that and like one eye is like partially closing twitching there's a lot of twitching trying to understand what's happening anyway this is a four out of five wine this is a four out of five wine for sure don't forget this one I won't will you don't forget it it's not my problem I'm telling you to not forget I can forget it okay if we drink too much of it we're sure to forget though so don't drink too much drink responsibly jack film always do all right we're gonna have fun today guys I am confident I am

excited I've got a smile on my face thinking about how much fun this episode is going to be okay so in the realm of like in the theme of like what we try to do here is like we're trying to throw a party right well what's interesting is that this is a little bit less of a party and more of like a party that you have in the office at work or like a work party so it's like not like a cool party no work party no no no that's the vibe we're going for today but I am laughing like the office the show the office was a hit for a reason no it was excelente so jack do you have any idea what I have in store for you today keep making like office references is this like the office show trivia it is not okay good but just as fun just as fun is it like

office themed yes so kind of sort of okay jack film okay I had a lovely lovely caller call in to our lovely lovely hotline they're all lovely and what is that hotline just in case people want to call in it's dad hug me 10 thank you country code 001 yes dad hug me 10 d ad h u g me 10 and if you because I think some people don't have letters on their numbers on the keys of their phones imagine so just like google image that shit dad hug me 10 but I had a lovely lovely caller call in with as soon as I heard this voicemail I was like I immediately texted them and I was like I am in love with this idea I'm obsessed with it thank you so much for the idea that good yes so we're gonna play that voicemail right now yo it's me nick I might have called

before but I've been terrible at this so I'm gonna actually try and be good about it I have one thing for Aaron so uh just don't let Jack hear this I'm assuming Aaron's gonna be on here so all right Aaron idea for a quiz Jack does YouTube he probably hasn't had a real job and like forever what if you like did it quiz on like job stuff like rolling maybe your job I don't know but like when does the average like person wake up for work how much the average sleep to the average person wake up work I mean I feel like that would be funny like ask him how much does the average person work a week and him be like 20 or something I don't know he could work with us I think I don't know okay Jack has never had a job and we're gonna ask him what he thinks real people do for work

basically I'm mortified all right Jack I'm so so excited I'm not Jack to give everybody some perspective Jesus since I've met Jack I have always had what is probably considered a office job a corporate job I work for the man and I always have I have since I graduated college and I and even when I was in college I did two summers interning at a very large public company so basically for the last since 2007 I've had experience working at large public companies however outside of even my experience Jack has never really had experience like working for anybody really besides yourself now Jack I guess you can give a little bit of background about what tell us your work history pre-youtube first off I want to say I'm very insulted

because I'm so excited you said and like paraphrasing here but you said I've been working at a bank corporation since 2007 so have I uh youtube slash google it's different it's different I've been a full-time employee and considered an employee I have not been an independent contractor of sorts the way you have it is different you do not have an assigned number of hours or like a workplace that you're expected to like arrive at okay it is different to answer your question about the jobs I've had prior youtube yes in no order only because I can't remember the order uh-huh okay I've been a camp counselor how many weeks was that like a summer two summers four summers I think that was all four summers of my college years so when you were in college

in the summertime I believe so camp counselor okay so from 2002 to 2006 okay wait wait no 2006 to 2010 Jesus Christ yep okay okay uh and then I've also bust tables how long did you do that gig for you know a summer okay it was a summer one terrible summer it was a summer job okay summer job okay I've also had a pair of internships you've had multiple internships well one was very you know what they both were very short did you get fired what why are they so short no I quit I quit them both you quit you can't quit as an intern no I hated it so I quit you quit oh my god you fucking quit yeah quit your internship I had to like log I had to transcribe um trucker conversations for some discovery channel or net geo channel show I think you were the closed caption person

sort of like people like me appreciate you I I do not watch television if closed captions are not on that's true that's this is true I need closed captions to watch television and you quit on us we needed you I don't think I could ever get the tapes to fucking play let alone transcribe with the truck oh my god I can't I'm I'm now seeing it was a bad job totally different light no don't worry they're all unpaid my internships I mean and the second internship was um I had to help like judge films for a DC film festival that doesn't count did you quit that one too I don't remember oh my god oh my god I just I I guess I just really disliked them both so much so that I blocked them out of my brain okay did you have to quit your busing tables job or was it a defined

period of time that you would be working there I think it was a defined period of time like just that summer or part of a summer okay I think okay oh my gosh guys this is worse than I thought hey the camp counselor job was a lot of fun it paid like shit but uh that was a proper job do you remember how much money you got paid yeah I do what did you get paid I think I got like two grand or something per summer is that fucking right for how many hours a couple grand per summer for how many hours I feel like a cup like that's not terrible pay right I don't I don't know it was like a it depends on how many hours you're putting in I guess from like seven thirty or eight in the morning to like four every day well every weekday and then and then well and then sometimes we would

spend the night on a Friday night so into Saturday morning so that was I was like every other week I worked decent hours for that job okay I'm not going to do the math on like breaking it down but thank god because I can't either yeah did you have a boss as a camp counselor was there anybody that you were like in come on we need to talk or any anybody that was like not really in a position of a thought okay but you know what the first three out of my four summers yeah there was like a head counselor that we kind of sort of had a report it was all very informal were you like intimidated by this person no not at all we were all like buddies we're all friends it was a great job oh my god we had a blast Aaron so okay I just when you quit your internship this don't laugh

potentially multiple um do you remember feeling nervous before quitting I can't believe you're Donna let you quit that seems very like I feel like Donna would be the one to be like no Jack nope you have to stick it out I don't think I felt nervous you just were like that I'm not coming back now like do you what do you remember about it I think I made a phone call to like officially quit and then we're like we're really sorry to hear that wait you just stop showing up no and I called in to make sure that I could but I hated it there you call you didn't even show you didn't even resign in person you resigned over the phone did him a favor really I was terrible at that job oh my I bet you don't have some memories about this that you are I barely I don't think I spoke

to my parents about it at all not really weren't you living with them at the time no I was living a wait I think this was during the school year when I was in college so I think I was internship during the school year yeah I think how the how it makes so much sense yet none at the same time sure sure that like how have you you've never really had like a boss you've never really had a boss I had a terrible boss during my DC film festival internship did not like that man why not tell me about that boss because he yelled at me because I was too late with the coffees once oh you oh you had to get coffee I was a I was a gopher oh you are the intern okay and you weren't getting paid yelled at me you get to put it on your resume he yelled at you yeah I was like

maybe now yeah like at the time do you remember how old he was mid 40s huh were you late with the coffees though like what were you doing did you dig around doing something else or something that probably I don't defend myself oh my god but I hate no fuck that guy all right guys we are going to spend some time asking this man child some questions about you know things that most people that have jobs might encounter in having a job I'm gonna surprise you with how knowledgeable I am about this subject and you're gonna feel quite the fool now you see I was going to make a quiz but there were no right answers because I could be like how much time do people get off for vacation and it's like it varies so much from company to company

that's what I was gonna say from like so instead I'm just gonna ask you questions and you tell me what you think is the right answer easy okay let's ace this quiz gamers okay so if you had a boss now and this is just to kind of get the dialogue flowing okay yeah would you be scared of your boss oh wow this isn't like a quiz at all this is more of like a therapy session what like I just like what this is a psychological quiz literally what is it like not ever really having a boss like you even you have no idea what that looks like I don't think I'd be intimidated you wouldn't I don't think so I'm I'm trying to think I just like I can't even wrap my mind around that like the fact that you

have no idea what that's like here's the deal here's the deal and here's why I'm like hesitating I'm right I kind of have bosses now how who I'll tell you tell me about it like people behind brand deals people who manage um sponsors that I do and like those relationships we have I feel like in a way they're kind of my boss and like I have deadlines I have revisions that I need to revise if they don't like how I delivered these talking points for an ad I kind of look to them like and I'm always trying to like please them and make sure like you know with my work and make sure they're happy with the work I'm giving them but I don't feel intimidated by them it's just it's part of the gig it's part of my job so I feel like I would take that kind of relationship

and transfer it over to you know a true boss in the most traditional sense of the word because it's not like I can just do whatever the heck I want like there are rules there are guidelines I have deadlines I kind of have bosses okay no because here's jack one Aaron zero no here's the thing is that to a degree I understand what you're saying you have people that you need to make happy but with bosses there is so much more minutiae like a real boss that goes into it that brand deals like you'll never have to deal with that just so you know like I get judged graded and my compensation depends on like how good of a quote unquote leader I am do your brand deals ask you how good of a leader you are well you're like literal like how you form sentences and like interact with others

like there are some minutiae that do get judged no like view count no that's no that's a metric that is a metric it's different it's different it's different it's totally different okay a great disagree next question okay all right jack so I'm gonna just ask you okay so I have worked at not including I worked at American Eagle in high school and like the you know other odd jobs that I had right of my big girl jobs I guess and including my internship of those four companies in order for me to be employed how many of them required me to pass a drug test is it e all of the above you tell me okay so okay that's a good question and to be fair actually the company that I interned for yeah my first job out of college while they were two different

companies at the time they have since merged so they are now one company but they were four different companies that I worked for even though in current times there's only three remaining right two of them became one just like the spice girls thank you yes beat me to it I feel like this is kind of a trick question I feel like it's either all or nothing I don't feel like the answer is somewhere in the middle do you think that companies should drug test people I don't think they should okay do you think they do because the answer could be zero the answer could be zero but I'm gonna say they oh my god this is so hard how about I'll play it safe two out of two of these four positions two of them require drug tests incorrect is it all or

nothing I got three of the three okay okay I'm glad it's not however get this okay so it's a lot the company that I interned for I interned two summers I need to take a drug test both summers before beginning my internship I don't trust you damn kids yeah apparently that one merged into the company that I started with right after I got out of college which didn't require me to have a drug test that's funny so now I bet you they require everybody to have a drug test now you think I don't know it's funny because like they're now one company one of which made me get a drug test one didn't so I don't know but then the other two that I worked for did including your current job including my current job and by the way that is like I remember they basically

give you like they're like okay we're starting the clock right now you have 72 hours to get your ass to a quest diagnostics and take a drug test if you don't make it in 72 hours you're out like done offer gone it's like you can't restart it so it's like they need to make sure that they don't give it to you on like a Friday in the event that like you need to go over the weekend so they try to give you your offer during the week so that smart logistically doesn't get bucked up but yeah this is a really dumb question yeah a drug test yeah what turns up positive on a drug test I have no idea okay because I've never taken one anything's come back fortunately um I don't know it's funny I was thinking about this the other day like in California it's legal and it's and it's legal

on a bunch of other states yeah I don't know you know what I mean because that would be silly like yeah or like even some like prescription medications could flag it for certain things and like then you have to talk to HR and then your manager probably it's weird but obsolete I kind of understand it but at the same time I'm like toss it it's yeah it's old school it can get weird so anyway I just don't think it has a place in in today's societal norms so Jack when you started working for YouTube and and all your brand deals did they make oh I got drug did they did they make you do a drug test every month when you started working for audible and it sucks they don't let you drink hello fresh they don't let you um eat candy it's a lot yeah yeah

I'm on an all greens diet strictly because of YouTube sucks okay Jack do you know what PTO stands for I've heard of it yeah PTO stands for paid time off wow thank you congratulations don't patronize me honestly though how do you know what PTO stands for honestly because of you oh that's funny yeah I don't think I knew it before you how many days do you think is like a reasonable number of days to give people for all of vacation no um that's a really good question and this is where I'm here's where my ignorance will really shine through so listeners listen up a reasonable like man um I if there's five days in a work week assuming five days in a work week sure okay let me think let me think let me think let me think so things like Christmas I would want like

two weeks off you know that's like 10 that's 10 there well like maybe nine if well it's always Christmas and New Year's so so if Christmas day they give you the holiday so really you only need nine okay can we just round up to the nearest okay so 10 okay so at least for the sake of simplicity okay so during the holidays you want 10 I do PTO days then you always get one for Thanksgiving so that's like another five you want five for Thanksgiving three how many days do you want for Thanksgiving don't they give you the week no is that not normal oh my god night ah fuck here we go here we go all right we're at 12 I'll just say 12 a nice even 12 Thanksgiving oh my god fuck you can we just say how about this how about this all right okay I want like a month and a half

so that so like six weeks that equates times five is 30 you want 30 I think 30 is perfectly reasonable 30 30 PTO days is that too few or too many okay so is that including sick days or no no no no that's not including sick days that's not including just vacation time you want 30 days I want to live my life so I would like 30 days of vacation time please and you think that that's like normal totally normal and fine yep okay so how many days do you think I get for PTO year too many I can promise you it's less than 30 it is genuinely didn't know that wow you never asked this is guys this is blowing my mind okay jack thanks you don't get 30 no I don't get 30 honey you deserve 100 oh my but to be fair you

weren't including holidays like you were oh okay now we're gonna enter into the like oh no what holidays do you think that employees should automatically get off oh shit no hold on let's do the stick date or the PTO thing all right it should be the answer should be 30 allegedly it's not I guess it's closer to 20 but I'm gonna say 30 final answer how far off am I you're close well I don't know that's the thing it depends on the company so you and your gig and your field and your specific job how many PTO days do you get so it depends on the year like I'm not asking what you make it's just how many PTO days okay so I have friends who I know have separated vacation time from sick time okay so that changes the realm of like how many days you get as well because the way my company

does it and every company that I've worked for yeah they have just lumped it all together and just said paid time off so whether it's a vacation whether it's sick days it's all put together okay I am a salaried employee so you know again it's different for every company because I've heard some people that have the sick versus vacation I think the lowest for a salaried employee from a company that I've heard is like 10 vacation days per year geez my company depends on the year because they utilize something called floating holidays right I've heard this from you right so they're basically PTO days and you can use them as whatever but some years you'll get like one floating holiday other years if like let's say I think this past year like the fourth of

July was on like a weekend or something so they'll give you off either the third or the fifth okay depending on like when it is and they'll take the floating holiday away from you but on a year where you don't have where they basically don't take away the floating holiday you get an extra PTO day so my company when I first started I think I had 20 PTO days plus two floating holidays okay they've taken one of those floating holidays away because they've added a holiday to the national schedule but after five years and I think it's every subsequent five years after that you do get an additional PTO days so and the company I currently work for I've never had this opportunity at other companies I work for but I also have the ability as part of my benefits package to

purchase up to six additional PTO days and it's basically taken out of my paycheck every paycheck for the entirety of the year and then if I don't use them I sell them back at the end of the year got it and I get money for them if I don't use them anyway but my company I've never had this much PTO given to me before did you just yawn you just you stifled a yawn I stifled a yawn but even talking about this is boring to you it doesn't I had to yawn Jack what holidays do you think people should automatically get off Christmas also do you think they should get Christmas Eve off yes absolutely no what I don't get Christmas Eve off what okay do you think we should get New Year's Eve off yes meh nope I don't get New Year's Eve off these are important

holidays they make movies about them what about um Veteran's Day to honor our troops yes meh no I don't get Veteran's Day off that's just unpatriotic what about um Black Friday no they should not get Black because that's disgusting we should not perpetuate and encourage the tradition of Black Friday thank you no I get Black Friday off that's fuck yeah I was trying to like mimic like a crowd like applauding me for being you know for taking that really brave stance on like we should abolish Black Friday yeah I don't get any holidays between January until Memorial Day the end of May so for like five months we don't get a single company holiday and we don't get those 30 PTO days which seems very reasonable to you I think so

meh thinks you should have a chat with your superiors oh yeah okay they'll listen to me um okay how often do I go through a formal performance review process okay I think you go through this performance review process quarterly four times a year and what do you think they talk about during my performance review everything everything they talk about your habits uh huh stop clipping your toenails at your desk I used to be fair oh I used to work with this like old man oh god I would be surprised if he's still alive what did he do he used like his job was like he was just like hand out the mail I know he'd been there forever and after he handed out the mail he would sit at his desk and every day you could just clip clip he just here clipping his nails time out every day I

don't even know how I don't know I don't know he ate the most biotin in the world I have no idea can you imagine clipping your nails every day every what there's nothing to clip every day I'd hear it his cube was across from my cube I would listen to it every day every day yeah you couldn't pay me to do that in an office setting I mean yeah okay he was already didn't give a fuck I get that but couldn't pay me could not pay me the confidence the sheer confidence to perform that yeah okay what was the question how often do I undergo a performance review yeah I think quarterly I think four times a year I only do it twice a year I do it at mid-year and then at year end there you go okay so bi-annually in 2019 what was the range of the average wage increase

year over year nationwide not including CEOs whose pay has increased like 5 000 percent no can you repeat the question one more time in 2019 yes so not including covid times of course what was the range of the average wage increase year over year nationwide so from 2018 to 2019 how much on average percentage wise so like yeah okay okay did people's wages increase and you're looking for a percentage yes yes the answer must be depressingly low it must me thinks it's not even a full percentile me thinks it's a fraction of a percentage I'm going to say the wage went up on average 0.3% okay so to be fair I feel like maybe you hang out with me too much where I talk about how wages don't increase enough in comparison to CEO wages oh yeah yeah so I think you've been

hanging out with me too much because you're wrong it's two to three percent according to this article that I read so you are wrong why what are you planning that's that's a lot that is not a lot when in comparison to what you look at what CEOs are making okay then maybe be a CEO the middle class is dying jack we need to fucking fight yeah they're they're all dying to be CEOs shut up I hate you so much all right jack if somebody told you to show up to work wearing business casual clothing business casual what would you wear shit okay I always you know this is funny because when you and I go out to like like you know pre-covid times but if we went to like you know an awards show or like a fancy thing I would always ask you like honey what does this attire mean and you'd always

tell me that said fuck you I don't need your help business attire easy no business casual attire oh business casual what would you wear to a business casual office jack hmm okay my biggest hesitancy right now is jeans is it jeans or no jeans business casual do they allow jeans now is it hip to wear jeans casually for business I don't know maybe I'll play it safe I'll pull it you know a real jack film classic and play it safe it's my middle name it's safe my answer is uh khaki me as a man I khakis and a little button up like a like a white button up no tie no tie because of the casual but I'm gonna say uh some slacks and a button up what kind of shoes would you wear I would wear whatever stitchfix provides me this episode is sponsored by stitch

fix I can't make jokes like that sorry um we use stitchfix um my answer for shoes is sparrows I wear sparrows what are sparrows like boat shoes isn't that what you told me I didn't tell you that sparrows I don't know what sparrows are what are sparrows what what are sparrows there's a type of shoe who are you hanging out with sparrows sparrows sparrows I believe you that they exist but I don't know what they are honey you know what I'm talking about you're playing dumb I don't I'm not are you talking about like boat shoes like what are you talking about my gray shoes are like white souls isn't there like a term like a I don't know sparrows sparrows okay okay I'm I'm kind of yeah you can you can wear that fine that totally how do you not know what I'm talking

about because I don't know because I don't know sparrows I don't know what that means you taught me the term no I didn't poorly I guess maybe your stitch fix person taught you why that was because I didn't okay Jack is it legally required for employers in California to provide coffee to employees you never said if I was right in the last question I said yeah you can wear that yeah that sounds great okay I'm gonna wear my slacks my button up my sparrows pissing me off that you don't know what shoe I'm talking about okay Aaron's least favorite Dumbledore okay so many choose from okay so is it legally required for for what for businesses in California to provide coffee for their employees for their employees yes I have no fucking idea so do you

think that it should be provided to employees I think it should be you do I doubt it's you know what I'm gonna say no it's not legally required I think it's just it's just this universally accepted courtesy to have a coffee machine in the break room I don't think it's legally required but and they provide coffee like they provide it so if they have like a curate they provide the k-cups I guess they'd have to but it's also like you know it's a measured measure it keeps the employees happy and a happy employee isn't gonna want to you know like strike or you know unionize okay I love business I love business let's go uh final answer read lock it in next question nailing this quiz I get business so wait so

final answer yes it is legally required no I no I'm saying it's not legal no it's not legally required it's like this it should be unwritten rule like they don't legally need to provide you with 30 pto days but they should I'm not talking about the pto days honey I'm talking about the coffee it's not a legal requirement but they do it anyways because they're really nice but they really just want to keep you okay you're correct of course yeah no surprise legally required to provide that was a good question that made me think about it yeah I'd use every brain cell you know pre-pandemic did not work in an office that coffee was provided to us shut up really that's fucked up but we had an ice machine jack oh who gives a fuck big up thank you thank you

you're selling me there needs to be a curate there needs to be like 18 curates yeah no there's a curate but you have to bring your own k cups and hope that people don't steal them that makes me so mad welcome to the world of work I'm never leaving my youtube bubble the socks I'm never leaving my house ever again keep watching my videos so I don't need to be holy fuck this sounds like a nightmare you guys okay true or false I have to take a mandatory six hour long course every year regarding sexual harassment prevention that sounds true it is false the training is only two hours fuck you oh that's a that's a real trick question okay how about this true or false yeah I have to take a two hour long course on how to prevent phishing and hacking

attacks every year felt it actually takes an hour that's you um on phishing and hacking attempts as I always said yeah I'm gonna say false well it's not a defiant so the why are you like why are you hesitating because so the thing with the sexual harassment training is that they literally time you you cannot spend less than two hours okay in the module sure however the phishing training technically could take you two hours but they do have training if you're like doing other things while and of course you are you're multitasking this shit you're probably you're probably getting phished and hacked as you take it because you don't give a shit but it's not a requirement of two hours hence my hesitation of like well but I do have to take a training on it so I'm

gonna say true okay all right fine whatever um okay jack true or false in the state of California it is required that employers pay for parking for their employees false don't you pay for it yourself or is it part of your is it included in your pay fuck I'm gonna say false it is false now I'm gonna ask you do I pay for parking mm-hmm pre-pandemic did I pay of course no I don't think you paid for parking false I paid $90 a month pre-tax but 90 bucks a month for parking in a suburb no less it wasn't even like downtown LA it's stupid anyway I'm hearing a lot of complaining I thought you were a girl boss okay jack if you were to go on a job interview yeah tell us how would you prepare for that job interview I'd brush my teeth

I would do my research on the on the company I was um you know interviewing for okay well like what would you research I would research their a few things I would research their of course their their history uh-huh I would research their like what do you call their their motto their mission statement their mission I oh you whoa that just impressed you you just impressed me fuck yeah wow okay what else I would prepare myself for um answers to predictable questions for example where do I see myself in five years why am I nobody fucking asked that question nobody asked that question but it was in family guys so it has nobody asked that question okay I would where do I see myself in five okay jack where do you see yourself in five years dead hopefully

after this this sucks man I'd prep myself other questions such as why here why do I want to work here and of course I you know really butter them up with like I really believe in your mission statement and I want to make the world a better place and uh you know not you know because I need the money uh what else um I'd make up some like false contacts I'd say like you know my cousin's friend actually uh worked here and uh you know he actually uh what was their name well I did Ronnie would you actually make that up you realize that people like no other people right depends on how badly I wanted the job you would no I wouldn't hey hey piece of advice I would not make people love Jesus don't ever do that unless you don't want the job it's like don't ever do that they will

find out they'll be like he was very mistaken or he is a liar this idiot made up a dude's name yeah either way said it was his cousin's friend he's either unprepared or a pathological liar and we don't want to hire this person uh speaking of unprepared I make sure I'd be very prepared by uh making sure I was pretty well rounded in my knowledge of the field I was um interviewing for okay you know what kind of a given what would you wear to that interview oh I would wear I would I would wear a tuxedo no I would wear I wouldn't wear jeans uh I'd wear like uh slacks I'd wear the sparrows the sparrows I'm mad at you for not okay but I would wear the sparrows I'd wear slacks I'd wear oh here's the question button up for sure would I wear a jacket over it like a coat

like a coat jacket or what do you call uh like a blazer what do you wear a blazer over it tie probably a tie do you dress is it tie appropriate probably yeah I would wear yeah tie appropriate yeah I'd wear I'd you know what I'd wear not a suit though I think a suit's too much but like you know button up tie if somebody showed up to an interview not wearing a suit I'd be like do you even want this job wait really yeah oh my god yeah do you know how many people I interviewed for my for my trainee position that's a bit much I interviewed over 20 people 20 because these kids oh sorry it's a whole thing everybody showed up unprepared had no idea what job they were interviewing for they that's embarrassing also the only thing that they were like able to do but

they still did it wrong was they showed up to the interview like 30 minutes early thinking like oh I'm early like that's a good thing and it's like no now you're a thorn in my side because I have something going on right now and like I don't need to think about you oh sitting in the lobby for 30 minutes five minutes five minutes early that's it do not come any earlier than five minutes oh my gosh I have more answers to your dumb little interview question uh huh yeah uh I would make sure that my resume is not only updated but it also has relevant information pertaining to the job I'm interviewing for would you bring it with you to the interview absolutely you'd bring hard copies a hard fucking copy uh huh Lisa Frank style it would look colorful and glittery and it would be

sent it obviously with my own cologne it's real pizzazz my brand cologne what about um I bring him a bottle of wine I'd bring him a bottle of uh aviary shard only 1799 by the way so Jack I posted on my instagram story uh that I am going to be asking you questions about what it's like to have a job like asking you questions I just got a dm from Rumi Rumi Rumi Rumi Hala what up Rumi I hate to put you on blast like this Rumi just dm me okay what'd he say and he said what's up Rumi lmao can't wait for this one hey shut up Rumi no one asked we were never friends we never worked together guys subscribe to Rumi official don't you dare Rumi with an IE Rumi official on youtube there's too many subs he's got enough all right he's fine he's fine uh I love him that's awesome

that he actually dm'd you that's dope would you ask questions about the company when you're in the interview no that's foolish why would I ask questions no that would be a a telltale sign of an entitled uh interviewee which would that's like a you know a black label of death you don't want that I guess I could wait I can't tell if you're joking or not maybe I'd ask questions I would shyly ask questions about potential salary you're not getting the job bro you have to ask questions no that's what I said that's what I said no you said you wouldn't no I maybe I'd maybe ask salary if you fucking the audacity of this man walking in and like asking about salary during the fuck jack next question how many interviews do you think on average occur before you're presented with a

job offer I'm not just the one this is more than one oh my because when I was a camp counselor I only I only went through one interview and I nailed it seven dollars an hour that's right I heard it I heard those seven dollars oh my god oh my okay okay jack on average and I looked this up when I was interviewing for the people that I really liked oh good she looked it up they were they interviewed two to three times and on average I wasn't that far off on average people interviewed two to three times before being presented with a job offer so I was close you were literally 200 off 200 off so no are you saying I should stick to YouTube yes I'm well no what I'm saying is that you're not going to get the job elsewhere so that's all also don't fucking ask

about salary in the interview especially the first one okay not the first one talk to talent acquisition about that shit or like on the phone interview you can like I don't know I don't know just don't ask me about it because I don't know about it I don't know oh my god anyway jack if you worked in an office setting uh-huh and there was a shared refrigerator could you describe your relationship with the refrigerator if you worked easy don't worry I've seen this Kirby enthusiasm episode we're good we got I got this shit no you have to I know this I feel like you have to label everything you bring into the company refrigerator like label and make it obvious and even then it could still be stolen it's very impolite what some of these monstrous

animal like co-workers not labeled oh it's it's free grabs it's uh anyone's do you actually believe that that's a good question because let's say there's coffee creamer in the fridge in the company fridge it's not labeled I would assume it's for everyone ooh coffee mate put that in my coffee because you can't not refrigerate it did you buy it no did the company buy it yes how do you know there's no one's name on it that doesn't mean that the company bought it then the person who brought in the coffee mate and didn't label it it's their fucking fault I I don't even work with you and I already hate you I already hate you as it's called a sticky note I hate you so much as a co-worker hey honey it's called stick it nobody's putting sticky notes in the fridge they're writing out of

a sharpie oh I already am like oh the audacity of this man you know what you know what that'd make more sense yeah unless it is a universal policy that the company is paying for x y and z in the fridge if you did not bring it it's not yours don't touch it but the company is paying you don't know you don't know did anybody tell you that the company paid for it it could have been in my job interview I provide is is there gonna is there gonna be a coffee mate in the fridge that and then if they say yes then I'll know it's the companies boom just rocked your world next question oh my god wow wow wow wow wow wow I hate you I'm hella hi I never ever want to work with you ever oh we could be cubicle buddies come on I don't have a cubicle anymore Jack okay so if you

were going if you were going on vacation yeah with your 30 PTO days yeah yeah I'd go to Bora how would you go about one requesting that time off how much time would you provide in advance of that time off and who do you think needs to approve it and what do you think is a reasonable like consecutive amount of time to take off all good questions in order here are the answers okay I go to my boss and I say boss I would like to take 30 PTO I'd say boss man listen Dave Matthews in his band are in town here's the thing it's on a Thursday and a Friday your boy's gonna need some time off okay could I please please oh please with a cherry on top get Thursday and Friday off when when are you requesting the time off though like how far in advance right right this would be

like a this would be like a month out okay because I subscribed to the Dave Matthews newsletter so I like I know in advance what is like the shortest period of time that you could like the shortest request the most time off oh my I would have to assume this is really hard for vacation not emergencies obviously like not like family emergencies and the shortest amount of time in advance for the longest vacation time yeah there's no easy way to answer that no one really knows for sure Aaron okay I would say maybe like a month in advance for like a multi-week vacation multi-week it's a whole month what do you need a quarter it's a whole month I took six PTO days in 2016 and I gave eight months no she's a Christ Aaron okay wait wait okay hold on hold on hold on

to be fair yeah okay like for the only time I've taken multi weeks of vacation was for our honeymoon like how often do you think people take like multi-week oh not often at all once in a blue moon so like how how many months do you think somebody should give for like multi-week vacations quite okay I guess by your stupid metric uh six months you're gonna be a loser about it do you think that like should we normalize multi-week vacations normalize multi-week vacations absolutely that's the American dream there should be this is wild isn't that isn't that a thing like you know overseas I don't know I don't live overseas doesn't like Sweden or Switzerland we should ask roomy amazing PTOed like quantities like I don't know I feel like life's just better

over there that's what we always see on reddit and shit okay so the only time I had taken multi-week vacation was our honeymoon our honeymoon and fortunately oh it worked out so well in my favor I took two and a half weeks off for our honeymoon and I'd only known two other people to do it both of them were also for their honeymoon's but what's funny is that I like was between bosses like my boss had gotten promoted and moved so I had like an interim boss right that when that person became my boss I just like told them that I was doing this and made it sound as though it was already like cleared and approved and everything so I was like yeah so I'm doing two and a half week vacation for my honeymoon and like love that confidence never really got it

cleared by anybody I just like made it seem like it already was that's inspiring people need your confidence honey bottle that up well no it was opportunistic really sure I just whatever you want to call it yeah advantageous it was awesome okay so finally Jack going back to your former past life yeah thing as a camp counselor and bus boy what were your meal breaks like did you eat with the campers like what was that like did you guys get breaks I'm trying to remember how we did meals like that I think lunch was kind of like altogether like counselors and campers alike we're all in the same floor the same terrain same cafeteria wasn't like a break per se we didn't really get traditional breaks I think no we didn't really get breaks so if somebody is working like

an eight hour shift nine hour shift really because like let's say it's an eight to five right just standardize that or whatever how many breaks do you think somebody should get zero because you need to perform your task to the best of your abilities you're gonna do that you just go willy-nilly with your breaks because humans are greedy they're gonna take advantage of these breaks you're gonna stretch them out as long as they can it's not right to the employer no it's so not right to that it's not right babe uh no there should be a number of breaks the answer is at least one how long should that break be oh at least 10 minutes uh no I'll tell you this our amazon echo always goes off at 12 oh my god and says what is she and what does she say Erin it's time for lunch

that's right at 12 o'clock on the dot every weekday and then Erin two-parter what does she say at 12 20 lunch time lunch time is over you can take a short walk before you get back to work that's right really drilling in the uh the fucking amazon factory like settings it's amazing it's absolutely amazing she gives me 10 minutes to take a short walk before I have to go back to work at 12 30 you can pee your little gay raid bottle I but you gotta get back to work I don't even know where these settings came from because I don't take lunch at 12 I take lunch whenever my schedule you take lunch at four dude I take lunch whenever my schedule fits lunch so like but I'm not an hourly employee so did you know jack in the state of California hourly employees are entitled to

they have to take lunch at least 30 minutes of lunch before they hit the five hour mark so you cannot work somebody past five hours without giving them a lunch break of at least 30 minutes I love that law it's a great law yeah and then I think people they also get like two like 15 minute periods as well or something you know I should know I work with somebody who's like an employment practices attorney who like you know knows the employment practices law shit all the time I hear about it all the time uh but I should know it but I all I know is that when I finally did hire my trainee a few years ago being their manager I had to make sure like when did you get in today uh you need to take lunch you need at least this right like I had to like look at you I'm not going to be sued

I'm not trying to get sued a true model but once you become a full-time employee it's like fuck that you eat at your desk we sit on a call that's miserable but yeah once you if you're an hourly employee you do get those types of benefits dude I can't work at the same time literally breaking the law so you think that people should get 10 minute breaks at least no at least at least one 10 minute break per nine hour shift they should get three breaks for a nine hour shift minimum and those breaks should be like 30 minutes long each yes somebody just like somebody had DMed me and they said that um they worked as a phone salesman and an eight hour shift they got a 30 minute unpaid break unpaid oh my god and one 15 minute paid break otherwise that's ridiculous that was it

I wish I remembered I remember we got like break times for at American Eagle yeah but I also want to say it was completely unpaid but we had to take it I wish I remembered more granted that was literally 20 years ago right whatever no 18 19 no long time ago it was a while ago it was like 16 yeah older than some of our listeners for sure but yeah man a lot of people so like you living your fantasy land of like just you know asking for multi weeks of vacation using up your 30 pto days a year and you do it like you know at least a month in advance and shit and you wear your lovely utopia wear your sparrows eat eat your eat your cube neighbor's yogurt from the fridge her name her name wasn't on it it's yours now no I'm not gonna eat company yogurt that's gross

but if you bring in like coffee mate and you don't label it that's mine I bet you your ass is grass I bet you you also steal people's curing k cups okay absolutely and you gotta label those I hate you as a co-worker I hate you so much as a co-worker it makes so much sense why I hate you as my podcast host takeo buddy co-host and uh yeah jack film knows shit about real life and he is the epitome of lucio bluth being like what could a banana cost 10 dollars wow all right I'm glad I'm honey I'm so glad you finally got your wine tasting results that like you wanted fucking months ago and I shut those down because I kind of know wine now because of you but now you can make a mockery of my ignorance of the uh you know life just just work life in general just work life life in general

it's okay I'm still street smart well that was good you know what that was good I that was a fun challenging endeavor that was very difficult we learned a lot about you yeah in the last hour jack film and I learned a lot about you as as little as I wanted to what do you have up for us next well not much honey except for the biggest twist ever in our recurring horoscope what yes so up till now the past 19 of our 20 episodes you and I have exchanged horoscopes that we've written in advance and then of course the other party would read them blindly it's very fun ha ha I wanted to mix it up a bit this week on do you remember mad libs yeah yes a favorite pastime of everybody's is mad libs so what I've done is I only wrote one horoscope scorpio of course it is

scorpio season we are all still living it but there's a bit of a twist and the twist is there are many blanks in my horoscope Eren I'm going to ask you to fill in these blanks oh okay and then once the blanks have been filled one of us will read the horoscope that part I don't know I don't know if it's funny or if I read it or if you read it okay but we'll figure that out I think it'll be funny okay okay no please yeah well first I was like I think it'd be funny or if I read it but then I was like well me hear it no yeah it'll be funny if I read it it'll be funny if I'm all for it yeah okay so let me finish my horoscope here I just need a few more words honey can you give me an adjective fluffy can you give me a food chicken fingers can you can you give me a catchphrase

just any catchphrase I'll have what she's having great choice can I get a verb squat you can tell I went to orange theory today yes yes you can can we get a body part gluteus maximus can I get a day of the week Sunday can I get a mythical creature um falcor from the never-ending story he's a dog dragon yes next can I get a verb ending in ing wait no I wait can I replace falcor with elf yes I miss elf and we need to bring elf back we haven't talked about him in a few weeks okay mythical creatures now alph okay can you get me a verb ending in ing um blanking listening can I get another catchphrase make america great again that was a good answer uh next up honey I need a profession like the like the title of it what's that youtuber that's one clueless fucks

can I get an article of clothing please scarf can I get an adjective ending in less l e s s an adjective ending in less um can you give me an example of an adjective with less breathless oh okay um furless that's good give me an electronic device an ipad can I get a name like a common name boy girl doesn't matter doesn't matter ted cruise does that work yeah can I get a school grade please grade is in like a kindergarten to senior year fourth it was a tough year for me can I get an adjective bouncy can I get a noun button another catchphrase please god this is gonna be good eating good in the neighborhood yep that counts can you please give me a social media platform anyone does the elf count sure

I need a number from one to 100 47 can I get a female name Delilah can I get an adjective used to describe your grandmother my grandmother and not specifically yours any grandmother religious that's good yep and then finally can I get an adjective used to describe Christmas religious okay that's that let me proofread Scorpio's horoscope before I pass it off to Dr. Ernie okay to read okay one second let's make sure it works okay um all right well we're all done here we only have one horoscope for this podcast but it's extra special and for the Scorpio season Scorpio oh Scorpio your horoscope this week will truly be fluffy chicken fingers oh yeah so open wide and say I'll have what she's having because this horoscope will squat you

right the gluteus maximus no way are you ready on sunday you'll be visited by a small elf I'm serious and this creature will say in a listening voice make America great again how wild is that you know this reminds me of a saying we have back in my hometown never trust a youtuber in a scarf needless to say this whole exchange will leave you furlous I suggest you pick up your iPad and call your friend dead cruise you know from fourth grade oh yeah and tell them all about your bouncy button he might find it hard to believe it first and say something like eating good in the neighborhood but eventually they will believe you share your story on yelp and watch those hits come in wow you have 47 views whoa soon you'll be on the hit daytime talk show Delilah and become

the next viral sensation by the way Delilah's a nighttime radio show um not bad for a religious scorpio I guess it's true what they say scorpios really are religious oh my god that's fun just so you know it's not that we didn't channel the gods for this scorpio horoscope but they gave us unlike good employees do they gave us very little notice to take multiple weeks off of work they don't even have pto time we didn't give them pto time they just took it can't believe that it's kind of bullshit I feel like jack film was the one that like told them you know that's fine it's fine just go ahead go go on vacation that's cool don't drag me under the bus but also like what is it with scorpios hanging out with Ted Cruz like what I know from fourth grade

something to think about that's our 20th episode of Ernie is the funny one featuring Ted Cruz everybody loves a good Ted Cruz episode today guys we learned so much lest we reflect on I learned so much I hope you did I hope you did I'm gonna cry in the shower tonight we reflect on the fact that youtubers know jack diddly well about the real world this youtuber yeah sure jack diddly about the real world donna let jack quit his free internship donna my mother donna let's talk when you have a minute let's talk she's busy and otherwise I guess I'm just ashamed to be affiliated with this man who has like no idea what like is going on in the real world but anyway thank you so much for joining this was so fun also just a side note I received so many DMs from people not like

so many but like a lot of DMs from people that have actually not only did they come in with questions but people came in with other ideas for things oh I love that not replacing the dad hug me 10 hotline but like I've already got like at least two ideas for other quizzes oh I love that guys keep them coming please dad hug me 10 thank you so much for one following me on instagram at two toes up the number two toes up secondly thank you so much for watching my story and actually replying and DMing about it thank you guys three thank you so much for listening to erin is the funny one podcast and also don't forget to call in dad hug me 10 I love interacting with people yes you do she's very good at it guys thank you so much for listening we're gonna work on

getting jack film associated with the real world no we're not it's a work in progress see you later haters bye