Fairy Tale Fix - 13: For Screech She Will

Episode Date: March 16, 2021

Abbie tells a beautiful yet tragic Korean folktale The Deer and the Woodcutter, while Kelsey gets in the mood for St. Paddy’s Day with the legend of Bottle Hill, plus a few not-so-fun facts about her favorite Irish inspired drink.

Numbers. Ah, so confusing. We're women. We can't help it. We just don't have the right brains for numbers. Wow. Was not expecting to hear that from you today. Okay. I'm feeling punchy. so i was cleaning off my bookcase today but because it was disgusting and i hadn't cleaned it for a long time and there was lots of clutter and dust and i think dog biscuit crumbs somehow amazing yeah it was great underneath all of that clutter I found a card that you sent me last spring. Aw. Was it a John William Waterhouse postcard?

No, I have that one on my fridge because I love it. I really like snail mail, guys. Yes. Getting things in the mail from you is just, it's such a treat. I just love getting just like little notes and cards. Was it the succulent one? It was the succulent one. And in it, you were talking, A, about how excited you were to come visit me.

Oh, yeah. I had planned to come visit you in April last year. That didn't happen. We didn't do that. Sigh. Yeah. COVID kind of kicked that plan right in the dick. It did.

So it's a beautiful relic in that sense. plan right right in the dick it did so so it's a beautiful relic in that sense but also the card said we should start our podcast this year oh my gosh and we did that's amazing that's so funny and that was before covid yeah that was pre-covid you sent that to me in march i'm pretty sure before we knew how bad this was going to get. So you know what else is funny about that card? What? I wrote that to you. And then I had it in the sealed envelope under my couch for like a month, I think before I sent it to you. And I forgot what I had wrote.

It was one of those like, I wrote it out. i just lost it and i was whatever and then i found it later at least a couple of weeks later oh my god i was like yeah i'm sure it's still relevant it's probably still relevant it's uh the first half of it was losing relevance by the time you sent it to me because I got it about mid-March. Right around when I was sent home to work from home for what we thought was going to be like a couple months. We were fools. We were fools. Such fools. Such innocent.

Such innocent sweet babies. But the second half of it was saying we should start our podcast and we did i love that yeah yay me too it just filled me with so much warmth today after scraping all of the dog biscuit crumbs off of the bookshelf to also find that i need to send more cards i have new ones i also got new stamps. You did? Things I get really excited about. I bought stamps with frogs on them. So I'm super excited to send some like cute cards. Very cute. I'm excited to receive cards. Handwritten cards and stuff. I actually keep most of my cards if I get birthday cards, as long as they have like a message in it. You know,

if you just like give me a card and it just has like the basic greeting inside I probably won't keep it forever but if you wrote something I definitely still have it yeah same I I've saved every single card and letter that I've ever gotten and because it's just so meaningful to be able to look back through these memories of people who cared enough to send you something in this snail mail. There was one time I was looking back at my birthday cards and I found like 50 bucks from my mom. Oh, my God. I was like, sweet. Excellent. That's so funny. I kind of did a similar thing. Not as bad because it wasn't from years ago. I was cleaning up a lot of clutter that I've just been sort of leaving

lying about today because Steven's been sighing a lot when he walks into rooms. And I figured that if I want him to still be with me, I should clean up some of my clutter. So I went through some of my clutter from my birthday back in October. And I found a gift card that my parents gave me. So that was exciting. As women and they're, you know, mine was when I was in my late 20s. I think I was either 28 or 29. But I love that our parents still give us like gift cards and money for birthdays. Yes, I know. Me too.

We're very spoiled. Very spoiled. We're so spoiled. Thanks, mom and dad. I'm so grateful to my mom and dad that they still give me money. Speaking of great parents, by the time this comes out, tomorrow will be St. Patrick's Day. And I'm really excited because St. Patrick's Day is, it's really special to me and my family. So my dad's birthday is on March 23rd.

We've started the St. Patrick's Day dad birthday celebration. Nice. When we always get together and hang out and drink a lot. And it's the one time a year that my dad will actually drink with us. It's really fun. Yeah, y'all get wasted. We love Irish car bombs. And I want to talk to you about Irish car bombs. So an Irish car bomb is it's Guinness. And then you put a shot of half Bailey's half Jameson's whiskey in it and then you drink it as fast as you can it's delicious you have to drink it before the Bailey's starts

to curdle so you're supposed to drink it really fast oh god it's so good yeah my sister and I usually share the Guinness I'll take a half of one because we can't chug drinks that fast my dad can though but I thought it was really interesting. I wanted to tell you about, so the term Irish car bomb is actually really offensive. I was just about to bring that up actually. So I've been thinking about this because St. Paddy's Day is coming up and I know it's controversial

and I haven't really, you know, given it really a lot of thought as to why. So I looked it up and i wanted to share it with you because i thought it was really interesting and i have found an alternative name that i like much better oh good so now we're so this is like our like it's like a prefix for yes i have a fix for the irish offensive drink titles because i've also always known that it was offensive i just like i haven't always known because there was also always known that it was offensive. I just like I haven't always known because there was definitely a period where I was ordering them at bars and had no idea.

But well, because it's an American cocktail, it makes sense that we don't really know the background of it. So tell me what the background is. Okay, so I looked this up and I will probably share this on our social media. I just thought this was really interesting because it's one of my favorite drinks and I really like the drink name alternative. Okay. Which by the way, I guess if you order a car, an Irish car bomb in Ireland, that's like the quickest way to get thrown out of an Irish pub. Okay, so also good to know. So it was named after an explosive attack in Northern Ireland on July 21 1972, 1972, known as the Belfast Car Bomb. Is this an IRA thing?

Yes, it is. Boo. I mean, or yay, depending on which side of that you were on. So I'm just going to read this. I'll post it. But this is from eater.com. So the Irish Car Bomb is a variation of a shot Oat created called The Grandfather

made from a simple mix of Bailey's Irish Cream and Kahlua. Later, he added Jameson to the shot and renamed the drink IRA. It wasn't until Oat decided to drop the IRA shot into a pint of Guinness that he was inspired to call it the Belfast Car Bomb, aka the Irish Car Bomb, pointing to the mini explosion

caused by dropping the shot glass into the guinness so obviously it's extremely offensive and to give our american friends an idea it's basically like someone calling a cocktail manhattan ground zero or the flaming twin towers Or the 9-11. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay, so it's super fucked up. Yeah, it's really fucked up. Delicious drink, though. And I loved it.

I looked up alternative names, and I'm sure there are many. Come up with one. Definitely let us know. But I really liked the Irish Slammer. Ooh, yeah. It's a very Irish drink. Guinness, Jameson's, and Bailey's. It's very Irish.

It's very Irish. Okay, so it's an Irish slammer. I like that. Yes. So that is what I henceforth shall be calling it. And I thought that was really interesting and relevant. I picked an Irish fairy tale today because I love St. Patrick's Day.

I'm very sad I'm not going to be able to get together with my family to do our usual get together. But we're planning something big for when this is all over and we all have our vaccinations. Exactly. Like, that's what I'm also holding out for. I'm just kind of like, we're so close. So close. We're so close. We're just going to hang in there.

We're going to have so many parties when this pandemic is over. I want to have a super party that covers all of the parties that we missed this year. I love that idea so much. I forget what I decided to call it. It was like... You got to write it down. I've got to write it down somewhere. But it was like a mashup of all of the names of the various holidays that we missed this year.

That'd be so much fun. I'm so excited just to come visit you and i had like a lot of plans to travel in 2020 that didn't happen yeah you already don't like planes and then the increased chance of getting a horrible disease on a plane really yeah probably didn't help no no i i thought about coming to visit you anyway during the pandemic, but it's just such a bad idea. And there's no point. It's irresponsible. We wouldn't have been able to go anywhere or do anything anyway. It would have been stupid

and irresponsible. In this way, we're very responsible adults. Good for us. So responsible. So responsible. As I just mentioned, I'm going to be drinking so many Irish Slammers tomorrow. So responsible. So responsible. As I just mentioned, I'm going to be drinking so many Irish Slammers tomorrow. Responsibly from inside your own home. Extremely responsibly. When this comes out, St. Paddy's Day is on a Wednesday. So I might not actually be doing it then, but

that's right. I might be working. We'll see. Oh see oh yeah this comes out on a tuesday which means saint patty's day is on a wednesday would it be really sad to take off a work day just to drink irish lammers by myself that sounds like something i might do probably That sounds sad, though. Like Adam's at work and I'm just like by myself with my cat. So you're just home drinking Irish Slammers? No. Oh, goodness. Oh, my God.

I mean, you can. Or, okay, all right. We both take it off. And then we sit on a Zoom call and drink a lot of Irish. Bonus. Bonus Fairytale Fix content. Yes. Oh, my gosh.

And then we do a Barry Hammer recording. Hammered, yeah. And release it to Patreon. Cool. Sign up at fairytalefix.cash. And then this is also us being responsible because we're doing something for our side hustle. Absolutely. It's work related.

It's work related. Awesome. Goodness. We're going to do that. Yeah. Oh, what are your plans? Do you do anything for St. Paddy's Day? There really isn't much to tell.

Oh, what are your plans? Do you do anything for St. Paddy's Day? There really isn't much to tell. Ordinarily, my St. Paddy's Day plan that I'll probably still do this year is I make a Guinness beef stew and eat it. And it's delicious. That sounds amazing. And I have a lot of Guinness. and then you know in happier times and better years i theoretically eat my delicious beef stew and then go out to a bar and drink a lot of beer out among my people yeah i bet the guinness pub

in maryland is like i bet they do a lot oh they do a huge saint patrick's day festival oh that'd be so much fun they do it up i did I did not actually get to go. Wait, no, I did go. I went for St. Patrick's Day the first year that I moved here. Yeah? And it was pretty fun. Was it? You barely remember it. I don't remember it very well.

I don't remember what it's like being out in crowds at all anymore. It really does feel like it was a million years ago i was telling steven like yeah we moved here like three years ago right he's like no this is our third year because we moved in january two years ago so we're into it but anyway 2020 felt like more years than it did just the one but But we'll stop rehashing that. This is an escapism podcast. Absolutely. Have an Irish slammer and listen to Abby's tale. The story that I am going to tell you today is The Deer and the Woodcutter, which is also known as The Heavenly Maiden and the Woodcutter.

Okay. So this is a Korean folktale, and it was recommended by my friend Dami, who honors us by listening to this podcast. And she mentioned that this is her favorite childhood story that she heard growing up. Thank you, Dami. Thank you so much for listening and for the recommendation. Absolutely. For both of those.

I fucking love this story. Dami is correct. This is a great story. I can see why it's a favorite. One source says that the story might date back as far as 1392, which is during Korea's last and longest running royal dynasty, the Joseon Dynasty, which lasted until 1910. That was a long, long time for any single family to be in charge. So good job them, or not, depending on if they were jerks. The book is by Kim So-eun,

with illustrations by Jong Kyung-sim. These two have teamed up a lot on Korean folktale books over the years. But you wouldn't know it by typing Korean folktale book into Amazon search engine. Because instead, you get a bunch of Western people who copied and pasted stories from the Gutenberg Project, which is free to the public and public domain. So no one should be charged for reading those stories. But they copy and paste it into a manuscript and publish it. And that's usually what you find when you look up Korean folktales on Amazon. So I recommend looking up these two specifically and try to buy from a local bookseller if you can. And we'll, of course, link this one in the show notes.

What do you think happens? Because you gave me that second name, I want to guess that the Heavenly Maiden or a Heavenly Maiden turns into a deer. I love that so much. Okay. name I want to guess that the heavenly maiden or a heavenly maiden turns into a deer. I love that so much. Okay. And I'm going to guess that the woodcutter is the love interest. And I'm going to guess that it is a part of a curse from a witch. Okay. Excellent. Beautiful guesses. Thank you.

I am very excited to read the story to you. I'm very excited to hear it. So I wanted to read the first paragraph that's on the inside of the cover first, which is the cultural background of the story. The Deer in the Woodcutter is a Korean folktale that has been handed down by word of mouth from one generation to the next. It has been told by grandparents to their grandchildren, huddled on the heated floors of Korean homes in the dead of winter, with the cold snow laden winds raging outside. Repeated in the yards of Korean homes to children seated on straw mats in the cool of a summer evening and shared by farmer folk as they rested from their work in the fields in the shade of a nearby tree. The author hopes that a wider audience will now enjoy the story and that readers will feel a kindred spirit with the people of ancient Korea. Very cool. It's really lovely. Also, the illustrations in this book are so beautiful. Yeah, it looks really gorgeous from what I can

see. Just gorgeous. These woodland landscapes. We'll have to post some to our Instagram. Yeah, absolutely. I think so. So long, long ago at the foot of the Kumgang Mountains, there lived a poor woodcutter. He lived alone with his mother and he had not yet married. Every day he would go into the mountains to cut wood as that was his job. And one fine autumn day. I know. It's adorable. What? The woodcutter's job was woodcutting. If you can believe it. One fine autumn day with the red maple leaves flamed everywhere, the woodcutter went as usual to chop wood in the forest. Soon he was hard at work when suddenly a stately deer came running out of the forest.

He was panting and seemed on the point of falling with exhaustion. The deer begs the hunter for help. He says there's hunters after him, and the woodcutter feels sorry for him and hides him under the branches of a small tree that he just cut down. And of course, no sooner had he covered the deer than a man with a gun appears and says, covered the deer, then a man with a gun appears and says, say, fellow, did you see a deer come by? And the woodcutter says, yep, he ran that way and points off in a different direction. And the hunter, you know, heads off in the direction that he points. The deer comes out of the sticks and thanks the woodcutter profusely and promises to never forget his kindness before dashing off. Always good to be good to forest animals.

Yep. So far, the woodcutter is doing it exactly right. This is how you deal with anything in fairy tales. Absolutely. So a few days later, the deer comes back to where the woodcutter is doing his thing and says, I have come today to repay you for saving my life. Do you wish to have a beautiful wife?

Well, of course. That's exactly what the woodcutter says. Of course. But he says he's too poor for any woman to want to marry him. I know. Poor guy. He seems smart and nice so far. How much money do you think woodcutters make?

You don't actually have to answer that. I have no idea. Not a lot. I mean, obviously not a lot. In fairytale money. In fairytale money, I would say that it's enough to have a house and be able to afford food, but probably can't like afford a lot of luxuries is what I'm guessing based on the rest of the book. It did say he lived with his mom, right? Yeah. Yeah. And he lives with his mom and takes good care of her. Anyway, he's too poor for anyone to want to marry him. And the deer says, not a problem.

Cross that mountain and go straight on and you will come to a large pond. Often beautiful fairies come from heaven to bathe in that pool. They are sure to be there today. If you start now, you'll be able to see them. When you get there, just take one of the robes which the fairies have hung on the trees while they bathe and hide it carefully. Remember, take only one. Their robes are made of fine feathers and without them fairies cannot fly back to heaven. Interesting. Yeah. And so there will be one fairy who will be left without her robe. Take that fairy home and she will become your wife. It's giving me mad Selkie vibes from Scottish folklore. Because like Selkies are beautiful people that they can be a seal or they can be a human. And sometimes they take off their skins to go do stuff on land.

And if you can steal a Selkie's skin, then, and in the stories, it's most often a woman. If you steal a Selkie's skin, that she has to become your wife. But you can never give her skin back to her. Otherwise, she will leave immediately. I thought Stelke's were the horses that drown children. Those are Kelpies. Kelpies. Okay. Yeah. I was like, that's a really different than what I'm remembering. Yeah. Very different. Kelpies are also cool and more murdery. Yeah. Kelpies are horrible.

Yeah. Kelpies are horrible slash awesome. Horrible monsters. And Selkies are awesome slash sad. Yeah. Okay.

I've just never thought about like Korean fairies before. Yeah. You know. So I wonder like what they look like and are they small? I mean, if he's stealing a skin from them or a rope from them, they must be like human size, right? So Dami also tells me that we have wolves in Western folklore a lot. And in Korean folklore, tigers do a lot of the same work that wolves do of being this intimidating but mysterious predator.

There's a lot of tigers and fairies in Korean folklore, which is really cool. Very exciting. I'm really excited to read more Korean fairy tales. So the deer explains all of this to the woodcutter. He reminds him like six million times to only take one robe. And the woodcutter... I'm going to guess that he takes more than one. The woodcutter listens attentively, but it seemed like a dream.

And he looked as if he did not believe the deer and the deer says do what i tell you oh and there's one more thing after the fairy has become your wife you must be very careful until she has born you four children no matter how many times she may ask you must never show her the robe of feathers if you do there will be great trouble very interesting do they have to have four children yep man that seems like a lot of kids has to be four that does sound like a lot of kids i'm no thank you i'm not about it i don't even want one yep that's why it's my greatest dream in life to make maddie have all of the children so that i can still bounce a baby on my knee and then you know set up a college fund for it and give it back to

maddie no i'm good nothing my sister has one child oh and then she is sweet and beautiful and perfect and that's that's good that's that's all the baby your family needs yeah done she's like 10 little kids in one because she's so wild because she's a handful yeah so we're good perfect but anyway yes this fairy must have four children before he can give her robe back to her. And then as, you know, as happens in every single folktale ever, he tells him what not to do, but does not explain why. And then he, you know, doesn't do what he's told. Then he dips off and the woodcutter proceeds to get it all wrong.

Foreshadowing. So the woodcutter follows the deer's instructions and he comes to a large pond. And in the pond, he sees a number of fairies bathing as beautiful as those painted in pictures and hanging on the trees were many, many shining robes of feathers as light and thin as the finest silk. The fairies are all these human-sized, gorgeous maidens who are bathing in the pond there's actually a painting i really love that reminds me of this where it's a bunch of naked women and they're all bathing and it's really cute because they're all having like a lot of fun and giggling and on a swing and they're swimming and bathing and then just in the shadows in this tree you can see a man's watching them oh so i should try to find out what that

painting uh is and send it to you because it's really beautiful it's very western very similar vibes though yeah to this scene so he goes over to the tree where the robes have been hung and he takes one and he folds it over and over and over so fine was the robe that it folded into the thickness of a single sheet of paper. Whoa. I know. Okay. I know that that's not the point of the story, but I really want those because packing. I could bring my whole closet. So convenient. So convenient. So convenient. I'm just worried they're going to catch a cold. It's not enough layers. They're fine. They're heavenly maidens.

Okay, fine. They're not human beings. Otherwise, you might have more of a point. Okay, good point. Good point. So he folds this robe down and he puts it in his breast pocket. And then he sits down in the shade of a nearby tree to watch the fairies from a distance. then he sits down in the shade of a nearby tree to watch the fairies from a distance.

And as soon as the fairies come out of the pond, they all begin to dress. All but one fairy who can't seem to find her robe. She looks everywhere and all of her friends do too, but it's nowhere to be found. Aw, so they have to leave her? Yep. You predicted that correctly. That's very sad. I know. As soon as it starts to get dark, they have to leave because if they don't return before the sun sets, the gates of heaven will close.

And so they'll all be stuck out there. But they do say that they will talk to the others and try to get her some help as soon as they possibly can. So then the book just completely cuts what I think should be the next scene and is one of my fixes for this story. It cuts immediately to the fairy goes home with the woodcutter.

Like literally the next sentence is, the fairy who had no feathered robe was finally taken home by the poor woodcutter and became his wife. Where he comes out of the bushes and goes, oh, hey baby, you lost? Hey, come home with me. I'm the creeper that's been staring at you and your friends from behind the street.

Totally don't have anything of yours. But man, you look cold in just your shift. Yeah. Do you want to come back to my place and meet my mother and marry me? Offer her his jacket, maybe. Yeah. But nothing. there's no way fairies don't get cold so i guess yes but she is about to not be a fairy anymore whatever we assume they have some kind of conversation and she follows him home and marries him and apparently it all seems

to be working out really well once the the fairy becomes his wife, she seems to forget about returning to heaven. And she and the woodcutter are actually really happy together. She cared faithfully for her mother-in-law and for her husband. Then one, two, three children were born to them, and she raised the children with loving care. The woodcutter soon lost all fear that his wife might one day leave him his wife never once mentioned the robe of feathers and the woodcutter never mentioned it to himself if you just don't think about the bad thing you did uh you don't have to feel bad about it sound logic sound logic the woodcutter is like all of the kings that we've read about in grim's fairy

tales where if you kidnap a pretty woman from the woods just don't worry about it i guess it's fine it's fine she's happy totally happy the deer said it was okay and the deer said it was cool so we're great but he still remembered the words of the deer telling him that he must never show his wife the robe until four children were born the deer did tell him like six million times so i'm glad he remembered and one evening after a hard day's work the woodcutter was seated at home sipping the drink his wife had served him with loving care. And she's musing about how Earth is a surprisingly pleasant place to live, and she wouldn't dream of going back to heaven. But it's just so crazy that her robe just disappeared, right? So crazy. So crazy. So weird. I just imagine this scene of her serving him drinks and she's just looking him dead ass in the eye.

And just saying like, so crazy that my robe just disappeared, right? I've often wondered what happened to it. She fucking knows. She knows. And she straight up asks him too i guess like after three children she figured they're they're pretty stable and she can ask him questions i suppose and she says was it you and it's here that i really empathize with our woodcutter friend he absolutely reminds me of me when i stole a keychain from petco as a kid and my mom caught me fiddling with something in my pocket as we were walking

through food max right after like she asked me hey what you playing with and like no suspicion like she just wanted to know what i was playing with and I immediately went mom I stole this thing I'm sorry the guilt was too much it was too much because he can't bear to pretend ignorance to this lovely woman who had born him three children when she'd asked directly and also the book says that food and drink had gone to his head. So he was also a little drunk. She waited until the perfect moment. She really did. And so he admits that it was him that had hidden her robe. And she is very cool about it because she is not, in fact, an idiot. She's known for a long time.

Yeah. She's like, oh, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, no, this is what she says. So it was you, after all. I often thought it might be so. When I think of the past, I feel a yearning for old things. I wonder how the robe looks after all these years.

Please let me look at it for a moment. Ruh-roh. And the woodcutter, again, so relatable, felt so relieved at having told his wife the secret he had kept hidden these many years. And she was being so calm about it that he forgets all about the deer's warning and he brings out the robe and he shows it to her. And as she touches it again, as she spreads this beautiful robe in her hands, there stirs in her heart a strange and indescribable feeling

and a snatch of old song rises to her lips. The multicolored clouds now spread, gold and silver, purple and red, Beautiful. I know. It's so beautiful. And she's just singing this song. And from the robe of feathers in her hands, just memories of her days lived in heaven return so clearly. And she is filled with an intense homesickness.

She swings the robe onto her shoulders. She puts one child on her back, and she scoops the other two under each arm and says, farewell, my husband. I must, after all, go back to heaven. And with these words, she rises into the air. And the woodcutter at first is so surprised that he can't move, but when he's finally able to run outside, she's high in the sky. And from his perspective is no larger than a tiny dragonfly. I thought that might happen. I thought you might take the children with her. Yep. Turn into little children fairies. They're like they're like her little like half-fay kids. Cute.

And of course, she's their mother. She's not going to leave them behind with this man who obviously can't follow instructions very well. She's like, bye. So she leaves. She flies back to heaven. Unfortunately, and again, I relate to this man. You made a mistake and you really regret that mistake, but there's really nothing to be done about it. But he gets mega depressed.

He no longer has the will to work. And every day he just stays at home staring into the sky, thinking of his wife and children. And then one day the deer that he saved, you know, popped around, came to visit. And the deer knows that the woodcutter's wife had returned to heaven. And the deer says, didn't I tell you, if there had been four children, this never would have happened. You see, a mother cannot leave a child behind. If you had four children, she could not have carried the fourth and couldn't have left you. That's why it had to be four kids. That makes perfect sense as an explanation.

I like it. Me too. I told you that there had to be four. And I thought that the reason was so self-explanatory that I didn't need to tell you why. He knew he was going to mess it up. Poor woodcutter. It's going to be okay. We're doing great here.

Because the deer, once again, saves the day with his wisdom. I like to think of the deer comes visiting a lot. They're buds. That's cute. So the deer says, don't be too disheartened. There is still a way you can be reunited with her. If you go back to the pond where you first saw her, since the day the robe was lost, the fairies no longer come down to earth. And instead they send down a bucket on a rope from heaven and draw up the water from that pond. So if you go there and wait, when the bucket is lowered

and filled with water, you can run in, hurry, empty it out, and climb inside, and then you will be drawn up to heaven. So the woodcutter does exactly that. And once he gets to heaven, he was able to meet his beloved wife and children. And his wife was once again a fairy, but she was overjoyed to see him and greeted him with open arms and she couldn't have given him this little hint right right because she's like she clearly likes him and she's not mad about it so she she couldn't have said, I need to go back to heaven immediately. But if you would like to come with me, here's how you can do that. I didn't even know that was an option.

To be fair, she has been living with him for the past however long. She might not know about the bucket situation. Okay, I guess. Indirectly being the cause of the bucket situation yeah i also love how her friends clearly did not help her they just decided to just start bringing up water in a bucket and probably never gave her a passing thought ever again and she's fine i'm sure she's fine i'm sure she's fine i don't want the same thing to happen to be though so we're going to have to start using the bucket system to get our special pond water. Pond water.

Okay. So she's really happy to see him. She greets him with open arms. There's just a really adorable illustration of her greeting him with all of their children. Aw, that's cute. And this really happy family has been reunited. And that is super sweet. Many, many happy days followed for them.

The woodcutter's life in heaven was like a dream. Heaven was beautiful beyond belief. Never had he seen or even imagined such beautiful sights. And every day in heaven was an ecstasy of delight. But there is one thing that's troubling him. He did leave his mom behind. This like poor old woman that's just living alone in the house. I kind of forgot about his mom. Yeah, me too. She's just there being just

sort of generally supportive. Time and time again, he asks himself, I wonder what my mom is doing now. She must be so lonely living all by herself. He just keeps saying, if I could only see her just once, I would be very, very happy. And his wife, Fairy, says, you know, if you're so worried about her, why don't you go see her? I will bring you a heavenly horse, which will take you to Mother's Place in a moment. And she brings him this heavenly horse. And as he's mounting up, the fairy says, listen, there is one important thing. You must never get off this horse.

If you so much as set a single foot on the ground, you will never be able to return to heaven. Whatever happens, you must stay on the horse. I want to know why heaven has such specific rules. Seems like a pain in the ass. It's a question for the philosophers, Kelsey. The philosophers of every religion everywhere. Why does heaven have so many fucking rules? Because it's heaven. Please tell me he does not get off that horse. I can't tell you that.

Because he's not good at following directions. I know this. Only after the fairy had repeated this instruction over and over again, did she finally allow her husband to set out on his journey. I guess what this means is that they discovered that there was a flaw in the bucket system and that is no longer a good way to get up to heaven. Yeah. You don't want just anybody coming up to heaven. No. In the't want just anybody coming up to heaven. No. In the bucket. Yeah.

They're like, all right, we were lucky it was you this one time. But this has really shown us we had a flawed system. So now there's no buckets and the fairies have to make do with whatever water is up there. In heaven. In heaven. Heaven water. According to the book, this particular pond had better water, which is why they were scooping it up with a bucket. Just one guy's got to ruin everything all the time.

All the time for everyone else. Yep. So the woodcutter gets on the horse and the heavenly horse whinnies and was off like a bolt of lightning. And in no time, they reached the village of his birth. His mother had indeed been very lonely living all alone without them. And when she saw her son atop a horse at her door, she wept with joy. But the woodcutter would not get off his horse. Mother, he said, I am so glad to see you. Please take good care of yourself and stay strong and well forever. If I get off this horse, I can't go back to heaven. So I must say farewell as I am. He says all this to her and he's about to set the horse back off to heaven. So I must say farewell as I am. He says all this to her and he's about to set the horse

back off to heaven. So I guess he just rolled up to her house and said, Hi, Mom, I hope you're doing well. I can't get off the horse. Bye, like waves at her and was about to like run away. But she, of course, does not want to part with her son. She just says, Okay, you've come such a long way. You can't leave right now. If you can't dismount, then at least have a bowl of your favorite soup. I remember how you used to love it so. I have just made some. It should be ready now. That sounds like a mom. Yeah. She sounds like a good mom.

No, don't go. I made you food. I made you food. Please stay with me. Please don't go. And so she goes inside the house and she soon returns a steaming bowl of soup for her son. And the woodcutter could not refuse his mother's kindness and takes the soup bowl from her hand, still seated on the horse. But what should happen? What do you think happens? He drops the hot soup all over his heaven horse. That's it.

The bowl was so hot that the woodcutter dropped it as soon as it touched his hands. The soup splashed all over the horse's back. The horse jumped with a start and reared back on its hind legs. The woodcutter was thrown to the ground. And with a great neigh of pain, the horse leapt into the sky, leaving the woodcutter behind. And in the twinkling of an eye was gone from sight. That sucks. Yeah.

Tough luck, dude. At least it wasn't his fault this time. And in the twinkling of an eye was gone from sight. That sucks. Yeah. Tough luck, dude. At least it wasn't his fault this time. But his mom is crazy happy. Oh, good. You can stay forever. Would you like to stay forever? So once again, the woodcutter was left on earth. But this this time no matter how he grieved and cried it

was no use he could not return to heaven day after day the woodcutter lifted his face to the sky and called again and again to his wife and children but it was too late even his friend the deer could no longer help him day and night the woodcutter yearned to return to heaven and he yearned to see his wife and children again and as he kept gazing up into the sky and calling to his loved ones year after year, he was slowly transformed into a rooster. Oh, did not see this coming. I know!

It's the rooster origin story! What? No. It's the best! Wait, does that mean he never gets to heaven? That is why, when country children today see a rooster atop a straw thatched roof crowing out the time they remember the story told them by their grandparents of the woodcutter crying for his wife and children oh my goodness that was amazing i did not see that coming at all. I know. And why would I? Oh, man. So good. That was amazing. I was so excited when I read that part of the story. I'm

like, oh my gosh, this is why we have roosters. It's also really sad, though. Oh, my God. I know. It's a really sad ending. But I love folk tales like this. Me too. They're a good story in and of themselves, but then they end up being an explanation for something in the world. Like, you can just imagine kids asking their parents and grandparents, why does that godforsaken rooster make so much noise? And they go like, like well i'll tell you and then you get a little more sympathy for the rooster you feel i mean but you shouldn't because roosters are evil but they really are i really hate them um so my fix for this story because i

hate roosters is that the woodcutter's wife gives him a couple of alternate doors into heaven or comes down and gets him herself. Or just, I mean, she can go back to heaven whenever she wants and she can come down from heaven and they only have three kids still. She can just come back down and live with him and go visit heaven when she feels like it. I thought it was going to end with him dying and then being reunited after he died. And that was the happy ending. Oh, that would have been great.

Like maybe that happens. He was really sad, but then he died and went to heaven and then reunited with his children. Like I totally thought it was a metaphor for death. I like that better. Maybe after he finishes out his rooster life, Yes. He dies and ascends to heaven and then he can be with his wife and children. I like that a lot. That's fantastic. Fixed it. We fixed that pretty perfect story. It was just very sad.

I know. It's got a very sad ending, but also a really fun ending because he turns into a rooster. Great story, Dami. Thank you so much for recommending this story. I can totally see why this was one of your favorites. Yeah, that was amazing. Thank you. Yeah, now it is one of my favorites because that is so cute.

And that was so sad and surprising and really just beautiful. If anyone else has stories to recommend, please send them to us. You can DM us on any social media site. You can email us. We just want to hear your stories. We take recommendations. There are so many. You know, it's funny. you know any social media site you can email us uh we just want to hear your stories we take recommendations there are so many you know it's funny i'm just remembering we didn't go over what points i got for your story oh that's right we forgot to do that i was keeping track we only i

only got one uh because he was a love interest yes nothing else panned out the woodcutters i got one point i want you to tell me a story in honor of saint patrick's day being tomorrow i chose an irish fairy tale from a choice of magic yay and it is called bottle hill it is that's right i know you've read this one and when i mentioned it to you earlier and you said you didn't know it. I think you do, but I think it's probably just been a while. But I don't remember it right now. It's amazing. I have this book, but the more that we do stories from it, the more I realize that there were like a handful of stories from that book that I read over and over and over. And I think I read each of the others maybe once. Hmm. Okay. Let's hear some predictions about Bottle Hill. There are goblins

in this story. There is a person that has to be rescued from inside Bottle Hill. Okay. I don't remember the story at all, obviously, because Kelsey looks entirely too pleased. I thought it might come back to you. I think it will. You told me that Bottle Hill is an actual hill in Ireland. It is. I think that's so cool. So it's an actual place in Cork, Ireland. It doesn't look that exciting, though. I tried to like, find more information about Bottle Hill. And there really wasn't that much. So I predict that Bottle Hill is some kind of like very strange, funky shape that kids would ask about it. And that's why you would have to come up with a kooky story.

Let me tell you this tale. I invented this game and I'm very bad at it. You're not bad at it. Those are all good guesses. By the way, I really wish I could do a perfect Irish accent because I feel like that would amplify the story so much more. And that's how I read it in my head. But I cannot.

Probably. Probably best not to try. Maybe. We'll see if I get into it. Okay. So once upon a time in Ireland, there lived a man called Mick Purcell. He had a wife and a lot of children. And it seemed to him that the children were always hungry.

Same. And I can relate. And he had enough means to feed them. So he rented little fields, but the land was poor and stony, and his landlord was always clamoring for the rent. You know, as they do. As they do. He hadn't enough money to pay it. He had a pig and he sold that and there was one

quarter's rent paid but it was a bad year for mick first came the drought then the rain his hens got the pip and died they got the pip it's a bird disease i guess something about like scales on their tongue i looked it up but gross ew okay so his little field of oats was first so dry that the straw wouldn't grow and then became so sodden that the ears went black and now there was another quarter's rent due molly my heart he said to his wife what'll we do which is the cutest nickname and i love that they both have names molly and they do yay this is something i'm noticing in a lot of irish fairy tales that i've read so far as they usually name the protagonist i love that which is great i love calling your

sweetheart my heart i think that's yeah i know isn't that so sweet love it does molly have really good advice you know i mean they're poor what are they gonna do so molly tells mick to take the cow to the market and sell her and this makes him really sad but you gotta do what you gotta do uh so the next morning he set out with the cow to sell her six miles he had to go on the flat and six miles he had to go up the hill and when he got near the top of the hill he was tired and the cow was tired so he stopped to rest for a bit and a little man stepped out from behind the bank good morrow to you mick purcell said the little man and when i mean little man he's like a little man not so much like a fey but um some in some versions of the story some might call him a dwarf

the little person so good morrow to you then said Mick. But he began to shiver and shake. He did not like the look of the little man. No, he did not. Is it because the little man's a goblin? You know, it just says he's a little man. So I don't think he's a goblin. Probably more fae than goblin. But the little man was buttoned up in a long coat down to his feet.

And he had a face like a withered cabbage with a little sharp nose stuck on it and the shock of hair that was on him was like a withered gorse which is a little yellow flower you can look up it does sound spooky yeah and he also spookier he's got little red eyes in his face that were never still for a moment oh so he's got like a shifty, very suspicious look. They were winking up at Mick's head and then down at his feet and then up and down again. So he gave Mick the super creepy vibes. He does not like this little man. And he began driving the cow on, but the little man kept beside him. But you couldn't say he was walking.

He seemed to glide along the rough road as if he were being blown along by a wind that no one else could feel. I hate that. I hate that a lot. Thanks, I hate it. Where might you be going, McPurcell, asked the little man. To the market then, said Mick. And how the devil should he know my name, he thought. Which, yeah, real creepy.

I was also thinking maybe he's a little demon or maybe he's the devil it doesn't ever say he's just a very spooky little man why are you going to the market mcpursel to sell the cow surely why else sell her to me said the little man mick didn't want to say yes but he didn't want to say no. He was afraid to open his mouth, but he said, what will you give me for her? And the little man pulled a bottle from under his coat and said, I'll give you this bottle. Nothing you want. No. Although Mick was frightened, he couldn't help but laugh.

An empty bottle for a cow? Is it myself would be so stupid? Again, this is where i think an irish accent would be amazing would have really sold it should hire some voice actors different people should do this podcast just what we're saying so you'd better take this bottle and give me the cow said the little man how do you know that the cow won't die before you get to the market and mick thought immediately that the little man was putting a curse on his cow and they argue for a little while and the little man tells mick that the bottle would bring him

good luck now mick desperately needed some good luck but he wasn't having it what molly think and they go on arguing for a long time until the little man gets angry and he shouts, For the last time I'm asking you, McPurcell, will you be giving me the cow and taking the bottle with the luck inside it? Or will you be selling the cow for a little money? And when that little's gone, be hearing your children cry for bread. Ooh. That's a dirty marketing strategy. It really is.

That's why I was like, maybe he's the devil.ick could stand no more of it he snatched the bottle and told him to take the cow and if there's no luck in this bottle may the curse of the poor light on you so the little man was smiling and told mick to pay no heed to his wife's screeching for screech she will yeah you came back with a bottle. To us to be expected. So he says, bid her sweep the room and clean and spread a clean cloth on the table and then stand the bottle on the floor and say, bottle, do your duty. Mick was upset, but the deal had been done. So he soon arrived home. And what do you know?

Molly is pissed. Yes. Yep. He brought home an empty bottle there's nothing in it there isn't even like whiskey or something that would help her numb the pain nope so she screams until she's purple in the face and mick told her the whole story but she still wasn't having any of it and really can you blame her how are you gonna feed your kids with an empty bottle? She called him every bad name you could think of. But eventually, when her anger subsided, she swept the room and set a clean cloth on the table,

which... When she tuckered herself out. Yeah, it's also like, why couldn't Mick do the cleaning and set up the table? Jeez, rude, sexist. He had just done a really hard day's work, Kelsey, of going out with the cow and coming back with a bottle. He had had a very trying day.

Honestly, he has had a very trying day. That is true, yes. He was coerced into selling his cow for an empty bottle by a very creepy person. I'm going to give him a pass fine so mick placed the bottle on the floor and said bottle do your duty and hey presto out from the bottle came two tiny mannequins carrying plates of silver dishes and goblets of gold all with good things to eat and drink they set up the dining table and then when they

were done, they hopped back inside the bottle. Which, hey presto, is my favorite line from this book. Isn't hey presto also used in The Wonderful Shirt? It's used in a lot of them, I think. I love hey presto. I love it so much. So obviously this amazing thing just happened. I love it so much. So obviously this amazing thing just happened. So Molly and Mick laughed for joy and sat down with their children and ate a meal such as they'd never had before in their lives. And when they could eat no more, Molly looked at the bottle and wondered if the little gentleman that came out of the bottle would come for the dishes. When they did not, Molly washed the dishes and left them tidy on the table for the tiny mannequins to come get when they were ready. And they all went to bed.

Thanks, Molly. That's really thoughtful of her. I know, right? Cleaning up? I mean, they just brought hella good food. I'm glad Mick didn't sell his only cow. I mean, yeah, but this is going to mess with them somehow. Oh, yes.

So in the morning, the gold and silver dishes were still on the table just as Molly had left them. And Mick was feeling hungry again. So he said, bottle, do your duty. And hey, presto, out came the mannequins carrying more gold

and silver dishes filled with good things to eat. And the whole family sat down for breakfast. Hell yes. Yeah. Nice. Milk it while you can.

So with every meal they brought, while the mannequins never carried any dishes back to the bottle, so soon the room was filled with gold and silver. Molly had the amazing idea to sell the dishes and make some bank. Yes, Molly. Someone with sense. Yes. This time, Mick, actually take it to market. Yeah, just wait. So Mick went off and sold the dishes. And first he bought a horse and a cart, and then he bought some land and bought some more land. Then he built himself a bigger house, for there was always more dishes to sell,

and he became a rich man. Well, he couldn't become a rich man without folk getting to know of it. Ain't that the truth? So one day, Mick's former landlord came to ask the meaning of it all and Mick didn't see why he shouldn't tell him the truth. Really, Mick? Mick, have you never been told a fairy story? He definitely has not. He's like these people in horror movies who have never seen one.

They always run up the stairs. So what do you know? The landlord asks to borrow the bottle and Mick says, okay. No. And asks him just not to break it and bring it back in a week. Mick. He should not be in charge of that bottle. No.

Where's Molly? So the landlord took the bottle home and used the bottle for a week having fine meals and getting gold and silver dishes and when the week was out did he want to return the bottle no he did not he got another bottle that looked very similar and took it to mick and said the bottle doesn't seem to work anymore and mick laid the bottle on the ground and said, bottle, do your duty. And when nothing happened, sweet, sweet Mick said, oh, well, it's no great matter.

It's rich I am now, and I'm not to get any richer, it seems. Bless your heart, Mick Purcell. I mean, that's really cute that I like that, that he's just accepts it calmly. He's so lovable. I love that he was willing to let his old landlord use it. I mean, Mick sounds like a really sweet, generous person. It's why he needed to marry Molly to make sure that things actually got done around here.

Yeah. And I love that his reaction isn't like super pissed either. He's like, all right, well. No. Or greedy. He just seems very humble and doesn't really feel like he's entitled to anything. He accepts the luck that he's had.

He's super sweet. Unlike his evil landlord. And it doesn't even say that Mala gets mad either. So Mick didn't stay rich. He had gotten used to spending like a lord. And though at first it seemed like there was no end to his money, that money did come to an end. And when he had sold all of his horses his cattle and this and that he woke up finding himself with one cow left and a family with but a dish of porridge for

breakfast molly my heart what'll we do oh and molly suggested because she's a genius taking the cow to the little man and asking for another bottle so i will then and mick set off driving the cow along six miles of flat and up six miles of hill and when he got near the top of the hill the little man stepped from behind the bank and greeted him good morrow to you mcpurcell and wasn't it true what I was telling you that you'd be a rich man? It was true, said Mick. But the bottle has lost its power and I am now a poor man again. And here is my last cow. And I was thinking you might find it in your heart to take her in exchange for another bottle. For it's in sore need I am. And that's the truth. So the little man smiled. I have a warm heart towards you mcpurcell i'll take the cow and here is another bottle do you know what to do with it i do surely said mick and he took the

bottle and set off for home this bottle doesn't do what the last bottle does he hadn't gone many steps bottle doesn't do what the last bottle does not he hadn't gone many steps when the little man yelled after him mcpurcell my bottles never lose their power mc wonder what he meant but it didn't trouble then to think about it he was just in haste to get home and give his family a good meal why didn't you have an investment plan i know that's that's actually my fix for this is that they come up with some sort of like business or like, you know, don't just rely on the bottle. Some way to keep making money. So it wasn't long before Mick arrived home and told Molly that he had gotten another bottle and they were both very excited. So they swept the room and spread the clean cloth on the table and Mick stood the bottle on the floor and said, bottle, do your duty.

And hey presto, out of the bottle jumped two huge men with big clubs and proceed to beat the absolute shit out of Mick, Molly and all of his children until they lay flat on the floor and roaring. This story's amazing. Oh, it's so good. Okay. These two huge men just come out and beat his family near to death. The two large

men jump back into the bottle and the clubs had nigh beaten the life out of Mick, but they had also beaten some new sense into his head. Good. As he lay on the floor and thought about what the little man said earlier about his bottles never losing their power,

he realized that the landlord must have deceived him. I now love the little man because he was like, you know what? You're right. You do need another bottle. You need another bottle to beat some sense into that thick skull of yours, you idiot.

You sweet, sweet, you noble idiot. Mick tucked the new bottle under his coat and went to knock on his former landlord's door. A servant came to the door and told him that the landlord was hosting a party. I wish to speak with him all the same about a bottle, said Mick. And the landlord, hearing the word bottle, came out in a hurry. He thought Mick was going to accuse him of stealing. What do you want? He said fiercely.

Not so much, said Mick. I have another bottle and I thought maybe you'd like to borrow it. Is it as good as the first? Asked the greedy landlord. Faith it is, said Mick, and better. Come this way, said the landlord, and let him in. And when Mick went in, he saw all the gold and silver dishes with good food in them standing on the table. He saw ladies and gentlemen sitting around the table and his old bottle standing high on a shelf, nearly out of sight. Ladies and gentlemen, said the landlord, we have a pretty surprise for you. Oh my God, yes. Mick stood the new bottle on the floor and said, bottle, do your duty.

And hey, presto, out came the two huge men with their clubs and set about to beat the life out of the landlord huge men with their clubs and set about to beat the life out of the landlord and his guests. Yes. Mick Purcell gasped the landlord. Stop these men or I'll have you hanged. They shall never stop, said Mick, till I get my own bottle that's standing yonder on the shelf.

Take it, screamed the landlord, before we're all murdered. And Mick reached up and took down his old bottle. And the two men jumped back into the bottle. The new bottle. And Mick put both bottles under his coat and went home. Soon he got rich again. And this time he stayed rich for the rest of his life. Some say the landlord and Mick became friends again. And their children even married each other.

And it's also said that he helped many people in the town with his good fortune. Because Mick and Molly are good people. I like that. Mick seems like the kind of guy to do that. They are good people. I love that they became friends with the landlord again, too. I don't.

I think that's so sweet. Mick is so, like, nice. He needed to get the shit beat out of him, too. Both bottles are very valuable, I'd say. They're very valuable. So after living full lives, when Mick and Molly died, it's said that the servants fought over the bottles and broke them both. That was the end of the bottles and there have never been any like them in the world since. The hill where Mick met up with the little man got a new name to it, and it has been called Bottle Hill from that day to this.

The end. Oh, that's great. That is a great story. Isn't that so much fun? Yes, I enjoyed that. Why didn't his kids get the bottles? Yeah, right? He had too many kids. kids so that's actually my fix is that mick and molly use their second chance at being rich

to invest in some sort of way to self-sustain and then the kids also learn from them and they don't need the bottle anymore yes that's ideal and you know maybe instead of having the bottles break donate it to an orphanage or something just saying if you have a lot of money do some good with it that's all i'm saying jeff bezos if you're listening if you have more money than you need maybe you should donate some of it or pay your workers yes a living wage absolutely do that know. I would love if I hit a bottle like that. I would totally want to like start a pub or something and feed everybody with it. Pay for this podcast.

Yes. Pay for this podcast. Pay our editor and producer, Dustin, much more than we do now. We pay him nothing. We pay him nothing right now. Oh, geez. He him nothing. We pay him nothing right now. Oh, geez. He gets nothing. Yes, that would be a really good use for a bottle like this.

I love that story. Thank you very much for that. Thank you for listening. Yeah, I liked it too. I thought it was really fun and very, very Irish. And I love that it's an actual place too. Because the story that I read on the last episode also involved like getting things from a strange man that you meet just out and about and using it to befuddle your landlord. Yeah, exactly.

Common theme. I love it. i like it that's it on this one we went long we're out of time and we don't want to frustrate our severely underpaid producer slash editor anymore so thank you so much for listening to fairy tale fix if you enjoy our show please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. If you want to support us in other ways, you can get extra episodes, merch,

books, and other bonus content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash. And you can also follow us on Twitter and Instagram at fairytalefixpod. And as always, please email us anything you want. Your favorite fairy tales, folklore, nursery rhymes, funny stories you heard as a kid,

weird stuff your grandparents told you. Really anything at all to info at fairytalefixpod.com. Yeah, thank you so much. And so the fairy told the woodcutter alternate ways he might be able to get home. And or after he became a rooster and lived out his natural rooster life, he died and was reunited with his family in heaven. And Mick and Molly used their second chance at being rich to make an investment, support their children without the bottle,

and then donated the bottle to the less fortunate. And they lived happily ever after. The end.