Fairy Tale Fix - 21: And They Lived Horribly Ever After

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Kelsey and Abbie discuss one of the greatest modern fairy tales of all time: Shrek! by William Steig.

In here, a fearless knight, and in there, a well-born fright. Fwait. Fwait. Fwait. It's very fwaitening. go watch dean spanley it is honestly it's such a great movie and it's beautiful and it's funny. It's so funny. This movie is a fun one and a weird one. It's very, I just looked up its IMDB page. It's a 2008 like comedy drama. Yeah, it is. It's so funny. And then I also was crying like openly weeping. And then I also was crying, like openly weeping.

So let me just read the synopsis real quick, because I haven't seen it in a long time. And I'm pretty sure this already sounds really problematic. Oh, no. Set in Edwardian England, where upper lips are always stiff and men from the colonies are not entirely to be trusted. Fisk Senior has little time or affection for his son. But when the pair visit an eccentric Indian, they start a strange journey that eventually allows the old man to find his heart. Honestly, I don't remember it very well, but I do love the joke that there are only seven great dogs alive at any given time. I liked it.

Yeah, so did I. I remember really enjoying watching that movie. I liked it. Yeah, so did I. Like, I still, I remember really enjoying watching that movie. I just, you know, I just, I was just reading the synopsis and going like, oh, I do not remember this part. Yeah, I think it's because it's like the Hindu idea that reincarnation exists because the main character was a dog in a past life. Yes. Oh, right. I forgot. I haven't seen that dog in a past life. Yes. Oh, right.

I forgot. I haven't seen that movie in a long time. Anyway, go watch it. It's so good. Yeah. It's got like Sam Neill in it, which I thought was adorable and weird. And like a little Edwardian setting. I liked it.

It's adorable and sad and funny. It's everything. It's perfect. Yeah. So good. All right. Just wanted to give a shout out because I know this is really late, but I actually don't run the Twitter page. Does anyone run the Twitter page? It's definitely not me. So for our social media, I usually plan some posts, but I don't feel like I pay enough attention. But we got a really great tweet from Shara Marie, which her handle is Shara Marie. And she tweeted at us her fairy tale fix for Snow White, which I was like really stoked that we have someone who is tweeting at us their fixes for popular fairy tales. I love that.

So Shara sent us a really great fix for Snow White, which, by the way, this is such a good fix because she said she was reading it to her two year old and it was just kind of on the fly. So she wrote that the evil queen was jealous of how smart Snow White was. And she grew up with the prince. So they'd always liked each other. And he gave her a kiss on the forehead. And then they started dating. And then got married and lived next to the dwarfs. Nice.

I like that. That is much better. Yes. That's a great fix. that's a great fix that's a great fix because like who says that true love's first kiss has to be like on the mouth yeah exactly like who says it has to like be romantic or sexual in any way i don't think that was written in the spell no just said just true love's first kiss so i love that shara thank you for sending us your fix for snow white i love that you sent us a fix for a fairy tale that we haven't covered

so definitely if you have a fix for a fairy tale we haven't covered i mean tweet at us we're at fairy tale fix pod any of your thoughts really yeah we love to hear from all of you we actually got an email as well from our good friend loretta who i love and she asked us to give her sister nevaeh a shout out and nevaeh i hope i'm saying your name right you'll have to email me and let me know and then we'll do it again correctly butly. But we love you. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you. We really appreciate it. We really appreciate you just being so enthusiastic about our show. Yep. Yeah, we absolutely love to hear from everybody. So thank you so much for tweeting at us for emailing us. Make sure to follow us on Instagram. I feel

like I'm kind of like an Instagram nerd. That's right. Just if you can share pictures, that's what I like. Our Instagram for anyone who's wondering is much more carefully curated and maintained because Kelsey loves Instagram. I am nominally in charge of our Twitter and I don't do anything with it at all. So I'll, I'll change that someday. We also go to our Instagram. We also recently hit, um, over 200 followers on our Instagram and I was really excited about that. So thanks for following. And usually we'll like tell a fairy tale and then we'll post some really beautiful artwork from artists on Instagram that you can follow them. There's so much good fairy tale art out there. It blows my mind. I know. It's so beautiful.

I love it. That's like one of my favorite parts of after we tell each other fairy tales. I'll go through Instagram and like, especially if you can find one that's more obscure. Yeah. Because I'm, and I, cause I was just about to say one of my, one of the ones that I keep thinking about and sometimes I go back and I look at the drawing again is the, the toes and diamonds.

Oh, by drawing on fairy tales. Yeah. By drawing on fairy tales. I love that piece so much. And I, I honestly keep thinking about it and can't believe that like someone drew it. Cause that, that like someone drew it because

that that was a fairy tale I had never heard before until I went looking through my books. The username is drawing on fairy tales. We always tag all the artists. We encourage you to follow them. They're absolutely amazing. Anyway, yeah, so give us a follow on Instagram. We're on Twitter. amazing. Anyway, yeah. So give us a follow on Instagram. We're on Twitter. We're also on Facebook. And we also have a Discord. So we've been kicking around the idea of doing a book club for a while. And we're finally going to try to get that going. So we're doing an extremely casual book club. And we're starting with the book Cinderella is Dead by Kaylin Baerun. And we're going to be basically doing that in our Discord. So you can find that on our website, fairytalefixbod.com. You can also find links to it on our Twitter and our Facebook page. And if you're unfamiliar with Discord,

you do have to sign up, but it's totally free. It's basically like a chat room. And we're all really casual. And it's a it's it's a really fun group of people to get to know. Yeah, yeah, it's it's really casual. It's absolutely free. And it's just a text. It's just a text channel chat room, the same as you'd find pretty much anywhere else. And it's it's the discord for our entire production company. So our entire Fantastic Worlds production company is on this Discord with people who like all of our various shows. And there are a couple of channels that are just for Fairytale Fix fans. And one of them will be our Fantastic Book Club channel where we'll be reading this book, but we'll be discussing this book all the way through July. And then we'll also be picking a new book coming up this month. So go on in there and check it out. Cinderella is Dead, by the way, is a we figured we wanted to start with this one because it's a fairy tale dystopian sequel to the Cinderellainderella story which is so good kind of awesome and we're really excited about it it's also a sapphic story because we picked it in june so pride month

fuck yeah yeah if you want lesbian dystopian cinderella sequel. This book is pretty awesome. Yes, please. Does that take care of our housekeeping? Yes, definitely. What story are you telling me, Kelsey? So I was thinking since we just had the 4th of July, or this comes out right before the 4th of July. Uh-huh. I know we already went over one American folktale, so I was thinking I would tell you an American fairy tale. Dear God, okay, I'm terrified. What is it? What are you telling me?

And what better American fairy tale than Shrek? Are you just going to retell me the movie or like what? So the inspiration for this came when I rewatched the movie a few months ago. And at the very end, it says based on, you know, the book by William Stig. It's a book? What? Excuse me? Sir, excuse me.

I wanted to pause the movie and ask it questions. Hang on. Okay, so it's a book. Yeah, so naturally I had to look up this book. Okay. And then I bought it. Okay. And it is a legit fairy tale book that you can buy.

And it is amazing. With a very kooky illustration on the front uh-huh yeah wow so oh my god i'm so excited because shrek is so good obviously i think i've mentioned i love when it's when stories string fairy tales together i love that kind of anthology like where it's all in the same universe. And this is exactly that. Or, you know, at least the movie. The movie is exactly that, where they have like all the fairy tale creatures that show up at Shrek's swamp.

He's all mad about it. Yeah. And they kind of fracture them all and stitch and stitch them together and then subvert a lot of fairy tale tropes. Yes. I love it. And play a few things completely straight, which works and sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. I read about Shrek and Shrek 2 in preparation for this recording.

I love Shrek 2. Shrek 2 is a far superior movie. I love all of them. As far as I can remember, I didn't get a chance to watch the third one because I didn't have it. That one's not free on Hulu. Yeah, right. I didn't watch that one either. I was going to.

I was going to. And I have the fourth one. I actually own the fourth one, but I didn't want to watch it after not watching the third. So anyway. Anyway. So before Shrek made it onto the silver screen screen there was shrek with an exclamation mark at the end that's part of the book title which i really love so excited to find out how it's different than the movie you know okay so this is really funny i also after i watched shrek

i just enjoy mike meyer so much that i watched watched Austin Powers because I actually really love those movies. I remember watching them as a kid at my great aunt's house. I looked up a bunch of facts about Austin Powers too and I kept getting confused. You keep getting Shrek and Austin Powers confused? Wow, I cannot wait. This is fantastic. I kept getting the facts mixed up. That just made me laugh. Oh my god. I can't wait to see if some of that bleeds over. I was messaging Abby all throughout Austin Powers too. And I'm like, why do I like this garbage? I genuinely I don't know. I don't know what it is. But I've never been bitten with like the

Austin Powers bug. I've never found it funny. I think it's because I got to watch it when I wasn't supposed to. And that made it really like special for me. A nostalgic special thing for you. And that makes perfect sense. But honestly, I've never like I've never gotten the Mike Myers thing. My sister and I were banished to some out of the way room at a party my friend's parents were having. And they were like, here,

put on a movie for you. And they put on like how I married an ax murderer or whatever. And I was we were so bored. We were so bored that we ejected and we put in Jurassic Park instead. I feel like that when you have to be older to enjoy. Maybe so. Maybe so. Maybe if I watched it now, I would have more appreciation. I just like stupid shit. That it now, I would have more appreciation. I just like stupid shit. That's just who I am as a person. A little bit. I have the dumbest sense of humor.

It's often surprising, like just how low it can go. Yeah. I can't help it. But in a very charming way. That's who I am as a person. And I want to apologize for that. It makes me laugh. Like something really stupid will make you laugh and then you'll laugh at it, which charms me. So then I laugh. Shrek is definitely one of those.

Is it? Is it stupid, though? Because some of the jokes, they're so like you have to understand fairy tales to get some of the jokes to like, catch all the little nuances throughout the movie. And that I love that. Some of the some of the jokes are really clever that way. Shrek is a really interesting movie. I think there's a lot happening. It's a lot of combinations of, you know, you have to know fairy tales, you have to be relatively well versed with pop culture. Yeah, there's a lot of pop culture references for sure. There are so many like there are so many jokes that don't work as well if you haven't seen the movie they're referencing. One of the reasons Puss in Boots is so funny in Shrek 2. I mean, he's all it's already like a really funny take on on that

fairy tale character. But if you don't know anything about Puss in Boots, A, and if you'd never seen Antonio Banderas in the Zorro movie, then like half of that joke is wasted of him being like a swashbuckling sexy man. I don't know anything about Puss in Boots as a fairy tale. Excellent. I did read the politically correct version at one point, but I remember literally nothing about it. That's excellent news for me because that might be... Are you telling Puss in Boots? I watched Shrek 2 and I was like, I fucking love Puss in Boots. I love the story Puss in Boots

and I love the Antonio Banderas version of Puss in Boots. I'm so excited. I also really want to rewatch The Mask of Zorro now because I love that movie. Antonio Banderas can just get it. That movie is why I'm bisexual.

I swear to God. Between Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones and the two lead roles, I was furiously in love with both of them. You didn't stand a chance basically. I didn't stand a chance. I couldn't... I didn't stand a chance, basically. I didn't stand a chance. I couldn't...

I didn't know who I wanted more. I still don't know who I want more. I'm very torn. Then there's also the confusing factor of finding Anthony Hopkins confusingly hot in that movie. There's a lot happening. Before I go over my Shrek

facts, I don't want it to give anything away, so I't want to give anything away. So I'm going to give you three predictions for the original 1990 Shrek by William Stagg. Oh, I am so happy. I know absolutely nothing about this. I mean, they made a whole movie based on him. So I have some hints, but my job now is to predict how it's different from the movie. It is a different story. It's so good.

Because now I have to decide what did they change about it to make it what it is. I wish I knew more about who directed and wrote it because that would give me... I could tell you that Steven Spielberg actually purchased the rights to the book in 1991 fucking good call spielberg good call and he had originally planned i'm giving you a hint well i don't know this is a hint but he had originally planned to make it into like a traditional animated film but john h williams i don't know who that is, but he convinced Spielberg to bring the project to DreamWorks as like a 3D project in 1994. Wow. Okay.

I don't know if that's a hint or not. I don't know. But that gives you like it was it's a Spielberg movie. Okay. Prediction number one. There is no donkey character. I think donkey was added to the movie for comedic whatever. To make it the best movie ever.

To make it so hilarious. Because that movie would be nothing without Donkey. Yeah, absolutely. This movie would have lost a lot without Donkey. Just like Mulan would have lost a lot without Mushu. Eddie Murphy just really enhances any project. I completely forgot. I wasn't even thinking about Eddie Murphy being Mushu.

God, Eddie Murphy's just so good. Eddie Murphy just really enhances children's films. Can he be the sidekick in like everything? Everything? That'd be fine with me. I also really enjoyed like those Dr. Dolittle films too. I just remember really enjoying those. And Trading Places. I like Eddie Murphy. He remember really enjoying those and, and trading places. I like

Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy is great specifically for me in kids movies. When Eddie Murphy's in adult films, it's like usually problematic. Oh, highly, highly. But I mean, you know, anyway, anyway, so is Shrek in some ways. Honestly, I feel like you can say that about any movie made ever. Yeah. Wow, this film's really got some problematic elements. We can talk about that bit later. But I do love Shrek and I love Eddie Murphy in this movie.

But okay, anyway, back to predictions. Donkey's not in the book. Lord Farquaad is a regular sized guy. That's a great prediction. That's a really great prediction. Thank you. I think that the decision to make him short was a movie decision. And also problematic.

And also very problematic. Because the whole joke is that he's short. And I think that that was something they did for the movie. Also, I love John Lithgow voicing him. He was very funny and my third prediction which might be my most controversial take oh man i'm this is so risky but i'm gonna do it i'm pushing forward i'm really excited to hear it doesn't have all of the other fairy tale creatures oh i love it okay yeah that they they decided to do like a fractured fairy tale mashup

pop culture thing for the film and it's not in the book so those are my three predictions uh no donkey average sized lord farquaad and no fairy tale plot mashup i guess i don't know i get it. You know what I mean, right? Yep. Okay. Okay. Those are my predictions.

Lay it on me. Tell me Shrek things. I take them. I love them. And I've got some quick facts. So before Shrek made it big on the silver screen, there was Shrek, a book about an ogre who leaves his swampy home to go out and see the world and ends up marrying the most stunningly ugly princess on the planet. I think it says that on like the back of the book, which I love.

I'm so excited. My predictions are very wrong. Park Quad's probably not even in it. Honestly, your first prediction was almost there. And that's the biggest difference is in this book shrek is specifically seeking out this princess damn it i should have kept going with it which is why i was trying to get to be more specific i didn't feel like it was quite there but almost yeah you're right so stag um william stag is the one who wrote shrek in 1990. He was 83 when he wrote Shrek, which I think is really cool. That's cute. And he was like a New York Times cartoon artist for a really long time. Yay, that's awesome.

I didn't look, but he probably illustrated the book too, which I'll post some pictures of the book. It's really cute. The illustrations are really great. And I think the Shrek that ended up in the movies is pretty comparable to the Shrek in the book. Yeah, of like kind of like green and tall with like the ears. Yeah, yeah. It's got ears.

He's kind of got a beer belly head. So in the movie was made in 2001. the movie was made in 2001 and as i mentioned steven spielberg actually purchased the rights to the book in 1991 which was a very smart call that was one year after the book was published so the original voice was going to be chris farley so i don't i don't know if you watched snl i'm actually not a huge snl watcher, but I feel like everyone else does. So Chris Farley had actually voiced Shrek. He'd done most of the lines, but he died suddenly, very sadly, of a heart attack in 1997 before he could finish recording. So they actually ended up offering the part to a couple of different people.

One of them, which I think, you know, obviously Mike Myers ended up getting the role, but one of them was Nicolas Cage was offered the role of Shrek. I'm so glad he didn't do it. Me too. Oh my God. Can you imagine? And even with Chris Farley, like, can you imagine Shrek not having a fake Scottish accent? No. I mean, I don't know. Chris Farley could have done a fake Scottish accent, maybe.

But he didn't. But he didn't. Yeah. I think just recently, actually, it was released some video, like, yeah, of him doing some of the lines. That's so cool. like, yeah, of him doing some of the lines. So Nicolas Cage rejected the role because, or Nicolas Cage turned down the role because he didn't want to look like an ogre. I don't know what that means really, but I guess like- Nick Cage has vanity?

Does he? He's Ghost Rider. He doesn't want to look stupid? A lot of this is according to Wikipedia and a few interviews I read, but Mike Myers had recorded most of the movie in a Canadian accent. He wanted Shrek to be a little bit more working class and sound like kind of less than Farquaad. So he actually gave him a Scottish accent because he thought it sounded more. So he re-recorded almost the entire movie. Okay.

Interesting. Isn't that interesting? Because he just kind of thought it just sounded more provincial. Mm-hmm. He wanted it to be really the opposite of Lord Farquaad, which I don't know what that means about the Scottish accent. I don't really see Scottish accent as being like working class, but it works for a character. The thing is, like he wasn't the Scottish accent is not a good Scottish accent, but it is. But it does demonstrate the difference, I think, between the two of them. Yeah, against Farquaad's like high British accent.

Yeah, that's what they're playing off of, I guess. And I think that like culturally, especially like Americans and Canadians, I guess, since like culturally we're fairly similar, just have a tendency to view Scottish people as a little more like rough. Yes, definitely. Hardy, tough, Highlander type folks. This is also really cute. So he also chose the Scottish accent because that is the accent his mom. I don't know if his mom has a Scottish accent, but that was kind of unclear. But she uses a Scottish accent when she used to tell him like bedtime stories when he was a kid.

Okay, that's sweet. Isn't that cute? That is really sweet. I think that's really sweet. And it's really cool. He actually got a thank you letter from Spielberg to care about the character of Shrek so much. That's lovely. Yeah. So Mike Myers kind of seems awesome in that sense. You know, obviously, I don't know Mike

Myers personally, but that sounded really like sweet and that he really did care about that character. Yeah. So that's really cool cool so shrek was kind of a big deal it grossed 484 million dollars worldwide against a production budget of 60 million so 484 million versus 60 million and shrek won the first ever academy award for best animated feature and was also nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay. And just last year in 2020, the film was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry by the Congress of being culturally, historically or aesthetically significant, making it the first DreamWorks animated film and the first animated feature not produced or distributed by Disney to earn that honor. Oh my god. Fucking congratulations DreamWorks.

Yeah. Wow. Okay, nice. I mean, also like I can see it. I can see because the thing is, like Shrek really was a moment. it's kind of like a movie we all had in common I think we all saw it and it really was one of the first like 3d animated films so and it was funny and kind of a trope on fairy tales kind of a parody kind of a send-up yep and there were a lot of parts in the movie that were kind of an F you to Disney. Which big F you to Disney. Which makes me laugh. The Princess Fiona exploding a bird with her singing is definitely like a moment that just right like right off the dome.

Like so good. Big middle finger to Disney. So fucking good. So funny. I love shrek i think anybody who loves fairy tales probably loves shrek oh my god okay without further ado here is the the original paraphrased version of shrek it starts his mother was ugly and his father was ugly, but Shrek was uglier than the two of them put together. By the time he toddled, Shrek could spit a flame 99 yards and vent smoke from either ear. I'm not totally sure what that has to do with being ugly, but dang, that's impressive.

So it even says in the books that any snake dumb enough to bite Shrek would get convulsions and die instantly. Nice. So Shrek isn't like an ogre in the sense that he's like a fairy tale creature ogre. He's just the ugly son of two ugly people? He's definitely an ogre. Okay. You know, I don't know if it says in the book that he's an ogre. We'll get to that.

Okay. So one day Shrek's parents decided it was time to kick the little darling out into the world to do his share of damage. They literally kicked him goodbye and Shrek left the black hole in which he'd been hatched. So he's not the only one. Okay. So Shrek went slogging down the road. That is fantastic though. Giving off awful fumes even the flowers

and trees bent over at the sight of him deep in the woods Shrek came across a witch who was busy boiling a brew of bats turpentine and turtle juice and she says this is the way I cook my bats

stir my bats taste my bats season my bats in the morning stew and brew and chew my bats It's a great rhyme. There are so many great rhymes in this. It's a literal children's book that is perfect. So definitely go out and buy this for your kids. So Shrek smelled the brew and thought it smelled amazing. And the witch gets woozy looking at Shrek, I assume from his ugliness. And Shrek asks the witch to tell him his fortune. In exchange, Shrek offers his rare lice to the witch.

And obviously, being a witch, she's super into it. Yeah, that sounds like a great potion ingredient. Yeah, what witch wouldn't be? Rare lice. So she gives Shrek his fortune. Achky pachky, itchky pitch, pay attention to this witch. A donkey takes you to a knight, him you conquer in a fight. Then you wed a princess who is even uglier than you.

Ha ha ha and a cock-a-doodle. The magic words are apple strudel. Oh my God. That's so cute. So I'm really sad this doesn't happen in the movie. I know. Because I love this witch. I like that a lot.

Like as a reason for him to like leave the swamp and go on this quest. And look how cute she is. So the illustration, she looks like a little kitchen witch. She does. Oh, I know. She looks like a little hippie. Oh my gosh. With her like little glasses and her hat with the feather in it.

Like I've met this woman. Yeah. She's so cute. I like that she's like kind of woozy from him at first, but then she's like, yeah, all right. Yeah, all right. Lice for a fortune. You got it, my guy. And then she has that cute little rhyme.

I love her. So Shrek is super into the idea of a princess, and he sets off after giving the witch some rare lice. He's like really excited about it. So he is on his way and he comes upon a peasant who is singing and scything. So Shrek asks the peasant, why so blithe? And the peasant mumbled his reply. I'm happy scything in the rye. I never stop to wonder why.

I'll hone and scythe until I die. But now I'm busy. So goodbye. Respect. I'll hone and scythe until I die. But now I'm busy. So goodbye. Respect. I like it. So after the peasant's cute little rhyme, Shrek asks what's in his pocket. Just some cold pheasant, replies the peasant. And Shrek gives his own little rhyme. Pheasant? Peasant? What a pleasant present. And Shrek steals this poor peasant's pheasant and heats it up with his heat vision eats it and moves on he has heat vision he has heat vision he should have had heat

vision in the movie there's so much more rhyming in this than i was expecting when i bought it just some cold pheasant says the peasant so wherever shrek wandered every creature fled and how it tickled him to be so repulsive which totally matches the movie so it's definitely the same shrek other other than the wanting a princess part but if you think about it shrek in the movie like like, he's very lonely. And it's really obvious. Extremely lonely. Yes.

Like, as much as he loves being repulsive, he's also very insecure. Part of that spikiness is I'm going to reject others before they can reject me. It's a defense mechanism. Absolutely. Poor sweet Shrek. Yeah. But he does love being an ogre, which I like that they point that out in Shrek 2 when he's like, he's about to drink the potion to become a handsome prince. And Donkey's like, but Shrek, you love being an ogre.

Uh-huh. And he does in the book, too. He loves it. He loves all the reactions he gets. He loves trees bending over at the smell of him. He loves having heat vision because who wouldn't? So fat raindrops began sizzling on Shrek's hot knob. Did you ever see somebody so disgusting? Said the lightning to the thunder. Nice. Never. The thunder growled. Let's give him the works. So the lightning fired a bolt straight at Shrek's head, which is rude. And Shrek just lifts his head up and gobbles the lightning straight down.

Yes! He belches some smoke and grins, and even the weather is disgusted and departs. Incredible. Incredible. I love it. Is swallowing lightning a every storm routine? Is that how he powers his heat vision? That's a really good point

that's a good question it's how we like get the electricity energy i don't have an answer but that's head for it yeah i like it okay so shrek is super happy with himself and i feel like shrek is really just self-confidence goals shrek carries on and at the edge of the woods, he comes to a warning sign. Harken, stranger. Shun the danger. If you plan to stay the same, you'd best go back to from whence you came.

Okay. So Shrek, of course, swaggers right past the sign and a little ways into the woods, he comes upon a dragon yeah yes shrek smiles and bows which seems really respectful yes finally someone who knows how to treat a dragon but the dragon slams him into the ground. As is his right. And this is the best. Shrek is amused.

The dragon prepares to decapitate our smelly hero, but Shrek gets the dragon right between the eyes with a putrid blue flame, and the poor dragon thuds over, unconscious for the rest of the day. But he didn't kill the dragon because he doesn't want to be disrespectful yeah he he bowed and smiled at the dragon that is the ultimate sign of respect from shrek absolutely so shrek shrek is a very like wise ogre he is about an hour later

shrek himself was unconscious he had fallen asleep along the way and had dreamed that he was in a field of flowers where children frolicked and birds warbled. How horrifying. And some of the children were even hugging and kissing him. And there was nothing he could do to stop them. And in the illustration, he's crying and or sweating and he's very upset. He woke up in a daze, babbling like a baby. It was only a bad dream, a horrible, horrible dream. Some really terrifying stuff right there.

Shrek wandered on. He's a hero. He's got this. And he was wondering if he'd ever meet his princess when he saw a donkey, a donkey, donkey. Was this the donkey that the witch had foretold? Shrek hurried over and tried the magic words.

Apple strudel. The donkey raised his sleepy eyes and braid. I gaze in the green as I graze in the green, seeking out the clover. I laze and spend my days in the green and chewing, chomping rover. You jabbering jackass! Shrek screamed.

Aren't you supposed to take me somewhere? That's my... I'm trying to do a Scottish accent for my parents. I like it. That's good. I think Shrek calls Donkey a jabbering jackass at some point in the movie too definitely

so this Donkey does talk but they don't really make a big deal out of it as in most fairy tales Donkey is you know probably quite taken aback from Shrek's rudeness tells him that he will take him to the nutty knight who guards the entrance to the

crazy castle where the repulsive princess awaits. And Shrek hops on to the donkey's back and off they go. They come to a drawbridge where a suit of armor stood. And it doesn't say there's anyone in it. It just says a suit of armor, which I think is really interesting. I like it. An enchanted suit of armor. I love that. that me too shrek knocked on the breastplate of the night and demanded to know who dwells inside the armor and also in yonder castle in here a fearless night and in there a well-born fright was the answer shrek yells it's my princess i'm the one to wed and the knight yells over my dead body and shrek agrees they sass each other back and forth a bit and then shrek popped his eyes opened his trap and bellowed a blast of fire which is

his signature move he breathes fire i feel like this needs to be a video game he's got heat vision he breathes fire the knight red hot dove into the stagnant moat. Triumphantly, Shrek crossed the drawbridge and into the castle. And there, for the first time ever, he found out what fear was. All around him were hideous creatures. He was so appalled he could barely manage to spit a bit of flame. All of those horrid others spat back, and he started to run. But they all ran.

So basically, some fun house mirror shit was going on here. Yeah. And this pleases Shrek so much that he bursts out, They're me. All me. Full of rabid self-esteem. Incredible. I love Shrek.

Self-confidence goals, really, everyone. He strode on into the castle and his fat lips fell open. There before him was the most stunningly ugly princess on the surface of the planet. Apple strudel, Shrek sighed. Cock-a-doodle-doodle, cooed the princess. Oh, my God.

And Shrek begins with a little love poem. Oh, my God, yes. That might just be too hot to handle, honestly. Okay, go on. Tell me. Tell me what it is. Seduce me. Your horny warts, your rosy wens, like slimy bogs and fusty fens, thrill me.

Ooh. And the princess replies, your lumpy nose, your pointy head, your wicked eyes, so livid red, just kill me. I almost died when I read this. And more poetry from Shrek. Yes, please. And more poetry from Shrek. Yes, please.

Oh, ghastly you with lips of blue, your ruddy eyes with Carmen Sties enchant me. I could go on. I know you know the reason why I love you so. You're ugly. And the princess replies, your nose is so hairy. Oh, let us not, Terry. Your look is so scary. I think we should marry.

Yes. And then it gets real kinky. Oh, my God. And Shrek snapped at her nose. She nipped at his ear. They clawed their way into each other's arms. Yeah. As couples do.

And like fire and smoke smoke these two belong together they got hitched as soon as possible and they lived horribly ever after scaring the socks of all who fell afoul them the end that was incredible oh i'm fanning myself a little bit over here right that was like pretty hot that was pretty hot holy shit that was some pretty hot stuff wow i'm very happy for them yeah 10 out of 10 no fixes and more stories like this please and thanks yeah that was an excellent modern american fairy tale i really appreciate that that was an an excellent, excellent story. Did I get any points? I feel like I was not. I mean, Farquaad wasn't even in it. There were a lot of

other fairy tale creatures and there was a donkey character. I was going to give you the fairy tale one because it wasn't like specific fairy tale characters. Okay. It wasn't like it wasn't there was something it snows at disney specifically yes there was a dragon and i guess a witch but it wasn't like a fairy tale trope and that's kind of what i got from your prediction so i was gonna give you one point all right thank you excellent one point for abby one point for abby on that oh That was delightful, and I'm really glad that you read that. Oh, my gosh. But those poems, like, got me a little hot, just saying. Mm. They

have a fabulous, fabulous marriage. Last a nice long time. They'll have incredibly ugly children who breathe fire and have laser vision. God, I want that. Who doesn't? that was so good with all the dragons if you have a fix for shrek or you know if you have any comments or questions tweet at us at fairytale fix pod or email us at info at fairytalefixpod.com we'd love to hear your shrek notes

um i didn't write this in my notes but one of my favorite jokes from shrek 2 was i love the fairy godmother comes out and she says what in the grim's name is this or is what in the grim's name is going on here what is grim's name is going on here i mean that made me laugh so hard like way harder than probably a normal person i mean it's just like it's funny but it's definitely i mean it's just it's not one of the funniest she's not even her funniest line she's got so many good ones i love the fairy godmother yeah just i love the bar where all the villains hang out so i feel like this is a fun thing about shrek is like it's really fun and it has like kind of queer coded characters like that oh it's got a bunch of queer coded characters i also feel like maybe it's a little problematic but i couldn't

decide me either so i was squinting at the ugly stepsister a lot going on like is this offensive i can't is it offensive or is it i couldn't tell either honestly i love her though like i thought she was a badass and i love that she's the bartender of a fucking like fairy tale bad guy i love her crush on prince charming i i totally, I totally get that. I, yeah, I, I just think that's very, I don't know. I thought,

I thought I still, I thought it was funny, but I also was like, just kind of like, I can't tell. Yeah. Yeah. I can't,

I can't tell because the thing is, so here's, here's my thing with it. Here's my thing with it. I think that it was intended to be a joke about trans people, i don't think it i i think that it it's one of those things that's like i actually really like it in the sense that it's like this gorgeous woman tall buxom really like beautiful face strong jaw mustache and a deep voice. And I actually really like that.

But I think that the joke is intended to be mean, which is why it feels wrong. And they call her the ugly stepsister. I feel like that's, that's exactly how I feel about it. Like, but it's like also that she's not like the societal standard of like what's beautiful,

which is also just problematic in a fairy tale theme anyways it's like it's always the pretty one that well that's what and shrek calls that out a little bit and making shrek go from an ogre to a prince and then all of a sudden everyone is super into him instead of wanting to attack him with pitchforks and that's our main character i thought the ugly princess joke was a little weird in this movie that it's that's all about like inner beauty and self-acceptance and appearance is being superficial but it also kind of goes with this that same exact trope is like that's why they called her the ugly stepsister because she wasn't like the societal like standard of beauty or whatever yeah and she's still killing it Yeah. And she's still killing it.

And she's still killing the game in her bar. I really appreciate that about her. I want a whole movie just about her. Would watch. Absolutely. I also appreciate that she's one of the only female secondary characters that isn't directly the antagonist or Fiona or her mom. Because I did notice in that movie in particular that all of the fairy tale, they're all like the boys, they're Shrek's boys, you know, come to his rescue and whatnot. You know, the obvious gross jokes

were there, but they didn't make a lot of those, which was nice. I don't know. It's definitely a movie that has gotten me a little torn and i think for the most part they did like a good job of mostly making it about being like a parody of fairy tales and a parody of being perfect because i do think if they do subvert that trope in the sense that like she she comes to accept herself in that body and to love that body um and and that that's love's true form for her um and that and that carries over into the second movie of when even when she has like her you know beautiful slender white body back that she still chooses to be an ogress with shrek because that's the body that she loves and

the person that she loves which is honestly like i I also think that that in itself is a little queer. It's a little fruity. I like it. Definitely tell us all your thoughts on Shrek. And if you have an opinion about if you thought it was problematic or what you liked or didn't, we're super interested. I want to know what other people think. I had one more thought as I was watching Shrek 2. I think Shrek 2 is an inherently I like Shrek 2 more than I like the first one. I think the jokes are a little punchier. I really like the fairy godmother as an antagonist. I really like the setting of Far Far Away. I also think that it also is a more problematic movie because I think they were taking more risks overall with their jokes. And so I think that that means that some of them like did not age well but on this rewatch i noticed that like for some reason it finally hit me all of the the

guests who's coming to dinner vibes of shrek meeting her family and how it's kind of like i was really reading it as a very clunky metaphor for your, you know, white daughter brought home her black boyfriend. Oh, just like the kinds of things that John Cleese's King character was saying to him about like, what were your children look like? Ooh. Yeah.

Like all of, all of that stuff and the kind of responses that Shrek was having and their responses to him. That definitely puts a more awkward spin on it that, you know, just didn't cross my mind. I don't know why. Like, it was just, it was really kind of hitting me then, especially when, like, he becomes a handsome, conventionally attractive white man after taking the potion. And then all of a sudden the villagers are putting their pitchforks and their torches away which it just it's just very it's just very something i think there's something there i don't it's not a very well explored

something and it's kind of clunky and and i and i don't think that we should read too much into it there but it was just something i noticed no i think that's a really good observation. Obviously, you know, queer people, I mean, you're queer, but like queer people and transgender people and people of color are going to have totally different interpretations than me. So maybe, maybe even that was it. Cause I think this is the, because this is the first time i've watched shrek 2 since acknowledging to myself that i was bisexual so it probably hit different i think it hit a little different of like of just a very like because because you know because it's also not not even just a metaphor a weird clunky metaphor for bringing home a partner of a different race to your parents, but also a partner of the same.

A partner of anyone that's different from you. Anyone that's different from sort of your waspy, well-to-do, heteronormative white family. So I don't know. That scene just hit a lot different of shrek and fiona's father arguing at the table and then finding out that is that her father is a frog um at the end so is so good you know not standard himself i don't know but but but really wanting to protect that about his family and about the appearance of what his family looks like.

Um, also was just felt like a very, like, you know, you're extremely homophobic parent. Like, what are you, what are,

what are you, what are you so defensive about? Yeah. Um, what are you so defensive about? By the way, uh, this movie came out,

Shrek two came out in 2004 so wow oh my god really so it's real old wow like real real old it's gonna be hitting 20 pretty soon oh my god no wonder i felt like i knew every single joke. I've seen that movie so much since I was like 11. Wow. I love how quickly things are changing in terms of acceptance and just talking about this kind of stuff. It's changing so fast and it's only gonna keep happening faster and faster and faster which i love so yeah interesting so interesting yeah shrek shrek is so good it's funny it makes it ages differently. Not, not completely badly.

It doesn't age. Yeah. It doesn't age perfectly. Bad. It just makes you think they had some good parts, but yeah, I feel like the trans jokes really get old. I think gender is some, is still like a major hurdle.

We have to, we have to leap over and sort of mainstream society of acknowledging that they're you know that i've acknowledged that gender doesn't exist i think is sort of the the ultimate the ultimate end of that and until then there's going to be a lot of people who don't conform to the gender binary. Or who refuse to stay on their assigned side of it. That are going to confuse and infuriate a lot of people. Yeah. Which is unfortunate.

I think it's good. I think it's just good. Like it's going to make people talk about it. They're going to have to face it. And those jokes are going to become less and less. Yeah. Exactly. And I think that like on the whole. We're on the upswing. have to face it and those jokes are going to become less and less yeah exactly and i think

that i think that like on the whole we're on the upswing with some with some backsliding because i also don't want to imply in any way that like the worst has passed because you know we've got several states passing laws that indicate that this is still very much a relevant, frightening time to be an outsider, especially like a gender questioning or, or trans outsider. And then, you know, especially if you're Brown.

So, you know, that's a note to end on, I guess. And that was our fairy tale fix rant we really just we brought you in with promises of fairy tales and now we're shaking your

world view shaking it up around that is how the anthropologists do that is how we do I love that I feel like that was a good fairy tale. Do you have any fixes for the original tale? I don't. I don't.

I have no, like, that was excellent, I think. I guess, I think in the movie they really nailed it with making Donkey a friend. Because, you know, love is important, but friendship is equally as important. Yeah, and I like that the just a different kind of emphasizes that yeah that that his relationship with donkey honestly his relationship with donkey is a more satisfying has a more satisfying emotional arc it's so cute because like he so doesn't want to love him but he fucking loves him like immediately he loves him he acts like he doesn't but he totally does he totally does like he but he's frightened but he fucking loves him like immediately he loves him he acts like he doesn't but he totally does he totally does like he but he's frightened but he's frightened of depending on someone or

believing that someone will be around for him i feel like it could be a whole podcast just talking about shrek and all of his insecurities yeah we could 100 take like five episodes to unpack. The emotional. Unpack that movie. Like bomb that that movie is. Also a quick, a quick little note about like Puss in Boots. I love that friendship. I love how Donkey is like jealous of Puss in Boots.

Yeah. But then like they find common ground together i know it's so cute i love that like wholesome and they're like at the end they're like wrapping together something oh my god that was that was i still don't know how i feel about them doing la vida loca at the end oh my i i love it oh yeah they weren't rapping they were just singing but i love it. Oh, yeah, they weren't rapping. They were just singing. But I love it so much. I love wholesome friendships like that. It just makes me like, I can literally feel my chest gets bigger. And her heart grew three times that day.

Three times that day. Yeah. I do. I also love that part of the movie. I also just want to throw out like a shout out to the fairy godmother for the fantastic, fantastic cover of holding out for a hero. Um, I, it is all I see when I hear that song. Now I tried to find her version specifically on Spotify and it's not there.

It's not there. Very upset. It's so good. Cause honestly, it's the soup the I'm sorry, like you can come for me, but I think it's the superior version to the original. It's better. I love it so much. I actually have a lot of memories of that song. Okay, so that song was playing over and over. So I worked at Office Depot and like we had these TVs outside the copy and print area. And that movie played over and over. Just we had it on a loop. So the bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

And then the fairy godmother song like played over and over and we heard it in the copy center. Nice. So it's forever in my head. And somehow I don't hate it though. It made me love it. Just made you love it more. That and a couple of songs from Monsters vs. Aliens, which is another DreamWorks movie that-

Really? If you haven't seen Monsters vs. Aliens, I actually quite like it. I haven't seen it in a while, but it was pretty fun. I have not, I've never seen that movie. For whatever reason, like I just was not drawn in

by the trailer. Okay, let's focus. We'll watch it. We'll focus. Well, I think we went over on time a little bit, so we're going to have to wait for Puss in Boots.

Mm-hmm. So that is going to be our next episode. And thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. As always, if you enjoy the show, please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple or Stitcher if you can. Or you can also just, you know, you can email us. You can tweet at us. We're at info at Fairytale Fix pod.

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