Fairy Tale Fix - 86: She Kidnapped Me…Oh No

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

This week we finally learn the term “cold reading” thanks to our amazing Faerie Overlord and good friend, Giselle! Kelsey reads from a book discovered in her Little Free Library, posing the timeless question: Why Mosquitoes Buzz in People’s Ears. Meanwhile, Abbie treats us to a cold reading of a tale from our favorite storyteller, Ruth Manning-Sanders, featuring The Princess in the Iron Tower.

I feel like this is terrible podcast content. I'm totally rambling. I know I love talking about video games. Cold medicine rambling. I'm trying to explain a video game. Anyway. Hello, Fairytale Fix listeners. This is Abby. And Kelsey.

Who is graciously joining us, hopped up on Dayquil for today's recording. Yes. And this is the podcast where we read classic fairy tales and we, quote unquote, you know, fix them for a quote unquote modern audience. Or, you know, however we think it's going to be a better story. Or however we damn well, please. Yes, I have the sick. I have a cold. It's kicking my butt.

Yeah. Actually, I coughed during our minute of silence. Do we need to do that again or is that okay that's fine i can cut around it okay it was really quiet and i can um i'll work i really like i think there'll be at least 30 seconds of quiet audio yes there's definitely at least 30 seconds i felt bad it just came out i wasn't expecting. Adam got sick and he was sick for like two weeks, which sucks, you know, like the, like coughing, hacking stuff out of your lungs. It's disgusting. And, and it was two weeks and I still was feeling amazing. And I was just like, man, I'm so lucky. I did not catch his cold. And then right as he started feeling better a couple weeks ago on a Tuesday, it was just like all of a sudden, like it was kind of the end of day at work.

All of a sudden, I just started getting body aches and a scratchy throat like suddenly. And I was just like, oh, no. Oh, no. No, I'm sure it's fine. It's probably just like allergies, right? No sure it's fine it's probably just like allergies right no it's fine i mean tis the season so maybe but it wasn't it was not fine later that night i was like yeah i'm definitely sick so i've been trying to get over that um i've actually been spending a lot of time at home and i started playing skyrim which i am honestly very excited for you to engage in like honestly a game that holds up so well how are you liking it so far i like it it's a little it's um skyrim elder scrolls i don't know if that

makes a difference probably it's actually elder scrolls is the series Skyrim is a part of. So it's all the Elder Scrolls. There was like Oblivion and Morrowind. And then Skyrim is like the third one. Okay. Yeah, it's fun. It's a little overwhelming because it's so big. There's like so much you can do.

And I'm having a hard time figuring out some of that stuff i had a really hard time figuring out where the fuck to go i didn't know how to use the clairvoyance spell first so i was just like constantly getting lost um but i finally figured that out i kind of figured out the map and the little quest symbols. Excellent. It's getting easier. It's really fun. I'm a wood elf. Yes.

Yes. Tell me about what character you made for this. Yeah, I made a wood elf. I named her Illyria Oakheart. I looked up. I had to look up some elf names because I couldn't come up with anything on my own. I mean, and you picked a great Illyria Oakheart is a great elf name. I thought that sounded very woodsy.

It is. Very druid-y. And I'm, yeah, I'm just sort of going through it and still trying to figure it out. But it's fun. I just bought a house because I need some place to store all my stuff. Uh-huh. And yeah, it's a great game.

Adam watched me play and finally bought the online version so we could play together, I think, because we're more of a co-op. I don't usually play games unless it's co-op, but I've been sick. So Adam actually just bought it for me and was like, here's something to do while you're feeling crappy and stuck at home. Yeah. But you're going to play Elder Scrolls Online together? Yeah, I think so. Maybe. It's also one of those games where I can tell it's going to be a huge time suck.

I can see myself getting super into it and never coming out of my house. So I'm going to try to be wary of that. I've had actually a lot of Atomos friends are like, that that's the game that made me stop like think I should stop playing games altogether because they just got into like too into it. Absolutely. Like I mean, yes, Skyrim is a huge, it's a huge time suck. And it's and it's a really good game. Like I feel like Skyrim is the open world game that made every other video game company on the planet think that open world games are the only way to go from now on because everybody enjoyed Skyrim so much it's just that like I have not to this day I have not I have never finished

the main plot yeah of Skyrim because there's so many other cool and fun things to do around every corner because I also got lost a lot and eventually just stopped trying to figure it out and I was like whatever I'm just going where I'm just I'm just going places now I don't uh the last time I played was a couple years ago but I'm like the leader of like half the guilds and I have done nothing in the main in the main plot I'm a werewolf though I think you should definitely try to become a werewolf I love that how did you become a werewolf so in that like the first major city so if you do a little bit of the main plot the first major city like white run Whiterun or whatever. Where I bought my house. That you come to.

Is that where you bought your house? Yeah. Well, then you're perfect. You've already got real estate in Whiterun. I think there's like a – I'm trying to remember how I did it. But there's like a – basically like a guild or a secret society that you can infiltrate and it turns out they're all werewolves and then oh nice

that's fun anyway so just yeah just like look around Whiterun for things to do and you should not have expected that action yeah I would not have expected that out of Whiterun uh-huh I know right it does seem surprising but they're there.

Yeah. It's fun. Games are fun. There's so much to do. And I also actually played a couple other games, too, because I've been sick for so long. It's been almost two weeks. Oh, God. I also played this game called The Mystery of Edith edith finch and it's it's not really

like a game it's more like a walk if you're just walking through it and experiencing it there are i guess there are a couple of like small games where you're just kind of figuring out how every like so it's about this family and you're going through this house that you inherited and like every single person in your family has died and you're kind of going through the house and discovering how they died so is it kind of creepy it's not really it's it's kind of creepy but it's more like atmospheric and mysterious and a little sad and it doesn't the ending really didn't like make any sense to me but it was kind of and it's not like a game where you're like fighting anybody you're just walking through this house like

looking for stuff looking for clues and then it kind of takes you through each person's death in a like kind of fantasy kind of way i don't know it was really interesting okay if you want something totally like mindless that's just like almost like watching a show and you're just kind of experiencing it that's kind of fun i'll check that out i'll add that to my wish list yeah that does sound like was this like the story was good like it was interesting it was good it was really interesting and like i said the ending wasn't very satisfying for me but it was fun did you have you ever heard of a game called the return of the obra dean or the obra din so that's it's so that's also kind

of like a mystery game where you're not really fighting anything you're just kind of wandering around looking for clues but it's like it's like a ghost ship situation and so you get on board a ghost ship and then you're like sixth sense allows you to view like brief, like five second impressions of what happened in each room on the ship. Yeah. And then you're supposed to be like, so you have a photo of the crew that was on like the last ship's manifest and you're supposed to figure out how each person died that's exactly like this game because you have like your family tree and as soon as you find out how this person died you get like a portrait you fill the family tree in yeah nice what's it called again it's called the return of the Obra Dinn. And it's just like the ship just sort of like mysteriously reappears and everybody like with like all hands lost. Like there aren't even bodies.

As I recall, I haven't played it in a while because I I'm not good at puzzle games. So I actually got bored and I stopped playing it. But it was really spooky and it seemed something crackany happened to them. I'll have to check it out. You might like it. The Edith Finch game wasn't really like a puzzle game, though, because I'm not good at puzzle games either. I get pretty annoyed when I can't figure something out quickly enough and I give up so um I wouldn't call that one a puzzle game as much as like it's pretty obvious it's almost like a walkthrough like you're like that's why I wouldn't even really call it a game it's more like a right experience it's the Edith Finch experience it's an experience you're just kind of figure like you're just going

through it but i mean sometimes that's nice you don't really have to think about it too much and you're just experiencing this story i don't know it's it's interesting i guess maybe i'll like that one better then because like like i enjoyed i enjoyed like the kind of elements of like piecing together how each person in this photograph died yeah but but at the same time like i thought it was really hard yeah and i couldn't figure it out i couldn't fit i only figured one of them out um in the first like two hours of playing and i was like oh wow no this is like a full game you'll be done within four hours I recommend checking it out but buy it when it's on sale add it to your wish list because Adam

bought it for me and like the day after it was five dollars and he's like you're worth the extra 15 it's fine he's very sweet that is very sweet uh but like i don't know 20 bucks 20 bucks for like a four-hour game like feels yeah steve to me yeah it is i also bought black book the last time the last like spring sale so oh nice you'll have to tell me what you think that was the game yeah it was like a card game i gave up on that immediately i was like i don't i don't have the brain power for this i don't want to memorize a bunch of cards and symbols i'm done i love a deck builder if it's a card game like because i don't know anything about it outside of like its general plot line so i'm excited yeah you'll have to tell me if you like it i will let you know i

probably will i like card games yeah you do well you have a much better memory for that stuff than i do what's been so my besides game corner little brain your special little brain my super special little brain um how are you doing? What's going on with you? I have not been sick for two weeks, so I'm doing great. Good. I'm glad to hear that. I spent some time with my family over like last weekend. I met my cousin's new husband. cousin's new husband. He seems like a nice boy. Good.

Yeah, I don't know. So that was nice. I got to see my sibling whom I love very much. That's fun. I don't know. It was a nice weekend. Well, I'm really excited to tell you this story today. I found it. Oh, I'm really excited to tell you this story today. I found it.

Oh, sorry. Wait, we have two quick bits of housekeeping notes before we get into the main event of our podcast. First of all, we have a new witch's apprentice

to thank for coming on board, and that would be Natalie. Natalie, thank you so much for joining the Patreon team. Yeah, thank you so much. new witches apprentice to thank for coming on board and that would be natalie natalie thank you so much for joining the patreon team yeah thank you so much we are overjoyed we love it every time we get a new we get a new apprentice and we're excited to have you with us and hope you enjoy all of the bonus episodes that are coming your way please do comment on each and every one of them and let us know your thoughts about how unhinged those get over there. Yeah, that's fairytalefix.cash. If anyone else would also like to become our witch's apprentice, you know, go check that out. We also, you know, we taught we were talking with Caroline last episode about like the merits of calling it like of calling our random readings a random reading or a blind reading and our fairy overlord herself deigned to write in and told us some and told us something that we're obviously we're a little embarrassed we didn't think of it.

Giselle recommends that we call it a cold reading, like they do in the theater when they're reading a script cold and they haven't prepared anything. How did we not think of that? Especially you as a theater kid. I was like a little, little tiny for one second, a theater kid. But you, Abby. I know. I'm embarrassed. I was raised by actors and I didn't remember about cold readings. And then that's also like, that's one of the ways that you and I like started becoming closer friends was we had to do cold readings of like scripts as like scene partners and like acting class freshman year of high school. So funny.

Oh, my goodness. So, Giselle, you're a genius. This is why you this is why you're a fairy overlord we need your guidance absolutely we really appreciate you oh yeah as soon as I read that I was like wow I feel silly dumb silly not dumb I feel silly foolish foolish oh my goodness anyway good so uh i'll be doing a cold reading of something uh at the end at the end of this episode and the length of your story will determine which book i read it out of what story are you telling me so i found this book i'm gonna send you the artwork and i'll post it to our patreon and to our instagram um so i found this book in my little

library by my house and it's called why mosquitoes buzz in people's ears oh my god i immediately recognize the artwork because it's from the same artwork as the African folktale book I got. Oh, okay. By Leo and Diane Dillon, the art power couple. I do love the cover art. Yeah. And it says on the back, this folktale is from West Africa. The story is funny and the book won a Caldecott

medal because the pictures are so beautiful. Okay. So I actually can't really tell how long it is like based on this because I want to do a cold reading of it. So I feel like you haven't read it either. Okay. I haven't read it either. Yay. I'm so excited. Okay. Well, should we make some predictions? Yes. I'd like you to give me three predictions about why mosquitoes buzz in people's ears. I'm dying to know. Okay. My first prediction, because like I'm looking at this cover art, which will of course, you

know, share, but that mosquito looks gossipy. Right? know share but that mosquito looks gossipy right that mosquito especially because like the man that the mosquito is buzzing in the ear of is like giving the mosquito a major side eye i think the mosquito is telling him something juicy so my mosquito has tea the mosquito has tea like i my my prediction is that gossip is a strong theme okay what's your second prediction um like my second prediction is that um mosquitoes are like there's something having to do with like humans being turned into mosquitoes oh i love that okay is is something there's something there um and then my third prediction this is so hard i think i'm overthinking it there's important food

important food i love that that's always a good one hungry I'm going grocery shopping after this too so I want there to be important food to give me an idea of like what I should make for dinner I love it good idea maybe you'll have an idea yeah maybe I'll be inspired oh actually I wonder if that um african folktale podcast went over this one he usually does like a recipe with his stories which i love afro tales afro tales i'll make sure to check them out they're really fun okay uh why new mosquitoes why mosquitoes buzz people is yours my first prediction is very similar to yours and that the mosquito has secrets oh i like the mosquito has secrets

the mosquitoes are telling secrets rather i predict that there's like a curse on the mosquitoes okay i was thinking maybe they were telling secrets about how to like like they're trying to become human again or something so it's very similar to yours i'm thinking about yeah but it's kind of the opposite yeah but you're right he totally looks guspy and this guy is way side absolutely I mean, of course you would give a mosquito the side eye. Having the bug in your ears is the worst. But my third prediction is that the mosquitoes are the antagonists. Okay. Good one.

Good prediction. I mean, right? Because they are the antagonists of my life. Yeah, exactly. Like they are in real life. So they are in this story probably. I think that's solid prediction i that's probably true okay later i'm so excited do you by the way this story is by verna ardema

i think i forgot to mention that at the beginning so i'm really excited and you can find uh the link to buy this book it's like a it's a really small little book but it's really cute and there are pictures on every page. So it's great if you have kids or just like pictures and artwork. I like pictures. And yeah, it's linked on our show notes at our bookshop.org. So feel free to check that out.

Okay. It says for Marcia van Dunyan, who heard this story first. Oh, okay. Okay story first. Aw. Okay. Okay. That's cute. One morning, a mosquito saw an iguana drinking at a waterhole.

The mosquito said, iguana, you will never believe what I saw yesterday. Yes! This is already so gossipy. Try me, said the iguana. And the mosquito said, I saw a farmer digging yams that were almost as big as i am what's a mosquito compared to a yam snapped the iguana grumpily i would rather be deaf than listen to such nonsense and then he stuck two sticks in his ears and went off mech mech mech mech through the reeds and then he's also the iguana's also giving him major side eye.

Oh my god, I love it. Also, but I mean, but also, that iguana's no fun. You know, to be fair, a mosquito is like tiny compared. So the yams aren't, like, can't be that big. Yeah, I know, but that's, it's almost impressive how small the yams are then. Because like, yams are pretty, they yams are pretty they're pretty big they're pretty big vegetables the iguana was still grumbling to himself when he happened to pass by a python the big snake raised his head and said good morning iguana the iguana did not answer but

lumbered on bobbing his head badaman badaman, why won't he speak to me, said the python to himself. Iguana must be angry about something. I'm afraid he is plotting some mischief against me. Yes. He began looking for somewhere to hide. The first likely place he found was a rabbit hole, and in he went, wasawusu, wasawusu, wasawusu. Ooh, I like it, like making the slithery oh is that what that is i was like i don't know if this is like a language or if it's like but yeah you're right probably like i think it's just supposed to be emphasis like

onomatopoeia maybe of uh i love it well when rabbit saw a big snake coming into her burrow, she was terrified. Well, sure, because don't pythons eat rabbits? Yes, they definitely do. She scurried out through the back way and bounded, crick, crick, crick, across a clearing. And it's hilarious because now the python is giving the iguana side eye. And now the python is giving the iguana side-eye. Well, and then I can also see the rabbit down in the bottom corner giving the python side-eye. Just everybody.

Everybody's very suspicious. We're more terrified side-eye. That's fair. Than like this like annoyed like, what the fuck? A crow saw the rabbit running for her life he flew into a forest caw caw caw it was his duty to spread the alarm in case of danger and a monkey heard the crow he was sure that some dangerous beast was prowling near he began screeching and leaping, Killy Willy threw the trees to help warn the other animal. The other animals. As the monkey was crashing through the treetops, he happened to land on a dead limb.

It broke and fell on an owl's nest, killing one of the owlettes. No! Oh, no! It took a dark turn. Oh, my God. This is a horrible game of telephone so far. Yeah, and it has nothing to do about why mosquitoes buzz in people's turn. Oh my God. This is a horrible game of telephone so far. Yeah. And it has nothing to do about why mosquitoes buzz in people's ears.

Nothing at all. And the mosquito was just like talking about yams. We should have predicted that the mosquito would hardly be in it. Oh, why? Oh, why didn't we think of this? Oh,

that's so sad. So Mother Owl was not at home, for though she usually hunted only in the night, this morning she was still out searching for one more tidbit to satisfy her hungry babies. When she returned to the nest, she found one of them dead. Her other children told her that the monkey had killed it. All that day and all that night, she in her tree so sad so sad so sad geez now it was mother owl who woke the sun each day so that the dawn could come but this time when she should have hooted for the sun she did not do it the night grew longer and longer the animals

of the forest knew it was lasting much too long, and they feared that the sun would never come back. At last, King Lion called a meeting of the animals. They came and sat down, pem, pem, pem, around the council fire.

Mother Owl did not come, so the antelope was sent to fetch her. When she arrived, King Lion asked, Mother Owl did not come, so the antelope was sent to fetch her. When she arrived, King Lion asked, Mother Owl, why have you not called the sun? The night has lasted long, long, long. I know everyone is worried. Yeah. We need that.

Mother Owl is grieving, okay? Uh-huh. She's sad. Like, well, why did Monkey kill my son? Well, Mother Owl said, Monkey killed one of my owls. Well, mother owl said monkey killed one of my, yeah, that's right. Because of that,

I cannot bear to wake the sun. The King said to the gathered animals. Did you hear it was the monkey who killed the owl? And now mother owl won't wake the sun. So that day can come. Oh, I think they're all going to be pissed at the monkey. Yeah, there's like a,

there's a image of like what they're imagining and the monkey's like all angry and grabbing one of the owlettes. Like viciously trying to kill it. Oh my God. Oh no. You look so sinister. Oh my gosh.

And they're all giving like, everybody looks so pissed off. The artwork really is amazing in this. I love this artwork. It's beautiful. I'll post a few pictures to our Instagram, but if you want the whole thing, you got to buy the book.

And it's worth it. This is amazing. It's a good rule. The king lion called the monkey. He came before him nervously glancing from side to side. Rim, rim, rim, rim. Monkey, said the king, why did you kill one of mother owl's babies? Oh, king, said the monkey, it was the crow's fault. He was calling and calling to warn us of danger,

and I went leaping through the trees to help. A limb broke under me, and it fell, ta, on the owl's nest. The king said to the council, so it was the crow who alarmed the monkey who killed the owlette. And now mother owl won't wake the sun so the day can come. Then the king called for the crow and that big bird came flapping up. He said, King Lion, it was the rabbit's fault. I saw her running for her life in the daytime. Wasn't that reason enough to spread an alarm the king nodded his head and said to the council so it was the rabbit who startled the crow who alarmed the monkey who killed the owlette and now mother owl won't wake the sun so the day can come it's a real partridge in a pear tree situation so far there are also zero

humans in this story yeah um i feel very misled by the cover. I thought that it was going to be an entire story about mosquitoes interacting with humans. 100%. We're very foolish. We should have thought of that. Then King Lion called the rabbit. The timid little creature stood before him, one trembling paw drawn up uncertainly. Rabbit, cried the king. Why did you break the law of the nature and go running,

running, running in the daytime? Oh, king, said the rabbit, it was the python's fault. I was in my house minding my own business when that big snake came in and chased me out. The king said to the council, so it was the python who scared the rabbit, who startled the crow, who alarmed the monkey, who killed the owlette, and now mother owl won't wake the sun so the day can come i don't know i still think it's crow's fault i blame crow personally her panicking well rabbit i mean rabbits run all the time you know rabbits get scared easy that's true as they should as they should because they're you know very easy prey. Yeah. The crow absolutely freaked out for no reason. I love all the pictures of like, it's really funny. It has a picture for each one, like as they're imagining.

So like the Python looks like it's attacking the rabbit and he's all scary looking. And then like this next one, the iguana looks really mean because we're about to hear about the iguana. Okay. I'm sorry. Perfect. Okay.

Like, so like every, so like all the pictures are the scenario as the animal imagines it. Yeah. Like of what, of what the animal that did whatever it did thought was happening. Yeah. It was the python's fall. It was the rabbit's fall. It's like the rabbit looking terrified, running through the forest. Uh-huh. I love that. That's looking terrified running through the forest. Uh-huh.

I love that. That's so clever. Mm-hmm. King Lang called the python who came slithering, wasoo, wasoo, wasoo, wasoo, past the other animals. But King, he cried, it was the iguana's fault. He wouldn't speak to me, and I thought he was plotting some mischief against me. When I crawled into the rabbit's hole,

I was only trying to hide. The king said to the council, so it was the iguana who frightened the python, who scared the rabbit, who startled the crow, who alarmed the monkey, who killed the owlette. And now mother owl won't wake the sun so the day can come.

No, no, wait, wait, wait. Now I'm actually blaming the python for not asking questions. Just assuming that like, oh, he's plotting against me.

I have to go. He's just really insecure. No, no. He decided to go invade someone else's home because he couldn't like talk to the iguana. I can say like, Hey bro,

you mad at me? Are you mad at me? Always. The iguana was not at the meeting for for he had not heard the summons. The antelope laughed when they saw the iguana coming. Badaman, badaman. With the stick still stuck in his ears, King Lion pulled out the sticks. Purup, purup.

Then he asked the iguana, what evil have you been plotting against the python? None. None at all, cried the iguana, what evil have you been plotting against the python? None. None at all, cried the iguana. Python is my friend. Aw. Aw. So he wasn't mad at me. Aw.

Then why wouldn't you say good morning to me, demanded the snake. Oh my god. He's so insecure. I didn't hear you or even see you, said the iguana. Mosquito told me such a big lie, I couldn't bear to listen to it. So I put sticks in my ears. And now a baby owl is dead. The lion laughed.

So that's why you had sticks in your ears. Yes, said the iguana. It was the mosquito's fault. So the king lion said to the council. So it was the mosquito who annoyed the iguana. It was the mosquito's fault. So the king lion said to the council, so it was the mosquito who annoyed the iguana, who frightened the python, who scared the rabbit, who startled the crow, who alarmed the monkey, who killed the owlette, and now mother owl won't wake the sun so another day can come. Well, good. I'm glad we've gotten to the bottom of it, but will you wake up the sun now? Like, punish the mosquito,

punish the mosquito, cried all the animals. When mother owl heard that she was satisfied, she turned her head toward the east and hooted who, who, who? And the sun came up. No,

one's going to summon mosquito to the meeting. Meanwhile, the mosquito had listened to all of it from a nearby bush. Oh, okay. She crept under a curly leaf and was never found and brought before the council. But because of this, the mosquito had a guilty conscience. To this day, she goes about whining in people's

ears. Zee, why is everyone still angry at me? When she does that, she gets an honest answer. Ah! Kapow! The end. Damn! Oh my God! she does that she gets an honest answer kapow the end oh my god wow is that the end that's the end so that's a pretty short story uh yeah but i thought it was very fun that's very cute not at all what I expected. No. Because it totally looks like she's gossiping, but she's really just like, why is everyone mad at me?

Why is everyone so mad? I was just trying to tell Iguana about yams. I know. It doesn't really seem that way. Iguana had a huge overreaction to just being told about yams. Seriously. Everyone had a huge overreaction to everything that happened. Yeah. So maybe it was really nobody's fault.

It seems like the moral of the story is supposed to be a warning about being a gossip. Maybe. Maybe? Yeah, I guess. Or maybe being a liar or get telling tall tales something or for each one just um don't overreact maybe ask some more questions before you flip out yeah all right well um points wise I think we both got zero. Yeah.

Yeah, because, like, what – I guess, like, the – I think I have one, actually, because I guess the mosquitoes were the antagonists. And that's true of the story. And in real life. But was the mosquito the antagonist? Everybody's mad at him. I feel like. And for no real reason. I don't know.

Like, I feel like low-key gossip was a theme because every animal kept making their own assumptions about what was happening and then kind of escalating it. But your prediction was the mosquito has got over. Actually, what was your prediction? I wrote the mosquito has tea. I said gossip is a theme. Yeah, I think that's actually what you said.

Okay, perfect. I'm going to give you, we both get one point. Okay. Cause also the mosquito thinks she has tea. It's just also, it's just not anything anyone was interested in.

Yeah, that's true. Like no one gives a shit about the size of the yams the farmer is pulling out. That's hilarious. Unless it was supposed to be a really giant mosquito. I don't know. Like the size of yams. Yams are way bigger than mosquitoes. Way bigger.

So I have questions. But that was very fun. Like the size of yams. Yams are way bigger than mosquitoes. Way bigger. So I have questions. But that was very fun. It was a cute little story. I did like it. My only fix for it is that at any point, any of the other animals, you know, asked some questions first. Definitely. But maybe that's also the lesson. Ask the questions first. Definitely. But maybe that's also the lesson.

Ask the bird questions. Or all the animals. Then again, I can't really blame the rabbit for not asking the python questions. No, no. It is not the rabbit's fault because pythons eat rabbits. It's python's fault for being so relatable. I know. And being all like, oh my god, iguana is mad at me.

I love how iguana's like, no, Python's my friend. I love Python. Python's my boy. And iguana's relatable for just being like, ugh, I cannot listen to this and leaving. Nobody gives a shit about that.

I'm just leaving. And I'm going to stick my earbuds in my ears and just tune everybody else out. Relatable characters. Those are the best characters. Oh, poor baby Owlette. That was a sadder than I was expecting it to be. I know. That was such a dark turn.

Surely we could have learned this lesson some other way. Mm-hmm. All right. I know that was such a dark turn. Surely we could have learned this lesson some other way. All right. Well, what are you telling me today? Well, we still got like 20 minutes or so. So I think we could do a Ruth Manning Sanders.

Okay. If you're, if you're up for that, or I can find something in like the brother's grim. I'm so up for it if you're ready. Let me pick a book. Okay. Are we feeling a book of magic horses

or a book of heroes and heroines today? Definitely horses. Let's do magic horses. I'm a little scared because we've been burned by this book before. We um but i'm hoping there's gotta be a good one hell yeah i bet there's i bet there's a great one in there

okay there are 16 stories um we've already read master billy um we've already read master billy that was that was the one that that was the disappointing one yeah it didn't really have like a horse wasn't even it that wasn't even a horse so boo on that um i'm just i'm gonna roll for it okay using my the invisibility potion that you bought me. Ooh, I love it. Okay, we have landed on story number seven, which is The Princess and the Iron Tower.

Ooh, that sounds promising. Which sounds promising, intriguing. It says the story is from Bohemia. Okay. I feel like we've had a story from that region before, but I honestly can't remember where it's supposed to be. So we're going to do a quick geography corner. Bohemia is the Western most and largest historical region of the Czech Republic.

And the Czech Republic is, oh, Prague is in the Czech Republic. Isn't that exciting? I didn't know Prague was a Czech city. Geography Corner is always the best. I love Geography Corner. And Prague is supposed to be one of the most beautiful cities in Europe. So it's actually like a place I wanted to go. just didn't think it was in uh czechoslovakia or czechia or czechia the czech republic um so the czech republic uh is bordered by germany to the west poland to the north uh hungary or sorry slovakia to sort of like the Southeast and then Austria to the South to kind of give us an idea of where in Europe it is.

Okay. So this is a tiny country. It's a teeny tiny country. Okay. And we're going to be reading the princess in the iron tower. What do we think the princess of the iron tower is about? Um, how long is it?

Do we do like the full three? Good question. I don't know why that's going to help me. It's not, but we definitely get the full three on this one. It looks like it's actually kind of a longer one. Okay. Are you,

is that okay with you? I'm up. I mean, I'm up for it yeah i'm totally up for it cool all right my first prediction is that oh man i mean classic damsel in distress it seems like so far okay so i'm gonna predict that a prince going to try to save her from the tower. Perfect. My second prediction is there's a talking cat. No, wait. Yes.

No, talking horse. Duh. It's the book of magic horses. Oh, yeah. God, it's the book of magical horses. You have to make horsey predictions. What are the – okay. I feel like we always think, man, we should have made this prediction.

What am I going to say about that for this story? I mean, I know what I want to say. Okay. Prince trying to save her from her tower, talking horse, and I predict that there's a magic amulet. Nice. Okay. I love that. That's excellent. Okay, my predictions.

I predict that the princess in the Iron Tower is not, she's not a major character. I think she's like the goal of the story. Great prediction. I think the protagonist is the dude who's going to save her from the tower. Okay. Um, and the talking horse is barely in it. This is my prediction.

It's not what I want to see, but. Okay. Do you want to predict full on talking horses barely in it or do you want to just predict that the horse is barely in it the magic horse is barely in it that's what I mean

the magic like because it's a it's got to have one magic horse I feel like if it's a magic horse it has to talk but it might not so but I mean because I mean the magic horse in Master Billy was a reed that got turned into a donkey or something

like it wasn't even but you know what I'm gonna rescind that third one I'm actually not gonna make any predictions about the horse at all I've decided I want to predict there's a dragon guarding the tower. Ooh, dragon guarding the tower. I want to keep these aspirational.

That's a great prediction. Okay. I hope it comes true. I want there to be a magic horse and a dragon. The wonderful shirt had that. I know. And the best stories are when the two come together. Absolutely.

This is The Princess in the Iron Tower. Part one, how Baldwin found the princess. This is a long one, so strap in. Okay, I'm settling in. Once upon a time, a noble lady named Gertrude lived in a lonely old mansion house under the mountains. Lady Gertrude had four sons. The two eldest, Otto and Adelbert, were away at the wars. What wars?

Who the fuck knows? Just the wars. There were wars. The third son, Leopold, was a page at the court of the King of Bohemia, and only the youngest son, Baldwin, was still at home with his mother. Everybody has names. I know. It's awesome. I'm into it so far. RMS. Just what a queen.

She's the best. Lady Gertrude had a magic mirror. gertrude had a magic mirror when she wanted to see how her sons were getting on she had only to look in the mirror and say golden mirror magic mirror without delaying without staying show me what my sons are doing i love that for her she's got um the like medieval version of like uh track my track my kids ip's iPhone. Yep. Then in the mirror, she saw her two eldest sons, Otto and Adelbert winning honors on the battlefield and Leopold,

her third son in great favor at the court of the King of Bohemia. Meanwhile, her youngest son Baldwin was still at home, had grown into a very handsome lad and he longs to set out on nightly adventures, but lady Gertrude was unwilling to let him go. Wait, she said, home had grown into a very handsome lad and he longed to set out on nightly adventures but lady gertrude was unwilling to let him go wait she said your time has not yet come oh she wants to keep her baby with her yeah one day when lady gertrude looked into her magic mirror and asked to see her sons she saw a huge dark forest where all kinds of

wild animals were wandering sadly to and fro what could this mean where were her sons show me my sons she said to the mirror but all the mirror showed her was a beautiful white horse and beside it a greyhound and a wolf oh i know is this one of those where they got turned into something? Yeah, it might be a John and his brother situation. The magic horse is actually just a man. Yeah, probably. Eh. Eh. As she watched, an elegant lady mounted the horse and rode away, chasing the wolf and followed by the greyhound.

I kind of love this so far. Yeah, that's cool. Oh, and there's a great illustration of Lady Gertrude looking at her magic mirror. Ooh, damn. She's got it going on. She does. Hotty. But show me Otto.

Show me Adelbert. Show me Leopold, cried Lady Gertrude to the mirror. But the mirror only showed her the white horse, the greyhound, and the wolf. So that's only three, right okay and there's four brothers yeah yeah because bald that's interesting too that there's four brothers and not three i know it's kind of an interesting pattern break again and again lady gertrude asked the mirror to show her these three sons and again and again the mirror showed her the forest the white white horse, the greyhound, and the wolf. Until at last, it really sunk in that her three sons must have been changed into these three animals. It's not that the mirror is broken.

Yeah. Then Lady Gertrude asked the mirror to show her where this forest was and the mirror showed the eastern frontier of bohemia where a five-cornered iron tower stood by the roadside at the entrance to a great dark forest and from a high window of the tower a most beautiful maiden was looking out i like it early next morning lady gertrudeude went to the sleeping Baldwin's bedside and shook him into wakefulness. My dear son, she said, your ardent wish to set out on adventures has reached its fulfillment and a high duty calls you away from your home. Baldwin is stoked and he leaps joyfully out of his bed and his mother goes on. I know it's his moment.

This is my moment in the sun. Oh, my God. I want them to make a gallivant style musical out of this. So she goes on to tell him um what has befallen his brothers that some evil power has turned one into a white horse another into a greyhound and the third into a wolf and it is you who must deliver them so show yourself worthy of such a valiant deed take the high road to the east until you are on the other side of the frontier where at the entrance of a wide and dark forest you will find a high five-cornered iron tower wait there and you will receive from the hand of innocence that which will protect you

from all evil what she knows a lot from just like seeing the tower in her little yeah i guess so and that tower sounds awesome by the way i love the imagery of it it sounds like scary looking it sounds very like um eisengard yeah that's totally what i'm picturing yeah that's totally what i'm picturing too baldwin is so excited he joyfully begins to dress i mean i can kind of like feel that it was kind of like yeah i get to really stick it to my cool older siblings. It's like, oh, did you get in trouble? I got to come save you. You had to rely on me, the youngest boy to come save you.

I love that. So he puts on the armor that his mother had brought him, girded on the good sword, which she had specially saved for him and after he had once more embraced his kind mother and received her best blessing he swung himself gaily upon the horse she had given him i love it he is not worried about his brothers even a little bit no i love the idea that he's also like especially stoked to help like save his older brothers or he's like you needed me to come get you huh So he rides east as his mother had instructed him and came upon a great forest. At the entrance to the forest stood a high five corner tower of pure iron, which he recognized to be the very tower of which his mother had told him. Baldwin decided to stay here and stepped into a tavern, which stood by the roadside,

not far from the tower. In the night, he was lying awake in his bed in the tavern, wondering what he was to do next. When suddenly he heard a delightful sound of music coming not far off. So he got up dressed and went out to the open air and quite distinctly coming from the tower. He heard the sweet voice of a girl singing to a lute.

And this is what she was singing. Now is the lovely month of may when the little flowers bloom in the veil, when the Lark sweetly sings and joyfully sings the nightingale, when the true lover once more vows a new to the service of love, but I unhappily sit in captivity, sit sadly and alone. If it were God's will, then God's will be done.

But chains of sorcery are too heavy for me. And I see how outside comes the daylight, see how the night falls again, but forever and forever. I am a prisoner here. No joy comes near me. Oh, it's a sad song. Baldwin was greatly touched by this sorrowful song he didn't doubt for a moment that it was his destiny to free this unhappy maiden

and that he would receive from her hands the means to rescue his unfortunate brothers this is also giving um the section of Monty Python on the holy grail where sir lancelot just like slaughters everybody on his way up to the tower he's like i heard you singing he listened for a long time after that but the voice was silent however often he called with the kindest words, not another sound met his ears. Baldwin waited and watched in vain the whole of the next day, the next night, and again the whole day, but the lovely captive didn't appear. It wasn't until the third night when he was again roaming out in the open that the maiden appeared on the battlement of the tower.

Baldwin saw her white robe shimmering in the moonlight. He called to her and besought her to tell him how he could set her free because he would gladly venture his life to rescue her. He's totally forgotten about his brothers. Yeah. They'll be fine. I can wait three days.

What happened to bros before hoes? That is not Baldwin's style. He is hoes before bros before hoes? That is not Baldwin's style. He is hoes before bros. 100%. Yeah. Greatly cheered by these kind words. The lovely maiden. Yes.

Whose name was Milada. Milada. Okay. She gets a name too. I love it. I love that. Bade him stand under the only window of the tower and she would come down and talk to him from the window. Baldwin followed her bidding and as he found an oak tree growing close to the tower beside the window,

he climbed into the tree and swung himself lightly and nimbly from branch to branch until he reached a branch close to the window itself. branch until he reached a branch close to the window itself there he awaited the coming of the maiden who was not a little astonished when she by the light of the moon saw the handsome youth so near to her oh this is so romantic it's very romantic very classic fairy tale yeah he too was astonished by the beauty of mulatta's face which though overlaid with the pallor of deep sorrow was yet wonderfully lovely it's love at first sight i want her to be tricking him

gosh i don't think that's what's happening based on the next paragraph baldwin cried speak lovely maiden tell me whether it is in my power to set you free and what means I must use to this end and Balada answered I thank you generous knight but great as is my confidence in your valor that valor alone will not suffice to free me or to protect you from the malignancy of a deceitful sorceress. Rather should you-

You're a sorceress. I know, I'm excited. I love that. We may end up having our usual fix for this. That's my mid-story prediction. Is she should have just stayed and become the sorceress's apprentice. Oh, hell yes.

I think it's been a while since we've had one of those too. I know, it has been a minute. Rather should you flee, oh handsome youth, before she lures you into her snare and prepares you for a most cruel fate. But Baldwin answered, I am by no means so faint-hearted

as to flee when danger threatens. I have made up my mind to free you, and if you will do me the honor to take me as your knight, I swear to you that I will not lay my head to rest until i have set you once more at liberty tell me lovely maiden who was the cruel one who has imprisoned you here he's he's kind of reminding me of the princess from into the woods like just a little too excited and like yes is he really doing it for her or just kind of doing it for himself to be the hero he just wants to be the hero he cannot resist

the harder to get the better to have agreed yeah oh boy that's so that's so spot on i'm not gonna be able to think of anything else through the story and malata answered as you insist on it so i will tell you my sorrowful history backstory time i am the princess of the royal family of bohemia and i was betrothed to my cousin you the son of the present king, when the wicked sorceress Ismene. Ooh, she gets a name too. Ismene. Oh, I love the name too.

Yeah. The owner of this enchanted forest came from a distant land to the king's court and fell in love with my betrothed. You can have him. He is my cousin. I was hoping he was going to say fell in love with me and kidnap me another fix for the story she's not actually trapped she's just pretending for like propriety's sake instead of like they're sisters it's like oh yeah she kidnapped me she kidnapped me oh no this really hot magic lady is keeping me in her lovely tower in the middle of her enchanted forest it's the worst nothing to do but live here i guess

no you don't have to rescue me don't you have other stuff to do don't you have brothers you gotta go brothers to rescue or whatever oh boy but no it as in the text of the story is maney has fallen in love with malata's cousin slash her betrothed you okay she declared to him her feelings and left no means untried to win him away from me but when she found that neither her beauty nor her skill were able to win him from me her love turned to spite which she vented on me gross is mania is not a girl's girl in the story. Definitely not. Unfortunately. Unfortunately.

In the middle of the night, the demons under her command seized me and bore me through the air to this tower where she, by her magic power keeps me shut in here. I have languished for many moons and my betrothed has meanwhile died of grief at my loss. Dang. Okay. It's very dramatic

maybe he should have just like married someone who wasn't his cousin it's weird that's how they did it back then no i know in the family i'm i mean true but mulatta you're really dodging a bullet here. Or your children are. Then cried Baldwin, glowing with rage and indignation. Tell me, where is this heartless creature? Surely it is the very same who has turned my three brothers into animals and so keeps them for herself. He's making a lot of logic leaps here.

Yeah, he is. He just feels bad he's not looking for his brothers. So he's like, oh, this is probably related, right? It's probably it's related. I'm not I am not totally forgetting about them. I'm sure they're around here somewhere. Yeah. Yes, said Malata.

It may well be so because the forest is thronged with thousands of unhappy knights and princes whom the sorceress has turned into animals. But how will you alone vanquish her magic arts? Her beauty will ensnare you like all the others until you too will wander through the forest in the shape of a lion or stag. But tell me, noble youth, who you are and what has led you to this lamentable place? I don't know as manie sounds fun as manie sounds really fun i like her villain sympathizers this also sounds a little bit like a like a jolene situation totally baldwin told the princess what quest had brought him here and when the princess saw that he was quite determined to go into the forest and to compel the wicked sorceress to set her and his brothers free she said since you will not be dissuaded from your intention which is so noble and good that you have surely the protection of heaven listen to me carefully go to the sorceress is mani your handsome looks will win her heart may god protect your heart

in two days the moon will be full and at the full moon is mani must fall into a deep sleep that lasts for one hour during that hour nothing can wake her hmm fun interesting interesting well you know you got to have a drawback. While Ismene sleeps, all the animals in the enchanted forest take their human shapes once more, but without being able to leave the forest. When the sorceress wakes up, they turn back into animals. You will have just one hour to find your brothers. You might even have time to rob the sorceress of her power while she's asleep. Take this ring with the bright shining ruby. I was

given it by my grandmother, a powerful fairy. Oh, cool. That is really cool. She's a fairy apprentice. Yes, she's a fairy apprentice. She's part fae. I love this. And if I hadn't forgotten to turn the stone inwards

when Ismene's demon seized me the good fairy would have arrived to free me from their power but she cannot enter this tower so take this ring take it it will protect you in danger and may you return safely to the iron tower at baldwin's request and taking leave mulatta reached him her tender hand through the iron grating and he pressed a heartfelt kiss upon it promising that he would soon return and would open the tower the princess drew back and baldwin climbed down from the tree and returned to the tavern where he lay awake the rest of the night thinking of all he had to do part two baldwin meets is maney the sorceress. Ooh, is he going to fall for her? Uh, I don't know. I'm going to see.

Maybe it's a situation where it's like the princess thinks she's so incredibly beautiful. I mean, clearly. Yeah, Baldwin's like, what? Whatever. At daybreak, Baldwin left the tavern to seek out the sorceress Ismene, and he hadn't walked very far into the forest when the sounds of a hunt fell on his ears he heard the cheerful winding of the hunting horn the merry sound of the hunting song ringing out of the thicket then he heard the dogs giving tongue what

okay giving what giving tongue uh that's what this that's what the book says i'm gonna roll right past it and the wild clamor of the hunt yes we are ignoring this from all sides pressed forward hunters and dogs and girls in short skirts with the weapons of the hunt hell yeah okay what kind of hunt is this this is like an artemis situation i think where she keeps a lot of like huntresses around her i love it me too it just sounds more and more fun i like his maney is maney's lifestyle is cool i think if the princess just like i don't know decided to give in a little bit and actually have a good time she She could come on these hunts too. Well, I think that was the thing is Manny doesn't like her.

She's not a girl's. Well, maybe she's a pygmy girl. Oh, you're right. It's pygmy energy. Maybe like only other pygmies can come with her. They're not really her friends. She's a, once again, girl boss gaslight gatekeep kind of bitch. So a wolf bolted out of the thicket and stood quietly beside Baldwin, almost as if it sought protection at his feet. Baldwin thought of the wolf his mother had seen in the magic mirror and was looking compassionately down at the creature.

mirror and was looking compassionately down at the creature when following the fresh trail came a crowd of hunters and dogs and at their head upon a snow white thoroughbred in an elegant hunting costume was a beautiful woman whom baldwin immediately guessed to be is maney the sorceress mistress of this forest oh she sounds hot she does is she also in a short skirt? Elegant hunting costume? So I don't know. Probably. Maybe? Or she just keeps all of her huntresses in short skirts as eye candy. Ismene was as much astonished as overjoyed to find a young knight in her forest.

The handsomest lad she had ever seen in her life. florist, the handsomest lad she had ever seen in her life. She received him in the kindest manner and immediately invited him to accompany her to her palace. Baldwin was dazzled by her great beauty, and he had to admit to himself that he had not expected so delightful an enemy. In fact, he might have fallen in love with her on the spot if his heart had not been already full of love for the princess and the tower oh no and you just met both of these people mm-hmm he's uh you know he's a puppy he's an insta love side of guy he doesn't think a lot i still think it could be a fun twist where the princess is actually the witch and Ismene's like captured her and like, so she can't do more evil.

That's maybe a fun spin on this story. I like it. I mean, I don't think that's where this is going. Hell no. It's definitely not. That's not happening. But that would be cool though. definitely not that's that's not happening but uh that would be cool though he accepted his manes invitation and at his request the wolf was permitted to run off unharmed into the bushes

for two days baldwin was entertained royally by the sorceress when she asked him who he was and from once he came he told her that he was the son of a knight that he had set out in search of adventure and that he could never be sufficiently grateful for the chance that had led him to her forest. Ismene the sorceress was satisfied with this tale, and she made up her mind that she would keep this handsome youth with her forever. On the evening of the full moon, the sorceress, as the princess had told Baldwin, retired to her bedchamber to sleep for one hour something that actually just occurred to me too is like so she doesn't sleep um obviously and baldwin promised not to sleep until he had rest until he had rescued the

princess so has baldwin been like awake for three days maybe he just meant like i won't rest like but he probably does right yeah maybe he meant figuratively yeah um he must know good if you're no good if you don't have a like good amount of you know what i'm saying like that's you that's like that's a torture tactic is keeping people awake because they start to hallucinate and shit she asked baldwin not to take it amiss that she must leave him for that hour perhaps he would permit her maidens to try to shorten the time for him with songs and dances the maidens assembled in the great hall of the palace and while some of them danced others sang to the sound of the harp but baldwin was not cheered by their singing and dancing and whilst they were all whirling round he left the hall hurried into the dense forest and ran

up and down shouting out his eldest brother's name otto otto and at last otto appeared not as a white horse because since the sorceress was asleep otto was now in his own handsome human form. Yay! Otto told Baldwin how he and his two brothers, Adelbert and Leopold, had met the sorceress in three separate places, and how she had changed Adelbert into a greyhound, Leopold into a wolf,

and he himself into the white horse which she usually rode. Alas, cried Otto, how swiftly has the hour that has made his sleeps gone by, and I have so much more to tell you, but back to the palace, Baldwin. The sorceress must not miss you

when she wakes, or you too will not escape her vengeance. Doesn't he have to go get her power during this hour? Mm-hmm. Like, what's he waiting for? He's got tasks. Yeah, like, go do that first.

You can talk to Otto later. You can catch up later. Baldwin spoke a few words of comfort to the unhappy Otto and then hurried back to the palace. He decided to stay there until the next full moon when Ismene would again sleep for one hour. And during that hour, he hoped to find out from Otto what means he must use to overthrow Ismene would again sleep for one hour. And during that hour, he hoped to find out from Otto what means he must use to overthrow Ismene's power. I really feel like you should have talked about that first.

Seriously. Also, that's like a full month. That's a long time. Yeah. But we move on to part three, which sounds hopeful. Baldwin frees the princess spoiler alert spoiler alert he figures it out i guess the elegant sorceress is manny became day by day more delighted with her guest baldwin

she felt that she could not live without him and she offered him her hand in marriage and a share of her power that's cool share of her power nice awesome baldwin do it get married it's been a month you forgot about that other princess right you've known his manie longer at this point baldwin pretended to consent to her wishes but he insisted that they should put off their marriage for five weeks because he said he had taken a vow that he would not marry until after his next birthday. Okay. Okay. I won't get married until I'm 25, at least.

At least. bedchamber then baldwin plunged into the forest and sought out his brother otto who was astonished to hear that baldwin was still free and that he had remained in his own shape after four weeks in the domain of the sorceress and maybe a little jealous maybe a little jealous just a little bit baldwin's just that good he's a super charming boy and he kind of has like a guileless golden retriever energy that is kind of hard to see through maybe.

Mm-hmm. Otto told Baldwin that all his manes power lay in a golden key and in a magic rose that never withered. Ooh, a magic rose. I know. Why not a magic amulet?

Come on, people. i could have guessed magic mirror uh-huh i should have just magic object i thought about that for a minute but yep you might got a little too specific i specifically wanted an amulet i know oh well whatever that's what that's what our that's what it's for you know predictions to be wrong to be well to say what you want yeah what do you want out of this story so far a little disappointed in the lack of magic horses i know it's it's uh my prediction of the horse is barely in it would have um uh-huh absolutely yep worked for this because there's no dragon so ah dang so far so far maybe there will be so far you never know could be a maleficent

situation where the sorceress turns into a dragon yes exactly exactly okay okay this golden key Otto said opens the door of the iron tower and if the key is taken away from Ismene she will have no more power over the captives of the tower and the forest then all we who are condemned to roam the forest in the shapes of animals will regain our human forms but while Ismene has the rose a great deal of her power yet remains. With the rose, she can change herself to any shape she pleases

and her demons still have to obey her. When Baldwin heard this, he left his brother with the promise of a speedy deliverance and hurried to Ismene's bedchamber in order to rob her of her power. The sorceress lay asleep upon a magnificent couch, and beside

her head, upon a richly embroidered cushion, lay the two talismans, the golden key, and the magic rose. So they're easy to find and right next to each other. I know. That was easy. She's not gonna hide them in a more, like,

safe place, especially when she's out for her hour nap her full moon yeah during the one hour a month where i am vulnerable i am going to put the two objects that give me my special powers right next to my head and if everybody else knows this already why aren't they doing anything right right and you can just walk in there and grab it like it just doesn't make any sense huh i never never occurred to me then to do that to try anything when i turn back into my human self i can just stroll on in and grab those things maybe it's just because he's her betrothed and like because I'm thinking like her maidens are actually the demons

that have to obey her. Maybe it's like the maidens will let Baldwin in because he is her fiance. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. She's going to give him half her power when they get married anyway. She just

wants love. It sounds like a good deal to be quite honest. And then you get to keep your brothers as like a horse, a wolf, and a greyhound and be like, I know, it's fine. Eventually, I'm sure

she'll free them. If you ask. I know. Like, it's fine. Do you really want the inbred fairy princess? She is a literal fairy princess. Yeah. Oh,

that's fun. So they're right there on the cushion. Baldwin at first snatched up the golden key so he could free Malata. But then as he stretched his hand out to seize the magic rose because they're right the fuck next to each other. Jesus. Why didn't you just grab them both at the same time? I know. They're both small objects. You have two hands.

The hour was up. It sounds like something's about to go terribly wrong. Because you did not time this well. The hour's up. She's awake and she's right there is maney awoke snatched the rose and leaps swiftly from her couch and waves the rose in the air and at once the room was filled with flames oh is maney's demons rushed upon baldwin who ran out of the room and fled away

down the halls of the palace hotly pursued by Ismene and her demons. Just in time, Baldwin remembered the magic ring that Malata had given him. Hell fucking yes. He turned the ruby inwards and suddenly the good fairy appeared, bathed in a dazzling white light. Ismene turned back, appalledalled and the demons sank powerless into the ground oh cool yeah it is cool the good fairy congratulated baldwin for ending the enchantment of the forest and vanquishing the greater part of his maney's power is maney had slipped away abashed but of course she still had the magic rose yeah she did then the good fairy went with

baldwin to the iron tower he unlocked the door with the golden key malata joyfully ran out and with one word the good fairy turned the iron tower into a pile of dust oh i know love it then she handed baldwin a pomegranate and said take this fruit which will never wither and if at any time misfortune strikes you cut it open that i might appear to comfort and help you because the ring i guess is a one-time thing one-time use only one-time use only like it's a bit of a hat on a hat like you already have the ring yeah she could have just said use the ring but you know now there's a magic pomegranate still there's a magic ring a magic pomegranate a magic mirror magic key magic rose hey the story's not over maybe a magic game you'll show up at the end and this i mean this story abounds with magic objects so it's not too late jeez and without waiting for baldwin's thanks the good fairy vanished now shouting and cheering

there came from the forest a great crowd of knights and princes released from their animal shapes and among them came baldwin's three brothers otto adalbert and leopold they were all riding their horses which is manny the sorceress had turned into horseflies that's funny she's funny she's funny i love her i hope she doesn't die i hope she just gets away and like and they're just like oh does mischief elsewhere yeah exactly is mania is so fun so the horses have also now regained their own shape and merrily turning their backs on the forest they all set out for the court of the king of bohemia the king was overjoyed to see his lovely niece malata again and when he heard the whole story the king made baldwin an earl and honored baldwin's three brothers with positions at court part four the final part

is manny's last trick oh it's a magic amulet god i hope so i hope so for your sake all of this is making me think of gallivant so much it is oh my god like i feel like it's like now in my mind is maney is played by the actress that plays um the queen yes definitely um why am i totally playing madeline i totally madelena madelena yes this like she is madelena oh my god and malata is totally isabella because they were gonna make her marry her cousin cousin harry except she was into it okay is maney's last trick well now of course baldwin married the lovely mulatta and lived happily with her in the castle on his fine estate by and by their joy was increased by the birth of their

little son who they named johan oh everybody gets a name johan and looking every day into her magic mirror lady gertrude saw with delight the happiness of all her sons. Oh. But one day when Lady- I forgot about Gertrude. I know. Me too. Well, so much has happened.

I know. And why does she have a magic mirror? I want more information on that. What is the prequel story? Yeah, I know. For real. I do love thinking of this story, though though now as a sequel to Galavant, you know,

where Madelena goes away, learns more to do. Yes. And then changes her name to his mainie and like makes this entire enchanted forest of hot guys who turns into animals. Perfection. Oh boy. So one day when Lady Gertrude looked into her magic mirror and said,

golden mirror, magic mirror without delaying, without staying, show me what my sons are doing. The bright mirror showed all her sons clearly in vivid colors. Only the images of Baldwin's wife and baby Johan, she couldn't quite make out. They were faint and flickering like wavering shadows on a windy day. Ooh, spooky. Spooky, yeah. This troubled Lady Gertrude greatly, and at once she made up her mind

to visit Baldwin and see for herself if all was well with his wife and baby. But when Lady Gertrude arrived at Baldwin's estate, she felt a strange dislike for both Melotta and the baby, a dislike she couldn't account for. Oh my God, I'm so excited. Is this a switcheroo? A switcheroo. A shenanigan happened. So Lady Gertrude just doesn't like her.

In spite of all the pains she took, she was quite unable to overcome this feeling she's just a mad mother-in-law yeah like she's she's yes she's jane fonda and monster in law next day lady gertrude was sitting with baldwin and mulatta in a cozy little room in the castle she had her grandson baby johan on her, but the baby became restless and unruly. So Baldwin, to amuse the child, I like how Baldwin hasn't noticed anything amiss. It's just his mom who was like, I don't feel good about this. Something's amiss.

Even the baby, that's so interesting. The baby is rubbing me the wrong way. I mean, I get that that i also don't like babies but that's just generally that's just like you know it's this specific baby and like yeah i feel like if a baby is giving you bad vibes like a specific baby that's a that is a demon child demon child oh no what happened so Oh, no. What happened? So Baldwin, to amuse the child, took up the pomegranate that the good fairy had given him and began tossing it from one hand to the other. That is not a toy, Baldwin.

That is a magic thing that you need to take care of and put it someplace safe. No, they didn't. Nope. Nope. That's not how this story works. Everyone is very reckless with their magic items. Clearly. Malata said she would like to taste the pomegranate.

And Baldwin is stupid. Then we shall all share it, said Baldwin, apparently forgetting that it's a magic pomegranate that is supposed to be used to summon a fairy if you need one oh my god so he takes a knife and he cuts it open as baldwin cuts the pomegranate mulatta vanished and baldwin to his horror saw beside him is maney the sorceress. It was a switcheroo. Oh my God. And upon Lady Gertrude's lap

instead of a lovely baby boy sat a hideous misshapen little demon with great horns and goat's feet whom Lady Gertrude in terror shook off her lap.

Oh my God. This is amazing. I know. Ismene is so fun. Yes. Ismene is amazing. I know. Ismany is so fun. Yes, Ismany is amazing. The little demon fell sprawling onto the floor. Then the wall opened.

The good fairy stepped out and at her side came Malata with the real baby Johan in her arms. What the fuck? I thought Ismany switched with Malata like a long time ago I know that also would have been funny okay so there is actually a baby okay there is a baby um this was a recent switch you see baldwin said the good fairy I could not come until you summoned me by cutting the pomegranate the wicked is maniies demons carried off Malata as she was walking with her baby in the garden. They dropped her in the wilderness,

but I took her into my palace. Meanwhile, is manie had taken on the shape of Malata and had changed one of her demons into the shape of your little son. Johan. This is a very like, why am I blanking on her name? That missed the mystery writer writer,

the murder. She wrote mystery writer. Oh, Angela Lansbury. Like sum up. Yeah. It's like, yeah,

it's a very like midnight on the Orient express. Like, yeah. It's like the detective coming out to explain what's going on. Yeah. The monologue, the monologue at going on. Yeah. The monologue. The monologue at the end where the whole plot is revealed. Uh-huh.

But now I promise that she shall trouble you no more. I will banish her to an underground cavern where, rage she will, she can do no further harm. After that, all went well. Lady Gertrude left her lovely mansion house under the mountains and came to live with baldwin and in baldwin's castle he his mother his wife and his little son johan lived happily ever after the end oh that was a great story that was a great story. That was really fun. Yeah. That was a fun one. I would give it a D minus for magical horses. What magic horse?

There was a regular guy that got turned into a horse. So I think that's not a magic horse. It's not a magic horse. Yeah. We need to rethink the stories that are put into that book. We do. I'm sure there are enough stories with magic horses that could go in it. Yes.

Yeah. Like other ones that have a more prominent magic horse. That one should have been in like a book of badass witches. Yeah. No, this would have been a much better fit for or for like um a book of princes and princesses or you know a book of magic sorcerers or whatever yeah that was really fun though i loved that story oh that was it was so good i loved it what it like what a roller coaster and nobody killed as manny so i feel like she should she could still be out there uh causing mischief and trouble i hope she is for her me too i hope she escapes and continues to cause mischief like

that's my fix i guess for the story maybe just learns to become more of a girl's girl maybe like her that's her punishment if she learns to become more of a girl's girl. Maybe like her. That's her punishment is she learns to become more of a girl's girl. Oh, her and the fairy. She, the fairy teaches her how to be a girl's girl or convinces her. Oh,

maybe that's the sequel. Cause it's like the good fairy. Like, yeah, she, she like rehabilitates her in like the underground cavern and then they do mischief together, but like more harmless mischief.

I love that idea. Yeah. Very fun. Very fun. Do you have a fix for it at all? Like outside of like, is Manny gets out somehow? Yeah,

no, honestly, that was really good. Yeah. I, I don't really have one either. That was really fun. Yeah, that's my only fix is that as Manny works on herself to become more of a girl's girl.

Yep. But then gets out to continue to do hilarious pranks with her magic. You know, I think that's a perfect fix. Me too. So I guessed a prince trying to save her from her tower was he a prince i don't think he was a prince no because like even at the end he just becomes an earl yeah so and i don't know if the horses talked or not i don't think so and there was no magic amulet so that was yeah and the real horses were horse flies because his mane is hilarious. That's so funny.

That's amazing. All right. The princess is not a major character. I would say she is. Would you? Yeah, she is a major character because she is one of like, I would call her the main character. Yeah. And then protagonist is the dude.

Yeah, you got that point. But sadly, very sadly, there was no dragon. I am bummed about this. And I should have predicted that the magic horse is barely in it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm so disappointed by that. I know.

Why didn't i guess oh well oh well now i know from this book although next time we read from this book it probably will have like a talking horse and it'll be in a story a whole bunch you gotta have a magic you gotta have one you know in this entire book. Come on. The other one we read from this book was The Straw Horse, which was more satisfyingly magical. That story was fucking hilarious. That story was hilarious. I love that story. I think, yeah, I think we're done for the day. Thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix.

I think we're done for the day. Thank you so much for listening to Fairytale Fix. If you enjoyed the show and these awesome stories like we do, please subscribe and leave us a review if you can on Apple or if you can leave us a star rating on Spotify. And I think you can leave reviews on Audible, which is kind of fun. If you love the show and want to support us, you can get extra episodes, merch, books, and other cool bonus content at our Patreon by signing up at fairytalefix.cash. We've got a ton of bonusodes, and they're always really fun.

You can also find us on Instagram at fairytalefixpod, and feel free to message us. You can email us or DM us on Instagram or Facebook. Tell us your favorite fairy tales, what tales you want to hear, your favorite folklore, nursery rhymes, and movie recommendations, game recommendations, literally anything. We just love to hear from you. Oh, and our email is info at fairytalefixpod.com. And so all of the animals asked way more questions, especially the python. He asked the iguana way more questions before

just assuming he was mad at him, so he didn't run into the rabbit's house. So the rabbit didn't run through the forest and scare the crow, and the crow didn't send off the alarm and scare the monkey, so the monkey didn't fall on a limb and kill the poor little baby owlet. it's a great

fix for that story i think uh and is maney the hilarious sorceress realize realizes somehow that she needs to do a little work on herself uh down in her underground prison and then the good fairy lets her out where she can continue to do uh amazing magical pranks to people that deserve it this time. And they all lived happily ever after. The end. The end.