Fake Doctors, Real Friends with Zach and Donald - 114: My Drug Buddy
Episode Date: May 21, 2020On this week's episode, JD learns his new girlfriend has a secret drug habit. In the real world, Zach and Donald talk about theater camp. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcast...network.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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I used to have so many men.
How this beguiling woman in her 50s.
She looked like a million bucks.
Scams a bunch of famous athletes out of untold fortunes.
Nearly $10 million was all gone. It's just unbelievable. Scams a bunch of famous athletes out of untold fortunes.
It's just unbelievable.
Listen to Queen of the Con, Season 5, The Athlete Whisperer,
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I didn't tell you that this podcast is so blowing up.
It's so on fire that they've asked Donald Faison and I to go on The View.
I hope I get to talk to Whoopi.
Well, you're old friends with Whoopi.
She was in Homie Spumoni.
Yeah, we did a movie together.
It was great.
I have some apologies to make to her.
I have to apologize like profusely to her. Don't embarrass us in front of Whoopi, bro.
I won't embarrass us in front of Whoopi, i won't embarrass us in front of whoopi but i was like a little punk back in the day like i was scared of
i was so scared of celebrities and getting to know actors who i was you know uh who i loved
like whoopi goldberg is one of my top five like she inspired me as a youth. Yeah, me too. Yeah, like Jumping Jack Flash.
There's so many.
Before all that, dude, when I saw The Color Purple when I was a kid,
and I thought, I didn't know anything about acting,
but I said, that is one of the best actresses I've ever seen.
Absolutely.
I cried in The Color Purple for the first time.
Are you kidding me?
I sob in The Color Purple.
For the first time ever in a movie, I cried.
When they pulled the sisters apart, right?
When they pulled the sisters apart. right? When they pulled the sisters apart!
Me and you, us never part!
My key, dada!
Oh my gosh!
Oh, I could cry right now.
I could cry right now.
Let me tell you something.
Ain't no mountain, ain't no sea!
My key, dada!
Keep my sister away from me!
My key, dada!
And the fact that her sister went to live with her kids, Adam and Olivia, that was even more special, man.
That's one of those movies.
I could get tears in my eyes with you recounting it.
If you haven't seen The Color Purple, it is a fucking masterpiece.
Steven Spielberg.
Directed by Steven Spielberg.
Music by Quincy Jones.
Yes.
And Whoopi Goldberg. spielberg always used uh john williams this was
the one of the first times that he didn't use john williams and used quincy jones instead
well that's good trivia and whoopi goldberg's performance is unbelievable and oprah winfrey
did she get not i know she got nominated she won the for that performance. No, she didn't win for it.
Nobody from the color purple won.
Who could have beat?
Joelle, I am so sorry to start right off the bat,
but who could have beaten Oprah Winfrey's performance in the color purple?
Who is this person?
Who is this thespian?
That one is my favorite scene.
You told Harpo to beat me.
All my life I has to fight.
I had to fight my brothers.
I had to fight my daddy.
I never thought I'd have to fight in my own house.
I love Harpo.
God knows I do.
But I kill him dead.
Oh, my God.
Come on. You just got me all riled up about Color Purple
sorry brother
what acting
Danny Glover
I agree with you
it was one of the first times I sobbed in a movie
and I was a little kid
and I was just like
wow this got me
I remember my mom tapping my dad and
being like the baby's shun's crying my baby's crying oh really at that part yeah me and you
us never part and when she teaches her how to read and then of course at the end when her sister
comes back when she finds the letters oh when she finds the letters when she finds the letters, there's just so many moments. When she finds the letters, when she finds the letters.
But when I think of like, you know, sometimes I think about the movies that have made me
cry the most, I always think of those two sisters being torn apart in The Color Purple.
That and one of my favorite moments in that whole movie is when Suge Avery, played by
Margaret, finally has lightened up to Miss Sealyaly and she's written a song with her band
called Miss Sealy's Blues and they play it at the juke joint.
Mm-hmm.
Sister, you've been on my mind.
Oh, sister, we're two of a kind.
We're two of a kind, so sister, I'm keeping my eye on you.
That song is fire.
And did Quincy Jones write that?
Yeah, man.
This is all Quincy Jones.
The whole soundtrack.
Quincy Jones, cue.
Sister, you got me on my mind Okay
I can't do it like you
Nobody could do it like
Margaret Shug Avery
Hey should we sing?
Get into it
5, 6, 5, 6, 7
9 stories
About a show we made
About a bunch of docs and nurses
And a janitor who loved to hate.
I said he's got stories
that we all should know.
So gather round to hear our,
gather round to hear our
Scrubs Rewatch Show with Zach and Donald.
So much love for the theme song, Donald.
Lots of love on our Instagrams for so many things.
Bill and his 5, 6, 7, 8s.
So much love.
I didn't realize that there were that few Peloton instructors.
So a lot of people were like, oh, man, you had such and such.
Oh, really?
I don't know who it was.
I thought there were dozens of them.
I guess not.
Or I guess the one I described was very specific.
You didn't really leave much
mystery. Did you work out today? I see
you're all sweating up there. I did work out today.
I found a new instructor. Oh, good.
You know, you can pat down
your head before we do the podcast. That's allowed.
I did. I showered and everything.
This is that afterglow. This is that
freaking Bruce. What Bruce Lee Warrior
was searching for at the end of The Last Dragon, I got that going got that going right now oh really why don't you pull some sweatpants off
the rack and pat your forehead down i can't look at that for an hour does it make you uncomfortable
no but you need like what do you when you know when the rappers always carry a washcloth
you and i got a debate years ago about how you said that African-American people always bring a washcloth into the shower.
Yeah, we did get into a debate about this.
And I said that I've never used a washcloth in the shower.
And you said every black person I know brings a washcloth in the shower.
Most black people use washcloths.
Joelle, can you weigh in on this?
She said noddingting her hair, yes.
Black Twitter, when we learned that people do not wash their legs,
they were very loud about the use of washcloths
and tried to inform a lot of people of many reasons.
You can always just take a cloth in there and really scrub.
What does your hand do, that thing that has friction,
that is made for friction when wet?
So you're married to
a caucasian woman do you use the washcloth and she doesn't no she uses a washcloth my wife is
southern but hold on now okay let's not forget that my wife is southern there's a lot of things
that southern white people even though they might have issues with black people do exactly the same
thing that black people do wash Washcloth in the shower.
Well, if you're listening, we want to know, no matter what your ethnicity, if you use
a washcloth in the shower, please hit us up.
You're just getting cleaner.
Hit us up on Instagram and let us know if you're washing.
Now, you said washing your legs, Joel.
I definitely think that I neglect my legs in the shower.
Oh, that's horrible.
I throw a little something down there, but I don't get in there
with a washcloth. You need to get in there
with a washcloth, bro. What about your toes?
Do you clean your toes? Yeah, man, you clean your
whole body with it. The thing is, don't go
to the genitals. Hold on, don't go to the ass
and the genitals right away.
Wash your body first and save that
for the end. So you have to replace the
washcloth each shower?
Well, I mean.
Because you might have a little doo-doo on it.
If you get in there deep.
If you get in there deep.
And then you come back and all of a sudden you're wiping doo-doo all over your legs.
Oh, God.
No, no, no. But that all depends on how well you wipe your ass, too, God. No, no, no.
But that all, listen, it all depends on how well you wipe your ass, too, though.
Okay, so if you got doo-doo in the crack of your ass when you're showering.
I feel no matter how well you wipe, if you stick a washcloth, you know, a quarter of an inch in your anus, you're going to get a little poo on it.
And I don't want to put that on my legs.
So let me get this straight.
When you are washing your body, you stick your finger a quarter of an inch
in your... No, I'm saying if I had...
No, I don't. But I'm saying if I
had a washcloth, if I had the barrier
mitt of a washcloth, I would probably
be inspired. I'd be inspired
to get in there and just get the inner rim a little.
No?
No?
Have we gone too far?
Have we gone too far?
No, no.
Joelle is the test audience and she's cracking up.
Listen, listen, when I clean my sink, Donald, for the most time, I just, you know, I clean the bottom of the sink, get all the stuff to go in the drain.
Like once a week, I take a scrub and I really get the rim of the drain hole.
So I'm talking about that.
Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it.
So let me get this straight.
You'll wash your dishes,
the things that you eat off of,
with something that's not your hand.
Yes.
Well, you're inspiring me.
Both you and Joelle are making me think
that I got to change this up.
I'm 45 years old.
I'm going to change my whole shower routine.
Man, we've had this conversation for a very long time.
I know.
And we haven't changed it yet.
I know.
Well, I have done it.
I've gone through periods where I bring a washcloth in.
But then I'm like, oh, I got to change it each shower.
That's a lot of washcloths.
What about like one of those scrub puffs or like one of those?
A loofah.
A loofah.
A loofah.
Yeah, but I'm not trying to put a loofah between my cheeks.
Scratch my shit up.
Oh, my gosh oh my god
the show took a long
I'm sorry everybody
I hope you're listening
on earphones
I hope you're listening
on earphones
and not out loud
by the way
I gotta tell you
I'm listening
I'm watching the funniest
fucking show
I gotta give this show
a shout out
and also because
it's on Hulu
one of our sponsors
they love this
it's called Dave
and it's Little Dicky it's Little Dicky I didn't know anything about Little Dicky you haven't heard on Hulu, one of our sponsors. They love this. It's called Dave.
And it's- Little Dicky.
It's Little Dicky.
I didn't know anything about Little Dicky.
You haven't heard,
I woke up in Chris Brown's body.
No.
Oh, he has a song with him and Chris Brown
where he wakes up one day
and he's Chris Brown and Chris Brown is him.
I'm going to watch all the videos.
But dude, you have to watch the show.
The song is called Freaky Friday.
You have to watch. Joel, have you seen seen the show you guys have to watch the show it is so fucking funny yeah man little dicky is funny man it's a but donald you will love it it's our
totally our sense of humor i didn't know i didn't know this guy at all i'm sorry that i'm not hip
to little dicky i've seen the billboards are all over la i didn't even like the billboards no
offense to the advertising uh you didn't like Little Dicky hanging out of underwear?
No, I was like, I saw that billboard, which is all over Los Angeles.
It's Little Dicky hanging out of a pair of boxers like he's a penis.
And I did not, I was like, that's definitely not for me.
And then enough people start, including Bill Lawrence and somebody else told me about the show.
We binged it.
It is so fucking funny.
We were sad it was over.
Wow.
And it's heartfelt.
It's one of those things, you know, like, you know,
obviously like the show we're talking about,
where you're laughing at something so preposterous one minute,
and then they find a way to put heart into it.
And he talks all about how fucked up his penis is.
And we were like, you know.
It can't be that bad.
No, I literally, I turned to my gal and i
said do you think this is all fiction or is he really have this messed up a penis he doesn't
mean small i mean it's small but also like born with like birth defects that he had to have fixed
and which messed it up more and so right before this podcast i was googling i was like embarrassed
i'm laughing at myself i'm like is little dicky's dick really fucked up and i found this article
like yeah he was that's, yeah, he was.
Like, no bullshit.
He was born with all these problems with it, and he had to have it repaired, and the repairs cost more problems.
And he said it was like a super soaker, and the pee was coming out two holes, and he has to plug one with his finger when he's at a urinal, and all this crazy shit.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, he's got a problematic penis.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
He's got a problematic penis.
Little Dicky is a pretty,
he's a,
he's a very good rapper and he's a very good
basketball player too.
He's very,
I know that's in the show
and he's very funny
and all of a sudden,
you know who's hysterical
on the show
is Benny Blanco
plays himself
and he's hilarious.
I mean,
I've never seen the guy
act before
and he's just a natural.
I mean, you'd cast him in a show
that had nothing to do with playing himself,
and Bieber does a cameo.
Anyway, that's my long plug for Dave, you guys.
I think that if you...
Hi, I'm Dave.
Yeah.
Hi, I'm Dave.
Donald, I'm telling you,
you're going to watch this when we hang up today.
Joel, you too.
You guys will crack up.
When we're done with the podcast,
and I put the kids down tonight.
Oh, yeah. It's definitely not for your your kids because it's super r-rated but um
it's funny shit there's amazing supporting cast and uh it sounds like i'm i'm like was paid to do
an ad for it but i'm just sharing with you that i loved it right on should we get into our show
let's get into the show awesome awesome we're talking about guys. My drug buddy. My drug buddy. Great episode.
Michael Spiller is back as director and Matt Tarsus, one of our favorites. Matt Tarsus is
what we Jews call a mensch, just a really sweet heart of a human being. And Matt Tarsus and I
made a TV show. It's going to be a whole, it's all going
to come full circle. We made a TV show called Alex Inc. that only went 10 episodes because,
you know, it didn't really click with the fans and didn't work, but we worked on it together
and it was about making a podcast. And now here I made a podcast with you and the podcast we made
is more successful than the darn TV show we made. That's sometimes how it works out, buddy.
I know.
Now we're going on The View.
Right.
Now we're going on The View for a podcast.
I haven't been on The View ever.
Really?
I do a podcast.
You're going on The View for a podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pretty cool.
Well, don't get into a fight with Meghan McCain.
She gets all riled up.
I don't talk politics on television.
Me too.
We're not going to talk any politics.
We don't want anyone mad at us. Well to talk any politics. We don't want anyone
mad at us.
Well, it's not that
I don't want anyone
mad at me.
I don't want to get mad
at anyone else.
I know.
I just don't want to
waste that energy.
But people get all riled up.
That's why I don't do
politics on here.
Right.
I don't do politics
on Instagram.
I hate it.
No politics.
I hate wasting that energy
on somebody
and having to listen
to people's
their opinions.
I know.
My opinion is my opinion.
Bam, in your face.
That's why I'm barely even reading Twitter anymore
because it's just the most, it's like the most aggro, insane place.
If it were a town, you would never go to that town.
Ever.
You'd get into a fight.
It'd be the town that you go to when you're ready to fight.
Listen.
All right, so this one's called My Drug Buddy.
Great episode.
Great episode.
You know what I noticed, though, is that I didn't laugh out loud that much, but I still
had great feelings.
Like, when the show was over, I was still like, that was such a good episode.
But I didn't have moments where I was like, ha!
You didn't laugh out loud?
You didn't laugh out loud when Kelso, Judy's trying to get in the car, and Kelso rolls
down the window like a quarter inch? That shit was hilarious. No, I didn't laugh at that. You didn't laugh out loud when Kelso, Judy's trying to get in the car, and Kelso rolls down the window like a quarter inch?
That shit was hilarious.
No, I didn't laugh at that.
You know, I did laugh.
There was one moment where I laughed out loud.
What?
You owe me 20 bucks made me laugh so hard.
Yeah, that was funny.
When the janitor comes up at the end after you've gotten, you know,
after you and let's start from the beginning.
What about don't look?
No, no, no.
Yeah, well, I've seen you do that for 20-something years now.
Since I met you, you've been doing that.
That's my shit, everyone.
Yeah, that is your shit.
That was not written by the legendary Bill Lawrence
or this Menchie Matt Tarsis you've heard about.
Hiding nipples, all me.
Okay.
So, you taste like eggs.
So we wait.
We see.
We wake up next to the – we still haven't had sex, JD and Alex.
That's the point of the episode is we've never done the deed.
We wake up.
She says I taste like old eggs.
And she likes old eggs.
She likes old eggs.
Do you remember – you've been in a relationship forever,
but do you remember trying to hold your morning breath from somebody new?
No. Never? No.
Never?
No.
Oh, I always do.
I always did, you know, back when, you know, when something's new and you're like, you don't want them to think like you poo, you fart, you ever could have bad breath.
You're like trying to present the best version of yourself.
Nah, what you see is what you get.
Really?
Yeah.
And that sometimes is a problem
i'm who i am from the beginning to the end of the relationship so what makes you better for
what makes you fall for me is the same thing as the reason why you broke up with me most likely
right all of this oh he has potential shit no no no no it stops at the door you walk in that's
bullshit though you've been fixed up you
were casey fixed your ass up a bit yeah kate well casey's a different story i said from the beginning
to the end i'm still in this oh i see so you're still a work in progress is what you said look
and and i've done what jd's done before too where i've watched you know my wife sleep and just looked
at her like i can't believe she's my wife. Oh, that's so romantic.
I've done that a couple of times.
I'm not going to lie.
That's so sweet.
And then there's the times where I've looked at her like-
Does Casey listen to the podcast, by the way?
No.
Of course not.
Only time Casey listens to the podcast is when I'm like, I talked about you on the podcast.
She's like, oh, you did, did you?
Oh.
Well, let me listen to the podcast.
Oh, well, she's going to love what you just said.
That was very romantic.
It's the truth.
Oh, that's sweet.
Now, how about this monkey?
How about this monkey in the marching band?
Bill was so into weird animals.
I mean, we always had weird animals on the show.
But I love monkeys.
I'm not going to lie.
I love monkeys, too.
And I don't know why.
I guess that monkey was not performing because he's so sped up.
It's weird.
I guess it's a lot to ask a monkey to clap cymbals,
but he did it.
He did it.
Did you see the video of that monkey
trying to kidnap that kid?
No.
What's that?
So there's a video on Instagram
of a monkey riding a bike.
He jumps off the bike like a gangster,
grabs an infant,
and snatches it up
and tries to run off with this little baby.
Where is this taking place?
I don't know where this is.
Wherever they got monkeys riding on bicycles in the street.
Oh, my God.
Snatches the monkey.
The monkey snatches the baby and rides away.
And somebody's like, hey, hey, hey.
And then the monkey kind of gets scared that he's seen trying to steal a baby and rides off.
I can't watch The link right now, Dan.
Why are you distracting me?
You can totally watch the link.
Oh, it's only 15 seconds.
I'm watching now.
What the fuck?
Why is the monkey taking the kid?
Oh, my God.
Indonesia.
Indonesia.
Holy shit.
Indonesia.
Don't bring your kid to Indonesia.
They will steal your kid. They're Holy shit. Indonesia. Don't bring your kid to Indonesia. They will steal your kid.
They climbing in your window.
They snatching your kids.
So hide your kids.
Hide your wife.
Have you seen the monkey gangs fighting?
I don't know if it's Indonesia or where,
but there's this place where there's always tourism
and people are always feeding all these monkeys.
And because of the pandemic,
nobody's feeding these hundreds and hundreds of monkeys.
So they're getting in like turf wars.
The gangs of different monkeys are like getting into street brawls over the scraps of food
because there's no tourists feeding them.
This sounds like a movie.
Have you guys seen that one, Joelle or Dan?
No, I have not.
I've seen, this reminds me of like Watership Down or something like that, where the hairs
go at it with each other.
Dan's going to find that video, Don, because now you got to see my viral monkey video.
Okay, I can't wait to see it.
Now, when you say that's what I'm talking about.
First time ever.
First time ever.
I wrote that down.
First time ever.
You didn't laugh at yourself, I did.
No, because I say it in real life all the time.
That was kind of like your what you talking about Willis. That was your catchphrase. That was my what you talking about Willis. didn't laugh at yourself i did no because i say it i say it in real life all the time that was
kind of like your what you talking about willis that was that was my what you're talking about
willis listen you gotta have a catchphrase and i did have one you had one too i didn't intend to
what was mine eagle eagle by the way speaking of my catchphrase one of which was nobody cares sean
i had so much people on instagram writing, how could you guys have a Sean on
the show and not say to him, nobody
cares, Sean?
But listen, we have the real Scott
Foley coming on. I can't wait.
Is it
true that we got Brendan Fraser coming
on too? I didn't know we were going to tell the people,
but yes, we got Brendan Fraser coming on.
I'm really excited about that.
Everybody wants to be on this hot podcast.
You know, the one that's going on The View.
Everybody wants to talk about the hottest podcast in town.
Is it true that Krista Miller's coming on too?
Yeah, we got Krista Miller.
We got Sarah Chalk.
And we got Neil Flynn coming.
We got Neil Flynn.
We got Johnny C. McGinley coming back.
We got Bill for our finale of season one, you guys.
You're getting all of this fucking inside scoop
on this episode. we're gonna have
bill and krista on together oh i love it so they can see if we can we should see if we can get like
the whole cast on at one point and do like a the only thing about that is if you've ever been on a
zoom call with more than like four people it just devolves into mayhem i mean yeah we could do it
it's just i we i did a Zoom call with like my family
for somebody's, for my own birthday.
Sorry, I was about to say for somebody's,
we've done it for a couple of birthdays.
But like everyone's talking over everyone
and my parents don't know how to use it.
And everybody's screaming over each other.
You know, it doesn't work.
But no, but you're right, Donald.
I want to give the people what they want.
They might want us to like read a script
or something like that.
Maybe we could do something like that.
I don't know.
I know, but Bill's not going to go write a fucking Scrubs episode right now.
He's too busy.
Okay.
He's got, like, nine shows.
Hey, look at that video.
Dan just put it in the chat.
They want that tourist food.
Yo!
Yo, they chasing after dude with the hook.
Drop it.
Who? Yeah, they're chasing after dude with the hook. Crap. Hell no.
That's rival monkey gangs.
Hell to the no.
Hell no.
All right, there you go.
So we had a monkey on the episode.
Yeah, sorry.
That was a long digression.
We had a monkey in the episode of Scrubs.
That was a long digression. My drug buddy has a monkey in the episode of Scrubs. That was a long digression.
My drug buddy has a monkey.
Yeah.
Now, okay, how about Keep It Holy Now?
That was funny.
Aloma 250.
Keep It Holy Now.
That one and the janitor asking you if you slept with her yet.
Yeah.
That's a whole runner.
A whole runner of the episode.
The whole show.
The janitor's whole point in this episode is to make fun of me for not sleeping with my girlfriend.
With your hot girlfriend.
By the way, I feel like that's a thing.
When JD gets these hot girlfriends and then somehow doesn't close and never sleeps with them.
Remember when I got – well, actually, with Liz Banks, I think we had had sex.
But the time I got her pregnant, we didn't have intercourse.
You didn't have sex.
Yeah, you didn't have intercourse.
I said there was some, you know, I forgot the analogy, but this whole elaborate thing about how there was fire that landed near the site.
Near the site.
Yeah.
I wonder if you can really, I mean, I guess you probably can really get pregnant that way.
I mean, if we put it on the show, it's probably true.
Yeah, someone must have Googled it.
What a horrible thing to have happen, you know?
I also love that you're Grace in Will and Grace.
You're not Will, you're Grace.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I laughed out loud, like I said, at 422 when Kelso rolls down
the window and inched for Judy
I totally don't remember at all this Kelso
Judy storyline but I thought it was very funny
and they were both really good
together
they have good chemistry also
it means she doesn't give a crap
what she know
it was a great moment
I noticed at 604 I'm in the on-call room with Alex, Liz Bogish,
and Sarah comes in and mentions the missing Percocet.
And if you know the end of the episode, you track her face.
She's got a very guilty face on.
Yeah, that was, like I said, man, we always dropped clues.
There you go.
And the way she deflected it was by saying,
when watching it this time around,
knowing what the outcome
was, I was like, oh my god, she just totally gave it
away just now. Yeah.
She totally winked at the camera like, I did it.
Yeah. But it's funny.
Anytime you know the end of a movie
or a TV show and you go back,
you'll hopefully see some little
clues. Of course, I never watched this.
I probably only watched this episode once.
I never noticed it.
But this time watching it back,
I noticed that either it was her choice
or Spiller directed her to give a little bit of a look,
but she definitely gives a look like Oja.
Yeah, but that doesn't usually,
that's what I'm trying to say.
Usually, you know, a lot of movies you go back
and you can't find, you know,
somebody, whoever wrote it or television shows too you go back and you can't find where it all tracked from it
doesn't always track you know who's really good at tracking things are like you know
james franco and seth rogan and them when they write movies like when i saw this is the end
franco gives you the whole plot in the beginning of the movie of what the movie's gonna be and you don't
listen to it necessarily
because you're just, you're waiting for the laughs
and at the end of the movie, it's
exactly what he said to Rogan
in the beginning. He's like, you know, this
is gonna happen, this happens, and then at the end
Danny eats me.
And then it happens in the movie!
That may have been a special case where you didn't track it
because you were high off your ass.
That's another thing that I've stopped recently.
Conja?
You talked about how, you know, you eat unhealthy and you went on this fast because you were sick.
Oh, I gave you a pep talk about your diet, yeah.
Well, you also talked about it on the podcast where you were like, you know, we made all of this pizza.
And then finally we were like, we're going to get healthy.
He just showed me his abs.
Yes, to inspire you.
He showed me, Dan, and Joelle his abs.
They look good.
Well, I meant to inspire you.
If Dan and Joelle want to be inspired as well, they can be.
Very nice.
Anyway, you talked about it.
And I was like, well, I'm doing so many horrible things.
Like I made fried chicken last night.
I know.
You sent me a picture of you eating fried chicken.
How is that going to help your diet?
It was delicious, by the way.
I'm really good at cooking now, but I can only cook bad foods.
You know what I mean?
And so I was like, I got to cut this out.
And so I've decided.
Oh, so you gave up weed last night.
You know how it is with me
When I give you these speeches
Donald is so extreme
It's not like I've been off of it for
you know, a week
I've only stopped smoking weed
literally less than
10 hours ago
Donald is so funny, this is classic Donald Faison
He'll be like, yo, yo, I stopped smoking weed
I'll be like, oh man, good for you man good for you good for you when um this morning i woke up this morning but the crazy
frustrating thing about you that i fucking hate is when when donald commits to get in shape
he can do it in like a month he'll be ripped like he will go so hardcore he'll work out every day
he'll totally change his diet and then you'll see him and you'll be like, holy shit.
You did that in four weeks?
And that spoiled your ass because now you know in an emergency,
like if you get some part where you've got to be looking good,
you can fucking do it so fast.
Right.
So if you're listening, Marvel, Star Wars, if you're listening,
and if you're ever thinking about hiring Donaldald faze on who i am who i am
comma who i am and you're like uh but he looks like he's out of shape right now
know that all it takes is one month and i'm yours did you see kamal oh my god he looks amazing
fucking hell man he looks amazing dude he hell, man. He looks amazing, dude.
He went all out.
He looks like an action figure.
He does look like an action figure.
He looks well.
It suits him, too.
It doesn't look bad on him, either.
No, he looks great.
And I like the fact that he shouted out his whole team that did it, because I think sometimes
these famous actor types, they show what they did, and they don't say like, oh, and I had
a chef, and I had a trainer.
Because you got to be honest with people and say like,
hey, I had a team
help me with this.
And I liked when he revealed
that on Instagram
that he shouted out
everybody that helped him.
Right.
It's not something
that you can do by yourself.
I don't know how The Rock does it,
but I'm sure The Rock has.
Dude, he's a zillionaire.
He literally puts up a gym
wherever he goes.
He's got a tent,
like a wedding tent gym that gets set up wherever he goes. He's got a tent, like a wedding tent gym that gets
set up wherever he goes. Yeah.
The Iron Paradise.
Should we get back to the episode, Donald? Let's do it.
For the love of God. Yeah.
I thought at
7.05 it was funny when they're online at the
coffee shop, the guy's wearing a giant headset
like it kind of dates the show
2001 or whatever. He's wearing
like a full-on megaphone headset.
Is it a headset so he can call out orders over a loudspeaker?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It was a guy in line.
Remember, Judy gets in a fight.
Oh, that's right.
And he's on the phone.
Right.
But this is before the headsets got tiny.
Right.
He had the Janet Jackson one on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or what was the boy band, NSYNC or whatever? Yeah. They would have the big... Bye, bye one on. Yeah. Yeah. Or like the, or what is it? What was the boy band NSYNC or whatever that you would have the big.
Bye, bye, bye.
Yeah.
Coming up.
The big headsets.
So John C and I.
You're on the same police schedule.
Has that ever happened to you?
No.
Me neither.
I've never had to go to the bathroom at the same time as another man consistently.
Like I've gone to the bathroom and another man has been in the bathroom.
But I didn't go back to the bathroom four more times that day and see the same dude.
Yeah.
It's awkward.
I really hate.
I agree with Johnny C.
I don't like fucking urinal banter.
And I'm sure.
I don't like urinal eye contact either.
No.
And I'm sure someone like you being in the public eye.
Sometimes you have people that want to fist bump you and talk to you in the men's room. That's no, no. No, and I'm sure someone like you, being in the public eye, sometimes you have people that want to fist bump you and talk to you in the men's room.
That's no, no.
No, no.
Has that happened to you before?
Oh, yeah.
I just want to say I love your work.
People want to do hip hop hugs.
People want to fist bump.
Nope.
Dude, I remember one time, this dude, we're at the urinal, and he's like, dude, I love your work.
And I was like, oh, shit.
Okay, cool.
And then we go to the sink.
Uh-oh.
And he's like, and we're washing our hands.
And he's like, I'm telling you right now, man, it's so good.
You're shining like a gold diamond right now.
Like a gold diamond.
And I thought to myself.
That was the kiss.
Was he a good kisser?
He was a great kisser.
Not a great cuddler, but great kisser.
I don't think, you know, it's fine.
I don't want to talk when I'm at the urinal.
Like, if you're, by the way, speaking of headsets,
you see dudes, like, on their phone at the urinal,
and they're like, no, Jim, I told you.
Like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
And they're, like, shaking their dick,
and then they're, like, then they pull out their phone
while they're peeing, and they got their dick dangling,
and they're, like, checking their Instagram.
Oh, my gosh.
That's not my style.
Oh, my gosh.
That sounds horrible. Now, i notice you and johnny i guess it's to hide penis uh for the camera but
you're standing very close and even joelle commented on this in her notes that she said
do guys joelle said quote do guys really stand that close to the urinal and i want to be like
no joelle no i mean i get this the camera angle you had to hide your junk women probably want to be like, no, Joelle, no. I mean, I get this, the camera angle you had to hide your junk.
Women probably want to know this, but there's all different types of urinals.
There's, you know, at the stadium, there's like just a trough.
Right.
And then at like a high-end restaurant, there'll be like a border that like blocks.
Like, no, this is my space.
You can't look into my shit.
Right, right, right.
Now, and nowadays to put a little, you know, it's funny.
They put something for men to aim for because studies have found that when men have something to aim at, they're way less likely to splash everywhere.
So now in the urinals, they put like an etched little bug or a little bullseye, and you're supposed to – I mean, it doesn't say please aim for the bug.
Your brain is like, I'm going to hit that fucking fake bug.
Right.
please aim for the bug, your brain is like,
I'm going to hit that fucking fake bug.
And the physics of it, if you aim for that bug perfectly,
you're least likely to splash all over the floor.
Right.
I always wonder how that happens.
You know what I mean?
You get on a plane and you go into the bathroom in a plane and somebody has just like shit their brains out in the bathroom.
Exploded.
And you're like, what the fuck, dude?
It exploded.
I remember one time something came at the bathroom. Di you're like what the fuck dude exploded i remember one time some lady came
at the diarrhea and turbulence one time this young lady came out of the bathroom and i saw when she
came out she was in there for a while but when she came out i saw that she was she had the moment of
i should tell you not to go in
but i'm not gonna say anything because i'm a little embarrassed
and i went into the bathroom and it was everywhere everywhere and i was like what do you do and i
wanted to come out and be like what happened right what did you do what did you eat did you have the
fish so when i walked by her going back to my seat when i walked by her i just looked at her
and shook my head no you did it i was like with disapprovement oh that's fucked up yeah
listen have you ever gone into a bathroom like an air like an airplane bathroom and it's just
horrible like someone just destroyed it and you you didn't you're just gonna pee or whatever and
get out and then you're like as you come out the person in line and you you feel like you want to
tell them like i didn't do that like whatever i need you to know especially when you're in the public eye you're like you don't want you going home, I didn't do that. Like, whatever. I need you to know.
Especially when you're in the public eye.
You're like, you don't want to go home and tell your friends, like,
Donald Faison destroyed that fucking airplane bathroom.
So you got to be like, hey, I just went and peed.
I had nothing to do with the shit on the ceiling.
I had nothing to do with what's going on in there.
I'll even come out and be like, you need to get the stewardess
because whoever was in there last.
You need to get the flight attendant because whoever was in there last totally messed up.
I had nothing to do with the stalactites on the ceiling.
Right.
So when Johnny sees banging his head on the wall, I remember they cut a hole in the wall into the other room and then put up a gym mat.
Hat, yeah. the room and then put up a gym uh mat hat yeah yeah no a mat a gym mat and then covered the wall
again with uh set wall yeah whatever the set wall was and they covered it up so that he could bang
his head on the wall oh and not get a concussion and if i remember correctly because that bathroom
that we were in was actually two rooms where they cut a hole in the wall and then just put a fake urinal against it.
Well, that's how they got that shot of you.
There's a shot of you straight on in the plumbing of the urinals in the foreground.
They could have never gotten that shot if that wall wasn't removable.
Or they could have rigged that little plumbing thing right in front of the camera.
I don't know what they did.
Also, the hospital didn't have bathrooms like that, if you recall.
Right, it didn't have shared men's rooms like that.
Right.
Right, yeah.
Right.
And if it did, if it did, there were no urinals on the wall.
You had to go into a stall.
Yeah, and it's very hard to shoot in a bathroom anyway.
But yeah, so you and Johnny, that's your whole arc.
Actually, there's a lot more to the arc.
I never remembered at all that it was this blatant that Cox had a whole thing for Carlo.
Yeah.
I mean, you guys have it out at the end.
Yeah.
And that's what I was trying to tell Johnny, and he was like, I didn't believe it.
I'm like, all right, well, whatever, man.
But when we have him on, he's coming back on uh so we gotta we can ask him about this
right uh i laughed when you went i went i laughed when you went you're my little p buddy right right
i remember i remember when we were shooting this this is when i was like wow and i even said to
him johnny don't intimidate me and he was like i'm not intimidating you man don't you know shut the fuck up with that
and i was like you're right let me just let me do my work and i remember being very excited to
work with john because i you know this this was really my first moment ever that we had
multiple scenes together and the first your first story arc together. And so we were working together multiple days. It wasn't just
one day of filming.
And we got to develop some
form of timing together
because we didn't necessarily
have that at this point. So wait, when you started
this episode, you said to him
like, don't intimidate me?
We were doing the scene where we're face
to face. And
Johnny's an intimidating person and
he you know but he was in character he's supposed to be trying to intimidate you right but as uh
as a young actor who's working with somebody you admire and you're doing stuff like that
you know i i got nervous and i was and i i you know i mumbled out oh please come on man don't
intimidate me.
He was like, shut the fuck up.
I'm not intimidating you.
Just do the scene.
And I was like, you're absolutely right.
You're absolutely right.
Good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it worked out because I think you guys are really great together.
It's very funny.
Johnny, he always was kind of, think about it,
when he was on set, kind of in character as Cox.
He was always kind of like, he know, he's one of those guys.
You know, some actors, not like on the Daniel Day-Lewis level you hear where someone's like, you have to call him President Lincoln.
But like he was always, you know, he was always kind of, you know, a lot of people stay kind of roughly.
Manny Patinkin did that in Wish I Was Here.
You know, he would, you know, he would be on set.
He'd kind of be being the guy even when you weren't shooting.
And then you'd call rap and he'd be like, hey, a great day man uh see you tomorrow and big hug and it was like
and johnny and johnny i feel was like that he would kind of when you know he was always kind
of don't you think kind of stay a little bit in the cox character and i think and i think that's
what everybody interprets as he's intense and stuff like that and and and and why people are
nervous when they work with him for the first time
because they misconstrue that as this dude is 100% method
or this dude is an asshole or this dude's just too intense for me.
And what he was doing was just being Cox when Cox is in the hospital
when we work together.
You know, I was very excited to work with the man.
I thought it was, and I love the way the story arc ends.
I love that we, you know, he's trying to hide it from everyone
that he's in love with Carla, and we figure it out.
And you and I figure it out, but she hasn't figured it out yet.
And so, which is really weird.
Wait, does Carla not know that johnny sees
no she doesn't i feel like i feel like women know right away and so no i think that's bullshit i
think a lot of women are like we're just friends and i want to be like have you not seen when harry
met sally watch that shit i think they say we're just friends to push you into a friends into the
friend zone anytime a woman goes, we're just friends.
She knows what's going on.
And I disagree.
I disagree.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no or someone else in your life, and you go, you know that straight guy friend you have wants to sleep with you, right?
And they're like, what?
No, we're just friends.
My wife doesn't have any straight friends.
Well, back in the day, she might have.
Yes, she does.
No, she doesn't.
All right.
Well, back in the day.
Other than you.
Should I tell her that you want to sleep with her?
I would. I'm just kidding. i'm just kidding she fine as hell she is fine no she is no but you know what i'm talking about you well do you know
what i'm talking about i do know what you're talking about and i think it depends on the
person i don't think we can we can paint the entire female gender as being aware or unawares.
I think there, I've definitely seen some ladies in their time, you know, use the sexual attraction
to their advantage and be like, oh, I don't know. We're just friends. We're not even friends,
but they knew. But I've also seen plenty of women who were just like, wait, what?
Cause I just thought we were just vibing. I thought we were friends. We were cool.
Right. I think when Harry Met Sally is a really great articulation for this. It just like, wait, what? I just thought we were just vibing. I thought we were friends. Right. I think when Harry Met Sally
is a really great articulation for this, it's like
if you're friends for a certain amount of time
and let's say you're a man and
woman and you're both heterosexual and
let's say single at the time,
I just have trouble believing that
one of those parties isn't attracted
to the other. I agree
with you 100%. I feel like somebody
is always attracted. look i don't
i don't i can't i can't sit here and say i have you know other than people colleagues that i work
with i don't have like a girlfriend that i call up and i'm like yeah of course not not anymore
dude you're marrying is inappropriate but i'm saying back in the day no i wanted to sleep with them yeah that's honest
that's the honest to goodness yeah exactly back in the day if i had a long way around the block
to get to that but back in the day if i had a friend and she was a a girl yeah and she was
attractive and you were attracted to her she didn't necessarily even have to be the hottest person on the planet.
Listen, friends, it's not about looks.
It's also about how the person makes you laugh
and how they make you feel and stuff like that.
All of that goes into what's attractive to you.
You know what I mean?
Like, Zach, you aren't the most beautiful man on the planet,
but if you were a female, dude.
What the hell are you talking about?
If you were a female,
we would've got married.
We would've got married.
Yeah.
I have the weirdest
boner right now.
Oh, God.
All right,
should we get back
to the episode?
Oh, we should probably
take a break.
We're still in the episode.
Let's go do a break.
We gotta take a break.
I gotta cool down.
I gotta take a cold shower.
It's so hot.
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It's been brought to my attention that when we come back from break, Dan,
that you've chosen the section of the song that's the old one without the mm-hmm.
But before you correct it, I've had people tell me on Instagram they like it
because they know it's not going to be there,
and they do the mm-hmm themselves to the song.
Oh, my gosh.
So you might be saying you did that on purpose, Dan.
I find it amazing that the mm-hmm is so important to everyone.
I get it.
No, it is.
I get it.
I get it.
It's amazing to me that without it, some of you get very upset.
Yeah.
Well, I like our fan participation.
I got to tell you, they weigh in passionately. Passionately. Yeah. Well, I like our fan participation. I got to tell you, they weigh in passionately.
Passionately.
Yeah.
You know, they were talking about, today someone asked me, when are you guys going to do merch?
And I said, oh, it's funny.
We were just kind of shooting the shit about that.
What do you guys want?
And I had like dozens and dozens of people saying they want Donald on a beach towel.
Let's do it.
I would love to have you on a beach towel.
It's that episode, people. it is that episode i would well no no i don't mean stop no i moved on from the homoeroticism
i'm just saying your cute face on a beach towel would be delightful or a mug i was thinking a
mug that's your face right and then when you pour hot water in it it changes to my face
that's hilarious joel you like that, right?
That's hilarious.
That's probably going to cost a lot of money.
Yeah, that would.
You know, it's funny.
Most podcasts, I didn't realize from podcasts, like merch was so important.
But I guess a lot of podcasts sell like mugs and t-shirts.
And then when they asked us.
But we're working on it.
I know.
But when iHeart asked us, what do you guys want to sell?
Like Donald and I were like, oh, mugs that change color, towels,
tiki necklaces, like the most elaborate shit.
They were like, well, we were thinking mugs.
Right, we were thinking maybe like a pen or something like that.
How about like a button?
Right, that says fake doctors, real friends on it.
Yeah.
How about a button?
I do like the idea of T-shirts and stuff like that.
Yeah, I have a very fun – I just have funny –
I was laughing about funny merch ideas. I guess it's a T-shirt or and stuff like that. I have a very fun, I just have funny, I was laughing about funny merch ideas.
I guess it's a t-shirt or a mug.
Okay, I have a question.
Let's get back to the show.
I have a question.
Is it asking me to sing from Pippin?
Because I'm prepared.
I warmed up.
No, I was going to go into Pippin, but we can go into Pippin after.
Everything has its season.
Go ahead.
Oh, gosh.
Sorry.
You want to go into Pippin now?
It was my audition song when I was a child.
Okay.
Sorry. You want to go into Pippin now?
It was my audition song when I was a child.
Okay.
So for those who don't know,
Zach Braff is heavily into musical theater.
He's so heavily into musical theater.
Well, not really anymore, but go ahead.
He's so heavily, or he was so heavily into musical theater
when he was a kid, he went away to camp.
Yeah, theater camp.
That was musical theater camp.
Yeah, called Stage Door Manor.
And my father said as I was packing for musical theater camp, he said,
well, I guess you don't need to bring a mitt.
A baseball mitt.
I was like, no, Dad, but hand me over my Ben Nye makeup kit.
Because we're going to work on under eye.
We're going to work on how to do southern freckles.
So because of that, was this something that you wrote?
Was this your joke that you wrote?
No, but it's hilarious.
It's a great joke.
I wish I wrote it.
My son, I was supposed to see my nephew tonight in Pippin.
Who's he playing?
Pippin.
Pippin.
It's a Loma's Delivery.
Loma's Delivery has a little bit of like, how dare you imply that my nephew's not the lead?
She's like, Pippin, bitch? She's like, Pippin?
Right.
Bitch. She's like, Pippin, bitch.
Now, Pippin in the original Broadway show-
Oh, you're not going to know this, are you?
Was played by Ben Vereen, am I correct?
No, no. Very good. Very good. Fuck up and thank you for asking. The original Pippin was played by
Michael Weston's father, John Rubenstein.
Wow.
And for those of you who don't know, Michael Weston played private dancer on Scrubs, and
he was in my film Garden State.
He was in my film Wish I Was Here.
He's a wonderful actor.
He was also in that other movie you did with all those other actors, Casey Affleck and
all that.
Oh, yeah.
The Last Kiss.
He was in The Last Kiss.
Michael and I, we used to live together.
You've done a couple of movies.
You've done like four movies together now.
Yeah.
Ben Vereen, best song in the show.
Join us, leave your feels to flower.
Join us, leave your cheese to sour.
Join us, come and waste an hour or two.
Doodly-doo.
Illusion.
So it's a really great show, and it's about a guy looking for,
trying to figure out who he wants to be.
And it's very 70s and very sexual, and I think Bob Fosse choreographed it.
Anyway, so when I was a kid auditioning for musicals,
like musical theater camp, I would do one of Pippin's songs, Wizard's Corner of the Sky.
Everything has its season.
Everything has its time.
Show me a reason and I'll show you a rhyme.
Very pretty song.
Very nice.
Wait, let me get to the chorus for you.
Don't bore us.
Get to the chorus.
Do you remember it?
Hold on.
Shut up.
Rivers belong where they can ramble.
Eagles belong, eagles, eagle, eagles, eagles belong where they can fly.
I've got to be where my spirit can run free.
Gotta find my corner of the sky.
Dan, big round of applause. Dan, can you do thunderous applause there
so yeah
I did go to theater camp
I loved it
it's actually
what started
my acting career
and
you know
it was like
you going to that
that fame school
how did you find out
about theater camp
that's the question
I didn't want to go to
you know
my dad was doing
community theater
he was a lawyer
but his hobby
he was always in the plays
and he was amazing
you know
you knew my dad he was charming and funny and he was always lawyer, but his hobby was, he was always in the plays and he was amazing. He was, you know, you, you knew my dad, he was charming and funny and he was always,
always got the leads. So I would go as a little kid and, you know, eight years old and watch my
dad in the local play, be the lead and make everybody laugh. And I was like, I told you this,
I was like, I want to be this. This is a job. Like I want to be a part of this. And then the
normal camp, again, normal camps had so much to do with like sports. It wasn't like exciting me.
And my parents were like, you know, there are theater camps.
And I was like, go on.
And I went to one called Bravo first.
And then that one closed down.
And then I went to Stage Roar, which is still alive and very, very much alive.
It's the most popular one.
At 12, 18, when I say to Elliot, I'm sorry, but you had your chance with me.
I literally said out loud, oof.
Like I told you I've been writing down my LOLs.
I literally wrote down oof.
Wow.
Like that was so fucked up to say to her.
And not only was it fucked up, but it was just, I mean, it's totally fucked up, but it's so below the belt, dude.
I know.
Who would say that? I mean, it's totally fucked up, but it's so below the belt, dude. I know. Who would say that?
I mean, it's such a dicky thing to say.
And even if she's not jealous, you know, what she turns out to be at the end, what a dick, dude.
What a dick.
What a dick.
JD was such a dick.
Yeah, he was.
For that.
But it worked.
I know.
But it worked.
The fucked up thing is that it worked.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves
1352 Cox knows your name
First time he ever knows it
Does he?
Yeah he calls you Turk
He goes your name's Turk
Oh that's right
So right right right
That's how he finds out I'm Turk
You're Turk
Got it
Yeah when you show up
When you show up to the
Surgical consult
Do you remember this?
Yeah
But do you remember it?
I remember from watching the episode Do you remember how I couldn't get surgical consult,
right?
And so I wrote the song.
Did someone call for a surgical consult?
And I did that for like 20 minutes before we shot this episode for this
episode,
because it was a tongue twister,
surgical consult.
Not only that,
I just couldn't put together surgical consult like i
walked in the room a couple of times and was like did somebody call for a and i didn't know what a
surgical consult was and so because i didn't know what a surgical consult was i couldn't fath i
couldn't put it together in my brain so did someone explain to you what a surgical consult was no i
just sang a song see that's interesting see don Donald has, your way of learning would be like,
I know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to turn that fucking shit into a song.
And that's how you learned it.
And that's what I did.
Yeah.
Surgical consult.
I remember that was one of the first times in the show
where I was like, I'm costing the crew all of this time right now
because I can't get this line right.
I went home and I know I studied this shit,
but for some reason this word sounds foreign to me.
And so because it sounds foreign to me,
I can't deliver it the way I want to deliver it.
And so I sang it over and over and over again.
And when it finally felt like I could throw it away
and it wasn't something that I had to think about,
no problem.
Bam, there it was. That's good.
That's a good trick.
It's always good to have those little devices.
Yeah, well, we need them.
I have a device that I learned where if you're trying to remember someone's name, you picture
someone that you know from your past who has that name in their exact position.
who has that name in their exact position.
And then you'll always remember the person's name.
Does that work?
Yes.
Okay.
I'll tell you, try it.
If you're listening, you really got,
I got to remember this guy's name.
I want you to pick someone from your history.
And let's say they're a barista at the starbucks you go to whatever and you and you're
like oh my god i know this guy i gotta remember well they have name tags doesn't count but you
know what i mean someone who you're like i really want to remember this person's name picture someone
from your past the weirder and more eccentric the better in that exact spot and then it'll lock in
you'll always remember their name i have played myself the way jd played himself when he was like when he went home that
night and he put roses on the bed you've done that oh dude i remember one time i'm not even
sure if it was a definite thing but this young lady who i was dating at the time
and we were pretty young so it you know it took it wasn't like we were having uh sex so we were pretty young, so it wasn't like we were having sex.
So we were leading up to that.
She was like, yeah, maybe I'll come over.
And I was like, I'm going to be romantic.
And I went to Pizza Hut because that's what I had money for.
And I got two personal pan pizzas.
And I put it on the floor in my room at my mom's house,
and I took the blanket off of my bed and put it on the floor.
First of all, I cleaned my room also.
How old are you in this story?
I don't want to talk about age.
It'd be funny if you were like, what do you mean, 35?
Right, age isn't important at this point.
Age isn't important at this point. Age isn't important at this point. All right. And I put a blanket down.
Right.
I got a brick to hold the blanket down in the middle of the blanket and put candles
on the brick.
Whoa.
Classy.
Lit the candles, set up the pizzas with the soft drinks, and waited for her to come over.
Mm-hmm.
And she didn't come over.
Oh, that's rough.
And when I look back, I remember calling her and being like,
well, you didn't come over.
And she was like, I told you, well, maybe I'd come over later.
And I took the maybe as she's coming over.
Wow.
And I played myself hard.
And that young woman's name, Rihanna.
Right.
And that young woman's name, Rihanna. Right. And that young woman's name was Beyonce Knowles.
I once really liked a girl when I was living in Manhattan out of college.
And I'm not much of a cook, but I asked my stepfather, who's a really good cook, for a recipe to impress this girl.
And so I spent the whole day.
This was his first date.
I knew her, though.
I knew her, but this was the first time I was asking her out and we were going to meet at my
apartment and then I was going to take her to Cirque du Soleil.
So I spent money on like Cirque du Soleil tickets.
I didn't have,
I,
you know,
I was a PA.
I didn't have much money and I spent the whole day.
I was so excited.
She came over and she was so upset,
pissed off about her day and like rambling about her day.
And yeah,
this happened.
And my boss was dead.
She barely even like acknowledged the fact that i had spent this entire day making her dinner
did she well did you say i spent the entire day making no i didn't want to be like i didn't want
to rub it in but i was like i made you dinner like this happens all the time when you're dating me
and uh did she eat any of it i think she nibbled on it and was unimpressed,
and I never really made anyone food again.
Did you take her to Cirque du Soleil?
Yeah, I did.
But yeah, I took her to Cirque du Soleil,
and then I think she had a good time,
and I think I got friend-zoned.
And then you got friend-zoned.
Yeah, so there you go.
And since then, I never made anyone dinner again.
I hear that.
Let's take a break.
We'll be right back after these fine words.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture,
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Imagine you ask two people the same exact set of seven questions.
I'm Minnie Driver, and this was the
idea I set out to explore in my podcast, Minnie Questions. This year, we bring a whole new group
of guests to answer the same seven questions, including actress and star of the mega hit
sitcom Friends, Courtney Cox. You can't go around it, so you just go through it. This is a roadblock.
It's going to catch you down the road. Go through it. Deal with it.
Comedian, writer, and star of the series Catastrophe, Rob Delaney.
I shouldn't feel guilty about my son's death. He died of a brain tumor.
It's part of what happens when your kid dies. Intellectually, you'll understand that it's not your fault, but you'll still feel guilty.
Old rock icon, Liz Phair.
That personal disaster wrote Guyville. So everything comes out of a dead end.
And many, many more.
Join me on season three of Many Questions
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Seven questions, limitless answers.
Professional dancer Cheryl Burke has been part of Dancing With The Stars since the very beginning.
26 seasons of the samba, the rumba and the cha-cha.
24 partners, 6 finals and 2 mirrorball trophies.
She knows all the secrets, the behind-the-scenes arguments and the affairs, the flings, the flirting, and the fighting.
It's time to tell it all on her new podcast, Sex, Lies, and Spray Tans.
We'll take you all the way back to season one and up through today
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Listen to Sex, Lies, and Spray Tans on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
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Guys, we're going to let the fan in now okay oh what's up guys welcome to real friends let's um joelle do a formal introduction now that we're all here we have emmanuel
oh i stole it i stole it yeah. Yeah, take it, Joelle.
Take it, Joelle.
It's yours.
And he works at a children's hospital.
Yes, yes.
Come on, talk on the show.
That's so amazing.
Right on.
That's so amazing, man.
Thank you for being, I imagine you're out there being a frontline worker as we speak.
Yes, yes, yes.
And, you know, I wouldn't, I'd be remiss if I didn't introduce my roommate who also works in
a hospital, he's an administrator at the VA hospital system
Wow, you guys are the perfect
guests for our show
Wow, Joelle, good producing
you got some solid guests
Joelle's the best
So what's it been like these days at a children's
hospital, because we hear out
in the world that children aren't getting
affected as much, but then of course now we're hearing in New York, some are. And
what's it like these days? Yeah. So it's funny. So during the height of the COVID epidemic,
we weren't getting as many kids, at least not as much. So I work in the ICU in the children's
hospital. So we weren't getting as much in the ICU. But now lately we've been getting,
you know what they've been talking about in the news,
the whole systemic inflammatory response,
like post-COVID type of thing.
So that's like very interesting to see
because we weren't seeing a lot
and people were saying kids weren't getting affected as much.
And now we're seeing them come in
with all these different symptoms.
And so, you know, it's a learning experience,
but we have seen something similar.
It's similar to like the Kawasaki disease that that they're talking about i've heard about that we have an idea of
how to like treat it but um but it's just interesting to see that it's popping up now
you know our kids making full i know there are some that that didn't make recoveries but our
kids making full recoveries like you hear about patients that uh get covid, you know, their bodies have been pretty much destroyed by the virus.
Yeah.
What about with the children?
Are the children making the recovery with this new...
Kawasaki thing.
Yeah.
Kawasaki thing.
Yeah.
So thankfully, most of the patients that I've taken care of personally have recovered.
I mean, you know, there are some cases that I'm sure have not gone our way.
But for the most part, from what I've been seeing know, there are some cases that I'm sure have not gone our way. But for the
most part, from what I've been seeing personally, like our patients have been recovering, and a lot
of them have been doing pretty well. When you went to nursing school, and you obviously could choose
any area, you chose what I would imagine is the most hardcore thing being an ICU nurse at a
pediatric hospital. I mean, you must have days where you're I mean, you must have days where you're, I mean, you must have days where you're just
emotionally crushed. So I, I chose pediatrics because when I was younger, I was, you know,
hospitalized for a bit. And so I remember like, you know, all the nurses that took care of me.
And so when I became a nurse, I kind of wanted to give back and take care of those patients.
And it is very, you know, emotionally heavy sometimes, but, you know, I work with such amazing people and you could always rely on them. And then I got a guy right here who's in the health field. So we could always talk to him. Um, and I got, and I just let, I have a good support network of people that I could always talk to and rely on if I'm feeling down. And, you know, thankfully we have more good days than bad days. And so you kind of rely on those to kind of get
you through do you feel like the bad days are behind you right now as far as as far as what
we're dealing with i thought so but with this new you know kawasaki thing we're definitely seeing
more pace that's like in our icu we're having um more of those kind of patients in there but
thankfully a lot of them are doing good so i i remain hopeful still. So right on. Well, I mean, I gotta tell you, I've spent some time in ICUs
because I had a very sick sister and a very sick father. And you know, when these ICU nurses,
they're like superheroes. When you, when you, when you have someone who's just so responsive and so
on it, you want to hug them because, you know, by the time you're in an ICU, you know, things are pretty dire.
And so I'm virtually hugging you right now.
You're getting a virtual COVID proof hug.
I'm doing it.
It looks like I'm saying Wakanda forever.
That is a hug.
That is a hug, brother.
Donald, Donald.
Wakanda forever and a hug.
Oh, God. All right. do you guys have a question for us
That's what we're here to do
To answer any questions
He's got a book
We have some people
We have some people come on Emmanuel
And we ask them do you have a question
The whole point of coming on the show
And they're like what now
And now Emmanuel pulled out
A binder question the whole point of coming on the show and they're like what what now a question and now emmanuel pulled out like a manual pulled out a manual pulled out a binder
go ahead all right so i know you guys had talked about why you guys are doing the show bringing
yourselves into the character and making it a little bit easier to play but one thing i wanted
to um is there anything about the character that you played that you brought into your own personal lives is there anything about turk that i brought into my own personal
life uh yeah i bought jd i guess that's the best answer actually
but i brought out like think of like when you're adjusting a picture
and you can crank the saturation.
I brought out Donald's feminine side.
You did.
That you did.
Because when I first met Donald, he had a lot of this love of musicals
and being silly and shit inside of him.
But his front was like, yo, yo, yo, let's go play basketball.
And now look at him.
He's fucking singing Pippin left and right.
You know, I went to school with a bunch of theater kids and stuff like that.
And I remember being like, those suckers.
They're a bunch of theater kids, right?
And now I look back at it.
I'm like, I wish I was a theater kid.
They used to sing all of these songs and stuff like that.
And I wanted to sing the songs
but you know i i was a sucker i was just a sucker and now i look at it and i'm like yeah you know
yeah so there is that there is that uh a lot of the things that uh jd and turk did as best friends opened me up to be way more comfortable around men than I was
before.
Yeah.
And not to say that I wasn't comfortable around men,
but you know,
it's different.
It's way different now.
You know what I mean?
You're more comfortable just being whoever,
I mean,
obviously correct me if I'm wrong,
but what you're saying is you're more comfortable just being whoever you are.
I think as young men, we have to put up – we always put up all these – and obviously I can't speak for the women's experience.
But as a young man, you feel like you have to put up all these fronts like I'm tough and I'm straight and anything you did that was slightly effeminate.
High school kids and middle school kids were like, oh, you're so fucking gay and all this shit.
And I think what I felt with Scrubs brought out in me and I think Donald was like, all right, I'm just going to be like whoever I am and be that.
Yeah. It was an issue for other people. When I made a comment when playing basketball, I made a comment like, you know, like I said something silly like my nipples are hard.
And the dude that I was playing basketball with was like, yo, man, come on, man.
What the heck, man?
What's going on with that?
And I was like, oh, you have, you are not comfortable.
You have your own issues.
That's not my issue. That's your issue. Yeah, yeah. You have your own issues. And then you're like, give me a hug. That's not my issue.
That's your issue.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a good answer, Donald.
I don't know if I can top Donald's answer, but I will say, and this is not just because you're a hero ICU nurse.
I think I brought full-on respect for what – even though we were faking it, what it's like to work in this profession.
And such a respect for people who work in the medical field and how hard it is.
And Donald and I had the luxury of pretending to be doctors and getting the fun of pretending to save lives and pretending to come to the rescue.
And now, you know, as a younger man when we were doing the show, I didn't have that many experiences.
And now, you know, as a younger man, when we were doing the show, I didn't have that many experiences. But then after living many more years and had more life experiences where I was just pleading with medical professionals to save important lives know if you saw that amazing shot of the nurse standing in the crosswalk when there was like an anti-COVID lockup protest.
It reminded me of the guy standing in front of the tank.
Yeah.
And I just thought, I don't know.
I have so much respect and love for nurses and doctors and EMTs and paramedics.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a paramedic.
I thought there's nothing more badass about flying down the street
in an ambulance to come to the rescue.
I agree with that, too.
I take my health way more serious now.
You know what I mean?
Before, I was very afraid to go to the hospital.
There was something scary about going to the hospital,
especially as an African-American male.
It seems like, you know, a lot of my relatives and everything didn't go to the hospital until it was the last resort.
It's the last thing that I tried every home remedy I could do.
Disinfection isn't going away. I gonna fight it i'm gonna fight it i'm
gonna fight it holy cow i can't feel my leg i think i should go to the hospital now you know
what i mean i think while making scrubs it became all right i don't need to be afraid of because
it's not they're not gonna kill me if i go. I might die if I don't go, though.
So let me take care of what's going on with me as soon as it pops up.
And then I became a hypochondriac.
I was at the hospital like every five seconds.
If my nose was running, I was like, go into the doctor real quick.
Donald always thinks he has the worst thing.
He's that guy.
I'd be like, dude, it's a zit. It's a tumor.
They say better to be safe than sorry, right?
Do you guys have another question for the
legendary Donald Faison?
Yes. Can they hear me?
So, Dr. Cox
was your mentor on the show. Do you guys have
a mentor in real life during your acting careers? Wow, very good question. So Dr. Cox was your mentor on the show. Do you guys have like a mentor in real life during your acting careers?
Wow, very good question.
So many.
Whether they realized they were my mentors or not, I have so many mentors.
Bill Lawrence has been a mentor to me.
He taught me how to tell a joke.
I feel like I might have always been funny, you know, but there's a process to telling a good joke.
But there's a process to telling a good joke.
And when you stumble on words that are meaningful for the punchline, it makes it so the joke doesn't work.
And so because of that, I've been very lucky to work with someone like Bill Lawrence, who really taught me the anatomy of a joke and how to tell a joke.
He's one person.
Denzel Washington, my whole life, whether he knows it or not, after working with him on Remember the Titans 2, he's always been a hero of mine and also a mentor.
If you listen to interviews with Denzel washington and you know he's just a
very deep mind and a very very good actor and so he's one of those people that i've always looked
up to and when i finally got to meet him he's definitely a hero and a mentor when you were in
that movie did he ever say any idea he gave one tip one time mostly he led by example he you know he's very hard worker
you know what i mean and comes to work prepared and to get you prepared he'll run lines with you
over and over and over and over again right so that when the camera rolls you're ready to play
but he gave me one bit of advice because we were, it's a bunch of young men. We're
all in our early twenties and we're messing around and we're, you know, it's a movie about football
players and we're doing, you know, we're giving each other elbows and, you know, pretending that
we're punching each other in the face and everything like that because we're all young men.
And he was like, you know, I did this movie Glory. And I was like, go on. Go on.
And he was like, there was somebody in the cast who used to do what you guys are doing right now.
And I remember him looking at me because I was very excessive about, you know, one, I played around way too much.
Still to this day, I play around way too much when working. And he was like, and this dude would play around and he would pretend to punch people in the face and act like he was going to, you know, and he would be joking.
And one day he slipped and hit an extra in the face.
Somebody who was, you know, been around the set and everything like that and laughed it off.
And he punched this guy in the face accidentally, but still punched this guy in the face.
but still punched this guy in the face.
And the guy started crying and taking off his jacket because he knew I'm about to kick this man's ass and get fired.
This is the end of me ever being in this movie.
And I've been here for a while and I like these people.
I'm about to kick this dude's ass though because he punched me in the face.
And the guy apologizes and apologizes.
It doesn't need to go there, brother.
No, please.
No, no, no.
Let's not do this.
Let's, you know.
And finally, you know, they calm the guy down and it's all right.
Don't worry.
Let's work this out.
But he was like, you know, you guys are playing around so damn much.
Somebody's going to catch offense to this and get hurt and you're not going to be able to talk them back.
So my advice to you all, as he's looking at me,
is to shut this shit down.
Stop doing this.
And I remember being like, you're absolutely right,
because if I punch that dude in the face accidentally,
he's not going to care if it was an accident or not.
He's going to be upset and want to break me up
that's an amazing story
and I just love that Denzel was like
so I did this film, Glory
I would say for me
the first answer is obviously Bill
Bill Lawrence who created the show
he taught me so much about
acting and directing and how to the business.
You know, Bill's some people are good writers, but they're not savvy about the business and how to navigate the business.
And Bill taught Donald and I both a lot about how to navigate Hollywood and how to navigate the industry.
And you're never on a job for nine years.
So it was like it was like grad school.
We learned so much over the course of nine years and a lot of, and to this day, when I have a
script that I'm writing, I give it to Bill. When I have a first edit of a movie I'm directing,
I show Bill and he comes in and, and gives me a really tough notes and, uh, and good notes.
So Bill, first and foremost, and then I guess my, my, my version of the Denzel thing is I just got to work with Robert De Niro in a film.
And he's a huge hero of mine.
And just watching the way he worked and how humble he was and how he – just being on set with a legend like that, I felt like I was getting – I was becoming a better actor.
And there were a handful of little things he did that I was like, oh, I'm was becoming a better actor and there were a handful little
things he did that i like oh i'm gonna try and do that next time and and uh and he's just a huge
inspiration to me i love i love that man donald i'd give him another question if you really uh
they're very they're very nice one question oh yeah they're very they're very we're going long
though we're going oh let's keep it short because short because people don't want to hear an hour and a half.
This might be a little.
Zach, it's like three months into COVID, and the George hair is going extra long.
So I need to know your shampoo and conditioner.
Well, here's the trick.
I'm going to tell you something.
Some people are going to think it's nasty, but don't wash your shit.
Let it get dirty.
Wait a second.
Baldy, you are not allowed to weigh in on this conversation.
I might not have a lot of hair,
but I have hair, number one.
Number two, when he said
shit, he meant don't wash your hair.
Oh, yeah.
Do you guys
use a washcloth in the shower?
We're having a debate on the loofah. Do you use a loofah? I used to use a washcloth in the shower? We're having a debate on the
loofah.
I used to use a washcloth.
Yeah, because you're black, man.
That's why.
White people don't use washcloths
apparently.
Speaking of that, one thing we noticed
we were just watching the show. Everyone got shoes
on in the house. They sleep with their
shoes on. What's up? I never slept with my shoes on. No, in the show everyone got shoes on in the house they sleep with their shoes on what's
that i never slept with my shoes on no in the show in the show because we just watched you
make out with uh and i had shoes on no not you oh me yeah well i think in the senior you're
talking about this episode that you that we watched yeah yeah well if sarah chalk throws
you to the bed and mounts you you you're not going to be thinking about your sneakers, bro.
Fair enough, fair enough.
All right, no, my hair, I don't wash a lot
because I feel when I wash it, I don't like the way it looks.
But when I let it have its natural juices, it has a nice.
That's from coming to America, dude.
What?
What did you put in your hair
nothing i just got juices and berries oh man that ain't nothing but ultra perm
all right on that note we're gonna go thank you guys so much thank you thank you guys thank you
for coming on the show thank you our pleasure our pleasure wait lastly like we gotta we gotta
end this fucking thing it's going so long
but I do want to say
Star Wars and sex
I know bro I'm gonna get right into it
you think I was gonna miss your favorite topic
I'm just putting it out there
now this episode has a Phantom Menace diss
in it and I want to know you and Joelle
Mr. and Mrs. Star Wars' thoughts
on the Phantom Menace diss
I don't like that they
diss the Phantom Menace even. I don't like that they diss the Phantom Menace,
even though at one point I was one who didn't appreciate
the Phantom Menace as much as I should have.
Dave Filoni, the king that he is when it comes to Star Wars, talks about on this new Mandalorian documentary series that they got going, which I've been watching.
I'm going to have to watch that.
It's really, as a director, you're going to love it.
I'm friends with, not to name drop, but I'm friends with Deborah Chow, who is one of the main directors of Mandalorian.
Right.
She was telling me, she's like, Zach, you got to come see how we shoot the show.
It is unlike anything you've ever seen.
Dude, if you go, please take me with you.
Joelle is Queen for it.
Isn't she directing like all of the Obi-Wans?
She is directing every episode of Obi-Wan.
Oh my gosh.
Can you just tell her you have a friend?
I will.
She's the ultimate cool kid.
I believe that they are doing the Obi-Wans in the UK.
I would live in the UK for a little bit.
I will travel.
But she was telling me, and I'm going to watch the documentary because I've been hearing about it,
that Favreau took this technology that he developed for Jungle Book and the other films
and kind of took it to the next level.
It's amazing.
Anyway, Filoni's talking about how in The Phantom Menace, that movie sets off everything.
And I was like, yeah, of course it sets off everything.
It's episode one.
He's like, but in the documentary, he's like, no, if Qui-Gon Jinn would have won the fight against Darth Maul, Anakin Skywalker's path as a Jedi would have been way better than what he was given because Obi-Wan didn't look – I know it's crazy.
You're laughing.
I just wish the fans could see what I'm looking at. I'm totally zoned out already, and
Joelle is furiously nodding
like Donald is a preacher, and
she's in the choir. But look,
Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a
father figure for Anakin
Skywalker, and that was something that
he was missing his whole life.
You know what I mean? He was born from
the Force. His mother wasn't with
anyone. there was no
male that raised him and if qui-gon would have won that fog if that father figure would have been
in place and he would have grown to be a better jedi not necessarily and so when qui-gon dies
that's anakin's first failure not his on purpose
but that's the first thing that fails in his life
then he loses his mother
then he loses his wife
and now he's freaking Darth Vader
and when I heard that
I had already had an appreciation for The Phantom Menace
but that makes the movie 20 times
even better now
alright well if you happen to still be listening
um none of this is going to make the podcast 20 times even better now. All right. Well, if you happen to still be listening.
None of this is going to make the podcast. No, I think it should because there's a lot of diehard fans just like you two,
and they'll probably love this.
They'll be like, no, not Qui-Gon.
Star Wars and sex.
I like that Star Wars and sex are married together in this episode.
Okay, well, let's wrap this episode up by talking about the big Elliot-JD kiss.
It's very exciting.
I thought it was romantic and well-written
and well-shot and, granted, very well-performed.
I thought so, too.
I think right off the bat,
you could see that Elliot and JD had chemistry
and it was romantic and sweet and I liked it.
Yeah, I was going to say, so far, this is one of my favorite episodes that we've watched.
And it's not necessarily the funniest episode, but it kind of reminds me of a John Hughes movie. where the nerd in the movie is chasing after this young lady this whole time,
and his best friend is right there next to him.
His female best friend is right there next to him,
and he doesn't realize that his best friend is the better choice for him.
And he's chasing after something that seems to be the right idea, is the better choice for him.
And he's chasing after something that seems to be the right idea.
And then at the end of it, he realizes, oh, that wasn't,
that she wasn't what I was looking for.
And the best friend goes, I know because I am.
Yeah.
And I like that Sarah, and I like that Elliot made the move.
I thought that was kind of cool that she was the one who stood up and like went for it.
Like she was the one who said no, because I did.
I was jealous.
I was jealous.
Yeah.
And then, you know, it's meant to be a little bit of an edit, but she looks like she pushes me down a whole hallway into the bed.
Right.
Like you stumble all the way back. Holy!
No, I did like a fucking Matrix fucking shit down the... She pushed me like I was
Keanu down the whole hallway.
On that note...
5, 6, 7, 8!
No, not yet.
No, cut that shit out. Hey,
that was fun. Yeah.
I wanted to tell our fans, hey,
you can email scrubs
iheart at gmail
if you want to ask us questions like those fun gentlemen did today.
And hit us up on Instagram, which I think is the last bit of social media
Donald and I are still reading.
And we want to hear what you think of the show.
We want to hear what you think of the show.
We want to hear what size Donald Faison beach towel you want.
And we love you, don't we, Donald?
We love everybody out there.
I even love the haters.
I love y'all too.
Yeah, because the haters,
they're your motivators.
No, hate or motivate.
That's absolutely right.
Hate or motivate.
That's right.
Yeah.
Hate or motivate. It's either or. You know motivate. That's right. Yeah. Hate or motivate.
Yeah.
It's either or.
You know, you can be on.
What you going to do?
You going to be a hater or you going to be a motivator?
Listen, are you going to be in the stands or are you going to get on the motherfucking
court and play?
You got big dreams.
You want fame.
Well, fame costs.
And right here is where you start paying.
And right here is where you start paying.
In sweat.
A five, six, seven, eight.
No, no, no, no, no. I got one more thing to say.
One more thing to say.
Can you say it over my V-Box?
Because I've been practicing my V-Box. Go ahead.
Tell me if this is a good beat for you.
We want to thank y'all
for listening to our show.
And on that note, we're going five, six, seven.
Here's some stories about a show we made.
About a bunch of docs and nurses in a Canada who love to hate.
I said here's some stories that we all should know.
So gather round to hear. So gather round to hear
our, gather round to
hear our Scrubs Rewatch
show with Zach and Donald.
Mm-hmm.
Bring a little
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Encore Jane about creating a billion dollar startup.
Walter Isaacson about the geniuses who changed the world.
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I used to have so many men.
How this beguiling woman in her fifties.
She looked like a million bucks.
Scams a bunch of famous athletes out of untold fortunes.
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Listen to Queen of the Con, Season 5, The Athlete Whisperer,
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As important as choosing the right destination when traveling is choosing the right travel partner.
Gene!
Gene Fodor!
Gene, what's going on?
But be careful, because the worst trips result when two partners have two different agendas.
The CIA really needs your help, Gene.
Freeze,
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Jane,
run!
Listen to Fodor's Guide to Espionage on the iHeartRadio app,
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