Fake Doctors, Real Friends with Zach and Donald - 2023: My Sex Therapist with Vanessa and Xander Marin

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

On this week's episode, Joelle finally booked sex therapist, Vanessa Marin, and her partner, Xander. Donald brings CaCee down for a quick session, and Zach does a dramatic reading from Vanessa and Xander's book. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of the On Purpose podcast. And I had the opportunity to talk to one of Hollywood's major icons, Michael B. Jordan. In our conversation, Michael shares the highs, the lows, and everything in between, offering a genuine glimpse into his world. The closest to getting what you want is always the hardest. People give up right before they get what they've always wanted to get. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Let's talk about sex, baby.

Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let's talk about sex. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about sex. Come on. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let's talk about sex.

Great minds think alike. Bro, bro, bro. Literally before you came on the Zoom call, I said to these two, I had the perfect song to start us off. I had queued that up. Your Zoom window opens and you go, let's talk about sex. Right away, baby. You know what time it is.

It's our favorite day of the year. Listeners. But listen, we have some caveats here. Yes. First of all, we do need to tell the listeners. Okay, what can't we do? Yeah, they don't want to. Well, we'll cut this out. But I'll give him the warning just so he knows. aviates here yes okay first of all we do need to tell the listener okay what can't we do yeah they don't want to well we'll cut this out but they don't do i'll give him the warning just so

he knows they don't want to talk about porn or sex addiction they're still doing research on those things and so they just don't feel quite yet right are you crossing out on a list that is so funny all right you have to we can keep this because it's just too funny donald is now crossing out on his list of questions my point in a sec they don't want to talk about because they they're still researching and they don't feel like they have the expertise yet to comment on those things right joelle that's correct listen i was just flipping through their guides they have these very um i we're gonna have to shout them out because people should buy these um they're kind of like they're kind of like instruction manuals for the vagina and the penis.

I was just perusing them. They're very informative. This already is making me uncomfortable, and I like it. That's going to be great. We don't normally give warnings, but obviously we should state the obvious. I think if you're someone who happens to listen to this with your children in the car or something, you shouldn't. We're going to talk about sex, baby. We're going to talk, you

and me. We're going to talk about all the good things, all the bad things that may be. We're going to talk about sex, people. All right, so let's just start there. This definitely shouldn't be one that you listen to with anyone you know. We've warned them. We've warned them. I know.

We've warned them. Okay. But anyway, I was just flipping through their guides, Donald, and there's beautiful drawings, and it's really informative. At first, I was kind of smiling, laughing with them about it, and then I was like, oh, I've got to try that, because they have all these techniques.

They have names on them. I want to ask, what's the best way to introduce a thumb in the butt like how do you well maybe don't start off with that okay actually that's in the guide don't build in by the way let me let me listen i saw that hold on let me go back to that donald don't leave with that i think we gotta much like much like they advise in their guides to go take your time with foreplay. I think we need to not go right at. Okay. So here's a little. What is foreplay?

Listen, here's a little section. I'm going to tell you. That's another question I have. What is, let me write that down. What is foreplay? Can I read you something? Not anymore. Can I read you something from the guide, Donald?

Mm-hmm. This chapter is called Venture Backdoor. Oh, shit. I'm already interested. Go on. I'm listening. The anus is still frustratingly taboo in our society, but it has a lot of nerve endings and can feel pleasurable for everyone.

If you've never tried anal play before, make sure to discuss it beforehand. It's not something to spring on your partner in the moment. If your partner is up for anal play, you'll need to use some lube. We think silicone lube works best in this instance. Here's some simple techniques to try. A, just the tip. Put a dab of lube on your pointer finger and press your fingertip against the anus.

So that's the kind of information these folks have for us. Okay, I'm going to ask questions like, should you poo before playing? You can, but let's warm up to that. Much like foreplay, I don't want them to get scared of you. That's not a scary question. They're therapists. I think you know the obvious that you should poo before and shower. Well, some people, maybe our listeners out there don't know that, Zach.

Maybe they're thinking we're just going to go right into ass play. I think you need to get in there with a washcloth and just dig in there as safe as possible. Into the booty hole? I think so. This is a question. This is a question we must ask. Well, write it down on your list. Do they use a washcloth on your asshole?

By the way, this whole podcast started with a debate about whether to use a washcloth on your asshole. By the way, this whole podcast started with a debate about whether to use a washcloth in the shower, but I think that to circle back around from episode 101 or something, that yes, before you engage in this kind of stuff, you should dig in there with a washcloth. We don't need the sex

therapist advice on that. Alright, so Donald, I just want to prepare you. This is like when we met Travolta and I said, don't go right in and bum rush him. And then you were asking about face off

within two seconds. Let's not go right at your dirty questions. We're going to ease them in with some nice calm questions. But dirty questions are allowed, Joel. Yeah, we'll build to that.

Yes, we'll build to that. Don't bring up gross stuff. No one wants to hear gross stuff. There's nothing gross about it if you're into it, bro. They said they're very comfortable and open. Okay, them in the room please oh well don't count us in five six seven eight stories about a show we made about a bunch of docs and nurses And he's got stories that we all should know. So gather round to hear our, gather round to hear our Scrubs Rewatch Show with Zach and Donald. All right, Jewel.

We're two racehorses at the gate. We have so many questions. Daniel, maybe put a sound effect of that thing that sounds when the horses are let free from the majiggy. You know what I mean? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, in. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Xander. And Vanessa. What's up, guys? I'm loud. I'm sorry. I'm so excited that you guys are here. Donald's very loud and excited, but please introduce yourselves to us.

We're so excited to be here. So we're Vanessa and Xander Morin. I'm a licensed sex therapist. I'm a regular dude who happens to be married to a sex therapist. And we've been together 16 years, married 12 years. So, you know, I get to give the regular guy's perspective. He also has a bit of experience with her. Yeah. And so together we wrote a book, Sex Talks, The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life that came out this year and was an instant New York Times bestseller. And we really just focus on helping couples keep

the spark alive in their long-term relationships. Because I think anybody who's been in a long-term relationship knows you have some ebbs and flows to it, right? Like it's not always as exciting as it was at the beginning of the relationship. So we're here to help people understand why that happens and find that spark again. That's amazing. Now just say the name of your book slower, because I think once we get talking, people are going to really want to get this book. I was looking through your, um,

I don't know. What do you call these? The guides that you put out pamphlets to me. Well, it's not a pamphlet. It's a, what is this? It's a four.

I'm looking at the four guides. Okay. And, um, instruction manual. That's what you're looking for. It's an instruction manual. It's kind of like what you wish someone taught you, but no one ever did.

Oh, yeah. Exactly. So tell us two things. Before we get into it. Can you imagine being introduced into sex with one of these instruction manuals? Yes, it really would have helped. It really would have helped. What about in high school if you had like a communications class that wasn't like,

that was really about how to have proper arguments and debates with your partner? I mean, no one ever teaches you that either. Can you – just, sorry, plug both things. How do people get a hold of those guides and your book before we get into it? So the book is called Sex Talks, The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. And what that book is all about is how to actually talk about sex with the person you are having sex with. So we all have like heard that advice. Like, you know, you're up late at night.

You're Googling your secret sex problems. You're trying to find some answers. And it's at the end of every article. Like just talk about it with your partner. Easier said than done. Right. But it's such generic advice. You're like, well, but what do I say?

And how do I say it? And these things are embarrassing and tricky to talk about. So we took that advice and we really made it super practical. So we boiled it down into what are the five specific conversations we think every couple would benefit from. And we walk you through exactly how to have those conversations. So it's not generic. It's really practical, straightforward. And we share a lot of our own stories too, to like really help normalize these conversations. We've learned all of our advice from doing the

exact opposite in our relationship. So we've made a lot of mistakes. We've learned a lot of great stuff. So we share all of that. So that's Sex Talks, the book. And then the pamphlets, the guides that you guys are referring to. The instruction manual. I like that. The instruction manual. The instruction manual. But like you were saying, Zach, like where do we learn about this? Definitely not in school. Yeah, we have this like incredible pressure on ourselves to be so good at it, but we've never actually learned how to. And so, again, like we're all about the practical.

We want to teach people things that like you feel like you should already know, but you never really learned anywhere. So we have a ton of guides. Like we have our ultimate foreplay guides we have a guide called next level intercourse where we show you again it's very step by step like specific techniques exactly how to use your hands exactly how to use your mouth the specific position that would have been so fucking helpful when i was younger i i really i was just looking through it and, you know, I really recommend them. First of all, how do people get them? The guys. They can go to our website. It's vmtherapy.com. So it's my initials, vmtherapy.com. So those are two of our most popular, but we have a guide about butt stuff. We have how to initiate sex. We have sex challenges. Oh, see, they want to go right into

it right away. We've got it all. See, Zach sex they want to go right into it right away dude what does a good interviewer do they start slow and then they get to the butt stuff okay okay now um i wanted to ask and anyway i was just looking through the guides and audience you might think that you're amazing in bed and you're like you don't need instructions there was some very interesting info in there and it's funny you know we we're joking but you're like, you don't need instructions. There was some very interesting info in there. And it's funny, you know, we were joking, but no one ever teaches, you don't ever sits down and goes, this is exactly what, you know, people like. And of course, it's unique to each person. So people are afraid to have these conversations directly with their partner. No one ever teaches you. So I think it's a great service that you guys are offering to sort of educate people in exploring what people like and also talking about it.

Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, it's like there's no shame in this. I mean, there's always something new to learn. Like, we both feel pretty damn confident with our technique at this point, but like we're always learning new things and trying new things, and there's no shame in that. Like it's so much fun to explore sex, like explore in the bedroom with your partner. So we want to take that shame away. We want to make people feel excited about gaining some new skills. There are so many questions that I have. I think Donald's never done homework for an interview before, but he's got a pad and a pen.

The first one I think we should start off with is what is foreplay? So we actually hate the word foreplay. So what foreplay means. Shit, I already fucked up the interview. So typically when people are referring to foreplay, we're talking about like using our hands and our mouths on each other, like the stuff that we do to warm each other up, to get ready for the real thing, which in male-female couples, most of us think of as intercourse. And so even just that word foreplay, it makes it sound like these are the things you do before the main act. And so it feels like these acts are like, they're less important. And sometimes people almost get annoyed with it. Like, oh, we have

to do more foreplay. Like, I just want to have the real deal. Like, let's get to it. But the reality is that for us women, you are way more likely to make us orgasm from foreplay, from using your hands and your mouths, than you are from intercourse. So 85% to 90% of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. Like, only 10% to 15% of women can. Really? not orgasm from intercourse alone. Like only 10 to 15% of women can. Yeah. So the vast majority of women need that foreplay. So it's not that these are like the annoying things that we have to do in order to have the main event. Like these things are the main event for women. Yeah. But the problem with that terminology is that then we get this idea in our head that, oh, this is this thing that we're just supposed to spend a little bit of time on before.

We also have that whole like running the bases analogy, which also doesn't really help because it's like, oh, well, why would I want a double when I can have a home run, right? And so we get this idea that we should just rush through that to get to the next thing, the intercourse, when in reality, the intercourse can be very pleasurable, but it's often not the most pleasurable act for one of the people in the partnership. And so we think foreplay should be something that should be happening throughout the whole experience, not just before. Okay. I agree with that a hundred percent. I'm sorry, mom. You want to take your sweatshirt off? You need to like pat down your

forehead. It's getting hot in here already. He's wearing his infamous Mickey Mouse hoodie, and he's getting all hot and bothered. So what do you think, I know this is probably a broad question, but when a couple comes to you to ask questions, and they've been together a while, what are some of the most common, I know this is probably what your book is about, but what are some of the most common things that they say, hey, we had a good sex life and we occasionally do have a good sex life, but we've lost a little bit of the sizzle. How do you advise them? What are some of the most common conundrums people come to you with? The main thing that couples complain about is that their sex life just doesn't feel exciting anymore. And they'll talk a lot about the early days of the relationship, like, oh, when we first met, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. We were having sex all the time. It was really exciting, like very pleasurable. slows down, the window kind of narrows of what sex entails. So a lot of couples are like, you know, they're not actually even doing foreplay or anything exciting. It's just like, we get right to it. You can kind of script out in two minutes, you know, like exactly what's going to happen. One or two positions at best.

Yeah. And yeah, the sex itself just doesn't feel particularly pleasurable or satisfying. In particular, there's a big orgasm gap in male-female relationships. So men are having a lot more orgasms than women are having. And that can lead to mismatches in desire, too. So one of the things that we call out in the book is the connection between enjoyment and desire. Can I get my wife really quick? Donald Stiles is going to go get his wife really quick? Donald's good. Donald style is going to go get his wife because, um, this is just some backstory listeners of the show. She's going to yell for her

because he goes, you want to get on the, he's going to use this as free therapy. Um, just as a backstory that our listeners will know, uh, Donald and his wife speak openly about a mismatch in desire. He has the libido of an 18-year-old boy, and his wife does not. It's pretty interesting. It's rather fun. Oh, we're getting good grades already. She's scared, she said. Did you hear her say she's scared?

I did. No. Oh, my God. Come meet Casey. But wait, this whole show is not going to become about this. Play the song, Daniel. Casey come down here I don't know nothing about raising these

fools, so tell me what to do. I don't know nothing about raising these kids, and that's what it is. Hi guys. You guys, this is Casey Cobb. Hi guys. Hi, I'm Vanessa. That's Vanessa it is. Hi, guys. You guys, this is Casey Cobb. Hi, guys. Hi, I'm Vanessa. That's Vanessa and Xander.

They were just about to talk about a mismatch, how couples deal. It's very often a mismatch in desire. And I was sharing with them that this is something that Donald and Casey deal with. And maybe you can give them some advice. Donald would like to have sex at least once a day. And Casey, I think it's safe to say, does not agree with that. Want to have sex at least once a day um and casey i think it's safe to say does not agree with that to have sex once a day yeah so maybe you could give them like i'm sure this is a common problem with our listeners they're listening can you share some advice for them and

how does a couple get past this or deal with this okay first off let me just say i was staring at you because you're wearing the exact same thing I am and we look alike. Twinsies. I was staring at you and then I was like, oh, wait, I'm over here. Yeah, you're not married to the white guy. I'm not married to the white man. Okay, so what we were starting to talk about is one of the biggest causes for desire discrepancies in couples. And this may not be the case for you guys.

There are a lot of reasons why we might have discrepancies. But one of the most common ones that we see is that it's actually a mismatch in the enjoyment that the couple is having of sex. So there's a really powerful connection between how much we enjoy sex and how much we desire sex. So we're big foodies. I always like to make food comparisons. Like, would you ever crave a bowl of overly steamed mushy broccoli? Like, no, of course not. It doesn't make sense to crave it. Like, most of us don't enjoy eating overly steamed mushy broccoli, but we don't judge ourselves for like, why do I never seem to want that? But a lot of us are having sex that is kind of the equivalent of overly steamed mushy broccoli.

And then we beat ourselves up wondering like, why do I not want that more? Especially us women, we have this tendency to blame ourselves, to feel like something's wrong with us. But there's a huge gap in how much men enjoy sex and how much women enjoy sex. So again, may not be the specific reason for you guys. I saw Donald's face when I said the mushy broccoli sex. Donald just thought that you were describing his sex. I'm in the analogy, I'm mushy broccoli. No, no, we have great sex. And I have to say, but I think my, my question, since we're, we're being, I'm a foodie too too what do you do when you're just full you know that analogy is perfect she's full my thing is we have great sex and i will say

our sex has gotten better as we've gotten older i will say that um i'm one of those people i'm a very mental person so when i have a lot going on in my head, I'm kind of like, okay, I can designate this amount of time and space in my brain to feel good and amazing with you and love you. But then I got to get back onto the 50 million other things I got going on. And as far as, yeah. So let me tell you. So the two main, the two like most common reasons that we see for these desire discrepancies, one is the enjoyment piece that I just mentioned. The other one is an emotional connection piece. Like a lot of couples, especially in long-term relationships, life gets busy. We have a lot on our plate. We're just not feeling emotionally

connected with each other. And so it can make it feel really challenging to want to be intimate if you're not feeling that closeness. Or even if you guys have been arguing, you're feeling resentful. So those are the two most common ones. But what you're speaking to is kind of like a third one that is also quite common as well of just the like, I've got so much in my head that it feels like there's not any space for desire. Does that feel like there's not any space for desire. Does that feel like it's accurate?

Yeah. And I don't want to say, this is why I didn't really want to come on, because sometimes I feel like I'm misunderstood in our house. Well, you have a bunch of people here supporting you. I know. And so it's one of those things where we'll have, you know, we'll have amazing sex, and then I'll be like, oh, wow, that was really great. And then 20 minutes later, he's wow, that was really great. And then 20 minutes later, he's like, that was so good. We should do it again. And I'm like, babe, I got to get on. I got to get on with it. But that not only that, it's also when you say the emotional

disconnect, it's really hard to like, if we've been not fighting, we don't really have big fights, but I get real pissed off when shit's not done around the house. Or if I've done a bunch of shit and I come home from taking the kids to school, something that he has not done, you know, and I come home and shit's everywhere. And I'm like, what? What just happened? But now you want me to all of a sudden ride you like a queen? Like, no, I don't feel like a queen. I feel like I just got shit on and now it feels like a chore that you're making me another chore that I'm having to do. Exactly. This is super common. So you're talking about mental load, which in male-female relationships, studies have shown that women

carry the vast majority of mental load. It's like we're always keeping track of, you know, when do we need to go grocery shopping, and I've got to pick up the dry cleaning, and are we out of this thing, and I've got to reorder this thing, and I've got to make the appointment. It's like this endless list in our heads that's always going, and the actual responsibilities piece of it too, feeling like, hey, I'm running the house, I'm taking care of the kids, I I'm doing all the things and now sex is starting to feel like another thing on this miles long endless to-do list that I have and it takes the the feeling of like intimacy and connection away from it and it starts to feel more like a transactional thing like I've got to check this off the list just like I have to check off

going to the grocery store totally yeah. Yeah. And I hate that. I do. I hate that because when we do have, when we are connected and we do have great sex, it's amazing. But you know, that's, that's, it's like a roller coaster. It comes in waves, you know? I mean, I'm not, I'm not saying, I mean, I do like to think, and I'm going to say that because sometimes I think these listeners think that I don't be having enough sex. But I have a lot of sex. Like more than any married woman I know. I am really going to bat over here. So you're a generous partner.

Her friends are like, you do it how many times a week? Oh, Casey, I'm so sorry for you. And it's still not enough. No, it's not that it's not enough. I don't want to ever feel like I'm not. Because I am an overachiever when it comes to getting my shit done. And I loved that. Let's take a break.

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iHeart podcast update this week on your free iHeartRadio app. Rachel goes rogue for the first time. She's ready to tell you the real story on her own terms. What's true, what's false, and the secrets she's been waiting to reveal. Two Jersey Js. From menopause to making the most of your 40s and 50s, follow these fabulous women as they navigate family, friendships, and even frenemies. The Eds.

There's so much more to the Eds than being married to real housewives. These two gentlemen are loved and well-mannered, quite the opposite of their trash-talking wives. Hear these podcasts and more on your free iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. podcasts and more on your free iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Casey, I want to ask you, you said a minute ago, like you guys will have amazing sex. You're feeling super connected. It feels really good. And then he says we should do it again. And the way that you described it, it felt like you kind of like deflated in that moment, like, oh, so I'm curious, like, tell me what happens for you when you're like, you're riding this high, everything's been great.

And he says, we should do it again. Like, what's that deflation that happens for you? It wasn't enough. Like, yeah, exactly. It just wasn't enough. Like the constant feeling I feel all day, like not so much just from him. It's just, it wasn't enough. So it's just more, it's just more and everything.

And when I think of more it it goes into back what you're saying the mental load of he's not satisfied so I can't check that off my my list because he's not satisfied it's back on the list now back on the list so okay so what so let me guess Donald I'm going to speak for you but I'm guessing that what you're feeling in that moment when you say that is like you feel so connected to her, so in love with her. It was fun. It was pleasurable. It was just like, oh, yes.

And so I'm guessing that you hearing that she's so deflated when you say that, you're like, oh, no, that's like the exact opposite of what I wanted you to feel. So, Casey, what is something different? Absolutely, yeah. Okay. Yeah. That might be the mistake. No absolutely yeah okay no no no no absolutely not what's like what could he say to you instead of we should do it again which makes you feel like oh shit I didn't do good enough it's back on the list what could he say to you that's different that would help you because I think what he's trying to say is like, that was so fun. I feel so connected to you. What's your day like? What can I help you with today?

But you want to hear that right after sex? That's what I, I don't want, I don't want sex to be a freaking. Well, we can do both. I don't want to borrow your sex also where it's like, all right, I'm going to give you some day and now I'm going to go handle these chores. But when we're getting dressed and stuff, so what are you going to do today? What are you up to now? Like, oh, do you need help with anything?

What's a way that he could express to you how much fun he had and how connected he feels to you in a way that makes you feel like that was good enough? That was great. Well, to be honest, Donald's very complimentary after sex. Like, he'll fill me up and boost me up wow wow all right can i can i jump in here um i one of the things we had a gynecologist uh on and and she she was answering some questions but then she deferred and said you should really have a sex therapist on this is that and what she was saying is that, you know, some of these chores around the house that Casey was feeling don't get done, that that's and that can be an aphrodisiac in a way by doing some of the things, by taking some of the load off of her, that that might be something that he could be doing that would make her.

would make her and and wait just not to interrupt but just for everyone to know it's not so much chores like laundry and it's like you pick up the kids you drive the 45 minutes to the school and get the kids and 45 minutes back with them yelling at you and treating you like shit the whole way home do you see what i'm saying yeah yeah no absolutely it's both of our kids it's not just they're not just mine yeah well yeah you know kids have complicated a lot of shit you know what i mean like as far as it's like a fantasy over here sometimes for me i'm gonna keep it 100 with you i i agree like no i'm living in a fantasy no doubt like the shit's just clean all of a sudden i'm like wow that shit's clean all of a sudden oh i got to be in the garage animating for nine hours and nobody even looked for me.

That's another one. So don't you, sorry, I'll defer the prose, but don't you see that that might be a root of some of the problem in terms of you getting more of what you want? It's a huge, huge part of it. So I think there are two things that I would, if we were working together, there are two things that I would work with. One is

figuring out what's a better way for Donald to communicate. Like after sex, I feel so good. I'm so connected. I would probably suggest not saying, do you want to do that again? Right in that moment, I would just focus on complimenting her

because you're doing that already. It sounds like she feels good, but you need to make her really feel like, like just that was so good. I love you so much. I'm really connected. I appreciate the way that you showed up with me, that moment that we shared. Like, thank you.

And then, you know, we can talk about, like, you can still express desire for her, but I would keep it a little bit separate. So she just gets that to enjoy that feeling in that moment of, like, okay, good. He feels good. I feel good. That was enjoyable. And so the perfectionism doesn't come up for you of, like, oh, God, it wasn't good enough, right? So that's one piece of it. The second piece of it is dealing with the mental load aspect of it because this is a huge thing that comes up with couples.

Like I was saying, the majority of women carry the mental load, and it really makes sex start to feel transactional. And the great thing that I'm hearing from you guys is like the sex itself is not the problem. It sounds like you guys have fun. You feel connected. You love each other. Like it's really intimate and enjoyable. It's just like getting there that's causing the challenge.

So when it comes to mental load, like we highly recommend that couples come up with a specific plan of how they're going to share mental load and the actual responsibilities of running the household. Because if you guys are feeling like if you don't have a specific plan, the majority of it is just going to be falling to her and she's going to start to feel overworked and tired and resentful. And she's not going to be able to show up with that energy that you both want her to show up. You guys have the same goals here, actually. Like it's not that you're wildly mismatched. So I would think about like what are the ways that you can share the responsibilities

a little bit more evenly so you guys are feeling more like teammates outside of the bedroom and then that's going to make it easier to feel like teammates inside the bedroom. I think that's our missing link. And please know, like he treats me like a queen. I feel amazing.

He's a wonderful husband to me, and he's a wonderful dad. But I, and in his defense, a lot of it is, is because I take on the role of getting everything done, because I like it done my way, or the right way. There it is. Yeah, there you go. I do admit that. I do admit that, you know, but, you know, just for example, before this podcast, you know, I'm worried. I'm in addition to the kids, the

house and everything else, which I don't have a problem with. I love my kids and I love taking care of my beautiful home that I'm very fortunate to have, thanks to him. But I'm worried, is your computer charged? I'm checking my phone. Did Zach text me because Donald's late or this? Or where is Donald going today? He needs the MapQuest. I have to send him the address.

I have to make sure I give him the warning that it's time to get in the car because the traffic is bad. It's just, and I do have to, you could say I don't have to do those things, but I do have to do those things because if I don't, guess what? Donald's not there on time. Zach's angry. Zach's texting me. You know, the computer's not charged.

It's dead. Y'all are pissed off. So basically what we've learned is I'm the reason that you guys aren't fucking enough. That's really what it comes down to. I think Zach's the entire problem here. She's got fake doctors on her shoulder as well. You know?

So, yeah, I mean, I think what you're saying is right. Yeah, coming up with the plan together. And as part of the plan, so here's what comes up. Like, a lot of us women do the same thing. And we've had this come up in our relationship, too. Like, this happens for everybody. But, like, we've been so socialized to believe that, you know, our value is in taking care of the home and making things run properly and everything's good. And so we do have this idea in our heads of the right way to do things.

And so we get frustrated and it's like, oh, can you just unload the dishwasher? Like I have so many things to do. And then he unloads it in the wrong way. And it's like, oh, I shouldn't even have asked him. Like now I have to redo it. I should have done it myself right so in that conversation when you're making a plan of like whose responsibility is what and like it's got to be a clear plan and part of the plan also needs to be how does each thing need to be done so it's not enough to say your job is you know doing all the dishes we've

got to go through like okay how do the dishes need to be done? What's the, like, acceptable standard? You know, are there things that I need to show you that you've never done before? You know what we need? We need that instruction manual. We need an instruction manual. We need that instruction manual. All right.

And I want to make it broaden it out because I'm sure there's, you know, we're speaking specifically about their case, but I'm sure there's instances where the dynamic has shifted, where the woman has a much stronger libido than the man, correct? Oh, yeah, absolutely. We actually have polled our audience about this because stereotypically you think in a male-female relationship, like, it's always the guy that has the higher sex drive. But it's really not. relationship, like it's always the guy that has the higher sex drive. But it's really not like we've polled our audience about this. And 45% of couples in male female relationships say that it's actually the woman who has the higher drive. And we've been through long periods in our relationship where Vanessa's had a higher sex drive than me. So it's something that's super, super common. Yeah, but it just doesn't ever get talked about. Yeah, because that is something

it's true. It's mostly what they're talking about, I'm sure, is what's in the zeitgeist of people thinking, oh, yeah, the guy always wants to have me. He's begging for sex. So how did you guys deal with that when the tables were turned, when you as the man weren't feeling it and she was like, what the fuck? Come on. Well, let's see. So, you know, this was early in our relationship. We definitely did everything the wrong way. This was before we had built up this business. And it was probably, hey, I'm a man. I'm supposed to have a higher sex drive. That's the way I've been socialized.

You know, all the messages that we get are like, guys want it whenever, wherever, like however, right? And it was like, okay, so like, why am I not wanting it? Like something must be wrong with me. And so I would get really down on myself. I would get really in my head. And then that would in turn create more issues for me, like performance issues. I would get excited about doing it. And then I would get that thought in my head of,

oh, like, are you going to be able to, are you going to be able to last? Are you going to be able to, you know, whatever. And then, and then things would kind of go awry. So for me, it was this downward spiral initially. And the thing that I fucked up with is I took it really personally, like, oh, he doesn't think I'm sexy anymore. He's not attracted to me. He doesn't want to be with me anymore, which only put more pressure on him that like now his sex drive has to like prove to me how attractive he is to me. How did you guys get out of the spiral? Yeah. So, I mean, eventually we went to couples therapy and started kind of peeling back the layers of the onion because Yeah. So, I mean, eventually we went to couples therapy and started kind of

peeling back the layers of the onion because, you know, I started realizing, okay, I have been unconsciously avoiding situations that I think might lead to intimacy so that I don't have to ask those questions of myself. And, you know, and that's causing Vanessa to wonder, like, am I really attracted to her? Like, you know, what,'s causing Vanessa to wonder, like, am I really attracted to her? Like, you know, what's wrong with me? And so we started talking more and more about each of our experiences and kind of realizing that, you know, we had been approaching each other kind of in the wrong way. Well, yeah. And what we realized at the time was like Xander was working super long hours at a corporate job. He wasn't taking care of himself.

He was just constantly working and like really high stress levels and just a really bad relationship with his body. And so once we started talking about it more openly, it was like, oh, those are some very understandable reasons why you're not feeling super sexy. Like you're too stressed, you're too busy, and there's literally no time for us to have sex. So there were very understandable and practical reasons why his desire had started to decrease, but we just had gotten locked in this really bad cycle that we couldn't see it. So once we started talking about it, it was like, oh, okay, we need to like, you know, you needed to make some changes. Yeah. I had to think kind of long and hard about, you know, what did my life look like? Was I happy with the choices that I was making that was getting me into this position where,

you know, I just didn't really have much time, space or energy for intimacy. So that was one thing. So I kind of had to stop compartmentalizing sex as like, oh, it's this thing that happens regardless of what else is going on in my life. I kind of had to stop compartmentalizing sex as like, oh, it's this thing that happens regardless of what else is going on in my life. And so, you know, that caused me to make a couple of changes around, you know, just choices that I was making at work and, you know, stuff that I was doing in terms of like maybe not getting very much exercise and stuff like that. And the other piece of it was I needed to understand better how my own sex

drive worked. Because for me, I just assumed like, oh, guys are supposed to want it whenever, wherever. But what I came to realize was that actually, we know this now, there are two sex drive types. I assumed I had the one that, you know, the stereotypical male one, which is called spontaneous desire, where the desire for sex, the thought of sex just comes to you in your head first, like randomly, and then you take action, you know, with your body to maybe initiate sex or to have sex. But there's another type of desire called responsive desire, which is when your body needs some stimulation before your head gets the idea of, oh, yeah, this sounds good.

And so, yeah, most men or more men have spontaneous desire and more women have responsive desire. But what I found for me is that I'm actually a bit more on that responsive side. And so I had to rewire my brain in a way in terms of thinking, oh, OK, if I you know, my brain in a way in terms of thinking, oh, okay, if I, you know, if we want to have sex, I need a little bit of time to kind of calm down and to get, you know, get myself ready and maybe set the mood. And so, you know, it was instead of it being like this, you know, this snap initiation, like, hey, want to do it? Like, that's not going to work for me because like, I need to get myself excited and amped up about it. But you do it or when that's not going to work for me because like I need to get myself excited and amped up about it. But you do it or when you say responsive desire, and this might apply to

Donald and Casey and the switch of the sexes as well. But does that mean that she could, your wife could get you there by, you know, giving you a massage or whatever it is, touching your body in a certain way. Yeah, responsive basically means you need something to respond to. You're not just like mentally going to think like, oh yeah, sex sounds great right now. So a classic sign that you might be a responsive sex drive type is if you've ever been in the middle of sex or even at the end of sex and you catch yourself thinking like, this fun why do i not seem to want this more often that's a classic sign so it's just like your body needs to get turned on first

before mentally the idea of sex sounds good i'm definitely a responsive person right yeah that's a that's a really that's a really interesting like there are, I think I'm a responsive person too, but I'm also a very, I'm also ready to go whenever. But like, there's this taboo that men are supposed to always initiate whether they want to have sex or not. And it's, I want to feel desired too. You know what I mean? It would be nice if Casey was like, yo, would you, well, she's done it a couple of times. I don't want to use you as an example, but it would be nice if more often it, well, I got to use you as an example.

I'd rather use your other wife. I got to use you as an example. Okay. There are times where it's like, all right, I'm horny. Okay. There are times where it's like, all right, I'm horny. I know for a fact she's horny, but I'm not going to say nothing. I would like her to say to me, yo, what's going on in them jeans? You know what I'm saying? Do you want her to initiate just like that? But it doesn't happen.

And then I wind up getting upset. And then all of a sudden I turn into. And then he doesn't sleep in the bed for three days. Right. Then I'm like. Or some shit. Like she's supposed to. Because I missed some signals that he gives off 24-7.

Right. Yeah. No, I appreciate you saying that. You guys are doing such a great job of just being vulnerable. So I have to say that. But I think you're speaking to something that a lot of men have a hard time admitting which is that they want to feel desired too and it's a lot of pressure to be the one who's always initiating like initiating is vulnerable right if your partner says no and like it's like auditioning for free in a for for in pilot season. Yeah. And then you're like, nope, nope, nope.

Nope, nope, nope. And you finally get that call back and you're like, aight. And I'm the very blunt partner. So he'll say something to me and he'll be like, well, I'm not going to juice it up. He'll be like, wanna fuck? And I'll be like,

that's so romantic. Do I wanna fuck you? I don't even like you right now like i'm not in that i'm not i'm not having that right now i don't even want to look at you right now so you know why a lot of guys do that kind of bad initiation it's true i guess it's your truth it's your truth so most men do initiation like that like wanna fuck or just like honking your boobs or like smacking your ass that kind of thing they do it like that, like wanna fuck or just like honking your boobs or like smacking your ass, that kind of thing. They do it like that because initiating for real is so vulnerable.

So if Xander comes up behind me and he can just like honk my boobs, I'm like, oh, get off me. What are you doing? I can be like, oh, I was just messing around. Like, you know, plausible deniability. I wasn't actually trying to initiate sex. You're crazy that you think I actually trying to initiate sex. You're crazy that you think I was trying to initiate sex, right?

So then I don't have to feel vulnerable and I don't have to feel bad. Yeah, but of course, most of us don't like being initiated in that way. It's like, what? Why are you doing that? Like initiation, it's supposed to feel like an invitation.

It's supposed to feel like something that we want to say yes to. But a lot of us are, we're so uncomfortable with that vulnerability that we can't put ourselves out there. Yeah. But ain't nothing like trying to initiate something the proper way with the hug and the kiss and shit. And then them being like, no, no, no, I don't want to do this shit right now. You're like, okay, well, there it is. It hurts so much more, right? Read the room. I mean, listen, we said there's two types of people. No, I know. But you also have to, in my opinion, you know, if I, I don't know.

I don't know what other men are like. I've only had sex with Donald for the past seven years. Year. Year. It'd be funny if she said year. Year. Ten years. Three months. year year it'd be funny if she said year year 10 years three months i've only had sex with dominic for the past like seven months so i don't

yeah you know but um so casey what would be like in your ideal scenario and actually i want to ask both of you this what would be the perfect way for your partner to initiate it would just be like so sexy so exciting make you feel good like what's going on in those pants yeah i want to know in the jeans okay so the best time the best not the best time and it was horrible for me but and then i felt the pressure and i felt what it was like to be her and so now oh shit i gotta perform and stuff like that but when we came back i came back from out of town from miami from yeah from miami and she's texting me in the car get that dick right like she's going too much too much too much great right so i'm on my way home thinking like yo dude you gotta go

oh shit this is what we've been waiting for and side note I'm like I can tell he worked really hard and he's exhausted and he's coming home and I wasn't as pleasant when he left so I'm gonna really put it on him she said some things

that I was like yes you don't have to tell the details was that actually the best way She said some things that I was like, yes. You don't have to tell the details. You don't need details. Was that actually the best way? He came home and I put it on him. Yeah, but I'm so in my head about this shit that I'm like, yo, I'm not performing the way I want to perform right now. This is way too much pressure. Please make her bust.

She got to bust. Oh, my my god you know what i mean like just i want the audience to know that the sex therapists are both laughing at the word bust all right um i want to hear so this this might need to be like a homework assignment for you guys like i want each of you to think about because you're not you didn't answer the question donald you gave me like one that was that created a lot of pressure for you so like what would be the ideal way to initiate because that's something like most of us have never thought about this question before right but it's kind of crazy because it's like we we want our partner to initiate in a good way and we get annoyed with them when they don't initiate in a good way

but most of us have never taken the time to think about like, but what would a good way actually be for me? So you guys have to think about it and then share with each other. That's a good homework assignment for you guys and also for couples who this speaks to, to write that down maybe, and then maybe have the vulnerability to share it with each other. And maybe that's a good- And are they going to come, are y'all going to come back on and escalate it?

Well, I hope so. But no, no, no. no you guys this is a homework anytime we're gonna move on to other things besides your guy's sex life um and then um but you oh you guys give us your direct emails so we can have yeah they are available for hire just so you know okay yes please happy to help i really appreciate you guys we'll be right back after these words Happy to help. I really appreciate you guys. We'll be right back after these words. on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else,

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because that's very good and very informative on the subject of people not being on the same page. How do you describe that? Libido not being... Mismatched libidos. Yeah, I mean, we talk about a lot of different things get wrapped up in it. And that's why it's so interesting

to start pulling apart the layers. And you're like, oh, this, it makes sense. This all makes sense, right? Now, I was looking through your guide and it was very informative. And I wondered, what do you think is, are the most, we could do it for both men and women. But what do you think are the most common things that women say to you a man doesn't understand about what turns them on? Because there is some information in the guides I think is very helpful for men and or women, obviously. But what do you find as someone who

specializes in this? Women more often than not come to you and say, my partner isn't getting that this is what works for me. The most common thing is truly the emotional intimacy aspect of it. Like so many women want to feel more of that connection from their partner, more of the like, you know, he's not just paying attention to me when he wants to have sex.

Like he's connecting with me all throughout the day. And it's simple stuff, like make eye contact with me, give me a hug, give me a kiss, say nice things to me so that it feels easier you know when we get into bed at the end of the night to want to connect physically too so it's really the emotional intimacy so much of the stuff that we talked about with casey like helping out around the house even the the chore play that's what we call it can be really sexy that's good for you watching your man do some chores can genuinely be pretty sexy yeah write down the word chore play

he's got his pen out, everybody. I have a feeling you'd be really good at chore play, Donald. This keeps coming up. It came up with the gynecologist as well. I think that the idea of, it seems to me you're saying that women are turned on by. Mr. Clean. No, by the guy actually doing the things she's always asking him to do. And it sounds funny.

Not just cleaning. In Casey's example, it was taking the kids to school or whatever. You know, like doing. It's not just taking the kids to school. It's making the load. What I heard was it's making the load lighter. So it's not. It's a bunch of different things.

You know what I mean? It's being a real partner, like being a true partner. It's interesting. When I asked you this question, I thought you were going to say, when you said emotional connection, my brain went to during foreplay and sex, eye contact and emotional words and stuff like that.

But then it was even more interesting to me that you're like, no, no, throughout the day, the chore play and the hugs and the kisses throughout the day, that that's what women are looking for. For women, I think a lot of women feel like foreplay is all throughout the day. Like the way that you treat me all throughout the day is going to affect how I show up in the bedroom with you. So it's really important to like be able to have that connection and to feel important to each other. And I think for women too,

I really think the cheat code to women is doing what you say you're going to do. There is nothing sexier to a woman than a man who does what he says he's going to do. Wow, that's a headline. Daniel, write that down. Put that in the headline. Everybody says it.

Everybody's like, I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. But a lot of people don't. They don't. We don't see that follow through. And then we can't trust you. We can't trust you, right? And trust is so important for us to be able to let ourselves go in the moment. I think a lot of men and women alike, we want to be able to let ourselves go in the moment. You know, I think a lot of men and women alike, like we want to be able to let go during sex

and just really like enjoy ourselves and lose ourselves in that moment. And like we need to feel that trust in you to be able to do that. And I think what can be really helpful for men out there who, you know, maybe we definitely haven't been socialized in that way to think about like the emotional connection throughout the day and how those household responsibilities might tie into the emotional connection. So I think what is super helpful for men, I know this has been super helpful for me, is starting to create a habit of tying those things that I do around those around the house, those chores that I have

to the way that they make Vanessa feel. So for example, I make the bed. That's one of my responsibilities around the house. And Vanessa and I have different definitions of what, you know, done right is around the bed. Like, you know, I'm fine just pulling the covers up and, you know, putting the pillows on. Vanessa's like, oh no you know i want everything nice and tucked in i want all those decorative pillows all the decorative pillows i can't sleep on that shit how come i can't sleep on it they're so comfy i know and then as soon as we get in yeah as soon as i get into bed i'm taking all the pillows off and i'm like why am i putting them on the bed when we're just gonna mess them all up when we get in the bed anyway? So, but what I needed to learn was that for Vanessa, it's the experience of walking into the room and seeing that really

nice bed. It's like, it's like when you walk into a really nice hotel room and you're like, oh, this is, this is so nice. This is so nice and peaceful. So for her, I've come to realize like, she lights up when we, you know, if I initiate sex and we walk into the bedroom and everything is all nicely made, she's like, oh, this is so luxurious. And so instead of me getting caught up on like, you know, feeling resentful around like,

oh, well, why is her definition of done so different than mine? Why does she want these dumb decorative pillows on the bed? I've retrained myself to think about, ah, she's going to be so happy when she sees this and, you know, and she's going to be so excited to get into that bed with me. And so whether it's the bed or the dishes or whatever. You reframe it as chore play. You're going, oh my God, if you could bounce a quarter off that bed, she's going to be even more turned on. She is going to let you put a thumb in the butt if you do that. Right. Yeah. When it comes to sex itself, the number one thing that we hear from women

is they want men to slow down. And a lot of that ties into the foreplay conversation that we were having earlier. Like so many men, it's like you hear a yes from her and you're like okay let's get right down to business yeah i might miss my chance yeah but so many women are like no please like slow down i want you to touch me all over and kiss me all over and get me to the point where i'm like begging you for more rather than jumping right into it. Yeah. One thing you said, if I can quote your guide, is women are desperate for men to take more time on the buildup.

So many people underestimate the lead up, but many Volvo owners say that the teasing is their favorite part of being pleasured. Yeah, that is what we hear all the time. When you're teasing me, that's the most pleasurable, most exciting part of the experience for some of them. Okay, well, what if, all right, that's for couples, but my friend here, my colleague here is a single man. And so there might be a different, how do you connect with somebody? Like, how do you,

with sex? Like, I'm sure when he meets somebody, he's like, all right, that's a pressure right there. I got to perform because maybe I want this person to come back. You know what I mean? Of course. Well, I think even in what they're saying, what I'm getting is even if it's not a relationship, if it's a new thing that that everything should be slowed down and that what she's saying is that women are constantly saying that if if you just once things start going a man just starts rushing through everything and okay let's get to intercourse where she's saying women are saying it doesn't matter slow everything down tease me I think that you know like does that so

that applies in the single life as well why wouldn't it why wouldn't it apply to a single man that's a statistic right so like let's say you meet somebody that's not like that and it's like i want to fuck tonight i don't want to just you know go through she's not saying every single woman i'm sure of course there's women who are are just like, let's get right to it. But she's saying that one of the most common things that they hear is that women like being teased or edging, right? Edging? Is that what you say? I love that word.

Edging is slightly different. Edging is like when you're working towards orgasm and you keep getting somebody to the edge of an orgasm and then you back off. It's a different kind of teasing. But we're talking more about the earlier stages. Are these techniques in the instruction manual? Yeah, they're in the guides. They are. I did my homework.

Donald didn't do his homework. I've been reading these guides. Man, my life is the homework. My life is the homework, Zach. You guys don't, do you mind if I quote some of your manual? No, go for it. I love that you're looking through them. Well, I find it very informative.

One of the things that... Do you like the illustrations? They're great. I actually put some in our group chat. I put some in our group chat just to get Donald. I was trying to do some foreplay for the episode with Donald, and I sent him some of your imagery. Nice.

Some of the examples... All it does is make me... It would have been a different interview, so I'm glad I didn't look at the stuff. Massage, here's some of the things. Massage your partner's body. Massage brings blood flow to the area, increasing sensitivity. Just like blood flow is crucial for getting a penis erect, it's equally important for getting a clitoris turned on. So blood flow can lead to a delightful throbbing feeling between your partner's legs. Yeah, you know, so we actually haven't talked about the clitoris too much. And this is the cause of the issue with intercourse.

So on a man's body, the most sensitive part is the penis. On a woman's body, the most sensitive part is the clitoris. And so the problem with intercourse is that there's not a whole lot of clitoral stimulation. Like it's kind of in the vicinity, but you're penetrating her vagina. And the vagina does not have very many nerve endings, especially when you compare it to the clitoris and the penis. The penis has like two to 3,000 nerve endings in it. The clitoris has 8,000 to 9,000 nerve endings. So it's actually way more sensitive than the penis. And so when you're having intercourse.

That's why that shit's hidden. That's why I'm shoving all of that skin because the wind hit that one. It's like, ah! So you're stimulating a part of her body that just doesn't have a lot of nerve endings. So the comparison that I like to make is from a nerve ending standpoint. Intercourse for a woman is like is from a nerve ending standpoint. Intercourse for a woman is like playing with a man's balls.

Which can be nice. Like, and maybe you even get hard, you get excited, but you're not going to, you're not going to stay hard very long. You're definitely not

having an orgasm. You're definitely not going to have an orgasm. And that's the same thing for women. Like, it can be fun, it can be connecting, but...

I have a question. I don't know. Don't say you're going to come from. It can be fun. It can be connecting. I have a question. I don't know. Don't say you're going to come from having your balls played with. All right, listen. I have a question. I'm not going to say that. I'm just saying. I thought you were going to be like, I don't know.

My balls, no. My balls get in touch. My question for you is this. Now, there are women listening, I'm sure, who would say, oh, no, I am one of the people who can have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse solely. Is that because the clitoris is being stimulated during sex by being brushed up against? Why is that happening for? That's a great question. Yeah. Thank you. That's why I'm a good podcast host. Yes. So only 10 to 15%. They're having it just because of the, basically, the man's pelvis is doing a drive-by of her clit?

Typically. So the most, like, the best position for female orgasm is woman on top. And it's for that exact reason that you're describing. Is your clitoris, it's, like, kind of rubbing against your partner's lower abdomen. So you're getting some clitoral stimulation that way. And the cool thing about the clitoris is, you know, it's neat. Is that why you recommend a dad bod? Because the gut rubs against the clitoris?

Rubs against that shit, yep. So all these guys with abs. It's a good technique. All these guys with abs. You fucking up, bro. Those abs are gone. It's good for mental stimulation, but if you're really trying to touch that clit, your six pack is not touching a little bit

of a freaking beer gut. Then that's why Donald stopped working out. No, go ahead. Sorry. That's what's happening for the majority of the times. But the cool thing about the clitoris is it does, you know, there is that little nub of skin that we see like visible, but it also does extend up into the body and it's kind of you know it's placed in different ways based on different people's anatomy so for some people you can stimulate it internally through the walls of the vagina but i kind of compare it to like getting a massage on like getting a massage on your bare skin versus getting a massage when you're wearing a wool sweater like sure you might be able to feel some simulation getting the massage over the wool

sweater, but it's like a little bit harder. So for those, that small percentage of women, some of them just happen to naturally have a clitoris that's like those interior portions of it are a little more sensitive. Maybe they're in a spot where it's easier to access them. But for the majority of us, it's like we got five wool sweaters on and you're not feeling anything. But the good news, the good news though,

is that the clitoris can also be stimulated during intercourse. And so we are, you know, we are always advocating for more clitoral stimulation because the reality is that, you know, when you combine

those two things, that can be extremely pleasurable. And very often that's the end. So do you recommend bringing like a small vibrator or a bullet into intercourse so that's constant i mean i say bring whatever you need to get you there can i ask the professionals i'm not asking you you don't know that's what they're gonna say um do you recommend obviously people can digitally stimulate but do you do you recommend people bring some sort of vibrating thing in that's constantly going on in the clitoris while the man is entering the vaginal canal?

Donald's right here. I wanted to talk like a professor, dude. I'm trying to counteract you because you're like, I got a nut. And I'm trying to fucking be the antidote to the way you talk. Sorry, I can't answer the question, guys. Donald's right here. We say bring whatever you can. So if you like using a vibrator, that's great.

There are some small ones that can slip in between your bodies. Or there are different positions you can be in where you can use any size of toy. Or if you just prefer using your hands, your partner's hands doing cowgirls so you're rubbing up against your partner's abdomen but we kind of we have this like abc rule always be touching the clit so always be always be touching the clit we drop those two t's write that home write that down at home everyone donald literally brought a notepad. I've never seen him bring a notepad to an interview. Always be closing. Always be closing.

My wife said it. We do have good sex. It's wonderful. Well, imagine you should try bringing a little small vibrational device in, and maybe it will drive her even more crazy. Because I bet that's going to lead to another thing you advocate for, which is the obvious, shaking it up. Surprising your partner, right?

Yeah, we do advocate mixing things up in the bedroom. Research has shown that when we do new things with our partner inside and outside of the bedroom, our brains light up. Like this is why we all talk about the early stage of a relationship with so much fondness because everything felt new, right? It felt so exciting. And then we get, you know, six months, a year into the relationship, we're doing the same old thing over and over and over again. And then wondering like, why isn't it as exciting? Because you're not mixing it up. You're not doing new things anymore. So if you continue like just bringing, you know, bringing new things into the bedroom, trying new things, there's always something new to explore. But a lot of times people hear that advice and they go to an extreme like, oh, we've got to be doing some real kinky shit all the time and like constantly pushing our boundaries.

Right. They come home with like a rubber fist. If you want to, do all the kinky stuff your heart desires. You want to do all the kinky stuff your heart desires. But sometimes for a lot of couples in long-term relationships, mixing it up could be something as simple as like, what's something that you used to do in those earlier stages of the relationship that you haven't done in a while? And it could be something as simple as like oral sex. Maybe you haven't gone down on your partner in a really long time.

Like bring that back. Or maybe you guys are like always having sex in the bed could you do it on the sofa or on the washing machine or something like that so it's like mix it up a little bit it doesn't have to be extreme i like that let's take a break we'll be right back after these fine words john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Martha Stewart, and we're back with a new season of my podcast. Stuart, and we're back with a new season of my podcast. This season will be even more revealing and more personal with more entrepreneurs, more trailblazers, more live events, more Martha, and more questions from you. I'm talking to my cosmetic dermatologist, Dr. Dan Belkin, about the secrets behind my skincare. Walter Isaacson about the geniuses who change the world. Encore Jane about creating a billion-dollar startup.

Dr. Elisa Pressman about the five basic strategies to help parents raise good humans. Florence Fabrikant about the authenticity in the world of food writing. Be sure to tune in to season two of the Martha Stewart podcast. Listen and subscribe to the Martha Stewart podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. iHeart podcast update this week on your free iHeartRadio app. Rachel goes rogue for the first

time. She's ready to tell you the real story on her own terms. What's true, what's false, and the secrets she's been waiting to reveal. Two Jersey Js, from menopause to making the most of your 40s and 50s, follow these fabulous women as they navigate family, friendships, and even frenemies. The Eds, there's so much more to the Eds than being married to real housewives. These two gentlemen are loved and well-mannered, quite the opposite of their trash-talking wives. Hear these podcasts and more on your free iheart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts okay now what happens when kids are thrown into the situation like you're a married

couple and you have one two three four. Nine, in my case. No. No, but what happens when you have children? And now sex is something that you got to sneak off and do. And there's something fun in that, obviously. But then it also is like, damn, shit, we got to fucking go be quiet and do this. We got to go find an area. We can't just do it like we did it when we were dating. Like when, you know what I mean?

So what happens then? Like, I guess my question is, how do you repair your sex life when it's that? You know what I mean? Kids definitely make things a whole lot more challenging for a lot of reasons. Like, you know, I mean, it completely changes a woman's relationship with her body. It brings up all those questions about mental load and responsibility and how we're dividing things up. You know, are we feeling like a true partnership? Do we have quality time with each other? Like that's a whole episode in and of itself talking about that. But I think, you know, some of the simplest things that you can do are really trying to carve out some quality time where you get to focus on being partners,

not just parents. Like it's so easy to lose your identity as a couple because you're so wrapped up in being parents. So you're not going to be able to be as spontaneous as you would without little people running around the house. But you can still have date nights. You can still, you know, maybe it's like in your room, you're going to go have sex in the closet or you're going to put a rug down on the floor or something like that. Like you can still do little creative things there. And definitely getting away for any sort of like, even if it's just a staycation for one night send the kids with grandma and grandpa or whatever you can do like we don't have that type of situation she's talking to hundreds of thousands of people not just you i know but i'm saying i'm saying there

are a lot of people out there that are in the same situation that casey and i are in and a lot of people don't have a lot of people don't have support outside of their own home yeah a lot of people don't so it's you know it's just it comes down to being as creative as you can and people don't have support outside of their own home. Yeah, a lot of people don't. So it's, you know, it's just, it comes down to being as creative as you can. And I don't want to make it sound like it's super easy. Like kids really make things so much more challenging. And I think parents like are not prepared for that. And then they feel a lot of shame and frustration and guilt. So it's, it's trying to get creative and see like, what is it that you can do? So maybe it's like, do you have a, like friends that also have kids where you guys could swap? Like, we're going to

take care of your kids while you guys have a date night and then you'll trade and we'll have the date night. Yeah. And this is why it's so important to just be able to talk about this stuff openly because so often, you know, we don't really talk that openly about our sex life, you know, before we have kids and we think, oh, sex is just this thing that happens, you know, happens at the end of the night. We've done it this certain way for all these years. And then all of a sudden, like you were saying, Donald, like you have kids and then it's like, oh, we got to be really strategic about this. There's specific windows of time that we can and can't have sex. And so it's so important to be able to talk about that, about that, ideally before you have kids and

maybe while she's pregnant and really right at the beginning. So you can really acknowledge like, yeah, this isn't going to be like it used to be before. Because if you don't talk about it, what happens is you just end up kind of feeling resentful, like, hey, it's not fair that it's not like it used to be. But the reality is, it's going to change. And it's so helpful to be able to acknowledge that and then talk about, okay, what is our plan for sex?

You know, maybe it's not something that can just happen anymore. We have to make it happen. So when are we going to make it happen? What are the windows of time that are good for us? What are the windows of time that are bad for us? And how do we structure all the responsibilities and the schedule so that we can make it happen on a more regular basis?

I want to just circle back to the other side of things. I had asked you, what do women most commonly say that they wish men understood? If I could ask you the opposite now, what do men most often say? One of the things I think you touched on is that they're expected to always be the horny one and initiate. And that, of course, is something we've already crossed. But what else do you think that men would say, I wish my partner, my girlfriend, my wife understood this about my sexuality? sexuality? I think the number one thing that men would love women to know is that when men want to have sex, it's because they want to feel emotional connection with their partner. It's not because they're just horny and they have an itch they got to scratch. I think that's one of the biggest

things that men get misunderstood by. The female partner is just like, oh, he just wants to get off. And the reality is most men haven't been socialized to know how to have really solid emotional connection outside of sex. Sex is one of the number one ways that we feel comfortable opening up and being vulnerable and expressing our love. And so when we are trying to have sex, it's not because we're just horny. It's because- I mean, that's part of it.

Yeah, but it's not like, oh, I just want to have sex with anybody. It's like, I want to have sex with you because I love you. And that's how I show you that I love you. And I'll piggyback off of that too. I think men want women to be excited about intimacy too. A lot of men are like, I don't want to just have sex to my partner.

Like I want to have an experience together. I want to know that she wants me, that she wants to do this, that she's excited. Over and over and over again. Yeah. It's like men don't want, they don't really want you to just throw them a bone. Like they want you to participate in this experience with them. Yeah. There's a thing, there's a thing called a mercy fuck.

And that's not on anybody's list of enjoyable. That's like, please. No, thank you. Nope. Yeah. I think like men can tell. And I think that's something women don't realize is we think like, oh, okay. Yeah.

I think women can tell too, though. I think not only can men tell, women can tell when the dude's not into it. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, you want to talk about rejection. Shit. You think a guy, guys are no used to getting rejected imagine be a one being a woman and being like i want to fuck and the dude being like nah that's gotta feel like

shit well that's what happens i mean obviously that's one thing they were talking about earlier is that this stereotype that the man feels like he's always got to be the one who's down for it. You're someone who is clearly always down for it, but I think there's a lot of men out there who break the stereotype and be like, I'm sorry, I'm tired, I'm not in the mood tonight. Then there's the shame for the man of like, oh, am I not masculine enough because I don't feel that right now? What about the woman who has to deal with that? Who has to, you know, that's a real strong blow to an ego. You're supposed to be the one that's desired. You know what I mean? Stereotypically.

And then all of a sudden you throw yourself out there and you make yourself vulnerable. And he says, nah, I don't want to do that. Yeah. Imagine that. You know, the whole conversation is every, you know, what I heard from my wife was my wife wants, you know, she's not, there's a part of it that's also, she wants, she wants to feel attractive in this situation too. And if she doesn't feel that because of all of the things that are going on in her mind, if she doesn't feel that, then she's not going to perform the way she wants to perform. So imagine saying to somebody, now you're begging for sex with a dude. And he's like, nah, I'm not in the mood. I don't want to do it. You know what I mean? We need to wrap up soon, but I wanted to end on something.

Donald was very excited to talk a little bit about ass play. Thank you. He has a famous quote on it. I'm going to play you a famous sound. I'm waiting until the end of the show. I don't want to end the episode without Donald getting to ask his questions about ass play. But this is a famous sound bite we play on our show. Whether it be taking a poop, whether it be a finger, whether it be a tongue,

whether it, you know, everybody likes a little ass play. Now, I'm not sure that that's true, but that is Donald's perspective. I wanted to read a little bit from your guide, if I can. This is from the foreplay guide, Penis Edition. It says,

Venture back door. Gay and bi men are usually pretty clued into the delights of the anus but straight guys can be more squeamish since the anus is still pretty taboo in our society but the anus has tons of nerve endings and feels good for people of all genders and orientations so um can you uh speak to that since donald's been excited for you okay i don't know not you i'm not asking you to speak to it i'm asking them to for you two? I don't know about that, man. Okay, I don't know. Not you. I'm not asking you to speak to it. I'm asking them to speak to it. I got more questions to go on top of that.

That's all. I know, but the show is usually an hour long, Donald. But go ahead, guys. Not this one. Yeah. We have a whole separate butt stuff guide because we really want to encourage people to explore backdoor. Like, it's really frustrating that there is still this taboo around anal play, especially for straight men, because we all have nerve endings there.

It doesn't matter who you like to have sex with. We just all have those nerve endings there. So yeah, we really walk you through all the different ways to play. And I'm glad that Donald had this great little sound clip, because I think one of the big misconceptions that people have is we think the only way to do it is to have intercourse.

Like there has to be something going into the butt, like a penis or a toy or something like that. But fingers, tongues, like just a little play around the outside can be really fun. It can be a great way to like just play around with it initially and see like, do I like this? Do I want to go a little bit further so fingers are a great starting point okay do you recommend washcloth in the ass for this stuff you do not need to do anything special definitely don't shove a washcloth up there things like enemas you know you can take a shower beforehand especially if you're like

brand new to this you're feeling a little bit nervous you're squeamish about the cleanliness but don't go up into your ass like just wash around the outside

very gentle so don't put the washcloth I'm really concerned about the washcloth you know how they say don't put a you know how they say

don't put a Q-tip in your ear canal don't put a washcloth up your ass but nobody everybody puts the Q-tip in your ear canal? Don't put a washcloth up your ass. Nobody puts the Q-tip in their ear canal. So I don't know if this is good advice. So you can clean up a little bit back there for sure. You don't have to, but it will make sure that you are never touching the vagina or the vulva with the same finger or hand that you are touching the butt with.

Yeah, you can't go from ass to vagina. Write that down, Donald. Wait, hold on. You can go from vagina to ass, but not from ass to vagina. So once you go ass, let's go clean. Yes. And then we can go vagina again. Yes.

Right, because that will cause, obviously, infections or bacteria in the vaginal canal. Right? Yes. Correct. Okay. You need to write that down, Donald. Well, no, because there ain't a lot of ass play over here, baby. The thing is.

Well, once you put your washcloth, maybe things will change. Yeah, you've been doing it wrong this whole time, Donald. That's what it is. Well, once you put your washcloth, maybe things will change. Yeah, you've been doing it wrong this whole time, Donald. That's what it is. That's what it is. Do you think that men are, I mean, this is obviously something that's in porn more and more. But do you think that, like, it feels like there's this cultural shift to straight men being more open to this? Yeah, and I love that. Because, again, it's like anal play has no orientation to it.

Like it's just really unfortunate that we've made this connotation with it. Like we always, we always talk about like, okay, sure. There are lots of gay men who love anal sex. You know what else? Lots of gay men love blowjobs. Anybody calling like a guy who loves blowjobs like, oh, he's secretly gay. He he's really into those blowjobs. But is anybody calling a guy who loves blowjobs like, oh, he's secretly gay. He's really into those blowjobs. Like, of course

not. So we have to take away the really silly taboo around it. But yeah, I'm glad to see more straight men feeling more open to exploring backdoor. All right. Well, thank you guys. This has been incredible. And I just want to thank you. And I hope you'll come back with, we could do a whole another hour. We're going to do the homework.

Yeah. I would love to hear how it goes with you guys. I appreciate you guys sharing your story and being so vulnerable and I'm happy to come back and do a little checkup. And will you, um, please plug both things again. Cause I really do think, uh, if you're listening to this, this guide is, is is really no joke it's there's both one for penis and vaginas it's very informative i'm learning oh there's also a butt one i don't have that i wasn't sent that one but tell everyone how they can send you the butt one yes give me give me the works i want the whole package but tell our audience uh how they can not only get your guides but the book that you guys wrote together so they can head over to vmtherapy.com,

v-m-t-h-e-r-a-p-y.com to find the ultimate foreplay guides, next level intercourse, butt stuff, dirty talk, the art of initiation, the sex challenges. We have so much fun stuff to check out there. And then if you want to pick up the book, you can get that at sextalksbook.com. And it has links to all the retailers. Once you buy the book, if you go back to that page and fill out a quick little form with your order info, we'll send you a free workbook that goes along with the book so that you can get the most out of it possible. And then we are also super active on Instagram.

We're at Vanessa and Xander. And Xander is spelled with an X. So all of the things are linked there as well. And we put out a lot of stories every day, talking about sex, relationships, giving you all the tools and techniques. So there's a workbook to the book also. Do you fill it out while you're having sex or do you have to wait when you're done?

Yes, while you're having sex, please fill out the workbook at all. I'm okay doing. This feels nice. Give me the pen, honey. I like this. Honey please fill out the workbook. I'm okay doing. This feels nice. Give me the pen, honey. I like this. Honey, hand me the Sharpie. It's not going to feel clinical at all.

Yeah, you just get a little clipboard, like pin it to the headboard. And, you know, no, we do not advocate taking notes during sex, but the workbook can be helpful outside of the bedroom. All right, you guys. Thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate you. Thanks for having us. Thank you. Thunderous, you guys. Thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate you. Thanks for having us. Thank you.

Thunderous applause, Daniel. Thunderous applause! Thanks, guys. That was great. Very lovely. Casey really liked that, man. That was the first time she ever left here not being like...

I mean, she wanted to sit down and stay, and then once it was over, when you were like, we got to move on, I could tell she was like, shit, I've got so many more questions. Well, you know, they are available for hire, Donald. You could have a private session.

I'm going to be honest with you. Absolutely. I think everybody should go to some form of therapy in their life. And so that is something that maybe Casey and I will explore. But first of all, Joelle, kudos to getting them. Yeah, great guess, Joelle. That was really awesome. By the way, I want to say, you know, we're looking for people to develop podcasts for. We should develop a podcast for them.

They're incredible. I mean, they could talk forever about the sex. No, and then you could have couples come on and share their story and have them give them advice. I think that would be very popular. I agree. Jo't you yeah they're amazing they have really do they have a podcast already i they do instagram videos and they went tiktok viral after she said that they posted a video about how they make out every day as a way to like keep spark alive in their relationship yeah yeah of course stephanie sent me that video and i was like word that's actually a really good one right there yeah right right and also i just think like

people love hearing that they're not alone and they have xyz everybody has the same issues and that's why i think that the episode is good because so many things we talked about people are going to want to talk about i think that that's why Casey responded the way she responded too, because she's like, oh shit, it's not just me. She said, she was like, this is classic. This is a classic case of, and there was a remedy for what Casey's ailment was and my ailment was. And it wasn't, it didn't make us feel like we were alone.

And that's a perfect example that Zach. Absolutely, bro. Let's take a break. We'll be right back after these fine words. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment,

politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Rewatch Show is at 10.0.

This segment of Fake Doctors, Real Friends is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Protecting you from exploding bills with a price lock guarantee. Visit T-Mobile.com slash Zach to check availability. Hey, hold up, man. That's your name. All right. And now, Joelle, what do you have for us?

We got some letters. I thought we'd do like a little, a quick mailbag. So I pulled three letters. They're really sweet. Our first one comes from September Quinn. September writes, first, I wanted to say how much I enjoyed the podcast throughout the years. I never laughed so hard as I do with all the antics and observations of you guys. This is the first time I've emailed.

At first, I was bummed that you had to stop talking about Scrubs episodes with the strike going on. But I have really enjoyed the episodes. In the meantime, hearing from different people like Elizabeth Banks, the vagina doctor, Adam about the writer's strike, and now Andy about alcohol has been great. I was really excited when I opened up the pod today and saw Andy was going to be on. Long story short, years ago, I got involved with his group One Year No Beer. Took their challenge to go alcohol free for 28 days, then three months, then a year. Andy and his group helped change my relationship with alcohol. I haven't binge drank in years and I seldom drink alcohol

now. It really is a healthy life changing concept. I enjoy the points they all brought up in the episode. I just wanted to say thanks for having him on as well as all the other guests. Perhaps when the reviews of the, sorry, perhaps when the review of the episodes are finished, they can continue to make a podcast just like this

with different perspectives on a lot of different things, particularly in regards to health, lifestyle, mental health, etc. To keep in line with the Scrubs theme. It's really these kinds of things mixed in with kind of humor Zach and Donald bring to everything. Thanks again for a great show, September Quinn. That was September. First of all, I never met someone named September. That's a great name.

That is exactly what Donald and I are feeling. And I'm getting this kind of feedback all over the place. People are really loving it. And just in time, Donald, because, you know, Donald and I have been brainstorming of what the show is going to be, as you guys all know, because we made it a part of the show. And the strike has forced us to start doing some of the things that we wanted to do, which was to bring on, you know, interesting people. And I'm just so glad that people are liking it. My assistant, Mark, actually said to me, he goes, to be honest, I'm just so glad that people are liking it. My assistant, Mark, actually said to me, he goes, to be honest, I'm liking the show so much more. But I don't think

that he was necessarily a Scrubs viewer. But for him, he's really loving these episodes. I love it, too. Just as a host of the show, I love it, too. You know, we were just talking about switching it up in the bedroom. Sometimes it's nice to switch it up and talk about other things i do miss talking about that show we were on you know what i mean that i can't talk about well we're gonna miss talking about uh you know i do miss having some of the guests that were on the show maybe that's something we can do also having of course guests with you know bring sar Chalk on and Sarah Chalk talks to the vagina doctor. I'd love to hear Sarah talk up to the vagina doctor. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, you know, maybe that's what it is also. I don't know.

All I know is I like what we're doing right now also. And the strike, as much as I want to get back to work and I understand why we're striking and stuff i do like the fact that we were able to pivot and find something else that was interesting and it turns out that it's a bunch of things you know what i mean yeah you know i i like the idea of us still being fake doctors and real friends but just talking about other things well we don't have the good news is it's we don't have that many more scrubs episodes right joelle i mean we have the good news is it's we don't have that many more Scrubs episodes. Right, Joelle? I mean, we have the 12. That's not good news. That's bad news. Well, I'm just saying what I meant to say is it's good news that we're finding a way to keep the pod going because we enjoy it so much.

Because Scrubs episodes wise, when the strike is over, I know we have the 12 episodes from season nine. How many do we have left in season eight? Oh, gosh. I don't remember off the top of my head, but not that many. I think we're about halfway, a little over halfway through. Right. So maybe there's, I don't know, 17 or so episodes left. Yeah, there are eight left in the season we haven't covered. All right.

So by my math, that's 20 episodes of Scrubs rewatch left. You know what? You should play the More You Know sound song right there, Danil. No, you know what? I wish we could play that Scrubs theme. All right. Thank you, September. Go ahead, Joelle. All right. Our next letter comes from Rob.

Rob writes, Hey, Zach and Donald. I thought the two of you might get a kick out of this. Here's what he sent. So there's a short excerpt I'd like to share with you from Scrubs today, and it's called simply, Guy Love. And I can tell you this seemed like a much better idea when I was writing this speech than actually having to do this right now. Anyway, it goes a little something like this.

It's guy love, that's all it is. Guy love, he's mine, I'm his. There's nothing gay about it in our eyes. And when I say I love you, you dan it's not what it implies it's guy love between two guys nice the best man toast so yeah so the rest of his letter says this is a short clip from The best man toast. So yeah, so the rest of his letter says, this is a short clip from my best man speech over the weekend for my best friend of over 20 years, Dan.

We spent literally hundreds of hours binging scrubs in our teenage years and I could think of no quote, poem, or reading more fitting to sum up my feelings toward the groom than a rendition of Guy Love. This questionable performance was preceded by a brief synopsis of scrubs and an explanation of why

Turk and JD's relationships resonated with us so much. It's like I married my best friend, but in a totally manly way. Thanks for endless hours of entertainment throughout the years and providing the perfect musical number to send my buddy off into married life. He's the Turk to my JD. Greetings from across the pond. Rob from London.

Oh, that's very sweet, Rob. Very sweet. And thank you for loving the show. And by that's very sweet, Rob. Very sweet. And thank you for loving the show. And by the way, a great idea. If you have to give a best man speech and you have no idea what you're going to do, just sing a little bit of Guy Love. Hell yeah. Right, Donald?

Yeah. Yeah. I want to say one thing. yo yo i'm gonna say one thing that took guts to do in front of that whole family right that like and they weren't the warmest crowd like and they were not the warmest crowd yeah tough crowd kind of they were kind of like they were kind of laughing at him like all right wrap this shit up but right i'm always so nervous when a best man gives a speech though aren't you because they're all i've never seen one that wasn't'm always so nervous when a best man gives a speech though, aren't you? Because I've never seen one that wasn't cringe. First of all, you crushed your best man speech.

That shit was so good. Look, all the writers and there were some pretty big time writers at my wedding to Miss Casey Cobb. All of them were like, yo, this motherfucker just killed it yeah you crushed that

speech and you didn't sing god love to crush it no but i'm i'm a comedy writer i think that for this guy to to need something to do vulnerable yes it was vulnerable and it was sweet and uh good good job good job all right so this last one is a video, and Dana will fix it for our listeners to edit. I'm going to caution everyone on the call to just turn your volume down a little bit. Oh, shit. Okay, just a little bit. It shouldn't be a blowout, but just a little caution. So this letter is from Dan.

He says, hi, guys. I'm a bit late, but I remember you talking about Todd Time website and how it wasn't up anymore. Well, for reasons I'd rather not get into, I had the video saved to my phone, so here it is in all its banana hammock glory. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, my. Hey, thanks for stopping by the side.

Oh, my. Oh, my. Not by the side. Oh, my. I mean, we have to describe to the audience that that noise was Rob oiled up in a banana hammock in front of the old ER entrance with the ramp to Sacred Heart. And he was posing and he was flexing. He was flexing. But I mean, he was posing like a weightlifter, like a bodybuilder. And then he was.

Yeah. And then he was. There was a section where he was posing like a weightlifter. Right, like a bodybuilder. And then he was, yeah, and then he was, there was a section where he was air humping. Yeah, and you could see that there was a lot of shaft involved. There was a lot of shaft bouncing in the banana hammock. I could share the video with you guys. I need that video.

So you're telling me when you used to go to Rob's website, that was just autoplay? That was just the only thing on the site? That was the Todd Time. I wish I could remember which specific episode it was. There's an episode where it's like, go to ToddTime.com and then it'll be there.

So within the episode, we got the domain and put that up. Joelle, can you send me that video? Because I need to send that to Bill and others. I need that in my fucking... I'm going to send that to Johnny C and Sarah and everyone else. Post it on social so everyone can see it too. Yeah, please

put it on our socials. We don't even have a fake doctors page. I was thinking maybe we should create an Instagram or something. Well, I barely use socials anymore, but Joelle and Dana will put it on there so you guys can see. If you don't mind, guys, put it on your social

My social is all animation now. Animation of my kids. Oh, really? We didn't notice. I thought you weren't on social. You wouldn't notice. Whenever I turn it on, all I see is you making a guy jump. Zach and Donald are gay newlyweds in house arrest.

Thanks, T-Mobile. If you're over exploding internet bills, visit T-Mobile.com slash Zach and find out how new and existing customers get T-Mobile's price lock guarantee for home internet. John Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, what a show. I need to go to the cold plunge and cool off. Oh, my gosh. I don't want to cool off. I want to heat up. It's time to flame on. Didn't you learn any lessons? You better go do the cold plunge and cool off. Oh, my gosh. I don't want to cool off. I want to heat up. It's time to flame on.

Didn't you learn any lessons? You better go do the dishes and fucking start dusting. Oh, my guy. I'm going to freak. Not only that. Look, chore play is the new foreplay in the phase out of the house. Yeah, that's good. You're going to write that down on your whiteboard.

All right, audience, thank you for tuning in, and we hope you learned something and and check out that guide because i gotta tell you it's quite informative i uh i'm learning a lot i'm learning a lot i hope you get to apply it i'm gonna apply it to you i hope i get to apply it to you you know the section i want to apply to you i want to read it to you go ahead get it donald. Donald, I'm going to end with something from the guide. Just to give everybody a nice little

oomph. This part is what we call happy ending, y'all. Yeah, this is your happy ending, okay? If your partner doesn't know or if you don't want to ask them, it's best to start with indirect stimulation and a move we call the tornado. By way they should i should do the audiobook for this

for these everybody can you ask them if they grab the thing you rub on the top of the thing like i'm gonna read you from the guide by the way joel please tell them that if they need me to do the audiobook i'm available i'll let them know start off by slowly and very gently circling your partner's clitoris with your pointer finger without directly touching it. This is your first time getting anywhere. This is your first time getting anywhere close to the clitoris. So remember that it's best to be very gentle at first. Plus, this will continue to feel like a tease. Make your circles tighter and tighter until you start grazing against i can't read this number Stories that you all should know. So gather round to hear our, gather round to hear our

Scrubb's Rewatch Show with Zach and Donald. Mm-hmm. Hi, friends. I'm Danielle Robay. And I'm Simone Boyce. And we're here to introduce you to The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast that's guaranteed to light up your day. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more. We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you. Whether it's

relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, big and small, we'll talk through it together. Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. We will always exist and we will definitely not let them take away our joy, no matter how hard they try. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows.

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows. Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. So in this podcast, I'm going to be talking about marriage, divorce, my family, my career. I'm also going to be talking a lot about cancer, the ups and the downs, everything that I've learned from it. It's going to be a wild ride. So listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.