Fake Doctors, Real Friends with Zach and Donald - 705: My Growing Pains

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

On this week's episode, Cox challenges everyone to grow up but forgets the joy of nurturing his inner child. In the real world, we could never forget our inner children. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. We will always exist and we will definitely not let them take away our joy, no matter how hard they try. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows. Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. So in this podcast, I'm going to be talking about marriage, divorce, my family, my career. I'm also going to be talking a lot about cancer, the ups and the downs, everything that I've learned from it. It's going to be a wild ride. So listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Alec Baldwin. This past season on my podcast, Here's the Thing, I spoke with more actors, musicians, policy makers, and so many other fascinating people like jazz bassist Christian McBride. Jazz is based on improvisation,

but there's very much a form to it. You have a conversation based on that melody and those chord changes. So it's kind of like giving someone a topic and say, okay, talk about this. Listen to the new season of Here's the Thing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of the On Purpose podcast. And I had the opportunity to talk to one of Hollywood's major icons,

Michael B. Jordan. In our conversation, Michael shares the highs, the lows, and everything in between, offering a genuine glimpse into his world. The closest to getting what you want is always the hardest. People give up right before they get what they've always wanted to get. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There he is, everybody.

It's Donald Faison, America's favorite thespian. Did you work out today? Yeah, I did get on that treadmill. Oh, you got on a treadmill and worked out. I didn't train. I got on the treadmill, yeah. And then the power went out and i thought oh this is the universe saying i don't have to work out today and then the power went back on and i said oh the universe was just joking my uh so you know i told you how i had a little health

scare and all of that shit and so now my thing is trying to turn working out into a, not a routine, but into the, I guess a routine where it's like every day, no matter what and stuff like that. Even if I get off a plane, like trying to do it, like the rock, at least get the pushups in, at least get the, that's very challenging and very time consuming.

But I want to live a little bit longer. Yeah. One thing I tried, I tried to say to myself is that it's part of my emotional mental health. Right. So it's like whenever it's feeling like, oh, I don't feel like working out today for physical reasons, just go, oh, no, the endorphins that I'm going to get are a part of my mental health regimen. Now all I got to do is stop the weed.

That's all I got to do. That's been a theme on this show for seven seasons. Yeah, quite a few seasons. But if I can do that, I can do anything. And I'm working on that. Speaking of which, Donald and I saw a very interesting machine yesterday that's like a Nespresso machine for joint rolling oh gosh what you put a paper in

and uh and then you and then you load like a pod in like an espresso pod but it's filled with weed and then you could go and it rolls a joint a joint i'm gonna tell you something right now it wasn't that strong though but can i get a pot and put my own weed in it yeah i did yeah you did they rolled one for me oh that's funny well um you i don't know it's like nespresso capsules i think it's their own brand of weed yeah it comes it comes with the machine so like if you get the machine you also get your weed from the company that makes right just like nespresso but listen i i gotta say it's a great it's a great christmas or birthday i think it's like a great it's a novelty thing because for the cost of it think how many pre-rolled joints

you could buy right that's real i think it's a really good party trick though like your friends come over you're like can i have the robot make you a joint? It's really cool if you don't need the pods to do it. If you could just grind the weed up yourself, put it in, and then it does it for you, that would be amazing. Facts. That would be the ultimate machine.

It would be nice, like, in a hotel room. Especially if it could do it fast. This shit took a really long time. This shit took so long. What's a long time? Once you hit go, I left. I left before you do it fast. This shit took a really long time. What's a long time? Once you hit go, I left. I left before you figured it out. Right. The joke was we could roll just as fast as...

Well, if you're a professional joint roller like Donald, you can roll faster than the robot. Snoop Dogg has a real deal Holyfield blunt roller, dude. Like a real deal. Like blunt roller dude Like a real deal Like she got a job She was interviewed for the job That's funny He like hit a stopwatch

It's like you know That's when you know you got money Like some people are like you know what I got a little bit of money right now I'm gonna get an assistant to help me with my everyday I'm sure she has side projects she works on Other than blunt rolling I mean I imagine it she's

probably like he's probably also like can you iron this shirt no no no no no no she's with him she's rolling blunts 24 7 like the amount of weed that this brother smokes a day right no wait now how long honestly i left uh before the machine. How long did you say it honestly took once you hit the button? I didn't see it really do it. All I know is he was like here, and he pulled it out, and the joint was done, and then I had to twist the top and stuff like that. Was it a nice joint? I mean.

It worked. I smoked that gas, yo. You know what I'm saying? I smoked that gas. I don't know what that means. Oh, really strong? Is that lingo for very strong? It means he's smoking particularly potent I'm saying? I smoke that gas. I don't know what that means. Oh, really strong? Is that lingo for very strong? It means he's smoking particularly potent weed.

Oh, you smoke that gas. A beautiful translation, dude. Here's some fun facts. Snoop Dogg smokes 150 joints a day. And he pays his blunt roller $50,000 a year. That's not a bad gig. 150 a day? That's what she's telling the press. How come he's not? I don't know if that's true. That's not a bad gig. 150 a day? That's what she's telling the press.

How come he's not? If that were, I don't know if that's, Jack might be a little, I mean, I don't want to ever doubt the brother, but wouldn't he be like, ah, my name's Snoop Dogg, sliggity-diggity, y'all. Wouldn't he be like, hey. Isn't that how we talk? The drizzle, baby, the drizzle. I mean, you build up a tolerance to anything, right?

So if you smoke that much, he's probably getting the same amount of high as you are, Donald. He just needs that much. You know, okay, so here's the problem with it all. You get to a level where it really just becomes about putting the lips to something to pull. The oral fixation. Right, and then also to feel that little throat burn or whatever that shit is, right? You know, that's what you're really smoking for. Because at some point, you can't get no higher.

There is a ceiling. Yeah, but it's not really good for your lungs. You know what else isn't good for you? What? Everything. Other than love. Love is great for you. Love is good for you.

But I'll tell you right now, too much love will fuck you up. It's deep. It's true, too much love will fuck you up. It's deep. It's true. Too much love will spoil you. I have so much love for you. I have so much love for you. Hi, listeners. Welcome to the program.

You spoil me, ZB. You spoil me. I do. I love you. You spoil me with your love. When I see you, my heart smiles. Okay, so we went out. Hold up.

Before we get into the show, guys, how's it going? Everybody? Hi, everybody. Hi, listeners. Hi, Joel and Daniel. Hi, everybody. Yo, we went out. Oh, man, ZB and I went out, and we haven't gone out in a really long time,

and we brought my wife with us. And I'm going to tell you something right now. My wife was not feeling well at all, but she rallied. We weekended Bernie's there. And we weekended Bernie's there. We freaking. She looked beautiful, though. She had a great gown on. And we weekend at Bernie's. She looked beautiful though. She had a great gown on. She looked amazing.

Holy shit. But we went out. Okay, first of all, thank you everybody who's seen the T-Mobile commercials. Yo, that's the dopest thing ever. The way you guys are responding to this. It's like we created another season of Scrubs. Well, it's like T-Mobile did. Thanks T-Mobile for making Scrubs short films.

Right. But we go out, we went out, and we got to see, like, you know, a bunch of celebrities. We went out for a great cause, too. We went out for Baby to Baby. But then at the end of the night, DJ D-Nice DJs the party. Oh, my goodness. With a live drummer.

With a live drummer. Shout out Kelly Patrickoff for inviting us out. Yeah, we appreciate it. And for being one of the heads of this incredible charity. They raised over, what was it? 10 or 12 million. $12 million. $12 million.

Oh, not bad. Kim Kardashian was in the house. She freaking received an award. Like it was a, Tyler Perry was there. He gave her the award. Like it was an amazing night. It was there he gave her the award like it was a amazing night it was a great but they got even better once the listen they raised the money that was a lot of fun to be a part of that and witness that but when the party happened and my wife myself and zb hit

the dance floor oh the problem was we would each leave and we were like oh where'd they go and then individually we'd all come back each time with three shots of casamigos we got i got hammered i'm not gonna lie we got hammered and i was like oh no oh no i really really hope he doesn't put on TLC, no scrubs. Because we were drunk enough that we would have just started robot dancing to it. Well, we were robot dancing anyway. Like, we did a two-person conga line where I was in the front and Zach had his head on my shoulder. My wife said to me, my wife came up to me and she was like, listen, there are a lot of people here who are jealous of your relationship. Y'all need to chill the fuck out.

Donald and I did a two-man conga line on the dance floor. By the way, this DJ, DJ Nice it is? DJ D Nice. DJ D Nice. I got to say. Boogie Down Productions. Listen, I've never seen, Daniel, maybe you have because you're a DJ, a dj dj with a live drummer that shit was fire and the drummer was insane that's yeah just off tour with someone um if you're if you're a dj

i'm telling you add a live drummer that shit was fucking amazing well you got to add a live drummer that can actually put the put a live drummer on it yeah he he added obviously he's a sick drummer but he added so much to it it was so cool if you want to see a great example of that you can check out the late great dj am and travis barker they did a thing back to back of am and travis together and that was a really really cool project and travis barker is of course an incredible drummer yeah all right i didn't know that. All right. But wow, it was so cool. And we had so much fun. And we helped them raise.

We participated in them raising $12 million for Baby to Baby, which felt really good. Hell yeah. And we looked fly in our tuxes, Donald. Dude, you look sick. I look sick. My wife was sick. It was a great evening. All right.

On that note, let's get into the show. Count us in. Five, six, seven, eight. Here's some stories about a show we made About a bunch of docs and nurses And a janitor who loved to hate I said here's some stories that we all should know So gather round to hear our

Gather round to hear our Spoke to Rewatch Show with Zach and Donald Now listen, not to be this guy. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. But I started watching this episode and I'm laughing my ass off. And I'm loving the camera style. And I'm loving this shit. And I'm like, who directed this?

And then you realized it was you? Yeah. You didn't know it was you? Yeah. You didn't know it was you? I honestly didn't. I honestly didn't. I was like, I bet this is Buckland or maybe it's Spiller. This is fucking really good. Oh, it was me.

Halfway through, I was like, Zach definitely directed this episode. I could tell already. I could already tell. By the way, not just directing style, which I'm sorry, is really good. But it's the fucking, I think it's the best one of season seven so far. I laughed more times. I laughed quite a bit. It's got some very classic moments in it, including Hooch with his lighter.

Not only that, the babies, all of that stuff. But we're going to get into all of that. The name of the episode is what again? My Growing Pains. My Growing Pains. Like the classic show. Oof. Show me that smile again.

Don't waste another minute on your crying. And when we're near the end end The best is headed to begin All right, we don't need the whole song. Oh, oh All right, listen. As long as we got each other The most important thing you need to know if you're too young. We got a world hanging round in our

I don't even know the word, but I just remember that. Baby rain or shine All the time All the time I All the time. I like their lyrics. We got each other sharing the laughter of love. All right, listen. The only thing you need to know.

The only thing you need to know if you're too young to know the show is that there was a main character on the show whose name was Boner. And for some reason, that was allowed. H-N-E-R. His last name was actually Stabone, but they called him Boner for sure. Yeah. So it's like a primetime family sitcom and everyone's being like, Boner, Boner.

His dad's name was Sylvester. Stabone. And his last name was Stabone. Yeah. It was a good show. Sylvester Stabone. I was the right age for it. I really watched it. Did you? Oh, I watched that show all the time, a good show. I was the right age for it. I really watched it.

Did you? I watched that show all the time, man. Yeah. I was the correct age. You know what I really loved was... Kirk Cameron.

Family Ties. Yeah, but that was an earlier... This was sort of a... That was a predated Growing Pains. Yeah. Like,

let's keep it 100. Michael J. Fox really set the tone for teenage boys on television, in my opinion. And also just modern comedic television. Sitcom timing and all that stuff. No one had more incredible timing.

By the way, Growing Pains did a very funny thing. One season, the parents had a baby. And then they just decided the next season, like, you know what? Babies, babies, not really contributing anything. Let's, let's make it a toddler.

Yo. Well, family matters. Dude, family matters. Had a kid like for a couple of seasons. And then all of a sudden she wasn't on the show anymore. And they didn't even address that.

It wasn't even like the baby just disappeared. One episode never came back down. Never came back down. That's funny. Well, I just remember growing pains being like, why did the baby age like four years

over one season? Nobody else aged. Yeah. Anyway. All right. So we opened the show with one of the wackiest fantasies of the entire series.

All the men have breasts. All the men. JD is imagining that Sam, his baby, what he's thinking. And because he's a little baby who is breastfeeding, his fantasy is that all the men. Everybody, just every person on the planet. Yes, everybody has breasts and he's looking for them. Now, Kelso is given prosthetics that are very convincing.

I mean, you just have a stuffed bra, but Kelso has like a beautiful pair of prosthetic breasts, which is a very odd thing to say, but they did a great job with those. They did look good. They did look good. What made me laugh was that we had a milk, that Turk and JD had a milk fight in the parking lot. Yes. And Turk lost. Right. And he's covered in milk.

He's covered in breast milk. Yeah. He's covered in male, sorry, he's covered in male breast milk. Yes. And then I'm like, and then Kelso's like, hold on, he's latching. He's latching. I'm like, he's going to latch. And then Kelso goes, he's latched.

So weird. And then I get splattered with breast milk. And I go, dude, we said truce. And we cut to you. And you go, count it. Yeah. And you've got the areola squeezed. I saw it.

Like, I saw fake areola. You did not see areola. I did. I paused it. You did not see areola. They showed fake male breast Areola. I guess technically you could, right? Because it's male.

I don't know. That's confusing. But I saw Areola. You can pause it and see it. You saw my nipple? I saw your fake breast nipple. But it was stuffed, though. I don't know.

I saw something. Okay. Anyway. Go back and look, audience. It's Kelso's birthday the next day yeah kelso has a birthday coming and he's 58 and he claims he's 58 but he's been lying to the hospital for quite a bit of time for at least seven years and uh it all comes to it you know elliot's like, you know what we're going to do? We're going to throw him a party.

Yeah. We're going to throw Kelso a party. We're going to get everybody there, and we're going to celebrate this man. But how old is he? Yes. And then Elliot goes on a mission to find out how old Kelso is. Yeah. So the theme, of course, across all the stories is growing up in some ways.

Kelso has been lying to everyone. We'll learn later it's because one of the reasons is he doesn't want to retire from the job that he loves so much, which is a really sweet moment. You know, Kelso doesn't get too many sort of heartbreaking moments. But at the end of this episode, you get a really sweet moment with a man who realizes that he has to retire and doesn't want to. It's coming to an end. And then the story with Jordan is that she's still away at her mom's house. She's still at her mom's.

And Cox is saying that his little, in terms of growing pains, his little boy is too old now for him to do his silly voice. And she says, you're being crazy. Come on. He's a little boy. Do the silly voice. And he's like, no, no. He's too old for a silly voice now.

Yeah, Cox is having a hard time this whole episode, actually. Because he wants his kid to be older than, he wants his kid to mature faster than the kids going to mature and he also makes one of the biggest mistakes i think of his career and he's very lucky i mean i i i don't know if there are uh repercussions from this after i mean as this as the as the next few episodes go on but like who the fuck does he think he is that he can just overstep a parent's wishes and step to a child and give them and tell them what's going on with them, even though their parents asked him not to the kids,

parents asked him not to. Yeah, that is really fucked up. And as we know, Sam, the lawyer, Ted, the lawyer is very,

very worried about it because he says they have a really good, I'm jumping ahead, because they have a really good lawyer and he uses the terms. Litigate. We have to mitigate the situation in case they litigate. And Cox goes, I'm just surprised you know the difference between mitigate and litigate. And he goes, their lawyer taught me. I'm telling you, the guy's really good.

And then he goes, oh, I hope I don't have to mitigate. He goes, I hope I used that right. Yeah, I think I did. I did. But he did it. He used it wrong. The great Sam Lloyd has so many laughs in this episode. So the little, let's go back.

The little, the kids at the park. That was cute. It's very cute it's also a little inappropriate we got our kids freaking talking about get hooking up and i'm like yo we gotta i'm trying to betroth them like right away like i'm like yo look let's make this happen now so that we can spend more time together the sooner they're together the sooner we can be together oh i thought it was just two dads being silly i didn't think it was inappropriate but you're the real dad so you would know if it's inappropriate or not but it was just two dads being silly. I didn't think it was inappropriate, but you're the real dad,

so you would know if it's inappropriate or not. But it was funny when I made Sam pretend to be smacking a baby. Smacking a baby. Well, you saw all the other parents in the park and how they reacted. They were like, I'm sorry, I'll talk to him about it. Right. But you're like, taste this brown sugar. Brown sugar.

That baby is the cutest baby I've ever seen. They both were. And then I'm talking about raising Sam on my own when I have him. And I'm like, then it's poopy time. Then it's his poopy time. And then the best thing happens. Rex. No. no well we're not there yet the boys are free the yes the boys are free to hang out for the first time in a long time yes sam is with his mom right is he is with her mom the boys are free and Turk asks, when's the last time we did something stupid?

And JD's like, well, we did, you know, to tell Rex that we'd cover his shift if he followed Hooch all day. Right. And it cuts to Hooch, and Hooch is back, y'all. Yeah, Hooch is back, and he's crazier than ever. But this time, we know Hooch is really crazy, and now this is the fucked up shit about our characters. They know somebody is really close to being committed.

Yeah. And they want to push. They don't tell Rex. No, but they want to push him over the line to get him there, too. They also want to get him there. Well, well. They're like, if we push just a little harder. Right.

I don't think they really think he's going to snap like he does eventually. We learn later that he was involved in some sort of a hostage situation. Hooch is fucking crazy. Oh, my God. Did I laugh out loud when he said, when the older co-worker of Kelso goes home, we're going to need a new orthopedic surgeon. As I'm sure you've heard, Dr. Hooch was involved in some sort of a hostage situation.

And then he's like, well, when's the last time we did something crazy stupid? And then J.D. goes into his brain and we learn that Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite plays Caramel Bear. That's Efren Ramirez for all y'all out there who are Napoleon Dynamite fans.

And we convince him to light a bag of poop. No, we're all lighting a bag of poop together. Right. And he says, I'll do it. And we go, wait, we go, we go, we go, chocolate bear, vanilla bear, caramel bear, bears for life. Right. And we're like, I know we're gonna be best friends forever even though today's the first day we met

yeah and he grabs the bag of poop and he goes I'll do it and he runs and puts the bag of poop on the door and doesn't run and knocks on the door and doesn't run away he just waves at us and they open the door people open the door and grab him some big man grabs him

one giant dude grabs him. And that's the last time Turk and JD ever saw Ricky. Yeah, we say rest in peace. Rest in peace. That means they killed him. They killed Ricky. Just like them boys in the hood, they killed Ricky, yo. Yo, the caramel bear only lasted one day of college.

He hung out with us and then he got killed doing a prank. And I'm like, we don't know that he died. And JD's like, well, his parents came and got all of his stuff, and his roommate got nothing but straight A's and never went to class. We got Ricky killed, yo. We got Ricky killed. We got Ricky killed. By the way, that fantasy was so funny.

Your high top fade and my mullet, which is extra long for some reason. It's like almost down to my back. It's like down to the middle of my back. And Ephraim was so funny. And bears for life. Dude, you know that hair? When we first started the show, the hair was so like, it was like a, it was a couple of, it wasn't a couple of hours, but it was like a good hour and a half in the chair to put the hair on as time went on it just became this ragged wig that

sat in the closet and i and they'd be like you're wearing the hair today and they would take it out the closet and literally just put a wig on like they just fucked it on top just go yeah there was no there were after they shaped it they didn't give two shits about it, man. My mullet was, I think, extensions that clipped into the back of my hair. I think it was glorious. But I think it kept getting, I think because I directed this one, I was probably like, extra long, please. Right. Extra long mullet.

We got Ricky killed anyway. That shit was hilarious. All right. So not hilarious is that this young boy named Josh is anemic and he might have leukemia. And parents are very concerned. We learn, of course, as Donald mentioned later, that he does in fact have it. And Cox can't fathom that the parents aren't going to tell him. They've decided they're not going to tell their young boy that he's sick.

Because it's very treatable. And so they're going to keep it a secret. That's their plan, which I'm sure is something that happens in the real world. I mean, I totally get it. Like, you know, the last thing I want my kids to do is worry about anything going on with them, and so I understand that. They're very young and very vulnerable, and so I get where the parents are coming from, but I also get where Cox is coming from too.

Right, but we agree it's not up to him to decide. He has no say in the matter. You know what I mean? He's not a part of that family at all. He's the doctor. So Elliot has decided she's going to go all in on the birthday party and um there's a very funny riff that's clearly neil flynn just improvving where he comes in and goes you rang yes from adam's family and then he does this whole improv riff about

bells that's just really funny he kept that thing going for yeah. Yeah. And thanks to Bill. I'm sure I put it in my director's cut. And I'm so glad that Bill left it in because it's long, but it's funny. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it stops being funny. And then it gets funny again. Yeah.

I laughed. I laughed. I went and sat with Bill for a little bit as he's cutting the new Harrison Ford, Jason Segel show. It was cool. So watch the master in action. It was really cool. Show's hilarious. I know it is.

Hilarious. I know it is. I bet it is. I was just laughing in the edit room with him and Neil Goldman and just cracking up. Is Neil one of the producers and writers? Yeah. Neil's like the showrunner, the team with Bill to do it because Bill has so many projects that he puts sort of assigned someone.

You can't go wrong with Neil. You can't go wrong with him. You can't go wrong with him. You can't go wrong with Tarsus. By the way, Neil's the one that Bill keeps saying as we figure out what we're going to do, that he's the one who wants to be the main writer with him you can't go wrong with tarsus by the way neil's the one that um that bill keeps saying as we figure out what we're going to do that he's the one who wants to be the you know the main writer with him on whatever is uh project phase on braff let's go let's take a break we'll be right back after these fine words professional dancer cheryl burke has been part of dancing with the stars since the very beginning 26 seasons of the Samba,

the Rumba and the Cha-Cha. 24 partners, six finals and two Mirrorball trophies. She knows all the secrets, the behind-the-scenes arguments and the affairs, the flings,

the flirting and the fighting. It's time to tell it all on her new podcast, Sex, Lies and Spray Tans. We'll take you all the way back to season one and up through today for the dance floor drama like you wouldn't believe. Former partners, co-stars, friends and frenemies will join Cheryl each week. Listen to Sex, Lies and Spray Tans on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Chelsea Handler. And if you listen to my podcast, Dear Chelsea, you know that I love making space for women to share their stories. And that is why I'm excited to be part of Women

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I don't know how you made that because it's a pretty amazing prop, Donald. Did you think Turk took prop-making classes in college? Because Turk has produced a pretty realistic giant stethoscope prop. I mean, I have no clue where he got that thing from. I think he says he made it. Well, he wants to play world's most giant black doctor because, and JD's like, no, no, no, we said we weren't doing that until Black History Month

so we could scare all the racist patients. And Turk is like, well, hold on now, that dude in room whatever it is, has said to me that I love fried chicken. And he goes, what you do? No, he offered me some fried chicken because he know I'd love it. He said, did you eat it? I ate that bad boy. That was funny. By the way, the idea that I could hold you on my shoulders is unrealistic. I don't even think I ever did. I think it was a stuntman.

Maybe. I don't know. No, I couldn't. I can't. I couldn't put you on my shoulders, bro. Yeah, at this point, you had back issues and all of that stuff going on. Yeah, from running into walls for seven years. But listen, to make this audience laugh.

No, but anyway, I mean, I think I remember, if you look at the cut, when I poke my head out, it's in close-up. Oh, no, when you poke your head out, you're under a ladder, actually, when you do that. Every time we did the doctor, when the head comes out, it's never connected if you look. It's the ladder.

Right, but I think in the moment when it was a wide shot you're probably on a stuntman's shoulders or something yeah maybe even when you poke your head out and I'm on your shoulders it's always been a ladder no matter

I don't think we've ever done world's tallest black doctor this was the first time no she knows I don't think we've ever done World's Tallest Black Doctor. This was the first time. Yes. Joelle's shaking her head. No, she knows.

We don't have to go to Trevor for that. Joelle knows. Burn for burn, baby. Okay, wait. Don't go there yet. So then Kelso. That's in the Bible. Wait.

Okay, my bad, my bad. You're ruining one of the funniest jokes of the whole show. All right, all right, all right. All right, so cut up. So then they're talking about how they're going to figure out How old Kelso is And the janitor Is it the janitor Who suggests they cut off his legs

And count the rings Yes that's the janitor that suggests that And then Sarah says That only works on trees And he says and puppets And puppets Yes Now is that because Sarah says that only works on trees, and he says, and puppets. And puppets, yes.

Now, is that because, does he mean puppets made of wood? I don't know. Yes, I believe so. I believe so. It's a thinker, that joke. Because you're like, why puppets? And like, oh, does he mean like Pinocchio? Yes, I believe so.

I believe so. I could be wrong. I laughed either way, even if it wasn't wooden puppets. I thought it was just so random and funny. Okay, so Hooch finally has enough, and he sparks the lighter set to, I mean, I don't know if that's supposed to be a specially rigged lighter. Okay, so hold on. So Cox has this whole argument, not argument, but statement to JD about becoming a grownup.

And he really lays it in thick. Yeah, and he's his mentor. He's his idol, yeah. And gives him the, you're acting like a fucking jackass. And I'm, you know what? And I didn't congratulate you on having a kid. And well, here it is right now. Congratulations.

We're all really proud of you. Lays it on thick. So now Turk, so JD's like, you know what? You're right in his mind. Cox, you're right. I got to grow up. So he kind of lays it on thick to Turk when Turk's like, let's do this giant doctor thing. And JD's like, nah, I don't want to do it.

I think we need to grow up. He got in his head. Right. Turk's like, fuck that shit. I'm not letting him go down this path. I'm going to bring him back to the good side and he decides i'm gonna bring you back by keeping the immaturity going right and so he offers so many different things he tries to play tempting him yeah tries to play hide the

saltine with him yeah that was funny it was sort of vaguely sexual. It was kind of like... You know you want it. It was kind of like sticking your butt up in the air, but it was a saltine. Like, you know you want it. And JD's not biting. So finally he's like, look, man, I'm telling you. Charlie grabs it.

Right. He's like, look, I'm telling you, you got to come back. Look at what I did. And he's got a bunch of interns now following hooch around the hospital right and hooch finally snaps yeah well uh hooch says i'm going to the bathroom and he's gonna kill someone if anyone whichever one of y'all follows me up in there yeah i'll kill you today's gonna be a good day yeah wait before that hooch i there's a cool shot I like where all the – this is probably right after the commercial break in the second act

when all the dramatic walk-ups, and it's a one-er, so it just picks up everyone, like pulls him, dramatic walk-up, then goes to someone else, then goes to someone else, and then it whip pans to Kelso. It's really cool. I like that shot. I skipped one time that Hooch goes real quick. This is where Hooch is.

Yeah, I'm saying what I was about to say was that, and then it comes back to me in admissions, and I accidentally bump into Hooch, and he goes, are you following me? Because I will cut you. And I'm like no no i'll go that way and then he does the one of the funniest hooch things i love was which is the slow tap you know on the counter he does he goes

you remember that yeah because that was from one of the first times hooch was ever on the show when when he when when we were doing the like we were messing with the bouillon in the shower and all no no no it was like one of the first times when we were like um we were gonna the, like, when we were messing with him. With the bouillon in the shower and all that stuff. No, no, no, no. It was like one of the first times when we were like, we were going to go order some hooch. Right. He shows up. And he came in, right in the missions, in the window there, right?

Yes. Yeah. And he goes, because it certainly sounds like you're trying to mess with me or whatever it was. But then he did the same tap. The tap. It's another one of his things where he goes like, tap, tap, tap. That's so funny to me.

And then we get him again and he goes like, tap, tap, tap. It's so funny to me. And then we get him again, and he turns around, and he pulls out a lighter. And it's a fucking crack lighter, yo. Who's got a crack lighter? Listen, that lighter, that gif is one of my favorite gifs. You can find that. Burn for a burn, baby. You can find that gif on the interwebs, people. I send it all the time.

It's hilarious. Rex bumps into him and almost knocks his coffee into him. He did you try to burn me he turns by the way i don't know if that was a specially rigged lighter or hell yeah man they turn that shit into a crack lighter it was a burn for a burn baby that's in the bible it is so funny i laughed out loud at that lighter that's in the bible um okay so then okay we talked about how ted the lawyer is very upset about mitigating litigate we talked about kelso's age and everything like that but when they find out when elliot and the janitor find out they confront him right and the janitor says you're old and she gives him you know Kelso isn't really into the fact that

they're talking about his age and Elliot tries to reverse it and tell him all of the perks of being old and the janitor's like yeah like you know when you're when you fart and people think it's cute and Kelso's talking and then he farts and Elliot goes aww.

He goes, see? I laughed out loud. I'm sorry, audience, that we included the rare fart joke, but it was a very funny fart joke. It was a very funny fart joke. Aww.

People think it's cute when you toot and he's like, I'm not going to. Aww. Nasty ass. Let me when you toot. And he's like, I'm not going to. Nasty ass. Let me, you skipped something. What did I skip?

When Sam goes, Carla walks off pissed from Johnny C. And Sam goes, chicks, huh? They're all soft and cuddly, but you never get to be with one. Soft and cuddly, but you never get to be with one. They're all soft and cuddly. Cuddly, but you never get to be with one. Never get to be. Professional dancer Cheryl Burke has been part of Dancing With The Stars since the very beginning.

26 seasons of the Samba, the Rumba and the Cha-Cha, 24 partners, 6 finals and 2 Mirrorball trophies. She knows all the secrets, the behind the scenes arguments and the affairs, the flings, the flirting and the fighting. It's time to tell it all on her new podcast, Sex, Lies and Spray Tans. We'll take you all the way back to season one and up through today for the dance floor drama like you wouldn't believe. Former partners, co-stars, friends and frenemies will join Cheryl each week.

Listen to Sex, Lies and Spray Tans on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Chelsea Handler. And if you listen to my podcast, Dear Chelsea, you know that I love making space for women to share their stories. And that is why I'm excited to be part of Women Take the Mic, iHeartRadio's celebration of women who make music, influence, change, and create culture. All month long, your favorite voices from talk radio, music, influence change, and create culture. All month long, your favorite voices from talk radio, music, and podcasting

will highlight the remarkable achievements made by women and discuss the most significant issues facing us today. Search Women Take the Mic to listen to a collection of International Women's Day episodes from iHeart's top podcasts, including Angela Yee's Lip Service, The Psychology of Your 20s, and Dear Chelsea. It is a great way to support women and discover your new favorite show.

Listen to Women Take the Mic on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, good people. This is Laia. Now, for years, we have celebrated Women's History Month at QLS with a month of very special programming. This year we have three Grammy Award winning ladies, Brittany Howard, Corinne Bailey Ray and Letticey. All three of these artists make music and write songs that fit many genres and each will be discussing new songs and albums. We also have the incomparable, incredible queen of dance, Fatima Robinson, who has won NAACP Image Awards, choreographed the Oscars, the Grammys, your favorite Gap ad, and Super Bowls. You know her from her work with Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, and of course, Aaliyah,

and most recently, the color purple. Celebrate women's history with us at Questlove Supreme every week in March. Listen to QLS on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is killing people. It's a powerful opioid, often made illegally

and commonly mixed with illicit drugs. It can even be pressed into counterfeit pills that resemble prescription medications. Just two milligrams, about the size of a few grains of sand, can potentially be lethal. This isn't an ad to scare you, but it is an ad to make you think twice. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. The Rewatch Show is at the end of the road.

All right, so, yeah, so the janitor and Sarah Elliott are going to throw a party. They throw it. And they put Ted in charge of the decorations, and he gets Hanukkah decorations because they're on sale. They're on sale, which gives us the joy of seeing Snoop Dogg resident in a yarmulke. Right on. Also, it gives us the joy of seeing Shalina. I think this is the first time Shalina's been on the show.

Am I correct? I don't know. Shalina, for those of you who don't know, took over for Renee. And we called her new Renee for a little bit. Yeah. She was Sarah's stand-in. And she's awesome. She was in our close friend group on set.

She was the mermaid at the wedding and stuff like that. But she was in so many episodes like oh really yeah i don't know if this was her first appearance or not i don't know either but this is the first time of me saying holy shit shalina yeah and uh i just want to say that i laughed at the hanukkah stuff so much and then when he holds out the electric menorah and says make a wish. I mean, this whole episode is about the importance of being young at heart, but also being able to be a grown-up, to be grown-up enough or mature enough to handle your shit like that's really

what this episode is about can you stay it was a great twilight zone the movie uh can you stay with fresh young minds and a fresh young heart even though you're getting older? Well, I got to say that I thought, you know, it asked, you and I are in our late 40s, sad to say, and we keep it young and silly. And I think that, you know, I don't feel 47. I feel very young at heart. And so I identify with JD. I mean, obviously he's, you know, in his thirties, but he wants to find a way to be young at heart and be a good dad and be a good doctor.

But still there's no, he's like, why do I have to give up the silliness that I have with my best friend? And I feel that's very true in real life for me and you, you know, like your wife is literally like, guys, please, you're doing a two-person conga line. Meanwhile, we're laughing our ass off. We're having the time of our life. We're having the time of our life. I looked up a couple of times and people were enjoying the fact that we were doing a two-person

conga line. Oh, man. We did a lot of shots. A lot of shots. And then, yo, look, those burgers at the end of the night. Listen, I'm going to just say, straight up, baby to baby gala. Thank you for having us. What an amazing evening.

It was great. And for a great cause. Such an amazing evening. I hope I get invited back next year. I think you will, Donald. I think you were the life of the party. And then the show ends with, oh, one thing we have to go back to uh at 1429 donald has a very big chunk of medical jargon oh you can tell i'm acting and i remember i remember

this if you if you're looking at the normal cut pattern of a scene you might ask yourself why did the director choose to so quickly go into a tight close-up of an actor? It's because the only time that particular actor was able to ever get that medical jargon out in one sentence was by the time we got to the tight close-up. That's when you, listen, as an actor, this is when you know you're fucking up. If they go, okay, we're going to do the master. All right, now we're going to do the two shot. Okay, now we're going to do the single. Okay, now we're going to go tighter on your single. Okay, we're going to do the master. All right, now we're going to do the two shot. Okay, now we're going to do the single.

Okay, now we're going to go tighter on your single. Okay, we're going to go a little bit tighter on your single. Okay, this time we're going to go just a little bit tighter this time. As a director, sometimes you got to be strategic because if the actor's in their head, as Donald, I'm sure you were, because you were not getting this. First of all, it was hard, and I'm sure you didn't even look at it until that moment. Hell no, I didn't look at it until that much you could see

the nervousness in my face as i'm saying this when you're directing you're like i can't give this actor a panic attack they gotta get it but you don't want to keep going and over and over now as a director you might go this line probably plays best in this size but if the actor is not getting it in that size and you're looking at the clock and you got to move on and you don't want to give them like panic attack you're like all right well let's go let's go tighter well and then you just keep going tighter because you're acting they at least feel like you're moving on you're moving forward right but i know but i know that like this motherfucker does not know this line and we got to get this line and we're losing time by the end of it it's just

your face and the screen. But it was just shy of like your eyebrows to your bottom lip. Oh, I forgot to tell you guys, I did something that I've never done before. So, you know, I work out. I told you that. Yes, we know that. I worked out listening to our podcast while editing oh did you laugh dude i laughed so fucking hard that's good that the people in the gym were like are you

laughing at me i was like no no no no no i'm sorry i'm listening to oh you didn't tell me you're listening to your own podcast did you no i said i'm listening to a podcast i'm listening to i could go you know we all we always listen back uh before we put it out just just to make sure we got everything right and didn't say anything too stupid and i i laugh out loud all the time i find this show very funny yeah i guess daniel do you find it funny when you're editing it i definitely get a good chuckle hearing the jokes especially sometimes when you're occasionally not here, and then you edit it. That's the best, honestly.

I love, I mean, I don't obviously love being here, but I love getting a fresh list of the episode, being like, ooh, what are the jokes? Oh, yeah. I definitely laugh out loud, and I hope people listening do, too. And we didn't talk about Andor at all. Do you want to talk about Andor? Well, we don't want to do any spoilers, but we can briefly say Andor at all. Do you want to talk about Andor?

Well, we don't want to do any spoilers, but we can briefly say how good it was. Do you want to talk? Joelle said it was the best escape in a Star Wars movie ever. She said. I sure did. Those were her words. I stick by that principle even though you disagree. I disagree. Wait, you're talking about last week though, not this week. She's talking about this week.

The prison escape was great, but then there is a pilot to Imperial system escape that is. No spoilers, was great, but then there is a pilot to Imperial System Escape that is... No spoilers, but man, that show is good. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this. I will say the Death Star Escape in

Return of the Jedi is a little bit better. I'm going to say the asteroid field in Empire is a little bit better and i'm gonna say okay and i'm gonna say the obi-wan escaping jango fett in attack of the clones is probably one of the best all right these are very specific can i say something yeah than Wally, I don't think I've ever had tears in my eyes from a robot. Oh. This robot.

Oh, yeah. Like, it is so well done. Like, I got tears in my eyes. And I, it's like, I want this robot. Like, I love him. Yeah. I love him, and I have such empathy for him. It's just so well done.

The fact that he's older and has a stutter and he's damaged and oh my goodness it's like obviously it's meant to evoke an old animal uh like a pet for people but it man does it work on me i i got i got like tears in my eyes thinking about that robot i'm very excited for the finale i want that robot, like, if they make a life-size replica, sideshow, sideshow, if you make a life-size replica. Deer sideshow. Deer sideshow.

When you make the life-size replica, I want one. You know, so we're coming to the final episode of that series for the season. I'm going to just say something, and I understand that not a lot of people are watching the show. And the strategy. That's not true.

I think it's not. Hold on. Hold on. Let me just finish. Even if that's not true, the strategy is to put it on Hulu and all of these other networks. And I feel like the fact that there's a, even if it's just a small group, even if it's not the amount of people that they want to watch it, I feel like there's something really special about the people that have found Andor,

you know what I mean, on Disney Plus. Dude, I find, just from seeing on Reddit, and Daniel and Joelle, you could probably weigh in on this better than I. People love it. Yeah, but it's... It's lower ratings because the children aren't watching. I think Lucas has to be clear that there's an audience for this show.

Right. I just don't want them to saturate it and try and be like, we got to turn this into a mainstream story so that we can get more eyes on it. I would prefer- No, no, no. They got plenty of other properties for that. That's what I'm saying. I prefer it the way it is. And I love the fact that there's a more eyes on it. I would prefer. No, no, no. They got plenty of other properties to that. That's what I'm saying. I prefer it the way it is.

And I love the fact that there's a small group of us. If it is a small group or there's a group of us, I should say. I think it's just smaller because you take out the kids who have no interest. But there's plenty of them. That's still a big audience, right, Joelle? You know better than me. No, there was some concern about its viewership. The first three episodes saw pretty large numbers,

and then it tanked right up until episode six, which is the heist episode. Then it exploded. It's recovering and rebounding, but they are trying to help people find its audience. A lot of Star Wars, like, fair weather fans didn't know about it. I think it's a critical darling, and I think it'll continue to be seen. Oh, I think it's going to win a lot of awards. Oh, for sure. And by the way, sometimes these streamers will make something that's not the biggest juggernaut success for awards.

I think there's no way the show's not going to win creative awards. Let's stay on that. That's what I'm saying. Let's stay on that energy instead of trying to – Star Wars doesn't always have to be this big spectacle, and Andor's the perfect example of it. You know what I mean? Let's keep it like that. You know what I mean? Let's keep it like that. You know what I mean? To try and make it so that more people will view it in order for it to be popular is, I disagree with that. I feel like- Listen, you know a show's good when the next

morning you're still thinking about a sad robot. Right. Well, you know a show is good when it stops and you're like, you know what? I think I just need to watch it one more time to see if I missed anything. Oh, you know what else? I know this is not for you, Donald, you know what, I think I just need to watch it one more time to see if I missed anything. You know what else? I know this is not for you, Donald, but maybe Joelle and Dale. The Crown is incredible this season. Ugh! Forget about it. The Princess Di. Have you seen the scene-by-scene

comparisons? No, but Elizabeth DeBecke is incredible as Princess Diana. And the acting across the board, every single speaking part in that show, and the design, I mean, I think it's known as one of the most expensive shows on television. It is just beautiful and so well acted.

And I highly recommend it to people who like dialogue and great acting. It's very, very well done. And she's just, she's going to win the award. I mean, she's incredible. All right. Should we take a quick break and then we'll listen to some pitches

from our amazing fans. We'll be right back. Professional dancer Cheryl Burke has been part of Dancing with the Stars since the very beginning. 26 seasons of the Samba, the Rumba and the cha-cha. 24 partners, 6 finals and 2 mirrorball trophies.

She knows all the secrets, the behind the scenes arguments and the affairs, the flings, the flirting and the fighting. It's time to tell it all on her new podcast, Sex, Lies and Spray Tans. We'll take you all the way back to season one and up through today for the dance floor drama like you wouldn't believe. Former partners, co-stars, friends and frenemies will join Cheryl each week. Listen to Sex, Lies and Spray Tans

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Chelsea Handler. And if you listen to my podcast, Dear Chelsea, you know that I love making space for women to share their stories. And that is why I'm excited to be part of Women Take the Mic, iHeartRadio's celebration of women who make music, influence, change, and create culture. All month long, your favorite voices from talk radio, music, and podcasting will highlight the remarkable achievements made by women and discuss the most significant issues facing us today. Search Women Take the Mic to listen to a collection of International Women's Day episodes from iHeart's top podcasts, including Angela Yee's Lip Service, The Psychology of Your 20s, and Dear Chelsea.

It is a great way to support women and discover your new favorite show. Listen to Women Take the Mic on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, good people. This is Laia. Now, for years, we have celebrated Women's History Month at QLS with a month of very special programming. with a month of very special programming. This year, we have three Grammy Award-winning ladies, Brittany Howard, Corinne Bailey Ray, and Letticey. All three of these artists make music and write songs that fit many genres,

and each will be discussing new songs and albums. We also have the incomparable, incredible queen of dance, Fatima Robinson, who has won NAACP Image Awards, choreographed the Oscars, incredible queen of dance, Fatima Robinson, who has won NAACP Image Awards, choreographed the Oscars, the Grammys, your favorite Gap ad, and Super Bowls. You know her from her work with Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, and of course, Aaliyah,

and most recently, The Color Purple. Celebrate women's history with us at Questlove Supreme every week in March. Listen to QLS on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills. You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap,

and the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. We watch your wizard and download. And we're back. to you by the Ad Council. And we're back! Eat these bowls, Zach.

Eat, eat, eat these bowls, Zach. Everybody likes a little ass play, dude. It's true, though. Fuck your sound, fuck your sound effects machine. Classics. Sorry, just giving someone some greatest hits. For fuck's sake, just stop talking about your willies

Alright, sorry, we didn't I gotta give a shout out to this little spinner I love Wait, what? Huh? It's like a little fidget spinner? What, did you think it was something dirty? I did think it was something dirty No, it's a fidget spinner You know, I know the fidget spinner craze is over

But I actually, as someone who's always highly tense and wired, really like fucking with this thing, it's made by Yogi, Y-O-G-I. And I just keep it in my pocket, and I flick it. Wait, what? Stop making it dirty. Why is that dirty? He's talking about a fidget spinner. I'm not talking about genitalia.

Just the name fidget spinner sounds dirty. How do you guys upset at me? This shit's called a fidget spinner, dude. Yeah. That's what all of those fidget spinners were when everyone had them. They've been a thing since like 2019. I like how discreet that one is. That is discreet.

It fits on. Oh, my God. We lost it. It doesn't vibrate. By the way, if it did vibrate, you could use a sex toy, but it doesn't. Oh my goodness. By the way, Yogi,

you should make one that has a sex toy as well. Oh gosh. But it comes in lots of colors. This is not an ad, but if you're an anxious person, I recommend this. It comes with different sizes for your fingers and you just play with it.

All right, Donald's cracking up. All right, we'll move on. He's done. Here we go. All right, Joelle, what do you have for us? You're like a fucking 10-year-old. Hi, Zach and Donald and Joelle and Daniel. I'm driving right now, so it's probably a little loud,

but I was just listening to your newest episode, and I have a few things to say. For one, as far as a custom cereal goes you guys definitely have to do chocolate and vanilla bears with marshmallows because that consists on marshmallows so yes I think that would be the perfect custom cereal but as far as what to do after scrubs ends. I think a really funny and interesting show to do the podcast on would be The Middle because you still could get some of those insights from Neil. And if Neil is available, you can have him on the show more. I've actually never seen The Middle, but since Neil is so funny, I'm assuming it's hilarious. And I remember my parents really loving it.

So, yeah, that would be my suggestion for if you're going to continue the podcast and incorporate a rewatch show, you should try doing The Middle. This is going to be shorter than two minutes, but these are my pitches for Serial and for shows. Love you guys. I love the cereal pitch. You had me at the cereal idea. Joelle, is there any movement on the cereal? A request has been placed and research is being done. Because I just saw that Snoop Dogg is, you know, he's a big theme in this episode, but

he just released a line of dog clothing. And I just feel that, you know, if you get the right person on the phone, you can make anything happen. We're going to get a cereal. I want it. Donald, aren't you so excited? You know, a lot of these celebrities make alcohol brands. We can make cereal. We're going to make our billions off cereal.

And it's going to be heart healthy and taste good, too. Yeah. I don't know. I think we should, yeah. Well, I don't know if it'll be heart healthy. Oh, God, it has to be heart healthy. It's going to have marshmallows in it. I want there to be some peanut butter flavoring in it, too.

Marshmallows and peanut butter flavoring. Yeah. I think it's going to be a junk cereal. It's going to be like a Ben and Jerry's Cereal By the way I tried to have a pint of Ben and Jerry's in my house And have it last a day

It did not I can't do it It's like he would weed It was on Netflix and chill It's a pretty good one What does it taste like? Does it taste like it's got brownies. It tastes like sex. Yes.

Yes. Netflix and chill. It tastes like dry humping on the couch. Um, no, it's, um, it's a brownie.

That sounds delicious. It's our next soundbite. Um, it's, I think it's brownie peanut butter ice cream pretzel and maybe cookie dough I'm not exactly sure It's good as heck And I looked at it

I closed the freezer and then I went off and went about my day I opened it back up I stared her back up. I stared her down. Took a couple bites. Did you say no?

I will not give in to you. Do you do this thing where you go, I'm only going to go to this far in the point. And that's the cutoff. Yeah, that's the cutoff. And then you get to the cutoff point where you're like, all right, one more layer, but not all the way down, just another little layer. I'm just going to like scrape a little surface layer off. And then you start seeing little hints of the bottom,

and you're like, yeah, I can see the bottom. I might as well finish it. And then the serving size is like three servings. You're like, oh, what's that? How many calories is that? And you do the math, and you're like, fuck. So I've been trying to concentrate on how much sugar I'm eating nowadays. And I realized, holy shit, I eat a lot of sugar. Yeah, well, that's so stupid for your workouts.

That's like totally counterproductive. All that's going to do is add fat. Yeah, but you know what? I mean, give yourself a treat here and there. But like every day is stupid. Okay, so here's... Okay, so if that's the case... Well, just canceling out any cardio you're doing.

So that's the point. It's like you cardio for like a half hour, whatever. You know the rules. So I've been baking lately. And so for the past week and a half, these are the things I've baked. I baked sweet potato pie bars. They were delicious.

I then made apple pie crumble bars. Yeah, that's great. That's great. And then I just made blueberry pie crumble bars. You're torturing yourself. Let me tell you something. Listen, my wife is like are you trying to kill the kids i do love baking i love baking tremendously like look you know a perfect

day for me would be and i don't get to do this often but a perfect day for me and i can do it fast now too that's the other thing like i've been doing it long enough that i can get it done within 30 minutes you know what i mean but perfect day would be get stoned, bake a bunch of cakes, cook some meat. You know what I mean? Maybe a vegetable or two here. Like Thanksgiving. Maybe.

That would be. Maybe a vegetable. Well, it sounds like your favorite holiday is coming. Are you going to make an apple pie? Are you going to make an apple pie? Am I going to make an apple pie? I'm going to make a bunch of pies. And it's only going to be four of us.

So if you guys are hungry, I'll send it your it your way you know and so this is what i thought i was like so after i made the blueberry pie right and it's this is the third pie in the last week and a half that's been made in this house right and i'm like damn what the fuck am i i can't eat all of this because i'm gonna get sick i'll get diabetes if i eat all of this shit but i'm looking at it like this shit is so good though i'm like what can i do and then it came to me i know exactly what to do this is a lot of baked thinking this is a lot of weed thinking i'm gonna hire a pastry rip wrapper and i'm gonna cook i'm gonna this is where the snoop dog when snoop dog was the snoop dog hired a blunt roller i was like i, I'm going to hire a pastry wrapper. And I'll cook these things, and I'll have a couple of bites of it,

and then I'll chop it up and have the pastry wrapper wrap it, and I'll send it to my friends. And I'll just give food out. That way, I can make all the shit that I want to eat and then give it away and not feel like, okay, I'm going to kill myself with diabetes and I'm killing my children now. I don't think you need a professional pastry roller. You guys aren't going to

eat that shit if I just send it to you, though. If I just send you a pie and some Tupperware, you're going to look at it and be like, I would eat that. You kidding? I would eat that. You think I don't trust you? As long as you don't put weed in it. If you do put weed in it, you can send it to me.

Right on. Now I know and knowing is half the battle. And knowing is half the battle. G.I. Joe! So I'm guessing it's a no on the middle then. Yeah, the no on the middle. I love Neil Flynn. And I think there's some very funny stuff in the middle. I didn't watch the whole series, but I did watch some of season one and thought it was really, really good.

Super talented people. But certainly not a show I would, I would want to dedicate that much time to, but she, but it's funny that she's a young woman. The young woman didn't even, hadn't even watched it herself. She's like,

I think you guys should watch the middle. She goes, I never have. It's really funny. Cause I want to hear what it's about. Yeah. If we did pick a show, it would be a show.

I think that we were, we were really into um yeah okay all right so here's the idea a second idea is uh is for a future project for for donald and i and who knows maybe even the great writer neil goldman go on hello fdrf crew it's stephen brandon here with some sitcom ideas for zach and donald god God forbid Donald's upcoming show doesn't work out. I have a trio of ideas that might just work for you. Piggybacking off your Twilight Zone anthology series idea, you could film all three of these as pilots

and then air them and then have a vote to see which one should go to series. That could be a fun idea. Anyway, here are the three sitcom ideas. Two mismatched men discover they are half-brothers when they attend their mutual father's funeral. However, in order to receive their wealthy inheritance, they must live together for a year and become real brothers.

Zach and Donald are long-lost brothers in chocolate and vanilla. Why does he sound like the movie phone guy, dude? I was going to say, this guy's got great delivery. Is he Australian? What's his accent? I think he's Australian. His name is Brandon. All I got to say is chocolate and vanilla.

That's funny. First of all, I love this guy's voice. Great voice. But he should be the voiceover for the show. Dude, he should be the voiceover. Donald and Zach. If movie phones still existed, he would be the voice for movie phones. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.

By the way, it'd be funny if it was an anthology series, if every week this guy comes on and he's like, in this week's episode, here's the setup. This guy comes on and he's like, in this week's episode, here's the setup. What was the shit where the guy would sit in a chair before the movie would come on? He would sit in like a chair. Oh, what is that, Daniel? That's like, you know, the guy.

The Crypt Keeper? No, not the Crypt Keeper. That's a different example. That's a different version of it. That's a different example of it, but yeah. Yeah, but let's just call it. He'd be like the Crypt Keeper. Right. Did you watch Tales from the Crypt?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I never watched it. Were you scared? Yeah, I was too scared. Even the Tales from the Crypt guy scared me. He is scary. That's a weird face.

He made me laugh, man. Yeah, I didn't even want to watch it because I couldn't make it through the Tales from the Crypt guy's introduction. It was a practical puppet. I know, but I was a kid. We were little. Yeah. I think. Alright, continue with his ideas, please. Idea number two. Two activist parents on the run for crimes against corporations come out of hiding to attend the wedding of their gay son, only to be caught by the police and sentenced to house arrest

with their son and his new groom. Zach and Donald are gay newlyweds in house arrest. Wait a second. Pause, pause, pause, pause. We're gay newlyweds or we're the parents of the gay newlyweds? We're the parents. We're the gay newlyweds. We're the parents of the gay newlyweds.

We're the gay newlyweds. Zach and Donald are gay newlyweds in House Arrest. Donald, I need that as a soundbite. Got you. Please, grab that soundbite. Zach and Donald are gay newlyweds in House Arrest. House Arrest. I'm going to say something.

It's like British Bake Off. I want him to do a few more. I don't want this just to be it. Yes. What's his name? There's one more on here. Wait, but what's his name? It's Brandon. Brandon, will you please submit every week, Brandon?

Please, Brandon. Please. Please, Brandon. I just also like his pitch style. He says it quick, and then he's like, Zach and Donald are gay newlyweds in house arrest. All right. All right, let's go.

The last one. The last one. And number three, two divorced dad neighbors start a podcast about how to raise children. However, when they come to blows on how best to raise their kids, they agree to swap children for a month to see who the better parent really is. Zach and Donald are buddy

podcasters in ChildSwap. Hopefully one of these ideas might make the whiteboard. If not, feel free to sell all them to Doozer Inc. Thanks very much and all the best. You can pitch to me any day was funny. You can pitch to me any day, Brandon.

Brandon, you're very funny. You can pitch to me any day. You can pitch to me any day as long as it sounds right. You're very funny and I promise you that Doozer's going to steal all those ideas

even if we don't make them. Zach and Donald are gay newlyweds. Stephen Brandon. Stephen Brandon. Oh, we messed up his name? I messed up his name. I'll take it. Stephen Brandon. Sorry about that. Stephen Brandon. Stephen Brandon. Oh, we messed up his name? I messed up his name. I'll take it.

Stephen Brandon. Sorry about that. Stephen Brandon. Stephen. Joel messed up your name. One dude's name is Stephen Brandon. Stephen Brandon. I literally heard it.

Stephen. Stephen. In Joel's defense, Stephen, that's confusing. You have two first names. Two first names. It's like being named Zach Josh. Zach Josh. Zach Josh. Donald Stephen.

Those are very funny ideas, and you're a funny man. I'm not sure we're going to play Gay Newlyweds. Why not? That'd be hilarious. We should just entertain the pitch. I'm open to it. I don't think we should just entertain the pitch. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm open to it.

Like, look. I don't think we're allowed to play gay newlyweds in today's environment, Joel. Are we? We can't even do a gay comedy. Some people would frown upon it. Yeah, there you go. I'm not talking about that. I'm saying we should do, like, we should do, with the pitch, we leave his voice over and we just act out

what he's describing in the pitch in short little scenes. What I like, what I like most about Stephen, Brandon, Charles, Chris, Joshua's pitch is the idea of a

Crypt Keeper-like character. Like, I'm still stuck on this anthology idea, right? Every episode's different. But a Crypt Keeper-like like guy perhaps with an australian accent gives the setup for what's explained what's happening in each episode so sit down and watch zach and donald as gay newlyweds in house arrest but that's what's amazing about the anthology idea dude like one episode could be a full-blown sitcom one One episode is like a Black Mirror like trippy thing. Like everyone can be different.

We can do anything. I love that. I'm so into like that so far. Zach and Donald. Steve and Brandon. Steve and Brandon. Zach and Donald are chocolate and vanilla. Oh my God.

All right, everybody. As you prepare your pitches, be more like Steve and Brandon. All right, that's the show, everybody. I miss you guys. We hope you have a healthy, positive, good week. We love you. We care about you. We thank you for tuning in.

I miss you all. I miss you so much. I miss you all. And not the We love you. We care about you. We thank you for tuning in. I miss you all. I miss you so much. I miss you all. And not the three of you. I'm talking to all the fans out there. Wow. You miss all the fans. I miss all the fans.

I miss when y'all used to, you know, hit me in my DMs to tell me that, you know. Although this week you guys did hit me in the DMs to tell me how much you love the show. You read your DMs? No. What? Wait, no.

What? She just in the DMs to tell me how much you love the show. You read your DMs? No. What? Wait. No. What? She just requested no DMs. I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. We will always exist and we will definitely not let them take away our joy, no matter how hard they try. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows.

Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. So in this podcast, I'm going to be talking about marriage, divorce, my family, my career. I'm also going to be talking a lot about cancer, the ups and the downs, everything that I've learned from it. It's going to be a wild ride. So listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Alec Baldwin. This past season on my podcast, Here's the Thing, I spoke with more

actors, musicians, policymakers, and so many other fascinating people, like jazz bassist Christian McBride. Jazz is based on improvisation, but there's very much a form to it. You have a conversation based on that melody and those chord changes. So it's kind of like giving someone a topic and say, okay, talk about this. Listen to the new season of Here's the Thing

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. thing in between, offering a genuine glimpse into his world. The closest to getting what you want is always the hardest. People give up right before they get what they've always wanted to get. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.