Fake Doctors, Real Friends with Zach and Donald - Real Friends Classic - 319: My Choosiest Choice of All with Bill Lawrence

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

On this week's episode, Cox realizes he has a crush on the new doctor. In the real world, BILL IS BACK!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....

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Starting point is 00:01:50 Listen to Queen of the Con, Season 5, The Athlete Whisperer, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. AM, I'm going to tell you something right now, dog. What? 2021, you doing your thing already. Holy shit, dude. Yo, they not messing. 2021 ain't not messing around.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Yo, frame up. Just straight up. What's this new camera angle? I don't like it. You shake shit up. I'm closer to the outside of the area where my closet is. And so now I got the Wi-Fi is a little bit better over here. Oh, I see.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Do you have the box? I do have the box. You're excited about this. You didn't open it, right? I forgot about it already. Okay, good. I'm going to invite Bill in because he's here and he's going to be part of the live opening on the show.
Starting point is 00:02:44 Ladies and gentlemen, we have Bill Lawrence here. We always invite Bill in early because he's here and he's going to be part of the live opening on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, we have Bill Lawrence here. We always invite Bill in early because he's special. There he is. Thunderous applause, Dan. Bill Lawrence in the hang. Thunderous applause, Dan. Do you like your thunderous applause? I need it.
Starting point is 00:02:58 I run on compliments. Hey, guys. I'm handsome. Bill, you're the only person we allow in early before we sing the theme song because you're so special. Well, also because he might sometimes count in and then we go into the theme song. But also, Bill's so funny that we're like, no, we want the whole show to be extra funny, so let him do the whole thing. That is a lot of pressure. I mean, it's a lot of pressure.
Starting point is 00:03:23 By the way, before we even start, I got to say, this is a very funny episode. Yeah. Yo, I laughed a lot. I laughed out loud and had to pause and write down laughing out loud because there's a lot of funny shit in this episode. There was quite a few funny parts in this episode. Quite a few. Can I tell you what would make you guys laugh? Because, you know, you were nice enough to invite me late, and so it's a good challenge for me to try and remember an episode um without watching it like i usually do
Starting point is 00:03:48 beforehand and i went to one of the websites on scrubs and just looking at the pictures of it i remember how funny the episode one of the pictures is scott foley in a jukebox yeah tara reed was a cigarette butt in one and I'm like this episode was insane yeah it's insane dude Scott Foley it's very stoner it's a very stoner episode Scott Foley and Elliot are playing hide and seek in the bar and
Starting point is 00:04:15 no in the world in the world in the world they run into the bar and because you're highlighting how cute a couple they are together. And he goes, guys, guys, we're playing hide and seek. No one tell her where I am. And then I go, she goes, where is he?
Starting point is 00:04:30 And I go, I don't know. And then I see it. He's in the jukebox. He's managed to get inside the jukebox. But then he gives you the shh sound. And then I go, he's a dynamite hider. That's so dumb. That's so dumb. It's so dumb, but I laughed out loud.
Starting point is 00:04:49 I laughed, yo, dude, come on, there's so many funny parts in this. There's so much funny shit. Wait, before we start,
Starting point is 00:04:55 we're going to, we have one special thing, Bill, that you're a part of. Donald is going to live open his Christmas present that finally arrived. All right, let me go get it.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Oh, I'm very excited about this. Okay, now, Bill, on the last episode, which you haven't heard yet because it hasn't aired, we talked about how I – you probably know about StockX because your kids are obsessed with sneakers. Yep. So I got these on StockX for Donald.
Starting point is 00:05:17 All right. They had to go get certified. All right. In the words of Matthew McConaughey. All right. Listen, they've been certified as real. All right, all right. They're limited edition.
Starting point is 00:05:27 This is very exciting. He's opening, everybody. He's opening. Oh, oh. I didn't take the time to wrap it because who cares? And it says it on the outside. I just want to put you out there with it. Oh, buddy.
Starting point is 00:05:46 Buddy. Buddy. Buddy. I have these already. No, you don't. No, I don't. I'm just fucking with you. He's the flyest fuck, dude. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Holy shit. They're audience. Lando Calrissian sneakers, y'all. Holy shit! Their audience... Lando Calrissian sneakers, y'all. Their limited edition Lando Calrissian Adidas. The best Star Wars character ever in the history of Star Wars. Wait, take him out. Take him out, dude. They say his favorite...
Starting point is 00:06:17 They say his lines on the side, his most famous line on the side of the shoe. Yeah, they've been opened already, so there's no reason to keep them in the box. Yeah, because they had to get approved, bro. already, so there's no reason to keep them in the box. They had to get approved, bro. They had to get verified. I can't believe you said you had them. I freaked out. By the way, that's a well-performed moment.
Starting point is 00:06:35 It was very well-performed. Oh, those are good shoes. Oh, shit! These are like the cloud cities, dude. Dude, you got Lando on the tongue, but Donald, look at the lines on the inside of the shoe, on the side. It says something about the ship, about the Falcon.
Starting point is 00:06:53 You know, that ship saved my life quite a few times. She's the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy. Love it. There you go, buddy. Wow. Hey, Donald Donald that's from that's from Zach and me so we hope
Starting point is 00:07:08 no Bill thank you Bill thank you Bill thank you Bill thank you Bill you see how you see how that works you see how that works guys
Starting point is 00:07:16 and you see what I did automatically I immediately thanked Bill I just want to tell you that Joel and Daniel that's the proper response when someone says that's from
Starting point is 00:07:24 Zach and I that's how you do. That was funny. Thank you, Bill. I gave Joel and Daniel presents, and of course, Donald didn't. Yeah, man. And Donald tried to be like, that's from both of us, and I was like, no, no. But you know what? Because it's Bill, Donald, that is from both of us. You know what will make
Starting point is 00:07:40 you guys happy? The only shoe-related gift I've ever been part of is, and this is, it'll circle it back around, and maybe Don will know who this is. I'll have Henry come tell us. Henry walked into my closet, and he saw the Scrubs 100th episode Nikes. I had them unworn, untouched.
Starting point is 00:07:59 And then he was watching some whatever version of Cribs or whatever, but some hip-hop artist or rapper was showing his shoe collection. And somebody in our crew must have sold those because he had one of the shoes he highlighted on TV. Oh, no way. These are the Scrubs 100. Yeah, these are the Scrubs 100 Nikes. And they're priceless because they're ungettable. And Henry processed that.
Starting point is 00:08:21 And then I went back to my closet and my shoes were gone. Check this out. And they're literally on a homemade display case in his closet. I love it. It says priceless next to it. I love it. Oh, you warriors. Oh, Donald still got them.
Starting point is 00:08:34 Well, Donald wore them. Mine are unworn, too. Nice. Scrubs 100. Sure. That's amazing. They're probably on eBay for some other crew members who were like, Bug it. Bug it. Bug it. Before we, just about those shoes real quick. that's amazing they're probably on ebay for some other crew members who were like bug it
Starting point is 00:08:45 before we just about those shoes real quick when you're when you were coming up as an actor and you got to do a lot of work when you were like i got to do a lot of work as a very very young actor like uh when i was before i was 21 i you know i was paying for high school and all of that shit right uh but through uh acting and when you would get the crew gift the or you know the crew jacket that always was something right and you know when you're young you wear that shit because you know you're proud of it and yeah you want everybody to see my one mistake with those sneakers is I wore them. Joel just posted that they're $2,000 online, those shoes. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Well, that's probably not worn. I wore those things. Is it tacky for me to have about 200 pairs of those made real quick? And then we just fly that stuff out there. I mean, we'll do good things with the money. Well, that's fly. Dude, it's still the scrubs. Dude, that would be dope.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Anyway. Bill's son, Henry, that he's talking about is very into sneakers like a lot of teenage boys. And I was going over their house, and I took a moment to look in my closet. I collect sneakers. And I was like, I'm going to put on a pair that will really impress Henry. And I literally thought about this. And I put on a pair, and I was like, all right, Henry's going to notice that will really impress Henry. And I literally thought about this. And I put on a pair. And I was like, all right, Henry's going to notice.
Starting point is 00:10:07 And he's going to think I'm cool Uncle Zach. And I walk in the door. He's like, those are the lamest version of those. These are brutal. Oh, my god. Yes! Yeah! He's such a dick.
Starting point is 00:10:22 You raised a dick. Yeah, I didn't know if I could love him more because he's my son. I love him more. He's like, oh, God, I want to just eat him up. He's so perfect. Anyway, Donald, you better wear those. Don't just put them on the closet. No, these will get ripped.
Starting point is 00:10:44 These will be put to the the test i thought you'd like them because they have landon quotes on the side yes bill i have a good uh quick thing to say before um as a way for one of you to count yourselves in randomly uh my wife and i saw charlie pooth yesterday and and he started talking about how much fun it was to work with you two knuckleheads on this theme song. Yeah. And then said, he's like,
Starting point is 00:11:12 I felt like it was all them. They're so talented. But he did say, I do feel like I was a huge champion of making sure that they said the title of their podcast in their theme song lyrics. He's like, dude, you got to say what it is. And that to me, it made me so happy now when I hear the end of that song of the Zach and Donald Scrubs.
Starting point is 00:11:33 It's literally word for word. Yeah. The most awkward possible title to fit into a song. Well, we have a new challenge for Charlie. We're going to do a dating segment for Joel, and we're going to call up Charlie and have him write a little segment song. That boy's voice is so silky. Bill, you remember your birthday?
Starting point is 00:11:55 Yeah. When he sang for your birthday? Perfect pitch. Perfect pitch, you guys. He's got perfect pitch. Oh, my gosh. One year ago when we could all meet up and sing. Two years ago.
Starting point is 00:12:05 I judged time by my daughter's boyfriends and he was two years ago. Bill, count us in because America loves it when you count. Alright, but you know, I can't. Oh, you have to be told not to. Donald, come on, tell them not to. Hey, Billy doesn't want you to.
Starting point is 00:12:24 Billy doesn't want you to. Billy doesn't want you to. All right, ready? By the way, is this the type of thing that I could count us in, or do you guys usually do that? No, Bill, you cannot. It's only the host that can count us in. You can't count us in. It's a host activity.
Starting point is 00:12:35 Don't you ever. Don't you do it. Here's some stories about a show we made About a bunch of docs and nurses And a janitor who loved to hate I said here's a story That we all should know So gather round to hear our
Starting point is 00:12:54 Gather round to hear our Scrubs Rewatch Show with Zach and Donald Bill, on Twitter today, someone said, I had no idea you were involved with, to me, I had no idea you were involved with Ted Lasso. I love it so much. And I said, well, it was mostly me and Jason, but we got some guidance from Bill. And I thought you'd appreciate that. I'm spinning your podcast joke for Ted Lasso.
Starting point is 00:13:21 Unacceptable. Tell us about, hold on, Billy, please. We're doing a very famous podcast right now. That's going to be awkward that your dog and I have the same name, and I'm going to answer Billy from now on, whatever you say. Hold on. Let me let my dog out. She's crying. Come on, Billy.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Billy, please. While we're on a brief break, Donald, have you ever worn a pair of NMDs, the style of shoe that those Landos are? No. They're some of the most comfortable shoes I've ever worn. I've never really worn Adidas, to be honest with you. The only pair of Adidas I've ever owned were the Patrick Ewings back in the day.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Okay, cool. Before he had the Ewings, I had the Patrick Ewings. They were like the orange, white, and blue. Hell yeah. Pat Ewing's back. I remember standing in a little tiny, in my mom's bathroom, because she had the mirror, with some raggedy-ass clothes on, but some clean-ass Pat Ewing's on.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Looking at the shoes like that shit made me look good. And I got a haircut that day, too. So I know I looked fly. I was like, yo, I'm going outside. I love it. Very, very funny show. And I still have the striped sweater that I'm walking up to the security guard named Irv. Bill, you didn't get a chance to watch, but I don't know if you recall.
Starting point is 00:14:38 I do. I remember Irv because I think he tried to smother or kill someone. Yes. Oh, my God. Yes, he does. So Irv is the security guard, which we've never seen before. We've only seen Leonard, Randall Winston, with a hook hand and an afro. Are we not going to do America's favorite part of the show?
Starting point is 00:14:57 Sorry. It's my favorite part. I let the dog out and I got distracted. Donald, yes, please. Let me get my counter. I'm sorry, America and Earth. Now I'm going to fuck up because of you. No, you never fuck up.
Starting point is 00:15:09 This is all your fault. This is all your fault. Ready? I love this part. Mark, get set, go. Turk and Carla are joined at the hip. The janitor's got a new job. Dr. Cox might have a crush. Elliot and Sean have reunited, and JD makes out with a cigarette.
Starting point is 00:15:26 Breaking up is so, so hard to do. And no one ever really wants to waste someone's time. But we also hate confrontation. To overcome this fear is debilitating at times. And when it finally comes to a head, if not taken care of early, it can cause an awful mess. if not taken care of early, it can cause an awful mess. What's crazy is how fast the pressure is relieved once you step up and face the situation. I've learned bravery is way more rewarding than cowardice.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Yes, Queen. 41 seconds for a graph guy. Yes, well, the janitor's in a real sticky position here because he's got an nerves job, and his main goal as a security guard is to guard these one doors that Kelso keeps breaking through to go to his car. Oh, yeah, someone. He doesn't even know it first. He doesn't know it first.
Starting point is 00:16:15 It's an emergency exit. It's a fire hazard in the hospital. Right. It's so important to say that, too, or the joke doesn't land. Like, he's a tough guy with Turk and Carla about the situation. He's telling them how, you know, he can't wait to catch this person. He's even asked security to handle it, but they're more worried about the people that are stealing
Starting point is 00:16:35 and harvesting organs. Organs, yeah. I love that Herb's in charge of finding out who's stealing organs from the hospital. But anyway, so the janitor has a friend who's a bank teller or something, and he puts one of the dye packs in the alarm somehow. No, but this is after the janitor gets the job. Right.
Starting point is 00:16:57 So this is after the janitor gets Irv's job because Irv is now fired for smothering a patient. Or attempted murder, yeah. Right. By the way, you and Carla tackle Irv's job because Irv is now fired for smothering a patient. Or attempted murder, yeah. By the way, you and Judy, you and Carla tackle Irv, and Judy sticks a needle in his neck. In his neck. To sedate him. To sedate him.
Starting point is 00:17:17 You and Judy tackling Irv and putting a needle in his neck was hilarious. It was because the guy called him pudgy or something, right? Yeah. Right. Well, first of all, I'm jumping ahead. There's a really funny moment, Bill, when J.D. passes Irv. It says, morning, Irv. And J.D.'s just walking.
Starting point is 00:17:34 And someone parks in a red zone where they're not supposed to park. And even though J.D.'s walking, Irv starts to run. But because he's heavy and old, he can't really run that fast. But J.D JD's just walking. And then you see JD arrive, and then Irv, even though he was running, arrives second. But wait, hold up.
Starting point is 00:17:54 It's a very funny joke because you see Irv run out and then JD just walks. He runs past you. All right, you guys, I'll tell you some trivia that even Scrubs Wiki guy won't know. I was excited when, Zach, when you said which episode it was, you said my choosiest choice of all,
Starting point is 00:18:13 because there's certain titles and certain keys that I can tell you, even without remembering it right off the bat, that it was going to be a goofy, joke-filled episode, because we would never title one of the serious episodes like that and my choosiest choice of all was because this is season three and we've been doing this for a long time and this is right when and you guys know i bitch and moan and this is right when in the writer's room i started to get mad that all the voiceovers at the end of the shows were like at the end of the day you make decisions at the end of the day, you make decisions, and these decisions lead to choices,
Starting point is 00:18:45 and those choices affect the things that you do. Right? Right. And so this exists because then I would riff, and those choices are the hardest things you'll ever do because sometimes the choosiest choice is the choosiest choice of all. And so when I see a title like this, I know it's one of our silly episodes.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Well, that's funny that you say that because it is, you know, as the fans all know, some episodes, you know, you span the spectrum in tone and some are just packed with silliness and jokes. And this is one of them. I mean, there's not a moment when Turk and Carla aren't arm in arm for the whole episode, except when the moment when they tackle. No, when you tackle Irv and put a needle in his neck. And in the beginning. Even then you're together, but you don't have your arms around each other. But even, it all starts when you say, when you ask for, when you ask, do you ask them
Starting point is 00:19:39 for advice or do they just decide to give it? Yeah, there's some commentary. Like, you don't want to ask a couple who are about to get married because they think they have advice on romance for everyone. And then Turk latches on and then all of a sudden, they connect and speak at the same time. And from that moment on, they're together. That's really funny.
Starting point is 00:19:58 And by the way, it's a little precursor for where it'll become, was it Tarla or what was your name in Princess Bride? Right. I don't remember. The fairy tale episode. Yeah, connected. Tarla. Tarla, right?
Starting point is 00:20:12 It's a truck car hybrid. So, yo, I didn't remember this episode at all. Like, I sincerely did not. I didn't remember one joke from this episode. You have a big part in this episode. Dude, I didn't remember. You're in, like, a lot of scenes. I didn't remember.
Starting point is 00:20:24 I got to tell you something there's something something was wrong with me this year because at the rap party bellamy comes up to me and is like hey what a great year and i'm and i didn't recognize her and i was like yeah dude this is like a psa for not having too much weed for not smoking weed yeah turla sorry it was turla the Turla. You know what I remembered, by the way? Because I remember things in terms of arguments that we had in the writer's room and stuff. And I remembered one moment because there was a contingency of people in the writer's room that thought that Turk was too mean to say, Carl, I would never sleep with your sister. She's hideous.
Starting point is 00:21:07 Well, Danny's back. never sleep with your sister. She's hideous. Well, Danny's back, and it's a funny... So, J.D., just to remind everyone... Not because I love you. Not because I'm a faithful man to you. If she was hot, it'd be different. It'd be a different story. It'd be a different story. And, by the way, they were correct, because remember, the argument in the writer's room at the time
Starting point is 00:21:22 was, aren't we eventually going to have Carla's sisters on? And we did. You you know you guys got married eventually and we had those you know what i mean so but none of them were hideous though no they were they were babes yeah um so just to remind the audience if you haven't watched the episode recently that uh jd's just had a one night stand with elliot and sean has arrived at their door and so elliot has walked into their apartment yeah he walked in like and um and so jd to try and make elliot jealous gets back together with danny now there's a funny line i thought i i early on when jd says or voiceover when you run into someone you used to date you either find them annoying or enough time has passed that you've idealized everything about
Starting point is 00:22:02 them i thought that was a really good line, Bill, because I think everyone can relate to that. That's true. When you run into an ex, there's a fork in the road. It's like, are you still like, or are you like, oh, maybe they weren't so bad after all. Maybe I made a huge mistake. And then sometimes, and that's what we were doing here,
Starting point is 00:22:23 you go, I made a huge mistake. It was a different time. And you you go let's go out for drinks and you have one nice night and then almost immediately you're like oh no no this is the worst person i've ever met i hate my girl he quickly doesn't like her i mean he he uh he's just solely using her to try and make elliot jealous and not even to make elliot jealous elliot doesn't remember her he says that he's back with her after he gets upstairs and she's like oh danny danny danny danny what's your last name again and he goes i should know that i should know that and then and then jd goes blonde hair oh and then she goes rasonde hair. Like, they're both trying to figure out who Danny is. Like, dude, I was so, dude, this is like perfect stoner humor.
Starting point is 00:23:11 Like, if you are, if you are, listen, if you have the humor of someone who giggles or gets confused and then is like, what the fuck just happened? This is the show for you at this point, man. Because we are off the rails, man. Well, Danny says. And there's a 20 person band in it. Yeah, at the end of the show for you at this point, man, because we are off the rails, man. Well, Danny says this. And there's a 20-person band in it. Yeah, at the end of the show. At the end of the show.
Starting point is 00:23:31 I don't know. Bill, I know you got the AMA certification for most realistic medical show, but I don't know that Cox would let like a 30-person band in the ICU. This one, by the way, worked backwards from the song because, you know, we always went search for songs. We all loved that polyphonic. That band was so cool and so kind of just such a vibe. And everybody was like, screw it.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Let's figure out a way that all bazillion of them are in here. That was awesome. It was really fun. They were like platforms. Like Cox had arranged for like a PA system. There were microphones. Yeah, yeah. He built a scaffolding.
Starting point is 00:24:03 There's balloons I think dropped. All for his crush. That'd be real. Adam Bernstein directed this, by the way, and Mike Schwartz is the name on the script. There's a very funny scene
Starting point is 00:24:13 where JD has sex with Danny and you're contrasting the episode before there's been this like, you know, clearly like making love like JD and Elliot are like,
Starting point is 00:24:24 it's like beautifully done like they're so into each other then in this episode she she tells him that she likes it rough and he's like i don't really and she's like she like screams at him and he slaps her across the face because she and he screams back it looks like he punches her it doesn't look like he smacks her and he goes oh my god he goes oh my god dann I'm so sorry. I thought that's what you wanted. And she's like, it is harder. I did. He squeezes his nipples.
Starting point is 00:24:48 He goes, ah! It's like a pro wrestling match in bed. And then he comes out later and he's got, his air heels are
Starting point is 00:24:58 all puffy and red and he's got scratch marks across his chest like he's in a horror movie. And she's, by the way, she's smoking. And he goes, you didn't used to smoke.
Starting point is 00:25:12 She goes, I like smoking after sex. And he goes, and during. And during. And then she shrugs it off. And she nods it off like, oh, yeah. So Danny is smoking while they're having sex. By the way, I have a question, Bill. I think Tara Reid must have been a smoker.
Starting point is 00:25:28 That must have been the – was that the inspiration for all this? She was. Tara Reid was a smoker? She must have been. I think she did. Oh, you're being sarcastic. I think he's being a dick sarcastic. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:40 So I think you wrote that in because I must have said like Tara's great and everything, but cigarettes and the cigarette breath and everything. I'm so not into that. And you guys must have been like, OK, we're running with that. And by the way, let's, you know, some props to Tara Reid for being a young lady that embraced. I'm like, hey, let's do this shit that you're just unapologetically this character. And she just went with it, man. It was really funny. She loved it, by the way. When we first had her on the show she was like oh is this the one where i'm dressed as a cigarette that was hilarious and uh so she was totally game and so funny she had a lot of fun
Starting point is 00:26:11 you could tell she was having a lot of by the way when i make out with her as a cigarette in the fantasy um and then i exhale smoke comes out of my mouth oh just the worst man just the worst it's so funny but that's what it feels like to make out with a smoker. Did you guys have conversations in the – because this tripped me out also. The janitor is now a security guard, but are we still calling him the janitor in the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even think it's the janitor it's just janitor janitor janitor the best you know the best version of that for all time is
Starting point is 00:26:50 it's still and you guys now have to look for it sarah chalk's funniest line reading whenever she's in a one-on-one scene with him she goes janitor every season it got higher it was by by season eight it was like so I have to know, wait. I have to know, Dan or Joelle, were either of you smokers? For like a little bit in early college. Literally the exact same when I thought it would be cool. Switched to marijuana like sophomore year. Never looked back.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Did you ever smoke cigarettes, Bill? No, no. I was cool on my own. The... No, no. I was cool on my own. Didn't need to pay money for my coolness. But you have smoked a cigarette before. Yeah, I've done most everything before, Donald. I mean, let's be honest.
Starting point is 00:27:42 I'm an old man. We won't go down that road with you, Bill. I'm an old man. We won't go down that road with you, Bill. I'm so sad. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I never met single partying Manhattan Bill. That might have saved your life, buddy. I know, but if I had a time machine and I could like – we're watching the show called Dark on Netflix now. It's all about time. And it's really interesting. And I recommend it if you like and uh i recommend it is it theory
Starting point is 00:28:06 is it theory what does that mean theory like does it make you have to think about theory or it's or or it's very yeah i'm sure if you're smarter than i am you can you it's very deep and i can't even keep track of it i have to pause and be like to go to florence and be like wait who is he now because it's all jumping it's jumping lots of years. No, but I mean, are they using time travel as a, like, are they, can you theoretically explain how it's happening? You know what I mean? Yes. Like in Back to the Future, they gave you an excuse and it's easy to follow it because of the flux capacitor. It's about wormholes.
Starting point is 00:28:41 It's about wormholes. But it's one of those shows. It's a German show and it's clearly written by very, very bright people. And it's one of those shows where I think if you're a super smart scientist, time travel person, you can appreciate it on a different level than I am. I'm the one pausing, asking my girlfriend, wait, what just happened? But anyway, it's still really good. It's like Lost in a way, the show Lost in a way, in that it's very mysterious and good. really good it's like it's like lost in a way the show lost in a way in that uh it's very mysterious and good but um i digress my sentence was if i could time travel i would like to visit with
Starting point is 00:29:10 single partying uh 20 something bill in new york city that you look that's a lot like running in to an ex-girlfriend though to bring it all back which is now in retrospect they're fun memories but there's is all there's also the reality of like oh my god this guy's relentlessly annoying why are you talking so fast why is that bleach blonde hair guy talking so fast it's so it's i don't want to go to your loft party i mean he's not saying anything funny but he thinks he's really funny. It's pretty bad. Pretty bad and embarrassing. I've heard wonderful anecdotes.
Starting point is 00:29:49 So the janitor says that he has his own nightstick, and he has it because his father, Donald, you did the best setup here. It was the most classic alley-oop. Do you guys like it? I'm using the term alley-oop. The janitor goes, I got this nightstick from my father. And Donovan goes, was he a police officer? And he goes, no, he was a cat trainer.
Starting point is 00:30:15 By the way, no one was ever that happy. But Neil Flynn embraced it about, we had a weird thing with the janitor of, there's a real intense dislike of animals in there and I don't know if you guys noticed that he has a dead squirrel army yeah he made a rabbit into a salt and pepper shaker yeah um I think the rabbit was a pepper grinder bill because you would you would spin the rabbit's head I don't think you could make this joke in 2021, Bill. I don't think so either. The prop master took a taxidermy bunny and put it on a pepper grinder
Starting point is 00:30:52 and took off the head so that the head would spin to grind. That's one prop I'd really like to have. Also, I don't know if you remember because I could have – this is a show I still feel like I would watch today, even if I didn't sell it myself. Once we established that Neil, the janitor, had a squirrel army of taxidermied squirrels in his garage, we would occasionally just have him see a squirrel in a different episode, and he would make eye contact with it and say, wrong day, wrong time, my friend. contact with it you say wrong day wrong time my friend and he would throw like a blanket over it and then you would always cut to him in his garage having meetings with hundreds of taxidermied squirrels oh my god i would watch that all day oh my god i remember that episode where it cut to him lecturing the taxidermied squirrels so many many of them. Yeah, and a lot of them had different points.
Starting point is 00:31:46 He would say, I understand that, Keith, but that's not what we're doing right now. They were all... We got to have Neil back on. Joel, will you remind me? And let's find an episode that he has a lot to do. This would have been a funny one, but we got to remember to have Neil back on.
Starting point is 00:32:02 He says, you know, my dad raised cats, trained cats. And then after that, he's walking away. And I go, meow. Right. And he comes running back in with a stick, ready to pounce and run. And then he says something like, you guys stay here, as though it's dangerous. And he walks off. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:32:26 All right. So I wanted to say, so I have sex with Danny. And then I come in the living room and you guys are being all judgmental. And you go, we know your Danny's in there. And I'm like, no, no, no. It's my buddy. My buddy from the gym, Danny. And you go, I heard you say, take it all, Danny.
Starting point is 00:32:41 And there's a long pause. And I go, he's a really good buddy. Take it all, Danny. And there's a long pause, and I go, he's a really good buddy. Hey, awkward thing that I always have to do on my podcast. We've got to go to break real quick. Yeah, you're right. Oh, my God, Bill, you're not supposed to read that.
Starting point is 00:32:56 That's for the host of the show. We will be right back. You know what? I was trying to beat him to it, but he beat me to it. He beat me to it. He beat me to it. Listen, you guys, we don't have many rules. The chat is for the hosts. Bill already read the...
Starting point is 00:33:09 All right. Bill, send us to break. We'll be right back after this break. If you've been following the news, you know that from healthcare access to safe schools, LGBTQ plus rights are under attack. And it's about time queer and
Starting point is 00:33:29 trans youth get the microphone and tell their stories in their own words. I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. I wish I could feel more comfortable in my own body here, but that's just not the case. And follow along as they discover what queer and trans liberation means to them. This isn't running away from yourself. It's running into who you want to grow into. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 00:34:14 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows. Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. You may know me from, let's see, 90210, Charmed, Mallrats, Heathers. Probably also know me from my stage four cancer diagnosis and sharing that journey with so many of you. There's something so authentic about a podcast. It's me connecting, me talking raw in the moment. That's what my goal is to give you, to talk about why I feel that cancer to a certain extent is a gift, what my responsibilities are as a person with cancer, because I think that
Starting point is 00:35:00 there's something so much bigger than me. And to be honest, I'm still trying to find out what that is. And maybe together, we'll find it. It's going to be a wild ride. So I hope that you all tune in. Listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Alec Baldwin.
Starting point is 00:35:22 This past season on my podcast, Here's the Thing, I spoke with more actors, musicians, policymakers, and so many other fascinating people like actress and director Cheryl Hines. They were looking for an unknown actress to play Larry David's wife. I said, well, how old is that guy? Isn't he old? And author David Sedaris. You know, like when you meet somebody and they'll say, well, I want to be a writer or I want to be an artist. And I say, well, is it all you care about? Because if it's not, it's going to be pretty hard for you if you're not on fire. It's like opening the door of an oven, and it's like, wow.
Starting point is 00:36:06 You know, you take a step back. It's all they think about. It's all they talk about. It's all they care about. They don't have relationships. They're not good friends for other people. This is just what they're laser-focused on. Where all their energy goes.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Yeah. Listen to the new season of Here's the Thing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. and then beat me to it and then right away. Joelle, you're going to hide the producer notes from the guest, Joelle. It's so tight. Because occasionally we will have a guest with the audacity to read the producer notes. Dude, because listen, this is how it was.
Starting point is 00:36:55 I was going to punctuate your joke with, and with that we'll be right back. But before I can do that shit. So then Danny comes in the living room and she goes, some skank just called and I told her to back off. Her name is Deborah or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, that's my mom. So, Bill, I have to ask you, you have it's a tricky thing for you because you have your wife on the show and Cox is telling, there's like a thing where Dr. Miller, Cox has a crush on Dr. Miller, but like that
Starting point is 00:37:32 would mean that his eye is straying from the glory that is your beautiful wife. Was that, is that weird to write? Like, do you have to tell Crystal, like, oh, just so you know, this week Cox is going to have a crush on someone other than you? No, look, there's two things. One was, I'll tell you the funny one at the end, but the one thing was we wanted to do like the mature female version of where your relationship is at, which is just acknowledging that like people find other people attractive, people, you know.
Starting point is 00:38:01 And so I really liked, I remember there's a joke in this with, like, Dr. Cox. It's like, people ask me if we're married. I say no. What do you say? Oh, I say we were married for a long time, and then we split up. But now we have a child together, and we're in a committed relationship, and it's great and amazing. You know, and he's like, oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:15 Sometimes I say that. But the other joke, no joke, is Kristen and I used to joke around how work is the only place I can tell her what to dress and what to say and how to look and stuff. And so part of this was me going, it might be sexy for Krista to have blonde hair. And so the end of this episode, if you remember, was as a wink to him, she kind of changed. She didn't do it all the way and we had to help it with a lighting effect, but she changes her hair at the end of this. to change she didn't do it all the way and we had to help it with a lighting effect but she changes her hair at the end of this and i remember just from a total you know in love husband thing going what a cool corny excuse to have my wife mix her look up and that was really fun for me that's
Starting point is 00:38:54 funny nice that's cool i was just thinking of krista being like no cox is not gonna have a crush on someone yeah no one no one would think of anything yeah she keeps actually can't play that way how many times has krista told you in front of me who she is flat out in love with and believes that she should have you know a free pass for yeah unacceptable i remember i don't know did you tell the cluny story how how uh yeah i was one of our first big fights tell the cluny story because cluny was her um clunoney was her hall pass, quote unquote. Chris and I, when we were dating, joked around about like, who's your free pass? You know, like if you run into them, you're allowed to hook up with them without the other person complaining. And I said, whoever mine was, I don't even remember.
Starting point is 00:39:37 And then Krista said George Clooney, which is a typical answer, so I didn't care. But I didn't put it together that the Drew Carey show and ER were both Warner Brothers shows. And literally like a week later, I came to work, and she was sitting on her trailer stairs with George Clooney having a coffee. And I'm like, you can't pick somebody that you see every day as your free pass. I feel like that's not part of the game. And she's like, no, we were just doing free passes. I'm like, no.
Starting point is 00:40:06 That is so insane. No, no. You can't know your free pass. It has to be something that's unachievable. Yeah, you can't just have come with a conversation from your free pass and say, you know who my free pass is? Who brought up the free pass? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:40:24 It might have been me so fuck that hey bill this is my free pass george clooney yeah hey speaking of george clooney bill do you think richard kine would come on the show i do and i think it would be super duper fun you know he's oh yeah joel let's get richard kine um because he he's in 320 coming up, and he's so funny, and I think audiences would love him. And it is a bit of funny trivia that of all people in the world, he's George Clooney's best friend. I would have gotten that wrong on every quiz. But by the way, never – on a show that we do so much with just the people that live in our worlds, never has a guest star come in and been somebody that we've all quoted so much. Still, I've got Yabba.
Starting point is 00:41:09 I've got Yabba. I have been to the zoo. Go on. I have been to the zoo. Go on. Continue. Continue. That would make me super happy.
Starting point is 00:41:18 I just love that guy. He's one of those people that I see and I just start laughing. He was on a show. I don't know if you guys ever watched the show. That's very funny. There's only one season because of, I think they stopped because of COVID, but it was called the,
Starting point is 00:41:31 the other, the other two. Is that what it's called? Do I double check for me? It's kind of a 30 rock tone silliness, but it's about a kid that becomes like a Justin Bieber superstar and his two fuck up siblings. And Richard kind plays one of their agents.
Starting point is 00:41:48 And, you know, he just does a small part. But every time he's on screen, you just start hysterically laughing. That guy is money as his instant laughs. And he can really act. I was about to say, he's a really good actor, too. Rockstar. Love that dude. I was a little caught off guard
Starting point is 00:42:04 that Kelso was trying to sabotage the hospital until he explained why he was sabotaging the hospital that was something that kind of threw me like when that was a dun dun dun moment and it caught like i was confused and then what do you mean he's still trying to sabotage the hospital that he was he was taking the emergency thing off the door because he gets to his car quicker. I remember his reason. His reason is one of the most disturbing jokes we ever made Ken say. Do you guys remember it?
Starting point is 00:42:33 He has to get home before Enid. Because if he doesn't, he has to peel her something. It's the word peel. It's leotard. He has to get home before she's done with dance class or something like that. She has a spin class or something, and if he doesn't get home before her, he has to help peel off
Starting point is 00:42:54 her leotard. I think it was Jazzercise or something. It's really an upsetting joke. Because you know why? Because he loves Enid, man. We did that joke too many times. I think he loves his wife. I don't know whether he loves Enid. He has so much mean things to say about Enid.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Yeah. Yeah. I think, by the way, the worst one ever was when Baxter and Enid had divided the house into equal sides. Enid had ventured into Baxter's side of the house, and he just said, all you've got to do to scare him away is make a real aggressive sudden move. He says, go, and then you just hear a dog growling and biting, and he hangs up laughing. So he had his dog attack her.
Starting point is 00:43:37 It's horrible. It's a horrible man. I don't know if that's love, buddy. But does he love Enid, Bill? I just don't know. I mean, I don't know where you landed. You know what's weird? We talked a lot about it.
Starting point is 00:43:48 I think we never would have been able to do any of this stuff. It's so interesting in television shows if Enid existed. And if you ever saw a person, a sweet woman, a character, or whatever, I think we would have immediately gone, he loves her, they're okay, and he's all full of shit. But with a second in any type of creative narrative that you don't ever meet the person in question, it gives you such license to be horrific or funny or bizarre and stuff.
Starting point is 00:44:16 So it's not unlike, look, you guys know the show that started it. I mean, it's Norm and Vera in Cheers. Yeah, I was about to say this. Right, exactly. The only one I remember after Norm and Vera from cheers was, I remember the guy on home improvement, which I didn't watch a lot. They did such great effort to always block his face.
Starting point is 00:44:34 Yeah. I forget what his name was. What was it? What was his name? Daniel Wilson. Wilson. Oh yes. Wilson was the guy behind the fence.
Starting point is 00:44:43 Yes. Wilson. Anyway, it is called The Other Two Guys. I found it. It is. Nailed it. My friend Helene York is on it. I highly recommend you guys watch.
Starting point is 00:44:51 I laughed my ass off, and I wish there was more episodes, but I guess they're on pause because of – Are Jordan and Cox married? At this point, they are not, but I have to be careful about that because we do an episode at some point. They find out that their divorce wasn't official so they get re-divorced and i if you guys haven't done that episode yet then they are technically still married do you guys remember doing a podcast on that episode yet no i actually wonder when when she when bellamy came in i went oh is this gonna be a love interest for cox and donald was like no he's not he's in a relationship with
Starting point is 00:45:24 with jordan and then and then this episode started to be like oh but they start to have a thing i didn't remember what happened between them yeah you know what it was is just that we enjoyed for him doing a you know as he gets closer to jordan that very traditional lots of fears and lots of pulling away so much so So it's the precursor to the episode. This episode helped us with the episode that they're doing great as a couple, but when they find out that they aren't actually divorced, that it was screwed up and they're still technically married, they start to fall apart again. And that's coming up later.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Is that why this is a question? Is that what the purpose of Bellamy's character was on the show? It just seems like that character was there, and then all of a sudden she was gone, like really quick. No, you know what it was is, I think, and I can go back, but I think Bellamy started, much like Gift Shop Girl, if you remember her name, that got a bunch of work on Chuck and stuff. Sarah Lancaster was somebody that immediately started to get work
Starting point is 00:46:22 and get other shows. I think she joined us because Charles was unavailable and we liked you having a superior. Charles Chung played Dr. Wen. We didn't have him for one year section. At one point due to a health issue that he had an accident and broken it. At one point due to him doing a movie or something. Then he came back to our world. It was at least initially a product of be nice for Turk to have a boss, you know, and then, you know,
Starting point is 00:46:53 we weren't really going to do the romance thing because Cox was with Jordan and just wanted to have that kind of be an episode real quick. And also she was a good foil for Cox because even if there wasn't going to be a romance or a very mild one, she was like a tough cookie and a woman and someone who had, you know, cojones. You guys want to say some big ass titties. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:47:12 No, I said cojones, not... That's what Turk says when he's freaking in the thing with... He says big ass titties? He goes in some big ass boobies. That's exactly what he says. I think you could say boobies on NBC, but not titties. Right, Bill?
Starting point is 00:47:29 I fucked the joke up. Let me say it right. I was about to say, it should come hand-in-hand with the disapproving head shake you got from Joel either way. It was fantastic. But that's what it was from. You guys are thinking I'm trying to freaking make a sexist joke, but it's from the show
Starting point is 00:47:45 it's from the show you're in your face you're in your uh you know what i loved by the way and bellamy is a great example of it i i always love when i because of you guys and i am so grateful and it's your podcast which is annoying it's dan l joel's and donald's podcast oh my god um but not no it's zacks it's that it's that It's Zach's and Zach's and Zach's. And I'm so grateful to get to occasionally come on it and see it and talk to you guys about it. And listen to it. I go to sleep listening to it. I love listening to it.
Starting point is 00:48:12 But one of my favorite things about watching these old episodes are when you see actors and actresses that we caught at a certain point in their lives or careers. Not like Richard Kind who had already done a bunch of stuff. Like Bellamy who had gone to become, you know, scandal. The president of the United States or something. You know what I mean? Or Sarah Lancaster who was suddenly, you know, or Mossy, you know, who was an hero. Or Dave Franco or
Starting point is 00:48:37 Aziz. Yeah, to me that's so fun, you know, to see the people that crossed our world and then went on to not necessarily bigger and better things, but just kind of more fun for themselves. Michael J. Fox, he really launched his career. I know. To see him get his foot in the door like that
Starting point is 00:48:53 and then to do what he did with it. But it was fun, man. That's why I like seeing Bellamy on the show. Yeah, it's fun. It really is interesting, the people that were on Scrubs, like, you guys probably don't remember this, but what's the gentleman's. It's fun to go back. It really is interesting, the people that were on Scrubs. Like, you guys probably don't remember this, but what's the gentleman's name that's married to Sofia Bagara? Oh, yeah, yeah. He was a football-playing dude that tortured Zach.
Starting point is 00:49:15 He was on Scrubs. He was on Scrubs before he ever blew up. He was in True Blood. Yeah. He was in True Blood. He wasn't in True Blood yet either. I ran into him before. No, no, I mean after that. After that.
Starting point is 00:49:25 He went to Joe Manganiello. Joe Manganiello. He was in a segment where I – he was like a jock, right? And he said something like, let's all go bang or something. Like it turned out they were gay. I forgot what the joke was. Yeah. And I remember seeing him on that show as a young dude.
Starting point is 00:49:46 You know, it's just fun with all these people that kind of cross paths that way eliza coop who went on to star in 9 000 different things i think we were one of her first gigs you know uh she was awesome um just makes me happy so jd just really you know there's this one little subplot we could talk about about how jd and danny are staying together solely because they don't want to be alone. And I think that there's probably a lot of people who can relate to that. Maybe now more than ever during a pandemic when they're just like, all right, I'm so over you, but you're just, you're my pandemic buddy. I can't date anybody else. You sound like my wife.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Badum tss. Daniel, give him a but you're totally, you're totally right though. Zach. And look, this episode was supposed to be jokey, but because you asked about the Dr. Cox, I distinctly remember, especially since we had Donald and Judy being the couple attached to the hip telling everybody why they suck is we were trying to parallel all those things of one universal being alone you'll almost rather be with somebody horrific than be alone with two
Starting point is 00:50:51 if you aren't alone you're able to also defeat yourself by going oh my god i'm getting more and more dependent on this person i need to sabotage it immediately dr cox you know i mean and yeah it's it's and then elliot and then the other thing which is like oh we're long distance so we barely ever see each other so we can be we can be exciting and and and and into it in in two week intervals because who can't be their best self for two week intervals you know there were there were like all these different examples but i feel like a lot of people um can relate to being in something and feeling stuck, and I bet now more than ever, where they're just like, oh, I don't want to be alone. Do you think it's that, or do you think it's because a lot of people fear confrontation, and that's something that you just don't want to deal with?
Starting point is 00:51:42 Confrontation, I'm sure and and the drama of a breakup which is always horrible especially if it's a long relationship um but i i just think that there's a lot of people who and now like i said now more than ever because of the pandemic are kind of like all right this has to end but like this is fine for now and i'm just going to endure it and i don't want to be alone i don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone. And I think that JD, I think JD in this situation is like my, the love of my life I've realized is making out with a guy that looks like
Starting point is 00:52:12 Scott Foley and she seems so happy. And here I am. And I've got Danny and she's, she's just so not for me, but I don't want to be alone. So she's fine. You know, right.
Starting point is 00:52:22 It would be bad for Donald and I to agree with this in any way as two happily married guys no you can comment on it i don't think that's what i i honestly don't think that's what it is i i think yeah sure he doesn't want to be alone but he keeps telling her to go away you know what i mean and so it's not really he doesn't want to be alone it's just that i don't i don't i i it's it's it's hard to explain like if why is he with her then why why i don't i don't know like that's what i'm trying i i i i think the pressure of her being around i don't i'm gonna be honest with you i i i don't i don't know the answer to that but i do know that it's really weird for him to say i don't want to be alone
Starting point is 00:53:03 and then tell her to go away. Well, because he finally has enough. I mean, she's smoking during sex. I mean, before that, before, like they're at the bar and he's like, and this is how the whole conversation comes up. They're at the bar and he goes, hey, you want to play darts? And she's like, yeah. He's like, all right, go over there. There's the board over there.
Starting point is 00:53:19 He goes over there. He hates her. Do you want to play darts? Yeah. All right. It's over there. He hates her. Do you want to play darts? Yeah. All right. It's over there. And she turns around and she's like, do you really have that? Are you really that miserable when you're around me?
Starting point is 00:53:33 And he's like, I don't know. Whatever she says, something like that. He's like, I don't know. And that's how the conversation starts. So I don't know if it's that he's alone. He's scared to be alone because he keeps telling her to get the fuck out of here get the one thing i like about danny is she says something that i that i liked which is um when she's smoking in bed he goes well you never used to smoke like what's going on she goes well i
Starting point is 00:53:54 before we did it i was trying to be like my best self and i'm putting on like this character for you but this time i think i'm just going to be like unabashedly myself and and jd's like sees who this incarnation of a person is he wants nothing to do with it but you know i think it's just fueled by by feeling insecure and looking over at elliot and and want and trying to make elliot jealous not wanting to go home and and be sad and lonesome yeah and by the way let's be honest it's i think there's a line it's easy to be with somebody that you with if you're not mistreating them or they're not mistreating you it's easy to be with someone you don't like you know there's nothing really at stake you know and i guarantee you between the five of us we were all at some point in our lives with a relationship with somebody that we didn't you know if some
Starting point is 00:54:42 point of the gun to our head and said, do you care if this ends? That we'd be like, no, no, but it's just, do you think when the pandemic, do you think when the pandemic's over, like truly over, there's just going to be a slew of divorces and breakups? Absolutely. I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. No, I'm sure. I'm sure it is happening. I bet if you saw a graph of like separation divorce rates, it was climbing, but I just think like, it's obviously not going to happen on a day, but if it happened, they were like,
Starting point is 00:55:08 October 1st, we have officially conquered COVID. It's over. October 2nd, people will be like, peace. That's a wrap. By the way,
Starting point is 00:55:15 someone should do like a New Yorker cartoon of a married couple getting their vaccines together. And she's like, he's like, finally the vaccine. And she's like, I want a divorce all right joelle we probably need to go to break i know i know it's bill's job to tell everyone
Starting point is 00:55:32 and bill do you have a couple more seconds we got we got a couple more seconds for break i do i do have to go i have to go guys I have to go make television happen. I was about to say, how many shows you got coming this year? I got a bunch of shows coming. By the way, if you ever read Deadline, if everyone not in the business, Deadline is sort of the most popular trade website, and it announces things that have happened to people. And if a day goes by without Bill Lawrence getting another show,
Starting point is 00:56:01 I think Deadline's broken. It's crap. I'll do that some other time with you guys. I'm enjoying this vibe too much and the holidays. And Zach, that was a very nice present you got Donald. And Donald, I loved the joke version of it. I hated it. Of your acceptance.
Starting point is 00:56:15 But the only thing I'm proud of you, Donald, that in front of Bill, you sold the shit out of that joke and fooled me. That's a great moment. But it was mean. You don't know how much fucking work I put into getting those shoes. Can I tell you, this is why my wife and bill are like soulmates from another universe
Starting point is 00:56:30 and it'll never happen in this universe bill i'm just putting it out there but they're soulmates from another universe why she would do that shit she's the one that told me to do it i was like this yeah i mean she was like i mean and i know and when she said that i was like this. That's so mean. She was like, and I know, and when she said that, I was like, that's something Bill would have told me to do. That's so mean. You know, Bill, I always say to Bill and Krista that they met at mean camp because they love a mean joke. But if you have a backboard of love, if you know it comes from a place of love, it's okay. Okay. And look, I also want to say, not only am I grateful for this podcast, but I do want to tell Donald and Joelle that my son, Henry, who is as much of a Star Wars psychotic as you all, did take the time as he was building his Lego baby Yoda to say,
Starting point is 00:57:18 even though he's not super down with this podcast, he would definitely make the Star Wars podcast a weekly thing in his life. Tell him thank you so much. Tell him thank you. Oh my goodness. I don't know why I'm mad at that, but I am. I'm mad.
Starting point is 00:57:36 By the way, it hurt my heart, Zach. I know, it's so fucked up. I like him though, because he watched Scrubs beginning to end and my eldest son will. Not only will he not watch it, but it's a position of pride. He's now because he's already gone through The Office and Parks and Rec. And now he's just finding like other series at the time to watch.
Starting point is 00:57:55 I'm like, dude, watch Scrubs. It's not for me. But he does. But they both love. But they both are jocks and they both love Ted Lasso, I assume. They got sucked in by Ted Lasso because it's sports. Yeah, sports. But anyways, happy holiday. Happy New Year.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Thank you, guys. I love you. I'm back every time. We love you, Bill. And we're going to go to break and we'll be back. If you've been following the news, you know that from health care access to safe schools, LGBTQ plus rights are under attack.
Starting point is 00:58:29 And it's about time queer and trans youth get the microphone and tell their stories in their own words. I'm Raquel Willis. Join me on my new podcast, Queer Chronicles, a show where LGBTQ plus folks tell their own stories in their own words. This season, teens will share all about growing up in political battleground states. I wish I could feel more comfortable in my own body here, but that's just not the case. And follow along as they discover what queer and trans liberation means to them. This isn't running away from yourself. It's running into who you want to grow into. Listen to Queer Chronicles on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 00:59:13 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your most fabulous shows. Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast, Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty. You may know me from, let's see, 90210, Charmed, Mallrats, Heathers. Probably also know me from my stage four cancer diagnosis and sharing that journey with so many of you. There's something so authentic about a podcast. It's me connecting, me talking raw in the moment. That's what my goal is to give you,
Starting point is 00:59:49 to talk about why I feel that cancer, to a certain extent, is a gift, what my responsibilities are as a person with cancer, because I think that there's something so much bigger than me. And to be honest, I'm still trying to find out what that is. And maybe together, we'll find it. It's going to be honest, I'm still trying to find out what that is. And maybe together, we'll find it. It's going to be a wild ride. So I hope that you all tune in. Listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Alec Baldwin. This past season on my podcast, Here's the Thing, I spoke with more actors, musicians, policymakers, and so many other fascinating people, like actress and director Cheryl Hines.
Starting point is 01:00:34 They were looking for an unknown actress to play Larry David's wife. I said, well, how old is that guy? Isn't he old? And author David Sedaris. You know, like when you meet somebody and they'll say, well, I want to be a writer or I want to be an artist. And I say, well, is it all you care about? Because if it's not, it's going to be pretty hard for you if you're not on fire. It's like opening the door of an oven, and it's like, wow. You know, you take a step back.
Starting point is 01:01:06 It's all they think about. It's all they talk about. It's all they care about. They don't have relationships. They're not good friends for other people. This is just what they're laser-focused on. Yeah. Listen to the new season of Here's the Thing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:01:28 And we're back! And we're back! By the way, I Pelotoned today, and I gotta say, Cody had me laughing my ass off. He's funny. Which one did you do? I did one that's pretty recent um if you're on Peloton it's uh within a couple weeks uh or it's definitely it might even be this year I don't know but it was uh it was a you know pop ride you know pop music ride 30 minutes
Starting point is 01:01:58 and he just had me laughing and my Florence is for Florence and I are in the gym she's looking over me and I'm spinning she's like why are you laughing I'm like this guy's hilarious he's funny he makes me laugh I think we should have him on I think we should have him on the podcast I would love to have Cody on the podcast because you know what I wouldn't normally like just think of a random uh health you know fitness instructor but because I think he was a stand-up um is that his thing is that what he did I think he was a stand-up by the way, I love that before I took a lot of Cody classes, questioned that he might be gay or not. Because this class, he's the gayest gay ever.
Starting point is 01:02:30 It's so funny. He's talking about Vegas. And he's like, because he was playing that song, Waking Up in Vegas, Miley Cyrus. Is that the song? And he's talking about how, as a gay guy, he's like, Vegas is not made for me. Because it's all about, they give all the hot chicks free entrance into the club and they're trying to make me pay $40 and I ain't trying to pay $40 to get in the club.
Starting point is 01:02:52 And he went on this whole rant. It was so funny. Anyway, there were different things. There were multiple times. It was like you guys, you're working out and you're sweating your ass off, but you're also laughing because the guy's like a former stand-up comedian. Well, a lot of people listen to fake doctors when they work out, so we don't want them to necessarily switch over to Cody when they're working out. I wonder if Cody is the most used teacher. Probably. I think the only way to make this work is if we can get
Starting point is 01:03:25 him on the show yeah we can get him well i want to try and get cody i think his last name is rigsby yeah oh and then he did this whole bit about he had celine dion is one of the songs and then he had this whole bit about how like i can see myself listen to this i'm back in high school i'm back in high school tell mom to pull the cassette out of the glove box. Anyway, I mean, I'm not doing it justice, but it was funny. The only thing that annoys me, does this annoy you, all the shout outs to people? Like, while you're spinning, they're like, so-and-so, congrats on your 100th ride. So-and-so, you got this. But it's like we do here.
Starting point is 01:03:58 There can be some quiet time. But it's like we do here, man. You know what i mean we shout out you know to people like you know period and sergeant and you know romney and you just gave mitt romney a shout out ramon um yeah i know i was thinking by the way as i was spinning and thinking this was annoying me oh you thought i meant mitt romney yeah no like romney malco, dude. No, I would have... Okay. But I wanted to say that... No, it just annoys me.
Starting point is 01:04:29 Sometimes it's okay to be quiet. You don't have to give all the shout-outs, but I'm going to tell that when we have Cody on the show. I'm going to give him notes. Don't do that. Even though he's probably the most popular Peloton instructor. Please do not do that. Don't give Cody notes.
Starting point is 01:04:42 I don't give him totally constructive criticism. You don't have to give all these people shout-outs sense is they must have data that's that people say they like the shout outs but it's annoying i think it's annoying like you know but if you if you if you reached your 10 000th ride right these people must be in such shape because 10 000th ride holy shit that's like years you can look on the leaderboard, and it'll show you. You can make it go away, because I don't like looking at it. But if you're someone who's probably like Casey, who's up there. She tries to get to the top of the leaderboard.
Starting point is 01:05:13 Yeah, these people, I can't believe how fast and how hard they must be spinning to be at the top of that leaderboard. Because I'm in the fucking nether regions. I'm in outer space. Like whoever's number one or number two out of 28,000 and 48. It's probably like, it's probably what's his name with the professional cyclist that won all the-
Starting point is 01:05:32 Lance Armstrong. Yeah, it's Lance Armstrong. With all his fucking steroids in him. Yeah. Yeah, Lance can't compete anymore, but he's just fucking roided up on the Peloton. Beating his chest. Beating his chest. Beating his chest.
Starting point is 01:05:48 All right, let's let the guest in, Daniel Goodman. All right. Let's give it up for Tosh Grant. All right, there she is. Oprah. Okay. Oprah. Okay. Oprah. Oprah.
Starting point is 01:06:15 Come on. Daniel, you're going to cut that out. That was so annoying. People are going to turn off the podcast. Daniel, I'm not turning off the podcast. Don't cut that. People are going to turn off the podcast. Daniel, I'm not turning my key. Don't cut that. Daniel, cut that shit out. Don't mix it way low.
Starting point is 01:06:29 Tosh, don't turn your key. Tosh, don't turn your key. Tosh, turn your key. Don't turn it. Don't fuck that shit. Tosh wants it. Here's the problem. Here's the problem, Daniel,
Starting point is 01:06:39 is that I'm worried that Tosh is not going to get heard by as many people because at that moment they're all going to go, fuck this loud-ass podcast. Oh, I think I could actually give Donald a run for his money. I'm pretty loud. Okay. Well, we'll just mix it low then. Tosh, you're welcome.
Starting point is 01:06:54 You're welcome. Tosh, welcome to the show. Where are you joining us from? I'm from Australia. Oh, down under. Yeah. Well, good day, mate. What time is it tomorrow?
Starting point is 01:07:06 That's correct. Yeah, it's Saturday morning here. It's 10 past 9 in the morning. Yeah. Welcome to the show. Scrubs was very popular Down Under, Donald. I don't know if you know that. It was?
Starting point is 01:07:16 Yes, very popular. I've been to Sydney, and I felt very, very, very important in Sydney. I went and hung out in Australiaralia way before i got scrubs it was for remember the titans we went and did press in australia and i found out that clueless was pretty popular in australia too yes they have a good sense of humor down down there yes yeah i i love australia i i swam in the syd Sydney Harbor, which is crazy because I hear it's loaded with sharks. I don't think you're supposed to swim in Sydney Harbor. It's for boats.
Starting point is 01:07:50 Why are you swimming? Well, we were going to that little island that's right outside of the Sydney Harbor. We took a boat ride and anchored off the shore of that, and I jumped into the water and swam to the island and hung out on the island. And so maybe by the island, it was okay. But I don't know if you want to like jump in Sydney Harbor. I don't know. I learned that there,
Starting point is 01:08:11 I learned that that water is infested with sharks. Like, like it's like shark heaven. Like, you know, when, if, if,
Starting point is 01:08:18 if, if, if it were to happen, if my fear of dying by shark were to happen, that was the, that was it right there. That was the closest chance I got to it. Like, I remember swimming through the waves and back to the boat from the beach and thinking
Starting point is 01:08:31 all I was going to see was a big mouth coming from one of the waves to eat me, man. I was so afraid. Was that in the Bahamas when we did the Bahamas episode? We went swimming at night, like skinny dipping drunk, and the people were like, oh my God, you guys, that is the prime shark feeding time. Well, no, Rob said that there's two black-tipped sharks that swim at the beach area during that time. The reason why people were clowning us was because it was a thunder and lightning storm outside and we were in the water acting we were so freaking drunk in shark infested water in shark infested waters with a lightning storm happening yeah and we're laughing and everything and that's how that also
Starting point is 01:09:16 that's what happened with randall and his foot too yeah just say no to alcohol kids all right tosh what's your question for for of us? Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hello, hello. Well, thank you. How are you guys going? We're okay. We're okay. We're glad to be here. Yeah, good. How is it over there? You guys are out and about though, right? You're not on lockdown, are you? Well, some states are. So Queensland, which is actually my home state, the south part of Queensland is in lockdown this weekend.
Starting point is 01:09:50 I don't get the whole three-day lockdown as opposed to like a longer, a little bit longer period. We did have a lockdown last year, like my city, but that was so minimal. Victoria got hit pretty hard. They were locked down for quite a while. But all in all, we can't we can't go about we're pretty yeah life is pretty normal we still have we still have little hot spots and stuff that we need to be careful about but definitely not like other countries like the
Starting point is 01:10:16 united states of america you mean well like los angeles where like the trees have covid everything has covid it's insane it's it yeah it's scary to think this is only normal that's all like we just we're so under LA is so underwater I mean it's uh it's it's such a shame because it you'd think I would I would have hoped that um that that that that Los Angeles could have done a better job could have been been, I mean, I don't know. I live here. I root for the city. You know, it has a lot of problems, but I root for it. And I just, I think it's embarrassing how horribly this has been handled here.
Starting point is 01:10:55 Yeah. And it's just been going on for so long now. Like, and honestly, I, it just feels like there's no end in sight. Like, this can't be our new normal. Like, we just, it's, everything just comes to an absolute grinding halt. it just feels like there's no end in sight. This can't be our new normal. Everything just comes to an absolute grinding halt. I think that the obvious thing is that the vaccine is going to be the only thing that unburies us, at least this city. Well, that's the vaccine.
Starting point is 01:11:16 Daniel said it himself. I think maybe Daniel didn't say it. Maybe I heard Fauci say it, and I'm confused with Daniel and Fauci. Daniel, Fauci, same thing. They're both as wise on the top. They're both wise. Daniel, why didn't you say I honored you? What the fuck? That's like Willis saying something
Starting point is 01:11:34 crazy and Arnold not saying what you're talking about, Willis. I teed you up for your catchphrase. You honor me truly. Thank you. There's never been, ever, in the history of herd immunity natural herd immunity never in the history of herd immunity right and so where we are right the only time the spent the reason why the spanish flu uh became uh non-existent is because of uh vaccine you know what i mean and
Starting point is 01:12:03 that's the that's the only true i don't know this is the honest to goodness truth vaccine. You know what I mean? Is that true? This is the honest to goodness truth. I trust you. It just sounds like you... And so now we're at a point where everybody... And this is to each their own. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:12:18 Do what you want. I feel like... I don't want to conspiracy this situation, but I feel like there are too many people that aren't willing to take the vaccine. And then there are a bunch of people that are willing to take the vaccine. So to make it so that essential workers, when essential workers are saying, I don't want to take it, or to make it so that even older people are saying, I don't want to take it or to make it so that uh you know uh even uh older people are saying i don't want to take it there should be a pool then if that's the case my opinion nobody else's opinion but my opinion there should be a pool where if you don't want to take it it goes to the people that do i think um biden just is saying that he's going to change it. They've been holding the second dose. So like if a hundred doses come in,
Starting point is 01:13:06 they hold 50 so that those first 50 that got it can have the second 50. The second, right. That was the, that was the Trump policy. And Biden, I believe has just announced that they're, they're not doing that.
Starting point is 01:13:17 They're going to fucking give out the hundred doses and, and, and, and expect that the other ones are going to come in on time to, to give everyone their second dose. I have no idea if that's a good idea or bad, but anyway, let's, let's, let's, let's refocus on our friend from down under. What is your question?
Starting point is 01:13:35 I just wanted to actually just show you my shirt as well. Hey, that's a cool Eagle shirt. That's a nice shirt, but that's not a fake doctor's real friend. We don't know. We don't know who those off market shirts. That's not, you shirt That's a nice shirt but that's not a fake doctor's real friend We don't approve of off market shirts You're like the gal On the parking lot that buys the Off brand concert shirts
Starting point is 01:13:52 I'm just kidding it's cute I've had it for like five years It's wonderful She said OG fan OG OG Go ahead Okay so my questions And I was trying really hard not to be lame and actually read them,
Starting point is 01:14:07 but, you know, the nerves do kick in a little bit. So, like, your friendship, both you, Zach and Donald, like everyone who knows you and listens to you and watches the show and what have you, just see that the incredible bond that you both have. And, you know, when you spend so much time with people that you start easily mirroring their behaviors do you recognize any of your own personal traits in each other
Starting point is 01:14:31 we have a lot of the same we have a lot of the same catchphrases like we have a lot of the same what you're talking about willis's like come on buddy and we and we jack come Come On Buddy from a Dave Chappelle stand-up where he's talking about smoking weed with his best friend Chip. No, no, no, where he's talking about chicken, right, fried chicken, and how he goes to a restaurant and the guy's like, and he sits down and the white waiter comes up to him and he goes, I think I'll have, and the white waiter cuts him off and goes, the chicken. And he goes, what? How did you know I wanted the chicken? And the waiter goes, my own buddy. My own buddy.
Starting point is 01:15:18 And so come on, buddy came from that. I forgot that's where come on, buddy was taken from. We stole it from Dave Chappelle's stand-up. But it became something that we said for every time somebody was bullshitting, we said it. So we have catchphrases that we...
Starting point is 01:15:36 But as far as we're two different people. We have the same sense of humor. I would say that we do share in common, but we're definitely two different people. I would say that's the most interesting thing about our friendship had even had it not um been on display for for nine years is that we couldn't come from more different backgrounds and the exact same stuff makes us laugh we don't have all the same interests obviously um but but but we if we're at if we're at an event or we're at a party
Starting point is 01:16:07 or we're in an environment together and something happens whatever the exact same thing will make us laugh we have the same the same thing makes us laugh and we also have like a decade of inside jokes with each other because you know how often are you how often are you spending this much time with your best friend? I mean, most people never will. But we spent so many hours being silly together. That was our job. Our job for a decade was to be together and be funny, be as funny as we possibly could. So I think that we just have – I could make a noise and it'll make him laugh because he'll know that inside joke, you know?
Starting point is 01:16:47 It's really interesting. It's like, you know, I think that's also what makes our friendship so strong is that it comes from a very happy place and a very, you know, it comes from laughter. I think that was the first time we were both, I think our first time laughing together was like, yo, this feels good. Let's, you know, let's keep the ball, let's keep it going and been together ever since. All right. Next question. Horrible. Okay. And actually I, I didn't realize this cause I obviously I'm an actor and I don't,
Starting point is 01:17:23 I, you know, know nothing about. Not yet. Not yet. I really can't see that ever happening. But, like, even just listening to the podcast, there's certain things that you, Zach, especially, you've done that I go, oh, wow, that's actually not him acting in the show. That's actually him.
Starting point is 01:17:39 Your laugh, both your laughs are so infectious. Yeah. It cracks me up. So with your actual characters on the show do you think um any of your characters rubbed off on you or did you did you put more of yourself into the character into your own characters i think that they were the reason i would say the reason donald and i got the parts was that we saw what was so funny about each of the characters and embodied them. And then once Bill saw us and the pilot was picked up,
Starting point is 01:18:10 keep in mind, you don't write any of the scripts past the pilot until it gets chosen. And you make the pilot, and then you wait, and then it gets chosen. And then the showrunner, Bill, hires a writing staff, and then you go off and make two through whatever. And I think when they started making two through whatever, they were able to use the real friendship that had already started between Don and I and just start shaping it around who we were. I think good writers, when they have the opportunity,
Starting point is 01:18:41 will go, let me write to who that person is. And I think that little by little, you know, lots of traits of who we are became who the characters were. Right, Tom? I totally agree with that. Yeah. I ship that. I ship that.
Starting point is 01:18:59 I ship that. I thought ship is when you root for a celebrity relationship. Ship is when you put any couple together. A lot's often used when describing fandoms, particularly couples that didn't make it to screen, but you wanted them to. Oh, I see. So the relationship is...
Starting point is 01:19:15 So Donald, I don't think I've ever said this to you, but I think you may have used this term incorrectly. I think I did. I think I did. I want to take it back. You've always been my sensei when it came to pop culture slang, and think you i'm sorry sir i'm sorry a jedi master i think you use ship wrong no because there's a relationship between the writers and the actors that you're talking about so i ship that joelle joelle buzzer Oh my god, I don't like being in the middle Alright, Daniel
Starting point is 01:19:45 Daniel, would you put one of those You know in the family feud You know in the family feud when you get three exes Put one of those there, please I don't fucking get an ex Somebody doesn't say You don't have a fucking survey going right now This can't be a committee
Starting point is 01:20:01 This is not a committee There's not enough of us to discuss this as a committee We asked a hundred people if Donald's not enough of us to discuss this as a committee. We asked 100 people if Donald's definition of ship was right or wrong. Survey says what? X. I would like to host one episode. Not one person said that shit, Joel. Not one person.
Starting point is 01:20:17 Not one person agreed with that. I disagree. I disagree. Survey says shut the fuck up, Zach, and let's move on. All right. That's funny. Survey says shut the fuck up, Zach, and let's move on. All right. That's funny. Survey says shut the fuck up. It's funny.
Starting point is 01:20:27 Does Steve Harvey still host Family Feud? Yeah, he's great at it, too. By the way, Steve Harvey is very funny, but every time he makes me laugh, it's the same fucking thing, which is the deadpan face. Right. The deadpan Steve Harvey look away. They shit where someone says something outrageous, and he just deadpan looks away. That would make me laugh every single time.
Starting point is 01:20:48 It's incredible. And he obviously knows it because he puts it in every Family Feud episode I've ever seen. Yep. Anyway, I don't know if there's ever like a guest celebrity Family Feud host. Do you ever see? Do you ever watch? But I would like to do it. Do you ever watch?
Starting point is 01:21:03 Right on. I'm not going to Richard Dawson and make out with everyone. Let's put it out there, y'all. So let's put it into the ether. Family Feud, if you're ever looking for a celebrity guest host. Yes. Zach Braff is willing. I've never had a desire to host a game show,
Starting point is 01:21:17 but it just came to me that I would be a great Family Feud host. Because I would do the Steve Harvey, I would just copy. You would do the deadpan? Yeah, I would just, I'd be like Steve thank you for letting me guest host you go off on a yacht somewhere I'm going to do your deadpan Steve Harvey look you know what when it comes to family feud that always is the term
Starting point is 01:21:34 that is associated with the host go off on a yacht somewhere because you've got that crazy ass money I think Steve Harvey has like 11 jobs don't you think Richard Dawson did too and don't you think like because you've got that crazy-ass money. I think Steve Harvey has like 11 jobs, and he must have so much money. Don't you think Richard Dawson did too? And don't you think like Louis Anderson,
Starting point is 01:21:49 when he was hosting? I don't know. I don't know that either of those gentlemen were ever as rich as I imagine Steve Harvey is. I imagine Steve Harvey must be so loaded because the man, I think he leaves one very high-paying job to go do another high-paying job. Right. Steve is, yeah, I imagine he's very, I don't know. He leaves one very high-paying job to go do another high-paying job.
Starting point is 01:22:05 Right. Steve is, yeah, I imagine he's very, I don't know. I don't know his bank account, but I imagine he's very rich. Yeah, I think Steve's probably been on a yacht or two. The internet estimates $200 million. Yeah, there you go. The internet's never wrong, Donald. Never wrong. You get a lot of information from the internet.
Starting point is 01:22:24 Yeah. All right, let's do america sorry let's do australia's favorite segment donald it's time to fix your life hey daniel maybe you can add a little disry do in in this particular uh no problem it's just after it's like... Yeah. Yeah. After the drill sound effect, Dan, I'll put a little... You look like you're chugging cock.
Starting point is 01:22:55 So did you. The only reason why you said that is because you looked like you were chugging cock. I didn't look like I was. I was just doing... Yeah, you're doing like this. Audience, he's got two hands up as though he's giving a blowjob to an enormous guy. I had one hand up and I had a little tiny hole. No, bro.
Starting point is 01:23:11 No, your fake Diz redo was like. No, man. Your Diz redo was like that. When you saw. Sorry. When you saw your Diz redo. There's two ladies present. Donald, come on.
Starting point is 01:23:24 Listen, and Daniel's present, too. Daniel doesn't want to hear this shit. You're the one who started it. You should put Daniel. Daniel's gone. He's gone. Daniel. Oh, don't let your children get hurt.
Starting point is 01:23:48 Oh, my God. If you're a Diz Redux player, your family definitely thinks it looks like you're chugging a big cock. Oh, my God. For fuck's sake, just stop talking about your willies. Sorry, Deb. Sorry, Deb. All right.
Starting point is 01:24:04 All right. It's time to fix your life, darling. we help you oh man um well uh in the same vein of uh friendships and stuff i have two boys two young boys um a 14 and a 10 year old and they fight all the freaking time like it's just it's to the stage that they're not fisticuffs type fights they just at each other all the time give it give give me my husband some advice like how do we how do we get them to get along it's even to the stage that it's like nearly you're breathing my air type of fight like just crap it's not anything serious well it's good to answer this because he obviously has uh many children
Starting point is 01:24:45 Donald, how do you get your kids to get along? Your young ones right now, what do you do? I really can't answer that because they're out in the back Yelling at each other All I hear is my son screaming Because she's a man! They go at it, man I think that's normal.
Starting point is 01:25:05 I think that's all kids. I remember when I was a kid and my brother and I, we used to go at it. For real, for real. I have scars on my body. I had a hole in my head at one point from fighting my brother, who's three years younger than me, but he's bigger than me. I can't call him my kid brother or my little brother because he's bigger than me. I can't call him my kid brother or my little brother because he's bigger than me. You know what I mean? People meet my brother, Dade. They meet my brother and I'll be like, yeah, I'm his older brother. And they'll
Starting point is 01:25:36 be like, I thought you were his younger brother. I did too, by the way. Yeah. See? I'm the older one, but Dade's the one that grew up a little bit harder than I did. You know what I mean? Yeah, he's tough. He's scary. He's tough. You don't want Dottie mad at you. No, you don't want Dottie.
Starting point is 01:25:51 That is true. In my life, I've experienced that I prefer when my brother's not upset and in that mode of aggression. Anyway, we fought like crazy when we were kids, like crazy. And it did come to fisticuffs. And we went at it. And I don't know, now he's my best friend. When he's in town, we play golf every day together. I named my son after him.
Starting point is 01:26:19 So it's like, I know they're going at it right now, but look at it as they're bonding. I'm not saying let it go and let them fight each other, but there's a lot of love in there. And even though there's like, my son says, I wish I didn't have a sister. And inside, he doesn't wish that shit. I see how they play together.
Starting point is 01:26:38 Is there anything, Tash, that they like to do in common? Regardless, even if they do, it'll last last for like two three minutes and then it's on like one of them will do something and oh and it's really it's actually usually blessing i mean i love my children for that but um the older one just pushes the younger ones buttons a little bit and it's um yeah and and my younger one's pretty chilled he's not uh like impatient and you i mean i'm assuming you do the obvious things like, you know, if you do that again, we're taking away your phone or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's a tall order, as Donald can attest to. I mean, again, I don't have kids, but it's from from having siblings, kids in that age, you know, especially boys. They're just they're just wound up
Starting point is 01:27:25 you know that's very hard it's just it's kids period it's kids period like i'm sure joelle remembers you know fighting with her brothers you know what i mean like it's it's it's just how it is whether it's a boy or a girl a girl and a girl a boy and a boy it doesn't matter they're gonna go at it that's just my brothers there's older brothers. There's not enough space. There's not enough space. I have a memory of my two older brothers, and my sister and I were closer in age, and they were older than us,
Starting point is 01:27:52 and they would be like the wrestling managers, and they'd get us all, me and my sister, all riled up, and they'd be like our coaches in the corner, like WWF, old school managers. They'd be like, you get in there. And my sister would – I would go in the middle of the room and wrestle and pull hair. And then we would scream and get everything we got. And then we'd get too hairy and they'd separate us.
Starting point is 01:28:10 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. OK, OK, OK, good. You did good. Maybe don't pull so much hair. But OK, get in there. Yeah, so your brothers were doing, your brothers were like, remember when we had all of that aggression?
Starting point is 01:28:21 Let's look at, let's take Shosh and freaking Zach and make them do that too yeah and they thought it was hilarious i remember them being like sitting back and laughing being like this is hilarious watching us go out touch do your kids have their own like space oh yeah we actually funnily enough we we moved 12 months ago because seriously 2020 i even forget about that year so i forget that that was 12 months ago. We moved because we were in a really small house and I said to my husband, I can't do it anymore.
Starting point is 01:28:49 We can't live in this small house. The kids are on top of each other. It's seriously one would walk into the room and you could go three, two, one, and then it would start and you're like, oh, for God's sake, like seriously. So we went, okay, we moved into this big house and it is a big house. It's two storeys. They got their own space but
Starting point is 01:29:05 they find each other and it's just like well stop seeking each other out there's never it's not enough it's not enough room no matter how much space you have it's never enough room they find each other like my son has a room dedicated just to his self. My daughter goes to that room just to fuck with him. Just to fuck. Well, literally, he'll be like, get the fuck. I'll hear it. I'll hear her go to the room and I'll hear, please get out. Please leave, Wilder.
Starting point is 01:29:42 Please. Oh, so she starts it too. Oh, absolutely. please leave wilder please oh she starts it too oh absolutely he'll start off calm because he knows that you know we don't like i have an issue if he goes if something happens and he goes to 100 then there's no real discussion there you've already gone to 100 see you later right yes so he tries to freaking maintain his composure because he knows 100 means there's what are we discussing you're at 100 i can't talk to you like this you know what i mean please get out he's practicing at least he's fucking trying
Starting point is 01:30:18 wilder please get out of my room i said get out of my room. I said get out. I can feel it coming. Wilder, if you don't get out right now, I'm going to kill you. I'm done. Get out of my room! And you hear it room and you hear it and you hear it start
Starting point is 01:30:47 and you gotta get up there before get out of my you know what I mean they can't help it you know what you need you need the nanny from that show what's it called Mrs. Doubtfire
Starting point is 01:31:01 I'm supposed to dress up like a nanny no there's like these shows like Nanny 911 where she comes in. Yeah, you need one of those. They probably have one of those down in Australia. Yeah. You mean like Mary Poppins? I need Mary Poppins? Is that what you're telling me? There we go. No, there was a show,
Starting point is 01:31:17 a reality show where like a woman who was like a British nanny would go and like set when parents were like, I'm out of ideas. Help me. And then she would be like, set down stern rules. like i'm out of ideas help me and then she would be like set down stern rules i mean in all seriousness if it does escalate to the point where it's just your life is being affected you might consider um a counselor getting advice from a professional counselor because i mean i'm sure that some parents you know it's normal the kids are going to fight but if it reaches a point where you and your husband are like what the
Starting point is 01:31:43 fuck do we do this is out of control you might you might get you know get some counseling from someone who's a kid specialist who says you know here's some tools because uh i certainly don't know what those are but i imagine someone could can have some jedi mind tricks for your kids well yeah tools tools always they do work they do work they work for a little bit until you forget that you have these tools that have been given to you right right i mean i'm sure that they do work. They do work. They work for a little bit until you forget that you have these tools that have been given to you. Right. Right.
Starting point is 01:32:08 I mean, I'm sure that they do love each other because they do, like, you know, when anything ever happens with friends or at school and stuff, like the other one's, like, in there, oh, I'll come to school and I'll help you sort that out. And it's like, no, you won't. You actually will just pump your brakes. But it's just that they, that antagonistic behavior. And it just does our head in.
Starting point is 01:32:28 It's like there's some days there's just no harmony. Some days are fine. This podcast doesn't really have a lot of positive inspiration to having children, Dom. If I may, I don't have, I obviously don't have children,
Starting point is 01:32:40 but I just want to parrot something that Casey said before and just start with a question. Do you allow your kids to play video games? Oh, good. Of course. Yes, my other three gamers in the house. Husband and the kids.
Starting point is 01:32:51 That's where it starts, man. My kid gets the most aggressive right after he plays that video game. After the video game, that's when I get to go, Dad, I said I'm not having it! I thought Daniel was probably about to say, is there a game they like in common, right? Yeah, that is where I was going.
Starting point is 01:33:07 Keep them off the games, man. Keep them off the games. Daniel's going to cry. Daniel's going to swipe a tear away. No, Daniel's a grown man. I'm sure he knows what video games can do to a grown man, and how grown men can be stuck in a game, like I'm staring at the microphone
Starting point is 01:33:23 and I can't get off the game, and my whole life is surrounded by a game. Imagine being six years old or seven years old or 12 years old and your life is now involved with all it is is a game. Dude, that shit is a – get them off the game. That's real talk. As a parent, I see my son's best behavior when he's not playing video games. Oh, look, you don't have to tell me twice that. I don't think we're helping today, Tash.
Starting point is 01:33:51 We tried, but I don't know if we can say you're welcome, Donald. I think this might be the first time we've been stumped. I can say you're welcome. I can tell her you're welcome. You know why? Why? You know why? Because everybody's, everybody, you're not alone in this.
Starting point is 01:34:02 This is what, this is how kids are. This is how kids are this is how siblings are and i promise you i promise you if they don't kill each other now when they're older they're gonna love each other they're gonna love each other more than anything and and and the way you and you nailed it when you said it if somebody were to beat up on the little one the older one would be there so quick because only he's allowed to beat up on a little one. You know what I mean? My one idea would be like,
Starting point is 01:34:28 you know, take their favorite thing away. I mean, like I said, I mean, take their, like, you know,
Starting point is 01:34:33 if you, if you raise your voice like that again, your phone's going to get taken away. Take their video game away. I mean, I'm sure you've tried all the obvious things. What do I know? Do you want me to get Casey Tash?
Starting point is 01:34:42 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 01:34:43 no, we've run, we've run way long and it's time to go. No, no, no, no. We went, we've won. We've run way long and I'll get Casey. No, no, no. Okay. That's your,
Starting point is 01:34:49 that's your other side. Also you and Casey are going to do a parenting podcast. All right, listen, Tash, you can stay on for the end because we finished the show. It was a very good one. And what can we tell you?
Starting point is 01:35:02 We love you guys. Right. Don't we? Yeah, we do uh thank you for listening we love you from los angeles all the way to australia yeah thank you for this both shows the show the way we're recording the show now um we're like a week we'll be a week behind all of your major events and stuff like that. So for those of you who were worried that this podcast is getting too political, we'll be so far behind on policy now that it won't be relevant when we talk about politics. So guess what? Your prayers have been answered.
Starting point is 01:35:40 Yeah. You're welcome. There you go. Fix your life. You're welcome. You're welcome, world. fix your life you're welcome you're welcome world you fixed your life you're welcome you pivoted to your welcome earth all right we love you everybody we'll see you next week five six seven eight about a bunch of docs and nurses and a janitor who loved to hate. I said he's got stories that we all should know.
Starting point is 01:36:08 So gather round to hear our, gather round to hear our Scrubs Rewatch Show with Zach and Donald. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend John Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now, this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Martha Stewart, and we're back with a new season of my podcast.
Starting point is 01:36:50 This season will be even more revealing and more personal, with more entrepreneurs, more live events, and more questions from you. I'm talking to my cosmetic dermatologist, Dr. Dan Belkin, about the secrets behind my skincare. Encore Jane about creating a billion-dollar startup. Walter Isaacson, about the geniuses who changed the world. Listen and subscribe to the Martha Stewart Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:37:18 I used to have so many men. How this beguiling woman in her 50s... She looked like a million bucks. scams a bunch of famous athletes out of untold fortunes Nearly $10 million was all gone. It's just unbelievable. Hide your money in your old rich man because she is on the prowl.
Starting point is 01:37:39 Listen to Queen of the Con, Season 5, The Athlete Whisperer on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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