Family Trips with the Meyers Brothers - DAX SHEPARD Wasn’t Sure About Will Arnett
Episode Date: August 8, 2023There's only one guest that could fit SO many funny stories into one episode and that's the one and only podcast guru himself, Dax Shepard. Seth and Josh talk to Dax about everything from getting woke...n up in the middle of the night to go on road trips during his childhood, to vacations with his own family today, and more. Submit your family trip stories or question for Seth and Josh here: https://www.speakpipe.com/familytripspod.
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Hey everybody, this is Seth.
This is Josh.
And this is a disclaimer that some of these episodes of Family Trips were recorded before the Screen Actors Guild Strike took place.
So if people are talking about work that they have coming out, we just want you to know that they were not breaking strike rules by doing so.
And moving forward, we're going to make sure that doesn't happen with any future guests. Thanks.
Hi Pashi. Hi Sufi. How are you? I'm good. I actually know how you are.
Yeah. Yeah. We're together. So I know how you're doing. We're in two different rooms, but we are together. You came to visit my family and you brought mom and dad. Yeah. It's a real Myers
get together. It's a lot of Myers. As predicted, mom and dad listen to every podcast,
and one of their takeaways is that they're learning a little bit about themselves.
Yeah, I was worried that they were taking offense,
but dad clarified that they're not taking offense.
They're just learning a lot.
Like, they had no idea that they left wide swaths of water on every counter where they
have done their morning business.
Yeah.
And he almost seemed to say that can't be true.
Or he said, it's not like we just leave it there.
But it's definitely been left there.
It is exactly that.
One thing that he was very nice to point out is that he thinks there's a great deal of
truth to the fact that he spills on himself point out is that he he thinks there's a great deal of truth to the fact
that he spills on himself every time he eats a meal and even last night during dinner he tapped
me on the shoulder and was very proud to show that he had spilled he'd spilled on himself can you
describe for our listeners how dad approaches a spill when he sees it i feel like it's isn't it
napkin like dunked in water and then like, just like aggressively sort of swabbed onto the, the stain.
So it initially it balloons and then all the water dries up and everything
that was part of the stain is still there.
Yes.
So there is a moment where there's a small stain that he turns into a giant
circle of water.
Yeah.
And then when, when the time has passed,
you realize that the stain
has not been affected at all by this.
Not at all.
I should also note that his napkin
into water onto shirt,
what that does is leave water everywhere.
And this is the same man who claims
he finds it hard to believe
that he leaves water on a counter.
I was just going to say one of the most exciting things about your arrival is
we were wondering how long it would take Addie, our youngest, just under two,
to start calling you Poshy, which is what everybody calls you.
And the answer was immediately.
Yeah, right away.
And it's so satisfying, like as an uncle or I'm sure as an aunt to, or any relative of a baby when they start using your name.
Yeah.
Because the last time I saw her, she called me daddy because we look so much alike and she was pretty sure I was you.
As satisfying as it is for you to hear her call you by your first name,
Wes has jarring as it was for me to hear her call another person daddy.
Yeah. So it is also great relief for me.
When your daughter's walking around calling every dude who looks a little bit like you daddy,
let me tell you, you start thinking, is it even worth letting them out of the house?
Yeah. But she is thriving. The boys are very happy happy to see you it has been a wonderful couple of days
and we should know it's only been a couple of days so this could all turn ugly but uh early
start is uh off to a good one sure also i just i feel like i want to address something that uh
amy schumer got on me a bit for for being in a 10-year relationship.
And I would like to say this was not because of Amy Schumer.
I don't want to give Amy Schumer credit for this.
But also, between our last shows, I am engaged.
Josh got engaged, you guys.
Josh got engaged to his wonderful now-fiancee, Mackenzie.
And let me just say, Poshy, credit where credit's due,
when Amy Schumer burned you for the fact
that you had not proposed after almost 10 years of dating,
I assumed in the moment that you would ask us
to take that out of the podcast.
Oh, yeah, no.
When you left that in, somewhere in the back of my head,
and again, I'm not saying that it's because of Amy, I just thought in the back of my head, and again, I'm not saying that it's because of Amy.
I just thought in the back of my head,
oh, maybe he knows this is something
that he's on the path to rectifying.
It was very exciting news.
Yeah.
I received it via FaceTime.
I'm not ashamed to say that I cried
when I heard that you guys were getting engaged,
mostly because I knew that my wife would stop saying,
well, are they getting engaged? So I never have to hear that again. I never that my wife would stop saying, well, are they getting
engaged? So I never have to hear that again. I never have to hear mom ask me if I think you're
getting engaged again. So I wasn't crying out of happiness for you or Mackenzie. It was just a
great amount of personal relief. Yeah, I could see that. But yeah, it's great. We're both so
excited. And it was really, yeah, it was really nice. And yeah, very happy.
And tying it back to the theme of family trips, you did it with both of your families present, which is a very nice gift to give to parents.
Yeah, we were with at the time, and I didn't do it because they were there. It was sort of a nice byproduct of the situation.
they were there, it was sort of a nice byproduct of the situation. I knew I wanted to propose in her hometown, which is famous for its bridge of flowers, which we actually, it comes up in
this episode we're going to have today. Oh, right. We do talk about bridge of flowers.
Yeah. So I knew I wanted to do it on the Bridge of Flowers. We sort of, circumstances had myself and our parents and Mackenzie and her dad and her stepmother walking across the Bridge of Flowers.
And they got sort of out in front of us and I pulled Mackenzie back.
And our parents didn't even see what was going on until I feel like it was all over.
But it was the right time of day.
It was the right amount of traffic on the Bridge of Flowers.
The right amount of flowers on the bridge.
Yeah.
I mean, really, it's a beautiful, it is as beautiful a bridge can be, I feel like.
And so, yeah, it was great.
And then Mackenzie's mom lives a couple minutes away and within five minutes had met us sort
of at a restaurant and we were all able to toast and
cheers one another and it was really emotional and really nice. And so, Amy Schumer, I guess
you got what you wanted. I should know, you told our friend Jake Miller about getting engaged on
the Bridge of Flowers and almost all his questions were about the number of bees.
and almost all his questions were about the number of bees.
Yeah.
Were bees an issue?
He sort of immediately skipped past the romance of it and had a lot of questions about,
is the Bridge of Flowers basically just a swarm of bees?
Yeah.
I can honestly say, I don't know.
I was too caught up in what I was doing.
It was only days later that you realized the joy of getting engaged wore off
and you realized you had a thousand stains.
Which just speaks to how excited I was to be engaged.
To not even feel and not even notice the swelling.
And I think it speaks to the fact that Mackenzie said yes,
even though you were a giant puffy mass of infected skin.
It is very exciting.
I should also note, you told me everything about it.
And then the next morning I called mom and dad
and I said that you had told me.
And then dad started telling me everything about it,
even though I had clarified to him
just moments earlier that you had told me what had happened.
Well, people like to recount stories like that.
That's true.
I mean, it was, it's like when they show an instant replay in football, when they're
reviewing whether or not a play was inbounds or out of bounds and they keep showing it
from different angles.
That's what I, I feel like dad oftentimes is just the second angle.
Yeah.
On a play.
Which maybe doesn't show a lot of new information,
but it's a different perspective.
And when you're sitting waiting there for the referee to make his choice,
you know, why not see it a different way?
Yeah.
Another person who you're hearing in person now,
although we're in different rooms,
the only in-room guest we've had so far on the podcast
was today's guest, Dax Shepard,
who was very sweet because I have done Dax's podcast a couple of times over the years.
And then I saw him.
I saw him here and I mentioned I was doing a podcast and he said, that's really cool.
We talked a little about podcasts.
And then the next day, we talked about this a little bit.
He said to my wife, he said to Alexi, Hey, I feel like Seth was too shy to ask me to do the
podcast, but let him know that I would do it very nice of him. Cause I was a little shy. I was a
little shy because this is a thing that happened when, when Dax was out here, I was at the beach
with my family. Dax was at the beach with his family. We're hanging out.
He's obviously got a beautiful family.
I've known Kristen for a really long time.
And after we were at the beach,
my son Ash pulled me aside and asked,
is Dax a demigod?
Now I want to explain the reason my son asked this is my son has recently been watching the film Moana.
In the film Moana, Dwayne Johnson voices a character named Maui, who is very fit and tattooed and often in the water.
This was the bounce my son was getting off Dax, who was very fit, tattooed, and was in the water.
my son was getting off Dax, who was very fit, tattooed, and was in the water. And so for Ash, it was a short leap to ask if Dax was a demigod.
Yeah.
And if there are demigods among us, I feel like Dax is a pretty good candidate.
It's certainly a good name for a demigod, Dax.
And then, not to brag, but Dax's daughter, I think it was his daughter, Lincoln, asked him later about me.
Is Seth a comedy writer?
That's what she asked after she saw me on the beach.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was like, is his best work inside?
But it was a joy.
I mean, you know, look,
when you can interview an actual podcast host,
they know what they're doing.
Yeah.
I learned a lot.
Just talking to Dax, you learn a lot.
Yeah.
And I'm happy to say there's not a single awkward silence
when you're lucky enough to have someone like Dax on the microphone.
He will pick it up before the ball hits the ground.
Yeah.
Agreed.
Hey, there's one more exciting thing we want to share with you before we get to our interview with Dax, which is we're going to do an episode around Labor Day where we want to hear from you, our listeners. So you can send a voice message to family trips
at www.speakpipe.com backslash family trips pod.
And what we would like you to do
is record one of your favorite Labor Day family trip stories
or a favorite summer trip story.
And also you could ask us a question.
If you have any questions,
having listened to some family trips pods,
we would love to hear what those questions are.
Yeah.
Speak pipe.
Did you say speak pipe?
The link will be in our show notes.
Speak pipe.
Yeah.
All right.
Say it as fast as you can speak pipe.
Yeah.
So you do need to spell it out.
The two words are speak and pipe,
but if you say them really fast together, like Josh is doing,
it sounds like this. Speak pipe. Okay. So there you go.
Please enjoy this conversation, but first please enjoy this very short,
very catchy jingle from Jeff Tweedy. Family trips with the Myers brothers.
Family trips with the Myers brothers.
Here we go.
Boom.
We got it
Big time podcaster
Yeah let me just reboot and say
But I would like to point out
That this is the most technical difficulties
We've had which I feel like is the jinx
Of having a big time podcaster as a guest
Yeah
You think it's all going to be smooth sailing
Because of the experience.
Well, listen, we do these shows on Fridays.
We put a prompt up.
We say, tell us about a time you accidentally evacuated, right?
Unauthorized evacuation.
Then the listeners write in to the website,
and then we select four,
and then we interview four people back to back via zoom and so
on an average day of that we'll do two of them so we'll record eight people and i just want you to
know that each person we go through this with because it's their first time ever recording on
zoom so those days it's eight to twelve of this experience for the first 12 minutes it also doesn't
feel like it should be this once you figure it out also doesn't feel like it should be this.
Once you figure it out, it doesn't feel like it should have been that hard.
Right. It's quite easy once you're on the other side of it.
It just does feel like you're teaching people to speak a new language. And so it does take a bit
of time. Josh, you were reflecting back on a time the three of us were together.
Yeah, we were together just also
on about dax being a big-time podcaster i want to say we were together in venice playing poker
with the three of us and i want to say with sean hayes will arnett and jason bateman thousand and
i feel a little bit angry that it's taken seth and i so long to have a podcast when we were with
four titans of the podcasting world.
Was Andy Richter also there?
That does ring a bell. The thing I remember about that night is you
had the coolest car I'd ever seen. It was all black. Do you know what car it might have been?
I do, but I'm going to break your heart.
It wasn't all black.
Okay.
The silver CTS-V Cadillac, the first version of the CTS.
Did I do donuts in the intersection?
You did donuts.
Okay.
I don't remember it as being in the intersection.
I thought it was like in the middle of the road,
like a very thin road with cars on both sides.
And I don't know if you said like, get out of the road,
but you, like Seth and I were not car guys right continue never have been i think by the way one
of the reasons i am not a car guy is i saw that and realized i would never i would never catch up
well the backstory of that is that arnett is also not a car guy and he and i had just done that movie
in illinois together and
i would do donuts in the parking lot of chili's every night because we were bored out of our mind
in bowling brook illinois and that's what we did and then the uh the bus boy had his brother
borrowed his brother-in-law's camaro one night he's like i'm gonna do some donuts with you
uh yeah yeah uh so because of that arnett definitely prompted that like dax why don't you do some donuts in
the front for the guys who haven't seen it so i just want to point out that i wasn't really driven
by me that is very good because it was very much donuts in a super residential area and i'm glad
that does that does uh also ring a bell that Arnett had prompted you into doing it.
Yeah, I was basically the little monkey with the symbols at that point.
So that is the movie you did in Illinois, So You're Going to Prison?
Let's Go to Prison.
Let's Go to Prison. Is that where you and Will meet?
That is where we met. And I think we've talked about this publicly a few times,
so I don't feel bad saying this um i had been cast first and then
we were reading people and when i met arnett i immediately hated him i could sense that he was
from a wealthy family and um also he was a little um angry about arrested development that they
wouldn't just declare that it was over or pick
it back up. Oh, that's a weird time. Yeah. Which by the way, I then found myself in a situation
where I too was on a show where they strung you along. And I then later related to that.
But what it sounded like to me was like, this dude wants them to cancel Arrested Development.
And I sensed that he was wealthy. And i very much hated him and i think i even
told odin kirk who was directing it like i really don't want to be in a small town with him for six
weeks i said that then i had this tremendous amount of guilt like i don't ever want to be
a part of someone not getting hired for something called him back up and said you know we're enemies
in the movie i I think obviously that
works really well. So forget everything I said. And I would love for you to hire him if that's
who you want. Cut to day one, Bolingbrook, Illinois. I bump into him. He goes, you want
to go get a coffee? And I'm like, yeah, that was more nice and kind than I was expecting.
And within 11 minutes at Starbucks, I was like, I think this guy's the greatest guy I've ever met.
We became best friends.
And through him, I then met Amy.
Through Amy, I then met you.
All of that all kind of rolled out of Let's Go to Prison.
A very good lesson not to trust your negative instincts about a person.
Well, they're pretty consistently wrong in my experience.
I think that really... Is that of
every movie you've done the
farthest away from what
you thought showbiz was? Filming a movie like that
in Bolingbrook, Illinois?
Yes.
Well, yes and no.
A, I grew up watching these prison movies.
I loved all of them. I mean,
Escape from... No, no. What
was the great one? Midnight Express. Oh, Midnight Express, right. That's the Turkish prison one.
Yes. And I want to see Oliver Stone wrote that movie. I think he did write that movie, right?
Didn't direct it, but wrote it. And the soundtrack was beautiful. My parents owned the album.
Like, whatever. I've long loved prison movies. found ourselves in joliet state prison where they
shot blues brothers so there was all this excitement and even going to set you would
drive in over the little grate where they would put a mirror under your car and into the gates
of the prison that was really cool and then about day four of being in a actual prison cell shooting
i was like well the fun has worn off And now we're just by our own,
you know, volition in prison for six weeks. Like, however you cut it, you are in the cell all day
long or shooting in the disgusting shower barefoot. And it just started, yeah, disillusioning quickly.
Did you ever have the fantasy, because I think it would probably be way shorter than four days,
but sometimes, especially since I've had kids,
I've thought it would be nice to go to prison for three days.
Just three days to get your reading done.
Get in shape.
Get a little workout in.
Yes, yes.
Now, I know I'm obviously ignoring a lot of the downsides of prison,
but I have had fantasies.
For starters, I would recommend a federal prison for you.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay. Yeah, I think women, this was a joke in Bad Moms, which was brilliant,
was Kristen's character fantasized often about getting in a bad enough car accident that it
would land her in the hospital for a week, but nothing life-threatening. Just a break from
everything where you could watch TV and people bring you food. And I think the male equivalent is prison.
Yeah.
Because I often think, God, there's still so many of these classics I haven't read.
And it's seeming like I'm probably going to die without reading them.
Yeah.
Unless I go to prison.
I think it was, I read an article about when Tyson was in prison and he went, he was reading
the classics.
It shows.
And I thought, look at that.
It shows.
he was reading the classics. And I thought, look at that.
It shows. One of my favorite moments with Mike Tyson is real sports. And I never really talk disparagingly about people in public. I really try not to. But I reserve the right to blast
Larry Merchant, who, if you know HBO Boxing, he's the most condescending commentator ever.
And when Mike Tyson had his one-man show that he was promoting, he went on to HBO Sports.
And he was interviewing Mike, and he's sitting in a theater with him.
And he said, if I were to tell you, Mike, that you would be referred to as a thespian at some point, you probably wouldn't have known what people were saying like what a shitty
fucking question and mike tyson without skipping a beat he goes fed being is from the island
feds both where they first invented drama like he gave a master class on what his being means
which i don't even know as a thespian and i was like fuck yeah there you go larry merchant there you go i
probably even have the wrong interviewer you know you know there's a different there's a different
guy you hate and now larry merchants i may hate all the old white guys that talked to my tyson
over the years i never thought going to prison would solve anything for me but in my sort of
darkest of times i and i don't encourage or want anyone to do this
but i was always like maybe i should do heroin okay um and then kick heroin because if you can
kick heroin then people would forgive any of your i see indiscretions troubles and they'd be like hey
he was he was a total fuck up. And now he's good.
He kicked it.
He went through hell.
And now he's out on the other side.
Prison sounds like a lot better.
Like, I don't know why my head wasn't in that space.
Right.
I was just reading a book that in the person went to some kind of a treatment center.
And they walked into the kitchen.
And above where the chef cooked it said religion is for
people who are afraid of hell spirituality is people who have been there and that's in essence
what you're saying i think josh which is like when people can sense well this guy recently exited hell
let's give him a pass yeah for whatever um do you dex do you remember the
last time i saw let me stop you oh well maybe not last time but i whenever i think of you i think of
that photo shoot you i and a third person did 18 years ago where it was like here's hollywood's
next batch of stars wow and it was do you not remember this it was you and i and
and since we were all vaguely comedians they were trying to make the pictures kind of funny and
there was maybe a poker uh everything was poker back then it was 15 18 years ago every single
thing was poker you're right selling a car poker yeah? Poker. Yeah. Trump University? Poker.
You don't remember that, though, is my guess.
I kind of remember it, but much more recently, I bumped into you in an Apple store.
In what part of the country?
At the Grove, and your house had just been broken into.
And I was like, hey, man, you're like hey i gotta buy laptops someone
broke into my house took my computers and like yeah well let's be honest they didn't break in
they walked in the unlocked door while we were yeah yeah that's very nice no i i what i like
there is you're both blaming yourself and you're also you don't want whoever took it to get too
much credit this wasn't some cat burglar i hadn't thought of that
machiavellian angle but yes i guess i wouldn't say the person was super skilled although we never we
we didn't know they had been in until the morning uh and kristin it started with kristin going
you know where's my computer she's scampering around everywhere looking for a computer
and i hate looking for shit it's probably one of my biggest character defects. My whole
modus operandi is I don't lose shit so that I don't have to look for it. And I know I'm not
going to be expected to look for everyone else's shit, right? So the computer's lost all the time.
She's saying it, she's getting stressed. I'm a terrible husband. I'm not even, I don't care.
I'm like, it'll turn up somewhere, but I'm not going to get ensnared in this. And then she leaves, never got her computer.
And then I go to my backpack to get my computer out, which was on the counter. I'm like,
huh, my backpack's gone. Now I think there's, we've got trouble. And by this point she calls
me and she's like, my wallet isn't in my whatever. So what they ended up or he ended up getting was two laptops in her wallet and then bought a red line metro pass like within an hour of robbing the house to get home.
And did they catch him?
Oh, God, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you're very confident it was a he.
I am.
I am.
I feel okay genderizing that one.
I do too.
Seth, you famously had a laptop stolen out of your car at a movie when you went to go see...
Straight out of Compton.
Straight out of Compton.
At the Arclight.
A rental car.
Me and my producer, Mike Shoemaker, all his stuff got stolen as well.
Oof.
And we went back to the car, opened it, realized everything was gone.
And I said-
And also, you didn't have to unlock it, did you?
Well, no.
I thought-
Here's the thing.
I said-
Because I thought I had-
In my head, I unlocked it on the way up, right?
Yeah.
So, I'm like, he's like, did you lock it?
I'm like, I definitely locked it.
Because I hit the unlock button.
So, I didn't know yet.
And then we went to the police station to report it. And when we got to the police station,
we got out of the car and I locked it. And it was the loudest beep that neither of us had ever
heard before. And it's really going to a major metropolitan police station and reporting
something where every part of it's your fault oh a thousand percent um and
when you ask like did they catch him i i'm gonna be honest um my house was broken into before
back when i it was my house and not kristen nice but uh i guess i don't know when i did baby mama
so i don't know what that was 15 years ago i was away in new york came home my house had been
broken into
they took fingerprints blah blah blah they said it was really weird it looks like kids fingerprints
or maybe uh women's or something it was just weird uh never heard anything for about five years then
the whole bling ring thing uh came out and it started occurring to me like well maybe i was a
part of that bling ring thing.
Cause I was in some paparazzi photos in New York. It was obvious I was in New York.
And so I called the detective, found his card from five years before and I go, Hey, you know,
I think maybe I'm part of that thing. He goes, Oh wow. I bet you are. Okay. I'm going to call
the prints department. We'll, we'll, we'll run those prints. And I said, well, what do you,
what do you mean you'll run them now
and he goes oh yeah there's a six-year backlog in the prince division in downtown la and if i
don't call and tell them immediately do them yeah you're still another year out from having the
prince ran and that's when it all occurred to me like they're not investigating anything
you can have cameras.
You can show them pictures.
They're not going to drive around LA fucking holding the photo up in their car looking at strangers.
And then what tied this up really neatly for me is I was listening to NPR, and they were talking about in Scandinavia, I think Sweden, and they were saying that they had had this kind of precipitous drop in crime over the previous 15 years and they really wanted to isolate what new law enforcement technique they had employed that had resulted in these this dip in the crime rate and through a really lengthy investigation what they found is that people in Sweden just stopped reporting small crime that's what the dip was. They've come to accept that like,
yeah, when you have shit, people take your shit and that's that.
So I largely have that opinion now.
It's like, yeah, I was lucky enough to get some shit.
Some people are going to take it throughout my life.
And that's going to be that.
No one's going to get caught.
And especially in both the cases of my rental car in your home,
nobody, they did not break a glass.
They didn't't there was
nothing it was just gone right they walked in walked out yes yes i feel like you also had like
a tile locator in your bag that got stolen seth and you like told the police you're like you could
use this to track it and they were like we're good man yeah no shoemaker had one of those uh
tile locators on his laptop.
And then we started tracking it. And I'm like, what are we doing?
But how does this end?
Yeah, what's the end goal of all of this?
I do want to go back because there was this era.
And I bet, by the way, younger comedians would tell us it's still happening.
Which is the photo shoot where if you have the DNA of comedy,
you have to take this silly picture.
And they're just disasters.
And I always felt like some people would pull it off. I feel like Seth Rogen historically has
always looked great in the funny picture. Will Ferrell.
Will Ferrell. Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey. We're really, really just figuring out who are the real comedians.
Wait, is there? Oh, that's the connection.
Like for all of us who couldn't pull off the funny
picture i think that probably tells you everything i did a gq comedy issue and i remember walking in
and two things happened one uh the photographer didn't know who i was and so that sent me off
on a bad course she tried to enter to her credit self-correct and she felt bad but it still rattled
me because i already had imposter syndrome and now it's and then there was an idea they had was covering me uh with shaving oh toothpaste like
a tooth exploded toothpaste tube with toothpaste and i just kept saying this will look like
ejaculate this will just you cannot cover you cannot cover my face you can't like even take
this from the photoshop people
and let me be more specific it's gonna look like horse ejaculate because there's so much of it
and it's gonna look like i'm gonna try to remove it with a toothbrush
yeah i think josh you saw i mean again i'm you can't remember the third person
it might have been wilmer valderrama it might have been i don't know and i'm it's i'm ashamed
ridden that i can't remember the third but the point is is again i think there was a poker theme
and of course i think like maybe josh you were holding some joker cards hey that's comedic
this guy's gonna cheat with some joker car i mean also let's be sympathetic to these photographers
they don't want to do any of this either.
They're like, fuck, I don't know.
What's funny?
I have to make this funny.
I'm not a comedian.
They're the comedians.
They should be designing this shoot.
Yeah, and they must.
They're also like, we would prefer better faces.
Yes.
We like doing faces.
The way the light catches it and it wakes your soul up.
We want people who, for for years have been filtered out
you're now bringing to us yes camera ready by genetics hey we're gonna take a quick break and
hear from some of our sponsors i will say a simple google search did not yield these photos
yeah but i'll dig deeper if i can find it i'll put it on the page but i'm sure they're
i will tell you this if you were photographed in a magazine josh mom will have a copy
oh right let's yeah i'm gonna i'm going home next week i'll ask mom yeah my brother and i each have
our own scrapbooks in our childhood bedrooms that our mom has been updating. And when I think the first time Alexi saw this scrapbook
that my mom was keeping, she was like,
okay, now I get it.
This is why you're hopelessly broken.
You're an unfillable well.
I simply can't dote on you the way your mother has
if that's what your expectations are.
And then she just pulled way back.
Yeah, smart, smart.
Well, look, I don't know.
Josh, what's your romantic situation?
Are you married or?
No, long-term girlfriend.
Long-term girlfriend.
10 years.
Yeah.
And is it, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess, her approval is not easy to get.
Her approval?
I, no. I mean. Oh, okay. guess uh her approval is not easy to get her approval i know i mean okay i will say dax it's
shocking how much more approving josh's girlfriend is of him than my wife is of me my wife would
alexis even said about mckenzie josh is so lucky to have someone who loves him right right yeah
and i yeah she's great i don't think it's it's love but like i i i know the code
that kristen cracked that has us going on 16 years which is like i have to fucking work for it still
no she gives it up i don't want to say she doesn't give it up but yeah there's no freebies i gotta
bring a game to get her approval and i need that my hunch is, Seth, maybe you too want that.
I do. For the A game, I would even take a B response.
Okay. Okay. Some asymmetries welcome.
So first of all, and we are going to get to the theme of this podcast,
Dax is currently on a family trip. We are together.
Very meta.
And Dax's wife, Kristen, has known my sister-in-law ariel since
college college roommates right that's right college roommates moved to la together one of
our oldest friends yes so they've known each other forever and dax and i saw each other two days ago
i had a conversation i mentioned we were doing a podcast i've done your podcast a couple of times
yep yep always enjoyed it and then the next day a Alexi saw Dax and texted me and said,
Dax said he'll do your podcast.
And he says, you're probably too shy to ask.
Oh.
And so that is a perfect example of what Alexi does, which is solves problems.
Right.
And we need that.
Yes, 100.
I need it 100%.
But don't you find that's a, this is a situation I find myself in quite often where it's like,
there's some line between being generous and being arrogant.
And I don't know what's like, my hunch is, well, you have a new podcast.
Whether you want me or not, you're probably too polite to ask me because I'm on vacation.
So let me offer.
But then in offering, I go, yeah, it doesn't sound like it.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't know how necessarily to
navigate it but i guess i'd rather err on the fact that you're like oh this guy's a blowhard
he thinks i want him on my podcast i'd rather have that be the outcome you know if i'm wrong then
right i think there's a certain kind of person that the reason they have never said do you know
who i am to someone isn't out of politeness it's a deep-seated fear that the person doesn't indeed
know who they are. So, I think that's the... But I run into this situation, I don't want to say
tons, I'm not out of my house very often, but often I get a sense that someone would like a
picture. And maybe they're too shy to ask or too polite, frankly. And I try to offer, but then in doing that,
it's like, it is a roll of the dice because if they don't have any idea that I'm on television,
then what the fuck did I just offer to take? I don't know.
I had a gate agent on a plane recently get me on an earlier flight and it was so lovely,
did me a way bigger solid than I could do her. And she did recognize me. And I said,
hey, again, I said, do you want a picture? And she said, sure, we took it. And then I saw she
posted on a social media and wrote, he asked for the picture with me. It read like a joke,
but every part of it she said was true. I was like, yep, this is what happened.
I'll tell you one time it happened. This must have happened to you guys at some point. I was like, yep, this is what happened. I'll tell you one time it happened. This must have happened to you guys at some point.
I was in Miami with a friend, and these two gals stopped us and said, could you take a picture?
And I said, sure.
And they had handed me the phone, and then I handed it to my friend, and then I stepped between them, and they got really like, what the fuck's this guy doing?
They were from another country.
They simply wanted us to take their picture
yeah yeah yeah i the best one that ever happened to me is alexi and i were on a hike i can't
remember if it was the one with you josh the dolomites i think it was oh yeah yeah i remember
exactly where this was it was amazing we were going up and a french family asked if i could
take their picture so they definitely do and i take their picture. So they definitely do.
And I took their picture and then as I was walking away,
one of the kids said to the mother, like,
and by the way, this is a huge,
not just a language barrier, but a sight barrier.
They were like, mama, that was Bradley Cooper.
And I was like the greatest.
I like just floated up the mountain.
Oh, yes.
What could be better than being confused by Bradley?
Less similar when I got the rental car here on the island, when I stepped up to the counter,
she said, oh, it is you.
Because she saw Dax Shepard in the reservation.
I can't imagine there's another one.
But regardless, she said, oh, it's actually you.
And oh, and then I'm kind of flattered and I'm being very nice. And then she goes, you know,
to have the guy from Scrubs here
get in a car from our,
and I'm like, this is really confusing
because you have my name.
So it's not so much maybe
that she's confusing me for Zach Preston
as much as she thinks I was in,
I don't know at that point.
But if that's a longstanding one
that he and I constantly.
Really?
Yes.
Less so over the last
eight years but when when i was in without a pedal and he was on scrubs forget it half of
the people that came up to me that was it yeah yeah big mouth big nose i've known i went to
college with zach so i think that's one of the reasons i'd never i could never associate another
person with zach since i've known him since he was he was a teen in Northwestern yes yeah he's between us and yeah it was a year between us we went to school together my biggest
or I should say my best recognized at a car rental place is Kenan Thompson and I were doing a stand-up
show at University of Rhode Island when we were at SNL like 2007 ish and I said let's take the
train it's great and he said perfect train train cancelled. Now we're scrambling. We don't.
And so we go to an
Avis in Times Square. At the time
I did not have a driver's license.
And Kenan did not have a
credit card.
So we're trying to
This is like the
what was it? The Richard Pryor
Gene Wilder movie.
One's blind and one's deaf
uh secure no evil you see no evil here um so and again this is an empire there's no they don't let
you mix and match right right so it's a hard no at havis yeah but we're also time is ticking we
have to get on the road drive to a show and so And so I say, do you have a, can I talk to the manager?
Which I should say very politely.
And then this woman walks out from the back and just sees Kenan and goes,
hey, Kenan, where's Kel?
Cut to like five minutes later, we're in a car.
Oh, God bless.
It was just that, the loving recognition of Kenan Thompson got us in a car.
Yeah, that doesn't shock me.
You want to give him whatever he needs.
You want to give him whatever he wants.
So you are on a family trip right now.
On a family trip. We have never been here.
Yeah, this is Martha's Vineyard.
This is Martha's Vineyard. And that's not entirely true. When I was 23 and I worked
for General Motors, I think I told you the other night, we had a new vehicle launch for the Opel minivan. And so the German clients, the division of
General Motors that's in Germany, Opel, they were here and waves of journalists flew into Manhattan.
They got in these 20 minivans. They drove to the Berkshires. They spent the night at the Red Lion.
Then they woke up. They drove to Martha's Vineyard that the Germans called Martha's Vineyard.
They had a dinner. They flew out. New journalists flew into Martha's Vineyard. the Germans called Martha's Vineyard. They had a dinner. They flew out. New
journalists flew into Martha's Vineyard. Then we drove to the Berkshires. Then we drove to New York
and we did this cycle or circuit for three weeks straight. So, I have been here like eight times,
but when I arrived, I washed 20 minivans, fueled them, slept for three hours, and then drove to
the Berkshires. So, this is my first time as an actual tourist and is it a bad omen that you immediately tried to schedule a podcast with me
it does look like you're on your vacation in an attic it must be beautiful out there you guys
it in fact this is identical to the sitch that we have back at home yeah we're above a garage
this one has a door to the bathroom that's the big difference i guess this is the the reality of the podcast job is like this is a job get real
sit around shoot the shit and compare embarrassing stories i should say that that is again speaks to
my wife's intelligence she's clocked that pretty quickly yeah i i mine too yeah yeah some five and
a half years later, she's
like, so let me get this straight. You invite people you admire to your yard and then you chat
with them for an hour and a half and that's the job. So I have a question because you have your
two girls. You also are traveling with another family and that's something you guys do. Yes.
Do you highly recommend this? Because it seems like girls of similar ages, you get along with
parents. So you're rolling with eight.
Enormously. Yes. And this is pared down. We have a group of five families that starting in COVID,
we started doing everything with. And the hack there was you could go on a vacation. The children would do something on their own for six hours of the day. You could play cards, you could watch a
movie, like the adults could do stuff. So that was the big hack. But I will say I kind of
caught myself after one of these vacations going, I did not see our kids as much as I think I should
be seeing our kids on a vacation. So we actually paired back from that. This is perfect. Last year,
we went with the Richardsons, Eric and Molly, and they have two daughters. We went to Europe last
summer and we love traveling with them and the girls get along great. And it's the perfect mix of like
four hours of the day, the girls are busy with their own thing. And then the rest of the time
we're doing something communal. When you're on a vacation now, trying to decide if you're going
to come back, is it more about how much fun your kids are having or how much fun you're having?
I think the right answer would be my kids, having or how much fun you're having i think the
right answer would be my kids but also fuck them they're kids they should have fun everywhere like
they should have i will say and they're good at that so last year we had a very fancy vacation
to europe with the richardsons where we started in austria at a formula one race and then ended
up in italy and that was glorious but then we got home, we got in the family motor home
and we did three weeks in the motor home or two weeks, a week of which was in North Dakota on the
Missouri River in a field. And we were there by God for one week sitting in a field with the motor
home and the girls immediately, they were catching frogs, they were in the water. And so that little
excursion was the highlight of the summer.
And there was nothing for them to do.
And they had a blast.
And it was just the four of us doing outdoorsy, weird North Dakota stuff.
Now, what were your family trips like as a kid?
They were worthy of maybe some short stories.
Usually those are not things that go well.
Well, it's just the ambitiousness of my mother.
That's great.
My parents got divorced when I was three.
So my brother and I, and then ultimately my little sister, who's six years younger than me, were raised by a single woman.
And what's your age gap with your brother?
Five years to my older brother, and then six and a half years to my sister.
So we're spread out quite a bit.
Yeah, 11 and a half years.
And my mother started as a janitor on night shift at General Motors.
And then she worked her way up to a fleet manager, which allowed her to borrow a company
vehicle once a year for 10 days.
And so my mother's an adventure. We were flat broke, but by God, we were going places. So she
would borrow a full-size Chevy van once a year. And you're going to think I'm exaggerating,
but she told us the budget so that we wouldn't be asking for shit. She'd go, look, we're going to Florida from Detroit on $200.
It's going to be $90 in gas.
We're sleeping in the van.
We're eating caramels and snacks for two of the meals,
and then we're going to get some Burger King at night.
And we did many vacations like that.
It did not stop us, but we saw most of the country all in a van on no budget at all so in no budget at all it's
are you just limited to sightseeing as opposed to you you're not going to disney world god no we
drive get through orlando as quick as possible so the kids don't start asking drive through orlando
at night or i'll tell you what we would do is we did do trips to Orlando and we went to Wet and Wild,
the water park, because we couldn't afford to go to Disney World. But we loved Wet and Wild. But
mostly we'd go to Daytona Beach. You can drive the van on the beach. We'd get off, we'd swim,
we'd go to Ron John's surf shop. We'd just gobble up time. And we're two boys that thought surfing
was so interesting and skateboarding.
So we were in heaven.
That's exciting.
Would you surf or skateboard or just look at other people doing it?
We one time got our hands on some rental surfboards from Ron John.
And the waves are like 11, 12 inches in that part of Florida.
I don't know why there's a surf shop there
although uh kelly slater's from there uh weirdly um yeah we tried that we we did we had our
skateboards with us everywhere you could this also sound like a lie you can skateboard on the beach
in daytona it's that hard packed one of my favorite memories is my brother and i was like
super windy we We had our
windbreakers on, we'd sand on our skateboard and we became the sail and we were just skating down
the hard packed sand on our skateboards. Wow. Were these trips that you anticipated,
got very excited about? Absolutely. And my mother was also great at the middle of the night wake up um which she did two or three times where it was
we're dead asleep and we're getting shaken away and she goes we're going to toronto get your shoes
on and she had secured train tickets to go to toronto on the train uh yeah there's a lot of
those fun she liked to spring them on us.
Do you think she got the tickets at 2 in the morning and then woke you up at 3?
How does that?
If it were the era of the internet, yeah, where she was watching some Deal Breaker.
Real time.
No, I think she had known.
She had known.
Yeah.
When you're driving down to Florida in that minivan, are you, are you doing like the Walmart
parking lot or are you going to campgrounds?
We were, um, mostly sleeping in the parking lots of motels that we had not, didn't have
a room at, but in the full, it was a full size Josh, uh, G van, there was three rows
of seating so we all had a bench we
could sleep in uh during the trip it worked out we weren't like uncomfortable and then we'd have
to go into a gas station and do morning cleanup in the whole nine yards and was your mom was she
uh sleeping in the driver's seat just she would just drop that thing back and get her Zs, driving way too long of stretches,
you know, with three kids in back.
I applaud her.
She was like, we're not letting this budget stand in the way.
I can only imagine how your appreciation for that grows the older you get and having your
own kids.
Did you feel like you as kids were appreciative of what she was pulling off?
Totally. your own kids did you feel like you as kids were appreciative of what she was pulling off totally because a we didn't know people vacations anyway other than that right you didn't know will
arnett yet i did not know barney no uh heir to the molson fortune what we were very aware of is that
we went places and most of the kids i was friends with did not go places. So most kids
in where I'm from in Michigan took a yearly trip to Cedar Point, the amusement park in Ohio,
Sandusky, Ohio. And that was the big trip. And then maybe they got to go to their grandparents
once in their elementary school life in Florida for a visit.
What was it about your mom? Do you think it was something about her upbringing or just how she
was hardwired that she thought it was important to get you everywhere? I think,
well, it's funny and this could be a four-hour sidebar, but the things you think are nurture
that are just nature, right? So, sure. I would say her dad was a vagabond as well. He was like
everyone in the car. There were six of them. They'd drive across the country all on a shoestring budget.
So she certainly grew up that way.
But also there's just, I think, a genetic wanderlust that she had greatly, still does, and that I have really bad.
I could say that Kristen and I, about eight years ago, were watching 60 Minutes.
There was a profile on Ted Turner.
And they were interviewing Jane Fonda and how
hard it was to be married to him because Ted has to leave every three days and he has a jet and he
just gets in it and he goes somewhere else. And at the end of three days, he goes in the jet,
let's go. And I'm like, that's my dream existence. Just every three days, let's go somewhere else
and shake this up. It's exhausting to be with me for Kristen, but yeah,
I think that might be just a genetic thing. Is it early enough to tell if your kids have it?
Yes, they do totally because they're eight and 10 and we're in a car a lot of our year. And I think
I'll hear other people and their kids are pretty unruly and they're bored. My kids are like sitting
in the passenger seat, fighting over who gets the passenger seat of the motorhome, looking out the window, taking pictures.
I think they definitely have.
Well, the older one definitely has it.
And she already has plans.
She's already telling me she's going to travel the world when she graduates high school.
And so what do you guys with with all these road trips?
Are you do you play games in the car are you
listening to is it music is it what's your what keeps you occupied we played a lot of different
license plate games right which i can't even remember how they worked now but i know we were damn busy reading license plates. And then there were a string of stepdads in that,
you know, different chunks of that childhood. And one of them was an engineer at General Motors
who worked in the Corvette group and he raced motorcycles. So our summers when she was married
to Rick or two more kids also in a full-size van, but with two motorcycles in the back of the van with a little platform he had built over the top of it where we would sleep on that and we would drive all summer from race to race in a van.
Very similar.
Were those sort of boom years, the Rick years?
Do you recall those trips?
Financially, yes.
Emotionally, I would not call them a boom.
I got to tell you, though, the best and worst in Statue of Limitations is up.
On one of these trips with Rick, I had a stepbrother that was my brother's age,
and then I had a stepsister that was between my brother and I, who I was in love with,
you should know. Because I I was in love with you should
note because I already went I was already in love with her before I found out that she was gonna be
my sister like we went to the same elementary school oh I love this girl you came by it
honestly none of this none of this was the forbidden fruit no no no no as I already was
in love with her and then my mom said we're gonna go to dinner at this guy's house I'm dating
and we rolled up.
And by the way, I knew the house very well because I used to sit at the end of his driveway
and look at the motorcycles in the garage.
I was obsessed with the motorcycles.
We pull up.
I'm like, oh my God, she's dating the guy with the motorcycle.
We walk in.
Fucking Heather's sitting there.
I'm like, what?
Now, here's the cruelty.
So she was in love with my brother who was two years older than her.
So it was a big, messy step-sibling love triangle. That's not's the cruelty. So, she was in love with my brother who was two years older than her. So, it was a big messy step-sibling love triangle.
That's not even the story.
We go to the Milford Plaza Hotel in Manhattan in Times Square.
And they put the boys, there's three of us in one room.
And then they put the girls and the parents in another hotel room.
And we've never been to the big city.
And we're on like the 45th floor or something.
And it starts very innocent.
It's let's make a paper airplane with the phone book, a page from the phone book and
throw it out the window.
And we were doing that.
And that was pretty fun.
And they were flying really far.
And then my brother was like, let's wet up some toilet paper and see what kind of,
you know,
splatter it makes.
Now we're pitching wet toilet paper out the window.
I can't even say what this escalated to,
but what you need to know is that the next morning we had another round of
it and there was a knock at her door and the hotel security was sitting
there holding an empty shampoo bottle and a wooden
coat hanger and we were promptly kicked out of the milford plaza hotel really no warning
fuck no they were like get out of this hotel you're lucky you didn't kill anyone or injure anyone
and we and we were scheduled to be in manhattan for like three or four days to sightsee, and we had to get in the van and leave.
And my stepdad was not pleased.
Thank God there was at least one of his.
That it wasn't all step-sons.
But you know what he thought.
Of course.
His angel little boy was ensnared in this shepherd cesspool of-
Chuckers. Those shepherd boys are old school chuckers. By the way, I'm pretty certain you
could not get any of those things out of 45th floor. That's back when the window fully opened.
I remember there was this moment where I was throwing God knows what out the window and I
had that sense of weightlessness for half a second. My brother grabbed my shirt. I could
have fallen out the window in 1983 or four or whatever it was.
It was a different time.
It was such a different time. Oh, it's perfectly ding, ding, ding. So on that car show I told you
about a minute ago where we go Manhattan to Martha's Vineyard back and forth, I was walking
to the parking garage where all the vans were at right next to, I guess it's Central Park East.
And I'm walking down the street in the morning, like 30 in the morning 6 in the morning uh to start work i'm walking down the
street and all of a sudden i get so spooked because something explodes directly in front of me on the
sidewalk i'm 23 at this point and it's like and i look and I'm like, what the fuck is that? And it was a big glob of toilet paper that just blew up the size of like a bedspread.
And then another one behind me, I look up, there's two kids on like the 15th floor of a building,
chucking wet balls of toilet paper out off the balcony.
And I looked up at it and I was like, yeah! I totally encouraged them.
And I thought, this is the most beautiful poetic justice that I was almost taken out with a wet toilet paper glove.
Really, I think it speaks to you and your integrity that you did not get angry at them.
You saw yourself out that window.
I knew damn well how much fun they were having.
If it took one civilian.
So obviously you had this real sense of look we're on a budget but you still
had a great time you didn't feel like you're missing anything obviously your kids are in a
different situation they don't vacation on a budget but it does seem like to some degree when
you talk about going spending a week in a field like you're not trying to like sort of douse them
in luxury now look i've ruined them i already figured that out the hard
way i'm in this precarious situation where it's like well i've worked really hard for the last
25 years and i now feel like i want to stay at nice hotels and fly in first class like this is
why i did it and then just this nagging fear that i'm destroying them like how on earth are they
going to enjoy like all i had to do is get
in a better van to top what i experienced but for them they're gonna have to really do something to
exceed what so i do try to counterbalance that with like a bunch of road trips lo-fi nothing
nice you know yeah but but i've seen some you, we've rented some places and they're like,
huh, this place is kind of a, this is a pass for us.
And I think, oh.
What's like a winner place that you've taken them that has sort of satisfied everyone?
Did you say winner or winter?
Yeah, winner.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, the trip to Europe europe they were really delighted with i was nervous they
were maybe too young to kind of appreciate being in europe and the history of europe and blah blah
blah but they have seen sound of music 25 times and we happen to be in salzburg where they filmed
that so the week in salzburg was them making an iMovie of recreating every single song in all the
same spots and they were just on fire and they were in their mind they were in the sound of music so
um they loved that one the only stinker we've had is we we recently over spring break we went to
big bear i hate to say this i had never been have you guys been to big bear
josh you must have yeah yeah i mean not i'm not crazy into it okay yeah we'll be delicate here
how we describe it i'm more of an idle wild guy if you're talking like california mountain towns
but go on no but good idle while yeah that's a little bit more artistic, I guess. A little more Salzburg, too, right?
A little more Salzburg.
A little more rock and roll.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We rented a house.
And pretty quickly, I'm like, well, this is much worse than our house, you know?
Like, if you're going to make the effort to go somewhere, you kind of want the place to be more exciting or better than your house.
And I was just a little bit like oh man
okay uh and then what we're hungry good luck the food's sorry big bear not a lot of good chow
so i'm like wow so for this week we're gonna be in a place we are less comfortable doesn't have
anything we need and then the food sucks and we were driving home and that's when i i thought well i've ruined
all of us yeah we now need food that is real it tastes good and oopsies now what i will say we
had a nice thing this year which is we went skiing uh in colorado and obviously you know beautiful
mountain and we were at a nice hotel, but not crazy luxury. And we had
adjoining rooms, my wife and I in one and the boys in the other. And I remember Josh and I,
not early on, because early on we'd all share a room with our parents. But I think at some point
we sort of graduated to adjoining rooms and the boys were just so excited. Like that, just having
a room with a door to their parents' and i was happy to see that that sort
of it's just only a luxury to a kid like my parents are a door away yes yes great yes and
so it's nice but you have autonomy yes you're free to throw shit out the window if you want
if need be if somebody look i don't know how the toilet paper got wet but once it did it had to go
out the window yeah where we're gonna put it you're gonna ruin this trash can it's a nice trash can how did you guys travel we we did florida that was sort of
once a year and we'd fly there from new hampshire but then we would we did share a room right it
was like two queens and josh and i would share a bed and our parents would share a bed and what's
the age gap between you two just two years that's that seems ideal it is ideal
i guess in the fact that you guys both have this podcast is proof of that yeah all these years
later all that we still we still dig talking to each other it's like yeah five years was is hard
to overcome i do credit it for you know if there's an explanation of why i've done anything
successfully it's probably that i
you know i was competing with a dude that was five years had a head start yeah huge which is a massive
head start it's so massive and then when you get around your peers all of a sudden you're like oh
i'm pretty competent at this stuff i feel terrible at everything all day long and then i get around
my peers and i'm like i'm kind of competent yeah so that's why we're already seeing it with our you know our baby girl yeah who is just i just always want to say to the
boys like you walked so she could run i know amongst your peers you sort of feel just in the
middle right dead center yeah but your your sister well that's good that she's going to be able to
run because i've seen your boys run and that's bad it's not inspiring it's bad so our younger one um has since the day she was born has
been getting rejected by her older sister four or five hundred times a day whereas the older one
got accepted by me and kristin so the baby long ago was like i don't give a fuck if you reject me like i can't live this way
if i care so now she just doesn't give a shit like she doesn't need anyone's approval it blows my
mind and i do think it's a product of like you just throw in the towel yeah we have a weird thing
because our middle one axel is just so uniquely his own cat
that he doesn't need his older brother's approval at all.
And he's constantly able to sort of go off and do his own thing.
And I sometimes feel as though our oldest,
somewhere in the back of his psyche feels,
I thought I was promised someone who idolized me and yet.
Where's my fan?
Yeah, my one goddamn fan.
It's just a cohort in this house with me
who which was it the the younger the older who got injured at my house the other day
delta the younger yeah so delta she's very accident there's a real scam going on here josh
so dax brings his kids over to her house the younger one finds i think finds like bungee
cords on her own accord is Is wrapping them around a tree.
One of them snaps back.
And then she's fine.
I mean, we should say she is fine now.
But she was very upset.
And then Dax immediately made it clear he was going to sue and take our house.
Yeah.
It had started earlier with a dumb joke about how much I was willing to pay for their house.
He lowballed us.
Yeah.
It was about probably 4 or 5% of its gross value.
And then once this injury happened, I said, well, this house just got a lot cheaper.
I think I'm going to be able to get it with my lawyers.
And then Dax came up with a very sly plan of training a rattlesnake.
Uh-huh.
You've got to train a rattlesnake for this plan to work.
And then you bring it when you bring your children over to a house you also have to build up their tolerance to snake venom
right so this is great this isn't something you pull off in a weekend that's like two years
then you bring over your train rattlesnake let it loose on your neighbors or whoever friends
you know choose a property obviously of high value then you let your daughter get bit by a rattlesnake. Oh, and then you own the whole fucking lot.
There's no way.
What jury is not going to give that little girl your house?
It's bit by a King Cobra.
King Cobra.
I don't even know where this came from.
Cobra.
That was,
we did say the hole in the plan was a Martha's Vineyard rattlesnake,
but yeah,
man,
again,
find a dumb enough jury.
It's going to be tough to try.
I guess you'd have it in your carry on, on the plane. Again, find a dumb enough jury. It's going to be tough to try. I guess you'd have it in your carry-on on the plane.
With that age gap, when you're kids and you're in that van,
is there any collective music the four of you enjoy?
Well, just my older brother's in charge of everything.
And whatever he thought was cool, I thought was cool.
And your mom was OK with him being the DJ? yeah and my mom had uh had and has great musical taste so yeah she was she loved she
would tell us is when we were kids she's like we're a rolling stones family we're not a beatles
fan yeah i want to hold your hand uh-uh i'm talking about a guy that's was a there's some
line and he does he can't be a man because he doesn't smoke the same cigarettes as i do trying to get a girl pregnant i don't know my mom's like that's the family we're rolling
soon family very famously our dad does not like the beatles oh tell me what's his position he just
doesn't like the beatles and i remember when i was in my college improv troop my still to this day
dear friend pete my dad came to the show. And afterwards, I said, yeah, he didn't seem
that impressed. And my friend said, just keep in mind, he doesn't like the Beatles.
That's great.
Which is like, that's sort of been a mantra. And I should note, our parents are incredibly
supportive, my dad especially. But anytime he doesn't go for anything, I try to remember like,
you know, you're just going the way of Lennon and McCartney. You know, not anyone can please the man.
Also, I will say mom will be very upset that you said our parents are very supportive dad
especially oh yeah that mom is somehow less mom could not be more yeah our mom is supportive too
so one might say a fault you might say she celebrated even our subpar work it immediately
generated a tableau of your dad
looking through that scrapbook when no one's around with a couple tears streaming down his face
i remember we were on a trip years and years ago and tone loke was very big at the time yeah i was
telling my parents tone loke will be as big as the beatles and my dad was like okay man yeah well
he's already better right the only thing he could do it is blow the giant lead listen i have the
most incredible tone loke story but it might be apocryphal i don't know i can't really validate
whether this happened or not but my friend who i had at the groundlings guy just a brilliant writer such an
interesting dude he he claims he was with his family down at sea world and they're walking
past the amphitheater and they see a sign it's tone low 2 p.m 4 p.m whatever he's like wow tone
looks singing at the sea world they go to the show at the
amphitheater and this is according to him um started off he played uh wild thing good opener
then he played funky cold medina perfect number two and then he said y'all want to hear wild thing
again and everyone cheered and then he sang wild thing again and then that was the show
i hope that's real but that's what i was told by the way it seems a little sad that he doesn't
have a third song but of course the sad is that he does those two and then does new stuff right
then everybody loses yes so the fact that he knew exactly what they wanted yes if you're gonna see
tone loke once in your life and you get to hear Wild Thing twice.
That's, yeah, double your money.
You just got a two for one.
I was in Houston for like an NBC affiliate thing.
And it was on a Sunday.
And I went to a Houston Texans football game.
And I should note, we're huge Pittsburgh Steelers fans.
I don't really care that much about going to a game where I don't have a rooting interest.
Right, right. But I met, I was in the box and I met Young MC. I'm we're huge Pittsburgh Steelers fans. I don't really care that much about going to a game where I don't have a rooting interest. Right.
Right.
But I met,
I was in the box and I met young MC was going to be the halftime
entertainment.
And I got to say,
I was very excited.
Come sit next to me.
You fine fellow.
Yeah,
exactly.
Perfect.
Right.
And it's a halftime show.
That's exactly the length of time I wanted to spend with the young MC.
And then the coach,
he's fine.
I think it was Gary Kubiak.
The coach had like a heart situation right at halftime and they had to bring on uh like an ambulance and and i
just they had like built the young mc stage and then struck it in the same and so i missed my
one window of opportunity to see oh it trumped the yeah it shut down the performance there was
no young mc at halftime oh i would love to see Young MC. I was very into dancing in high school, and that song really turned up.
I mean, yeah.
That whole album.
What does dancing in high school mean?
Is that like dance moves, or we're going to go out dancing?
It actually, to be honest, it starts in junior high.
We had dances in junior high, one a year, and we had a dance contest. And then if you won the
dance contest, you got a 45 album from the DJ. And I won two of the three years I was in junior
high, I won the dance contest. So it was really in my identity that I was a dancer. Guys, I was
maybe one of four boys who was willing to dance, period.
That helps.
That helps.
And again, I figured that out.
I was like, guess what?
Girls like guys who dance a lot.
My brother is an excellent dancer, and he cleaned up.
I can feel that.
I can feel that.
I don't know that I cleaned up.
That doesn't surprise me at all.
And I'm being sincere.
Yeah.
It's wonderful.
And boys just are way too afraid to do it, especially where I was from.
There was some implication that you were gay if you liked to dance.
I mean, that's just the reality of rural Michigan in 83, 82.
Yeah, there was a shameful lack of diversity where I was from.
Yeah, we had very much the same.
Josh, speaking of having only four guys dancing and having that help your contest situation, we once were going to dinner.
My mom was bringing us to dinner on Halloween, and she was taking us to a restaurant that had a contest for best Halloween costume for the kids.
Wonderful, yeah.
This has always been the case.
I was far too shy to do that. contest for best halloween costume for the kids yeah i this has always been the case i am uh was
far too uh shy to do that josh meanwhile fully dressed up yes i believe i was a clown a clown
i had maybe a you know the softest of costumes like a trench coat and a fedora and i was private
eye but even when we got to the restaurant i said i can't do it so i took off my transcript then we walk in and we
just clock that no one there's no kids there okay okay and i'm wearing like i'm wearing a like a
polka dot jumper with like big like yarn buttons professional painted face curly wig like i'm full
clown and there's a sign that says first place place, $50. Second place, $25.
Third place, $10.
And so now I, and again, I realized that in the end, I screwed my brother over.
But I just assumed, look, obviously Josh has got the $50, but the $25 is just on the table.
Yes, yes.
So at this point, I get over my nerves.
I run out, put on my trench coat, put on my hat, run back in.
And then at the end of the night, the waiter said, we couldn't decide between the two of you.
And we're going to let you guys split first prize.
And gave us 50 bucks to split.
No, no, no, no.
Make one of us second so we can get the 75 and split that,
you fucking chiseler.
He chiseled us right out of it.
What a genius, actually.
They're like, fuck, we don't want to.
This didn't turn out to be what we thought it was going to be.
I needed $25 worth of cold cream just to get all that makeup off my face.
Ponds, cold cream, grandma's ponds.
Can I guess the dynamic between you two when you were younger?
Please.
A lot of Seth, you telling Josh, like, go over there and do that.
A hundred percent.
Go grab that thing and do the thing.
A hundred percent.
Right.
Go over there and yell.
Go ask. a lot of asking
yeah go ask yeah we have that situation with ours which is the 10 year olds insanely competent like
it actually frustrates me that she won't let me leave her in the house alone she can do anything
but she doesn't want to go like you the eight eight-year-old, it's terrifying.
Look, she was at your house out of sight for five seconds, and she fucking somehow broke a finger.
We don't know how.
With bungee cords, we didn't even know we had.
Yeah, she might have keistered them, and I don't even know how.
But when we're at hotels, we make them go down to the lobby if they want something.
I'm like, well, you got to go down there and get it.
And it's the same thing.
It's like the competent one,
but she needs the mouthpiece of the little crazy one.
And then you're wondering,
you know,
who will return.
We finally got over the hump with our,
you know,
our,
I guess our oldest is younger than your youngest,
right?
She's eight.
Yep.
So we're seven.
And he finally got over the hump of,
we said,
if you at the pizza place you love,
you have to ask for this side dish of parmesan
yeah and now he's and just watching him it's really nice because that reward of politely asking
yeah also i just the thing you want to impress upon kids is if you are polite adults are going
to be so impressed and so nice it can't go wrong it can't go wrong and as you get older politeness
becomes expected of you yes but this
is the age where it's a bonus just be polite it's mind-blowing when a kid has good manners yeah
you know that you got it yeah you got to figure out something that they really want because the
time that i got tricked lincoln into it was we had ordered and we're sitting and waiting for our
food at in and out and for people who are not in an in and out state, there isn't a busier restaurant
on planet earth than in and out. And they're servicing hundreds of people every 20 minutes.
It's wild how it works. So we're now, wait, we're like number 126, right? And she goes,
I really wish I would have ordered a milkshake. And the line is now enormous. And I said,
well, here's my credit card. If you're willing to go
ask that person, I'm so sorry. Could I jump in front of you? I forgot to order something.
You can get a milkshake. And she was like, ah. And by God, she wanted that milkshake bad enough.
Finally, she did. She went up. I'm like, and I'm watching out of earshot. I just get to see the
body language. And again, to your your point the adult's so smitten
yes that they get to let this little girl go ahead to get a milkshake now what you should
have done is after she got it you should have walked over and taken it right out of her hand
and said without this moment in your life you'll be i don't know what i'm trying to teach you
but i have a hunch you're gonna be lazy if i don't do this
and maybe then next time you'll remember get it the first
time yes or you'll end up with it wearing it as a hat doesn't make a very good hat does it
everybody in lines watching you know i'm really surprised that kid that that guy's got a polite
kid he seems like a lot i don't i'm gonna return my samsung products i bought because he and his
wife said they were good did you uh when you uh met with some uh financial success yeah were you in a position
did you uh take your mom on on trips i have sent her on many trips i've invited her on quite a few
yes oh you send her on her own so you sort of uh reward all those years of wanderlust where she
sort of was dragging kids around she gets to do on her own now and you sort of reward all those years of wanderlust where she sort of was
dragging kids around, she gets to do on her own now.
And let me add, by the time I got out of high school, my mother had left General Motors and
built this business that then became very successful. So she traveled in class for quite
a while. I've been on so many cruises with her, I can't even tell you. I've been on a 21-day
cruise with her through Asia. And is it dreadful or wonderful?
I was 20. I loved it. I drank on the boat. I hung out with the crew and we saw new places. So I
loved it. But as I got older, I decided that wasn't the kind of vacation I necessarily wanted.
Right.
And then once you get on TV, it's compounded certainly even more because-
Nowhere to run to.
Let's say that, let's just say if there was a thousand people on the cruise ship,
let's just say low number, let's say three knew who I was.
By day three, 975 would know who I was.
Because there's nothing else to do so people would
be getting educated no not plurked punk the show was called punk probably no one would have any of
it right but over time you'd become a you know a bigger deal than maybe you are i had a very
nice moment the other day where um go back to this gate agent problem I was having the other day.
Uh-huh, yeah.
So.
It's made a real mark.
Made a real mark.
While this woman was very helpfully trying to get me on this flight, there was a row of five women in wheelchairs.
You know, the boarding first group.
You need a little extra time to board.
And one of them very sweetly recognized me and said, are you Seth Meyers?
And I said, I am.
recognize me and uh said are you seth meyers and i said i am and you know i will say nothing floats my boat more than an old woman who it wants to talk to me about the show right like that's
yeah but then the great thing that happened is the other four old women didn't know who i was
and just kept asking her right in front of me yes to explain who i was and And it was so loud that now the whole...
Yes.
And people were...
I was put in a nice situation to sort of grin and bear it
in a way that I feel like was endearing
to the entire boarding area.
Yes.
It makes me think of the many times
I've been in a small town in America shooting a movie
and the people that live there will come up to you
and they'll go,
what movie is this? And you're like, you tell them the title. It means up to you and they'll go what is what movie is
this and you're like you tell them the title it means nothing to them because they've never heard
the title so they're bummed about that and then they go star wars and then they go who's in it
you know and you're like well i am and and never are they there's no one big enough in it they're
always disappointed and then finally they go well when does it come out and you're like i don't know probably like a year and a half or two years and the whole thing just
leaves a terrible taste in their mouth you know you've disappointed them on all levels and then
they carry on their business yeah when does it come out is really funny too because based on
the first two answers you want to say i don't know if it's for you yeah i mean you didn't like
the title i'm this
fucking star if you can believe that so yeah you're you can skip this one
um well one time i did a movie oh in the great state of massachusetts most of it called the judge
that had robert it was shot in my girlfriend's hometown
with the little waterfall in town shelburburne Falls, Massachusetts. Yeah, beautiful.
What an experience in my lifetime, because I was in a little bed and breakfast, and the only guests were myself, Jeremy Strong, and Robert Duvall.
And I would go into Robert Duvall's bedroom nearly every night, sit at the foot of his bed, and just ask him about things, which he was so generous to tell me he loved it he yeah he
loved it i would get every detail of the godfather out of him every detail of apocalypse now but just
sitting at the foot of the bed while he was under the covers chatting was incredible but um on that
movie so it was yeah it was robert downey jr robert duvall uh vincent dOnofrio, Billy Bob Fortin.
So the people in town would be like, who's in this movie?
And I go, Robert Duvall.
Oh, my God, where is he?
Robert Downey Jr., where is he?
And I'd lose the whole cast, and they would just be so disappointed that I was the cast member they bumped into.
It's so funny because Jeremy Strong did seem to appear out of nowhere
and it's funny to remember that of course he was an actor for a long time running up to this and
in fact he had already been in lincoln like he was already doing a lot of kind of prestige things
what year is the judge 2013 is when we filmed it because i know Lincoln was three months old and I was staying at that Liberty
Hotel in Boston. That's an old prison. And we had so much fun. And then we were on the road and we
had the little baby and we were in a small town and we were staying with Bob Duvall and his wife.
God, that's great.
It was incredible. Yeah. As is the case, and then that movie didn't come out and perform in the way
everyone would have hoped for.
But then you evaluate that next to some other projects that have overperformed.
And you go, well, I would pick to keep this one.
Of course.
You know, but it takes, I think, some years doing it before you have that perspective.
I think, yeah, if you can go and have a great sort of three months of anecdote collection.
Yes.
That's not bad. A summertime with some screen legends that's your crew are generous that's your modern cruise just give me
three months in an in with bob duvall that's right it was the dream role too because i had virtually
zero lines but i was his uh i was his lawyer so i sat at a table in a courtroom for 70% of the movie with Duvall and Robert Downey.
I just got to watch him act from like six inches away.
And I had no responsibilities other than just shake my head occasionally.
Did you, were there ever times when you're, okay, you're obviously in a shot with screen legends.
Was there ever a time where the director had to specifically give you a note, even for non-line scene like either you're giving me too much you're not giving me enough
this is wonderful the very the only like the only hard stuff i had is i did have about a three-page
monologue and it was the very first scene of day one of shooting and the monologue is to duval and downy uh that's day one scene one
my monologue that feels like unfair scheduling it seemed very harsh yeah as talk about a trial
by fire um and weirdly i just had downy on the podcast and we were talking about this and he said, cause he had definitely vouched for me to be in that movie.
Right.
Um,
and he said,
you,
you did what you,
the best thing you can do is your hardest thing.
You,
you have a monologue and you go,
I belong here.
That's his take on it.
Yeah.
The director wanted to reshoot the scene.
Later.
Later.
Yeah.
For some,
with a different actor.
But he did love what you did.
He loved what you did.
It was great.
He's like, we just want to go with a different type.
We're going to get Zach Braff.
We loved what you did.
Can you do the opposite of that?
The punchline of the story is he wanted to reshoot it.
And Duvall was like, I'm not shooting that scene that kid was great i don't know why he wants to get in there do this i saw
that kid is great in this thing i don't know if he really thought i was great or just i was so
endearing every night in this bed but he basically protests and he's like this the kid was perfect
we're not doing it and did you not do it again didn't do it again wow that's great and are you happy with it yeah oh good that's the best part
yeah i am my version of that is i think my second year on snl i wrote a sketch called pranksters
with christopher walken it was a very it was very punked uh inspired it was a kid's prank show
and kids the idea was i was the host and kids would
record pranks they'd pulled on parents yeah and first uh scene was katan was a kid and he put a
rubber spider in his teacher's desk and he showed the video and then the next prankster was christopher
walken and he was an adult man and the prank he pulled was his boss kept taking his parking spot and he beat him to death with a tire and iron and so we went to shoot walk-in in a parking garage uh beating chris parnell to death with a
tire and iron and he did it perfectly first time walk-in did it perfectly and the director at the
time at snl who did the pre-tape stuff was very had his own way of of doing things. And he was like, all right, we're going to do it again.
And this time, Chris, I want you to.
And Walken just walked over to me, knew I wrote it.
He goes, you good?
And I was like, I'm good.
And he goes, we're good.
And he just walked off.
And it was, and I should know that I paid for it
for like years later that Walken,
it was the best
feeling where walking was like i think that guy wrote it and i think i did what he wanted
and i don't want to hang out all day in a parking garage in this lo-fi yeah you're i feel like you
are putting a standard on this that i don't want it to yeah there's i kind of collect those stories
um i know a good one too about, about, or I've heard.
I wasn't there, so I don't know that it's actually true.
But Jack Nicholson on a movie with a director who's famous for a gazillion takes.
And she said, okay, that was great.
Let's do it again.
He goes, no, I don't think we're going to do it again he goes no i don't think we're gonna do it again i'm gonna be
at my hotel and he just strolled off sat and got in the car and left it's pretty good i mean
if you can get away with it yes yeah yeah i won't tell them out of school but there was some great
duval i just yeah there were moments working with him where i i was so
angry i hadn't started recording i kept thinking well pull out your phone and just start recording
this well it's too late it's gonna pass and then another minute later like fuck i really should
have pulled my phone out this thing's still going right just and then in my mind thinking
you must memorize every word that's being said this is epic it's really good i mean it's worth
it there you're right it doesn't
matter how something like that performs if you get to hang out with robert duvall yes we're truly
um hey we have some questions for you that josh can ask these are these are for all of our podcast
guests okay great which we do and i know that you're a host but we've been an incredible guest
as well okay well thank you so much it's so so pleasant to have nothing on my shoulders.
Right.
Right?
Like this, I don't have to land the plane.
I don't have to make it make sense.
It's a joy.
You're too good at this.
This did not feel like work for anybody.
I mean, you might be filled with the fear of,
I don't know if your daughter is outside at that house right now,
but she could be getting into any number of-
That crow flew away with her.
Yes.
It was a very big crow yeah but it snatched her up just in a nick of time before the uh water moccasin bit her
ankle all right here we go is your ideal vacation are you relaxing is it adventurous is it
enlightening or is it educational? Adventurous, for sure.
Right.
Do you prefer to travel by train, plane, automobile, boat, or on foot?
Well, I do want to clarify that I've yet...
No, I just said I was on a cruise ship, so I guess I have traveled by boat.
Yeah, it didn't seem like it's going to be in the top spot.
I like the car the most because
these don't really require a follow-up but i just want to say i love the option of like if you're
not feeling this part of the vacation you hop in that fucking car you aim it somewhere else i do
love the endless possibility of being self-contained yeah having an escape route is a wonderful thing.
It is.
This is a wonderful place that we currently are. I don't feel super relaxed on an island.
You do not.
I don't love it.
You have a little baseline anxiety.
I have a little anxiety about being on an island.
Sure, sure. It's a long swim.
Yeah, it's a long swim.
Yeah. Island fever. That's what it's known as.
Yeah, island fever.
That's what it's known as.
Yeah.
If you could take a vacation with any family, alive or dead, other than your own family, which family would it be?
Definitely my Papa Bob and my dad, who are both dead.
I would very much... But other than your family.
They can't be your family.
Yeah.
Oh.
Other families.
Okay, I just thought dead was be your family. Yeah. Oh. Other families. Okay.
I just thought dead was the prerequisite.
Okay.
No.
Oh, wow.
Well, that's a really good question, but it does require some thought.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Sorry about that.
Can you give me the examples of, have you guys answered this question yourself?
Well, I would.
No. See, there we go.
He's proving it's really tricky.
Well, see, I would say if I had to go with any family, I'm maybe like, yeah, see, this is proving how unfair it is.
Okay, I have one now.
Okay, great.
Just you thinking.
At least I bought you town.
My very favorite nonfiction book is Titan, the John D. Rockefeller biography.
I'm very obsessed with John D.ckefeller and i love these he was very into vacations and napping and relaxing
kind of counter to what you would imagine the biggest tycoon of all time would be like
but they would go to these like health resorts in northern new york like something springs yeah i
would love to be a part of that
bizarre carnival that went up there like he had his own railroad car and then you'd get there and
it was this thing and i think that's what i'd want to experience amy poehler's answer was the
she went fictional and the logan roy the roy family so i think a very sort of similar vibe
okay she was like i would love to be a plus one. Not part of the drama, but sort of drama adjacent.
Yeah.
I think a train car.
That's a nice way.
I think someone else said the Von Trapps.
I forget.
Yeah.
There you go.
That's probably what Dax's daughters, they'd pick.
Is that the Swedish?
Swiss Family Robinson?
Sound of Music.
Oh, duh.
Oh, but Swiss Family Robinson.
Somebody else said Swiss Family Robinson.
I think John Oliver.
Yeah.
Wow, I'm in great company yeah
really good and john oliver yeah we had wow wow if you had to be stranded on a desert island with
one member of your family who would it be uh lincoln my 10 year old all right that's her up
a tree get coconut she is she's a survivor. Nice honesty.
I think we, you always know it's an honest answer when a parent is willing to pick one kid over another.
Yeah.
And again, there's other situations where I'd rather be stuck with Delta.
Yeah.
I mean, Delta's a rainbow.
Insurance fraud situation.
Sure.
Sure.
Any kind of grift, confidence game.
You said you're from Detroit, but it's not Detroit proper, is it?
No. Although I did live in downtown Detroit as I got older, but right where the suburbs
turned from suburbs, like Detroit suburbs, into cornfields. Kids were getting on the bus
with shitty boots on from shoveling stalls out. Yeah. What town is that? What town were you from?
Milford, Michigan.
Milford, Michigan.
Would you recommend Milford, Michigan as a vacation destination?
Wow, you really put me on the spot.
A, I don't think lodging is...
Okay, so it's not really up to you.
They can't sustain a tourism trade.
I don't know that they can,
although we do live in an era of Airbnbs.
Look, I have the warmest feelings about Milford, Michigan.
It's a lake life, right?
Like there's not a road in Milford that goes straight for more than a half mile before it has to bend around a lake.
So that sounds very.
Yeah, there's got to be a dozen lakes within 40 square miles
there and detroit i have uh been to detroit recently do some stand-up okay where did you
perform do you remember fox theater yes and uh detroit is gorgeous beautiful theater that fox
yeah well there's there seems like there's all those art deco-y remnants of a different time
in detroit that they've done a nice job of rehabilitating and renovating. Yes. I think one man, the guy who owns Quicken Loans,
is almost single-handedly-
Dan Gilbert?
Dan Gilbert. Good job.
But yeah, I think he bought the Fox and that's beautifully restored and then built the
stadiums across the street. And he's really, yeah, there'll be books about him someday.
He really turned that entire city around but i lived down
there uh at the nadir of you know 93 in detroit was about as gnarly as i think it ever got
i'll put it this way we had a 3 000 square foot loft for 400 a month who was that with me and
three other dudes so we all had to come up with $100.
Was it for its gnarliness?
Was it a thrilling time to live in Detroit?
Couldn't be more exciting.
We live like eight blocks from the punk rock venue.
We went to shows five nights a week.
We got attacked by hobos three nights a week.
I mean, it was full on.
We were hammered for most of it.
And it was what a time to be alive.
That's fantastic.
Yeah. I bet like your boom. That's fantastic. Yeah.
I bet like your boom Chicago days.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was, I mean, it was like having that.
I just went back for the 30th anniversary.
And boom Chicago's in the theater in Amsterdam that Seth and I both worked for after college.
And so I was in Amsterdam. And the hardest part, because it's still a beautiful city, but it was just so exciting to be that age.
And so there's sort of this heartbreaking nostalgia about being back.
Because you think it's the city, and then you remember, no, the city was a massive part of it, but it wasn't the best part of it.
You know, it's funny you say that.
There was a moment about 10 years ago where I realized, oh, eBay exists.
I could get an original nintendo in all the games or maybe someone posted a picture of it on instagram i was like oh or a super mario brother thing and i'm
like i'm gonna get all that and i was on the verge of buying all that and i just had this moment i
was like what i miss is being 12 yeah i don't i don't actually miss nintendo but i think i miss
yeah i miss how i felt at 12 playing right you what you want is to buy all your old friends
who are also 12 yes yes in the lack of responsibility and like my singular goal
in life was to get to another level on super mario brother that's what i yes it might feel a little uh hollow yes i think so
maybe pathetic even all right my last question it starts with this uh part have you been to
the grand canyon yes okay so then for everyone who's listening is it worth it
it was spectacular okay i can't say it's terribly different from other canyons i've
i don't know like if you put me on the edge of it right now if i could say with any
absolute conviction it wasn't a different canyon how many canyons do you think you've
hit well i again i'm a road tripping wanderluster i've stood on i've stood on a
several canyons excuse me it. It's the Grand Canyon.
It is the Grand Canyon.
You don't know?
You could, which, name me another canyon.
Well, I'll say that you can be standing on many mountaintops that look out over a valley
that in a rocky Utah climate, you're like, I don't know, is that a canyon or are we just
up high?
I don't know.
I've had many. I don't know if you're super clear on what you have been diagnosed with canyon blindness I I have it's
actually I'm canyon nearsighted oh I see so I can see up like the shoulder of the road where you get
out yeah the immediate stuff if you're this if you're a foot away from the Grand Canyon it's not
it's not very impressive if you can only see the first two feet it's. If you're a foot away from the Grand Canyon, it's not very impressive.
If you can only see the first two feet,
it's actually not very impressive.
So you're saying, don't get too close,
because at that point it just could be a wall.
It could be.
If you're standing on a sidewalk
and looking down at the street,
you think that might be a canyon?
There's no way for me to know it's not a canyon,
is what I'm saying.
He doesn't want to make a fool of himself by know it's not a canyon is what he doesn't want to
make a fool of himself by assuming it's not but what i will say is i have an uncle and a cousin
who did the rafting trip through the grand canyon where you do like eight days and you camp on the
side of the river and i very much want to do that and i think that could be spectacular okay
gotcha have you guys been to the grand canyon josh has been at the edge of it but he had his
dog so he
couldn't do the full thing he is very covetous of time in the canyon and i have no interest at all
but i will say that an eight-day boat trip is a little bit it just like seems like trudging
to me well you go with you know a company that puts the tents up and cooks the baked beans every
night and i'm and you know the stars, you'll never see stars like that.
It's total darkness.
You need a company to cook baked beans for you?
A theater company.
That's right.
Oh, yeah.
Theater company, I see.
And they're prop beans.
Yeah.
None of it.
You can't eat any of them.
The Colorado Baked Beans is there.
That's the name of the company.
They're an improv.
They're a canyon-based improv company.
My guess is that
this whole opinion of yours is informed entirely by vacation where chevy chase goes okay there's
the grand canyon you're right i haven't made the full connection but of course that is what it is
that's probably what it is right and and and i do feel ganged up on there are many many go go to go
to fucking bryce utah you you you can get that whole canyon thing several it just
it just took a long time for you to name another canyon nor i don't know the names of any other
and to be fair actually bryce canyon is a canyon the grand canyon yeah no it is it's 100 of canyon
yeah you i mean you can't go blocking utah hitting the canyon. I think Bryce Canyon has terrible legal representatives,
or they would have come after the Grand Canyon for audaciously claiming to be.
Well, you've actually done a better sales pitch on the Grand Canyon than you think,
even though you've kind of sung the praises of other canyons, I think.
Well, again, I do want to take that that river trip
that sounds incredible yeah in fact probably with the 10 year old because she's very into
whitewater rafting so well thank you very much i should uh yeah i don't know if people can visually
see this is the worst chair you've been in for a podcast in a long time although it wasn't terrible
no i like it in fact i've i've recently gotten myself a lazy a new lazy boy
and i didn't realize and this is sincere it sounds like a bit i think i got a big and tall one
because my feet don't touch the ground i'm six three and honestly you could put two of me it's
so wide so you look like that old lily tomlin character yeah, she's like a kid. Yes, yes. Oversized chair.
Yes.
Shrinking, incredible shrinking lady.
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah, I look preposterous in it.
So, this was actually nice to have my feet on the ground.
Well, it was great having you.
Thanks for making time for us, Dax.
Yeah, thanks for letting me force you to interview me while I was here on vacation.
We're probably never going to use this, but we did feel bad when you came off.
This could be like the judge.
I'll still have had an hour and a half of freedom.
Just so you know, if it airs,
it's because Robert Duvall angrily called us.
And said he'll never act again if this doesn't get released.
Thanks, buddy.
All right.
Love you guys.
Take care.
Love you too.
When Dax rolls into town, He may come by for a visit
But beware of his evil plan
That's oh so exquisite
Does recon in advance
Knows if you got a nice place
He's got no shame
Cause on that plane
He's got a snake in his suitcase
He looks so innocent
Wearing shorts made out of denim
But then he lets his daughter
Get hit with some venom.
You'll never see it coming.
You'll cry to your spouse, how?
Well, you can scream and shout, but you're moving out.
Because Dax owns your house now.
He owns your house now.
Dax Shepard owns your house now.
That snake's not even indigenous to this part of the country. Doesn't matter. Dax Shepard owns your house now. That snake's not even indigenous to this part of the country.
Doesn't matter.
Jack Shepard owns your house now.