Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.27 - Jake Heilmann

Episode Date: September 2, 2021

Just two bozos in bowling shirts trying to find our ideal woman.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is my favorite song from this one. I feel like really close. What? Oh, we can play it. I can always edit shit out. True.

You don't listen to part of this. Can I have that? Oh, this is so, this is so warm. Is it really? Yeah, it's okay. Well, I kind of want to explain what I got, though. Grab a different one. Put that back in the ice.

Do you have multiple ones? Yeah, mine feels really cold. Can I have the bottle opener? It's on your keys. Oh, no, you took it off. Yeah. It's kind of the bottles that are just cold Okay That's alright

They're not unbearable Yeah, that's fine The bottle's deceiving as hell We're good, it's all good Yeah, this song is so good This isn't a great production Are we rolling? Yeah, we're always rolling are we gonna change shirts mid episode

maybe yeah maybe you want to do this now so today looks like a mardi gras thing in your bag going on here i mean just uh just to preface it i was supposed to like go out i told you i want to get like nice new graphic tees i don't have any graphic tees every time i go out i just wear solid colors i don't know it's just boring that was me yeah so like even a concert when i was like dude i need a i need a t-shirt for this concert yeah yeah so i've been looking online like crazy there's a couple i wanted a couple i like on like etsy but they're like all the way like long like it costs you five dollars, but I'll take five months Yeah, exactly. So I didn't want to deal with that shit. So I Was on like a mad

Hunt to try to find something that I got light and slowly changes. Let's just find the most outrageous thing I could find Where'd you find these because I'm a little concerned now at Goodwill at good oh yeah i'm looking at the bag it says goodwill in my face obviously i went to like nordstrom rack and tj maxx and dsw i was all over the place well let's see these things so i found dude like you texted me to preface this he texted me and said i have shirts for us to wear i was trying to find damn well i have like nine on reserve there's a collar to this man oh yeah is that a bowling shirt yeah so i said i found this one first and it says it looks like you took that off a homeless man it's that it says like what does it say andy hot shot bowlers and then i was like wow this is so funny like can you imagine a full group of people just in

wauwatosa wherever the hell i got these just wearing these things did you have more than one of those no so i okay i found one okay okay so i kept looking around like i'm going through every rack touching everything probably getting covid like twice over a couple times. Goodwill. Yeah. Yeah. She here and was so gross, but I found another one.

So then I went back, found this one was like, yeah, I'm getting both of these. So, so what's the other one? Oh, really?

Does it say Andy hotshot bowlers as well? Oh, I like the blue. You want this one? Yeah. Okay. And so is a good will take huh can i take the tag off um yeah this is fucking huge yeah i think it's a triple xl please excuse me while i change behind the cameras yeah i think yeah i am too i am too well one at a time the other person got talk i'm not putting any shirtless on this fucking show. Alright. No one needs to see that. Oh, there's only one button.

Although, we do call him titties for a reason. Yep, but I won't flash it. Go put it on. I'm going to wear these. Oh, Gilligan's Island Construction? This is fucking dope. Yeah. This is like our parents' wet dream kind of bowling shirt.

This is massive. I'm going to look like I'm drowning in this thing. That looks like a vintage Lakers bowling shirt. Please take the tag off. Dude, it looks like you took that off someone. That is disgusting. Plus with your orange salmon coral looking... Fix the collar.

It's a little popped. Pop lock and sit the fuck down so I can change this. I thought it was so funny and I thought it'd be hilarious. We should just start a bowling league. All right. How many turkeys do you think? Oh, my name is Andy, by the way, and I think yours is Boris.

It says it on the collar. I think we actually probably should have just left the tag down. Yeah. Oh, you can't return them. Oh, shit! Oh, it's so big! Oh my god! This is huge.

I think it's a XXXL. Dude, you can't see my fucking shorts! No. When you sit down it'll be better. You gotta pop your collar down too, buddy. to no, I think we keep the collar up baby I love the little the bowler on the collar to do something's like What I don't know man something Also, I was laughing my whole way out this door

Once I found these oh shit. How do we look people? How do we look? this door once i found these other shit how do we look people how do we look it's the back that's the better part too though oh yeah we got to show the people the back i dude this is terrible i've kicked the mic three times this is a terrible stuff there's something in this pocket yeah did you do this on purpose did you do this on purpose you have fucking pocket skills no way Did you do this on purpose? Did you do this on purpose? You have fucking pocket skittles. No way.

I thought those fell out of there, and I was just going to do it randomly. I wish I was sitting in better frame for me seeing that. Oh, my God. That is so fucking funny. I'll get some pocket skittles. Yeah. It's a new thing. You listen to the show. Holy shit.

I think half of yours fell out in this bag. Alright, I gotta show the back of this though. Do it in your camera. Like my camera. You might have to come forward a little bit. Now they can see it. Alright, so now that this shit's over, the first six minutes.

These are kind of perfect for today. It's hotter than hell. They're loose. No, I feel like, no, this feels disgusting. I'm not going to lie to you. Like this, I don't think I can wear this much longer. Really? This is going to come off in about five minutes, yeah. All right.

I might wear mine still. Yeah, this just doesn't fit me. That's not the point. Maybe that one would fit me better. I'm sticking to this. this will not stay on i'm telling you that right now oh well put the collar down no all right so that's literally all i did today was run around looking for shirts and i found these you went to how many stores and you settled on two heavily used bowling shirts from the west i wouldn't say i wouldn't say heavily used i would say heavily used yeah i can see the dirt marks on that one there were a lot worse options a lot it could have been really bad oh yeah dude i went to what was i looking for at

goodwill recently i might have been looking for graphic tees But I went through to the Yeah this is disgusting This is coming off Like you can see my fucking The lettuce coming out of my Yeah just put it in I don't know Speaking of which

I had a white golf shirt on today Yeah All my hair went through it On my chest Like I looked down I'm like And I started doing this Sticking through it

Sticking through the shirt. I went like this. I'm like, why am I so dirty? I'm like, that's fucking you, man. It's growing out of you. I don't know why I was at that West Allis, but I genuinely felt disgusting walking in there. And touching the clothes. I'm like, I don't think you washed these.

And they all smell the same. Yeah, this is coming up. Every single Goodwill. This is coming up. I'm wearing it. I don't care. Yeah, this is coming up. Every single Goodwill. This is coming up. I'm wearing it. I don't care. Ooh, and naked. The button is already off of this.

Yeah, they're not super high quality. You gotta talk to the mic, man. They're not super high quality. Well, once you make t-shirts, maybe there'll be a bowling shirt. No. Oh, fuck. I'm gonna hang this right here. In the trash where it belongs. make t-shirts maybe there'll be a bowling shirt no no i found some that i like liked at tj max but i don't know not ones that i would wear consistently not like that one that's like a

good shirt i like this one yeah i found this one at target though i took some pictures actually of them yeah i found this one at target tj max like i've said on here so many times i've gotten a lot all most of my graphic t-shirts from their marshalls or home goods and uh the only problem is like right now they're how do i put it their selection is heavy spongebob rugrats like you've seen me wear plenty of spongebob rugrats and i'm like i can't wear those anymore it is so like i found a few more i still have a few other spongebob ones coming like i have this patrick one it's so fucking cool and a rugrats one that's even cooler actually we'll let you guys decide but it's they're cool but like i kind of want to like i'm going down europe like give me

like a concert one a band like the prince one i saw was cool. It's different. Well, I want it more as a conversation starter, something unique to me. I found a Jackson Hole one at Goodwill, but it was kind of ripped up, so I didn't buy it. But that's cool. And someone's like, oh, you've been there. I wouldn't get anything from Goodwill. No.

It just doesn't feel right. The same. Oh, right sounds bad. Like people shopping there is bad. This is the one i almost got at tj maxx i see that dare drugs are bad that's a teacher i feel like everyone has i know i didn't do it though i didn't do it i found one that was like ramen it says it said i love ramen ramen love me on it yes that's the other thing too i think it's like goofy oh and this one

the nickelodeon yeah i've seen those are all over the place those are like if you look at those like if you look at them closely half those are like they're off center and shit like that um sorry no one can see this but these shoes do holy shit snake skin dress shoes yeah but they were like fish they were like scaly shiny yeah. Yeah, I couldn't do that. No, I was just looking for like the most ugly stuff I could find. How many pairs of dress shoes do you own? I own two, and I only wear one. I own three.

Yeah. I had three, but I wore one consistently when we pledged, and those are fucking destroyed. Oh, no. The ones when we pledged were just horrible. One of them doesn't even have laces anymore. The ones we used when we pledged were like my really shitty ones from like homecoming freshman year of high school.

Yeah. My pledging ones, I wore like the gray, like I don't know what the term is where it's like soft, like fabric kind of shoes. Is it suede? Yeah. I wore those. I was like, yeah, that's the kind of shoe like is it suede yeah yeah um i wore those okay i was like yeah that's the kind of shoe you should wear yeah granted i think they were like off-branded like super cheap

kind of thing so it didn't really matter but like poor choice in shoes which any dress should be poor yeah for pledging i don't do you miss doing that no i mean you don't miss pledging but no everyone says the most fun you don't you never want to have again or something yeah I was talking about stuff like that with my dad where because we were golfing today and um it was so hot I mean so I was dripping sweat so hot right now I was gonna be sweating by the end of this dripping sweat putting around on the green before like we started our round i mean like it was coming off my face kind of dripping sweat and on the car ride home like this kind of reminds me of like two days football i go do you miss that before i even said like finish the miss like the second s and miss you fuck no don't want to do it again never again

like i was so thankful i didn't have to do it again the minute we lost the state championship i was like nope your two days in the summer were horrible i just had it for soccer but like my lazy ass didn't do anything all spring and then you start right up oh my god couldn't even walk up the stairs yeah i was lucky and did lacrosse so i was like still conditioned but the summer like we had a lift i didn't fucking lift are you kidding me i was like the seniors had to be captains of the lifting team yeah and hold you accountable like still condition but the summer like we had a lift i didn't fucking lift are you kidding me i was like the seniors had to be captains of the lifting team yeah and hold you accountable and there was a point system my team i think came in dead fucking last with a whopping 10 points from the freshman that came 10 times i never went i was like i'm gonna go work out my own did you ever do

hill work we had to like run like four miles to a hill And then run up and down Our punishment for a while was No matter if we won or lost the game Yeah However many points we gave up Was Hills And we would subtract hills

Like if we had turnovers or something like that So If we won like We could have won a hundred to six We would have around six hills um but if we had like two interceptions we only that was like yeah we would run two hills stuff like that but yeah we did hill and then thankfully the high school decided to expand the parking lot and so they just demolished the hill and put two more like levels of parking in for everyone for like

all the students to park we never had to do hills again which was so nice i've never been more happy to see construction in my life that's pretty lucky when did they do that though uh going into my senior year oh so real nice yeah real nice one year i had all the parking in the world and didn't have to run hills that's the worst worst. Junior would have been better. Like, you win, like, a super tough game. It's all you prep. Like, the game you talk about from, like, the start of the year. And you beat them, like, by three points or, like, a last second, whatever.

And you get to practice the following week. Like, you guys have 35 hills. We're like, fuck you, man we're like fuck you man we beat the number one team in the fucking state so they would still do that yeah that's bullshit whatever good incentive though yeah to get a bunch of turnovers in our defense to like which i was on like hey man yeah you're a good team which sucks though it's like when you did uh it's funny it's funny that it's punishments and not like a benefit. Oh, yeah.

I mean, don't worry. It benefits you. Like obviously we're very well-conditioned athletes and stuff like that. But what was even worse, like it made sense when you were starting and you were playing and you're the reason you're doing these hills. Yeah. But when you're like a sophomore or junior and say you're not starting yet, you don't play the entire game, and then the defense gives out 28 points you're like

you have 28 hills but no the starting defense has 28 fucking hills i did nothing no um but yeah that's my little rant in high school nice we dipped all the way that low usually we go back to college but yeah usually go back to college but but I saw some Franklin stuff at Goodwill, but I did not buy it. Really? Yeah. Like what? It was actually kind of nice. Like super fan shirts or sweatshirts?

Yeah. It was nice. It was like a Nike dry fit kind of thing. Oh, that stuff was like triple XL. Yeah. Yeah. That no one wants. It's the stuff that they didn't sell.

They're like, just fucking give it to them. It looked're like just i have some of it if you want it i actually only own one franklin thing now two that's a lie i own and they're both the hat it's the hat yeah the infamous hat and then the franklin lacrosse shooter shirt which isn't even mine it's actually brother's. Which I think was in the bill for like a year. That shooter shirt? Yeah. No, I got it when I came back home. Oh, there's a different one. That hat might have been.

I have had. I've gone through like three of those hats. Yeah. I mean, that hat is iconic with me in college. I wore that all the fucking time. You did. Working. Everything.

It's disgusting. And it's one of those hats you can't wash because then it'll be fucking destroyed you can wash every hat but yeah but like we don't like if you want to wash a hat properly that isn't like this kind of hat yeah like i can just do in the sink with dish soap yeah but i'm not gonna do that it's dude it's so easy it's way easier to just toss it into the wash and like yeah it is it depends on what the brim is made of. Yeah. If it's cardboard, yeah, it's toast.

That one for sure is. I mean, that hat that, like, the one I wore all of college is ripped up, and, like, it looks vintage. Like, if it was cleaned, I could sell it. It'd be, like, the equivalent of selling someone ripped up jeans. That's what it looks like. You could give it to the kid that has your stick. Yeah, that was fucking nuts.

Like, hey man, that looks familiar. I think I've said it on here. It looks familiar. Yeah. My neighbor gave this to us. We moved in this new house. Where do you live, man? We got a pool.

Recites my old address off. I'm like, okay, fuck. You live in my old house. You might live in my own fucking room. That was a total small world moment. you might live in my own that was a total small world moment that was good that was kind of cool though and then he like quickly became one of my favorite people to coach yeah just because i felt obligated to like you lived where i lived yeah which is so stupid that's funny it's still cool it's cool no matter what

oh well well we're only 17 minutes in it's felt like five it's felt like five yeah yeah it's felt like five do you want to just edit here sure just go out now no i have to i have to rant about my ice cream experience yesterday i got ice cream and by the way it only cost 11 for two it was not a lot it was not. It was not $65 for five. A $13 scoop of ice cream. Yeah, fuck that. One of the flavors was olive oil. Olive oil ice cream?

Yeah. Did you try it? No, I heard someone in line ahead of me ask. I'm sure the person scooping got asked by every single person. What the hell is that that they also had weird flavors like only in wisconsin it was like brandy old-fashioned chocolate whiskey which actually was good i got that one was it really yeah that was really good brandy old-fashioned wouldn't be terrible i tried it it wasn't wasn't great no it tasted like it at

the beginning and then at the end it was just like vanilla ice cream. But I guess the olive oil one, like, tastes like it, and then it tastes like vanilla. I don't know. What does that mean? Olive oil? I've never had just olive oil. Stop eating the fucking Skittles, man. This cannot be a thing. Anyone else that comes on this show, stop bringing food in your pockets.

I almost got Raisinets, but I think you have to go to the movie theater to get those. The fact that Raisinets came out of my mouth, I'm like, I don't remember the last time I've ever had a Raisinet. Yeah. No, I didn't go get them. What's our year ice cream? Yeah, that's pretty much it. Really weird. That's it?

Your whole story was you had olive oil ice cream? No, I didn't even try it. You saw olive oil ice cream? I just thought it was super try it, but yeah. You saw olive oil ice cream? I just thought it was super bizarre. Who the fuck is like, yeah, let's just make, olive oil, that's a great idea. I feel like it's a cop-out.

Like they just had, for some reason, had it. Them and these t-shirt people that make t-shirts for TJ Maxx probably sit next to each other in the office. I feel like the TJ Maxx, how does TJ Maxx work?

I feel like they just buy things wholesale and then. Yeah, they do. It's called, it's called, fuck, what's it called? Is it pack and hold? No fucking clue. Yeah, it's when you buy like old. Yeah, old product from like out of date clothing from other distributors.

Yeah, and then you hold it and you don't release it for like a couple months or a year. Yeah, and right now they're in their SpongeBob Rugrats like inventory. They need to move on to like 12 years behind. Maybe more. Maybe 15. Move on to like

Donkey Kong and like Mario Kart or something. Oh, Goodwill had a lot of Star Wars stuff, so. Yeah, I'm not a big Star Wars fan. I love Star Wars.

I can't even say I love Star Wars. I was obsessed with it when I was younger. Like I would watch the movies. Do you have lightsabers and shit?

I did have a lightsaber yeah good i had a green one nice my neighbor had a blue one i was always jealous the blue one is like what you want yeah either that or like the double-sided red one that would be cool you think you're a badass was yours one of the ones where just like you hold the button and then they all came out it was like the foldable thing so like like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah It wasn't like not the one that was already out. Yeah. No, no, no I know you have the one that yeah, I had to hit the button like this and sometimes it doesn't come out It's just like fuck like do his lightsabers out man. Let's fucking go

Did you break it in fights? I never know. Yeah Yeah, no. But like me and my neighbor, Joel, the two kids in the backyard would be jumping off rocks and be like, and try and hit each other. Like legit having lightsaber battles. It was normal. It was normal back then. It's fine. No, it's the same neighbor who I told it on Jake's episode that I made forts with in his basement.

We'd go hide in the closet and play Pokemon. We're fucking you're weird all kids are weird like that i would watch him play video games i enjoyed watching the kid play video we'd trade pokemon cards he would draw poke or yugioh cards and be like that's cool man um yeah we were nerds yeah i do yugioh cards but i just collected them because i thought they looked cool i had no idea i had no idea how to play the game at all no clue at all i had the uh you ever watched the show no no like maybe maybe like so i watched like the first season of each one of like the first season of yugioh pokemon like i don't know what's passed but they had there was a season i think it probably actually went past

the first season but they had these like things that strapped to your arms. Oh, yeah I had one no. Yeah, and so like I wait could you like how would the cards were in it? yeah, so you had like it was here and then you had your dick like here and you would You play cards and you just like you pretend like the monsters appeared ahead of you and I would sit there with other kid Who had one too i'm like we thought it was a cool so weird i have a fucking weapon attached to my arm and i'm just shoving playing cards in it i choose you pikachu that's the wrong fucking game but that shows how much we played um no i thought it was so cool. I collected both Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I collected... Do you still have them?

Baseball. So we've looked. They're somewhere. I have hundreds. They're not, like, because, you know, the craze. I'm like, we have, like, we have, like, $30,000 somewhere. Like, maybe you have a card, but... Yeah.

Hi, Penny. I'll come over and say hi to you in a bit, buddy. Hi. Hey, guys. Hey. Oh, Penny. Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny. Penny, the neighbor's dog.

She, I think she's been scared to walk recently. Okay. Like she used to, so. Oh, like to go on walks. Yeah. So like when we used to go like take her for walks while her mom was gone is um we'd go and they're like penny and she'd like just run to us and we put the leash on her and she would direct us where she wants to walk and like across the street there's this woods and this park it's like froth course and she she knows the whole thing so

we go through the whole thing go to the park we run and come back around it's like froth course and she she knows the whole thing so we we go through the whole thing go through the park we run we come back around it's like a two mile walk now I have to like tap a treat on the ground to get her attention

to get her out and then I have to like put the collar on I'm like we're going and half the walk is just her jumping at my pocket cause she knows

the treat's in there but she's genuinely I think something happened to her like over 4th of July where she doesn't like fireworks scared the living shit out of her oh no dogs like there. But she's genuinely, I think something happened to her like over 4th of July where she doesn't like fireworks. Scared the living shit out of her. Oh, no dogs like fireworks.

But like she's scared to walk now. Kind of like she won't go outside or whatever. And so now I have to, if I get her out, I have to put her in my car. And she's like get right into the car. And I have to pet her the whole time. It's so adorable though. Because like I said, the park's across the street. So I'll just take her to the park.

If it's just me and her, she'll fucking run loose. Which is cool. But when I pet her in the car, if I stop to like turn, she'll like, does that cute thing where she's like, she paws at mine. She goes, no, no, no, no, no. You don't stop. You don't stop. You keep petting me now.

So I have to go back and then her face just goes from like, no, no. You don't stop. You don't stop. You keep petting me now. So I have to go back, and then her face just goes from like... It's precious. But yeah, she went to the... Her mom took her to the vet this week and got blood work done. And they're like, for now, we'll just put her on... Basically gave her CBD gummies and sedated her. Like, let's relax her a bit. Let's see what happens.

CBD is fine For dogs Yeah it's not bad Like they make CBD Shit for dogs Like plenty of that shit If it's good for humans It's good for a dog Right

The beer's a little colder Is it right Yeah Yeah I'm about to grab Butter I gotta I gotta Check this

Beer We're good Alright I'm glad that you're playing music That I like in the background Yeah this is the first time I haven't played country music I'm not gonna lie to you

I can barely hear it But Yeah You can hear it enough Yeah I know Yeah I know it well It makes it

The little music in the background Makes it seem Like we're hanging out Rather than I'm forcing you To talk into a microphone Yeah Cause if I turned it off It breaks It breaks the silence Yeah like we're hanging out rather than i'm forcing you to talk into a microphone yeah because if i turned it off it breaks it breaks the side yeah this is oddly quiet phil fills the void i'm gonna need a shower again i oh yeah i like randomly looks like i am dripping sweat listening yeah

i am too and i've been in the sun all day you should just shower when we get downtown too i'm gonna shower three times today. This is going to be fun. I need some caffeine. Yeah. Are we going out downtown? You said we're doing small town stuff. No, they're doing two smaller ones and then they're going to Brady.

So we'll just go to Brady. Yeah. I know. Alright, whatever. I didn't do anything last night. This is what I thought. I right, whatever. I didn't do anything last night. This is what I thought. I thought about Morgan. Like, if I look forward to, like, I have the Bender weekends,

and then I'm like, oh, I have this, like, calm weekend coming up. I have nothing planned. And all I did last night was stand-up. That's it. I don't know if I would consider Denver Bender weekend. No, but, like. Thursday. Thursday was a lot. Thursday was a lot.

Thursday was a lot. So was Friday. Friday was a lot too, okay? Saturday, no. I was dead tired. I can't believe I went to the Bender weekend. But we were on a substance basically every day. Yeah.

Whether it was weed or booze. Yeah. And... So it's like your body's just like... It's a lot. Yeah. And then you come home Sunday, you relax. I'm like, all right, just give me a weekend

where I don't do any of that. And I was looking forward to it or like not to an like excess I calculated I think I got like 16 hours of sleep Wednesday

to Monday yeah I did not get much at all that's pretty bad it's bad it's real bad I uh the most sleep I've gotten in a day

has been last night and that's because I allowed myself to sleep into 830 that's pretty cool wow and I woke up has been last night and that's because i allowed myself to sleep into 8 30 that's pretty cool yeah and i woke up a lot last night wow a lot um but no so i look forward to these like weekends like i got nothing planned i got nothing planned and then i was okay i go do stand-up i have my like typical like i have throughout like the three hours two three hours

there i have like three drinks which i don't think is bad right three hours, two, three hours there, I have three drinks, which I don't think is bad, right? Three drinks in two hours? No, that's fine. And I go home. My mom had a glass of wine. I made a margarita. I said, all right, four drinks from the hours of 7 to midnight. Yeah, nothing.

That's normal. You shouldn't be drunk. Wasn't. Little buzz. Wasn't. midnight yeah nothing that's normal you shouldn't be drunk wasn't little buzz uh wasn't and i was like cool but then today happens i'm like i didn't do anything last night i took it easy and i were good go golf i'm like i can have a drink with while i'm golfing i'll have a screwdriver to start the day i'm like let's have a summer shandy on hand. So I put in the cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get on the-

Tall boy. Yeah. And so then you get to the first shack they have of booze. I'm like, I'll have the tall boy Coors Light. And then I'm like, all right, I'll do a vodka lemonade with my dad. I'm like, all of a sudden, I'm kind of drinking. I'm like, I'm feeling good. You didn't do anything last night.

You can go out tonight. And all of a sudden, tonight's just going to be a fucking bender of a night. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I'm going to be wasted a sudden, tonight is just going to be a fucking bender of a night. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I'm going to be wasted tonight. I know I'm going to be. Yeah. And then you feel like, well, I really didn't take a break for the weekend.

Right. Which sucks. But, you know, I took one day off. I didn't take any Sunday, whatever. Yeah, it's tough. But whatever. It's okay. It doesn't matter.

Bye, Dad. Bye, Dad. Bye, Dad. You got to say something back. Otherwise, it doesn't look good for me see ya see ya nice to see you too bye see this is real this is everyone someone walks through every goddamn episode every episode at least he was nice, to be honest. He's like, dude, my episode, it's going to blow up. I go, is it really, Dad? When's he going to be on?

I told him in due time. I was like, I got to get Steven on first, the other brother. Okay, fair. But I don't know. My parents not yet. I don't want to do it in the garage with them I'd like to have like an actual something Yeah but this might be it Maybe you'll buy this place someday

Fuck no I'd like to burn this place to the fucking ground I'll take a picture of it Or you could like have a studio And recreate it I'm gonna make this the picture of this set an NFT Oh my god And then we're gonna sell it for $4 Get your truck

the fuck out of here. It sounds like he drives a goddamn semi. If he was a dick, he would just park there. He is parking there. Go. You know what? I think everyone's used to it by now. Yeah, I know. I don't like it.

He's dropping it off. Dad, just leave it on the thing. Your truck is messing up everything right now. Get your truck out of here. Thank you for the Yeti. Is that yours? Yeah, you left it in the cart? Yeah.

Does that make sense? Classic, yeah. I leave something when I go anywhere. I left my 60 degree... You left your what? I'm about to leave my dad in the fucking home when he gets older. No, I left my 60 degree wedge on a hole. do it every time i golf i leave a club around the green i left connor's i still owe him you actually lost someone else's club i don't know if i did it probably did though how do you not know if you

did it did you use the club well because i was I was like, we were sharing them. I don't know. Okay. Where was this? It was probably me, but I don't know who did it. Where was this? Madison. I don't know. At U Ridge? No, I never golfed there. I'm not allowed like within five miles of there.

I don't think any of us are. Can I have that bottle opener when you get a chance? Yeah, I've told that story on here. I don't want to tell it again. But golf cart in the sand trap. $20 to swim in your boxers across the pond. Offer still stands to anyone who wants to do it. Miss that and buy like a mile.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy hell, am I hot right now. Yeah, I'm warm. Anything exciting? Oh, i have a joke and a riddle oh really wow we're really flashing this back yeah this is a throwback episode pockets riddles jokes and riddles um how is he back i can't i can't butcher this you might have forgot something too, you know? Yeah. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Here's the thing, people. You watch me do stand-up. You're the first person, first friend. Yes.

That has ever seen me do. Last night. And you walked in at both the perfect and most imperfect time ever. Yeah. Because I wasn't allowed to prepare the fact that like, i'm doing this in front of friends now because usually like i lately i have been told that you text me like what where are you doing it and i just didn't reply yeah i know and then i figured it out because we went there yeah exactly but i was worried that you went to a different stand-up place no and then you walk in on the first fucking person you see um but you walk up and you're like

you didn't say anything i go i'm next thank you and it was nice like it felt like after you came it felt real like all right this is actually happening i didn't like see you i'm like i can't do this kind of thing i was like cool i think the first thing i said is like what if we would have walked in halfway through though you're set i probably would have just changed everything and started talking about you guys. I think that's probably when I would have dropped the whole question, like, you guys, yeah, I can't

say anything. That would have been funny. That would have been great. Really awkward. But I did notice, like, because obviously, like, it made me more nervous that you guys were there, so my initial set that I had planned, I rifled through and like times two speed.

Like I said, it's so good. Yeah. And then I was like, well, thank God I wrote two jokes that day or thought of two things that day. I was like, this is kind of where people just feel things out.

So I was like, all right, we'll just throw these two ideas out there. And they both got like little laughs. I'm like, all i can work on that then dude um was it my face or where i was sitting every single comic looked at me the entire time well okay here's the thing so i was just getting i fucked they were just only speaking to me the entire every every single person that went on because all right so i hadn't been to that place in a week and a half two weeks yeah and so last time i was there everyone came in for because they do karaoke at that place afterwards so like that bar is packed usually afterwards like

towards the end of like people's sets and you're performing to people who aren't comics that entire bar that night it was just a dead night. It was literally all comics. Maybe one or two other people, not including the bartenders. Then when you walked in, like, oh, he hasn't heard anything I've said before. I'm performing to you now. You heard some of their jokes before. Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah. That makes sense. All right, time for my joke. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Is this a riddle or a joke? Both. A jiddle? Or a roke?

What do... Who? What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? This would be way better if I was, like, better at history. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Like I'm not even gonna pretend

like I'm gonna try and think this one out. I'll say it one more time because I kinda need to or else the punchline doesn't make sense. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh

have in common? The same middle name. Oh my god. That's so fucking dumb. Isn't that horrible? I did laugh at it so I had to do it. I mean, it's... Fuck, that could have been anything.

Yeah. Gotcha. Braxton, did you get that one? No, bitch. Probably not. I don't think... All the time Braxton and I did riddles, I'm the only one that got one,

and that's because I had... Hey, I got some too but that's i would pause the episode and try to figure it out yeah it's cheating but like in like real time i'm the only one that got one because when i looked up riddles i had read that one earlier that day yeah and i think it was like it's something like uh yeah the answer was a map or something like that. Yeah, you're bound to see the same ones if you're both hunting them down. So, after that, I was like, I got to start looking up obscure ones.

Like, really obscure ones. But, you know. I have a really long one that's like a 21 question game. But, that would take up a whole episode probably. 21 questions? You want to see how many questions we can get there? It how many questions like 21 questions but it's a riddle it's no it's one of the ones where like i i i set it up and you got to tell me like how it happened kind of you you have to tell the story and you ask questions i look like an idiot we'll do that in a long when i was like iceland is this way and

up um i should prepare some questions for things like it'd be fun do you want to look up questions and ask each other them right now yeah why not we have 23 minutes just random questions why not this is a impromptu episode it literally was golfing like you want to hang out i'm like yeah you want to do an episode real quick well this yeah this one's not super entertaining for everyone. It's not, like, funny, but. Hey, they're not all funny. They're not for everyone.

That's not the point, though, I guess. Okay, here. I'm sweating my nuts off. Fun fact. Fun fact. The jackets for my sponsored athletes came in today. the jackets for my sponsored athletes came in today. They're blank, but I have the actual product in hand.

So for anyone who doubted that I was actually ordering shit, fuck you. But yeah, the jackets came in. Are the two people you told me about, is that where you got them? And then the other woman's going to do it? Nice. Yeah. So then they'll get, probably this week, they'll get mocked up.

And hopefully, hopefully, if I can get them done this week, it'd be huge. And I can give them to at least one of the kids before he goes back to school. Because one already left. Yeah. And then I have, technically, I have three. I have one extra jacket-ish. But right now, I ordered stuff for the two athletes me my brothers and then an extra just for sizing purposes it's kind of cool i'll let you try one

on see if you like it yeah i will i almost bought a super big sweatshirt if i max if i could just give away it's so dumb if i did but like I could just give away these jackets or stuff like that to people, to my friends, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's free marketing. It's not really free marketing. Well, whatever. As long as it has fat track. It is pretty cheap, though, to buy these things from this website.

Were you looking up questions? No, my phone is not. Oh, there's no service. Where is my phone, by the way? What kind of questions? There's so many questions. I don't know if I can really ask. Do you remember when we played?

I would ask this question. We'd do this game in college where I go, let's try and find your ideal woman. No, I don't remember this. You don't remember that? No. We can do it now. I have to remember something

It's gonna take me Like give me some Give me some slack I'm probably not gonna remember all of them But like Describe your ideal woman Kinda So

But you ask questions In order to do it? So like it's kinda like A rapid fire thing So I don't know where it's I think it stemmed from Sophomore year I think it stemmed from sophomore year.

I think my roommates were, it sounds like a house conversation. Yeah. It sounds like a house. Oh, I thought you were like, it sounds like something we shouldn't be talking about now. Oh no,

no, no. So like, yeah, it's a, I've asked, I've asked much of the guys this, but I think it's sent from my roommate sophomore year.

Like, I don't like talking to girls and stuff like that. I'm like, all right, let's figure out, like, what you're into and stuff like that. And I just go, right away, blonde or brunette? Oh, are you asking me right now? Yeah, blonde or brunette. Dude, kind of brunette probably. Okay.

But it could be both, though. All right. Taller or shorter than you? Shorter. Smarter or dumber than you? Probably smarter. More social or less social uh i'm pretty freaking social i think it's hard to beat that well pick one do you want her to be

more social than you or less social i think less social so then she does more stuff with my friends okay does she make more money or less money than you hopefully more jesus okay is she from a small town or a big town uh big town does she prefer to be more country or more city it's a different question i promise you yeah city okay um more boobs or more ass some of them are subjective fucking chill okay yeah i want both please kill him uh i'm trying to think so like i like i had at one point i had like 20 of them but you just like you go through it so it's like blonde brunette taller shorter you have a guy in the corner writing it all down trying to oh we got this person actually and it's funny it's like i did this once to one of my uh old roommates and they're like dude you just described like yeah um but yeah yeah that's all it's fun because

it's an easy thing to like you can add on to it too like what would you add on to that like i it's like an either or question but it's like uh it's a elongated one what else would i add long hair short hair i mean that's a dumb one but like that's like the equivalent of like would you rather have like a shaved head or we could do oh tattoos no tattoos yeah i don't know that answer daddy issues no daddy issues. Divorced parents, together parents. Siblings, only child. Yeah, I mean. That's actually a good one.

It's unlimited questions. Siblings, only child, yeah. But yeah. Unlimited, yeah. But it was fun because then also people were like getting real into it. And they're like, no, definitely got to make more money. No, I fucking won't. Hey, you should do a story on Fat Chance.

Just asking all these. Like a lot in a row. People do that all the time. Do you want to run my social media? Because I'm not going to fucking do it. on Fat Chance, just asking all these. Like, a lot in a row. People do that all the time. Do you want to run my social media? Because I'm not going to fucking do it. No. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to do it.

It's hard enough reminding myself I got to post a TikTok every fucking day. Yeah. You think I have the brain power of, like, Blondie Burnette on, like, a million stories? Fuck no. It wouldn't take that long. Yeah, I know. You know, I've only posted one like it'd be funny it'd be like the ideal fat chance woman person no i mean oh yeah according to my

fans who's the ideal fat you can mock it up you can do that'd be actually fun who's the ideal fat chance guest yeah i just think the questions for so what would be questions for that or the ideal woman yeah no it's fat chance just who or the ideal woman yeah no just fat chance just who's the ideal fat chance person yeah i don't know yeah buddy yeah buddy yeah who but like i think it'd be good like who would be the ideal fat chance guest talks more than michael talks less than michael taller than michael shorter than michael that's all i got because i talk a lot funnier than michael no i mean that's clearly i would i would ask for someone funnier than me because most people are

um but i think that'd be fun that would actually be a good idea we should write that down because i will forget it in about five minutes i'll put in my notes. I don't think a lot of... Notes have saved me. I use my notes. Yes. Saved me. When I misplaced my telephono the other day, I was most worried about losing my notes and my pictures. I don't give a shit about anything else. What's a good thing about anything on a computer? It doesn't.

Yours doesn't? Well, yeah, I only have like the five Gs of... Oh, fuck. Mine actually might not either. ...like two years ago. So I just need to back it up. That's a reminder to everyone. Back up your phone tonight

because one day it's gonna disappear. Dude, I literally like, it's just, it helps me write. Like if I have ideas and they just like, the worst is when I think of something, I'm in the car, I'm like, alright, write it down when you're done driving. And I get back home or something like that and i'm like what the fuck was i thinking about dude mike

because every idea you have like that you have to write it down oh this is the notes thing the notes are so clutch and so helpful and like another thing what's the last night all shazam songs too and screenshot them and then the next when i'm scrolling through my pictures i'll see it and then i'll be oh yeah that's a great fucking song i'll just go save it what's the last note you have uh i was thinking of topics to write or to talk about really let's go over them do you did you write anything down no i just wrote down the topics what are the topics summerfest everything coming up okay i oh They're all stupid. Summerfest, fantasy football, and opening a club.

Oh, yeah. We should talk about opening a club. The dream we have. We need a name, first of all. Summerfest. That's the end. It'll name itself. Yeah, I know.

But we need to hash out. People can help us. We need to hash out how we're actually going to do this club though because we you and i want to do everything i want a full-fledged kitchen and a comedy bar you want a dance floor but we all we i think all we can settle on is there's liquor there well it's gonna have all three things wait i'm gonna backpedal a little bit here go um this is a good note that i wrote down when we were in Denver. Oh, this will be fun. It's very short.

Okay. And only a couple people get it. It's, are you a sophomore? Yes or no? I'm Sam. Oh, good lord. I wrote that down to remember that. Two facts.

Three. No, it's two. It is two facts. Yeah. Do we share that secret? No. We can't? But I think it's a good secret.

We don't say who it's from. Nah. I think it's two facts. Just think about it. it two facts that's all you need to know two facts apply that to life that is a mindset is a motto is a way to go through life two facts you need to just remember a little bit two facts that's it yeah just two we should make a two facts t-shirt yeah i want to make a bunch of t-shirts it'd be so fun too many t-shirts ideas i know but it'd be so fun just have like just hang them up i don't want to hang them up but t-shirts it'd be so fun you have too many t-shirts ideas I know but it'd be so fun just have like just hang them up I don't want to hang them up but just

I don't know I would like to just make a bunch okay so Summerfest not gonna lie don't really give a fuck about it I was thinking about just talking about it broadly because I think you do have

more listeners than just Milwaukee and it's cool a lot of people don't know about it actually 3% or 5% actually I think is Canada so thank you Canadians

shout out to my neighbors to the north but yeah or 5% actually I think is Canada. So thank you Canadians. Shout out to my neighbors to the north. But yeah there's more than just Milwaukee. I looked at the stats the other day. We're in a few countries.

It's kind of cool. So yeah everyone doesn't know what it is but it's a giant music festival. It's usually what two weeks long. Hundreds of artists

come you pay $20 and there's a dozen stages on a given day you could pay 20 to see you could see diplo walk a hundred yards see billy currington billy currington walk a hundred more yards see like an elvis presley cover band yeah and then to the actual page stage, see like Dave Chappelle. Yeah. It's fucking insane,

which actually might be a full-fledged lineup this year. I know Dave Chappelle is coming. It's really cool. Billy was two years ago. Like we're fully spoiled. Yeah. With what we can see. But I think because it's not at the normal time,

it's weird. However, it's going to be in the fall, which means it's going to be cooler. It's which is gonna be 10 times more comfortable being there like weather-wise it's on the weekend you don't have to worry about is it only on the weekends yeah okay it's only uh thursday friday saturday there's only three days every weekend yeah there's headliners. How many weekends? Three. Ooh, this is my song. Yeah. It's the whistles. How many?

Wait, it's three? Yeah. Okay. Oh, cool. It starts the weekend after Labor Day weekend, and it goes through the third one. So two weeks from now? Yes. Cool.

That's why I also got the AC unit, because I figured people would be there. Yeah, dude. It's about time you got fucking AC. That's why I also got the AC unit because I figured people would be there. Yeah, dude. It's about time you got fucking AC. It's disgusting. Right at the end of the summer. Perfect timing. Is it like double as a heater though? No.

No? No. Whatever. What did that cost you for an AC unit? I got it on Facebook Marketplace for $80. Oh my God. Yeah. Does it work well? The girl posted it for 120 i said how about 80 way lower um we could talk about my my ticket days and selling football tickets that's how i got good at doing that shit yeah jesus and then she's like 90 i'm like okay fine like uh it said just

milwaukee for her location yeah so i'm like okay yeah like whatever ten dollars i got it down third whatever thirty dollars i would think an ac unit costs like 200 bucks well usually it is like i think that one retailed for like 180 or something yeah um and she only used it for like two or three months so i get her price was fair and i just was like no we're gonna try like but then she's like yeah i'm up uh i'm actually 30 minutes out of the city i'm like how about 80 how about 80 and i can get it yeah yeah and that's exactly what happened yeah that works i mean she forgot the side things though but it's in the skinny enough window or it's like fine does it work well enough oh yeah it does yeah like if i walk into

your apartment tonight i'm gonna be like uh yeah i'll feel better because usually when you walk into your apartment like you think like it's hot outside and you're when you're a kid it's hot outside like remember going to your basement in the middle of summer and you're like oh my god this is ice fucking cold i love this i'm gonna sleep on the tile two days that's what i would do just go down there and you're like i'm gonna sleep on the deep freeze that's in the basement or something that's how i view now like you're going to someone's apartment like the ac's on it's hot outside like yeah i'm relaxed you walk into jake's apartment circa two days ago it's hotter dude it was It was like You walk in and you're like What the fuck Is in here

Yeah It is It's The air was disgusting The windows are open 24-7 Exactly Which was even weirder It's like

And the trash is right below I think it's just It was swastika It was almost like It literally The lake air Would just Walk

Which is horrible It's disgusting Yeah It was so warm The amount of times like i because i when you first when he first moved there i slept on his couch every weekend it got so bad and so consistent going down to jake's place that when i would hop in my car friday afternoon at 3 30 my phone would ring me and go 21 minutes to da da da da i'm like dude this is fucking yeah it knew

right to jake's so consistent it's it my phone did that when i had to go to work like be like yeah traffic's lights like yeah it's always light but actually i'll bring this up in a second but i don't bring it i'm not that was actually kind of cool to see is uh i know i've been doing the stand up enough because i got into my car yesterday at 3 30 or at 7 and it said i did it again 20 minutes to the club yeah i was like good for you yeah that one actually felt good yeah um i also was like hey man stop looking at me but yeah But no, but it was 3.30. We'd go down. I'd pick you up.

Well, I would say I'm here. It'd take you 35 minutes to get down to the car. We'd be like, where are we going? I'm like, fuck it, let's just do Tiki Bar. We go to the Tiki Bar. We have a drink. We're like, where else do we go? We end up going out.

No, let's get a margarita. We go to a margarita. Oh, yeah. So then we go from one end of the Poll market to the other end of the public market, make friends with both bartenders. Got to do that stuff. And then, so we're now two double vodka sodas in and then a margarita, whatever free shit a meal gave us.

Like, I guess we're going out and we'd meet whoever, but like we couldn't cause there's also COVID. So we're, you and I are kind of like just blasted in a corner trying to hang out with whoever. We'd go back, smoke, and then I'd sleep on your couch and I would wake up and I swear to God, thank God you didn't wake up. I think you could see the outline of my body on your couch. Yeah. It was disgusting. Probably.

So hot. It was not wet. And you'd be gone and I'd just be dying It was disgusting. Probably. So hot. It was not wet. And you'd be gone and I'd just be dying in my bed. Yeah. It's terrible. Terrible.

I would like, I would wake up and like, I would like to sleep in longer. I would have no problem. Like if it was nice in there, I probably would have sucked to like 9, 8, 30.

No, I woke up at like 6 o'clock in a... I gotta go. get me to my car with just some sort of AC 80 degrees outside is cool no lie I'd walk outside like I'm convinced

if there's just more than one person in that part of it it's bad I mean with us four there we were pre-gaming with our shirts off it was so fucking hot. It's so warm. It's like, oh my God. Imagine what the garage

feels like in an 85-year-old right now. That's Jake's apartment all day, all year. Stop eating the Skittles. They just have to have melted into one by now. No, they haven't actually. This shirt is so loose it hangs off my body

and it's good. What was the other thing we were going to bring up? My ass is starting to hurt. That's not good. The three topics we were talking about? You had Summerfest. We covered that. Then we had your apartment and your AC unit.

I think I'm going back to Denver again. Oh, fantasy football. Fantasy football. I'm going back to Denver. Yeah. I think I'm going a week earlier than you.

Damn. Yeah, I'm going for Midland. Do you not remember that conversation? No. We're at brunch. Yeah, we're at brunch and you guys are talking

about a Lennium. Obviously, when we were in Denver last weekend. And Connor looks at me and goes, Michael, are you coming back in October? And I just let him go, I'm not coming for Alenium. Like, I just saw Big Wild, and I was, like, the odd one out.

Like, I'm. You would hate Alenium if you did not like Big Wild. But I've already. I've actually already seen Alenium, and I've seen him at Ultra. Yeah. Which is, like, apparently they're hard stuff. I don't fucking know. Nor do I care.

And by the way big wild very impressive artist like an actual impressive artist yeah very good it's like i enjoy like edm but he does a lot of stuff yeah he played so many different instruments i enjoyed myself the only thing i didn't like about it was shit, there is no audio going right now on my fucking thing. The whole time. Just like talking to, what the fuck just happened? Okay. So, for people who don't know, and it's going to sound weird, but the lines went flat.

Like, just straight flat. Holy shit. And I'm like, I've got nothing. But apparently everything was recording. I'm schvitzing. And, okay, what I was saying. Oh, yeah. So, great artist.

I enjoyed myself. My problem with it was everyone else had a different level of fun than I did. Well. I tried to get there. It didn't work. Do- there it didn't do to do michael doesn't know how to dance he doesn't have a dancing bone in his body so this is standing there the whole time staring at the shape here's the thing i do know how to dance it's to that like my body hasn't danced to that ever in its life fix your hair you have like half of a chicken little justin bieber swoop going on right now um there you go so i just didn't know what to do and know the problem is is like when i see you go from you having fun to i'm like what the fuck just happened And I had no

I'm like I can't It was also so annoying And I said this to you guys when we were there But everyone was like You having fun I think people are going to know where we're getting at to this point Like you there yet Didn't get there

And like rubbing my back And shit like you having fun you're having fun i'm like leave me the fuck alone like you should be having the time of your life i'm like i'm about to end your fucking life you touch me one more time i was so sick of it i was like i'm more annoyed than i am on the up and up yeah you would have if that would have if you would have had a better time there i think you would have come to it yeah have, if you would have had a better time there, I think you would have come to Atlanta. Yeah. But that's okay.

Midland would be great. Where is Midland at? Is it at Red Rocks? But. Hell yeah. I think I had a good enough time because I said I have listened to his music since. Going back to what we had the conversation is, and it's like not an important conversation, but just to finish the story.

We were at brunch and you guys talking about a lenny i'm kind of like you're coming in october i'm like i'm not coming to a lenny and he goes no midland plays i go oh i'll be there for sure yeah nice and he he lost it i was like oh fuck all right yeah i like i looked it up today i was like when actually is hopefully like do i need to go next week um but it'll be in october so yeah you're not booking a 6 a.m flight back fuck yeah also i will not yeah i can't go to that though i'm gonna be going to new york to hang with maddie h who just moved out there so that's cool who's oh yeah you said maddie h like it was a girl no mr heilman yeah i wish i would have gotten him dude i'm so excited at first i was like oh my god i'm traveling so much and like hotels are so expensive i've spent so much money so oh my god

this last month is the most money i've ever spent on my credit card it's easily same easily so much money to the fact where my bank's gonna call me i'm gonna be like oh my bank shut my card down how about that yeah well they they declined uh recent purchase in denver though no here when i bought that so when i got back from denver i bought their clothes and they're like card decline i go huh yeah i'm like that's never fun and i went and checked my I'm like, I have plenty of money to get this done. Hey, hey, this is a good pitch for the Apple card because there's no number on it. Fair. You just click a button and you get a new number.

Boom, you're good to go. You don't have to deal with anything else. And so I was like, what the fuck's going on? So I'm like, I have to switch. I'm like, go to my debit card. And it worked. And I had to call him like, what's up? And I'm like, was that you?

I go, really? The one in Wisconsin? You're asking if it's me? And like, was that you? I go, really? The one in Wisconsin? You're asking if it's me? Not the Denver? You were buying shit? Thousand dollars in Denver or whatever? Yeah. Or how about the $1,500 I spent in Nashville?

No one called me then. But the $100 I spent on jackets, you're like, it's not you. Maybe the bank's listening to the show. The bank's like, this definitely isn't you. You actually buying this shit? Yeah. Fuck you, Chase Bank. Fuck you. But actually buying this shit? Yeah. You got a couple of back office people

just watching. Fuck you, but spots me, go for it. Can you imagine if like all of a sudden, 10% off. All of a sudden,

like next episode, this episode is brought to you by Chase Bank. You use my promo code, you get blah, blah, blah, 200 when you open the next checking account. All right,

let's just move on to the serious stuff because we have to end it here. We're about to hit an hour. Jake, you know the question that's coming up. Do you have an answer? I'll ask it for the show.

You turn 25 soon. And? Yes, that's the answer. Yeah. Do you have something you want slash have to do before you turn 25?

The 25 is the big age because mine was was the 25 so like a question however if it's so soon like it is it's very quickly here soon you have like what uh two two months yeah two months um we can extend it to 26 but is there something because everyone has an answer. Something you want to do. What's something you want slash have to do before your next birthday? Huh. That's a good question. I don't know.

It is a good question. That's why I ask everyone that comes on here. Yeah. I don't know. I really don't. You have to answer. I'm just letting you know that. I mean, there's...

Yeah, I know. There's a lot of things that I am going to check off, though. off though i just checked off going to red rocks but i want to do that forever i wanted to go to the kentucky derby we're doing that but how about something you don't have planned already something that like maybe you're a little hesitant on that yeah this i can hold you accountable for wait hold on though it's gotta happen in the next two months or do i get a year in two months well if you think it can be done in the next two months i would prefer that however if it's something like super big like get buried um i'd give you like three months dude i don't know i really don't know life's pretty good i kind of have everything life can

be good yeah but there's something that you know you want to do yeah i'm trying to dude i literally don't know i don't have a single thing we're gonna need an answer here because this is gonna be some dead fucking audio. I know it's super dead audio. Dude. Don't worry. The car will fucking fill the space that's starting over there. I'm trying to think of like, there's nothing that I'm like rushed to do. There's nothing I feel like

No, it's not rushed, but like something like you've always wanted to do that can be like instead of just waiting and like one day it'll happen, like fuck it, just do it. Okay. Like, do you want to go skydiving in a month yeah no no okay bungee jumping i want to skydive that might be my next one i guess i'd go i'm not a big heights guy but like once you get pushed out of the plane doesn't fucking matter yeah i heard it's a very like while i'm talking you think yeah but i heard it's very like once you like it's scary before, like, while I'm talking, you think. Yeah, I am, I am, I am. But I heard it's very, like, once you jump, like, it's scary before you jump, but once you're falling after the first few seconds,

it's such a calming experience because you're like, this is it. Like, there is no going back. It's either I'm dead instantly or I live. So there is no, I guess there is a downside. You're dead, but... Hmm. Think of it this way. The longer you think,

the longer we have to sit in this fucking heat. Yeah, I know. The thing that keeps just popping in my head is I want to buy a condo as soon as possible. That's not happening in two months. That's probably gonna happen in a year, though. Well, then let's do that. All right, fine. So you have a year a year yeah so let's say before you turn

26 you'd like to buy a condo yeah that's it that's that's what keeps popping my head but two months dude i don't know if i think of something i'll tell you eventually but yeah all right condo that's good that's it that's all i needed nothing to nothing crazy but that's it you're like yeah i'm tired of world hunger in it Yeah I'm tired of World hunger In the next two months Tired of my horrible Little hot apartment

Dude half the ones Half the people that are on here Are like I want to gain weight I want to get tattoos I want a job I want I want to break 80

And golf I want to like That's pretty good Like I'm waiting for one guy Like Nathan was like I want to spend more time With my family And Colin was like

I'd like to get to like A thousand subscribers On YouTube Like weird like, I'd like to get to like a thousand subscribers on YouTube. Like we're like cool things to like, tattoos are cool. Child's cool. Like I want someone to be like, I want to do this. No one's really said anything yet.

Sorry to everyone else, but someone surprised me and be like, I want a couple of things, but like, I feel like I'm doing pretty well checking stuff off of my list right now. That's a good thing. That is a good thing. Like there's nothing like I'm not like dishing on.

It's definitely finally changing. Thank God. Like COVID is kind of coming to an end. Cause I think, yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah,

it is. Um, it a hundred percent is all right. Yeah. Delta. Well, let's end it. Jake Heilman,

the best ass tattoo out of the three of us. Yeah. Flash. Well, let's end it. Jake Heilman, the best Ask City's tattoo out of the three of us. Yeah. Flash it for the camera once. But everyone, we still need a couple people. I think Dunk City do it. Gamer will probably do it.

Hey, to anyone, would you be upset if this got big and just like random people got it? No. I think it'd be kind of cool. Yeah. I mean, i'm still the

second person to get it yeah so that will never change if anyone has ever wondered what this tattoo is and you don't watch all the episodes and you're definitely not watching to the very end of this one i know that um how long and you want it let me know and we'll get it also while we do this i'm looking at one guy specifically who commented on my red flag video. You said red flag or I'm a walking red flag would be your next tattoo. I said Pixar didn't happen. You said bet. I'm waiting, dude.

Give me the fucking tattoo. I want to see it. Show me the fucking tattoo I want to see it show me the tattoo I want to see it someone tattooed my fucking Instagram handle on the inside

of her ankle you can get I'm a walking red flag that's all I gotta say I really want to see it I want people to start tattooing their body

with weird shit get the ass titties fat chance buddy wait real quick though do we have to release this episode I really want to see. I want people to start tattooing their body with weird shit. Get the ass titties. Fat chance, buddy. Wait, real quick, though. Do we have to release this episode? Shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. I almost had a mini heart attack right there.

I will fucking kill you. We're taped. We're taped. Oh, cute. Thanks, guys. Great being on again. What is this, three? Let's go get hammered.

Hopefully, I'll get double digits one day. All right. Peace.