Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.28 - Me Again

Episode Date: September 9, 2021

Health Concerns, Irrational Fears, Travis Scott, Bucket Lists

Testing 1, 2, 3 I need my phone Eee this is ugly Let's see how many people interrupt me today. Well, who's surprised I'm doing this by myself again? Because I don't plan for shit. This time, if you would like to see the rundown to the... I'm just kidding, nothing's going to pop up there. I don't know why I'm doing this alright

here we go solo episode solo Here we go. Solo episode. Solo. Solo. Can you hear me? Yes, we can hear me alright solo episode numero dos because once again I cannot plan for shit

so we have a few more things we can talk about if you'd like to look at the rundown that'll be to the right or left of me I don't really know if this flips or not but I'm also lying nothing's gonna pop up because I do not know how to do any of that someone knows how to do it please let me know and I will not pay you but it would be much appreciated. All right. First order of business. Well, I realize actually looking at my list of things,

I did not come back and prepare as much as I should have. First order of business. I think this is just going to be either get to know me episode with a few current events and a few, you know, house cleaning house cleaning you know things i want to talk about first of all health concerns um i think i'm lopsided like this part like right by your abs like the obliques that like kind of points out yeah it's uh it's I think it protrudes bigger more than the left one I also think my right boob is bigger than my left and I think when I put my jaw out it goes to a certain direction so I think I'm lopsided I don't know if it's like I remember specifically when I was younger

uh my neighbors the Fernandez had had this berm in the front of their house, and there's this giant rock in the middle of it, and these tall grass that surrounds it, and we used to like, we thought we were so cool, we'd run, we'd jump off the rock, and we'd jump over, and have you ever had like a moment of just like an absolute brain fart. And I jumped and dove. And for some reason, I thought the best way to land was on my side. And so I wonder if I like broke a rib or like readjusted my body all the way back then. I've honestly thought about this specific incident.

I think about it at least five, six times a year that I think this is why I'm lopsided, but I'm a little crooked. That being said, moving on, I've been getting headaches for the last week. It started, I woke up at like 2.30 in the morning, and it was just like this pulsating thing in the back it was like my neck stiffened up into my head just the left side though and it fucking killed it i went back to sleep on it and it disappeared but then the next and i forgot about the next day i started jumping rope when i was working out and like it kind of came back and if i like i think i tweaked my neck or something but now all of a sudden like i didn't get it today when I worked out for the first time since, but I kind of just got having like this lingering headache and I don't know how to get rid of it. So if there's any doctors out there of the six people that listen to this,

um, and you know what it is, if I'm dying, don't tell me. Okay. Just don't tell me. I'd rather just go in my sleep, let it go. Um, but if it's an easy fix, we're like, Hey man, go to the chiropractor. I'd love to hear it. Um, well, I should probably put this on. I'll promote the, the brothers guys. Um, let's see. Okay. Um, because I know you listen to these Connor, um, This might be the only way I can communicate to you. Two things. First of all, I texted you last week and I didn't get a reply about what we're doing for Midland in Denver in a month. I would like to come and almost book my flight last night because I've been talking to Grant. However, I'd like to hear from you to figure out what the hell it is you're

doing. If you're going, if not, let me know. So if you do really listen, it's five minutes in. So I think you listened to this much at least. Just shoot me a text. Knowing me, don't get a reply on the first one. Probably not going to follow up. So ball's in your court now, buddy. Two, it turns out you'd think i would have figured this out by now but um

i might need actual contracts for these two athletes i sponsored i texted the boys last week when i dropped off their jackets to get uh all the lettering and like the logos and stuff on it and i was like do you guys want your number on the back or do you want Fat Chance Buddy on the back? And long story short, we're going with the Fat Chance Buddy, but I get a text back from the oldest one, athlete number two, and he's like, I just had a meeting with what I think is NIL. My ear is plugged.

With NIL, it could be so wrong. But he's like, yeah, if there's going to be any promo stuff with a sponsor, the name of the school has to be blurred out. I don't think they can wear anything or they can wear stuff. I don't think they're cracking down on lacrosse players. I think it's more like D1 football players, shit like that. But I have to blur stuff out. I think they said I need a legit contract if they're going to wear anything.

Because they don't want any association with the school. So the school isn't associated with me. Good. But the athletes are. So I don't know if it takes a lot to write up a contract. I mean, can I just write one on a napkin, have them sign it? Like this is the agreement. Like I think the agreement is basically,

hey, I will send you guys merch when I make it, and that's it. You're my athletes, and they're fine with that. So again, anyone know how to do that or can walk me through it let me know or once again mr connor because you seemed excited last time we brought this idea up let me know if it's a possibility that's basically all the uh you know the things i wanted to get out of the way right away, the boring stuff.

Yeah, health reasons. I'm crooked. I could be dying. It's probably just a headache. And I'm probably going to need a lawyer here soon. Other than that, I can't wait for the jackets to come. I did order one extra, and I'm thinking about giving it away. So if anyone has a contest idea, let me know.

Otherwise, whoever sends me the coolest DM might give it to you. Might not, but it's worth a try. So let's see. We're going to knock off Health Concerns, Headaches, Lobsided, Address Connor, Midland Contracts. Eight minutes in.

We might only have a 20 minute episode this week um okay i guess we'll give you a twitter update my twitter is no longer just large black woman it is strictly still just women and in the more explicit genre the the XXX, you know, hugs and kisses, not really kind of content. I did show my buddy Jake one of you. I got one of the notifications and I go, all right, what do you think this one is? And I was like, is it a picture? Is it a tweet?

Is it a video? And I open it up and the video underneath replying to just a tweet was a guy bending a girl over on the counter and just so thank you Twitter it was brought to my attention this will probably stop if I stop opening them but I'm very curious now um and i think after i complained about it just being one genre it has expanded i now have all races all shapes and sizes um so that's cool um maybe one day it'll be cooking and sports but for now it's porn um so yeah my twitter is still i'd say it's on the rise.

I probably should start following more people and maybe unfollow Cody and Michael. Because, again, I don't know what you guys are watching. Michael, again, you FaceTimed me this weekend. I know you don't listen this far into this, but I know. I want to move there too, buddy. And hopefully soon but you know sometimes things just don't work out so we'll see i'd like to get out of this garage although it's kind of nice the weather's changing fall is upon us and i get to wear sweatpants like i'm not sweating right now which is unbelievable that's it for the twitter update not much to talk about

i'm really gonna need to uh pull some stuff out of my ass um i think this is no you know fuck it uh i saw this uh i i have a routine in the morning i wouldn't say really routine but every day i like checking uh the daily mail thing on snapchat and usually it's kardashian this kardashian that blah blah blah some axe murder shooting here shooting there it's not that great but every once in a while you get this gold gem of an article and i honestly god just saw the the headline for this one didn't read it i think i was hopping or i was on the way up to michigan this weekend and we can talk about that but i saw this article on the way up to michigan and I had to laugh because, I mean, alright, let me just read it for you.

Man tosses his penis at cops. Driver cut off genitalia and threw it out the window during high-speed car chase. This man went full Mario Kart on a high-speed chase. He didn't get one of the light up boxes so he said fuck it I'll make a banana of my own cut his junk off and threw it out the window in hopes that the sheriff would

and he could cross the finish line before the cops caught him. What level of drugs are you on that not only are you in a high-speed chase with the cops, but you think to yourself, the best course of action to get away from them would be to cut my dick off and then throw it out the window. I mean, let me, yeah, okay, just making sure. High-speed car chase.

While driving. The fact that he didn't crash either is impressive. Like, if I, when you're driving, we all have the moments where we're like either gazing off or we like kind of daydream and we're like holy shit i'm driving and there were turns i took and you have it's like anywhere between 30 seconds to two minutes of you like how the fuck am i here how did i not die how did i not run into anyone i was not paying attention there are people who run to the back of cars because they quickly check their phone or

like they have directions up and a text comes so they like oh get out of the way i need i'm getting to my exit soon and by the time they do this there's a car and you see the headlights and this man cut off his fucking nutsack i'm assuming he cut off the whole thing just the shaft i mean dude if you're gonna do it just fucking do it um more service area if you're gonna get the the car to you know spin out but this man cut his nutsack off rolled down his window i'm assuming it's a crank window because if you're in the state of mind to cut your nuts off and do something where the cops are going to chase you you probably don't have a tesla so i'm assuming he cranked his

window down dick in one hand knee on the steering wheel and he's just like can you imagine if he hit the car and he went, Wahoo! Like the fucking game. The only reason I know that is because I played an insane amount of Wii and Mario Kart this weekend. This weekend, I guess we're just going to end with the article. But, man cuts his penis off, throws it at cops during high speed chase. Look it up. It's real. I'm not making this up. It'd be real hard to make that up.

But, this weekend we went to Michigan, and we just kind of wanted a chill weekend. We didn't want to go drink down here in Milwaukee the whole time. So we decided let's just go up to our buddy's cabin, hung out with his parents. We got stupid, I wouldn't say stupid high, but we got high every day. We drank a little bit. It's the most I've ever been called cocksucker in my life by these friends of the family. We did this, what they called a progressive or what I call an adult bar crawl. So we stopped at one house on the boat.

This house had hors d'oeuvres. Had the hors d'oeuvres. Then we went to a next house. They did the main course, which was a fish boil. I was assuming it's like crawfish, shrimp. They just threw a bunch of whitefish, potatoes, corn, boiled it. It was delicious. It was great.

And then dessert back at the place we were staying at. So we drank a lot, but there was like, we need to initiate you into the group. I'm like, you guys are like 56. You don't need to initiate me into anything. But this guy, he's, I mean, he had me shoot a 20 gauge shotgun, which was great. I mean, like shoot guns plenty.

But he's like, yeah, you need to shotgun this truly. And when I first heard that, I was like, all right, I can shotgun. But then it was like one of those 22 ounce ones. I'm like, all right, I can shotgun, but then it was like one of those 22-ounce ones, I'm like, I'm not fucking doing this, this is disgusting, so I get on the boat, and they're like, you got a shotgun, I'm like, I'm not gonna shotgun it, I'm not gonna finish it, I'm terrible at chugging, as I've said multiple times, so I'm like, it's a five,

10-minute boat ride, it's really not long at all, and I was like, how about I just finish this by the time we get back to the house? He goes, fine. But sipping it that slow, I don't think you're going to do it. And halfway through, polished it off. And he's like, all right, I got some respect for you, which is nice. But he just like, I think they got a little fucked up. And I got called cocksucker this, cocksucker that. And it was all good fun.

But I haven't heard the word or phrase cocksucker in a very long time until that weekend, and now it's stuck in my head that I know I'm going to call someone a cocksucker this weekend, and I'll probably get my ass kicked for it just for the way I look. Little Oompa Loompa motherfucker who's going to be drunk at a concert this weekend and be like, get out of my way, cocksucker, and then gone. Besides the point, back to the Wii. There wasn't a ton to do there.

I hate playing card games. I'm not good at them. I won't say I'm not good at them, but they bore me. And so we go downstairs and we play. We're playing this Wii Mario Kart. Playing Mario Kart High is hysterical it's also tough we played so much of it

that that's the first thing I thought of when I looked at that article again because I screenshot it I was like holy shit this man went full fucking Mario and Luigi with a banana trying to nail Bowser off his little cart what else did we do it wasn't a whole lot I mean there's not a ton in Michigan with a banana trying to nail Bowser off his little cart.

What else did we do? It wasn't a whole lot. I mean, there's not a ton in Michigan. I'm not going to lie. Well, we were in Michigami. So if anyone lives in Michigami besides the people who go there for the weekend, I apologize, but there isn't much to do. The little town was cool, but, I mean, they're like,

you've got to go to the tourist trap, which is basically like imagine going on spring break on the beach and you see those places where it's like, I love Daytona Beach, like those kind of shops that have like sweatshirts. That's another thing. Appropriate fucking clothing for where you're at. Welcome back to the adhd section of this but you ever go to spring break let's say you go to daytona beach pcb it's always or like texas it's always fucking warm okay and you're uh fuck where did i go south padre island you go there and it's those, like, gift shops, so it's like, it's just board shorts, t-shirts, it's got, like, t-shirts on the wall and sayings, and they'll make one for you, but it's like, uh, they sell sweatshirts that says, I love

Daytona Beach, you're not wearing a sweatshirt on the fucking beach, why would I want something that says, I love Daytona Beach, and something i'm never gonna wear there i'm gonna work this out more but like i genuinely don't like you don't you don't go to the north pole like if you went to santa's workshop he's not selling swimsuits and booty shorts and swim trunks and tank tops and say, I visited the North Pole. You're never going to fucking wear that. Nor are you going to say if you do wear it on the beach in Texas, no one cares if you're in Texas that you went to the North fucking

Pole. It's a weird thing that bothers me, but stop selling inappropriate or illogical clothing in a client or, how do I put this? Sell proper climate appropriate clothing at these spring break destinations. Okay?

If I'm going to PCB, Fort Myers, Orlando, Orlando is different because it's disney everyone wants disney everything okay it's not just saying it's disney is a it's a whole thing so disney you're excluded from this okay but if it was just a i went to orlando i'm not getting snow pants okay that's dumb if i went to orlando i want swim trunks, Mickey Mouse ears, or a t-shirt that says, I fucked Minnie Mouse, okay, that's my little rant on clothing, I don't even know where the fuck I was, man throws penis, yeah, we can get rid of that, talked about Michigan, that was great, a lot of we, we did like weird weird Olympic games where it's like first roll a Yahtzee one we golf hole which is really tough uh when you're high again and then flip cup and

then beer pong and it was really dumb but like two mid-20s individuals can't really you got to entertain yourself somehow between the hours of 9 and midnight or 9 and 2 o'clock when the only thing on TV is mash reruns um okay we'll move on to

oh here's two more current event things um I don't know if I really want to talk about this one because this one's more serious. But it came to my attention while I was up north this weekend that there was a guy... I don't know if I really want to talk about this.

Because I haven't formulated full thoughts yet on it. Well, I have formulated a thought on the concept in general but there's a guy who i don't know which school he went to i think it might be iowa and fiji who dm'd a girl um basically saying it's your fault if you get raped handle your liquor don't get drugged If you get raped, handle your liquor. Don't get drugged. Before I say anything else, first of all, fuck you, dude. Second of all, I think you're missing more chromosomes

or have less of an IQ than the man who cut off his penis and threw it at the fucking cops. First of all,? First of all, or second of all, if you're going to DM someone that, actually, not if, don't. Okay? But the fact that you think you can DM someone that and it's not going to go everywhere?

I mean, are you dumb or are you just fucking stupid? Okay? It's girls share DMs from guys that say like, hey beautiful, and they'll put it in the group chat. Look at this fucking weirdo who thinks he can get me. This motherfucker's out of my league. You told her it's her fault if she gets raped? Motherfucker, that's going across the world. Okay?

So, now a lot of it was like abolished Fiji. I don't know the whole story at all. I didn't read a ton into it. It kind of just disgusted me seeing it all over the place. I mean, if something happens in iowa at a fraternity at a school i probably haven't heard about um and it makes it way to my instagram feed it's definitely a big i mean not saying i'm big deal at all but like someone who's not important it makes to mind yeah it's it's a big fucking deal um but i didn't i didn't read the whole all the stuff that's going

on i don't know the whole thing so i don't want to make assumptions um and i didn't i didn't read the whole all the stuff that's going on i don't know the whole thing so i don't want to make assumptions um and i don't know what that fiji chapter has done since um so i'm not really going to say much on it i don't i wouldn't say it's all i always think it's weird um everyone says like if if one person got in trouble in the class why does the whole class get in trouble kind of thing um but i think in that case when you when you accept someone in and as one of your own um you kind of have to bear those consequences too you chose this man you chose the wrong character um now am i saying everyone in that fraternity is a scumbag like this kid um i wish i remembered your name i really do because and

if this somehow got attention again i'd love to just fucking bury you but that's besides the point that was just number two in the list of things that I feel like I should address, but I have no place to be too serious. This is supposed to be a fun little episode. Or where I just, you know, rip on people for their dumb, dumb things. So, Mr. Iowa Kid, if you're from Iowa, that was your turn. I hope you have more coming to you. But let's move on to white women.

Speaking of sharing things, recently I think we all found out, guys included, through no effort of our own, that Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott are expecting a child again. Quite frankly, I don't fucking care. Congratulations to the two of you. But please explain to me why every white girl in America, and it's not just white women, it's usually women in their mid-20s, thought it was necessary, and I'm, yeah, a lot of people on my feed thought it was necessary to just share Travis's video. Don't get me wrong. After like the 14th one I saw, I clicked on it.

I watched the first 30, 45 seconds, and it seemed really sweet. I just don't understand why everyone reshares it. I don't reshare if, like, I have a high school friend that just passed the bar. Didn't repost that. My buddy who just moved to Colorado got got a great new job didn't post anything like that um i get pregnancies a little different but it's the second one i mean ask your mom okay all of you go ask your mom ask her the difference between the first birth and the second birth i'll tell you my mom's story um again, sorry, mom. My mom said I sucked.

I'm the oldest, by the way. By the time she got to Andrew, the youngest, this motherfucker slid right out. Okay. I think by this second child, no one should fucking care. I'm like, cool. And it's public. Everyone cared when it was private before who fucking cares stop sharing it um well you don't have to stop sharing it that's very cynical however i just i'm trying to understand the logic behind it there is no reason to yet no reason not to repost it but every girl just fucking melted i mean guys we are in trouble. I mean, you better start recording every fucking thing your girlfriends do right now because Travis Scott just set the bar. I mean, off the camera. Um, I don't even know how long the video was, but I'm telling you right now if you you think it's easy to make a four minute

video i promise you it takes a lot longer than you think when you have clips from a nine month span okay it's gonna take a while um so the effort that put in now I don't think any of your girlfriends are going to expect you to put in Kylie Jenner, Travis Scott effort because one, they didn't make the video. He may have taken the videos, but I promise you he did not edit it. And I bet you he didn't post it. He probably told you when to post it. So moral of the story is congratulations i hope the kid's healthy um but i like i just genuinely don't understand why everyone was like i saw more this is how you knew it was a big deal in the uh mid 20 women demographic is

yesterday and the day before and even today i've seen more repos about those two having baby number dose than i have seen people virtue signaling about covid and vaccinations which to be honest was kind of refreshing so on second thought thank you guys because oh i don't need care anymore about what you think about COVID. 98.7% of people hospitalized aren't vaccinated. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think that's a sad. I've seen it a billion fucking times.

All right, COVID's serious. But I don't care about your political opinion anymore. Shut the fuck up. Take your opinion. Put it up your ass. And don't fucking talk anymore. put it up your ass and don't fucking talk anymore can we go back to just posting things on your social media accounts that are fun and enjoyable like go back to faking being happy than telling me how to live my life that would be great much appreciated

now i know it'll never happen um it'd be nice if the news was just like this is what happened today instead of um this is where you go if you're liberal or you're conservative or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But, you know, a man can dream, right? So that's it. Speaking of dreams, I have a request to do a bucket list. I think I'm going to leave that to the end. Hopefully this person just listens to the whole episode and let me fucking rant. Um, but yeah, so we'll save it to the end. Um, like I said, we'll get to know me episode. Um, it's not really gets to know me

episode cause we haven't really talked about me at all. Um, except for what bothers me about what has happened recently. And that the fact that I was high all goddamn weekend. I took more edibles this weekend than I have, I think, in my entire life. No, that's a lie. I probably equaled it or was just underneath the same amount I've had my entire life. My weed tolerance is so low. It's so low. So I only take like fives one night I had 10. Um, so I was never terrible, but when you take 10 and two different ones, they like, they were kind of going back and forth. Um, cause they have

different effects, I guess. Um, so that was interesting. Um, I was fighting it on a phone call and when I finally like hung up, it just crashed me. Um, but yeah. Okay. Back to the last thing. So, um, I have fun facts about me. I literally wrote two things down. What are my three favorite animals and my irrational fears? Um, so three favorite animals in no order are monkey ducks and cats monkeys ducks and cats yes um i don't have an order i think ducks are fucking adorable uh my stuffed animal growing up was named ducky but i think he was actually a platypus. Yeah, upon like reevaluation when I was older, this definitely doesn't look like a duck.

And it's a platypus. And I was terrible at naming things, and I thought it was a duck, so I just named it Ducky, which is probably a good thing because if I would have named my stuffed animal at the age of like three platypussy, I either would have been a fucking legend or a freak but yeah ducky was my stuffed animal growing up so i've always loved ducks monkeys i just i think i think monkeys are like the superhero or like i like spider-man stuff like that like crawling on walls and swinging and shit like that and i think it'd be so cool to be that agile just just they move effortlessly to grip things with your toes although i think feet are the most disgusting part of someone's body

um absolutely just got repulsive this is how you know you have nice feet though or not nice feet like not disgusting feet for me. Is if I look at your feet. And I don't immediately go. Your feet are okay. I take that as a compliment. If I say nothing about your feet and I see them. Or I don't go.

Or I get them the fuck away from me. Not bad feet. But. 99.99% of the time. Feet are hideous. They should be nowhere near people. You should have socks on whenever you can't have socks on, and don't put them on me, or at least near my face.

If I had a girlfriend and their feet were on my lap, fine. But keep them, like, foot fetishes? Like guys who suck on toes. I don't get it. I don't get it. Um, and what was the other one? Yeah. Monkeys. So ducks stuffed animal. I think they're adorable. Um, I do want to go duck hunting though. So I mean, do with that what you will. Monkeys. Monkeys are like the superhero Spider-Man of the animal world. And then, well, cats.

I've never had a dog. I think I've always wanted one, but they're a lot of work, and I can be very lazy. So cats have always been, like, I've only had cats. We've rescued cats. My, my cat that passed away two years ago, still the background of my phone. Um, we rescue them from the backyard. They're nice for the most part. I've had one that, um, or two now that, you know, kind of standoffish for the most part. They're super nice. They're super comfortable to like cuddle with and stuff like that. And they're not the most part they're super nice they're super comfortable to like

cuddle with and stuff like that and they're not like overly they're not big i mean don't i've had two fat fucking cats in my life and it's still not bad even 20 pounds is way different than like 80 pounds like imagine i have a big dog and he's like he thinks he's a lap dog you're not a fucking lap dog get the fuck off me if my cat looks like a basketball, I'm still fine with him being in my lap. One day I think I'll have a dog. My only problem with pets though is, and this is a really morbid way to look at it, is I don't think I can get one when I'm on my own because I know it's going to die. Like it scares the shit out of me.

I bawled my eyes out when my cat died two years ago over FaceTime. My dad FaceTimed me while we had to put him down because he had a heart attack. And I lost it. If I have my own and I do it with this animal in my arm, I'd be like, just put me down with him. So, yeah, that's a little morbid. Fun facts about me. Let's make it fun. Thank you, Chris DiStefano.

Irrational fear. I think, so I took some, like, this idea from, like, I hate saying this, but, like, the Ellen DeGeneres show, like, there's, like, the hot questions or whatever, and people ask these things all the time, but, like, what's an irrational fear, and it bothers me that people don't actually have irrational fears. They're like spiders or heights. I'm like, that's not irrational. I think you put 10 people in a room, two people or a fifth of them are afraid of spiders and half of them are afraid of heights. Like there's not irrational fears. So I actually have one that if anyone else has this, I'd be surprised. It's rational in the fact that, all right, no shit, this thing could hurt you, but irrational that

you would even think about it, and I think about it every time this thing turns on, and that's the garbage disposal, I am straight up afraid of this thing, I turn it on, I lean back, I lean back, and I go, nope, I don't want to do it. And the reason for this is when I was a sophomore in college, we used to pile up our dishes in our sink. Like a bunch of dudes, okay? We just pile up our dishes, and we'd say, once we have a jackass load of dishes,

I don't know why we called it a jackass load, have a jackass load of dishes i don't know why we called it a jackass load but a jackass load of dishes someone would finally do the dishes well the problem is is a jackass load of dishes is like two nights out and four days for four guys of dishes all right so think if it's cleaned almost every Thursday or Friday before we go out, if people are coming over, that means Saturday, Sunday, or Friday night, Saturday night of like shot glasses, red solo cups, like a plate for limes, knives, cutting board. And then Sunday comes, you order out, so there's nothing. But we sure as hell aren't doing dishes because it's just it's just bar glasses from the weekend and then monday tuesday wednesday thursday or monday

tuesday wednesday is us cooking out we're like fuck i have like that's when you take class seriously so you're not doing anything like all right thursday comes around you're like fuck all right thursday thursday thursday we're going out. Let's clean. People might come over. Well, I'm doing dishes, and I'm cleaning and scrubbing. I get everything out, and I'm rinsing the stuff down the sink, and I turn the garbage disposal on before I was afraid of them, and I hear, and I mean, yeah, garbage disposals normally make that sound, but, I mean, it was really rough. Like, we were chewing up rocks, and all of a sudden, a piece of glass comes and cuts me across the neck right here.

I go, what the fuck was that? I thought it was a blade that came up. We apparently had a shot glass go down in the sink. And I cleaned everything up and I didn't see it down there. No one's like, oh, I'm done with the dishes and let me just peek down here. And we ground it up and it shot up and cut me in the neck. And then I had to stick my hand down where the blade is. And then my head, because I've already been cut goes right to what if some

jackass just came like thousand ways to die and just while i'm down there flip the switch so like i to this day like i refuse i hate putting my hands down there um and so like i'm like like people came by me i'm like get away um if i'm near um someone here that's doing the garbage disposal like my mom's doing something and she flips it up and then she's still doing like cleaning dishes i go what the fuck are you doing scares the shit out of me so um that isn't your rational fear. It's not fucking heights or spiders or ISIS. Fuck you. Think of a better answer. Okay, last thing.

Because, I mean, fuck, I've been talking for 30, 40 minutes straight almost. Bucket list. So, I have put very little thought into this, and this is going to be probably one of the slower parts of this episode. So thank God it's the end. Um, but five things were asked of me. So I think I'm going to break this down into two places. I want to go to definitely attainable, uh, acts or things I want to do. And then one pipe dream kind of thing. So I haven't thought about this at all, except for what the pipe dream is. And it's haven't thought about this at all except for what the pipe dream is and it's because of a recent trip and i thought about it um while i was there um but i think two places i really want to go

so i i love traveling um and i actually started a list on my phone i wonder if it's i wonder if it's still on here oh man cuts, cuts off penis, I hope you're okay, man, I really do, um, oh yeah, I do, oh, okay, oh, one's dumb, I want to do a car wash with the windows down, who the, when the fuck did I do this, okay, so here are two things that I want to do, Okay, so here are two things that I want to do. Oh, this is the easiest one. This one could seem like a pipe dream too. I want to skydive out of a military plane to the song Fortunate Son.

Like out of a movie, I want the back of the plane to open up. I want to walk to the edge with the song playing in the background. I want to turn around, and I just want to fall out of the plane to open up. I want to walk to the edge with the song playing in the background. I want to turn around and I just want to fall out of the plane. That's for sure something I've thought about for probably the last 10 years. I think that would be such, such a cool moment. I don't know if I want to do that. Like, cause I haven't skydived yet or sky dove or gone skydiving. Um, but I, I definitely, definitely want to do it. And I don't know if I want to do it when I'm young or if like, Hey man, you're about to kick the can, just like wheel me off the back of the plane. Um, use all my money I have left and just wheel me out of the back of the plane to this song and just don't give me a parachute. Just let me the ground um i'd rather do it when i was young that's yeah um i want to

remember it that would be so fucking cool second um i saw this video on facebook and i think it'd be cool but apparently it's one of if not the toughest nightclub to get into. And I apologize if I butcher this name, but it's like the Burgain nightclub. And I don't know, it's somewhere in Europe. And apparently the line is stupid long. I don't know if it's every night or the days, the three, four days it's open during the week. know if it's every night or the days the three four days it's open during the week there is no footage according to this one video i watched that um of inside there now these the premise of this video was we're gonna get in or we're gonna try to get in and we're gonna get footage for you guys and apparently there is no like set like blueprint on how to get into this place.

So the bouncers are just like, you're in, you're in, you're not. Kind of how you're dressed, kind of how you're acting, stuff like that. It's basically like, I mean, they are judge, jury, and executioner for this place. And so they asked around, and they were like, all right, these outfits have worked before. This is kind of what you want to do. And they did it and they got in and they their cameras got in too and the end of the video and it could have been a hundred percent clickbait and stuff like that but they got out and they're like we understand why and

for the sanctity and the legend of this place, we're not going to share it. So if I'm getting bamboozled, whatever, I still want to check this place out. But I think the concept of something that's so forbidden, off limits, or exclusive, and everyone wants a peek inside, and everyone says, oh, if I'm ever inside, I'll tell you what's inside, like, kind of how, like, the government, oh, if I knew all the secrets, I'd let everyone know, but then when you get inside, and you're like, I'm kind of, I'm part of this club now, you don't want, I mean, you have to experience it for yourself, it would ruin it for everyone else i think that like that attracts me to this place so the bergain nightclub again

could be butchering it but i think i got the spelling right b-e-r-g-h-a-i-n nightclub so those would be two things i really want to do. I want to travel all across the world. I think I don't really know if I have top two places. I think that off the top of my head, I really want to go to Italy, and I really want to go to Tokyo or Japan. I've been to Iceland. I want to go back, like I've said. But right now, I think Italy, and then Tokyo, Japan, actually, I take that back, I think before I did Tokyo, or Japan, fuck it, I'll just

make it six, this is my goddamn show, I really want to see Egypt, I want to go to the pyramids, goddamn show i really want to see egypt i want to go to the pyramids i want to see tombs that interests the hell out of me like mysteries of the world like whether whatever your take is on religion and stuff like that but like when i was younger and they have shows pop up on the history channel like finding the holy grail or who were the Knights Templar, or where's this pharaoh actually buried, or recently like water erosion on the pyramids dates it back even farther, or they think under the paw of the Sphinx is actually archives, a bunch of stuff like that interesting, like full-on Indiana Jones type places,

I think would be amazing. So yeah, Italy, Egypt, Japan, Tokyo, whatever. Those are the places I'd want to go. Skydive to Fortunate Son out of a military plane, just fall back and then get into the brigade nightclub and then my pipe dream which i think has to relate to what i want to do the rest of my life which is comedy i do want to find some way to get into cooking as well but i think everyone has like an ideal like venue you want to sell out and instead of like

everyone I think I the best thing I've not the best thing I've heard but people have like you have to have manageable dreams you can't just be like I want to sell out Madison Square Garden that's tough and like my pipe dream obviously is too, but it's a lot smaller than Madison Square Garden, I believe, yeah, it is, and, but you have to have manageable dreams, so you can't just be like, I want to, I want to sell this out, and then, if you don't get it, you're like, oh, I failed, you didn't fail, you didn't see everything in between that you did that's impressive. It should start with, I want to get paid to do this. I want to be able to travel and do this.

I want to not have another job and do this, like building blocks. But if I'm going to give you a pipe dream, I want to sell at Red Rocks. After seeing my first concert there, granted it wasn't someone I was particularly interested in, at one point during that concert, I stopped, which I was basically stopped the entire time. Like I didn't know what to do with my body. But I stopped and I turned around.

And we were in the middle. And middle front-ish. And just to see the sea of people. And I think it was the right concert to look at it too. But everyone was like doing the same motion. Their hands are up. I mean it's a wave of people. And I thought like man would this be fucking cool to do a performance here

and have this many people laugh at stories of my life or something i think is funny i think that would be amazing um and it coincides with a bucket list feeling of mine that i will never feel simply for profession and because i sound like a dying cat if i sing but i true like i get goosebumps to this day if i listen to a live song specifically i can tell you the song that will do it for me every time. It's You and Tequila by Kenny Chesney and Grace Potter. In the song, live from Red Rocks, he starts singing the last chorus. And he just says the first word. as the first word and all however many thousand people there were sing the last minute back to him he doesn't do a damn thing but that many people know that song that well that they're able to sing it back to him i mean i have goosebumps thinking about it the fact that

you could just you put in however many hours or days to write this song, don't know if it's going to do well, and one day you're singing it to a sold-out venue, one of the coolest venues I had ventured to say in the country, and several thousand people are just singing your song back to you, that has to be a top three feeling, no questions about it in the world so yeah um don't cut your penis off when you drive um know that if you dm someone

it's probably going to be shown to the world if you're a fucking jackass my twitter's getting better. Connor, please let me know if we're doing Midland. And I'm lopsided. So if you ever see me in person and I look like this, it's normal.

Went longer than last time. This went way better than last time. Sorry I don't have another guest. I'm working on it. I'm having trouble finding people I actually want to talk to lately. I've run out of most people I do want to talk to here, kind of with time constraints and schedules.

But I think this is going to be another good push to go find another geographic location, hopefully, with some new people, some other friends. But for now, you just get me in my garage with my super cool Rugrats t-shirt. Adios.