Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.31 - Michael Cuske

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

Last solo episode before its a series of its own. Weekend updates, TikTok favorites and end of the season awards.

all right let's get this over with happy halloween no more months early but trying to snickers peanut brownie must suck to be allergic to peanuts all the things you miss out on. Can't have the penis in the Chinese food. That sounded like penis, didn't it, while I was eating? Peanut butter?

Jesus Christ. Maybe I am allergic. No trash cans, but we'll pretend. Finished chewing. So, um finish chewing so this is going to be the third and final episode that's solo um for season three got the last episode locked up but figured i had an idea to do some end of the season awards but i didn't do it for season, so we're going to rope them in for two. But we'll talk about a few things as well. Got to get some content out there, don't I?

We'll start with this. A few updates. Twitter, I think we're going to do that every time. Twitter has, we've officially moved to very attractive women. Very attractive women. I would say 70% of the time. It's kind of cool. Twitter's turning into a, it's not videos, although there was one time where it was just a guy. I think I told the last time was just absolutely going to town on someone, but it's very attractive

women or people with the most outrageous features. I mean like tits the size of watermelons or um ass cheeks that blend into thighs that blend to the back you look like a pair like a legit pair um so it's either the extremes or i'm like holy fuck um we'll get off that before I get too excited. Um, I figured, oh yeah, my athletes got the jackets. They like them. Uh, they could be being very nice to me, but I think they like them. I mean, Jake FaceTimed me, which is great. I did ask him to call me. No, he didn't FaceTime.

He called me and Joey sent me a picture of himself, which little weird getting a mirror selfie from a 19 year old boy. Um, take that out of context but um yeah no they they look great um obviously I mentioned last episode the problems with them they're a little too big here but you know what um not everything's gonna be perfect the first time you do it so uh that's it also what do we think of the new camera angle for the solo episodes uh trying something else new i didn't want to go get the chair from upstairs so um this wasn't a creative choice this was a lazy choice i'm gonna be honest with you um i gotta stop saying um in between each thought

in terms of solo episodes i think i'm gonna do a solo series as well so i'm gonna start putting out two episodes a week. Starting at season three. It might take a break in between season two and season three. But starting with season three, we will have Michael's Mondays on Tuesdays. So I will film Monday and they'll be out Tuesday. So that makes sense now.

And then we'll continue with season three. And hopefully I can get some bigger guests or people who are really doing some things and chasing dreams and blah, blah, blah blah i have the question all lined up uh for season three it's actually multiple questions i just have to narrow it down to from like 40 to a solid 15 to 20 and like it's like rapid fire we're basically gonna see each guest's ideal mate or person is. So that'll be fun. You'll see all the questions when they come in a few weeks. And then, yeah, that's it for updates.

So a new show coming out. We have the new question. Athletes got their jackets. I'm looking into t-shirts still. The guy who I'm trying to hire to design the back of the t-shirt has not replied to me in two weeks. And so that's getting annoying. Might need to find a new person. And then, yeah, solo show.

We're good to go. Let's see. What have I done the past weekend, last two weekends? Went up to Minnesota. Drove four and a half, longest I've ever driven for a tee time in my entire life. Had initial plans to go up there, I thought. I don't want to get too ahead of myself. And then those fell through, so I decided, hey, papers.

Let's hang out all weekend. Golfed the best rounds of my life this bug needs to die and then i come home and i golf with my dad like three times since and i don't know if my dad's called it his superpower but i got the yips i got the rights i got the shakes i got the whatever you want to call them but every time i hit anything pitching wedge 56 60 whatever it sucks I'm afraid to swing the fucking club now then I go to the driving range and everything's beautiful uh today but that just means when I go and I have the confidence and I'll go into the round the first time I have to hit a wedge shot 80 yards and under it'll go 100 yards to the fucking right. Golf is no longer fun right now. I don't know why I ever fucking picked it up. I mean, it is the game of life.

Dogs. Yeah, people got to think I'm nuts doing this. But golf is it's fucking ridiculous like what is the fucking point i when you when you're playing poorly even when you're when you're playing great you're numb to the fact that you'll never play perfect but when you're playing poorly you're playing you're golfing so fucking bad you're sitting in the cart after you shanked your ninth shot in a row you're your friends being nice like i'll put you down for an eight in reality you got a fucking 14 and you're like i will never perfect this game the pros say they're always chasing perfection and they are professionals you're like why the fuck am i playing this this is going to disappoint me like even my best round is probably some of people's worst. I mean, it's fucking brutal. It's just one of those things where you look at it and you're like,

why am I here? Which is a morbid way to look at it because when I just compared it to life, in golf is game of life, you get, what is the quote? You get good breaks off bad lies and bad breaks off of good lies and stuff like that. And it's true. You get lucky every once in a while but holy fuck has it been brutal i mean i think i was on the 12th hole and i looked at my

dad yesterday i go i want to go home i don't want to do something and he just laughed i'm like i right now the only way that would make me feel better is if like i either threw my clubs in the water or you snapped all yours and just had a blow up hole as well or like three in a row because you are kicking my ass. It was one of those rounds where you, they're like, do you want to add this up? I go, I already ripped it up. I don't want to look at the scorecard. There was a hole where we just didn't even score it.

It was so fucking bad. But yeah, then you have that one shot at the end. I'm like, holy shit, that went straight. Or I parred the last hole and you're like fuck me i'm coming back oh well um but yeah golf was fun in minnesota that's all we did drove four and a half hours had to pee the whole time is anyone else do the thing where you're like all right i have to pee or i'm hungry or i'm thirsty on a road trip and you're like, you know what? I want to get a little farther before I stop for some reason.

Like it's going to take, unless you don't ever stop, it's going to take, you're going to stop at some point and it's going to take the same amount of time. Just like when you feel it go. And I was thinking, I'm like, okay, I'm halfway through and I have to pee less than halfway through and I have to pee. And I'm like, all right, just get to halfway through pee i'm like all right you're good to go finish the rest of it out grab a water you're fine and all of a sudden i don't know i don't know if i called someone i listened to a podcast or something actually i did it psycho move i listened to music the entire four and a half hour drive no podcast no nothing i'm doing fucking t-rex arms right now um cycle and i just drove all the way through and so halfway mark i'm like i don't know

if i have to go that bad do uh and i look at the mile marker and i said you have a hundred more miles left and or till the next exit so i'm like okay okay, let's get to 75, then you can stop. And I'm like, okay, fuck, let's get to 50. Got to a point where I'm like, all right, there's 75 miles left, and then I'm thinking, and I have to pee so bad. So I'm like, all right, no need to pull over now and get off and drive a mile to the right or left and find a gas station.

You're so close. You know what you should do? Just pull over on the freeway, climb to the passenger seat, open the door, squat down and pee. And so that was my thought. I'm like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to wait until like, I'm kind of in an area where there's no cars around me. And then I just didn't do it. I'm like, fuck it. Nope. Don't do it. Don't do it. You've never done this before. Why would you do this now? And then I just was in minnesota i get there and i'm like i call paper i ring this doorbell garage is open front door is

open i'm like i ring the door no one's answering it's one of those p's where you're in college taking a bus ride to an event for us it was uh we go to brewery games and so it's an hour and half bus ride from madison Milwaukee-ish, two hours. But it takes longer for the bus to get into the section and then like dock off. And dock off, like we're on a fucking boat. Park, and then you have to like basically run to the port-a-potty. Unless you park next to it, it's usually, I don't know, a decent walk to the port-a-potty. But you ever pee so bad in those events? Like you're on the bus and you're like, okay, I decent walk to the poor boy, but you ever pee so bad in those events,

like you're on the bus, and you're like, okay, I want to drink the whole time, but I know I'm going to have to piss, and you're never cautious, you're drunk, you drink, and I'm like, oh, fuck, okay, I have to pee, and then you hit traffic, and then the pee gets so bad, but you're still drinking, because you're fucking stupid, and you're like, all of a sudden, it's like, your bladder's filling up, and it gets tighter and tighter and i'm like i think i'm getting pregnant like that's how big my stomach's getting and then it gets so bad that when you stand up you can't stand all the way up because you think if you extend your body all the way you'll piss yourself that's how fucking bad it was so i'm leaning over at Pape's door, I'm like, dude,

where are you, call him, he goes, I'm walking the new puppy, I'm like, can I go inside and pee, was able to pee, but yeah, that was, I mean, that was a pretty dumb story, but that's, I haven't done a whole lot the last two weeks, trying to save some money, although I did spend decent money on Spencer's birthday party last weekend last weekend so Brewer game and the Badgers game speaking of the Badgers the Badgers are fucking dead um no offense but Graham Mertz you are not the answer uh I thought you were after the first game last year when you were like what 20 for 20 21 for 21 however I did say then I'm like you're only making these short dinky throws nothing downfield holy fuck I mean did we score an offensive

touchdown last weekend it's that game and penn state have been or were so fucking hard to watch it's one of those things we're like it doesn't seem like either of those teams are that good because we kept up with them for a little while, for like the first half of each game. I think at the start of the third game, one of the stats was the Badgers haven't let up a point in the first half. And I'm like, okay, if we can hold them, I don't know if our defense is just that fucking good or the teams we're playing aren't that good,

and we are just ass cheeks. But it's tough, and I hate to rip on the batters going to school there, but good Lord, it is tough to watch. Like, I feel for—I mean, we were down, what? I think seven with six minutes left, eight minutes left, and all of a sudden it was like 41-13 or something. I don't, like, I'm not going to look up the score now, but it was a lot to a little at the end.

I'm like, oh, we didn't lose by that much. We lost by double digits, but not like 20-some. I mean, it was like at, it was one of those games where you kind of like, all right, we lost after the last possession. I'm like, they're just going to run it down, blah, blah, blah. And we got the ball back two more times. I swear, what pick sixes a fumble it was it was gross it was hard to thank god i'll be able to go to the brewery game that night oh which i hate to admit this but i got pretty

pretty wasted ish that night that here's the problem with brewery games i'm so used to just tailgating and the tailgate's so fun that that's what i remember of the brewery game but we didn't tailgate it our tailgate was watching the badger game then going to get tacos then drinking at apartment and then which was all good and fun but we got we just walked straight into the game and i swear the only thing i really remember is getting around a drink and i didn't black out because we went back afterwards and we played fucking i think it was quiplash which was hysterical with a group of guys um but you just sit there and you're like oh god this is and because it's so slow and i like baseball

not compared to football or let's say lacrosse but you just it's so slow and I like baseball not compared to football or let's say lacrosse but you're just it's so slow and you're like oh fuck me and I think I just sunk into a zone and zoned out I just Heilman brought sunflower seeds and I think I just gnawed on sunflower seeds in my drink for seven of the nine innings I think we saw yeah i think we were there to the seventh inning we're finally we're just like fuck it we're gone which i don't think i've ever been more i was like fine i don't need to sit here anymore um but yeah that's that's it i have not done a whole lot the last two weeks stand up fine um i'm really hoping the kids the college kids start coming to the open mic i've

been able to get to during the weeks uh again because as much fun as it as fun as it is performing for just comics um because then you can kind of just fuck around a bit uh it'd be nice to have a little more of an audience than just me speaking into a camera and hoping someone on tiktok or instagram fucking watches this, although you guys have been doing pretty good. That's nice. Thank you. Um, speaking of TikTok, uh, this might be a short episode, a very short episode, but speaking of TikTok, I, uh, I've been scrolling more and I found, I'm starting to find, there are some, I have to admit, there are some people on here that are actually really funny or really creative. Or I just like, I get oddly obsessed with their content. And there was one last night.

And, oh my god, I was oddly mesmerized by this guy it's like the equivalent of your dad or grandpa making a tiktok with something he does every day and somehow he's got hundreds of thousands of followers and i noticed a trend it's a lot like a different guy um but i gotta pull it up this guy goes from old timey and there's two of them who do this um there's a one young guy who goes just finds like old recipes from like 18 early 1900s late 1800 early 1900s stuff like that or like mid 1900s and makes recipes where it's like uh like rice cracker cookies or something like that and i thought that was it i'm like all, I wonder what these are gonna taste like. And some of them, like the cooking techniques are fucking ridiculous.

But those are recipes all over the place. This new guy, I gotta pull TikTok up, which might be tough to load in here. But all he does is your dad takes one slice of white bread, cuts it in triangles, and then makes a sandwich from like an old cookbook.

And these sandwiches are fucking gross. Every one of them. He goes, not that bad. And then he has to up it a bit. And half the time the up it is like lettuce and tomato or pickle or stuff like that. But it's fucking, I was so mesmerized.ized i'm like i don't know if i was hungry at midnight but this guy just takes one slice of white bread butters both sides and goes today we're making from aunt marie's cookbook in 1901 the uh signature sandwich i watched that one today

right before i got in the shower it was uh the signature sandwich was it's basically homemade mayo boiled chicken and then turn that like basically put that into a like a chicken salad the white bread one slice slice of triangle white bread, then a piece of brown bread in the middle, and then like sprouts or something on top, and then white bread again, every piece, each side buttered. And he goes, not that bad. Half of us now, I swear to God, would gag and throw up at any of these sandwiches, but everyone was like, I like it.

I got to find them. It's just no this other guy that i found oh sandwiches of history go look him up it's he's a great guy it's i mean honestly the equivalent like if your next door neighbor lived alone i feel bad i'm not making fun of this guy but um but just equivalent like oh uh empty nester looking for something to do like sandwiches make sandwiches from cookbooks that his parents gave him it's fucking awesome and if you ever i might take or uh i'll clip this but sandwiches of history guy if you're looking for a combo and i cannot take credit for this my buddy showed me this and his stepdad showed him showed him but grilled cheese with jelly on top and my friends who do listen to this so

will know i've suggested to almost all of them we have made grilled cheeses something like that but it's fucking delicious it took me forever because i i love a good sandwich and grilled cheese i think is up there in the top five sandwiches and I'm not a tomato soup man but for some reason it blends well I'm like you can't don't fuck with the grilled cheese you don't fuck with the peanut butter and jelly you don't fuck with the grilled cheese okay it's simple bang bang boom we're done and like no you have to put jelly on it and I put jelly on it boy did I put jelly on it it was fucking delicious I put jelly on it. It was fucking delicious. I mean, it was so fucking good. So if you're going to try a sandwich, it's not from an old-timey cookbook.

Sandwiches of history. Here's a little piece of history. This is going to come out tomorrow. You can make it the next day. So I guess it is history, but it's fucking good. And think of it like, you're like, why would that taste good? People always say like wine and cheese, wine and cheese. That's all it is.

Think of it like white trash, wine and cheese. I mean, not even white trash, wine and cheese. Because white trash, I feel like, I think it's like Trailer Park meth head wine and cheese. I mean, it's white bread, cheese, and jelly. Everyone has those ingredients, whether they're tucked under the refrigerator, in the couch cushions, or left out on the counter. Everyone has those ingredients somewhere,

somehow in their apartment. Shut up, computer. I thought I muted you. So that's my piece to you, Sandwiches of History history guy i'd love to have you on here i think it'd be fun to talk to i'd love to know i couldn't get through all of them i think i watched probably 30 i watched you make 30 single slice sandwiches last night it was a new low for me at midnight i could just went to bed i was like nope i'm gonna watch this guy make food and i love cooking videos um there are a lot of good people making cooking videos now i don't think i'm not skilled enough to

i think justify me putting on a cooking video for as much as i do like to cook and i think one day having a cooking show would be fun but oh fuck um but there are some people putting out good ones now and i have a problem with cooking videos and just people putting out recipes in general why do people think and it's usually people who put them in word form on the internet so like blogs food bloggers i mean shut the fuck up just give us the recipe when i google chow mein recipe i want to know how to make the sauce so give me the ingredients and if i need to heat anything up or not okay and then what vegetables are going in it or if i want to make uh fried chicken what temperature is the oil? I don't need to know your backstory, why you're making it, why it's your husband's favorite Sunday food in fall when his football team is losing at halftime.

Just, it's, I mean, every one of us has gone, pick your favorite recipe. I challenge you to this. Pick your favorite recipe. on pick your favorite recipe i challenge you just pick your favorite recipe google it just chicken parm recipe or anything that has some cooking to it all right google it ignore the top like four videos that it comes with if you're doing it on a desktop and just click on someone's food blog, I would guarantee you 95% of them all have, you have to do more than five scrolls. I would say 80% of them have an ad or two somewhere in the middle that you have to X out until you're way, way, way, way at the bottom. And then it's like, just add these three ingredients to a bowl, mix it up, and then fry it 350.

I didn't need the nine pages of scrolling, Janice, before I got to how to make chicken parmesan. But that's my one problem with cooking stuff right now or people. I don't know. People, I mean, I can't speak for myself. I'm talking to a camera in my garage thinking people want to listen to me, but I think people are oversharing something. I'm like, good God, just get to the fucking point. But speaking of people who I think are doing cooking videos right right now, I'm going to butcher his name,, Digiovanni. I don't know how to say it. I mean, I didn't butcher Nick if I did that sucks. Um, but his last name, he, uh, he's younger. I might

maybe just cause I relate to him being younger, but his videos are quick. They're what I want. I mean, it's quicker to watch one of his cooking videos, him actually cooking the fucking food, than reading some of these people's blogs or scrolling to the bottom to get to them. I mean, he's got, I wanted to make homemade butter. I had this idea. I've said it on here a million times to sell butter, which is a very weird thing to sell. But I have this idea to sell butter. And I was like, how do you make homemade butter? And it's a very simple process very simple process if you have the right machine

11 second video maybe 30 maybe 30 i'm like boom if i googled how to make homemade butter some lady would give me the backstory of how their grandpappy inherited a farm from his grandpappy and then pass it on to her daddy who then passed it on to her and then she milked the cow and it you get my point but quick easy to the point there are very few people who can do long form cooking videos and you have to have the right personality. And there has to either be, um, like I did dynamic between more than one person or some comedy to it. Um, the first one being Sam, the cooking guy, fucking phenomenal. I mean, I think he single-handedly has taught me how to cook a lot

of things. Um, especially during the pandemic the pandemic. Between his videos and Nick's and the Golden Balance, that guy's pretty good. He seems like a guy that just like, start, again, don't want to offend anyone, but actually, fuck it. He seems like the guy that just like, you know what, I'm going to make cooking videos

because I like cooking. And then it just worked out for him. And that's good for you, man. That's fucking awesome. But, and who's, for you man that's fucking awesome but and who's yeah Gordon Ramsay videos Sam the Cooking Guy Nick

and yeah Golden Pounce but like or Sam the Cooking Guy I am all over the place right now Sam the Cooking Guy his are long and they're anywhere between

10, 12 12 and 30 minutes and you can skip through some of them and they do fast forward like you don't watch them cut every fucking vegetable and stuff like that but he's a dynamic with this kid who's filming and this other kid's with him it's it's a great fucking time and if you really want to learn how to cook um basic things like i'm not talking like you're cooking duck liver or um you know like prime rib or slow roasting this or something like because half us don't have fucking smokers like i mean i have one um but i guess i'm the fun half and it's just basic things like hey uh you know the craze popeyes chicken sandwich versus all these other places we're gonna make chicken sandwich. We'll show you how to do it real quick. The shit you have at home. And it looks fucking delicious. I've made half the stuff. It's fucking good.

My parents, the first time I started doing like, Oh shit, where'd you learn how to cook? I'm like, YouTube, like, these aren't my recipes. Um, a lot of them now are. Um, but that's, I mean, I think that if anyone's looking to learn how to cook from someone who is learning how to cook, go watch a YouTube video, try and recreate theirs. And then if you like it enough, try and do it again by yourself and then alter it. And then to be honest, when you do it by yourself, you're just going to, you're going to alter it no matter what, because I guarantee you, unless you have like a photographic memory, it's not going to be fucking perfect. So you're going to alter it no matter what. Because I guarantee you, unless you have a photographic memory, it's not going to be fucking perfect.

So you're like, oh, this is it. And then sooner or later, you just do it a bunch of times. Like, I know the ins and outs, the basics, the measurements, stuff like that. Because let's be honest, there is no perfect way to do half this stuff. This is their rendition of it. So make your rendition of it. I think that would be fucking awesome. I have fun with it.

I love fucking cooking. it um so make your rendition of it i think that'd be fucking awesome um i have fun with it i love fucking cooking as i've just gone on about 12 minutes of it and i thought i was gonna be done in the next 12 minutes um so yeah sandwich is a history guy hit me up i think it'd be fun um they're so i love all that's what i'm shooting for right now. Where else am I? Oh, yeah. Okay, today, this is a very recent event. I think Apple needs to fix their fucking Find My app. The phone, great.

But the one that's pissing me off is the AirPods. It's a lot easier, I think, to recognize if you lost your phone or your watch i mean it falls off your fucking wrist your phone now is so fucking big i mean it's bigger than this microphone and but the the airpods so i've misplaced my i misplaced a lot of things and these airpods it's like, all right, find my AirPods. And I'm like thinking, okay, they're in their case. They should have like the tracking thing that all these things do. But no, the only time it knows where your shit is, is if your case is open or the AirPods are in use.

I know where they fucking are, Apple, when they're in use. They're in my goddamn ears, okay? Also, the make a noise thing, the purpose of headphones are so no one else can hear the shit that's going into your ears. If your solution to finding one ear pod is send a noise out of it,

no one's gonna fucking hear it if it's underneath my couch. No one fucking hear it if it's underneath my couch. No one can hear it when it's in my ears at full blast, but you're a little... That's coming out of that and it's underneath my couch or in my car. Fuck you. And if both the AirPods are in the case and you can't track where it is right now,

that's bogus. I literally, I got home today and I'm like, okay, I'm going to go driving range. I'm going to hit a few golf balls before I do this. Sweat it out. Feel good before I sweat in this fucking garage. It's oddly warm again. I don't know why. I thought fall was here.

It's now, it feels like 80 degrees in here. But I'm like, oh, fuck, I can't find it. Love having music when I hit some golf balls and i'm trying to fix that fucking slice i got going on right now um or the yips as i called them earlier and it i looked up find i'm like i can't find i'm like all right where are they i'm like are they in my car they're not find my iphone it says they're on greenfield avenue i'm like the middle of the fucking street i go did i like when i got out of my car or something like that um fall out of my pocket or i mean like what's going on and i'm like okay this is weird i drove 20 minutes to go check

where i parked i'm like they're not here, it wasn't even where I parked. It was like a block over from where I parked. So nice job. And it was apparently because while I was driving, I had like one hand in my pocket and I flipped it open and then closed it again. And so that was the last time they registered as being used. So like, this is where we'll say they are in case you lose them and never open them again. That's real dumb. That's real, real fucking dumb. So I think I have to... Is there anything like...

Is there like a... No, because you can't attach tiles or anything to that. There's no keychain thing for... I would have to get a case that has the keychain thing. That wouldn't be a bad idea, but that's just more shit I got to buy. Apple, you sneaky little bitch. You just want me to buy more of your shit. By the way, we're looking at tiles for my grandpa because,

and by the way, we're not putting the tiles on my grandpa's phone. We're putting the tiles on my grandpa. He, two times ago when he visited, no, this will be fun. So yeah, we are putting tiles not on his phone but we are putting them in his pockets or in his wallet so we don't lose my grandpa again last two times he was here um or two times ago we sent him home and he's getting older and we're like oh you gotta leave before dark and so he drives away and we're like okay give us a one ringer that's my mom and my grandma's, okay, give us a one ringer.

That's my mom. And my grandma's saying like, whenever you get home one ringer, I know your home safe. And so my mom does it with my grandpa. Now all of a sudden it's like, it takes an hour and a half hour to get there. No one ringer. And I was like, I haven't heard anything from like mom. He's old. Okay. He, he just started doing this one ringer bullshit. He probably forgot you give him a call, okay? Doesn't answer. My mom's getting worried. My mom freaks out quickly, which is fine.

I mean, it's grandpa. Another hour passed. Like, I'm going to go get him. I'm like, call him one more time. And we call him. It's been three hours at this point, okay? And my mom's like, where are you? You're supposed to give me a one ringer. He goes, I couldn't find the freeway.

The freeway is one right and a left outside of my house. Okay. One right and a left. You go a quarter of a mile. You're on the freeway. You take one right and you're at his house when you get off basically. Okay. He got lost in that quarter of a mile for three hours. we found him the opposite direction, six miles. And we're like, why the fuck didn't you call? She goes, I was so fucking frustrated. So now we're putting tiles in his pocket so we know where he is at all times. And my mom doesn't have to drive to Janesville to go get him.

Also, probably shouldn't have told you where he lives. Please don't go and harass my grandpa. He'd probably kill you if you come on his property he wears cowboy hats for real um so yeah uh apple fix your uh your find my airpods feature i'm getting real fucking annoyed with it okay i don't have much left i wrote halloween down like i'm gonna fucking talk about halloween's a month away, isn't it? Yeah, it is a month away. Although I probably...

At what point should you start getting your Halloween costumes? Because I, last year, tried getting my Halloween costume on the way down to the party we were going to. There's not a lot of options left. You're either wearing a youth Ninja Turtles costume, which once you put it on, you're cutting it off, or you got to go to like the girls section because there's way more shit for you guys than there is for guys.

I mean, there are very few. And also when you're an adult, how many of you are, and you're going to like a, at least in your mid-20s, we're definitely not adults, and you're going to like a college or least in your mid-20s, we're definitely not adults, and you're going to like a college or, yeah, mid-20s Halloween party, how many of you are dressing up like gory, like Axeman or ninjas? A ninja would actually be kind of cool. I was a ninja all the time when I was younger.

But like you're putting blood on your face? None of us. You're like, I'm going to put on like a taco outfit, and you're like, let's talk about it. Or you want to be funny and creative. So yeah, maybe I should start thinking about what I want to wear. I also don't even have a party to go to. I got to find some more fucking friends. Damn. What should I be? What should I be? Last year I was big bird costumes right there. It was way too fucking,

fucking big. I mean, it looked like I was just wearing a yellow onesie with stripes on the bottom. It was not a good costume. I wanted to be like, I wanted to do chicken and the egg with my buddy and like, which came first. And then each, cause we were doing a bar crawl or an apartment crawl cause it's in COVID. So we're like, let's just pick these we're in our little bubble of 12 people um fuck it we were not doing covid laws why are we even pretending now um but i was like i think it'd be funny probably just to me and maybe you but if we were chicken and the egg and when we just went to apartment department we just took turns

going first into the apartment. Because no one really knows which came first, the chicken or the egg. And we just take turns, and then people are just like, you know, 50-50. Who knows? Real dumb, but that's where my head goes. I want to be something funny and creative this year. But that's it. Quick poll. What's your favorite Halloween candy candy i don't know what mine is i think candy corn is perfectly rated if i'm being honest with you candy corn is

perfectly rated i gotta not talk about too much halloween because i do have a halloween idea coming up um candy corn is perfectly rated caramel apple suckers those might be up there peeps can go fuck themselves um i think it's more of an easter thing but you see peeps everywhere for every holiday except maybe christmas and thanksgiving and fourth of july but yeah peeps suck ha Halloween candy, I hate, my mom puts a bowl out, I eat it, I mean,

I had that peanut butter, or peanut brownie, suck it, you peanut allergy peeps, okay, we'll wrap this up, I'm going to do awards, I haven't even thought of all the awards,

besides most valuable, least valuable, and most fun, between the two seasons I've had and i think i'm going to get the most valuable i know who the most valuable person is we all know who the most valuable person is that has contributed to this ish that'd be my mother um i feel like i just had to put that one out there. Mom, I love you, but okay. Most valuable episode. Most viewed episode.

Gonna have to give it to you. Sam Walsh. Episode 21, season two episode. Yeah, season two episode. Sam, you were the first video that eclipsed 10,000 views on a TikTok. And I remember telling you, and I hate talking about this,

but it has helped tremendously. That episode, I honestly with you, I almost canceled on you. I was so tired from that weekend. I had filmed two more prior that week. I'm like, dude, do we really need to do this? Can we just hang out? It was Sunday. I was like, I that week. I'm like, dude, do we really need to do this? Like, can we just hang out? It was Sunday.

I was like, I got up and I'm like forced to smoke a leg of lamb for my mom. I'm covered in shit. My voice sounds like this. But like, I'd never have a bad time with Sammy. And with that episode came the Miami story. And I think that's going to live with me for a long time. That story. I mean, I've already tried writing that into a bit,

and I think I kind of did with his episode. But Sam was the first one. I'm like, hey, man, I got one video that on TikTok, I'm getting the most views on it. We're getting like 600 people. I'm like, that's fucking great. I'm getting like 40 likes on an Instagram post or like 20 views on a video 15 stuff like

that and i posted that story thinking nothing of it i'm like let's let's see if we can get to 10 because i'm like dude oh i checked i'm like that's the quickest we were gotten to 500 views and as we all know that's the best video that we've done. We're approaching close to a million on it. It's kind of cool. And he's the first YouTuber. I mean, he's got 1,400 on YouTube. It's hard to do, for me at least.

I'm still learning all this, the YouTube stuff. And it's great. So definitely, dude, most valuable video that has come out of this season or anything I've done is that one, it's fucking awesome, and so I'm very appreciative, I'm very appreciative of everyone that has done this, and everyone that has supported me during this, but this, it was fucking, that was fucking cool, it's weird, when you get one, the first time you get attention for something you're doing creatively it's hard to put out um content oh it's nice hard to put out content it's when you put out self-written content and stuff you

create yourself like inevitably 90 of it is just not gonna do well or it's just like stuff is gonna fail stuff that you think is all like every time you put so i'm like i think this is gonna do great um like i hate when people are like i just made these tiktoks because i think they're fun bullshit you think you made everything because you think you think it's funny which i think first and foremost is the most important part but you put it out for the world to see you wouldn't if you think it's fun you just keep it to yourself but you clearly think everyone else is gonna think it's fun like secretly in the back you're. But you clearly think everyone else is going to think it's fun. Secretly in the back, you're like, I'm going to go big for this. I get when people are like, I don't think I'm going to go that big for this. And then something blows up.

I'm like, holy shit. But everything in the back of your head, you're like, I put this out there. I'm like, I think a lot of people would like this more than just me. So, yeah. But when you first start getting attention for something like that, I'm like, this is fucking uncomfortable. Um, but it's also kind of cool. It's a nice little ego boost. Uh, moving on, let's not be as sentimental and thankful and let's, uh, let's roast some

of my friends here. Um, so part of the reason I want it, I don't just talk to my, by myself the whole time is I want to, I I'm using my friends for sure. I think a lot of them have fun stories, um, some more than others, but I'm also using them for their networks as well. I'm like, hey, you know, be nice. When you come on, you tell someone that you did this. I'm like, okay. And then I get their audience. Maybe I get like, they got a hundred friends. I get like five to 10. That's better than the five to 10 of mine okay so now i got 20 and also i got 40 it's nice um so um the most let's do most naive i was about an episode um or biggest letdown in

terms of what i thought was gonna blow up however i had so much fun doing this so I don't fucking care is uh Corey Dan and Schmidt I mean we had some fucking golden moments on there but when I put it out there I'm like hey guys um I got three of you you could all just do like a post tell somebody did it and you know when I got back deleted social media deleted social media no longer have social media I only have LinkedIn I'm like well fuck me deleted social media no longer have social media i only have linkedin i'm like well fuck me um but yeah thanks to sam's video everyone else saw that one too so it's kind of cool um so yeah that was the biggest letdown um in terms of what i thought was gonna do well but i still had fun and then least valuable player least oh no it's yeah most valuable guest least valuable guest

love this man to death but uh coming in at let's say if most valuable was 1400 just for and we're just doing youtube here now if least valuable let's go most popular sammy all the way at the end now i have done i attempted to do a uh a different series called trading up over zoom uh during the pandemic the beginning of it and i thought this idea was fucking gone like i'm gonna do this and i'm gonna end up talking to like shack or someone it was like it was a weird concept um and I still might do it but I made three videos for that one of which was a trailer for it that is shorter than this video the solo episodes and it that has more views than this one um so coming in at dead last, John Fowzer. Fuck you, John. John, you have 33 views on your video. And you know what?

Maybe it's just because it was a gloomy day. I remember the day very vividly. You thanked me for coming to the hot tub with you, which was hysterical. And then we got drinks at a bar. It was a good day. But yeah, man. Least valuable guest. That's rude to say. You're not the least valuable guest. I love you, buddy. But yeah, man. Least valuable guest. That's rude to say.

You're not the least valuable guest. I love you, buddy. But yeah, your video tanked. It did not do well. Hopefully people will watch it now. Because I had fun. I think that was one of the few episodes where we had producers. Mock producers.

I just had someone sit me on the camera and we could talk to them as well. That was a good time. And then, finally, the most fun I've had on an episode, I think that is so hard to narrow down, I, uh, most fun I've had on an episode, and I, and I don't care if I hurt people's feelings, I think, I'm not gonna to say no. I don't know. I think, you know, this is what this is.

You know who never fails? Okay, I've only had Sam once. Sam will never fail. Sam's always a good time. I podcasted when I first started doing this. Obviously, his episode did well. The hardest I have laughed, I think, in an episode, though, is Brad Lockman and Scott.

Scott, I still don't know how to say your last name. Buziak. The drive-by egging. The paranormal. I mean, go check that one out. It's fucking hysterical. That and then anything Braxton does. I mean, he is the, I think, one of maybe three, four people in my life that could actually make me giggle. Like straight up fucking laugh.

For no reason other than he's in the room. So those are my awards. Sam Walsh, MVG. John Fowler, LVG. Most entertaining, hardest laugh brad scott the no social media boys and this i think will conclude you know the final solo episode we're gonna we're gonna close out uh i believe with piper again Piper's on season one. He's a good time.

Very good time. I guarantee you I'm going to be... Holy fuck, is that the biggest spider I've ever seen or is that a cobweb? I hope to God that's a cobweb. Otherwise, that is a white spider and it is fucking massive. It is the size of my foot. That's got to be a cobweb. Yeah, we're ending it now. I'm getting is the size of my foot. That's gotta be a cobweb. Yeah, we're ending it now.

I'm getting the fuck out of my garage. Good night.