Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.33 - Chad Frey

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

Have you ever almost killed your best friend?     I have.  

I'm gonna need you to talk. Maybe it's the scotch tape is blocking my... Well, yeah. The problem is these microphones fucking suck. Or the sands do. I'm gonna have to... Are we recording right now? Technically, but...

Yeah, he... Apparently there's a cat litter shortage. What? I don't know. Was there a big spill somewhere? My mom has, like, been looking everywhere to find cat litter, so she checks Target on the daily and is like, there's three in stock. I got to go get them. She came back.

Dude, it's three 40-pound containers and then bought some for my dad, like three more 20-pound containers and then bought some for my dad, like three more 20-pound containers. The cat food is the supply chain, I guess, is terrible. So you can't find cat food anywhere either. When COVID hit, everyone got cats. Yeah, everyone got cats and started crying. You did this on your birthday? Oh, actually, I didn't see you at all yesterday in Madison.

How was that? It was better than I thought it was going to be, to be honest. Really? It was a long day. Yeah, when did you get up there? One. One. And then we went to some, it starts with an E, I think.

Equinox. Yeah. Yeah. So we were there, and it was weird because I felt like the old guy. You were. I felt like the old guy. You were. I felt like the old guy too. We like walked into this apartment and I looked over, I'm like, that girl's got to be 13. And that, it was just weird.

And like me and Joss's dad were talking about it. I'm like, this is, he's like, I was like, I feel like the old guy. And he's like, well, how the fuck do you think I feel? We were laughing, but it was fun. I'm legit old. Yeah. There was a lot of parents and stuff there feel? We were laughing, but it was fun. I'm legit old, yeah. There was a lot of parents and stuff there. So it was good, but I don't know.

It wasn't like how we used to do it because we were walking down there, and I'm like, oh, I remember kind of walking down the street once by myself after, like where your old apartment was where we slept on the floor and played with the sound bar. Oh, God, yeah yeah you're over on spring street yeah that was uh it was cool that was the first time i've been back in two years this music guy going on big time um first time back in like two years and it was kind of cool when you get like five six miles out of this town i'm like i know exactly where i am yeah it's very nostalgic

for me i was obviously i had no clue where I was. But, dude, so much walking. Because we did tailgate. I didn't tailgate in college. We just went to the bars, and then some people went to the game. I usually worked during all the games. And so we were down by the stadium, walked back up towards you once before you texted me saying give justification. So I had walked back all the way.

I think it's like a mile and a half, two miles it feels like. My feet are killing me today. I don't wear good shoes ever. Did you guys go out after the game? Yeah. So I wasn't sure. I was either going to sober up completely during the game, which I did. It's blasphemy that you don't sell beer at a Wisconsin football game.

I know. But that's why everyone gets so, like, trash beforehand. You're, like, shit-hammered before the game even starts. You're lucky you even make it there. And then when you get there, you're, like, coming down from it. You're like, I just want to go to sleep. Thank God that game went by so fast. Everyone just ran the ball, those two teams.

It was so boring. But, well, like, it wasn't boring. It was still a fun game to be at. Yeah. Like, fourth quarter, we were sitting there, and I'm, like, getting kind of cold. You know? Yeah. Liquor blankets wearing off.

Yeah. And then they wanted to stay for the fifth quarter or whatever. Never. Never have I stayed for that. I barely stayed for the fourth quarter. I didn't even know it was a thing. I didn't either until my sophomore year. I left.

I did not stay for the fifth quarter. Did you guys go home-home afterwards? Yeah. Because we had Luke. Oh, I forgot. So it sucked because, well, my parents came to let him out at 6. That's why I texted you because I was like, well, if Michael's around, maybe he can let him out quick.

Yeah. And then my parents ended up letting him out at 6. But we left at like 12.30, so then he got let out and fed at six and then we got home at like 1 30 and then he was a freaking bad out of hell because he was so excited to see us i'm like half awake and he's running circles around the house he's biting me and shit that's tough having a dog especially after that yeah i wasn't we ended up going out and that's when i felt like i I mean, I still had fun. You just stay in your group of people who you came with.

Um, I think when you go back and visit. So we had a ton of fun. Someone got kicked out of the bar. Legit. I swear to God. Did you go to the W? Uh,

for one drink. Yeah. Just to say hi. And then I had a snorkel and I bounced. It was, that was uncomfortable as fuck. I'm not gonna lie to you. Like going in there,

I'm like, this feels weird. They're like, do you know anyone that works here? It's been three years since I've been there. No. I know the manager and the owner. Because now everyone's, I don't know. You're like.

I still didn't pay for anything. Because now, like what? The freshmen would have been. Yeah. Like seniors? Yeah. We're not hired. No freshmen, I think, were really working at the time when i

was there um but yeah i still didn't pay for anything which is i skipped a line which was great um so but we walked into the the hub is one of like the big apartments there and to see our buddy's little brother was having they're having a a pregame there before their pregame tailgate at their frat house. It's insane. But I walked in, I go, this is different. Like, you're like, you think people are looking at you because you know you're looking at everyone else. Like, I am way older than all of you.

Not really way older. It's like two, three years, but you feel so removed from this. And I'm like, they know. You just have this feeling like they know we got to go. Well, this guy. So we were at one of the apartments. Didn't know this guy. I'm taking a picture with Mrs. Krieger, I think.

It's some guy comes, puts his arm around me, and I'm like kind of doing one of these, and he kind of looks at me. Bring this mic just a little closer to you. I had made a comment to him. Like, as soon as I saw him, I was like, fuck, I thought I was the old one at the party. And he's like, what did you just say? And I was like, oh, God, here it comes. And I was like, I thought I was the old one.

Like, and then I was, like, trying to be nice. And I'm like, I'm only, I'm 26, and I thought I was, you know, whatever. And he was like, oh, my God. He's like, I'm 40 years old. And I'm, like, you know, whatever. Yeah. He was like, oh, my God. He's like, I'm 40 years old. And I'm, like, no clue who the guy was. Just put his arm around you? Where was this? It was at someone's apartment there.

Oh. Were you visiting which of the Kriegers there? Jillian. Jillian? Yeah. But she's in a sorority, so she stays in a sorority house. Fuck that. Yeah, but we, like like were at two apartments where

her friends live but they like their parents were there so like it was like a parents weekend thing i don't know it was a parents weekend they're going up for parents weekend and joss is going too because they're running the marathon there whatever half marathon what's the obsession with people running marathons all of a sudden? I don't know. I don't even want to fucking drive a marathon. Golf cup, yeah. If I look at the drive,

it's 26 miles. What is that, like, 45 minutes probably? I'd be like, yeah, I'll stay home. Exactly. Let alone run it. And if you're going to do one,

don't do a half marathon. Yeah. Don't half-ass it. I hate the 13.1 stickers on the back. I want to get one of the 0.0s i can't see you putting bumper stickers on the back of your truck not now no on my old one i had a couple not bumper stickers but on my back window

where did you wrap did where was it two trucks ago or one truck ago you put it around a pole it wasn't a pole it was a wall it was a wall it was a wall it was the freaking center line on the freeway that's the one i totaled i thought about one of the what's what the one on the park oh yeah the one that i totaled i hit a pole in that one how many trucks have you had this is my third third jesus but the one went through hell my my first truck clifford yeah because that one i crashed i hit a pole being an idiot and then the next one i cut the grass in my parents house yeah and i'm like all right i'll just leave i can leave it on the road overnight not a big deal it's like sunday

night oh i think it was someone so then i go to bed my phone's ringing at like three in the morning i'm like okay what the fuck is this so i think it's like an amber alert or some shit i'm not paying attention i look at it's a random phone number i'm like what in the fuck so i answer because i'm pissed hello you know and hi this is the franklin police department i'm like oh jesus christ i'm like what oh, Jesus Christ. I'm like, what? They're like, we need you to come outside. Someone is under your truck. And I'm like, what?

What do you mean someone's under my truck? So I can see, like, the blue lights as I'm coming outside. I go outside. And this car, he, I was parked on the road. he came and hit me on the back side of my truck and you could see on the top of his car where my wheel went he drove under the back side of my car and came out on the side opened the whole side of his car like a tuna can it was insane and then the the guy's dad is this kid's dad is there the cop told me right when i walked said like yeah the kid was texting because i was like what the fuck happened yeah

and the kid like this part on the sidewalk yeah he called his dad and was like well there was uh you know he he was texting or whatever and i'm like okay well that's not an excuse and then his dad starts coming at me and yelling at me he's like you shouldn't have parked right here uh he's like you're you're not this street isn't well lit you know better you should that you shouldn't have parked here and i'm like you can fuck right off buddy and i like walked back with my phone i'm like recording where my truck is parked where the street lightslights are, and all that stuff. Because I was like, this guy's going to freaking try to take me to order some stuff. And the cop was just like laughing at him.

And he was screaming. And I'm like, get out of here. And I go into my garage because the cop was like, yeah, we'll get somebody to clean this up. I was like, oh, don't worry about it. I go into the garage. I get a broom and I handed it to the dad. And I said, here you go. Really?

I said, but I was like, I'll be right here when you're done so I can get my broom back. He was not happy. And they lived in our neighborhood, too. Really? I love that that's just a quick reversal, like this is your fault. What is, like, what came of that, though? Like, you, anything? So, it sucked because my truck was in the shop for, like, three months.

I remember that, yeah. that like it was terrible so i had a rental car and they wanted to switch out my rental car while i was in florida so the rental car company calls me hey you need to bring it here today so that we can switch it out because you're putting too many miles on it like well sitting in my driveway feel free to go and get it because i'm not even home and they're like well no you got to bring it here sorry go get it like well then we're gonna cancel it i'm like go ahead fucking cancel it i'm not paying for it i don't give a shit so it sat in my driveway until i got home and then i called i called them and i'm like hey i'm home now i can bring your car they're like oh thank god you know like freaking out i'm like i'm not even driving yeah so literally no miles went

on it exactly so i drive it there and then i was like yeah whoever i was talking to was a total prick yeah and they ended up upgrading me and gave me like a nicer vehicle to drive which was only for like another month but still it's so nice yeah then i got my truck back. The front wheel fell off of it on my way home and ripped the brake line. Everything. It was terrible. So then I fixed all that in the winter at my parents' driveway. And then, like, two weeks later, I totaled it on the freeway. The amount of mechanic work that was done in your parents' garage when we were growing up,

I mean, you could have started a shop. Probably. I'm trying to think this while you're telling what was the car that you had that um when we were both working at cfg and it just never stopped like we put it into the neighbor's yard we ran through a few stop signs going to work my first car ever that was the four was it i wasn't yeah i was gonna say that was a truck the little red truck and i was like it's i was like let was a truck the little red truck and i was like it's i was like let's try to drift this thing or whatever i put it in a four-wheel drive

you're like that is not a good idea i'm like so i give it a little bit of gas and it just turned sideways while we're coming down that hill oh fuck oh fuck oh what did the sign say again right it said slow oh yeah you literally like let's drift four-wheel drive i go i think that's gonna make it worse you made i swear to god one turn and we were in this person's yard yeah and we stopped i think from me to the mic away from a sign that were for like slow children yeah like yep right here that us. You just reversed it out. And we drove. Holy fuck.

I think we were leaving the neighborhood, too. We weren't coming back. Do you remember in my old Chuck, the one that I destroyed, we would go and rip through Whitnall Park when it was, like, snowstorms and try to find people to pull out? Oh, yeah. That was fun. Do that. Did I put, remember, what was it, the Milwaukee County Sports Complex where we played lacrosse?

That, before they had... I think they redid the whole parking lot. And they put all the lights in and stuff like that. It was just empty. We used to take our cars and just e-brake the shit out of it and see how many donuts we could do. That was fun. That's so bad for our cars, though.

Oh, my God. It's not good at all. I'm a way better driver now my car was back when i was just like ready to fuck around i'm like screw it and yeah i mean you were buying cars left and right too how many boats you have now none no one i just bought another one like a month ago i sold my salmon boat and bought like a 14 or yeah it's 14 foot flat bottom like a duck boat yeah thing just so if i want to go i can go and take the dog or whatever and your dog's gonna love that he loves being in

it it's in my backyard and he'll like jump into the boat and sit there it's in your backyard now yeah i pushed it back there oh it's really light i guess it didn't go in the backyard last time i was there it's like all the way in the back corner yeah so i got that no have you figured out what you're gonna do with those trees no no cut them down but i don't know how you're so you're legally not allowed to right cut them down yeah because of the power lines no i am oh you are well i would have to be really careful. Oh, shit. Yeah. You take out the neighborhood. That's about it. I could do it. It's whether I want to do it.

It's got to be precise, though, because one way is the house, the other way is the neighborhood, and then you have this little gap. I think you have to pull every tree. That's how the other two were. Yeah. Three, and it was sketchy. You pulled out three already? I did three, yeah.

Really? Shit. Two of them one of them i was up on on the top of a 20 foot ladder with a chainsaw on one arm and i didn't tie myself off or anything so i'm like hugging the tree with one arm had a chainsaw like this and i'm just trying to get it josh is on the ground pulling on a rope i'm like if i let go of this you're dead i'm like pull as hard as you can so she starts pulling and i stop because she's pulling and the blade got pinched i'm like fuck so i get the chance out i'm like all right i'm just gonna cut the front end of it and but i need you to but i need you to pull and I'll tell you when. And she's like, okay.

So I start to chant up. I start cutting. I'm not thinking about saying the word when or pull. So I didn't tell her. So the thing cracks, falls towards me, and hits the power line that goes into my backyard and, like, rolled off the side of the power line and hit the ground. And I was on the ladder, and I kind of, like, looked down at Joss, and she's like, one of those?'m like we're good we're good never talk

about this i was like we peeked into the neighbor's windows down the street and stuff we're like all right yep power's still on we're good we're good um this is a weird thought i have i think maybe i want to say multiple times a year but do you know uh and i will never leave my head but i vividly remember almost killing you once in your garage doing uh you were working on your car and i didn't understand how the jack worked basically it's the first i i'm not a car guy at all and you're like just let it down slowly and i just crank the thing and i think i missed your face by maybe an inch you're like holy shit just cranked back i'm like i i don't think i've touched one of those scents but that freaks me out like i i think i think about that maybe once a month. Dude, I almost killed you. I had a near miss.

I was at my parents' house by myself. My parents' rental place when they were renting between houses. So I called them. I'm like, hey, can I go do my breaks in your garage? Because I was living in my apartment. And they're like, yeah, go ahead. They weren't home. I think they were on a trip or something.

But I'm back in their driveway. And my truck was high up at the time. lifted more than the one i have now and i had to stack like four by fours on the jack and then jack up the front of the truck and then go under there and put the you know the jack stands under and i get the first jack stand like on and then i'm like in the front like about to put the other jack stand and then i on, and then I'm, like, in the front, like, about to put the other jack stand in, and then I hear the wood start to crack, and I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. So I, like, start to, like, back out from under the car because I'm, like, on all fours, like, reaching under.

Yeah. And as soon as I get out from under there, it went like this. Boom. The 4x4s kicked out. there it went like this boom the four by fours kicked out the left side of the car was on the ground and the right side was like up on the jack so so the whole truck was like this and i was like right in that corner and i'm like my heart's pounding i'm like i don't want to do this anymore i'm scared like yeah i'd be like i'm done luckily because i had pulled the tire off already i put the tire under the side of the truck so when the

truck fell it landed on the tire so like towards the back so I was able to sneak the jack in there and crank it back up and do it over but I was like this ain't this ain't worth it there there's like a few of the times like holy shit you like you have some moments you're like I actually can die yeah like it like I could legit just I look freak accents you're like oh actually can die yeah like it looks like i could legit just die those freak accents you're like oh my god gone too soon like that could legit happen that could have been me right there i have i think i've told on here too my i think my most the closest near-death experience was cliff jumping and you cliff jumped yeah there was a place i think it's like hewitt's nest in madison and they have like designated spots people have been jumping they're like just make it to the

middle it's like a 15 foot diameter like circle and it's i don't know how deep it goes i never touched the bottom like just make it to the middle you're fine there is this eight inch like it's like a like a cereal bowl where you could like sit around it and then they just watch people jump in and then it's just smooth all the way down but it's like that low underneath the water and then it's like 20 feet well i kind of a bit of adrenaline junkie where like if i do one i'm like all right let's go a little higher and i go to the and then you do the the number one or the highest jump like all right that wasn't bad what else can i do so i went and i climbed up like to the highest like part of a hill and like i can actually jump from here there's a video of me jumping off in the background everyone's not

watching that came to do this um a little kid goes, oh, my God, he's going to die. Michael's cannonballing on him. I pencil dive, hit the water. It's weird trying to judge how far you have to jump when you're like 100 feet in the air. Because you feel like you're going to land like there and you actually land like here. Exactly. All you have to do is really jump a little bit and that will carry you it's kind of like golf like if it's a high hill or something like that like you you

dial down the club but i i hit the water and my right foot and my right arm slide down this cereal bowl rock just i mean i hit the water and then didn't hurt i just basically was like a fucking slip and slide just went right down i got up and like how was that i go i'm done we are like i'm doing the kiddie one where like for me to you i'm jumping in yeah like who's got toilet paper because i just shit in that toilet bowl that kid was almost almost right. Like, oh my God, he's going to die. So I did not do that. As soon as you hear that, you're probably mid-air and be like...

I didn't hear it, though, because I forgot who recorded it. You just saw it in the video. And someone goes, listen. Like, he's going to die. Oh my God. That's what you want to hear from something. You're like, I'm pretty safe.

That is scary. So where's Stephen? He sold his truck, right? Yeah, so he sold his truck. So that is my dead grandma's car. Why couldn't you have said anything else but that? Because it would be weird if we just stole her car. Just like, oh, you're not. No,'re not no this is oh yeah that's his car that is my dead grandma's car deceased is that better no just that was my grandma's car or

something that was my grandma well i mean it was her car so that was uh that's my dead grandma's car yeah it's my dead grandma's car that is uh that's from my dead grandma's car. Yeah. It's my dead grandma's car. That is from my dead grandma's condo. We pulled that out. My mom's not going to like this bit, I'll tell you that. You started it. Yeah. No, I want it. So the back of that, and no one can see it in the video,

but it's like tri-fold where people change behind it kind of thing. The back of that is uh it's just black and i'm gonna hopefully get steven to do like fat chance on it and then i want to do like one of those collages where it's like weird things that i've talked about on the show or my interest and he just like do like he just draws shit everywhere in the back but in the middle is that fat chance you should have people sign it with like a gray sign is actually a really cool idea gray sharpie everyone you'd be the first one yeah signs it i like that i like that a lot yeah that chance board that chance changing board yeah change your life you know eventually i'll probably either put it here or maybe behind you so it looks like you got something behind you because i got the baby head

which is terribly place right now what is that even i've seen it and steven uh was at a i think i want to say walmart once when i was in college and he sent me a picture with him wearing it and it looked funny as fuck i go buy me one and he just sent it to me and then i had that hanging on my wall in college so really weird decoration kind of you're like yeah this was me you have a girl corner like whose kid is that i go i don't know walmart's yeah i don't know just found him um i get a little sunday buzz going and grow dude this i'm so pumped for this grill dude they're awesome i have the pit boss so it's like the knockoff brand of one of the knockoff brands of trigger yeah but it's i mean it was cheaper which was fine with me

and it works just i'm not going to be cooking for you know 800 people yeah but i did a uh a couple pork butts on it for father's day and it was like the best i did two pork butts last weekend and then pork belly as well that we've had in the freezer for a while yeah i've learned the hard way that you have to like vacuum seal obviously i mean i know like we do with venison vacuum seal the meat yeah um but it was just in like a ziploc bag it was so freezer burnt we thawed it out and i smoked it with the pork butt. And I'm like, all right, this. Yeah. And now I don't have to use this. I have something I can use with my phone now, which is great.

Can you do that on the, yeah. I really like that. Yeah, it was nice because I had to, like, it took 16 hours, and I did it the day of Father's Day. So I got up at, like, 3 in the morning, put it on, and then I was sitting on the couch, and I could, like, wake up, like, every couple hours and, like, look at it and see what the temps were and stuff and then i was good um so that was nice what uh this is the first time i've actually had the garage completely open doing this yeah people are like driving past like it looks like when i'm setting up it looks like if

i just put a couch here like i'm doing like soft core you should put like casting couch yeah sign at the garage and then leave it open and then shoot it this way and then like people drive past me like what the fuck dude you've had some good ideas that'd be a good one just put a couch here yeah just a black couch but casting couch faces the other way and just getting everyone's reactions in the back yeah dude that would be hysterical and then you gotta get like a fake chick like a doll like like the head next to me or something with the hair like hanging back off the couch so people are driving past like holy fuck well i'm gonna write that down right now because we're we are definitely gonna be doing that soon that'll be season four season four will just be casting couch episode couch what's another good one um you gotta get your car wrapped and do fake taxi i have i'm gonna stop because people are

gonna people know what you like i'm no i'm not i just someone just told me yeah this was all scripted before yeah what is fake yeah he told me to say this yeah none of this is actually freelance talking. I script all hour of material. Another trip in the bag. Dude, my brain just goes blank when I'm actually trying to find an app on my phone. It's Sunday. How do you think I feel now? We were at the Verizon store, and the guy was like, yeah, we'll just transfer all your apps over.

I'm like, whatever. verizon store and the guy was like yeah we'll just transfer all your apps over i'm like whatever we're sitting there and it says like it's gonna be like 32 minutes to transfer all that i'm like is this it like is that the last thing he goes yeah yeah that's about it and then you can get out of here i'm like all right cancel that shit i'll do it when i get home i'll just re-download all the ones i want. Yeah, I'm starting to... Remember when we were younger and you got like... Did you ever have an iPod Touch? Yeah, so when you first get the iPod Touch...

Download every single game. Every single game. You got 16 pages. You got like 90 wallpapers and stuff like that. Now I have like... I hate having apps. Like I try and organize it. But my apps aren't even fun anymore it's target

group me anchor sports clips i use sports clips more than anything not really but is that for your haircuts yeah because you had a during uh the pandemic you had to start signing in to get a haircut and then letting them know you were outside so they were ready for you i haven't gotten a haircut like well joss's mom paid for a haircut yeah and almost eight years now it's gonna be nuts you've been dating jocelyn for eight years that's disgusting a couple more months uh i finally i asked joss uh i think she probably told you but i asked if you're gonna get married to her? No. For her dad's number. Oh, yeah.

I was actually talking to him yesterday about it because I was like, I'm going on to Michael's podcast tomorrow. I was like, you should come with me. He's like, really? Yeah, let's do it. But he, you know. He's drunk. We were all drinking. So then I didn't even text him today.

I had a weird feeling like there's a small chance he comes with. And I would have been so fine for it. That would have been cool. You got to have my one teacher come, too. He's really fucking weird, though. That's fine with me. I was going to watch this, but he literally, like, I just have to say it now. So the first day of class, we're, like, doing BIM on the computer.

So we're drawing on the computer. Yeah. And I, like, had a question. He comes over and he like is next to me and i'm sitting in this chair i can just like feel feel him you know like he's just like breathing down your neck and all of a sudden i feel like this cold rush on my shoulder like right here and i hear and then he looks at me and he goes you smell like oil and i was like what the fuck i was like are you serious and i was like yeah i was working on a job site all day long of course i'm gonna smell like shit

and then two days ago we're talking about something else i can't remember what it was it was something something stupid like oh at our Christmas party, he licked someone in the face. Just because? Just walked up to him and said, hey. I don't know if I want him on here, then. Licks him right across the face. It's going to be like licking the microphone. So I'm talking shit to him in class, and then all of a sudden,

I just feel this bear paw grab me on the face like this and start pulling my chair backwards. And I'm reaching, and i'm like oh my god it was i thought he was for sure gonna lick my face but he didn't thankfully he's a really weird guy yeah he might like come here and be like chad was here last dude all i think about when you said you smell like oil is that sponge i'm like yourabby Patties, don't you, Squidward? Dude, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, no, I really want... Fuck it, we'll have SpongeBob on.

That's how you'll go viral. It's like... Weird. Even more viral. Yeah. Like, have a guy, like, the picture is just you, like, scared, and this guy is just licking your face. Yeah, it's... Yeah, I'm not... I don't want to start doing, like, clickbaity bullshit. Yeah. the picture is just you like scared and this guy is just licking your face yeah it's i yeah i i'm

not oh i don't want to start doing like clickbaity bullshit yeah but you got to pay to play i know i gotta play the game but why don't you just become a professional boxer all of a sudden yeah why not yeah who the fuck i'm not fighting you look at my ass handed to me i can't fight i'm getting old and fat i'm good with my words i'll make you mentally like i'll cry i won't cry i'll make you cry yeah and i'll like mentally break you down but i'm not gonna physically break you down there's no way i don't work out to like fight i just it's a kind of i work out to look good naked that's about it prove it no by the way do you like the pumpkin pumpkin tits oh yeah did you carve it yet no i was supposed to open it supposed to uh well i got the seeds

out i made pumpkin seeds um joss is carving pumpkins on tuesday she want this is the first year i'm not gonna have to do it because i refused finally i don't have i tried car like cutting that which is a regular knife was hard enough. I'm like, I need the carving knives. I'm like, I don't want to fucking do this. But I think I have – I want to maybe put, like, fat chants on there and then throw, like, a candle in there and just – Just spray paint it.

Yeah. Just fucking spray paint it. It's so much easier. But this is my fall decor. It looks nice. This is – in my head i was because i took a week off for episodes between the end of season two and season three and season three in my head i'm like all right you're gonna redecorate the set a bit you're gonna get some

fall things in here this is all i did is i got a fucking pumpkin and took the seeds out um and i got i went got that but it's not even in the set. I'm supposed to, I want to wear all, like, band t-shirts. But I didn't, like, get any. Well, I have two, but they're huge. I got to, like, wash and dry them. So this is my attempt at. What even is that? It's a company called Whiskey Riff.

So they. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so it's all, they just promote country artists. I like a lot of their clothing. You should just do one season where you have to buy those weird T-shirts from Walmart. Like the ones that are like... Dude, that's basically all I have. I have the TJ Maxx, Marshalls, cartoon T-shirts.

That's all I did for season two. This is one of the nicest shirts I have. And it's because Joss bought it when she was, I don't even know where that's from. I'm going to say Charleston, South Carolina. That's what I was going to say. But where was I going with this? So I think I want to, we're only a half hour

through. This isn't that bad. At some point we might have to cut it off early because we do have to go get a grill. Thank God it's... And your dad's here. Fuck me. He's just going to talk. It's been real. Yeah, so this is over now. He's just...

He's going to pull his truck up. He's going to leave it on and be a fucking cunt about it. And... He's going to... I don't know. But I'll ask you... i want to ask you because i never got to ask you it for uh when you were what episode five do you know you're still one of the top videos i told you this yeah i just looked the other day because i was like i better still be up you are i think

i don't know why though i think you're like four or five probably the poop story the poop story yeah i need to go back and clip because i wasn't doing t? Yeah. I need to go back and clip, because I wasn't doing TikTok then. I need to go back and clip some more of ours and Gaines as well, because both those videos have done very well. Throw those on. The poop story. Dude, you've had a lot of good ideas. You're three for three.

Just wait. I'll be four for four. I want to ask you the season two question, just wait I'll be but before I want to ask you the season two question and then I think I'm not going to ask season three's

question to you before everything's over you already asked me this the other night yeah questionnaire yeah I can't do that you have to do it no I don't yeah you do all right

fine I don't even remember what it was you're gonna have to knock on the front door so the question for season two was what's something you turned you're going to have to knock on the front door. So, the question for season two was, what's something, you turned 26 in February.

Yeah. So, by the way, you lied to them, the audience. You said you were 26 already. But, what is something you have to do before you turn 26?

Something you always wanted to do, or something that you can do. I i want to go i want to go hunt out west so you have to do that in the next four months yeah it's not bad i like that one i also like how quickly you answer that question some people like i gotta think about it like you know right away something you want to do or you just have to do that's how i wake up every morning just kidding i wake up every morning usually with a headache crabby yeah lay on the couch for like three hours and then i finally get like the power to want to go do something and then i work on it all night long because i want to finish it and it's like i hate stupid like if you start a project like i hated that i pissed me off that i cleaned this garage doesn't look like it anymore because other people live here but i didn't have a ton of time i was like i hate that i can't finish it i

want to like do the whole thing um by the way do you know anyone that wants a grill i gotta get rid of two of them put them on the curb actually we could throw them in my truck and i'll put them on my curb because i could literally put a piece of dog poop on the end of my driveway and someone will take it really yes there's a guy that drives through our neighborhood with a trailer like once or twice a week and just grabs all the junk and just takes to the scrapyard it's kind of nice that's nice yeah it's weird yeah dude you got some weird friends man he's not my friend i don't even know so weird people i don't know him either i just see him well i'm on the neighborhood watch you're on the neighborhood

watch i am the neighborhood watch you are no is that do you guys have one in your neighborhood i don't know i don't really talk to a lot of people i know anytime shit goes down though i kind of feel like i'm always right there like the other day i fell asleep on my couch we were on a corner like it's where people yeah yeah i saw there was this weird truck like parked in front of my neighbor's house never saw it and the guy was sitting in the passenger seat so i'm like it might have been like mung or something and And it's like dark. And I was just coming back from the liquor store. And I back into my driveway. So I like pulled and like put my headlights at his car and then backed in.

And that's when I saw him. And I'm like, that guy's kind of suspicious or whatever. Yeah. So I go on the couch. I'm watching TV. Starting to like, you know, fall asleep. And I wake up to flashing lights and the dog's fucking at the door with hair on the back of his neck standing up and i wake up i look outside there's like five squad

cars down my street they're ripping this guy out of the car fucking putting him on the ground pulling stuff out of his pockets the cop grabs like a baggie out of his pocket chucks it on the ground and they're like scooping him up they threw him in the car then next thing comes in the tow truck tow truck scoops up his truck and they were gone like so you have no idea quick yeah like i was gonna go over to the cop and be like but like it's kind of cool though because like me and my neighbors like we're all standing outside like at the end of our driveway just watching it all go down yeah and i'm like i want to know what's going on and i was by the way that is the only time it's appropriate, I think, to just, like, stop and look at that kind of shit.

I hate when people do it on the fucking road. Yes. Like, if it's in front of my house, I want to know what's going on. Exactly. Because the other day, we were walking through the woods, me and Joss with the dog. And I had Luke off his leash. He's running around, you know, having fun. Is he decent off his leash now?

Yeah. And then, so, he, like, stops and he and he like does one of these you know and i'm like luke come here come here and then i go walk over towards him these two ladies are like walking towards us in the woods so i grabbed luke i put his collar on him quick and we're talking to these people as this lady gets closer like she looked like someone took sandpaper and just like got a bunch of little spots like and she was like raw like scabs everywhere oh i'm like oh my god like meth addict yeah like walking into the woods at dark to go and i don't know i'm like josh shoot up i can't wear crocs in the woods anymore. Dude, that's scary. I know. I saw...

I live in a great neighborhood. They're like all... I think what? $700,000? I think it's multi-million. Somewhere around there. The Dirty Stalus. I live in New Berlin. Give it out your location. I live in New Berlin.

The other day at the gym i was assuming of creepy people i swear to god i like i didn't think like i know what happens but i think i actively saw a guy like try and record a girl and i was like i wasn't sure so like he was just it was i think you just assume like an older white guy is going to be pretty fucking creepy. But he was – It's going to be us. He stretches. Like that's all he does at the gym.

So he just – he'll go – He'll go like a lap pull-down machine and then he'll just hang there. And then he's got his foot up on the – like he takes up every machine to stretch out his fucking legs. And at one point he's sitting backwards on like that lap hold on machine like what are you doing his phone with his butt holding it with one arm stretching and then his phone is like this i'm like no one holds their phone and i looked i'm like and then it was a dark screen and so i don't know if you can record and have your phone off or something like that. But I swear to God, I watched this guy the rest of the time.

I looked like the creep then, staring at him. I'm like, you need to do this again. I then had playing out scenarios in my head where if I legit saw it, to grab his phone and just bash it against the machine. I almost wanted it to happen. I don't want it to happen his phone and just like bash it against the machine i'm like i want i almost wanted it to happen i don't want it to happen to the girl at all but i wanted just to be like take his phone bash it like get the fuck out dude i've seen those videos where like the girls confront the people yeah like at walmart i was like you have a video of me on your phone

and the guys are like so embarrassed and like so cold like show me your phone and they show them and it's like a video like zoomed right up on their butt yeah it's dude it's i haven't been caught yet every time i see those i get nervous yeah i gotta jesus i have so many videos of you on my phone probably i got a few of you, Pumpkin Tits. Oh, it's Penny. I think Penny makes an appearance every episode. What, does she, like, come in here?

She did once. She usually, like, so it's usually the garage is half-cocked. And, um, calm down. And they'll go for a walk, and she, like, sniffs in. One time she, like, she ran in here, and I'm always worried that someone's going to. You use the weirdest words. What? Half-cocked?

The door's half-cocked, and sometimes she just sniffs in. She did. You're going to have to clip this because my facial reactions when you're saying words is funny. I'll clip it. I'll get all of it. I'll see if you. Maybe I can get you to post one of these videos too. I have quite the following. I't like the following um okay let's do the uh the infamous questionnaire i just didn't i know yeah but you did it when the cameras weren't on

you everyone has to hear the questions ass is starting you need to get chairs with backs oh i know that is like the number one thing I want to get. I found these two at... Dude, I can get you two shitty chairs from... I'm debating now if I want to get like a sofa. Not like a sofa, but like a food... I knew it. I knew it. I told you she's coming.

Oh, I thought you were talking about the lady. No. You were talking about the dog the whole time? How's it going? Hi. You're good.'s it going? Hi. You're good. This is her. Hi.

Her limelight. She probably smells my dog. Hi, Penny. Hi. How's it going? How's it going? She loves being here. Tiffany only just left.

No. Penny, come here. I just left. No. Penny, come here. Do you hear that? Yeah. Is it a half hamster? It sounds like a monkey. Hey, can we finish this and then I'll come say hi to you? Thank you.

Hi. Hi. Hi, good girl. Hi. Who's that? Who is that? Come here. She's like, whoa. Whoa. We're good. Hey. Who's that? Who is that? Come here. Come on.

She's like, whoa. We're good. Sorry. No, you're fine. All the cameras going on. Come on out here. Let's go. So that technically is my nightmare that all of a sudden everything goes. But it was just the.

It'd be a good video though. Yeah, it'd also be really expensive yeah um i'm not warranted it's uh no just the charging cable came out thank god all right so we're gonna do the questionnaire but how about this what let's change it up how about i ask you the questionnaire no yes no this is not. I'm doing you a favor. No, you're not. Yeah, I am. Because I have to narrow. There's like a thousand questions.

I'm not going to ask all of them. Okay, give me five. I'm going to give you ten. Seven. We'll meet in almost a month. Twelve. Seven and a half. Thirteen.

I might answer all of them too. So basically, as you know know You have a girlfriend Of eight years But let's find who Your ideal person is What? You know exactly What we're doing

Oh Yeah I thought you I want to get like I thought you wanted me To give you a name No I can't do that

Yeah I know You already know who it is I know I'm flattered Okay So Real quick Guys or girls? You already know who it is. I know. I'm flattered. Okay. So, real quick.

Guys or girls? Really? All right. Blonde or brunette? Ready? Blonde or brunette? Blonde. Taller or shorter than you?

Shorter. More or less money? More. Smarter or dumber than you? Dumber. No. I changed More. Smarter or dumber than you? Dumber. No, I changed it. Smarter. Small town or big town?

Small town. Act more country or more city? Country. Go out or stay in? Stay in. Ass or tits? Both, please. Thank you.

Can I have some more? Tattoos or no tattoos? Tattoos. Traveler or homebody? Home. Frugal or generous with their money? Generous. Only child or large family?

Large family. More or less social? Is that me? Yeah. How about even? Equal. That's not how this game works. You gotta pick one.

More. Okay. Alcohol or weed? Alcohol. PC or weed? Alcohol. PC or Mac? Mac. Reality TV or sitcoms? Sitcoms.

Comedy or romance? Comedy. More or less horny than you? More. Vodka or tequila? Tequila. Tells the waiter to send the food back or just shuts up and eat it? Tells the waiter to send the food back.

Funnier than you or not? No. Older or younger? Really hard. Younger. Dogs or cats? Dogs. Books or movies?

Movies. Cooks or cleans? Both. Religious, non-religious? I don't know. It doesn't matter to me. I'm not religious, guess so conservative or liberal i want to guess by the hunting hat you're gonna go liberal uh

small wedding big wedding big wedding higher low body count are they experiencing better not low body count but know what they're doing well that's not how any of these questions are meant to be answered, but good job, Chad. We will do it better as the season continues. Are you kidding me? That was good. It wasn't bad, but a lot of times you said both, not either. Well, yeah, because those were good both questions, though,

like ass or tits. Yeah, I'll have both, please. But if you had to have one, it's a bunch of either or questions. It's not either or both. If I had to have one, then I don't want either. Actually, never mind. I probably want an ass. Whatever's not either or. If I had to have one, then I don't want either. Actually, never mind. I probably want an ass. I think.

Whatever. Oh, yeah. I tried. Would you rather have, like, super jacked arms or abs? Arms. Yeah, I would too. Because you have a shirt on most of the time. Exactly.

Unless you're in California. But also, I think it looks kind of weird. Yeah, but if you had, like, a shredded six pack and, like, toothpicks as arms it looks kind of weird. Yeah, but if you had a shredded six-pack and toothpicks as arms, people would be like, that guy does too many sit-ups. But also, that's a skinny fit. That doesn't fucking count.

Also, if you had to have, like a girl just has an absolute donk, like the nicest turd cutter you've ever seen, or just the biggest tits you had to have one or the other which one are you taking ass yeah i think it looks unproportional if a girl is a flat in the back and it looks like they're gonna tip over yes yes or like it looks sturdy when it's in the back you sleep i I don't either I I don't either

There's no time to hurt so like your back is completely flattened your bed, or they just go to the side then you're like this Like but if you're like you're doing a back flip To imagine running with just absolute pumpkin dead get away with chin guard You might get concussed. Oh well You've got to wear a chin guard. You might get concussed. Oh, well. That would suck. What time is it? Because we've got to go get this grill.

Did you season your grill when you got yours? Because they're like, you need to season it before you. So I'm going to. I did. It's an hour of just burning wood or pellets. Pellets. Pellets are cheap, though. Yeah.

Well, I got two free giant bags, like a cookbook and all this stuff. It's going to be assembled when we get there. Oh, they're putting it together? Yeah. So do you have ratchet straps? My dad does in his truck. I have none because I didn't load my truck up with all my stuff yet. That's fine.

But we'll grab some. But we have to go. So I just opened it hope you can finish it. This will be a short episode to start out season three. Chad, do you have any final words? Look into the camera and say something nice about me. No. Yes.

You go first. See, it's hard, isn't it? It's so hard. I don't like being nice to people's faces. I like being nice behind the scenes. You're looking at the camera. I'm not even here. Say something nice about Chad.

Chad, do you want something genuinely nice? And then will you say something genuinely nice? Probably not. I was going to say exactly what you say. Exactly. All right. Thanks for coming and doing this, Pumpkin Tits. this pumpkin tits yep let's go get a girl