Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.43 2021 In Review

Episode Date: December 30, 2021

This is as sentimental as you're going to get from me on New Years, so enjoy it. But I am truly thankful for each and everyone of you who have both been a part of this show and who have listened this past year!

Hello. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I had COVID, like everyone else, but thankfully I had some horse dewormer on hand and danced in my head for three hours, so I cleared that up pretty quickly. As you can probably tell from the title of this episode, it's going to be a little different. I promise this isn't a solo episode um i hate doing those just as much as you hate listening to them and so i'm gonna try and really limit those from here on out but this past week i went back and i found a few videos from every episode that we've done this year which is the entire show um and i put together a little 2021 in review of all the times i truly enjoyed doing what i do and i wanted to thank every one of you for coming on um i know I had to beg some of you. Some of you asked.

Some of you recorded with me and then told me I couldn't put it on YouTube anymore. I've edited a few out because we pissed a few people off, and we've made a few people laugh. And it's been great. It was nothing but fun going back and just looking at things that make you smile. nothing but fun going back and just looking at things that make you smile. I said from the very beginning that if this amounts to nothing, and it is nothing yet, it's grown more than I ever thought it would in the year. So to all five of you that listen, thank you. But like I said, if it amounts to nothing at a minimum, I'm doing what I enjoy doing. I doing what I enjoy doing.

And it's a documentation of me and my friends the past year, having a few drinks, having a few laughs, just talking it up here in this garage for just about all 40 some episodes. I am well aware most of you listen to this because Sam and I went to Florida that one time. But hopefully some of you stick around. And I go on one of those trips again here soon. So like I said, I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. Once again, I want to thank everyone that came on everyone that hopefully will come on. I look forward to doing this for the foreseeable future. I don't have a co host to quit on me anymore. And I look forward to doing this for the foreseeable future. I don't have a cohost to quit on me anymore,

although I love you Braxton. So without further ado, Scott and Brad, why don't you kick us off? This was a lot of fun. It's going to be about this. It's just lit. Don't,

if you don't like my clips in here, you hate your family. And if you don't listen to it, you seriously beat your mom at me. You stupid fuck. Support Kuski. This is going to be a well-clipped video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you don't like this shit, Kuski Mad Props is starting his own thing. You want to do it.

If you're talking shit, do it yourself. You want to do it yourself. Do it yourself. Like it or you hate your mom. All right, you're done. You're done. You're shit. Yeah, do it yourself. Do it yourself like it or you hate See look at that now, that's that's boozy and bougie is shit over here We look like we got money we look like we got money not a lot i look like yeah and perfect it was just a little more right like no shit that pot would have been great if it went in the hole fucking donut we make fun of that dude this stuff it's a lot i mean we are raising the

participation generation it is so bad i mean i tell throw, here's how you run right foot, left foot. No, not even that. I wish it was like, teach them how to run one leg after the other. I'm like, that would be a step up. No, I, I, this dude, we just talk. I have no questions for you. We're just hanging out. I'm assuming we're probably going to do stuff after this too. Yeah. I have no questions for you. We're just hanging out. I like that.

I'm assuming we're probably going to do stuff after this too. Yeah, let's do it. This is my only way I get friends. Holding... Seeing him vulnerable and in a weak state is like... Me seeing him like that is like him seeing me in love. Like... Yeah, probably. It really is no which is a sick comparison coming from me we were on the highway and i just i was letting it go out the window

and at that i was ready to just jump out gain was holding me we were holding yeah it was holding my shirt to make sure that like i wouldn't fall not like like to be honest like ever no one can i truly believe no one can say like, oh my God, I only married him because of his personality. I don't care what he'd look like. Bullshit. Like, everyone, like, you're not going to talk to him if there's no, not some semblance of like physical attraction.

There has to be something. There has to be something. There has to be something that you want to like, the animal inside of us has to be like, I don't like the way you phrase that but it's true we are fucking animals i just got the shivers well it's kind of cool but like you have to be like i kind of like you know wanna and then get to know you i want to bone them let's bone then crack that rock open kind of thing. Oh. I didn't like that.

I didn't like that. The inside, not too bad. Put it in a cup. Feel like you're back in college. You know? With about 5% chance of talking to a woman and a hundred percent chance it's not gonna work out we tumbled for like probably 10 seconds i'm thinking i'm dead this guy cuts the main shoe pulls the secondary we're fine we slowly fall down and this is what i mean by cold we put because you're not supposed to pull that high obviously we were up there for probably 20 minutes just slowly gliding on i'm freezing but

one my hamstrings pulled apart two this guy you're alive for number two two this guy tells me um once we hit the ground he's been doing this 20 years first time this has ever happened to him holy shit yeah good thing he's prepared yeah and they do like five jumps a day also i like how bummed you are like we only like we're free falling i'm pissed i want to go again like we're only free falling for like four seconds i'd be like thank the fucking lord i didn't free fall for the entire fucking time. Obviously, that's my first thought, but I'm...

He's like, guys... No shit, no shit. He's like, give me your granola bar. Like, you fuck... It's been four fucking days. I've had bugs, bear shit, and leaves. All right? Give me the chocolate chip

out of your granola bar. I don't give a fuck. Did you see what I ate last week? They're sitting there like they have a fire, but like gasoline, the light and shit like that. He's sitting there just.

I'll be over here in my tent. Not even a tent. Not even a tent. He just like builds like an igloo and he's half naked. A little teepee. Mesh thing like, hey, I got a five pound bag of chickens. Dead ass. Dead ass.

They're in a bag. Threw them in the trunk. Went back. I remember this. Yeah. It was at Brock's house. And they're like dude we just bought chickens like this is crazy now what so then what so then what's next yeah my friend dude this sounds bad just wait just wait my friend get worse yeah it gets bad my friend had a river in his backyard chill take it easy river dude it was a creek it was a creek no it's not trust me pita

hey don't cancel it wasn't us usually i go for lunch and grab a coffee get my coffee i'm like wow it's nice up not many people out walking down the street with my coffee, just fucking... past my face, bro. I was just like, what? A car just kicks up. Bro, I got drive-by egged.

I got... You have a lot of them. Don't you have the cigar ones? There's 10 right here There's 11 right there And 12 is right there Why do you have so many of them And then

I did have a cigar one But in my tattoo covers Cause when he's fucked up You literally like If somebody has a cigarette I'm fucked up It's a party trick People are like

Yeah the dude That puts cigarettes out on you I'm like Yeah Stop doing that I haven't in a while Find a new party trick I haven't

That's not even a party trick. That's literally just being stupid. Yeah, no. That eye-opening man is crisscross applesauce on the other end of his bed like this. And his arms are out like this. And he is staring at his pillow. He's sitting where his feet normally are, and he's staring at his pillow. He's sitting where his feet normally are, and he's staring at his pillow. And I'm already thinking, if I wake up and he's standing over me again, he's getting knocked out.

I wake up, and I turn over, and he's just... Like, summoning his pillow. And I go, Danny, what are you doing? He goes, huh? I'm like, what are you doing? He goes, just come to me. I go, what? He goes, I Huh? Like what are you doing this? Just come to me. Yeah, what is trying to get it to come to me? Like you're trying your pillow to come to you guys

And nothing came out what anyway, it's coming like Danny put your head on the pillow The pillow is not gonna come to you. Yes Okay, and he just lays back down. I'm like, all right, what the fuck is going on? And we drove your car up there. Yes. We have to drive your car back. No one else drives stick. Mikey, kind of.

Yep. So you're in the front seat trying to coach your little brother who has almost killed you at this point. Yeah, it was a bonding experience. To drive us home. He's freaking out like who has almost killed you at this point yeah it was bonding experience to drive you drive us home he's freaking out like i almost killed him well he doesn't know that yet i'm in the backseat like this is fucked up you guys just dropped me off at home we find out later from what like the third or fourth doctor. Yeah, fourth. That it was like near an artery or something and that if they pulled it out, it could cut that artery and then you would die. Correct.

That's right? Mm-hmm. So finding that out, I mean, we went at that time, well, Pokemon Go was a thing and you and Mikey were really into it. I was not, but I was like, I will do whatever the fuck you want.

Dude, that was like my last wake of life. I literally thought, I was like, this could be my last moments with you and I'm catching Pikachus in the park with my phone. Yeah, that's what I do in my last week to live is go play Pokemon Go.

Dude, are you 40? Jennifer Aniston is your crush. I love old music. You're watching M.A.S.H. and Bon Jovi is your crush I love you're watching MASH and Bon Jovi is your favorite fucking singer I love Bon Jovi

alright alright I'm not I mean I'm not I'm not I mean I'm kind of ripping on you but

I'm more what do they call it when it's a when it's a full wax Brazilian wax right I think Brazilian yeah

yeah I should try one of those I thought Brazilian just meant the nether regions yeah I think Brazilian. Yeah. Yeah. I should try one of those. I thought Brazilian just meant the nether regions. Yeah. I think that is. Oh. I don't know.

What would a full wax be like, head to toe? Brazilian. No. Is there a European wax? It's Brazilian. Is there a European wax, too? Maybe. Yeah.

Who knows? International. Did the Brazilians start that, though? Is that a thing that they do? They were the first ones to wax? Are we appropriating the Brazilians? No, I'm not appropriating the Brazilians start that though? Is that a thing that they would do? They were the first ones to wax their... Are we appropriating the Brazilians? No, I'm not appropriating the Brazilians. Why did they call it that?

The first ones that waxed their pussy? Yeah. Because they're always hot and they always wear bikinis. That's my guess. That would be my guess as well. That seems like sound logic. I say we leave it at that. For sure.

Let's not look farther into it. I mean, we have two people that could easily look it up back here, but let's not do it. Let's not do it. I think we have young James. All right, try to make me cry. I bet if each and every one of you had a kid tomorrow, you'd all be good dads.

Thanks. I bet. Who would be the worst? Who? Yeah. Say it right now. Rank us. He volunteers Sam Sam volunteer Rank us right cuz it's like a it's like an intuition. We need a ranking. We need a rain

You're not getting out of this one through six who's from working yourself best best to worst best to worst Are we going off of sheer personality or situations as well? Everything. Everything? Oh, fuck. I'm at the bottom. Mike would be best. Okay.

Because he's like... Thank you. He's been ready for that for three years. Yeah, he's a chill guy like me. He's wanted a baby since 22. He's okay with laying low, settling down, you know? Yeah. Going to bed at eight.

Yeah. God, this is the tough one. He's in this too. Definitely not you. He's the same between Guskey and Schmidt right now. Yeah, you're at the bottom of the total pool. Yeah, I know. Now me and Schmidt.

You know, your mustache is getting kind of creepy now. Then you and then Dan. Okay. So you're below us three? Huh? We're supposed to be included. I already am. He's already got it.

I think I'm doing pretty good. So I legit thought you two were gay when I met you. I feel like that's what a lot of people say. He was my only friend. Legit. This isn't even a joke i straight up thought you two were and i have your location and so i like oh he's walking down that way i'm like i don't know if he's going with a girl or he's trying to walk home because i don't know where

like a hotel was at the time and i was like let let's walk here, catch him, grab an Uber. We start jogging to you. I check it again. He's still going this way. I keep walking. He's going kind of quick. Then all of a sudden, I stop. I go, so if we were here and we went this way, the second time I checked, Sam was here.

And I go, what the fuck? Sam's in an Uber. So I just, I dumbly think I can catch the Uber. Start sprinting. Because it's busy. And I start sprinting. And Sam just, location stops. And we're with two kids

who are probably I think they were underage at the time or they were one was underage maybe and

he so I'm like I'm looking I'm like where the fuck are you I just see like buildings and I'm like is he upstairs

or whatever it doesn't say he's like in the building it says he's like by the street and all of a sudden I look around and the two kids are across the street. I'm like, help me look for him.

They're like, no. I'm like, why? He goes, do you know where we are? And I look up, and it says correctional facility. I'm like, what the fuck? As I see correctional facility, you are being escorted out with three other guys in cuffs. And I'm like, oh, shit. So right away my head's like, I've been to this before i'm glad we can laugh about this now well i go to the cops and i was

like uh i like why is he like what happened like he we found him he's drunk he had a beer outside of the uh and we can specify that in a bit but like get a beer outside the bar like open intoxicant i was like okay um i'll give you five hundred dollars just right now to take them and they're like do you want to get in the car with him for bribing a cop i was like i didn't know that far i go i go nope i will see you there and so he's come in is you just let it flow yeah and then you're like i'm sure something funny will come out of it like it is what it is oh yeah it's i'm not i'm not worried about it it's just it's a lot what the fuck did you just pull out of your pocket do you have raisinets or something in your pocket no i bought some skittles you want them i do not want pocket skittles no sure do i want to put pocket Skittles no sure I wish if I would have known you would have snuck

Skittles into the pocket of my shirt oh my god I would have I would have pissed my pants I'm gonna say this very kindly but you draw at a kindergarten level this i wish was a little darker but what is that that's the united states inside alaska basically what you're saying is we live in a snow globe, and the bottom part of the snow globe around it is Antarctica. Exactly. Okay.

That makes no fucking sense. October, who knows where it's now? Police possession. Police possession, yeah. You might be in police possession when you move down there. They're helping me. I came back, and I told my mom. I was like, it's kind of like a little slice of heaven. Live music, barbecue, beautiful people.

It's just like everyone's having fun. It's a little slice of heaven. But if I was there for a month straight, I'd be like, I think I'm dying. Because I would be just like, your serotonin levels through the roof. Are you worried, one, that you're kind of lose some of the appeal to it and two are you worried about game him off he's good to go but um if he kind of has like a an inkling to like kind of follow you to the bathroom now he may or may not like it he it. Your dog has a piss fetish, okay? Your dog has a piss fetish.

You need to close it. It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon. This sun is shining. There are a lot of kids around here. Speaking of kids, do you guys like my mustache? I'm growing it out. I can't decide if I want to just completely shave the beard as well and then fully commit to the pedo stache or leave the stubble.

I feel like the stubble looks kind of good with the mustache. My lacrosse kids that I coached thought I was 17. So I think I'm going to stick with the mustache. So I definitely don't look like one of them, but simultaneously I now look like look like one of them. But simultaneously, I now look like I like all of them a lot. So I don't know if it's a good move to keep it. That's good.

That was nice last night. Thanks for doing that. What? Coming over. Makes it sound like you. That's just what I like doing. That is so sad thanks for that last night well like hanging out with me no one ever no one ever wants to like come over in hot tub so it's like what the fuck probably probably because they think i'm

something like creeper or like weirdo when like i invite or like force when you invite four grown-ass men to a hot tub yeah exactly just four straight white males chilling in a hot tub five feet apart because we're not getting cody's nibbling is what you heard in your first people know what we're starting an only fans let's do that um i have one technically i don't actually post anything, but my thing is, like, I sell feet pictures. I, like, I can make, like, a decent, you can make good money from it. Are you making money selling your feet right now? Like, not at this current moment, but, like, I've sold. Have you made money selling it? Yeah, I think I made, like, a hundred on, because, like, you have to send to send like whatever they ask of you.

So like one guy didn't want nail polish. The other did. So like you like, just like take care of it, whatever. But like the foot pick biz, 10 out of 10. I don't have to be in it.

You send up like, and I room I have at home is so you would walk in there. You would slap down a hundred dollar bill that there is a seven year old living in that room I have race car bed no that would be

that would be sweet though but I've still got my Eagles helmet wallpaper Donovan McNabb bat head I got like trophies from when I'm young. Tons of cool shit. Real mood killers. Oh, my God.

Real mood killers. Sam, you want to come back? I'd rather not look at Donovan McNabb while we're sleeping together. So damn true. It's literally a seven-year-old's room. Also, super pumped you got seventh place in the track meet that's probably literally what i took out of seven too yeah that poor girl she's i don't have a lot of trophies from sport by the way he played catch up so he came late oh that's drinking in the

backyard and we made burgers and we like some of them didn't get eaten or whatever and there was like trash and he literally lifted up the trash bag goes you guys dare me to drink this the liquid that came out of the cans with food in the trash cans that like piled up in the bottom we cut it and he drank it he's like i think the burgers were raw no i think you drank the trash you drank actually it right the random people like oh you should let me on like go fuck yourself i don't i'm not gonna let you on because like oh i think it'd be cool if i was on here i'm like i don't think it'd be cool if you're on here because one i don't know you two i think you're boring three you definitely suck and four you can't talk for shit well where i just go have you ever

gooched anything he goes yes i go never I go, never. And he goes, vodka, rum. I'm like, that's awesome. Same here, though. You've never gooched anything? I've never gooched anything. What the fuck does that mean? Like going into Summerfest and stuff, putting a fucking bottle in your gooch? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've never done that?

Never. What? No. I always. Did you go to? It killed, but I'm the kind of person who, if I'm sick, I'll sniffle. If I have a sore throat, I'll swallow. Like, just, I want to, like, it's real bad. It's like ale. If I have a sore throat, I'll swallow. Like just, I want to like,

it's real bad. It's like a twitch. If I got a sore throat, I swallow every five seconds to see if it's still there. Exactly. All the fucking time. And even when I know it's there,

when I know it's there, and it like, you ever had like sore throat so bad, you swallow it, and it's like this? Yeah. It's like it won't go down. You're cringing?

Yeah. So like, I took, I was like, in my head dumb decision was take half of one of these 10 milligram edibles yeah so just take a fiber and kind of veg out and like relax and like don't think what i think watch tv you say veg out yeah like that's offensive tell their vegetables sorry cucumbers um sit you up and

get you which was a process you know it took longer i think to sit you up oh yeah without hurting you and looking back now like us sitting you up the wrong way could have really fucked it could have killed me exactly i could have been internally bleeding that entire time. That entire time. And it's as cool as, oh, you die. I'm like, do you want to go to Earth 1, 2, 3, 90? I'm like, I don't know. Which one's going to be fun? Or like, hey, you finish up like a fun life. You're like,

give me a challenge. I'm like, alright, we'll send you to Earth 1. No one likes each other there. Figure it the fuck out. You're going to be president of the u.s your last name's gonna be trump good fucking luck buddy um what cats do you you never had dogs no no yeah we never had dog either they live the life yeah it'd be oh i saw like you know those like oh they do live great lives do you know like and

they got nine of them they do have nine of them what if we're all cats and this is just and they're humans and it's just like yeah this is this is their ninth life yeah shit i think we just cracked the code probably that's why they're so grumpy all the time It's their last fucking life Yeah That's why they all sleep Cats are on their ninth life We all have nine lives The ninth stage

Maybe we evolved down into cats Yeah We've hit the peak Humans We're just going Down to cats Yeah Like my next life

That might be the dumbest thing I've said on here I'll be a cat man I'll be a cat man. You'll be a cat man. You will let someone wax your asshole. And not professionally. Not professionally. Not professionally. Just a bunch of drunk dudes.

Very, very, very amateur. Like the equivalent if I just move this out and we're like, let's do it now. At like 4 p.m. after a day of day drinking. 4 p.m. It was then? Yeah. I thought it was late afternoon. No, no. It was early afternoon..m. after a day of day drinking. 4 p.m.? It was that? Yeah, I thought it was late afternoon. No, no. It was early afternoon.

Before we went out. Yeah, we went out. So you were prepping. You were getting ready for the night. People get it all the time. I just remember that video. Not by your roommates. All right, spread the cheeks.

Let's get one in there. On the coffee table. When girls get their pussy wax, they make them bend in a lot of weird spots. Would you go with Ellie? You're still a daddy, but I'm like a dad. You're a daddy, I'm a dad.

I used to be zaddy, whatever that means. People used to call me zaddy. I don't know what that means either. I saw croissant. You don't eat that. I gotta throw that into thedy. I don't know what that means either. I saw croissant. That's the W people. Sitting on the ledge. Don't eat that. I got to throw that into the woods. I do want to.

I was tempted. I'm drunk and I got the munchies. I'll get us food here soon. We only got. Looking up waxes. I'm still Googling waxes. Oh, okay. Here's another.

And one of the frequently asked questions on Google is, does a Brazilian wax include bum crack? Well, does it? Yeah, yeah. It says either way, both variations of the Brazilian wax make their way to make their way from the front to the back. So yes, the butt strip is

part of the regular service. So it's pretty much just all in the nether regions. It's everywhere. If you need to grease up that turd cutter, go get a Brazilian. Love that you just said that. So I was just like, you know what? I'm dumb. I know that.

I'm actually a very smart guy, but when I drink, I'm dumb. But I'm not that dumb. Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, dude, listen to this. I was so annoyed by it because I get annoyed by it naturally. We're not 18 anymore. Like Michael and I, we're better.

We're better. We're better than we used to be. Like, obviously we'd love to have fun together because we haven't seen each other in so long. When we do, we're like, all right, we gotta, we gotta reminisce on our old times and like, let's get fucked up. And I'm like, yeah, let's get fucked up. Be great. So I'm calling my mom and I'm like, Hey, if you don't want to pick me up from the airport,

Michael can get me. Oh, this is this weekend. Yeah, this is this weekend. I'm like, hey, if you don't want to pick me up from the airport, Michael can get me. Oh, this is this weekend. Yeah, this is this weekend. I'm like. This is still happening. Shit. And immediately, I didn't even finish the sentence. I hear Doug in the background.

Oh, no. No, no. No, no. You're not going out. You're not drinking. And like his thick Wisconsin accent. And I'm just like, I didn't even fucking finish. I was like, we're going to go over to Michael's. We're going to do the podcast. And I'm going to come home. drinking and like his thick wisconsin accent and i'm just like i didn't even fucking finish i was like we're gonna go over to michael's we're gonna do the podcast and i'm gonna come home and my mom's

just like you're not partying we know what happens with michael and you and i'm like i'm like mom we're 25 about to be 26 years old in december we're not going out and getting fucked up we hate everybody anyway yeah like we would, it's not like... You ever go on, like, a car trip when you're with, like, your buddies and then your girlfriend? And you never talk to your girlfriend, but you talk to your buddies in the backseat the whole time? It's the same thing. Well, I would say yes, but I haven't had a girlfriend in... My last official girlfriend was the beginning of junior year of high school.

That was the only girl you've ever dated? I've dated three girls in my life. One for an extended weekend, one for a month. Oh, I'm a walking red flag. When you dated the Ponds girl for a while. Yeah, and one for nine or ten months. Oh, I don't know yes this is the world okay yep here's the sun

what would be up in the sky well it's got to rise at some point doesn't it so it goes up and then it sets yes but it always rises. How does it get from here to here? Well, no one said that the sun, like, no one said that. And you just drew it. Yeah. It does that. So it now just goes, we just cock it back like a gun. And then.

Well, no one said, no one said that, like, planet orbitation. I hate social media. To be honest, what I think is going to turn the vaccination card, I'm calling it right now, is going to be the new fake ID. Do you think it's going to be a thing? Oh, my. It will be a thing if you have to start showing vaccination cards to get into bars in some places

or whatever i without a doubt promise you people are going to be mass producing these fake vaccination cards do you think i mean bars are already a thing here here but not all places because if this is a piece of paper note card it's a note card just a larger note card right you just gotta figure out the dimensions we all know someone who's been vaccinated. It's like, Hey, can I see this real quick? If people are making fake IDs, laminated scan, like not laminated, like people are faking the Wisconsin ones that have holograms on. You don't think someone in their mom's basement can take a note card and basically have a vaccination thing printed and just do a random doctor's signature like i've been vaccinated twice you're right are you kidding me i'm just more i

totally agree if that's a thing where you need to show that card to get somewhere 100 people are people are fake it is going it's the new fake id and i if you can name me 54 better things you know what i'll give you having fun at that age can be number one. I'll give you that. Well, I can see friends too because they need a spot to hang out. But fuck it. Fuck your friends. Half of them.

I've watched these kids. And you know what? I'm not a good person. You got to turn them nowadays to stick out. I'm not a good person. I try to be a good person, but I know that we're both nice people. Girls fucking just have like 30,000 followers, 20,000 followers. Yeah, I mean.

Just like that. Do you see a dartboard throwing ass like that though? No. Showing ass every picture. It's the dartboard, but like slightly turned around. You see these cords? Off switch. Turn me off, turn me off

turn me on you goofy what just fell I guess I meant it when I was drunk you have known me since we were 15 and I've tried to get rid of you

since we were 15 okay well I wouldn't go that far cause here I am I'm on the podcast and it's tattooed on your ankle we need to take it off and like I wouldn't go that far. Because here I am. I'm on the podcast. And it's tattooed on your ankle. We need to take it off.

It's legit on the ankle. It's like right. You guys, I don't know if anybody's going to be. It's like right above the ankle. So like, you're going to be able to see it with any shoe I wear. We'll take pictures of it. And we'll put it next to whatever we clip out of this. If you're doing anything funny enough worth the Instagram post. Actually, to be honest, you're in control of it now.

So like you could just post a whole episode. I could literally just put clips of me talking, not even you responding. And it'll just all be a highlight reel of me. You know what's pissing the fans off? Being this close. Like we have fucking blue balls. Dude, honestly. All right.

That's a good point because the Packers... I would rather get off and then not do anything for a year. Yes. Yes. Let me have sex once and then not for six months

then be like... But I had sex with the most beautiful... Summer Rae walked in here. We did it. But guess what? You can't have sex for another year. I would accept Summer Rae walked in here We did it But guess what You can't have sex for another year I would accept Summer Rae

In a heartbeat Rather than Summer Rae I don't know why we're picking her Just every day Just unzipping your pants And just looking at it And then just leaving Let's see

Disappointment That's where we're at That's where we're at I get it It's so fucking annoying It is annoying Rogers is sitting here like Someone just sucked my fucking penis yes honestly um the human head weighs nine pounds

um bears can climb faster than they can run um chameleons can camouflage with the color that they're on. Some octopus, octopi, can bury themselves in sand and basically dig themselves a tunnel to get away from prey. No, predators. Um, the mantis shrimp. No. Predators? The mantis shrimp? I forgot that fact. A golden eagle once picked up like a seven-year-old kid.

Hippopotamus kill more people than sharks every year he's getting a package oh chick-fil-a door dash that looks good so while the cloth was on i kind of peeled it off and it was stuck then to the blood on the one side of the thumb so that's when the cloth came off and the thumb kind of peeled apart oh that is when i came out of my adrenaline you watched your thumb just open up a little bit pretending didn't you but it was just us two saying you were jack no i did that a few times yeah um but there was one night i was like brooke i know jack works or used to work here i'm hoping some of these people know so i went up there i wasn't like really gonna push it too hard but right away she was like jack i was like yes perfect i'm in i'm in my mind starts thinking all right let's play cool i was like, yes, perfect. I'm in. I'm in. My mind starts thinking, all right, let's play cool.

I was like, yeah, hey, how are you doing? Like, can I just get two, whatever we were drinking, like two vodkas or whatever. People are talking about UFOs and aliens. Like aliens are like boarding it. Like, you know, you like fucking driving that shit. That's the guy with the pencil too, you just erase him? That's what they're trying to do is just erase him. They are.

What if the UFO is the alien itself? There's not people on it. So we're getting deeper into the conspiracy. So you think it's not a ship. No, it's like a space squid. You think the flying object... A space squid? So it'd be like the equivalent

of like an ant looking at you and be like what if that's a ship but it's like yeah it's just like people in my brain going like that yeah the ant's like oh it's a ground squid that's crazy yeah yeah tell me a joke no no no no because I know what type of joke it'd be. Yeah. It'd be something bad. All right, fine. Have you ever had Candace on the show? I think I know where this is going.

No. No? All right. Well, I tried. Do you know who Candace is? Do you want me to say Candace who? Yeah. Candace who?

I hate you. You just did. Yeah. Iice who? I hate you. You just dick-filled me. Yeah, I knew where that was going, and we are done. Give me the two, so 20 milligrams. Yeah. When I was like in the prime of not smoking weed, I used to go and fucking take like 100 milligrams at a time.

By the way, 100 milligrams is what they give people with cancer who are dying, and he's like, I'm fine. What was that? It was a drink. A Kybo smoothie or whatever? We went to fucking Illinois, me, him, and Dan to get canes. And then we had the bright idea, me and Dan, to stop at the dispensary because he just turned 21. Yeah. And get us weed.

He's smart. And he bought Dan a 100 milligram chocolate bar. Yeah, like a mint chocolate bar. But they had a drink, like a fucking... It was like an acai bowl smoothie. Yeah, like an acai bowl or whatever. Is that what it is? Acai, whatever.

Acai, yeah. And it was 100 milligrams. Chugged the whole fucking thing. Nothing. Nothing. So I just kept ripping dads. Yeah. Are you sure you guys weren't already high and just actually got acai bowls?

Dude, I slept on your couch at the frat house. Yeah, but you were a guest. Nice couch. Great couch. Great couch. high and just actually got acai bowls dude i slept on your couch at the frat house yeah but you were a guest nice couch it great couch great couch the amount of piss and semen and shit and sweat that probably gone through there is disgusting yeah i don't like to think about that yeah it was a nice place to sleep it's a comfy couch though it's a great napping couch you just you lay down like oh the memories that are in this thing. Yeah, I was drunk. I tried not to think about it.

Just passed out. Oh, you weren't thinking about it at all if you're drunk there. No, I still remember I was calling you for like two hours trying to get you back there. And we were like standing at the door. Your people were like not letting us in. It was great. Reincarnated. Reincarnated.

Yeah. What would you want to be reincarnated as i totally want to be a cat you want to be a house cat a house god yeah uh can i be the first uh fat chance athlete you don't have to pay me anything or anything like that but yes all right i will straight up give you an endorsement perfect out of my pocket like even if it's like 50 bucks i up give you an endorsement. Perfect. Out of my pocket, even if it's like 50 bucks, I will give you, you can be the first batch. All I wanted was a shirt.

Deal. Fuck yes. Dude, that is the greatest idea ever. Right? He throws up so obnoxiously. He's very violent. It's like a Tarantino movie. There are loud people, you really need to force it out, but then his I mean, his even dry heaves are just...

Yeah. So loud. I mean, it's like Godzilla. I know. It's not just his whole body just like a wave. He goes... Or like a dog.

Have you guys seen that picture? Have you ever just, like, bought someone randomly? Like, you didn't even talk to them? I've never bought a girl a drink before.

Shut the fuck up. Shut up. San Francisco, yes you have. Don Julio! Because she wants Don Julio. I'm like, no, Corey, that's all she can fucking say is Don Julio. You know what it was, though? Richie kept going like, come on, you fucking pussies.

Go talk to some girls. The place was loaded with Asians. I'm not gonna Which hey, you know what whatever but They just felt like the minority. I'm not kidding you. It was Chinese people keep on the one Latina. It was like Sheesh II and it was like it was like Chinatown. I'm not kidding you. So then I'm like, I'm like looking around. I'm like, fuck it. You know, I'm just going to do it. So he shuts up.

Speaking, speaking. I point out the one Spanish girl. And she's Spanish. Like, and still does not speak a lick of English. Full blown. Like, doesn't speak a lick of English. And he's like, she wants Don Julio shots. I'm like, again, that's all she can say to communicate to you.

Yeah. And she just like kept looking over us. I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to go up to her. And then I walked up and I said, you want to get a shot? And she goes, yeah. So we go up to the bar. I'm sure you guys have heard the rest of the story.

I get hammered. I remember we were in San Francisco visiting Hunter. And we had this really nice Chinese guy as our Uber. And Hunter the whole time was just about to puke in the Uber on the way home. And finally I'm like, alright, we're like two blocks away from Hunter's place. And we're like,

alright, hey, you can just drop us off here because I knew Hunter was just about to puke and I didn't want him to puke in the Uber. And so he dropped us off and as we're getting out, Gordon turns to the driver and he goes and as we're getting out he goes and the driver turns because you speak chinese and i was just he was like so excited about it and i'm like i just turned to cory like in front of the guy and he goes yeah a little bit or he goes yeah a little bit i'm like no you fucking don't cory was practicing the the entire car. When do I say it?

He goes, don't sound too racist. Don't sound too racist. But he got the guy so excited. The guy's like, you speak Chinese? Yeah, he was pumped. My accent must have been great. And you were just like, you were just like. And Corey just plays along.

He's like, yeah, a little bit. And I'm just like, dude, that's the only Chinese word you could possibly know. Do you know any others? It's probably better to say a little bit. I'm out. Probably better to say a little bit than say no. I was making fun of you. But I'm packing all our stuff,

put it in the car, I'm brushing my teeth, and I get a phone call. It's from your sister. And your sister's like, Hey Michael. I'm like, what's up? He goes, where's Sam? I go, he's right here. Why? like what's up he goes where's Sam I go he's right here why

he goes is he okay I go yeah he's fine why he goes Michael where is he he's fine don't worry about it

he goes Michael where is Sam I go he's fine I'm just brushing my teeth he's showering he goes Michael where is Sam I go he's in jail

I'm going to get him right now don't worry about it goodbye and she goes what I go don't worry about it I'll get him dude I got there

tried to give him my card they're like wait what do you think this is the fucking like bar they're like you need like a money order so like a check or something like that

I'm like well I don't have a checkbook so I have to go down to Chase Bank and I'm like can I have a and the Chase Bank by the Orange County Correctional Facility

was like they've seen this before. Oh, yeah. And I go, can I have a $500 money order sheet? And I was, know where this is going? And I go, let's not worry about it. Orange County Correctional Facility? Yeah.

And I was like... They're the worst. My best friend is the worst wingman ever. He's been in a relationship since he was 16. He has no idea how to talk to girls. And he knows how to talk to Juan. Just the one. Yeah. He's real fucking a relationship since he was 16 He has no idea how to talk to girls He knows how to talk to Juan Just to Juan He's real fucking good at it Better than everyone else

I sure as crap believe in the Loch Ness Monster Just as much as I believe in Mermaids Mermaids are for sure real You can't tell me mermaids aren't real And I truly do believe in witches But we draw the line at Bigfoot We me mermaids aren't real. No. And I truly do believe in witches. But we draw the line at Bigfoot. We have mermaids, werewolves, vampires, Iron Man, Loch Ness Monster.

But Bigfoot, not a snowball's chance in hell. Anyone can dress up in a Bigfoot costume and run around. Do you believe in the abominable snowman? There are 12-year-olds that put fins on their head and swim through pools. There's not sharks there. Well, obviously the bible oh god it says something about how the earth is a flat plane with a dome over top and then the heavens rise above the dome it literally says i don't know the correct word for it no that, that went in. And then Bob's like, what is happening? What's the noise? Are we getting abducted right now? Does it not sound like a beam just came down?

Like, you three are my choice. E.T. is the one coming to the podcast. Fucking aliens are coming. And he's like, these three? They're drinking at 9 o'clock in the morning? Yeah, we would like them. Damn tornado come through. ET just walks underneath the garage door.

Someone bought just the size of my computer of bacon for $2,000. Dude, there was like ricotta cheese that you can buy at the grocery store for like $3. And they're like, yeah, we'll give you $1,200 for it. Who's buying that? I don't know. So if we're saying it's the size of that probably his brother who's like i'll take one now we got the whole damn pig but if okay say if it's that size or whatever how many slabs you're getting off a pig and isn't a pork it's like that's like the whole fucking pig isn't that the whole thing i don't know you know you're not eating the head. You're not eating the ass.

You're not eating the body. You are eating the ass. The portion is probably. You might be eating the ass. I'm not eating the ass. Do you know pork butt is pulled pork, right? No. You eat the ass.

You love ass. You love ass. I took one of my NJIT hats. Yeah. And I put my lizard on top of it. And I took a of my NJIT hats and I like put my lizard on top of it and I took a picture of it because it was like a pet thing do you have the lizard with you at school?

it's at school I didn't know you had a lizard yeah I'm a lizard father and you just got like a free pair of headphones out of it yeah I won the contest so I just didn't know what to do and you know got like a free pair of headphones out of it yeah i won the contest and so i just didn't know what to do and know the problem is is like

when i see you go from you having fun to i'm like what the fuck just happened and i had no i'm like i can't it was also so annoying and i said this to you guys when we were there but everyone was like you having fun you having fun I think people are gonna know where we're getting at to this point like you there yet you there yet didn't get there okay um and like rubbing my back and shit like you having fun you're having fun I'm like leave me the fuck alone like you should be having the time of your life I'm like I'm about to end your fucking life if you touch me one more time. I was so sick of it.

I was like, I'm more annoyed than I am on the up and up. Yeah, you would have. So I hope you walk out of this podcast today, your dick hanging a little lower. Thanks. Heads up high, shoulders. It will be. Yeah. I'll go home.

You look Sam right in the eye and be like, I don't know any famous Zac Efron quotes. What is one? I don't know either. You better get your head in the game. He goes, if you have to listen to music while you work out, it's fucking cheating. Yeah, that's a big cheat. And I literally turn my phone over and over i go what the fuck did i just listen to and it's like the same kind of concept of the people who post workout videos of you see

like nine boxes stacked up and then speed ladders on both sides then four cones and a medicine ball and then like the squat rack bar like like, the Olympic bar on the ground. And they go through and they're like, and they're like, just light work on a Monday morning. The Packers aren't fucking looking at you. We're not trying to get new receivers, clearly. We're not trying to help anyone out. Like, calm the fuck down.

Do a push-up, then a sit-up, and get over it. I don't care about your two-minute, 19-exercise circuit. And then tell me if you're listening to music while you're doing this, you're cheating. You know what else is cheating? You drink water. You suck. You know what else is cheating in that, like, ass-backwards logic?

Forks. I don't need a fork to eat, but it makes it fucking easier. A fork. I did not see that coming. But, like, is that not true? It was quite the coincidence, let's put it fucking easier. A fork. I did not see that coming. But like, is that not true? It was quite the coincidence. Let's put it this way. So my mom has this fun little habit of listening to the police scanner.

And most of the time it's like nothing. She listens to it all the time. Once she discovered she can do it. And yeah, most of the time it's nothing. But every once in a while, it's like, like murder,

suicide, or like redhead naked in the park or something like that. Like, it's nothing but every once in a while it's like like murder suicide or like redhead naked in the park or something like that like it's just like interesting like high-speed car chase peels out and my mom's like oh listen to this i'm like okay cool well this past sunday a call comes over the radio my mom's listening before she goes to bed and she hears um along the lines of we're looking for um an andrew who works at world-class lighting um no and backstory i have a little brother named andrew who also works at world-class lighting and it says we are in pursuit i don't know if we're in pursuit or we are looking to arrest him for certain charges. And I'm like, for what?

And she goes, they haven't said it yet. And he goes, where's your brother? I look over to the left and he's in his room. We're like, what the fuck? I'm like, is he really? She's like, don't check. He's probably sleeping. I go, maybe we should.

They just gave a word forword description of your youngest son. And they are coming to his house to arrest him that we don't know what for. Fuck if he's sleeping. Let's see if he's in his fucking bed. Let him sleep, Michael. I'm like, in 10 minutes. He'll be awake in prison for hours. And we go.

My mom keeps listening to it. And and turns out it was for domestic abuse and flashback to when i had my little brother on and his friend my brother told me about a co-worker um who was also named andrew and i just started putting the pieces together i was like this might be the guy that drinks three four locos a day and smokes weed while he's uh terminating wires at his job and my mom goes that that would make sense yeah and so we just let andrew sleep because like it's probably not andrew yeah never opened his door though to see if he was in his room or not yeah or actually fleeing the cops that's true because andrew has a track record like he has been chased by the cops he

has been arrested he has showed up with the police before i've had to impersonate my father on the phone he calls me he goes i need you to be dad all right just change your my contact name to dad and call me he goes that's really smart i go this is why i'm on this end of the phone and you're on that end yeah and he goes how'd you know dad's information i go how do you not yeah how do you not know your dad's birthday or which means how old he is he goes you knew his birthday and how old he was i go oh my god um but he woke up the next morning and we're like dude you gotta you gotta find out what happened and they said that's the first thing they talked about when they got into work. And he comes back from work and we're like, so what'd they say?

He just goes, yeah, he likes to drink. That was it. And they're like, yeah, we just made fun of him all day. I'm like, is she okay? Yeah. We think so. I'm like, cool. Do you know who my guidance counselor was at middle school?

Who? Jesus. Oh, yeah. You went to a private school. I feel like it's different. God is my guidance counselor. Girls complain about guys golfing. It's like guys complaining about girls going to Target.

It's like, you take too long there. It's like, you take too long to golf. You know what? It's everything. It all balances there. It's like you take too long to golf. You know what? It's everything. It all balances out. Just find your middle ground. Wait, ladies, if your guy's golfing, go to Target. If he's at the 19th hole, go spend some fucking money.

No, go to brunch. I miss college already. You'll go through a brief period because you're freshly out of it. Yeah, I mean, the money's nice having a job and shit, but like. You have adult money now. You can do things. I mean, you just explained to me 45 fucking life-size posters that are going on your walls here. I'm like, that's.

Yeah, but they're more like, think about this. You know what you had in your college dorm? You'd have a T-shirt you don't wear, but it's got like Justin Fields' number on on it but it's not actually justin fields and then it's like a football you know mitch trabisky duct tape number one and you would hide the zero duct tape your jersey that you stole from the athletic department a world map out of the textbook you never read intramural basketball exactly you have like one good game what is that i really don't know i don't even know if it's mine. And then some poor girl's bra hanging from a deer head or something like that.

That was my apartment. That was pretty bad. Imagine running with just absolute pumpkin tits. You've got to wear a chin guard. You might get concussed. Oh, well. That would suck. What time?

Like, there's a small chance he comes with. And I have been so fine for it that would be cool you gotta have like my one teacher come too he's really fucking weird though that's fine with me i was gonna watch this but he literally like i just have to say it now so the first day of class we're like doing bim on the computer so we're drawing on the computer. Yeah. And I like had a question. He comes over and he like is next to me and I'm sitting in this chair. I can just like feel, feel him,

you know, like he's just breathing down your neck. And all of a sudden I feel like this cold rush on my shoulder, like right here. And I hear, and then he looks at me and he goes, you smell like oil and i was like what the fuck i was like are you serious and i was like yeah i was working on a job site all day long of course i'm gonna smell like shit and then two days ago we're

talking about something else i can't remember what it was it was something something stupid like oh at our christmas party he licked someone in the face just because just walked up to him said hey i don't know if i want him on here that licks him right across the face be like licking the microphone talking shit to him in class and then all of a sudden i just feel this bear paw grab me on the face like this and like start pulling my chair backwards and i'm like reaching and i'm like oh my god it was i thought he was for sure gonna lick my face but he didn't thankfully he's a really weird guy he might like come here and be like chad was here last dude all i think about when you said you smell like oil is that spongebob like you like

grabby panties don't you a bunch of like either or questions to help you figure out who your ideal lady is okay are you getting into horoscopes no are you doing no no no no no not even close this sounds something like that it's are you gonna tell me my moon next you're what does that mean like my moon you don't know my moon is that a book fool okay um i don't know man arthritis is a big one for me like if i get arthritis i might just call it say that again just call it it's arthritis not arthritis yeah man bye bye tell you what my i tell you what My edible is kicking in right now

Because I'm crying Oh Oh fuck My mouth is a little dry folks Sorry about that I would like to think that you and me are probably Same spectrum On the spectrum or same spectrum?

I'm gonna call both. So he just got married, but the ladies loved him. Ladies love a bald guy. What the fuck is that? Confidence. When you accept it... Because I know that's why... When you accept it, then you that's why like you accept it then you're full then you amplify your personality so i think it's yeah and so if you have a good personality

and you go bald yeah it's like if you lose your hearing your sight gets really good or if you lose your sight your hearing gets really good oh yeah so if you lose your hair your personality so then what if you lose okay, so you lose your beard, you get good hair. No, that's not. Well, then what are you talking about? No, but like, okay, people. So looks and personality, they go coincide. Oh, 100%.

People put so much effort on people's hair. So if you lose one, you're going to amplify the other. You got no personality. I guarantee you this guy's probably a looker. He's probably got a great head of hair. I feel like we're talking about my father right now. This is literally straight up my dad. But if you lose your hair and you commit to it,

and you're like, you know what, this is who I am, and then you just, now you're really who you are. You're not worried about, like, you're not you. You're not worried about any of that other bullshit where it's just like, oh, I don't. Yeah. I feel like we are straight up talking about my father. Shout out to him.

And if he's confident, then yeah. I feel that's. Bald son of a bitch. Bald. You say it like he's more bald than you can be. So it's like, okay. So it's like, it's different for me because like my dad is here in my fucking ear. Like, yeah, I had you at fucking 19.

You better not be doing anything stupid. So here I am just getting hammered at the bars. You mean like when he was doing something stupid at 19? Exactly. He was having me. He was having me. I have heard a lot of worse shit. Hey, I'm a wanted mistake.

That's what my mom calls me. Fuck yeah. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. I enjoy wanted mistake. That's a good shit. mistake it's all my what my walk fuck yeah hey there is nothing wrong with that i enjoy wanting mistake that's a good shit but it's like us just not when not when they wanted not when they wanted they wanted us but not when they wanted but here was a year early i feel like you might be a few years early fuck 90 of the drinks that i ordered did i did not consume i watched him take at least like eight shots a night but order 80 yeah yeah well steven uh once steven realized he could get in

um and not have to like you never had to pay to get in really you could skip the line he didn't have to pay for drinks because his big brother was a bartender um and then he's like he's like all right can i get like a friend in i'm like yeah of course and then i can i get two friends and i think the most you're like it's me and five guys i'm like this is uh i was always there yeah i was always one of those guys yeah and then he's like okay i need nine grey goo shots i'm like all right listen up you can have free drinks but i'm not gonna give you the top shelf bottles at a college bar actually i have a video cory gave me the bottle of gray goose to carry around yeah don't get wrong we still gave you a bunch of top shelf shit but it was like come like that was like early later in the no it was early and i'm like keep it tame

later in the night when i'm a little more fucked up and I don't care what I'm doing, sure. The way I grew up, the way my dad grew up. I mean, my dad and my uncle, they shouldn't be where they are. They were first generation immigrants. Parents didn't speak any English. My dad had to wear a helmet his first day of school because they thought he was autistic.

He was like five feet tall. I'm sorry. No, that's that's the true story it just blows my mind that there's a demand for shit like that you know what i'm saying no after seeing that video i'm surprised by like nothing at this point if you can sell your feet for five grand people imagine what you can sell your ass for hazardously horny bro like oh my god And How did we get here From talking about you

Starting your DJ career Who knows right That's how conversations go Dude it's It's huge I would rather Get side eyed Because I'm doing something

That I'm trying to do And really Buying into Than Getting a high five Because I'm doing something I hate You know what I mean

Yeah The high five feels so in genuine to Think you have less energy than yesterday. I am speed Joe The ways hold this mic Ka-chow! Look at the way he's holding his mic. The guy's like, you wanna fuck?

The girl's like, not if you ask me like that. He goes, well, you wanna fuck? I could see him doing that one. Actually, I see Sam Moore doing something just like... That shit's fucking hilarious! Like, no words. Just... Well? Are we? Is it happening?

I think it's illegal if it's a protected animal. Like, your brother's dream is to shoot, like, a water buffalo. Is it really? He's talked about it a lot. Is that a protected animal? I don't think so. I don't think it is. Like, a black cape buffalo.

He says he wants to kill everything that could kill him. Right. The most dangerous animal in the world. Well, that's me. Like, that could kill him. Right. The most dangerous animal in the world. Well, that's me. Like, I could kill him. You're lethal. I mean... Lethal.

You see these fucking arms? Yeah. You got concealed carry for these things or what? Wow. I'm losing audience members at the start of this. Fuck. We're just deleting right now. Oh, so what's this episode?

Killing endangered animals and flexing? Yeah. What? No. Taco Bell is the healthiest fast food restaurant. Seriously. It is. It's a fact.

You can Google that right now. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. I feel like it's volume. Yeah. It might be the healthiest. When you show up to Taco Bell, you're like, I'll have a chicken quesadilla. If you only got two things, yeah, I would.

You go there and you eat eight things. Because you shit it out. Because you have diarrhea. You clean out your system. That's what I think it is. You're right, though. You get all the toxins out ASAP when you eat. It's good for you.

It's actually good for you. Taco Bell is so good for you. Taco Bell is an in and out kindAP when you eat. So it's good for you. It's actually good for you. Taco Bell is so good for you. Taco Bell is an in and out kind of food. Yeah, you're right. Just right in and right out. Another nerdy fact, though. I heard you don't actually poop out the food you eat right away. No.

It's like two to three days later. It's pushing other stuff out, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, get the fuck out of my way. I'm coming through. When people are like, oh, I got food poisoning. Last night I ate this gnarly chicken that's not the case it's actually like a two to three day lag i don't know but no you have food poisoning but your body's like i need

to expel yeah so your body's expelling what is in there when you have taco bun you're like i got a shit you're that's your body being like that's actually your other shit being like i don't want to be next to what you just say was not was not food. So the real food is to leave right now. Get the fuck out now. It was like a weird neighbor just moved in next door and I think he touches kids. Go! I won't stand on Andrew's chest for 30

minutes to get him to say uncle. That's a fucking story about that. He just kept saying uncle. And then I was dangling spit over his face. I'm like, say it right. And literally 30 minutes just sat on his chest in the backyard. And just like, remember the typewriter? Oh, yeah.

The typewriter. And you sit on his chest with your knees on his elbows. And I go, Andrew, how fast do you think I can type? He goes, not fast at all. Not fast at all. I go, I'm thinking 50 words per minute. He goes, no, no, no. And I go, on his chest.

I hated when that happened to me. Like, I can't imagine. That was brutal. And I let loose on those two. Oh, yeah. That, oh, fuck. I forgot about the typewriter. So did I.

If anyone watches this, go do the typewriter to your little sibling. I promise they'll listen to you next time. Yeah. And they will hate you forever. They will hate you forever. the typewriter so did i if anyone watches this go do the typewriter to your little sibling i promise they'll listen to you next time yeah and they will hate you forever they will hate you forever they'll try and do it to you and it'll be amusing as hell but let's reiterate you sit on their chest knees pin their elbows to the ground and ask them how fast you think they can type or they think you can type and then double it can type or they think you can type and then double it we definitely wasn't great no it tasted like it at the beginning and then at the end it was just like vanilla ice cream but i guess the

olive oil one like it tastes like it and then it tastes like vanilla i don't know what does that mean olive i've never had just olive stop eating the fucking skittles man this cannot be a thing anyone else that comes on this show stop bringing hey i almost i almost got raisinets but i think you have to go to uh the movie theater to get those the fact that raisinets came out of my mouth i'm like i don't remember the last time i've ever had a raisinet yeah no i don't mean to be racist here but if you get behind four asian women you are guaranteed the slowest round of your life and they hit each shot identical right down the fairway 30 yards every time it they don't take out a driver just their misses or yeah it's just

it's like they put it down the whole fucking thing. Yes. There goes my Asian audience, my 60 and up Asian audience. Just take us once. Like, I mean... Oh, I would love it. I would love to be abducted. Same.

Would you not? Oh, I would love it. Wow, we are going all around. I was up north too when my grandpa showed... I don't know why old people direction, they know everything. Oh. Everything. Yeah, well, they grew up with compasses and like direction, they know everything. Oh. Everything. Yeah, well, they grew up with compasses and, like, maps that they had to draw themselves.

We grew up with, like, the oldest we go back to is MapQuest, and we're like, oh, I have a booklet of how to get to Alabama from Wisconsin. I don't know how. I can't even fathom how crazy that was. If you asked me where North is right now, I would go this. I have no fucking clue i'm right there with you but do you find your kids to be like your best friends yeah they were like besties i'm not gonna fourth graders they're nine turning ten but i've met a lot of men in my life that sounds a little weird but plenty of them and I have never seen a man act like that before, ever.

When you first got drunk, was it off a lot of booze or was it like just one drink? Because the first time I ever felt like a buzz, it was one 50-50 vodka Sunny D. And I rode that. Well, it's 50-50 Sunny D that you never drank before. But I rode that buzz for like three hours into Summerfest. So basically you had like, what do you call it? Is that a sunrise, tequila sunrise, or just a vodka sunrise? What do you call those?

It's a screwdriver. Screwdriver. It is a white trash screwdriver. I'm an idiot. I should know that. I compare. I call everything white trash screwdriver or like white trash anything. I do. White trash is like kind of like a –

Or you say like it's the roundies brand of this. Just the off-brand. Dude, I think that – I think I was watching some of your other podcasts and you kind of bring up white trash a lot. Yeah. I think you take it as a compliment. Like you're not white trash, but like, hey, we live –

No, you don't need to be as bougie. You can – Like I think not the worst thing I've done, but I've made my own summer shandies out of lemonade and cool light beer. Really? Yeah, it's not that bad. Cool light already has a sweet taste to it. And then you put a few two liters of lemonade in there and then if you ice it down, to be honest, it's probably a drink out there.

Like beer moses, people do orange juice and beer. That's fucking gross. Chad, do you have any final words? Look into the camera and say something nice about me. No. Yes. You go first.

See, it's hard, isn't it? It's so hard. I don't like being nice to people's faces. I like being nice behind the scenes. You're looking at the camera. I'm not even here. Say something nice about Chad.

Chad. Do you want something genuinely nice? And then will you say something genuinely nice? Probably not. I was going to say exactly what you say. Exactly. All right. Thanks for coming and doing this, Pumpkin Tits.

Yep. No problem. Favorite season? Fall. High voice or aspy voice? High voice. God damn. Type A or type B?

Like their blood type? Their personality type, you donut. I feel like like i'm just gonna see you in a corner later oh i'm so worried like i'm just gonna yeah i feel like i feel like you're gonna be like mid-conversation with somebody just like honestly just stroking your wiener for like no reason at all i'm like touching myself but not touching myself also i was stroking it earlier while you were getting your tattoos and dude this would take you would get tired jerking off like that's a long distance to go like if you if you had this are you more like i'll just shake it at the bottom or i'll shake it at top see i'm not concerned

about that i'm concerned about everyday life like i'm just concerned about like playing basketball like if i like back down some dude theoretically you should run faster it's a third fucking leg i mean it's not hitting you could post them real well no one's gonna stop that tripod i guess i'm saying they're just gonna let you pass like immediately or like like cyclists you can't be you can't ride a bike you can't you could steer a bike that would hurt that would hurt so bad like what else like you need special pants ufc not a chance you see how tight their pants are that thing would be you couldn't get a cup That would hurt. That would hurt so bad. Like, what else? You need special pants. UFC? Not a chance. See how tight their pants are? Dude, you couldn't get a cup big enough.

One kick. That wouldn't stop your legs. Yeah, one kick, you're out. Did you wear a cup in sports? I never wore a cup in sports. I never wore a cup in sports. Never wore one. I can't believe I didn't wear one lacrosse.

I never got hit in the nuts, though. Never. Neither did I. Never got hit in the nuts. Oh, back to the dick. Are you more of a what would you just shake it on top or the bottom or would you go middle or are you gonna take the full are you gonna be tired in about 30 seconds i think you're just sticking to the top i think so too what's the point of going like what's the point of staying at the bottom yeah if you stick to the bottom you're weird staring at your wiener trying to figure out what i would do i had i actually had a girl yesterday

asked me she this is sorry for a different time but it's like if she asked me she was like oh like you know what do you like blah blah blah you know we talk about it but then she asked me and she was like oh like what's the first porn video watch and I was like, that's a weird question But okay, like I used to go to big tits calm or like what? What is yours do right for it's always been an X and XX I was like milf.com Big ass. I didn't know what the fuck that big ass calm No, no, no hunter dot. Do you kind of love you kind of miss those days watching porn where like

anything anything excited you like if you saw a girl she could have been 52 with fake tits that look like legit watermelons made no fucking sense oh my god nipple

you're like nipple now you have some weird fucking kink like I need this for like made no fucking sense no ass be like oh my god nipple whoa you're like nipple now it's like that wow now you have some weird fucking king you're like i need this for like jerking off like i don't have like the weird king not like weird but like you can't but yeah you can't just go to like turn on turn off like i'll give you a regular porn star like oh let me wipe the fucking tears okay so these questions are called asking for a friend. So things I think we should know the answers to, but we really don't, and you're kind of afraid to ask it because it's like you asking what type A and type B meant

and thinking it's blood type. Probably is too. So we'll give you a spectrum. Okay, hit me. First one. Where do you naturally find a hamster? What? Like, where do you...

Where do you find one in the wild? Because if I'm being honest with you, I think Petco just makes them. What the fuck? I thought this was a friend question. No, no, no. It's called asking was a friend question. No, no, no. It's called asking for a friend because it's questions that you feel like you shouldn't know the answers to, but no one does. That was what you started with? We could have started a lot slower than that one as an example. I think that's the most tame one I got.

What? It's like, fuck, dude. Come on. Fucking tone it down a little bit. Here we go. If you're bald, skinny, and a huge penis, you're fine. Johnny Sins? As long as you got a big dick.

Johnny? Johnny Sins. Bald, skinny, huge dick. Oh, God, yeah. There you go. See, he's making money off that look. Oh, he makes fucking hundreds of millions of dollars. Not hundreds of millions, by any means.

I guarantee you, if we looked up how much he makes. His net worth, I bet it's under 20. I bet it's under 20. I guarantee you if we looked up how much he makes. His net worth, I bet it's under 20. I bet it's under 20. I guarantee you if we look up how much he makes per year, he probably makes, I would go 9 million. 9 million? 9 million per year. I would go 9 million per year. Dude, he's a doctor.

He's a fucking therapist. What do you think his net worth is? I'd probably go $23. I'll go $23. Dude, that guy's in every fucking video I've ever seen. This isn't probably the first video I've ever watched as a child. Johnny Sins' net worth? No, he's probably in the first video I've ever seen. This isn't probably the first video I've ever watched of the child. You're addicted to porn. Johnny Sins net worth? He's probably in the first video I've ever watched.

Johnny Sins net worth? $23 million. $5 million. $5? That's it? $5. And you think he's worth hundreds? Fuck it. He should be.

The porn pays, but it doesn't. He should be. But he's not getting Bezo bucks. He should be. That guy fucking. When's the last video you've seen him in that wasn't from 2010? I don't know. I haven't seen a video of him in a long time.

No, it's. Let's be honest. If we describe our childhood or like puberty years. Oh, I can tell you. He's in the top 10 of what reminds you of being in middle school. What is the dumbest thing you've been charged for at a restaurant? Or most expensive thing that shouldn't be as expensive as it was? Vegas strip club.

Shocker there. Oh, the water bottles. Water bottles are $10 and they were this big. No, they were $12. They're $12 and they were this big. And they're like the little, you know, yeah, like half water bottles. And they were like Ice Mountain. Like, they were something basic.

Noah got charged $54. For water? For water. Before Venmoing the stripper. Yeah. So they weren't $12. No, they were. They were actually $12 a piece.

Yeah. Jesus. I think my Red Bull was like $15. By the way, Mother will find out because she did ask me when I got back from Vegas If I went to a strip club I said no, because that's a weird conversation to have She's not gonna fucking care So no follow up questions after this either

Your Instagrams Don't necessarily Fit what we're seeing Right here, would you agree? Stevens? Yeah I don't see if his Instagram to really know. Let's pull it up. Let's pull it up.

I think I already have it queued up. A lot of, I already know, a lot of them are back from when we went to Lucid all the time. Yeah, so when Steven was drinking, here's one of, do you know Steven plays the guitar? Yeah, I do remember that picture, dude. I do.

So much good stuff. Steven, we don't even own a guitar That's not even a That was on my tinder for a while I have to see your tinder profile And my dad and Mitch's dad Are better friends than me and Mitch are Like when I would go over for sleepovers

To Mitch's house My dad would sleep over as well Like through 5th grade all the way through college just like two weeks ago there was a girl that threw her bra on stage and it had like in sharpie she was like hey daddy wrote her number down give me a call i'm waiting for you tonight and i was just like yo now did you watch her write this or was this premeditated? So she also made a TikTok and tagged me. She spent six hours making this bra.

She like custom made it, bedazzled it out with all types of sequins and stuff like that. And then wrote on it, painted on it, I should say. She painted on it, took it off and threw it on. I feel like I'm sharpening my wear off a little bit dancing at one of your shows. Yeah, it gets hot up in there. And it. Took it off and threw it on. I feel like I'm going to wear off a little bit dancing at one of your shows. Yeah, it gets hot up in there. And she took her bra off, threw it on stage. One of my guys caught it. And it was a big bra. I'm not going to lie.

So this was like a real premeditated thirst trap. Yep. Just. Yeah. You got that hanging somewhere? Nah, my manager has it. Yeah. I'm cuffed. So'm good like this is like

if i was single be like one get the fuck away from me two my girl was literally like standing backstage when it happened and she was like at that point you gotta be like all right kudos the amount of effort you put into that yeah you know back the fuck up that's what i'm saying like and we're gonna hang this somewhere for the story. Dude. I was with my buddy, Peyton. I was like, you remember Mondo? And he goes, yeah. And I go, he's a DJ for all this now.

And I'm like, do you see him? And I'm like, I think that's a DJ booth in the student section. He goes, there's no way they have it in the student section. I'm like, I think that's him. Yep. 100%. I was in that student section. Deep.

People come up to me like, all throughout the game, drunk as hell, can you play Buttercup? It's like five minutes into the first quarter. I'm like, no, I can't. You have like a, oh, that's the other thing I wanted to say. Fireflies? Yep. So cool.

Like that was never done while I was there. And I started seeing phones going. I'm like, what the hell is going on? Was that your idea? Yeah. I thought I was like, did some weird guy in the student section start this? And then I was like, there's no way someone got that idea. Yeah, so the shows that we were doing in Milwaukee.

Yeah, I know, right? We went viral and all of that. Yeah, I was doing like, this is sick. It wasn't even my video, though. Nobody tagged me. Nobody knew it was me. The people recording the video, if they would have tagged me in that, it got viewed over 50 million times. Yeah, it was insane like the people recording the video like if they would have tagged me in that it got viewed like over 50 million times yeah it was insane it was insane well i'll find it and we'll

tag you yeah yeah yeah i would appreciate that you know but um i'm gonna promote the shit out of this that's fair yeah they just toss some money around like it's nothing. If I won $600, I'd be having the fucking best night of my life. We're going to the bar, baby. Jail. Some good beef. I was in Madison that weekend, but... Wow, the Astros tied the game. Welcome back to the ADD podcast where nothing makes fucking sense.

Talking about our weekend. That's crazy. Who won the game. Welcome back to the ADD podcast where nothing makes fucking sense. Talking about our weekends. That's crazy. Who won the game? It was tied. Astros tied. I swear to God, like 20 minutes ago, he goes, wow, the Braves won the game. No, I know. Braves were up four zip.

Now it's tied. Okay. You're working like construction stuff, right? How often do you eat at the gas station? I don't even want to admit this right now. It's almost every day. Okay. You work in like construction stuff, right? How often do you eat at the gas station? Oh, man. I don't even want to admit this right now. It's almost every day. That's bad.

It's so bad. Is that bad? Mine's sometimes twice a day. I used to be so healthy. I'm pretty healthy. I don't want anymore. One of my coworkers told me that like, this is like a dork he didn't talk about, but the government like plans for like however many power outages they can i'm serious so they're like expecting one more on the horizon so they're like well if we exhaust our like supplies to get the like the grid back up then they won't have it for

the next time like i don't know if it's power lines or like light poles i don't know what they're fucking saving in a storage unit somewhere but i sort of got it's all goes okay i mean i would buy that to To be honest... I thought you were going to be like... I thought you were going to say this is going to sound nerdy, but the government plans the storm. They're the reason

we have the tornadoes. Here in Chicago, I'm really excited that I'm flying. I think I could look out the window a little bit, but I'm also only... Exactly. I'm also only looking out the window a little bit but it also depends on time of day I'm also only looking out the window if it's like a daytime to daytime flight if it's morning to

early morning to noon or like 8 o'clock at night to midnight flight that window's closed you don't want to be the guy that has the window open and everyone's trying to sleep and light's just coming in I'm not That window's closed You don't want to be the guy That has the window open And everyone's trying to sleep And the light's just coming in

I'm that guy You're like Fuck those guys I'm like This is my window I'm gonna have it open Because I want to look I paid for something

Well Goodwill had a lot of Star Wars stuff so Yeah I'm not a big Star Wars Like I love Star Wars I can't even say I love Star Wars I was obsessed with it When I was younger Like I would watch the movies

Do you have lightsabers and shit? I did have a lightsaber Yeah Good I can't even say I love Star Wars. I was obsessed with it when I was younger. I would watch the movies. Do you have lightsabers and shit? I did have a lightsaber. I had a green one. My neighbor had a blue one. I was always jealous. The blue one is what you want. Either that or the double-sided red one. That would be cool.

You think you're a badass. Yours was one of the ones where you hold the button and they all came out. It was like the foldable thing. So like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like. Not the one that's just a rod that just lights up.

Yeah, no. And it makes a noise. No, no, no. You have the one that. Yeah. I had to hit the button to go like this. And sometimes it doesn't come out. It's just like.

Like, dude, his lightsaber's out, man. Let's fucking go. Did you break it in fights? I never. No. Yeah, no. But like we were the kind of of we're like me and my neighbor uh joel we the two kids in the backyard yeah jumping off rocks and be like and try and hit each other like legit having lightsaber it was normal it was normal back though it's fine no yeah we were nerds yeah i do you go cards but i just collected them

because i thought they looked cool i had no idea i had no idea how to play the game at all no clue at all i had the uh you ever watched the show no no like maybe maybe like so i watched like the first season of each one of like the first season of yugioh pokemon like i don't know what's passed but they had there was a season i think it probably actually went past the first season But they had these like things that strapped to your arms Oh yeah I had one No Wait could you like

The cards were in it right Yeah so you had like it was here And then you had your deck like here And you would And you would you play cards And you would just like you pretend like the monsters Appeared ahead of you And I would sit there with other kid who

Had one too. I'm like We thought it was a cool so weird. I have a fucking weapon attached to my arm and I'm like a shovel playing cards in it Choose you Pikachu, that's the wrong fucking game, but That shows how much we played the fat people should be applauded they're there for the right reason exactly they're trying to work out you should get shamed if you're ripped for being in the gym you need to get fatter yeah shame them uh-huh i agree though i totally agree with the whole like when people um Fat shame in the gym. Yeah. Fat shaming sometimes works in people's benefits.

But at the gym, no. Like they're okay. Like they realize they're out of shape. Fat shame to motivate people. That can work. Yeah. Yeah. Let's be honest. Because my mom fat shamed me.

She's like, you look real soft. Two winter breaks in a row that we all heard. And I got my ass into shape. Yes. Good. good yeah but if you're in the gym yeah don't be like hey fat fuck what the hell are you doing in here oh that's lightweight pussy from the hulk dude can't even speak with forks can't even reach it to his mouth biggest arms in the world yeah lay off the steroids no but like that's like shame again saying like you're shaming Biggest arms in the world. Yeah. Lay off the steroids. No, but like,

that's like, again, saying like you're shaming someone for being in the gym. Cause they're fat. That's like going to a restaurant. I'm like, why the fuck you in here? I'm like to eat motherfucker. What the hell are else?

Are you in here? Yeah. I've had those thoughts in like saunas or steam rooms. I'm like, what if someone just locked the door? Yeah. Like, I know you can't lock it on the outside, but like, what if I just steamed the door yeah like i know you can't lock

them the outside but like what if i just steamed to death you boiled me like fucking broccoli yes okay intrusive thoughts have you ever thought like when you are coming up on like a train wait what thoughts like intrusive thoughts okay so like an intrusive thought is something that's like really dark for no reason and you're just thinking it like jumping in front of a train like every time I when I was living in Madrid every single time I pull up to the metro stop pull up I'd walk to the metro stop and the train would pull up I'd think like how crazy would it be if I just like jumped on the train or like if someone next to me just jumped in front of the train like so I have those thoughts

all the time um and I think it's it's like an impulse I have a lot of impulses and ticks and stuff like that and it's not it's really weird but it's the plane for me so it's like if I sit next to the emergency exit are you prepared to open the door in case of emergency blah blah blah

and I'm like what if I just opened it now what if someone did yeah what if i'm sitting next to it i can go like this yeah and we are all fucking screwed like what if i did that like out of a movie we're just sucked out like a vacuum yeah that's an intrusive thought i think literally that's like a normal and then i think about for a while because i'm like just it's one of those things you want to do it's like popping a a pimple. You know, you shouldn't do it, but you're like, I don't fucking do it anyways. Never opened a plane.

Or whatever, the humid 95 degree days where I was actually struggling to breathe. Oh my God, it's terrible. It was so dry and humid that I couldn't even breathe. I would literally be huffing and it- Did you say dry and humid? Yeah. Don't even breathe. I would literally be huffing. Did you say dry and humid? Yeah. Don't acknowledge that. I just couldn't imagine having that responsibility, spending all that money on your kid.

I just want to spend my money on myself. Dogs were worse than children. So please, let's balance this out. But dogs, you can train it to be a really good dog and take care of it. That's quite literally the definition of raising a child. And you only have them for like 10 years. A kid you're committed to for life. It sounds like you're waiting for this dog to die already.

No, I'm not. But I'm saying it's a shorter commitment. In whirlwind of a night after, we went to what? Tried to go to the dive bar by Izzy's place. Wasn't open, so we went to a random one. Met, I think, a discharged vet and not honorably. No, not honorably at all. At all.

And got some questionable things from him. He was telling us these stories. You and I were drunk enough. We were just buying shots for each other. Drunk enough where I was like, this guy should come on the podcast. And he goes, I'd definitely come on. Here's my number,

but you have to change my name and blur my face out. I go, yeah, I don't know if this is a good idea. The next morning. And you were trying to be nice about it, like, yeah, it's all good, man. No, at the time, I go, this is fucking gold. And I know- People are driving past like, what the fuck like it looks like when i'm setting up it looks like if i just put a couch here like i'm doing like soft core you should put like casting couch yeah sign

at the garage and then leave it open and then shoot it this way and then like people drive past me like what the fuck dude you've had some good ideas that That would be a good one. Just put a couch here. Yeah, just a black couch. But casting couch faces the other way and just getting everyone's reactions in the back. Dude, that would be hysterical. And then you've got to get like a fake chick. Like a doll. Like the head. Next to me or something like that.

With the hair like hanging back off the couch. So people are driving past like, holy fuck. Well, I'm going to write that down right now. Cause we're, we are definitely going to be doing that soon. That'll be season four. Season four will just be casting couch. Casting couch. What's another good one?

Um, you got to get your car wrapped and do fake taxi. I have, I'm going to stop because people are going to, people know what you like. I'm born of now. I just, someone just told me.

This was all scripted before. Yeah, what is fake taxi? He told me to say this. We were at a Mexican place the other day, and it was late night, so we were done with the bars. If this lowrider doesn't lose his fucking music here outside your street, I'm going to kill him. Dude, we get the craziest. Dude, the church is right there. Speaking of Mexicans.

Dude, let me just go back to that but uh have you like so like it's not a white person in that car that's behind us i tell you that that's fucking for sure what are they gonna do cancel me for yeah they might no one you can't i want to tell the audience there's something let me uh get under the hood here um by the way my testicles have pubic hair as well but i don't have a ball sack it's just two loose testes with hair growing on them so if your nuts look like this just letting you know let me see that's wrong. And go to the doctor. Yo, one is, like, it's dropped a lot more. You might want to get that checked out.

We got a lot of room. I do. We got a lot of room. It's a long garage. It is. It is. People don't understand. This is a two-car garage. It's not skinny. It got a lot of room. It's a long garage. It is. It is. People don't understand. This is a two-car garage.

It's not skinny. It's just long. Yeah. It's a long skinny. It's not thick. Heard worse. Long, skinny. Hey.

Dude, my mind has been so penis-oriented since I bought that costume. All right. Listen. All right. We have to bring up the last episode i i cried i cried literally hands down the best episode i've ever done it was up there it's also it was up there it's probably one of the hardest i've ever laughed at one of your episodes and i have so many lists on my phone but of like warning signs of like when to let me go like like if you oh yeah like if you you ever see

someone in public be like if i'm ever like that just pull the plug oh yeah like at the gym there's a guy who comes in jeans every day oh wait you're only allowed guy you are only allowed to wear jeans to the gym if you just got off your 4 a.m to 3 p.m construction job and you have no time to get there like you put in some serious man hours or it looks like you've been wearing these pants for a week because you're 90 and if you take them off you might die but this guy comes to the gym and i swear to god he looks at his legs to walk. He goes, all right, left, then right. He does three laps and bounces. I'm like, if it ever looks like I have to tell my legs to move,

I mean, if I'm mentally there, give me a wheelchair. I guarantee you, if I'm going like, gone. You want to hear the other one? If someone pushes yeah if someone pushes me around it might be time to like reconsider what's going on i would have probably a science for it but i don't i have i've had like a joke about that like some people try a little too hard to be like too athletic and like seem that they're imagine being you imagine being that athletic? I am. I just choose not to be in the NFL. Okay.

I'm also 5'8", 110 pounds. Like, if I was in the NFL, if I was any position in the NFL, I'd be a placeholder or the kicker. Shit, dude. To be honest, I don't even think I'm big enough to do that. Did you know that longstampers make like fucking 600 grand a year?

Well, yeah, there's a minimum. I think it's 750. Let's see. Why, if you're going to pose in front of a car, do you pick a Dodge minivan? Well, look at the license plate. It was a rental. Oh, bang bus. Oh, now I'm seeing it.

Yeah, also, it kind of looks worse when it's just three dudes in the car. Well, it wasn't actually a license plate. I edited that. Oh, did you? Dude, you're really talented. i would not have noticed that yeah i don't think enterprise has bang bus as one of their license plates you never know you've seen one of those videos you don't know where they get the cars yeah i never noticed like split till you just said that i didn't see any signatures on the headliner here's one did you hear about uh gains um i saw the pictures of it no his dad did he shoot another monster deer he missed he missed he missed you know what i love you but it's about time you

didn't pull something huge out of the woods for the rest no it's ridiculous every single fucking year i see pictures it's like an ideal book for like people dream of like one day i'll get this exactly exactly i see like i'm still waiting for that one day where i'm just like wow a nice 10 pointer and i got mine actually i'll show it to you when we're done they do every fucking weekend like it's fucking nothing and i'm just like but they also this is really fun that's like okay but like that's also the product of effort yeah so they put in so much effort. See, I'm just starting to get back into it because they have their own land. Now I just hunt them public. Dude, you got to talk.

Don't spend that much money. There's been certain nights where it's bad-ish. Not bad-ish in spending, bad in what I order. I've had vodka on the rocks. Actually, I've had vodka just without rocks. Dude, that is a veteran drinker's move i've had vodka straight well at the yacht club that sounds privileged but it's open to the public now it's also milwaukee uh lake michigan yacht club the yachts are like the size of half of this

girl it's a boat i ordered vodka tequila vodka how that has to be one of the drunk nights yeah uh i was face down in chicken tenders at the harp after that i wasn't there but i remember hearing about that and then i drove to whitewater i didn't drive i didn't drive mother kyle drove to whitewater it was a sunday vodka tequila those dude those are my favorite orders for people they're like can i get a Tito's vodka? I go, you want to say that again? Well, I at least got my alcohol straight. You got, yeah, you had two different.

That was the day I met Dom, the girl I brought to Arizona. Also, mother doesn't know that. What? Well, she does now. Right. People decided to camp out, too, on the yard or whatever. So there's tents and there's kids smoking pot in all these fucking tents, drinking, whatever, and sleeping in their cars and all that shit. My dad and Mitch's dad were on my patio drinking probably until like 6 o'clock in the morning.

6.30 comes around. I wake up because I got to see what kind of shit show this is. There's literally 60 cars up and down our driveway. Tents. You can see the lights on you can see the smoke coming out of them i go into one it's a couple of my buddies i'm like what the fuck are you guys still doing it looks like a homeless yeah they're just passing a bowl around whatever the fuck and all of a sudden i hear just a million fireworks start going off and johnny

cash is blaring and these two old guys just cackleling and all these kids are freaking out i had a naked kid crawl out of one of our garages and just start running for his car i don't even know why he was naked it made no sense out of a movie yeah i'm trying to remember who was there that you would know nicolo was fucking asleep i'll figure it out but anyways all 60 of these cars just all gone tents all packed up all within like probably 10 minutes and then we're just surveying we're just seeing beer cans in the fucking trees all sorts of random shit puke on the basketball court puke on a fucking tree puke in our basement sink and all this random shit and my parents are just like what the fuck man i'm like i didn't invite anybody they just came

i told three people man these travel leveled up a lot like you i see you all over my social media now even like not even because i follow you i just you pop up on like my explorer page and stuff like that that's fire but i was thinking i'm like dude i remember carrying like old speakers with like cords coming out the back that we had to like twist in to whatever car not this car that you're driving now um boys from the 80s to wherever you like a house party you're gonna go do yeah and now you're at summer fest which is we were talking before not great this year yeah not good this year but all the other years was fantastic and that's what i'm saying like i got i got summerfest because i was dj and liquid and i got my residency at liquid because i

was an ra yeah just being an ra led to me being at summerfest which is crazy to me did it help sword i don't know i traded somebody for it and i don't remember what i traded but i got a real sword out of it you don't know what you traded someone for a real sword? I don't remember, but it was obviously worth it because I don't remember what I traded. You traded some guy for a fucking pirate sword. I think I saw it and I was like, I got to have it, man. I'm willing to trade whatever.

What were you so willing to give up? You're like, I need it. That's the thing. The fact that I can't remember what I traded means it probably wasn't very important in the first's true i'll give you two barrels of hay some barley and one wife for your sword two goats and some fine silk portillo's is known for their hot dogs i don't know man hot dogs are gross i've personally watched you put down six in a matter of six innings at a baseball game before.

Yeah, because I woke up feeling dangerous. Duh. But they're daddy's girl or not. Yes. Is she better looking than you? Impossible. I see these in fake dress. Bro.

Literally all I got. You're a solid four, so relax. Take it easy, man. TikTok has taken me down a few times for child endangerment and inappropriate language. You are pretty predatory. Yeah, I look so scary. Coming from the pirate. With a real sword.