Fat Chance Podcast - Ep.68 - Avery Rapier

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Back from Death's Door. First episode of the new year!

So what I've been doing is just making this a white screen like 24 hours on YouTube just so I have a light. Yeah Oh like a backdrop light. Yeah Canters it's been like malfunctioning a bit What is to be Tubi, that sucks. Who? I just do YouTube. What is Tubi?

It's like some streaming platform. There's too many. I know. There's too many. It's like probably got six subscribers. But Margaret Cho is like a fucking legend in comedy. Have you heard of her? Yeah.

I didn't hear what you said. Look at this. This is how much we do it. White screen, one hour. Nice second video on there. If it ends, that's when we know we need to wrap this up. Yeah, that's hilarious. Are we recording right now? Yeah, I just started just for shits how you can start whenever you do it man you look like hell i told you that when i came in you look like uh michael kuski

went on a little train in the 1940s uh in germany you know austria area took a little train trip that went a little too long. Yeah, the beard is, it's just laziness right now. Okay. I've shaved it once since the incident, we'll call it. I went to go get a haircut today. So this is a fresh haircut. That's nice. It was disgusting before, but I went to, this just freaked me out.

I was like, oh like what are we loading and i'm the one that purposely put up right and i have like so much brightness coming into my right eye i think i went on production lights but i went to go get a haircut and i was thinking because it was so long i mean i look like i took that train ride for sure and i've been on it for a while um i go hey just for shits can we give me like one of those trendy mullets and let's just see what it looks like and i'm like looking at pictures online like i could like do this and she right away is like i don't know if you quite have the hair for a mullet i'm like well i don't want like a full-on trailer park mullet i want like a baseball mullet

like a fashion mullet yeah like a baseball mullet like a fashion mullet yeah like a fashionable mullet like keep it short in the back a little longer but like a little like raggedy on top i mean this is my first ski trip i want to look like an absolute just disgusting white trash to the nines hell yeah well you got the facial hair for it yeah and so i was like fuck it she got so fed up with me being like can you make it shorter she goes you just want your normal haircut? I go, yeah. That's so funny because she's probably just like, I can't have this guy leave like this. Coming from getting his haircut from me.

Because then he's going to be like, oh, my gosh, where did you get your haircut? Oh, I got it from Susie at Great Clips. I go when I get my haircut because I have to go in the morning before work. So I go right when the sports clips opens. So, like, it opens at 9. I'm in the door at 9 door at 901 like i'm waiting in the parking spot my car is running they're like oh fuck that's hilarious yeah and so but so do so many people at that one so i don't think she was ready to go i'm a great clips guy i go to i'm basically you can check in online yeah so i see what this like the shortest wait time is and then i pick that one and then i'm like all

right we're going to tosa and because most of them are like 30 minutes you know yeah well that's where i go to the one right when it opens so i'm like i can be the first i'm bad at that i wait until like i can't fucking take it anymore and then i get a haircut like super impulsively that's basically what i do i just my girl was like why don't you get a haircut when you saw me the other weekend i was like it wasn't quite there where i was like i need it and then i was like i why didn't you get a haircut when you saw me the other weekend? I was like, it wasn't quite there where I was like, I need it. And then I was like, I need one. But I also wanted to try the mullet. So what happened?

You got AIDS, essentially, is what I heard. I had an emergency appendectomy on Christmas. Epidectomy? Epidectomy. So I had appendicitis. Yeah. Epidectomy? Epidectomy So I had appendicitis

Yeah And the reason it was an emergency technically is It ruptured So What were you doing when it ruptured? It just happens Like what I know but like what were you

Like give me the whole scenario It's like I'm not sure we really know exactly the details This is my best guess Christmas Eve I went out with my girlfriend and her friends And one of my friends we really know exactly the details. This is my best guess. Christmas Eve, I went out with my girlfriend, her friends, and one of my friends the 23rd of December. Felt fine.

I hosted High Note that night. It was going great. Wake up, 5 o'clock in the morning, Christmas Eve, the worst stomach pain of my life. And I've had it once before after a night. Like cramp cramping okay and all over and i've had this pain once before in my life in college after drinking wine where i was like just keeled over it was like hard to breathe i was in so much pain like i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor and i was like i don't know if i'm constipated am i dehydrated do i have a virus like what's going on well i if I'm constipated. Am I dehydrated? Do I have a virus? Like, what's going on?

Well, I thought I was constipated or dehydrated because I've had this feeling before. So I went to the bathroom, and Rachel's here at this point. She's here for the holidays, or was here for the holidays, and I'm like, I don't want to wake her up, so I, like, sneak into the bathroom. I shit three times. Oof.

Like, how'd the poops feel? Fine. Okay. And I was like, oh, I'm going to feel better. Didn't I try going back to bed? Didn't feel better. Again, saying like three times until like 1030 in the morning, I finally was like almost selfishly.

I kind of like made more noise to wake Rachel up. I was like, like, I don't feel good. And then I'm laying on the floor. She's making sure I'm all right. I'm like, I think I'm constipated. I shit three times already. Right. And I was like, I think I'm constipated. I shit three times already. And I was like, I'm definitely not constipated. But that's what I was thinking.

Yeah. Because I couldn't shit anymore. You don't think your appendix is bursting. And when you think appendix, you're like, all right, it's localized to just where your appendix is. And it was all over my stomach. And then around, I guess, like 1030, I started feeling good. Okay. I was like, okay. Just thought it passed feeling good. Okay. I was like, okay.

Just thought it passed, basically. Yeah. I was like, oh, okay. Like the whatever from me shitting finally subsided. We've all been there. Yeah. Turns out they believe once you feel better, that means your appendix ruptures. Oh, that's terrifying.

So, like, it got big, and that's where you're having the problem, like the pain. And then when it ruptures, it it got big and that's where you're having the prop like the pain and then when it ruptures it goes away that makes but now you have pus in your body and it's basically just poison that's terrifying that's 10 30 in the morning christmas eve i took two ibuprofen i felt great rachel finished baking for our families and then we packed up all the christmas presents went to consumer beverage for our dad, and we're walking around and I don't feel good again. Is this like noon or is this 1 o'clock? This is probably like 3 p.m.

So it's five hours with pus hanging out in your bloodstream? We think. We think. I can't say this is when it ruptured. Right. Okay. But it was ruptured when you got to the hospital? Yes.

Okay. So we do all this. I don't feel good. We go to her parents' house. And I'm sitting there. I'm white as it goes. I'm like, I think I'm going to throw up. First time I've ever been to her parents' house, too.

Oh, no. And so I'm like. You've met her parents before. Yes, I've met her parents before. But I'm like, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I don't want to throw up at her parents' house. Yeah. Oh, no. And finally, she's like, okay, we're going to okay we're gonna go i was like okay we gotta go to my mom's because you have to open presents from my parents so we drive to my mom's she opens presents my mom

looks at me like you don't look good i'm like i think i might be constipated my mom's like go shit yeah and so i sat in the bathroom as my girlfriend's starting to open presents from my mom. Our first Christmas together. And I'm like, this is wrong. And then my mom's like, here's a stool softener in case like this is the problem. Good mom move. Good mom move. They were expired, so I couldn't take them.

Bad mom move. Thank God. Because I didn't need them. Bad mom move. Thank God. Because I didn't need them. Right. So I then go and I drop Rachel back off at her parents' house.

Because she's going to spend Christmas Eve with her parents. I drive back downtown to Milwaukee by myself. I think maybe if I eat some food. What time is this right now? Dude, it's probably like 8 o'clock, 7 o'clock at night. Fuck. Okay. I think if I eat some food, it's going to help pass my constipation.

Right. What kind of food are we talking about here? I had tortilla chips. I'd laugh so hard if you're like cheese curds. Simple food. Hey. What's up, Jacob? How's it going? Hey, we're doing a podcast.

Yeah. You weren't here, so. I like your coat, dude. And your shoes okay goodbye what like z6 we're on the appendix story right now come back here to ibuprofen, I pass out to like 11. And apparently it has ruptured, maybe. I wake up at 2 o'clock in the morning, and I am basically crying.

And I'm in so much pain again. I roll around for an hour and a half. At this point, is the camping feeling like somebody's stabbing you? It's everything. Like I just can't get comfortable. No fever, which is the crazy part. And then I force myself to throw up three times and so this is when i was like okay might be time for the hospital dude that's terrible so i call my girlfriend doesn't answer you could run a train through my girlfriend's room and a hurricane could blow the house over a train through my girlfriend's room and a hurricane could blow the house over and she wouldn't wake up call my mom who like always wakes up doesn't so i get dressed and i have

new insurance i'm like fresh off my parents insurance i don't know where i can go i don't have the mindset to look it up so i grab my insurance card i change i drive i go to my parking structure i drive 25 minutes to New Berlin. My eyes are half closed. I'm off the road. I'm like, I don't feel good. I get to my mom's bedroom. I turn on the lights.

I go, it's time to go to the hospital. Like, I drive further than it would take you to get to a hospital. Actual hospital, yeah. Because, well, here's the thing. If I go to somewhere out of network, do you know how much that would have cost me? I would have been homeless and I would have died by, I would rather die by appendicitis than die by freezing to death in Wisconsin. Homelessness.

That's a good point. And so my mom looks at changes, looks it up. We go to Waukesha Memorial. They admit me right away. I get pain meds. Waukesha Memorial. Yeah. I get pain meds, anti-nausea.

They put an IV in me. I go get a CT scan. They're like, it's definitely appendicitis. We don't think it's ruptured. And so then they take me to a room. It's like 7.30, 7.45 in the morning, Christmas day now. Oh, gosh. And then about noon 30, I finally go into surgery.'re like yeah it ruptured it took them over

two hours to clean me out the surgery was supposed to only be an hour so like this if this is a routine one we just remove your appendix and you're good to go you'll be out of the hospital potentially tonight um it ruptured they put me on antibiotics iv i stayed the night i left the next day um had christmas at my parents or my mom's and then uh dude we're opening presents and i can't lift anything so i you're at such a high risk of hernias that i can't lift over 10 to 15 pounds so i love how everybody's like they're just carrying on with Christmas. I mean, you might as well. Well, I tried to tell them do Christmas while I was in the hospital.

Like just FaceTime me at opening presents. They're not going to do that. They're not going to do it. I know. But I tried. And we're opening presents the day after Christmas. And, of course, I told my parents get me the heaviest gifts. I got a cast iron Dutch oven.

I like cooking. I can't lift it. Can you help me bring it to the car? I had my brother open my presents. Oh, no. And I was like, because I can't move it. I hurt to like sit up, everything. And so.

Dude, what's that feel like? Feel like that vulnerable? Because you're an athletic, strong guy. Always been capable. I'm assuming this is one of they didn't want me driving a car until like until you're comfortable like stopping abruptly do not drive your car right i had that surgery sunday thursday because we hired brandon wine as um the other manager at the gym that's right yeah so he was training that week oh Oh, God. And so I drove Thursday to see how he was doing.

So dumb. Jeez. Got back. I was like, I'm definitely not ready to be at work. Finished the weekend off. Was feeling pretty good. Second week, healing great. Go in Friday, two weeks after the surgery.

Done with my antibiotics. I have a show that friday in rockford and like you're healing phenomenally i'm like i feel good but i have like a little head cold i'm like when it rains it pours like nothing's going well did you do the show so i drove to rockford with daryl did the show could barely talk jesus did terribly yeah drove back um and that weekend was fine sunday i started feeling a little off and i was like okay then monday happened monday and tuesday i had steak for dinner which yeah i didn't know your intestine your appendix is in your intestines so you're when after the surgery they're concerned about your bowel movements every my bowel moves changed

to the morning instead of the afternoon so every morning i'd wake up you feel everything going through your body and then you're like screaming i'm like oh god this hurts dude so i thought i wasn't processing red meat well so i called the doctors i'm like i'm not feeling good it feels like i need to pass gas you know the feeling like a bubble that goes through yeah and it just doesn't go away it doesn't but then you then you pass gas but it just never it just it would go and then i'd be like nothing i'm like fuck am i actually constipated now and so i called them like just change your diet if you've had red meat like basic foods and my girlfriend's like i forgot the acronym whatever like very basic basically rice yeah and toast and shit like that.

Saltine crackers. And then that night I go to bed and I wake up in what I would consider an Olympic sized pool of sweat. Oh God. I've woken up sweating before. I got out of bed and I am dripping. My hair is like stuck up and I go touch my sheets soaked. It's almost like I pissed the bed i then slept on top of my comforter two blankets on me soaked my comforter i was like well so i moved

over one blanket soaked finally let my body cool down i was like went to sleep and they i was like this is what happened like okay blood work ct, blood work, CT scan. Blood work, white blood cell through the roof again, higher than when I had appendicitis. CT scan, abscess with infected liquid formed two weeks after the surgery, which is a common complication of having laparoscopic surgery on a ruptured appendix. So I had an abscess form, and found out god i'm really sick just here two weeks ago this was two weeks ago i found out um like two and a half weeks ago or something like

that i found i got the ct scan drove to work so i was like i didn't feel terrible sure and i got i clocked in for 10 minutes they called me, you have an abscess, infected fluid. You need to go to the hospital and have it drained. And I was like doing research before because they're like, this could be a potential risk. Like if it's small enough, we'll just do, we'll go to radiology and they'll have it drained and you're basically good to go.

It's big enough, they have to put a drain in you. And this was the start of the worst hospital experience I ever had in my life. Yeah, it did. Because I go on Friday. I'm so mad. Because, like, if we have to put a drain in you, you're basically done. I'm supposed to fly to see my girlfriend, Rachel, the following week. They're like, what are the chances of that?

They go 50-50. They're like, eh. I'm like, that's usually a no. And then I was like, I'm going on a ski trip. What is now tomorrow when this released today. And they're like, that's 50, 50. There's a drain in you. You're not going to fly and you're not skiing.

And as a drain, I would have a tube sticking out of me. And they're like, you're going to get a drain. You're going to get a drain. I gonna get a drain i'm like stop saying that like maybe it's okay um the guy who did my procedure goes you're not gonna need a drain this is so small you caught it so early i'm gonna aspirate it suck it out you're good to go they gave me enough meds where i felt like i was drunk i was hanging out with the guys i think i offered to get a beer with them afterwards he He showed me the yellow puss afterwards. He goes, you should be good to go.

You know how unserious? Well, I mean, it was very serious because it was like trying to kill me. Sure. And they didn't know where the bacteria was coming from. When they were like, can we see like where they did everything and your incisions from your surgery? I lifted it up. There was a fucking Band-Aid. It was just a Band-Aid over the whole.

Over your wound? I have three incision it is amazing how accurate they are the laparoscopic one but the draining it it was just a band-aid they just stuck a needle in me done that's fucking wild absolutely wild well man i'm really i know i told you this off camera but i'm really glad you're okay. Uh, I, you know, it's terrifying. I've never been in a situation like that. Cause people say they're scared.

Like what if that happens to me? You'll know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm assuming I remember when I was, I was probably,

yeah, it was my high school girlfriend. We'd just broken up and, um, we'd broken up like two weeks before and I was watching the original transformers movie, uh, in theaters with my buddy. And I saw that Katie was calling me. And I was like, why the fuck is she calling me?

So I forwarded her call. And then she called again. And I'm like, what the hell is going on? Okay, usually someone calls back right away. So I answer. And she's like, hey. And she's crying, freaking out. And she's like, something's wrong.

My stomach feels like the same thing you were saying. My stomach's on fire. She's just beside herself, and she couldn't get a hold of her dad. Couldn't get a hold of her. Her mom was working. Couldn't get a hold of her dad. She's like, can you please pick me up? So I pick her up.

I was driving my mom's minivan at the time. And so I go to her house and broke up like two weeks ago or or two weeks prior to that you know and her life yeah i mean yeah and i mean she i dated her for like most high school i loved her you know and uh so i was like yeah i'll bring you to the hospital so i bring her to the hospital and then it's just like they find out her appendix burst it wasn't nearly as intense as you she's like uh they snipped it i think i don't think it was ruptured right away i forget the details of it but it was her appendix had gotten fucked up and then she needed to get it removed and i basically had to hang out with her and then like once she was on pain medication and they got it removed

and then we're i was just like hanging out with her for like two hours until her dad got there so then i would like leave but it was so awkward just hanging out with her those two hours after like she was fine and then i'm like so how have you been miserable yeah i know and i was like i was watching transformers for this but before that she's like was it good i was like no not really but i mean that was like my only experience with the pen but i realized like because when i picked her up she was fucked up like she was just beside herself. I had to carry her to the car. I was scared. I couldn't.

When my mom and I got into the hospital, I was able to walk, and I was fine in that retrospect. I drove to my mom. The doctors told my dad, your son's pain tolerance. And I don't mean this. Usually, my pain tolerance is through the roof. No. like your son's pain tolerance and i don't mean this like usually like my pain tolerance is actually there was like it's just concerning that when we were poking on his stomach like he's like uh that doesn't feel that bad like even poking on my appendix i was like i was like that's it now like interesting and then even when i had the abscess they're poking on me

my surgeon was like you're pretty stoic when it comes to like pain i was like i don't feel any of that she was well we're lucky we caught it when we did like i'm almost happy i had meat i couldn't digest because that's that's where like came from and they're like then the night sweats happened and like okay yeah we need to get checked out that is terrifying i mean even when you're telling me that like story i was like jesus christ michael's. Like when you're just not throwing in the towel for Christmas, you're like, we got to go to mom's house. Yeah. Well, I was like, just do like everyone. Leave me. Go open presents.

Face me. And my mom's like, no. Why? I don't know. It doesn't process saying that to my mom. She's like, are you fucking stupid? It doesn't process it like that's my mom. I'm her son.

It's like I'm going to watch over my baby. Yeah. Yeah. Christmas can wait. Christmas can wait. Yeah. Well, dude, I'm glad you're okay. That's my mom. I'm her son. I'm going to watch over my baby. Christmas can wait. Christmas can wait. That's my second time in the hospital on Christmas. Say that again? That's the second time I've been in the hospital on Christmas. What was the first time?

I had an allergic reaction. Oh, okay, cool. They gave me a cocktail of drugs. I was so sleepy that day. Yeah, I bet, man. I remember I was in a military school, found out I was allergic to cantaloupe the hard way. Really? And it was like, dude, it was super delayed because I remember eating it when I was a kid.

But then it like developed when I was a teenager. So I went to this military school when I was a kid. And like we're all in bunks, like it's overnight and I really stay there for a while. And so I ate a bunch of cantaloupe and then my face swelled up. Like it looked like I was like Will Smith and Hitch. You remember that scene? Yeah. And so I like wake up like the next day and my team leader, who's like the adult, like

the drill sergeant of the of the military school, he like took me aside. He's like, hey, right here. I was like, what's up? He's like, you want to tell me something? I went, well, like I thought he thought I got jumped. I got my ass kicked. And he's like, you want to tell me something i went what like i thought he thought i got jumped i got my ass kicked and he's like you need to tell me something i was like no he's like where was this like just a camp no it's the challenge academy it was a military school so basically i went to i think i told might have said it on the last podcast but i went or not the

last one but one of our earlier ones i went to juvie for like nine and a half months. You did not ever. Oh, no. Oh, okay Maybe it was on another podcast. You just glossed over you went to basically. Yeah. Okay. So like when I was a kid I got in a little bit of trouble And I got in a fight with this kid I got in a fight with this kid at the skate park and just over some bullshit, you know And we I hit him and he fell onto a quarter ramp and then like cracked his head was like in a coma it was a it was terrifying and it was a complete accident and uh but he was you know they didn't know if he was gonna live or die so i had to live yeah

obviously you're here yeah he died he died charged with murder. He lived, yeah. So he, you know, it was an accident, but I ended up going to Juvie, ended up being there for like nine and a half months-ish. And then I had to drop out of high school because I was so far behind. It was my junior year. Is that why you're so stupid? Yeah, pretty much. No, it is, man. But so I had to drop out of high school because i had

missed so much school uh my junior year um and then i basically i got out of lincoln hills and then um i was on supervision which is like probation for kids uh and my social worker kind of knew i was like a good kid i just like fucked up you know but I wasn't like I never really was in trouble before or after that offense just happened to be yeah unfortunate yeah it was bad and um and so then I uh she offered me there's this place called the challenge academy in Fort McCoy which is uh on a it's a military base uh in like right by lacrosse area and they have a high school there for troubled youth at risk youth and it's definitely like intense uh but um so you go live on the military base you get your high school

equivalency diploma um and it is like a military you know they're waking up five in the morning you do pt do uh you know breakfast you go to school then you do more pt and like build bridges get like fun skills, all that stuff. And so I ended up going to the Challenge Academy and I forget why. Oh, yeah. Then I got the allergy reaction. That's how this whole thing got brought up. But yeah, I so then I went to the military school, ended up getting my high school equivalency diploma. And then basically she had told me she's like, look, Avery, you can try to graduate high school.

But if you keep getting in trouble, you're going to have to go back to Lincoln Hills, and you're going to be 18 soon, and once you're 18, you get put on probation. But if you go to this military school and you graduate, you'll be off supervision before you're 18, and then nothing's going to be on your adult record. That's nice.

Yeah, so she hooked me up. She saved my life in many ways. And Melissa Clark, she was an awesome social worker i was i was definitely a troubled kid but i wasn't a bad kid it's also like good on you to recognize like yeah yeah oh screw you i'll be fine yeah i mean i'm sure she offered it to other kids that really gotta get bent you know but like you know she i i knew because like you know i lived in fucking rhinelander wisconsin yeah there's no future there i needed to do something and i wasn't if i wasn't able to graduate high school and i'm stuck in rhinelander that's not a good that's not

a good future you know and i uh yeah so anyways i went to the military school then i after that um i needed i felt like i needed structure uh so then I joined the army after that I was in the army for four years I could have sworn we had this conversation no yeah in the army yeah I was in the army for four years I was a combat engineer and then I got out when I was 22 and that's when I met my son's mom and then the rest is history and then I that's when I started personal training as well right out of the army dude I thought you just you graduated high school you went to college you liked fighting you took up jujitsu and the MMA stuff and then your personal trainer and yeah i uh so i started training mma in the army

uh and i just really liked it as part of like the combatives program and i wrestled in high school and everything uh so i like i just love were you stationed anywhere uh fort leonardwood missouri i never deployed or anything like that but yeah i was in fort leonardwood for a good three years and then the other year i was just basically kind of going around hanging out meanwhile i thought like oh we're gonna talk about the appendix i didn't know you joined the fuck yeah dude i'm sorry i could have sworn you and i had this conversation yeah i mean it seems like a different life ago because i mean i literally got out of the army 10 years ago it'll be 10 years this summer so thank you for your service you're welcome no i mean, I didn't do shit.

I really didn't do, because, like, basically the unit that I was supposed to be attached to when I got out of basic training, or AIT, I'm sorry, like the advanced individual training, like for your job, so every soldier does basic training. And then depending on your job, you have different, like, secondary schools, you know? So when I got done with my engineering school, the unit that I got attached to was already deployed. So then I got what's called Stop-Loss, and where I got sent to another unit,

which was like a bridge-building engineering unit. Combat engineers tend to blow roads up or blow bridges apart where like uh bridge builder uh engineers they build the bridges where you can get over certain places you know so i was attached to them uh for a good year um while my unit was deployed and then they got back so then they weren't deployed for another 17 months so i basically lucked out just on timing like where were they deployed to uh they were in afghanistan and like yeah so i i like lucked out completely and uh then basically and then at the end of the four years i was just like all right well i uh i kind of thought about doing a career but then also at that point in my life i was just like okay i feel like i have the discipline and the wherewithal

to like be on my own without being a fucking psycho, you know? And, uh, but yeah, so then at 22, then I, uh, moved in with my brother. So then that summer I got out of the army.

I moved back to Rhineland and live with my stepdad. And, um, when I live with my stepdad, I got a job as a janitor at a hospital at a surgery wing in nighttime. Okay. I'm going to tell you, I'll tell you,

I'll tell you the whole thing. So I get a job as a housekeeper in a surgery wing at the hospital, basically just cleaning and sterilizing all the equipment at night. And it was a good job, but, I mean, it's in Rhinelander. And my brother was finishing up school in Oshkosh. And so then he's just like, hey, man, you're out of the Army? Come live with me. I'm finishing up school in Oshkosh. And so then he's just like, Hey man, you're out of the army. Come live with me. I'm finishing up my senior year. We'll have some fun. You can get a job doing whatever. And I was already like training my buddies, uh, just like at home,

you know, just like for free and everything. And, uh, so then I was like, yeah, I'll get a job at anytime. So I applied at the anytime fitness in oshkosh and then um that was my first like paid training job and then i did that for like two years and then i ended up uh what was it so then my son's mom was pregnant and then um we were like trying to date at this point in time but then we broke up at some point during our pregnancy because we were like trying to date at this point in time, but then we broke up at some point during her pregnancy. Cause we were just like, this isn't gonna, this is not for the,

this isn't a healthy relationship, you know, we can co-parent and all that stuff. But this part needs to stop. And, um, so then she shortly after moved to move back with her parents after my son was born.

And then I basically, for that year, she was very mad at me because I split things off with her and after my son was born and then i basically for that year she was very mad at me because i split things off with her and she you know while she was pregnant well yeah it was not great but like i had i fucking knew and now i'm fucking i was right and she'll never she'll never admit it to me but i know she knows that like it was better because she's i mean she's married now she's happy she all the personal stuff with me and her all the like anger yeah ollie's my son has never seen he's never seen that he's never seen her her mom and or his mom and i bicker argue that's good it's been so like all the tension got squashed when he was a baby and uh all his memories are are like co-happening like i knew if i because i

could have made the relationship work until i pulled my hair out when he was like five years old yeah if i do that and then he's five years old then he goes from that's damaging that's damaging because it's like two different worlds and then she's gonna have uh you know when she's mad at me he's gonna be uh he, he's going to hear about it. What from her venting to her friends or family, anything like that. But all the tension is going to be up in the air. Whereas now it's long gone. And like, I knew this when I was a young, when I was a young.

He's a happy kid. Yeah. And he's, and now, and she's, you know, she's married. She's her and I, you know, we chit chat almost every day about Ollie and like there's no all that bad stuff is done but so anyway so she moved when he was uh newborn baby out and then we had like a nasty custody battle I don't need to get into that on air um but uh so that took like about a year and a half where I basically had to work like three jobs just pay half a bunch of lawyer fees and everything so I stayed in Oshkosh at that time i was doing delivering beer i was training people and i worked at a valvoline all the same time okay and i was training uh and i was fighting at the time um so it was just yeah i was fucking killing

myself but but we ended up uh getting custody and then once i got custody then i um my girlfriend at the time uh her and i moved um from oshkosh she had graduated from oshkosh and then once i got custody we uh moved to milwaukee and then um her and i did and then i got a job as a trainer in franklin i've been training ever since and innovative right yeah at innovative oh yeah yeah you're a franklin kid i was wondering if you ever like we were talking about that if we ever crossed paths what you were there but what years were you there 2016 to 18 yeah no that I had just graduated high school I was I was in I was oh yeah I was in college I was a sophomore to senior I love that gym dude i go there like probably once a month still just to go work out and everything i liked it too some people like screw it i remember

working out there at the time and it was 20 a month and everyone's like dude that's so expensive why are you paying that like why would you why would you just work out at the high school or go to like a planet fitness or anything i'm like 20 bucks 20 bucks a month you know how cheap it is it has a pool it's got shower like it's got full steam and everything and now like the two any times i'm helping manage it's damn near 50 a month i was gonna say you're locked into it and you're locked in a contract for it yeah i, I know, but like $20 a month, and I'm pretty sure Innovative is still $25. Do you know how many more members both of our gyms would have

if it was $20 or $25 a month? Yeah, but... But you don't want that. No, you don't want that. I want, like for our gym, we want, not it's super expensive, but we want it like enough where it's like this has to be a priority of yours. We don't want like a lot.

Yeah, we don't want a lot of traffic. You don't want the Planet Fitness people where it's like, oh, it's $10. I have a gym membership. I could go whenever I want. I'm going to bring 19 friends in and then set up a tripod and fuck around and do parkour. No, we actually had an issue with people sneaking people into our gym and then we kind of had to like oh be a little tighter with security there's a whole time huh i have it all the time do you oh yeah yeah i'm sure you do 24 7 dude what do you guys do what's

your guys's protocol to deal with like that stuff um because we don't we're like in a position where you know anytime is a franchise i'm sure you guys can just be like hey member abusing this fuck you not fuck i mean you're not gonna say that but like you're like we don't want to like we're scared to like lose memberships you know at some times so like we're just sometimes we're just like hey don't do that yeah but then i feel like that's not assertive enough it's really tough because i think it's easier for you because you guys don't have as many people. It's not a franchise. So you can look at the cameras for a whole night and it'll take you maybe an hour.

I'm not going to sit and watch footage of everyone clocking in and out of that gym from 6, 7 p.m. to 8, 9 a.m. when I'm not there. And so there's only so much I can control now if you're unlucky enough the days i'm looking at the cameras like because every once in a while i just i check we have what's called a gate so when you walk through our front door there's a timer and a motion sensor so it lets me know if you either take too long for the motion to pass through or more than one person comes in.

So if two people come in but only one key fob was scanned, it literally says, welcome, visitor. Oh, interesting. Wow. Now, if I scanned in and I take my sweet time to get from the main door into the building, it'll still say welcome visitor because it thinks more than one person are coming so every time the gate triggers i get an alarm or like it'll note so i could look at the gate but that happens all the time because people will like open the door and then look back and then it's like oh welcome visitor right or they

open the door and then they're putting their keys away and stuff like that so in terms of what we do if you're unlucky enough that i catch you during those hours you're going to get a warning at first if it's one person if i see you and you're bringing like nine people in good fucking luck like yeah especially this past month with i oh new like shit. Oh, New Year's resolutioners too? Well, no. This past month with me not feeling good. Oh, right. Yeah.

I remember texting or being on FaceTime with Rachel and I go on like a Sunday night and I'm going back to work. And I go, I pray for the first person that asked me a dumb fucking question. Because it's just going to be like, you know what? Goodbye. You no longer have a membership here. And it was just like, why is there no toilet paper in the bathroom? get the fuck because you're a piece of shit exactly so i mean we have a thing i asked about it this week actually i was like because the old owners had you could find them so if you have their cards on file, which I'm assuming you do for a lot of them, you can just find them.

You can institute a policy that basically says, Hey, if caught bringing in more than one, like more people than your membership States, you're fined X amount of dollars per person. And then you get three strikes and then you're out of here so like that's a good idea you can make the fine so significant that after three strikes if they do commit it it pays for like a year membership basically it does because for a while ours was

if you bring someone else in without permission and they don't sign it one it's a liability risk for you they get hurt there you're fucked so it was like you bring someone in it's a hundred dollars a person and i had a guy bring four people in in front of me once and was just like well i can't do that i go no there's a reason it's locked ass wife right that's why you had to sign up for a membership i would rather if you ask me like hey can i have my guest today and you're nice about it sometimes i'm like yeah don't pay the the day pass i hope my boss doesn't hear that but like but also like nine times out of ten those people like oh i think i might sign up here right and so it's like a trial right but just being sneaky about being sneaky but i'm trying

to sneak in i'm that dude i'm literally at the front door and you bring four people and you just keep your head down like hey i know you i know everyone here i'm just here nine to ten hours a day i know like i know it is kind of insane when people try to do that it's like you know i like essentially i'm here more than my house yeah you know the only tough part is is when like an anytime membership if i have a if i'm a member at this one i can use all of them so there are people that walk in i'm like are you a member they're like yeah i go where like fucking ozaki or i've had someone be like oh sorry i'm here from alabama i'm like yeah that's why i don't fucking know you right right but usually like the members the people who come in like they'll be like hey i'm here i'm they'll make it like where they're not trying to be invisible

yeah just one of those. But yeah, charge, start finding them like $100 if they bring in an extra person. Good idea. And then let's say it happens three times over the course of two months. You get what? They're $120 in monthly dues plus $300. That's, I mean, that's half a year for you already. And you get rid of them then.

And you have half a year payment so cushion not to change the subject but i just entered my mind how are you feeling right now like appendix wise like like back to normal or like are you on any lifting restrictions what's like yes and no um first two weeks 10 15 pounds okay after my checkup before the abscess they upped it to 25 and this is and i'll get to it sorry but this was funny during the 10 to 15 pound restriction so this table we're at it it moves yeah when i had it and he noticed it when he left one day that it was like all the way over and so i put my feet on it once and it just fell and this is a heavy table and so i and jake wasn't home my roommate and i go well it's just gonna stay here now and then i would start cooking or i wouldn't cook or i'd throw something away because

i was eating like frozen food yeah i didn't get no motivation yeah and i'm like i can't even take my own trash out it was like you feel like a useless human being i didn't feel good i couldn't do stand-up dude i didn't have a personality for a month and so the last two weeks i finally felt good and i've been back out doing comedy at all yeah last week i did like four in a show oh good okay cool um it felt so good to be back and i allotted that to rachel because when i went to visit her and i got the clear to fly she's like we're going on walks and i would be like in pain she like basically was like shut the fuck up right right we're doing it michael yeah shut up i was like it hurts just like does it that bad i'm like

you know what fuck it fine um can't be a pussy for her no it's good but it was good because then at the end of that weekend, I was like, I don't have that pain anymore where I'm walking. It was almost like breaking up scar tissue. And then I had my checkup. When I had the checkup before I went, I go, what's my physical activity? Like, restrictions. And like, you're fine. You're basically healed up at the end of six weeks.

They said it's a max, which would be the end of this week. Um, if it hurts, stop. Sure. So basically, and so I'm very worried about hernias,

which that's the first two weeks it's gone, but I'm still like hesitant of going too heavy. So I'm at last week i did like three workouts at about 50 to 65 percent of my what i was doing but i also haven't lifted in four weeks so i can't do a lot of it i lost 12 pounds yeah i know you look small i mean i'm glad you're okay yeah yeah noticeably i put a few pounds back on already which is nice and then this week i've worked out i worked out today and yesterday but i'm like at about 75 80 now

but i'm very conscious about like any pain i have i'm doing very like all body weight core stuff but i mean in terms of like i thought the abscess would set me back. Sure. But when they put the Band-Aid on, I was like, okay, they probably didn't set me back. It was just the surgery where you're like, you have no core. Yeah, I mean, like, I've had, I mean, I don't know if the abscess is the same, but, like, I've had my ears drained a million times, you know, and, like, every time you do it, it just feels better afterwards. You're like, oh, okay, good. It's like, get the pus out of there.

I didn't really have, once I was in, they drained it. I was like, fine. Dude, that was the worst hospital experience of my life. Dude, yeah. Dude, terrifying me when you said it. No, not the, not the, the appendectomy itself was a breeze. They, IV, meds, they're like, whatever you need, we got you. Was it because it was Christmas morning, you think?

Maybe, but I was also in the ER. Yeah, they should be ready to rock. There's a difference between the ER and just a normal floor, which I've learned, and the hard way. I've never had to go to the ER, man. Everyone who's heard this story a million times already, Brandon's heard it so many times working with me now. Oh, sure. times already like brandon's heard it so many times with working with me now oh sure asking and i've told it so many times but what's it like

working with brandon dude he's killing i bet yeah he's the leader of the wisconsin market for anytime fitnesses wow yeah he also has like the biggest one in Wisconsin. But he's killing it. He's had a shit show. It's a dumpster fire there. So this hospital stay. I go in. I get it. I go in.

On the main floor. They go over all my stuff. This is what's going to happen. They send me up to a room. Do you want a wheelchair? I'm like I can can fucking walk i'm so mad at this point i have like three nursing students in my room and then the actual surgeon i'm like like are you okay if they're in here i'm like do i have a say and i'm just i'm not nice and i'm like i want to be out of here you're telling me I'm gonna have a drain for like two weeks I don't this I'm not gonna be happy I go to my room like okay we have to put an IV in you

for fluids because you can't eat or drink for a while so we need to keep you hydrated and then you're gonna have IV antibiotics and I was at eventually in that hospital Friday morning until Sunday night on IV antibiotics. So they go to put the IV in me. And this lady, older lady, she's like, when you have an IV, let's just start there. Where would you think they put it right away? Like veins on your arm? Yeah. Okay.

So she's like looking over here. And she goes, I got one, I think i think and i'm like that's my bone and so you're veiny as hell i'm so veiny yeah well so then she tries putting one in she finds one like on this side and misses and i'm like you're in the wrong line of work lady i'm like okay i kind of i have no i had no problem with needles going into this. I'm like, that initial poke, and then once it's in, you don't even notice it. So she goes and she's like, I got someone else. They're going to put it in.

They're a little better at this. I'm like, both my mom and I look at each other like, thank God. We don't think she knew what she was doing. And so this new lady comes in, doesn't say a word to me like nothing and she goes to my other arm and she goes right here and she did i could see her veins like from here i don't understand so she goes right here and she goes in and she's just like she goes in and it's like she started mixing pancakes together and i was like what what are you doing like she missed and was just like fishing for it at least at that point you're

not thinking about your stomach my stomach didn't hurt for the absence oh yeah that's for the absence my man my man i'm thinking this is in the yard fuck i'm like and now i'm like oh and i'm making noises and i was like jesus christ it out. And she goes up here. What the fuck? Yeah. So the reasoning the nurses didn't want to put it here is because, like, you can't bend your elbows and, like, stuff like that. I'm like, at this point, all right, you're 0 for 2. So she goes here.

Starts digging around again. And you bleed a little bit when they pulled the needle out of you. I shot blood out. all over my sheets and they never changed my sheets that night cool so i slept in the bloody sheets yeah make yourself comfy michael i shot blood out and at this point i'm like i'm like get it out and i was like i'm feeling really lightheaded i'm super warm and i'm nauseous i was getting dizzy i'm like i've never almost passed out my life and i go i think i'm gonna pass out she doesn't say a word and i go can i throw up because i know i can't have liquid in my body in case i like aspirate or something like that during surgery yeah and i think aspirate's the right word. I don't know.

Asperger's? Yeah, I have it. And so I'm like, can I throw up? And she doesn't say anything. And my mom was like, can you stop? This is hard to watch doing to my son because the needle's still in me at this point. Yeah, I bet your mom is just freaking out. And so we're like, what's going on?

I'm like, can I throw up? She goes, well, it wouldn't be a great thing. I'm like, okay, because I'll hold it then. I could hold it down, but I might pass out. And so I'm like, I need to go to the bathroom. Can I throw up? And finally I yell, and I'm like, if I throw up, would it delay my procedure? She goes, no, it's just never great to throw up.

I'm like, then fuck you. And I get up. After I said I was going to pass out, after I talked to my girlfriend who's a nurse, she's like, she shouldn't let you walk by yourself if you're like, I'm going to pass out. And so I walk by myself to the bathroom, close the door behind me, ass out in my gown, and I'm sitting on the floor. I'm hugging the toilet because it's fucking cold and i'm like i'm trying not to pass out i almost throw up and i finally get like enough strength and i get up and this is weird i'm like i have no problem with needles but she was digging around so much that i was like yeah dude just because you don't have a problem with needles doesn't

mean you enjoy being stabbed i was a pin cushion and so I come out of the bathroom and she's just standing there and she's like, well, we still need to get the needle. And, you know, I'm like, you need to get out of my room. Yeah. And I forced her to leave my room and she left all her stuff in my room, like syringes, needle, all that. I'm like, if I was a junkie. Yeah.

Dude, you just hit the jackpot. I was like, this isn't good. Reliability. And so I finally like my my i'm leaning over the edge of my bed my mom's fanning me with stuff she's probably freaking white as a ghost i get in my bed i'm like i'm like like we can't like what's going on like the er people had it in a second they come back up like we have an er nurse coming to put one in and i this guy i think his name is ben matter josh but i looked at him and i'm like hey ben matter josh get it together i was like listen um is there a reason they send you he goes we do this all day every day this is gonna take two he goes he looks at me he goes you have amazing veins let's take you goes i see one

right there we're gonna put it in there i go okay i've heard that already today um if you do not get it in the first try i will throw you out this window and he's like understood two seconds in and he like flushed it and he's like you're good to go he goes you're not gonna want to bend your i'm like can i bend my elbow he goes yeah it'll be a little uncomfortable because there's some plastic in there but you'll be okay i'm like okay i'm like great we're done i go to my surgery or my procedure come back and i spend a night in the hospital and then they're like all right you're staying another night i'm like why like why do i have to be here another night so i'm going to bed that night and by the way no one no one's really monitoring me why did they say you had to stay next i had

to be on iv antibiotics until they got cultures back from the abscess because they don't know if it was bacteria from my initial surgery that just fought off the original antibiotics or if I had a leak in a bowel or something. But they needed to figure out what antibiotics would kill it. And so I understand that now. But I go and, like, no one's monitoring me this whole trip. Like, I had to take a shower once. They unplugged me and then didn't come back for two hours.

Nice. And I was like... What hospital? Wau walk-in shop memorial sure we'll say oh i forgot which one because the first i mean that was great then i'm looking at my elbow because i asked one of like the nice nurses i had i go it's starting to hurt a little more like it just like it kind of burns and i'm not bending up she's like well is it swelling up i go no he goes well if it swells up let me know it means it's like infiltrated or compromised um i'm like is that bad he goes no it just means it's no longer growing in your vein everything's just going into your body which isn't bad like you'll be fine like

you're totally fine your body will absorb it but like we'll just need to put a new iv line in you i'm like okay and so all of a sudden i like look down before i go to sleep and i my arms the size of a baseball like right here i'm like cool so i stand up i unplug my machine i take it out to the hallway no one's at the nursing station i'm like cool i go i find someone just like in a cubby i go excuse me miss um is my would you think this is swollen and uh if it is should it be she goes it is and no it should be i'm gonna find you a nurse so i go back to my room and super nice ladies i got and first lady comes in she goes we have to put a new iv in you I'm like fuck me and so she comes over here this nice like main vein and she sticks me and she goes fuck it blew right through

so she just like basically popped a vein a ruptured vein and but she did it so quickly didn't dig and brought it out like my standards were so low right I was like okay that's fine she goes you know what? I heard what happened before. I'm going to go get the head nurse in charge. She's going to put it in you. You're going to be fine. Head nurse found a vein right here.

Took her just a little, not digging, but like she goes along the side. Put it in. Didn't hurt at all. Could bend my elbow. Six tries, two IVs, and then plus blood work. Dude, I was a pin cushion. I am going to puke just hearing about that dude that is fucking gross oh my god so this reminds me this reminds me of a story you were saying like you don't mind being stabbed don't mind needles all that stuff

right no obviously like it's not fun but like that initial and then you're like okay it's over you saw how squirmish i got just from you telling me about it right um when i was in the army uh i actually joined as a medic okay i joined to become a medic you know because i was like i'll i'll become a medic maybe i'll become a paramedic after the military i'll get a skill that'll apply to civilian world right and um so i get through basic training get through going to medic school um we got to stick people with needles bro you think i was grossed out from you just telling me that you should have seen me trying to stab these guys i was like i was like you know what i don't want to do this i was like i'll take any other job. Literally any other job. I'll take it. It's crazy.

I talked to Vegas afterwards because he was super nice. But he goes, I heard. He's like, I heard whispers. Of what? He had like a surgery. I'm like, I mean, yeah, an appendectomy, which is crazy because the first time I went to the laughing tap after the surgery, Caitlin, who runs it, was like, my friend just had an appendectomy. And then last week when i was at

uh the improv ton came in he's like i had bacterial appendicitis like means it was just getting bigger and smaller bigger and smaller i'm like did you have to get it out he goes no i'm like like dude what's in the fucking water here um it is crazy yeah well i feel like it's one of those things that it's pretty common because i've worked with a lot of people that I'm like, have you, you know, like as a personal trainer just throughout the years, had any surgeries and like appendix is pretty common. And it's one of those things that we I feel like probably you don't anymore because you've experienced it, but you take for granted because had this been 100 years ago, you're dead. You're fucking dead. You're dead. And a horrible death, a horrible, horrible death where you're like guts are literally getting poisoned internally

like for a while it's crazy and i take for granted you take for granted your health too even if it's not great enough but just the the last month i've gone insane granted my job half my job is to train people and move and exercise and then the nightlife the stand-up comedy i'm like i'm so tired i can't do anything i can't drive a car i can't go anywhere like i'm just stuck here so for a month i did nothing and you're like i can't wait to just simply move like stand up feel good it not hurt when I like pee or stretch too far. My bowel movements aren't like, it's crazy. How much you appreciate, like, I just want to move.

The ability, yeah, the ability, like your body and like being in good shape, you do take for granted because like, or like, I mean, everybody does, I feel like. But it kind of makes, I feel like it'll help you relate to a lot of clients in the future people who don't have like maybe they're morbidly obese maybe they have oh absolutely intense issues like mobility issues where super causes them super pain so you'll know kind of what that pain is like yeah how maybe lost and like down they feel because like you've now experienced feeling like hyper vulnerable you know

do you feel you feel helpless i mean like the only thing i can compare what you said that too is like when i had food poisoning because like i was just beside myself useless i was like i kept thinking i was like dude if somebody comes into this hotel room right now wanting to, it doesn't matter who they are. They'd fuck me up right now. And I'm just like, man, I don't like that feeling. And I keep downplaying it. Like, granted, we've talked for an hour about the surgery. Yeah.

And you being in the military. But, like, my mom, my girlfriend would be like, it's technically considered a major surgery. Like they cut you open, they removed an organ, but in my head I'm like, oh, it's just an appendectomy because we don't need our appendix. Like, oh, whatever. Like I should.

You don't need one of your kidneys. But I was like, I should be okay. Like I kept telling him I got out of the, when I got out of the surgery, the next day I was standing up and I was on the phone with work and I was like, yeah, I'll be back probably Tuesday or Wednesday. And they're all looking at me like, no.

Like, are you dumb? I'm the same way you are though right now. But that's my mentality. Like, I'll be fine. And like, people have had way worse. But, I mean, it was bad. Like, I had poison coursing through my body. Dude, that's fucking wild.

And the best way to put it, like, with how much you want to move and you're at it, like, I mean, it was bad. Like, I had poison coursing through my body. Dude, that's fucking wild. The best way to put it, like, with how much you want to move and you're at it. Like, this week, my energy isn't, like, my energy, I mean, strength isn't there for my usual workouts where I'm working out. My full workout myself, I'll work out with a client and then I'll do cardio and core at the end of the day. Like, that's not happening no yeah two weeks yeah but think of it like when you're sick you got a stuffy nose you can't sleep because you're just like yeah sorry my life every night dude and then you're just like dude if i could just breathe through one nostril i'd be great and then finally like if i could just once i'm healthy i'm you're in the greatest mood like life is in color again yeah you got all the energy in the world the minute you can breathe like you slept well you wake up you're not like trying mood. Like life is in color again. Yeah. You got all the energy in the world. The minute you can breathe, like you slept well,

you wake up, you're not like trying to get like a snot ball out of your nose, shit like that. But you have all the energy in the world. It's like that times 10 when you, for a month, because for a month I haven't done anything. People,

Jake having ACL surgery and not be on the move for like two months, six weeks or whatever. And him finally rehabbing it, or we can actually go skiing now stuff like that like so yeah i guess like yeah that's uh i'm curious to see how that goes that'll be awesome yeah he tore it last year he's okay all right but like with you are you a little nervous going skiing i mean yes you're gonna be an elevation as well yeah the elevation might scare me more i don't know it's like all of a sudden i'm just gonna pop well yeah like i'm just me more i don't know it's like all of a sudden i'm just gonna pop well yeah like i'm just thinking about the i got the full clear so that's a good piece

of mine um i went snowboarding saturday this week felt fine afterwards yes i was i felt actually really good no pain nothing and i finally have like proper equipment like goggles so i can still leave cardio is probably one of the better forms of exercise well they told me i could do cardio to comfort basically after two weeks yeah but i was like i have no energy and so i would like walk on it i would walk on a trim out like a 1.5 that's nice that your lady also is like in the nursing background. So she's like, you know, I think about some of my ex-girlfriends and trying to pick their brain on what would be a good thing to do.

And they'd just be like, I don't know, maybe just, you know, not do anything. Curl up in a ball. She's great. She doesn't think what she says gives me peace of mind, but it definitely does. And I value her opinion a lot on what she says. And she's like, she's an absolute sweetheart because she does like research for me. She's like, all right, this is that. I'm like, that's great.

I'm just the kind of person, like, I want to hear from like 90 people that I'm going to be okay. So like I have a client who's a doctor and then her being a nurse and then my actual doctor. I'm like, between the three of you all being like, you should be okay. I'm like, okay. So like I have a client who's a doctor and then her being a nurse and then my actual doctor. I'm like between the three of you all being like, you should be okay. I'm like, okay, we're good. Yeah. I'm a big second opinion person. I love. Oh yeah.

I, I'll ask multiple people. Like I was, I thought I had a hernia today. Um, actually it's funny. Like I was asking people at work. I was like, do you feel this? Yeah. I was like sitting there and I'm like literally going like this yeah couch at work i'm like it doesn't really hurt right here and then uh they're like where does it hurt i'm like like on my testicle and i'm like like right

on your testicle and then we kind of got to the point after about half an hour instead of a hernia we think somebody just kicked me in the nuts during jiu-jitsu and i didn't feel feel it during practice afterwards i was like just got kicked from what i've learned and looking up you'll feel a bump it's like a very everybody said my testicles just lay down and that bump goes away then yeah it's probably a hernia but do you think i have cancer um no that's good um i thought i had testicular cancer last year and i checked my nuts so much that i had so much pain in them and when i got checked out it was a i have it as a bit it's the longest bit i have um i checked them so much that i had to go to the doctor and pull my pants out in

front of a lady. And she goes, all right. Um, I don't feel anything. Can you show me where you think this lump is? And I made a motion with my testicle that made my female doctor go, Hey,

don't fucking do that. I go, what do you mean? She goes, they're not supposed to move like that. You're feeling the very top of your testicle. What think is the side because you have it fucking upside down oh my god dude and i was like you can't play with that yeah and well i'm also someone who's just i work myself up like we had a cancer scare in our family and so i was like immediately i'm like i have

testicular cancer and i learned that um once you hit, you have a very significantly low chance of developing testicular cancer. Once you hit 25? Yeah, 25. 25 and older, they're like, you probably don't. It's probably not testicular cancer. Oh, really? Yeah. It's younger than that?

It's a young person's cancer. Yeah. Oh, I had no idea. And you're like 52, so you're fine. How dare you, first of all. I'm 32, and i'm in phenomenal shape okay well especially right now you're coming off a death's door dude but so i guess like uh what's has it changed any part of you you're this sounds kind of gay saying out loud uh

but like your mentality your mindset like your approach to life the big one is appreciating the fact that i can move yeah and i've been like this just in general lately i think the last two years i've matured a lot as a person i'm like going for things i want to do whether it's stand-up or just like it may like i want to spend time with my friends like i don't need to be like you're full-on grown-up now man yeah it's no i'm not but well i mean legally you're out of school out of school you're living on but it's like go i mean i i don't think i almost died some people say i almost died um i mean you would have been dead in another time i could have if i would have waited another i could have gone a good thing you ate that red meat yeah i could have gone into

sepsis that's what they were worried about but i don't know just like go do some stuff um be very happy and appreciative that you can move the way i do i can move the way i do i'm like now training myself which is nice like it was my goal to get back into like a certain shape like i put on weight but i was like i want to be lean i want to keep the weight but i want to look i don't want to be got lean i got fucking lean but i i look like the pillsbury dough boy um for a while i look like a meth addict pillsbury dough boy like you survived justitz. With all the bruises on me from all the needlings. The heroin addict.

But yeah, no, just I'm very happy. I decided I was hesitant to go on this trip for financial reasons. It's just stupid. I can afford this trip that I'm going on tomorrow. But I'm so happy now. I was like, go spend time with your friends. Go have fun go exercise you can pick up an extra shift the importance i put on exercise and core strength

now is insane or like and because i'll have clients i'm like listen i can't i couldn't lift my trash bag up because someone poked me in the stomach in my core. Like you guys, we need to work on this. Like, I know you hate it, but like. Dude, honestly, I feel like this is going to help you relate with so many clients that are just coming in off the street. Like one thing that like I've had a hard time that, you know, like I feel like as a trainer, I'm personable enough. Like where people, you know, people know that I'm not judging them or anything like that. But I've like, I've never not been in shape yeah and it's not like it's not like a vanity thing it's not

like that it's like it's a form of mental health for me because i i know i'm like a little crazy and i know i need to like exercise myself to exhaustion to get those demons extinguished as much as i can um but like as, I've noticed with clients or like potential clients talking to them over the years, uh, in like a training relationship, like I can't understand, um, what it's like to not be able to move my body. You know, I, I don't know what, like other than that food poisoning one day like moment I like I've always been active I've always been mobile and I like from the time I was a child and you know and I'm 32 now so it's not like I'm an old

fart but like you know but like I'll have clients come in off off the couch like who are like 40 50 or have never exercised before. And like sometimes more in the past, like we just didn't see eye to eye cause we were coming like from two different worlds, you know? And they would gravitate towards client trainers that maybe dealt with injuries, dealt with weight issues themselves because they were more, they related more on those like uh mental hurdles which yeah totally makes

sense but i feel like you as a trainer is it's gonna help you like so much just relate to people to feel like dude yeah i know what it feels like to feel helpless and not be able to do it not even be able to lift 10 pounds like but i also know but i also know where i'm like hey you're you're being a bitch at this point right like you right. Like, you have every capability to move. You should be moving. Like, there isn't an excuse. Like with Rachel making you go on the walk. Exactly.

A part of me was a little concerned. I'm like, this hurts right now. And she's like, you're fine. But then once you got moving, then you felt fine. And that was the thing. It was like, for a while, it was honestly like I would pee. And then, like, just right here be like i couldn't stretch i'm like it doesn't feel good to walk but then as i move more it just go away and then i was

totally fine and so it was basically just like you got to get used to part of me thinks it was like they were they were still flushing the shit the contrast and whatever out of my system yeah because dude also the medical bills i'm about to have i know stupid yeah you went to madison and you got and you got sent to the hospital overnight you're gonna be in debt for the rest of your life and you're a personal trainer so yeah you're gonna be in debt for thank god i don't have any student debt. How? I have a very wonderful family. Oh, wow. Okay, cool. Hey, man, that's every parent's dream.

Yep. And the medical bills are going to suck for sure. It's a CT scan. Yeah, that's going to be rough. Three of them. Dude, at least you had insurance, though. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to lie.

I literally signed up for i haven't had health insurance for over a year signed up for it the other day and i was mad at myself after i signed up for it because i made such a big anxiety thing in my head about like signing up for it and then having to spend like hundreds of dollars every month just to be covered for something i'm not gonna use that might not happen i qualified i pay 120 a month uh complete health insurance complete dental uh complete vision mental health and i have a zero dollar copay for 120 a month through obamacare like it was the easiest fucking thing i've done i was mad mad that I, like, procrastinated so much, you know? But I was just like, I need to.

I was like, I'm 32. I need to have health insurance. Especially for Ollie's sake. Well, Ollie has insurance through his mom. Yes, but, like, to keep so you don't go homeless and then you guys' playdates aren't under the bridge. Yeah, that's true. Dude, there's this homeless guy that lives by our house who always hangs out under this bridge on first street uh from walkers point into bayview

and um so he every time we pass the bridge he's like the guy's out the guy's out because he's a pretty good artist like he draws all over uh under the bridge and he's like what's he driving today what's he doing today that's our guy Well, I'm glad I'm not homeless. We got to wrap this up. I'm glad you're okay, dude. Oh, sorry. No, you're good. I have to pack.

I haven't touched a single thing for this trip yet. Yeah, man. Be safe, dude. Yeah. Be safe. Well, I'm glad you're okay. Yeah. Do we, what do we do?

Do we just end it? I want to keep doing the twice baked. Once I get the second lapel, I'm like, we're halfway there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No rush. I'm doing it again. This stuff is fun, too. I like doing this.

Oh, I love this. That is my goal this year is self-promotion a little better and doing this more consistently. But this last month has been a little tricky. He had a good excuse. I know. I had a bunch of buddies ask me, like, whatever happened to twice spectrum?

Like the guy almost died. Yeah. Uh, I think he's AIDS. I don't know what's going on. Um, he's got sickle cell or something. So I'm in the clear.

And, as long as I don't break anything on this trip, knock on wood, we'll be back at it. Cool. We're in the clear. We're in the steer. We're a little queer.

And, uh, I will see you later.ir absolutely all right bye thanks buddy