Fat Chance Podcast - Hot Boy Summer #10

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

The boys find out how easy it is to actually go to prison and Josh shares his experience on the show Naked and Afraid. Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Fat Chance Scramble Classic Link to Tickets: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/662999207477 Thank You to our Sponsors: Clarks Premier Tree Service: Find them on Facebook Gilbertson Exteriors: https://jgexteriors.com Paradise Builders: https://paradisebuilders.biz Pieper Power: https://pieperpower.com Custom Amish Cabinets 4 Less Leahs Italian Restaurant Sprecher Brewery Sam Zimmerman, Alex Pape, Connor Gdowski If you want to Sponsor the golf outing in any way possible please reach out to @fatchancebuddy on instagram. Both the MS Society and the Beat Goes On Foundation will be benefiting from this outing! https://www.nationalmssociety.org https://www.thebeatfoundation.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

I got divorced this weekend. Wait, what? You're divorced? Debbie Lovato would use that one. Do a leap on this fucking anthem. You're very boy. You're what? A ham boy. Anthem. Boy. You're what? I am boy. Anthem. Now we're recording.

It's a little bit too late. We lost the heat. Yeah. Turn it off. Turn it back off. What are you having? There's a hodgepodge of drinks today. What do you have? I have a Eagle Park hard seltzer.

That doesn't taste like anything, which makes me worry that it's old. It has to be old. Oh, it's definitely old. That's why I was warning him. That pumpkin beer has been in there since my roommate lived in his life. Did you grab the one from the back or the front? These are garbage.

Have you never had one before? I like those. It just hit me more than I thought it would. Have you never had one before? No, I was like, oh, margarita, I like those. Come on, come on, come on. Get over here. Tell us about that. It just hit me more than I thought it would. Oh. Give me some salt. That's it. You want to go get the salt grinder?

Oh, shit. What's that fucking thing? So this, I'm, how long? i don't know how to talk right now um i got you double-fisted i'm the one with both hands and i'm struggling right now so this is uh i did a show at fifth ward um didn't go i mean it was okay um but they had a beer that tasted like chai tea i really like chai tea by the way he drinks tea too asshole i drink tea as well it was just funny that you're like i'm not into fads but you're drinking turmeric chai tea i drink tea anyway i like this and i i know my girlfriend

likes chai tea so i'm gonna get one of these and i was like you, you know what, I'll get two. I didn't know they would give them to me like this big. Yeah. And this was packaged February 10th. Do we think it's still good? Oh, yeah. So my buddy owns that. Show it to Ian.

Ian is a, he does well with his stuff. So yeah, it's probably great. Ian, if I get sick, go fuck yourself. We can't stop recording until you drink that whole thing though.

Oh dude, that'd be so funny. I just poured myself a nice glass of... Yeah, you poured yourself a glass of Evan Williams and then you have the biggest can of beer I've ever seen. Tastes like nothing. Taste this. I'll taste it. Tell me that's nothing.

Shout out Chewy. It is nothing. There's a little bit of something. Is that that? Yeah, it's like it wants to be something, but then it is nothing. It's not quite there. It's going to taste like nothing, but I'm going to get something from drinking out of both of you. You will get something.

You can't get what you already got. No, it tastes like something. Do you want to know what it tastes like? You idiot. This is a hot start, boys. No, there's like something. Do you want to know what it tastes like? You idiot. This is a hot start, boys. No, there's definitely something there. But I know exactly what it tastes like. Okay.

It tastes like a watered-down fruit roll-up. Oh. Try it again. Which comes to our new favorite game, What's in Judd's Choosy? Michael, hit the theme song. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. All right, guys. What's in Judd's choosy tonight?

What theme song did I just break off? I don't know. Copyright. I think that was the Cosby show. Well, I know what's in his choosy. Something in the pudding. What's in Judd's choosy tonight? Okay. okay so to give you a hint last time uh the episode that's getting released on thursday

is uh it was giant gummies oh yeah giant giant fruit like grandma gummies with like the sugar on them and stuff like that today i think the time before was starburst so it's i'm going candy themed and i think he found his candy he liked. Oh. Incorrect. Damn it. What was the candy he liked? I don't know. It's called Twin Snakes.

Twin Snakes. One sweet and one sour. Twin Snakes. Sponsor me. Airhead Sours. Oh, my God. Did he get it? Airheads.

Oh, so close. Sarah, so close. Sarah, so close. Yeah, we got airheads in here. Wow. That's impressive. I want the green one. Want mine? I'll take the green one.

Take the red one or the blue one. Thank you. Absolutely. All right, should we start recording now? Are we not recording yet? Have you seen that thing where you do the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a pillow. I haven't had an airhead since I was like 10.

So three years ago? Two and a half. This is good podcasting. Let's watch us eat airheads. What was this thing? Take an airhead and you just keep doing this with it in the package and it gets smaller and smaller and smaller. The airhead is?

Yeah. It's bullshit. We are five minutes in and I'm going to delete all five minutes of this. Is there more? Or is there? It's how you're supposed to eat the airhead, they said. Yeah, I know. It's so butt. Or the ass. It's how you're supposed to eat their head, they said.

Yeah, I know. It's so dumb. Why? I don't know. This is garbage. I don't know why. I think it's like, why don't you just make them like that then? You know?

Then kids are going to play with it. These are for kids? Tricks are for kids. As stupid as candy. What do you guys think? Like in flavor or like just... Baby bottle pops. Or ring pop. Yeah, I'm not a ring pop fan or a baby bottle pop fan.

I like them, but the candy that's on that sheet of paper just dots. Those are freaking dumb. Did you like the juicy drop pops? Where you had to put the liquid into the spoon of a sucker? Yeah, it was cool.

The sour spray? Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. Where you just sprayed your mouth with sugar and sour. That was sweet. That was good. That was good. It's like also I still see that they make the Listerine packets where they have –

remember like an acid tab where you just put it on your tongue? Yeah. I found one in my suit jacket. I was at a wedding this weekend. I found those in my suit jacket. I was like, oh, I'm going to be using these on night. Yeah, what have you been doing the last 16 weeks? Yeah, Jack, where has Jack been?

Michael, play the theme song. Do-do-do-do-do-do. That was the same theme song. It was different. It was different. You made finger guns? I was going to do the same thing, but I changed it up just a bit for copyright purposes. Just enough not to get us flagged.

Where were you? I was in Louisville one weekend, and then I had a bachelor party. I came back. We hung out with the choosy gentleman. That's true, you did. And then the weekend after that, I was in Minnesota. That weekend of the choosy gentleman, I was in Minnesota. Came back.

Then I had my bachelor party. Came back, had nothing that weekend, but my car pretty much exploded on me, and I couldn't get anywhere, so I stayed home, not by choice. Did you get a new car? I did not. I almost did.

They couldn't find anything wrong with it, so now I'm just driving, waiting for it to die again. Maybe it's the battery. I know, battery's healthy. I got a chain, I chained my battery, like, under a year ago. I know nothing about cars,. I got a chain. I changed my battery like under a year ago. I know nothing about cars. I'm not going to give you any answers. It's probably the blinker fluid.

You know? Blinker fluid. But my fiance's car was having troubles too. So we were down to like one car. Well, it does make sense because your arm is worth more than your car. Just because I crashed my car once. And it's just, I mean, my car's a nice car, but I definitely didn't. When you crashed your car, was it your fault or someone else's my fault

What kind of someone else's? Ran to a snowplow Really you ran into a snowplow. Yeah, so do all my dogs when I was young. Yeah, it's no bank Well, unlike your dog. I'm still here. They know my dog was still there too. She got shot out the other end Oh was still there too she got shot out the other end when i threw out of the car just kind of like a slip inside i wasn't driving a car i thought you were driving the car the window was open was driving a car i thought you were driving the car and the dog shot out the window into a snow bank no it went on like a slip and slide just hit the shovel and yeah it hit us frozen so it ran after it ran after the snowplow and you know if you get like close after the snow plow.

And you know how if you get close to the snow plow, it just sucks you kind of in? That's probably what happened. The dog shot out the other end. And then it was a little banged up, but it was fine. And yeah, didn't really know. What dog do you have? It was a lab, golden lab. They're resilient.

Yeah. Until they're not. A hardy dog. Yeah, the dog was not. It was, you know, like some dogs do. You're like, oh, this dog is a smart dog. I never said that about that dog. His name, Diamond.

Diamond. You didn't start him off right. Yeah. There's also, we used to have a dog. His name was Diamond? His name was Diamond. That's a stripper name. Yeah. Tell my little sister that, because that's her name.

What's your sister do now? She's a missionary for Jesus. So do strippers do that too? She does mission work. Where does she do

mission work? Overseas. I don't know. She builds schools or churches or something. Well, good for her. Yeah, she's a good human. I guess I can't bash her.

Yeah. I apologize for calling your sister a stripper. I don't. She's not watching. They don't get internet where she's staying. Yeah, Guatemala or whatever she's at. She's like the biggest antenna in the middle of nowhere.

They made another dog after Diamond. We called it Tank. It got home, and as soon as it got home, it got ran over by a van. Like, the day. So clearly not a tank. Or just thought the name fit so well. They're i'm gonna fucking take on this car that's wild yeah i've never had a dog death like that happen to me yeah you better you just got a dog you hear that god knocked on that wood but i've never had a dog i've only had cats really would you have a dog yeah i get a dog when you have dog here and you never said that

what we had the dog here and you were like fine with it yeah i just because i've never had dogs doesn't mean i'm like scared of them why do you hate dogs you don't't like dogs. Yeah, I just, I don't know. I started getting this snowplow job, and I tried running over a few of them. It was the old snowplow with the dog trick. Classic. I do have a fun game for us to play. Okay, before we play this game, did you notice anything in the elevator right up here about what he had on him? I saw his clipboard. Yeah, but did you notice he has a case for it now oh yeah oh yeah dude i did see this it's a sick case dude i thought i thought you've had that this whole time no he just he's like guess what i can hold things with it now

that's pretty sick so you can have like paperwork yeah we uh we played um Did They Go to Prison? I think I could figure that one out. Take a look, Jack, if you want to look at these. While you're getting that ready, I got divorced this weekend. Wait, what? You're divorced? Yes and no. So, fun little story. i mean it's it's weird but um so 2017 i went to country thunder with um a bunch of friends and one of my friends who just got

engaged this weekend um her name's cody um she actually has this podcast tattoo on her ankle yeah this one yeah it says fat chance buddy on her ankle whoa okay she needs to get judd and jack on their hot boy summer hot boy summer with a sock so i like that 2017 we're at thunder and me. She goes, you need to get here now. Bring everyone. I go, why? She goes, there's a wedding here. I go, what are you talking about? She goes, there's a legitimate wedding happening at a campsite at Country Thunder in Twin Lakes, Wisconsin.

And I get there, and I shit you not, there's a groomsman in a cutoff, tuxedo t-shirt, camo cargo shorts, work boots on. That's pretty fucking cool. Not back then, it wasn't. Not back then, it wasn't. That's electric and they had a crowd and they looked at us and they go we don't have like a wedding party can you guys stand behind us so i was the best man at this wedding and cody was the maid of honor essentially and did the whole ceremony and cody as a joke goes we should get married next and for a split second i thought about it i was like this would be fun to come back my mom's like

how is it like i got married um didn't technically get married but every year i get a happy anniversary text from cody and i'm like, okay, whatever. And then this year she got her boyfriend in on it. And he actually beat her to the punch. Sends me the pictures and the videos like happy anniversary, man. Can't believe you made it. And so this year I thought it would be fun because I knew she was getting engaged. To issue her divorce papers at her engagement party.

So I walked into her engagement party. So I walked into her engagement party. Everyone's congratulating her, asking for the ring, and I just handed her a manila folder and I said, we need to get divorced before this happens. I have pictures, signing it. We have witnesses. She has a notary friend. We had lawyers

present. The notary signed it and everything. I'm officially, unofficially divorced. And this is cody heck right all right so i'm going through like twitter one day and just scrolling they're like terrible wedding photos and at this after you told me this story. Is this the wedding? Holy shit. Let me see it. Right here.

Holy shit. Is that the wedding? This is the fucking wedding. Isn't that wild? This is the fucking wedding. Isn't that crazy? This is the wedding. Dude, that's the only photo they have that I saw.

Yeah, so we're right behind the bride. Yeah, isn't that insane? We're right behind the bride, and they're like, you guys can just be the maid of honor and best man. That's the wedding. Holy shit. I know, because it has the Bud Light carpet. Yeah.

So it was beer cans sewed into the back for dress, not bottles. But yeah, that's the wedding. He's got so many hickeys on his neck. I know. I thought he got like molested by a plunger. Holy shit.

All right, Judd, do you have your game? I do have a game, but now there is a video. I want to see if I can watch it. Well, for the sake of the podcast. Well, let me see if i can watch it well for the sake of the podcast well let me see if you're in it right now about two seconds do you think i was lying about this no i know you're not lying about it theme song all right i'll get to the game then. Okay.

We'll watch the video after. This is a game for you and Jack. I want a pen. Do you have a pen? No, I do not have a pen. I can get you a pen if you'd like one. I'll give you a pen real quick. Okay. We're going to do this.

The Fash Flam. This says I'm a porn star and I fuck teen girls. Is that what it says? I guarantee that's what it says. Clip it. No, don't clip that one. Sorry, in the last episode, I said it's weird to say I've seen a lot of teenage boys' dicks. That is weird.

Clip it. Clip it. Clip it again. Clip it again. All right. Give us a game and go. All right,. Clip it again. Clip it again. All right. Give us a game and go. So it's going to be, you each are going to have your answer.

Okay. I'm going to give you 10 questions. Five, six, seven. Okay. The first question is, what is your favorite memory of me? Oh, are we doing a Mad Lib? Jack, what's your favorite memory of me? Oh, are we doing a Mad Lib? Jack, what's your favorite memory of me?

Meeting you from afar. Not meeting you, but thinking you were famous because you came back from L.A. doing shows. Oh, that's true. That's a good one. Okay, what's yours? You can copy. No, because I didn't think that. No one does.

I would say it's the time where you said that clean joke was good. I said, I didn't know I had a clean joke. And you didn't say anything except just like, hmm. All right. I'm going to go. Go. Go. What the fuck are you writing?

Okay. What movie reminds you of me? Forrest Gump. Okay. Doesn't he kind of have the whole, like, he looks like he says, Janai. Janai. And he says, Anthem.

Homeward Bound. Oh, yep. Homeward Bound. Okay. Interesting. Interesting. This is a mad lip. Do you like kissing or hugging more?

Kissing. Kissing. Smooching. Smooching? Okay. That's great ASMR. It's great and I'm moving my toes to the camera. What's an activity that you would like to do with me together?

You're asking for it, aren't you? Is it because of what I'm wearing? Stretch out your mic cord a little bit. It's like knotted up. Absolutely not. You're about to pull it up. I'd like to stretch out our mic cords together. I would like to go tandem skydiving with you for the first time, just you and I.

Who would be on whose back? Would I be on your back? Oh, I'm on your back. No, you're in front. You're in front. Which is why I should be on the back. Yeah, who's being big? Spoon, little spoon.

Because I think it goes by height. I think you legitimately have to be in front. You have to put me on like a backpack. I'm in the front of him. Yeah, I'm facing him. Then you can kiss. I did give a comedian a joke of like i don't know if she uses it but like she because she talks about how she's like hasn't been intimate with anybody and like you know i was like how funny would be if like you

fake like you need to go skydiving just so you have someone be a big spoon you know like that's like the i don't know if she uses it but yeah all right what are you gonna do with him i'm going tandem skydiving tandem skydiving but facing him long weekend on a cruise oh i never been on the cruise neither have i you look like you're afraid to swim fat chance buddy crew is... This has been multiple people have said, I'm afraid of water. Is it because I'm buoyant? Are you buoyant? It looks like you've been landlocked your entire life.

You have a slightly Amish Jewish hue to you. Wait a second. Jewish people know how to use boats. If we put John in the bathtub, he'd just... Clip it. What's a deal breaker in a relationship? Too many questions. Is that the deal breaker?

That's the deal breaker? You got divorced? Divorced? Are we giving serious answers? Yeah, I don't think so. I don't know. Are you? Deal breaker in a relationship? She's taller than me.

That's a good one. So every girl in the world? What did he say? Is this my gun? That's a good one. Deal breaker. I would probably say, hmm,

likes to go for too many walks. Oh, that's a great one. You don't like anyone active. No, I just don't like going for walks. It's a waste of fucking time. We've talked talked about this you need a destination for a walk the idea of just walking to walk is honestly very do you run no not particularly okay i do walk my dogs and when my fiance and i walk our dogs together we do that. But if she just asks me to go for a walk, I get really frustrated.

I try to write a joke about it, but it just makes me sound like I hate my fiance. So I stop saying it. So I just say it when she's not around. If I'm shouting it on a stage, the jokes sound very rude. What's your favorite music?

Country. Mine's getting close to country. I would not. Alternative. Okay. That'd be my number two. We have

four more questions to go. This is the slowest game he's ever done. What is the I hope the payoff is worth it because I don't see where any of this is going to go. This is the slowest game he's ever done. What is the... I hope the payoff is worth it because I don't see how any of this is going to go together. Okay.

What's your favorite class in high school? Social history. Math. That's why I got the fraction on my arm. He says that every time. Do you have the fraction on my arm? You might not know how many times I've addressed the alligator that always is out.

It's because I like Steve Irwin. Is that why? No. I got drunk and I was moving out of Florida. I was like, well, I should get an alligator. Then did the lightsabers

from getting drunk at Dave and Buster's? There's a tattoo artist at Dave and Buster's? No, I just got drunk at Dave and Buster's and I signed up for an appointment.

You get a free tattoo. Put in an appointment. My whole leg is all drunk tattoos. I had a jackpot at Dave and Buster's and I sign up for an appointment. You get a free tattoo. Put in an appointment. My whole leg is all drunk tattoos. I had a jackpot at Dave and Buster's. Got this lightsaber. That pinball machine was off. It was sick. They do those like pinball machines

that were like the candy machines that you can get a tattoo. I don't think you put like you say, oh, I'm going to pay $200 and you get a mystery tattoo. Like the Lickin' Stick ones? Yeah, but it's a real one. I just made up Lickin' Stick, by the way.

But it's like temporary tattoo, yeah. Yeah. But they do real ones. You do it at a tattoo shop. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to do that, but I'm like, if I just get fucking stuck with a butterfly, something weird. Actually, a butterfly would be pretty cool. You could pull off a butterfly, but you'd have to do it in the same kind of style you have.

Yeah. If it wasn't the same style, I'd be like, I'm just going to go home. Continue your interview. Bringing up my next question. If you had $1,000 and had to spend it, how would you spend it? Like we had to spend it. You had to spend it. You can't keep it.

You have to spend it. Ooh, deep thinkers. I'd rather go to a baller dinner. Dinner? Okay. Yeah, a baller dinner. Like, just spend $1,000 on dinner. I'd get a good dinner.

Sounds fun. I would probably do what I think would be entertaining is try to get every gumball out of a gumball machine. You could do that for $4. I know, but then I'd just do it get every gumball out of a gumball machine um you could do that for four dollars i know but then i just do it at every gumball machine would you just tip over the gumball machine how about you buy a thousand dollars to replace the gumball machine yes worth it i don't even like gumballs i mean it's a poor use of top have to be stale right yeah there's no way they get touched. Yeah, they're definitely stale. Until I get there.

I'm doing a service. But that means at some point, all of the gumballs are stale. Because they're always refilling. So are gumballs always stale when you get them? How often do you think they're refilling a gumball machine? That's the thing. But say the gumball machine's at half. That first half is stale because it's been waiting for the other half to go.

You top it off with another half. By the time the other half is done, the top half is stale again. So truly the gumballs that have never been stale are like the first quarter at the bottom. We might be onto something, guys. Those are the gumballs that have, only gumballs that have never been stale. It's like the first quarter. We do need to bring this to double level. Can we get those lawyers back in here?

We can. Sweetie, ex-wife, if you could please get your lawyer friends back on the call for us, that'd be great. It should only take one call, that's all. When you said divorce, I thought you were actually divorced. I thought you got married quick and then got divorced within the weekend and i was with you on sunday so that did not get brought up turn around yeah i uh i like legitimately wrote up like real divorce papers like when i found a template online i did

the whole thing and they're like it's gonna cost you a dollar 95 to get this because you need to buy a week subscription i'm like fuck it whatever i already it took me 25 minutes to write this up um and my girlfriend had the car for the day and she's friends with cody as well and i i showed her the divorce papers because she knows uh me and cody are good friends and she goes for about two seconds i legitimately thought you two were married over getting divorced because they were it's a straight up agreement and i'm like this is when i get your soon-to-be fiance i get them weekends all 49er packer games whatever whoa dude this is locked in with a notary i think you'd have to do it the only problem is you need a stamp and she didn't ever stamp and i was like can you just draw one you wait oh she didn't just stamp oh i was like, that's wild.

But yeah, they're legitimate. It's like an eight-page document. What's your greatest talent? I can cluck really loud. Do it. I want to call it a cluck. Yeah, it was not. Yeah, a cluck is like a cluck.

A cluck is this. Right? No, that's a click. That's a click. It's not a clack? No. You want to be a a sure it's not a clack no it would be a kluke definitely not a cloak okay no those are for wizards but i can do that really loudly do it again when did you find out you could do that grade school a bunch of people in the bathroom i remember this in the bathroom we're trying to cluck really loud click slack whatever

it's kind of fun watching someone try it really hard when they don't know how to do it A bunch of people in the bathroom. Remember this. In the bathroom, we're trying to cluck really loud. Click, clack, whatever. It's kind of fun watching someone try it really hard when they don't know how to do it. You really. Yeah. This is a terrible episode. I think it's great right now. If I shake my legs really hard and I'm naked, I just get out of the shower and my balls can clap really loud on the side of my leg. Because I broke my wieners, so I've got saggy ones.

So it makes a noise? If I stand up and I'm wet and I go like this with my leg, my ball will slap into my leg. Now, when did you learn you could do that? Certainly after I broke my balls in high school. So you broke your balls in high school? Mm-hmm. Making sweet, sweet love to my baby girl. Okay.

We're going to pause right now. You guys don't know the story? What do you mean you broke your balls? I broke my wiener. You broke your wiener? Yeah, I was making love. Your peen? Yeah, I was making love.

Well, you keep saying that. You went from a lowercase L to a capital L? Yeah. What ended up happening was... It did go capital L. Yeah. I was making love to my sweet, sweet fiance. She wasn't my fiance then. Premarital.

We were engaging in the act of dog. Coitus. And my thing slipped out and jammed on her leg really hard and i heard a pop so you were feeling pretty confident for a stroke she was she was hyping me up you heard a pop yeah i heard a pop and my did you take a running start no it just slipped out and i jammed it she's a she's a very athletic woman so her her muscular legs could twist my dick up to a corkscrew. It did. Was it, when you saw it after you were done crying, was it actually like?

No, it didn't have a bend to it. It just immediately shriveled up and there was a huge pain going all the way to my butthole. And at first, I was like,

okay, this is going to be fine. It's going to be fine. But then like. Did you keep going? Did you try to keep going? I tried to keep going. I tried to do it

for my baby girl. I did try to do that for my baby girl. It was like shooting pool throw. It was terrible yeah, it was it was gross and Then you go to the ER so I didn't get to the ER it took me a half a day to get the Arc is I was like, okay. I think it's fine. Like maybe it was just a weird Strain and then like it's cut was still hurting a lot and then eventually my balls swelled up too. Probably the size of this beer can?

Bigger than this. It was like this probably. And my balls were purple, bruised. And I was like, hey mom, I hurt myself on the trampoline. Did you have a trampoline? No, but my fiance did.

My fiance did. Were you guys doing it on the trampoline? We were not. But we were jumping on the trampoline earlier that day. And I was like, hey, Mom, I hurt myself. What age are you? This is senior year high school. I need to go to the ER.

I'm very scared. But I did want to tell her everything. She's like, just wait till tomorrow. See how it goes. And my dad was working night shifts at the time. So I waited for him to get home at like 1.30 in the morning. I heard the garage door open. I ran down the stairs, pulled my pants down, and my dad just goes,

all right, we're going to the ER. He was like, he was so scared. So scared. Did he even say hi? You're like, dad. I was like, dad, dad, what do I do? He's like, oh, get in the car. Get back in the car.

And so we went to the ER. I had my genitals ultrasounded. And it was by one of my classmates' aunts. So we were having small talk about her niece while she was rubbing this warm jelly on my balls they said nothing was wrong i just had to wear compression shorts and i literally it looked like i was wearing a cup for two three weeks and every day i think it was every couple like class hours like class periods there would be someone in the classroom that's like hey can you show me what it looks like today?

And so I would just go into the bathroom and I'd show them. And they'd be like, holy crap. I probably could have fit 20 guys, normal-sized balls in my balls. At least 30 of mine. So now I have grandpa balls, really, really grandpa balls. That's funny. Oh, have you guys ever seen Squirrel on a Trampoline? Oh, is he hanging by his nuts?

No, it's legitimately a dick trick. I learned about it this weekend. Squirrel on a Trampoline. How much trampolining have you been doing? Well, it just reminded me. Squirrel on a Trampoline. You should change his answer to what he wants to do with you to trampolining. Squirrel on a trampoline is

where you take your balls and you hold them tight and you bounce your wiener on it. The fact that we can all visualize that. Every guy that's going to see this can visualize doing that. It's comedy gold. I was at a wedding this weekend and I was sitting there in the stall and there was a bunch of guys

just talking in the bathroom and I just go, Hey guys, you ever see a squirrel on a trampoline? Bing, bing, bing. It killed. There's people I never knew, didn't know before. It killed. I'm making best friends with so many people. That's a... Sounds like a lawsuit but I love it.

Get those lawyers back going. Uh... That was a different one That was good He had the old whammy bar at the end there Maybe he had the cluck at the end Someone make us a theme song So we don't have to use this

No Just keep cutting up Kuski's one Kuski's noises Use that as our theme song I don't think our fans are that nice yet. What's a perfect date night for you guys? Trampoline. Picnic.

Trampoline picnic. Shit. Trampoline picnic. Honestly, I'm big on a good dinner. You go to a nice sit down dinner afterwards you come home chill on the couch for a little bit have a nightcap all right let me tell you the score my real answer though for like a good date i did one this past friday with rachel when she was here or two fridays ago we went and worked out. It was like a whole day thing. Worked out, went to the driving range.

Speaking of her. Did she know that she was okay with you having a wife and she still dated you? Yeah. Well, she found out two weeks ago. So you're even scummier than we thought. Then nice dinner and then kind of do like a casual bar hop. Oh, yeah. Then nice dinner, and then kind of do like a casual bar hop. Casual bar hop is fun. Yeah, I like it.

We ended up at the Tiki Bar at Milwaukee Public Market, which is the best bar in downtown Milwaukee. You keep saying that. I've never actually been. It's a lot of fun. We're going this weekend, then. Okay. All right.

What are you doing this weekend? Another bachelor party? I'm here all weekend. Holy fucking shit. We have to do it, then. I have a badger game, and that's it. I'm going to the badger game. That'll be perfect.

Sounds good. All right. Let's plan Friday. Let me tell you. do it then. I have a Badger game and that's it. That'll be perfect. Let's plan Friday. I've helped my buddy move on Friday so if we get done moving then I'll take him down. Cool. That'll be fun. Are you coming back after the Badger game, sir? Yeah. Cool. I might stay and watch Jeff because Jeffrey Asmus is in.

That'll be fun. I may hit him up. But by a landslide, Jack wins. I would rather date Jack than Michael. That's what the game was. Who would I date more? And it was a dating game, and you guys didn't know who you were on. Even after the ball?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Michael won that handsomely that round. I'm one for ten, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Michael won that, handsomely, that round. I'm one for ten, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I did like when you said you didn't want to go on walks. That was pretty good.

We're all in agreement on that one. Walks suck. You want to go for a walk? Why? Why? You are taller than me. You guys tied twice, so. What did we tie up with?

You tied in number three and then the last one. I like how we're concerned now. What was number three? Wait, you don't want to date me? Is it because I'm shorter? I mean. What did you do? Wait.

Do you like kissing or hugging more? Oh, that was a tie. You like hugging. I like kissing or hugging more? Oh. That was a tie. You like hugging. I like kissing. Oh, we're a bunch of smoochers. I'm a smoocher. I got soft lips. Daddy's got some soft lips. You can kiss way longer than hug.

Like, if you hug and you're like, are we going to let go soon? I don't know. But you can hug. I know someone who hugs, like, who hugs a lot, likes to hug. I took it as your intimacy. Is it like a greeting? Because if it's a greeting, I'd rather hug you than do that. Oh, do you ever see the people kissing double cheeks yet?

You're like, what are you doing? Kissing double cheeks is weird. You just met this person. No, don't kiss double cheeks. It's a met this person no don't you don't it's a european thing that's wild is that what it is yeah yeah or like people that like to think they're fancy they're like oh we have money so we double kiss it's like no just give a hug who's the richest person you know do they double kiss no because they're not even that rich i mean like all like the beverly, New York people.

You know what I mean? If you watch Real Housewives, which I do. You're the TV guy. I do. If it's ever on, I'm going to complain that it's on because I'd rather be watching something else. But if it's on, I'm going to sit down and do it. Love Island finale just came out.

There was two people from... There was one person from Milwaukee. She took fourth. She went to my high school yeah yeah you i was thinking about this you do look like you want to be like you've been emulated in your life after like steve austin you kind of have a steve austin look to you but if you get to know you you are a gentle giant you're a nice guy yeah it's a nice it's a nice really angry used to be a very not gentle person You used to fight people? Or yell at them?

Was it the medication? No not even that Not that medication My ADHD medication Not the broken deck No I was just an angry kid And then I chilled out Like sophomore year of college

And got nice Yeah you kind of like When his balls swelled out Well you also kind of like Figure out where to put your aggression Or kind of how to control it. Yeah. I really don't have any of it anymore.

My buddies like to try to see if they can piss me off and like talk shit to me. And they're just like, how do you not get angry at us yet? But yeah, I used to be like after I'd just like yell at the refs and stuff during like sports games. And it's like,

yeah, why they're going to change your call. They've never, this fucking guy in a million years, you yelling at the umpire yelling at the ref never makes a difference no it definitely doesn't

are you going to do another one of those Cayman Jacks yeah I used to be a I used to ref hockey and did you play hockey I played hockey

until 8th grade and then I switched over to football maybe 7th grade but Did you play hockey? I played hockey until eighth grade. And then I switched over to football. Maybe seventh grade. But after that, I started reffing. And there was this one little nerdy goalie, and he iced the puck. And there was no one near him. I was like, dude, you can't ice the puck.

You've got to pass it out. And it took him so long to pass it out that by the time he passed it up to his buddy, some other kid from the other team came pissing down and just like caught the puck, shot it in. And their coach got in my face. I'm 13. How old are these kids? These are like second, third grade. Nothing like crazy.

I'm going to need to know what that said i don't know i don't know who it was um and uh he was like yelling at my face i looked at him and i'm like dude i'm 13 and that nerd doesn't know how to play hockey and i never reffed again i could never ref i i barely it's nerve-wracking coaching is tough i coach for one year and i remember like watching my brother's games and i would get frustrated off of like stupid calls like that's this this is that and i'm like i if i was a coach i would have gray hair by the age of you know 19 and shit like that and i ended up coaching one year and it's fucking sucks it's like all you want to do is beat the shit out of these like 18 year old kids who are just trying to make extra money for the summer right yeah or grown adults who are taking it way

too seriously like there was a there was a uh ref in high school out for my dad. That was one of our lacrosse coaches, and my dad always – my dad dips. And apparently it's against the rule to have tobacco on the sidelines. Like, who fucking cares? Who cares? He's a bunch of grown-ass men. He's not spitting it in the kids' mouths. Exactly.

Like, what? Not, like, open up. So he had a vendetta against him, and he, like, almost – I don't know if he kicked him out or he gave him penalties against our team cause he had dip in his mouth. So the next game, my dad knew this guy was reffing. My dad bought a bunch of that big league chew and just shoved it in his mouth to pretend like he was chewing and waited for this guy to walk over. Like he goes, like he was a cream of the crop king of whatever.

Just this shit walked over and goes, you sir, get the fuck out of this game. I said, no chewing, and he just opens his mouth. This is bubble gum. And it's bubble gum. And he goes, yeah, fucking try me. Fuck off. And he just walked away. What a great example for the kids.

That's good. That is good. We loved it. I knew he was going to do it. Well, if there's a guy very obviously being a prick, and you just like to tease him a little bit, get under his skin. I coached Little League for four years, and I had the little guys in T-ball.

Then I had the people above it, and then I had them above it. And then right before they went into high school. So I had four different of them. You little ones four different teams four different teams for every years or four no no just basically different times what did how did you have time to do anything so that was my summer job for was was basically coaching that makes more sense and it was now i'm like i don't think judd has a job. He's just playing fantasy by himself with the little kids. No, but like so the little ones just love being there. They wanted to run.

They didn't care. Like it was just fun to watch them. And then the next grade was like, oh, how do we swing? And I was like, so you got to teach them. And then the next ones are like, okay, we're kind of getting it. And the ones that are right before high school, they're like, we're doing ground balls again? This is so dumb.

I'm like, yeah, you got to do it every day. So there was a kid that I hated that came out, and he just had a bad attitude right away. He was like, as soon as practice started the first day, he goes, when do we start to get to hit bombs oh my god this kid sucks and he's like in the middle group and we got brand new bats for the year i got brand new bats and i was like we got good stuff you know just take care of it and so then it's starting to do hitting practice and i you have to do one at a time i'm throwing

them so they can only have one person, one person on deck. And I put the list up of what it is, and the kid's name was probably Eighth. And he goes, I'm hitting first. I was like, no, your name's Eighth, so you have to go Eighth. No, I'm hitting first. I was like, no, Noah is hitting first. So I have Noah. And while I'm throwing to Noah, he grabs one of the brand-new bats

and just smashes it on a pole just like that. Just smashes it. The bat bends like your broken dick. And it just – it's just an L shape. He shoved it up his ass afterwards? Wow. And I'm like, that's a fucking kid. And then I call his dad, and his dad goes, yeah, he's got a temper.

What can I tell you? I was like, God, no wonder. No wonder he's such a prick. No wonder he's there. Like, his parents are just trying to pass him off onto you. So then the kid eventually quit. I did hit him in the neck a few times during BP. I didn't try to, See the smile on his face?

I hit him in the neck. Yeah, I like the coaching the younger kids is nice. I did, I would call it two and a half teams at once where I would just, the practices were alternating. So it'd be like three times a week. And I did like fifth and sixth, seventh and eighth. And then I helped out at the high school. And the fifth and sixth graders, again again they had a ton of fun but trying to talk to them um like one they thought i was 35 yep they don't get they don't get age and they just think you

fuck non-stop yeah that's when they start getting horny yeah and they had no logic oh yeah i kiss girls baby so i got a question i had this as a joke once, and I'm going to retire it, but I had this middle of like a passing line for lacrosse, and they're like, Coach Kroski, do you have a girlfriend? I'm like, at the time, I didn't. I'm like, no. And so right away, the next kid behind me goes, so you're gay? And I go, no.

He goes, but you don't have a girlfriend. He goes, then you're gay? And I go, no. He goes, but you don't have a girlfriend. He goes, then you're gay. I go, there's no gray area with little kids. It's just black or white. And then I had these two kids. I never told him I did comedy. But I had two or three kids run up to me. Two white kids, one Indian.

Very important. I'll tell you which one liked them better and they go koshkashi koshkashi we have to tell you a joke okay what is it and they're like how do you say covid backwards i'm like i don't know divic divac they're like yeah like divac is going on and the indian kid told me the joke i was like you're white by association we're playing youth lacrosse and then they ran away and in my head i'm like i'd like to think because they i saw them all together like pow wowing before this and i like to think the two white kids were like listen if this is gonna hit yeah you need to channel the motherland for this one you need to

do it and go our indian impressions aren't that good yours is better it was like what the fuck is going on and parents came and were like how are they I'm like a little racist but also the gay thing

is so funny because what I used to do with the oldest group if they got in like fights or something like that I would make the two people

that were fighting or like being idiots to each other hold hands and run to the to the center field fence and back and they hated it

there's nothing worse than having like two 13 year olds hold their hands hold hands and run to the center field fence and back. And they hated it. There's nothing worse than having two 13-year-olds hold their hands while they have to run. They think their life is over. Oh, yeah. They think everyone's going to tell everybody. I hope Julie from Comarch doesn't see this. She's going to think I'm gay. Kevin and Sam held hands all the way to the center field.

They were smooching on the way back. They definitely weren't hugging. Oh, man. What do you guys got going on this weekend? Labor Day weekends. We're going to the Tiki Bar. Tiki Bar. So why is it the best Tiki Bar?

You got to build this up to me. Because I've been to the public market. If it gets built up, you're going to be disappointed. Yeah, I don't want to build it up. Well, I want to know what I'm in. I'll explain why I like it. It's an okay bar. Yeah. But it's a fun bar you're going to be disappointed. Yeah, I don't want to build it up. Well, I want to know what I'm in. I'll explain why I like it. It's an okay bar. Yeah.

But it's a fun bar. It's a fun bar. I think that's a good way to put it. It's an okay. I don't think any bar actually is like, oh, it's the greatest bar ever. It's an atmosphere thing for me. And so the best part about it is it's super unique in the winter. And then it's a great spot in the summer, in my opinion.

So it's indoor, outdoor. It's small, but I like the islandy bars and all that stuff. I would have no problem retiring, living above a bar, and just hanging out with tourists the rest of my days. I mean, just live on a beach i had no problem doing that but it's just everyone's happy there the bartenders are hammered having fun everyone's handing out shots music is good you're can be outside of the bar on the street too so you kind of feel like you're not even in there sometimes drinks are really strong it's just

it's a good time and everyone's our age it isn't you're not going there it's not like a brothers red rock kind of thing it's not it's not a college bar it's like just outside of it like it's anywhere from the ages of 25 to 35 okay what's your favorite bar i don't know about that one that's the only bar i go to here that's true you go there a lot yeah i don't know i have it i really like this one down in florida there's lot yeah i don't know if i haven't i really like this one down in florida there was a couple that were like down in florida um blackbird in miami it was called kahunas and it was just like one of those bars where you go there and you like look around you're like everyone's here every day like i would go in there and i'd see all the same

people and like be friends with them and they just had a couple pool tables couple dart boards they had pretty good wings and you could smoke cigarettes inside and that was so much fun so that's that's one of my favorite ones just because the environment was trashy you didn't have to go there and like look nice you just roll in there with the guys like play some pool talk shit get a pack of cigarettes out of the vending machine but like i think as you get older that's what you like is like i want to go just hang out with my friends i don't care what i look like that was birds i remember when with the birds that uh friday night to watch packer game yeah yeah everyone was there we i went there the night

before to get food and they didn't have any because it was too late so then they're like come back though so then cuz he came over and we went there the next day The same exact people Who were there The other night The other night before And the mayor Oh god We met the mayor

Of where do you live? St. Francis St. Francis He gave us his pitch And everything Bought us drinks He needs our vote in August Or April

I think And his name is Ken Ken And then a bunch of consonants Just type in Ken St. Francis Mayor. I think he's probably going to show up.

But no, I don't think I have a favorite bar. There's like anywhere that's just an easy hang. I don't want to go downtown. If I go downtown, I'm going just because my friends are there. Typically, if I'm going to a bar, I just like to go someplace that's kind of not super packed. I like space like I can move around a bit having a table. Don't need to sit at it. Like dive bar or I prefer sitting at the bar

like a dive bar is my favorite type of bar. Live band would be great. Live band would be great. Not live comedy. God do I not want to go to a bar and there's live comedy there. Oh man. If I saw live comedy at a bar that i went to i might heckle just because i'm like this needs to stop now you're gonna quit what's your favorite

bar uh i like sugar maple a lot sugar maple is fun it's just like a like a lot of beers i'm a big brewery fan now it's just like i get older and I just want to like give me some like I love Indeed. I like just like hang. Oh I don't. It's it's a that's why you won't date him.

It looks like a German cafeteria. That's a good that's a good way to put it. It doesn't. I also love a good rooftop. I will.

Oh yeah. I will mess up a rooftop. What's the place on top of the German? Outsider. Outsider. I like Outsider. Great. That's like $20 for a drink. El doesn't? Outsider. Great. It's like $20 for a drink.

El Cervo. You've been to that. Top of the trade. Outside Pfizer. This is just, you know, I'm Milwaukee. Just hire us. That's where Rachel and I went

for our date night dinner. By the way, I'm amazing. You left that out? You just, I started talking about it and he started talking about his broken dick. It's important information.

Yeah, broken dick does trump your... I don't care about your candlelit dinner. Exactly. I'm talking about my genitals. But great Italian food. They have sourdough, like wood-fire pizza. These dry-aged meatballs. They're the size of yours.

And then... Used to be. They're the size of yours. And then fried artichokes. They're not the same anymore. Do you like making homemade pizzas? Do you like making homemade pizzas? Can we get a little weird? Not drunk, but like ask me something weird. Oh, ask me something weird.

Have you ever had a dream about yourself? Most dreams I have. I don't stay asleep long enough. What? I wake up. What are you? I have insomnia. I have a terrible sleep.

They have cookies for that. Okay. I'm choosing to ignore it. You're sniffing it. Drink it. Because I thought it smelled like poop for a second. All right. First.

Oh, no comment. No reaction. I don't know if that's good or bad. I like no reaction because I don't know what I'm getting into. Oh, then I'm going to turn away. Don't say anything. Don't know what I'm getting into. Oh, then I'm going to turn away. Don't say anything. Get a good sip and then wait for the aftertaste. Okay.

Tastes like something. tastes like something let's just move on to the next topic so anyways that was something so you don't dream um i dream it's just not very often it's very short like i like i don't know if you guys have dreams you're like i was like doing all this shit very rarely does that happen um and it's hard for me to remember a lot of them but i wake up i used to not be able to fall asleep and then i would wake up a bunch as well and that's from working at a bar now i can fall asleep pretty easily it's just staying asleep that's an issue i will

toss and turn even my 23 and me says you have a higher percent chance or you're very likely to be a sleep mover what like i your 23 and me did that yeah i moved from giving your sample uh yeah oh i was supposed to do semen? That's what you did wrong. No one knows our semen don't sleep. Those boys are up all night partying. I sleep like this. I sleep like this.

I fall asleep on my back and then I'll roll side to side. I wake up at like 2 or 3 and then I roll over. I sometimes sleep like King Tut. Yeah, I do too. I used to never sleep like that. I used to sleep on my stomach, but then I got drunk so much and passed out on couches where I'd cover my eyes so I couldn't see.

It just became a thing, which is not good. How many pillows? Do you like your head up? I have three pillows. One right here, one over my face when I put my arm here, and then one just right here and I put my other hand on top of it. I'm going to be honest, that's fucking weird. Yeah, that's cool.

You just make a cocoon of pillows? Yeah, well, there's a pillow that starts here and then there's a pillow that ends here. So, like,

there's plenty of space. But I don't like any sun. And I have eye masks, but sometimes I don't. I feel like putting them on when I'm tired. And then I have just one by my hand.

And I have, I don't buy new pillows. I have the same pillows I've had forever. Yeah. Because they're this thin. And then I have just one by my head. And I don't buy new pillows. I have the same pillows I've had forever. Yeah. It's the perfect. It's the perfect. Oh, I have three bamboo pillows on my bed. They're amazing.

I heard those are good. Yeah, my pillows, I don't know where I got them from. They just appeared. I don't have the mic in my face when I saw that. Did I not have the mic by my mouth when I was talking about pillows? It might have been. Yeah, probably.

Anyway, he sleeps weird yeah but no i i used used to always be a two pillow guy i like my head like up which isn't good at all um but now i just have one that's kind of thick and i'll lay it flat but i used to have it on an angle and then i even put like my shoulders on the pillow so. I just sit up like a hospital bed. Oh, wow. Wears his grippy socks. My feet are out. He's wearing gowns. Every night, feet are out, up.

I got an IV in. Rachel, tuck me in. I need to go to the bathroom. Good thing she's a nurse. Why do i'm dating her yeah plays into my fantasy can i have my uh what do you have in the beer does it taste like chai tea i think so it does it i feel it um for me like i can't sleep on my shoulders because my pitch with my right one, and I cannot have my arm up. Otherwise, I have to sleep on my back usually.

It sucks. It's being old. Yeah, you're like 40 now. Also, a fun thing is we're going to have Michael try and hit some baseballs. Actually, do you want to do it with me? I will not be able to hit a baseball. Okay. Ten swings.

I get ten strikes. I'll give you ten swings. Ten swings. But caveat is afterwards, I get – so Josh, who was on last week's episode, he gets the pitch, and then I get to put him in goal on a lacrosse cage and just rip shots at him. Ooh, can I do that with him in a hockey net? Yeah, I think we should do all the – What else can we throw at Josh?

Do you think – I don't think I could hit a single ball. Yeah, do you think it's easier, though, to catch like a lacrosse ball or to hit a baseball? Lacrosse ball is weird because you're literally – you're not wearing anything. You just have shin pads. Do they have bigger goalies? If you aren't a baseball. Lacrosse ball is weird because you're literally not wearing anything. You just have shin pads. Do they have bigger goalies?

If you aren't a pussy, what you're wearing for lacrosse is a chest protector, which is basically a bra strap, elbow pads, and a helmet. And gloves. There's nothing waist down. Which is insane. I think some people's nothing waist down. Yeah. Which is insane. I think some people might be wearing hip pads now. The younger kids are wearing baseball shin guards and stuff. Because, I mean, it's a rubber ball.

The catcher? Yeah. That ball is coming at you anywhere from 90 to 105 miles an hour. Yeah, that's scary. Did you ever get clocked at it? No, I play to offense. I've been hit. No, it's really clock your speed. Yeah.

I was telling you the last episode, I think I've clocked in at 93 is my max. What about you? Did I clock your hockey? I don't think it was that serious. I mean, it was middle school. I don't think I did that much. I played lacrosse for winter in high school. I thought I was pretty good, but I wasn't going to do it after college.

Yeah, that's fair. I'm excited. I was thinking because I was finishing editing that episode today. I was like, I should check something. I'd be like, let's do that this weekend. It could be a Monday activity. We got Labor Day off. We could be a Monday activity. We just got Day off. We could be a Monday activity.

We just got to find a lacrosse goal, lacrosse pads. I have the balls and sticks. What does a lacrosse goal look like? Smaller hockey? Smaller than a hockey goal. Yeah. It's not smaller than a hockey goal. Lacrosse goal?

Yeah. No, it's not. It's taller. It's 6x6. Let's see what a hockey goal is. I think it... But it's not like... It's 6x6. Let's see what a hockey goal is. I think it's... A hockey goal is not 6x6. A hockey goal is not taller than the goalie.

Oh, no, it's not taller. But I would say wider. Let's settle this debate. Because what's the... How the hell are you... It's a theme song. How the hell are you stopping pucks? 6x4.

See how hard it is? Six by four. Six by four. Six by four. But how the hell are you stopping a rubber ball come shooting at you if you're not wearing pads like a hockey... Hockey goalies have so many pads. But don't they have a stick, right?

Yeah. The thing is, the goalie on any team, the goalie on any team is the weirdest motherfucker on the team. They just weren't good enough to actually play, so they're just in that pretty much. You're like the offensive lineman. But they're crazy. They're usually fat. Our goalie in high school was really good, but he went to yo-yo competitions. That's weird.

That's weird. It's like Matthew Mandy. I don't know who that is. It's a Madison comic. He does yo-yo. He's like matthew mandy i don't know who that is it's a madison comic he does yo-yo he's like like really good and uh i've never wanted to talk to him about it because it's yo-yo i'm like stuck in a yo-yo conversation they're all waiting for someone to be like finally someone's asked me about it i have so much to tell like oh look at this eiffel tower and they're like well no i i've I've seen impressive what it's cool.

Shoot. I've seen videos of him like being in like a hotel lobby for like the competition and kids are all around him and he's walking the dog or whatever he's doing with this stuff, you know, like and it's like they're impressed. So I am also impressed, I guess. Yeah. I mean, I would never be able to do it. I would be able to do it.

Everyone can yo-yo. If you've had enough time yo-yoing, you can do everything. It's like I could be the world champ yo-yo player, whatever the fuck that is. But there's no way I'm going to be putting myself down in a three-point stance in the NHL. Why are you in a three-point stance? It's because of my linemen, buddy. My linemen. In the NHL?

I said NFL. You said NFL. You did say NHL. Well, I meant NFL. We all know what we're fucking talking about here. We didn't. That's why we were questioning you. Do you think NFL is the hardest league?

No. Well, I think it's the hardest on your body physically-wise. I think hardest league basketball is pretty freaking hard, I would say. That's a lot of games. I can dribble. No, you can't. 82 games. Okay, if you want me to say baseball, it's not happening.

It's not baseball. Sorry, buddy. Hardest sport there is. Hardest sport there is. It's the laziest sport. You see 80 guys on the bench just spitting seeds and putting their gloves on their heads for hats. They don't do shit.

It's just a team of the luckiest guys on their high school team. That's all it is. But being able to play pro in any sport, I would choose baseball because of that. No. If you're going to be pro in one sport, what would it be? Basketball. Basketball? Oh, no.

Soccer, dude. Soccer. Those people, they're gods to those people. Are you the greatest? If I was a soccer player over here. Are you the greatest in this sport? Because this has been a low tier. If I'm Messi, do you know Messi has his own bodyguard that follows him? Yeah. Are you the greatest in this sport? Because this has been a load here.

Do you know Messi has his own bodyguard that follows him on the field? That's what I want to be. Just follow me everywhere I go. There are two answers to this question. It's soccer or golf. Golf. But baseball? Because golf is everyone can do golf.

Not well. No, but I'm saying everyone can golf. Yes, but if you're going to be a professional and you're going to be mid to high tier, longevity-wise, you're going to play golf the longest. I mean, there's a senior tour. People are 70. There's a lady in the LPGA, I just saw this, who just broke her age. She's 84 and shot an 80. And she probably made $100,000 golfing for four hours.

But also for you to be in the PGA versus what we do on the course here is so much different. You're not driving in a cart. It's a five-hour round every time. Yeah. It's like saying, throwing the football around on Thanksgiving and being like, that's professional football. It's like the same going by seeing someone golf really well on the course here.

Like, oh, yeah, he's got to be a professional golfer. No. There's so much more into it and the courses are wild too the courses are way way harder yeah no but in terms of money soccer like if you're messy i mean that that's one of the richest motherfuckers on this planet yeah they have that influence but they treat him and tiger they're the the people that are like but ronaldo or messy Or all these soccer players Like they will forever

David Beckham Will not have to work a day in his life Well now there's LeBron James True True He's going to He's executive producing of everything Yeah he wants

Because he wants Because he's a businessman Not only is he great on the court But he's great off the court That's what Michael Jordan I promise That's what Michael Jordan was there like. The kid from Akron.

I think with golf too, though, if you retire from golf and you're at the top of your game, you can still go play that sport you enjoyed casually, wherever you want. You're LeBron James and you retire. How many places can he just go like, oh, I want to go play basketball today?

He's not going down to the Y. He'll pick up with all of his guys. Yeah. MJ did that. Kobe did that. I would not want to play pickup with LeBron James. No. No, but it would be with his friends who also play professional.

Yeah. Can someone else drink this? I'm not drinking any of that. Why? I'm drinking Cayman Jack. Guess what? It tastes better. But this is a Chai Amber from downtown. Actually, it that is a good beer but it's a lot yeah

it's why I need help yeah pour into a glass and that might help you it's it's a good tasting beer good tasting beer but too much. Fine. Wait, where are we? You really tricked me into that one. You got me again. God damn it. All right. Where are we at? Should we finish this bitch? Yeah, we're about an hour in.

Probably an hour in. Close to. Good for us. I know. We're so good. You enjoy coming back? You think you're going to be ready for next week? Should we start?

I kind of want to get as many of these in. But when do you move? When are you getting the fuck out of here? And where are you moving? Denver, Texas. It's looking like it might be end of October. So you got two months. Two months.

Well, if we're going to the Tiki Bar, we might as well just bring the cameras. Make sure you bring your SD cards're going to the Tiki Bar, we might as well just bring the cameras. Yeah. Make sure you bring your SD cards. Live from the Tiki Bar. Do you think anyone will pay us to do one of these live? No. No. Absolutely not.

Is there a sock convention? No one will pay us to do them now. We're close, actually. We're actually, technically, every TikTok I post, we get paid. We're getting pennies. if we get the subscriber count up on youtube that'll start paying us that will be additional no that'll be dollars has that been off the entire time no okay check because i was whispering i was like man it would be weird if i was whispering. Is it supposed to be on? I always turn it off when I'm making noises with my mouth.

And then Kuski gets nervous that I'm going to leave the mic off the whole time. You're going to. I haven't done it yet. I haven't done it yet. All right. Should I look at my little? Yeah. Guys, come to the golf voting. It's going to be fun.

Golf voting technically is next week if you're watching this. Guess what's happening to golf voting for me? Guess what? My mom wanted to do Christmas September 16th. What? Yeah. So I'm trying to get it so Christmas starts really late and I'm there for the golf. Are we calling bullshit on this yet?

I'm not kidding. I am not kidding. I was so pissed. hold on why it's there's christmas in july there's christmas on fucking christmas leaving she's leaving for the family she's leaving for arizona and she's not going to come back for christmas why don't you go to arizona she doesn't want me to does she love you is she your mom are you adopted i'm not adopted she is alive this is real this is real i will show you Is she your mom? Are you adopted? I'm not adopted. Is she alive? She is alive. This is real.

This is real. I will show you in me. What's your mom's name? Bruce. Mary Patricia. What does she look like? Like me with smaller boobs. Hot.

That's hot. Six stash, Mary. How come you just decided to do Christmas? She told me two weeks ago, too. That's weird. Are you an only child? And she doesn't want you to visit her in Arizona. Do you think she has another family in Arizona?

Her boyfriend is going down there, and I don't know. Do you think she's got another family? I don't think she's real. With better kids? My mom's real. I just want to be here. Jack, don't come back't go don't come down here because she has a better family i think everyone wants me to come down that's what i think it is do you like her boyfriend he's nice you don't think she wants you to come down from from now till december well he's

building his house so it's like a they won't in the house yet. You can get an Airbnb. That's correct. You're telling me there isn't a portion of that house where you can do Christmas? I'd rather you do Christmas on Halloween. Okay? That makes more sense than doing it September 16th. I know. I know.

It's the most fucking insane thing ever. Did you already do Thanksgiving? No, we won't do Thanksgiving. Well, then you can't do Christmas. We've got to go up there this weekend. You know what you have to do on the 14th Halloween, on the 15th Thanksgiving? My goal is to be there for the helping you guys set up, and then the golfing, and then I've got to get out. Okay.

That's fair. Whatever happened to those two teams you're going to get? I think one of them is Caden, and I thought he signed up. Yeah, he signed up. That was your team? My friend? I got a few. Well, I didn't know he was going with them.

So I was asking if the guys that were at my bachelor party, if they all wanted to put one together. Was Caden at your bachelor party? Mm-hmm. And then. Are you upset we didn't get invited? I didn't even know he was getting married. You know he has a mom?

I have a mom! We don have a mom we don't know we don't know but yeah so i'm trying to figure out that situation but his bachelor party was in what town it's legend lake i don't know the town of it town of it oh shano yeah well not shano but close yeah again i know so i go up i because i grew up up there that's where i go that's where i was born and up up there. That's where I grew up. That's where I was born and raised, up there. Oh, man. You could have shown us

the land. I could have used the best bars to go to. You guys should have went to Brothers. I might have been in my second and third one. You should have went

to Brothers. I know some classy people that went to Brothers. We didn't go to any bar. We went to the casino, but we just got drunk on the lake. North Star or?

We went to North Star and there's another one. Menominee. We went to Menominee I think on Thursday and then we went to whichever one's the biggest one was on Saturday.

Casino. So we went there. And the North Star is the one that's smokeless I believe. Oh, then we were at North Star because there's a small, small one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Ho-Chunk. So we went to Ho-Chunk and then we went to North Star. Yeah, there's three. Jack, theme song bing bing bing bing bing bing

bing bing bing bing bing and that's the end of the episode guys bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing

bing bong bing bong bing bong Merry Christmas everybody goodnight happy new year