Fat Chance Podcast - Hot Boy Summer #2

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

Still doing that golf tournament, still showing our feet...

There was one girl who, to get out of gym class and running, she would just yell at the top of her lungs, I'M PREGNANT! When she was not. That was... He's smart though. I know, she got out of every half mile we had to run. Like it just happens. There's no way that girl's playing dodgeball.

Hot Boy Summer is really wrecking you guys. I'm hurting today. I'm just slow. Yeah, I've been just sluggish. Yeah, your brain feels like hazy. Yeah, I mean, the whole day I either sat on the couch or made food, so it's not like I was really active. Yeah. I went to Costco, had some good food, so it's not like I was really active. Yeah.

I went to Costco, had some good samples, got myself some chicken tikka masala. The sample guy got me good. I don't know if I've ever really gotten anything from the samples. Oh, I've acted like I've needed to get things from him all the time. It's like, oh, what's this pizza called? Oh, yeah, yeah. Always pretending to be super interested. You pretend to be interested.

What aisle is that on? It's like, it's Always pretending to be super interested. You pretend to be interested. What aisle is that on? He's like, it's right here. Oh, Eggo Pancakes? Yeah. Yeah. I think I know where that is. But this guy swore me because he was like, hey, you don't have to pay for lunch if you just hang out here.

And I was like, all right, what do you got for me? And he just kept giving me all these different flavors of Indian food that you could just microwave. I was like, I have to buy something now. It was so good, too. Good for you. But I was like, I have to buy something now. It was so good too. But I was like, you got me. You bastard. I want to get right into it for him.

Have you looked at the video that we posted at all? Which one? About you peeing? Some of it, not all of it. Have you looked on the TikTok at all? So let's go. This is what happened. So we posted a TikTok.

What? When you posted? Two days ago. Two days ago. What happened? We have entered a new community. Yeah. Feet people?

We went past the feet people. We've now entered into what I would say a piss fetish. Oh, okay. Okay. So here are some of the comments of the TikTok video that you're in telling everyone that you would have an alarm to make yourself pee. This is from Banker Bro. It says, I'm just a bullseye smiley face. That's bananas.

I'll pee. Steve R. goes, let's's go heart eyes emoji These have to be bots These are Kushitsumi Which is a great name by the way He says He just needs a friend i'm a p friend

what is going on uh the the one that like got me and i was like i don't know what is happening that i saw first was this one from e pascal it just said me next And it was the lip biting emoji. And then there's one that TikTok thought was too bad that it like. It censored it. Yeah, I saw that one too. So we can only see it, but no one else can see it. And it says, okay, I'm going to admit this, but I got a little turned on. You know what they classified it as? It's like, it looks like a comment that was already made.

Oh, no. Yeah, and then we got some weird ones on the YouTube, too. Okay, so this is all about me peeing the bed. This is mostly about you peeing the bed, but also the YouTube is... YouTube's feet. I did see a feet one about when Jack curls his toes. I was like, that's fucked up. The first comment is after me of how tan I was.

Yeah. It's like an easy to find. He's in the dark corner part. Yeah. But then Michael Frank says, I love Michael's socks. That's it. He does it on every episode. I'm convinced that's one of my friends.

It has to be. And he's being real frank about it. And then Tinker1148. Tinker's my favorite. Yeah, Tinker1148 always says, when Jack is wiggling his toes right in the camera,

sensorily overload. Tinker, if you could just reach out to us. Yeah. That'd be great. I'll paint my toes for the next time we record. We should have you paint them on the podcast. Ooh, what color should we paint Jack's toes?

We? I'm not touching his feet. I got good feet for a guy. What does that mean? Feet are my... I've been telling you, I got good man feet. You probably do have good feet, but I don't like feet. They're sweaty right now.

You wouldn't want to touch them. If they were clean. Tinker my shower, I wouldn't want to touch them. If I... My sweaty, pee-filled feet just hit everyone. It's wild that we've moved

into, like, all the fetish. We're going to get every fetish we want. Yeah, which one do you really want? Like, if you could pick any fetish that was like, these are our people. I want to know what the furries are like. What are the furries?

Oh, that furry's great. It'd be just like a lot of like, meow. So it's just like, that's all the comments are. It's just, meow. Have you had like a real interaction with a furry before? Like in high school, but they weren't full-fledged furries. They just wore tails. And I didn't have a lot of interactions with them.

But. What? Back it up. Wait. They just wore tails. And I didn't have a lot of interactions with them. But... What? Back it up. Wait. They just wore tails in high school? Yeah. Oh. I thought that was like a fetish you developed later on.

No, because, I mean, this was like, this was before people like started going by, you know, oh, I'm a dog now. Like what we're seeing now where everyone dresses up, where people are dressed up like dogs and like lick bowls. Yeah. It was just like some kids would wear cat ears and tails. And you just would generally stay away from them because they were off leash.

You know what I mean? We had a wolf girl. She would howl underneath her desk. Yeah. It was interesting. What? Yeah. She would only draw pictures of wolves and whatnot on her always wolf t-shirt.

We get it. I've never had that in my high school and we had some people weird people there was one girl who to get out of gym class and running she would just yell at the top of her lungs i'm pregnant when she was not that was smart though i know she got out of every half mile it just run. There's no way that girl's playing dodgeball. I've said on here before, I had a lady come into the bar I worked at. And she, I think, I don't know if she was a furry, but the drug she was on made her a furry for that night. She had what I thought was like a tablecloth as a skirt, ears and a tail.

And she came in bartending. She looks at me. She goes, hi, meow. I'm like, oh, we're going to do this. She goes, hi, mom. Can I have a tail and she came in bartending she looks at me she goes hi meow i'm like oh we're gonna do this she goes hi mom can i have a rum and coke meow i go what'd you say goes rum and coke meow please thank you meow i'm like too much i would love for like she asked for my hand so she could lick it did you let her no come. And then she started purring at the end of the bar when she got her drink. I'm like, okay. I looked at the rest of the staff and go, let's watch out for this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She finds a guy who's equally as fucked up at the door and starts doing that cat thing where they rub their head. She's doing it into his chest. What did he do? He just started sucking face with her. Oh. Imagine that guy getting back to her place and she's like, can you wear this? And just puts on like a hat. Or the floor is just litter.

Oh, yeah. Everything's like just sand on your feet. Hey, I need to use the restroom. Where is it at? The litter box is in the corner. Closet. Check my closet. So what kind of fetish would you want to get into?

I think furry was a perfect answer. I'm trying to think of other fetishes. It is. So what kind of fetish would you want to get into? I think furry was a perfect answer. I'm trying to think of other fetishes that... Because you want a fetish that's interesting and not alarming. Furry's interesting. Furry's interesting. I want to meet... I think they're all interesting. Yeah, I would like to meet the baby people.

Like the grown adults that love acting like babies. I would stay away from those poop i would go poop fetish poop fetish no i'm out on that one the baby ones like but they want a mama right or i don't know they just they just want someone to baby them i think yeah they want a but they act like babies they wear diapers and all that shit they do shit themselves probably they have the diapers yeah Yeah, do they? Yeah, I mean,

you'd think you'd use them. You put them on. If you get them, you're using them. Can you imagine? If I put on a diaper, I'm gonna use it. Yeah,

if I need to, Jesus. Can you imagine being that one grown person? If I put a diaper on, I'm gonna fucking use it. Absolutely. It's like when you're in middle school

and you buy your first condom, you're like, I have to jerk off with this on now. I need to know what this feels like. You know, do you guys do that? I don't think I did. Absolutely. It's like when you're in middle school and you buy your first condom and you're like, I have to jerk off with this on now. I need to know what this feels like. Do you guys do that? I don't think I did.

I never did. You guys didn't know what you were working with. I knew what I was getting into the first time I put a condom on with a woman. I said, this is going to suck.

You couldn't even get excited about losing your virginity. Yeah, you couldn't even get excited about losing your virginity. I thought you'd buy it and you'd put it on right away. And just like go to school and be like, it's going to be awesome. What if we have sex later? No, I just remember going, I was at a hockey tournament and one of my buddies and I, we

found like one of those like dispensers in the bathroom and we like had like quarters and we're like, let's buy just a bunch of condoms. And then for the first one, we like pulled it out and like throw it at someone and be like, this smells gross. Cause they all smell like shit. They're all just so gross. It's latex. Gas station.

You also bought a gas station for 25 cents. And then we each took another one home, and I was like, well, now I'm curious. I want to know what this is like. And I just remember being there. Typically, if I don't have anything covering my wiener and I'm doing it, I can get like that. If someone was knocking on the door,

or someone put their key into the door, and I could hear them turning it, and I started right as they put their key in the door, I could probably finish before they opened the door. You mean like finish having sex? No, masturbating. Oh, masturbating. You could just like that?

Yeah, with no condom on. And then with the condom on, I was sitting there, and I was just like, okay, this sucks. I think I'm just going to go to bed at this point. Did you lube up the condom?, I was sitting there and I was just like, okay, this sucks. I think I'm just going to go to bed at this point. Did you lube up the condom? It was already pre-lube.

Why would you finish if they're coming in the door? I'm saying I could probably do it in that amount of time. I'm saying in that amount of time, I could do it. I'm done. I'm saying it could be just as easy as turning a key. I think I could be able to do that to myself. I know my body. Imagine Jack and chefs in five.

Hands up. Just a mess everywhere. We're done. You did glaze the salmon. What do you have for us today, chef? Semen. And my hello. What, have you been watching Bear?

Or what? Over there. I have, actually. I just finished the second season. I can tell. Have you seen the menu? No, it looks good. Isn't it kind of dark?

It's good. Watch it. I don't want to spoil too much, but there's a lot of... Yes, chef. Is it with the guy from Shameless? The bear. It's the bear. It's the bear.

It's the bear. Jeremy Allen White, I think his name is. I heard he's dating Selena Gomez. Wow. I actually saw one of those rumor mill things, too. I know. It all comes full circle. Hey, I watched your show.

She watched mine. Let's meet up. Let's make a date. Come to the golf audience September 16th. Big Ben, Wisconsin. Any news from the improv? No, I have not gotten anything back from them yet. I would probably.

I'm assuming a no. I'm going to have to bother him. He just won't respond back for a while. Because he'd be the fourth and final. Oh, yeah. You got three already? Yeah, we got three. I'll get on him a little bit.

I might expand it to six. If you can, yeah. We, you got three already? Yeah, we got three big ones already. Okay, I'll get on them a little bit heavier. I might expand it to six. If you can, yeah. We could. We could. And just make it like the big hole, one of the big holes be like the closest to the pin and the longest drive, but. Yeah. We can do some fun stuff.

I mean. Shop talk. It's gonna be a blast. I do have something to tell you guys. Last time I was here, I was eating lemon drops. Oh, we're just back to say that enough? I'm back. I'm back. tell you guys. Last time I was here, I was eating lemon drops.

Are we just back to saying that? I'm back. Oh, you mean that dumb idea you thought of? That was 10 days. I think I thought three days after. Do you want a lemon? I got a lemon for you. I'm not going to suck on a lemon. I got these now, dude.

What are they? Poaches? Yeah. What is that brand? Rogue. Do you also get that at Costco? Why is it a weird brand? Well, it's a good brand. It's a good brand?

Yeah, it's the best version. Best flavor. My dad's a grizzly wintergreen guy. That's what I am, yeah. And I like the smell. I think it's gross, but I love the smell. Well, if you look at the size smell. I think it's gross, but I love the smell. Well, if you look at the size of the pouches versus like Zin's, way larger, better flavor.

Gives you a little burn on the lip if you need it. You notice it's – How about everyone put one in? How about we have everyone put one in? I've never – Nope. Nope. We're not going to get you guys to put one in. If you've done it before and were able to handle it, I would absolutely get you.

By the end of the summer, we're just chain smoking cigarettes. Can't see anything. You notice his voice got deeper and he got really excited the minute he put it in. Let me tell you about how they're bigger. It almost sounded like an ad. They're the best. Sponsored by Rogue. I wish.

I would love to be sponsored by Rogue. So they're better than Zen? We can reach out. Better than Zen, better than I Do you want to reach out to them? We can ask if they want to sponsor a whole We could just have They could send us a bunch of pouches

Yeah That'd be sick We can do it We'll tag them Yeah Rogue I've been a fan of yours since Literally I had to go to like the one gas station that sold it

When I was You abandoned that ad so quickly No, I'm going into it. I'm coming back. I'm coming back. This is a personal endorsement. This is what they pay big money for. They want the story.

You've got to pitch to Rogue. In three, two... Rogue. I've been a fan of yours since the beginning. Anyone that has Zinner on, I slap that shit out of their hands and I go, you need to get Rogue Better flavor Just a little bit of tingling in your lip That's all you really want when you're putting in a lip That's all you need

And then the volume of nicotine in each pouch Just makes it feel like you're actually using Tobacco It's the best It's absolutely the best flavor And it's in the metal tins That's all you fucking need, really. That's all you need.

When I heard better flavor, I thought you were going to go better flavor, better pizza. Papa John's. Rogue. Better flavor. I thought you were going that route. Better flavor. Better nicotine. Better nicotine.

Rogue. You don't say the N-word. Rogue. How crazy is that? We were so good on the ad until then. Dude. That was a great ad until he said the N-word. How crazy was that Papa John's got caught for saying the N-word

and was like, well, Colonel Sanders says it. Colonel Sanders is literally the guy that made up the N-word. Yeah. I think it's a good thing for my next thing that I wrote. We can go in It's called Jack Sir is always A crazy person

I need to come up with games Thank god I'm not getting Rejected I need to come up with games So you guys are gonna Have to guess what context Jack is saying These things about

Okay Oh So I have a bunch of Like sayings that Jack has said And you have to tell me what the context is of this. Did you find these on the internet? Yeah, I found these on the internet.

Okay. God's gift. I'm God's gift to gaming. I'm God's gift to gaming. I'm the best at this. So Twitch streaming? Yeah, God's gift to gaming. All right.

I would say it absolutely belligerently drunk. How about I guess, and then you let me know. Okay, all right. Yeah, I think that's better. Let's get gritty. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. I know that one.

Let's get gritty. Is he talking about the mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers? This was a Twitter? Is this a tweet? No. No? It was a slogan. It's a slogan for what?

There's more to it. There's more to it. First half of the slogan. I actually sold a mug. Our friend, our mutual slogan. It's a slogan for what? There's more to it. There's more to it. First half of the slogan. I actually sold a mug. Our friend, our mutual friend. Is it a coffee brand? No. No?

But one of our friends, our mutual friend, the one that just got married. Oh, okay. He bought a mug with this slogan on it, and he drinks coffee out of it every day. And the slogan is? Let's get gritty. Let's get gritty, litty, and shitty. And that's what I would do on the Hard Selfish stream. I would touch some tits.

I thought it was just like a shitty coffee brand. Let's get gritty because we didn't do the grounds well enough. We forgot the filter, but drink it. In what context do you think Jack said this? Do you think I can handle all that volume? I know this one. Is this a porn search. It's talking about my peeing.

Because he got done drinking while gaming. He was like shotgunning. A shotgun to 24 ounces of White Claw. These are all going to be gaming, aren't they? Yeah, they are. This is worse than getting a daughter. I don't know that one.

When you got engaged? No. No, when you... That's funny. This is when you tried a Bud Light seltzer that was peppermint. That's so good. There was a peppermint Bud Light seltzer? Yeah, it was the flavor pack. It was like the Christmas pack. Wow, they were gay before this whole shit. It was the Christmas pack. It was so good. Wait, hold on. There was a peppermint Bud Light seltzer? Yeah, it was the flavor pack.

It was like the Christmas pack. Wow, they were gay before this whole shit. It was the Christmas pack. It was so good. That ginger snap was good. Well, he also said, Bud Light, the most delicious beer ever. That's a quote of Jack Sersoff. Is that your go-to light beer?

Yeah, absolutely. It's water. That's the point. They go down so easy. Wait, what's your beer then? Coors. Coors. Coors is good. Same thing. Miller's Bottom. That was the point. They go down so easy. Wait, what's your beer then? Coors. Coors. Coors is the just as good.

Same thing. Miller's Bottom. That was Bush Light. I grew up on Bush Light. Bush Light's good too. I didn't know Bush Light was a thing until... College. College, yeah.

When did you start drinking? College. Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. That checks out. No, my first case of beer I ever had had like i brought with me to college was a 24 pack of miller genuine draft jesus and i put it in the the bottom of my drawer under my clothes

because i thought they would do like searches they don't no they don't there was still the genuine draft when i left it was so gross I smuggled two leopard geckos into my dorm freshman year. Tulupa and Gordita. They died because they both had gout. How'd they get gout? I don't know. We probably didn't have

the right terrarium, if I'm being honest. We got drunk and ordered these two leopard geckos from Ohio. They're rare. You know, the classic place where you get geckos from? Ohio. I thought it was weird, too. Where do you get your exotic geckos from Ohio. They're rare. You know, the classic place where you get geckos from? Ohio.

I thought it was weird, too. Where do you get your exotic animals? Yeah, Indiana. I'm a Kentucky guy. I got my kangaroos from Indiana. Leopard geckos from Ohio. Yeah. And they were called what?

Chalupa and gordita, after Taco Bell. Those are great. And they died from gout? Yeah. One of them had gout and couldn't move. And the other one... What is gout? It's something with your feet.

Yeah, like your joints. Too much red meat. Your joints get too big. Your joints... Oh, fuck yeah. I don't have gout. Tinker. Just half his foot.

Tinker 1148. No gout on these peas. But... We're going to get some furries, dude. Some pig furries. Okay, if we were furries, what would our animals be? That's a good one. What would our animals be? I want to say I'd be something majestic, but I wouldn't.

I would be so lame and be like Catered. I'd go monkey. Monkey would be cool, but that's basically just a hairy human I'm gonna pick a cow and be like Milk me baby Definitely I like that You should just be the gecko

No cause they're like Creepy I'd have to like walk on walls and shit I would say I'd be a rabbit A rabbit would be cool How would you cosplay that? walk on walls and shit. I would say I'd be a rabbit. A rabbit would be cool. Or a pig. How would you cosplay that?

It's a rabbit. Would you put like a like a cotton ball on your ass? You put a cotton ball it'd probably be a butt plug if I'm being honest. Yeah that makes sense. There's no other way to do it. It has to be a butt plug.

Only only logical reason. Be large be a large puffy tail and then I would have ears. Would you go Easter Bunny ears or like They'd be more for Jack Rabbit. More Jack Rabbit I would have ears. Would you go Easter Bunny ears or like?

It'd be more Jackrabbit. More Jackrabbit. Agile. As you can tell, Jackrabbit. I'd be an agile rabbit. Yeah, I feel like I can't go monkey then. You're right, that it's just a hairy human. Yeah, you could just act normal.

You would just have to throw shit a little bit less. You know what I mean? Jungle cat, one of them. Okay. Yeah. Like a tiger. I can see that. You chose a cool one.

You got to earn your stripes. Can I take my back? I would like to be a falcon. I can't do a panther. Why not? A black panther? Can't do that. That's true.

You're a white panther. Yeah. You'd be a polar bear. Ooh. But you're not a bear if anything penguin penguin would be sweet just slide on my stomach i'm here for that the person that i sat next to on the airplane to fly back uh this morning was wearing a penguin suit like he like had a full onesie penguin. What the fuck is happening to me? But he was like a younger kid, so I let it pass. Oh, yeah. Let's start with that.

How old was he? Six? No, he was like 16. Do you want to see a shitty screensaver? No, I just want to see where we're at with time. Do you need to get out of here? No, I was like looking at the time, like checking. Probably 20 minutes?

Yeah. Did you not read it on there when i said it you didn't say it 21 33 he took a glimpse then pretended he didn't look yeah everyone knows cows can't read time rabbits care yeah because they're fast. What, so, did you have animals growing up? I had, kind of, I had fish. Because my mom was allergic to everything, so we couldn't get anything. I got a guinea pig.

And then we eventually had to get rid of that. Had a cat when I was growing up, but that cat was a dick to me. Didn't like me because all the attention from my parents after I was born went to me. And so the cat would, like, hiss at me and try to, like, kind of get after me. So my parents had to get rid of it. As soon as my mom popped me out, she was allergic to cats after that because pregnancy can like mess up allergies.

So I got rid of that. And then I ended up getting a four pound Maltese dog. His name is Yoda. Four pound. You got an interesting family. What? It was just me. You got a name? Yeah. Well, yeah, like Star Wars. You're an interesting guy. I'm an interesting guy. What? It was just me. Is it named?

Yeah. Well, yeah, like Star Wars. You're an interesting guy. I'm an interesting guy. I like Star Wars. Did you name it? Oh. Yoda, and then...

I mean, don't you have Star Wars tattoos? Yeah, I have a lightsaber on my leg. Qui-Gon Jinn. Liam Neeson. Where, on your leg? Inside? Right here, yeah. Wait, from Taken?

Yeah. From Taken. No, that's not my lightsaber. Is that the purple one? No, it's the green one. That's Samuel L. Jackson. You're mistaking Liam Neeson and Samuel L. Jackson, dude. I'm just finding out that both of those people are in Star Wars.

He grew up on a farm. Samuel L. Jackson was, yeah. He didn't want the same colors as everyone, so he went up to the director and he's like, give me a purple one. They're like, when Samuel L. Jackson asked for a purple lightsaber, you give him a purple lightsaber. That's what they said. And on his lightsaber, it said bad motherfucker on it.

What color lightsaber would you have? Green. Green? Yep. I always thought the blue was the coolest one. Green was my favorite color. Just blue is my favorite color. Blue is my favorite color, yeah.

I've never seen them, so. You've never seen Star Wars? Does it matter? No, it's okay. I'm not going to be honest. No, like, does the colors matter? Red is bad, and every other color is good, for the most part. Oh, okay's okay. I'm not going to be wild. No, like, does the colors, like, matter? Red is bad, and every other color is good for the most part. Oh, okay.

Okay. But blue and green were the only ones, and Samuel L. Jackson's like, give me fucking purple one. So they gave him purple one. Which is pretty cool. But then high school, my dad told me about turtle races in college when he went to Madison. And so I went and picked up four turtles and

had all my friends over to drink rum that I found. Actually, my buddy wanted a white elephant so he got drunk off his little thing of rum and raced turtles. One of them escaped. We could never find him. We ended up finding it later and it was just a skeleton in a shell.

We released the other three into the middle of the Wisconsin wilderness in the winter because we'd we'd like i like that you're just so good like i'm gonna go get a pet today that's usually like a four decision my mom was gonna go buy four of them four turtles my mom was pissed they were like i was hissing and we didn't i didn't want to spend the money in a terrarium so i got a like a storage like tupperware container you those big ones, and just fill it up with water. It was not heated, so the turtles were freezing. So a week later, I was like,

these turtles aren't moving. I'll tell you what we're not going to get is PETA. But then I went and I got an actual tank, and one of them somehow got out of the tank, so we put a cover over it after that. You erased them? Yeah, we put a cover over it after that. You raced them? Yeah, we did it. We made a cardboard circle.

And they all start on a target. I mean, depending on if they were active. If they weren't sitting in cold water for a week, they were pretty fast. Summertime, they were quick. They were really fast in the summertime. But they would bite and they were mean. What did you name them? So one was named Spotted Dick after the sponge cake, of course.

The other one that bit people we just called her bitch. And then we named one Zelda and Big B. And that was after my mom went by Zelda to people that she didn't want to sleep with that she met at the bar. And all my friends called my dad Big B. There's a lot to unpack B. There's so much. There's a lot to unpack there. There's a lot to unpack there. I want to address the Zelda, your mother.

Did she like the video game? No, she just thought it was a weird enough name where guys would get the hint that she didn't think, she wasn't into them, so they would leave her alone. Zelda. She was like, my name is Zelda. If I went up to a girl and I was like, hey, what's your name? Do you want to drink? She's like,'s like my name is zelda and like if i went to a girl and i was like hey what's your name like do you want to like drink and she's like yeah my name

is zelda i'd be like i'd be like what's your real name yeah anyone you chose yeah so that's what she did that for i don't i don't like that i don't like that at all the fact that you know that is wild i don't know that much about my parents. I'm an only child. It was weird because you're friends, but they also have to be parents. I learned a lot. I thought I was an adult the whole time I was growing up

because I was just only hanging with adults. That's interesting. I had two little siblings. How many do you have? I have an older brother and a younger sister. A little child. Forgotten one. Always, yeah.

You're not well-loved, are you? Well, I also grew up in a religious family, and my little sister now does mission work overseas, and my older brother... And you tell penis jokes. Yeah, my older brother, he is like... He has a beard and like long hair. So like growing up, there's just doubles pictures of Jason all around on the puddles.

So it was like, yeah. So I'm just the middle one, just forgotten. What do you drink? Every middle drink. What is this? This is a ranch water. Ranch waters are good. They're not bad.

Spicy. I don't like spicy. The only one we got. My favorite drink. I don't know what. Shit just shows up in here. Ranch waters are good. They're not bad. Spicy. I don't like spicy. The only one we got. My favorite drink. I don't know what. Shit just shows up in here. That's a good deal. That's a good magic fridge.

Yeah, it's a great fridge. Have you ever seen the sketch? It's like a British sketch about the magic table. Basically, the magic table is some guy, he goes, every time I put something on this table and go to bed, I come back in the morning and it's gone and put away.

It's the magic table. And he lives with his girlfriend. And he keeps doing it. He goes, this and that. And then all of a sudden, a little bit past the sketch, he calls the police

and the police come and they're like, what's the matter? He goes, my girlfriend's gone. I think she fell asleep on the table. Because... I'm like, what's the matter? He goes, my girlfriend's gone. I think she fell asleep on the table. That's so good.

That's not where I thought that was going. I think she fell asleep on the table. That's great. What else did you get on that clipboard? That was it. I think I had all the weird stuff, and then basically Jack Sarasoli's crazy person stuff. I watched too much videos of you today trying to find crazy stuff.

The fact that you gamed so much and kept shotgunning, like, seltzers. It was ridiculous. How did your tummy take that? Did you catch the one of me throwing up? No, I didn't watch that one. You put that on the internet? It was live stream and I put it on TikTok. I'll show you guys later. We can put it picture in picture.

It's crazy. You're making me edit a lot. I caught it and I just looked at the camera because I knew it was insane that I just threw up all over myself. But I caught you sitting here, and I just looked at the camera like... And I just spit it out of my lap. What do you mean you caught it? And I kept playing.

Because I was in the middle of Warzone. You can't just leave the squad. Do you steal a game a lot? Not as much. I did that a lot because it was during quarantine. And we couldn't see our friends, so we would just play online all the time together and that was when i was living in florida um so we did that a lot and then after like probably like five or six months of streaming and i did a 24-hour stream that was a lot i was like okay i'm kind of done with this

and i'm just playing for the stream at this point. I'm not enjoying it. You also built yourself as God's Gift Gaming. Yeah, I did that when I was fighting, when I was doing the UFC one. God's Gift to drinking, really. Yeah, and you were just chugging these things. Did you drink during the 24-hour one, too? No, I think I had one or two, maybe.

One drink for death. Yeah, one sip for death, two drinks for a kill. Oh, my God. They said, drink for death? I'd be dead. That, two drinks for a kill. Oh my god, they said drink for death? I'd be dead. That's the best part. I would die so much. And then if we won, because it was like Warzone so you have to be the last team.

If we won, we would shotgun. And every one that I played with, it was teams of four. So I would go drop off 24 packs of seltzer to their house so that they were ready. So we'd all just get hammered. So this was just like you were throwing money away doing this. Yeah, it was so much fun, though. It was so much fun.

I can't talk. I have all this. Make it a whole lot. Are you telling me we're not killing it right now? Come on. Once we get the furries involved, we'll be fine. Furries, the baby people. We need one more fetish.

What's yours? I said shit. Shit. Yeah, find a new one. I think we might get the puking one if you just keep that up. What's yours? I said shit. Shit. Yeah, find a new one. I think I might get the puking one if you just keep that up. I don't like to puke. Everyone puns on fourth down. No one likes to puke.

Do you like to puke when you're drinking? No. I always make myself puke if I have a lot of volume. Yeah, but no one likes it. I think it's really good. I think it's a game changer. I actively try and avoid puking. One of my buddies told me one day, he goes, everyone puns on fourth down.

You'll get the ball back at half. That doesn't make sense. Not a thing. Yeah. No, that doesn't make sense. If you have a lot of volume and you're feeling sick, don't think about this. First of all, what if you receive the ball?

Just to get the ball back later. Just to get the ball back later. What are we talking about? I would make myself throw up if I was feeling sick. You punt. You punt the ball away. You feel good in a little bit right after that. I mean, that saying kind of makes sense.

It makes good sense. How about this? Everyone punts on fourth down. Yeah, stop right there. Yes. The ball back for half the time. Maybe I added that. Maybe I added that. Because he's quite an intelligent young man. That's not how that works. Kuski had one interception.

Let me tell you how football works. Please do. On first down. We'd always defer. Everyone defers. Everyone defers. I remember. Oh, Grimace.

We don't have the white screen up today. I think I showed the white screen up. Oh, I'm going to look super tan. You're going to look so. You want to toss me that remote. Jesus. Did you try to have it slip out of your hair? I was going to try.

I was like, oh, it'd be funny if I just throw it down. That was so close. I sent you in the face. But it didn't. He was quite controlled with his... Controlled-er? Oh, damn it. Did we see what we did there? You're such a fucking...

What were you, a kangaroo? What was your... A cow. I forgot to charge the iPad. I was going to put up the TikTok live thing. Oh, that'd be fun. We just go on our phone. Yeah. Mine. to charge the iPad. I was going to put up the TikTok live thing. And we can just see if anyone. Yeah.

We just go on our phone. Yeah. Whose phone? Mine. Because it's my account. You think it's that many followers? I put my phone on there. There's no one.

I'm just like, maybe if I shotgun one, we'll get more views. That was my motto. When I didn't have enough views, I would shotgun. You want to shotgun one right now? I'm not shotgunning one. I will be in the doghouse.

When's the last time you shotgunned? Does she watch these? No. Then fucking do it. No. I will not do it. You will not bully me into literally a recording of me breaking the rules that she set. That's how we're going to end the podcast.

We're all going to shotgun one live. That's so we're going to end the podcast. We're all going to shock on one life. That's so ridiculous. I can't believe you're doing that. I can't believe they would do that in front of me. I don't like this. I'm not having fun anymore. I'd rather be puking. Maybe if I do puke after doing it.

Can you flip the – I've never done this. How do you do this? That's a good start. It's a good time to figure it out now. Yeah. Figure it. Can you flip the... I've never done this. How do you do this? Well, that's a good start. This is a good time to figure it out now. Yeah. Okay. Mondo liked it. Oh, yeah. Might be a real one off. Hang on, guys. We're just getting all the social medias.

That's all post. Do the post. Go on Instagram live. You want to go Facebook live? Is that a thing? That's a thing. Can you go Facebook live? I think thing that's a thing can you go facebook live i think i tried to stream on facebook once i really don't as much as i want this to work out i don't want people to see any of this at the same time i want people to see everything really everything it's weird time that we're in the like we want to want to capture our lives

all the time i struggle with that yeah i want and all that, but I don't want to take them because it takes away from the actual moment you're in. Like, it bothers... Our buddy went to Zach Bryan. He stayed the night here this weekend, and he's like, I got a video of the concert.

I'm like, please tell me you have less than three or less than five. That's fine. I get it. Like, capture the moment. But what bothered me is he showed me the video.

Every fucking person in the pit had their phone out and we're looking at their phone not looking at it he's right there you're recording it because it's a cool moment watch it with your eyes you're going to remember it so you're not going to look at that video you might watch it tomorrow next time you look at it is when you're

scrolling through looking for pictures, you're like, Oh, I went to Zach Bryant, whatever. And then it's dumb. Watch it with your eyes and take one video that you're,

you have it. It's good. Well, I mean, it's insane. And also like the people that take the photos on vacation and you're like, Oh, you know,

that took 30 shots. Like that was like 30. And they're like, they look, I look at it, but no, we're not taking, take it again. And I'm like, heading back was like 30. And they're like, look at it. But no, take it again. Handing it back to a stranger.

And I'm like, you are wasting the daylight of you on a beach. Everyone likes pictures. I do hate the beach, though. I always say I like pictures. I don't like photo shoots. If it's like, hey, quick, one, done. Call it. Two max, call it.

Doesn't matter how you look. You got your mom in the background. She took pictures while you and your buddies were at the beach when you were a little on spring break or something like that. That's great. I used to bring my camera to some parties, and I'd just put it on the table. I'd go, hey, you want to take a picture? Take it. And then just put it back down.

Rather than like, all right, let's all get together for a picture. That way you have actual real pictures of where you were at. No one gives a shit about 45 people in three rows like a middle school choir concert took a picture at someone's cabin no one cares you have an action shot of someone playing beer pong it looks way cooler i love the idea of like putting like a camera on like a table for a party yeah like one of those disposable ones so you won't even know what you took. Exactly.

And then you get them developed and you're just like, oh boy. Wow. Yeah, we have seven penises on this camera. There's a lot of wieners. That's what I always thought about

when people put like disposable cameras for weddings. I feel like there has to be one drunk guy that takes a picture of his wiener. Oh yeah, they have to crop up.

You got a wedding wiener. But that's what I felt with before the July, there was all those firework shows. There were so many people with their phone out taking videos of fireworks. They go to crop up. You got a wedding wiener. But that's what I felt with before the July. There was all those firework shows. There were so many people with their phone out taking videos of fireworks. They go, they all look the same every year. The worst one that gets me every time, and it's usually on Snapchat or on Instagram, is people photographing their own radio playing a song they like.

And it's just like the video of that. I was like, yeah, you listen to the music you want to listen to in your car. You have control over that. Why are you showing everyone like, love this song. Yeah, we know you do.

Of course you love that song. It's you put it on. You're the fucking DJ. Gets me every time. Yeah, I'm not a big photo person. It's weird because like now like kids are are growing up They're like 13 years old And they're like oh my audience needs to see this It's wild

Yeah that is wild It's on my face I don't like this Can I turn it around? What are you doing? I'm live right now It's alarming Just set it up on your...

Oh, no, because that'll be just on me. It'll be just on you. Yeah, we have enough of you. Right in the middle here. Well, let's see if anyone comes in first. There's one person. I think that's me. No, Michelle and 6089.

Thank you very much. 6089. Sure very much 69, nice Show your feet I don't know how to turn the camera on You have sweet socks on today Those are hospital socks Yeah, they're hospital socks I gotta mix it up every time I weirdly like them, they got grip and everything

Yeah Camera 3 Oh, we have 5 people This is alarming Don't you? Camera three? Oh, we have five people. This is alarming. Great. Welcome to the Fat Chance Ponds. We're practicing our foot chaps.

Ask them what furry animal would you be? What furry animal would you be? I don't understand how this works. I also have 14% on my phone, so we'll see how this works. We've definitely thought about this. We've thought about this for two seconds. I don't know. Someone tell me how to turn the camera around.

Man, this is going to be a great video. What up? This is behind-the-scenes footage. The actual podcast is taking a tank. Do you another yeah sit down i'll get it sit down here you take it now what furry animal would you be except wait invite to join live so we all no don't don't accept anyone oh don't expect them um you want a coors or you want one of those honey things gabe joined uh give me a or do you want a give me one of the honey ones or if you had another ranch water i'll take that i don't all right welcome to behind the scenes

you can see like up my shorts oh tim allen's still here tim allen tim allen is still here I don't. All right, welcome to Behind the Scenes. You want to try the ranch water? You can see, like, up my shorts. Oh, Tim Allen's still here. Tim Allen. Tim Allen is still here. Is that your favorite Santa Claus? He is my Lord and Savior. Tim Allen is. Jack and I started on this one.

We love Tim Allen. Tim Allen is our Santa Claus. The best Santa Claus movie, hands down. Best Christmas movie, hands down, is that. How come Tim Allen Was never God in movies Right Because Morgan Freeman exists Morgan Freeman does sound

Way more godly That's true Because what is Tim Allen He just like makes grunts You know what I mean Like I don't think he'd be A very good God

Liam Neeson I think could have been A cool God Did you see Liam Neeson Is only making Taken movies now? Yeah. Really?

Are we going to get Taken fast and furious? Yeah, but it's like... Who are they going to take? His grandchildren at this point? Everyone's been Taken. His wife's dead. He keeps getting calls. We have your cousin's niece.

Stop answering your call. Your phone, Liam. We have your first cousin's child's fiance. Liam, stop answering the phone. It comes to the point where the bad guys are now just fucking with him. Let's see if he can get through this one. They're all talking to Jerry's situation. He just can't help himself.

It's like the Roadrunner and Coyote situation. They fail, but we're going to come back again. My big thing with the Roadrunner and Coyote, Coyote never tried it again. The anvil was just off. Why don't you just try it again and make adjustments? Or just line up three anvils and drop them all at once. Get a bigger anvil.

That's what he would do. Oh, I figured it out. That's really good. That's a really good job. Hey, I've been distracted. Alright. You're giving them real behind the scenes. Real behind the scenes, yeah.

This is pretty This is some fun stuff So the The big three things Is what Jack Cersoli Says on the podcast Or on his TikTok

That's what they missed And that's pretty much it Yeah Yeah Warning Permanent ban will ensue If live video does not end Within a minute

Why? Is it because I said foot jobs? Did we get banned off TikTok? Is it because I said foot jobs? Did we swear? I don't know, but I ended it. Start it again. Did we almost get banned off TikTok?

What just happened? Hot Boy Summer got ended real quick. It might be because we're drinking. You can't drink on? I mean, the only reason why I didn't get in a lot of trouble on Twitch

is because no one watched it. Well, I guess it's a good thing people are watching this. I don't know if that was someone's like weird comment, but it just said warning. This doesn't end in a minute.

Permanent ban. It's aggressive. Also, great comment if it was. That's imagine just going a bunch of live like this is gonna get banned that's also good that you read that comment thank god i read that otherwise we're fucked yeah man you have no audience anymore it's crazy to be an audience now that love our feet and love his piss we're so lucky that we have piss feet and shit and furries. We need a third. We need a third.

Dude, furries. Piss feet and furries? Piss feet and furries. Make that a t-shirt. I used to make a t-shirt for every episode. Like, oh, I wonder if we'd actually sell any. Like, let's say one does well. I started doing it after the hamster one.

I was like, oh, I bet someone would have bought the hamster one yeah i was like oh i bet someone would have bought the hamster shirt but piss feet and furries is a great wait did anyone buy the hamster shirt i didn't i stopped i started it after the hamster one oh okay it was too late when i thought of it i was like oh this i'm not gonna just make a hamster did anyone buy any of the shirts um yeah when i first my brother designed all of them. He surprised me with designs. I sold a decent amount. Not a ton. Hell yeah.

That's kind of cool. Not anymore. Now I just shut the store down. Oh, good. His feet furries. Well, I was paying Shopify $30 a month to sell nothing. Yeah. Dude, now you got to go on like Teespring.

That's what I usually do mine through. oh dude no you gotta go on like teespring that's what i usually do mine through and basically the added tax goes to them and the rest goes to you well is it made to order though so so when they get an order they do all the printing and stuff and ship it off made to order yeah is that what that means yeah then yes because a lot of them are like all right you need to buy the hundred and then sell them off that's why i did it through i did printful but then you need to an actual store to sell it through so i had a website a shopify website and then um just sell it through that so i'm net negative after forgetting to suspend it for a while yeah but that's how it goes yeah Yeah. Yeah, it's wild. I think Piss, Feet, and Furry is going to be hot, though.

And once we get Rogue to sponsor it. If Rogue sponsors this, that'd be great. Honestly, is it a pretty popular brand? Yeah, it's everywhere now. It's everywhere? I've never seen that before. It's great. As soon as I found that, I was like, I can definitely do punches.

I thought Zinn. I mean, Zinn's the big one right now. Zinn's the big one, but they're definitely not as good. Where do you think Rogue is out of? Probably Texas. Incorrect. I found that and I was like, I can definitely do punches. I thought Zin. I mean, Zin's the big one right now. Zin's the big one, but they're definitely not as good. Where do you think Rogue is out of? Probably Texas. Incorrect. Ohio.

That would be great. Jacksonville, Florida. Oh. That checks out. I found it in Florida. That's where I started taking them. Where in Florida do you live? St. Pete.

It doesn't say warning, Don't take when pregnant. Well, it's just nicotine. If you're pregnant, you can do rogue, too. Can you take nicotine when you're pregnant? I think so. I think it's the rest of the chemicals of smoking and tobacco that you can't take. Really? Because you can drink coffee when you're pregnant, can't you? I mean, not a lot, but...

You shouldn't have it. Let's have a conversation about pregnancy, guys. Three guys with microphones. I think we should be able to choose whether the pregnancy stays. about pregnancy, guys. Three guys with microphones. I think we should be able to choose whether the pregnancy stays. Let's end the conversation about pregnancy. We should cut that right now.

Hang on, I have something else to write on check. Crazy shitty sex. Moving on. What's your favorite tortilla chip? Let's just change this. The tortilla chip. I got stars, star-shaped ones from Tostitos.

Those were pretty damn good. You like the scoops? No, they were just star-shaped. They weren't scooped. They were just scooped. They came on the 4th of July? Yeah. They were red.

They were really good. The size, the thinness, the crisp, the crunch. I didn't think we'd actually take this seriously. Well, I like what I like, dude. You ask me a question about it, I'll tell you. You're just a true American. Oh, they got red chips? Chips and stars?

I thought they were cool. They actually probably were better than the other ones. I also like donkey. Do you still like the jackass? Yeah, the jackass ones. Chee-chees. I got chee-chees. Chee-chees is pretty good.

Mission's not bad. Eh, that's... I like the strips. I like Mission's. The strips are good for nachos that's is that your favorite shape no just no i'd use that for when i make um we would do like table nachos i like get some carne asada and like load it up on our table you do strips for that yeah i like the traditional triangle the scoop bothers it just scoops are only for dip you

can't make nachos with them even then then, just don't be a bitch. Use a normal tortilla chip. Yeah, you can get away with not needing a scoop. Are you a salsa person? Guac? Guac, salsa. Yeah. Queso.

Con queso. Depends on the queso. I don't like packaged queso. I hate chipotle queso. I don't like Qdoba queso. I don't. Wait. I've made my own.

I like chili con queso. That's good. Chorizo queso. I was going to make a terrible joke, but I won't say it. So you have a list about what you like and don't like. Okay. So yeah. So you have a pros and cons case list. That's when we should end it. Keep me talking about pregnancy and cut that shit.

I did post the videos, like, reject jokes. I might just make it every time he makes a pun. That's going to happen a lot. Pros con queso. I understand why I got rejected. Oh, man. Are we really shotgunning? Oh, yeah, we can. Sure.

You know, I've been on this the fourth of july week like around it leading up to and afterwards so much drinking yeah so much drinking yeah because i did i mean fourth of july was tuesday i was wedding cabin for the five straight days of drinking then you you get back and we have fourth of july here or not fortunately summer fest and all that more i think i've out of the last 12 days i've drank eight of them yeah which is which is too much it's too much and every time it's nice out you're like oh that's that's the hardest part about summer. It's unreal. Do you think you drink more during the holidays or during now? Summer or holidays?

Yeah, but Christmas. You obviously drink a lot during Christmas. Christmas, yeah. Christmas, I'm borderline blacked out for most of it. I don't drink at family holidays. I don't. I don't either. I do. I don't drink with my family, but my fiance's family, they're a more fun group.

Not more fun like, I love my family, but they like to party more. So it's like there's always some weird just like punch bowl of alcohol. That's fun. You don't even know what's in it. I'll take it. So it's just like that kind of stuff.

Whenever those events are happening, I usually have a pretty good time. And all of our friends are back home, so we have like one night out at least. Yeah. So where are you? Thanksgiving is pretty big. My parents don't drink. So when I go back, there's no alcohol. Gotcha.

Yeah, I definitely drink more in the summer for sure. Just because I like being outside. Like, oh, it's nice out. Let's go sit on a patio somewhere or go to the beach. I mean, maybe it's a sign of having a problem. But we're like, we should bring booze to this because it's already fun. But it can make it way more fun. There's never a bad time to have one drink when you're enjoying something.

If you can always just have one drink. And I'm not like the poster boy for responsible drinking. But if you have one drink and it's a beautiful day or you're doing something like if you can always just have one drink and i'm not like the poster boy for responsible drinking but if you have one drink and it's a beautiful day or you're doing something fun there's nothing better than that first like that first one that noise all right it's gonna be a good night also get me by water there's something between my water too that i'm like oh this drink tastes even better yep amazing. What is it? Nature. I think it's the inner, I don't know, I don't want to call it animal in us, but we like being outside. Inner cow. Inner cow. Inner rabbit.

That's my inner cow. Inner penguin. They're spirit animals. Can I switch to panda? Nope. You got penguin, baby. Penguin. I think penguin's cooler. You're way more agile. I got to Panda? Nope. You got Penguin, baby. I think Penguin's cooler.

You're way more agile. I got to do that. Like if we went as a convention, you guys would have to walk so slow with me because I have to waddle the whole time. I'd have to be crouched. I'd have to be crouched and I'd have to kind of hop everywhere. I'm on all fours. We'd all be slow. He'd be the quickest.

He would be slow. He'd be the quickest. I don't know. Yeah, he would be faster. Which is out of character, because I feel like we would be the fastest one of the cows. You could be a bull. Would you rather be a bull or a cow? No, cows. Cow, you want to be milked? Yeah, it's funnier. Spots or no spots?

Did you see the bull that had the people in those big tubes, like the big circular tubes, and they let a bull at a rodeo just hit these people. Oh, the guys in, like, the hamster balls? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, it's an unreal video. How did the bull not pop? I think they did pop one of them.

And then you're trapped in there, and the bull, you're dead. That's so scary. Imagine getting, like, you're flipped over, and you're just feet are hanging up. Would you ever do the running with the bulls? No. Actually, maybe. Depends on where I start. Would you ever do the running with the bulls? No. Actually, maybe. Depends on where I start. If I'm in the front of the line, sure.

I might not know this, but what's the purpose of it? They just run with bulls and try not to get murdered. There's a purpose to it. There has to be something, right? The tradition is that they're a bunch of fucking crazy Spaniards. Are you trying to get somewhere? Are you like you start to a 5k but with bowls? They got drunk the night before like shit Signed up for that 5K with bulls.

Shit. Why are they talking to you today? Fuck, dude. Jesus. Yeah, I don't... Like, what's the point of it? I was going to go with it. They're celebrating something. Because can you win?

Can you win it? Like, I was the fastest. I was the fastest running away from the bull. No, I think if you just end up with all your limbs, you're not stabbed. I think it's just like an adrenaline junkie thing. It's like going skydiving. Yeah, and there's those. You ever seen the cheese wheel competition where they roll the cheese down the thing?

And they have to try to catch the cheese before it hits. No one's trying to catch the cheese. They just run with the cheese. Yeah, they're trying to run with the cheese. Do you know that? They all eat shit. the cheese. They just run with the cheese. They're trying to run with the cheese.

Do you know that? There's so many people that tear their ACLs and get concussions and break all their shit. But no one's ever caught the cheese. You're just trying to get down the hill the fastest. Yeah, hopefully you beat the cheese but no one could. The cheese is just

unrelenting. But also, what you get is you win the cheese. What are we talking about? You were just on your phone. I fell down this hill the fastest, now I get dirty cheese. That's sick. Those champions where you throw cheese down the hill

and then you run after it. You ever see those things? Like the wheel of cheese? Yeah, and then people throw cheese down the hill and then you run after it. You ever see those things? Like the wheel of cheese? Yeah, yeah. And then people just run down this hill. Oh, yes. I've seen this. Yeah.

So no one's trying to catch the cheese. They're just trying to get down the hill the fastest. And what's the point of the cheese? I don't know. But that's what you win. You just win the cheese. Oh. If you get down the fastest.

How many heats do they do? It's different types. It's guy-girl, but there's a bunch of different heats between the age range. It goes by age. Do they just split the wheel of cheese? Because the wheel of cheese is expensive.

No, you know. There's a bunch. Each heat is a different wheel of cheese. It's like Summerfest, but just's a bunch. Each tax bracket gets a... So each heat is a different wheel of cheese. It's like Summerfest, but just a cheese race. How many times did you go to Summerfest this year? Twice. Twice? I went once, impromptu, last week.

I saw Vance Choi. And I've never wanted to shoulder a 16-year-old boy more in my life. I had so much fun growing up going there and now i didn't realize how young i always thought there was adults everywhere i got there on a thursday and it was like high school got let out it was yeah well it's summer summer break no shit they get dropped off there for the day took the drunk bus yeah i went to young gravy which one the free one at the amphitheater the free one watch the free one and he's awful he's not good i don't know if anyone knows about young gravy but

the best part of his songs are other people's songs like that's all it is jesus so he just pretty much is up there like young gravy young gravy it's just like that's pretty much all it is so like he's just doing that's pretty much all it is So like He's just doing that While the sample Of the other people's songs Are playing in the background Really?

Yeah I know the guy who did Camera work for him And Or one of the guys That camera work for him When he was Coming out of Madison

Yeah And then The DJ who opened for him When he played The amphitheater Was this year was my RA. Um, in college. Yeah.

Dude with long hair. Um, DJ Mondo. He was on the podcast. Yeah. I just opened for young gravy, the amphitheater. Oh really? Yeah. That's awesome.

Yeah. The DJ was killing it before the free show that I was at to the point that my stage was he on when you went, uh, Briggs and Strand or something like that yeah i think he might have opened for that's dj mondo yeah killing it to the point that me and my friends were like we should just keep the dj this is a vibe mondo's phenomenal he's he uh he did our formal fraternity once and killed it. I mean, he. What's he doing September 16th? Yeah. We can't afford him now. Yeah, yeah.

Well, he wants to sponsor a home. I used to, because when he was my RA, I used to help him carry speakers into his car so he can go do, like, a house party and stuff like that. And now he's opening for Young Gravy at the amphitheater. That's wild. It's kind of cool. Yeah. That is really sweet. What does he do now, like, as a dj that he just shows no like does he tour around does he tour

with young gravy or just no no no he's like located in wisconsin okay a lot of stuff midwest um mainly wisconsin though but he almost i think when we talked he said he almost brought jack harlow here um and did something at the summerfest grounds or the state fairgrounds uh he regularly runs stuff i think at lucid and maybe the rave and all that i mean he's absolutely killing it that's why i'm doing so good now this might be a dumb question, but is it? Yeah. He's a cow, dude. Yeah, leave me alone.

Cows don't know DJs. Like penguins do. Does he, like, make the set list and, like, the buttons are kind of, like, fake up there, right? Yeah. I don't know. Him and I, we had a long, when he did the podcast, we had a longer conversation afterwards about the amount of work that they do to put this all together it's insane i thought it would be i thought it was a way bigger appreciation for people who do that even djs were like oh we just press buttons there are definitely some djs that just press buttons

yeah um but though the performance might be pressing buttons but what everything that went into it to get it all together was weeks worth of stuff yeah yeah that's the thing like there's probably pretty work i want to be the guy that whispers something something in the dj's ear you ever see that guy like the dj's up there and he's like i want to be the guy just whisper something you're doing great you're doing great sweet you're doing great But yeah that was Kind of cool to see That's pretty cool Yeah

If I was a DJ I'd just have two Pizazz makers up there With pizza on them That'd be so sick Take a slice Out of your 50 DJ Pizza

That might be one Who do you think Is the most famous person You know Cause that might be One of the more famous People I know That's a really good one

Mondo is yours? I mean, he's not the most, but like in terms of the guy that, yeah, he's close. He's in the top ten for sure. Top five. I don't know any fucking famous people. Not just, no. Don't just go, no. Who's the famous person you've met?

Like just in passing. You know? Who the fuck if I know I like actually met I met a lot of comics I had to improv like so that would just be it

like Shane Gillis like I talked to him for a little bit he's really cool yeah Attell Attell I have a picture with Attell

oh yeah he was actually really sweet this is a cool story he was the first night he did Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday I actually don't know night he did Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Actually, I don't know if he did Sunday, but Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

And so Thursday after shows, I went to go buy a poster because he was signing them. And he looked at me, and it was in my improv shirt, and he looked at me when I asked, and he just walked away, didn't even acknowledge me. And I was like, what the fuck? And then his opener louis katz who's also really fucking funny just was like yeah we'll give them to you for free at the end of the show at the end of the weekend and i was like okay cool and then they actually sold out of posters but louis came up to me and said hey dave remembered that you wanted came up and asked for

one here and like kept it oh that's dope yeah that was really fucking cool so i had that at my i've heard david's pretty cool my roommate's little brother lives in new york right now and he calls once he goes michael i got a story for you this is okay because he was hanging around the i think the comedy cellar um and he's like i I just met this guy smoking a cigarette outside. And he's like, do you want to go get some pizza? And I went and got a piece of pizza with this guy.

Turns out he was Dave Attell. Just sick. Just, I think it was one-on-one. Just the two of them went and got pizza together. That's sweet. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know if I could, like imagine. I met Nikki Glaser. She was great. She wasaser she's great she's cool yeah she's very cool i think a lot of those people are like cool in the moment like they're like very friendly they're just like happy that you know you're being normal i'm like i'm like bombarding them with things yep yeah that would have to get annoying the like super fan interaction like let me calm you down first and then have a normal interaction as human beings would be tough it's really hard to also not freak out like i

remember when like shane came i was like i'm a fan of shane so when i saw him i was like don't say anything weird i was just like sup dude and i was like he passed through that one that was great he didn't freak out or anything and he was like hey man and i was like okay good we gotta start for the weekend do you ever feel like that's weird too like you know they know they know i know who they are they almost expect like you'd be like hey be almost excited i feel like if you know who you are like yeah roles reversed and you're just like oh what's up man cool you're like what are you trying to do why are you trying to be too cool i didn't act too cool i acted happy i was like what's up man i like Cool. And you're like, what are you trying to do? Why are you trying to be too cool right now? I didn't act too cool. I acted happy.

I was like, what's up, man? I just didn't want to bother him. But if I do that, I take that as a win. Yeah. I've done that before. My cousin knows. He played football with Najee Davenport. He was a fullback for the Packers.

Also returned kicks for some weird reason. That's true. We had a fullback returning kicks. But he brought them to our house because he was building condos or whatever, downtown Milwaukee, and he brought him to our house, and I knew he was coming, and I answered the door, and I was so excited, like big Packer fan, and I just went. They open the door.

I go, sup, and then I turned around. Close the door on him. I was like oh come on in like i see you every day now jay yeah my mom uh met who was oh mike daniels he used to be a tackle for the packers met mike daniels and the thing about my mom she loves to listen to like christian radio and at the time there was called Wives, which was a program where the Packer Wives come on and they talk about cooking and all this different stuff. Mike Daniels' wife is on there.

Mike Daniels is in front of my mom. They're at the same chiropractor or something. I don't know what they were at. My mom goes up to him and goes, Mike, Mike, Mike, I love your wife. She's great. Turns around and leaves. I don't know what they were at. My mom goes up to him and goes, Mike, Mike, Mike, I love your wife. She's great. Turns around and leaves. You didn't say, hey, also big fan of you. You do great as well.

Your wife is great. See you later. That's hilarious. To be honest, he probably loved the interaction. It's like, oh, this wasn't completely about me. I bet he went home. He's like, man, someone really likes you more than me. Probably made her day.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Where are we at with time? We're probably at an hour. Yeah, are we time to track on or what? Yeah, we can do one. You want to just pretend to do one or something? There's no such thing.

That's so not cool, dude. Hit the power button or hit enter. Ah, fuck it. You know what? We're about at time. I'm not going to reach over and put my finger on that. That's going to be great. All right, grab a beer so you can shotgun it.

Oh, I think you should shotgun. Can you do it? You only had one today. This is my second. Oh, you are such a bore. Talk to the boss. Talk to my manager. Dude, you just tooted.

You just tooted. That's gross. We're doing blue moon, light skies. Oh, good. Only 3.6 carbs. These are good beers. These are freezing cold. They're going to hurt on the way down. They're going to hurt, yeah.

How do we want to open these? I'll open them with my teeth if I want to, but they're going to go everywhere. I have a key. Right here. We could also just end this, say we did it, and not do it. Are you going to do it? Yeah, I'll do it. I don't know what you were doing.

I thought you were going to do yours. You were like holding it. I was like, what was going on? You could shake my mouth. You can tell we were hurting today because the back half of this, we're just like, oh. I thought we caught speed there for a little bit, but then it came down real quick.

We were going pretty hot in the middle. We were doing pretty good in the middle. We were doing good. Then Mike had to put on his TikTok live. We almost got banned from TikTok. That did not in the middle. We're doing good. Then Mike had to put on his TikTok live. We almost got banned from TikTok. That did not keep the heat. Well, it's something I think that could work. Maybe we plan it out next time.

Yeah. We need to figure out how to do that. Yeah, I think we should plan. Plan's good. Do you ever open these with your teeth? No, my teeth aren't sharp enough. Oh, I can't do it with a microphone. I don't have sharp teeth. Do you have sharp teeth?

I have a sharp mouth. I'm a canine, yeah. I should be the dog furry. You can be. That's pretty basic. Everyone's a dog. We could be like, if we're a tree of lions, tigers, bears, oh my. We could be. Yeah, we could be just tiger, lion, bear. Who'd be the

bear? Who'd be the lion? Who'd be the tiger? Oh, lion, tiger, lion, bear. Who would be the bear? Who would be the lion? Who would be the tiger? Oh, lion, tiger, bear for sure. Definitely bear. Definite bear. You big bear energy. You look like you either have no hair or a lot of hair on the torso. I have like a welcome mat. A welcome mat.

That's old. I should have looked Welcome God damn it guys You got me Oh your socks are all wet People can see through your socks People can see through your socks

See those piggies This has been a shit show I'm terrible at this See those piggies? This has been a shit show. I'm terrible at this. You're the one that suggested this. I didn't suggest it. You brought it up. And you threw the beer in my lap.

Yeah, because you're fun to toy with. I don't like that. Dance, monkey. Dance. We're done. And now we need to urinate.