Fat Chance Podcast - Hot Boy Summer #6

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

Fat Chance Scramble Classic Link to Tickets: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/662999207477 Thank You to our Sponsors: Clarks Premier Tree Service: Find them on Facebook Gilbertson Exteriors: https://jgexteriors.com Paradise Builders: https://paradisebuilders.biz Pieper Power: https://pieperpower.com If you want to Sponsor the golf outing in any way possible please reach out to @fatchancebuddy on instagram. Both the MS Society and the Beat Goes On Foundation will be benefiting from this outing! https://www.nationalmssociety.org https://www.thebeatfoundation.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

Yeah, I'm like everyone so I was like where the fuck did you pee? I'm like, do you have the right gym? He goes? Yeah The one right where I'm at. I'm like, is this a prank call? It's dude IP. I gotta go man. Like I peed my pants. I look like I got out of a pool right now And so I had to go smell every one of our bed. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa Because it would. Smell? Like I'm missing something. A Wyrmbush light in your. Yeah, if you can hand me.

A choosy? Yeah, if you can hand me a Wyrmbush light to put in my choosy. My socks look extra bright. Which way do we? There's not even a logo on it. Oh, we put the sticker on ourselves. We put the sticker on ours, yeah. Okay. Get with the program.

My bad. I'm going to quickly go fuck myself. Ugh. All right, lady. I didn't want to drink today. Just have a nice cold one. A nice warm one. Push light.

Push light. I was going to put the sticker on mine. We can start whenever. We are recording. Oh, yeah. This is the cold open watching Judd wrestle with the stickers because it took us a while. By the way, that's what our cold opening is. Really?

How do you get this off? I just clipped my fingernails. Oh. That was very efficient. Oh, I have it perfect, too. I sip and it's up front. Wait, do I have that? No, I don't.

I definitely don't. Oh, baby. Let's go. Welcome to Fetch As Far As. You cannot move You can't move Because I don't trust you to not take me down Was that sitting in your car?

No, in my living room It didn't move from when I was at your apartment? Nope Actually, I moved it to the side so no one tripped on it It's good It's good stuff It's good warm bush I knew

I had a buddy who used to His dad would drink warm bush heavies in the garage by himself. So when he got to college, he's like, that was the only beer I knew. So he'd be like, why are you guys putting it in the fridge? I thought you were supposed to drink it warm. Dad and garage beers, you almost always have a fridge, though. Yeah, it's like the old one. It's like a white one.

Old, shitty fridge with a TV that has antennas on it still. It's still wooden. But when I was 19, I was underage, went to a wedding. Well, yeah. I went to a wedding, and my cousin was telling me how to drink alcohol. He was trying to teach me it. He was like, all right, so you have a mixed drink here. You have the straw, but don't drink out of the straw because it'll kill you.

What are you, a turtle? It'll kill you. And I thought he meant because you're going to drink it so fast, you're just going to keep drinking all the drinks so fast, you're going to die and black out. I thought something with the carbonation from the mixed drink and the alcohol made your brain explode or something. So legitimately, for a year and a half, I thought something with the carbonation from the mixed drink and the alcohol made your brain explode or something. So like legitimately

for like a year and a half I didn't drink with a straw until I saw someone like on a straw I was like wait I thought that was against the rule

how are you doing that? And they were like die. What do you mean dude? I was so embarrassed. Jack called 911 because someone's drinking out of a straw.

That was way too easy to convince you you're going to die with a straw. Well, he didn't mean it like that. He was being genuine and I didn't clarify why. Why would they put the straw in there? I thought it was to mix it. They wouldn't just give you a stick? Could have been a stick. You could give

sticks, but straws are probably easier to come by. I don't know if stick to straw ratio is the same. I think sticks are naturally occurring. Yeah, but you don't want one with bark on it. Like, yeah, I can get a stick anywhere, but you don't want one with bark. Straws don't have no bark. Straws don't have bark. This little girl might have some.

A little bit of bark. Are we going to dress up? We have a puppy today? We do have a puppy today. I asked you if you wanted the puppy, and you were like, sure. I didn't. No, I said yes. I didn't actually think you'd bring the puppy. we have a puppy today? We do have a puppy today. I asked you if you wanted the puppy, and you were like, sure. I didn't. No, I said yes. I didn't actually think you'd bring the puppy.

Jack bought a puppy today. My manager came home with a puppy. Her name's, I think, Lady. Are you sleeping with your manager? Yeah. Damn. A little business, a little bit of pleasure, a little bit of heaven, a little bit of hell. Oh.

You're riling Lady up. Name that movie, Step Brothers. Rock of Love. So so her name is lady i think so for now it was originally tilly but one of uh um our friends cats or dogs name is tilly so we couldn't do that i mean you could yeah tilly's a very cat name, I think, though. Yeah. But I can kind of see Tilly for her, too. Yeah, but when she gets bigger, it's not as Tilly. Tally. Like, Tilly is...

Yeah, it is tiny. Wait, what did you say? Tally. Tally when she gets older? It evolves like a Pokemon. I want to name her Brandy. I'm not nerdy enough to know that, but you are, so you think that's very funny. I like how it took you a few minutes to call out, what did that mean?

What came out of your mouth? That's funny. What do you got? What are you chewing on, dude? Stop doing that. Her own collar. Stop doing that. Well, you left her bone on the floor.

Well, she doesn't need it. She's going to just run around with it. We're trying to keep her undistracted. She's just going to sit here and snuggle. But I'm so excited for this. I love having a belly, buddy. I just like to sit on the couch or sit on my computer. You're going to get fat, aren't you?

Oh, I already am. I already got a belly. I already got a belly. What's your dog? Because you already have one there. Is there her name? His name is Brew. Brew?

Brew and Lady. I was thinking it'd be fun to name her Brandy, like Brandy, the Brandy old-fashioned. Yeah. But Brandy sounds pretty whore-y, so. We don't know if she's a whore yet. Nope, she's not. She did get humped, like, immediately

when we got to the dog park. Brew humped me when I was at your apartment on Friday. It's because your face was just so humpable. You were sitting there right there. He humped your face? Yeah, he was like shoulder, right? Yeah, it was shoulder. He was trying to get the treats, and I was like, I'll just hump him instead.

Hump him instead. This is how I get treats, right? This is how my mother gives me treats. Do you want to tell the podcast you went to Jack's house? I did go to Jack's house, and I can't confirm. He does paint. I do. And they are mini, mini, many many it says on my thumb

oh yeah so many that i am actually impressed i no longer think it's weird i am genuinely impressed because they were well done and he has multiple dragons yeah a couple couple two three dragons and he pulled out of a box what they start like i don't even know how to describe it it's it's like a like a just a square where they have like they throw all the plastic in and it molds it and but you have to like snip them off and then assemble them into like the poses oh yeah he doesn't just paint them he builds them too oh yeah yeah it's like a they used to build like cars like that yeah like a model car yeah model car and stuff yeah okay yep i mean it's

it's seriously that big and they are very very detailed i didn't see cersei though oh she was sitting there but like the box i should open up and show you what they started the red ones versus that it's from that box okay so when do when do you navigate to making ships and bottles? Oh, I could, yeah. Ships and bottles would be pretty fucking cool. You tell me that there isn't a time where Jack doesn't make a ship. I feel like that's retro to him, though. Yeah, I'd have to start smoking out of a pipe. I would have to start doing that.

I'd have to start, like, wearing a monocle. I think when I start, like, regretting my marriage, I'd have to start going to ships and bottles. How do they make a ship and a bottle? It makes no sense and that's... What do you mean

it makes no sense? Well, they just put a bunch of pieces in there. Like, how do you like attach them? Because it all... I think... With a stick,

another stick. Well, is it a stick or a straw? Sticks naturally occur in the wild. So you would never run out of those. But you don't want bark in your bottle, so... No, you don't want bark in the wild. So you would never run out of those. But you don't want bark in your bottle.

You don't want bark in the bottle. Yeah. But I just don't know how they gloom together. Do they fit together? That's the thing. I'm pretty sure we could watch a video easily. Nah. I don't think we need to.

We don't need to do that. Should we get into what we have prepared today? Yeah, let's get into what we've prepared. I'll start with one. Do I look unemployed? Do you too? Right now? Yeah.

Just in general. Does my face... Well, look at your shirt. Not today. Well, you work... Should we say where you work? Do you tell people where you work? Not the name of the place, no.

Oh. But you work at a place where you could look... Yeah. You don't work like... Look at your work. You're not wearing a belt ever. Well, let me give you why I asked. So my cousin...

The definition of working is a belt. If you wear a belt, you're going somewhere. If you're wearing sweatpants, you could be doing anything. That's kind of funny. I've never thought of that. A belt is the only reason

you're a professional or not my cousin's birthday's today and um he grew up loving red lobster so we went into red lobster real quick right before i got here i was like i'm gonna go get my food and leave and i my mom my cousin were already there and i go up to the host and i go hey i'm here to meet two people he goes cool do you want a job like what he goes you're here for the interview right i go no my my mom and cousin are eating he goes so you don't need to talk to anyone i go i'm gonna go look for my my family now i'm gonna find my mommy now i said i'm like do i look like i need a job yeah and i'm wearing this no worse i had like

i had like but it was like ocean blue shorts on and a beatles t-shirt okay i do look unemployed yeah but also at the same point like he thought that was your attire for the job interview how desperate is red lobster right actually i know they're desperate because my cousin ordered crab legs and they came out and they're like we don't have the metal um thing to crack them open so he brought him the plastic one that they give takeout containers to i go there's six people in this restaurant right now how are you out of these you should just he broke it in one try yeah using your hands you have to fight a crab that's very funny i always think like the the harder it is to get to the food, the higher the price and the more enjoyable it is. Pistachios? Pistachios are so good.

So good. It's like, what, $20 for a bag? But also, do you know that it's the same price for unshelled pistachios? But who wants those? But that's like the thing. There's more pistachios than that. There has to be. Yeah, there has to be.

Or are the bags slightly smaller? No. Same size bag. But the shells make it fun. They make it fun. You can suck on the shells, get the little salt flavor. Also, that's what I tell people when they're trying to go on a diet. I go, you need to eat foods that take up your time.

And so I had a client that was addicted to peanut butter. I go, do you like peanuts? He goes, I love peanuts. I go, do you like peanuts? He goes, oh, I love peanuts. I go, all right, start buying them in the shell. Because it's a lot harder to eat a cup of peanuts when you're getting them from a shell than it is to just grab a handful and whatever. And yeah, and you're burning calories trying to open them up.

You might lose a fingernail trying to open a pistachio up. That's true. They get scary. I always thought I have a funny sketch. It was not like back in the day when they had like the dr squatch and they had the like commercial where he just went into his warehouse and just kept walking like all the way through it was like one continuous shot it's like this is how it's made and then they ask watching putting bars of soap and stuff i always thought it'd be funny to do like how do you get like an unshelled pistachio?

And you just have, you just walk into their warehouse and there's just a bunch of people cracking it open and putting it in the bag. One at a time. It's like the Willy Wonka factory. Yeah, or like a sunflower seed. Come in and I'm just spitting it and spitting it into the bag. I bet somewhere there is. Spitting it is hilarious. That's such a good picture. I bet somewhere there is, like, a warehouse full of people just opening pistachios.

You smush them and you smush the nut. You don't want to smush your nut. Yeah. You got to crack the nut. Yeah. It's wild. But yeah, that's my theory. I got one more for you today.

What do you got? Well, I got two more, but I don't want to talk about feet yet um so as we said i work at a gym and i'm about to start my workout for the day get on the treadmill i get a phone call i'm like fuck answer it and he goes hey man i gotta tell you something i'm like this is already weird i gotta tell you something i'm embarrassed i peed all over one of your benches you something. I'm like, this is already weird. I got to tell you something. I'm embarrassed. I peed all over one of your benches. I'm like, what? He goes, I peed all over my pants. They're soaking wet. I'm like, where are you? He goes, I ran out. I moved to a different parking lot because I was embarrassed. I go, which bench? He goes, I was trying to do a PR and then halfway up, I just started pissing my pants i

didn't even get my pr man is this real right now he goes i'm like what bench goes one closest to the door that's all of them they're all right next to the door yeah i'm like everyone so i was like where the fuck did you pee i'm like do you have the right gym he goes yeah the one right where i'm at i'm like is this a prank call? Cause dude, I pee. I got to go, man.

Like I peed my pants. I look like I got out of a pool right now. And so I had to go smell every one of our bed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because they would smell because hold on.

That's your first time to get so close. You have to get so close to my first scent would be sight. Oh, it was, it was. And, and it wasn't wet anywhere. So I'm like, there's no way we soak this up. Sniffing seeds. You do need a new job. The manager's running around the bench. Imagine the other people in the gym just seeing Kuski go up.

Did you use this one? No. I want to smell the other one. So, I mean, I think it was a prank call. That's great, though. But I was like. It's a great prank. If it isn't, where did the pee go for one?

You got a little smirk. Was that you that called? Was that your call? I wish I had enough time in my day to call and be like, I peed all over the gym. Sniff some seats, baby. I'm going to get one tomorrow. The only way you're going to find out is if you sniff the seat.

It's so funny picturing the manager of your gym. Imagine if people did know where I work. And I'd just get a milk man i peed i found some weird i found a dead baby bird in the bathroom about two months ago i sniffed it yeah so you thought it was dead yeah dude that looks alive but if i smell it i'll be able to know for sure i mean it was so close to looking like a chicken tender Like a nice chicken I'm like this is It's too pink to be alive right now That's wild Man

So you didn't clean up any of the benches I didn't clean up shit Okay Well I don't think he peed anyway Well you didn't clean up pee either I had a fun day That sounds wild

That sounds amazing It was a good time Did you go back on the treadmill after? Yeah. Right away. Then you peed on it. I'm not the cleaner. I got to pay someone to do that.

So what's the other thing you got for us? The other thing? We can talk about feet right away. I know we mentioned selling socks, and then a few people commented saying, oh, you guys are selling socks now. And it kind of went away. But then I got a – there was a comment on one of the videos today from Michael Frank that says, these are the socks I want of Michael's.

And it's a specific episode from last summer. So now I'm convinced this is either one of you or one of my friends because that was way too specific like i want they're the same goddamn white socks i wear in every episode besides today maybe they looked a little extra dirty i don't know if if your friends send you money for your socks send them yeah you're kind of winning yeah yeah that's good prank guys we got you good items. Spend like $1,000 for these. Did you know that we can buy five cases of Bush Light with what you're buying our stinky socks for? But, by the way, why don't you want my socks?

What is going on? Should we all go barefoot and just look at our toes? AJ went barefoot last week. That was aggressive. I saw it and I go, what the fuck? I love that. I love the time like you were going to fit right in. I wonder if he got any DMs. I don the time. Like you were going to fit right in. I wonder if he got any DMS.

I don't know. He probably did. I mean, he's a good looking guy. He's retro. He's so vintage. He is. There's never,

he doesn't wear a thing in the two thousands. Like that's all the 1990s. I think that's a product of his lady. I think he was that way before though. I think he was that way before. Then she just, just a collector of vintage stuff. Yeah. That's where he gets all of his lady i think turning that way into that though i think it was that way before then she's just a collector of vintage stuff yeah especially where he gets all of his good stuff and i'm sure he was like that beforehand and then she's procuring all these wonderful pieces yeah it's called fresh to death vintage if you guys are wondering that's a pretty sick stuff i saw

there's a packer hat i think i want i have a brewer shirt from there that looks amazing there are so many things online I see like Instagram wise. I'm like, oh, that'd be fun to get. Like today I found another cat shirt I liked. And I'm the nerd, but doesn't own a cat either. I grew up with cats. I've only had cats. I've never had a dog.

Where is the dog, by the way? Hanging out and chilling. Make sure it doesn't poop or pee anywhere. I did find some vintage Lord of the Rings shirts that I really want to get. Okay. No comment? Nope. We've seen the battlefield.

We know that. I'm in the middle of painting up a diorama right now. All right. So do you clarify yourself as a nerd? I would say kind of, yeah. I wouldn't say necessarily. Do you clarify yourself as a nerd? No. But I don't say necessarily. Do you clarify yourself as a nerd? No.

But I would say, I don't like where this is going. That shit-eating grin. You get a lot of words on that. Well, I think there's a lot of few different things. We talked about weird stuff before, and we kind of talked, well, what, Michael? Come on. That was pretty nerdy of you, dude. I like Sudoku. I like making my brain work.

So we have some brain teasers for you guys today. Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to be like, I went to your parents' house and I found... Found your Lego collections. But we've got brain teasers. Do you guys think you're good at brain teasers? No. I'm good once you give me the answer.

If you want me to paintbrush the answer, maybe I'll be better. Okay. We're going to start you off with an easy one first. Alright. And then we'll get harder. The horse's name is Friday. I think that's it. That's our first one. That's it. What is special

about these words? J-O-B P-O-L-I-S-H-H-E-R-B. What is special about these three words? J-O-B. Job Polish. P-O-L-I-S-H-H-E-R-B. Job Polish Herb. Job Polish Herb. I-S-H-H-E-R-B.

Job Polish Herb. Job Polish Herb. What is special about those three words? I don't like this. Job Polish Herb. Put your answers in. What do you got? Job Polish Herb. This is the easy one? This is the easy got? Job, polish, herb.

This is the easy one? What is... This is the easy one? This is the easy one. God, are we stupid? We're geeks. We're not nerds. Yeah. Do you want me to tell you the answer?

Yes. What is special? They're pronounced differently when they're capitalized. Job, job, polish herb herb yeah i would never yeah you said it because i said it or polish yeah you were right on i was like oh he's got it you know that's just not where my brain goes your brain said it a lot all right name my three cats all right so a man is looking at a photo his friend asks who is that the man says brothers and sisters i have none but that man's father is my father's son who's in the photo that man's father

that man's father is my father's son. Say it one more time. A man's looking at a photo. His friend asks, who is that? A man says, brothers and sisters, I have none, but that man's father is my father's son. and sisters, I have none, but that man's father is my father's son. That man. Himself?

No, no. No. That man's father is my father's nephew. His son. You were so close. Whose son? Oh, that man's father is my father's son you're close all right go on to the next one this one has to do with the dog this can we cut it cut that shit dude this one's nephew no son and this one has to do with a dog a man and his dog are on opposite sides of the river he calls to the dog and the dog crosses the river with oh a bridge a boat or getting wet how is this possible say that one more time i was too busy thinking about

the sun when he got me good i was like god that's so he's right in front of my face the whole time a man and his dog are on opposite sides of the river. He calls to his dog and his dog crosses the river without a bridge, a boat, or getting wet. How is that possible? Is it a small river? Who doesn't get wet, The dog or the man? Does the man go other side?

The dog does not get wet. The man goes and gets him and brings him across the river. Over his head. The dog crosses right away. What? It's a small river. The dog jumped it. The river is frozen.

You know what? All those answers are right all right this one i don't know if you're gonna get except for the last three i thought you guys were gonna get at least one of these we both like no we're not nerds all right what makes this number unique? 8,549,176,320. What makes that number unique? 800 billion? 8,549,176,320. Is that the one that says boobies upside down i don't know what the fuck would it help if i go what makes this number unique eight five four nine one seven six three two zero it's got every number it's got every number dial pad and it's one of one oh no it's you're half correct and it's in alphabetical order

it's the only number that's in has all of them in alphabetical order interesting that's not a brain teaser That's more of a fun fact. Can't wait to bring that home. Well, you didn't get that one either. Real quick, real quick, Jack. What was that number he said? Don't remember. Hey, babe, what's special about 8, 9, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7?

It's got all of them. Right. What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters short that is correct got it all right got it fuck yeah all right can we start talking about like guys? This is a team effort. A man is walking in the rain. He's in the middle of nowhere. He has nothing to hide and does not have an umbrella.

He came home all wet, but not a single hair in his head is wet. He's bald. That is correct. He's bald. Yeah. Dude, we're on fire. Choosy. Paul's back.

Paul's height is 6'2". He's an assistant at a butcher shop, and he wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh? The meat? That is correct. Yeah! A person who makes it has no need for it. A person who purchases does not use it. And if you're using it, you do not know it.

What am I? Coffin. Coffin. He's going easy. There you go. See, you need to get it. We've both heard that one before. Did I see that one on Facebook just a short while ago?

Absolutely. We've both heard that one before. That's what I see. That one on Facebook just a short while ago. Absolutely. What has cities, but no houses, forest,

but no trees. I'm out. That is very good. Look at this guy. Wow. All right. You know, it's kind of fucked up as I first,

not fucked up, but I, the first podcast ever started called tending a list. We used to do brain teasers to each other, one each episode. Two of those were ones I gave my friend. Which ones? The map and... The bald one. No.

It might be on. You got another one for me? I bet you it's the next one. No. This one's... This one I made into a brain teaser Because I thought it was funny Okay

Jack walks into a bar And he sees a guy with Named Michael With a big lighter And he asks the man Where'd you get such a big lighter? And he Michael replies

You see that man playing piano over there? He's a genie He'll grant you one wish And the guy over there he's a genie he'll grant you one wish and the guy immediately rushes over the genie and says i'll have a wish for a million bucks and all of a sudden the room fills with a million ducks and the man walks over the guy with the big lighter and he says that genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he and he goes no kidding why do you think i asked for such a big BIC? That's a good one.

It's a big dick guys. Love it. Yeah. I'm trying to think of the other one we had. It was, uh, some of the answer was time. I know that,

but I've definitely heard the, uh, I've heard the butchercher one before, the Map one. Yeah. Those are like old ones. There was a podcast. I'm sorry. Did your dog just vibrate? I'm sorry. My phone's ringing.

Sorry. The podcast that the Kelsey brothers do, and they told the joke on there. That joke is so old like that i remember that joke being told like my uncles told it when i was like a kid and it's basically about like roasting somebody else did you guys see it do you think it will get copyright if i say it i don't know if your uncle told you all right so there's three men sitting on a porch and they're like we all have unique talents and skills. I'd love to be in the Guinness Book of World Records.

And I think I can run the fastest. I think I can run the fastest. So this guy calls up Guinness Book of World Records, runs in front of them, and they time him. And then the other guy's like, I think'm probably i think i'm one of like the the tallest people in the world i'm gonna have guinness world records come over and measure me so they come over they measure them and the next guy goes hmm i do have a little penis i'm gonna have the guinness world record come over i think i have the probably the smallest penis ever and they measure

them and they all get the letters because you don't get it that day you have to go and check all the records and stuff so then they all get three letters and they'll sit on the porch and they all undo it and the first guy he goes i made it i'm the fastest man alive i'm the guinness burger record proved it and the other guy goes oh perfect i'm the i'm the tallest man the ginsburg record approved it and the next guy and he goes i don't know who the fuck jack sarasoli is but he's but he got the littlest dick that's so good that's so good yeah it used to be an older joke, man.

I love those, like, just bar jokes. Bar jokes are fun. Bar jokes are good. If an uncle tells you a joke, and, like, you're young, and it's kind of like that, that's one of the best jokes ever. But I'll stick with you. And you think that they made that up. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. My grandpa told me one about him going ice fishing. He was, like, going out there on the lake and he was ice fishing and he wasn't catching anything. Kind of like a 10-year-old kid comes out onto the lake, cuts a hole in the ice, starts fishing, pulls up a big fish. My grandpa's like, whoa, what the hell is that? Puts another line in there, pulls up another fish.

My grandpa's like, hey, what are you doing to get all these fish? And the guy just goes, moo, moo, moo, moo. My grandpa's like, okay. And then just didn't ask any more questions. The guy pulls up like three more fish. The grandpa goes over there and he goes,

what do you do to get all these fish? You're doing so good. Like I haven't caught anything all day. And he just goes, moo, moo, moo, moo. And my grandpa's like, I'm sorry, I can't quite quite understand you i don't know what's going on and he just goes you have to keep the worms warm and i was like grandpa that's the best joke i've ever heard

line balloon yeah there was there's like a, I went to North Carolina and there was a guy there who's telling like all these jokes. And he was like, you need to tell me your jokes. So we were just going like spitting old jokes back and forth. And he loved it. And then he was like, I'm buying you moonshine. And they have different kind of moonshine than we get here. It's real Moonshine. Yeah.

Yeah. I learned that. I learned that. Real Moonshine is insane. My buddy made it once. And he gave me, like, if we filled this choosy to here with Moonshine, and I filled the rest with Coke, it felt like it was a 75 25 mixie It was potent as far like I think this is bleach you can go

I mean, you'll take the paint off anything. What do you put in your choosy? What do I put in my choosy? Well, you know, that's a good question. Good transition like this. Oh, you got your sticker on good Well, you can put your 12 ounce beer, you can put your seltzer cans, or you can put your bottles in here. Personally, what I noticed when I was drinking a Jack's, I kind of like just dumping the beer right in. It goes down real fast, real quick. Yeah.

I did. Did I end up beating you in Mario Kart? You did beat me, yeah. I did, yeah. But you did not finish your beer for one of them. And I did shotgun for it. Yes, you did. We got a little banged up.

I got beat up in the morning. I was like, oh, my God. I didn't think we were drinking that much. But I didn't drink any water. Literally the lack of water. We slowed down, though. Are you just putting Tic Tacs in there? I put the Tic Tacs in the bottle.

Think about how bad beer makes you taste. Oh, yeah? Your breath. Yeah. If you're trying to kiss on a sweet lady, you better keep those Tic Tacs in there. What's your favorite part about this? You put dog treats in there?

My favorite part of it is that It doubles as a maraca It's kind of kibbeh meat Dude I found out Tequila I just found out my fiancee gotacock, so we could watch. She wants to watch Vanderpump Rules.

So we're watching it with her, like the Peacock subscription. And I didn't know that they have a whole database of WWE matches. So the morning you left, I was doing chores the whole night, the whole day. The whole day I was watching WWE. I was watching terrible matches. Just like, oh my God, is it going to happen? Is he going to put him through the table? Is he going to put him through the table?

Dude, they're so good. They're so good. I watched like the Undertaker versus Edge. Like one of the best tables, ladders, and chairs matches you've ever seen in your entire life. It was so good. John Cena versus Sheamus for a table match. I'm going to be honest with you. This, like, I have never gotten into WWE.

I got into it when I was really little. Forgot about it. Started seeing it on Facebook and Instagram. Started liking it a little bit. Found it on Peacock. I was like, all right, now it's time to dip my toes a little deeper. Dude, that's like when you find an ESPN classic and they're playing American Gladiators,

and you're like, I'm going to definitely watch this dude try to throw a Nerf football while they're shooting tennis balls at him. That's going to be amazing. That's such a fun show. Yeah. And they all have wild names like Carnage. And it's just these people with just blown out of air. Oh, yeah.

You know his unroids. They definitely did some stuff to their body that they're not proud of. They went down to Venice Beach on the beach workout stations. And they're just like, come here. Can you aim a tennis ball your name is now blazer i was uh i was at a pool the other day with at my buddy's pool and there was real tools in the hot tub there was like a bunch of like bros and they were like younger bros and they started making tiktoks about them flexing like they would put the phone up and then they were flexing and there was there was i would

say young 20 year olds and then one at least 43 year old who was like leather skinned and like had like a barbed wire tattoo and was just like in the middle like music these are my people these are my boys and then there was like a girl that came to like the other side of the pool and he goes dude we can hear them like talk because they were like drunk when you're drunk you don't know how he goes watch how it's done boys and he like walks over the girl he goes do you want to come hang out in the pool or like he goes i got i'm getting some pizzas if you want some pizzas what is this like an early 2000s like college movie yeah yeah it sounds like to catch a predator yeah i was like i got pizza coming would you like pizza what's your favorite pizza so so he's the pizza gets delivered and then

they're shockingly beers on tiktok TikTok or whatever video they're sending it to. And they didn't get banned? I don't know what they did. I didn't ask for their TikTok. We didn't get close enough. All right. So we're watching this all unfold. And then every once in a while, people would leave.

And then they get more and more drunk. They're shockening more. And finally, some room opens up in the hot tub. And I was like, ah. I pitched the day before. I was like, I need to go in the hot tub and i was like ah i pitched the day before i was like i need to go to the hot tub and just like rest and we sit there and it's now down to three of them they ate some some pizza but there's like seven boxes like no one ate pizza the old man was he the old man owns a pizza shop down the road he doesn't even live there and then all of a sudden he goes i was like

oh who lives there and he goes this guy and that guy is now he's like has to be like 24 he is passed out laying directly like his feet are dangling in the pool just passed out not like responsive i was like that his legs are gonna be pruney like they have to be the skin's peeling off so we're like all all right. And he goes, he goes, all right, before you guys leave, we want to play a game.

It's a cool game that I saw. It's called Ride the Cooler. And I'm like, what do you mean? So he throws his cooler in the pool and he's going to time how much you ride it.

So he wouldn't let us do, he like, he wouldn't let us leave until we did that. So we did it to like, You rode a cooler? I rode a cooler. I actually was the longest one, but it's very hard.

Like literally. Does it float? It floats, but you're on there for like three seconds. As soon as you do it, it rotates over, you know? What kind of cooler? Like an egg glue? It was an egg glue cooler. Okay.

Wow. Yeah, anyways. So we leave and we go home and everything's fine. It's my buddy's apartment complex. So we leave, and we go home, and everything's fine. It's my buddy's apartment complex. The next morning, he sends me an email from the apartment complex that the pool was closed for a week. Because, apparently, wind hit, and there is now a pool that is full of pizza just lodged into the pool filters all over the place. They got so drunk they left the pizza.

Yeah, they didn't pick up one thing and there's just pizza. Wait, was this Saturday or Friday during the storm? It was, no, it was, I don't know what day it was. It was a big storm on Friday. It would have been Thursday, maybe. My patio furniture was all over Saturday morning. I didn't realize how bad of a storm it was until the next day. And everyone's like, yeah, we're out of power.

My mom didn't get internet back until today. My girlfriend's parents' house didn't have power still yesterday. Whoa. Yeah. It's not fun. You don't want that. Isn't that fun? I know which one's mine.

Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you. If I was drinking with you constantly, I'd be like, take the goddamn Tic Tacs out. Take the fucking Tic Tacs out of there. Either freshen your breath or put it down. Every breath hurts. Did you go through all the things that you couldn't put in the truthies? We put my headphones in there. And I was like, I'm definitely going to forget these. So we took them out. And then Jack ended up taking them home. They were in my pocket and I was like, I'm definitely going to forget these.

So we took them out, and then Jack ended up taking them home. They were in my pocket. I was like, wait, these are yours. I was like, we had that? Yeah, no, we did go through stuff. I was like, you got your cans, your dip cans, your Zins, your Rogues, your little study buddies down there, some pre-s headphones goldfish car keys car keys car keys wouldn't be bad if you don't like stuff in your pockets i would definitely put like a lot of like

sweets because i feel like that's what i crave drops and stuff really that's what you crave when you're drinking yeah i feel like gummy worms and shit like that oh man last thing i would ever that is the absolute last thing yeah but if i gave you gummy worms when you were drunk, you'd be like, these are fucking awesome. There's also a big gum chewer when I am chugging beer. Like, if I'm playing beer die, a buddy of mine, Andy Chilwood, he peed on everything. He was worse peerer than Jack, the buddy of mine. But he would say spearmint settles the stomach so he would get spearmint gum and if you're chugging a lot and you have some spearmint gum it smooths out it's amazing really

yeah so if you're playing like if you're playing like beer dye or something where you have to chug a lot spearmint gum it's gotta be better at beer better at beer dye. You chug if they're good at beer dye. Yeah, but if you just let them finish or you finish them off quickly, that sounds. Yeah. What kind of beer dye are you playing? Under the table. Hands above the table. How edited do you think that picture is?

I don't think it's edited. You're telling me it's that? That's my aqua. Underneath is Fond du Lac. Cut of hay. Those are some nice cows. Yeah, why would those cows be in the purple stuff? Is it cabbage?

Ooh, with those rows. What's a cabbage oh with those rose what's a pink purple flower why would you need that many pink purple flowers yeah just for a study you ever do you ever see like the instagram versus reality yeah videos where they'll guarantee you the reality of this does not look that oh for sure brown yeah it's all brown the the people who win the National Geographic Best Wildlife Picture, do you think any of those are edited or do they have to be completely raw? They're probably just really good lenses, probably. Well, yeah, but... This is a beautiful picture, too.

This is great for the viewers. It's a beautiful picture. Oh, it says who took it right down. That's my girlfriend's last name. I was going to say that, but... name i was gonna say that i was gonna say that but i it if you've made it this far if you know a raja they took a beautiful picture of water and uh boat house boats it looks like venice this is like amsterdam yeah this it's probably amsterdam raja r-a-j-a and then your last name Wow I was going to say that was your girlfriend's last name

I thought I was like that is her But she refuses To add me on Instagram I'm calling her out She liked a video of mine So I was like I'll add her on Instagram Nope didn't accept it I tried to reason with her

We weren't friends on anything Until we were three months into dating Yeah but was she liking your photos and your stuff? I don't post anything. Yeah. It's even weird. She didn't buy a pair of my socks. She doesn't follow you?

That's weird. I know. Isn't that weird? Isn't that weird, Rachel? Isn't that weird? Just go. I'm not defending you. I'm not defending her on this one.

She didn't buy a pair of my socks. I don't like that the time's wrong. She didn't buy a pair of my socks. No, it was 1246, 75 degrees, and they took this picture. I don't like that the time's wrong. She didn't buy a pair of my socks. No, it was 1246, 75 degrees when they took this picture. Shut up. That's military time.

Military time for... It's still wrong. Military time for still wrong. How dumb can we look in this episode? Yeah, we are very dumb. Well, you gotta come up with those stupid

fucking questions. Just say, hey. You got the almost entire second page. Are you alive still, puppy? I keep forgetting the dogs here. That's a well-behaved dog. She's tired. She had a busy day today.

My goal is to keep her awake as long as possible so she passes out in the night. So I don't have to wake up a bunch of times. How long do dogs sleep? Puppies sleep like for an hour and wake up a bunch of times How long do dogs sleep? Puppies sleep like For an hour and wake up and bark What? They're terrible It's like worse than having a kid

Yeah that's going to piss some people off That's a thousand percent true Jack I've had two people that just had babies Jack is one of those I'm actually a parent I have two dogs It's just as hard just had babies say that when they got their puppies it was worse than the kid i'm not kidding i'm not

the one saying it but they told me do they feel the same pressure to keep it alive i mean i'm sure you want to keep both alive uh pretty pretty excessively but i'm sure you want to keep your kid alive like if a dog was attacked if my dog was attacking my kid, I would murder the shit out of that dog. Absolutely. You got angry there for a second. Yeah. What kind of dumb question is that? Is that another tongue twister you're throwing my way?

What are you trying to do? I had a dog when I was a kid that bit someone off a bike and then I had to get rid of it. Bit off a bike? Yeah, bit a kid off the bike. Because it was so protective. It was a Rottweiler. Yeah. That's an athletic dog. Put that in the bike. Because it was so protective. It was a Rottweiler. Yeah. That's an athletic dog.

Put that in the Olympics. I know. She dives over a hedge. Just takes it to get out. Dude, I think dogs should be in the Olympics. The puppy bowl? Put it in the Olympics. Dude, I've seen like every once in a while when you go to a sports bar or something,

they'll have the dog shows where they're just throwing a Frisbee and the dog just jumps so far to catch it. Those are kind of fun to watch. Yeah. They're so cool. And then you see one dog mess up and you're like, oh no, it was trying so hard. It was doing its best. Dude.

But if it was a human, you'd be like, fuck you. You suck. What's your favorite thing to like, what gravitates your attention on a, like a sports bar more than sports? Like the lumberjack games. Oh, those are phenomenal. Dude. Like I can't keep my eyes off.

Lumberjack games. The, is that where they do like the chainsaw stuff where they're like, yeah, those are phenomenal. Like, I can't keep my eyes off them. Lumberjack games, is that where they do, like, the chainsaw stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are sweet. For a dog show, I like the jumping ones, but I also like the poles. They're like, eee! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's, like, an over-fluff, like, Pomeranian.

Just, like, so sneaky. I don't know what else would be on it. I like the B-dubs ones where they just show random clips of Red Bull people going down hills super aggressively. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like adrenaline sports?

Yeah, and it's just like a montage of them. It's never like the same thing. It's like, this guy jumped off a cliff and almost died. And the next one's like, watch these people play tag. It's like so much fun. The extreme tag? Is it still a thing yeah it is it's so cool there's that or like the extreme ones are when they are skiing you tell no one's been down this path before you're like where is he going what is he doing did you see that you see that skiing video where that guy actually like skied over someone that was stuck in the snow yeah yeah and like

rescued him so scary this guy was like stuck upside down in the snow in a snowboard and some other guy was skiing and like saw the tip of the snowboard like turned around and was like hey what's going on and then luckily he had like all the proper tools for like digging and he pulled out a shovel started digging about the guy was like upside down breathing still alive he's like hey yeah what's going on he's like all right just hang out for a second he like got him enough air like room for air he's like all right i gotta give i gotta need to take a breath because he'd like take his skis off like climb through this stuff that's so deep you could like get he could have kept sinking and like never been found so they were just like slowly digging each other

out it was crazy that is crazy the luck that guy has to have he probably thought he was already sitting there upside down stay stay on the bunny hill, bud. Stay on the lanes. What I also like to watch at the bars is, did you ever see the mini putt championships? No. They are so good at it. Aren't they usually, I've seen clips online.

It's a lot of older men too, really into it. And they have the angles perfect. I know. And like three different angles. This is going to bounce three times and just roll in. It's like watching someone in billiards and you're like, you can't do that. The pool stuff interests me too. I like finesse sports.

Yeah? The aggressive... Is that the word for it? Yes. No, it? Yes. No, it's not. Yes, it is. I don't think so. I think finesse is like... I thought I was going to say figure skating is finesse.

Yeah, I would agree. What does the word finesse mean? Hook up a goob. Intricate. Intricate. Okay. Yeah. That could be it.

Okay. Like lacrosse. Like learning to cradle and going in and out of people. That's finesse. Would billiards be precision? Precision. That's what we're looking for. Intricate and refined delicacy.

Delicacy. Billiards can be delicate. Subtle or delicate manner. The trick shots are pretty cool. Yeah, those are sweet. Have you seen anyone pull those out in real life no the only one i've ever like tried on my own is you put the quarter on the end he just yeah you hit the ball hard enough into where the quarter is it pops up and you get it to land in a

cup you've done magic wait wait you've done that yeah that's how good are you at pool i'm not that's easy you just hit it on the quarter. Yeah. But you put it into a cup. Because it bounces up and over. You don't get it. Where's your cup? Right behind it.

Oh. I don't get it on the first try every time. It's like, hey, let's see if we can do this. And four of you try and one of you finally gets it. I am not imagining. So is the quarter on the table? No. Quarter is on the bumper. the green part of the bumper.

Okay, so where's the cup? Right behind it. Also on the green bumper? On like the wood part. And so then you just hit the part of the bumper. The glass on the pool table. That's breaking rules, dude. I get it now.

He just kicked off TikTok again. Where do you play pool? Do you have a pool when you were growing up? No. Friends' houses, I've played it now. He just kicked off TikTok again. Where do you play pool? Do you have a pool when you were growing up? No. Friends' houses, I played it enough. I used to actually be pretty damn good at it. Now I'm god awful. Yeah.

The only time I play pool now is Maddie's. Yeah. You were pretty good when we played against. I think we still lost. We did lose. I was garbage. Garbage. I have no finesse.

I'm not good at any. Finesse? garbage. I have no finesse. I'm not good at any finesse or bar games. Like the darts or pool or any of that. I didn't grow up around stuff. I like darts. I did darts in college. We were pretty good the other night.

Yeah. It's not like an actual game like a bar game if we played the game hockey like the drinking game yes that one's fun that game where you stop it on the give me your top three drinking games um fuck your bucket stop is that way that sink the biz people have different names for it so and i'm gonna say we be called the fuck a bucket and basically you have a partner. Everyone lines up. It's like flip cup. So I would flip my cup.

I would flip my cup. My partner flips their cup. And flips it into your cup. Yeah, we call it schlagan. That's in my top three, too. Fuck It Bucket. And then hockey. And then hammer schlagan.

Okay. Oh, okay. I don't know what you guys call it. There's one called Boom Cup. Yeah, I don't like that one. I threw up at the bachelor party last weekend with Boom Cup. Boom Cup's great. I'm going to go with a classic beer pong.

Okay. I love a good – there's been times we just run the table for the night. Drinking games. Man, there's so many that are like – all right. I'm trying to think of the ones I'm really good at. I don't know. Mine's a hockey fucking bucket I'm good at, but hammer schlagons. Nothing's more fun than sitting around a stump with people and just like hammering.

Oh, yeah. Hockey would be my honorable mention, but I would go beer die, fucking bucket, or schlogon as we call it, and then beers be. Oh, beers be. Beers be. Take schlogon out. Be's in i don't i'm not good at frisbee like that but so sync the biz we did this at uh my buddy he we were at indiana university and it's a big bucket and they pour beer into the bucket and they put a cup on top of it so it's like a i would say it's like a pay

like when you get like a bucket of beers that's what a type of bucket is and they pour beer all in it and they put a cup in it and then they go around the table and you pour beer into it and you try not to sink the biz're gonna play a few more games what are you doing that's so funny that's great yeah sink the biz sink the biz how did we get this picture? Car thick You're going to tell me this one's unedited too? This one's super edited This looks like a Star Wars picture

I don't know what you're doing If you're going to pee or poop just do it right on me dude We can't ruin the studio That Choosy paid for This is the house that Choosy built I would love that Also this is the house that Shoesie built. I would love that. Also, I mean,

for the people, this is great viewership. This is driving what's behind the cameras. What is that? What is that? What is that? Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.