Fat Chance Podcast - Hot Boy Summer #7

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

The Man, The Myth, The Chewzie joins us for this weeks Hot Boy Summer Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Fat Chance Scramble Classic Link to Tickets: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/662999207477 Thank You to our Sponsors: Clarks Premier Tree Service: Find them on Facebook Gilbertson Exteriors: https://jgexteriors.com Paradise Builders: https://paradisebuilders.biz Pieper Power: https://pieperpower.com Custom Amish Cabinets 4 Less Leahs Italian Restaurant Sprecher Brewery Sam Zimmerman, Alex Pape, Connor Gdowski If you want to Sponsor the golf outing in any way possible please reach out to @fatchancebuddy on instagram. Both the MS Society and the Beat Goes On Foundation will be benefiting from this outing! https://www.nationalmssociety.org https://www.thebeatfoundation.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

They're interesting. Like the ones that you get that are like, hey, can you send me pictures of your ass? It's like, there are so many other asses you can find online. Why do you want mine specifically? Because they see you and they're enamored by you and they think you're funny

and they just want to see those cheeks clap. I don't know if it's... I'm not going to make a clap for them. I told Jack I'd send him off. There's a price tag for everything, Michael. There's a price tag. I don't know. Progressively, as the night went on, my intros just got more like,

give it up for them, everybody. It was so bad. I forget who came up to me. They're like, dude, it was so much funnier watching you get progressively more drunk as the night went on. As it went on, I just stopped telling people's names. I was like, next up is this person. About bad. But Cody wasn't even there, so he couldn't be mad at me.

Do I talk so much louder than everyone else? You project a little more than everyone else. It also depends on the microphone. But we're all right. We can start this whenever we want. We started 45 minutes into the last episode. Let's do it. Which we need to get you all 30 minutes of that footage.

I cannot wait. I cannot wait. Just put it on your website. It's just 30 minutes of us being like, this is sick. I just go, man, this is working. I remember being just so amazed that the thing that holds it is inside the koozie. Because have you ever seen those shaker cups that you put the protein on the bottom of it? I have not. Okay, so it's those like shaker cups that you put like the protein on the bottom of it? I have not, but I know it's trying to.

Okay, so it's like a shaker cup and you can like store your protein. This is so juicy. I haven't used this in years because it's poor design, not like the choosy. What happened was it's like you just lock it at the bottom and it just makes the shaker cup taller. So eventually it becomes this unwieldy leaning tower of Pisa, and you have to somehow fight with it to not fall over all the time. And this one is discreet. That's why I designed it that way.

Exactly. It's perfect. You don't even know what you're drinking. Well, let's introduce him first. For those of you who don't know, after our two-hour episode, this is the man, the myth, the choosy. My name is Mickey Sullivan, yes, but I am the choosy guy as well. That is the man the myth the choosy that uh my name is mickey sullivan yes but i am the choosy guy as well that is that is the alter ego yeah you prefer should we just call you choosy you

call me you like so yeah call me so i've learned i can't call you sir but that's just it's a go-to when i answer the phone like what's up sir yeah um or a lot don't sir or i need to stop saying big man big man you need to put You need to retire big man immediately. If someone called me big man, I'd be so mad. Especially coming from my little body. If someone at work called me big man, I'd give them a T-twister and put in my two weeks. That'd be so wild. I hear big guy.

Big guy. But no, not sir. Sir is not. That makes me feel old so i would appreciate you know that's fair that's fair um i answered the phone when he got here i was like what's up sir he's like all right enough with the sir and then i go downstairs i'm like how are you sir i'm like motherfuckers it sticks sometimes it's hard i call everyone at work sir and now i feel now that what you're saying right now is making me really think back.

Stay conscious of it, yeah. Shit. Well, dude, let me say this first of all. Yeah. I don't know if you're an amazing editor, but I've seen several episodes now, and I wore my shortest shorts. I don't know how I haven't seen one testicle in all the episodes I've watched because you all wear your short shorts.

And now you're leaving me hanging. I'm sorry i don't wear my pants on the stage because i know we're going out after this and trust me when i edit them and i'm looking i'm like dude it's all thigh it's all thigh but the problem is is like you sit back into these chairs and so the shorts go down so it's a little bit of bulge going yeah i have the first video that ever did well for uh show was because of my nuts. It was. Yeah. Did it come out?

It was your bulge. It was my bulge. I got a new pair of sweatshorts, and they were smaller than I thought. And I was sitting on a bar stool, and when I was editing, I'm like, you can see the entire outline of my dick right now. And so I blurred it out, and then a bunch of people were like, dude, unblurred. I'm like, this is the wrong audience. I'm not looking for you guys right now. I didn't know you could see my balls.

Well, my balls are a little bit older and more free-spirited, so I'm hoping they don't come out to say hi. But I wore my shortest shorts just for you guys, because I thought that's what we were doing. It's the athletic ones that slide down. I think we're going to stick with the foot fetish community and the piss fetish community. I mean, they represent

pretty well and I think they have the money to throw around. Yeah. There's our game day bag back there for anyone who wants to purchase it. Sully's going to contribute to the sock bag. My feet are not very good. You can't tell

they're in the sock. I've been told I have hobbit feet, not They're not very good I mean You can't tell they're in the sock Well That's true But I've been told I have hobbit feet Like kind of flat and hairy You know Well so Maybe they'll be lucky And they'll catch a little bit of

Extra flavor Yeah if you like some Northerner Hobbit feet That are a little So are you You're originally from Ohio Yes I'm from Toledo, Ohio

I grew up I lived there for 18 years And then went away to school at Ohio University. But as a kid, my parents were kind of shitty. They were fucked up. And so they got divorced when I was like eight or nine. And so when I would go to school, I had two older sisters and they went away. They were already away at college and whatnot.

And when I would go to school, then I wanted to be like class clown, like the funny dude at school because my home life sucked balls. So I became like the class clown and that funny dude at school because my home life sucked balls so i became like the class clown and that was like who i was yep and i got voted class clown in grade school and in high school and i was like that wild dude that always was up for anything started drinking in seventh and eighth grade have a lot of crazy stories sound like my little brother and so i went away to school i went to ohio university um had a lot of fun there and uh after school i moved out to dc my girlfriend at the time she lived out there and uh we've lived

out there ever since so we live in maryland now right outside of dc but yep so we we uh let's i want to go sport wise where where's our allegiance are we oh boy yeah i'm all over the map man all over the map caps i do like the caps i hopped on their bandwagon as well as the gnats but like the skins i just can't yeah but now they got new ownership so i mean i could probably bengal fan not a browns fan so toledo is like right in the middle of cleveland detroit cincinnati columbia all that stuff so we and we didn't have anything to our own so it was like i was a huge pistonistons. Still, Pistons are my favorite. And they're dog shit right now.

So I'm happy to represent them because they're on the upswing. But basketball is my favorite sport. I love the Pistons. For football, I grew up watching like those Niners dynasties. I'm older than you guys. Like the Montana ones when I was real little. And then Steve Young. Still Jerry Rice, Ricky Waters, all those guys.

And they had great dynasty. So I stuck with the Niners. And then for baseball, I used to love the Tigers, but I haven't seen a fucking Tigers game since NOM. So the Nats, they moved to D.C. like the same time we did from the Expos. So they had a great bandwagon, and they won a World Series, you know, and they built a team, and now they're dog shit again. And you are all over the place.

I know, dude. It's weird. It's weird, though, because if you're in Wisconsin, every team that you like is going to be Wisconsin unless it's hockey. Hockey. You pick Wild or the Blackhawks because that's our in the middle. Yeah, you're in the middle. And you're in the middle of a lot of other things, too.

I think Wisconsin, people from Wisconsin don't understand. I was going to say, I don't think I would understand having multiple things to pick from in the same state. It's terrible. Imagine being from California. You've got to pick demographically which part. But it would be kind of cool. As lucky as we've been with the Packers,

it would be super cool if there were three teams and one was just bad, one was really good. And you would just be like, all right, I like this one like i remember as a kid i didn't care what team it was i like the buccaneers because i like pirates and so that was like my team if your parents aren't big sports fans you kind of get to choose whatever so my parents weren't big sports fans and i love sports growing up so i did pick and choose which is kind of shitty but hey you can pick and choose as long as it stays with you you know it can't be every other year if you're switching every year those are the worst people my brothers and i are football teams to start i wore a randy moss viking shirt in my first packer game oh shit and my dad

was like i don't know him that's you brought me here that's bullshit well so me and my brother moss is cool though he's my all-time favorite football player yeah and me and my brothers our three favorite players were terrell owens of the Eagles, so Stevens, an Eagles fan. Well, of the Niners first, but yes. Of the Niners. Yeah, but at the time he was the Eagles. We're a little younger than you. Say it twice.

And then I was a Vikings fan for a bit. And then Andrew was a Chad Johnson, Chad Ultrasinko fan. Ultrasinko. He is held true. I mean, he, to this day, big Bengals fan, like Burrow fanboy, all that shit. I mean, when Burrow came, you got to be excited. Love Joe Burrow. So I do have a little Joe Burrow connection. My sister was his English teacher.

She's not going to like me saying this, but she is a teacher in Athens, Ohio. She was his English teacher, and she said he was an awesome dude, super smart, very nice, respectable. Ohio she was his English teacher and she said he was an awesome dude super smart very nice respectable um and I I root for him because he just has that like that attitude he's got something bottom he's got something bottom he has a swag you just walk yeah he got that Aaron Rodgers has no swag like remember when they did that uh promo video of him walking up to like the Jets like yeah oh I don't know it wasn't that facility it was the other Jets facility and he like

was dressed as he looked like Nick Cage and I was like oh this is like so not cool like a beater yeah he wore a beater and he had like

this leather bag and he like threw it on the ground as he got out of his car I was like oh dude you have no swag you're such a bad guy but he's

I love Rogers you're spoiled with Aaron Rogers for that long and Farm and Farm Aaron Rogers is the like the master splinter of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Such a bad guy. You're spoiled with Aaron Rodgers for that long. And Favre. And Favre. Aaron Rodgers is the master splinter of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, like that old wise guy. He's not cool guy Joe, and he never has been.

He's never going to be cool. That's his role. He knows it's been his role. I think he's cool. He goes into a fucking hut for three days. Oh, I love him. It's true. It's funny as hell.

for three days. Oh, I love him. It's funny as hell. It's like his whole offseason story was not necessarily about if he was leaving the Packers or not. It was like, how long is he going to be in a hut? I have to go in this hut

and take shrooms for three days and then I'll let you know. All right. I love how much we cared about that. Yeah. Quick pause. Yeah. Just to, again,

once highlight the versatility of the choosing. My man We switching I thought we up I should have brought a bottle. That was my idea I'm like we got the skinny guys you can sneak in with the top on too. Just so you know, they go on No, like the skinny can yeah, you can just sneak them in without taking the top Look at that versatility right there and bottles We are talking about it.

If you saw it, we love that you left enough room that we can still sip out of the can. It's all the can out of the koozie. So the company that I work with, they did not leave me enough top initially. And I had to be like, hey, man. They make these all in China. So China, they make all stainless steel drinkware. Like Yeti has all their shit made in China. Everybody makes this stuff in China.

They sent it back over, and they're like, all right, this is the final prototype. We think it looks good. I go to drink out of it. I'm like, dude, do Americans just have fat fucking lips? You couldn't. Probably. That's probably.

Where did the rest of the world work at? Speaking of fat, did you hear the lizzo news yes i actually have one of my roast jokes here's about it this is amazing you haven't heard about it lizzo i know i have the full article i have like a quote of it yeah can i give them a spark notes real quick or do you want to read the article title i think the article is funny i don't have the title but i have word for word what it was so just you you know the whole lizzo situation where like she's beautiful for who she is and all that. And you know what?

Be proud of who you are. But I think we went a little too far on this one. A little too far. This is wild. Wild. All right. So. Very excited.

Breaking. Alarm emoji. Graphic language slash content. A lawsuit has been filed against the Star Wars Duchess slash pop star Lizzo in Los Angeles Superior Court by members of her dance crew for sexual harassment and body shaming that involved allegedly forcing the dancers to eat bananas out of each other's vaginas. Lizzo allegedly began inviting cast members to take turns touching the nude performers, catching dildos launched from the performers' vaginas, and eating bananas protruding from vaginas, the suit says. Lizzo then turned her attention to her crew member, I'll leave this name blank,

to protect the victim, and began pressuring her to touch the breasts of other nude women. She declined. According to the suit, Lizzo allegedly led a chant, goading her to do so after Davis, oh, I said the name,

anyway, Ariana Davis. Her name's ariana davis it's public news the chant grew louder and more strident demanding a visibly uncomfortable miss davis to engage with the performer so she did end up touching the breasts but where do i apply that's all i need yeah lizzo's camp could you imagine just being backstage you could just go backstage to like i don't know, switch out the water or refill something, and you just see six background dancers bobbing for bananas.

Boom. Just be straight up. Slipping on it like Donkey Kong, too. Playing beer pong. Dude, that's so cartoonish. That whole description of the event. It doesn't seem real. That's something we would make up.

That's so specific. That's so specific. It was in Amsterdam? Everything happened in Amsterdam. I thought it happened overseas. It was filed in Los Angeles. Oh, well, yeah. But it's absolutely insane. It's too insane to make up.

I would have never been able to be like, how will I get my money out of Lizzo? Oh, she was making me shoot food out of my butthole vagene or or butthole it was the gene but i don't have a vagene oh okay hey can you do me a favor you got this fuzz hanging from underneath your beard you're good but it is i mean it's just been putting it back what are you doing we put in the bag put in the bag that buzz is worth at to $12. Oh, that bag is at least $100. We already know, yeah. Hell yeah.

I know. Girl, get it. But that was wild. I read that. I was like, holy shit. I think in Amsterdam, it's just, that's what you do in Amsterdam. Is Amsterdam the red light district? Yeah.

Where it's just a street of prostitutes? I could be wrong. I know it's somewhere, but I've never been. You ever been to Europe? I was in Italy for a while. My fiance and I went for two weeks to Italy. We went to Florence because I wanted to go pretend I was in Assassin's Creed. And then we went to Rome, Venice, and then Cinque Terre,

which is that village. Have you seen, what's it called? Are you pretending like you know where this is? No, it's the cliffs. Yeah, it's cliffs, building on the cliffs. We went there, and they had the best food at that little cliff village that I was at. There was like five of them, and they had really good seafood. It was awesome, but I was getting so bored because it was just houses and three places to eat.

And so my fiance would just love to sit on the rocks and sunbathe. I was losing my mind. There was nothing to drink. I had nothing to do. So I would just get lost in a mountain village and didn't know where I was. And I'd come back two hours later and she was still sitting there on the rocks. I could never retire in a relaxing space like that. I guess I never really thought about that.

I was like, it's beautiful. You need to go. I'm like, you get there, you see it for a few seconds. Like, oh, this is just where people live. I can't go tour everyone's house. Yeah, the two places that I think Venice was great. I don't think we stayed there for two nights. Didn't need to.

It was a lot of fun, but you didn't need to because it's just an island. And so you're literally just walking in hallways. The whole city is just hallways. It's so wild. It was beautiful. And then Cinque Terre was a lot of fun and she had a lot of fun there and the food was great,

so I can't complain too much. But staying there for like super long, if you're not someone that likes to relax, probably not the vibe. But with Florence and Rome, there was just like non-stop stuff to do where we would just be like oh let's go do this and walk around it was a it was a lot of fun once in a lifetime opportunity so it was sweet where are you going are you doing a honeymoon did you

plan that stuff yet we're not doing a honeymoon we're um doing like kind of a smaller uh destination wedding um in mexico so and because i but, so this is the worst kind of couple. This is the best. Hey, we're getting married, but you got to travel. This is the original plan that I told everyone

before we planned the wedding. I said, all right, I've got, I got my fiance on board and I said, this is what we're going to do. We're going to do a honey rager.

Instead of a honeymoon, we're doing a honey rager where we just ask all of our friends to come out for a long weekend and party with us the weekend after our wedding.

And then just get married somewhere in between. We get married, like the day. And then like, we all go out on, I was thinking like a boat cruise on Lake Michigan for like four days. And we all just get drunk. Like as a friend,

like as a group, like friend group. Cause all of us are friends. Four days on Lake Michigan. Yeah. You just go on like a little houseboat cruise with everyone. And so that's what I wanted to do with something like that and um all my friends like that sounds like a destination wedding at that point and i said would you guys be okay with a destination wedding and they were

like absolutely we would love to do that so i didn't feel bad about it anymore and so that's why we ended up pivoting from a local wedding and then doing that but um it would it would have been a lot of fun either way hold on someone's gonna want to watch this lift it up lift it up oh my god all right uh girl are you a world traveler at all do you like to try your home body or i'm clearly not you flew here from maryland which is amazing by the way that's bananas i was in the neighborhood. We were like, when you called me, I texted him right away. I go, he's actually flying out here.

I'm like, what? And we were shocked. I mean, because it happened so quick. I was like, all right. Well,

it's not every day you get to go on a podcast with such wonderful fellas such as yourself. Oh my God, Sully. Come on, give me a cheers with that one.

Oh, we got to do. And about this choosy, it's got a great clink. It's got a great clink. It's got a great clink. You're the professionals. I don't know if you saw. Professionals is a stretch.

We did this thing, and I actually really liked it. We did a choosy cheers. Oh, choosy cheers. I really like introducing into like, oh, this is just one of our things we do to start the episodes. We got a choosy cheers for the day what do you want to cheers to what are you doing you're ruining our wholesome moment i'm using the choose this is my demographic right here let the man rip let him rip get it do you need one no i'm good right now but this so the i didn't really get to talk about the

company so i will tell you this is like uh the comedic drinkware company is how I kind of describe it. So I'd like to take the best parts of like a Yeti and a Barstool Sports, mix them together online. We put out a lot of stupid videos, but they're all kind of funny, goofy content. Was it a pool? Was it like a little kiddie pool? The pond and the cock ring were our favorites. I was losing it. Pond and cock rings.

Now I know. Oh, the cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the Lord of the Rings. When you bit it, I was like, all right, we're good. Is that a cock ring? That's a cock ring. It's got a big girth on it.

Congratulations, sir. No worries. Congratulations. But continue. But no, we uh that that is the goal so it's like we're trying to entertain people we're trying to bring choosies to mainstream a little bit because people don't know about them so that's why i'm here we're representing the brand a little bit it's uh you know we have fun with it and we're just trying to get the name out there man clearly we love it we're excited to work with you um we just trying to get the name out there, man. Clearly we love it. We're excited to work with you. We're trying to get him out here even more.

So, yeah, no, I love it. My favorite, to be honest with you, I like the top. I was surprised it came with more stuff in the box, like having the straw on the top, the coffee lid. You can drink so much faster that way. Yeah, I mean, too. After the the episode we recorded we went to his apartment and we were playing like the don't drink and drive beerio and all that and just they went down so also i looked down like half the case is gone we've been here an hour yeah it was wild that's good yeah the coffee lid is obviously you can put coffee

or water whatever drinks you want so we're trying to market it to everybody so like when we talk about the bottom you were saying in the last episode like what am i going to keep in here my airpods or some shit yeah people can keep whatever they want in there you know i mean whether it's jewelry or money or uh weed or drugs or pouches or whatever the hell you want medicine but it's like we we are mainly the reason i i started it is because it perfectly fits a can of chew. It's discreet. It sneaks right up in there. And there's 10 million Americans that use chew or pouches or, you know, smokeless nicotine.

So they, beer has had plenty of places to be stored for the past 30 years. Like koozies, the koozie companies. Yeti's a $4 billion company just on the backs of making koozies. Yeti is a $4 billion company just on the backs of making koozies. So no one has ever made a home for a tin of tobacco or any sort of pouches. So we finally gave it a home next to our cold deserving beer. We just smushed them together. And, you know, it didn't exist. I was kind of surprised that it didn't exist.

That's what I'm saying too. Like how did no one think of it? I think what you know you you got a good one is your goal was to hold a dip can. And we're like, you actually could hold so much more shit here. Like, your main goal, you're like, oh, it just branches out immediately. And this is going to work. We'll see. We'll see, man. We're talking with, like, different influencers and sponsors and stuff like that to kind of get the word out because I'm from Ohio.

I'm from middle America, but I live out on the East Coast now. I work in a fire department where probably 20% of the people use chewing tobacco or pouches or something like that. So I'm around it constantly, and that's kind of why I thought about it. I'm around it constantly and that's kind of why I thought about it. And, uh, it, it,

it's usually those 10 million Americans that use smokeless nicotine. They're, they're not usually on the coast and stuff. They're in middle America. There are people out in the country and stuff like that. So getting the word out to them is, is part of my job. So that's why I'm coming on podcasts and stuff like this. And then also it's an investment in the future because 10 million Americans

use them now, but it's a like compounding annual growth rate of smokeless tobacco is 37% a year. So every year, 37% more people of that demographic use the stuff, the Zins, the pouches, whatever. So it's going to be 20, 30 million in the future. The Zin is the new, what's it called, jewel. The Zin's the new jewel right now, yeah. I don't want to call them fads because they've stuck around for so long but it is and it's gonna sound terrible like uh younger kids find it like really cool to do all this stuff and um i i think the purpose of the zins and the rogues were like you're not

doing tobacco anymore which is great and that it fits all these perfectly so it's you want to do all that put it in here but you're it's gonna grow forever yeah like no matter what people are going to use nicotine you're going to use tobacco the minute we discover how to use it we haven't stopped yeah exactly that's exactly the thing and i actually with uh pouches i was like worried about it because um i didn't want to like ruin my teeth um and i talked to a dentist who my uh good buddies uh dating and she was like actually like it won't fuck up your teeth the pouches won't the roads or justin jones it's like the long cut and if you're gonna do it just like swap spaces in your mouth and i was like okay then like there's

obviously the addiction to the nicotine is the thing that's like probably negative yeah but everything else about it's like all right i'm okay with this like that's fine and then i'm having like a good spot to hold it when i'm out there partying like i don't like i feel like a lot of people that do do the nicotine thing are always like trying to find a new thing to try to either whether it's quit or find a new avenue to like not do whether it's like going from smoking tobacco to smokeless tobacco yeah it's like a better way than and that's way better and we're not dude i'm not here to be an advocate for fucking for pouches right exactly or alcohol but like two-thirds of america uses alcohol and we don't even think twice about it play the game three percent of america uses these pouches or

smokeless nicotine so it's like i'm not listen i try not to use this shit ever myself i just am given a little vessel for people to keep it the ones that do use it put it together man when you're out with the boys you're buzzing around you're having some drinks you got a place to storm you don't have to fucking sit on them the rings in your jeans in your pockets no sitting on them i hate having shit in my pockets hate it like i my keys when we go out tonight i will waistband because i don't like anything here because i feel like it i I'm not kidding, slows me down. We need to get out of some earth fast.

I was like, if I got to run, I don't need my keys blocking my right leg. You kids do with your tight-ass pants and shorts. Yep. You got to. You got to have the space. You can't be taking up a whole pocket. If I put them in, you'll see every key I got in there. And the extra weight in the bottom of it with the dip.

If I get into a street fight, you'll win. Fucking automatically every time. You think you were selling weapons? I'm not saying. You can fit lots of stuff in there. It's a Swiss Army knife of koozies, okay? You can kill people with it. You can hide your chew.

It's a Swiss Army knife of koozies. Skinny tall boy. Short beer. Beer bottle. All right? That's theChoosey, C-H-E-W-Z-I-E.com. Yes,

he got it. You got it right this time. I did C-H-E-U once. My man. I'll send you the video of him going, that is C-H-E-U-W-Z-I-E. I'm like, we're going to try that again,

Jack. Well, dude, thank you very much for letting me talk about it, but I have to talk with you guys because I am a failed comedian. I tried to do stand-up comedy 10 years ago. We need Judd.

So I'm enamored by the fact that you guys get to do it successfully. So I want to hear about your stories, man, and how it's been going. Well, I don't know about successfully. Successfully is not a thing. Successfully is not a thing. We're new at it. We stuck to it, I think. Let's start with that.

We're in a... Honestly, I think the Milwaukee scene is a lot of fun. I think it's a good spot for starting out. There's a lot of good comics and then there's also a lot of opportunities to go out and do mics and stuff. For my personal thing, I always wanted to, so I used to stream on Twitch,

play games, and I would get hammered. And that was my whole thing was I would get drunk, I would do a hard seltzer stream. So when we were playing a game, I would say, if I died, I drank two drinks. If I got a kill, I drank one drink. And if I won the game, then I shot gun a beer. And so that would be a full day from the morning.

Good toss, good catch. And that's what would happen. And I would tell stories on it, and some of those would go do well on like tiktok and like things like that and so i was like all right i'm gonna try to do those stories and like in comedy so they opened up a comedy club here i started working there just like kind of be involved so i could kind of see what's going on and a buddy of mine signed me up one day and said all right now i signed you up you can't get out and that's what's

going on but having a fiance fiance and living not in the city kind of takes away from it quite a bit. You've got to be a good young man. And it's very easy to get trapped in the, hey, I'm going to hang out here the whole night and drink and come home at 2 a.m. So not that I would have ever been successful because I don't think my shit was funny at all.

But I had to go to these open mic nights at nights that they would start at 11 o'clock, sometimes 10.30, and I'd be in a line with 20 little starving, 20-something kids, and they all want to get up for five minutes and tell their jokes, and then it'd be like 12.30, 1 o'clock by the time I got out,

no one laughed at any of my fucking jokes. Everyone's tired and wants to go home. I was like, what am I doing? I'm starting a family. I got another job. I got to get up at five. This is fucking terrible. Yeah, that was the worst part i worked two jobs so i wouldn't see my fiancee on the weekends except for like the morning so i'd pack my mornings with stuff

to see her and hang out with her and then weeknights she'd be home hanging out i'd be out at mike's and so i'd tone back on going out to mike's i need to go out more um but the thing is i don't write enough so if i write if i write something and i think it's good i will make an effort to go but if i don't write i'm just gonna be like all right i'm not gonna go out more. But the thing is, I don't write enough. So if I write something and I think it's good, I will make an effort to go. But if I don't write, I'm just going to be like, alright, I'm not going to go out there and do the same stuff that I know is going to work. But it's been a lot of fun. I've had a lot of fun shows. I've actually got to perform with

some international headliners given my inexperience and the lack of time I've put into it, being realistic. I don't think I deserved either of those spots. I just got lucky considering I worked at the comedy club. That's what it takes sometimes is luck. I think, I mean, we're the last people to talk about being successful.

I know right now after you asked, what's it like being a successful comedian, Judd has turned it up just a little bit. Let's see what these schmucks are about to say. Yeah, just, you know, I make a lot of money. I actually headline all across the country. This is how you write a joke. No, it's, like I said, it's definitely a grind.

It's, you don't show up. You got people in the scene. The guy who's hosting the roast he's at tonight will probably look at Jack and be like, have you quit comedy? Yeah, I thought you quit. Because I haven't seen you in three weeks kind of thing. Yeah, I thought you quit. I almost didn't go today.

I didn't write today. I didn't write anything. I knew you wouldn't have. I wrote a little bit write anything. I wrote a little bit last night. I wrote a little bit last night while I was in bed. I was like, okay, I have to write that down. I would roll over, put the covers on my head so I wouldn't make up my fiance and type it quick on my phone and text myself and I would go back to bed.

You text yourself? You just wouldn't put it in your notes? No, I don't like my notes. You realize how dumb that sounds, right? I'm a notes guy. I don't like my notes because I can't put it in your notes no i don't like my notes um you realize how dumb that sounds right it's good but hey i don't like my notes because i can't because i can't find it so this what i do is because i have a notification for myself and so in the morning i go all right there's these three things and then i write them down in my joke book so if we if we go through this these are all jokes or videos that i think are funny that i send to people but these are all

jokes it's just i have I have conversations with myself. I was going to say, you realize he's responding to himself in this video. No, because the send also comes as a receive, so it's not responding. Oh, okay, so it's the same thing. So it's just me sending. I thought you were replying.

Good one, Jack. I really like this one, Jack. That one's really fucking funny, dude. But there's so many times where I'll be hammering, I'll text myself a joke, and I'll go, what the fuck is what the fuck all i do all the time we're like you're half asleep and you think of something i wrote it down and one of the ones i wrote was like uh my i compared having sex with my girlfriend to getting rabies and killed and i said it on stage once and it did well and even i was like so if you guys can tell

me what the fuck that means that'd be great um but it it's you gotta stick with it that's it and you almost treat it as you almost guilt yourself into going not going like you love going you're chasing we were talking about when you chase that one laugh um all the time and once you have your best laugh you're chasing that one then um at least from my experience and it's the most ego boosting humbling experience i think you can do because it takes a lot to get up there and the first time i went on i went to my car and i like screamed the top of my lungs i was pumped it's something you always wanted to do like you have a goal in life and you're like i want to at least try it once you're pumped you did it yeah some people do that and they're like all right i did it i tried it i'm good and then those of you like i need to do it

again then you're hooked and you're in and so like i don't know you could have been like oh i did it once i tried it whatever the people who are like i need it i need that again just that little laugh if i don't go for a week or two i I text my fiance in the middle of the day. I'm like, hey, just so you know, I'm getting an itch. I need to go and do this. And that's just how it is. But it's a lot of fun. Again, I would never say that I'm a successful comedian.

I've gotten to-go ones, some small shows, and it's been a lot of fun. And when I have done them, it's gone well, which is sweet. But, yeah, it's a lot of fun and then also like all the people too i mean it's so fun just like watching people like get really funny all of a sudden out of nowhere you don't see them being funny and all of a sudden they figure it out they figure it out and i haven't figured it out but when you see someone go oh fuck they like they went even better than like what i thought they were it was it's a lot of fun to see that in person because this is actually a really fun community.

We've got two clubs here, three clubs close by now. Yeah. Four if you count Comedy on State. So it's pretty sweet just being around like that. How many times did you try it? I think three times. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like it makes you a uniquely confident person, right?

Like it's a skill set that you have for the rest of your life, getting up in front of an audience and being able to talk and then manage it and make them laugh and kind of transform the whole room. I think that is super cool. And like you have that skill set for the rest of your life if you can do it successfully. But the shit I did, oh, my God. What was your favorite joke?

Oh, buddy. Did you have the same? I'm guessing they gave you five minutes, right? successfully but the shit i did oh my god what was your what was your favorite joke oh buddy did you have the same i'm guessing they gave you five minutes right yeah i don't think anybody was fucking timing at these places yeah i can i i did a whole bit on like paul walker had just died so i like i like dead people are an easy mark for me so So I think I did a bit about how like, well, Paul Walker would do. He's so monotone and expressionless that he would make a better ghost than an actor. I thought that was funny. Like, like speed kills, bro. Speed kills.

And I don't think that went over very well. It was pretty new probably like he died in 2013 and this was probably like 2013 december like i was yeah that's the other thing too is like it depends on your audience like you can he's done it i've done it where you do a joke does well and then it's for every comedian and then you go do the exact same joke the exact same way to a different audience and they're like you're the worst human being i've ever seen in my entire life yeah well also doing it at mike's i feel like we kind of talked about this last one where i would watch some like comics and they're like doing really good jokes and they don't get reactions i was like why isn't

it working and then i saw them do like a joke in front of a large room that's there to watch like comedy not like a open mic that's just a bunch of comics that want to do their set and get out and then people that are there to laugh on purpose on a weekday and then there's laugh on purpose and then when you have people that are there to laugh on purpose like you just see okay no that's actually good because i remember i would do like some shitty jokes that like didn't necessarily work and i did it i did one about um prison cooks like have you seen those three videos I love this cooks that like they like make food

in their cell like fun food like Laffy Taffy out of like coffee creamer and kool-aid and I was like you don't learn that unless you get your fudge packed every once in a while because you got to like try to buy your way out and I did that in Illinois and there was a convict in the front row. I bet he loved it. And he was like, that's not true. I'll go back to prison right now. I looked at him, and I didn't know I said this in the moment,

but I was re-watching my set. And I go, okay, dude, bend over and show me your starfish. Killed everywhere except for him. Except for him. And I was looking at him in the front row, and he was super cool. He just wasn't laughing. He's like,

dude, I'm not going to show you my butthole. And I did that. And the whole room laughed. But like, if I did that in like an open mic room, it's not going to work. They laugh at the first time,

then maybe the second time if you change something. And then if you like get like, if you get another level past it, I'm at the point where there's another level past it, then like they're done laughing at that point. So it always sucks.

But when you see someone like in a room with people that are paying and want to see, like want to laugh, you feel so much better. I mean, even the roast, the last one I did, I lost,

but I went up against probably one of the better comics in the area. Yeah. She's amazing. Um, actually, yeah, very good headlines. She's a tentative.

Yes. For the golf outing. Oh really? Yeah. We got the other, we got the other three. That's sweet. She's really funny and she beat me. But even after that, I was so happy that

I got laughs and did well. I came home and it was like 11.30 and my fiance was up waiting for me to see how it went. I was like, just so you know, I'm probably going to be up for the next four hours because I'm so excited. So I'm just going to go sit down and watch TV. And she's like, alright, fine. I was like, it's so exciting when you do well. It's a drug.

What do you do now that you're not doing stand-up in your free time? Is this taking up most of your time doing this? So, yeah, I'm an old man, like I said. My kids are 10, 8, and 6. Oh, shit. For the fire department, we work goofy schedules. I work 24 hours on and then 48 off. And so I had four days off every week to like

raise my kids which 99 of dads do not get that ability to do that so i got to do that for the past 10 years i've been home with my kids almost every day during the week and uh it's been awesome but now that they went to school last fall i was like man i've had this idea i got the provisional patent i think i have time to start this up and get it going so that's when i made the transition i guess but it's a great job for it if you got that much time off and you can just spend your free time doing this yeah you're making it you were talking before you got here the skit stuff he's like this is a lot of fucking work it's so much worth the editing at the end of it and he does none of it and he's like it's so much fucking work you don't who does the editing he does oh

well for my dude i made one fucking skit that had i made a pizza skit and like that was kind of funny and it got some laughs or whatever it was just two people it was like a pizza guy knocks on the door whatever and then i made one the other day that was like four different people and i played like the mom the dad played myself and two kids and it was dude it took me like 12 hours to fucking do my kids were like dad are you ever gonna finish this video i'm like shut up go play video games well your kids are like my dad has gone insane please watch it and then their video goes viral i'm like go down in the basement start packing some choosies right now you should have your kids film you

film yourself because I bet that would actually do kind of well be like my dad's going insane he now calls himself the choosie yeah act like a WWE wrestler vibe be the choosie and then have your kids take a video of you

or at least someone just take a video of you taking a video of yourself acting like a lunatic and I think that would actually be pretty fucking funny do it with the oldest ones they don't think it's like child abuse but like my dad my dad hasn't talked to us in two years he is now the choosy and you're just like shotgun and beers pour them down they're sitting out there in a pond dude gotta watch that A third-person perspective on the pond would be electric. My daughter filmed it.

My daughter filmed it. Your feet are above the water. In his underwear. Hey, those socks are available, too. The pond socks. We will put in a special bag. Marked pond socks. They're marinating right now.

You know what we'll do? They're brown from here down. The toes are still white. You know what you should do? Give us a code, okay, that people are like, hey, you are still white. You know what you should do? Give us a code, okay, that people are like, hey, you bought it from Fat Chance, and we will ship your choosy in one of our socks. We have to send – that's the logistics of that?

Or is it a nightmare? No, it's not. We've got to send so many socks over to that guy. No, it's just one. It's just one lucky winner. One lucky winner. And we just – you know, you can get a shoesie. I'm having a panic attack right now thinking about sending socks. Dude, you know how – okay, you only do one.

If you only do one, it's easy. Only one. Only one. But if it's everyone that uses the fat chance thing. We'll put the socks in and around, and it will be well padded. There will be nothing. Plus the box it comes in. And it will be great. I don't see how this is good for my bottom line.

It makes sense for you. Shipping Juzzies and dirty socks is... Yeah, I mean, for one of the guys that watches this, I think they'd love it. Except their Instagram got deleted. You know what I think? I think Judd. I think Judd...

Judd backed out of his... Well, I'm convinced a few of the people who comment are uh my friends and they're just like they probably are they're fucking with you let's fuck with them

but but either way dude I love where the sock stuff is going because listen if you can make a little extra money off it are we

would you say we're considered sex workers now oh no I don't think it has anything to do with sex and I just leave that word out you're a sock worker well on our end it has nothing to do with sex you're a sock worker or a sock worker i like that i like that and i think you just you know there's a there's a community there's a niche for everything that's why i'm selling chooses uh if you had any weird comments whatever

on the internet get any weird messages yet because the internet's a wild place not yet but you have like millions of views and we're just getting started. So we do not have, the creeps haven't come out of the woodwork for us yet. Even in the beginning, you get a few that you're like. I'll keep my eye out for them. Yeah. They're interesting. They're interesting. Like the ones that you get that are like, hey, can you send me pictures of your ass?

It's like, there are so many other asses you can find online. Why do you want mine specifically? Because they see you and they're enamored by you and they think you're funny and they just want to see those cheeks clap. I don't know if it's a – I'm not going to make it clap for them. I told Jack Edson. There's a price tag for everything, Michael. There's a price tag.

I don't know. We were talking about that. It's like the guy offered me five bucks once. I was like, I think my ass is worth more than five bucks. I think so, too. I mean, I'd give you at least 30 to 40. What are you doing with it? Just a bare picture?

I don't know. We're talking price tags. For like a bare cheek picture? Bare cheek, yeah. I mean, I would sell it for a penny for mine. I don't give a shit. I'd send, oh, I'm so cheap. I'm such a dirty fucking whore I've talked about this

what if your face was in it though yeah that'd be different that's way different yeah I don't know you've got a different perspective on this and I also I'm gonna ask this question and you probably don't want to answer this because you gotta go back to the firehouse boys and talk about it but I'll answer I've had I think I talked to you

about this question I have had the proposition of going, how much would it cost if you had to suck one wiener a day? Oh, you've asked me this. Yes. What's your price tag? You don't need an answer. If you do, we'll be excited.

What would your price tag be? Mine's dangerously low. One wiener a day? One wiener a day for a whole year. For a whole year? For a whole year for a whole year a whole year whole entire year bare minimum you get thousand three hundred sixty five thousand dollars a year okay that's where mine is that's bare minimum i'm thinking i need to make at least a mil for the year at least a mil after taxes though they're gonna take away that's after taxes they're taking away

oh that is after taxes no after taxes oh, before taxes. This is tax-free. You're getting Venmo. Oh, tax-free Wiener money. You get tax-free Venmo if you get a lot of purchases. But here's the thing that I say. I say I would suck one dick a day for $1,000, 365 days a year. I'd quit my job, and then all I have to do is do, the first half of the year is going to be tough.

Hand jobs? A lot of hand jobs to make up for. Hand jobs are pro-rated? Hand jobs are part of the deal, especially in the beginning. It's going to be tough. Hand jobs? A lot of hand jobs to make up for. Hand jobs are part of the deal, especially in the beginning. It's going to be long sessions, because I'm not that good at it. I think I am, but I will never be.

And then after about half a year into it, you feel pretty good. You start knowing how to work it. And then by the time the year's done, Google reviews are skyrocketing. You're going to have a lot, 365 at least. The Yelps are getting better. People are excited about you have a lot 365 at least the yelps are getting better people are excited about you're getting five stars on yelps your ratings going crazy you can start charting double triple all right i think i was looking to stay in the business well hey he's like if you only had to do it a year but i'm looking at five years down the road

i'm still doing that five years down the road five years down the road, if I do $5,000 for a dick, oh, buddy. I'm buying an island with my dick. He's got a plan. It sounds like he's texted it to himself at least a couple times. Replied, great idea. Up the price. Yours is? Yours is?

Yours is $1 million for an entire year? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to do the math. While you're doing the math i'm gonna do some math can i ask how you came up with your logo oh um i'm trying to think i kind of think of myself as like this like a modern caveman in a current day society um because i am ignorant and stupid and um i like to drink and i created something ridiculous like this. So I originally was like, I need like a caveman.

But in a modern society, could you put buildings in the background? And the guy on Fiverr that was designing it gave me his first picture was of a caveman. It was the gayest caveman I've ever seen. Leaning up against a building like a nightclub building in a super short skirt with a club like this. It was like – No, you could not. I was like, sir, I know you are like in Bangladesh, but this is the exact opposite of what I'm going for right now.

Fiverr is so tough because I tried getting logos. It would be like the Bud Light fiasco. I tried getting logos for the first podcast I ever started off Fiverr, and I go, hey, I want these. I sent them pictures of like the studio or or the garage I was doing it out of. And I was like, hey, I want these three things in it. And I want it to look like this shirt. And he sent me back the exact picture.

On a shirt. It was just black. And then everything was outlined in neon green. I go, what the fuck is this? He goes, I didn't understand what you're saying.'m like well that was a waste of time that to you in the in the yeah they constantly message you like pay me pay me pay me like you did nothing this is terrible all right so your blow jobs would be worth two thousand seven hundred dollars how much two thousand seven hundred forty dollars not a bad market good. That's year three for you.

Imagine where I'm at year five. You're not good enough. You'll scale up. You think that you're worth that much money? Your shit fucking blood, your toothy beeches are worth almost three grand. How do you know his beeches are toothless or toothy? Look it. He's got good teeth.

He's got good teeth, good lips, but guess what? Doesn't know how to use them yet. Do you? No. No. That's why I'm saying halfway through the year I'll get better. That's why I'm saying I'm planning on getting better. Would I not get better?

You can't be charging almost three grand and saying, I'll be better. Next time I'll be better. I don't think. You're not going to repeat customers. Man, and I have no lips, so I'm not getting into this market at all. I am just out from the start if you don't I think I think the choosing Markets a good one for you. Yeah, I'm gonna work Okay, you're an idea man just not a good idea I'm getting fired for sure Dude if only we had EBE sitting here with us

fired for sure dude if only we had eeb sitting here with us fuck yeah he does listen come on down buddy i tried looking for that video i couldn't find it i don't know if i saw i dreamt that video or not but dude if you sold me on a dream you had that's a real alien what's your take on aliens love them love them when that stuff came out i mean i think a couple years ago i watched them on history channel that was like it was all fighter pilots and people in the air force and stuff and they're all like i'm a retired air force pilot i saw this this and this and it disappeared and then the next guy comes up and so they're not like whack jobs they're like actual pilots that are retired that are old men that have no basis for lying and there was like dozens of them on this episode just saying the

same type of shit and i was like god it must exist there must be some shit out there so there's no way there isn't i think like people used to say all the the you the population isn't ready to know aliens exist like we need to ease them into it. I Think they've eased us into it because we just had this giant like court hearing and we don't care No one cares. We're all worried about what Lizzo shooting out of her pussy We could be invaded right now and you might be worried about might be 50,000 years ahead of us, but check this banana out. Check out how far Lizzo can shoot this thing. Watch this distance.

How hard do you got to squeeze to do that? Well, no. I don't know. I don't know what it feels like. What do you think they charge? Do you ever shoot a banana out? Let's put a banana in Jack's ass and put that in a plastic bag and see how much we get for that. Because I feel like that.

I think that ups our price a lot. There's DNA on that. But does that compromise the socks? Or are we doing two separate bags? Two separate bags. Separate bags. The choosies will be in the sock bag. You're only getting a half banana.

Because I'm pinching off. You're only getting a half banana. Because I'm pinching off. You're only getting half a banana, dude. That's all the depth you can take. You're a half banana guy. You'll put half a banana in, and then you'll pull only a half banana out, and you'll be like, where'd the rest of it go? And I go, I don't know. That's not what your fiance says.

I don't know how it's going to come out, but it's coming out. It'll come out eventually. Oh, God. This is taking a turn. Listen, you guys are selling good shit, okay? I'm just trying to get in on this sock game, and it's not. I wore black guys today. He doesn't want us to sell the shoes.

No, he wants us to get on the socks. Socks is quite lucrative. Socks are quite lucrative. You wear socks every day. Look at that. Yeah. Black socks were requested. They were, yeah.

By who? Actually, here's the thing. Blade swordsman, yeah. By who? One of your guys? Actually, here's the thing. Blade Swordsman, probably. They were requested. On the episode, Judd was wearing black socks. No one cares about Judd's socks. No one cares about him, and I love it. I'm convinced Judd has 18 burner accounts, and it's all just feet people.

I really wanted Judd to, like... I asked him, like, do your FBI shit on Sully right now. I'm like, this is going to be tough. Like, I got nothing to judge it. Like I asked him, like, do your FBI shit on Sully right now. I'm like, this is going to be tough. Like I got nothing to go off of. We, we, we talked about how you were just coming to steal our socks.

We're like, he's blade swordsman. He's coming to take all of our socks. Well, what's the, like, so I'm going to leave my socks here because I believe in philanthropy as well.

So, uh, what, what do you think is a good, like, should a threshold like it should be three dollars or twelve dollars what do you think what are we getting for these bad boys well i'm leaving these here so what are we what are we gonna make off it we're up to two two because you're a celebrity yes two hundo for these bad boys yeah they got black socks yeah i can't can't take my socks and put these in a bag today because I have to wear these

to the show. I told my girlfriend we were selling for $100 and she goes, well, that's great, but I would like to manage that in $150 minimum. I was like,

that's fair. For a pair of socks, we got to buy new ones. And all the blowjob money you guys are going to make, you shouldn't have to worry about it. Well, if we do well with socks,

I probably won't be doing it. If socks take off, I won't be putting wieners in my mouth, hopefully. At the end of that year, you guys are going to need a fucking jaw replacement surgery because you're going to be putting in work. Yeah, it's going to be tough. It's going to be damn. Know what's wild is that feet stuff is like an actual big market. My lady, sorry, honey, randomly got a message like three years ago and just said, hey, would you mind sending me pictures of your feet?

She's not posted pictures of her feet anywhere on Instagram or Facebook or anything. She's never done podcasts or put her feet up in anything visible for anyone to see. And someone just asked. And she was like, Jack, what should I do? And do and i was like honestly like send them send it she was well she was she was a teacher at the time i'm just like well if it's like a student or like a parent of a student like i don't want to be like doing that so she didn't but i was like that's insane that what she all what they offer i don't even remember you've always got to ask what they're offering because then you get

the broke college kid that offers you five bucks for your ass and you're like, I'm out. But it's insane that you have like a viewership

that's doing this and you're getting messages. It makes sense. She had no viewership and it's getting messages like, can you send me a picture of your feet? There's a market for it.

It's electric. Now let me ask you this. You have a lot of good eclectic tattoos. What's going to be your next one? What do you got coming on the pipeline here? Well, I got... It's a dragon. No, no dragons.

I've got... We could do a wedding ring one. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I was thinking ball and chain. I think that'd be hilarious. On the wedding ring. And it's been blessed. It's been blessed by the lady.

She's like, that's pretty good. On the top? Just right here yeah I gotta meet her she's very cool as much as like I always act like

oh no I can't do people always talk shit about her because I'm like I can't do this because I have a fiance but everyone that talks shit is comics

that don't have a relationship it's like yes it sounds terrible when you're by yourself and you're being able to do whatever you want but also like I come home and everything's great.

It's not like I'm being bullied into not doing what I want. I'm choosing to go home rather than stay out and party. And procreate, which a lot of comics probably don't get the chance to do. Exactly. A lot of them definitely don't. So it's weird because I was like, hey, dude, you don't get it. I'm not mad that I'm going home tonight or I'm not mad that I'm going home tonight. Or I'm not mad that I'm staying home.

Would I like to be out telling jokes? Absolutely. But I'm also home, like, having fun, like, making dinner, like, hanging out with the dogs. He's a good, wholesome guy, even though he's going to suck some dick for $2,500. Just trying to take care of my baby girl. But so my next, that's going to be the wedding ring and then I'm going to do another like inside

arm one because it's not finished on the inside here all color still yeah all color I'm so pale you got to have color so I'm going to do that and it's going to be something that's kind of related to my fiance and on the exterior on this side I'm probably just going to do something fun and then everything on

my legs just things i get random ideas for so i'll do probably a warhammer one of those things i paint i'm gonna put one of those on my knee and then some other couple things you tattoo guy uh not really i have a couple but i no i have not college tattoos or a little bit sprinkled in i think if i had like uh enough money at some point in my life i I would be like, all right, yeah, I'll splurge. But when you have like mouths to feed and your kids are like, I need a banana that has not been shot out of Jack's butt. I need a full banana. One full banana, please. And tattoos are expensive, man, to get a sleeve.

Like I wanted to get a sleeve my entire life and it's thousands of dollars, you know? Especially if you want it done well. like you can go get it cheap but my arm's worth more than my car that's which is fucking insane that's wild to say well because wait hold on how cheap is your car well my car's it's not 93 lebaron my my arm is worth a lot of blow jobs. My arms were worth almost like five, six grand. But it was planned out. I didn't necessarily want to.

No, it's five grand. Do you have chest ones? No, but I have this parrot up here. Should you take your shirt off? Yeah, just pop it off. I don't want to show my bitch tits for free. Just pop it off. That's right.

You've got to make money off it to save it. save it you gotta keep some for the imagination florida for him because i lived in florida and that's where i got this one and i want to have the same guy do my whole arm so it's not just the tattoo price but it's also like flying there i have to get a hotel i have to do like a couple days in a row because i can't leave i'm not gonna buy a plane ticket every three six months or whatever. So is it a waste of money? Absolutely. Am I happy that I have them?

Absolutely. So it is kind of a horse apiece here. I got little ones. What do you got, buddy? I got little ones. I got a fraction on my forearm. What does the fraction mean? I just tell people I like math because when they ask,

they're like, why do you have two-thirds on your arm? I'm like, I'd really not go through the whole like i i have three tattoos two of them are matching with other men um and i'm charging too little you'd be doing it for i'm already in the game you'd be doing it for free dude i'm already in the game let me do this for free um but i have a two-thirds one. I got a – that my brother did in his bedroom. So he bought a tattoo gun, and then he – me and my buddy Connor went in there. We're like, we want this two-thirds tattoo we've been talking about. I mean I would not have guessed ever in a million years that that was done in the basement. The line work is quite great.

No, you get close enough. It's a little – Well, I'll show you what i got on my leg that was not done in a basement it was done by a toothless guy in milwaukee and yes garbage but i'm so he drew he took an orange sharpie and just drew it on us and to his credit he did everything well sanitized everything the table all that us shaved our arms and he i'm like i'll go first it's my brother it was my first tattoo ever and he looks me in the eye and goes this is a bad idea and then just starts going in on me i'm like okay and it was the most painful tattoo i ever got right there is tough um and it's

so deep that when i got this one this this was my second one, I believe. You have three. I have three. I have three. You don't remember what order you got them in? Yeah, I think it's boom, boom, boom. That when I got this one done professionally, my only professional one. What's that professional?

I don't think it was professional. But I go, do you think this one's going to fade? Do I need touch-ups? And he goes, that is so deep it would last two lifetimes. I go, okay, cool. I got this one done professionally. This one's the douchiest one. Ah, we'll see. Then I have one on my thigh that

me and two other guys have, my roommate and the same guy. I have a match tattoo with two match tattoos with the same guy. In the game, bitch. Are you just jealous? Yeah. I think he's just jealous.

I'll get a dragon with you. But we were talking about getting this tattoo for the longest time. I'll get a fucking dragon. Let's go get a dragon. Let's do it tonight. Let's not. I came home with a dragon tattoo. How'd the podcast go?

I spent $1,200. I guess you've got a giant tattoo on my back. Get small dragons. It's just you two in the mouth of a dragon very vividly holding our choosies up buy it it's got a link on there click the link spelled correctly yeah spell let's put the barcode on there they just scan it choosy.com uh now i also got a tattoo with several dudes that i share with several dudes i think there was six of us for my best friend's bachelor party we got um blue sheeps tattooed on our asses

we had never seen a blue sheep kind of like in billy madison he talks about he never saw a blue duck that's why i want to draw a blue duck so we always like that joke growing up so when we said when the last of us got married we would get blue sheep tattoos on our ass so we went and we have blue sheep tattoos what's the miss what's the lady think of that she didn't she didn't love it no she didn't love it no that's not something you bring home but i i also how often is she back there she doesn't get me from behind very often, I would say so. Not very often.

Every once in a while, though. Yeah. Anniversaries, Christmas. Thanksgiving. Labor Day. Easter. Easter, you got to get the Easter eggs out somehow, you know?

Oh, you know what? That reminds me. I remembered another segment of my standup. Now, I don't remember. It had to do with Easter. So it was when I moved in with my girlfriend, this was the bit I moved in with my girlfriend and I came home and I went in the bathroom and in the trash can,

there was a bunch of like pastel covered wrappers. And I was like, Oh, I saw the greens and the pinks and the purples and the yellows. And I was like, Oh my God, Easter, the Easter bunny must've fucking came.

Like I, he knew that I moved to DC. He must must have came there's all these candy wrappers and then i go to put the toilet seat down and that's when i saw the blood and i realized that my my girlfriend had killed the easter bunny and and i investigated a little further and she must have bludgeoned him with like a cardboard cylinder at first and then and then i saw the string and i've strangulation she fucking murdered oh my god so that was that was that was the other bit that i remember i love it i feel like that could work right you can have that both are about dead things i'll give yeah i mean they're easy marks but you did say death is easy marks for you.

You choose which one. You guys can each have those. All right. Divvy them up. They're for you guys. I think those jokes fit you more than mine. Oh, God. I don't.

I'm so dirty. I actually have only one dirty joke for this roast. So I'm excited to see how it goes. Well, you know what? Because you got to get to the roast. Yeah. I got three minutes before I got to get to the roast. Yeah, I've got three minutes before I've got to get in the car. There's your camera.

Say whatever you need to promote your product, and then Jack will give you his ridiculous promotion. Well, I don't have much to say. Thank you guys for having me on. It's been an absolute blast. We started this drinkware company company and we're just getting it going. So we just started in June is the choosy and you can go to the choosy.com to get it, but just follow us on, uh, any, whatever socials you have, because that's where we put out all our

content. So even though if you don't want to buy one, I don't really give a shit, but you can still laugh along with us and we'll be around for a long time. And hopefully I'll get to see you guys again in the future and we'll, we'll get together for something else. Absolutely. What's the tag? Is it at thechoosy on Instagram? Yeah, it's thechoosy on all of them. We'll tag them and everything on the episodes. They're already tagged in the last episode,

their links and all that. But thank you very much. Yeah, thank you so much for coming. It's been fun. And also for handing us these choosies. Yeah, it's been great. I got some ideas to help us both out. So I think it'll be fun.

And as we go out, Jack, give us your ad. Three, two, one, choosy. Hey, what's up, guys? Listen, brother, I know one thing and one thing only. My lady hates when I got the rings on the back of my jeans. And let me tell you, the solution to that is the choosy. Let me put my back down and I can show you where I hide my sneaky snuff Right there look at that shit. Look at that shit. You can't even tell it's in in the koozie I bring this to work with me. I bring it to weddings, bachelor parties, baby showers, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter.

Nothing matters anymore because I can hide my nasty, filthy habit in the bottom of this beer bottle. It holds not just 12-ounce cans, 12-ounce tall boys, whatever the size fucking bottles are that are glass. And guess what? You can find that today at thechoosy.com for the low low price of $29.99.

Exactly brother. Alright. We'll see you there. All of our choosy brothers are going to be out there just slinging snuff and muff all right that is your new tagline oh boy that's gonna be tough to push past we can cut that out for you don't worry i love it we cut out the other 45 minutes i tried to do it i started trying to rhyme with choosy and it didn't go well so i was like this is my best uh willie mays goes that's a baseball player i'm at billy

mays so um thank you very much for coming we are gonna go enjoy several drinks and watch jack get roasted at the roast i'm gonna get murdered by this young can you stop turning the mic on and off because i don't think you caught half of it no i turn it off when i know i'm doing something or setting it down and stuff i caught all of that that. I caught all that. I'm so agile with my thumbs. That's why I charge a thousand. There's going to be a 20-minute period where it's going to be cut to jack and it's going to sound like this. Let's make a bet on this. Let's make a bet on this.

$1,000? Blowjob? We're done. I'm cutting this out. Thank you. Bye. Thank you, guys.