Fat Chance Podcast - Hot Boy Summer #8

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

3 yards on the Cut Back Guaranteed! The hysterical Eric Smith joins the Hot Boy Summer in this weeks episode. Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Fat Chance Scramble Classic Link to Tickets:https://www.eventbrite.com/e/662999207477 Thank You to our Sponsors: Clarks Premier Tree Service: Find them on Facebook Gilbertson Exteriors: https://jgexteriors.com Paradise Builders: https://paradisebuilders.biz Pieper Power: https://pieperpower.com Custom Amish Cabinets 4 Less Leahs Italian Restaurant Sprecher Brewery Sam Zimmerman, Alex Pape, Connor Gdowski If you want to Sponsor the golf outing in any way possible please reach out to @fatchancebuddy on instagram. Both the MS Society and the Beat Goes On Foundation will be benefiting from this outing! https://www.nationalmssociety.orghttps://www.thebeatfoundation.com Check Out The Crew:Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Eric Smith - @ericsmith on instagram

I know. All right, here we go. I just want to have sex with my son's friends. Oh. Oh, Jada Smith. Jada Pickett Smith. Oh, okay. That was good. That was good. Is that a real quote? No, I made that one up, but I thought it was going to be funny. That was good. All right. That's good.

Yeah, it was one of those rooms that like everyone did well except maybe like one person like but like everyone just spit fire it was good uh brumner mansion it's over one mcchesney's doing a lot of now yeah yeah that's what i'm doing on the 19th. Yeah, that'll be fun. Then I got something at the tap on the 25th. Some local showcase on the 25th at the tap. Oh, hell yeah. That'll be fun. We'll see. I don't know who's on that line. I know Mike got a black ass line up for the brotherhood.

It's all black people. There's nothing wrong with it. I saw it. Who is it? It's you, Zay, Craig. Craig dropped out it But it's I saw it Who is it It's you Zay Craig Craig dropped out But it's

Josh And Josh Yeah So Craig's dropped out Craig like got another Oh got another gig So who did they replace him I guess like

Moby And then Clarence Is a special guest You should get someone like Josh Siegel or something There's a little wild card in there I thought it was February when he posted the flyer I was like

I mean nothing wrong with it It's gonna be a good show I think K would fit in there perfectly He didn't even I don't know I gotta talk to Michael Cause he didn't even try to like No you have

You gotta know Yeah it's black as hell. But shit, man. Well, how was everybody's weekend? I hate starting these things. They're really funny. Well, we're missing Jack. So what do you think of Jack Sarasoli?

Jack, cool. He's big as shit. He is a big dude. Yeah. We also need to get one guest to just talk shit about him. Why Jack not here? That's a good question. Jack don't be here.

This is the second episode. Jack's not here a lot. He wasn't here for AJ either. He's had so many bachelor parties. That's why we had AJ. He leaves on bachelor parties on Thursdays and gone for an entire weekend. Just goes on vendors, yeah. More than one it's been.

The last two weekends he didn't. Why people be getting married, dog? Why people be getting married, dog. White people be getting married, bro. All right, where would you go if you had a bachelor party? Bachelor party? I feel like Vegas or Miami. I don't know. You want to see some big booties?

Yeah. I guess it feels right. I don't know. It's a lot better than AJ's answer. Dude, Vegas, I've never been, and I feel like I would spend too much money. I would gamble too much. See, I'm not a gambler. I wouldn't.

I'm not going to gamble. No. I'll go to Pato and be like, I get $25. I lose it. I'm done. But you're in Vegas. It's like you got to just try. I might do something, but I'm not going to go crazy.

I might do it just because I'm in Vegas, but I'm not about to try to win. Not like that. You got to go to Vegas for like $2,000, but I'm not about to try to win. Yeah. Not like that. You got to go to Vegas for like two grand, and I'm going to spend the two grand. If I come back with 20, I made 20 bucks kind of thing. And then there's Miami. Miami is like the BBL capital of the world. I live there. People just try to get their butt lifts.

People just try to get their butt lifts And they Lift it? And they And so much so that If you were like a hostess At like a restaurant and stuff Underneath the hostess stand Has donuts for people to sit on

Really? Yeah that's how much people Get their butts done in Miami There's BBLs all over man I don't see some bad BBLs here Which like If you got a BBL You shouldn't be in Milwaukee

Like You should move Like you should be in Miami The cold can't be good for that Nah Yeah That's wild Are they still in though?

BBLs? Like is that still very popular? Cause it's It's popular but like It's almost to the point where like Cause now like They're in Milwaukee So it's like Cheap jobs where like because now like they're in Milwaukee. So it's like cheap jobs getting done.

So now some of them look like really bad. Like cheese curds just like on the bed. Could you get one cheek at a time to, you know, they look bad, bro. I think a lot. It looked bad. Some of them look bad. But you go to you. Did you go to the state fair?

No, I haven't been ever. I've been like when I was younger.'ve been, like, when I was younger. But, like, yeah, when I was younger. But that was just, like, to, like, meet up with people and shit. I didn't really do, like, the fair thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of want to go now that I'm, like, older and, like, I know you're supposed to eat, like, nasty food. I did it this year.

I'm not getting on the rides, I'll go to like Eat food and shit But it's West Dallas It be stinking there So I don't really Like I'm not really like Punk to go But if people are going I'll go

You went? I went Saturday I go every year with my mom It's like a Tradition We try like the weird foods That we think might be good We're not bug people

Like it's like chocolate Covered crickets On a stick Kind of shit But we did This year was very underwhelming I would tell you like they had a dill pickle donut they had they come out obviously like the awards like the top three they call them sporkies okay um real enticing but it was a dill pickle donut i think donut i think sweet it was like bread with sour

cream and mayo and dill on it and i that was the first thing I ate that day. I'm like, I'm done. That's disgusting. You know how much it costs for a donut, too? Seven bucks. $9 for a donut. For a dill pickle donut? For a dill pickle donut.

That you're going to hate. Roll. Yeah, it was disgusting. Yeah, no, no, no. See, that's what's going to make me bad for the state fair. Because I'm not paying for that. I go like deep fried Oreos and then like a funnel. You go like traditional fair a funnel like traditional like a funnel cake yeah i mean that's pretty much it oh that's it that's pretty much it i don't i don't also i don't call it fairs and i don't i don't but i i

feel like i gotta go you gotta try the nasty yeah you gotta try some of the new stuff because some of it's good like they had dill pickle tacos those are phenomenal like cheese curds great but a fair is nothing but an outdoor walmart that's what i think a fair is because you look at some of those people you're like do you have a house here like where did you come from we do this shit is west out west house we do a colored hair count every year too i was like all right we got yellow we got green we got pink that one's black and white. Yeah. Yeah. It is wild. Some of those people, they're just wearing wife beaters just a normal day. The outfits are impressive. A lot of times it's 85 and muggy here during the fair. I saw a guy in a full-on XXL Jet Sauce Gardener jersey. I'm like, that's got to be sticking to you everywhere. And then his cargo shorts are down to his shins, and he's a buck 20 soaking wet.

I'm like, dude, you've got to be uncomfortable. I love the Sauce Gardner. Tie up your Osiris shoes. Yeah, he saved it with the Sauce Gardner. Yeah, that's a nice jersey, though. It's probably the only one. I have a big one like that. It's a Tony Kukoc jersey.

Back when he played with the Bucs. It's retro, but it was meant to go over my winter coat. Remember when that was a thing? When you went skiing or whatever? Back in the day, you wore a jersey over your winter coat. Did you guys watch Hard Knocks

at all? No. I haven't watched the new one. It just dropped. It just dropped Tuesday. I watched it last night. It gets me pumped for football. was like juiced for it dude they make aaron rodgers look phenomenal and i'm a big aaron rodgers fan but he looks so cool in the first episode go have you seen the johnny manziel doc though no i want a couple minutes of it. I watched a couple minutes of it. I watched a couple minutes of it. That dude, unreal. I saw the first 15 minutes of it last night. What is it on? Netflix.

What's the hard knocks on? Is that like a Mac? Yeah, it's on Mac. The Johnny Manziel one is so – because he was a quarterback for college right when I was in college. So to me, that was like my dude.

That was – he played quarterback like I play quarterback. You say hike, you run around until someone gets open, and you chuck it down there and pray that they're – You're Manziel? Yeah. I was like – because I had never played a real quarterback until like my junior year in high school. I've never like played quarterback ever. And our junior year, our quarterback got expelled for grades.

He didn't make the grades. Were you guys down to 10 people on the team? So basically they're like, Judd, you're a pitcher on the baseball team. Do you want – and I was a wide receiver at the time. Do you want to play quarterback? I was like, Judd, you're a pitcher on the baseball team. And I was a wide receiver at the time. Do you want to play quarterback? I was like, yeah, sure. And then when I went into quarterback the first game, we beat a team that we shouldn't have beat,

and I was just like running around just throwing it as hard as I can. Like just like – I hope this is – there's a guy down there that's just chucking it down the field. And the coach is like, yeah, I think when the quarterback who was supposed to be in gets back from his three-game suspension for grades, I think we're just going to put him at wide receiver and you can stick there. So, yeah.

That was an easy transition, though. A lot of quarterbacks turn into wide receiver tight ends. I noticed that a lot. Terrell Pryor. No, I'm like At my high school Like we have like Like one of my One of my guys

Who was in my grade He bumped a guy That was older than us And he just moved To like the wide Yeah What'd you guys run? Like a spread

Oh I like that What'd you play? Fullback We not gonna talk It was dumb bro My coaches was dumb bro They had me lined up In the slot

As a fullback? Yes That was the whole Like the often like It was dumb, bro. My coaches was dumb, bro. They had me line up in the slot. As a fullback? Yes. That was the whole, like, the often, like, whoever was playing, like, that blocking back would line up in the slot. Would you go in motion or what? Sometimes, but sometimes I'd go off of routes, too. It was like. You got good hands?

Yeah, I got good hands. I got everything except for, like, speed. I was always just, like, this size, bro. I was always this size, bro. I was always this size, but I could catch footwork. Like, I was just slow, but I would get, like, three yards on the cutback. Yeah, that's all you need as a fullback. Yeah, you get three yards every play.

You score every drive. On the cutback. Because by the time I get the ball and I go, the defense already commit. So I just run to the other side. Oh, yeah, yeah. Put my shoulder down. Might get a little stiff arm. We 3-6 now.

Yeah, you're good. I got a couple more yards before that safety come over. All you need is three yards every play. You're good. I had a high back pass, too. Ooh, touchdown? Nah, I underthrew it. Underthrew it.

But it was the play designed for me, though. Have you scored a touchdown? No, no, no. We got in position, but it wasn't a touchdown. Did you ever score a touchdown? No. No. So I brought up his high school football stats one time.

Early on in the episode, I brought his high school football stats. And it said he had an interception and everything. What it didn't say on there, it was a pick six. Pick six. To the career. I got more touchdowns than you. To the career. My team was ass.

My team was so fucking good. I don't think my coach liked me. Where'd you go? Tulsa East. You guys were good, right? We were really good. We're always good. But we're a D1 school.

Like Franklin and Oak Creek. them country boys and shit. Yeah, they was always good. Oak Creek was deep as fuck. I was about to go there one year because my cousins went to school out there. My cousins went to Oak Creek. And I was going to go there. Are they good at basketball? No, they was ass at basketball.

But they was good at football, though, because I remember Oak Creek used to play Menominee Falls for like a non-conference game. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Used to be cracking. Who's the – wasn't there a quarterback? Or was that Whitnall? I know Franklin. Stavi. Stavi went to go play for the Badgers.

Then Franklin, my age, Sean McGuire, he went and played at Western Illinois and then went and played in the Canadian Football League. Oh. Yeah. Maybe a few guys go D1. Who's the most famous person you've met or even know? Sport-wise? Either sport-wise or any, like, well, yeah, we'll go sport-wise first. Who you've played against?

That I've played against? High school played against Melvin Gordon. Oh, that's sick. What was he, Trimper? Kenosha Bradford. Oh, Bradford. Yeah. One of them.

No, I didn't play against him. Or Tyler Hero. I didn't play against him. I mean, I didn't play basketball. But yeah, Tyler Hero. We had a dude. His name was Austin Lane. He played for Iowa, Scandinavia.

And he was the biggest. He looked like the Predator from Predator. He played for Iowa, Scandinavia. And he was the biggest. He looked like the Predator from Predator. He's massive. Look him up right now, Austin Lane. He's now an MMA fighter, but he got drafted out of Murray State to the Bears. No, to Jacksonville and then went and played DN for the Bears and stuff. And he's just a massive dude. And now he's an MMA fighter and has a full back tattoo of just

like rural wisconsin it's it's wild and he looks like the most scariest person in the world that's the most badass on your back yeah it's pretty fucked up well i mean if you see this guy you're like yeah this dude looks scary but imagine like i remember, I remember it as... But to get rural Wisconsin, it's crazy. Yeah, it's just like a crossroads, and then it says Iola, and then it says what highway runs through it and stuff. You got corn stalking and shit. You got maybe a buck on it. Yeah, it's trash. A deer trying to cross the road.

No, I know our basketball, we play... Our conference is Greater Metro. So we had like JP Tokudo. Oh, yeah. He played Falls. He played at Falls. Played for North Carolina. Yeah.

Then he had like a. Couldn't shoot, but the dude could dunk. No, but he could dunk. He brought like Roy Williams to the games and shit. Roy Williams used to be at our basketball games and like all those type of coaches. It's wild. It's wild seeing coaches come out to Milwaukee to recruit kids. Coach K came to Washington.

But it's like, at first, because I saw Kevon Looney. He was at Milwaukee Hamilton. So when he was in high school, he was a phenom. So one of his videos, Coach K was at, like, Washington, I believe, to watch him at Washington, like, a ghetto-ass school. I'm like, what the fuck Coach K doing there? But then, like, you got to think of it. Like, Coach K, he getting, like, Duke.

Like, he probably going to the hood all the time. That's what he said. He's, like, more comfortable at Washington than I was. Do you ever think he gets, like, robbed or, like, his car gets broken into in the parking lot? No. No. I would hope not.

You see a big old Benz rolling up, and you know it's Coach K. You're like, oh, fuck. That would be a – Imagine being the other team, and then Coach K is there, and you're like, God damn it. They must have a good fucking player. You're about to lose hard. There's no way we're winning this game.

But, yeah. All right. So, who's the most famous person you've met or seen in real life? Like, not sports-wise. Well, I've met. I don't know. Damn. Do I do, like, do I roll down my credits?

You can go. You can go. I don't know who's, like, more famous, though. Like, before, like, I've roll down my credits? You can go. You can go. I don't know who's like more famous, though. Like before, like I've met Chance the Rapper before. Oh, that's cool. Outside of the rave. Outside of the rave, I met him. He was on tour with Mac Miller at the time.

Oh, shit. I've met Roy Wood Jr. Like this was before I was doing Stamina. But I was kind of, it was at one of his shows but i i guess i don't know i guess chance would be like your chances you would answer yeah yeah yeah it's hard to beat that one i guess that's most famous but i mean how was mac miller i didn't care for mac miller i didn't care for that album i mean it was oh uh which one is it was like it was i don't know swimming pools i don't know it's one was like, I don't know. Swimming pools? I don't know.

It was one of like, maybe like, maybe his second or third project. I like Mac Miller, like some of his shit, but not like, this was like acid rap chance. So I was like way into Chance more than I was. Was Ariana Grande with Miller at the time? I don't know. This was like 2013, 2014. Because I remember there's a picture of them two at the swimming pool at the time? I don't know. This was like 2013, 2014. Because I remember there's a picture of them two at the swimming pool at the rave.

Oh, possibly, yeah. That might have been the show. I don't think I've met anyone really famous ever, yeah. I don't also, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to go up to famous people if I see them. I remember there was a rumor, I mean, it was true, I saw him from a distance. Steve Carell came to UW-Madison because his, like, son or daughter was touring it.

Oh. And everyone's like, we're going to go up and say hi. It's like, if I was him, I would hate all of you. And so I just kind of like, oh, it's cool. Like, me going there and saying hi, like, autographs don't do much for me. Like, it's just someone's name on a piece of paper. I mean, Najee Davenport came to my house um because he was friends with my cousin uh michael bennett of the vikings old running back my cousin knew him i got a call him

on christmas day didn't answer um how many why did your cousin know all these people he played football too he was like to tech i think i i don't know. I think he went to Milwaukee Tech. But it was like Michael Betta back when Randy Moss was on the team, too. Randy Moss is my favorite. Dante Culpepper. Culpepper. That's a good team. Oh, no, McNabb was this.

Oh, yeah, McNabb was this. No, no, it was Culpepper. Culpepper was this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, that's about it. But, yeah, I was like a big Vikings fan for a while because Randy Moss is a favorite player of all time. When I was in college, my athletic director was Kellen Winslow Sr.

Oh. From the Hall of Famer. He was my athletic director in college, Lakewood University. And he had to stop being it because his son had all that stuff. That's the one that was – Kellenlow played with the cult or jet he was married to the playboy yeah so so his senior was uh he played for like the chargers was the hall of famer okay and then his son junior played for the jets and was like look like shaved his head and went crazy from cte and i was in jail for robbing old old women.

He would go to old old women's house and hold them on gunpoint. It's gotta be drugs. What's the point? Drugs. You get to robbing old women, you on drugs. For real. That's playing life on easy mode.

If you're gonna rob anyone you're doing old women, you're like I want this to be as easy as fucking possible there was a there was a nurse that i just read that was uh stealing fentanyl from like hospitals she was that she was a nurse and she would just feel switch the bottles and give the people what they thought was fentanyl to like they're about to go into surgery and then they were wide awake during their surgery what the my dad was awake during his nose surgery like the uh he got punched in the face at the bar yeah wide awake i mean they they numb them up enough but he's like it's still wild when you're you because you still feel pressure and all that i got my tooth taken out i had a shark tooth basically when i was younger and they didn't numb me enough and they were just yanking on they got a drill in there i split my head open they didn't numb my head

enough they're feeling like a needle and thread go through your head yeah when i got 10 stitch i mean i got i got 10 stitches in my nose because baseball my face and stuff so they had to like i think i got six shots here six shots here on both sides of my face and like just they numbed it all and then you have to wait a week before so you know you can't like oh yeah you get hit in the face at all he dies you know yeah there's a 20 chance that if i hit the face again i'm i will die that's why you so nice you can't do that's why you don't hang out it makes i'm like damn i can't hang out at high note drinking water and out of there at nine those marquette kids throwing bows at me i can't do that so how did how did that baseball shit uh baseball to the

face so the first time it happened when i was uh 21, 21, I was on my 21st birthday and I'll give you a brief story. Basically, uh, we're in the cage. I'm, I'm pitching on like artificial turf and there's a batter and a catcher and I throw it and the batter swings and misses. But on my follow through, I kind of kicked up the turf a little bit. So I just tamped it down and there was a freshman catcher who picked up the ball and didn't see if i was looking and tossed it back i just chucked it back i'm tamping it down i look up and the ball's right here it literally my brim got like went up at the perfect time hit me right here and usually when you break your nose you break a left or right it just sunk inward so it looked like voldemort from harry potter you know how hard did he throw it it was pretty good like i mean you just chuck it back, you know?

Because you just want to keep the rhythm going. So, like, in college, they tell you don't – you don't want – you basically throw, catch. Throw, catch. You don't want the rhythm. You don't want your guy to wait, especially if it was a swing and miss. You just want to get it back to him right away. So, yeah, that's what he was doing.

And, yeah, so then I basically had to get surgery for that first time then i'm on a semi-pro team here in milwaukee and right before our first playoff series in batting practice there's a ball on the warning track we're just hanging out just talking balls are flying we're throwing them in and stuff as a ball on the warning track i was like i'm gonna go grab that ball i run i reach down and someone goes, heads up. I turn, and it hits me perfectly 400 feet away. God damn. And just shatters my face.

And that time, I was gushing blood. And everyone on the field had to go to the game. So someone's girlfriend had to come and like bring me in her car. And I bled so much in that car, like all over that car magnets in your face. Also, she can't go missing because I'm the prime suspect. How'd your blood get in this car?

I was like, ma'am. Uh, but yeah, so I did that. And, uh, yeah,

damn shattered it on. But yeah, it's all, I did. I just suck like food through straws for like six weeks. Yeah. Shattered it on. But yeah, it's all, I had to suck like food through straws for like six weeks. Word.

Yeah, it's rough. Hey, is a wire you shot? No, so I said, I broke this into five pieces. This was basically

into a scene of two fractures right here. So basically, your upper jaw couldn't move. I couldn't move my upper jaw and you can't like chew anything because it's just, you're basically,

your bottom jaw is going up against the heart. Yeah. I just tried moving only my lower yeah i tried to try doing that face hurt from hearing that shit it was just a lot like this and i talked yeah so i used to tell it on stage but it's not as funny because i used to come on there's a comedian he used to be like would ruin it and then like he would bring me on stage. With that. He would go, this guy's have two facial reconstructive surgeries and still looks like this.

I know who you're talking about. And I was like, God. You do look good. I was like, yeah, but then I tell the story and they're like,

oh yeah, who gives a shit? You look like that. Your nose looks better than mine. Mine's crooked as shit. You got that Michael Jackson. Well, if you pick it,

you look good. You know? Okay. Yeah. Do you guys want to play a game yeah sure yeah and then i remembered actually one thing i want to talk about that i almost threw up this morning oh i got a little nurse story from my uh my lady that um so if you don't know this eric we have a a very weird now i don't want to say weird we like our audience um they're into our feet and fetishes, a lot of them. Oh, we're. Yeah.

That's why we don't have shoes on. And also, we're sponsored by. Yeah, we're sponsored by Choosy, if you're wondering what we're doing here. So, it's basically a koozie where you could put things in the bottom. Okay. Specifically, your dip cans. What are you having? You can start.

So, I had Tictacs in there last time and today we got starburst okay real quick best starburst flavors or top two pink no pink and red I like I like yellow is that bad to say I like yellow I don't here's the I haven't had Starburst in a while. Here's the thing. I don't not like any of them. I think people are like, oh, orange is the worst. It's still fucking good. Yeah, it's a Starburst.

It's sugar, man. Yeah, that's true. Best Gatorade. Best Gatorade. I don't know. I'll tell you the worst one, red. You think so? Red is the worst. Oh Oh it's so syrupy

So syrupy I won't do regular Gatorade either I have to do like the zero sugar one Oh really? Cause it feels like I'm drinking syrup You are struggling with that Is your face gonna break? I don't know

I fuck with the orange or the yellow Yellow I fuck with the yellow Gatorade I like orange Gatorade But I'm only drinking them after like a hangover Yeah They should make Gatorade. I like orange Gatorade. But I'm only drinking them after a hangover. Yeah. They should make Gatorade strictly for hangovers. No, I live by it, bro.

Like, on the bottle, it should be some dude's statement. The next day, bro, I'm grabbing two Gatorades. I like that they make electrolyte Gatorades. Like, that's the whole purpose of them is to get your electrolytes in. Like, let's make an electrolyte version of this drink now. It's like, it's water, but it actually hydrates you. Yeah. Well, the game we got playing here, since Eric Smith is our guest,

it's going to be called Famous Smiths. Okay. So I'm going to give you. This is going to go not where you think it's going to go. I listened to the AJ episode. I'm not going to get none of these right. No, you're going to get some of these. So I'm going to say a quote, and it's from a famous Smith.

And you guys are going to have to tell me what Smith said this quote. Okay? I got the Will one. Keep my wife's name out of your mouth. That's Will. We got that one. Will Smith. All right.

Well, I think you might get this one. I like to have some beers with the boys, but only the weekends I don't make the cut. And if I said that in an Australian accent, it'd probably be better. I don't know. There's a lot of Smiths out here. Yeah. I'll say that. I don't make the cut as a golfer?

Why am I blanking on this? Tim Smith. Ooh, that's close. That's a comedian from Chicago. Ted Smith? Nope, it is Cam Smith. Cam Smith. All right, you guys will be better at this one.

Mommy don't know that daddy's getting hot at the body shop doing something unholy. I don't know. That is literally... Do you have a guess? Eric Smith? Would it help me if I sing it? Yes. Mommy don't know that daddy's getting hot

at the body shop doing something unholy. It is Sam Smith Oh Oh Now I know this song That was That was 0-4 That was 0-4

I know Sam Smith Alright That's one of the Smiths I should know I know that You gotta pick a different song That was his number one song I know

Alright here we go I just wanna have sex With my son's friends oh oh uh jada smith jada pickett smith oh okay that was good that was good is that a real quote no i made that one up but i thought it was funny that was good all right that's good i don't neither of you guys are going to get this one. There is a light and it never goes out. That is from the punk band, The Smiths.

You didn't even give us a chance to answer that one. Yeah, you guys were not going to get that one. I knew you guys struggled with the Sam Smith one. I wasn't going to say this one. I ain't got no punk bands. All right, here we go. Lay off the weed. Stephen A., I've been waiting on this one.

I've been waiting on Stephen A., bro. I was listening to his podcast today. I'm sorry to take over. No, no, go ahead. Did y'all hear, like, he had this feud going on with, like, Paul George and this podcast. And Stephen A. is so funny. He was, like, going through Paul George's, like, contract and his injuries. Like, Stephen A, like, the thing was, Paul George was mad because Stephen A was like,

these guys need to be playing. And Paul George was like, he don't know what the fuck he talking about. He's never played. Like, we'd really be hurt. So Stephen A went through, like, he was like, Paul George, between you and Kawhi Leonard, y'all make $102 million for an organization that went the fuck home. The first round. Dog, that shit was so funny, man.

Stephen A is great. I like how he just makes up. That was a good Stephen A, by the way. I like that, yeah. I really got to work on it. You got to throw a big word in there, like egregious or something like that. You got the cadence. You got the cadence for sure.

Yeah. I mean, the brother is box office. He's great. He's a three-time All-Star, two All-NBA. But you got the cadence for sure yeah i mean the brother is box office he's great he's a three-time all-star to to all nba but you gotta play i gotta work on it um all right here we go we'll get you another one uh i'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you it's gotta be another sam smith i don't know because that was some game say it again all right uh this was said in a in a movie you guys seen uh i'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you i don't know but i might watch it bro the movie

it's you this will give it away it's Pocahontas Really? So that would be John Smith John Smith John Smith Damn That was a far little line bro Alright here we go

I have three left This one you guys will get I whip my hair back and forth Willow Got all the Smiths. Yeah, okay. No, we still got Jaden, don't we? Jaden.

Chop his dick off. What? He said that. What? What? He said that a while ago. I'm sorry. I don't want to get this canceled.

Let's hear this. You interrupt whatever. He said he kind of want to, this was like a while ago, maybe like when he was like 18, but he said he wanted to get it removed or some shit. Something along those lines. He definitely said something like that. Is that a eunuch when you don't have Ken doll syndrome down there?

He just wants it off? This was some years ago, but he said something about removing his I bet he regrets it now. I don't think he did it, but it was just some shit he said along those lines. If you chop it off, that's his game over, right? I feel like that's woke fishing right there.

Just like, I don't need this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many supporters can I get because I don't need my penis? He's out there. I need my penis. Brother. All right, here we go. We're down to the last two.

My motto is, when in doubt, shoot the ball. JR. Yeah. That's JR Smith. Let's go. Let's go. One of the most electric shooters of our time. JR is great, bro.

Now playing college golf. Yeah. You know that? Great rebrand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wild. They say he's really good. You have to be

good because you can't just go into any college and play golf. That was cool because he got drafted out of high school. He didn't use no eligibility. Isn't that wild? That's pretty crazy. What school is he at again?

North Carolina A&T. HBCU, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. How cool would that be? You finish your professional NBA career, and I'm going to go back to college, just play golf and fuck around. I wonder how big is that jump.

I wonder could he go pro, though. No. There's no way. The amount of college golfers, like the jump to be professional i was talking with some guy at work the other day and he's like what you have to do to just get your pro card is insane like shooting certain amount of scores i think he was saying like x amount of time i could be talking out of my ass that's what he was telling me like x amount of times in a row certain qualifying events i mean there's multiple different ways to get it. Go Corn Fairy, go whatever.

To just go pro is insane. I heard he's good, good enough to make a college team, but I don't think he's winning anything. Yeah. And if you're not winning anything, you're definitely not going to go pro. There's plenty of gophers out there. Yeah, that's the thing. A lot of those college athletes do not go pro in any of the sports.

Majority of them. I would say 95% of college athletes do not go pro. I wonder what the number one sport is because basketball, not a lot of those people go. No. I mean, there's probably like 20 on a team. I would say baseball has to be the biggest one. Yeah, baseball, a lot of those college athletes do not.

Would you consider yourself pro if you're playing AAA? Yeah, because it's minor ball. How much do they make? Not that much. A lot of the single-A people, they live in houses as foreign exchange students pretty much. They're living in somebody else's house, and they're feeding them and stuff.

Yeah, and all they do is play ball. I would say baseball's got to have the most people go pro but also percentage wise because they're just as many people on those teams yeah baseball then maybe football baseball yeah baseball is a filler sport like all those people in single i like a lot of those won't even make it ever to the majors or even the double a they're just trying to fill but like basketball like very few people make it it's only like 15 spots yeah i know it's wild and it's it's funny because that's just like a job interview we always see their job interviews yeah yeah they have a lot of job you know yeah it's so weird how many nba teams are there that's i feel dumb asking that 30 30, 30, 30. And then 32 on NFL teams. 32.

Yeah, it's 30 NBA. Yeah. Because they're going to get two for expansion. Sonics and Vegas? Sonics and Vegas. Yeah. I don't know. Vegas would be fun.

Vegas. I don't know about having athletes live in there, though. Well, I guess they got. You got to have the right athletes live in there. But basketball players. Imagine Rodman on the Vegas team. Yeah. there though well i guess they got you gotta have the right athletes living there but basketball players imagine rodman on the vegas team yeah basketball players making like 70 to contracts it's crazy now so dude it's it's unreal that they get to do that but then like the g league players and they they struggle those dudes are like the people who are really working hard and trying to like.

Yeah. Yeah. But, all right. The last one is just pars are possible. Josh Smith. This is my buddy Josh Smith. Oh, really? Oh, God.

Shout out to Josh. We're on the golf course. Shout out to Josh. We're on the golf course. And we're just like goofing around and all of a sudden one of us makes a par and we're like i'm gonna judge from looks at both me and me and kuski he goes guys pars are possible like it was like the most inspirational quote i've ever heard my entire life and kuski goes we need to get that on a t-shirt i have it written down still

which by the way you're doing the vent so thank you for doing that thanks for having me And Kuski goes, we need to get that on a t-shirt. I have it written down still for the event. Which, by the way, you're doing the event, so thank you for doing that. Thanks for having me. I can give you your t-shirt right now if you want. We can do that. Yeah, it's going to be a fun event. Do you know anything about it? I heard a little bit, but yeah, let's just talk about it.

He knows he's just going to make fun of a bunch of white guys, and he's going gonna get all the food and booze he wants looking forward to yeah yeah it's gonna be a blast um what's what's the one thing you want to talk about your puking story oh yeah so my girlfriend likes to share um because she's a nurse he's a nurse and she works for uh cardiac icu so she's a lot of shit. And she was talking with one of her buddy nurses, she calls him, and they were talking

about fetishes and whatnot. And I was like, oh, this is like a good, I'll bring this up in the podcast. And then she shared it. I was like, I want you to shut up right now. Apparently,

there are real people out there. You guys know what a Klossme bag is? Shit bag? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Who will pay people who have colostomy bags. It's like an ostomy fetish.

To remove it and fuck it. Oh, no. Like, dick to colon. Like, direct. Wait, is that his fetish? Whose fetish? The dude. The dude co-worker the co-worker? No, it was like her like buddy nurse was talking to another patient Oh, I think had it and she was bringing it up like they have people have this fetish and the message you like

Hey, can you remove it so I can stick my dick in your stomach? Where is we're so like his fetishes we got yelled at by one of our fans like hey fetishes happen when you're young oh yeah it's usually from stuff i'm like it's okay yeah what happened to you when you were young that you're like i want to fuck someone's like dick to colon direct like amazon prime my dick in your guts yeah it's wild i did i tell my teacher story on here dick and wait that's all fucking the shit back no they had they removed the bag oh and fuck the stomach and fuck the stomach the hole and i was like how big's the hole and they're like she's like it's not that big i'm like did i say my teacher story on here um maybe i don't know you told me a teacher story and you're like i don't

know if i can tell this on here oh Oh, yeah. We already talked about it. He's had sex with goats, my teacher, for like 40 years. I got flagged big time for that story. Yeah, I bet. And it was in a news article, and it was like, this is the reason his wife left him. I'm like, you're kicking the guy while he's down. Yeah, I posted a video of that one because in the background you hear me i don't know how you said it but um you're like yeah the the cop showed up and like like do you know why we're here or

something like that or what do you say and i went king to child four because he's a chess teacher and i put it on tiktok and a guy's like you were the worst human being i've ever seen in my entire life that you're making a joke about this guy like touching kids i'm like he was fucking goats and he's a chess teacher like i think it was wild it's fair yeah but yeah what what do you think is like the childhood trauma i'm gonna call it if you want to fuck the colostomy hole i mean oh no but hearing it it don't sound as bad it don't sound that i mean like yeah i mean it's like fucking a fat girl and not getting to the right hole fucking her stomach you know do you think that happens more often than not yes yes every you don't hit like a big girl you done fucked her thigh before you You done fucked a fupa.

You got right up under there. You probably nutted too. You probably. That's funny. That is very funny. Are we speaking from experience? Nah, I might have fucked her thigh. Nah, I didn't.

I hit a big girl before though. Man, I think that's an all- all welcomer you know everyone's welcome then sort of thing like but also like would you think that if someone came in your thigh would you be like oh well i must have a really good thigh oh you're like a badass You know Nah I guess Would you Yeah I guess for women They can talk If a big girl

Like if somebody did Hit a big girl And like fuck A role or some shit They're wrong You know what I'm saying They like They can talk shit

Like Even my roles are good You ain't even Yeah like They can talk shit But it's like I guess Do you think they tell them

Like You weren't even Fucking close It depends on how big they are they probably just like you gotta think like i ain't gonna say that i ain't gonna say that going lizzo big yeah i don't know first of all she is wild she did that shit yeah of course she did right she plays the flute everybody in band is some freaks but also yeah but also like you know that she was cussing those people out yeah she yeah some petty stuff yeah she a black woman

she was cussing them out bro but i feel like if anybody could call somebody fat it it should be fat people you know it's like rm like it's like they n word like you know i'm called black people like you know what i'm know it's wrong to say but i could call you i don't know liz yeah i don't know we brought that up when we were talking with the choosy guy and he's like um sullen he's like where do i sign up for that job the whole banana i'm like you gotta be a backup dancer i didn't read it it what it was a banana thing you didn't hear this no i i know i know she was like being mean to her dancers and stuff oh yeah the big one was she was making her dancers eat bananas out of strippers coochies in amsterdam red light

district what so it's kind of like man like y'all knew y'all was about to go do some free weird shit it's red it's real idea and i don't know if she made like made them do it but like kind of like, man, y'all knew y'all was about to go do some freak. Weird shit. It's real. And I don't know if she made them do it, but kind of was just like, who knows? Like in the environment, bro, it could easily for Lizzo like eat the banana. Yeah. Who's bringing the banana? I'm just surprised. It's a part of the show.

It's a part of the show. I was like, if Lizzo's bringing bananas to the show. I was going to say, if she's got fruit on her,'s taking the right steps yeah yeah that's good yeah we know what's gonna happen if we're bringing bananas to this show she ain't eating them yeah so i think i think i think it was just maybe like i think what the thing was is like um like maybe as they was at the show probably encouraged like some people to do it. And they was like, no,

no, no, no. And so like some partook in it and some didn't. And then like, I guess when they left there and like other gigs and like other tour dates, Lizzo would kind of show favoritism to like the ones that like partook into it. And then the ones that didn't.

So that's why like, that's why it's like they like, they sound like she mean, but like... It's like, to be honest, it sounds a lot like fraternity hazing is what it is. Like, it's shared trauma. Not giving anyone, like,

their flowers or like, you should be doing this shit. But you do bond over shared trauma. Like, I did this shit too. Like, it's the best time you never want to have again is what we call hazing. Did I get hazed? Did again did i get hazed yeah how do you get hazed i don't think they can talk about you can't say

about that i can't technically talk about it i mean i can i'll tell you but i won't tell the internet um yeah it's also not bad like they're hazing's different everywhere so like down south is a lot worse like i've heard've heard stories of Arizona fraternities. There was a house called Fiji. It was a fraternity called Fiji. They would take their pledges, and they'd put them between two mattresses. They'd tie the mattress up, and they'd throw them off the roof. Yeah, and I was like, if they land on their side

and just go right through the two mattresses you're fucking killing people like my buddy i won't name names or the fraternity some of it's fun and just like petty like tedious work they uh they all went out willingly got drunk and they're like all right we're going back you guys you have an activity you gotta do so they they turned the lights off they put on like 10 hours of nicholas cage movies they dumped a box of fruity pebbles in front of them and then covered their hands in syrup and they said sort it by color and like once you sort it by color you guys can come out that's like a weird saw game it is yeah

and so like it's it's stuff like that i mean there are worse things you can do but it's really not that bad the worst part is is like you don't know when it's coming so like we used to get texts at 11 o'clock at night and say hey you got to be across campus in 15 minutes in a white T-shirt, jeans, and Timbs. And we're like, I don't even have fucking boots. And so you're like knocking on people's doors like, dude, you got boots. And people are running down with shoe sizes that are four sizes too big or too small. And you just sit in some guy's backyard for 30 minutes until they decide, all right, yeah, come on in. We're going to fuck with you now.

It's literally just. It's weird. Yeah, it's they decide, all right, yeah, come on in. We're going to fuck with you now. It's literally just... It's weird. Yeah, it's a mental game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just remember... If you can get through a semester, those, like, 30 guys, you actually are pretty close with.

I understand why people think it's douchey because a lot of these guys are. But if you find the right group... Like, the rush process is kind of good in a lot of senses where the guys that pick who they want to be a part of the next group, you usually want to be a part of that one too. Cause you got along with them. Cause the first three weeks of it is just, they're trying to show you that they're a good time. And so you're like, I want to be a part of this.

So they throw like house parties tailgates all the free booze sororities everywhere like this is fucking awesome and they're like yeah we'd like to have you here but we're gonna fuck with you for four months where'd you go you don't yeah i remember the attorneys at our college they i don't really know but i just remember that they had they were locked into a like the laundry room and had to do all the laundry within a certain time and drink a case of beer or something like that yeah that's not i was like that doesn't seem that bad it seems like cool what normally college kids do yeah that's just like sunday with a time limit yeah i don't know if i would have made it

would you been in a fraternity, guy? Nah. Probably not. It also depends on the college. So, like, there are fraternities at every college. Yeah. And there are fraternities where, like, down south, if you're not in one, a lot of times they say, you don't have a social life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, more up north, like UW-Madison, it's a good 50-50 split. Right. You can have a social life with or without it easily. Now you go to school more like Whitewater, Concordia, stuff like that. The fraternities, usually those are the guys you're like, you guys are fucking weird. And the rest of them are like, yeah, we don't do that shit here. Because there is no big scene of.

Did you guys not make the music videos like those alabama white girls do oh that dancing shit is new it's so stupid though dude it is looks like a cult like it's just everyone like just a million blonde girls just dancing to like some like ariana grande song and it's like come to our fraternity and it's just like a court and they're like a million of them it looks looks like a bunch of fembots. It just looks like Austin Powers. I don't know shit about white frats. White sorority.

Rush Week's fun to watch when you're in fraternity. Like if you're on Greek Row, at least in Madison. Because the girls go through fucking hell. They got a different outfit for every goddamn day. And they got their different outfit for every goddamn day and they're like they got their fucking manila folders they're going to each house and shit like that and they gotta do like girl flirting they call it um which is just the most condescending bullshit you've ever seen they're like oh my gosh you're so pretty and they turn around like fuck this cunt and they they hate

it and then there are so many girls that do it and they're like we all want to be in top house because that means you have the biggest social life and nine tenths of them are like we're at the bottom because we're one of the did you ever go to college fat girls you're fucking i went to like no i went to like a junior college but no what'd you call it you go to it It was Masabi Range in Virginia, Minnesota. Oh, how'd you like that? It was cool, but it was small and I got the... Minnesota? It was way up there.

Virginia, Minnesota. Yeah, our north of Duluth. That's like, my name's Michael Steven. Yeah, yeah. No, people from the cities, like Minneapolis and St. Paul, they didn't even know where that shit was. How did you get? Because my cousin played basketball up there.

He played Juco basketball up there. So then I went there the next year. He got me on with the coach, and then I played Juco up there. Oh, heck yeah. I think that's the biggest trap for kids this college sports where you're like you think you really like it and she's like i'm gonna go play d3 baseball at virginia west allis minneapolis wesleyan and you get there and you're like i don't fucking like this anymore because in high school you had the whole high school watching you, cheering you on.

And then you go to this school that no one's ever heard of. The coach just got hired last week off the street. And no one's in the audience. And you're like, why the fuck am I playing? I'm playing for no one. And then you stop and you're like, I'm at a school with six people and 12 cows. And this sucks. No, that shit was bad.

And you're at a place where you're like, why am I here? A lot of people, like, I remember telling my boss's kid, or at least my boss before he went, I was like, make sure he likes playing football that much that he, like, ride or die, I'm going to play football until I can't. Because you go to a D3 school and you don't like it and then you don't know anyone? That sucks.

I guess it's cool for like, I mean, it's still cool because you still got a social. You know what I'm saying? You got a social in college, but yeah. It is like bullshit, like doing early morning practices and shit. And like, you don't have a shot. You're not going pro. I'm doing early morning practices, and then I still got to go to school because I need an actual job after this. Then study hall, workouts.

It was like, bro, coach. Yeah, we had a bunch. I mean, so I played. So every school in Wisconsin, every baseball school in Wisconsin is D3. So it's like we're all basically in the same kind of realm. So we're playing the Whitewater.

We're playing the big schools that are like the Oshkosh, the Stevens Point, the UW system. And it's like you're right. We have to really love it. But then also at the same point, everyone was the best on their team. And now you're with all the best players on their team. You find out really who was the best. We have kids that come in. They're like, yeah, i throw 90 miles an hour and they get on the gun and it's

like 60s and we're like yeah you were just told that you were flipping that gun up you you were you were just told that oh you're the greatest pitcher you're that is yeah that is exactly it's so many people that are that are like size come to like college and think they're the top dog because they were at their small school or whatever. High school, they were the top dog there. And they just get knocked out. That shit is crazy. Because like football, that's how it was.

Because it's like a couple weeks leading up to like pads. You know what I'm saying? And you do a whole different ball game when you throw pads on. It's huddle. Like we'll go around to like rooms and shit. It's like It's huddle Like we'll go around To like rooms and shit It's this dude Playing huddle

His huddle highlights Huddle highlights over there You got Oh I run this type of 40 I run a 40 Yeah Man I'm this I'm that

And then Pad day come around And motherfuckers Is not who they said They was Or we get to run The funniest shit Was like when people run a 40s And they don't get the time. Yeah, like man like I'm fast, but I need somebody like

Really yelling like chasing after me Always excuse yeah, I bro. Yeah, the guy the guys that look good before pads like the smart ones like I know I need to be Here so like they're always in position when it's just helmet throw the pads on and they're getting smoked by the guy The guys that look good before pads Are like the smart ones Like I know I need to be here So like They're always in position When it's just helmet Throw the pads on And they're getting smoked By the guy

I was like I think I know the play Don't break down Like you see On that open field tackle Them motherfuckers like Get stiffed on It was like

Dude I was Ankles I was on ankles I was that guy I hate you Yeah yeah Cause that's the only way I could get those big guys down

Right at the knees And that's it I mean I'm a buck fifty Yeah yeah When I was that guy. I hate you. I was. I hate you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's the only way I could get those big guys down. Right at the knees. Yeah. And that's it. I mean, I'm a buck 50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was in high school. What'd you play? Corner?

Yeah, corner. I was 145. Corner and placeholder. Best damn placeholder you've ever played. Dude, I played placeholder too. It is my favorite position I ever played in football is placeholder. Mainly because we had a specialties practice right before the actual practice every day. And so it was guys catching punts, kicking balls.

The linemen are doing drills, hitting pads. And then it's just like my dad was one of our coaches, and he'd just be like. And that's all I would do for like 20 minutes is just put it here. That was fun. Yeah, I do like placeholder. One of the greatest plays in sports history ever happened when I was on the field. placeholder. One of the greatest plays in sports history ever happened when I was on the field.

We are in bumfuck nowhere way up north Wisconsin. Took our bus, and I'm in bumfuck nowhere. Took our bus five hours to get there. It's like upper almost where you probably went to college.

It's way over there on that side of the state. Rice Lake Superior. We were way up there. It side of the state. By like Rice Lake Superior. Yeah, yeah. We were way up there. It was like Waringhines or Birchwood or some shit like that. Anyways, it's their homecoming. We're playing on a Saturday. We get there.

We didn't know it was their homecoming. They had a big parade and the whole town's there or whatever. And we get ready and first drive we go down the field. Literally first down, first down, first down, first down, first down, the entire way down the field. Score. That was pretty easy. Next thing you know, we're up 43 to nothing at their homecoming.

Damn. And starters are out. I love that. Starters, not the team you bring to homecoming. My school got invited to homecoming. Yeah, yeah. Some schools, they have no choice. They're that fucking bad.

We didn't know it was their homecoming. We're like, oh, did they think we suck? Anyway, so it's done. Starters are out. But we don't have, we're a small school, so we don't have a backup field goal team. So the starters have to go back out. They're a field goal.

So it's in the fourth quarter. We're up at that point. It was up like 60-something nothing. And we're like, oh crap. We don't want to keep going for it. And it's probably like a 40-yard field goal. And he's like, alright. First team field goal back in. We're like, alright. So we all

go back in. I'm the placeholder. We all go back in. The line's back in. And I tell my buddy Jeremy, I was like, you got this? And he's like, I don't know. I'm the placeholder. We all go back in. The line's back in. And I tell my buddy Jeremy, I was like, you got this? And he's like, I don't know. I had my pants off before this. I was like, all right, you got this. And I said, hey, put it down.

And my buddy kicks it. And the line, they didn't think that, they thought it would be like a, usually on like a PAT, you just kind of sit there. A little pooch kick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just kindoch kick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just kind of like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. The other team came straight.

They're like going to block this. Right. So they weren't ready for it. And they kind of blew the line back. And my buddy kicks it low because it's a 40-yarder. Yeah. Kicks it low. Hits one of our linemen in the back of the head.

Pops it up in the air. And one of the guys that also got a blowback fell into his lap and everyone kind of stops and that dude just takes off and literally everyone's kind of like what the heck just happened it's one of them plays like what the fuck is that one point or two it was a field goal it's a touchdown touchdown and nobody like saw it and like we had two cameras for like tape and one camera just goes up with the film the other one is like staring at it and the dude catches it and looks around and just runs straight forward so we just it looked like we were running the score up when alignment whenever alignment gets the ball in his hands he's like oh yeah this is my moment

yeah it's the funniest shit ryan simer if if you're watching, that's your one touchdown. You're amazing. You got more touchdowns than Eric. I'll bust your ass. How many players was on your team? So many. We had a no. Two, three buses?

Y'all got the whole town. Yeah. That's what I think about it. When I was a senior, we went to state. We lost. We got a police escort out of the town. Oh, word. Yeah.

They gave us off school, the football team. That's what's up. So we walked in, and we're all in shirt and tie, all that. And yeah, you guys just have meetings in the morning to film, whatever like go say hi to your teachers like we're fucking celebrities and because wisconsin state you play camp randall yep so you got to bus up there and we're walking around saying hi to my spanish teacher and they're they're not even teaching like it's a big deal at franklin if you you go to state they ordered buses for the entire fucking school and they bust anyone that signed up for free to madison for the game we got up

there we're in like the conference hall they're giving us all this food and shit like that yeah it was uh we had a ton of people uh yeah because it's no cut our senior year we were so good yeah we were very good so you just played one way too i just played corner yeah um imagine if you won i'll bring my state championship ring if you guys want to see it what are you d9 hey the last one i could i wasn't supposed to tell my parents hey move me to a bigger school. Yeah. So you want to. Yeah. Damn. It was. The black person is the worst athlete. That's not true.

Also, I had. Fullbacks were my favorite people. That shit was. Bro. I love. My shit was dying out. So fullback in the spread. Like, it was even worse when I went to college. How did you get the plays in?

Did you have to bring them in? No, no, no. Or it was. Them was like receivers or probably receiver, quarterback. We had dual fullbacks and that's who brought the plays in. Or I had to run.

Like a wing tee, bro. Or I had to run and get from the play from the coach. We had like wristbands and stuff like that. We had wristbands but like i still need to know which play they want to run on the wristband right you know so like the fullbacks they they switched in and out and on like plays right so i remember the guy came in he had his

mouth guard in and he's and he he said and he literally, I couldn't, so I'm just literally audibling. And that was like one of my fewer moments and then it worked. Like the play worked and then my coach was like, oh, did you audible that play?

I was like, yeah, I audible play. He goes, audible whatever you want for the rest of the game. I was like, hell yeah. We're running streaks. We're running everything. And then our fullback runs in. He comes in with a 21 dive.

We need a short-range play. It's just a two-back through the one hole. That's all it is. And that means that the fullback who ran in knows that he's getting the ball because he heard it from the coach. He told it to me, and now he's in the huddle. He hears it two times. he told it to me and I was in the huddle

he hears it two times so I go said hike and there is no run in the one hole the fullback is literally blocking on the left side so he literally just forgot

that he was getting the ball and I literally have to run his play for him and then coach was like did you audible that one too? And I was like, yeah. I was like four yards, got a first down. But he's like, yeah. He goes, we're going to put that in the playbook.

So we had like a fake, like me faking handoff and just running up the alley. We had a 21 was like. I mean, there's like, so we did it by numbers. So like you have two back Three back Four back Oh I see yeah And then Yeah and then Then you get the

The five is a tight end Six and seven are Are the receivers Oh okay So basically like Whatever play we'd run We'd run like Uh

670 Streak Or 600 slant streak So that would tell The six to To run a slant The seven seven to run a slant. Outside in? Yep.

And then if we go 34 veer or like counter block, it would be like fake to the three back or three backs getting it through the four hole. So it was like you and then three back. This is going to be great. This is going to be great content for the podcast. I'm going to ask Huddle to a corner um corners don't do i didn't listen to shit they call the play-in and you know whenever we had a design like i could blitz like twice a year I would

like listen for that other than that I was like I'm going to play cover three or man that's it and it was kind of up to me what did your huddle look like are you guys were you guys were you guys around huddle were you one of those teams like ours you're like no we're going to do it's two by two by two

by two and it's like linebacker I'm like this is militant like we're all going to be like bent over, over each other's ass. Yeah. Most people are like just getting a fuck. It was like circle or maybe like quarterback at the beginning. Yeah. Like the lineman right here, running backs right here, and their receivers out. Receivers leave on the first call.

We were militant as fuck. We're like, why are you outside the huddle? It's like because no one fucking cares. Like, I heard the play. Also, I'm doing the same thing every goddamn time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Corners. Corners.

Corners just got to, like, do this and this. Yeah. I mean, like, so for defense, I played corner, too. We just, corners stay, and the defense kind of huddles. And, like in the secondary, we're getting calls from the sidelines. That's what we got. So we had a special defense coordinator. He would tell us, like, this would be man or, like, this would be cover two.

You know, that's basically what it would be. I mean, not too much. Fucking Brooks Central, they ran a no huddle offense. In high school. Joe Thomas from Brooks Central. Yeah. Like of the Browns? Yeah, Joe Thomas, I think.

Really? Yeah. Isn't he in the Hall of Fame? The Hall of Fame. Yeah. They fucking ran a no huddle. And that shit would gas you the fuck out. We did that a few times.

And then they had like a design play Where like So if you look at Their sidelines It's just like Score cards And so like Bro you know like Bro like Once a team is like

Going bro You on defense You guys You looking So like Every time they like You just like You get real

Mechanics get real sloppy So like So on defense Like they They'll get down like this Every play They get down And they call they shit

And then they have one design play Where like They'll get down Lyman Like get down And then they'll like Look back To the

Cause you can look at the Yeah yeah yeah Bruh Like Four Four like Positive plays Then they do that shit

Then we Fucking like jump off And then Moving the ball. Oh, we were big. We were Aaron Rodgers before Aaron Rodgers was Aaron Rodgers. We were on two, on three. We'll get them off.

I mean, our coach has been nominated for coach of the year all the time. My linemen were dumb. Linemen, they get out of breath. I'm sorry, but we were dumb. We literally had to go Either first sound Or on one My senior year

This is the most bro episode I think I've ever done My senior And I don't care Senior year I think our offensive line Was either all D1 or D2 linemen Really?

Yeah And then our quarterback D1 Cause out there There's some big country boys And y'all all be locked in. You been to Franklin? It doesn't look that country. Really?

Yeah. I mean, like, I just associate. I'll take you to Franklin. He plays baseball there. Yeah. It's very, it's built up now. But also, when we saw those teams. That shit not like a, I mean, it's a suburb, but it's like.

It's still the burbs. I'd say, but also, used to watch film on people. Some big-ass white boys. And we saw teams, oh, they're running a quick offense against this defense just because they were getting tired. Our coach was like, all right, we're doing that, but didn't realize that none of us were in that condition. And you don't have the numbers for it.

You don't have the numbers for it. We have been playing defense, and now we're in the shotgun running no huddle. What are we doing? We got six sophomores. I'm making up plays. I'm just like, yeah, just run. If you can't run a streak, go ahead. But he's down there somewhere.

Yeah. That was my buddy, Jeremy. He was one of the best athletes I've ever seen in my entire life. I should have went to college. Should have played a lot of. But he was a track star. He was like one of – he was in the D4 relay team, all state and stuff. And then he was also a triple jumper. He holds the record for longest triple jump in state record.

Is that where you hop on one leg three times and then go into the sandbox. He was amazing. But the dude could run. So it was like watching the Johnny Manziel doc where he just threw up to Mike Evans. And you're like, he doesn't even know where Mike Evans is. But he knew kind of where he was. I forgot they played together.

Was he playing his freshman year? Yeah. Mike Evans. No, no, I'm saying Manziel. Was he starting freshman year? Yeah. Mike Evans. No, no, I'm saying Manziel. Was he starting freshman year? Yeah. Started out of camp because Cliff Kingsbury was his quarterback's coach. In high school?

In college. Oh. Yeah, I know that. I know that. And was like this dude. Dude, he got in trouble before the season started. Yeah. And he was like, but once he showed up to camp, he was like, yeah, this guy throws way better than everyone.

Yeah, yeah. They said he locked in for a few weeks. Then, like, he had, like, one game. His first game wasn't good. Then the second game was kind of like once Kingsbury let him do him, he took off, started doing his thing, fucking party. I think, like, a big game came up and he fucking Menzil went out the night before and came into like warm-ups hungover and he was like,

you better play good today. And he played good. I'm like, damn. Dude, Johnny's the – What was his – who was the big team he beat? Alabama. Alabama, yeah. Number one, Alabama.

Yeah. That was a big thing because he ran into the back of his own lineman. Yeah. The ball shoots up and he like, tries to find the ball and then throws it. And what they see in the documentary, he did that in his high school. Like, his high school, he had times where the snap would be way off and he'd hit it up in the air, grab it, and just chuck it down.

Like, it was like – It's just one of those naturally athletic hits. Was you getting popped as a quarterback? What's that? Like, blindside? Oh, yeah, for sure. I've gotten hit so hard. The hardest I ever got hit was on my front side.

There was tight ends running a little drag route, and I just needed to hit him. And the D end is free, just running straight at me. And the dude goes straight for my right hip, and my momentum is going this way. And I basically just rotate, and I just hear a crunch way and i basically just rotate and i hear crunch and my hips just got rotated to the point where like i had to go to the chiropractor for it to get shot back in yeah my mom hated it but uh you have any bad injuries playing football i had a

like a few scary ones all right no nothing bad i like broke my thumb Senior year But Nothing bad Nothing crazy I sent somebody To the hospital though What Hell yeah It was a Fucking I was doing like an out I was doing an out

And we had a backup quarterback It was one of them situations Yeah Where like we didn't have Like quarterbacks So we got this One dude He was a running back

But he played quarterback Cause of Injuries and shit So It's like we doing a i'm doing like an out he's rolling out to his left i run it out and then it's like a defender chasing him and i'm looking at him i'm open but i'm like i know he can't make this throw because he's rolling out to his left so like so as he turns up field the dude turns up and i just lower my

shoulder and i just hit him. Probably illegal today. Definitely illegal today. Oh, mostly it's illegal today. But, yeah. You don't pick him up and gently put him down with a pillow. You're probably going to get flagged. Yeah, so I smacked him, and then I kind of like knocked the wind out of myself

a little bit. But I knew it was a big hit because I heard him say, ooh. So I had to get i had to like get up and just kind of like walk slow and then uh slowly catch your breath yeah yeah yeah yeah i didn't like and feel me bro i don't fell on the ball so many times bro i got a gut like bro falling on the ball sucks bro but uh i got blindsided and could not talk for two plays damn so i was like trying to signal that i can't talk. My buddy had to like call his own number.

We're doing this play. What the fuck? I landed on top of my head once. I got folded in half once where like my forehead hit the ground between my knees and I was like I don't think I'm in

one piece anymore. I honestly thought they folded me like perforated paper and just ripped me in half. In a pile or something? Yeah. I slipped and tackled the guy at the same time. He just landed on top of my upper half. No, I tackled a guy on a pile, and then I got dragged down, and I got slammed literally dead center top of my head

and i felt a shot go down my entire spine and i just laid on the ground i was so scary yeah i laid on the ground and i didn't move and everyone cleared away and i remember the ref looking at me goes 16 you good and all i was thinking in my head i was like all right you're about to try and move you better fucking i was literally telling myself like, all right, you're about to try and move. You better fucking move. I was literally telling myself, like, you better fucking move. You're not paralyzed right now. He was 16 years old. He asked me three times.

The third time I moved my arms, he goes, yeah, I'm good. And I went off the field. My dad is yelling at me. He's like, why the fuck are you off the field? I'm like, because I thought I was paralyzed, jackass. I remember I fumbled it. I was on a kick return. And I get the kick. And I'm running.. I remember I fumbled it. I was on a kick return, and I get the kick, and I run, and I'm running,

and I kind of fumble it. I don't know what happened. Someone pulled it hard, and I fumble it. I reached down, and some dude just hit me in the back of the head, and it just basically drove my head into the ground. The ball was under me, and I'm like, get up. I was like, fuck. I kind of walked to our sideline. I was like, fuck. I kind of like walked to our sideline.

I look up, and it is not our sideline. That's the worst. Oh, my God. If you get hit on the other sideline, bro, that's the worst, bro. Everyone's just fucking yelling at you. I had one concussion diagnosed, and I remember going to the training staff, and they're like, yeah, you need to have the concussion test again. Remember doing the baseline ones at the end of the year?

I think so. It's been a while. Yeah, it's been a while. I have a client who I train, and he's like, I'm going into senior year. I'm like, senior year for me was like 10 years ago but i remember doing the concussion baseline test three times because it was on a computer and it quit on me twice yeah it was on a computer hold on i did it four times total but three times on the computer because it shut off on me twice and i was like this fucking sucks you're just

typing in numbers on the computer well they have like like squiggle drawings and shit and all that um and one of them in the in-person part um they have you balance on like a box jump and like one foot up and they're asking you questions and they're like what year is it and i go 2003 and she goes what i go can i take that back it's 2013 she goes i gotta write it down i'm like fuck anyways i get this concussion and like you need to do the baseline test i'm like i'm good i said 2003 like if i'm stupid they're gonna think i'm fine and i remember that's what you're supposed to do yeah you're supposed to do bad yeah so then so i'm like i'm good i'm good and uh i go and do this test and i remember the portion of the test

that was it's a bunch of like a toddler drew on a post-it note kind of like drawing squiggles everywhere and like all right we're going to show you nine of them and then we're going to show you 12 and you're going to tell us which ones were actually in that set kind of thing jesus yeah that should be so hard it's so well i used to in my head when i did it the first time like oh this one looks like a cowboy hat this one looks like a guitar this one one, like, whatever. And I was like, I got this. I'll just do my, like, little picture association thing again. And I remember doing it, and I was like, all right, I got it. Like, cowboy hat, worm, truck.

And it got to the test part. I go, what the fuck is that? And they did the results in front of me, and it was, like, all green. I'm like, good. I'm like, I'm great. And, and it was, like, all green. I'm like, good. I'm like, I'm great. And then he went to page two, all red. Page three, all red. He goes, your memory dropped by 58%.

And I go, am I concussed? He goes, yes. Go home. I seen somebody get pulled off the field for, like, a concussion, my guy. And I was, like, I was out that game because I was hurt or whatever. I was out that game. But I was Or whatever I was out that game But I was like Standing next to him And shit

And the trainer Is going through Like concussion protocol And it was like Alright so we're gonna Need you to like Count down From a hundred

By seven I was like I can't even Do that shit I can't do that now Yeah Yeah Dude that drunk test

Or like can you say The alphabet backwards No Yeah bro It's a setup No It's Dude, that drunk test, you're like, can you say the alphabet backwards? No. Yeah, bro. That's a setup. No. It's a setup, bro. Did you have, like, any dirty antics on the field?

No. Like, punch people at the bottom of a pew? No. I was, like, in any sport. The people at the bottom of the pile fucking suck. I was never at the bottom of the pile. But, like, any sport I played, I never, like, if I was i never like if i was talking like it was i fucking hated you i was very much like i was much better at lacrosse than i was football okay and so

the only time i was in my head allowed to talk shit was lacrosse and i never would i'd score and i was like i was a football player it's like here's the ball ref i'm gonna go to the sideline so i never talked there are a few times that we called it ice picking or like you got guys that are like on your ass with their lacrosse they're like beating the shit out of you and i would like i would just take my ankle boom and you just drive it right into their gut but other than that no yeah i was more dirty with the basketball you was dirty in basketball i was more dirty with basketball what would you do because like the big guys would try to post me up like we get a switch big guys would try to post me up. We'd get a switch.

They'd come and try to post me on the thing. They got something like that. And I would just take my pinch. Pinch them in the back. The back of their back. And they would give me a little bit just to get them up a little bit. And I can get underneath them and kind of push them then. That's what I was like more of stuff like that. Football, I wasn't really that dirty because they were just dirty to me.

I'd be the one on the battle of the pile. Like, we're doing a quarterback sneak. My eyes are getting gouged. I'm getting fucking pinched. Everything was, like, trying to hurt me. That was basically what it was. You get up and you push them, like, by the neck and shit. Yeah, yeah.

You have to get up if you make a tackle. There was a guy who talked a lot. He was a receiver from one of the other teams, and he talked so much smack on message boards before the game, like the week before. Yeah. How old are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Message boards were a big thing back in football. It was weird. And they talked so much smack about how they're going to whoop us and calling me out like, oh, he's an all-conference quarterback, but I don't think he can throw. They literally were baiting me into chucking the ball up. And it was wild. And then he played receiver, and I put corner against him.

And I threw a pick first half, something like that. I threw one pick. And he wouldn't let me. No. He wouldn't let me forget he wouldn't wouldn't let me forget it would not let me forget even on a run play he'd run past me just to tell me that oh yeah good pick on the first and i was like all right whatever and uh some people are good at just getting under it it's it we're we're up by seven i think we're about we just need to ice it and

just one more drive and we're good and And it's getting late in the game. And the quarterback throws it and my buddy T. Shane picks it off, but I drilled the dude. I drilled this dude hard a little bit before T. Shane got the ball. So they throw the flag and it gets all called back. Next play, the quarterback got hit, threw a pick to me. And we did back-to-back picks. And I remember catching it, and I kind of dove until you're down.

And then T. Shane goes up to that dude. My buddy T. Shane goes up to that dude, and he goes, Hey, write that on your message board. The quarterback runs off the field. Yeah, I kept that ball. I gave it to my mom. That was fun. Gave her my interception ball.

Like a D7 championship game. All right, let's wrap this up. Let's do it again, though. I'm going to have to edit this for an hour and a half. Yeah, none of that is on camera. I think 45 minutes of it is like us reminiscing high school football. That's cool. I love it.

Let them know anything you got coming up. August 19, Brumner Mansion. Brumner Mansion. I'll be headlining, I guess. Next Saturday? Yeah, yeah, next Saturday. Then the Saturday after that, Laugh and Tap. August 25th, I'll be on that too I guess. Next Saturday? Yeah, yeah, next Saturday. Then the Saturday after that, Laugh and Tap. August 25th, I'll be on that too.

Cool. Check it out. Get tickets, I guess. Oh, and September 16th, we'll be at the golf course. Yeah, we will. For sure. That's going to be fun. I think we're going to hang out way too long at that hole, you and I.

I bought a megaphone and everything. You don't need a megaphone. I'm giving them a speaker. For us. Oh, yeah, all for us. We get one, yeah. So thank you again for doing that. I'll give you a T-shirt here.

And let's do another one of these where we don't do football all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or let's just start a fantasy football podcast. Fantasy football? I'm in a few leagues, like two leagues. Should we do one? I'd do another one. Who's your sleeper this year?

Sleeper player? Yeah. I don't got no sleeper player, leagues. Should we do one? I do another one. Who's your sleeper this year? Sleeper player? Yeah. I don't got no sleeper player, man. He ain't giving that secret away. I don't got no sleeper player. Who you got? Tyler Ajir. People be doing.

Oh, yeah, yeah. B. John Robinson's number one, this and that. Dude's not even number one on the dub chart. Okay. I was going to go with either one of them, though. Yeah, yeah. Well, not as my sleeper, but like somebody I want to watch. I don't got a sleeper player, bro.

You got like – I had to keep going for it. Yeah, he's pretty good. I'm going to also – I want to talk to you. DJ Chark is going to be – I think Darren Waller is going to have a year and a half. I think he's going to have a year and a half.

Yeah, because Danny Dimes can only throw 10 yards. Yeah, you're right. That's right where Waller's going to be. All right. Cool. We done.