Fat Chance Podcast - Hot Boy Summer #9

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

The boys find out how easy it is to actually go to prison and Josh shares his experience on the show Naked and Afraid.

This big ass mirror, the shower's running, I'm naked, and I'm home alone, and I'm terrified. Like, what would you do in that situation? So like, the mirror is so big, like I can't just pick it up and set it down, it was like kind of hinged, it was like still glued at the bottom, like it wasn't, and like every time I like kind of let it go, it would fall again, I'm like, some final destination shit this thing's gonna follow me and murder me naked alone alone and afraid yeah josh josh looks relaxed and now i feel like now i feel like we're shooting a porno. Well, when I got here, you didn't have a shirt on. It's true.

We get here, and Michael is just sitting, kneeling in the front, in the middle of the... Bent over. Like, really just back fucking... This is the second time in like three weeks you guys have caught me either getting in or getting out of the shower. Do you think that's a coincidence? No, I think I'm timing it perfectly. I was just going to say you're pretty good at timing. You've got to be as a comedian, right?

Yeah, as soon as I text him. Now he's working on physical comedy. As soon as I text him, he's just like, ooh, we're getting you in the shower now. Let me get a little wet before I open this door. This is my first time at this thing. I don't know if we're doing it right. This is great. When Choosy got here, I was, like, getting out of the shower.

He's like, I'm here, man. Can I come up? I go, not yet. I assume you showered us constantly, just, like, in the shower constantly. Yeah, are you a germaphobe? No. I'm in the shower just constantly, just like in the shower constantly. Yeah, are you a germaphobe? No, but I mean my job is working out for a bunch of hours out of the day. Do you ever shower there? Yes, if I'm going to Comedy on State.

Do you shower with a t-shirt on when you're there or no? No, there are private showers there. It's not like a lifetime fitness. Wait, I don't know where you were in high school did you shower with a t-shirt i avoided showers i was a little pussy i was a baseball player i didn't play football that's funny i mean we show her the boxers on yeah yeah it was hit or miss some people were their compression shorts not most of us were butt-ass naked. Okay. Yeah. You played football too in high school? Yeah.

Yeah. He's a football son. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it was weird. It was a weird time. High school showers are always a weird time. Yeah, it's weird to say you've seen a lot of high school boys' dicks. Yeah.

Well, at the time. Yeah, I was just thinking. Yeah, I was just saying, phrase that. Clip it. I just want that clip. That's going to be at the beginning of the episode. And then it's going to shut off right when the music starts by YouTube. Yeah, well, I mean, it is still Hot Boy Summer, you know,

and we're missing one. Like, always we're missing one. Always missing. I think Jack died. I think we need to tell everyone that he passed away on his bachelor party. The thing was is he texted us and, like, ready to do the podcast. Like this week? This week.

He said he thought he'd be good today or tomorrow. And I get it when you do your whole weekend like that and trying to catch up. That's a lot. I think she had her bachelorette party too that weekend. Wait, was it last week in Jack's bachelor party? I don't know. I don't think so. I think it was hers because I saw –

Did he go? Did he go? I saw pictures on her Instagram of like a bunch of girls with like the popsicle stick faces of Jack and stuff like that. Can we get those? Genevieve, if you're listening or watching, can you please get us a few of those?

We'd like to continue to decorate this room while we still have it. With some socks? With some Jack socks? We do need to start asking the guests that you have to bring something to contribute to this bag. Because at the end of the summer, we will auction it off. And even if we get a dollar, someone's got it.

Proceeds are going to go to... Us. You didn't think about that? I didn't think about where that was going. I was just saying. You're setting it up. I got a few extra beers. I used to be so good at that.

When I started this and I wasn't working until 6 p.m., I would ask every guest, like, what's your drink of choice? Like, what do you want? Like, mixers, all that. And someone would be like, oh, I love, someone said, like, mules. And so I went to the store. I got nice vodka. I got cut-up limes.

I had, like, a bowl for them. It was on ice in a container, and I had, like, three different types of ginger beers. And now I'm texting you 20 minutes before you get here. Hey, man, I'm out of everything. If you want a drink, go for it. If not, fuck it. He lives right next to a brewery. And I just walked into the brewery.

I was like, I don't have time to go across the street. The problem is, like, you texted me, like, are you ready to fucking podcast? I'm like, I am parking right now. I just got off work. And I left 30 minutes early. We are drinking from Central Waters. It's called Rippling Waters. Rippling. If you're about to roast this beer, we're not drinking from Central Waters. It's called Rippling Waters. Rippling.

If you're about to roast this beer, we're not drinking from Central Waters. I was going to say. Judd said he had a lot to say about this beer. It's an orange blossom. And there's like seven more flavors. Read them all. Honey, how do you say that? Saison?

Saison. Saison with limon? And black tea. And black tea. And black tea. Whichaison. Saison. With limon. And black tea. And black tea. And black tea. Which I've never had. What do you taste out of these 19 flavors?

So I don't know what black tea tastes like. Fucking Baskin Robbins of beer here. I was going to say the Dr. Pepper of beers. I taste the. I mean like a Saison is. A Saison is supposed to be an easy drink in summer beer. I think the tea. that's what I'd... Do you drink a lot of tea? Yeah, I drink a lot of tea.

Like what? What kind of tea? Green tea. I mostly drink tea. Or a Jasmine tea. I got ripped apart for saying I had ginger tea by these two. Now we're finding out you do drink tea all the time. Who drinks Lipton out of a plastic bottle?

That's different. That's not tea. It's not Lipton. It's Arizona. I do the Snapple half and half. I didn't know for a long time Snapple facts aren't real. What? Some of them aren't real.

You have to go to the website to see if it's an actual fact. How many people a year do you think do that? No one goes to the website. They get no that. No one goes to the website. They get no traction. I've been to the website. Remember how you brought up what I did for my artwork I did in college? Yeah, yeah. I filmed a mock commercial for Snapple.

Do you still have this footage? As a project. Maybe. I need to find it. Do you have have this footage? As like a project. Maybe. I need to find it. Do you have the seven minute dramatic film though? That's what we do want to see. I just want to see Kuski in like a dark room be like,

snap into a snapper. Looking directly in the camera. He's got his hood up. Just reading Snapple. I wasn't allowed to be in the camera. He's got his hood up. Just reading Snappleback. I wasn't allowed to be in the film, thank God. Days grow dark. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, man.

What's the... My mom used to watch... She still does. Gone with the Wind. Days of Our Lives. Oh, yeah. Like sand through the hourglass. So go the days of our lives. Yeah, just real fuzzy hourglass so go the days of our lives yeah just

real fuzzy screen yeah yeah my my grandma used to tape those oh yeah and then watch them on like a vcr tape and i'm like there's it's still the same story but like how many people have died and came back and then like had a twin brother and like yeah it's just like it's still going and i asked my mom like how do you just like she'll on her days off, she'll just put it on. I go, how do you know what's happening? She goes, you get it. Like, I could miss 13 seasons, and I know what's happening. Yeah.

I'm like, okay. It's probably someone else's baby. Also, the quality has not changed whatsoever. I think it's the same, like, nine sets they've had since God knows when it started. It's the same, like, grainy, always dark. It looks like this room right now knows when it started. It's the same grainy, always dark. It looks like this room right now. Yeah, yeah. It's always dark and always some raining outside.

They always get in a car accident on their way to someplace big. Should we watch an episode a week and review it on the pod? This podcast turns into our Days of Our Lives podcast. The number one Days of Our Lives podcast. The number one Days of Our Lives podcast. Also the only Days of Our Lives podcast. Let's cut to our skit real quick. Because no one that watched Days of Our Lives also knows what a podcast is. Unless their kids are now doing a podcast like my mom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what does your mom think? Does she listen to the podcast oh yeah my mom i don't know how many she listens to now the beginning she listened to all of them she's like my my baby's doing something new um and then she'll be like i laughed at your one part or she'll make fun of you like that was a little fabricated i'm like shut up but when i first started doing the first podcast tending a lisp it was just audio and she listened to it i'm like i think maybe the car rides to and from work and she'd listen like oh we're doing like this candy

thing or like what's your favorite candies and all that and the next day because i lived at home at the time there would just be all the candy everywhere that we mentioned so like she actually listened and was like oh braxton likes this this and this there's just a bowl of all of it and she goes for your next episode and shit like that yeah she's amazing she's a wonder like right now what do you like oh uh they're called twin snakes they're by from harborough and uh they're like one is sweet one is sour and they're amazing i don't know how many times I've heard you say that. If she makes it this far in the episode, I guarantee you, it's a Kuski guarantee. My mom will be like, I have Judd's candy.

I'll get a text and be like, I have Judd's candy. Yes. They're amazing. CG, Kuski guarantee. What's your favorite candy? I don't eat a lot of candy, honestly. I'm a big like white chocolate covered pretzel guy. Is that a candy? Are you wait i didn't say white chocolate no those are amazing yeah yeah okay that's like a i would i

have those like around christmas time fair white chocolate a lot of candy pretzels not the oh yeah definitely more holiday time those are really good or are you talking about Are you talking about the blue bag you get at the gas station? Are you talking about the flips? My mom has those. There's a brand called Flips. Not that. End of the pretzel game. You said it was a blue bag.

That's exactly what it is. By the way, best pretzels, Snyder's pretzel, are the gluten-free ones, actually. Hot take. Are you kidding? Hot take. Now, I have some here. I'll let you try and be like these are incredible um no i think candy breaks down like there are two different types of people with candy like it is like are you salty or sweet person are you like a gummy or chocolate person yeah and

you're definitely a gummy person you're a chocolate person i'll do chocolate too though i mean like i don't salty i need a salty sweet yeah you're more so i just have a sweet tooth like it needs to be i have a food tooth like i just fucking yeah which leads me into what's in my choosy oh we gotta do teeth in there we should do a choosy cheers too yeah what's in my choosy today is uh i have some sweet gummies sure you want one absolutelyibles. Do you want one? Sure. You want one? Absolutely. Do you care if I... I washed my hands, I think.

Now, is this the ASMR portion? I'm going to be honest. This is like... These are the gummies. They're actually really good. They're kind of fresh. They're really soft. These are the gummies you get either in like a candy store.

You never see these in a package or the package you get at a Menards. It's a clear package. It just says red chewy gummy. Or it was just a mix match bag your aunt gave you. Oh, I have some extra candy from the cupboard. This reminds me of my grandma. My grandma used to have

these and circus peanuts. Do you know what circus peanuts are? Those orange things? Yeah. I could just keep eating those. I probably lean gummy. I got bag of my car. Fruit snacks? I couldn't fit a lot in here though. What's your best? Well, that's because they're huge. No, they're massive.

What's your favorite fruit snack? Do you like fruit snacks, Grona? I love fruit snacks. It varies. It'm what i'm really like you know i guess scooby-doo is one of them scooby's are great um i've been really into the the new ones that the arizona tea ones they came with gum fruit snacks those are delicious um or the real fruit um mot's ones. Those are classic. Mine, Welch's. The Welch's bag.

They have the biggest bags. I'm like, oh, you can get that. Keep eating them. I can't find them anywhere. I don't know if this was like, I dreamt this my entire childhood, but they're dinosaur gummies. Yeah, I think I know exactly what you're talking about they're really soft oh no they're really soft you say exactly the wrong thing damn it

no they're a little more firm and i love them like i would take them over scooby-doo sharks that's what i was gonna say that's what you think i think that's what i was going for but there's like those blue and white sharks. They had the sharks. They might be similar to the sharks. Yeah, but those are hard. Sharks ones are hard. Yeah, but then there is a different like shark. Okay.

I'm going to find them. Mom. Mom. This is how you do your grocery shopping. You just be like, you say something on the podcast. The beginning of the podcast. I'm really out of eggs. You know what I like? Cucumbers.

Lots of them. I ran out of garbage bags today. Zucchini. I actually think that was my last garbage bag. Well, you should have told me that before I threw it on you. It wasn't very full. I could have got a little more. The problem is it smelled.

Like I walked in every day. I was like, ooh, I definitely have some like that chicken container. You also had eggs in there. The shells? Those don't really smell. That's not what you said, eggs. Eggs. I eat like four eggs a day.

What's something you guys say wrong that people make fun of you? I don't know. I don't know. Like just a word or like a phrase? Either one. Well, what? This is something similar. What confuses me is the phrase, it's all downhill from here.

I don't think people know what that phrase actually means. Please enlighten us, Socrates. Do you think that means it's easier or harder? It's all downhill from here. Yeah, that makes sense. I've heard people say it both ways and I'm like, it's all downhill. It's easier. All downhill from here means

it's just getting worse from here. Momentum is just going to carry and just get worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. But when you're running, you run uphill. It was an uphill battle and now it's all downhill from here. See, this is the bullshit that really irks me. Yeah.

That's a good one. I need somebody to fucking figure this out. I think it's interpreted how you want. Write in the comments why we're all wrong. Here's the thing. It depends on how you're going up or down the hill. If you're falling down the hill, you're like, fuck, I hope it goes uphill soon. But I get your point.

I get what you're saying, that it's all downhill, which means it's bad. I think we're in a paradox. That's what this says. In a Venn diagram, us three in the middle going, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, it's a tough one. I have a friend who can't say the word mitsubishi like it is impossible for how often is he using how do you say it mitsubishi he's like mitsubishi he's like cannot that's a word like you look at it you're like you think you're like oh i got a mitsubishi and you're like wait no that's not

right mitsubishi you say any word long enough you're like, wait, no, that's not right. Mitsubishi. You say any word long enough, you're like, this sounds weird. Like, you say the long enough, you're like. Yeah. I don't think that's right. I say words wrong all the time. Even on stage, I say I'm wrong. But I think, like, if I just gloss over it, it still works. Do you say, I mean, I know what you talked about in the last pod what you like what's

the the number thing you like to do every day the sudoku isn't it sudoku yeah yeah everyone says it well i said it too i was like isn't sudoku and he's like yeah you got it you understand where i'm going from yeah yeah well no a few people, Budden, they can't say double T's. They say two D's. Oh, Budden, yeah. Like, Debo is one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever.

Very funny. A couple other ones, but... Budden. Budden. Those people are annoying, though, where, like, I was teasing you, I guess. Like, isn't it Sudoku? And also out of curiosity,

because if you say anything with confidence, I'm like, oh, it is Sudoku. Then you start second guessing yourself. Especially since I play it. Yeah. But then the people are like, no, it's actually this. I'm like, you know what I'm fucking saying. Just move on.

I'm trying to get to a point here. It's awful. Are you guys ready for the game? Can we address? You got a case for your clipboard. Oh, yeah. I got a new clipboard. It didn't rain today.

Isn't this fun? Isn't this fun? You look like a proud teacher. What else do you use it for? Like a teacher on his first day. I was so excited when I found this because I can store things in here and you guys can't see it when I come in because this one's a visual, another visual one. I really liked how AJ's one did.

So you guys turn away right now. Don't look at me. Okay, I'm going gonna say something okay um as uh i love how excited he gets so i was at i saw his new place on friday and as uh his lady was leaving he's like i got a surprise for you and he's like you're gonna love it and He kept the secret for two seconds. He's like, you just want me to tell you? And he got a cover for the microwave. And she's like, yeah, I fucking hate those. Oh, like the plastic thing that goes up? I don't even know what it is.

Because apparently he made a mess in a microwave once with soup. And he's like, I'll get this cover so we don't have to do it or clean it as much. And she goes, why don't you just clean the fucking microwave instead of buying something that keeps it clean yeah anyway i got one of those you ready you ready for the game you guys ready yeah i'm so excited i can't wait all right i didn't see it but i saw there's a picture on a page is have any of you guys been to jail or arrested? No. I've ridden a cop car twice. If you have my mugshot, I will lose my goddamn mind. So we're going to play what did this person do? I'm going to show you a mugshot, and you have to tell me what they did.

Okay. I'm in. If you bought my mugshot, I will kiss you on camera. Don't make promises you can't keep. Take your shirt off. All right. Are you guys ready for the first? What did he or she do?

Robbed a liquor store. Tax evasion. Who's right? Somewhere in between. This is an Idaho man named Pirate Tuesday. He earned his sentence for burning a disabled woman with cigarettes. Holy shit. How many cigarettes?

I think it was a full melt. Marlboro Reds. What do you think? I'm good at those cigarettes? I think it was a full melt. Marble Reds. What do you think? I'm good at the cigarettes that he smokes. It looks like he burned his face with a cigarette. Pirate Tuesday. Sounds like a fun theme at a bar. Hey, it's pirate.

Come down to Pirate Tuesdays. What did this guy do? What's up with the face? He beat the shit out of his tattoo artist for giving him eyebrows. What do you think he did? You think battery? Yeah, battery. Public urination.

Public urination. It's the first thing I can think of. We're talking about pee on this podcast a lot. Roberto Jimenez, 35. His arrest raised some eyebrows because he reportedly shot at three different officers in Chandler, Arizona. He looks like he needs sunglasses. Next culprit. Did you add the raised eyebrows part?

Everyone has a face tat. Yeah, what did this nice lady... She's so happy This is like public fornication Or This is sex in the park Yeah stabbing a boyfriend Okay stabbing a boyfriend

Sex in the park Better than jazz in the park Samantha Vaughn She's 26 was arrested after she left A sleeping one year old In a car Outside of a club Tuesday morning

When police arrived Vaughn said I just had a shot or two In the club Then resisted arrest Yelled racial slurs And bashed her head Into a wall

Club was going up On a Tuesday Was her defense She could have had sex in the park yeah right probably a good pirate Tuesday right there now I know why he texted me he goes are you fucking ready to podcast

oh my god she definitely stole someone's eye cause that one on the left side of her is not hers alright what do you think she did can I get another look real quick I don't think I can It's not hers. All right. What do you think she did? Can I get another look real quick?

I don't think I can. I can't look at her again. By the way, real quick. Do you think over under nine teeth? Because that. Far under. The way her mouth is closed. I only got teeth on the right side. What did she do? What did she do, guys? What did she side. What did she do?

What did she do, guys? What did she do? Grand Theft Auto. Grand Theft Auto. Arson. This one was arrested for pouring hot grease on another person during an argument. I have no words.

Oh, that was so funny. I didn't think her prescription is. It's like... It's a fake eye. What do you think this man did? Started a cult. Can you read what it says on his forehead?

On his forehead, it says, I'm a porn star. And then it says, I blank teen blank. They blurred it out in the mugshot, so it must be pretty bad. Is he actually a porn star? Did you look that up? Well, you got to do your research. Quick porn search. What do you think he did?

I think he did whatever it said on the bottom of his forehead. I second that. All right. This is Christopher Wilson. He's 37, and he was arrested for kicking a woman on the ground near campus of Cincinnati. That's it. However, on his forehead, it says, I'm a porn star. However, his bank records showed he was unemployed.

Shocker. What qualifies you to be a porn star? Have sex on camera once and post it. I think you've got to get paid money at some point. I guess, yeah. Right? Ooh. Is that the person he kicked?

I mean, Ben Hoffman's calling me. Should we answer it on the pod? Yeah, real quick. That would be great. Quick break in the game. Make it quick. Ben, I'm podcasting. What's up?

Okay, can I call you in like... Do you want to say something on the podcast real quick? It's with the boys, yeah. When we go golfing? That was very DJ Khaled of you. That was very nice. No, I don't. All right.

I'll talk to you later. All right, bye. I thought he was going to say, do you want to zen? That should have been what he said. All right, back to the game. Those were the only two answers. Back to the game. What do you think this alien did? Jesus. Robbed a candy store. Took the candy, to the game. Those were the only two answers. Back to the game. What do you think this alien did?

Jesus. Robbed a candy store. Took the candy, not the money. That's close. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. I think he robbed a Toys R Us. Ooh, no.

There's Angel Martinez from Albuquerque. He was arrested because he went to a football game, and after the football game, he got a ride from two of the players. And then after being dropped off, he allegedly pulled a gun on them and handed them a note that said, Give me your keys to your whip, and nobody get heart. I know where you live, so don't make me kill. They then beat

Martinez up after he fumbled the gun. Well, he didn't make the team. He's repeating second grade because he can't fucking write. I can't see. You have a lot in there.

He gets so excited. What's up with all these bug eyed people Dude The girl before stole this woman's eyes What do you think she did She definitely works for the circus I'd like to know what she saw What did she do Can I get one more look

She's stealing your soul every time you look I wouldn't What did she do? Can I get one more look? She's stealing your soul every time you look. I wouldn't. What is it? I think she was selling stolen TVs out of the back of her car. I got nothing. This is Brandy Leon. Say that again? Leon was accused of drunk driving in Palm Beach, Florida.

Brandy was driving erratically, and witnesses said she must not have been keeping her eyes on the road because she also had an unbuckled child in the backseat. We've had some terrible mothers on this show. This is really bad. What do you think this guy did? I think he's a model. It's a fashion crime.

That's what it is. I think, well, children seem to be a theme here, unfortunately. It reminds me of the rent is too damn high. Do you remember that do you remember that was like a a party that whatever don't i had a shirt that said the rent's too damn high all right well this is kevin gibson he was arrested for felony narcotics in miami police said he was already half baked when they arrested him i think like the sample facts we might need to check some of these reports. It sounds like Judd wrote a couple of these. You have creative liver bees when you have printouts.

What do you think? Oh, he beat the shit out of the suction cup that was making out with his neck. He's definitely a mumble rapper. Look at the hickeys. He's a mumble rapper. I know. He didn't pay his dues on SoundCloud. Yeah, SoundCloud rapper.

I think I hear a song playing right now. Alright. Louisville police found this man named Micah Musher 18 in an abandoned building. According to the locals, Musher was passed out surrounded by empty alcohol containers, though he said he'd not drink any. When asked how was it spending a night in jail, he said it sucked.

That's a judge joke all the way, dude. We're getting bamboozled right now. What do you think this man did? Stealing Bob Ross's identity. Yeah, it's open in public. It looks like he's taking a shit right now.

Too many happy little mistakes. This is Riley Lewis. He was 36, was arrested and charged with assault in Utah, allegedly for chasing two joggers carrying a folding tree trimming knife. Say that three times. Folding tree trimming knife. Folding tree trimming knife. Folding tree trimming knife.

Not bad. It should be she. Saduko. Yeah. And as Wile E. Coyote once said, if you do not succeed, do not try again. Wise words. Jesus. Yeah.

And that is how you play. What did they do? I did not find your mugshot I know I tried so hard to find it and trust me I'm going through some hoops to find it so then I was like I have to get something so I made this game

for the best of I think I've told you this the best of my recollection my mugshot looks like this because when we got pulled out of the and I don't even know if it's like a full on mugshot looks like this. Because when we got pulled out of the, and I don't even know if it's like a full-on mugshot. I know they took our pictures, but we got our drinking tickets, and we got pulled out of the drunk holding cell at Country USA in Oshkosh, Wisconsin,

which was just a trailer in a field. And they handed me a whiteboard, and they said, look over here. And I go go are you taking my mug shot they're like yeah we gotta take a picture of you i go no way and i'm like this and just cheesing from ear to ear and after that they walked me out and she goes you've had the best attitude out of anyone i've ever met in my entire life getting an underage drinking ticket i go does that mean you won't give me one she goes we already had a ride it was up to me no but like

i'm like it was up to you you're the one that brought us here what a thing that was so like you have the best attitude of this well the thing is really butter me up baby yeah me getting a drinking ticket i was already in college like me getting a drinking ticket wasn't gonna affect my life in one way or another right i was like okay i gotta slap on they told this right away too like here's a class you're gonna go take it it's like two days go do that and then it's off your record and we'll reduce your ticket by a half and you're good to go that's probably why i can't find it's off your record yeah but those things don't disappear like i think you can still there's a database somewhere um and so yeah i hope i can find it one day yeah i was searching i was searching i'll

still do some stuff i've looked for it too like i've gone to the websites like you got to pay to do it i'm like i'm not even sure it's still available because i had the same thought but yeah i want it that's funny because i almost the same thought. But, yeah, I want it. That's funny. Because I almost wore my buddy's mugshot shirt today. I was thinking about it because he got arrested in college, and I put his face on the back of his shirt, and then I had his booking number on the pockets.

That's awesome. Yeah. And I sold 75 of them. Oh, shit. That's so. I had them. He got arrested on a thursday night friday morning we got what um i don't want to say it's assault because it's not but he we worked at a bar and

this guy in line came and just like butted heads with someone pushed a girl against the wall and whatnot and my buddy cory's the biggest guy that worked at the bar wasn't the bouncer but his bartender came out because they asked for help he just threw the guy out of line and the guy tried fighting him and he put him on the ground and like cory's like if we put all three of us together and the guy he was fighting was just me and he just put on the ground from like here to here just went and cut open his cheek the guy deserved it oh yeah 110 he deserved it they had to take him he spent because you can't see a judge on fridays in madison um and you can't see him on the weekends so he spent friday or thursday night friday night saturday night sunday night in jail oh so you got to know

when to come wow yeah i didn't know you spent the whole weekend you spent the whole weekend there and we got him out monday and by the time we got him out we took him to a mexican restaurant that shots tequila and that night he was my roommate i had already ordered 75 t-shirts and was like you guys want do you guys want these? Do you guys want these? Because the mugshot disappears after a while. It's public record for a short period, like 24 hours. I saved it.

I was like, all right, good. I got the booking number, made the shirt. Beautiful. For his rehearsal dinner, I asked him, I was like, hey, what's the dress code? He goes, it's just casual. I'm like, all right. And I got there. everyone's dressed up like

nice casual i show up like these pants his mugshot shirt and he goes what the fuck man i was taking orders at his like wedding rehearsal they're like we need one of those you're marrying into a good that's so funny. I don't know. I mean, I don't know if I could. I haven't seen any of my friends mug shots, actually. Now that I think about it. I have two of my friends mug shots.

Not really. I know they're out there, but I don't know. I've never had a mug shot. Did you ever go to country USA? No. It was at Hodeg. Oh, yeah, Hodeg. You guys aren't country music fans, are you no but i went in high

school i wasn't a country music fan but all my friends went and i couldn't really afford to go and i didn't really want to pay and i'm making my own wristband to get in oh you do that you're like all right start sharing wristbands and all that yeah yeah yeah well the way i did it was so i bowled growing up. I was a big bowler into high school and before. And when you have, like, the high score of the week or the month, you have, like, a laminated picture of yourself, and then it says your scores and your name at the bottom.

And that year, wristbands were yellow, or yellow with black writing on it. And my name happened to be yellow with black writing. Oh, really? And I just cut it out, and I taped it to my wrist, and they just grab it, and they're like, oh, we're good. And then you see Josh Smith running. That's amazing.

Yeah, the year we went, because... Wait, you never got caught? No, they literally just go, oh, all right, that's not coming off. You're in. They don't even look at it. Yeah, they want to know if you can, like, slip it on or off, but they heard you in, like, cattle.

It's probably changed since. Yeah. And they basically, like, there's, like, certain times everyone goes in, like, right before the headliner or right when it starts. Right. And so right before the headliner, people are, like, there's 100 people. And they're, like, all right, everyone arms up. And they'll just look. They'll catch, like, one person out of 100 and be, like, ew, here.

And you're, like, fuck. Right. But as long as you have something yellow around your wrist like they're good right that's funny i or just don't put your hand up and don't be obvious about it yeah i went to hodag and uh we were in an rv that wouldn't like it didn't all the way work we got there and like the battery started to like die halfway to the point where we could drive, but our lights were in and out. They were going in and out.

So we just had somebody drive in front of us and we're following the taillights pretty much. And we get to the entryway of the RV park. And it stalls in the... Literally, our battery our battery dies shuts down in the entryway so no one can get around there's just a line of rvs waiting to get in this park and we're like hey if you guys want to get in this park you better help push so we get it where our thing is and like we we didn't get one with electricity. Because we thought, we'll be at other people's place. We don't need electricity.

Well, we push it there, and we don't have anything to charge the battery now. The closest outlet was the women's shower. So we had to sit outside the women's shower like real creeps, just trying to charge our battery. Just charging a battery, man. Yeah, so we're wearing sunglasses because it's hot. just trying to charge our battery a battery man yeah so we're like wearing sunglasses because it's hot i was just charging our battery so we can listen to some music and yeah it was awful it was eight dudes in a rv that could not turn on ac uh it was it was not country thunder two first two nights i slept outside um like just no tent, nothing.

Just in a chair this big. Sounds dangerous somehow. What? I went to the hospital after Country Thunder because I was malnourished. In a five-day span, I had a bite of a burger that was raw on the inside, so I was like, I'm not eating this anymore. I had a bowl of pasta and maybe a snack or two in five days and then i just copious amounts of alcohol do not recommend this at all disclaimer don't do this and then because i'm like when i drink i'm the guy who's like i don't think about eating until like yeah i'm just like because i'm having fun but the

minute i do start eating then i'm just like i'm having fun but the minute i do start eating then i'm just like i'm murdering food um if you eat it just kills you like you're knocked out and so i didn't eat for five days and then we go home like i'm hung over his balls so we get chick-fil-a i'll forget this and i'm like okay this would be great can barely eat it because i'm nauseous as hell. So I go to sleep. I'm like, all right. I'm like still kind of hungover the next day. Barely eat, go to work.

I then don't really eat for like the next three days. What? Because now I'm thinking I'm concussed because we did the how hard can you slap your friend game. So I got. This story just keeps going. It's all downhill from here, right? No, this was an uphill battle.

I don't know how to say it. And so then, yeah, I thought I was concussed. And because I would go to work at a bar and the lights are going and I think I'm going to pass out. And so I leave. I drive home and I tell my mom, I think I'm concussed. So I go to urgent care the walk-in clinic and they basically like hey what happened i'm like i did a lot of shit i got rocked in the face and the first question was like open hand or closed fist i was like it was open hand i go you're not

concussed i'm like really he goes what i can't tell you is you're malnourished as shit. And I go, okay. So part of it was anxiety, too, because I thought I was concussed. And I just wasn't eating. I wasn't treating my body right for like a week and a half. Drinking on it. So I'm freaking out. They're like, you're not concussed. You're malnourished.

You just need to eat. Anxiety went away like that. And I told my mom. I was like, oh, I'm driving back up to Madison. I'm going to go to Hick Bar because there's a giant party too she goes you are the dumbest kid you're an idiot i've ever met you do not care about yourself do they just give you an iv or what no they just said start eating yeah wait they didn't give you anything they're like hey idiot didn't even do put food in your face yeah they're like you're malnourished your body's eating yourself

and or itself and i was like okay gave me nothing they just they also said you're malnourished your body's eating yourself and or itself and i was like okay gave me nothing they just they also said you're probably really anxious from this too that's what i learned like oh i might have a little bit of i don't want to have anxiety i get anxious and we were just talking about that about the if you drink you ever have like the hangovers yeah anxiety anxiety after like oh yeah on my 25th birthday i was coming down the bridge and like i was so hungover because we were we were in the dowels i think and it was my second weekend in the dowels because i had a boys trip tonight the weekend before and then we had the shareholders meeting the weekend next which was just like drinking way too much and you're just

having some pizza at the end of the night it's pretty much you're doing and i remember just so hung over my 25th birth 25th birthday i pulled off to the side because i was just shaking and you're like nervous and you you don't know why i was like what what's happening what's going on so my birthday dinner was uh my 25th birthday i remember this was uh what's that place called pizza Pizza Palace. I had a Caesar salad from the Pizza Palace, which is not where you get Caesar salads from. It was the worst birthday dinner ever. Fresh anchovies.

I don't get anxious when I'm hungover. I also don't really get that hungover ever, which is nice. Well, after all the shit you've been through. Like if I just, yeah, compared to whatever that was, it's nothing it's like sugar and lack of sleep uh will do it for me um i get anxious when like i think typically i have a lot to do um where i also think my girl was like yeah you have adhd and my mind goes everywhere like if i if you gave me a to-do list with like 20 things i will think about doing all 20 of those things at the same time and then do fucking nothing and i'll get anxious the worst for me is when i'm anxious eating which is why i

eat fast so i think it happened to me it started me in college where i would get my lunch i'm like i because i always want time for myself and to relax so for a while eating was killing that time in reality i should be enjoying it so i would just murder food and i mean so fast to the point where like my body's like this what do you get the get day cups? No, I would eat, and then almost like you're not even shoveling it into your mouth properly. You're not forking it. You're just – Yeah.

And like the end of a chip bag, I just put it down just so I could sit down and do this for five, ten minutes. Do you ever have – like you look at everything you need to do and you just go take a nap? Yeah. My to do list for the event is now it's like check 20 bullets right now. It's 20 bullets. I made it two days ago.

I have one thing or two things checked off. Don't look at it that way. Yeah. I don't know how else to look at it. I don't know who I had this conversation with when people get anxious about tasks and i'm a lot better at it now like this doesn't happen to me a lot anymore but you need to stop looking at tasks as steps of a task and just the task so you're like oh i need to go to the bank and i need to do my dishes you're like oh that's a lot i gotta do because i gotta i gotta get my keys i gotta go get in my car the

structure that i get out of the structure. I got to drive to the bank. Then I got to talk to the teller. Then I got to deposit and I got to drive back. Rather than just viewing going to the bank, you're viewing it as like 25 steps. Yeah. And then dishes like, all right, I got to dry these dishes. I got to wash these dishes. I got to put these in the dishwasher and then take them out and all this.

Yeah. Then you're like, all right, I got 95 tasks in round. You have two it's it's about like compartmentalizing a little bit because i mean my dad is great at this is just like just get it done just do it just get it done don't like think about it just just do it my and my dad like does so much you know because i was like the farmer's mentality just do it i love when i get in that mood where i'm like boom boom boom boom boom and you can't help it sometimes getting into that, like, I got all this to do. But I love when I'm like, Mondays are almost my favorite sometimes,

where I'm like, I get up, get to work early to do my personal stuff, knock it out, and then the rest of the week I can kind of scatterbrain. Flexible, yeah. Cusky. Oh, Dale's going to go against that wall. Judd. Oh, off the court. We have yet to get one. Also, look at Michael's

screensaver. It's not like he made a Microsoft Paint. Yeah. I thought it just does that on its own. It does. Thank you. Okay. Alright, I'm not an idiot. Alright, Judd. You got a spring in there? Don't worry about it. its own it does thank you okay all right i'm not an idiot all right judd oh what is this you got a little don't worry about it don't worry about it i'll make my own luck did we only bring

all right now these guys what do you think of judd god what what do you think of judd also did you think his name was reminger instead of Reminger when you first met him? Well, I didn't know his name was Justin for a while. I knew him for years. I didn't really know. I've known him for maybe a few months. Don't be calling that on the podcast, man. I feel bad.

It's so nice. His name is Justin Leanne Reminger. He's a black T, dude. This name is Justin Leanne Reminger. What's up with you and the black tea, dude? This guy is a tea fucking lover. I think black tea is just in over at Central Waters. What? All right, we're going to try this one, and then I want to rank both of them. I was thinking, too, since I work for a liquor company,

I can always bring a bottle in or bring a cocktail in, and we can review a new product or a cocktail in and we can like review a new product or a cocktail here and there if you guys want besides beer but something to think about yeah if you want to bring in a cocktail and we'll review it yeah hey is your microphone on by chance okay good because you're you're that would have been so bad yep oh it's definitely on i can see see that like white out area that's you going That would have been so bad. Josh is nuts. Oh, it's definitely on. I can see.

See that whiteout area? That's you going. Oh, yeah, I see. Yeah. I mean, technically, you guys are going to be one of the sponsors for the outing too. Yeah, I'll grab you some stuff. We need all the stuff because right now our prizes are lacking. Let's not tell the world that. For these people that

like AMSAR. AMSAR. I like the cans. Oh, that's all over me. Why did you put that so close to yourself? Because the microphone's close to me. Why did you try and spill it?

That would take me trying to shotgun that one time. Is this peach or apple? Peach, I believe. It looks more like an apple to me on the... Yeah, it's a stem. Look at the butt. Juicy peach. If I'm being honest with you...

James and the Giant Peach. I loved that movie growing up. It scared me. Dude, that's what I was going to say. But I liked it. These taste very similar. Like it's summer nights is the rippling waters without the Saison. You don't know what you're saying.

This one's a little smoother, I think. Yeah, I like this one better. I think it's just with peach. It's got peach. I've been really into peaches lately. Like, I've been getting, like, two a week. I let them ripen on the counter. Oh, your mango's doing it.

Toss them in the fridge. I ate them all. What? Yeah, I ate. I gave one to AJ, and I gave one to my ex-roommate's girlfriend. She's like, I had it for lunch. I was like, you should eat more than a mango no i uh i made a recipe with my girlfriend that required mangoes and uh i went to surmac you're going to surmac yeah you think that's the place for mangoes like you get mangoes and uh mangoes

it was but you can't buy a single mango so i was like i was looking for i'm like where are they and then all of a sudden i just see like this box of mangoes and I got closer and they're, they're saran wrapped. I'm like, I have to buy eight mangoes. If I want. Is that your first time buying mangoes ever?

No, no, I don't think so. Actually, it sounds like it with my own money. Yes. I think that might be the first time I've ever bought a mango. People don't forget.

Mom, I really like mangoes from Cermak. I feel like I've just either had like they've been there or i never buy mangoes i don't think i've ever bought a mango in my life exactly how many times i didn't even know what they looked like for a second until he was like i know what the insides you want a mango and i was like that's the biggest fucking you should have taken one that day you mean that small watermelon that you had in your hand? Yeah. Did you ever buy a dragon fruit?

Dude. I did recently for the first time. Because I didn't know they were white and, like, seedy on the inside. They don't really taste like anything. They look beautiful on the outside, and then you open them up, and you're like, you disgust me. But it's also, I don't, what do you do with it? Do you cut it open and eat the inside? Yeah. Okay.

Never mind. That's what I did. What I don't like is when you get like dragon fruit flavored anything. Yeah. It's like strawberry. It's always pink. The inside is white. Yeah.

Would you want it to be white? Outside is pink though. No, but you're lying. What was that? Are socks coming to life? Oh, he thinks, my roommate thought the insulation here was off. Like, you could hear it whistle like the second day we moved in. He's like, this is going to be terrible.

So, if it's ever windy, it just sounds like there's a man in the corner. Yeah, because it just looks like it's brick. Isn't this a cool room, though? I like this room. Yeah. It doesn't have a bath. It'd be cooler if it had Jack's face on it, but, I mean, it's whatever. Soon to be.

It's going to happen. Her name's Genevieve? Yeah. Great name. Oh, Genevieve. Never met her. I finally met your lady. Yeah.

She's very nice. She's very nice. She's very nice. I like her. Cutting that from the podcast. The best thing about this room is... There's the people in it. We're cutting that from the podcast. Cut this all.

The best thing about this room is it it's it's really like um like a basement feel kind of you know what i'm saying with being up five stories like behind us is basement five stories is that way like it's i mean you can tell it was an old building that's been remodeled for sure yeah and now and where are you gonna move to to now? I don't know. I have applied to a lot of remote stuff lately where I can kind of live wherever I want. So we'll see if any of that works out. But that's also why I have technically gone back to school. So my job search can widen or at least I can qualify for a lot more jobs. Because there are a lot of jobs I can do.

I just don't have the certification. Yeah. And it's just needed for, I think, legal reasons. And I don't want to work at the gym I'm working at any longer. I do not get paid enough for what I do there, not even remotely close. I think they need to double it. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. And especially since your lease is up in a couple months so the two places I look the most are Denver and Texas for sure Tejas I mean

those comedy wise Texas is the place to go people I know wise Denver Denver is super fun people I went to

college with I mean I'm not gonna go to like Wyoming yeah I don't know I mean we have buddy Garrick he's in Wyoming

and he was like that was his place or I think he's in Montana I haven't talked to him in a while oh yeah he went to college

with them they got cell service out there yeah yeah but like dude Or I think he's in Montana. I haven't talked to him in a while. Oh, yeah. He went to college. They got cell service out there? Yeah. Yeah. But, like, dude, some of those people are just like, that's their destiny. They're like, I want to be in open spaces. Right.

Well, here's the thing. Get out of the noise. End game for me, I do want to be open space. Like, I want the ranch, the – I think every person on this planet not every person but like my dream is there's a cul-de-sac of 10 houses they're all my favorite people and their families in those houses and we all have like three acres kind of thing all right should we do this can we start here think about like you growing up oh, I wish I would live next to my friends the rest of my life. It'd be cool if our kids grew up and hung out with each other, and then they fucked, and then they were all family.

What? I'm kidding. I mean, when you put it that way. You're not having sex with my kid. Wander Frankel over here. I do want, like, as I'm old old i don't want to live in a city i don't want to like this this is great now i can do this for definitely a few more years but um yeah i don't want to be i never want to be the person the dad that's got kids and i'm, we live in a three bedroom apartment. Like, cause I grew up like weekend.

I got a backyard to go do stuff. Not like, Oh, I got to go to the shared game room. I have with 20 college kids and divorcees. Yeah. It's like when you're young, you want to be around things.

When you're old, you want to just relax and not be around anything. Yeah. You know, you bring what you want to you. Yeah i'm definitely gonna go uh i'll retire on the farm i'll retire out where my land is you know farmer i won't become a farmer but i'll be like uh just in open spaces and just relax i like the idea everything everyone's like i want to grow up like i make all this money we're gonna have chickens we're gonna have ghosts i'm like you

have to take care of that like unless you're having you're gonna hire judd to be your farm hand but um like a hobby farm is a lot like it's more than a hobby for yeah it's way more than a hobby yeah my mom used to have chickens and she used to have this thing this chicken coop called K's Cluck House. It's got a good ring to it, but a lot of... K starts with a K. Cluck starts with a K. We are getting

real close. That's a rebrand. K's Cluck Corral. Now what we need, Mom. Can we change one letter, please? All those should start with C.

You've thrown out everything white. The eggs were brown. But so the chickens were laying eggs every single day, which was great. And all of a sudden, just something happened where they, not one chicken laid eggs. And my mom was pissed. Just so pissed. And, like, she's, like, reading books and, like, trying to figure out why they're not, like, laying eggs. She'd just kill them all, like, in the three-in-a-roller.

And then, as she read all these books, she's read all these books and went online and looked it up and the next thing I know we're having chicken soup. And I was like, oh, did you figure out what happened to those?

You're no longer doing what I want. I figured it out. You're dead. Yeah. I think you need to stop laying at some point. Well, I have no idea.

I haven't had my chickens yet. Yeah? Would you want to have chickens? Yeah. I think if I were to have farm animals, how many do I get in my hobby farm? Two. Two? Two.

You can't keep three. That's a lot. That's a lot. Okay. In my ideal world, though. Yeah, this is a fantasy world. For farm animals, I would go chickens and goats. Okay.

Don't want cows. That's a lot of work. I love baby goats. Adorable. I also really like ducks. But ducks I don't think would count as a farm animal. No. I'd have a duck pond.

I would easily do a farm animal. No. I'd have a duck pond. I would easily do a duck pond. Yeah. I saved some ducks from a storm drain one time. Made the front page of paper. It's true. Really? Yeah. That's true.

I'll show you the picture after this. It's pretty funny. We see that mug shot? Okay, yeah. Prove it. We see that mug shot. I've made the newspaper once. It's a lot harder to make it into the newspaper when there's 30,000 people in your town, not 30.

Yeah, fair enough. Like, who wants to be in it today? Like, I've had enough. Draw out of a hat. All right. Judd, for the sixth week in a row. What a good little boy. Josh, did you ever make the paper?

Yeah, it was mostly for nothing great. Bowling. Yeah, bowling, Little League, baseball typically. I think one year I was in the paper for they were covering fall baseball, and I happened to be the pitcher throwing that night, and they didn't even mention my name like look look at kids participating in baseball this guy's out here he sucks that's funny oh I there's a question I did want to I do want to get your hobby animal but there's a question I have after your hobby animal so what's your

hobby animal I'm gonna ask what's so excited he gets what's the question I'm going to ask my other question What's the question? I'm very excited about this You're two farm animals You had a farm My hobby animal? I've never dealt with animals so I don't really know Pick two that you think Would be easiest Chickens I'm not going to say goats

How about a pig? Pigs are easy They'll eat anything Even the chickens when they don't lay I'm not going to say goats. How about a pig? Oh, yeah. Pigs are easy. Pigs are really easy. They'll eat anything. Perfect. You throw anything in front of the pig, they'll eat it. Even the chickens when they don't lay eggs. They would.

All right. This was the question I should have wrote down, but I had on the way here. Michael, do you think if Josh was pitching, could you hit a pitch? No. Let's go. No. We can make this happen, too. I think we should.

That'd be fun to film. Here's the thing. If you hit me, I will beat the living shit out of you with the bat. I don't throw that hard. You can get out of it. I don't care. I don't think Josh is going to hit you. So that is the reason I stopped playing baseball, is I was afraid of the ball.

Yeah. I played T-ball for two years, and the next level up was machine pitch, which almost guarantees you don't get hit, but I was like, I'm not taking the risk, and I was done. I ended up just going – I mean, I ended up falling in love with lacrosse in high school, which was like 10 years down the road, but thank God I did because I'm glad I wasn't a traveling baseball kid. My parents would have hated that. But no, I think –

You think you're following one off? you're like following one off how many pitches do i get 10 10 i think i could follow one off at a minimum i think i can give you a weak ass grounder to like third okay all fastballs yeah yeah that's okay that's then what are you gonna do what are you gonna throw him some junk or what definitely throw some junk that's all i throw yeah i think i think your fastball would be hard for him to catch yeah probably Then what are you going to do? Are you going to throw him some junk? I'll definitely throw him some junk. That's all I throw. Yeah. I think your fastball would be hard for him to catch. Yeah, probably.

Yeah, I don't. Okay, how about this? Do you think you could stop one of my lacrosse shots as a goalie? That would be fun. Yeah. I'm afraid of the ball. I don't know. I think I could.

How fast can you throw? Maybe 80, around 80. I top out at, I think the fastest I've shot is like 93. I could do it. That's pretty close. I could definitely do it. Yeah, I think I'd stop one. With my body?

You have a better chance of stopping it because, one, I'm out of practice, and I'd probably just hit you with the ball. Yeah. But if we don't count those, like me just drilling you in the fucking throat. Well, that's going to be a fine line between me actually and chesting it up. Is that how it works? Do I got to like...

No, you get a lacrosse stick, it's like this fucking big. Yeah, I think my chances are better that you'd accidentally miss. Yeah. And it hits my thing. We'll do shots on cage and then strikes.

Okay. Let's do that. September 10. September 10. You can do that. Yeah. I'd do it this weekend if you want to. You got a bat I can use?

Yeah. I got a bat in my car right now. Cool. I'll get you some pads i broke my bet saturday it was very upsetting oh yeah seafoam seafoam's dead r.i.p beautiful bat i swear to god if you hit me with a baseball i'm gonna kill you now that you say that now i'm gonna like afraid because i'm gonna hit you now because you got it in my head no i don't yeah i don't i mean when's the last time

you hit a batter this weekend? Yeah, well. No, not this weekend. The weekend before. The weekend before. Yeah, I had a couple. But I was a little. That was the. You had a couple people?

Well, it was one of those anxieties we were talking about earlier. I was pitching with one of those. That is a beautiful part about playing sports outside of college. You're like, yeah, we're hungover. We're drinking during it. I even did that during college. Yeah. Yeah. We had some games that were yeah but yeah no i mean i get drilled all time it's fine you guys get paid to play on one of your teams yeah yeah really yeah yeah in love

and support oh okay and beer and orange slices they give us free beer after the game yeah that's about it. I should do that once, just show up to one of your games at the Rock. I'm like, I brought you guys orange slices, Josh. You're like, who the hell is this guy? He's our friend. There's a guy that was really supportive. We were at a field last weekend.

Bring us mangoes instead. Yeah. We were at a field last weekend, and there's a guy in the crowd that was like our age, but he was full uniform of the team that's playing, but like they're away jerseys. Full uniform. Fucking nerdy. But he's like, the team is black and their away jerseys are yellow. So we're like, is he a libero?

Like he can go in anytime oh i miss playing sports i think i'm gonna do flag football this year our buddy does flag football jordan jordan yeah he keeps trying to get people to play yeah last year i was an alternate for uh one of my buddy. They're like, we just need to sub in. So I just played center. I just did nothing. You hiked to your legs? Yeah. You usually just hike. You can do it either way.

I like between your legs. I'm sure you do. First game, I came in. I had two touchdowns game winning. I'm like, we're fucking killing it. You guys are going to want me here every week. They're like, yeah, we just know that all our players are here who paid to play, can you just, like, snap the ball and then just do your little out? Can you just fuck off?

Why the fuck am I here anymore? But now I'm going to pay the 50 bucks and start throwing me some touchdown passes. Get some more plays. We'll get some more playing time. I'm paying to play. I was going to say, it's literally pay to play. Nice. That's funny.

Wide receiver, are you going to be? Are you fast? Faster than you. Ooh, what do you think 40 times could be? Jumped on my throat for no reason. I never claimed to be fast. Do you want to race? You're fucking getting one.

What do you think? You're getting one in the ear hole for sure. All over five for sure. I think he's brushing you back for sure. What? Josh, the first pitch is brushing you back i'm gonna hit you now yeah it won't hit you but it'll be close yeah just to get you a little nervous starting with a cutter and yeah yeah you ready or lefty ready much easier to hit i'm just gonna bunt is that contact i would miss that i would it. I'd hit my fingers. Like, I'm done.

I don't know, buddy of mine. I've seen people break their nose. That was so uncoordinated. People break their nose bunting. They like get right behind it and the ball just hits them right in the nose. And so go to the hospital. Buddy of mine used to think it was funny. My sister showed up to games when I played them.

He would point at her in the stands and then blow her a kiss. And then look at me, and I was like, what the hell? And that was as he was walking the bat. So I would just hit him every time. Also, that's the only way he would get on base. He wasn't good. He was doing that on purpose. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Do I know who this is? Fish. It's Fish. Oh, okay. He'd look at his coach and was like, trust me, I'm getting on first. I was literally just at his bachelor party the other day. And he...

It was like a nine... We're up by like... Three, maybe. And there's a guy on. So he's like, you can't hit me now because that would put two people on. And you're bringing the tying run up You know So He blows his little kiss to my little sister

And looks at me Gets in the box And squares to bunt And I drill him right in the chest Literally he just squares And it's boom Right in the chest Did he offer?

But he didn't pull the bat back Because it was like As soon as he did it It hit him right in the chest. Did he offer? But he didn't pull the bat back because it was like, as soon as he did it, it hit him right in the chest. And he throws the bat down. And he starts running to first base, and the umpire goes, no, no, no, you got to come back. And he knows he's getting hit again. Do you not get ejected for this?

No, I got a warning. I got a warning. I get a warning. He has to grab the bat and know he's getting hit next. And I threw a pitch, and I remember him right in the fat side. And he just throws the bat down. It's just wailing. You asked for it. Yeah.

It was amazing. I like, like, Reminger, or 16, knock it off. You'd like like uh reminger or 16 knock it off you're like he blew a kiss in my sister all right hit him again game on he's the only guy i would hit during the game so it's not like it would there was a guy one time charged me he forget charge no i've gotten charged how often does that? Like when people are getting hit in games, like how much of it is really intentional? How many times have you- Pretty rare, but it happens. Really?

Yeah. I've accidentally, I think I hit the same guy three times, and that's the only guy I hit all game. I hit him three at bats in a row, and he goes, dude, what? Really nice guy, but I was like, why are you picking on me? There was a guy that I didn't know that I hit him twice in the game the first time we faced him. So then the second time that we faced them that year, my dad was like, don't hit him. And I was like, I didn't hit him.

You hit him twice last time. And this guy just kind of crowded the plate. And I hit him the first time. Like an 0-2 pitch. I was like, dude, I'm not trying to hit you on an 0-2 pitch. So then the next time I hit him, it was like 1-0, and I hit him. And I drilled him pretty good on that one. I didn't mean to, but he's cards of plate, and we were trying to go inside.

We don't want his hands to get out. And I drilled him, and he charges me. And my best friend is T. Shaneane and he's my catcher and as soon as that dude gets drilled he sees him run out and this guy played safety in college like he's like a good so he just runs and he grabs him and just chucks him to first base just like literally throws him and the guy gets like put on his hands and knees and i idiot, I threw my glove off like I'm ready to fight him. And he didn't even get to me. Yeah, you got to play the part for sure.

But I always thought if someone gets that close, I'm on a mound. I'm throwing glove, flying knee. They're not going to expect it. Glove to the face, boom. Yeah, yeah, just like a distraction and flying knee yeah i've never gotten like a legit brawl but i mean anytime there's a benches clearing situation i'll like get behind the big guy and i'll talk about shit and yeah how did you do the the one last year we cleared the benches last year mean, we were swearing at the coach and the shitheads

because I was pitching that game, I thought. So it was the ninth inning. I wasn't out there during the bad part. We're down by one or two. It was close. Played the plate. One of our players, who shouldn't have done this, didn't slide. Yep.

There was a lot leading up to it. It wasn't just like out of nowhere. The first baseman, the third baseman was chirping at us, yelling at us. Yeah. And played the plate in the ninth for like the last out. And our guy didn't slide. And he was out by a pretty big. Like a lot.

Yeah. You're not really allowed to to plow the catcher. And the dude, he kind of just lowered the shoulder a little bit. And the third baseman was chirping, ran in, and literally pushed our guy in from the back, like from just the back of him, just literally almost tackled him. And then we just unleashed. Literally, both sides just unleashed on one another.

I've never gotten into a clearing brawl. I think the closest we had was lacrosse my, like, I don't want to say my sophomore year. I have the ball at the top, and there's a defenseman way, like, at the 50-yard line. Like, I'm going to get it from you. Like, you guys haven't won a game in three years, and I already have three goals. Like, this isn't going to work out for you.

And I go around him, and my teammate near above me goes, I'm going to help you out. I'm like, I don't need it. And I go around him, and I get around him by, like, five yards. And I hear crack. And I'm like, like and I just stop I don't even look I go Jared just killed this kid and I turn around and this kid is just dead on the floor ambulance came to get this guy off the field yeah people were like are we were screaming at each other like what the fuck is your problem and i remember i i'm correct jared's like i got him for you i'm like jared you literally got him like also i was past him you didn't need to hit him at all yeah yeah we had a kid in our team like a legitimate goon like a legitimate goon like all right blankenmeier's in

he's gonna kill like you see him run it all his name's blankenmeier his last name yeah Legitimate goon. Like, legitimate goon. Like, all right, Blankenmeyer's in. He's going to kill. Like, you see him run it all. His name's Blankenmeyer? His last name, yeah. That's a goon name. That sounds like a Mad Lib. Yeah. We should do a Mad Lib on here.

Yeah. What? You should make your own Mad Lib. Okay. We're coming up with a lot of good ideas. Yeah. You would love doing stuff we also need to wrap this up we're going yeah we probably do how do we want to wrap this up i think you need

to come up with something good oh what can you wrap i don't know i can rhyme i do like your shirt yeah but let's let's talk about that yeah are we talking about no we can talk about that i do not want to know what your next question is. Oh, no. The situation with the mirror in my upstairs bathroom. Did I tell you about that? Oh, my God. This is a great story.

It's actually a decent story. Okay. So this is like two weeks ago maybe. I don't know. I was getting ready for work as one does, going to the bathroom, turn the shower on, strip down naked as you do. Shower's going, and in the upstairs bathroom where I shower, we have a giant-ass mirror.

And in the mirror, there's a little outlet for, like, your toothbrush and your beard trimmer and whatnot. Plug in my beard trimmer, and, like, something kind of cracks. I, like, push it in too far. I'm like, that was weird. And granted, again, remember, I'm naked. And as that thing cracks cracks the entire mirror starts slowly falling at me and i go oh fuck so i catch this big ass mirror the shower's running i'm naked

and i'm home alone and i'm terrified like like what would you do in that situation so like the mirror is so big like i can't just pick it up and set it down it was like kind of hinged it was like still glued at the bottom like it wasn't and like every time i like kind of let it go it'd fall again i'm like this is like some final destination shit this thing's gonna follow me and murder me Alone. Alone and afraid. I don't know. At least that way you just waited there until your girlfriend got home and was like, Babe, I've been here for six hours.

Do you want to help me out? I'm starving. I got malnourished. I've been eating in five days. I couldn't turn the shower off. We're going to have a huge water bill. So I just stood there. I'm like, do I call't turn the shower off We're gonna have a huge water bill Like So I just stood there I'm like do I call it neighbor

What do I do So I start rummaging Underneath the sink And I'm like there's no tape Is there some gum under here I could chew And stick behind the mirror

No I find a box of band-aids And I just start putting band-aids All along the top of the mirror and then i'm like we're fucking good and i called maintenance they came and it was like two hispanic dudes and i'm like don't worry about those band-aids it's all i had i'm sorry and then they fixed it it was fine but i was like i was sheer panic for like five minutes just like I've never been that afraid that naked before when it fell we're like when it fell was

your first thought was it's all downhill from here yep all right we're done decent