Fat Chance Podcast - Mexican Tomatoes & Getting "Caught" by Your Mom Ep.127

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

Judd Fights Crime at Night. Jack Find the Craziest Person on the Internet. Michael Shares His Love for Side Dishes. SPONSORED BY: Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

Recently she took it to the next level by insisting on putting a surveillance camera in my room for my safety. But I found it super invasive and uncomfortable, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. So, in an act of defiance, I decided to jerk off right in front of the camera every day for a week. I figured if she wanted to invade my privacy, she'd have to deal with the consequences. One, two, three. One, two, three. I'm John. Come here, Ravager. I'm John Ravager.

This is the dumbest joke. This is already we've peaked. Fuck. We already let out the gas tank just be like so what'd you guys say you're like well we made you batman and put an uncorded microphone right in your crotch and all of our batman jokes we ran out of early on so now you just sit there for the rest of the best one was off camera that was good call, yeah. Call me Steve Harvey because we're playing Family Feud. But good view of feet.

He's got big feet. He does. He's got honkers. He's Batman. Dude, Legos are so cool. Dude, Legos have been getting so cool lately. My sweet baby girl won't buy Legos anymore.

Do you think, like, let's say the Batman world was real. We're going to cut that. We're going to cut all of that. All right, we're back. We're back. And a friendly reminder to come to the golf outing if you're listening here. Yes.

The golf outing is going to be so much fun. We're going to have a great time. I'm not probably going to golf. I just went golfing this week, and it did not go as well as I would have liked. What did you shoot? The best part about this golf hunting was that it was a scramble off the drive. Yeah. So you all play off of the best drive, and then you finish the hole out on your own.

So you did a shamble. Shamble. Shamble. Okay. And then you cannot get worse than a bogey. You can't putt more than twice. Okay. So it gives you good spirits. Yeah.

So by the end of it, I had. How many holes did you finish is a better question. I had two pars. Okay. And I had like a couple legit bogeys. But then there was a couple I lost to the woods. And I was like, not coming back from that. I'm not even going to go put my ball down did you do you buy golf balls for this no i just had a bunch of like

garbage balls i got a couple i got i got a pack of balls for free from them and then actually a divot repair tool yeah a polo and a golf towel they gave you all that yeah it was pretty nice who was the outing for? Was it for work? Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. They got a little more money to spend than we do. But I think our lunch will be just as good. Yeah, what was for lunch?

Just some sandwiches. Just sandwiches. I feel like no one really cares about the food that much. But if you're making an all-day affair, you're drunk afterwards, so it doesn't really matter. But if you get off the golf course and they got, like, barbecue, oh, my God. Yeah. That sounds so good. That sounds great.

Which is all I've been eating this weekend. Or the July is, like, some of the best food. Yeah. You do get some good grilling. If you got a good grill master. It's not even, like, the grilling that. grilling if you had a good grill master it's it's not even like the grilling that like i love the meat portion of it but i'm such a sides guy that i love it's like all right we got some good baked beans oh every i'm not a huge bean guy but if you make a good baked bean i'll put a spoonful

on and i'll joy it but i have to mix it with something else yeah you can't just do straight bean yeah yeah i can't do straight bean the fact that you're getting excited about baked beans is wild to me but the meal i had was ribs baked beans they had that everyone has the ramen salad what the fuck is ramen you never had the ramen salad i'm not a big fan of um potato salad salad. Cause like the mayo dress, like the combination they have there really weirds me out. You can't do, you can't go too heavy on the mayo. If you think about it, like there's a good joke. It's like only in America or maybe it was a tweet.

It's only in America. Do you put mayo and potatoes together and call it a salad? Yeah. Yeah. It's some of them are pretty good but typically i if i get them i get them out of being polite and put them on a plate have a couple bites i like a good like give me a olive oil like a vinaigrette pasta salad give me that a summer summary yeah like yes those are any sort of like i don't like the creamy pasta salads really either i like the the vinaigrette

like you get like the bottled sauce or whatever those are delicious i'm i love potato salad um but i i like the lighter ones where it's not as mayo-y right i don't like everything to look the same like i don't want to be biting in this going is this potato or grape or you know what i mean like there's just random shit in it sometimes and he's like this you know that everything was good here until I had a grape. Or everything was good here until I found marshmallows. Okay, marshmallows and maybe it's just- Marshmallows and mandarin oranges and a little bit of a sweet, delicious whipped cream sauce. Not bad.

But they do surprise you sometimes. You could be having a chicken potato salad and there'll be marshmallows. And they're like, oh, well, that's just- I wanted to mix it up. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't like that. That's that's just seboigan sauce and it's like what do you mean like no this isn't a thing that they do here like you just made this your thing and your family for some reason tells you they like it and now it's called seboigan sauce yeah the like fluffernutter mayo and like cumin it's like what the fuck are you doing it makes no sense

sometimes what percentage of family recipes do you think are actually good versus like no i just like it because this is what i ate as a kid growing up because it was like our i've seen like today like what was your struggle meal have you seen these yeah your struggle meal it's like oh this is just like what we made so like my dad, like it was always just like you cut up like a summer sausage and pan fried it and you put melt cheese on it and like garlic pepper. He goes, sell this in a restaurant for $15. You go, no, you can't. But it is damn good. But it's good.

It's grease. It's fat. This is actually such a good thing. So my dad used to all the time when I was hungry, he would just make me fried bologna sandwiches. Okay. I never did fried bologna. Yeah.

It was, it's fucking delicious. And when you're 12, it's really cool. And I remember I was, I babysat for my dad's college roommate, not my dad's college roommate, but his kid. And we're going like, my dad made me bologna sandwiches. Those are the best things ever. And then like, it hit me when he goes yeah because it was cheap yeah and i was like oh fuck i thought i was getting like some gourmet exactly and like that was like just like my dad's

like probably like guilty pleasure like like you know what i mean like you're up late like at 11 p.m your kid's hungry you're also network like inspiration like this is all i got this is what i'm making yeah i'm making fried bologna i remember being like this is the best shit in the entire world and my whole like idea about cuisine was derailed by his best friend going no it was just fucking cheap like and he didn't mean it like in a negative way because i was talking so excited about excited about it but he was like trying to be like yeah it was so cheap it was the best thing ever and i was like oh yeah no that's but those are some of the best because you're gonna do the same thing with your kids one day my i mine was a cinnamon sugar toast that's so good it's so good that's gourmet as fuck but

you remember i remember making him like oh my god this is like you could do this because like you weren't just allowed to go get sugar as a kid and so when they came like wait i can put sugar on my toast and it's and you're like oh my and it was never enough sugar so when i finally was allowed to like it was adult and i used to just like make i'm not kidding toast with butter as a snack um in high school i would make six pieces of toast butter the shit out of it and then if i had extra butter i'd butter the back side of the bread oh i'm surprised i'm not fat as hell like the best thing about like stacking pieces of toast on that you butter it like the middle pieces oh they're loaded i remember we would go to my grandma's cabin

and uh um we would have family breakfast, and I would wait for everyone to get a piece of toast before I grabbed mine because I knew that was going to be the best butter ever. That one's loaded. Yeah. And you've got to eat it quick enough because you don't want it to get too soggy. Yep. But you're like, you're okay if it gets a little soggy because you know it's got plenty of butter.

But when I was finally able to like, oh, I found – I thought it was a special concoction they made, the cinnamon sugar, because when they mix it together, I'm like, oh, my God. Then I realized it was just one of those McCormick pepper grinders of cinnamon sugar. And I'm like, oh, I can just add as much of this as I want. And I was, oh, my God, I'd load it up. Those are so good. Those are so good.

That's actually a really good thing to make. That's a good snack. Another one that's not a struggle meal, but you can tell, like, my, you can tell it came from, like, my mom's parents. Yeah. Spam. Yeah, my brother got into Spam from my mom, I think. I love Spam. My mom makes these Spam buns, and it's basically, like, the most white trash shit.

Like, I should be eating this while watching NASCAR and drinking Bush. Do they fry the Spam at all, or is it raw? So, this is not the same thing, because I think fried Sp especially for a breakfast food is really fucking good i like yeah if you pan fry spam you get that nice crispy edge that's delicious yeah some soy sauce it's really fucking good soy sauce guy soy sauce with a little bit of spicy something in there okay like an asian spicy sauce better that i can do yeah i know i just completely fucking botched a spicy asian sauce but like soy sauce was spicy you know yeah like like a good spicy mayo or something with it um but that was but the meal was chopped up spam with chopped up velveta cheese spread on like the chunk yeah they would chop it up okay

and she'd like mix it with the spam she would do like the things that you see on like BuzzFeed food Where you cut like Hawaiian buns in half Yeah She would do that And she would just take it And then she would toast the Hawaiian buns with the cheese And all the spam and everything in there And it is

Pretty good So it was like It was just a spam and cheese sandwich Yeah Yeah it's all Spam and cheese sliders She probably put some other stuff in there But like It was just a Spam and Cheese sandwich. Yeah, yeah. It's all of us. Spam and Cheese sliders. She probably put some other stuff in there, but it was just so good because the Spam would be so warm, melty.

It was so good, but I didn't realize until I moved in with my sweet lady that Spam is not cool. No, it's not. I'll tell you this, though. You can make it cool if you cut it right. You can make anything cool if you cook it right like you can make anything cool if you cook it in a really cool way yeah so like

oh I made these really thin slices of spam I pan fried it they're nice and crispy yep I put it in this cool little jar it's like at the end of the day

it's like it's spam and cheese yep but I'm also convinced you could make just about anything between two Hawaiian rolls and you're gonna be like this is phenomenal

that's crack cocaine if I've ever seen it. It's so fucking good. I could eat those. If you put a entire package in front of me, I could eat those in maybe five minutes, the entire thing. So good. It was one of the best breakfasts I've ever had. I was at an airport.

I needed breakfast. I was traveling for work. And no place was open because i got there so early and the only place it was open was like this like hawaiian like themed place and it was fries pam eggs rice with like spicy like mayo kind of pretty yeah and they're like this is all we have you can have this in a sandwich delicious yeah yeah and i was that sounds delicious, yeah. Yeah, and I was like, I don't know if I'm going to like this. And I got the bowl, and I was like, well, how do I eat it? And they go, just legitimately stack it all up on top of each other,

pour the sauce on, and mix it. And then just shovel it into your face, and you're going to love it. Okay, sounds good. It was one of the best things ever. I spent probably half a year making that every single day for breakfast. Did it just spit all over me? I didn't see it, but it sounded like you did i felt really wet there yeah my mouth salivating thinking about that breakfast one of those joke microphones just scored at you it was it was oh god i'm just thinking i'm so hungry thinking about that i do the same thing though where i will um

i'll find a meal i like and i'm like I could recreate this it'll never be the same as when you had it in that restaurant or at that friend's or whoever and I will eat it for a month and a half straight that's my thing like right now I had a smoothie in North Carolina and I just

it's called the pink drink it's the fruitiest thing I could think of that I yeah I put it it's like the pink drink. It's the fruitiest thing I could think of that. I, yeah, I put it. It's like some one of the Paltrow. Yeah. Yeah. The pussy drink. The pink drink and a pussy straw.

Uh, Holy shit. I just took the, you just took the paint off the wall. I didn't know this was leaning up on there. Wow. This paint isn't that good. If the couch could take it off.

I took it off when I was moving for my cousin's boyfriend. It's my Batman, sorry. Batman, what do you think about, what's your favorite secret snack? Justice. Count Chocula. I like eating bats for breakfast. And kick your ass. You guys want to play a game?

It's time to play the game. I think I had to mix it up because that's the voice we use for the game. My voice is pretty much, I only have a couple of lanes. I've got Batman, Seth Rogen, and fucking WWE theme songs. And that's my Swiss Army knife I'm about. That's my Batman utility belt. Mine would be monotone as hell. Just, yeah, whatever.

I don't care. Pissed off or I'm the happiest person on the planet. That's it. I can do Hormone Monster as well. Pretty down-grade. Ooh. Start me off, and I think I can come in. I need to hear it first.

Like, when I want to do an Asian accent, I got to say sushi. Okay. Sushi at wall. Okay, I got to can come in. I need to hear it first. Like, when I want to do an Asian accent, I got to say sushi. Egg roll. Sushi egg roll. Okay, I got to think about it. Fallopian. What a savory word. Tells you exactly what it is if you know what I mean.

Yeah. It's not quite the same thing. I can do a lot of Nick Kroll's voices. They're, yeah, close enough. Lola Scumpy. Do you remember Lola Scumpy from that? Oh, my gosh. I'm wearing a ton of hairspray, you psycho. I loved that show. It was so good.

It was so confusing, though, sexually. Because you're just a bunch of middle schoolers, and then by the end of the season, because you binge watch it at the end of the day, I'm sitting there with all my college roommates, and we're all horny afterwards. Yeah. Because it's all just fucking, but they're all, it's like Sausage Party. It's the same thing. It is.

I remember in college, my roommates were watching, and I'm like, why they're all, it's like sausage party. It's the same. It is. I remember like in college, my buddy, like my roommates were watching. I'm like, why are you, I don't like cartoon shows really. I wasn't a Simpsons guy. I'm not a family guy. I wasn't a South park person. And then I'm like, why are you watching this? I'm like, I'm not going to like it. And I sat down, I'm like, what the fuck is this?

It was so funny. I, Nick Kroll's great. Um, that and the League are two of my... Every time football season starts, I'm like, I want to go watch The League. I love that. Actually, she got into The League pretty good. Every once in a while, I'll catch her on something that's like dude culture. And when she likes it, I get super excited.

I'm trying to get Rachel into It's Always Sunny. That's such a tough sell that's my such a tough self it's it's my show that i'm putting on i put on now like before i go to bed like i just need some noise or something like that and because she was here this past weekend i uh and we just winding down and i put it on and it's not on that loud, but she, she looks up to me. She's like half asleep on my chest and she goes, can you change this? And I go, Oh, sorry. Do you want to watch something else?

She goes, no, just turn it down. All they're doing is screaming. It's stressing me out. That's fair. There's some shows like that. Like always Sonny's at one of those shows. Um, workaholics is cause there's nothing that ever some shows like that like always sunny's at one of those shows um workaholics because there's nothing that ever turns out like it should the way it should yeah and so it's always

just like oh my god like you know what i mean they're like charlie screaming it's such a fun idea for a show like and you watch them like how did you write this and like the one i watched recently was um frank's like tots or recently was Frank's like Tots or no, it's like Scott's Tots, but it's something similar where he like bought into a beauty pageant and they're all like, dude, this sounds great. Half naked women in swimsuits rolling around in the bar and these two women come up and then they're like,

well, you're missing your swimsuits and then their two 12-year-old daughters come in. I feel like I've said this already on here, but I was like, this is incredible. I just love it. Because now, if you made that joke, because that was an older season, you made it like, yeah, we can't do that. But I think they would still try. I saw that with The Office. And The Office is a little bit more tame than Always Sunny, but it was Oscar and Kevin

talking about going to prison. And Kevin's like, I can't go to prison. Oscar, you would love prison. And he's like, why would I like prison? And he goes, you would love prison.

And then he just looks over at the camera like... Kevin is such a good character in that show but no like that the guilty pleasure shows are like always like background shows always something's great for it yeah especially if you're just numb to it you've already watched you already know what's gonna happen because I feel like if you watch it the first time you're like what's gonna happen what's yes and like now like I don't do it but like i could probably throw in game of thrones like something like more heavy like that in the background because i've seen it so many times where it doesn't mean anything anymore until it's like a good thing

like oh i want to watch this because this is funny or like a good part of the show see i can't i could still throw it on like game of thrones on as like background noise but because i've only seen through once um but there's still it's a more in-depth show so my brain be like oh i gotta watch this part and just kind of like i'm missing this i'm like you already you know what happens but you also there is so much detail in those shows like each episode matters so you know like oh this is gonna be my show and i'm gonna pay attention kind of i should pay attention to this part because maybe two weeks from now when i'm still doing it i'm gonna want to remember why because it's been a while since i've watched a show i will always have to do like sitcoms um seinfeld was always seinfeld

new girl always ended up one i remember being i've seen new girl like five times i woke up hungover as shit at one of my buddy's houses and he's like have you ever watched new girl and i go i'm not gonna fucking watch new girl because the name doesn't do it any favors no like new girl seems like a chick like yeah absolutely um but it's an everyone show um but basically i was like i'm not gonna watch this and we turned on i'm hungover as. I don't leave the couch all day. And, like, probably around lunchtime his mom comes in to, like, upstairs or whatever. She was, oh, my God, are you guys watching Gilmore Girls? And I was like, see?

I knew this was such a shitty show. And then I, like, was, like, embarrassed to watch it. And then he made me watch it. And it's been, like, a solid background show. It's a great show. Yeah, that's a good one. I think the number one show I've seen the most, that 70s show. That's a good background one, too.

Seven, eight times, just right through. I love it. Until it gets to like where they're college. Because there's like an overarching theme, yes, but each episode is very singular as well like you could just throw on any season any episode and you're good you could start season one and go get to season four and go oh eric and don are dating makes sense yeah like you know what i mean like you can figure that you get figured out after by the time they get to college

though and like people start dropping off yeah a little weird a... It's like they started to try to become friends. That's when... You can tell when there are contract disputes in the show. Yeah. It's like, hmm, suddenly they're just gone. It makes no sense. Yeah. Oh, they went off to college in Africa out of nowhere?

That's not how last season ended. Someone thought they were cool. Yeah. Oh, the fucking... And then that 90s show, that's been a bummer. I watched the first season i haven't watched the second one i didn't watch the second one the first season i was like they gotta basically make it that 70s show but they have kids you can't just have kids there

yeah and it's been most it's it's mostly just mostly the kids it's like you know how hard it is for me to get excited about a character named after a Star Wars character for the bit? Like, name the kid a normal kid name. And then they have a Fez, but Fez is now, like, this pretty funny Asian kid. Yeah. But it's not the same as Fez. It's not the same as Fez. Like, they're trying to match up one for one with things.

It's a money grab is what it is. I agree. If they wanted to make it good, it's got to be them with kids, but that's such a hard thing to do to bring them back. Oh, yeah. I think a lot of it... You ever watch The Ranch?

No. Or actually a better comparison would be Fuller House. Yeah, Fuller House. What they did is like, it's just a completely new cast. Maybe they have one or two people from the last show that are in it because they don't have any other we don't have anyone else that want to do it they're like this

is a waste of my time it'll taint the memory of the actual show and then once an episode we have someone come in like hey do you mind just doing a guest spot real quick just pop in let the crowd go wild and then oh my god i remember this and then yeah that's pretty much what it was and that's exactly fuller house too yeah it's like okay and that's i'm not i've i'm not that my boycotting isn't gonna do anything because no no one's even gonna watch this not even purposely boycotting it i'm just not watching it because there's other fun things what's frustrating though i'm on like the fence with we're constantly asking for new new new new new with stuff like our attention spans are shorter and we want like uh with video games like oh this

needs to be new why why we keep making xbox one two three four game or something like that but at the same time i'm also sick of rem Yeah. I don't think our attention spans are much shorter. Mine are definitely shorter. I think if I'm not interested in something, yes. Maybe you just have a lower tolerance. I don't know. I feel like if you're watching something that you like to watch, you're going to watch it. Like House of the Dragon. I will not touch my phone. I will sit going to watch it. House of the Dragon.

I will not touch my phone. I will sit there and watch it. That was going to be my fault. House of the Dragon, I'll be able to do that. Or even a podcast that's two hours, three hours. Even ones that people would say are kind of boring. If I'm interested in it, I will watch it. I listen to miniature painting podcasts.

Yes. And I just do it. It's also sometimes in the background. i'm interested in it i will watch it i listen to miniature painting podcasts and like yes and i just do it it's also sometimes in the background but like for the most part like i think if it's something that i'm interested in i will spend the time doing but if you're just consuming to consume yeah you're gonna have a shorter attention span because you're just consuming bullshit yeah right like i'll just look for stimulation everyone's got that where i'll put on a a show and then i immediately i'm like i'll put on a show so i can sit on my phone just so you feel like you're doing something else or you're just like playing on your phone right um i agree though but like i used to collect movies like that was my thing i love like i had a bunch of blu-rays i put thousands of dollars of blu-rays on my mom and And I would be able to just like, I'm going to go grab some food.

I'm going to grab a drink. And I'm going to sit down and watch this movie. But like you said, I wanted to watch it. Right. It takes a lot for me to now get into something. And I think part of it is because there's no trailers either. So it's very hard to see. It's not because you're not watching commercials anymore.

You're not watching commercials anymore. And the Hulu ads aren't for movies because they're not going to put it on somewhere that they can't pay to watch it kind of thing. So you're not seeing trailers. There's nothing to entice you to want to go watch it. So all of a sudden you just see a new movie on Netflix. You're like, if the cover isn't great

and the cast isn't great, you're like, I don't know if I'm going to do this. You have to get me to sit down and watch something for 20 minutes to actually watch it yeah and honestly i think that's why like i don't know how often you were on youtube but i spent most of my most of my times if i'm watching i was on youtube now do you have youtube premium then no so then like there's a lot like gladiator 2 trailer just came out. Yeah, no clue. The thing is you have to wait through an ad because I was in the middle of, I think I was watching something about the new NCAA game. I was like, oh, I just want to see if I should buy it.

And halfway through it, an ad came out. I was like, oh, fuck. And it was like, Gladiator 2 trailer starts now. That's literally what it said. That's good. Then it went right into Gladiator 2 trailer. It's's literally what it said that's good then it went right into gladiator 2 trailer it's got pedro pascal this other guy um this other guy that's like he seems like a good actor i think he was in uh um age of ultron i think he was quick silver if that makes

sense i think it was him i don't know because quick silver had like the guy that's who's going to be james bond probably maybe i don't know who james bond's had like... The guy who's going to be James Bond, probably. Maybe. I don't know who James Bond's going to be. I think it's going to be that guy. Morgan Freeman. There's a couple other people that are like, if you saw their face, you'd recognize them. I was like, okay, I'm going to sit here and actively watch this trailer. And now I'm like, we're going to go to the end of the theater.

We're for sure going to do that. That's nice. So I think watching YouTube helps. Netflix isn't going to help you. Hulu's not going to help you. HBO Max is going gonna help you because they're always just gonna feed you their thing but which makes sense yeah but there is no like they're not paying cable i mean i'm sure they are paying for cable ads but i remember like the ads for um uh fuck what's the will ferrell kevin hart movie about going to prison

Get Hard I remember seeing the trailer for them this is going to be one of the funniest movies ever I'm like I'm going to go see this in theaters and it wasn't great and I complained they show all the funny parts in the movie and I think the best one that didn't was

22 Jump Street or 21 either one of them like yeah those were good movies besides the point i don't even know where we started from we're talking about uh short attention spans yeah but i'll watch youtube youtube sometimes a background thing for me now it works i'm at the off like the desk so much now because i'm not training as much and i'll put on a podcast and i'll do my other stuff and then i'm like i can't even concentrate on this so i'm like i gotta turn it off or i'll i'll list when i run i listen to a lot of podcasts or i'll watch yeah i'm a visual person i like watching the podcast yep so just listen i can't if i'll mentally go somewhere else.

If I'm just listening to something, I need it to distract me. And then I can run. It just completely distracts me from running, and that's great. When I work here, it's nice because I have, as I've switched jobs or moved or something, and I used to stream, so I have monitors and stuff. Yeah. So, I have three work monitors. I have one monitor for YouTube or a podcast. and I used to stream so I had like monitors and stuff yeah so I got like three work monitors I have one monitor for YouTube or like a podcast and I try not to look at it but if I find myself looking at it or if I myself like not

like sometimes you're listening to something and it's so good they can I have to make some phone calls for my job yeah like where I'm like oh I don't want to call me wait for this to end and it's like two hours later yeah like it's like okay that happens when i'm so i've like found like all right i need to have like short form stuff in the background i'm just trying to have or typically i play like music without lyrics in the background while i work now which sucks it is soul sucking sometimes but it is nice for background well that's what they say for studying and i would i would do it. I tried it. You should play classical music when you study.

If you need that stimulation, great, but there's no lyrics and stuff like that. The issue with classical music, this is when I had Pandora because I didn't want to pay for anything. Pandora and you put it on a classical station. If you listen to it long enough, it eventually turns into

classical music of actual songs. So all of a sudden it's like classical music of One Republic. From the window. Yeah, and then it's like, alright, this is counterproductive because now I'm singing the lyrics for them. I'm like, oh, this sucks.

You gotta start it over. It's like like just give me Beethoven and we're good yep yep yeah music without lyrics I I can't do I can't have music on oh I could have music

on at work I couldn't have I can't have a show going and then trying to do stuff because I make phone calls too and then I'm constantly pausing or um

I just can't think yeah I like to have something where I can mute it and I don't care what I missed. Exactly. That's what I try to do. But, like, I'll put, like, it's, like, my nerdy shit, but I'll, like, put something on in the background

of, like, maybe someone playing. And, like, I don't care really how it goes, but, like, if I'm picking it up, I go, oh, that's cool. And then, like, I'll keep doing shit. I've been watching video game reviews, which I, again, am on the fence with on whether or not I like them. Because I get excited.

Like I'm back into playing games. You got to get NCAA, dude. I'm thinking, but here's, I'm torn. I'm going to get it just because it's finally back. I didn't play it that much as a kid. It's going to be so fun. I played it, but then it's going to scratch the itch for three weeks, and then I'm going to be bored with it.

20 hours a week? That's not bad. Not bad at all. But also my struggle with that is if I get so into it, it's just going to take away from the time I need to be doing other stuff. That's true. And so I'll get a game, and if I really like it, then all of a sudden it's like a show.

I don't want to get into a show because I know I'm going to be like, I want to watch it at work. And I did that with Suits. I put on Suits in the background. And I'm like, you've got to stop doing this because, like, you're still productive, but it's not as good work. And I'm worried with the game. It's like, all right, I finished work, and you've got to do stand-up.

I need to do stuff with this. And I'm like, no, I just – you know what? I can right I finished work and you gotta do stand-up I need to do stuff with this and I'm like no I just I you know what I can just play a game I can do stand-up tomorrow it's like now I'm sacrificing what I actually want to do am I still gonna get it yes yeah but the video game review stuff I worry like when I'm playing games as a kid and we'll get off the video game stuff because we always go to this whenever it does not here we always do this we always do this but like when playing it as a kid i would just again it's like the movies i would look at the game like that looks fun at game stop which by the way game stop bone to pick with you guys what yes i got a bone to pick with game stop um and i would just get it and i'm like oh, oh, I'm going to go play it,

and this is fun, and I would learn it in the moment. Now I'm watching games because I'm excited about it, and I hear people's reviews of it, and it taints my perception of the game, and I'd be like, oh, this is this, like the whatever, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh, yeah, maybe it's not as fun. And then all of a sudden now I'm like you have options in a game it's like all right which one's the best one to do and then you like google that it's like just play the game but i'll watch those because there's only a select few types of games i like

and so when it's a game i don't like i'm like all right background noise whatever i hear something i like i can go take a break and then i go back yep yeah no the reviews definitely make a difference i like try not all i do now is like if it typically like three days before they come out they give you like a review like a number review and if the number of you is really good i'll like look into it a little bit if it's bad and i really want to play it i'll probably not look at the reviews so i don't think about what the wrong things are but if it's bad and like i was on the fence i'm like all right i'm not gonna get it now but that's the thing i agree because if i look too much into it and they're like oh you can only do this with the character

and i already know it it already taints that like oh i wonder if when you play a game or in a movie like it's like knowing the ending yeah like new Star Wars game, everyone's talking shit about it. Talking shit about it, yeah. Because you can only play as a girl. Yeah. And while I do completely agree, because I don't want to play as a girl. I don't feel like. Why?

Because. You don't resonate with a woman? I don't, no. Okay. I don't resonate with woman things. And also, she's punching fully armored stormtroopers in the face and killing them and it's like yeah i've never no one could ever do that no one could ever do that a man alone this little girl but if there was a fully jacked up cool star wars looking dude

maybe he could but now we have this girl who looks she's probably as big as i am because i'm not that big but like she could be and it just sucks i mean she's bigger than me um so sometimes that drives me nuts i agree i've never picked to be the woman care if there's an option i've never picked to be the woman i've heard reviews sometimes like the woman character is better like for voices or acting and stuff. I don't give a shit. I don't care. I want a guy that looks like how I want to look.

Exactly. I don't want to be like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go do this stuff as a girl. Like there's also but there's also so many horny gamers where they're like they make their character to be just this fucking BBL fake boobs elf. Like, yeah. And that's all they're catering to it right now. I think that's what they're catering to. Just this fucking BBL'd fake boobs elf. Like, you know what I mean? And that's, I think they're catering to it right now. I think that's what they're catering to. Oh, they are. Because I've seen, like, big Assassin's Creed person,

and the reviews I've watched are like, are there going to be romances in the game? Like, who gives a shit? Like, that's not what the game, the game is literally about killing people from the shadows, not almost getting to a sexy, because guess what? Every romance thing in a video game, it's like, do you want to romance them?

Select the hard option. And you hit yes, and then it just goes black. Okay. You have not played Baldur's Gate. You actually see the sex? See the sex. Crazy, weird sex. There's this guy, and he's basically this big, he's a squid face. Like Davy Jones.

Okay. I'm only imagining where this is going. That's all you gotta know. Okay. It's like it's in it. But it's like a perfectly, it's like a lot more in-depth than Assassin's Creed. But then they'll have that shit, and you're like, what the fuck? I remember being there in broad daylight

and being like, I could only imagine if I was in eighth grade playing this and my mom walked out. I was going to say, you're watching this in your basement and you're like, don't walk down. Don't walk down. Don't walk down. I would rather my mom walk down on me

pistol whipping a chick and stealing her car and grand theft auto than having her walking on me getting fingered by an octopus. You know what I mean? Like, wow, this game is violent. Jackson, what is that? What's going on? Like, things have gotten so much further.

Way out of hand, yeah. GTA 4. Like, I remember having to, like, sell my mom on it. And now, also being an adult, it goes back to, like, me saying, like, you saying, I don't know you can make this like all the time yeah now like i remember jen and i what do we do i think we were gonna we went to watch a movie and um we are we watching the house of the dragon two weeks ago and our like goal was all right let's grab some your microphone on okay are you nervous no keep going we were worried about Yeah but

Every time I'm talking It goes Yeah Okay so we're going It just was really low For a second I'm sorry You're good

We were like Oh we don't have any snacks And she's like Do you want to go get snacks? Like yeah So we went to Whole Foods And you know They have like

The chocolate candy aisle Yeah We just like Put a bag underneath Like the jelly bean dispenser And just like Let it rip And it was like This is cool You can do this Like You'd never think candy aisle yeah we just like put a bag underneath like the jelly bean dispenser and just like let it rip and it was like this is cool you can do this like you'd never think you do this as a kid but

you can't like when you get adult money you can do stupid shit i love that now you got to draw the line it's nice when you have i'm sure your lady's a little like this or mine is where she's like we don't need to go get something every time you want something now but i want to yeah but i want to i've been i'm for some reason super deep in like um reels or like like like instagram reels yeah like youtube shorts about buffalo wings oh rachel's gonna text me at this moment right now he goes if you start talking about buffalo wings oh rachel's gonna text me at this moment now he goes if you start talking about buffalo wings and chicken wings again i'm gonna kill you there was a three-week span all i do is like i want chicken wings and that's what it is and it's like if you got this message you

owe me wings and i just keep going through and i swear to god my messages with my with my wife are all me going you didn't respond to this in 30 seconds you owe me buffalo wings and i'll be doing a tour while i'm next around the couch yeah it's like do you want fucking wings or something go get them i go no i don't want them yet just like you have to buy them next like oh dude i was on i'll get cravings it's like um when we're like oh we find one food we like like we just want like the minute i have that itch, I got to scratch it. And the first time I had the buffalo, the chicken wing one was when I came over here for the Super Bowl. And we painted this room.

And you made. Yeah. And you made those wings. And I go, I've been wanting to make these exact wings. And Rachel goes, you'll shut the fuck up. Now I go, if I have enough. And I apparently didn't have enough because the next weekend I made the exact same wing. She goes, Jesus, this needs to end. Those were good.

Those are some of the best wings. I wish. Oh, actually, no. I sold them the recipe. But honestly, oh, God. And my sweet baby girl is going to be gone this weekend. So I don't know what I'm going to do. On Friday, I was talking about changing my brake pads and making food it's like i'll get some wings yeah chicken

wings sound good now they sound so they're always so good i just try not to like there's such a i have a probably an unhealthy relationship with food where i'm like i gotta eat good during the week yeah so i can eat like dog shit the weekend. It's not that unhealthy. Like five for two? Yeah. Bless you. Bless you. Thank you.

Bless you. Do you only sneeze once? Yeah. Typically? Sometimes I sneeze twice, but usually it's once. I'm a two-time or a third-time? Third-time. Sometimes third-time.

Those piss me off. I'll sometimes get a two, but a lot of times just one. A lot of times I get the, and then nothing. That's heartbreaking. What were we talking about? Wings. Wings. We've been talking about wings for...

45 minutes. Shit. We actually are at 45 minutes. We're at 40 minutes. It's crazy. It's crazy how fast things go when Judd's not around. I know. Judd, do you have anything to say about that?

I am vengeance. Very good, Judd. Thank you. You know how we do the split screen? I should still do that with him there. Just zoom in. Judd, you look way better at baseball now What happened?

I bet you could actually strike me out I trained in the mountains I was born in the dark I now like young boys in tights Thank you Judd Thank you for that wonderful insight You're now off the podcast You read my mind oh boy

where'd he go um oh dude so I have cause no one one second oh it's a little wet So I have, because no one, one second. Oh, it's a little wet.

It's a couple seconds longer than making Old Fashioned, but it tastes better. Significantly better. And they like charities. They wouldn't pull anything. I saw multiple things here my dad i finally told him the uh unfortunate fortunate news yeah about our um our breakup yep and he was like wait you didn't tell him like no i thought i told you he's like no he didn't tell me and i was like yeah we had an episode where we kind of just like did our thing but we caught a lot out and goes, you could have like, you should do,

you should just like conveniently have like the product there. And then like the glass slips and it breaks. You're like, oh, whoops. And he was like feeding into like slander. I was like, holy shit. I was like, can't do that one. But so this weekend we're at. It's crazy.

We have unlimited alcohol right there and we just can't touch it off principle. Yeah, we can't. Which sucks. If you'd like to have a drink with us, come on by. So we're at my mom's. Yeah, please don't come by. We're at my mom's for Fourth of July. She's got a new house.

And my grandpa's over. And so I take Rachel. We're going to make pizzas in the Ooni oven. I'm thinking he's got a new house. And my grandpa's over. And so I take Rachel over. We're going to make pizzas in the Ooni oven. I'm thinking he's going to be gone. Doesn't Ooni not sound Italian? It sounds racist. Doesn't Ooni sound like the bad action you make? Yeah. But you're making

pizzas in it? Yep. Not crab rangoonies? So, yeah, crab rangoonies. That was... Clip it. Yeah, that was wet. So, I bring Rachel to my mom's, and my grandpa's still there, and they're getting along, and I'm waiting for him to say some racist shit. And Rachel's half Indian, and I'm like, please do not say anything stupid.

And he doesn't um until grandpa until he like so you know how like when you get to a certain age now you're like they're racist but they're like they don't mean to be they don't mean to be they're kind of creative with it the thing is they have they have racism like them. Yes. They're trying to be taking a step forward with everything, but they don't know not to say it. Exactly. They don't know that... Let's just say, for whatever reason, your grandpa hated Irish people. Yeah. He looks at me and goes, so, are your family potatoes?

Yeah, exactly. Is your family filled with drunks? And he's trying to bring it up in conversational topics. But I'm like, you know what I mean? It was a lot like that. So he's trying to like have a conversation with her. And I'm cooking food and I pull out tomatoes on the tomatoes on the vine and we're going to do some like recipe with it. And he's a, he's a hoarder and he likes to like be cheap with his money. So he used

to show up at my mom's with grocery bags full of tomatoes and peppers that are going to spoil yesterday. Like I got them for 99 cents a bushel. And we're like, okay. And so he was like, I pulled the tomatoes and he looks at my girlfriend, and he goes, you know, tomatoes have been real cheap lately. I go, I know you're trying to make common ground, but this isn't it. She goes, it's been like 99 cents a pound. He goes, even, you know, the kind of tomatoes, you know, I call them the Mexicans. And I just stop.

I go what he goes yeah I call them the Mexican tomatoes I go Roma tomatoes the ones you make salsa with

he goes the Mexican tomatoes even they've been pretty cheap I'm like oh my god which is one of the greatest things

I've ever heard they're also like really Italian then, too. Yeah. Roma's not Mexican. I call them Mexicans. He saw one Mexican make salsa with a Roma tomato or purchase a Roma tomato. And I'm like, those are Mexican tomatoes.

If you bought cabbage. Wait, did he think? Rachel was Mexican? Yeah. Those are Mexican tomatoes. Yes. If you bought cabbage, you might. Wait, did he think? Rachel was Mexican? Yeah. I don't know. If he did, that's even worse. Did you give him a lowdown? No, because he's got early stage dementia, I think.

Okay. Actually, we know. He's losing it a little bit, but he's still, he's all there. He's just, he's forgetful. Yeah. Aren't we all? Yeah. I lose my keys every morning.

Exactly. So he just, he's like, yeah, the Mexican tomatoes, even they were pretty cheap. And apparently, according to my mom, he was livid when I took these on the vine tomatoes that I told him were $4 or $3 for five of them. And Rachel wanted to do one where like we grill the tomatoes and then that's like the sauce because it gets so soft you just mush it down for our pizza he was living what is he doing with those what is he cooking with it's just a way three dollars five tomatoes i'm like holy shit hey buddy welcome to modern day prices like oh, he's still like, it's... I want to take you and Judd.

I got to take Rachel. I got to take you and Judd to this, like, his farm, his properties. It is... It used to be, like, these giant pool barns full of stuff. Yeah. Well-organized tractors, cars, slot machines, snowmobiles. Slot machines. I'm not kidding.

That's super Wisconsin. That's right up there with potato salad yeah and now and now like you go through there's like one path 50 feet in and you're like if i put my hand on something it's either gonna move or it's gonna fall because it's dead we're getting tennis yeah we we opened a fridge once like just right up front and we're like i was like dead body's gonna fall out of there. I opened the fridge. A deer skull fell out. Not complete. Like, it was decomposing.

He just put it in there. Like, people get it. So, like, it's just a skull. And I'm like, dude, what are you? Just a deer head. And I'm like, oh, my God. So there's that this weekend. And then it's just me, my dad, Rachel, and my mom.

We're sitting in my mom's backyard. And I'm waiting for my parents to do like, all right, here's some embarrassing stuff about Michael. My parents are divorced. I'm like, please don't be weird. But like they're cool now. And my mom starts sharing stories because she likes to make people laugh she goes yeah i had a what is it a voodoo doll of your dad after the divorce like the ones you put pins in and he goes yeah and how well did that work out he goes i i gave it away he goes where did you

put it he goes well i had like six pins in it one was in your heart one was in your head one was in your crotch i hate southern yeah i put pins all up in your body just just differentiating characters right now and she goes yeah i fucking hated you for a while he goes we're good now he goes yeah how well did that work out i got bladder cancer she missed the heart went right to the bladder yeah she had it right in the crotch and now i she goes i remember when you showed up once at my condo you're like mom what is this is that a voodoo doll she goes no that's your dad that's just your daddy I put some pins in his ass

My dad left And she looked at me And she goes Well now I feel bad That's so funny That's such a good mom comment She's like Oh I feel really bad

I think I did that to him That voodoo doll actually works And some person at Goodwill bought it And is now torturing someone Or still torturing my dad i feel like buying a voodoo doll is some bad juju too like you're getting some bad like i feel like if i had a voodoo doll for i don't know i don't know if i'd have anyone i do a voodoo doll with but i feel like buying a voodoo doll and poking it as soon as i poked it i'd feel guilty

yeah i'd be like oh shit that's our voodoo doll right there. Batman. Judd. Where would you poke, Judd? Probably in his pitching hand. Yeah, I'd poke him in the mouth until he'd give us one of those jokes again. They were dying to get in there. Your pitching hand, Judd.

I'd take that shit out. Not today. Not today. Should we play a game? Have a game. Not actually a game. We should. No, we could do.

I have a couple quick questions. You do? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Hit me with them. It's Reddit. Am I the asshole? Oh, you actually do have a game. Okay, cool.

All right. hole oh you actually do have a game okay cool um all right um what when girls make like a party i don't know if your lady does this they have rachel and her friends do it they have a very detailed list of what they're doing who's bringing what an itinerary And she shows me. She's like, I have Excel sheets and like Word docs and all that. I go, okay, we have a Word doc too. I'd like to show you the difference between ours and yours. She goes, okay. Ours is a one-page Google doc. There's two documents.

One-page Google doc that just says, we bought a boat. You all owe us $100. And then we bought a boat. You all owe us $100. And then we bought the Airbnb. You all owe us $205. And then who's paid and who hasn't. And then a list of the bars in the area. Not which ones we're going to, just a list of the bars in the area. That's what we got.

And the address for the Airbnb. That is it. That is the plan for the weekend. And then the more detailed one is the food and it basically just says like my ladies would usually be like all right we're gonna have caprese salad we'll do uh parmesan crusted chicken you're gonna cook this day you're gonna cook that day you bring this you bring that i'll bring all the sides. Here are the cocktails. Someone will bring Prosecco, stuff like that. Ours says, fuck ton of eggs, six Costco frozen pizzas, frozen appetizer, vegetables, fruit, yogurt, snacks.

And my favorite part, it goes liquor. 400 beers, four bottles of whiskey, bitters, Sprite. That's it. That's sick. And 12 of us are meeting four hours away for a bachelor party. And it's going to go swimmingly. It's going to go just fine. Guys planning is so funny. Guys planning, it's legitimately the most vague going, we're going to have vegetables.

And then someone goes, let's get a veggie tray. Yeah. That's what it says. It goes family size veggie platter. By the way, just one. Just one for 12 people. It'll be gone in one night. Yeah.

It'll be gone in one. I know that will stay. That will be filled throughout the weekend because there's so many other snacks. Yeah. And you're drinking 400 beers. Yeah, I said that to Rachel. It literally says 400. She goes, 400 beers?

I go, yeah. She goes, how many people are going? I go, I think 12, maybe 10. She goes, that is 40 beers a person. You were there Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So that's 12 and a half beers a night. That's pretty good. And I go, or a day.

That's actually light. And and i go i don't think i'm gonna drink that she goes yes you will yeah you do have the whiskey too and i'm like oh when i saw that i go i think we need another bottle of whiskey because i go up north hunting and i'll put down half a bottle half a fifth myself yeah and at night there's 10 of us yeah now let's say not everyone's a whiskey drinker i think i got some stuff for you right here no thank you i'll bring some uh some fat chance brandy or vodka okay do you have your questions sorry i just have this one i had to find it all right so aita AITA, which is Am I the Asshole? Okay.

On Reddit. For, quote, performing, end quote, in front of the camera my mom forced me to have in my room. All right. I'm a 17-year-old guy, and my mom has always been a bit overprotective. Recently, she took it to the next level by insisting on putting a surveillance camera in my room for my safety. But I found it super invasive and uncomfortable, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. So, in an act of defiance,

I decided to jerk off right in front of the camera every day for a week. I figured if she wanted to admit my privacy, she'd have to deal with the consequences. I made sure to look directly into the camera, making it clear that I knew it was there and I didn't care. After a week, my mom came to me furious. She had finally watched the footage and saw what I'd been doing.

She said it was absolutely disgusting and yelled at me for being disrespectful and said I was acting like a child. I told her that if she wanted to invade my privacy, she had to be prepared for what she might see. She took the camera down immediately, but now she's giving me the silent treatment and acting like I'm the bad guy. My dad thinks I went too far, and I think he secretly finds it funny, but he also agrees that having a camera room was too much.

My sister won't even talk to me anymore after my mom told her what I had done. But my friends think it's hilarious and say my mom got what she deserved. I'm not sure how I feel. Am I the asshole? Not at all. I got a few things. You're not the asshole. One, that is so funny, and you got some cojones on you for sure.

That's so aggressive two other things one i'd like to know how far into the footage your mom got before she's like this is unacceptable this is week three every day three it was every day for a week so like monday okay maybe he forgot yeah tuesday wed, what the fuck? Also, he's looking directly into the camera. That's so funny. He didn't forget. That's so funny. Two, I'm almost positive you're going to have a weird kink later in your life. Oh, yeah.

Also, what were you watching? Was he watching anything? If you're not, that's even weirder. If you were just jerking off Out of pure spite in your head Looking at the camera Probably thinking of your mom Going, fuck you mom

Next I like that guy That's, dude, that's some balls Because everyone's fear to get caught And he's like, I want You might as well have just done it next to her yeah but it's so funny if okay so it's i cannot even fathom being a parent and having to deal with this but as a father if my wife and everyone acts differently after children and responds differently my wife and I don't think

she'll be like that becomes that type of like bubble parent yeah and my son goes up to him she tells me do you want to know what our fucking son did today he jerked off non-stop like for a week looking directly at the camera are you worried about levels again no try talk louder I talk louder? No, you're good. Okay, what are you looking at? I was looking at time. We're good. If she told me that, I would have to

legitimately do breathing exercises in a different room to act like I thought it was bad. Oh my God, I would be biting my tongue. Yeah. I would not tell my son it's funny until he's probably about 30 and go, that was fucking hilarious, dude.

You made for some great, like, bedside conversation. Can you imagine? I can't believe he's jerking off like that. You know what I mean? Interesting. Like, hmm. I would, like, as a dad, I think I would, like, bust down the door and just be like, what the fuck, dude? Buddy.

Buddy. We've watched you for four nights. Just cut it out. We get it. We ignored it. Your mom's got it on the TV in the room. I don't want to see it anymore. Game of Thrones comes out in two hours.

I'm about to watch you jerk off. Let's tune into Jason tonight before we see Game of Thrones. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God is right. This one's a little bit dirty, but this one might be. Mexican tomatoes and jerking off to your mom might be. That's a title if I've ever heard one. Mexican tomatoes and jerking off to your mom.

With Batman. With Batman. with special guest i think i would it's one of those like if that came across my feet like i gotta click on it just to see yeah yeah absolutely yeah absolutely and i don't think i'd ever have the stones to jerk off a new camera that my mom was watching unless I was super drunk. And the problem is that I would wake up the next morning super hungover. And that's where our sponsors, Booze Better, come into play. Good. Good. It's a good way to end this.

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to work at 8 30 in the morning say it and so and i felt good and guess what i did the next day i started drinking again that's crazy that you went to work and not directly to bottomless mimosas. Yeah, I just had to go in, you know, tidy up a little bit, and then I went and I started drinking with my family. They're like, wow, you must have got some good night rest. Guess what? I didn't. I slept for about six hours on and off.

You know that drunk sleep, six hours, that's not good sleep. Drunk sleep for me is the best sleep I've ever had. This fucking killed the hangover so well that i didn't need this but guess what if i did a booze cruise at 2 p.m i probably would have taken this one yeah that extra hour drinking really leads to this it does and i'm telling right now you click the link that we have i've i discovered this uh recently you click the link that we have. I discovered this recently. You click the link in our little description for our episode. They have a huge deal.

It's like 60% off a 10-pack. So you can get what's normally $35 for about $14. You can't make a good morning that cheap. Think about it. How many of you the morning of would be like, I would pay hundreds of dollars to just feel good right now when reality you only need to pay two dollars two dollars per easy peasy lemon squeezy click the link booze better and if you need anything else um they

were just in the fully loaded comedy festival oh yeah so if Burt Kreischer can drink this you can drink it anything you have to say Judd Gotham City you've been saved that was pretty good oh this stinks