Fat Chance Podcast - New Year Same Idiots

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

Jack wants to be more productive. Judd wants to be a nicer person. Michael is ripped and wants to be taller... PLEASE go to https://www.funnywater.com and use promo code FAT10 for 10% off your order. PATREON!!!! (Check out what we really got each other for Christmas) patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

Oh, dude, you just have to think that you're not fat, that you're not fat. You know what mine is? I'm going to be taller in 2024. Let's do something realistic. Something you can actually work on. I can get lifts. Something unpaintable. I saw a video of a guy got leg extensions. You could do that, but then...

That would be weird. All smiles now, baby. It's the new year. Is it the new year yet? No. When do you see this? It'll be December. Oh, we really just ended the facade of what we're doing.

So quickly. You didn't ask questions. Listen, we filmed 19 of these on Halloween this year. We're like Judge Judy. Judge Judy only works like one day a year. Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah.

All those court things, pretty much the same day. I wonder why she gets so cranky towards the end of the season. Yeah. You mean the end of the season. Yeah. She's just so tired. You mean the end of the day? Yeah, she's like, oh, fuck. So you beat your husband. Tough titties. What?

What? Does that have to do with Judge Judy? Yeah. That must have been Alex, right? I thought that was a different topic. And I was like, what? Ooh, these are good. I mean, you're not a cookies and cream guy.

They're good. They're good. I'm going to try one now. This is leftover Christmas candy we didn't eat all month. Yeah. We all know. We didn't buy this five days ago. Yeah.

Listen, if you watched last week, you know. Jack is sinking into the couch. Goodbye. Are you in the week, you know. Jack is sinking into the couch. Goodbye. Are you in the camera, sir? Yeah. He looks like his body is part of the couch. You ever notice? It looks like Oscar the Groucho.

Just like this big. You ever notice the last couple videos we've posted, you and I perfectly in frame, Jack is like all the way over here or all the way down here. I'm a moving guy. I like to move. Should we just eat for the next 45 minutes? Yeah.

So you do a New Year's of that and get hammered. What are you doing for New Year's? Do you have New Year's plans? I'm not doing anything. I think I'm just going to be hanging out. I think Jen's nieces

might come into town. Do you guys want to all hang out for New Year's? With Jen's nieces? Rachie, Rach will be here. Oh, we could do something like that. Sure. I don't like to go out.

Your camera's focusing and unfocusing again. No, it's not. I just thought I'd do it. Do it again. I'm so sick of doing this fucking show. New Year's resolution, don't do this show anymore. Is this the end of Fat Chance? Find a new host.

Are we breaking Kuski? We just broke him. Now we're going to be skinny chance. It's just me and Jack and the coach, like fucking Oscar the Grouch. It'd be a fat chance you guys get anything uploaded, and you're going to go full Who Broke It podcast, and it's going to be me because I broke all the fucking cameras, and you guys won't know how to upload anything. The Who Broke It podcast was the best it ever was me because I broke all the fucking cameras and you guys want to know

how to upload anything. The Who Broke It podcast was the best it ever was, dude. That's what happened. It just couldn't happen until the end of the day. What was the premise? Nothing.

There was no premise. What's the premise of this? Judd comes with a game a week and we're trying to figure out how to play it. I mean, that's at least words. This game's supposed to be fun.

He told me what the game is and we've wanted to play it. Were you fucking with me like you do? I'm talking to Mike. Yeah, you are. You're a piece of shit. I already got PTSD. You know what?

I am zen. New Year's resolution is zen. Kuski being zen is one golf shot away from the truly bad so much. That golf club is taking a swim. Do you know how peaceful I would be if I didn't have to do any of the production side of this? I could just show up like you two do and have fun.

Why do you think I have so much fun, dude? You don't make a game and you don't do anything afterwards, but you do supply the venue. I supply the venue and let me tell you, I'll destroy these handies for you. Can I have one? I mean let me tell you, I'll destroy these handies for you if you need it. Can I have one? I mean, you bought them, yeah.

Oh, I was with my parents and my mom goes, oh, I got some Andre's candies. I was like, what? It sounds like a bit from a jet lag movie. And then I'm looking at it close. I was like, did she get knockoff Andy's candies? It was. No, she just thought there was an R in there. It's just like spearmint gum.

No chocolate. You're coming out one? Oh, thank you. I knew you wanted to. Once you have one, you can't stop. No. That's the Lay's potato chip. Also, the best after like going out to dinner.

Olive Garden? The candy they can give you, yeah. Like when they give you those red and white little like hard candies, Also, the best after going out to dinner. Olive Garden? Candy they can give you, yeah. When they give you those red and white little hard candies, that's terrible. That's low class. That's Walmart. This is Target. Target.

You guys are killing time by just chewing my food into the microphone. ASMR, baby. I'm trying one of these peppermint cookies. I've been trying to think of ways we can expand this brand. I think we need to do some food reviews. I think we would kill it at food reviews. ASMR. I really want to review coffee shops. Okay, we'll review coffee shops.

I feel like my brand isn't coffee shops. That's where you work. I know. I know. And I have so much critiques on all of them. If you work at a coffee shop in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. What's your favorite coffee shop in Wisconsin? Shout them out.

Maybe we can do something. My favorite coffee shop isn't because of the coffee, but it's the chill out. It's the Wannable Cafe in Walker's Point. It's for the chill out? Yeah. They have rooms where you can go in. It's soundproof, so you can take meetings in there. And there's a bunch of couches.

There's always room for people to sit. There's never anything about it. They do the Wi-Fi right. They don't give you a little slip of paper. Because if you go to Adidine, you get a slip of paper, and you get an hour max. And then you have to go up and ask, can I have another piece of paper?

It's awful. It's awful. Dude, why do you ask it like that? You could just ask it like that. Maybe if you asked like you didn't just have four Bud Lights. Give it to a small trial. Do you like my notes? Buy Funny Water.

All white versus all black Pro Bowl. Time personally your candidates. We covered all that last week. What did you write down for this week? Let me check. Yeah, it looks like everyone's done nothing. I'm all loaded out. I haven't had any ideas. I just said some questionable things on the last one.

Yeah, last one. We might have to re-film again. It's going to be a threefer. We should just, if you could just put it. They don't know we had to re-film. It's better that they know because the production value isn't what we thought it was going to be. I one time did a podcast and I didn't record on my audio equipment. I've done that.

Oh, I did it at the show, actually. I forgot to record half of Rich's set on Saturday. And Brian's like, is that running? I go, no, but I'll turn it on now. And then someone turned the camera off on two weeks ago, Friday. Show. They turned it off? Yeah, I knew for a fact I turned that one on.

And I went over and I go, why isn't this running? And then it was unplugged. Oh, they unplugged it. Yeah. That's pretty dope. But it was Brandon. Yeah, what a fucking prick. No.

So we're playing a game called Fishbowl, he told me. I don't know. Oh, Fishbowl. I've heard of Fishbowl. Basically. John, these are yours. Oh. So basically, you're going gonna write whatever you want on these whatever you want it could be a noun could be a person could be a saying could be whatever you could be a what a noun a person a saying a saying a saying what's a saying

what's a saying a saying oh saying a phrase catchphrase you were saying like a past tense song i go i don't think that's a thing uh well it could be a song quick caveat um i need a writing A saying? Oh, saying. A phrase. Catchphrase. I thought you were saying like a past tense song. I go, I don't think that's a thing. It could be a song. Quick caveat. I need a writing utensil. Do you have extra pens? I do not have any extra pens, but I'm going to start writing and then I'm going to hand them to you.

Okay. Actually, you can start writing. Okay. You know what? You go first because I'm not feeling creative right now. So you can write a person, a place, a thing, whatever you like. I bet the callbacks to last week's episode is going to be off the chart. It might be.

It might be. Funny water. Keep drinking it, boys. Like last week, we downed another case. And funny enough, we're totally fine. We're just downed. Like Judd's just a slow drinker. We should give him a little nipple so he can nurse on it a little longer.

Wow. Wow. Wow. We've moved on to the hard stuff. You took that out of his hand. You kept saying, are you sure you don't want the funny water? And he goes, no, I think I'm going to have a first light. Hey, that was last week. What are you talking about?

Also, it's very funny to say that Judd's a slow drinker. Because it's not true. I think I drink pretty fast. I thought you were going to use some playoff like Judd is kind of like Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. What a nice little chant you had there going at voyager this is so like add right now the the the the chain at voyager they do it always every time i get there and it's like as high as you're gonna get and then i'll like it's like well what the hell they're gonna hate the rest of it because it's not as high as that you know also also they're not wrong you do get called the most oh yeah i've been there three times you've been called out three times oh yeah and the second time i went there um

judd goes to the bucket and sees this guy has his name in there five six times i'm starting to think dude you were in there first getting rid of your other drawings yeah yeah no no because after after the the bucket spot was taken we're like oh how funny it'd be who's the next person that would yeah you know and this hand to them be like oh you you got you know you were so close to being on the bucket and it was just a dude that got already called really yeah all his friends put his name in it wow yeah yeah so then he had to be like talk to after show like hey do we don't do that? But it was his first time

doing comedy. Oh, okay. That was very funny. Yeah, he wasn't good. He was good? No. Who's good the first time? I thought I was pretty good.

Elijah did say I was way too confident though, so. That's the most Elijah comment I've ever heard. It was so funny. He got off and he just goes, that's Jack most elijah comment i've ever heard it was it was so funny you got off and he just goes that's jack everyone way too confident and i was like it's always funny to like uh when the host like they have to keep some sort of energy going and it's like you know that they're just gonna rip on the last comedian yep and it's like that guy has

he he doesn't deserve it because he's trying his best and doing what he what he wants to do but i hope he knows that like he's only doing it because he's energy back oh yeah no i was just like i got a couple laughs i was like okay that's good enough that's what i needed because that's the first time i ever went out yeah i remember one time it was it was almost i think it was like five newbies in a row, like five first-timers in a row one time. And then I had to go up, and I'm like, guys, this is my first time doing comedy. It's just, and I was like, they're like, oh, fuck, another one.

Like, you just saw a hell of them. You're like, oh, damn it. It's so funny. What if you just went up and actually tried to make it as bad as possible? Yeah, yeah. So what do you guys want to talk about? There's so many times where I've wanted to go up at an open mic and just fumble with the mic for five minutes to try to get it out of the stand

and then get the cord wrapped around my leg and just try to do that for as long as possible before someone was like, dude, just get off. Krishman used to fall. I've seen him fall on purpose. He would fall walking up. Trip over the stool. That's a classic.

Yeah. That's so funny. Yo, trip over the stool. Done. That was record time. We weren't timing you, time. We weren't timed. You weren't timed at all. All right.

I'm excited. My answers are all correct. I'm going to be the champ and move on with it. I did, you know, two weeks ago when we were getting each other presents, I did want to get you, like, a championship belt, which I thought would have been cool. I looked into it, and they're very expensive. They're so expensive.

The one you would have gotten is a $20 one from Walmart. Those are cool, too. Yeah, I knew you were going to take that. You can use those as weapons. As weapons? Yeah. That's what they do in the WWE. Oh, you haven't written yours down yet?

I don't think he's going to beat your time. There's no way he beats my time. Also, he knows whatever categories or questions we're doing, so it doesn't make sense. That has nothing to do with it. He's cheating. Why is he playing? It's fishbowl.

It's fishbowl. I don't know what fishbowl is. Also, we're going to need your hat. Okay. You got another one? Nice. Sorry, that's your first one of the day. Yeah.

We are the worst. Patreon, baby! We're going to ask people to subscribe to our Patreon. Or we already did ask people to subscribe to our Patreon. And we only have one thing on there. We don't even have it on there yet. We're going to put a montage. No, we do. No, we do.

Okay, we do. Yep. We need a montage of your farts. We could. When I say the thing in the last episode, can you just use my fart over it? Can you put yours in the hat? Yeah, absolutely. Also, do you guys like my shirt?

I do like that shirt. Do you need this? Where did you get it? Put Jackson in it. I bought it. It's a company out of Chicago. I think you guys would really like it. Oh, my God.

That would be very funny. This is a new clipboard. What the fuck are you talking about? Got it. Company out of Chicago. Okay. So the first thing is basically like taboo. The first round is taboo.

So you basically – I'm excited. We are going to describe it. We get a minute to describe it. And whoever gets the most is the winner. But we're going to be guessing. So if Jack's doing it, me and you are guessing. If I'm doing it, you two are guessing.

If he's doing it – And if you guess it right, then you get a point. I get to – that one does not go back in the hat so then you're out here so whoever has the stack again they get that's how many points you get the first round second round one word every all those things all the categories stay the same yeah but then it's one word okay one word then all of them go back in again no words we have to act it out. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, you're going to have to go over that again. I think you can figure it out.

I'll figure it out. You're a smart young boy. You know, that's one of the nicer things you said to me. Say one other thing that's nice. Nothing about my height. Or my personality. Also, there's nothing nice to say about Kuski's height. I am perfectly average.

There's nothing nice to say about Kuski's height. I am perfectly average. You tan well. I do tan well. I do tan well. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. But we got a minute to do it.

So, Jack, do you want to start us off? I guess I... God gave us this. Put that one in there. You can look at the first one and tell me when you're ready. God gave me euphoria upside down. You cannot use the word on the sheet me when you're ready I gave you funny ups and downs You cannot use the word on the sheet But you can use any other word Tell me when you're ready

What does he have to do? Tell me when you're ready You can use any word But that one Just one word? This is a phrase. You can use a phrase. Go.

Blowjob. She had it in her mouth and her kids walked in. Yep. I wonder who wrote that one. Me. Strong, independent, black woman Rosa Parks Oh, Kuski's girlfriend

No She is Indian, excuse me Typically married to a king Queen Queen Latifah Yep That was also mine Not my sweet baby girl, but

Someone else's someone Rachel Kuski's girlfriend Does it say Kuski's girlfriend? My Sweet Baby Girl, but... Someone else's, someone... Rachel. Cussie's girlfriend. Does it say Cussie's girlfriend? I eat this every Thanksgiving and Halloween. My favorite thing. Pumpkin pie. Fuck me, that was mine.

My testicles, but on one side of my body. Oh, your left ball. God damn it. Nerds play it, like wizards and stuff. Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, that is time. Tied. That is time.

Look at that. I had six there. Oh, we don't get points. He gets six points. Six points. Okay. All right, give it to Kuski. All right, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go.

Do you keep those? Okay. Ready? Go. Not Zin. Rogues. Not Stalin. In our pillar.

Not my girlfriend. Jack. In our pillar. Not my girlfriend. Jack. Sweet baby girl. Your favorite candy. Oh, Twin Snakes. You put your penis in a bathroom. Glorio. You guys.

Another name for the penis that goes into the bathroom. Wiener? No, it's also a book. Dick? Moby Dick. I don't know why I didn't go with book right away. What I thought was wrong with the audio. Your special.

What failed? Oh, your brain. Okay. Reverb. Fuck yeah. Dangb. Fuck yeah. Dang it. Bad time. The decade of Hitler.

Oh, stop. Stop. Why are we guys talking about Hitler so much, guys? What are you guys doing? It's all jacks. What are you guys doing? I definitely didn't do that. I got seven.

Fuck yeah. All right. I got a lot. How many did you get? that. I got seven. Fuck yeah. All right. Wait, how many did you get? Six. I got six. You got seven? All right. Let's start.

All right. Ooh, what Cusky's drinking? Bushlight. When you pull Pull the Toy Story One No there's a snake In my boot

It's a country And also 1940s Germany What a weirdo I definitely didn't write that That was you dude Alright So

I should tally up the Points In first place We have Kuski In the first round All right, so I should tally up the points. In first place, we have Kuski in the first round. Stroke my leg, come on, suck my... What are you saying? You ever heard that Christmas song? I thought you were speaking horsehole tongue. All right, I got it.

Pine, oh. Six, Seven. Yep. Put them in. Do you want to start this time, Jen? Yeah, I can start this time. Did you see that? I got them all in there.

That was a good bucket. It was a great bucket. That was a seven pointer. Okay. That's a dirty point buck. All right, what's the round now? What do we got to do? Is that your pockets?

I don't know. What are you looking for? My pan. Your pan? All right. Your pan. Your pan. Koski.

Is in the lead with seven. Check. Six. Good. Three. And now it's one word. Okay? Okay.

Okay. So I hope you guys remember all those. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. Right? We don't have too many unique ones.

It's a lot of history-based. You talk a lot about Hitler. You've been talking a lot about Hitler. No, I had one thing about Hitler. Your New Year's resolution should be less Hitler. Less about Hitler. Well, you know what he didn't want to change? When we asked him if he could change one thing in history,

you know how long it took him to say the Holocaust? Oh, yeah. You got to suggest that to him, yeah. Where's that episode? Our Patreon. Alright, ready? Go. Chew. Rogue. Penis.

Moby Dick. Why are we helping him? This is where I'm Conflicted Continue, sorry Black Queen Latifah Thanksgiving

Public goodbye With no context Woody There's a snake in my boot Indian My girlfriend God I had to be the one that said that too

You definitely did Hitler 1940s Germany Audio I had to be the one that said that, too. You definitely did. Hitler. 1940s Germany. Audio. Reverb. You're killing it right now. I'm going to have no points. Why are we helping him?

Do you understand? Do you get what I'm saying? We could just not do anything. Usually it should be a team, but we have a small crew. Usually we play with a team But Alright You're not gonna get anything Bodhi No

Let me know when Yup And I get the one That's acting out Fuck me Or um Oh god She had her mouth

When the kids walked in Yup Thank you Um Stalin Trailer Park That's two words Stalin Trailer Park Skip Beer

Bush Light Game Dungeons and Dragons Testicle Your Left Nut Gummy Twin Snakes Testicle Your left nut Yeah your left nut Gummy Twin snakes

Girlfriend Sweet baby girl I guess she's my fiance I probably shouldn't see girlfriend Mustache Stalin Hitler Oh yeah

Trailer park Glory hole. Yeah. That's it. Woo! No points for Kuski on that one. I'll be honest with you, this seems pretty fucking rigged after the first round. But you get to start.

With the hardest one. Yeah, but you still start. Okay. We already know the answers. Fine. Kuski can't act. How many did you still start. Okay. We already know the answers. Fine. Kuski can't act. How many did you get there? Eight.

I can't act. I can act. So you had seven. Oh, I hope I get glory hole. Oh, eight. Probably have 16. Maybe I had seven then. Because we each did five, right?

God damn it. These are annoying. Kuski. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. No. Someone next to me. No wonder why you were in the dinosaur pajamas. You got T-Rex arms.

Again, different episode. That was last week, man. Get over it. It's Honestly the worst Honestly if we're feeling up for it Let's do a three for Who Next week

You know Like we did Two for last week We never have to do an episode In 2020 Before we We just do them all today We just kept the cameras going

Just see how fucking stupid it gets It would actually be A pretty funny thing When we do a full month in one day. It wouldn't be that hard. I mean, it's four hours of talking. We'd get pretty hammered by week four. Just to see the progress. Would we change clothes every hour?

Yeah. I think we should. All right, are we gone? Mm-hmm. All right, acting out. Here we go. Glory hole. Headed in her mouth and kids walked in.

Pumpkin pie. Oh, nice. My sweet big real. Did you just choke my girlfriend? I forgot to. There's a snake in my boot. Oh, stiff socks. Stiff socks, hard cocks.

Dungeons and Dragons. Time Wizard. You're looking right at it. I'm not going to look at the paper. Rogue. Rogue. Miller. Clip it. Rogue. Rogue. Clifford. Clifford.

Clifford. It's gone. What a new year. Yeah, wow. Kuski. Yeah, how'd you do at that comedy show? Am I done? Never.

Small dick? Moby Dick. Twin snakes. Kuskial girlfriend. Hitler. 1940s Germany? How long does he have? Oh yeah, I didn't even start it.

No, we're done. I didn't even click it. He didn't say go. Honestly, we should have let him do all of them. And then he'd be like, wait, we didn't start it. We have to start over. The fact that there's a clip.

No. I felt so wrong doing it, too. If you would have only missed, you would have understood. No. If you would have did this again, you probably would have got it. We got to cry right now. So does any of that count? I don't know.

I think you win. Yeah, you win. We got him to do it. Fucking champ, baby. We talked about this. We knew you were right here. I'm the one that wrote 40 Germanic. Yeah, he wrote himself.

That's what we owned you. This reminds me of the True Colors game we talked about where similar we all get pieces of paper and then we we just

take turns picking a category so we go back alright most likely to go to jail we all just put our our vote in a hat and someone reads it off

it's better when you got like 30 people yeah who do you think is the most likely to go to jail out of three of us you yeah definitely you what the fuck

you've definitely been up to more mischief than me yeah like and it's not from like future acts it's from like old acts catching up to you yeah damn it

we're good young boys no we're not I think I just made the salute yeah you did do that on live television and you edited last week's video

to make it sound like I really hated people no if there's an edit On live television. And you edited last week's video to make it sound like I really hated people. No, if there's an edit, it will be a giant blur over that part of it. Yeah, I think so. You guys are both playing for the same team. Yeah, at least no one's disagreeing in this room. But it's weird. We've been calling him Jewish. Don't you dare say that one.

What's that football score? Oh, did you hear that pop? That'd be my hip. Yeah, but John is definitely the most likely to go to jail. Oh, absolutely. I don't know. Like the other ones, it was like when you're in high school, you're like, who's going to get pregnant first?

Who's going to do the drugs in public and shit like that? It's like we've all done drugs in public. You'll have a baby first, I think. I don't think so. Really? I think you're a little bit more riskier with your willy. You're engaged. Yeah, we're not married yet.

We're not allowed to sleep in the same bed under the eyes of God. True, because as we learned from last week's episode. Yeah. You guys don't just like have to resist each other's urges while you lay next to her. No, I just make her sit next to me to resist her urges

because our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, commands it. Imagine being Mormon and doing soaking instead. That'd be so much fun. What is the thing? You know what would be fun? To be the guy underneath the bed. Underneath the bed, like rocking it. Have you seen that?

Oh, it'd be so funny. You'd be giggling. You could feel like maybe she's starting to like it a little bit, and then you just change up the emotions. You heard about that, though, right? The person under the bed? Yeah. Or if you start going so fast, so he just finishes really quick.

He finishes. You're like. You kids know a lot about your body real fast. Deeper? Okay, one big push. He comes and you just go, you suck. Like under the bed, you're just like. That was 17 seconds

You dork Just like You were controlling it Imagine being Or does he come up From under the bed I just made you cum And then just like

Go back under But imagine being tired After your buddy has sex But also It's hard to like Have sex when Someone's giggling in it The whole time

I wouldn't be giggling Until afterwards Yeah but it's like Also There's no way you don't Laugh a little bit Could you be hard Like knowing If you're soaking someone's giggling in it. I wouldn't be giggling until afterwards. Yeah, but it's like, also, there's no way you don't laugh a little bit. Could you be hard, like, knowing if you're soaking your sweet baby girl and I'm underneath the bed?

Would you be hard knowing, like, well, Michael's little legs are going to push you up? That's the only time I'm ever going to be able to get away with making premarital love. Yeah, I think I'll be able to get it up. But isn't technically just soaked, you've got to go in once. That's one thrust. I mean, you've got to give it up. But isn't technically just soaked? You've got to go in once. That's one thrust.

I mean, you've got to give the gas station pills some business, you know? Or does it count if you go in soft and then get hard? You can't go in soft. It's like, oh, God, can you imagine? Like you're just trying to push it through. Why did you make that noise? Think about it. You're trying to put a little. It's like trying to put like a...

Shooting pool with a rope. Yeah. Silly putty. It's like putting a water balloon into another water balloon. It's just not going to work. I don't understand that analogy, but I... I don't even know you both have water balloons.

So what's your New Year's resolution? Yeah, do you guys make New Year's resolutions? No. No. I like continuous things I try to do. If I was fat, maybe, but I'm not, so I'm good. Cool, dude. Nice. Yeah. dude. Nice.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's the most common New Year's resolution. That's the most bro answer I've ever heard. Yeah. I would if I was ugly and fat. I would if I wasn't so in fucking shape.

I'm not in shape. Not in shape, but I'm not fat. Dude, if I wasn't fucking ripped, I would make some resolutions. But I've already got it all figured out. Dude, you just have to think that you're not fat. You're not fat.

You know what mine is? I'm going to be taller in 2024. Let's do something realistic. Something you can actually work on. I can get lifts.

Something unpaintable. I saw a video where the guy got leg extensions. You could do that, but then that would be weird. I this tiktok that the guy basically roasts all those like shitty motivational speakers and it's just like the

most dumbest thing ever and he goes you know what i only sleep two hours a night i'm beating all of you he goes no you're not what do you mean, you're not. What do you mean? No, you're not. Makes no sense. I hate those motivational speakers. It's like the David Goggins. The dude's like, I had shin splints on mile 10 and I ran

30 more miles on shin splints. Well, that's not going to be good in the long game. Why? It makes no sense, but the dude can run. He has a mental fortitude that's unmatched. We good in the long game. Why? It makes no sense. But the dude can run. He has a mental fortitude that's unmatched. We can all agree on that. But you know what?

That's why he's in the military. We're not. Yeah, exactly. If we were the front lines of the military. He's not anymore. Imagine advising someone who just started pickup running, run through those shins. David Goggins has. That's insane.

If you had to have a New Year's resolution, I mean, do you do them? I mean, I obviously don't. I would be going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. I would like to get up earlier. Yeah. I don't. I don't know. I always think it's always good to just, like, try to be healthier and try to be nicer to people. I try to drink more water, I think.

That's always good. I'm not doing a good job today. You had funny water. I tried to drink sweets. Funny water. But also I got a bunch of candy for Christmas, so that didn't help. Who does that? That was weeks ago.

Yeah, with Patreon. Weeks ago. You won't even see that on Patreon. I don't know if I do resolutions more as goals. Like you want to be healthier, you want to be nicer. I'll have goals

for this. I'll do stuff like that. The goal for this year was to get to the 1,000 threshold. Failed that one, so it's a point of setting another one this year. Do you want to do a revolution and beat the British? We already did. We can do it again.

Let's do it again. I think if we invade Britain, they will be quite happy. Well, it's crazy. So 2024 is going to be a great year because the Olympics are that year. Oh, that's right. And then four more years, the Olympics are in America. Really? Where are the Olympics?

In Los Angeles. Where are the Olympics next year? Paris. Oh, that'll be cool. So, if you guys could be an Olympic athlete in one event, what event would you be in? Summer and winter? Summer. Just summer.

The one I find the most entertaining is gymnastics. I think gymnastics is the most. I also used to be a gymnast when I was younger. Of course you fucking did. I was not good. I was not good. I took third place once and that was it. I want to see Kuski with one of those little ribbons.

I wasn't in a fucking parade as the baton twirler. No, I was on those rings. Holding myself up. I was so bad. The pommel horse, that was my best one. Of course it was. You mean the pommel horse? It's just a fake horse with my little ribbon.

A little show pony. Giddy up. I think gymnastics gymnastics Lacrosse is now in the Olympics Do you have good balance? I think I used to It's a lot of core strength Fuck this guy Is this just talking about how fucking fit Kuski is? You've seen my shirt off

It ain't great The times I've seen your shirt off before the podcast Almost seems like he's trying to show off. Yeah, you do kind of do a lot. I'm trying to get one of you to touch me. I don't touch.

You did say we should oil up and wrestle one time. Yeah. That would be pretty fun. I said it every episode. You haven't taken me up on it once. Get the pool in here.

Why do you think I don't have an apartment right now? I'm building the ring. Your dad comes out of the garage for his wrestling. Oh, he's so slippery.

My dad's the ref. What are you talking about? He's in his hat. Samuel Jackson. He jumps on in. Dad, I told you. You can't join in this time. This time. Last time it got all weird.

This is how you do it He's like grabbing my wrist He's grabbing my wrist He's like you need the wrist control Under and up My dad is either Like I can picture it happening But in reality

My dad would come down To see one of us wrestling And be like You guys are fucking gay Yeah you guys want to hear A really embarrassing story Yes I had something very similar That happened to me So In high school We were at you guys are fucking gay. Yeah, you guys want to hear a really embarrassing story? Yes. I had something very similar that happened to me.

So, in high school, we had, I had a bunch of, like, guys up over for, like, we were all staying the night at our place, and we were watching a movie up in my room, and I had, like, a pretty big room, and it was, like, a couple chairs and, like, my bed. So we were, like, all of us were just kind of all over the place, and me and my buddy um ended up taking a tv remote and forcefully trying to get it up one of my buddy's butts

while we're watching a movie so like one of us is holding him down and the other one's trying to put his butt and me and the other guy we're all giggling we're like no no we're all like laughing at this and my dad comes up and i'm probably two buttons deep on this remote my dad comes up no my the guy that we were doing it to and we were all having a good time we're just being silly dudes you know what i mean you get what i'm saying my dad comes in opens the bedroom door looks at us was like um your mom said to keep it down and just turned around and we were like like so embarrassed he just like saw like what was going on but we came down he's like he's probably getting done my mom's like they're putting remotes up each other's houses up there i don't know what to tell you, honey. Can you imagine that conversation?

You need to wash the remote. No one came back upstairs to be like, are they actually doing that? No, no. Oh, man, that's so funny. It was so embarrassing. I'm sorry, I was too busy shaking my head. Did you get his pants down and then up?

No, we let the pants on. We weren't that weird, you fucking fruitcake. Yeah, I'm the fruitcake in this scenario. Yeah, that was a good... That's a good laugh. Every once in a while when we get back... That's a good laugh. When we get back together, we go,

do you remember when your dad walked in? No, we get probably five minutes of tears because it was traumatizing. For everyone involved, it sounds like. Yeah. What would your Olympic sport be? If we were doing flag football,

no, that'd be fun. But if we were doing being serious? Yeah. I guess something that I probably could compete in.

Curling. Women's swimming. Oh, summer. I was going to say curling. Wait, did you say

women's swimming? Yeah. Alright, Leah. They would fucking whoop you. Do you want to watch the tapes

of what happened the past couple years? They call him Leah. They would fucking whoop you. Do you want to watch the tapes of what happened the past couple years? They call him Leah. Dude, that person's not swimming in Olympic style. I would drown in that pool. That person probably could swim Olympic style. Dude, the women Olympic swimmers would lap you. Fine, then I'll just do flag football. I'm trying to be creative and funny here, Judd.

I could probably get him. You don't strike me as a swimmer. You sink. You don't float. I'm quite the agile swimmer. I love to swim. We know. We went over this.

You look like you can't swim. I'm very buoyant. You're buoyant, though? That's good. I like to lay on the top. I like to swim. What did I say? very buoyant. You're buoyant, though? That's good. I like to lay on the top. I like to swim. What did I say? Oh, yeah, you really do.

It's one of my favorites. You look like you've been landlocked your entire life. Which, now that I see... Why do I look like I sink? You're dense. I am, because I have so many muscles. So you just call me fat, and I need a New Year's resolution. For the next episode, should we just write roasts about each other?

100th episode, we break up. Yeah, we just write roasts about each other? 100th episode. We break up. Yeah, we just write roasts about everybody. That'd be pretty funny. No, we're going to do the hot ones challenge. We already know

Jack is a comment section. Has his feet been out today? Yeah, I do. Did they talk about me last time? No. There's some people that were mad because we put on new socks. Yeah.

I saw that and I was like, you know what? Beggars can't be choosers. Can we also, do you like us for our personalities? Like, we have, you know, things to say. Terrible personalities? Terrible personalities. Kuski thinks he's ripped. I think I can swim fast.

Judd can float. I can float. He's a buoyant young man. I fly like a butterfly. I sting like a bee. So what would you be, though, in the Olympics? Oh, the speed walker. Speedwalking is a thing?

There's speedwalking. That'd be pretty cool. Dude, it's dope. That'd be pretty cool, actually. Yeah. That'd be fun. What are your favorite things, like, winter or summer to watch, though? Hockey.

I don't give a shit about hockey. What do you mean? Snowboarding, like, the park stuff. Yeah. I like the park. I guess I like the X Games best. Yeah. Do you skate right now?

I mean, I like the swimming, just because it's, you know, when Michael Phelps was around, it was like dope. Yeah, I mean, he's like the Tiger Woods Tom Brady. He's one of those athletes, like, because it isn't a team thing, I don't think anyone really hated him in the U.S. It was also a team thing. Like, they had to, like, the relay stuff. But, like, not like teams within the U.S.

Like, it was just the U.S. Like it was just the U.S. Like we're all rooting for him. Whereas that greatness, it's kind of like with Tiger Woods. He doesn't really have a team. So I think he was more universally well-liked than like the Tom Brady's or the Aaron Rodgers of the world because it's demographic. Like it breaks down into a smaller area. Because Tom Brady did very similar things as Tiger Woods did and Michael Phelps

in his like retrospective like not Michael Phelps Tom Brady's not a good athlete he's not no but he in terms of the scale of winning in what he did yes he

I mean he's the winningest quarterback in NFL history that's impressive but he probably has more people that hate him than like him. Versus Michael Phelps definitely has... His ex-wife or one. His ex-wife. The one that he left for when she was pregnant.

She was pregnant? Yeah, Tom Brady left his girlfriend at, I don't think... He left his girlfriend when she was pregnant. For Giselle? Tom Brady's not a good dude. Tom Brady sucks, and I will stand by that. Now him For Giselle? Tom Brady's not a good dude. Tom Brady sucks. I will stand by that.

Now him and Giselle are broken up. Yeah. So, Giselle, what's up? What are you doing? Maybe we should gossip less in the new year. Nah, it's fun. I feel like Kuski's not gaining any weight. Dude, he's so fucking ripped.

He's really ripped. I put on eight pounds after New York. Do you know that? After New Year's? After New York. Oh. Two weeks ago. You put on eight pounds?

Yeah, I was shocked. I almost weighed 170. I was like, this is not right. That's crazy. How many times? Maybe once a week. I mean, I have skills at the gym, so I just like, I'll get out of the bathroom, there's skills there.

I have a skill in my bathroom. It's better not to look. It's scales there I have a scale in my bathroom it's better not to look it's better I'm like oh it's about the same and then I leave well this is a pretty crazy New Year's episode we're just losing steam

just I mean fuck we gotta do the 100th episode right after this 100th episode right after this. 100th episode, I think we should do as like New Year, New Year, like celebrating the New Year. Yeah, New Year, definitely not a new us. And we definitely get pretty sloshed. Okay, can we actually though? Because I think it'd be fun.

We need a weekend though. We need a weekend where you're not doing shows. I'm probably not going to be doing shows. You're not doing shows i'm probably not gonna be doing shows you're not doing shows you're not i'm pretty booked up the next month are you really with shows a lot of shows really new year new me dude hell yeah dude is that actually like do you have a one is that something you'd want to do more in the new year is yeah that's my plan that's what i've been telling like brandon's been asking me and i've basically put like uh my sweet baby girl on notice like come the new year once things slow down i'm going to be going more so i'll be going at all

come the new year i want to build this out more as like more of a brand too than just the podcast the new year tell you all your friends about fat chance well you guys are part of this so so you need to start we need to have a meeting About where we want to go Yeah I tell my friends No I do actually want to get together once And be like What can we actually do to

Cause sooner or later This just plateaus And we're Just sitting in Jack's basement Until we're 50 Which don't get me wrong It would still be fun Not bad

Oh here's another one I want to make less old jokes To Judd Which, don't get me wrong, would still be fun. Not bad. Oh, here's another one. I want to make less old jokes to Judd. Oh, that's a good one. This is when you say, I want to make... You've been making old jokes? This is when you say, I'll make less short jokes to Michael. Oh, yeah. Let's just...

Low-hanging fruit jokes. Let's just say that. Like my balls. Again, that's a low-hanging fruit joke. again it's a low hanging fruit joke leave it go leave it go no that's just your resolution is it our resolution no

what's a goal for this oh at the end of the day for this yeah shoot more times in the 80s I think maybe once in the 70s

are you talking about golf? Yeah. I just asked, what's the goal for this podcast? Get some in the 70s. That'd be fun. You ain't going to get there. Are you kidding me? Did you even break 85 this year?

What are you talking about? Yes. I broke 85 with you. Bullshit. No. then you didn't get 81 I'll tell that much oh yeah we did holy shit we played really well that thing nothing you guys both are shaving points oh yeah we shaved each other but lights and glory holes baby I got. I think to hit 80 would be great, golf-wise. 80 once.

Yeah, I mean, that's what it is. Not go above 93. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like we're speaking just lingo now. Yeah. This, I don't want to miss a week next year. We did half a year, basically. We did half a year. Close. We did do half a year basically we did half a year close to half a year yeah it started in june didn't it yeah that's a lot of time and cuz he's said he's been gone for been leaving

since i know since uh is that a resolution for you yeah i leave i find out the 22nd about my about my job yeah mean, we already phoned out. Got it. We're done.