Fat Chance Podcast - Our Tweets Get Exposed! Ep. 117

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

Jack embarks on the journey of marriage. Judd exposes Michael's old tweets. Michael had no friends growing up. SPONSORED BY: @DrinkWisconsinbly & Drink Wisconsinbly Beverage Co. DW produces high-quality beverages at an approachable price, perfect for toasting all the people, places, and things that make our home state unlike any other place in the world. Find them near you https://www.wisconsibly.com/beverages/ Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

And that's marriage. A rainy, wet thing forever. But the sun comes out frequently. It's not always wet. Probably dry a lot, actually. But we're excited. I'm very excited. It'll be a fun time.

Excited to come back. We're getting tired, man. We're getting tired. We're getting tired. We're getting tired. We're getting tired. A busy week ahead of us. I'm getting married next week.

It's wild that you're so close to the finish line. It's crazy. No, this is wedding week. This is week of wedding. This is week of wedding. Crazy that we're losing one. I mean, to think about it, we're gaining one. Are we?

That's a good way to look at it. We're gaining one. Are we? That's a good way to look at it. We're gaining one. Because they become a we. Keep going. A G becomes a we. G becomes a we. G becomes a we. I hope that's in your vows.

Oh, do you have your... What are you guys doing for vows? We have to write our own. G spot becomes a we spot. Have you written them at all yet? Partial, partially. Partial, yeah. Similar to how I write jokes. I come up with an idea in my head and I text it to myself.

You're going to text through your Vowels? Hold on, let me scroll past it real quick. I have a book that I have to fill it out with. Let me get to my notes real quick. Is that how you write in your notes app? No, I text to myself. Is that how you write in your notes app no i text to myself is that how you know i am i think i'm like a full like add i have stuff all over the place it's my notes app i have it in a notebook i have posted notes i live off posted notes like i left i was like oh this is what i wanted to get done today i didn't finish it so i taped it to the

back of my phone so i wouldn't i could potentially do it tonight when I get home. By the way, I get so distracted. My to-do list says Facebook event. Then just the name of our company, sponsor outreach. Then the next word just says send. Send. I don't know what. I was like send.

Just full send it. Full send it. Send everything. And then I was talking to Rachel right after that, and there's a Mother's Day code for a crop sweatshirt, and then the next one says tulips for Rachel. She's better not watch this. I know that you're getting her tulips.

I mean, by that time it already happened. By this time it's way too late. You're welcome for the tulips. First of all, are you afraid to say fan chants? Yeah. No. Are you embarrassed to us? I said our company name.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess. No, I think of all people who's least embarrassed to say it. I say it on stage now. No, you say you're on a podcast. You got interviewed by stuff stuff and you're like where else can we see you it's like i don't have any shows coming up is that it yeah sorry not the weekly show that comes out that you're sponsored for guys that's quite silly wait was that in the shepherd's express what are you talking about how do you write so do you just

like it's usually my notes happen there's a lot like i'll wake up in the middle of the night and like just think of jokes and then put in my notes app and i'll wake up in the morning like what does that mean it's like very cryptic all the time there's a pile next like on my bathroom sink of just loose paper and post-it notes of thoughts and i just they're right there i'm like one day i'll get to them you write like a grandma like you just write like oh i got an idea honestly if you go missing people are gonna have a lot of questions is this a clue send if you look at my like my notes are all over the place too i mean i get into themes i think there was a like a while it's like the last note i had was like it was fat bitch and sparkly boots. And then the next one was like,

the stereotypical Asian groan sounds like you're trying to hold in an orgasm. Which one of those are a joke? Wow, that's a tough, hard open. I don't know how you're going to make a segue out of that. Welcome to the Fat Chance Podcast. Let's go to my notes. Yeah yeah what are your last first premise their first ever no no the first one not the first ever but the first thing is pretty funny i uh do you know

those um those phone eat first tiktoks or those like instagram things like phone eats first and they just take pictures of the food. There's so many of them that if I wanted to break into that market, I have to be different somehow. So I thought of a great idea of just phone eats first and just a little bit of picture of my ball hanging out. Just like a little bit.

It's like a where's Waldo phone eats first. Wait, is that a ball? Oh, is that a sushi roll from Hungry Sumo and a little bit of ball? Let's check the next picture. That's definitely ball. But it's placed differently every time. That'd be fun.

That's a good one. My fear is that the balls are up top. Like, how do you take this one? That's the eclipse. What's your last thing you wrote? All right, so a lot of these are long ones. I'm just trying to find a quick one. I have one that eating pussy is a lot like playing the harmonica.

I don't know how to play the harmonica. I'm one of the accordion guys. Every guy that grabs one, they know how to play it. Yeah, but also you can play a harmonica. You blow into it one day and be like, that's a tune. Yeah, that's good. What do I got? This happened this weekend.

One of Rachel's friends, she's been wanting me to meet, and she just got a new boyfriend. They're like, we think you're really going to like him. And both of us ended up like, I was like, oh, this guy's super cool. But we both thought we were going to hate each other, like you were going to be absolute douchebags. But we got to talking and the girls are on this whole like they're watching Top Gun.

And they're like, what would our call signs be? What would our call signs be? And I was like, why don't you ask the guy that was in the military? This new boyfriend. And you're like, oh, what was your call sign? He goes, Poacher 2. And I go, was the first username

taken? Couldn't get the domain. What would your archive sign be? Sorry, you need a capital letter. What would our call signs be? Short, nerdy, and old. Callback, baby. How about a better way to laugh through it?

Short, nerdy, and old. What would our call signs be? I think Goose is such a good one. Goose is so cool. That's the thing. Rachel's like, my call sign would be Falcon.

I'm like, no it wouldn't. It would definitely not. You're not Falcon. You could be like Penguin or something. Penguin. Yeah, they're short. Yeah. Penguin.

You would look like Penguin if you were in a suit. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin on the scene. Penguin. Yeah. Penguin? You would look like a penguin if you were in a suit. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. On the scene. Penguin. Yeah, yeah.

Penguin. I can't get him off me, Penguin. You'd be Pelican. Pelican. I'll take Pelican. I'll be Birds. And I'll be... Woodpecker.

Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. No, you're Ross from Friends. Yeah, dude. G came in here early, and this really just, you're Ross from Friends. Yeah, I do not. G came in here early and just really just said I was Ross from Friends, and I've never been more assaulted my entire life. Quick question. Question.

Whoa, buddy. Too many rattlesnakes. Oh, my God. I will. You got to settle down. Were you or were you not on a break? Pivot. Pivot. P got to settle down. Were you or were you not on a break? Pivot. Pivot.

Pivot. Do you want me to do more Friends references? Because I know none. Did you watch Friends? No, I'm not a big Friends guy. I do not like the show. Well, then how could you be offended that you're Ross? Because I don't like the show.

Ross is definitely the worst. It's the worst one. Maybe like three times? Yeah. The first one was a lesbian. Yeah. But when she told me, like, you know who reminds me of ross i go who she was judd i go we can't tell him that and then the first thing she says when she comes down here's like you know who you remind me of ross and friends and you looked like you wanted to murder her that's so mean that is

so mean yeah it's tough it's tough you know what isn't tough? Drinking. Drink Wisconsin, brand new old-fashioned, fresh out of the can. It's the quickest, fastest brand new old-fashioned. It's so fast that we drank the whole thing. Again, and we ordered more after last week. We're done. We're out. Do you see this? Look at that.

They're quick to make, quick to drink, quick to take. What does that say there? What does that say there? Damn good. It's a damn good brand new old-fashioned. Please get it at your local grocery stores or go to the Deer District to the Corner Pub. Shoot them a message. Tell them where you want to see the cans if you do not see them

because they're going to try their best to get them to you as fast as they can make them. Get up, drink Wisconsin wheat on all the socials. They've also got their own brandy and vodka in liquor stores near you. And if you go to a liquor store and it's not there, yell at them. Beat them over the head with something. Say they need this there. Cause a ruckus. Walk out immediately.

Don't buy a damn thing. But tip over some shit. Tip over some shit. Uber home because we drink Wisconsin-ly. Think responsibly. And if you're going to tip anything over, make it the vodka aisle and the brandy aisle because then they got to go buy some more.

Alright. Our ads are getting a lot more violent. Kill people for this stuff. Hey, do you want a hangover? No, I don't want a hangover. You want a hangover? No, you don't. No, we don't want hangovers. This is the day after. What do you want a hangover? No, I don't want a hangover. Oh, you want a hangover? No, you don't.

No, we don't want hangovers. This is the day after. What do you have? Maybe we should space these ads out like we space these prevention packets out. One right after you drink and one when you wake up in the morning. You won't be hungover ever again. Scientifically proven. Just go click on the link in the bio.

Booze better, be better. You spare part looking motherfuckers, all right? That's going to sell some. Sops. Look at the link in the bio, you idiots. You stupid, dumb, ugly idiots. How about you buy this? How dare you get here?

You look hungover. If you don't drink to our podcast, what are you doing? You know it's going bad. We're eight minutes in He's pulling out the clipboard already He goes, you want to play a game, you monkeys? This is a game I'm very excited for You know when you just make a masterpiece

And you're like, oh, this is fucking cool He's been excited for this since last week There's no way this can suck Last week's game, very fun Kuski's mom, again, I'm very sorry for everything That was such a good laugh By the way, after you said Last week game, very fun. Kuski's mom, again, I'm very sorry for everything. That was such a good laugh. By the way, after you said, like, I almost made a game about what you comment on people saying,

I went and started commenting on everyone's shit. Everyone's shit. And it's going to be my new thing. My favorite thing is Kuski talking to the people that comment on us. They're like, next time wear different socks. He's like, thanks for watching, man. We love you. It's like, nothing's better than smelling

those sweet, dirty socks because he's like, tune in next week. There are some where I'm definitely not doing that anymore. I think Jack has a smell of his socks.

Oh, Judd was born in a farm. What's that mean? He's like, Chad GPT-ing how to respond to these and it's just like so stupid i uh i didn't know you could find like uh this section in our like whatever page it's like oh it's just all comments that you haven't replied to so i just go well this can be fun and i just read i go first thing boom and i just spent like 10 minutes going through all of them then they get to a point where it's just like sock, sock, sock, sniff.

I'm like, all right, we're done. The sniff ones are very funny to me because you actively just type sniff. I reply with sneeze. Sneeze. All right, go to the game. All right, so this game is set. Time to play the game. That's two weeks in a row.

It's all about the game and how you play it. It's something. Shake it. Grown. And then this is what Triple H does. You guys know what Triple H does? I'll show you. This is water.

It's really water. He does this. That's what he does. That's what he does That's what he does That's like his big thing That's like Everyone's like That was sick And he's like

Dude just spit water Up everywhere There's no point We have to do that When we do the live show You could have just Wipe your face Wipe your face

You could have just Told me That he spits water. Dude, but you wouldn't have gotten the visual. No one else got the visual. Was I too tall? I got off camera as soon as you... You'll see it dripping.

It's dripping. It's dripping. But we have to do that when we do the live show. You're going to pull out your game thing and we're playing Triple H's theme song and then we're all sp spending water up into the air. All right. We got to watch some tape.

You got to watch some tape. I'm down. Let's do it. We're going to be live. May 31st. Jamesville, Wisconsin. At the Comedy Cabin. Buy tickets.

Buy tickets. You can go to Comedy Laughs dot com. Buy tickets. May 31st. Cabin Laughs dot com. Cabin Laughs. Cabin Laughs. Cabin Laughs. Yeah. CabinLaffs.com. Buy tickets May 31st. CabinLaffs.com. CabinLaffs. CabinLaffs. CabinLaffs.

Yeah. CabinLaffs.com. Which you'll be doing a lot of at the Comedy Cabin May 31st. You'll be laughing a lot. Seeing Fat Chance live with special guests, special surprises, giveaways, games, other stuff that we probably aren't actually going to do, but it's going to give you to the show. We're going to figure it out. Why does he have an accent there?

Do you know that? That was an accent. What was that accent? What was that accent? What was that accent? Welcome to the show, guys! Hey! I didn't just spit water all over my face, though.

It's not water. It was beer, and I didn't spit it on my face. I spit it up into the sky. You idiots. This game is called Who Said It? Oh, God. Who said it? I'm going to say a quote, and you have to tell me who said it? This ain't good. Who said it? I'm going to say a quote and you have to tell me who said that quote. If you guys don't get it, I also have a second quote

they said. Do we know these people? Are they local people? Are they famous people? Who said this? The victor will never be asked if he told the truth. Who said this? The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.

Who said that? Winston Churchill. The guy who severed that person's leg in Milwaukee recently. Cut it. Cut that. Also, here's another quote by him. 999. Hitler.

That is correct. One in the same. Cut it. All right. This next one is, I'm a kind person. I'm kind to everyone. Who said that? Could also be Hitler.

I'm a kind person. I'm kind to everyone. Mr. Rogers. Your answer? I think it's like an athlete thing. Travis Kelsey. All right. Both are incorrect.

Here's also, I have syphilis. Could also again be Hitler. Kind, kind, kind. I'm a kind person. I'm kind, kind. I'm a kind person. I'm kind to everyone. I have syphilis. Who do we know that has syphilis? Oh.

No. A kind person. I'm kind to everyone. Kind person with syphilis. Are you a kind person with syphilis? If you're a kind person, you tell the person you have syphilis. Probably the throw with the denture. Who would this be?

Who would this Beyonce? Jay-Z. It's Al Capone. That is Al Capone, everybody. He died of syphilis. Everyone knows that? Yep, you're right. All right.

Next one is, pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever. Who said that? Oh, that's like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, Mike Tyson? Incorrect. Also, I have one ball. Lance Armstrong.

How long before my mom is in this? Can you pass me a beer, by the way? Yeah, which one would you like? The three-sheet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is fun. Pills. Was that the quote, hills?

No. All right, the quote is, I am a punishment of God. Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson. Stephen Hawking. Incorrect. Also, I pillage all the village. Oh, Genghis Khan.

That is correct. It is Genghis Khan. There's no J in his name, but it has worked. It's Genghis. All right. I listen to Roken. All right, next one. You can't respect yourself if you're afraid to be who you are.

I would love to. Let's unpack that one more. I just did what I did. What is it? You can't respect yourself if you're afraid to be who you are. Simba. The Lion. I thought you were going to go with the comic on Instagram.

Neil Armstrong. Incorrect. Also, I shit in your bed. Amber Heard. Amber Heard. I love these second quotes. Was that a real quote? The first one is for sure. The second one's you went allegedly.

If you dream and believe, you can do it. Isn't it Achieve? Walt Disney. Ted Bundy. Incorrect for both. Also, I'm a bad boy for life. Bad Bunny.

The answer is P. Diddy. P. Diddy. P. Diddy. He's a naughty boy for life. No, he's a bad boy. He's gone forever. We'll never see him again. He's in an island where they don't extradite. No, he's in Miami.

He's in Miami now? Yeah. I thought he was. I had a video of him in Miami. Oh, he's been so sneaky. All right. This whole time. Never lose hope.

Be persistent. Never give time. Never lose hope. Be persistent. Never give up. Ted Lasso. Fidel Castro. Incorrect to both. I also only have one bomb. Saddam Hussein. No, he had lots of bombs.

The Unabomber. That lots of bombs The Unabomber That is correct The Unabomber You're good at this Jack I know a lot about bombs Who said this Good mothers Makes all kinds of choices

Whether they're good or not What kind of fucking quote is that Good mothers Make all kinds of choices whether they're good or not. Cut that. Let's cut that that's rough that's worse with the accent oh Susie Ekwall

yeah welcome back waka alright we're back on music back on how quickly can we go back and forth Welcome back. Waka. All right. We're back on. Music back on. We're back on. How quickly can we go back and forth? Kung Pao Chikan. I need to stop.

We're done. We're done doing it. We're back to music. We're back to music. I'm the only one that could get in trouble. For what? We had to cut all that. I said a delectable dick. We don't have to cut shit.

It's whether or not I want to cut it. You're going to want to cut that one. I'm also on here. Let me check the pulse. Yeah, yeah. Cotton, dude, what? Who said good mothers make all kind of choices, good and bad? Mother Teresa.

Mother Teresa. Incorrect for both. I got it. Also, I fuck my friend's sons. Oh, the Smith lady. Yep. Jada Pickett Smith is correct. All right.

Who said, I'm the type of guy who fails and fails, then gets so sick of it, so I succeed? That's a good guess. That is a very good guess. Elon Musk. You guys aren't going to get this one. Also, I was Dixlexic as a kid. Now I'm only dick-slacks gone. What?

What? Dick-slacks gone? I was dick-slacksic as a kid, now I'm dick-slacks gone. Oscar Pistorius? It's Caitlyn Jenner. gone oscar bestorius it's caitlin jenner uh-huh we should have gotten there yeah the oj one was very close which is like very funny to me oh man i looked up caitlin jenner quotes and it was just so funny because she started allowing i'm type of guy it's very funny because she started allowing me. I'm the type of guy. It's very funny to me. All right. Who said, I've learned over the years that freedom is just on the other side of discipline?

Rogan. Rogan. Incorrect for both. What about the Baldies? We know all too well. That's your hint. Neil deGrasse Tyson. It's Jake Joan Hall for all you Swifties out there.

Alright. Who said Is that a song? I know I'm capable of greatness and I'm expecting to reach that level. Who said that? Dahmer. Dahmer.

Dahmer. Incorrect. I'll give you one of these three you guys will probably get. The HIV virus was created by the government. No. I'm not vaccinated. I'm immunized. I drink ayahuasca.

Aaron Rodgers. That is correct. What was the second one? The HIV one? He said the HIV virus was created by the government today. On what? Where did he say that? On some crazy ayahuasca podcast.

It was wild. Damn. I know. This is like three weeks from now. All right. Here's the last one, though. Who said, someone teach me that Bruno Mars quick foot dance move. Hashtag fancy feet.

That's definitely OJ. Incorrect. Me. All right, who said nothing beats this feeling of a fresh buzz cut? Me. Who said I love Sean? Me. These are all Michael Kuski's tweets.

Just so you guys know, here's a list of Michael Kuski's tweets Just so you guys know Here's a list of Michael Kuski's tweets Still smiling Hashtag state I need some diversity That's what he tweeted I need some diversity That's the whole thing I need some diversity

Late night swim at the fries Didn't get to Didn't get to see my boy Danny. Hashtag not cool. This is all he tweeted. I was just violated. No, no, no. You wrestled with somebody. Oh, yeah.

Don't worry, because the next one was, I need more friends. That's all he tweeted. That's the whole tweet. Also, following up, he just put, I need something to do, followed by Julius Caesar. What does that mean? Oh, you tweeted with Julius Caesar? That's all he tweeted, Julius Caesar. I didn't know.

I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't know I had a Twitter. Oh, yeah, you do. Bonfire at my house. Text me if you want to come. Guys, he's having a bonfire. Somebody text him.

Do we have any of Jack's? My social life has hit an all-time low. Wow, I had no friends. My social life has hit an all-time low. Wow, I had no friends. My social life has hit an all-time low. I'm excited when my mom texts me. What does this say about you two hanging out with me now? No, we have better ones. I thought we were only doing this for a summer.

Is this? Hold on The whole game Were you excited for the game Or this part This part This is my favorite thing Do we have any for Jack

Don't you worry about that This one just says Hashtag getting good Was it G-O-O-D Oh yeah You know what it is Yeah G-U-D

This one Obviously was early morning. Still going hard. Hashtag party of one. You fucking loser. Also, no one has liked or replied to any of these. They're all on just like for himself. He's journaling on Twitter. I'm journeying

lonesomeness good to see Danny and Chad are becoming friends hashtag wisdom teeth I don't know if those are your wisdom teeth or what dude when did I get a Twitter?

This was just said absolutely drained. What an encounter. What an encounter. What an encounter. I literally can't let... Chat GPT to sexual experience. Dude, what was that tweet? Absolutely trained.

What an encounter. We got it. We got it. We got it. And one of you says I was Elvis rocking on the bar I don't know what that means I don't either But the last one is for the audience At one time in his life Kuski just tweeted Sniff sniff

Just saying At one time in his life, Cusky just tweeted, sniff, sniff. Just saying. That's how you play Who Said This? Sniff, sniff. Look where that's led us. Oh, my God. I think you had this following before we started. Yeah, I think it's all him. What's funny is like. I can't had this following before we started. Yeah, I think it's all him. It's funny.

I can't wait to do a podcast with the guys. Yeah, I'm going to do all these burners. I did. I have PTSD every time you have a game of, like, this. From the first time I did your podcast, and you brought up me in like a picture of fedora on like an eighth grade trip that every time you say something my first thought was oh my god he's going over like facebook profiles or whatever i was fucking right if you haven't seen michael

koski in a fedora please check it out his phone number is also still on. Is it really? I don't know. That'd be so funny. No, it's actually wild. Because my personal email for all this stuff is on the Fat Chance stuff and YouTube. Someone actually emailed us. My personal email goes, hey, from Test Test.

And I don't know if it's one of you guys. Like, do you guys ever sell your really smelly socks? I'm like, this has got to end. This has got to fuck. Not while we're wearing these bad clothes. Those are sweet. Hashtag sniff sniff. What? Those are yours.

Oh, yeah, I did give you those. You gave them. This isn't looking good for me no no yeah no i wonder why no one can be your bonfire i had one friend in high school that i like actually hung out with and that's like our our was like ongoing joke we'd literally like go to taco bell go to the dollar store hang out and that's it. Because I didn't drink in high school. And so- But you were always rocking on the bar.

Yeah, with sodas. That's tough. Yeah. Tough luck. No, I would- Oh,

fuck. Oh my God. I'd say like five years ago, if you did that to me, I would be clinically embarrassed. That's hysterical. That's amazing. Everyone's got that stuff. Who wants to hang? Yeah, buddy.

Delete. who wants to hang yeah delete our big thing so I played college baseball and we would have these things called like basically these study sessions with the whole team so we just make sure our grades are good and we are the whole team would be in there a lot of us were just fucking goof off so we'd just make sure our grades were good. And the whole team would be in there. And a lot of us were just fucking goofed off. So we would invade teammates' Facebook pages during that hall. So they would be sitting in front of me like, all right, we're getting Makula today. And everyone would go and just go to all his old ones and comment on them as if we're friends.

And it would be wild stuff just as, as, and then be like berated with it. So then like the older people are like, what is this? What's going on? It was, it was a lot of fun.

Old old stuff. Like what are your thought process when you're 16 horny and no friends? Wild nights. You want me to get it back out there? Absolutely drained. I love Sean. Absolutely drained. One encounter.

What? What is the date? Is there a date on that? I didn't write down the dates. I didn't write down the dates. But I can tell you right now, it came after you were just violated so probably like absolutely drained what an encounter also before that you did wish danny and chad were coming good friends so good for them oh i do not yeah Also, what is the, I need some diversity.

You want to talk that one through? I think we cut it. We'll cut. Oh, man. That was gold. That was good. That man, no wonder he tried getting through that quote game real fast. He goes, I got something good.

Well, also I stumbled upon it, which was my favorite. Because I wasn't trying to do that. How do you stumble upon a Twitter I didn't even know I had? You knew you wrote those. Right away, as soon as I said it. I thought they were Facebook posts. No, as soon as I said it, you were like, oh, that's me. Yeah, because I knew this game was coming, but I thought it was Facebook. I didn't know I had a Twitter.

What was the first one? Yeah. Oh. I have like this weird. My favorite one. Someone teach me that Bruno Mars quick foot dance move. Hashtag fancy feet. So, I know the fancy feet thing.

Is it Mutachu it? Get on the table and do that fancy foot. What is the quick step move? That's the funny part. Yeah, I don't know. What is that? The quick foot move? I don't know.

Yeah. I remember like, do you guys ever have like Mr. Football Awards? Yeah. Yeah, so that guys ever have like Mr. Football Awards? Yeah. Yeah, so that was mine, was Fancy Feet. Oh, so you didn't get an actual award? No, do you think I got? I was 5'2", 100, and negative 10 pounds. Mr. Football.

Did you get a football award? Yeah, it was all conference. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, baby. We'll cut that. What division? That's always my favorite thing is when people ask me what division. Because obviously I went to a small school, and I got all conference and all that shit,

and I won all state for baseball. They're like, oh, what conference? I'm like, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to ask my parents, move me to a bigger city? Like, what that shit, and I want to all stay for baseball. They're like, oh, what conference? Like, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to ask my parents, move me to a bigger city? Like, what the fuck, dude? I'm still better than everyone else. Yeah, I was 16. I didn't have a choice of saying where I lived.

I just played some people that I didn't put in front of us. The argument is, like, not validated, but when someone, like, if you were, like, I could have gone pro or whatever. It's like you beat out your brothers, all right? Your two little siblings that they allowed played from middle school because you didn't have enough people to make a team. I guess I had state honors for lacrosse. I was much better at that sport than I was football.

Yeah. You seem to have a lot of lacrosse stuff on it, the stuff I looked at. Yeah. It's probably around that time. I have some. I don't know. Yeah. Lacrosse was fun.

We don't need to get into high school sports right now. What is Eric Smith back on? That was an hour of like, did you run up the A gap or the B gap in high school? And we, man, that was. But it was fun. I enjoy those conversations every once in a while. Yeah, but like briefly. Yeah.

Well, he knew you were a quarterback. Yeah. You were a quarterback. Yeah. Yeah. Because I brought up Kuski's football stats one time. He knows more about me than I know about me. Yeah.

Who, me? Yeah. Wow. That's his research. That's one thing you can never take away from that guy. Yeah. You will put in some effort for, and then there's us two. We'll spit some beer on the wall.

That was insane that you just were like, you remember what Triple H does? And we're like, sure. And you're like, let me do this out of camera. I thought I was in. You'll see part of it, probably. Maybe. I don't know. Think about that.

I didn't even prep that. I just had that energy in me. I did too, but you made me cut it out. That's a very Florida thing of you to do. Do you think ever that seeps in? Do you cut your sleeves? For a while? No, that did not seep into me. I was actually very Wisconsin for Florida.

Florida people, while fun, walk really slow. Oh my god, the South is so fucking slow. I got so annoyed in North Carolina. Everyone's like, why are you walking so fast? I'm like, because I want to get to where I'm supposed to be. And typically Wisconsin people are very polite. But Florida people are not polite and they walk slow. They're just always in the way.

It's just that you're trying to get somewhere. No, sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you. They know they're going to die there, so they're just really taking their time to get to that point. Because that's what, like, Rachel says, like, it's the South. Everyone moves slow here. It's like, yeah, but to your point don't you like you came here to do something why are you delaying doing what you want to do like the the

my biggest peppy was like the service industry was like i waited 25 minutes for four people in front of me at a brewery to get a fucking beer and three shots and And then inside the PNC arena for Tom Sakura, I'm like, we're going to wait another 35 minutes because this bimbo doesn't know how to pour a fucking beer.

Do you also think it's because it's so hot out they don't want to sweat? We were inside. That could be it, but I honestly think it's just such good weather where no one is really...

No one cares, yeah. We're like, we always carry like that. We gotta go. Yeah, but you ever been in New York? No one cares, yeah. Yeah, but you ever been to New York? They fucking are flying. They're moving. I appreciate that. There's like a line with it.

Like, New York can be a little too hectic. You're like, all right, relax. I think the Midwest kind of has a good balance to it. It's also polite going fast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pol. They're also polite going fast. Yeah. Yes. They're polite for the most part going fast. Down south, they're not nice either. They're really not.

It's like, how are you – Southern hospitality is not always a thing. Florida, they don't have that. Florida, they don't have that. That's not the south. Florida's its own country. That's its own thing. Florida's New York, but, like, if they were just super big all the time, that's what it is.

It's not like the type of energy, but like the aggressiveness of New York. Yeah. The sun has really drained their energy. I feel like everyone just flocks to Florida because they hated where they were before and it was too cold for them. Now they're just cranky. Florida's the most cost effective, I think, retirement area. Not anymore.

But I think just in terms of... If you're going to retire, you're not going to California. Well, California for taxes is how much money it costs to be there. But Florida, it's a peninsula. And so there's like... Legitimately, there's no real space to expand anymore. So there's just like a bunch of retirement communities and a bunch of old houses.

And it's expensive. But it was. I feel like it was the most cost-effective. And then once a year, they're like, a hurricane is going to take away the entire peninsula. And they're like, are the old people okay? And they're like, well, they're hunkered in. They're gone is what they're saying.

They're hunkered in. What do gone. They're hunkered in. What do you mean? You locked the door? I didn't know hurricane parties were a thing until I lived down there. You lived in Miami? Yeah, I lived in Miami. Two Florida boys over here. Did you get a BBL there? Did I get a BBL there?

I'm going to tell you right now, I've seen it and no, he didn't. That's what a flat is a board. You know what I'm saying? It's like tits on a board pig. You ain't going to tell you right now, I've seen it. No, he didn't. You know what I'm saying? That's what a flat is on the board. You know what I'm saying? It's like tits on a boar pig. You ain't going to be using that. He hasn't left. No, my average would be like the hurricane parties.

They take them seriously. Even if the idea of a hurricane might reach central Florida or wherever, they're boarded up. They have enough booze to last you a week and a half. That's it. Everything and water. And then they're good. And they literally like – there's no like, oh, we should like all shelter in place. Like, no, let's get fucked up with the windows just closed off.

That's it. You're getting in the dark. You're getting in the dark. That's it. Like like we might die here but we're going out drunk and i was like you know what i'm just gonna fly home and i'm not coming back i'd never live down in miami again unless i had like a lot of money you can't live in miami fresh out of college with like no real job trying to figure shit out like i lived my buddy's couch and we lived like 30 minutes north of miami and like miami lakes like the retirement home area and there was one bar and if we either wanted to go 45 minutes before lauderdale or 30 minutes down in miami it's like it's gonna be expensive it's gonna be real expensive i remember going into a club and they're like hey uh we're

meeting like a group of girls from um madison like it's her birthday come hang with us like okay like uh they approached you guys like it's gonna be five hundred dollars to get in the door the door yeah five hundred dollars to get in and there was like six of us and i was like you know what we know we're gonna spend money tonight five hundred dollars was like six of us and i was like you know what we know we're gonna spend money tonight five hundred dollars between the six of us because usually the cover is like what you have to pay it's like you get a five hundred credit at the bar kind of thing like you have to spend 500 at the bar i go guys we could do 500 it's not that big of a deal and he goes no no it's 500 a piece i go fuck off there's no that's insane i'm not paying three grand to get in here did you

watch a bunch of people go yeah did you watch a bunch of people go in? Did you watch a bunch of people go in? Almost everyone else. Yeah. We're like, no, we're not doing that. And so we're like, let's go down the street. Let's pay $25 for a Manhattan. And then let's go back up to Blackbird where it's a lot cheaper.

I hate... Yeah. No one would care. Text your friends. Text your friends. I have a lot more friends now. Text your friends. Text your friends.

I have a lot more friends now. I might have had my mic turned off for this whole conversation. I think I might have done that. It happens. Cover at a bar is insane to me. Still. Going out for Halloween or anything, and there's covers at bars. And I'm like, this is wild. The people that I want to talk to are in line with me.

You know, why do I need to pay money to go talk to the people I brought? Well, that's that's a different like if it's a different mindset, like if a lot of people, if you're going to a bar and you're in relationships and all that stuff, you're usually coming with other significant others and other couples. And you truly do just want to like hang out with those people. And then that usually leads to, why are we even going out? Everyone we want to hang out with is right here.

You're going for the atmosphere. The covers are for the single people. And then they're like, it's true though. And usually if a good cover is hey it's twenty dollars to get in but you have twenty dollars at the bar kind of thing so like it just guarantees twenty dollars for the sales kind of thing the ones that like the bar i worked at was a five dollar cover on thursdays but that five dollars got you your your jar and then it was dollar refills after that it

just like guaranteed that they they bought this special kind of thing um the ones where it's like hey it's 50 to get in now go wait 35 minutes and i need a drink with the two people you wanted to be here because you don't want to hang out with anyone else yeah but then if you're buying it that's on you that you're going in and doing it yeah well covers are wild because it's like literally they're just pocketing money the bar is just like making money it's ridiculous covers and like because it's like literally they're just pocketing money. The bar is just like making money. It's ridiculous. With covers and like you get a really popular bar. It's like we have a cover tonight. And then some people are like even paying to skip the line.

So it's like, all right, we just pocketed like $400 from four people because they paid the cover and they paid to skip the line. And if you're a bouncer at one of those bars you're bringing home a good good you're bringing home two grand a night yep wild i never really had to pay i mean i go to bars that do not have covers and if they do i probably should cover my drink you know I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Speaking of drinks, how about... Yeah, do you want to stunk hold one of these bars? I'm going to have one of these millers, baby. Oh, my God. I also wasn't kidding when my mic was turned off for a good portion of our conversation there.

Was it really? Yeah. Cool, that sucks. That's all right. That's not a big deal. Your mic was turned off? Yeah, I guess so. I must have been flinging it around. Hit it. That's all right. That's not a big deal. Your mic was turned off? Yeah, I guess so. I must have been flicking around.

Hit it. Oh, mine is too. Sorry. Mine actually was. I was like... That's not a big deal. I shout pretty loud, though, so you guys would probably be able to pick me up.

Well... I'm a loud talker. It's probably going to sound just like my mic. It's probably... We'll be fine. We'll survive. Well, I think we can basically end this. At the end of the day, you are getting married when this comes out.

You are getting married in two days. Yep. Sincerely, congratulations. Thank you very much. Thank you. You and G have been two of my favorite people I've met since doing comedy in the last couple years. Thank you. Outside of Judd.

Doesn't compare. You guys are way better. But seriously, congratulations. I wish you guys the best for your wedding. I hope it goes according to plan. There's no rain. It's all sun. You guys have a good time.

There's always going to be rain. Looking forward to seeing you when you get back. There's always going to be rain, guys. There's always going to be rain. But don't worry. The sun comes out at the end of it. And that's marriage. A rainy, wet thing forever.

But the sun comes out frequently. It's not always wet. Probably dry a lot, actually. But we're excited. I'm very excited. It'll be a fun time. Excited to come back. Excited to come back.

What are you saying? None of those analogies made sense in any form. Does marriage really make sense? Does love make sense? I thought we were going to make a happy note, and you're like, all the wet flicks. You can't, because you still need to say something nice about it. And you were going to be like, not always wet. It's just like something weird.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. I decided to be married. Judd just likes to bring me down. No, I'm so upset. He's mad because G-Spot called him Ross. That's true. Who gets divorced all the time? G didn't call me Ross.

But I'm very happy for you and G. You guys are made for each other. I'm so happy that you guys are getting married. And I want you guys to have years and years and years and years and years of happiness. Unless it gets in our way. No. It already has, boys. No, but if everyone can raise a glass at home,

raise a glass for Jack and G. Sorry. The pour wasn't great for this one, but. I don't even have beer in me. But you know what? Raise a glass for Jack and G. In the spirit of them, this is half foam, half beer, because the relationship is 50-50.

Cheers to G and Jack. Have a great wedding. Congratulations to the lovely couple. We're cutting all this out. Celebrate with us at the Comedy Cabin. May 31st. CabinFlaft.com. That's where their honeymoon is going to be.

CabinFlaft.com. Get your tickets. Drink responsibly. Call for a date voting August 24th.