Fat Chance Podcast - RIP Toby Keith and The Worlds Weirdest Laws Ep.126

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

What is your go to 4th of July Anthem? Judd tries to get the guys to break the law. Jack really wants a certain gift for Christmas this year. Michael remembers an old friend on America's Birthday. SPONSORED BY: Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

Stop! You have to warm them up in the microwave, which has to be the most degrading thing in the world. Right, but don't you just kind of want to know what it's like? You have to warm them up in the microwave? I just want to know you don't have to. You can have a cold pack of them. Sounds like you have a party yet. I do like those drink, the booze crews. Have you ever been on one of those? Those are fun. Yeah.

Back in Florida, we used to do those all the time. We would get a bunch of pontoons and we'd get a captain. We'd kind of do a trail through the rich Tampa houses. Yeah. Tom Brady was sitting on his patio. And someone who shall not be named screamed, Tom, I'll suck your dick! It was not me.

Just so you know, because I think everyone was thinking it was me. It wasn't me, and our captains were pissed, because he bought it right in the bay, and it was Derek Jeter's old house. Yeah. And so it was like this gigantic mansion, and you could just see legitimately the most Tom Tom Brady looking person standing on the back. You just saw a big butt chin and you're like, oh, that's him. But let's kick this week off.

I got to give shout out Buzz. Shout out Buzz. That's one of my high school friends' moms. Yeah. She's been an avid listener. So shout out to you, Buzz. Shout out to you, Buzz. You've heard me say a lot of terrible things on here.

So thanks for tuning um last week i didn't think she was actually gonna listen when she asked about it but she has been so uh thank you buzz is her last name lightyear no that's um just so she has kids um and her kids now have her kid one of her kids now has kids and instead of grandma grandma, they call her Buzz. Honestly, that's great. She's a grandmother just watching this? Hell yeah. Oh, so when I look at the demographics, you're the outlier that's like 64 plus. She's the young grandma.

I don't even think she's definitely not 64. She's a young grandma. Hell yeah. Buzz. Raised him right? Is her last name Saw? No. I'm not going to say her last name.

I'm not going to. All day, baby. Saw Lightyear. Buzz Saw. Buzz Lightyear. Buzz. Buzz Cut. I was going to do that one next.

Yeah. I think that's all the buzzes. Nope. B. Who is it? Hello. I'll be back. It's your baby girl probably.

Oh. I told her I wasn't going to lock the door. We can wait. We don't even have to start. I wasn't even talking to her. I don't know. That buzz stuff was pretty gold right there. It was. It was gold.

Are there any other buzzes? Buzz B is not one. Buzz? Buzz is a B. B's go buzz. Buzz B is one. It's got to be one. I forgot.

Buzz ball? No, those are booze balls, right? I know. I just said I forgot. Sorry. Well, do it again because I look like an idiot. You can't learn either. Imagine what they thought when they saw me changing our locks.

Yeah. That's so funny. She was gone for a week and I changed out all of our doorknobs and locks. Yeah. That's so funny. She was gone for a week, and I changed out all of our doorknobs and locks. Yeah. I thought it was really funny. I felt it was like, she was gone for like three days. So I was wondering if the neighbors were looking. I'm like, did they break up?

And now you just locked her out of the house. It's a great look. It's been coming back. But no, we did not break up. She has a key now. Oh. Dogs, dogs, dogs. What up, dogs?

What up, dogs? See you guys. I thought you needed this. What is it? I put coffee and cream. I'm going to have it for tomorrow. Oh, that's smart. No, don't worry about it, G.

We're going to drink this coffee and cream. We left your coffee upstairs. This is a left your coffee upstairs this is a shtick this is a shtick that's why i can't i i can't operate without putting things in secret places because they come up they it's always like hey what's this for it's like it's nothing you need to worry about it's coffee for tomorrow like can just, is it because your brain only works certain, like certain ways? Do you like put your keys in the refrigerator so you don't forget things or what? I don't do that. But I do like put like things in certain locations because like I use it every day just because

it's there for a couple hours at the end of the day. It doesn't mean that like it's a messy, the place isn't messy. That's I go there every day and grab like my AirPods, my badge for work, my keys. So it's always there. But then probably once a month I get told to completely clean up my office. And right now it is a little bit messy, but we've had a bunch of guests. And so not only have I been putting stuff in there, but so has she because she just closes the door and calls it a day in my office.

But yeah, typically once a month i end up not knowing where anything is it's fucking you could just instead of cleaning out just get like a sign that says do not enter and then no one's got to open that door you know what that's a quick fit i tried that with my my like mom when she told me to clean up i was like no guests are going to come hang out in my room i literally play xbox in here that's that's everyone's like, why, or like, when you have like a if someone's like, we have a maid coming, why am I cleaning? Or why do I clean the dishes before they go in the dishwasher? Like, this is

redundant. Yeah. Well, I think you should clean some of your dishes before they go in the dishwasher. Yes, because Yes. I think you rinse them off for sure. Because you just don't want to be throwing, you know, racks of ribs in the dishwasher. It ain't going to

suck those bones down. No, you don't want to suck no bones. Can you explain suck those bones down? Yeah. That rolled off the tongue quite well. You were like, oh, that's a normal phrase I hear. Suck those bones down. You've never sucked those bones down?

No. I've never gobbled on those bones. I've never gobbled a bone. I've never shoved it down my throat. Finger licking clean? No. Right off the bone? Right off the bone.

There you go. That's the one that you're thinking of. Right off the bone is what you should have said. Sorry, Buzz. Buzzing down some ribs. I'm going to cut those baby down. Buzz. Buzz saw.

He already said that. Is there an echo in here? What are you doing? Did you say saw already? Are you going to say cut next? I said cut first. He did say cut first. Are you going to say light year?

No. No. No, we can't say that again. We have a golf outing coming up, and I've seen we've been posting quite a bit of new sponsors. So that's exciting. Yeah, we've got a few. Well, Booze Better has been a part of our lives for a while now. Did we eat the orange?

We did. It's just sitting at my counter. Okay. If you want to know what it looks like, the exact same thing, just where it says fruit punch, it says orange. So use your imagination. I think we can figure out. They can't read it from here anyway.

So Booze Better will be there they're debating whether or not they want to fly out and actually be at the event with us but they will be sponsoring one of the holes good lying golf company um they i believe are out of madison but they are all living in chicago right now i could be very wrong on that one but they will be a part of it. They're coming, and they're setting up a tent on one of our par threes. They're donating several pieces of merch. So if you're looking for a good line bucket hat or a two-putt chain, there's four of each. You could win them.

I did look at their stuff. It is pretty cool stuff. Yeah, it's a very streetwear golf company i would describe it as i i enjoy it so they were very nice um i extended an invite for us to golf with them uh beforehand if we all have um time in our schedules um i don't know if that will happen but based on our conversation earlier before we started this we've got the whole we've got that whole thing i mean i think we figured that out but i did golf for the first time yesterday. I saw the video of G-Spot golfing.

I've never seen a ball go more right in my life. Yeah. You should have seen mine. You should have seen my swing. Yeah, but yours goes left and then right. Hers just went. Straight right. Oh, that's fine.

Straight right. Yeah, I haven't golfed for the first time this summer because in June my back started hurting. So now it's starting to loosen up and I have maybe a golf outing that I'm going to be going to. So not ours. A different one. So I was like, I kind of want to see if I even can do it physically. So we went and did twilight golfing right over here and did like four or five holes. Back feels good.

Picked up the dogs today. Just not going to tell the people that are looking for my feet. It's in the Milwaukee area. It's close. It's literally right across. Let's just say it's really far away, and then you could have told us. Well, I already said it was really close. You know what course is close.

Do I? You're trying to fucking trap me, dude. I am. You're trying to be fucking dirty. There's a guy that offered me two grand just at your location. First of all, we should – reach out to sock companies that are in Wisconsin. Why don't we just have a partnership with them? I don't know.

Why don't you reach out to them? Fox River Socks and Wigwam Socks. Reach out to us. Reach out to us. We get lots of sock traffic. Dickies has been making a killing right now in Parathebes. I think I'm doing Penn. You always do Penn.

You always got the dry fit. I got Nike. Yeah, but I'm just saying, Fox River Socks made in Appleton, Wisconsin? Come on. Local? Literally, Appleton would be booming. There will be high rises in Appleton if you keep letting us wear your socks on here. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you guys. But yeah, that's what I thought of. That'd be fun. We could try. Reach out to them on behalf of us. You guys have every right to do that. Well, yeah, to sock companies, yeah, go for it. Okay, all right.

I can also see you guys reaching out to a company that we definitely shouldn't be working with. You know how fucking cool it would be if we got pocket pussies it would be awesome stop you have to warm them up in the microwave which has to be the most degrading thing in the world right but don't you just kind of want you have to warm them up in the microwave i just want to know you have to don't have to you can have a cold you see that's almost more concerning. Like, I prefer it cold. I'd like to know what you're into.

I can't say I prefer it warm or cold. I just want to say I want... Have you ever had it cold? I've never done it. Have you ever had it cold? I've never had it cold. I've never had it warm. I just want to have the excuse to try it because I can't buy it.

That's more degrading than putting it in the microwave. So you want someone to send it to us? No. What I've heard. I want someone to send one to each of us, and I want us to talk about it the next week. What I've heard is you have to take it out of its liner and put it in a tub of water and microwave it. That's what I've heard.

Heard or experienced? It's a Rory Scovel talk. It's a lot of prep time. Yeah, he goes, there's nothing more degrading than just waiting for your pocket. It's ready. It's almost there. It's almost there. Maybe 30 more seconds. You're just alone in a hotel room.

Right next to it is the instant mac cups. Oh, in two minutes I get to have this. Which queen bed should I try it on? Yeah, dude. No, it's like. That's insane. It's always been a running joke between me and one of my buddies. It was like, we can't buy it for ourselves, but on our birthday or Christmas, we can buy

them for each other and then act surprised. That's what we've talked about. The intent. Well, I know what you guys are getting for Christmas. You need to buy yourself one now. Please. Oh, God. Well, it's also, it's another Rory Scoville joke.

He goes like, I wouldn't hang myself but if I did I'd try masturbating. You know? And he goes it might save your life. It might be so good that you're like oh I want to cut me out. If only my hand was microwaved.

That's a good one. Yeah. Microwaving apocalypse. How long do you microwave for we don't know that's why we need the physical equipment up i'm not i mean well do you do you think there's been a few like you you microwaved a little too long you're a little too eager and people uh do you have do you think anyone grilled it too long someone you know sauteed it they sauteed it

a little too long and they were so eager to willy in and it was they just got like streak marks it's just like microwaving a coffee

sometimes too long you just put a couple ice cubes in it those ER nurses have like the worst stories they're like yeah people stick anything up their butts

like they have to oh yeah there's so many of that you know how hard it is to probably have to be, like, professional, in a professional setting, and be like, um, well, you see, man... This is a predicament.

This Hot Wheels car took a left turn. Buzz Lightyear blasted off in your ass. Yeah. Imagine how many action figures... Two infinity... Action figures. And your asshole. Or even just, like, those like those You know those lightsabers

That auto extend Is it Oh yeah It's like Stick it on there I put it on my dark side Have you seen that video Where there's this guy

He lines up Takes a new camera And he looks at the camera And he looks at the thing And he clicks the button. And it's like a three-foot lightsaber probably, and it just spring-loads, shoots into the back of his throat, and he's like, oh!

His intrusive thoughts totally won that one, where it's like anyone else in the room with him would be like, don't do that. But he was like, I'm kind of curious. I want to know what it does It's like those old Like Facebook videos That people would post

With them dancing on tables And they'd like fall And eat shit and stuff It was like It's like the milk carton challenge Like they Everyone fell Oh where you're like walking

Yeah No one ever did that Do you guys wanna play the game? you guys want to play the game? It's time to play the game. No, not yet. I'm just kidding. We can play the game. We'll be over here.

Today is a real law. Are you guys lawyers? No, but I've been watching suits. Cool. Well, today's real law or fake law. So I'm going to give you something. You can tell me if that's a real law or a fake law. Pretty simple. Should we call you Judge Judy?

Judge Juddy. Judge Judy. I like that. Okay, fuck. He's always one step ahead. Is this a real law or a fake law that no ice cream cones can be in their back pocket in Alabama? Real law. Fake law. It's a real law.

That is a real law. Yeah. And it's made for whack when people are on horseback because people would lure horses with ice cream. people would lure horses with ice cream and then they wouldn't be caught as horse thieves because they technically lured them and not actually touch the horse. That's so crazy. Those, you know,

money be like, fuck, tell him they can't have ice cream in the back anymore. Like, and also being a police officer down in Alabama now going, oh, that ice cream looks pretty close to the back pocket. I'm like,

ah, I think I'm gonna be good at, that ice cream looks pretty close to the back pocket. I'm like, ah. I think I'm going to be good at this because I remember, I think this might be, it was in like, you remember the Scholastic Book Fairs as a kid? Yeah. And it was like the Ripley's Believe It or Not or the, what's the world's, the shiny cover of the Guinness. Yeah. Those looked so cool every time, but they were $75. So I would just go look for the weird facts and remember those.

And so I think I know most of these. In Georgia, it's illegal for a chicken to cross the road. How was I going to get that? Yeah. False. Fake law. True law. Fake law.

That is a fake law. No one would take away from that classic joke Yeah Could you imagine if your whole state You could not cross the road as a chicken A whole state couldn't make that There's a whole But what if the road was

On the other side was another state Yeah but all the dads would be like Very pissed Yeah they're like Who else How am I supposed to make this Really funny joke now That my kid doesn't understand

In Singapore But it's the same joke. Like, why the chicken crossroad? He didn't because it's against the law. That's a good dad joke, too. That is a good dad joke. That's also a truth. It's fake.

It's false. In Singapore, the sale and import of chewing gum is banned. That would make sense. Because how are they going to sing? If they're chewing gum all the time? In Singapore? They sing a lot in Singapore. Do they really? Something like that. I thought they really focused on their skin time. In Singapore? They sing a lot in Singapore. Do they really?

Something like that. I thought they really focused on their skin care and their pores and all that. They sing and they pour. They sing and they pour. Wait, what can't... Chewing gum? Chewing gum.

Real law. I'm going to say it's a fake law. It's a real law. He's just going to go every other. Maintain public cleanliness. He's just going to go every other. It's a real law. He's just going to go every other.

Maintain public cleanliness. He's just going to go every other. In Vermont, it's illegal to whistle underwater. I think that's a real law. Mainly because I think some people like to, I can whistle by bringing the air in rather than out. So you're going to swallow a fuckload of water? And then drown, yeah. Yeah, I honestly think it's going to be a real law because it's going to swallow a fuckload of water and then drown. Yeah. Yeah.

I honestly think it's going to be a real law because it's going to be some sort of fish luring reason. That is incorrect. There's a fake law. Fuck Vermont. Also, I don't think it's illegal to drown. So I don't know. It's a safety thing.

It's like the horse in the ice cream. It's illegal to speed because it's a safety thing. In Poland, Winnie the Pooh is banned from playgrounds and schools. That's got to be real. Because he doesn't wear pants. 100% real law. That's real, yeah. That's false.

That's incorrect. I said I was going to be good, and then I said I was going to do every other, and I am not doing well. You got the first one right, and you were so confident. I'm fucking really good at this. I've been to the Scholastic Book Fair. Okay, let's try this. I'm going to get the rest of them wrong. I'm fucking really good at this. I bet it's a scholastic book fair. Okay, let's try this. I'm going to get the rest of them wrong. I like that.

Okay. In South Dakota, it's illegal to sleep in a cheese factory. That's true. Someone definitely burned down a cheese factory. That's 100% a true law. It's a true law. That's incorrect. That's a false law.

Damn it, Mike. You don't have cheese factories in South Dakota. Even though that nap would have made you feel fredda. Is that a play on betta? Is fredda a cheese brand? Fetta? What would it make you feel fetta? Betta.

But fetta. Yeah, okay. I get it. I wanted to see if that's what it was or if I was missing something. Sometimes you just let them go. I bet that was in the BuzzFeed article. That was in the BuzzFeed article. That was in the BuzzFeed article. No high heels

are allowed on Greece's historical sites. I would say that's a true law. Real law. No what? High heels are allowed on Greece's historical sites. I'm going to say it's a true law as well. I think it's another safety thing

because it's probably a little uneven. It's been a while. And they don't want to break the thing. That is correct. You both are correct. That is true. It protects the ancient sites monumentally. Every time he makes a joke.

You guys can drink at home. Let us know how you feel And then next week we'll do it again But my boo's better All the views stop After like a certain point They got fucked up at 21 minutes in Comments start slurring Alright

A town in France makes it legal to die without purchasing a burial plot. I think that's true. I think it's going to be true, yeah. That is true. The French are weird like that. Yeah, they created it due to limited capacity at the cemetery because everyone was dying to get in there. Good thing we have

all those Miller Lights. Yeah. We also have a pallet of Fat Chance vodka. Real or fake? Do we have any Fat Chance

canned cocktails? No, Fat Chance canned cocktails. I actually took with me to my weekend trip because you guys said you didn't want any.

Yeah, no, good. In Ontario, it's illegal to climb trees. False. How big are the trees in Ontario? It's illegal to climb the trees in Ontario? It's illegal to climb trees in Ontario. All the trees or just certain trees? I'm going to say false.

It's not a real law. I think everyone should be allowed to climb a tree. I'm going to do the other one. True law. True.'s not a real law. I think everyone should be allowed to climb a tree. I'm going to do the other one. True law. That is a real law. Yeah. Good thing Kuski doesn't worry about it. Too short.

He really just wanted to do it again. All right. All right. Last one. Here we go. In New York, it's illegal for you to take a selfie with a tiger. Where is this? New York.

Yeah, that's true. I'm going to say it's false. That is true. It's illegal for you to take a selfie with a tiger unless he plays golf. Then it's great. Sunday Reds. That's a second sip because he just hit you. You got to double down on that joke,

baby. Did you get the Tony the Tiger in there? Yeah, fuck. That's all I got. That's the game. Unless you want more. Was that already 20? That was 10. I have different questions, but these aren't real law or fake law. Yeah, fuck it. What are the questions? That was pretty quick I have different questions, but these aren't real law or fake law. Yeah, fuck it.

What are the questions? That was pretty quick. Yeah, that went really fast. Yeah. These are hard-hitting questions. God damn. He walked in, and he saw the hard hat, and he goes, and brought it back down here.

And I was like, well, he's never been excited for those hard hats before this week. I was wondering why. I'm not the only one that's excited for those hard hats before this week. I was wondering why. I'm the only one that's excited for these hard hats. That makes so much more sense now. You're like, oh, and then brought it back down over here. You probably heard some of these because these are hard questions, like questions that you can't answer. Like from the Scholastic Book Fair?

From the Scholastic Book Fair. So why do we park on driveways? Oh, my God. Are these asking for our friends? Wait, is there an answer to these questions? No. Oh, why do we park on driveways? Oh, wait.

Yeah. These are asking for our friends. This is... Like, I have a whole fucking I thought you'd be better at these I have so many Is there an answer or are we just talking about why we think Why do you park in driveways and why do you drive in parkways

Yeah I don't know because we're stupid I think I'm confused Is this a game or if we're just debating On why we do certain things. Are we debating on the answers? Or is there an actual answer? I'll give you a point for if I like your answer.

Okay. Give me your hard hat. Next. Point for Jack. All right. If you're synchronized swimming and someone drowns, what do you do? Keep dancing.

Or do you also drown? No, because they're synchronized swimming and someone drowns, what do you do? Keep dancing. No, do you also drown? No, because they're no longer swimming. So it's synchronizing swimming, so you just keep swimming. I like that answer. Point Tusky. You just, I mean, you leave the man behind. But if they go down, then you just pretend that was part of it. You just all go.

Yeah. And then you're like, ta-da. And you bring up Simba. He is risen. I think you can fix it. I think you keep dancing. Yeah. Simple swim dance.

If they've drowned, they're done. So who gives a shit? You can use them as a prize. Can't. All right. Follow-up question. Can you cry underwater no you can but it doesn't have the same effect yeah you can cry underwater have you ever cried

in a pool no because pool time is sick time well you're always having fun in the pool as a kid not unless you're drowning you're dead then You're dead But the time before you drown As you're drowning I don't think you start crying while you're drowning I think you panic as you're drowning I think no one has ever cried in a pool For three reasons Yeah you can't cry when you're drowning

You just can't You're too busy trying to save your life Number two Whenever you're in the pool You're having literally the fucking coolest time of your life Number three I've only seen people cry outside of a pool Two, whenever you're in the pool, you're having literally the fucking coolest time of your life. Number three, I've only seen people cry outside of a pool because they have to get out of the pool. Okay?

And that's the same for kids and drunk girls. That's very true. Which is weird because if you get out of the pool, you're on an elevated surface. You'd think they'd be happy. No, they don't. I know. They want to be in the pool. But it's not.

They want to be in the pool but they don't want their hair wet. Honestly, I have a pet peeve about this. If you're in the pool Get your hair wet. your hair's allowed to get wet. If I decide to belly flop or cannonball

close to you I don't give a fuck that you just get your hair wet. You'd be fun at a pool party. I'd love a good pool party. I'd love a good pool party. Are you a good swimmer? I wouldn't give a fuck that you just hear. You'd be fun at a pool party. I'd love a good pool party. I'd love a good pool party. Are you a good swimmer? I wouldn't say I would beat people in races, but I can swim for sure.

Are you a good swimmer? I'm going to go in the same boat as he is. I'm not beating anyone in a race. And if you put me in the middle of the lake and told me to swim to the edge of it i'd have a panic attack um because that's a lot of work but you could do your safety strokes yeah i i'm not i'm not big on treading water i can do it but i don't want to do it for a long time yeah i don't think i'm going to beat anyone in the race but if what was the original question can you cry underwater the answer is no the next question is the question is can you cry

underwater you'll never cry underwater that's legitimately physically impossible well like what if you started crying above the water then went in the water you would immediately start smiling and having fun okay fair all right uh how does the man that snowplows the road get to work easy he has the snowplow in the front of his car, so he just gets in the car. It's already down and he starts driving. So he drives the snow plow to where the snow plow is. He just has to know he has to reverse park. He can't park with the plow towards the driveway.

I'm pretty sure. He's got to back in and then just go out. But the roads are in a plow. I'm pretty sure most people that do the snow plows, typically they'll have their truck with them at home. Yeah, they have it at home. I think that's a real answer that we should fact check, but I'm pretty sure unless it's...

Not the city ones, but the people you see plowing parking lots. Do I have to drink to that one? You have to drink to that one. You have to drink to that as well. have to drink to that one. You have to drink to that. That was wild. Don't leave that much space after plowing. The people you see carefully You're not supposed to leave right after.

Why does my mom always get it? We should cut this one out. Yeah, I'm disgusting. I don't think she listens anymore after the fruit snack one. What was the fruit snack one? She gives a bunch of fruit snacks. She gives a bunch of fruit snacks. Did she stop listening after that one?

She's like, this was expensive. Yeah. I don't want them to keep asking me for PlayStations. I did try that. All right, let's go to the next one. What was the one of the lady? If you try to fail but succeed, what have you done? Okay, do you succeed at failing or succeed at the thing you tried to fail at?

Yeah, that's the question. If you try to fail and succeed. Then you failed. You failed. Then you failed. You failed because you succeeded. But you tried to fail. But the Then you fail. You failed. Then you failed. You failed because you've succeeded. But you tried to fail. But the question isn't worded right.

So you tried to fail and you succeeded. What you're trying to do is fail and then we succeeded. If it was I tried to fail at this. And then I failed at failing. And I failed at failing. So if you try to fail and you succeed, you failed. If you try to fail and you succeed, you failed. If you try to fail and fail, you've succeeded. Do you know in The Hangover where he has a bunch of numbers and things in there?

That was just Kuski's words that I just had in my brain. I'm like, try, fail, succeed, trade. Kuski's cutting cards over there. That was very prolific. Are we in agreeance on that one? I agree completely. Why isn't the word abbreviated shorter? Wait, what?

Why isn't the word abbreviated shorter? Yeah, that is really annoying. It's like, why is that? It's an abbreviation. Because if you can't abbreviate that word, then it... How would you abbreviate abbreviation? A-B-R-V. Well, then you just have a brv.

A brv. Yeah. You also skip over the E there. You notice that? A brv. But if I put A-B. A brv. Yeah.

A brv. A brv. It could have been longer. Hey, how'd the pod go? Oh, they went brv. They have their microphones a lot. They made race car noises. Well, I just posted a video of us going,

Roman Catholic or... Roman Catholic. Roman Catholic. Roman Catholic. I was an altar boy. Roman Catholic. Sound like a pigeon. Ooh, turtle without a shell.

Naked or homeless? Naked. Lost. No, they know where they are. So he is homeless. No. I think naked because... If I'm drunk and I can't get home, I'm lost.

I don't have my shell. So he's naked? No. I think he's just... Is he naked or homeless? He's naked. Because turtles also like to have their little nooks and crannies to live in, which I would consider their home.

A turtle shell is their outer casing. But it's also their clothes. It's like if I feel fat at the pool, I'm wearing a rash guard. What's a rash guard? What's a rash guard? What's a rash guard? Fat kids wear it. I wore it as a kid. Is that a t-shirt?

It's a t-shirt, but it's good at being in the water. It's a slippery shirt. Is it like an Under Armour? Yeah. It's a slippery shirt. But it also protects you from the sun's harmful rays.

It's just a t-shirt. Tattoos, guys with a lot of tattoos wear them too. Okay. But fat dads Fat kids Overprotective parents Make their

Kids wear them Guys Are self conscious about their boobs You can see the boobs even more I was going to say you're just highlighting the boobs Yeah it's a lot easier to see the boobs But if they have weird belly buttons, it does cover it up. Is that the first thing

you look at when you see... I don't look at belly buttons that often. But if it's a weird look... But if you tell me to look at the belly button, I'm going to look at the belly button It's a fucked up look at belly button.

You're going to look at that belly button. I think I noticed nipples first. If your nipples are just all sorts of colors and just shapes... Wait, purple nipples, you mean? Is there some dark nipples? And you're like, that doesn't look right.

And like, hey, you want to get that. Like, I think there's some moles on your nipples. We should. I think that's also not good if you got moles on your nipples. I don't know. I've never had a mole on my nipple. But I do know someone that did have a split and half nipple. Really?

I don't know. I don't remember how he did it, but it was really cool. He would take a shot of it. He goes, hey, guys, look at my nipple. And every time, it didn't get old. It didn't get old. But how was he okay then? Split-in-half?

It was just like a... Well, he's not lactating out of it. No shit. We can't lactate. It was just the teat, not the areola. And it was just kind of like flapping in the wind? No. It's not like they were saggy.

It was just... No, I know, but you could split them open like a hot dog bun. Yeah, but they wouldn't move. It looked like he had one nipple and two nipples. Oh, okay. You could put a piece of paper in between? You could, but I'd be really nervous if I was him. Yeah, that's a rad paper cut.

paper in between? You could, but I'd be really nervous if I was him. That's a rad paper cut. Oh, rad. That's so spooky. Do you guys ever get that when you picture an injury and get the willies? Oh, yeah. Have you guys ever seen me walking around and going,

it's me just imagining you dislocating my ankle again. Just so you guys know. I'll see something like a divot in the sub, I'll go, ooh, gotta watch out for that, I might dislocate my ankle, and so you guys know yeah because i'll see something like i'll see like a divot in the sub i'll go oh gotta watch out for that i might dislocate my ankle and i'll go and like literally five minutes of walking it well i'll keep doing it i developed like an irrational fear i was watching base i've had this for a long time but i will never play in a baseball game especially a major league baseball game but i watch the guys like run around the bases or they slide i'm like can you imagine if they just hit the bag wrong and their ankle just went like this

oh yeah all the time and they go like slow motion i'm like how does your ankle not just go and it's a fear of mine now that i one day will run the bases well if you hit out judd you will yeah if you get it help me i'll let you run bases. If I get a hit and then I break my ankle going around second. Sweet, sweet justice. Yeah. Sweet, sweet justice. My irrational fear is one time I was pushing a cart full of bales and went out to the back of the farm.

Why is that funny? And the cart stopped and it hit me in the neck it's like the Star Wars guy and I thought and I thought and I coughed and I was like man but what if it went

and just impaled my neck could it impale you? I think it could just a cart handle? it was like the handle of the cart how fast were you walking? you got impaled on a bill that would be the worst

Yeah You'd just be stuck like I'd be like one of those guys Irrational fears Yeah Earwigs Ooh What's an earwig?

Oh They're the creepiest looking things It's basically like a Like an ant Mixed with a centipede But on it's ass It's got pinchers Ooh I like that

And they like moist Like shrubbery areas. And so what we've been cleaning out... Were there a lot of earwigs? So many earwigs. But I did convince my sweet baby girl that... That you just left out of the house? Yeah, on accident. I did convince her that they were called earwigs because back in the day,

when the British would wear their wigs, the reason why they did it is because it covers their ears to keep the earwigs out and then she's like oh interesting i said don't repeat that to anyone and jack just repeated it now yeah it's funny now because i just wanted to be like at work going you know why they call me jack you made me sound like such an idiot yeah Yeah, so that's a made-up story. I was hoping you'd call me on it, but you took this one like it was a real fact. My irrational fear, that the magic school bus is inside of me, something right now. Mike's garbage disposals. I can't, like, be around.

Like, I don't like them. I disposed up there when you were there yeah well so like but your hands were away oh the hands so like yeah if I'm like at my mom's

and she'd be like we're cooking for like Thanksgiving or Christmas she's like can you run the garbage disposer real quick and she's like still washing dishes

and I'm like you need to move all your hands like I have this weird fear that like how many hands does she have six she's one of those earwigs um but she uh i just like the thought of like your hand being in there or um

like the intrusive thought for me is like when it's running it's like what if like the guy with the lights they were like what if and i just like how am i gonna stop like you know how you put your hand on a fan just to stop it yeah Yeah. Just instead into the garbage disposal. But I had in college, I ran the garbage disposal, and there was a shot glass lodged in there. I didn't know, and it shattered, and it came up, and it cut me in the neck. Yeah.

Wow. So maybe it's not so much an irrational fear. It's a legitimate one, but it's still crazy. That's spooky. Yeah. I get really nervous before I turn the garbage disposal on. I put my hand all the way in and feel around just because sometimes some people that live in this house do throw random shit in there, and it's scary.

Like rib bones? Not rib bones. Sucked down rib bones? Not typically rib bones, but typically there's something in there. You guys need to get the cap for it. You guys got a cap? I hate the cap. I hate the cap.

Okay, well, it would have helped you from getting hit in the neck. Absolutely. Listen to the guy in the pink car with a hippo on it. That or just if I had a better roommate not throwing shot glasses down there. I bet it just slipped during the day when they were washing. You don't do dishes in college and then it piles up and then just happens to slide in. Yeah, that happens all the time. All right.

If 7-Eleven is open 24-7, 365, why are there locks on the doors? If 7-Eleven is open 24-7,5. Why are there locks on the doors? 7-11-24-7-365. Why are there locks on the doors? In case of emergency. Yeah. Zombie apocalypse. You don't want those coming in.

That's the first place they're going to go is 7-11 for their snacks before they go and ravage everyone. Well, zombies don't eat honey buns. But you know who does eat honey buns? Preppers. Preppers eat honey buns but well you know who does do any honey buns preppers preppers eat honey buns and twinkies and that's where we learned from zombie land they really want the guy uh witty harrelson wanted twinkies so they're gonna go where you know yeah i kill off the strongest first i i think legitimately in the zombie apocalypse if you somehow find a way to just operate inside of a 7-eleven you're fine you're gonna be so fine i mean i don't know how it depends on how well stocked ones some are you

know but i think any 7-eleven gas station i probably wouldn't go to quick trip to survive an apocalypse they always they always have fresh food they would never they would never have perish non-perishable food items quick trip shout out you guys um but like go to a bp yeah you can do that a casey's everyone talks i'm i have a bone to pick yeah yeah okay because i've gone through a couple drives where there's been casey's there's a bunch of minnesota when i go visit my um in-laws and um nephews and there's been Casey's. There's a bunch in Minnesota where I go visit my in-laws and nephews. And there's some that like on my way up to Sheboygan, there's a couple Casey's.

And everyone talks about these Casey's pizzas. They're so good. They're amazing. Every Casey's I've been in, the hot food section is always closed. You want to know whose hot food section is never closed? Quick Trips.

Yeah. Fuck Casey's. It's nowhere near as good. It's not the same. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So you haven't had the pizza? Well, maybe it's because it's sold out. No, the lights are off.

It's definitely not. The lights are off. So I've had Casey's pizza. Is it good? It's delicious. They have a breakfast pizza. I'll fuck up a breakfast pizza. I love breakfast pizza.

Quick Trips breakfast pizza, also damn good. They have a breakfast pizza. I'll fuck up a breakfast pizza. I love breakfast pizza. Quick trips breakfast pizza. Also damn good. They have a breakfast pizza? The only breakfast pizza I had is at the Pine Cone on the way to Madison. That's the best breakfast pizza I've ever had. Really? It used to be this really good spot when I lived out in New York. What the fuck is the Pine Cone?

In Jackson Creek? In Johnson Creek? Yeah, in Jackson Creek. Yeah, Johnson Creek. Where the fuck is that really good pizza? Whatever. But, yeah, I mean, it just drives me nuts. Because if there was a pizza there, and I was filling up on gas,

and I walked in, and there was a pizza there, I'd buy the pizza. I've been so curious about this pizza. I want to know what this pizza's like. And they never, they never have the pizza there. But we will be going to Iowa. We will. What's your number one cartoon food you want? Cartoon?

Cartoon. Like, you never, like, when you watch cartoons, you're like, I like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pizza or the Krabby Patty or, like, a sandwich from Ed, Edd n Eddy. Those, like, 10-stacker sandwiches. Yep. I think I've asked you this before, but like what does... You have not, but I do.

I have one, and it's a weird one. Oh. It's Teletubby Toast. Teletubby Toast. It was toast in a circle, and I used to think that that looked so good all the time, and my mom would cut toast into a circle for me but i feel like i always wanted that there's a couple other ones that i always thought i would look really good blue milk from star wars what's yours bob's burger bob's burger that's a shitty burger and you know it that's

gotta be a good burger shitty family run business yeah but it's family run it's a bad burger everyone there that works there is just stupid there's no way that that's a bad burger. Everyone there that works there is stupid. There's no way that that's a well-done burger. That's so stupid. I would trust Spongebob to make a better burger. I'd want the Krabby Patty, but I want the Krabby Patty with the Jellyfish Jelly on it. That one. Do you remember that?

Or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pizza. Those are the two. I feel like there's a lot. There's got to be a few other ones, but... What are some other... Jawbreakers from Ed and Eddie? Ooh, Jawbreakers are good. That's a good one. Yep.

I'm trying to think of other ones that would... I don't know. Do you have more questions? Yeah. Turtles were naked. That's what my final answer is. So, really, if you think about it, what's the difference between soul-searching and ghost hunting?

Soul-searching is internal. Ghost hunting is external. That's it. That is the answer. Move on. Okay. Olive oil, vegetable oil are all both made from their ingredients. So, why do they call it baby oil? So, have you ever heard of Wayfair? Wayfair. I still love to buy stuff.

Can you grab me one? Sure. Is that the end of the questions? That's the end of the questions. That's all the hard-hitting questions I got for you. That really reminded me of asking for a friend. I really wanted to make the asking for a friend into a long-going, when I first started doing comedy,

this will be my shtick is the asking for a friend questions because that's the one video that did very well for me. What do you think your shtick is now? Short, annoying. That's good enough. Yeah. All right. I think you've hit it on the nail on the head.

Yeah. And then leaving Jack's coffee out so his lady has a problem with it. Yeah. Not every question needs an answer. That's a good... That's very philosophical. Oh, man.

That was a tough word for me to say. If someone told you they'd give you the answers to the universe, would you want it? It would be pretty cool. Would you a tough word if you could if you if someone told you they'd give you the answers to the universe would you want it it would be pretty cool would you want to know if you

what when you died or how you died um probably when really yeah cause if I learn how I die

then I just spend the whole time trying not to die not do that yeah cause you're gonna die that way anyway if they told you

that's how you're gonna die so it's gonna happen it's just skydiving like i'll never skydive you're like i'm gonna be forced to skydive one day at some point i'm gonna have a gun to my head saying skydive you know what i mean well this is it yeah so that's what i would assume but when would be good because then i can like all right live your life yeah yeah that's not bad i think if someone's like, I'll give you, I have all the answers to the universe. Do you want it? I think I'd say no just because we're like, all right, I know there's an answer.

And just like, I think that would give some like peace of mind. Not that like there isn't like peace of mind now, but like, oh, there's an answer to this. Sure. I'm good. I don't need to know with them because then there's still some mystery to like what you're doing. Did you see that? I think it was on TikTok.

They were doing the street question guys and they're all like that. some guys said, hey, if I gave you $10 million right now, would you take it? Would you guys take it? I mean, if it was just $10 million. If I gave you $10 million right now, would you take it?

I know where this is going. You saw the video? Yeah. Yes, I would take it. But the stipulation is that you won't wake up tomorrow. Would you take it? No. I would think about it.

Yeah, I would think about it, really. I'd be like, ah, Jen could get it here to my mom. Yeah. I would think about that, actually i just can't get it here to my mom yeah like you can say your family i'd be like but he's like oh so you value your time more than you value money that every that's why i wake up every single day with a smile on your face because it's worth more than 10 million dollars you know i don't know if i'm worth more than 10 million combined we're not worth more than 10 million dollars that's what i'm saying. If I could be like, hey, I've had a pretty good run of this these 27 years. Yeah, it'd be cool to have kids. But if I was like, hey.

You could set up your family members for the rest of your life. Yeah, but I don't have siblings. So it'd just be my mom. And she's got, I don't know how many years left. But that's cool. But I'd have to think about it. I would probably end up saying no. But I think in the heat of the moment, I'd be like, yeah, let's do it.

And I would not tell her, and I'd wake up, and then she'd have just $10 million in her bank account. Yeah, but she would also be like, I wish you wouldn't have done that because she would rather the time with you than that $10 million. Yeah, she would say that. She would say that in an interview. You know how hard it is to mourn me on a yacht? You know what I mean?

No one ever cried on a jet ski. Honestly, yeah. She's going to the pool. It would be a lot. Yeah, it would be sad. But I think... I don't know.

I think she'd get over it. She'd have to. She could do whatever she wanted to get over it. 10 million Oh you got some America I mean this coming out Happy birthday America

No one's going to watch this 4th of July who's watching YouTube on the 4th That's when I get all my YouTube watching People are going to be doing road trip drives Oh true I always flip burgers and watch YouTube. You know, it's great. Great pastime.

Do you watch YouTube when you flip burgers? There's a thing that I used to do. I don't think I've ever done that. For the girl. You watch YouTube and flip burgers? Yeah. Can I go over to call one? Watch some YouTube?

That sounds good. There's a thing in my hometown called the Appolis Triathlons every Fourth of July. You bike or you swim the Leopolis Pond. You bike five miles and you run. No, you bike 12 miles and run five. I remember you telling me. Yeah, you've won it twice. We should do it.

I'm not running five miles. You couldn't get me to run two. You're a belly division. That's right. You bike five and run two. I could do that. But you still swim the map as fine, which is not that big of a problem. But we just went over we're not the greatest swimmers.

Oh, I'm the worst swimmer out of all three of us. I know that. You could swim a pond, too. I had tickle-tee touch my whole way there. You had what? Tickle-tee touch. Survival stroke. You would what? Tickle, tee, touch. Survival stroke. Say that again.

Tickle, tee, touch. Tickle, tee, touch. Yep. Tickle, tee, touch. Oh. Or you can side stroke it, too. Isn't that like the fog? Yeah, it's like that.

Yeah, but you're on your back. Oh. Okay. Yeah, it's easier to float on your back. Nope. So that's what I would do If If I was having trouble If I wasn't having trouble

I would just try to Wait do it for me One more time Tickle Tickle T Touch Oh

Like a jellyfish Okay Okay Yeah Or you could I was doing Or you could do Doggy paddle

I was doing Rainbow Can you imagine Doing this Getting nowhere The tickle T touch is faster Than a doggy paddle I would assume I was doing like a hole I was doing a rainbow can you imagine doing this getting nowhere the tickle tea touch is faster than a doggy paddle

I would assume yeah I did the tickle tea touch like I like that one it was fun it's just relaxing it is relaxing

I don't like when the water goes in my ears though like sometimes my head goes down and I just like water goes in it and then

you gotta kinda get it out. He's not a good swimmer. No. No. He said you kind of, you wouldn't beat people in a race, but you can swim. I can't swim. Everyone can't.

Not, excuse me, not everyone, but people that can swim. That's not the question is, are you a good swimmer? I think what I've gathered from the beginning of this, you're okay at it. I look like I'm a good swimmer, and I go so slow. No, you don't. Give me the water. Give me the water. I look like, oh, he's doing the strokes.

He's kicking the feet. But it goes nowhere. It's like I'm going in slow motion. I do this, too, where it's like I feel like I'm swimming, and I realize I'm really only using my arms. That's the worst. Yeah, when you're all of a sudden you're like everyone else is splashing behind themselves. And I'm like, oh, wait, I got to get those feet up.

I'm just really just moving my arms. I've raced so many of my friends and I could never beat them, ever. I'm too buoyant, I think. I'm just like a bobber. Just float at the top. Yeah. I mean, I would try... Hey, he's biting! He'd be a good bobber.

That's not my pee. Ah! Reel me back! God! Reel me back! Oh, Judd splashing. We gotta reel him in. Just flopping around.

One of those talking fishes. What would your talking fish song be? Oh, Get Low by Lil Jon. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. I would do I'm a Shitty Golfer, Toby Keith, just because it'd be in a place where people definitely are

Also I mean I love this bar That's a great one Rest in peace Toby Keith Honestly you know how many Grown men are gonna cry when they play Courtesy of the Red White and Blue on Thursday It's the first Fourth of July in my life

Toby Keith has not been alive And I might shed a tear That's the first Fourth of July in my life. Toby Keith has not been alive, and I might shed a tear. That's the greatest Fourth of July song of all time. What are you talking about? It's better than the Star Spangled Banner. Well, yeah, that one sucks. Yeah. Or the National Anthem.

Bruce Bracey, born in the USA. No, I'm a courtesy of the- How to be an American. Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue. That's my favorite Fourth of July song. Okay. That's fine. We'll put a boot in your ass because it's the American way.

I mean, tell me that's not a good fucking line. That is cool. Instead of born in the USA, no, we're just going to kick you in the dick. The dude's name is The Boss. Miley Cyrus partied in the USA. There you go. That is... Me and you are wrong, Kuski.

That's a great song. That's a fucking banger of a song. I'll give her number three. No. That's number one with a bullet. Yeah, you're right. That's a good one, though. It is a good one.

Number two, California Girls. Followed shortly by Firework. Somebody fits with the day. Kuski, can you put this in post? Yep, this is how we're ending it. Come to the golf outing. Happy Fourth of July.