Fat Chance Podcast - Surviving The Planet of the Apes Ep.121

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

Jack and Michael are left alone once again! Michael saw his Grandpas nipples. Jack made the best bowl of soup in his life. Judd is just gone. SPONSORED BY: @DrinkWisconsinbly & Drink Wisconsinbly Beverage Co. DW produces high-quality beverages at an approachable price, perfect for toasting all the people, places, and things that make our home state unlike any other place in the world. Find them near you https://www.wisconsibly.com/beverages/ Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

Like, I must have just, like, angled myself a little bit and, like, let out the most horrendous fart. Like, so loud, everyone just, like, looked at me, and out of sheer panic, I yell, Cup of soup! And I grab my fart, and I hold it over this freshman next to me, her face. Were you a freshman? No, you're a sophomore. I was, like, week two of school. Not a lot of people remember it. She might not even remember it, but it was like because it was so fast. She remembers it.

It's the reason she's in therapy right now. Okay. They are. It's been frustrating. I'll tell you that. They are. Frustrating. Such potential.

Such potential. It's so frustrating. It What a fucking joke But We're sitting here drinking Bud Light Limes Bud Light Limes And Honestly My first memory of Bud Light Lime was

My dad was wearing Like running shorts And Birkenstocks And a tank top And he Went into the store Came out with just a six-pack of Bud Light Lime and he was walking real fruity and he gets in the car and I was just like you look like such a homo I told him that my dad was like well fuck like what am I gonna do now my dad my son just called me

homo and these beers are pretty good. He hasn't had one. They're not bad. But it was just, the thing is like, he was walking with like an all lime thing and he was walking like so fast in his running shorts.

Like, that's like my number one memory of it. It's not bad. They're not bad. I haven't had one of these in a long time. The Bud Light oranges are just as good.

I saw people were doing, what was it, Bud Lights and Orange Slices. Which, I was like, oh, then they came out with the Bud Light oranges

which we were saying my first time with bud light oranges i bought a i don't know like the whatever the case or however big they were selling at the time when they first came out my 22nd birthday me and uh two of my buddies uh my old roommate jake, my buddy, Connor, went to the golf course. After hole one or two, I go, hey, let's just shotgun one of these a hole because they're terrible. I thought I loved them. We had them. They were piss warm.

They weren't cold or anything like that because we just put them in the golf bag. We're like, we can't. We got to hide them. It's just shotgun. We shotgun one every hole. And if I did that now, I'd be dead. Absolutely. If I did that then, I'd be dead.

But I just would wake up. I was something about it. I was fine. Being out in the sun, too, feels good. It feels great. If you're out in the sun while you're drinking, for the most part, you can probably stretch a little bit. You can stretch your distance.

You're sweating a little bit. You're getting it out of the system. But we finished that roundup, and we went straight to the bar we worked at and we felt like we owned the place which we did we could have got away with murder there we walked in all three of us with our golf clubs went to the back dropped them off went to the kitchen window not to the server go we'll take three burgers and fries went upstairs had our burgers left came back stayed till bar closed and then danced on the rooftop bar while the bartenders were cleaning up it was one of the greatest birthdays i've ever had that's a good day yeah that weekend i i was looking through um

old pictures when i was trying to make the post about trying to guilt trip people into coming to our show comedy cabin technically tomorrow at uh when this comes out yeah we will be doing a show at the comedy cabin in janesville at 10 p.m 10 p.m friday may 31st get your ticks now at cabin laughs.com we're gonna be doing a live podcast so we'll kind of be doing the same stuff we do here hopefully a little bit more funny we'll crack it open with maybe some jokes depending on the crowd we'll do some judd's games we're gonna have a fun time with that and then um the comic that weekend will be there right yeah so yeah alex will be there alex will be there yeah that's okay that's not a surprise that's fine yeah alex will be there i don't know if i was supposed to say it or not no i just can't

pronounce his last name otherwise i'd say his last name but alex he'll be there i'll be there very funny dude apparently he's done shows with just before they've worked on a show together so that podcast with jeffrey asmus who is uh madison's funniest comic winner i believe in 2016 no not to one of the years um he's now killing it in new york so yep um he won't be here but his buddy alex will which will be fun so have some fun with that and then um honestly while we're just going through this while we've killing it in New York. So he won't be here, but his buddy Alex will. Which will be fun. It'll be a good time. So have some fun with that. And then, honestly, while we're just going through this, we've got another show going on in Iowa in September at some point.

September 14th? 13th. Friday the 13th. Friday the 13th. We're going to get real spooky. We're going to get really spooky. We won't wear costumes again. No, we won't wear costumes.

We will go to this location. We will do our show, and then we will go back to our dimly lit motel, acting like we're not fucking freaked out because it's Friday the 13th. We better not be just drinking, bathing in blood. It is the Ideal Theater, Cedar Rapids, September 13th, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, with special guest Nathan Timmel. Woo-hoo! We couldn't pronounce his name.

Who is an Iowa legend there. Unbelievable comedian. So that'll be fun. But that's down the line. Before you even do that, you've got to get tickets for, what are we doing? Fat Chance Classic. Fat Chance Classic. The second anniversary. Second annual Fat Chance Classic.

Charity Classic benefiting the Bicozod Foundation and the MS Society. Now we've lost everyone that was listening the first three minutes. We got to just get this out of the way. We just got to go through all of our things. And who will be there at the Fat Chance Classic and at the Comedy Cabin? Allegedly. It will be Drink Wisconsin. They'll be there.

We're planning on them being there. They'll be at both of those things. And they've got some delicious things going on right now. They've got this delicious brandy. They're brand new. We should probably get these out of the... Yeah. Brand new vodka.

It is made somewhere in... There it is. There it is. Branding. There it is. It's produced in a bottle by Drink Wisconsin and Beverage Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It's a smooth, clean, small batch vodka

filtered and bottled in the great state of Wisconsin. All right? It's damn good. And let me tell you something. I've done all the product testing for you guys. I can tell you 100% that this is vodka. This is for sure vodka, guys. I promise you it's vodka.

I don't know if I believe you. It's good vodka. It's good with mixers. I'm not really a big shooter of vodka. I'm not really a vodka nice guy. But it is 100% vodka, 100% gluten-free for any of you celiac folks. And then we've got this brandy, which is not gluten-free. Don't even try it, you goofballs. You know what this, like, it brought me back to, like, taking a sip out of a water bottle on the way to a house party in college.

Yeah. Oh, this is going to be a good night. We're just drinking a good old, like, crotch flask on your way to a concert. I've got a good story to tell you about that, my sweet baby girl. But right before we finish that, we've got one more thing to show you guys, and that's a drink that's constantly brandy old-fashioned in a can. It's the fastest old-fashioned in the Midwest. Actually, probably everywhere.

Are we going to open one of these, too? Probably everywhere. I'm going to open one right now. All right. I'm feeling crazy. It's a Monday. I thought it was Sunday already. All right?

Judd's not here. He can't tell me no. He's not God. Judd's dead. Judd's not dead. He'll be there this weekend. Judd's not here. He can't tell me. No, he's not God. Judd's dead. So he'll be there this weekend. Judd's not dead. He'll be there this weekend. We got to ruin it.

Judd won't be there. We kicked him off the show, actually. He'll be there. But as an audience member, because he misses us so much. Well, look how fast this thing goes. One, two, three. Made. Made. Done. Made.

I've been frustrated. Where did we go off on? What were we even talking about? Oh, yeah, the Bud Light oranges and limes. Yeah, we were talking about those. So, again, a fun story about we were kind of talking about the flasks. Like, you'd go to, like, a concert or something. And you'd do that. Country USA.

Ooh, I'm a Thunder over USA guy just because I got a ticket at USA. But USA was, like, 30 minutes from our hometown. So, we would just, like, we'd have, like, someone, D.D. was so close. So, we wouldn't camp. We would all just go back to a friend's house. Yeah, that's nice. So, that was why it was nice. But what we would do Is we'd get like

Those like you know Like What is it Flexible Yeah flexible flasks Where you could like Pocket them Oh yeah yeah yeah

So I'd be wearing like The shortest cut off jean shorts You know just like every Fucking college kid there That's trying to Yeah Um And so you just put it

Underneath the balls And um My sweet baby girl Forgot to like Pack hers And so she was like Jack can I balls. And my sweet baby girl forgot to pack hers. And so she was like, Jack, can I have some of yours? And I had some Captain Morgan in there. And nothing's worse than crotch Captain Morgan. I can tell you that immediately.

And she ended up just taking a sip, looked me dead in my face, ran to the port-a-potty, projectile vomited all over the port-a-potty. And since then, she won't have any dark alcohol. She won't have dark alcohol anymore. She won't have dark liquor. Really? Yeah, she's just like, I can't do it anymore. There are some people that that actually reigns true for them.

They're like, never again. And they don't. Most people say, I'm hungover, never again. And they're drinking next week. Yeah. Some people, it just hits them hard. One of my buddies, one of my best friend's girlfriends, on his birthday party once, she ended up throwing up. um wasn't that bad just like got sick yeah went to bed early and

just felt terrible and i have never seen her drunk in the last four years just like we'll have occasional drink or anything and maybe i'm just like i'm not around enough or i don't i can't tell but it was i've never seen her she's like i'm not doing this again I can't tell. But I've never seen her. She'd be like, I'm not doing this again. It was a transformative night. Just like, I'm done. I was like, good for you. And I'm pretty sure she was like 21. Yeah.

And to have that wherewithal at 21, that's impressive. There's some people that really don't like giving up the control of like, if you're getting pretty plastered or you black out, people are like, oh, I'm not doing this anymore. Like, I didn't know that that was like a thing. Like I haven't experienced that yet. And it's really scary for some people. And then there's also some people that like are losing brain cells like

frequently like myself who it's like, Oh, I don't remember anything from yesterday, but I have to go again today. I've got some boys coming over. We, we got, we have plans.

Um, no, that's, I had for a while. I wasn't drinking. I had like weird ones where I won't drink red Gatorade I wouldn't drink red Gatorade for the longest time

One, I think it's the worst flavor of all Gatorades It's the most syrupy of all of them And it stains your lip It's disgusting But for the longest time, I thought red Gatorade tasted like vodka So I was like, you know what? You know what the best one to eliminate Out of the two of those is?

Is the Gatorade. The hydrating beverage. Let's take that out. You know what else is a hydrating beverage? Booze better. We have the day after drink mix, the post-party drink mix, the post-party drink mix. After we finish these drinks right here, we're going to slam one of these.

We're going to feel damn good. And we might not even need this day after drink mix, all right? But what we'll probably do just to be safe, Michael's looking for something. He's probably looking for something that's a pretty fun story. You know what? I'm going to apologize to Booze Butter now. A long time ago when they decided to sponsor us,

I was being proactive. I was like, hey, give us some notes so we can talk about you guys. And, like, actually. We've never looked at the notes? I have not once looked at the notes. I've looked at them, but not once have I sent them to you guys. All right, say the notes. I'm going to.

I'll hold these up while we do it. Hangover prevention. Optimized electrolyte blend hydrates you up to two times faster than water alone. All right, punch this up. Exactly. Punch it up. You're going to feel better. Booze better.

That's basically it. We'll cut it, yeah. Yeah, we'll cut it. No, that's good. The hangover recovery, they got stuff like 200 milligrams of caffeine, it's about two cups of coffee, and 115 milligrams of alpha-GPC to combat brain fog, GABA plus L-theanine to help with hangxiety,

and a high dose of vitamin B6 to help with nausea. I could use that shit to help with hangxiety. I hate my hangxiety. Really? You get bad hangxiety? Oh, because I'll be like, oh, I don't remember the last three hours. Who knows what I did? Yeah.

It's not like the day of, because typically the day after drinking, I have shit to do. So I get the day of, because the day of, typically the day after, like, drinking, I have shit to do. So I get up, as soon as I wake up, it's probably the most productive I ever am,

is like the day after a drinking day. It's like right after I wake up, it's like, alright, let's go just do all my shit, and then like once I'm done, then I can feel sorry for myself, because otherwise nothing gets done.

And so, I'll go and like knock it all out as fast as I possibly can. You have high, in the same way, you have like high functioning anxiety. I cannot get comfortable on this couch right now. Do you want to go back to the corner? I'm like on the bar.

No, because then you're going to be like this the whole time. I, my cure, not cure for hangover, but like if I don't get up like you do and just do something, it's almost like yesterday the drinking was even less worth it. Yep. I'm like, oh, if yesterday's three hours of fun turns into 24 hours of nothing, I'm fucking up. Also, if I let myself think that I'm hungover and feel sorry for myself, that's when it gets 10 times worse.

Just get up. You're not actually that bad. You are mentally psyching yourself up. Yes. Now, if you're throwing up, maybe lay down. Hang out for a little bit. Have some booze better. Hang out for a little bit i agree just get up and do some shit get up and do something and it's nice too because it keeps you away from thinking of like that stupid

shit you said like when i told my mom she was an idiot at my wedding week i was like oh my god i think about it probably once a week right now maybe actually probably once every two days i go god i can't believe i said that i'm so embarrassed and my mom didn't even hear and my mom if my mom heard it she would have giggled but everyone else was like whole i was like no it sucked i'm the same way where i have things from like probably 15 20 years ago that will pop into my head once a month i go that was fucking embarrassing there are things that were semi-embarrassing I did yesterday. Yeah. And I will never remember them. Never remember them.

Have I told you about my number one one that comes back? Have I told you about this one where I cup of soup someone? You cup of soup someone? Yeah. Do you know what cup of soup is? No. You fart and you cup it in your hand and you hold it over their mouth and you yell cup of soup. Oh, interesting.

Okay, so this was sophomore year of high school. This keeps me up at night. And I'm not going to say not this is gonna get her yeah so i'm sitting in spanish class and uh i worked the teacher's teaching and i this is before like i became friends with everyone like because i came from a private school and i was pretty quiet and so like i was funny to like my friends but like not to anyone else really like i didn't like I became friends with everyone because I came from a private school, and I was pretty quiet. And so I was funny to my friends but not to anyone else really. I didn't joke around with people. And so I was just sitting there, and I must have just angled myself a little bit and let out the most horrendous fart. So loud, everyone just looked at me, and out of sheer panic,

I yell, cup of soup! looked at me and out of sheer panic, I yell, cup of soup. And I grabbed my fart and I hold it over this freshman next to me, her face. Were you a freshman? No, you're a sophomore. I was like week two of school and no one knew what happened. Everyone was just like, whoa, what the fuck? That was weird.

And like the only, like one of the guys I played football with, I just remember him head in his shirt, scream laughing. Couldn't hold it in. And not a lot of people remember it. She might not even remember it. But it was so fast. She remembers it? It's the reason she's in therapy right now. Dude, it's so embarrassing.

I think about it all the time. And every time I see the guy that I played football with, he's like, hey, remember when you cup of soup? And I'd be like, yes. And oh, God, it's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. Oh, my God. And I feel so bad.

I would like to write her a letter. You know what I mean? I did not mean to do it. It was just out of sheer panic. I had no idea what to do. And I was like, I'm going to be made fun of forever. I'm going to be made fun of forever. You know what would make this better?

It's if I even make it worse than that. Just picture this poor girl, second week of high school. She just gets a fart thrown in her face. She's this really cute cross-country runner. Very sweet, bubbly, popular. Not anymore. Just gets a fart thrown in her face from some weird guy that she hasn't met. What did she do?

Did she take it? Everyone just went like this, including her. No one knew what to do. No one knew what to do. Honestly, I think everyone just was like, and then the time, it was like one, two, three, and then Senora Peterson just went back to the lecture. Yeah, as a teacher, you go, moving on.

I should have been sent out. You know what I mean? Like, realistically. But like, what do you say? Jack, don't pass gas. No, it's not the passing gas that's the issue. It's the throwing it in a person's face. How much do you think you can actually throw a fart in someone's face?

I can cook one up for you and show you in a couple minutes probably. But I think if... I say we save it for Judd. Oh my god. Could you imagine how grumpy Judd would be if I threw a fart in his face? This would be his face. I'd have to do it late. I'd have to do a late podcast. I couldn't do it in the beginning

because it would completely derail the game. I couldn't do it. What if the game's completely derail the game. I couldn't do it. What if the game's not going well? Then do one. That would be good. Call me Steve Harvey because we're playing

Family Feud. He goes, call me Howie Mandel. Oh, God, I feel so bad. I think about that too much. Yeah, that's I don't have one like that I could take

Right now Fuck I was hoping We'd connect over something I don't have a cup of soup I'm just on an island I don't have a cup of soup I'm trying to think of ones I definitely have some

I'll text you when one comes to me That just like bothers the shit out of me I definitely have one that's like Telling my mom to shut up or something like that with family you're just like embarrassed yeah you acted like that i was like oh my god i didn't even like mean to say that it was just like reaction and now everyone's like this guy i was trying to think of just like high school things i i used to think in high school i don't know why i thought of this when you were telling me that story, like Spanish classes, like one of the first classes I had in high school.

We had A and B days, but I didn't like dressing up in high school. You know those kids that they were always well-dressed? I was like, I'm either wearing sweatpants or jeans. Yeah. And I'll wear the same three pairs of pants. Even to this day, I'll wear the same three pairs of pants. I was there with you. And I was like, all right, I'll wear sweatpants or jeans yeah and i'm uh i'll wear the same like three pairs of pants even to this day i wear the same three pairs of pants and i was like all right i'll wear sweatpants one day and the next day i'll wear jeans i'll go sweatpants jeans and it took me i don't know three quarters um

to realize we had an a and b schedule so people saw me wore the exact same thing every day for seven months that's ridiculous man that kusky guy wears the same it must have multiple pairs because he doesn't smell i think i i kept those um and i know exactly what the sweatpants are i had them up until i started dating rachel i'm not kidding and i didn't grow and i i got a hole in the crotch. And I used to just go commando and wear sweatpants around the house. And I remember wearing them, and I didn't notice there was a hole. And Rachel goes, I can see your nuts. I go, what are you talking about? She goes, I can see your ball sack.

I'm just sitting on the couch, and there's a hole right here, and my nuts are out. And I kept the pants. And then I would still wear them when no one was around. No, and then I would just let a ball hang out. It is nice. It is kind of like you just out and you're like, and then you just sit there for a while. There's a testy.

Yeah. I love it. It's nice too. Cause when the air hits it. Oh, when the air hits, it's great. There's a couple of pairs of underwear that I have a little tear down there. And typically like I don't, I don't wear, I don't wear them unless I'm going to bed or like I'm just lounging around the house. Do you wear underwear when you go to bed? Yeah. I don't wear them unless I'm going to bed or I'm just lounging around the house. Do you wear underwear when you go to bed?

Yeah, I don't sleep naked. I don't like that. I don't sleep naked. I just do shorts. Oh, no. If I wear anything, if I wear shorts, I have underwear underneath. I always wear underwear. Really? I like being contained because of my accident.

Fair. You kind of have to fruit roll up it back yeah see mine is just they're like two little acorns yeah so they're they're basically taped to me at all times which is not bad that's not bad no mine it's like i gotta if i like lean one way too far like i might really on a ball yeah honestly i want to see them i'll show you we'll show it that right there we'll just send that clip in 100 bucks yeah easy 10 people i think my balls would be worth more than 100 i would hope they're definitely worth more than 100 they're for satire reasons not for sexual like that people get a good laugh out of it oh But more than $100, that's just $100 up front. That's 10 lifelong subscribers.

We show your balls once a month. I don't know. I'm not going to show my balls once a month. Just a little bit of ball. Could you imagine? Jack, come on. This month, we really need to hit it. We need to hit our numbers.

Can we get 50% ball? 50% ball. I want to see some ball. The people want ball but honestly if you just keep me down here for a couple hours with unlimited beers someone's gonna see my genitals something's gonna happen yeah that's how it goes i really get swept out in the crowd up in the show my ass again i can't show my nuts if enough people chant something i'll probably do it i could show my ass we should just see how long we could sit in here and drink. How long do you think before we should go outside?

I could do it for a while. I'd probably honestly just need someone to tell me, hey, we should leave. We should leave. Yeah. Or until we run out, and then we'll just walk to Walgreens. Yeah. Leave the cameras rolling. See what happens.

We'll be back. We'll be back. We should get the TV up. We got the TV up. We could do a lot here. Should we do that one weekend? Yeah, we definitely should. We'll try to find a way to do a cookout. Yes, let's do the cookout.

That'd be fun. So Bud Light Orange. 20 minutes, 22 minutes later. Are we even recording? All of those are, yeah. These are all recording? Yeah, so, Diego, if you're watching, the tip is there's a red circle in the top right.

You know what the best part is? I'm going to get a text at 9.35. He goes, tell Jack to go fuck himself. He's actually been hitting me with all of his Lord of the Rings memes, and I love it. It's so fun. Really? He's a Lord of the Rings guy? Yeah.

I think I'm going to try to find a time to watch it with him and his buddies. I love Lord of the Rings. You know, I used to like them. I don't remember them. I know I've seen, who's the bow and arrow guy? Legolas, yeah. He was my favorite. He's so cool. Yeaholas, yeah. He was my favorite. He's so cool.

Yeah. Orlando Bloom. He was my favorite just because I grew up shooting the balls. This was so cool. And he's just shooting 1,000 arrows.

He doesn't run on arrows. He does. I think he does at one point. But then once he runs out or stops shooting, he's got these two little swords and he's just... What are the...

How do you put it? Like the things that like branched off from Lord of the Rings. Are there any? Because, like, Star Wars has... There's, like, The Hobbit. And then there's Rings of Power. What's that? I've heard of The Hobbit.

That's a Prime series. Really? Based on it. It hasn't gotten good reviews, and I watched the first two episodes, and I didn't... I wasn't, like, a super big fan of it, unfortunately. But I honestly think it's just because I was so far removed from watching. And I was in the middle of reading some of the Game of Thrones books. And I was like, if I start getting all of this together,

there's a chance I might get some confusion going. I want to watch it, but honestly, I just don't have... And if I'm watching TV, it's usually with the missus. And I can't throw on Rings of power and expect to go to sleep like happily you know what i mean like ring if rings of power on she's got to be gone like she's just got to be out of that she's gonna be on a trip or have a book or something not even a book if i gave her a honestly no because she'd probably just want to if i'm TV, typically she will be watching with me. If she's reading a book, I'll turn on, like, a video game.

Okay. Or, like, if she's reading a book, I'll try to paint. Oh. But... How often are you painting now? I have been very lacking on my painting, unfortunately, because I've been playing more now. And so, typically, my painting days... By playing video games or playing the...

Playing the game. The dice thing. Yeah. So I've been going and playing that game. And so it's been really cutting into my time. Because I remember your first, you know, like update. I've been pretty good. And they got smoked by the guy with the Frappuccino.

Yeah. Well, he was good. But I got a win last time. And then I just lost last week. But I had never fought that group before. That guy, and it's all different groups, so they all have different strengths and stuff. Yeah. So I learned on that one, and then I have another one where I'm probably going to lose just based off of like—

Is it all the same place? Yeah. Okay. You haven't gone to the place where I got the figurines for you? You haven't gone... Because that guy seems so nice. He's really nice. Honestly, I want you to become friends with him because I think he needs...

He's really nice. He's really nice. I haven't played that game because that game's got so many rules. I just like painting them. What do you mean? Don't they all have the same rules? No, they're all different. So the Game of Thrones one I play is, like, very, like, condensed,

and they keep updating it, but it's, like, it's all based off cards. Okay. It's, like, you have a card, and it's, like, basically how you play. Do you have the cards, too? Yeah, but the cards just, like, give you the details. Like, it's not like a playing card game. It's, like, the cards just give you the details, and, like, they'll update them, and then you just print them off,

and you bring them. Oh, I remember you saying this. Yeah, you don't need to go, like, stuff okay yeah and so it's like a free update where like that store warhammer is like if they'll they're on 10th edition for this one another on like second edition for another now they just kicked off a new one so there's just a bunch of stuff going on and there's a lot of rules that they're not all in the rule book you have to buy another book that is like for the army you buy so it's like a lot of stuff but they've got really cool like miniatures so i like to buy them to paint them i don't play it because i just think it's like so much they're like a

smaller set um of like rules for like a smaller group, but I've been thinking about doing that. But if I do that, like I'm not, I will have no time and I'll just be going and playing games with guys. I don't know very well and painting a lot. So I think I'm, I think I'm good with what I've got here and just,

you just started, you just started. If I do a lot, if I do, I can't do more than one, one day a week. It'd be so much. That's a lot.

That's a lot to go. I came across, more than one one day a week it'd be so much that's a lot that's a lot to go i i came across oh this is what we're talking about too i was going across like when i was making the post to guilt trip you wouldn't come to our show i was it's fun just like going through all your old photos and finding stuff every once in a while you can't do it all the time but like i came across a video of when you and i did an episode, I think the choosy hidden tapes episode, and then we would get drunk at your old apartment. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Yeah. And there was a video of you explaining to me how these things work, and you just pull out a box, and I'm dying laughing. So there's like 100 in here, and you just pull out a box, and I'm dying laughing. You go, so there's like 100 in here, and these little things break off here, and I'm losing. Oh, yeah. You're hammered, dude.

I was shit-canned, yeah. Yeah. We were feeling good. What did we play? You kicked my ass in UFC. That's a standard drunk night thing. I'm like, hey, you want to play UFC? And everyone's like, I've never played it before.

It's like, don't worry. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. And then you get murdered. Yeah. But I was looking at, I've never played it before. It's like, don't worry, you'll be fine. You'll be fine. And then you get murdered. Yeah. But I was looking at, I remember what I wanted to say. I was looking at these old pictures, and this had to do with my 22nd birthday or that weekend.

So we go out, and we're out to like, we used to stay up to sunrise all the time. For no fucking reason. Like, working at a bar, it's like, your sleep schedule's way off, and so we'll stay up, go to bed, get up at like 1 p.m., make some food on a hot plate, go to work kind of thing. And so we took this picture, a bunch of guys on Lake Mendota. And I was like, oh, this is a cool picture.

Like I will keep this picture for the rest of my life. This is a great weekend. And I think a week to a month later, we're going over the picture or something like that. And my buddy's looking at me and goes, do you know the guy all the way on the right? I go, I thought that was your friend. He goes, no. And then I look at the other group of guys and go, do you know? They go, we thought that was his friend.

For nine hours, we brought a random stranger with us. Just a run-in adventure. Our whole adventure. That guy had to have so much fun. He probably had the time of his life. And honestly, I loved it. I was like, we have no idea. We all thought someone else knew this person.

That guy pulled that hoodwink off perfectly. I don't know how we got him, but I was like, this is incredible. And I want to find him. Good on that guy. But I also don't care. But good on that guy but i also don't care but good on that guy good on that guy that's impressive yeah to not have one of us go what is your name who are you where'd you come from but here's the thing is if you are the one guy that does it and like people like and everyone else knows that he like knows them and stuff and like you've met like four times you don't want to be the one that's like exactly hey like what's your name again oh that's like, Hey, what's your name again?

Oh, that's terrible. Like, hey man, what's your name? You're like, dude, I was with you last night. Yeah. It's happened to me a couple times. There was one guy. And I recognized him, but I never remembered his name because typically we'd meet at the bar

and I would always... You're always drunk. I'm bouncing. When I'm at a bar, I'm just bouncing everywhere. Same. I'm not sitting there having a conversation. It's like, I'm going to go talk to this person, and I'm going to see someone I know over here, and I'm going to sprint, and I'm going to go up here, and I'm going to take a shot and

a beer. By the way, the best way to be at a bar is when you know everyone. That's like peak college for me. It's like, I can make a circle, and I'll talk to 12 different groups. You just go do your shit. Maybe play a game of darts, but even then, someone has to find me for my turn again. That's just... Yes.

I can't sit. And then, if you introduce yourself to me, there's a good chance I'm already thinking of the next thing. I don't do it to be rude. I actually work very hard. I'm trying to be much better at it.

But there's so many times where I just keep rolling. This isn't on you. This is... I do the exact same thing. But when you meet someone new, it's just like a, I can't say social construct, but it's just protocol where you go, hey, what's your name? Might as well just say hello because it's just a longer hello. And you forget it right away.

Hey, what's your name? Because you're getting to the next thing you're just being polite be like yeah i recognize you you recognize me do you want a shot and then it's like hey oh kevin cool the minute you turn around you're like i don't know this kid's name you didn't even hear it yeah you're going to the next part all the time it's like it's just a formality at that point like hey what's your name i'm gonna ask you again tomorrow the weekend after that i don't care if you're my friend's girlfriend boyfriend whatever i'm gonna forget i'm gonna forget yeah so but i am working on making the first time i say hi to someone remembering but typically like if i meet you for the first

time and we have fun together i'm gonna remember to remember it. Yes. You got to make an impression. Yeah, but it's also like if I'm meeting someone and I have like six of my friends with me, for the most part, like I'm going to bounce off with these guys unless you like catch them with something.

And it's not up to them to catch them with something, but if they do something like, ooh, I want to go talk to this guy now. Yes. That's what it is. It's not up to them, but it's also like

if they did do something, it'd be like, oh, I will for sure remember your name. Like that would be weird. But, yeah, I'm trying to work really hard on that. So, like, sometimes I'll meet people and she's really good with names. So, I'll be like, all right, let me make sure. Okay, so that guy is this guy.

He knows this person through this. And, like, the three facts that I, like, learned about him. And she's like, yep, that's correct. Nope, that's not right. That's this other guy. And so, like, I get that's correct. Nope, that's not right. That's this other guy. And so like, I get kind of quizzed at like pretty much throughout the night now. Yeah.

I, I same way. I'd like to be better at that, but I only, I'm going to be honest. Like I, I'm only better at that with people. I know I should remember their names.

Like, Hey, you're probably going to be around a while. Like if you're like, Hey, this is my, if you're out with, you see one of your friends out

you didn't go out with them and they happen to be with someone like hey this is my buddy kevin you're like oh hey kevin what's up i'm not gonna remember that name in my head i'm not gonna see this guy again right but if you are your buddy your roommate in college is bringing someone from high school in i was like hey this is my high school buddy like I should probably remember this kid's name because he'll be back again. That, I was like, I would like to get better at that. And I did the same thing. Like, remember fact or just like something with his name. I'll go like Kevin, Kevin Bacon, Kevin.

Kevin Bacon, yeah. Kevin Bacon, my friend's friend. Yeah. I like bacon, my friend's fat, oink, oink, his name's Kevin, kind of thing. Got it. Locked in. Speaking of facts, what do you think of this philosophy? This isn't going to go well with the women.

My buddy had, and he will not be named in this, my buddy had a philosophy on how to talk to women or pick up women, and basically we called it two facts. So in college, most of the time you had pregames, right, before you go to the bar. So we were in Greek life, and we would have formals or date parties or whatever, socials. And you go, listen, we go to the pregame. You talk to a bunch of different women. You remember two facts about three or four of them.

Statistically speaking, you're probably going to be able to talk to one or two of them later at the bar. You remember those two facts and recite them to that woman. You're in. Oh, yeah. Tell me more about this. Oh, my God. He listened, and he's in. Well, isn't that really it?

That's fake listening. That's fake listening. But if you actually listen, that's's all they that's all you gotta do it's all you gotta do is listen but he's like all you gotta know just two facts okay two distinct facts like where they're from is like on the border but like talk to him for a little bit just get two good facts recite it to him at the bar, and you're in. Yeah. What? Did you test it?

I never tested it. He tested it to a T. He was great. Did he do well? Did he do well? Yeah. Yeah. He did well with that trick?

Yeah. That's a takeaway we can take. Not that only two things are the things you need to listen for, but if you listen for everything, you're going to be set. You're going to find a lady for life, not a lady for the night. Correct. You have to just listen to everything. Sometimes you don't want to listen to everything. Sometimes I forget to listen sometimes.

But if you do a good effort to listen most of the time, you're going to be doing fine. You're going to be okay. You're going to be fine. I definitely have selective hearing. I tone in and out or tune in and out so much. So much. Like, I'll be on FaceTime with Rachel, and I will get distracted so easily.

I mean, I get distracted unbelievably easily. We were talking about she wants to go to a brewery. I was going to bring this up. Do you want to go to a brewery game in June? I have to figure that out with the manager. Okay. So, Rachel will be here in June. She's like you want to go to a brewery game in June? I have to figure that out with the manager. Okay. So Rachel will be here in June. But we wanted to go to – she's like, let's go to a brewery game.

I'm like, all right, I'll ask people to go. She goes, look up tickets. I'm like, all right, I'll start looking up tickets. And it took me five minutes to even look up the tickets because I'm like, I'll go on my laptop and I'll see eight other tabs open. I go, oh, I thought about doing these things. And I'll go on that. And I'm like – she goes, Michael, the tickets.

And I'll go. And I'll finally – I'm like, all right, brewer's tickets that and I'm like she goes Michael the tickets and I'll go and I'll finally I'm like alright Brewers tickets and I'm like oh these are the whatever and then she goes well are there any deals

and I'll type in a deal and then it comes up with what are the promo days so like what are they giving away there was a Star Wars one a couple days ago it was so cool

they had like red or like dark side and light side reversible t-shirts so they have a Harry Potter themed jersey I'm distracted right now I'm not even finishing the story sorry continue exactly but that's literally dark side and light side reversible t-shirts. They have a Harry Potter themed jersey. I'm distracted right now.

I'm not even finishing the story. Sorry, continue. Exactly. But that's literally what happened is I started going through all this. I go, oh my God, there's a Harry Potter day. There's a Star Wars one. And she goes, when were they? I go, last month.

And she goes, Michael, the tickets. And I'm like, you're right. And then I just continued reading off the promo. She goes, you're distracted. I'm like, you're right. And then I just continued reading off the promo. She goes, you're distracted. I'm like, you're right. I get so distracted. And then I didn't even look up tickets after that. Yeah. At that point, you were just talking about how distracted you got.

Exactly. It's little things. It's probably, I don't want to be like, I'm ADD, I'm ADHD. But I definitely, I mean, something beeps over there. I'm right now concentrating on the thumps that are going on upstairs. Yeah. That's what she would be girls elephant paws. Paws?

Is she walking on her hands and feet? No, I call it, I actually call them meat paws. We want to pass through this, but. Yeah, please. She just walks with heavy feet and so we always got in trouble wherever we lived if we were above someone in apartments okay and um do you want me to do this one i don't know we might have to but she doesn't listen this far in no she doesn't listen at all but i would always be be like, oh, okay. Because she walks like

it's not like a it's a It's like full foot. Like when she's about to hit the ground she explodes. When she is she a runner? No, but she is quite athletic. But like if she's a runner

and she runs like she walks her feet gotta hurt. Yeah. Honestly, I think if she's a runner and she runs like she walks, her feet got hurt. Yeah. Honestly, I think. Does she have lower back problems? No. Interesting. Yay.

Honestly, cut all. So, take the full one and then leave it and then when you edit the rest of it put put the full one on patreon put the full one on fucking hell oh my god i've had so much sugar i went to uh everyone i've been like not on a kick but i enjoy uh going to the movies lately i've seen two movies now probably in the last three months by myself because i saw doom by myself and i went last night to go see kingdom of the planet of the apes i went with her did you like it it's pretty good it's it's the. The first one of the last trilogy wasn't very good. But it built into it.

Do you like the idea of the new... I can't tell. I don't want to ruin it. Not that anyone cares, but... Right. Cup of soup. Chicken noodle. No.

I had steak and potatoes today. Really? I did. I had it's steak and potatoes today really I did my mom came to visit and she wanted steak so she bought it and then instead of cooking it we went out to dinner and so I had steak was wrong sweet Thank You mom you're not an idiot you're a smart smart woman yeah didn't we just like go over that you don't like calling your mama I I said she's not an idiot. Because I felt bad that I called her one when I honestly had a trillion drinks at the pool bar.

But continue. Who do you think is the protagonist in this now? Neo. Neo? Well, Nova's going to be... Yeah, Noah will be... Noah, that's what I meant to say.

You can't help but like, do you like the female? No, I don't. Well, here's the thing. But, like, as our own race, do you root for that? Correct, but they've done four movies of the good apes being real good. Yeah. And they do a good job of having good on both sides and bad on both sides. Yes.

But this one, they had kind of this line dancer between on the human side. So it was kind of like interesting. She's going to be part of the whole thing. Oh, absolutely. And she's a great actress. She's in like The Witcher and a bunch of stuff. I think just The Witcher. Every time I see a movie, I'm like,

afterwards, cast, what were they in? Why are they about to blow up right now? Is this their first movie or whatever? She's going to get really big, for sure. But it's weird not having Caesar because Caesar was the main reason for a lot of it. It was, and I hope they bring him. That doesn't ruin anything,

but I hope they loop him back in. I don't think they're going to. I think, honestly, just his funeral was the end of it. Because you can't have him keep coming back. You've got to progress the story. But I'm really interested to see how the story progresses to the old movies. So that's the thing. I don't know much about the old movies.

like the old movies you know so that's the thing is i don't know much about the old movies i know like the it's basically a trilogy for the like the last one with uh it started with the franco brother um and then there were two more after that correct there's also one with walberg that was just a failure correct no all of those i mean i don't remember the order and those were made there's a couple of them made and basically like it's after the planet was taken over by the apes and i think it's walbert that comes back down in a rocket ship like he went to the moon and then came back after his expedition and like the whole planet was like i'll have to watch that one but i also like were these books i don't think so i don't know i don't think none of this i don't know much about the lore I don't know much either Cause like legitimately

I haven't watched I've never watched The old ones like Neither have I I don't want to I've seen them on Cause I remember like Back in the day like

My parents watching it And being like These are good movies But like I also remember Just like seeing like People with like Ape makeup on And it's like

Okay You know This isn't like For my age right now This isn't the coolest thing But the most recent ones Were good The last one was pretty good too And it's like, okay, you know, this isn't like for my age right now, this isn't the coolest thing. But the most recent ones were good. The last one was pretty good too.

And yeah, no, I'm excited that they're making more, but it'll be interesting. I'm just interested to see how it goes. The final scene where they start doing the singing thing, that was cool. Yeah. And then he went like, yeah! You knew that was coming, though. You thing that was cool yeah and then he went you knew that was coming though yeah you knew that was coming i was like there has to be some point where this fucking eagle ends up being cool with them yeah because throughout the whole now we're ruining it what did i say the eagle and him are friends well they're they allude to it it's gonna happen

but like the whole like trailer it was like him and his eagle and i was like where's this fucking eagle at like is he never so i i didn't even see a trailer that's like the worst part about like movies now for me is growing up i had cable and all that stuff like you would actually watch television yep i'm if i watch anything it's netflix it's hulu yeah whatever you don't see ads for movies on that anymore i live on youtube and so i get a lot of like updates and a lot of i watch a lot of movie trailers really um because like i want to see if i want to watch it because her and i like we like doing movies a lot yeah and i like i really like movies um it's fun going to the theater especially now on the new dream loungers yeah those are so nice i can't believe i ever went and it was just a seat can you can you imagine it's

like you're at an actual like like a at an actual play theater or a baseball stadium. But now you can relax. And that's a big thing that I think made it better. Because now it's comfortable like your living room. Yeah. Where I think it made it worth it. And they cut down on seat sizes. You can increase ticket prices.

It made me happy. I don't want theaters to die. It made me happy. The theater was full. It was predominantly full. Oppenheimer and Barbie really fucking came back and made it cool again, I think. I like it. The prices for concessions are fucking outrageous.

They're going to be. The only thing I will ever buy at concessions, though, is a water because I bring my own snacks and maybe popcorn. I'll buy popcorn and I'll buy a soda. I'll buy a large popcorn, large soda. I look like a soda. I'll buy a large popcorn, large soda. I got, I look like a psychopath. Rachel texts me, she goes,

hey, I have a free large popcorn coupon. I'm not going to use it by the 31st because she got it for her birthday. Do you want it? I was like, I guess so.

And so, I walked in with just a soloing large popcorn. You can't finish a large popcorn. You can't finish a large popcorn, but here's the thing, eat as much as you can

and at the end of it before you leave, get a refill, take that home with you, make caramel's the thing. Eat as much as you can, and at the end of it, before you leave, get a refill. Take that home with you. Make caramel corn. Make caramel corn? How do you do that? Make caramel and pour it on the caramel corn.

Pour it on the popcorn. My mom used to do it all the time. It was so sick. Okay. It's a fun thing to do. I have the leftover popcorn, so I think it's just like burnt sugar. Yeah. It's basically that. It's sugar, something else, and you just stir it, stir it, stir it.

And then you just pour it over, and it's sick. And you can make popcorn balls out of it, too. You just make kettle corn. No, I have the whole bucket. I was going to ask, what is your ideal movie snack? You can go to the theater. What are you taking for yourself? It depends on the day, really.

I love Bunch O' Crunch, but it's hard to get those now. It's hard to find those. like what are you taking for yourself it depends on the day really um i love bunch of crunch but it's hard to get those now it's hard to find those um i don't want anything super sour like i i just want something that's like pretty standard like give me like a twizzlers bites i'll fuck up twizzlers oh i would murder they've been having red vines and it's like i like red vines but it's not the twizzlers over red vines any day and And then give me popcorn. And she's a big popcorn person, so it always works out. But honestly, my treats are drinks. So it's like if I get to have a large thing of diet soda or Coke Zero or something like that, if I get to have a large one of those, it's really fun.

I typically don't have soda. I just have a bunch of sparkling water, and I drink a lot. That's kind of the two things that I have. But drinks are my treat. If I'm hungry and I've been have a bunch of sparkling water, and I drink a lot. That's kind of the two things that I have, but drinks are my treat. If I'm hungry and I've been having a lot of smoothies and protein shakes, I love that. If I have a sweet tooth, I'm just going to make a little protein shake, and I love drinking that. Oh, I love when I get the full can of Coke Zero on an airplane. Oh, my God.

Coke Zero is so goddamn good. Oh, my God. It's so good. I'm the same way. I don't drink soda. I will go and splurge every once in a while. I get myself an orange monster. I'm feeling like, I'm going to run to the store quick.

I'll just pick one up. But my mom just came to visit, and she's a big Diet Coke drinker. So big Diet Coke and White Claw drinker. So she came down, and I bought her a 12-pack of each, and she showed up with a 12-pack of each just ready. I saw the White Claw. Now we have an extra White Claw. Now we have an extra white claw. We have an extra Diet Coke.

Have you done the Olipop or the Poppies? Yeah, they're all right. For the price tag, I don't think it's worth it. I think Olipop is my favorite in terms of the soda flavors. I'm a big root beer fan. Root beer's good. The root beer one, Olipop, is phenomenal. It actually rivals, I think, some other root beer things.

No, I still don't get the soda because if I drink the soda at a theater, I will drink it in two seconds, and I don't want to have to pee. Yeah. I don't want to have to pee. When I saw Oppenheimer, I only got a small water bottle, which was a problem because I will also just – I need to keep – if I have the popcorn, I'll just nibble. I'm not even hungry, but I'll just have it.

It's the worst part about it. Rachel got me on Nerd Clusters. Those are damn good, actually. They're good. I love peanut M&M's. Those are really good as well. I thought about bringing in some chocolate-covered pretzels. That's the best part about if you go to the gas station

and bring your own in. you can kind of get whatever. Like, yesterday I brought one of those, like, Lenny's chocolate chip protein cookies. Yeah, yeah. Which was actually, like, I was like, this is great. I put it in my hat. That's all you need. I just walked in.

That's so funny. It's in your hat. You're like, nothing sneaky here. I could have totally just put this in my pocket and know what I'm in, like, hey, sir, what's in your pocket? Well, it's a big cookie. I wasn't putting that in my spot. I just,

I basically gooch the nerd clusters. That's so funny. That's so funny. But honestly, like you don't need all that candy. Like if you just take a Lenny protein cookie, like legitimately, you just bring that in.

Yeah. And, uh, you have your drink. Like you just need something to snack on. I just need to like, yeah. Cause if I just sit there,

it's also, it's like an attention span thing. Like I need to be occupied elsewhere yeah which isn't good yeah that's not a good thing like i should be able to just sit there and watch the movie but i enjoy just having like being able to like finger food yeah and then i loved um growing up the pretzels and cheese we could get them at uh the movie theater oh yeah but now i'm like you can't get food at the theater no you can get them at the movie theater. Oh, yeah. But now I'm like, you can't get food at the theater. No, you can't. They did on Tuesdays. It's either Tuesdays or Thursdays if you're at Marcus Theaters,

if you're a Magical Movie Rewards member. I think it's like $2 or $3 hot dogs. And I legitimately thought about buying four hot dogs because that's the same price as a large popcorn, which actually might even be cheaper. It might be, yeah. If you just get four hot dogs and a soda, that would be sick. It'd be wild.

If I saw you, I'm like, alright, this guy's here. He's here and ready to watch. It's dinner time. We went there at dinner time. I did eat a little bit before. If you order online, they give you a free dessert at their little thing. I'm eating. I should have got a little lava cake.

I'm eating creme brulee. Me and my lava cake watching Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Yeah, dude, that's so funny. Do you imagine? Those movie theaters where it's like, you like order food at the table. It's like a comedy club kind of. I've never been to one of those.

So I like it, but I don't because it's like, they keep asking like, do you want something? I don't really think I want They keep asking like Do you want something It's like I don't really think I want wings in a dream lounger Watching Iron Claw Like I just don't Do you get a table that goes over It's like a little

Oh like an old desk kind of thing Yeah you just like turn it over I mean it's cool Like I have gotten food there And the food's overpriced But it's decent food It's like bar food Yeah I

But it's like That's not really what I'm here for. I'm here to watch the movie, and I don't want to spend $30 on wings, even if I'm craving wings. I already spent $30 on the movie ticket. Have you seen the Screen X thing, though? Where it shoots it on the sides? Where it's like, behind you would be the theater,

and yeah, down the sides. That'd be kind of cool. That'd be good for like a Star Wars movie. They did it for Dune. My buddy sent me a video of him at the Dune one and it did that. It looked really fucking cool. But there's some that it doesn't work.

Like I remember going and seeing Avatar in 3D and that was the coolest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. And then... You like 3D movies. Just Avatar. Just wait. Just the next part.

And then I think I saw like... I couldn't even tell you the next 3D movie I saw, but it might have been a superhero movie, and it was like, this is just a bullshit movie. Like, this isn't. If you're not filming it with 3D in mind, just don't put it in 3D. I saw Transformers in 3D. That's the thing.

Like, yeah, it's not. It's like, I get it. Like, it would be cool, but with with avatar it was like they had like the back moving and they had all these different layers like throughout where yeah you just have a movie in 3d they're like let's just cut this front part and we'll have the background because it's easier to do it because it's all green screen like and that's why i think it's why it's easier to do it i don't know for sure i'm not a film expert but but yeah 3d movies not cool if you, but, but yeah, 3d movies, not cool.

If you start getting 40 and like 3d is like really realistic, I'll be down. But also fuck off with those bullshit glasses. 40 is, uh, that's the stuff you see at like Disneyland too, where they were like, shit touches your legs,

throwing shit at you and like water sprays. Yeah. That would be cool. That'd be cool. Uh, it wouldn't, it wouldn't. Like, if we're in Dune and all of a sudden

I feel like a bunch of sand getting thrown at my ankles. Yeah, or like when they get in the water like your legs get kind of wet. I think they flood the theater. Only up to the ankles. Only up to the ankles.

But, no, I think that would be cool if they pulled it out really, really well. But a VR movie would be too much. I don't think I could do it. How, like, what is the market for a VR movie?

You know how fucking cool it would be to be the main character in a Star Wars movie? Oh, you would be the character. Or, like, even if you're in the middle of it all and it's like, this is like an important part. You can just like stand next to it and like look around. Okay.

That. I got a text from my girlfriend. Sorry. Should we start drinking coconut water? Important questions. Important questions. I think yes,

but don't get the paper boxes. Why? Because sometimes they have mold in them and you can't see it because it's paper. Oh, okay. What ones do I get? There's like clear ones. Okay.

But just plastic, so it's also like, I'm just going to get the paper one. Rachel, there's your answer. We're going to start drinking coconut water, I guess. We drink coconut water every day. Really? It's very hydrating, right? I'm the pinnacle of health, so yeah, it is. It's really hydrating.

You're the pinnacle of health. Well, we can wrap this up now that we're drinking coconut water. Fun fact, I saw my grandpa's nipples yesterday. I almost saw his penis, too. Well, nipples, you should just end it. Nipples, I don't think you want to see his penis. Because, honestly, it's like. We went to go just pay him a visit when I walked in.

Sure. No, he's just sitting on the couch like this. Hey. That's sick. Nips out. That's sick. His gut is like three inches past his nips, too. I'm like, dude.

It's one of those bellies where you're like, I love the man. But I'm like, it looks like a rain barrel or like a Jack Daniels barrel. We were just like, hey, man, if I put a needle there, you would deflate and blow away like a balloon. You'd fly across the room. Yeah. But, hey, you got to see it. That's exciting. It's cool. Yeah, he's got like, they're not to see it. That's exciting. It's cool.

Yeah, he's got like, they're not bad nipples. Good. Good. They're not good nipples. I guess. You don't like a. What part of the nipple? We need to end this.

The areola. The areola. Is the tip. Teat, I think. That's the teat? That might be the nipple. The nipple is the top. I think the whole thing is the tip. Teat, I think. That's the teat? That might be the nipple. The nipple is the top. I think the whole thing's the nipple.

Or is the whole thing areola, and then the nipple is the... Areola is the skin. Okay. Like, if it wasn't a different color, you'd be like, oh, that's the same skin. That's my skin.

Okay. Just a little bit more sensitive, and there's hair that grows out of it. So then, the tip... I think that's teat. That's the teat? Teat. His teat,

they were thicker. Like, round. Okay. I'm sorry. That might happen when you get old. Yeah. I have tiny nipples. You do?

I do have tiny nips, yeah. Those are little. Yeah. Those are little nips. Yeah, I got little nips. Which I'm okay with. That's okay. Like, if I...

Oh, yeah, yeah. If you're cool with it, I'm cool with it. If I had pepperoni nips That'd be weird If I took it off And you're like Hey man Half your chest

Is areola I feel bad for those people But old people Old dudes Are super comfortable With being naked They don't care I went to the Y

With my grandpa once I was like 13 And I saw like How many dicks? 40 Dick Like there were to the Y with my grandpa once. I was like 13. I saw like... How many dicks? 40. Dick. Everyone was naked.

Also, there's only two dick sizes when you're over the age of 70. It is either mushroom top or horse cock. There's sometimes shockingly large or cartoonishly small. You are 100% right. There's no in between.

There's no in between. There's no, like, that's a penis. And you're like, what the fuck is that? Is that a belly button? What the fuck or where is it? Yeah. No, that's the weirdest shit, just how old guys are just like, but they've all been to war. You know what I mean?

They don't care. They don't care. The worst thing I've gone through is throwing farts in people's faces. And they're jumping through trenches. Like, you know what I mean? And you're sitting in the corner like, don't fucking look They don't care. The worst thing I've gone through is throwing farts in people's faces. And they're jumping through trenches. Like, you know what I mean? And you're sitting in the corner like, don't fucking look at me. Yeah. Well, speaking of jumping in trenches, we're filming this on Memorial Day.

Memorial Day. Thank you very much to our troops. Thank you, troops. You guys are the best. We couldn't do it without your troops. I wouldn't be here talking about Kuski's nipples without you guys. And then also, Kuski's not, I mean, Judd's not here. Because he's out supporting the troops.

So thank you, Judd. I don't think he's doing that, but thank you, Judd, for all the games you've done. He is, I mean, he's as old as a war veteran, so we might as well honor him on this day. He works hard for those games. He does. Every week, so that makes him our little soldier. He's our little soldier.

We left the mic there for him. Cheers to our little soldier, John. We'll put a flag out in the yard for you. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Thank you.