Fat Chance Podcast - The Boys of Fall #1

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

We are convinced Judd is running a social experiment on us. Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Thank You to our Sponsors: Clarks Premier Tree Service: Find them on Facebook Gilbertson Exteriors: https://jgexteriors.com Paradise Builders: https://paradisebuilders.biz Pieper Power: https://pieperpower.com Custom Amish Cabinets 4 Less Leahs Italian Restaurant Sprecher Brewery Sam Zimmerman, Alex Pape, Connor Gdowski Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

Last week I did boot myself driving to work. How old are you? Dude, I was so... You're no longer the piss fetish guy. You're just the I have no control over my bowels guy. Dude, I have no idea. I was just driving and I farted. I was like, oh, this is going to be easy. Farted.

Just the wettest shit. Never trust a fart? No. How far away from work were you? Pretty close. What'd you you do you you just okay i'm going to work did you at least throw your underwear away wow does this feel empty in here now it feels feels empty. You want to know what it is? There's no clipboard.

There's no clipboard. The case is what really made it a bulky item. It filled this room up. It was a little too much. Maybe it's also the production lights being gone. That is true. To be honest, it feels like I'm just hanging out in a room where someone's moving. This is all that's left. Yeah.

Like, okay. That's actually when my parents moved back senior high school, we were going, um, it was right when we were all going off to college. So the summer, my parents were at their house and they were like the night before they closed, we had a BYOF party,

which stands for bring your own furniture. So they were gone they were already in their new place and they let me and all my delinquent friends party as you should that's a good parenting it was great but one of our friends moms was the realtor and there was like puke in the lawn and condoms like in the like closets none of them which were mine i was very respectful um but yeah that was probably one of the funniest times ever because every room in the house had like a different person's like lawn chair and like they brought tents or that's great i did that moving out of college once i had all my roommates moved out and because you move out in the summer especially if you stay yep and i remember getting an email being like you

guys aren't getting your full deposit back yet we found a few beer cans left there i'm like oh fuck guys it's my bad they're just like through a little but if you're not getting your full deposit back over a couple beer cans yeah rocks they They list a few other things, and I'm like, there's no way. It's bullshit. The place was built in 1924. You can't tell me we're the reason it's sinking into the ground. Yeah. It's bullshit.

I live in a shithole down here on North Cathedral Squares. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Down Wells and Van Buren. That is not where we are now. No. Please do not come look for us. That's not here.

That's not. We're also on the move, constantly on the move. Yes. That place was ridiculous. It was just so shitty. It was basically a big dorm hallway, and there was just bedrooms hanging off of it, and a kitchen at the end of the hallway. That's all it was.

It's not like that bitchin' we saw? No. It was just how long you think you could live in that apartment you have to be a struggling artist being like i'm not going to talk to women i'm not going to like be in here at all like this is just the essentials yeah i think that'd be a pretty cool life though having just the essentials just be like because that was in new york yeah it makes sense you're gonna be out in the city doing stuff anyway because there's so much available to you and at all times like it's almost cheaper to go to like a dollar slice shop than go grocery shopping for yourself oh absolutely can you imagine though that was just like, I don't think it's legal.

I think there has to be two rooms, especially if there's a bathroom feature. Like you can't have the bathroom, bed, and kitchen all in one. I think that is against code. Yeah. But can you imagine if that was the case? Can you imagine showering and then trying to go to bed? It's a little steamy in here. It's steamy in here.

Or like taking a shit and then going and trying to cook food after oh you could like you couldn't be hung over in that apartment no you couldn't it'd be full of poop articles the food would taste like cajun food is that what you think cajun food tastes like is poop articles well i think cajun food is really good and gives you the shit. So I'm guessing poo particles also give you the shits. And I don't think they, I probably don't taste too bad, just the particles. You need a little Creole seasoning. Just the particles. Just the particle goes great with seafood.

That's what that Slap Your Mama seasoning is. It's just the poo particles that they solidified. Got named because one time his mom took a shit in his house. His mom took a shit in his house and he slapped the shit out of her. Did you take a shit when you got here? No, I peed. You peed? I thought you took a shit.

I was like, if I didn't like you, and say you were just the first time guest, and you got here and you just immediately took a shit, I'd be like, that's a bold statement. Just disappeared. Yeah, no, I would never do that. Hey, thank you for inviting me into your house. I'm going to go blow up your bathroom.

I didn't even tell you I was doing it either. I just went and just demolished it. I've had the worst shits this week. I had the weirdest thing happen to me when I was pooping the other day. My fiance and I, I just started to get her to watch Vikings. Did you ever watch it? No, you've brought it up a few times. I thought you were going to say your fiance was in the bathroom with you during this.

No, she was getting it started. I was trying to rush to get out there, so I pooped, wiped, did the whole thing. It felt a little weird after I wiped. I was like, I don't know what's going on, but something feels weird. Like he didn't get it all? Kind of. That's what it felt like, but that wasn't the case. So I got down and sat on the couch.

And I'm like, what? It's still happening? I tried to adjust. You know when you try to spread your cheeks apart like in the country. Yeah. See what happens. And I was like, no, there's still something going on back there. And I reach.

And my toilet paper got stuck in my ass. So I'm sitting there watching the show. And I just go. It's just tickling you. Boo! Boo! And it's just all over. Real Viking like, yeah.

All over. I don't care. How much toilet paper? It was in a lot. It was like, it was the last couple of wipes. You ever worry about that when you're really getting in there to wipe that when it kind of closes on you, it's just pinching off a little piece in there? Yeah, I do get worried about that, but that's why you just got to stick a digit in and dig

it out. I feel like you just wait for the next shit. No, because you might have an accident. Last week, I did boot myself driving to work. How old are you? Dude, I was so... You're no longer the piss fetish guy. You're just the I have no control over my bowels guy.

Dude, I have no idea. I was just driving, and I farted. I was like, oh, this is going to be easy. Farted. Just the wettest shit. Never trust a fart? No. Oh.

How far away from work were you? Pretty close. What'd you... Do you... Did you just... Okay. I was like, I'm going to work. Did you at least throw your underwear away?

I sat in it like a pig. All day? I had a meeting at 8 o'clock Was it in person? Yeah it was in person And you're just sitting in a pile of shit Yeah Bet you wish you had that toilet It wasn't like a lot of shit

It was just a little bit I don't care if it's a Hershey kiss That's what it was It was like a Hershey kiss And was like and then when i went to go like wipe it out it was like someone just put like a little dollop of like jelly in it you know do not say dollop and then there's like whoop like if you were a little dollop of daisy yeah they just went boop and just threw a little bit on there but yeah so i was sitting there like all right so i finished my meeting and i drove home quick changed came back how far away from work do you live 15 it wasn't bad and i have a pretty

flexible schedule just in terms of because i have a bunch of different buildings i have to go to so i did like a drove home and did a pit stop on the way back to like go made it seem productive i did go do something i mean it was very productive yeah it was productive i fucking had to clean up my pants but yeah if you're if that's like a 30 minute drive to work i'm i'm taking my underwear off i'm throwing away and i'm free balling it yeah today i'm not a commando guy are you do you like doing commando i hate it um yeah but not pants like around the house if i'm in sweatshorts like it would just comfort my home. It's just sweatshorts. I won't throw on underwear and I'll free ball it. I find that very comfortable.

Yeah, I can't. But if out in public, fuck no. No, I will never do it in public. And very rarely do I do it at home unless I really feel like lazy. Oh, I do it all the time. I have the balls. I have those balls. Yeah, you have to.

You need to like roll them back up. You have an unrolled fruit roll up of a nutsack. Yeah, it looks like one of those. Once you unroll it, to like roll them back up you have an unrolled fruit roll up of a nut sack yeah it looks like one of those like once you unroll it you can't put it back yeah yeah it's so that's why i do that and then it just gets so like sweaty does it look like truck nuts yeah you have truck nuts the ones that really just dangle yeah it's because i run on diesel jack diesel truck nuts Yeah, it's because I run on diesel. Jack Diesel Truck Nuts. Sarasoli, everyone. I didn't know a guy that his nickname was Diesel.

Big guy? Big guy. I broke his picket in a door. I met him that night, and he kept saying, he was, like, sad because he couldn't hang out with us. And I was like, all right, dude, you can come in. You can come in. Because we were hammered. All right, you can come in and sleep with us.

You can't be nicknamed Diesel and then sad people aren't your friends. Yeah, he was just like, guys, can I come hang out? We're like, fine, you can hang out. And every time we got close to the door, I would slam it in his face. And I would giggle. And then the fifth time, he finally caught on to what I was doing. And so he sprinted to the door, put his hand in, just slammed it. And he comes out.

He goes, do you think my finger's okay? And his finger, it looks like it's hanging on by a thread. And I was like, oh, yeah, dude, just ice it. It's fine. And we just slammed the door and locked it. So it also went from lowercase L to capital L. Capital L. Just like your penis.

Sorry, Diesel. If you're out there and you happen to see this, you probably don't remember me because you were hammered. Oh, he remembers you. You were a bully. How is that? How is that? I don't know. because you were hammered but oh he remembers you you were a bully how is that how is that i don't know i haven't heard this yet i'm actually terrified right now what is a paloma is it grapefruit and tequila it's gotta be right let me check the back here they never say yeah grapefruit juice agave. It's a grapefruit tequila. It's pretty good. I think it's better than the other one.

I also knew what I was getting into when I grabbed these. I feel so free right now. Is it because you don't have underwear on? No, I'm wearing underwear. Not having this in front of me. Not having that. We honestly should give that to Judd so he can be freehand with his games. Unfortunately, he passed away.

We left his chair there. Do you know that chair is just from the lobby? No way. I was wondering where he got it. Out of the three chairs, that's a really nice chair. I couldn't find a green one in time and now there's no point in getting one. So I go, well,

I think there's some in the lobby. Right before the first episode, we ended up here. I just grabbed it and stayed up. My girl was like, you need to take that back. I go, well, I think there's some in the lobby. And I just, right before the first episode, we ended up here. I just grabbed it and stayed up. My girl was like, you need to take that back. I go, I will when I move out. Honestly, part of me might forget and just take it with me. I think you forgot. That's a nice chair.

I think you should forget that you can't take another one. Yeah, but I feel like I'd need a second one. That's what I said. I think you should forget that you can't take another one. Yeah. I think we need to. Steal one. Yeah. Yeah. I think we need to. Steal one. Yeah.

Yeah. We are not. No, I've tagged where I live. I need to stop doing that. You do need to. I actually, I have. I have. And now TikTok is asking me, do you want to add a location?

You might find more people. I go, I think I need less people finding me. We need less people. The comment that I got from someone was like, oh my God, I'm touring the Malt House today. I was like, hmm. You just somebody live again. They already know. Yeah, I guess.

And you're leaving soon. They don't know I live in apartment 608. He's lying, guys. Well, now we're just narrowing it down. I was just like, wait, aren't you? No more bags of cash, though. Are you proud of me? That's very good.

Now it's just loosely sitting on the counter. It's a pile of money. I'll show you. Just a stack of dough. Fuck. So you don't do fantasy football? You used to? Yeah.

Honestly, I just forget about it. Like six weeks into the season i just stopped or i forget my login that's why you need a punishment we're trying to figure out our punishment now last year we did uh 999 nine hot dogs nine beers and nine innings of baseball and you can't like front load it you can't do like six hot dogs and then just like slowly three you have to do a hot dog and a beer every inning which is way worse because you realize how full you are yeah that's why people tell you to eat slower because your body's recognizing you getting full or if you eat just super fast and then all of a sudden you feel like shits because you you overstuffed yourself so if you're trying to

overstuff yourself because that's what's happening there yeah should you go slow or should you go fast no we you have to go slow that's the rule you have to do one and one but should you just like scarf down the hot dog chug the beer wait i think scarf chug wait i would probably if i could do it any way i wanted i would do most of the beer first and get drunk because when i'm drunk i'm hungry and then food is just two bites and it's gone like the amount of times when we went to the baseball game i put down two hot dogs in a matter of two minutes yeah and that i was like i'm still hungry i could eat another two more and then you're halfway there yeah they go quick they go quick you gotta pick the right stadium too because there there are some stadiums you get a really nice,

girthy hot dog. The buns, like, fluffed up. Like, the ones you get from the grocery store, they're not steamed or whatever. No. You go to Miller Park or the AmFam Field now, they, like, saran wrap it in tinfoil, so it's just a nice, like... It's perfectly steamed, moist. It goes down.

It's like a Joey Chestnut hot dog. Just slides down the gullet. Dunk it in the beer. Send her down. We're trying to think of a challenge this year. I was looking them up. We could do like a full body. I think that's me, isn't it?

Or is that you? What was it? Punishments. Punishments. Punishments. Oh, full body waxing. That would suck. Actually, I'm getting texts right now. Let me make an adjustment to my team real quick.

I take this seriously for like two weeks too. That's the problem. And then you get full body wax at the end of it. Well, my buddies have like big buy-ins too and it's like i'm not going to just spend 150 dollars to not play a game so you're 150 buying so my buddies have leagues that are that yeah we do 50 buying and punishment i don't know what else i like the some of the punishments i've gotten i've like read what is it the round trip the winner just picks where the loser goes on a round trip bus ticket so he basically like wherever you want probably within the state so i could just send you

basically to green bay or i'd go farther yeah and then you just got to get back on the bus and go right back home and you could pick any kind of bus you want. You do like the Greyhound for five bucks. Head up to essentially the UP on a bus, which is going to take you seven hours. No. You can't bring equipment? You get your phone.

No charger, no nothing. It dies. I wouldn't play. I would never play that. That or it's a trip to nowhere where, what was it? Everyone who either, so the winner gets the trip paid for. Everyone else goes on the trip, pays for it. And then the loser can't go on the trip.

So let's say the winner picks, like, I want to go to Vegas. Everyone goes to Vegas. Winner doesn't pay for anything. And then the loser has to go where the group decides for the weekend so everyone's partying in vegas and then we send you to like gary indiana and you just have to be there by yourself that would suck that would be fun though i do like by myself adventures yeah but imagine all your friends like when you're older that's fine if you're like 19 20 not cool oh my god you see all your boys in like the pool in vegas yeah and they're sending you videos telling you how much fun they're having and

you're sitting in your hotel room it is a motel yeah you're not no no one's paying to put you up in a hotel no you're in a motel room and you're drinking warm bush heavies that's what you're doing because there's not a fridge in the motel you're trying to yeah you're trying you're doing. Because there's not a fridge in the motel. You're trying to forget. Yeah, you're trying to forget. You're lucky if there's a TV with an antenna. Yeah, that you don't have to hold. What's the worst hotel or motel you've stayed in? I don't know. I've been pretty lucky. There was this one hotel that I had to stay at for work one time.

I think it was called the Crown Plaza in Dallas, Texas. And there were roaches in my room. I managed it. It was on like the ninth floor or two. It was insane. Imagine if you're on the first floor. Yeah. And when I came back from my day out at work

and came back to my room, the maid had come and cleaned up my room but did not do anything to actually clean it my all my dirty clothes they like just threw in a corner and hid it so they just rearranged your room it was fucked up and i went to go i was like where is all my shit i knew stuff was missing i find it in the corner grab it it, just filled with roaches. Filled with fucking roaches, my clothes were. I would have left them there.

I would have slept in my car. I fucking freaked out. I didn't have a car. I was just Ubering everywhere. All right, we are dropping Darnell Mooney right now. Are you into football? You know what we should do? You should predict every score or every game and see how right you are next week.

Okay. Okay? Do you want to pull up the scores while I add this? Or not the scores, the games? Should we just do Sunday? Oh, I guess we'll do it. All right. So today is Lions Chiefs.

All right. I'm going Lions win this one. You're high. All right. This will all be documented on camera. All right. 35-6. Chiefs-Lions.

Really? You think it's that bad? Lions suck. Bengals-Browns. Bengals. Let's just go fast. Am I doing scores or win? Just win.

Just win. Let's go fast. Chiefs-Lions. Chiefs. Bengals-Browns. Bengals. Texans-Ravens. Ravens. Ravens. Bucks-Vikes. V win. Let's go fast. Chiefs, Lions, Chiefs, Bengals, Browns, Bengals. Texans, Ravens, Ravens. Ravens.

Bucks, Vikes. Vikes. Vikings. Panthers, Falcons. Falcons. Falcons. Cardinals, Commanders. Commanders.

Kyler Murray isn't playing. Oh. Cardinals. They're tanking. Cardinals. Jaguars, Colts. I'll give that one to the Jag. Jaguars, Colts. I'll give that one to the Jags.

49ers, Steelers. 49ers. Titans, Saints. Titans. Saints. Raiders, Broncos. Raiders. Eagles, Patriots.

Eagles. Rams, Seahawks. Rams. Seahawks. Dolphins, Chargers. Give me Dolphins. Chargers. Packers, Bears. Seahawks. Dolphins, Chargers. Give me Dolphins. Chargers. Packers, Bears.

Packers. Packers. I want them to win, but I don't think they will. I don't think they are either. Cowboys, Giants. Giants. Bills, Jets. Bills. That's it.

Jets are going to win, and then what was it? Cowboys, Giants. How about the Giants win by like a touchdown? All right. We'll see what happens. Well, that was our game for the week, win by like a touchdown. All right. We'll see what happens. Well, that was our game for the week, Judd. Fuck you. God, we are so crippled by him.

We need games. We need games. We're just children. I used to be good at this. I do think when he walked in here, it's like a social experiment. He is testing us. There's a long con to this, and he really just wants to know how elementary we are. I think so.

I think we should go out with games for him for the next week. Should we? It's going to be like, do you like red or blue more? Do you like red or blue more? Do you like to jerk off with the lights on or the lights off? Well, that was quite the jump, boys. Like, well, we had a spark. Yeah, I think so.

I think. You want to crack into his food? I have waiting for him. We got to keep that for him. I did think about that, but we got to wait. We got to wait. Got to wait. How mean would it be if you watch this episode and we're just.

And just murder all of them. Just a handful of empty bags next week. That's what you get for going to your friend's weddings, man. Who's more important, celebrating love or these two bozos with microphones? We got microphones. We got microphones. They don't have microphones. Well, they do sometimes.

They're definitely going to have a microphone. They do speeches, but it won't be an hour and 15 minutes of straight fire like what we're putting out. Cover my face like this. We're seven minutes in. Cover my face like this. We're seven minutes in. We're seven minutes in. All right. Jack's going to rap now.

I can't rap. I'm not going to rap. I couldn't rap either. I don't even think if you asked me to rhyme on the spot, I couldn't. I'm not musically. I could. Tractor. Factor. That's what I would have saidically. I could. Tractor. Factor.

That's what I would have said. Give me one. Butter. Flutter. Good. Wow. Quite some musically inclined individuals. This angle is so funny.

It makes my feet look so big. Look at that. I'm so far over. And it is low. I'm looking down. This looks like a wrap-up. I was told that the big angle should be from the bottom up. Who told you that?

Matt Nielsen. But I also didn't know if he actually had an apartment or not or if he was homeless and it was just coming over because he needed a roof for a bit. He would walk dogs for a living. I didn't know that was a job. I love the guy. He's super nice.

I imagine him in those pictures. He's got like 19 dogs. You have to walk a lot of dogs to make a living off of walking dogs. But can you really make a living walking dogs? Not a great one, but a living. How many dogs do you think it would take to make a living? Well, I pay $25 to have my dog watched for five hours. Watched for five hours?

Yeah. Like 25 total or 25 an hour? 25 total for it to be watched at like a daycare. Granted, they're not walking the dogs, but there are a bunch of dogs playing together, which is a lot more stress, I would say. So for $5 an hour. How much is an Uber Eats? How much do you make off an Uber Eats ride?

Probably $7 to $10, depending on how much it is. I would say $7 to $10, you get paid for that. Because you have to drive there, get their dog, walk it. They probably want to do other stuff like feed it, put it back in its bed. How are more of us not homeless? Well, I mean, he's got a job. How many dogs? I want to know.

It's got to be a lot of dogs. It's got to be pretty damn... What do you think of the people who put their cats on leashes? That's stupid. You shouldn't get cats. What do you think of the people who put their cats on leashes that's stupid just you shouldn't get cats what do you think about the people who put cats in their backpacks and carry them around the world

that's funny I like that no leashes for cats put them in the backpack cause then they're sitting they're looking at the bubble like no okay I honestly think that's worse

than leaving them at home yeah cause they want like give me the fuck you know they want their alone time and you're like I gotta come with you I don't give a shit you're going to chemistry class right now it's just like when my fiance wants to go and walk with me fuck you i don't want to do this shit you feel like

you're in a mental backpack yeah well that and she carries me on her back imagine you move in the neighborhood this is a weird couple they backpacking. It's like that one couple that you see on like Snapchat or Instagram with the guy that's in a wheelchair. And they're just like, yes, we have sex. Have you seen that? It's like every video is like they have sex. It's like, yeah, we get it.

I know your number one question is, does it work downstairs? Well, babe, yes. And then some. It does. It's like, yeah, but he's not really active about it he's kind of just like sitting there it's like a potato with a spud she she wants internet fame i'm sure he's got a great personality and i'm sure she doesn't and that's what she's cheating on him because he can't catch her figuratively and literally. Yeah.

He can't track her iPhone. But it's the most insane thing to watch sometimes when that comes up. And they talk about there's going to might start an OnlyFans. You know how funny that would be? Your ex started an OnlyFans? No, they might start an OnlyFans. Oh, God. No one wants to see that

it's not only fans it's just only missionary is what it is no but he's on his back just bends it down yeah i don't know that'd be pretty miserable but good for them yeah i guess if i was in a wheelchair i'd hope I'd find someone willing. And she's a good-looking girl. I don't know the specific couple you're talking about. It is the only couple. No, I've seen a few of them, I think. I bet I can find it.

I bet I can find it. Let's play a game. Can we find the cripple? What is it? Interabled couple. All right, let's see here. What would that be called abled couple. Was that what it would be called? Something weird like that, yeah. Alright.

God. Can I guess their names? I don't know. Stephanie and Ron. It has to be Stephanie. I bet that's Stephanie. It's got to be Stephanie. It just sounds like... And she is doing it for attention, isn't she?

Do you think it's out of love? I don't know. I feel like he's also kind of braggy. He has to be hung like a horse. Oh, Hannah. Her name is Hannah. Damn it. Hannah, you know what?

I buy that. What's the guy's name? Shane. Slipped on a banana peel. Holy shit, I think I have. This is the only one. This is the only one. This is the only one.

They seem to have a wonderful relationship, so that's great. I think if we had anyone who was in a wheelchair listen to this, it's going to be like, yep, we're done with these white fucks now. I'll show toes if you guys shut up and watch me. I got a hole in my heel. You want to see that? A little skin. Yuck, dude.

Yuck. Put that shit behind a paywall. Yuck. Gross. Over here drinking a Paloma and you're showing me your heel so when this comes out we're gonna be two days away from the event have we gotten an update on christmas in september yet christmas is still happening in september fuck me yep but are you gonna come for the event i don't think i can son of a bitch I was watching the episode back, and you're like,

so my plan is to get there early, help you set up, be there for the whole golf thing, and then go. I'm like, so you're there for the entire fucking thing? Well, they have the after party. I mean, it's just a bar that's giving us $2 off domestic pitchers. So you're not missing anything. A bar with $2 off of domestic pitchers yeah i know everyone's gonna be hammered after a lot yeah that's gonna be trouble but yeah i don't

think i'm gonna make it which is a bummer damn that's all right we'll give you your t-shirt now then because you're on a work trip yeah you gotta wear it to work it's gonna suck where are you going actually you know what i have a bone to pick with you. I was talking to my girlfriend. She goes, you know what? Jack is my favorite out of you three doing the podcast. So I have to fire you now. Classic case.

Fire me. Fire me. What do you mean? You pay me in two drinks an episode. I know. Fine. It would be funny if you gave me drink tickets every time I walked in. I know. Fine. It'd be funny if you gave me drink tickets

every time I walked in. I should start doing... Wait, hold on. I have a whole thing of tickets back there. You need those for the 50-50. We won't lose those. It's 10,000 tickets.

Imagine if we sold 10,000. It'd be pretty fucking cool. I would keep all the money. Yeah, we would say... I'd be like, sorry, the charity's backed out. The charity's gone. We're not fixing MS.

Come on, what are we, superheroes? We're getting drunk and golfing. Oh, God. We're terrible people, aren't we? Yeah. Well, if Judd's here, I think he makes me nicer. He makes me feel like I'm supposed to be nicer. He does have, like, a dad effect on us. Well, he also is's here, I think he makes me nicer. He makes me feel like I'm supposed to be nicer.

He does have like a dad effect on us. Well, he also is like ancient. He is. What is he, like 44? We just talk shit about him now. He's like 44, right? At least. Yeah.

And he just seems so nice. I don't think I ever hear him swear. All his jokes are clean. And I'm up here here like my wiener broke you know i just said we're not fixing ms when we're making fun of people i would say we can't i mean we don't know that i i just don't know the chemical reaction to be able to fix it i don't know like the do you think it's chemical no no i think you just need to make the correct potion everything comes down to potions. It is.

It is. I mean, the cure to most things are potions. Are you a Harry Potter fan? I like to watch it around Halloween. I don't know too much about it. You watch it around Halloween? Yeah, and Christmas too sometimes because they've got Christmas moments in the books and movies. I just finished the Harry Potters.

They're good if you binge watch them yeah I don't think I could have waited for all those I mean I did for I think the first

I think I'd already seen the first three or four I finished it it's definitely a younger audience I see how people get into the world but

do you remember how it ends no it's like Avengers Endgame they just turn into dust. Oh, yeah. The bad guy.

Yeah. And he's not even supposed to do that. In the books, he doesn't do that. In the books, he's a dead body. Really? Mm-hmm. He's apparently more emotional. Well, my girlfriend was telling me...

Fuck it. We're spoiling Harry Potter. Keep up. Yeah. No, don't care. Don't care. Maybe you'll get interest to watch it. We're spoiling Harry Potter. Keep up. Yeah. No, don't care. Don't care. Maybe you'll get interest to watch it. And J.K. Rowling wanted to kill Harry.

Like, that was her initial plan, is for him to die. And apparently all the events leading up to it is like, yeah, he should be dead at the end of these books. And then the editors are like, no. Which I think is bullshit. Like, if this is your story, you're writing it, and then the person who edits it, not their story. You're just kind of proofreading it. Like, you can't do that. They won't like it.

I go, who fucking cares? This is my book. My book, yeah. And so that's why he, the boy who lived. It would be funny if he was the boy who died at the end of it. I don't know. He would have died. I think it would have definitely, like, fucked with everyone.

Because it was all kids were reading it. It was only kids. Fuck them kids. But imagine growing up from, I think I read the first one when I was, like, first or second grade. Right? And I didn't read much after that. I wasn't super into it. But, like, there were kids that read it as

soon as it came out every time and they're in seventh grade maybe you know what it's time to i mean other people died in it why does why can't harry yeah but you're growing up with that guy and all of a sudden harry dies that'd be heartbreaking for a child. For a young child. I can barely handle Game of Thrones deaths and I'm 26. Yeah, get over it. You actually read the books though?

I'm almost on the second one. I'm on my way to the third one. They're good books. I think I told you guys this when we were out but every time I go into a bookstore still to this day it's like i get filled with not wonder like oh my god there's so much potential here and i'm like i all the like all these stories be fun to read and then i open i'm like i have to read this

i'm not gonna do it i'm like i need the movie um but as a kid i was especially like that and i convinced my mom to buy me the Sorcerer's Stone Harry Potter book. And when I moved out of my parents' place to go to college, I found the book underneath my desk. And I saw a bookmark in there. I was like, I wonder how far I made it. And I opened it, and it was page nine. That's insane.

And I'm pretty sure the first couple pages are like the epilogue and like and this is dedicated to yeah there's there's five pages that aren't usable yeah like page nine is like page three there's one with like credits in it it was i still to this day i'll look at a book and be like there's this page is too condensed i need double spaced on pages oh i like little books little condensed books oh god no are you kidding me i like that because i can carry it with me wherever i want and then i can bend it up i don't like hardcover like soft cover so i can oh i like soft cover but i give me a little book and then double space because i think my add i'll look at other words as i'm reading and I'm like

I have no idea what I just read and I gotta go do it again I'm like this is taking too much time I'm done yep I get that if I'm not interested in like a chapter or something

for whatever reason when I'm reading because I go all over the place I just like put the book down like I can't focus on this even though I want to read

I can't focus on it usually I just I want to be into reading i really do just pick up a fucking book then but i know audible is great i listen to a book every night before i go to bed when you tuck me in over there on that couch guess what i did turn on my book by the way how early did you leave in the morning seven seven a.m okay so i got it because i got up at eight i'm like gone yeah got up at seven i had'm like, gone. Yeah, got up at 7. I had an alarm for 7.30. You left me a nice little note.

I did leave you a nice note. Bye-bye, thanks for the memes. I was like, I don't know if I'm ever going to see him again. Yeah, bye-bye. I took all your cash off your car. We tied one on. We definitely did. So, yeah, I went home.

It's been bullshit because I took my fiance to Menards over Labor Day weekend because I wanted to clean out our garage and do our cars. And so she saw me at Menards and now she just has me doing a bunch of fucking bullshit projects. You opened a floodgate for her. Oh my God, he could be handy got i got home sunday after being torn up essentially i was oh god yeah kind of refurbish the bookshelf so go take the bookshelf down to the garage then i have to go to menards figure out paint mix get sanders blah blah blah start doing that. That's my whole day.

I just cleaned the garage. I'm doing work in the garage and sanding shit in the garage. Paint it. It's still not done because I want to make sure the line, because we do the different kind of painting things. I have to make sure the lines are all good. And then I have to fix a dresser and get a new curtain for our apartment and like

rig it so it works for like their solution because it's like slats. And so I've been going to Menards I think every day. It's been six days in a row and I have to go back to Menards after we're done with this

and get shit. I'm Do you get some kind of joy going to menards so do you feel like a man every time i go to menards i just look at all the different like equipment and going i could do this and it's also good if you go to menards and you kind of know what you're doing and you see like price tags and stuff you go oh i could do this so much cheaper than what i'm paying a contractor for so that's exciting because i already have like plans for like when we move into our house um

we don't have a house but when eventually you do yeah so i know like it's gonna be but there's also so much stuff in menard's very looking i'm like i don't have the slightest clue what the fuck this is yeah there's a lot of times where i go into an island i go okay there's all these different words that are it's basically it could be a periodic table for all i fucking care yeah i have no idea what these chemical compounds are that they're showing me and um potions man it's basically it could be a periodic table for all i fucking care yeah i have no idea what these chemical compounds are that they're showing me and um potions man it's ridiculous but i do have fun with it i do like doing that stuff but i'm exhausted i love that was my those are my favorite classes in high school were like wood shop constructions all that stuff my dad was a carpenter contractor so kind of in my blood i don't know what would have been worse.

I think you had a longer day, but my alarm went off, and I rolled over. I'm like, I have to go work out twice now. Because I had one and a half times. I had a client at 10 and a client at 11 that I disagreed on Labor Day. I was like, yeah, let's do this,

because I wanted money and thankfully the first client canceled that's good she's like i woke up i'm not feeling good i'm like you're hung over too thank god thank you and the other guy doesn't really drink he's like i'm ready to go and i'll work out with him usually when i trained him and i was like you know what on friday or thursday when i saw him i go let's just do my workout on monday i'm like i can kill two birds with one stone i'll get my workout in you'll think it's a great workout and i'll get paid 50 bucks and i got there and i'm like this is gonna suck he's already on the treadmill like for 15 minutes just running i'm like because you're ready to go i go no like i'm just a zombie walking around the gym and he goes are we gonna

do core at the end of this i go you are if i lay down and get up too quickly i'm gonna throw up but thank god because i i truly believe the best way to get over a hangover, hangover. No, no. Just get up and do something. So if you wake up and you're kind of groggy, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and just sitting on the couch all day, go do one task. Yeah. Like go get your groceries done, come back, and then it's kind of just off your mind. If you allow yourself to fall into that just bullshit feeling you're gonna feel like piece of shit all day yeah no that's very true and it was actually super clutch because

i went to menards with my fiance we went to menards and then afterwards we had to go to the store for something i forget what it was maybe it was just food and i see her hook like a quick right to the liquor department the liquor and beer department like uh-oh like is she just walking past it or are we gonna be striking some gold today and i'm like walking slow because i'm carrying this heavy thing and also i just hear leave the liquor and beer department with like a 12 pack and i go all right we're gonna tie one on while i do this so i just like got myself back to hangover normal while i was doing all that work and i was like this is perfect i've. I learned of a new hangover hair the dog drink last night.

All right. So I'm at a laughing tap. Louisa Noy, the German, she ordered a PBR Tallboy and a bottle of Sprite and mixed the two of them in a pint glass. That's gross. Which I now call a German pedialyte yeah um it she let me try it she let me try it and it was uh interesting i would call it it wasn't bad

like you're the problem was i knew it was a mixture a cold shower that's what they could call it A cold shower. That's what they could call it. Hitler's Fountain of Youth. Yeah. All right, keep going. Okay. I'm just trying to think of a really just like Nazi-themed name. Racist one, yeah.

So you know it's mixed. And so we know something's mixed. You're like, I'm waiting for it to smell like it's mixed together. You just smell PBR. I'm like, that was almost more off-putting than... If it smelled like Sprite, it would have been better. Yeah. And then you get it a little, and then just all of a sudden it's sweet and then reagan goes like yeah i had it and i was hair the dog i was perfectly fine and like 20 minutes after one of

those i'm like i don't think that's how it works you could just drink the beer yeah just or two beers rather than why don't you have the sprite first because you don't want to drink and then when the bubbles settle your stomach start drinking you don't want to drink, and then when the bubbles settle your stomach, start drinking. You don't need to mix the two of them. So there's different hangovers for different people. So I find that people, a lot of friends that I have, their stomachs hurt after drinking. I do not ever have an upset stomach.

I never do. The only thing is a headache. And so basically what I do is I just drink a little bit of water when I go to bed. Wake up in the morning, drink a glass of water, crack open a beer. If I know I'm going to have to get stuff done that day, drink a little bit of water, crack open a beer. Kind of level it out, bring up a little bit of positive vibes with it. Have a good beer. Just chill.

Maybe make myself a margarita. And then I'm usually good. Yeah, I'm not a huge hangover. What's that fucking face? You're like, you know how I fix a hangover? I just get drunk again. I just start drinking. I don't get drunk again.

I just start drinking. Realistically, if there was no health side effects to just consistently drinking nonstop, I feel like I would never be hungover. I would, but that's also just- Yeah, I also don't think you'd feel at your best though. I feel pretty damn good when I'm drinking. I feel- Oh, I feel great, but that's if you're drunk.

Like if you just casually drinking- The best, oh yeah, you need to start getting at least a little bit of the buzz. The best buzz is a two to four beer buzz. That is the best buzz, and if you can maintain that bet the best buzz the best buzz is a two to four beer buzz that is the best buzz and if you could maintain that all night it's great the problem is is like two you're feeling good three i think you're at your best four you're like i'm ready to kick this up a fucking notch and then it's exponential that's a problem and then if you're if you're foreign you're very easily swayed by crowds so So typically, if someone else is excited, maybe they're at six beers.

I'm like, let's do shots. At four, you need to know to say no shots because then you're going to be fine. We were good. We did one shot. That was it. Yeah. Shots were so big when I was in college. So big.

It's in my DNA now. I don't like shots like the people like no i'd prefer just having shots and then i'll like sip on a water or whatever throughout the night fuck no that's ridiculous i think those people deserve to be in a padded room yeah you're a fucking psycho there's no way you can be trusted with any important information for me a shot is a communal thing or it's like let's all get together and do this together like people bond over shared trauma and that's what a shot is a shared trauma that fucking sucked yeah love you brother and then you walk and go play darts again

yep um or you yeah it's just communal and then if you're i've been the guy so many times you just show up with shots and they're like oh fuck you man but like but it's a sign of love because you're like hey i paid way too much money for us to have a drink in two seconds yep come join me no one says no people that do say no fuck you you don't want to hang out with anymore they can't be trusted they're not coming to your wedding they're not coming to your child's first birthday party they can't be trusted they're not important to you anymore at that point give up on the friendship they're worthless they're scum they've got nothing going for them if they take the shot trustworthy they're for the long haul because guess what when the shit gets hairy they double down oh that's what that's what someone

that says yes to a shot that you bring and that's not a cherry bomb if you give them a tequila shot and they go all right let's do it yeah that's you know they're gonna be right they're fine yeah they're fine they're good people well that's all you know you have a good like a not a responsible drinker we won't call them that there's two responses to people taking shots so too everybody goes fuck all right yeah let's do it and then you have the body goes fuck yeah shots and you're like you're gonna be a problem

later tonight you are gonna be a fucking problem we gotta get you home we gotta get you home right now if you're excited about a shot

and you're not the person that bought them for everyone too excited yeah too excited if you're like eager to take it

usually before a shot I go just knowing that I'm gonna be going through a little bit of just like ah this is ridiculous i had a shot last night didn't what the fuck were you doing last oh you're right i hosted it did my fantasy draft while i was hosting uh auto drafted my first pick four different comics made picks for me so we'll see how this year goes. Sounds like it's going to be a pretty funny season. Dead last. No, I asked Matt.

I was like, you got any? He's like, do you want another drink before you go? I was like, I'm trying to behave the next like two weeks before the event. I was like, yeah, what do you got new? And I was thinking beer. Because I'll drink vodka sodas from there. I'll have like two max three. Especially if it's a long night.

40 people. 40 people. And he goes, I got something for you. It's called Knick-a-Knack. I'm like, okay, cool. Just comes over with two shots. I go, fuck, okay, alright. We're doing this. You can't say no. You can't.

And I agree with you. People who say no, who actively You can't say no. You can't. And I agree with you. People who say no who actively are like, fuck no. Or actually, know who's worse is the person who pushes it on them a little too much if someone does say no. Right. Usually if someone says no, you go, oh, come on. And they go, no, I really don't want it. And you go, fine. And you call them a pussy.

And then you go give them to someone else. Yeah. If someone's like, no, I really don't want it you go fine and you call them a pussy and then you go give them to someone else yeah if someone's like no i really don't want it you move on but it sounds like uh i'm like yeah you can fucking take it that's as far as you go yep that's all it is you can't push it too much because otherwise it's like bombs and shots well that's the thing is like bombs are people typically don't react poorly to a bomb. I hate bombs. Cherry bomb. You hate those. What is the fucking point of a cherry? That's I don't disagree with you.

I don't. What is the goddamn point? They're delicious. They're they're they're basically they're basically doing the same thing a shot does. But people don't go. Yuck. No, no, it doesn't. No, it doesn't.

You take a shot because it's you're like i want to get drunk okay i want to get drunk and quickly that's what a shot is for and it's communal okay so shot and bomb or cherry bomb specifically what about your bomb they're in the same category what about a car bomb those are fun okay but on the same page those are fun but it's also a shot of whiskey uh mcgillicuddy's and guinness you're getting beer too shot of whiskey not mcgillicuddy's uh bailey's yeah and uh guinness okay a cherry bomb and a shot in common they have communal that's it yeah okay they're not getting you drunk they're giving you a headache because it is Red Bull and cherry liqueur, which is like 15% alcohol. You're not giving this to a goddamn baby.

Okay? It's nothing. It just makes your tongue red and you're going to – Don't give that to a baby. And you're going to – you know what? The CDC says you can give Dr. Mabillic three cherry bombs to your newborn child, and they'll be slightly stupid. But you know what? They're going to be it anyways.

Only for a little bit. They wake up in the morning. They feel fine. But I feel very strong. The cherry bombs and Jager bomb shot, cherry bomb, Jager bomb. If you give me a Jager bomb below shot. I put it above shot. It depends.

Because that's where you separate the men from the boys. Is it St. Paddy's Day? It's a Tuesday night. Am I in college or is it right now? Right now, we're at an open mic

and I hand you a car bomb and say, oh, either drink this, you fucking pussy. Right after me, you fucking pussy. The left of me lucky charms. Oi.

Oi. Why you fucking drink this? I would drink it because you asked me so nicely and so racially. I would drink it. They're Irish. It's not a race. It's a culture. They're not real people.

Are you Irish? Yeah. Okay. Red hair. Fucking gingers. Irish and Swedish and Italian. So you're white. Oh, yeah.

So white. But I'm Italian. They're olive. I just hate bombs. I don't. We did Vegas bombs. They were so Italian. They're olive. I just hate bombs. I don't. We did Vegas bombs. They were so big. What are Vegas bombs?

According to the bar I worked at, a Vegas bomb is Crown Royal, Kinky, Peach Schnapps, and Red Bull. That's gross. Don't ever. That's so gross. Two parts Crown, one part Kinky and Peach Knops, and then Red Bull Topper. That's really gross. They were so popular that they bought those giant IC maker things, those size containers. We just made giant things of that.

So it was on tap and then just put Red Bull in it. It was horrendous. That's really gross. What do you think of? Snorkels. Love them. cap and then just put red bull in it it was horrendous really gross yeah they were great snorkels love them so that was big in madison do you know that in tampa they think that they invented snorkels yeah they call them y bombs madison thinks they here's the thing if you have a new name for it you think you invented it. Right. It's like Fuckabucket. Yeah. Exactly.

Fuckabucketschlagen or people with what is it? Boomcup, Stackcup, Ragecage, stuff like that. I'm like, I don't know. When someone first called it Ragecage, I'm like, are you stupid? That's a ridiculous thing to call it. It makes no sense. Boomcup makes a lot of sense. Boomcup,

Stackcup makes sense. Yep cup stack cup makes sense. Yep. Rage cage. Rage cage is ridiculous. I understand. Someone explained to me once the rage cage is you can trap someone like if you keep just getting it. And so they're like stuck in a cage.

So I'm like, cool. But that barely happens. Like, I mean, it happens, but not as often as like you'll always stack the cups and someone will always get the boom cup. Yeah. And sometimes my buddy and I were pretty good at always stack the cups and someone will always get the boom cup. Yeah. Sometimes my buddy and I, we're pretty good at like doing the bouncing. Yeah.

So there's someone that we kind of want to fuck with that night. We'll just sit on that. Yeah. We'll just go quietly, just sneak up on the left and right of them. Yeah. So that's why I would call it Rage Cage, but I don't like that name.

No, I don't like that either. What else can I get angry about? Give me something. I like this when I get angry. What do you think about... You can say it. I'm trying to think of something that's slightly

frustrating, but could piss you off quite a bit. I'm trying to think of something. My girlfriend did the second episode she was on she's like i want to i want to prepare this time no more like that pissed you off because she no brought notes no she came with like a million questions and you don't like questions this one i liked oh you like like and now this setting questions are fun like it's a give and take kind of thing and the too many questions was a joke because he kept asking his questions. Yeah.

But the whole episode is me getting angry about, like, certain things about Christmas time. And she's like, what's your take on Black Friday? I go, let me fucking tell you what's wrong with Black Friday now. You don't like Black Friday? Oh, no. I think Black Friday's great. I love Black Friday. It's great.

I just don't want to see it being a Tuesday and Wednesdaynesday exactly me friday that's what i said is it should open on midnight or at midnight on friday and that's it there's no more openings we're getting into it there's no more opening stores at five o'clock during thanksgiving dinner no it's because the chaos is fun someone every year should get shot and trampled. Like that is Black Friday is what it is. I used to work at Toys R Us back in high school. That's when Black Friday was Black Friday. And I had a grown man step up to me. And I was 16 years old.

Yeah. And I looked at him and I go, I'm 16. You do not need this Lego that bad. I was like, I am 16. What do you want me to do here? And I was much bigger than him as well. Yeah. And I was just like, this is bullshit.

And his wife grabbed him and pulled him back. And he was such a dick to me afterwards because I think he was trying to be manly and stuff. And I was like, you're arguing. It was literally over. I think it was like a Polly Pocket type of thing. And I was like, dude, you're being a dick. I'm 16.

And he chatted up to me and my manager Brad weird guy Everyone that your toys are so weird one of my managers want to pack my fudge She couldn't wait till I turned 18. He told my co-workers that can't wait your turns 18 second package fudge So he said when I'm making prison food No That's why I'm not yeah God that starfish but um so i remember the chaos and even as a worker i enjoyed the chaos of it because it was so much fun watching shit happen we're trying to

dull everything out there needs to be ups and downs like that excitement is like the fun part like i remember my buddies not camping out or but kind of like we're gonna get to walmart quick i'm gonna buy six tvs and sell them yep like okay like i enjoy every year every friday i go black friday shopping with my mom and we just shop for everyone and i enjoy like we're big christmas fanatics if you can't tell um i should pull tim allen off the wall and bring him back here last week but I enjoy when it's crowded kinda I don't like getting bumped into

I don't like when people aren't efficient some social awareness please be a normal person stop standing in the middle of the aisle but I like it when it feels like a movie like when you see jingle all the way and the guys are running through stores trying to find the next robo man oh i love that santas are in the hallway i agree i agree the chaos is the best part so if you want to fix society

black friday should be black friday again only Black Friday. No Thursday. No Gray Thursday. Don't give us Gray Thursday. Fuck yeah, dude. We're on a wavelength right now. You want to know why? It's because of those car bombs we did. We ate them before this. We just told Genevieve, like, he's not coming home tonight.

We went and got car bombs. I would go do a car bomb right now. If we went and did car bombs and I didn't come home tonight, I... Would have so many more Menards projects. I would have so many projects. Because I I would have so many projects because I'm gone all weekend. I'm not going to see her. Where are you going to? Southern North Carolina.

Let's say hi to my lady for me. I will. She's back here on Wednesday. Really? You would have seen her for the... You've never met her, have you? No. You would have met her if you didn't have Christmas. I'm pissed off about the Christmas thing, too. Okay.

What did you get for presents? She doesn't watch this. My mother... She doesn't even watch you at her house. No, she doesn't watch this. She definitely doesn't watch this. So, where she hated my... My fiance made homemade candles for her bridal party, for her bachelorette party.

And she hated them? She sent me a picture of my mom and my mom for her bridal party, for her bachelorette party. And she hated them? She sent me a picture of my mom. My mom called me and was like, I think I insulted her because I told them that they looked bad. And so now we're going to make a fuckload of candles for her. And that's going to be just her gifts.

It's just going to be a little joke. And then we're going to do... We just had a photo shoot also. I saw that. I was on FaceTime with my lady, and we were actually going over your pictures. How the fuck did you see them? I followed Genevieve.

Oh. Yeah, I have a few comments. On our pictures? Continue, though. Yeah. We got to go into that. Okay. Pull them up.

And so we're going to, like, get, like, a big framed one for my mom with the dogs and us. And then my mom just will buy anything that she wants. So we just have to get her, like, miscellaneous items. So your present to your mom is the one thing she said looked hideous but times 50, and then a picture of the person who had the idea to make something hideous, and also a picture of the person who had the idea of, like, let's multiply it. Yep. Like, hey, you know that terrible thing?

But her dogs are in there. Thank God. You know what? She deserves it for having Christmas, September 16th. She does deserve some wild gifts. All right, let's go over your pictures. September 16th. First of all, who took these pictures?

Our old neighbor. Okay. My favorite one is the one of you two in the kitchen. Those were wild. So the best part is, like no offense but like to either one of us we don't live in the most extravagant places no our kitchen's a shit but your your kitchen is like the cabinets are what everyone here had when they were in a college apartment oh they're terrible terrible and they're like you know what we're going to take this romantic

picture i can see the sink i'm pretty sure i'd said to that like backstory to those pictures yeah we weren't even supposed to take them but she asked to do it because she's doing a home shoot for someone the next day and she wanted to practice that's fair no by the way all these are you guys look adorable you look happy but our cabinetry sucks we need to work on our woodwork you need to go to menards um let me pull up genevieve here but yeah no i completely agree because i had to clean that kitchen for that and i go our kitchen is not something to take pictures in yeah also second question are there anything in those coffee cups yeah we were actually drinking coffee you were actually drinking coffee so she was like just like kind of do your stuff but like do it closer than you

normally do so that's what we were doing is she normally sit on the counter yeah she does she does yeah cool um was it an artistic choice to keep the keurig in the back we don't have a keurig whatever this coffee pot is ninja ninja okay can we just show that we have some money with those cabinets? Yeah, that is true. So you guys went from sophomore slums to a field, which I can only assume is where your trailer home is. We just walked right into it, right out of our sliding door.

So I'll post these. And then I actually want to do something. I'm going to give you three pillows before we end this and you're going to show me how you sleep okay okay um again very nice pictures whoever took these you did a great job and you guys look very much in love okay um where are you looking and why is she looking at the camera and you're and i was so here's the fucking thing i kept asking for direction and where am i gave you the wrong direction they kept giving me bad direction or no no who did not the photographer my lady she goes don't don't do the same thing i'm doing so i'm looking away so basically every

picture she goes look serious too so basically every picture she she goes, look serious, too. So basically every picture, she's, like, smiling at the camera, and I'm, like, doing this. Yeah, for sure. This was Rachel's favorite. He goes, he looks a little drunk. It is. You know how, like, when guys take pictures, we don't know what to do with our hands?

In this picture, you go in what i'm thinking is what do i do with my entire body yep dude i was freaking out because i've never done pictures like that before and the problem is you look like a hollister mannequin yeah that's actually one of the worst pictures of that post because right after that the photographer directed me how to put my body. And that's. You were way too specific with it. And it looked way better. No, it looked way better.

Right after that, that picture was taken. She told me, hey, do this. And it looks so much better. But my guess is Genevieve didn't look good in those pictures. So she posted those fucking ones. Do you think any of these have anything to do with you? No, they don't. They don't.

Do the dogs look good? Does she look good? That's the most fucking ridiculous thing ever. And she's always like, every once in a while she'll ask me to update my profile pictures. Like, dude, it's from three years ago. And so I'll update them. But what I'll do is I'll find pictures where she looks terrible in them. That's smart.

And just put me in. And she'll be like, why did you do that? I go, why did you put those fucking 10 pictures on instagram where i'm looking like this it is i'm gonna you looked so like lights on no one's home like she bought you and just unboxed you yeah i mean that's typically how these events work i'm just operating on autopilot and then this one you're definitely drunken oh yeah i'm definitely drunk in that one he's one, you're definitely drunk in. Oh, yeah. I'm definitely drunk in that one.

He's got a baby. I am drunk in that one. That was our, right after this bachelor party. Not mine, but my buddy's. And so I had to drive up from the bachelor party to that and then it was our wedding shower. Rachel tells me I'm insane.

She's a little concerned for me, but do you ever want to shake a baby? Most babies I see. That one, no. That baby's really sweet. I don't mean like, I don't mean like, I'm not making a margarita, but I mean like put it on vibrate and then. Then they jiggle though.

Yeah, exactly. They're like little bags of pudding. Yeah, like bags of pudding. You could probably get away with shaking them a little bit like that i had um a baby doll that was given to me in middle school like to like basically say don't without using protection and like they would just randomly start crying and you would have to wake up in the middle of the night put a key into it turn the key and hold the baby for a certain amount of time before the crying would stop and it was in seventh grade and i remember taking the baby and just throwing it out the window and just leaving it there just throwing it out my fucking bedroom window when was how old were you

like seventh grade yeah i never heard of do that it was it's like the flower thing or the egg thing but this one was a robotic baby and it was miserable had to do that at our high school you had to take a baby around um i full confession i said this on stage last night this is like real um did you you know like the babies you see in the wild with like the sparring helmets on babies in the wild yeah just like in public oh actually

I did see one yes with the sparring helmets with the sparring helmets on it had viking horns on it like just like

the newborns they got like the thing here and then you gotta shape their head yeah um

I thought that was for only the special needs baby no it's just for it's honestly I think for helicopter parents that don't want their babies to have weird shaped heads

or their head gets smushed on the way out. It has a soft spot, yeah. I honestly thought it was only for the special needs kids. So you just thought there was a step. And I told that to Rachel. She goes, so you thought every baby you saw with that. She goes, why would they need a helmet?

I go, so you can recognize them. It's like a handicapped parking sticker it is so you know i was like hey this one's gonna be different yeah this one is heads up like you just some people notice the ass heads up because his head might go down yeah yeah and she goes you need a helmet now you need to shape your head yeah it is for head shaping too they do that for head shaping one of my buddies because they're so soft i didn't know that yeah they're very pliable i don't i i'd be so nervous i know like when i have a kid i'll be great with it but when i went to hold my buddy's newborn recently and i just like grabbed her and like you need to support the head i'm like why you pick it up then you pick it up

and they're just like i'm like it's attached at the neck it ain't going anywhere and then the kid shit its pants i mean rachel held it for 45 minutes. Didn't make a noise. I held it, almost dropped the head, and then shit its pants two minutes in. And I mean, like, the whole room heard it. Their firstborn was like, ha, ha. You have a poopy diaper. Yeah, I was. Babies scare me.

A friend of mine calls when their kid shits their pants a magic trick. I think that's so funny. They're like, oh, you did a magic trick. And let me tell you, after that baby does a magic trick, it does smell like magic in there. It smells like a lot of magic. A lot of gross, dirty magic. Sure it doesn't smell like Cajun food? No, it doesn't smell like Cajun food.

It smells like Harry Potter died. What do you think that would smell like? Just baby shit? Baby shit. There's no way harry potter dying smells good how did he die this is a stupid conversation this is why we need judd we need games otherwise we start we've been just bitching about christmas and black friday and babies and helmets and different types of shots. We should be back in college.

We really should. Do you know I did one podcast just me and basically the guys I'm in the Fantasy Football League with and a few others, and we just sat around. You think your best ideas when you're living with your boys in college, your best ideas are the morning after, and you're like, you remember like that's some of the greatest memories talking about what you did last night like we should do a podcast be so fun which is what every group of white college friends has said and we made up twitter handles we did all this stuff we're like let's film one and i like really wanted to do this. Yeah, I can tell. Yeah.

What gave it away? The thousands of dollars in cameras? And so I really wanted to do this. 608. What we did is we took my phone and we put it upside down so no one's faces are in it. I would get sorry to piggyback on this one.

And we just sat in a circle and everyone had a topic and we had like pet peeves with whatever bar addicts. I was bartending bar etiquette with Kuski and I just rant about like these dumb shits at the bar or that one time in Montana with Duncan and he's from Montana and we filmed it and we recorded it. And at the end of it, we all go, if this gets released, we're getting kicked off campus.

Like it was like, we can never, we will never talk to a female again like there some of the stuff that i'll say it off camera we're like holy shit like now if we released it canceled oh yeah i get that terrible terrible things but it was fun it is a good time my fiance actually did a podcast with all of her college roommates there's eight of them total too many by the way you can't have eight people you know how hard it is to hear someone over seven other people it's tough but they all had they didn't want to get recognized by their names so they all had code names like lilac or ginger or things like that i'm trying my darndest to get my hands on that recording because there's no way it is not so fucking funny oh absolutely it's got to be such

a good laugh just hearing these people i still want an episode with the ladies just here like us three are doing car bombs out there and the ladies here like that'd be actually really fun that'd be a great 0.5 oh god no, no. That's going to cap it off. That's just like we're done. I think, can you request next Sunday? Are you available? Christmas is over. We'll be back here.

We'll have to drive back here, but yeah, we would be available. I have to check with her if she's available. Okay. Are you going to be available? Yeah. And your new piece after your divorce? Yeah. I know.

Look how quickly I got a new one. Yeah, just quick. Sorry, you're not a piece. You're a sweet, wonderful lady from what I can tell. Not entirely sure. I am your favorite, though. So I think you've got a good judge of character. Just put it in her ear.

Sunday, she's doing a podcast for the second time. Can we call her Ginger? Yes. Yeah, I think that'd be funny. Here's the thing is when she's in the room and she's talking, I'm so quiet. I will not talk. We're not in the room at all. Oh, I like that a lot.

His lady, your lady, my lady, and we are doing car bumps. I like that. I think we can sell it. I think we can sell it. And then we do one after. Immediately, and then we send them home. Yeah.

No, I need to ride home. She's got to stay. Rachel's staying here. She's staying too. That's a good idea. I like that idea. Should we end this this look how dark the camera is no you're gonna have to do some hardcore color correction with that because you're blending

into a brick wall right now i look so tan we're done we're done