Fat Chance Podcast - The Boys of Fall #8

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Jack is clearly upset. Michael is down on his luck. Dad left us to go play waffle ball... CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

would that be the term some people pick it up as you being flirty yeah you're looking at it in reality I have a childlike mind and I'm just like

yeah of course that would be fun the amount of times I can say you and I have been in the middle of a conversation and you've touched my genitals I know you're just doing it

because you're just being with the guys yeah I just want to make sure you feel good I don't think you're trying to hit on me some people don't pick up on that some people don't get up

get it on your hey just hang with the guy first time Some people don't pick up on that. Some people don't get it on your, hey, just hang with the guy first. Hello? Is it me you're looking for? I can see it in yours. Is that the next word? I don't know the words to it at all.

I will never know the words to it. What's bothering you today? I'm not that bothered. I'm just exhausted. It's been a long month. This is the lowest amount of energy I've ever seen from you. Yeah, it's just been a long one. Long week. I feel bad I'm here right now.

It's all good. It's all good. This is the first day of legit where I can take to the bottle because it's sober October. I'm glad we decided to do it today then cheers but how was it being sober the entire month it's good i actually wasn't sober the entire month um i had a couple of things that i had to go to that involved drinking like what um a couple like work things okay and i wasn't gonna be like the one that's like no but i had one and called it a day like so um those are the only times i

did it and then when we had the accepted offer um our guy that came and did our inspections gave me a little bottle of whiskey so when we got the accepted offer, I poured a little. So like a sober-ish, I mean. Yeah. I would have preferred to have gone sober, but there was like, this is only going to be the one first accepted offer I get in a house. Like, I'm not going to like say no. Oh, yeah.

I mean, you did, you weren't seeking it out. No. So that's good. It was just like a bunch of things happening. And I was like, okay, you know, I'm not going to be like the one that's like, no, I'm actually doing sober October. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to be that guy at work. So I'm not going to be like the one that's like, no, I'm actually doing sober October. Yeah.

Like, I'm not going to be that guy at work. So I'm just going to go ahead and fly under the radar. Have one. Chill. That's good. Did you Zen at all? Or Rogue? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. Also, I appreciate you putting the white light on the TV. Doing nothing. It's not doing a damn thing. It's not doing a damn thing at all. You can put something on it. It was nice having the football game up last time. We don't have football right now. I know. It's not doing its damn thing. It's not doing a damn thing at all. You can put something on it.

It was nice having the football game up last time. We don't have football right now. I know. I thought football was on because I was coming here. I was like, oh, fuck. It's not. Also, my picks after talking shit, so bad. So bad. I didn't even look.

I didn't even want to look at them. They were terrible. I feel like we haven't done this in forever. This is how consistent we got. It's been 17 weeks being consistent, and we missed one. I was like, I feel like we haven't done it in two months. Right. It felt like a long time.

And I did not like it. It felt weird. It felt weird. I feel very unprepared for this one. There's just shit going on in the back. I think you're in the back. I think like... What am I seeing here? I think you're seeing the fan in the shadow

or in the reflection of the mirror or the window. I can't talk. There's something flashing, I think. Did you prep something here? What am I looking at? It looks like something underneath here. It looks like it's something in the picture. Oh, no. It looks like something underneath your it looks like it's something

a picture oh no it's just something on your camera are you looking at the recording light on the camera it might be dude

it's been a while since we've done this man I don't know what I'm looking at and the last two times we were in a library that library one really threw me off

being in that conference room surrounded by telescoping nerds the first library one so much fun because it felt like we had an audience then we were just in a like fluorescently lit conference room away from everyone and next to a telescope convention i didn't like it either and it's showing it's show i don't even think our audience liked it no that last one was it wasn't great that was the first one i've said like this is bad in my head and i was right like it was it wasn't fun to edit no it wasn't fun to edit i bet it wasn't fun to edit and it wasn't like i mean in the in the room i think

we all just were a little off yeah we didn't like well the worst part about it was we were all dressed up and you can only see half of us. Yep. Like, thank God Judd was a hot dog. Did you see he wore that to one of his shows? That's hilarious. Also, I wanted to – where's my phone? Because there was someone I think – someone knows our recording schedule, I think,

because they liked an old message of me saying, hey, I'll bring it up next episode, like two episodes ago, i didn't so i think he's like hey we need to talk about this i think a good majority of the people who watch this think judd's gay i have never seen his lady i've seen her once or twice they do inhabit the same once or twice they do inhabit the same inside space okay um i am convinced judd has two lives like doesn't he kind of seem like someone who has like a second life somewhere yeah yeah and it's in the gay bar yeah it might be it might be it honestly it very well could be because here's the thing i see judd doing this and I see him where I haven't seen him at comedy stuff. Everything else, the only other thing I know about him is he likes to play sports.

Yeah. By the way, Judd's not here today because he has a wiffle ball championship game. Grow up, Judd. You're 38 years old. Time to get some real hobbies. I played wiffle ball with my grandfather. And guess what? I stopped.

At the age of eight, I stopped. Do you think he's going to stop? No, he's not. He's not. Joe will play sports. And you know what? I hope I'm like that active. I'm old too.

I'm 40. Judging by your ankles that I heard you fell five minutes into a hike, you're not gonna make it i wear ankle braces frequently i uh when i do athletic activities you saw those big fucking oh yeah big football i mean they're ain't they look like ancient ankle braces like all right you know what's gonna keep him sturdy two rods that's taped around his leg and he can't move it at all intense they're intense you're shifty you shifty. So I can see why they pop. Well, those are good.

Those are nice. I never have issues with those. Do you know that football team won their first game like two weeks ago? The sub four. Oh, they've never won a game yet? They won one, I think. And then I believe we were still in contention to make the playoffs. And there was like some rule like if we forfeit, we made the playoffs or something like that.

I don't really know how that works, but. Weird. And then today's game got canceled because the turf field was icing over. Oh. Speaking of fucking snow now. That was heartbreaking for to wake up on Halloween. So this is the day after Halloween right now. We were filming this to wake up. Merry Christmas, so this is the day after halloween right now we were filming

this to wake up merry christmas everyone it's christmas time now yeah to wake up on halloween and see snow on the ground and just be like this is gonna suck i got kicked in the teeth tuesday it felt like so i got back from north carolina mond night. Get back at like midnight. I got to be up early. Hey, this is better. I'm not complaining about that. It's better. I usually leave at 5 o'clock in the morning,

take a flight from North Carolina, fly to Atlanta or Orlando, Baltimore, connecting flight to Milwaukee, get an Uber to wherever my car is. Usually my mom's because I had her drop me off get my car then just drive straight to work i'm there by like 9 45 10 o'clock and then do an eight or nine hour day that's like the alternative so this one i like i had the whole monday to hang out with rachel which is great but i get home at like midnight dead tired two flights And I'm like, okay. It's freezing out. It's 39 degrees.

I just left 75 and sunny. I'm like, you know what? It'll warm up. Get back. And one of my cats is sleeping on my bed. I'm like, oh, this is sweet. Like, come home to a pet. It's nice.

Cat leaves. I get in bed. I'm laying a bit. And I, like, move my leg. I go, that's not supposed to be there. And I lift up, and there are two turds in my bed. There's poop in your bed? Yep.

On top? It was under some of these cats because they're my dad's. They like to, and they're, like, super scared all the time. They hide under the covers a lot. Yeah. Like a four-year-old afraid of monsters and so i think he just went under marx's territory shit on my bed and i was like this sucks poopy sheets yeah i had poopy sheets well they're too too hard turd so like it wasn't a bad cleanup

it's not too bad but there's still poopy sheets yeah then i wake up there's snow on the ground and it's sticking yeah and then it was actual snow it was substantial amount of snow because when there was like a little bit of snowfall in the beginning of the day yeah i was like oh this is this is nothing easy peasy and then it like kept going i had to like clear off this patio like brought everything down in the garage because it was just covered it was the time when we left work i was leaving work and i was like i don't want to drive in this. And I thought it was just like, because it's going to be 50 this weekend, which I shouldn't be pumped about already.

I'm so pumped. Yeah. Then I'm like, oh, this isn't going to stick. And I was like, yeah, this sucks. It's almost all gone right now, though. Yeah, it'll be gone for sure by tomorrow morning, if not Friday. But then later in that day,'m waiting on like an email reply from a job i applied for one i think is gonna be fucking perfect i could have stuck around here for

like another month wherever i could have worked remotely that's how the job was advertised work remote yeah wherever and then i get an email back saying you don't live in the area we want you to i go you mean anywhere? Work remote? Yeah. They're like, yeah, but you're not close enough. I'm like, this covers nine states. Which one do you want me to live in? I was like, all right, cool.

So not getting that job, back to the drawing board. And then something else happened where I called Rachel. I go, you know what? Not in a good mood. I was you today i think it sucked this morning you were like me right now or no yesterday yesterday i was like and then in my head i was like all right i have to i hate the feeling of like i have to film because we need something out but sometimes it's just how it works and i was like all right i gotta do all

this i'm gonna be up till 11 because it's gotta be out yeah by thursday um so i would have done all the editing today which sucks to do this in one day load i'm like i got this and then it snows i'm like fuck now i'm not gonna want to drive to go do it putting out something from 10 weeks ago now it's garbage we start literally the delete try that in a small town we're talking about so much terrible shit and we're just sitting there going man this choosy's fucking sick isn't it i want to say i listened to like five minutes again we actually sound like more into it than we thought because usually when it's you and i together that's the first time we did just you and i together after like just the one-on-one episodes and we're both like we're fucking stupid a bunch of chimps we need the zookeeper judd to be like

you want to play a game we're just throwing shit at the wall and hoping it sticks and just like all right let's start let's distract these monkeys while we... Let's get him one of those button machines, see if they can write their name. He should give us one of those tests, horse shack tests, where it's like the black ink blobs. And be like, what do you see? And I want to see just how different our answers would be. You would say pumpkin pie every time. That's what would happen. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie. Son of a bitch. You would say pumpkin pie every time. That's what would happen. Pumpkin pie.

Pumpkin pie. Son of a bitch. He would get so mad. I think I got to change it to peppermint pie soon. Peppermint pie. Well, no, because pumpkin pie is a Thanksgiving thing, right? Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie is at Thanksgiving.

You can do apple pie. Apple pie is the number one pie. I don't even need to ask you to rank them because apple pie is the number one. Apple pie is the number one. Caramel apple pie is also right there. Pecan pie? Damn good. Really also right there. Pecan pie? Damn good. Really? Do you have pecan pie? Just caramel pie.

Yeah. Just caramel pie. It's so good. It gets too sticky in my mouth. It's so good. It's so good. Strawberry rhubarb pie? Pretty good. I like that one. Blueberry? Indifferent. If it's a sweet blueberry. I don't think blueberries are a good fruit, if you're asking me.

Have you ever had a boysenberry pie? No. I think that's a made-up term. I think that's a fake fucking fruit. I think, is it a cartoon pie? It's got to be a real pie. There's no way someone's clever enough to say boysenberry. Boysenberry. But it definitely sounds made up.

You know what we should do once? You ever watch Hot Ones? We should do that. Next time, it's just you and I. Fuck. Why know what we should do once? You ever watch Hot Ones? We should do that. Next time it's just you and I. Why don't we do it with my game that I brought? This is Judd. Dad, can you come back from Wiffle Ball? This is a game I like to call Trigger Treat.

We'll put this on the new Shorts channel. So what I have here, it took me a long time to prep this one. What I have here is a Halloween-themed coffee cup because this is the day after Halloween. There might still be coffee on the bottom of this. But on the inside of it, it could be a trick or it could be a treat. Can I be honest with you? They all look like tricks. They're pretty tricky.

I'm a tricky dude, man. Do I need to take it? Take one. That's Jack Daniels, so nope. None of it's what you think. These are all ridiculously weird. Did you glue these in? No.

I want that one. Oh, fuck yes. Fireball. The rest of these are way trickier. The rest of these are so much trickier than that. Am I just going to take all of them? Yeah. No, I'll take one.

Papa's driving home. You pick one for me. Okay. Because I know what they all are. So this is either Jack Daniels or like an Evan Williams. You thought that was Malibu. I think this is going to be a spiced rum. And this seems like a banana flavored something. So I'm going to be a spiced rum, and this seems like a banana-flavored something.

So I'm going to go Margarita Gold. Thank the fucking Lord I didn't take this. This is Gold Tequila, and I'm going to gag watching you drink it. I was really just hoping you wouldn't pick this one. But it isn't for the late and great Jimmy Buffett. R.I.P., man. Rest in power. No, rest in paradise. Rim.

Rest in margaritaville. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. I'm going to throw up, I think. This is so gross. Should we finish this? We can.

I'm not driving anymore. I'm so terrified of this. I haven't drank like this in a long time. All right. It's been since Saturday for me. Oh, fuck. Stop making that noise. Dude, I can taste it from here.

Also, these grow on me. The first one was really sour. Who makes unsweetened anything now? It's smart, though. There's always those health nuts. Yeah. This looks like a roadside billboard It does actually

Oh it's in the left corner of it Like a Chick-fil-A thing These are pretty good Do you know how many times I get Like when we're doing this And I'm holding and looking at my drink I get confused And I like

I go to take a sip of the microphone And I feel like an absolute jackass I think everyone does that And I edit, and I feel like an absolute jackass. I think everyone does that, though. And I edit this, and I will probably put it in there, because I'm like, you know what? People need to see that I'm fucking stupid. Like, I cheersed you with the microphone. Yeah, you reached out and cheersed me. I went like this.

Yeah. Like we were boxing. I had to get over the gross. And that's the end of my game We'll play intermittently for the next 45 minutes Now for our ad reads And now for our ad reads And that's the end of our ad reads

Put the choosy in there No You know he I hopped on his live the other day He did a choosy in there. No. You know, I hopped on his live the other day. He did a choosy retreat for all the people that helped him get to where he is. Hey, Sully, we didn't go skydiving with you. You went skydiving? Yeah.

You flew to us for some advertisement. Maybe next time we can jump out of a plane together. Who did he jump out of a plane with? I have no fucking clue. I was getting coffee. I do you jump out of a plane with? I have no fucking clue. I was getting coffee. I bet it's people that he works with daily. I bet it's people that he works with on it. I hope it's really going well for him.

I really do. He's a nice, fun guy. I want you to go drinking with him, too. I would like to drink with that guy. Unfortunately, I had to drive. Yeah, that doesn't stop most people in Wisconsin. I'd go to Minnesota. We're not even getting into that topic.

What's the furthest I've driven drunk? Is that what you're going to ask? What's the furthest you would drive? Time-wise. 45 minutes? Fuck no. I mean, there was the only time I would have even, I would say gotten close to driving drunk was I didn't even drive drunk.

It was through the backyards of my apartment back when I lived in Florida. And that was like, I would drive from that apartment to that place. I would have if I needed to. When I lived in Florida, I feel like anything goes. I mean, everyone says anything goes in Florida.

All I have are roundabouts. There's no left turns. There's only roundabouts. Florida roads are so fucking stupid. Whoever designed Florida roads just has no idea that left turns can be a thing. Yeah. Because you literally have to U-turn everywhere to get into where you need to go. You can't take a direct left.

You have to U-turn and take a right. Yeah, I don't like that. That's Florida. Florida's just shitty. Florida's great. Good weather. Disney's there. Good weather for like

Most of the year The summer months In those hot Hot states Are unbearable I remember So I crashed At my buddy's place

For Nine months Slept on his couch He lived In like Kind of like A retirement area Kind of thing

But it was on a golf course Which is nice And I remember We were sitting on the couch one night, and basically it's this setup. So straight ahead is the TV. To the right is his room. Just get into the zone. And to the left is the balcony.

And the golf course is right there. And I remember we're sitting there. He's playing the show. I'm on my phone. And I just see red and blue lights just, foom, foom, foom. I go, what the fuck was that? And he goes, you see something?

I go, I think a cop car just drove. That's the golf course, Michael. I go, I swear to God, there's a cop car. And then we open the balcony, three squad cars, boom, chasing another car through the golf course. I go, well, I wish we could watch that a little longer, but no one said anything. We didn't get a notification, nothing. It was just like, yeah, Wednesday, high-speed car chase.

Through a golf course. That's it. Cops are driving ahead of him, throwing down alligators for spikes. Do you like Mario? Yes, I haven't watched any movie, though. So I watched it on the plane. Pretty good. If you're a fan, I think most people are like,

the movie sucked, it was predictable. I don't think they made it for that reason. I think when they make a movie like that, they're trying to scratch the itch for the people who are a fan. People who love Mario. People who love Mario are like, oh my God, that's this or that they scratched like every itch nice i mean without ruining anything it's like every kind of like mario game i played growing up it kind of incorporated like the mario kart like mario kart mario kart double dash um Dash. Gotcha. They put everything kind of in there.

Yeah, you know how the old games or the original ones, it's a 2D screen or whatever. They have shots where they're running through a course. I'm like, this is actually kind of dope. That's smart. Now, do you get some looks as a grown-ass man watching Mario on an airplane? Yeah, you should be ridiculed. But here's the thing.

That's what planes are for. Planes are to watch your guilty pleasure movies. Whatever's available. Oh, I kind of wanted to see this. I for. Planes are to watch like your guilty pleasure movies that like. Whatever's available. I kind of wanted to see that and you got it. I didn't get a chance to. Another movie I think is like kind of similar to that that scratches the edge. The Lego movie. Have you seen the Lego movie?

I think I've seen a Lego movie. There's a lot of them, aren't they? There was. There's a lot of. The original one was the one. Okay. It was like a big one with Chris Pratt. I went and saw that I think three times.

I heard that was good. It was great. It came out when I was like a senior in high school. It was so funny. Because it was basically just like someone took Legos and took a bunch of quick pictures of it. But it was actually animated. Yeah. And it was just good comedic timing.

A little bit goofy. A little stupid. Just like a dumb movie that you're like as a kid if you were like light Legos and you saw that movie

like this is pretty funny oh yeah so I watched that probably like three or four times in theaters just being like hey guys we have

like seen someone else that I like check this part out check this part out you gotta watch this movie with me oh yeah and just getting the little references you see what they did there

like oh shit that was actually I like that. What is. What's the perfect. Okay. Give me the perfect flight for you. The perfect flight.

I mean, where are you sitting? And be reasonable. Not like first class. Okay. I was sitting in the exit aisle. Exit aisle. Exit aisle. Aisle, not window.

No. Aisle. I mean, if I'm in the exit row, like the emergency exit. Yeah't matter doesn't matter because i like to yeah i agree i'm an alper i like that leg room yep i like the leg room i don't like feeling trapped if i need to pee we'll never get up to pee but i like the option or the availability to pee yeah here's the thing i my ideal flight is i get to the airport um a little bit early, not super early, just in time. I go to the airport bar close to my gate, order three beers. Now, for some people, that's very early.

For you, three beers, how quickly are those going down? Depending on how long it takes for me to board the flight. Okay, so you're getting three no matter what. You got 15 or 50 minutes yeah i mean sometimes i'll get two if it's like if it's fast it was a quick flight because i love to sleep on planes i struggle getting beers at the airport sometimes like if i'm just going to like see rachel yeah and getting it at midnight in my head it's like what's the beer for like right like i'm not gonna like it but if i'm going vacation correct holy shit are we starting with a where i don't care

what time of day it is what i've gotten beers at chili's i've taken had a half an edible and they had a bloody mary by the way bloody mary's an airport airport, terrible. No, not the move. So I'll get toasty at the airport, get on the plane. And it doesn't really matter what time of day. Because typically, like, if it's early morning, I'm doing a vacation. If it's late at night, vacation. It also depends on, like, if I am getting a rental car or not and how long the flight is. Fair. But basically what I do is I like to get a little toasty beforehand and i sleep for probably the first if it's a long flight

two hours i'll wake up if it's a two-hour flight i'll sleep all the way through it and that's why i get the beer because i like to pass out wake up there by the time you show up you're fine and then um but if it's a longer flight get to toasty, sleep for two hours, get up, find a movie. It doesn't matter what movie, whatever you're feeling. And I like to find it on the screen that the airplane has. If they don't have screens, I don't have it. You want to have the phone, like Southwest is like, hey, you can log into our Wi-Fi and watch everything on your phone. I don't like that because your phone dies.

Correct. And so I don't fuck with that. on your phone. I don't like that because your phone dies. Correct. And so I don't fuck with that. Typically I'll have a podcast loaded up

or like an audio book and so then if I don't have a screen I'll listen to a podcast or an audio book with my eyes closed fall back asleep until we land.

If there's a movie I'll watch that whole movie until the end of the flight and that's great. I typically don't get drinks on the plane. I don't need it. I've had coupons before Southwest coup, and then I'll get drinks.

Other than that, no. Yeah. Honestly, sleep for the first two hours. If it's a two-hour flight, sleep through the whole thing. If it's a little bit longer, sleep for the first two hours. Throw on a movie there. And then usually, you're flying back anyway, catch the second half of that movie that you started.

Yep. And that's what I do. So mine would be, you took it a little differently than i thought just but the the perfect like perfect airport experience growing up by the way going to the airport just being at an airport in general so exhilarating for me because it's always you're going somewhere fun when you're a kid you're going kid, you're going, I'm going to Disney. I'm going to wherever. Or I'm coming home. Right.

I'm like, I'm going, it's over. It's going to be relaxing, whatever. But like when you're going to the airport and you haven't in a long time as a kid, fucking phenomenal. I'm at the airport early enough that I don't have any sort of like, if this security line is long, I'm fucked. But at the same time, like, you know the airport. So when I'm through security, I want 30 minutes to 20 to 30 minutes before the plane boards, max.

That's it. So like you're there maybe 45 to an hour early the two hours early to the airport that's got two hours too much it's too much it's too much like if you can you can sit down the people who can sit down and have a full meal at chili's before you get on the flight absolutely not now do you have a layover and that's why you're doing it different story but if you're getting there like you know what i want to get to the airport if you're doing it, different story. But if you're getting there, like, you know what? I want to get to the airport. If you're going to your hometown airport two hours early and eating dinner at the airport, that's stupid. You're spending $40 a plate to have dinner at the airport.

Go across the street. They have a Chili's just outside. And it's going to be way better quality. Way better quality, cheaper, and the service is better. They always have fucking shit. Yeah, you know the food they throw out at the Chili's across from the airport? They put it in the airport. That's what they do.

That's what happens. So I'm there like 50 minutes early, let's call it. If it's vacation, definitely grabbing a beer, maybe two. Emergency exit as well. Aisle or window because it's usually two seats. Still prefer the aisle. And I learned this recently. Maybe I was just special.

But usually the flight attendants treat those that are in the emergency exit much better. So it's first class emergency exit. The rest of you fucking scumbags. Okay. Like when they ask you, hey hey what do you want to drink you're like hey can i get a coke zero which is my new thing on the plane heroes are delicious treat myself a little sody um but not because i'm not a soda person but lately i have been on the plane plane and so and i'm when you have a connecting flight i get two of them i'm like

shit this is it's not a lot. You're buzzing. Take all the snacks they give you. Southwest, get the snack. Wait. Don't be greedy. Wait until the soda comes. Then you eat the snack and have the soda. It's a full little meal treat thing.

But if you're in the emergency exit aisle, a lot of times you're the last person to get your stuff. And then they just give you a full can. Nice. I got that. I was like, ooh, this is nice. And by the way, here's some plain math for you. That little cup you get of soda, that's a third of the soda. Yep.

It's only a third. So one can of soda is just one half of an aisle. I'm like, all right, I got the full can. This is nice and i would say flight time obviously shorter the better i don't want to be on the plane but if i'm being realistic uh two hours max for a flight because i could watch almost any movie so if i'm gonna be up i can pick whatever i want i don't like when it's like an hour and a half and i'm wide awake i got no games on my phone nothing like that i'm not 12 anymore

and i'm like all right i gotta i don't like starting something not finishing it right yep exactly so if i'm like all right the only movies on here like the shortest one's two hours it's harry potter and you miss like the last bit of it like i'm not doing it so now i'm just gonna try and sleep but i can't so like two hours i could watch a movie two hours money two hours is great and then finish the movie you got like 20 minute movies over and i'm like hey guys we're gonna start a descent and then you guys go on your phone like i'm gonna play some games but also agree screen in the backseat. Yep.

That's an ideal flight. It's great. I had probably one of the best flight experiences ever. It was my buddy's bachelor party. And I was living in Florida at the time. We were coming up here. We went to the Dells. And I flew from Tampa to Nashville, Nashville to Milwaukee,

and then I drove to the Dells the next day. So I had the full day in Milwaukee. That's a long day of travel. But it's quick because I didn't drive to the Dells until the next day after that flight. So it was like three and a half hours of flight time, a little bit of a layover from Nashville. It's still a full day thing. I was partying that whole day.

I was like, this is my buddy's bachelor party. No one else is with me, but I'm going to have a good time because my buddy's picking me up from the airport in Milwaukee. It is a little more exciting, too, when you're having beers in the airport. You kind of feel like you shouldn't be doing it. Oh, it's so much fun. I would say it's one of the only places where you kind of have that under 21 feeling again, where it's like, I shouldn't be doing this, but I am.

Dude, it's 8.30. It's 8.30. Get to Tampa Airport. Tampa Airport's amazing. Two beers. Get on the flight. It's like a little quick hour flight to Nashville. Get there.

Find the closest bar that's open. Give myself a breakfast, Sammy. I see these two people, this couple, they're having a good time, and they're drinking hardcore. You join them. And I see them, and they're looking at me, and they see I'm ordering drinks.

And they're like, what are you doing? I go, I have a bachelor party I'm going to this weekend. They go, oh my gosh, we just got back from vacation. And I go, wait, you just got back? That's crazy. And they go, yeah, we don't drink when we're not on vacation. So typically when we land back to our airport, we stay here 24 hours and get fucked up. So I was hanging out with them on like hour 14 of them being at that bar.

And they're home. They're home. That's insane. They're 45 minutes from their home. They're sitting there getting absolutely obliterated that's a couple who hates their job it's so funny and i'm sitting there and i go can i come hang out with you guys they go absolutely and they're handing me char they have like a bag full of charleston shoes they're like handing me charleston shoes were they 90 dude

they're like 40 something i don't know it was the most insane thing I've ever seen in my entire life. They have like a bag full of shooters because they go, the airport bars close at some point. Yeah. We're here for 24 hours. We're partying for 24 hours. We don't sleep. And so they're giving me shooters to bring on the plane. What airport was this?

Nashville. Nashville. Oh, they don't kick you out? No. Because sometimes you have to stay there overnight. Yeah. I only asked that because Rachel got kicked out once. She? Because sometimes you have to stay there overnight. Yeah. I only ask that because Rachel got kicked out once.

She came to surprise me for my birthday this year. She tried getting there early. If you get there too early, I guess because they were already in there, they can't kick you out. But she tried getting there the night before because you couldn't get a ride in the morning. She's like, I'm going to get there midnight. Just sleep there for four hours and get on my flight. I'm like, no. You can't do that. What the fuck? So's like, I'm going to get there midnight. Just sleep there for like four hours and get on my flight. I'm like, no.

You can't do that. What the fuck? So I'm surprised they didn't kick him out. But continue. Sorry. I'm loving this. So maybe, yeah, I don't know. Maybe they weren't there for 24 hours. Maybe they were there like landing in the morning waiting until the end of the day.

Could be that too. But they were like, we're just ready to fucking party. And so I'm sitting there. I have like an hour and a half layover. And I was going to have a beer and a breakfast sandwich. And so I'm sitting there. I have like an hour and a half layover. And I was going to have a beer and a breakfast sandwich.

I ended up having like five shooters of Jack Daniels. Like a Bloody Mary. Three Evan Williams. I was right. It's Evan Williams, baby. And then a Bloody Mary. Two breakfast sandwiches. Three beers.

Just like with this couple. And they were a riot. And they ended up like picking up half my tab. I was thank you that's huge you guys are you guys are the fucking best land they gave me a bunch of shooters to take with me on the road i land i immediately get in the car and i before my buddy starts driving i rip three shooters right in front of his fucking face and he's like what the fuck are you doing man i was like badger party weekend man i'm just and i just like sit there in the passenger seat and pass the fuck out i wake up like an hour later are we there yet oh god i envy that like i drove

back from uh boone this past weekend and rachel and her friends all asleep in the car. And I was like, to be the person that's like, you know what? This drive's going to suck. Oh, we're here. Can you not do that? While I'm driving, I can't do that. No. Yeah. That's right.

Southern Comfort. I haven't had this in a long time. It's nasty. One of the best things to do in New York. But no, okay. So airport drinking, great. When I lived in Florida, my mom came down.

She had a co-worker that has like a condo in Delray. If you've ever been to Delray, a lot of fun. Delray's great. A lot of fun. And so I go over there and I bring the guy I'm, like, staying with, like, my buddy Sam. And he goes, yeah, let's fucking, let's go for a weekend.

And so me, my mom, my buddy Sam, both my brothers, just fucking let's go drink. Great, great time. That was a great spot. Unbelievable. Like, so fun. Then my mom's like, you know, we're going to continue this. So Sam leaves just with my family. Let's go to Disney.

Yeah. So we go to Disney. And I'm like, all right. This is great. They had a house already planned out. We go to Disney. A ton of fun. And not a Disney adult, but, like, I can still enjoy Disney.

You can still have fun like i'm not wearing the ears every day right okay now my family has to fly back my mom and steven go to wisconsin andrew goes to arizona i just go down to miami and they're like, all right, when's your flight? I go, the only one I can get is at 9 p.m. I'm like, okay. Ours is at 3. And I'm like, I have no car. I got to go to the airport with you. So I'm at the airport six hours early.

And my mom felt terrible. This is like five years ago now. Felt terrible. She goes, hey, thank you for just, like, coming to the airport mom felt terrible this is like five years ago now it felt terrible she goes hey thank you for just like coming to the airport not making this a big deal here's like 50 bucks go grab a drink and i'm like mom 50 at an airport for six hours ain't gonna last me long i find a bar right by my gate perfect Perfect. There's people having fun there. I'm like, all right, I'm going to ease my way into this.

I'm not drunk yet. Start drinking. Start hanging out with them. And then the plane that's, like, boarding, I can't even say before me because it's six hours before me. Like, just at that time of day, gets de-boarded. They're like, yeah, we had an issue with the plane. Please get off the plane. So the guy that was next to me gets on, comes back off, and he goes,

might be a bit. I'm going to have another beer. Board him again. Deboard him again. He goes, you still here? I go, buddy, I'm here till 9 p.m. He goes, oh, shit. 9 p.m.

And he goes, oh, shit. I sat with four different groups of people just trying to, like, get through the day. Like, you're a lot of fun. Like, are we on the plane together? I go, nope, I'm on the next one. Just kept saying it to people. And, like, that one group was like, you're still here? I'm like, dude, it's going to.

And I remember it's the second drunkest I've ever been on a plane. I got on the plane, and it was a 35-minute flight from Orlando to Miami. 35-minute flight. And they go, hey. And I'm hammered. And they go, hey, it's a short flight. We still do drink service. If you really want it's like only like paid drink service no free drinks we're gonna run through real fast if you want anything just let us know and i'm like it's kind of row 12 small plane and they run through they've taken no orders

no orders and they get to me and they go, would you like something? And she almost just starts leaving. I go, I'll take a double scotch on the rocks. And she goes, what? I go, yeah. Yeah, I'm really having a good time tonight. She goes, you sure? I go, yeah.

She goes, there's 20 minutes left in this. So I go, it'll get done. It's done. My buddy picked me up and he goes, you got to go. Wasted. Went back, watched the Packers beat the bears i was like this is a good this is a good day this is a good day drunk is everybody on a plane though went to arizona visit the same buddy stayed up till four in the morning drinking taking car bombs in someone's apartment like making our own car bombs is a problem. Went to sleep for 30 minutes. Ubered to the airport.

I was so like delusionally drunk and happy that I had one beer. One beer at the airport. A Bud Light, the like bullet Bud Lights. And I FaceTimed every person I knew. I was like, how are you guys doing? I miss you. I was just like, what are you doing? They're like, it's 8 o'clock in the morning. I was like, how are you guys doing? I miss you. I have like, just like, what are you doing?

They're like, it's eight o'clock in the morning. I'm like, I'm having a great time. Like, we should get together sometime. Like, okay. I got in my seat. Yeah. Went like this. I woke up when we hit the ground. I was like, oh shit, this is phenomenal.

It's the best way to do flights. It's the best way to do flights. Is this, like, fireballs easy? That's going to suck butt. I got to, what is this? I got to remember this. Why was that not coming out? Fact that I got to do this again.

Judd, we need you, buddy There's only one left Genevieve Get Brew out here We're gonna make him a man You can't get my dog drunk That's animal abuse Oh, boy

What other good flight stories do I have? I don't know if I have. Do you ever have, well, not anymore because we're taking men, but have you ever had the airport romances? No. They're not like real airport romances, but you're walking to the airport. You see a very pretty lady, and you're like,

I hope they're on my flight. You get to your gate. They are on your flight? No. And you're like, I hope they're on my flight. You get to your gate. They are on your flight. No. And you're like, Oh, I really hope that they're going to end up sitting next to me. They don't.

They're a couple rows ahead, but the entire time you're flying or like they're a couple rows behind, you can pretty much picture the, your entire future together. No. Do you ever have that? Oh, I airport romance.

So I see all the videos. Everyone's like, Oh, what's, why is there always this like sexual tension between between you and the guy in the airport? There's never sexual tension. It's all in your head. It's all in your head.

It's all in your head. All in your head. But you can go through that whole thought process like, oh my God, I bet she's got a really good personality. I bet if I fucking hit her with one of these jokes after I just smashed 12 beers at the bar. Yeah, if I hit her with something right now, she's going to fall in love she's gonna fall meanwhile she's like flying to go see her d1 athlete boyfriend just like it like it never actually is going to work out and you're like i'm going to the bachelor party with

the guys at the wisconsin dells i when i was a single man um good terms always saw like oh fuck it'd be cool like you you have that you're like oh what if you did meet a lady at the airport i don't think i've ever seen an attractive woman at the airport wow ever maybe it's all my beers i've had it might be like damn she's real hot i have had um that when i was there for six, one of the people I was talking to was a couple. And then I was like between a couple and then another guy. I was talking to this guy for a while. This couple sat down and the wife was talking to me a lot.

And the husband left and was talking to her. And I was like, I'm terrible with like context clues or things like my girlfriend be like those girls just like stared at you i go who and she goes you're not seeing i go i thought we're the only people in this bar um and i genuinely not that it's not like a line like i genuinely mean like i we would walk into a dead bar like those three just stared at you i go we're the only ones here yeah i'm looking at you and the bartender because i'm trying to get round number two exactly have a good time but the wife ended up like getting up and like leaving for a second i looked over and the guy goes are you going home with that guy's

wife i go what are you talking about i think i'm just like a genuinely like naturally flirty personality where I can be playful, I guess. I guess would that be the term? Some people pick it up as you being flirty. Yeah. You're looking at it as. Well, in reality, I have a childlike mind and I'm just like, yeah, of course that would be fun. The amount of times I can say you and I have been in the middle of a conversation and you've touched my genitals. I know you're just doing it because you're just being with the guy.

Yeah, I just want to make sure you feel good. I don't think you're trying to hit on me. Some people don't pick up on that. Some people don't get it on your, hey, just hang with the guy personality. Do we have more of these? There's a final two. Ooh, that's a bummer. I have a spotted cow for you.

That's it. Yeah, I don't need another shot right now. I have a spotted cow. Can I have another spotted cow? Or can I have a spotted cow? Well, do That's it. Yeah, I don't need another shot right now. I have a spot of calf. Can I have another spot of calf? Or can I have a spot of calf? Well, do you have one for yourself? Okay, cool. You know what?

We don't need dad. We do need this production light, though, because can you even see your face? No, I look like... Here's the problem is because we have the lights on in the back here. Yeah. But even if the lights were off, it would still be... Yeah, it'd be dark. It'd be dark.

That's all right. Like, let's be honest. This is what people came for. Oh, the only thing people came to see were my stinky soles. Well, here's the thing. We might get a little boost in viewership because the best comments we ever got was our solo episode. Because they loved the angle. The angle of the angle,

whatever it is. Yeah, what was the angle? It was just a little low, I guess. They're like, we can kind of see up your shorts, see your socks. It's crazy. We're out of our shorts here. Now we're all wearing pants. We're staying cozy.

So I wore my red sweatpants today because it is Christmas time. And I was thinking, I was like, you know what? Are we going to be okay being alone? Obviously, we're going to be okay. Because guess what? Let's be honest. We're breaking into our season here. This is our season, this Christmas season.

This is Tim Allen. Dude, we should get – I will get Tim Allen tattooed on me, that name Tim Allen, in the Santa Claus font for this season. I will do that. I feel like we need to ask people to do something for us for you to do that. What should we do? I don't know. 1,000 subs on YouTube?

No, because that's way too close. How close are you? We're like almost 100 away. Just for a tattoo. We got it like For an episode not doing well last week We got good I hope one day

Us being like Oh fuck we got like 40 Is like Are you kidding me You got 40 And we're getting like whatever But you know what For just a small town guys

Started this in my mom's basement We're doing okay I will get Tim Allen In the Santa Claus font Tattooed Not his face Tim Allen's name Tattooed. Not his face. Tim Allen's name. Tattooed on my body. Where?

It's got to be thigh, right? Yeah. It'd be thigh. Maybe with the Santa Claus hat. Can you do back thigh just right under ass cheek? I'd have to talk to the boss, but yeah. She's never back there is she she's going down your chimney jesus okay here here's a serious question though

i know it's the day after halloween christmas is happening tomorrow in my head really are you head really are you see i'm not that way and i love it i have a hard-on for santa claus yeah december 1st december 1st our decorations decorate right after we try to decorate right after um thanksgiving see that's that's the earliest I will allow it. I kind of like... I'm in between, where I like delayed gratification. Where it's like December 1st, fucking balls to the walls. You have your fall decorations up through Thanksgiving.

Then you have six days. Five days. To just like, you know what? Go get your shit together. Because it's coming and then december 1st like christmas music cannot happen till december 1st agree you can decorate after thanksgiving but christmas music does not music goes up the day you start decorating because you're gonna want to listen to yes the music while you're decorating. I would not start decorating before Thanksgiving. But you do want to be able to enjoy it.

Because typically Christmas decorating takes a lot more time than every other decorating. So you want it up. It's the happiest. You have to take it down by January 1st or 2nd. Oh, my Christmas decorations are down before the New Year. Yeah, they have to be down. By latest, January 1st or 2nd. Oh, my Christmas decorations are down before the new year. The new year. By latest, January 1st or 2nd. That's it. You can't have a Christmas tree up. You can't have

tinsel. You can't have ribbons. You can have snow-themed stuff, but you gotta get rid of it. See, as much as I love it, I'm very much a when it's over, it's over. Don't, and I think that's with everything. It's like, when your time is expired, go. That was, that was, I like that it was timed well.

When your time's expired, just shit your pants. When your time's expired, it's done. Okay, do that. Camera two. Look at that. Camera two. yeah okay do that camera two but yeah it's it's approaching christmas season and i'm excited christmas season but i feel like let's be honest two weeks ago it was 75 degrees outside i know like two weeks ago i was like it's still summer it turns so fast especially when we did the golf outing a month and a half ago. When you get snow early, you're like, fuck this.

I'm over it. It's already winter. It's already almost Christmas. But here's the thing is, right now, after Halloween, that's when Christmas shopping goes in my head because I like to get it all out of the way. See, now I'm freaking, not freaking out, but I'm like, all right. I need to make a list.

I need to check it multiple times, but I'm like, all right, I need to make a list. I need. Check it multiple times probably. Probably twice, twice at the minimum per Santa Claus's schedule. And now I'm like, all right. I start racking my brain around this time. I'm like, all right, what has every person I like that I'm willing to get presents for? What have they said? No, I am not a what they need person with presents. No, what have they said? Yeah, I a what they need person with presents no what have

they said yeah i get what you're saying i get what you're saying oh that's a not a pet peeve christmas should be fun for fun talk to my sweet baby girl about this because she's been watching these fucking dipshit tiktok parents talk about we get three things for our kids one thing that they want one thing that they need and a book i go i don't want my kids to come out weird christmas is for them getting everything they ever wanted and like one thing they didn't get because then they really got to work for it yeah and she's like but we don't want. Or it's a rocket ship and we can't make it. She's like, we don't want them to get. She used to say it to do all this.

I go, fine. Santa does those three, get the three for them. Santa gives them those things. Santa give them the big gift. Santa can give them the thing they need. Santa can give them the book. But guess what? Daddy's coming down the chimney.

Papa's coming down the chimney. Papa's coming down the chimney with a fuckload of presents. And he's not checking with Mama Claus. No. If you're going to have this shitty attitude. And so what's going to happen is, here's the thing. I'm the rapper. I wrap all the presents.

I'm really good at it. Real quick. Was your mom the big one Christmas time when you were growing up? Both. Both? My mom was the big one. Was the present. She was like the fun one.

Present buyer, yeah. Because she had the vacation to do it. Flip flops. Now Papa's going to be, yeah. But that's even more dangerous. It's so much more dangerous because if, because mom's still going to spend the money. If dad's willing to spend the money, holy shit, those kids are going to be. They're buying trucks.

Yeah. Guess what? You got two motorcycles. One for you, one for me. Yeah. It's going to be wild. She's like, Jack, we can't do that. I go, yes, we're fucking doing that that i'm not wasting my time on christmas with obviously i would love to make sure my kids

are smart with their money and smart and like enjoy their presence i'm gonna be able to make sure that happens all right i'm not gonna be like look at santa dropped everything off he ever wanted i'm like mom and dad were really hard for this and santa dropped off this big one that's gonna be pretty much what it is there's gonna be a lot of magic in the air with my children. Okay. Two things. Two things. One, if the kids are raised right and well enough.

Jewish. I was going to go Muslim. They don't get gifts. So if they were raised right and well enough. Do you have gift-giving holidays? If anyone that's watching this is Muslim, do you guys have gift giving holidays? If anyone is watching this is Muslim Do you guys have gift giving holidays? I don't think they do

I'm not even going to try and dabble in that Cut it So if they were raised Like well enough Christmas should just be like A fucking huge reward Like if 99.9% of the days they're hardworking, they work for what they want, whatever, growing up.

You're like, hey, not everything comes, you don't get everything you want. But like there's this magical thing where like, you know what? There is someone who like Santa gives you a bunch of fun presents yeah it should be like the reason we love it so much and i think people are attracted to people who love it so much is because we viewed it as like this awe this wonder this shot it's cool it's cool and but you know what like You just bought a house. Congratulations, by the way. I'm moving on to new jobs, hopefully soon.

Figure it out. I think we're both doing fairly well for ourselves. And I think we were kind of spoiled when we were kids on Christmas. On Christmas. On Christmas. So our parents did well outside of it. So your time to spoil them is Christmas. Christmas is. On Christmas. So our parents did well outside of it. So your time to spoil them is Christmas. Christmas is a good time.

So I don't think there's anything wrong with spoiling them. Now, do you need to, if your kids have, like, my brother always was like, I want two cars. I want a guitar. And then if you give me a house, that'd be great. And we're like, yeah, go fucking. Yeah, kick rocks. Kick rocks, buddy. That's not gonna happen but

like i loved when my mom gave me the uh what was it like any like the catalog and like your color is red and we'd get like stickers and we'd mark it yeah and we go do that so like you creating that for children i think is healthy and you know what's also really fun too is when you're a kid like you really don't know what's that cool. You're just kind of circling things that look good on camera, like on pictures. Yeah. And, like, just, like, waking up and being like, oh, Santa got this one right. I didn't even know this existed.

Like, I didn't even know it was a possibility to get a PlayStation. Oh, yeah. Like, growing up. And Santa fucking parachuted a PlayStation game because he forgot to drop it off the presents, guys. Growing up, and Santa fucking parachuted a PlayStation game because he forgot to drop off the presents, guys. This is Christmas magic. Santa forgot to drop off the presents. Santa dropped a parachute with a PlayStation game,

and I go, PlayStation game? Where do I go play a PlayStation? And there was a map, obviously, fucking just downstairs. And it was already set up waiting for me, and I put the little game in the thing, played it. I didn't even know you could get a PlayStationstation i didn't know that was a thing like no one likes if they would have just went off what i was circling it would have been like just miscellaneous bullshit that i thought looked cool on pictures but when santa's coming through me like hey this

is the cool shit like that's mostly what my parents said it wasn't even necessarily things i circled it was like oh we're gonna blow your mind with this one exactly at the end of the day your parents know shit like my parents did the same thing we've talked about this before like i don't know how they got us to look there but every christmas when we were growing up we had the same number of presents no matter the price so like let's say like one thing for one of us like four grand never was four grand by the way we're not i'm just being ridiculous just a just a number yeah just a number okay and my mom would be like all right there's a present for four grand and then all your other presents are a dollar right but you had 10 presents and then my brother could have like a bunch of presents 10 presents add up yeah 500 500, whatever, and then, and then, I don't know how we did it,

but I was like, oh, one of you is missing, like, it's only 11 presents, and they're like, I wonder where it would be, maybe he dropped it in the fireplace,

when you guys are coming down, and we found, a GameCube game, nice, and we're like, and I remember, it was Mario Kart Double Dash, I won't forget this,

that's what, maybe why I brought Mario. And I was like, why do we have a game? My brother goes, why do we have a game? Like GameCube game. We don't even have a GameCube. And I'm like, holy shit. And we ran downstairs in the basement.

It's already set up. Everything like that. And we're like, holy shit. It's a great stand to work. We're excited now to have your kids talk about what you did when they were younger. Yeah. It's a dream. I think any parent would be like, oh, I fucking nailed it.

My dad had saved the hooves of deer he killed. That's such a Wisconsin thing. It's such a Wisconsin thing. My dad killed 18 deer Because we needed We didn't stuff them He cut the hooves off Like uh One deer

And then put like Deer tracks in the yard Yep And so like Just eating the cookies And all that It's great Now here's the question though

For two guys that clearly like I want my kids to be like Santa's real. Cutoff's 10. There you go. 10? Cutoff's 10. I think my cutoff was like fourth grade, which is like right at 10.

I think that's fair. But even then, like after that cutoff, parents still did the work of Santa until high school. Okay. They were still like making it a joke. Is cutoff 10 or is the ideal time 10? I think cutoff's 12. Ideal time is 10.

Ideal time, yeah. 10 is when they should start coming to you with questions. If there's a teen in their age, it's over. Right. You can't be a teen and still believe in Santa Claus. 10 is when they should start asking questions. If they do, like, 10 is when they should start asking questions.

And if they do, you got to tell them. Okay. What is your one piece of advice to parents, to new parents, okay, or parents who are now in the age of, like, my kids kind of know presents are coming, not like they're one we put present of the tree just to have the decoration like the kids are five six seven yep okay we actually gotta start hiding shit how what's the best and you can take this any way you want what's your advice into

gift giving as santa for like hiding stuff or to give gifts as Santa? Don't start giving good gifts until they're five. That's the only time I can do that. Yeah, that's fair. You can give like fun gifts. The gifts should be diapers

until they know what's going on so you're just buying yourself shit. Yep. Five is when they start doing it. In terms of like

hiding stuff, if you live close to your family, like parents, it's like grandma and grandpa, you house all the gifts over there. Get rid of the

evidence and then the day before you come home from work you pick it up or whatever that kind of thing um in terms of gift giving pretty much just get i mean it's difficult because i'm not going to be in the line with what kids like these days they're all fucking yeah fidgets fidget stuff and like well they're gonna know they don't want it they're gonna need fidget stuff and then i don't know like a tiktok ring light yeah it's like crazy shit we're like my parents was pretty much like hey is there a cool star wars lego cool get that like or and i was always big on like i was only child so it was always like okay what can we give them that's going to take time to build? And then, like, he's going to keep wanting to play with it.

So a lot of Legos, a lot of, like, things like that. Video games. But I was never, like, super into playing video games, like, religiously until I honestly probably got to college. I didn't, like, have anything to do, like, during the winter. Like, if I was, like, coming home from classes, I'd be like, I'm just going to play until my roommates get home. Are you glad you got into video games? kind of kind of not i mean there's kind of a love hate thing i like i think it's a good i think if you have a healthy relationship with it it's a good stress relief yeah i think it's a good good thing for me because i like

my imagination likes to run and then uh um i think it's fun if there's like a game that kind of captivates it um but i also like reading like i game that kind of captivates it But I also like reading Like I have a lot of books here I like to paint Like I have a lot of other hobbies that I like to do in the meantime And I don't buy every game I want I just buy like really good ones What do you think of this for my advice?

Yeah And I told my mom this First advice was Stop buying us board games No board games Stop buying Like every year we each got a board game i go mom we open it on christmas we'll play one of them there's also nine of them that are still in the plastic just sitting in the corner in our toy room kind of thing um what is it um

you can get the family one board game it's a collective thing yeah like a santa get the family one board game for that day. It's a collective thing, yeah. Like a Santa to the family kind of thing. And then that'd be a fun tradition. Like Santa to the family, this is what you guys are playing on Christmas. Right. For like a little bit. Just don't make a monopoly. What I always told, so when I found out and then when my brothers were still young or when my brothers just refused to go shopping with my mom

because my tradition, Black Friday every year, I go shopping with my mom. And I used to kind of pick out my presents. Yep. And then I would help pick out everyone else's presents. And presents as like, because we always got like some clothing and stuff like that, like, oh, this would be a fun jacket,

which clothing is a tough thing to get because you always, you're in the mood for something warm because it's cold out in Wisconsin, and you're like, you know what? Sooner or later, it's not going to be warm. I'm not going to wear this. Right. My advice would be do that because your kids are going to get what they want for sure. Like, go shopping with them.

Like, have, like like your oldest go with them but then go rogue you have to go rogue you have to go rogue because my my mom to this day like and i still love them and i tell them like stop like you don't need to give me a ton of stuff like every year she's like we're doing less and less on presents i'm like why have you been saying that since i was 18 okay um she's like we need your list less and less on presents. I'm like, why have you been saying that since I was 18? Okay. She's like, we need your list. And I got that question a month ago. I need your Christmas list. I'm like, all right, relax.

One year I said jump ropes and I got 19 of them. Because I don't want any. I feel bad. But go rogue. Because as they get older, there's like one thing they want. They know they're going to get it. Okay. And then the rest, like that's when listening comes in.

Like, you know what? He was talking about, like, I've been really trying to work out. And I've been enjoying jumping ropes. So we got a bunch of jump ropes. Or just like you saw your daughter's son. Like, look at this. And just like buy that because they didn't say anything about it. Like, oh, I wouldn't get this for myself.

Or like they made a joke once. They made a joke about something once. Give them that as a gag gift because as they get older, that's fun. The surprise. The surprise is the big one. Because as you get older, I mean, my grandparents, my mom calls me like, what do you want? And I go, toolbox. Yeah yeah i'm getting a toolbox that's the thing is like as you get older we want actual practical things like for me for like the last two years like i want cooking stuff

i'm trying to build my like kitchen i want to be able to like oh like one of my goals in life is i want my kids to be like my dad makes this way better than this restaurant kind of thing. Yeah, my dad can make some fucking food. So I want, like, every kitchen apparatus. So, like, that's kind of what I got. But, like, that one thing that has nothing to do with anything I've talked about directly about Christmas, and I'm like, holy shit, mom listens. Cool move. You're like, holy shit, mom listens. It's a cool move.

You're like, this is awesome. This is awesome. Even if you're like, I'll never, not never use it, but like, oh,

this is a fun gag gift. It's great. How much time do you think we've been doing? We're over an hour. Are we over an hour? We gotta be. It's 7.57.

What did you say we were here? I'm in no rush. I'm kind of having fun right now. We get to Christmas? We get to Christmas. We're here for hours. Christmas? Oh.

Jen's asleep. Is she? You said here at 6.32. Probably took us... 30 to set up, maybe? Yeah. So we're here for about an hour. Do you think Judd,

one, feels left out, two, can keep up with the Christmas talk, three, is going to get annoyed that we're going to

bring up Christmas every day until Christmas? I think we need to start doing our own Christmas stuff and making Judd be a part of it every episode

until Christmas now. I think Judd needs to dress up as an elf for the rest of the year. Yeah. I like that idea. Do we just, like, not do 10 episodes of Fall and switch to Christmas right away? We could just do Christmas.

And here's the fun thing. Once we move, there's a room down there we could just set up in there. Well, what happens when I move? Yeah, it depends on when you move. But once we move, we have enough space to just load up. So this is how I'm yeah it depends on when you move but once we move we have enough

space to just load up so this is how i'm imagining it i move my place obviously decorated with christmas stuff yep you move my place decorated obviously decorated christmas stuff and we're doing this virtually so we're gonna cut to like me cut to you fucking holly jolly judd fucking Fucking Holly Jolly Judd Fucking nothing It's just gonna be like A blank wall And a couch And he's gonna be like Hi guys Yeah he's gonna have his clipboard How are my monkeys doing today

And we'll be like We're having some Holly Jolly good time right now I don't know about you dude I am very thankful For how much he does though For Now we're in the

I would never I would never spend that much time Thinking of a game I've thought about Thinking of games He's been so creative would never spend that much time thinking of a game I've thought about thinking of games he's been so creative with stuff I've thought about

thinking of games and I go I can't do what John does the problem is I start thinking about it like

on the right here yeah you started thinking about it as I was hitting record and you're like you know what I got a game

we got booed have you been booed on Halloween oh booing was so fun booing is fun yeah booing is fun for those of you who haven't booed it's basically like youed at Halloween? Oh, booing was so fun. Booing is fun. Yeah. Booing is fun.

For those of you who haven't booed, it's basically like you find two people. Ding dong ditching. Ding dong ditching, but you give them a goodie bag, and they have to put boo. They got booed in their front door, and then after that, then they go boo two other people. And you can't get booed again after that. Correct. You shouldn't be able to get booed after that. Yeah.

But sometimes people like to go and get their buddies. They'll do like three. They'll get their buddies with a good one. That kind of thing. But this is all boo. Boo boo. Oh, you got booed? Yeah.

And Jen and I weren't going to drink it. And I was like, well, let's throw this in here. That's, like, all I was going to do. Why not? Yeah. But, yes, that's why we grabbed that. But, yeah, I'm not able to do those games. Those games are pretty creative.

I mean, just in the prep time, like, he's printing shit out. He's on company time. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's, like, without him. We have 15 minutes of tape. Without him, that golf outing doesn't happen. The promo doesn't happen. Like, certain groups, some prizes and stuff like that.

Like, that putting competition, which I apologize to anyone that actually genuinely cares about seeing this golf outing. It's been a lot to try and get out. Like that little competition in the end doesn't happen. He filled in for a comedian that dropped out. He genuinely does do a lot of work. As much as I want to give him shit for being a wiffle ball champion,

by the way, it doesn't start until 9 o'clock. What the fuck? What time is it right now? 8.01. Should I just call him and see if he won? If he's like, hey, it hasn't started yet. Can you call the group chat? Yeah, I'll call the group chat. You call the group chat. Hello, Brew.

Hey, Brew. He's not answering. Okay, I actually have a question for you. Can you answer it into the microphone? Okay. So, it's November 1st, which means it's Christmas season. Okay. I need you to tell me your ideal Christmas morning into day.

My ideal Christmas morning? Yeah. And you Christmas morning? Yeah. And you know what? Let me set the scene. Let me set the scene. I'll let you pick one of two. You're either seven years old, Christmas morning,

no responsibilities, or you're a mom with a five-year-old, Christmas morning, family is coming to you guys for Christmas. Go whatever route you want. I'll go Christmas morning. I think I'm going to go the mom route.

Okay. Shocker. And wake up early and drink some coffee. And, yeah, just watch the kids open presents and then play games and eat cinnamon rolls. Okay, how many presents do your kids have? Three. Three? Okay.

A want, a need, and a read. And I stand by that firmly. We disagree. We disagree. We've already talked about it. Did you bring that up that I believe in that? I hate that. My sister is doing it this year.

My nieces are going to be pissed. She spent $4 billion on Christmas last year. That's why she wants to do it. Well, she's broke. But you know what I do agree with? Cinnamon rolls. 100%. Homemade. Are you good at baking? Good at baking?

Are cinnamon rolls okay? Cinnamon rolls. Okay. Could it be? Are cinnamon rolls over? Cinnamon rolls. I never tried, but I could get a good at it. Okay. Lady, I'm so happy you have your hair back. You are back to being absolutely adorable. She's cute again. I said she's cute again.

She peed on the bed yesterday. My cat pooped on my bed the other day. Honestly, I'd rather get my bed pooped on than peed on. Yeah, oh. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because it just lingers. It lingers.

And poop. The whole thing. You honestly just got to get rid of the mattress. Yeah. We had. Dog pees a lot in the bed. Okay. And I've peed a lot in the bed.

I know you've peed a lot. Not more than twice. We're going to wrap this up soon, but I had a roommate in college. I don't know if I brought this up to you, but he notoriously would get hammered and pee the bed. And I won't say his name, but you know who I'm talking about. Alex. I knew it was him. I knew it was Alex.

And in college, like, when you're in that stage of life, you're like, I just don't give a shit. Yeah. And we had a hangover routine in our apartment. Me and my buddy Connor would sit on our L couch like this. Our feet touch we'd each have a family style box from pizza hut like wings wings pizza bread six we'd each eat like two pieces because we're deadly hungover alex would be sitting on the floor and he would just make noises she going, and sent us on the whole day, and we'd watch Siesta Key. And then our buddy Zim,

our other roommate, who was just stupid, like the hardworking one of the group, so the dynamic was hardworking, too very smart, and then I'm fucking, he would just go to the library and study. Wow.

And I was like, wow, dude, that's like, being able to do that drunk is impressive. But Alex peed a lot. And never really changed the sheets or bed at all. So, like, you would almost just let it dry and then. That's too much. Yeah. It was not great.

So much so that Alex or Alex and Sam moved out for the summer. Connor and I stayed. Alex is the peer. Alex is the peer. And Connor and I shared a room. I go, you know what, Connor, we should do for the summer is I'll take their room. You can have our room. We each have our own room.

This is great. you can have our room we each have our own room this is great i'll like because it's a little bigger i'll take and has i'll think a little nicer bathroom the shower head's actually still on it's not just like a hose stream coming out of the wall um which we did have um i'll clean it and we're good and i got rid of this kid's mattress. And when I tell you, I almost, like no exaggeration, threw up three times on the floor. I grabbed yellow rubber gloves to get this mattress, and instead of taking it out of the apartment, I went to our balcony, threw it off our balcony towards the trash cans,

like the dumpsters, and I go, good enough. No one's going to touch it. It sat there. No one touched it. Not a homeless guy slept on it, nothing. It smelled so bad. It was just pee. Oh, it was like to the other side of the mattress.

You know, like if you pee on a mattress, you have the pee circle. You flip the mattress over, you don't see the pee circle. Imagine seeing it on both sides. That's so gross. It's not good. That's what Jen does with diarrhea. Got a loose sphincter. Oh, man. bye honey

any parting words anything you want to talk about I have one serious thing I want to say at the very end but that's just like something that happened today my version of like a best wishes to a family i'm uh i'm done go for it done uh i have said no one will listen to this but like this is a little not therapy and i won't pretend to be like overly like emotional about anything but i've said on here a lot I am a firm believer

that people do have depression and anxiety I'm also a firm believer that people use it as an excuse people who are lazy I had someone in my fraternity pass away on Monday

not sure what for have my inklings but I my fraternity pass away on Monday. Not sure what for. Have my inklings. But I want to say I wish the family the best. Check on your friends. I think I know a lot of people say, a lot of people say check on your friends. And no one does it.

So I think if enough people maybe one day say it we actually will so instead i'll be like hey if you have the thought i haven't talked to this guy in a while give him a ring just say hi don't even give him a ring you can say hey what's up don't need to reply after that because let's be honest neither one of you are going to care but just hearing from someone's kind of nice so i I wish that family the best. They don't need the names. No, no one needs names. And it's not a depressing note,

but I think it's a good thing to bring up. The wise words of Patrick McAfee, be a friend, tell a friend, something nice could change their life. So I'm going to say something nice to you. Okay. Right now, I like your new hat. Thank you. Isn't it nice? It's a nice new hat. to say something nice to you. Okay. Right now. I like your new hat.

Thank you. Isn't it nice? It's a nice new hat. It's a nice new hat. Rachel got it for me. I was like, I need something for the game. It's a good one. Yeah.

I almost want to sweatshirt. That's your style of your hat. It is my, oh my. It's the perfect Kuski hat. I was going to be like, is that a new hat? I go, but I feel like it's not a new hat. It's a Kuski style. It's a terrible. Okay.

I don't know why I said it's a terrible. Rachel's not good at picking out hats. Okay. Or she wasn't. She doesn't wear hats. She wasn't. She's got good hair. She doesn't need to wear hats.

When she wears hats, she looks like a lesbian. Like a really hot lesbian. By the way, the entire time we were at the Boone and the game, all she did was get hit on by women. I went to go get food or get a drink and these two these two girls were like you're fucking lucky and i'm like why there you go rachel i go oh yeah i'm just doing this and i'm like yeah but like what do you mean she goes she's fucking bad i go are you hitting on my girlfriend right now and then there was an actual

gay couple that was like like really hitting on her and right now And then there was an actual gay couple That was like Like really hitting on her and one girl like Wanted her and wouldn't leave her alone And was just talking to her And I hadn't been introduced yet And I show up and I'm like oh this is Michael my boyfriend And I watched her face physically go from like Oh my god Rachel's here

Like fuck me Jesus Christ I'm like your girlfriend's next to you This guy has parts I don't have. But. But you also. It's more difficult to find the clip. I'm not saying you don't know how to do it. I don't even have a fucking clue.

But I digress. This is the first one I was like, I need a hat. I think she finally figured out kind of what I like. Dry fit, nice and light. It's a nice hat. I don't like it flat,

slightly bent. It's not. It's got Slightly bent The wide one It's got the cord Yeah She killed it She nailed it Good job Rachel You make a good lesbian

I'm gonna say something nice about you now And we'll leave And this is a lot for me to say I think you Are the personality of this podcast now. Thank you. I'm going to drink

this Tippy Cow. That's Tippy Cow? Mm-hmm. Remember that? And I'm going to tell you, my fiance actually picked out this personality. I didn't know what I liked,

but I really like nice lightweight, lightweight personality. Yeah. Good socks, nice little bend to the left. Chocolate shake. It's pretty good.

I've never had one. No, you definitely bring it's nice for me because I can be fucking stupid and goofy. You can be a facilitator. I can always be stupid and goofy, you know?

Yep. And I can facilitate a little bit so I don't need to play completely, you know, admin role. Yep. Judd plays dad. Sorry, Judd.

Your dad. Your dad, well, you like it or not. You're 42 and you play wiffle ball. So old and wise. That's chocolate. Do you want to finish it? Yeah, that's pretty damn good.

It's delicious. I'm going to pee on my sweet baby girl tonight. So how do we sign off? See a friend. friend something nice be a friend tell a friend be a friend pat i'm you know what i can't say i can't say b i can't so it's if you see your friend tell your friend something rude to lower their guard then say something nice if you're a guy or if you see someone looking at something through a window, buy it for them for Christmas. That's probably even better.

You know what? Here's my final message. Genevieve, I know you won't listen to this, but if you buy your kids three presents, one for fun, one they need, and one to read, I will haunt you the rest of your life. Jack's kids need to be spoiled. Darkness! That's the end of your life. Jack's kids need to be spoiled. Darkness!

That's the end of the episode. Good night.