Fat Chance Podcast - The Real Story of Helen Keller - Ep.122

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Judd uncovers the truth behind Helen Keller. Jack's shady past is also uncovered. Michael mentally was not there during this. SPONSORED BY: @DrinkWisconsinbly & Drink Wisconsinbly Beverage Co. DW produces high-quality beverages at an approachable price, perfect for toasting all the people, places, and things that make our home state unlike any other place in the world. Find them near you https://www.wisconsibly.com/beverages/ Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

Who said water? This is a toss up. I don't know. It's definitely me. I don't know when I would have said that. A talent killer's first words. Yeah, I was going to say that. Just ego-driven maniacs but we're we're living in the comments of them like yelling at each other there's like so many one of them is how is natural selection i picked you off already like

like people get it's so scary seeing people like get on the internet and just get so furious so upset we've been asked how people have not picked us off yet. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, oh, people think we're absolutely stupid. You think people are going to murder us? No. No.

No. People thought you two were dumb when you're like, what does by volume mean? Oh, yeah. They don't get jokes. Sarcasm hasn't got to everyone in the planet yet. No, it's always funny. You see someone with a good joke one, and everyone just gets so mad. But it is funny.

It is funny. I mean, my favorite thing is when people take jokes seriously. You'll have a crowd member or anything, and you're on stage, and you're like, that's not true. And I was like, oh, you don't think I was fucking joking about the thing I said? What show did you think you paid for?

Yeah. I need a TED Talk. Although some people going up at open mics are really serious about some of the stuff they say. Yeah. My favorite thing now, it makes me laugh every time, is when an open mic-er, it's his first time, open mic-er, it's his first time, will then go onto his Facebook or the scene's Facebook and thank the club for having him

after his first open mic. Thank you, everyone, for having me. Yeah, thank you to LaffyDaff for having me last night. I was like, dude, they don't give a shit. Well, it's also like, why? Why would you do that? You weren't asked to be there.

Yeah. The networking part, it's going to get them booked. It, you weren't, like, asked to be there. Yeah. The thing is, like, the networking part, it's going to get them booked. It's like, no, that's not how it works. I do get a kick out of some of the posts, though, that are, like, and they're just people asking questions. And, like, there's always someone that trolls answers. And I'm like, man, they're just asking. Like, they're trying.

They're genuinely trying, yeah. But the thing is, they're genuinely asking in a group full of people that fucking hate that you're trying like that's what it is yeah well it's also i i mean i told this to someone who put a post up of his show that was trying to gain traction of comedians to come to the show and it was like an hour away and i was like dude you're putting this in in the Milwaukee scene page for basically your coworkers. Like they're not the people you want to show. And it looks like you're showing off that you have a show. Right. And people are going to hate you for it.

Yep. The only thing serious you can put in that group is that you have a show, like just the poster. That's it. You cannot ask a question. You cannot give an opinion. Even then you putting your show in there. Even like even put your show in there.

Or like or posting the open mic thing. That's the only thing. That's really the only one. Yeah. That's the only reason why you should be in that group. It's because you want to find open mics. Think of it as like an informative like Q&A. Or if you're an out of towner and be like,

hey, where do I go? Yeah, it's like an informative Q&A. Yeah. But when you ask for the open mic thing, it's very funny when everyone's like, it's at the fucking go? Yeah, it's like a formative Q&A. Yeah. But when you ask for the open mic thing, it's very funny when everyone's like, it's at the fucking top. Oh, yeah. So completely out of state.

That's every Facebook group, though. Every group, there's always someone that joins, and they ask the question, which is like the whole group is based off of. And everyone knows where it is. It's not hard to find. And so you join in, and people go crazy. I'm on a bunch of groups for painting.

And they're also based around the game. And it's so funny. Someone will ask a question and it will just spark extremely heated and downright violent debates in the chat. Over painting? Like technique? No, like rules of the games. Yeah, sometimes technique goes. It's so funny i get i can probably get lost for an hour which is everyone's so passionate about the thing that they love

so if any like outsider who's like doesn't show that same passion they're like get the fuck out of here like get the hell out of here they just want to show that they're better than you in some way of knowing something and then it's i saw like a post too it was like if i ever need like a a question answered on how to do something i will find someone in like on reddit that has asked that same question answer it completely incorrectly and then just wait for people to correct me because there's nothing that people love more than correcting people oh like they won't they won't help someone out of their being nice but they'll comment like you stupid bitch stay in the kitchen. This is what you're supposed to do.

And it's like that's. Reddit is the best place to go get anything answered, though. It might take you a few threads to find the answer, but it is the best place. I love Facebook comments so much. There's people on Facebook that honestly, like I can't stop following, but i should have unfollowed like years ago but they just put everything out there they're like i don't care if me my baby daddy had problems i that's none of your business and i'm like well you put that business out there i also love when i'm like scrolling through instagram or something and like there'll be like a video or like a

like a profile and it's like just just for an example just like a hot chick with boobs like so you'll go oh like I've seen this girl what's her name click on it and it's followed by like my dad's best friend's dad or like you know what I mean? And you're like, Ooh, obviously fake. Yes. The obviously fake one. Yeah. And then when your friends fall and you're like, dude,

how did you fall for this? One third picture is just a dude in Africa with this. Yeah. That's close. Like the random, like friend invites and just very clearly like a fake account with just like a hot chick on it. And then like the people that have added them back. Because they just spam add everyone in a vicinity.

And so the people that add them back are always so funny. You're like, yeah, you would answer that one. Yeah. I got a friend request from someone. I was like, who the fuck? I don't know this person. I looked at that, and it was just a picture of them in a bikini laying on there. And it had one like.

And I was like, there's no way that got one like. There's no way. Bot. You're a bot. But those are always good. I also get the spam DMs from those accounts.

They've learned that their name needs to be the subject so that people would click on it. And one said, watch my first BJ. I'm like, no. First of all, that's not the one I want to watch. I want to watch your first time on a skateboard. I'll see that. That's the video I want to see.

But again, first time on a skateboard is much more exciting than first BJ. By the time they get to 100th BJ, much more exciting than 100th time on a skateboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, you really know how to work that thing. Yeah, skateboard is one of the few things that the least knowledgeable, the funnier it is to watch. I want to watch it more. Well, there's one thing that I'm knowledgeable about, and it's fast brandy old-fashioned.

It's coming fast and coming quick. Those are things I know quite well, all right? And this thing that I'm opening up right here does both of those things. And on top of that, it tastes delicious. Would anyone like to partake with me? Why not? Jack, I'll have a brandy old-fashioned from Drink Wisconsin, please.

The fastest brand new old-fashioned. Fastest brand new old-fashioned. Should we make it on three? One, two, three. Made. Done. Done. Now that we've got the obligatory ad read out of the way.

Man, these are so cold. He has it going. These are so cold. They are cold. They get so tasty. That is cold. That one was... It is good when it's cold. He has it going. These are so cold. They are cold. They get so tasty. That is cold. That one was, it is good when it's cold.

It is. If it's warm, it's not. I was like, it was always funny to me when like Coors was like, oh, cold as the Rockies.

And it was like transported in a cold truck. And I was like, but if I sit out in the sun, it's not cold anymore. So then like, it loses all your marketing. If I throw it in my trunk after I buy it and go run another errand.

How cold it is is up to me. Yeah, absolutely. But I feel like the term cold as the Rockies is a tough one because I think they have to now legally, in order for the mountains to turn blue, it has to be as cold as the Rockies. How cold is the Rockies? Temperature fluctuates. Are you serious?

Temperature fluctuates. So how are they maintaining that metric? How do you change can settings when it's in my fridge? That is something you could get sued over. Red Bull's been sued for not giving someone wings before, and they've won it, which is absolutely ridiculous. Smart. We should start. Red Bull won it?

No. This person? Well, I mean, there's always the hot coffee one from McDonald's. That one was serious. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That one was serious. Wait, what happened? The coffee burn?

The lady that sued McDonald's for extremely hot coffee? Yeah, and the big thing was, you know your coffee's going to be hot, but this person got third-degree burn. Oh, really? It melted her legs. Yeah. How much coffee did she order? It melted through the cup.

It was bad. Yeah, no, that was... I remember saying those jokes, oh, coffee's going to be hot, and then I had a class in college, and it was a legal class, and they showed us pictures of her legs and I couldn't look at the screen.

They were that bad. Are you a lawyer now? No, I took one class and I got a C in it. Do you guys like those like disgusting? I mean, you just said you couldn't. I can't watch doctor shows. I came across a TikTok the other day.

It was, I'd watch both parts just to get the reveal but this lady uh was put into a boot and she didn't take it off for two years i don't mean like i mean she showered with it on she slept with on didn't unzip it anything once what they pulled out no was like a video game club it was disgusting like her toes like her foot was like a video game club. It was disgusting. Like her toes. Like her foot was like this thick up and down. And her toes just went in like the wrong directions. Weirdly, no nail really.

But it was so, so fucking gross. I don't know how like I'll get uncomfortable if I'm in like, if you put me in like the closet, I like the closet like I need to get out. If you told me leave the boot on for two years, I would cut my leg off. Why would they have to leave the boot on for two years? I think some people like when you hurt yourself, you're so paranoid that if you take it off, it's going to break. She just lost her goddamn mind. But I'm not kidding you.

mind but i'm not kidding you it was like if shrek got beat in by all three of us at once with nails on our fists it looked like that we're not taking we're not taking that track i've seen him fight all of lord lord there's no way we're taking on trek but just we don't even have a chance with fiona no we don't well don't during the day we could. Donkey tough to handle. Yeah. Puss in Boots, tough to handle. Puss in Boots is fucking our shit up. Oh my, we're dead. We wouldn't even know.

I'd maybe take the gingerbread man. Yeah. Pinocchio. Pinocchio's bitch ass. You could take Pinocchio by his nose. Pinocchio's got reach though.

Yeah, but he has to lie really fast. Yeah. If you get there before he says a damn word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A short snouted Pinocchio.

I'm fucking him up. He keeps me at a distance, so. Who else you taking? Who else could you take? I could take the three blind mice, probably. You definitely could. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. Three little pigs?

No, because they work together as a team pretty well. What about the little, the big bad wolf? No. Yeah, I think I could.. Three little pigs? No, because they work together as a team pretty well. What about the big bad wolf? No. Yeah, I think I could. No, he looks pretty vicious. Yeah, but he couldn't have any pop, do you know? Yeah. I don't know.

I don't think I'd take on a wolf. As long as you don't have a straw house, you're good. If you think you can't take on donkey or puss in boots, you think you're going to take on a wolf that stands on its hind legs and is good at disguises? Good point. Good at disguises? Good at disguises. What about the fairy godmother?

Fairy godmother? No, she's got magic on her side. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were thrown into the Shrek world, do you think you're just like... There's Lord Farquaad's out there. We could fuck up Lord Farquaad. Oh my god, easy. That'd be like fighting me. But with a bowl cut.

And a cape. Yeah. Dude, all you do is pull the cape over your head, give you a noogie. For Halloween this year. Halloween this year, we'll go as Shrek. All right. I'll be Farquaad. You'll be Farquaad.

Yeah. I'll be Donkey. Donkey. And I will be... Puss in Boots. You got the hair. Puss in Boots is good. I like Puss in Boots. I didn't want to be Shrek.

Who could be Shrek? Can you go as Shrek the movie Puss in Boots is good I like Puss in Boots I didn't want to be Shrek who could be Shrek can you go as like Shrek the movie and not one of us is Shrek yeah I think that'd be good if everyone people can ask who's Shrek and you go

he's in the bathroom and he just never comes we're not in a swamp it's true he doesn't like to leave the swamp yeah him and Fiona are having a sexy time

I was like what are you doing dry brows there I in sexy time. I was like, what are you doing right there? I think sexy time. Yeah. I feel like they have to just beat it out. Just bumping uglies? They got to.

They're rocking the swamp. They're splashing. They're splishing. They're splashing. They're getting up in that mud. I wonder how dirty they are naturally. It's so gross. Just gross sex.

Foreplay just can't be a thing. Honestly, the thing that gets talked about frequently about Shrek, though, is that Donkey and Dragon had babies. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. Where? Who? Donkey and Dragon, they had babies. They had little flying donkeys.

What do those kids look like? It was before your time. After your time. I know. I've seen them. Have you seen Shrek? Yeah, I've seen Shrek. Which one's your favorite?

One or two? Because it's not three or four. Two was really good. I think the original, though, that put Smash Mouth on the fucking top. Both those soundtracks, top notch. Up there with, I think, top ten best movie soundtracks is both the Shreks. Yeah.

I'll just lump them together as one. The Shrek, they can be in the top ten movie soundtracks. Okay. I think Guardians of the Galaxy has a great one. Yeah, but those are just... Dude, yeah, that's why it's good. The Tarzan movie soundtrack rips. Tarzan's good.

That's a really darn good one. What's your favorite? I think Hakuna Matata is my favorite of all time. I'm on my way for Brother Bear is my favorite of all time. Okay. That's a fun fact. There's a story about it. I used to block out frequently.

The Brother Bear? No, and then fall asleep on the couch. And what people would do to bring me back to life is play I'm On My Way by Phil Collins, and I would wake up and start partying again. That's fun. It was pretty sick. That's a cool party trick.

If it happened to my best man, Brian, he'd be like, just throw this song on him. Dude, we had that way with my buddy, his name is J-Bone, and he would be passed up if we put a man in the mirror, like Michael Jackson. He would somehow just rise. But with great moves.

Just like, keep it real tight. And we're like, well, you were just passed out. It's wild. That's all he could do if he's that drunk is my eyes would stay closed. Eyes stay closed until you get awake enough and energized enough where they can open and you can take in the world again.

Best soundtrack song in a movie? This might be controversial because I don't know. It's the Soggy Bottom Boys. Oh brother, we're out though. The movie. Man of Constant Sorrow. Play the clip.

No, no, it's not. It's a 70s? No, it's a... God damn it. It's the Roaring 20s? Let's play it. All right, guys. God, if Kuski would have mounted the TV,

we'd be able to play it by now. You've heard it. He did yard work instead of mounting the TV. Yeah, because my wife asked me to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she did. All right, with Soggy Bottom Boys? Yeah.

It's from the movie Oh Brother Where Art Thou with George Clooney. This is going to be a dumb one, just like the wedding song. You didn't like our wedding songs? His was dumb. What the fuck is this? It's part of the movie. Does it get better? Wait, yeah.

It starts off... The last one started out rough, too. No. Dude, this jam is a jam. It's the most Judd fucking answer. It's such a Judd answer. It's like a Backwoods song right there. It does what it's supposed to be.

Because it's the tale of odyssey He goes through all this stuff He stumbles into a radio station And that's like the big song That's a very famous song It's probably got more plays I didn't follow any of that More plays than any one of your songs that you liked

That one? Go on Spotify 39 million views on YouTube, though. Well, I won in yours. I beat yours. You beat me. You beat me for sure. Yeah.

That's right. Yeah. That's right. But that's okay. All right. Do you guys want to play the game? Time to play the game. It's all about the game and how you play it.

Sorry, someone spit something. Spit something. We'll get that in post. We'll get that in post. Keep it. All right, so I do have a question for you guys before we start playing. Do you think Helen Keller is real? Helen Keller?

Yeah, Helen Keller is real. Do you think Helen Keller real i would i would believe so there's yeah i believe i would hope so with how much i heard she was a bitch yeah i heard she sucked but how could you tell but wouldn't anyone wouldn't anyone like that suck all right like all right do you try to communicate her it was just terrible you heard some things about her. What have you heard about her? She's mean. She's mean? Okay. She didn't live in a good time.

Yes. That's true. Blind, deaf, and dumb. Didn't someone teach her to kind of communicate through... Sonar. All right. Did she get thrown on a well? No, that's...

They kept her at SeaWorld. That's Jimmy, and the dog helped him. Anyways, she was the first deaf and blind person to ever earn a college degree. So not dumb. From where? Or blind and deaf. I don't know.

She was great friends with Mark Twain. Were they really? Or did he just use her as a friends with Mark Twain. Were they really? Or did he just use her as a takeaway? Mark Twain's not real. She called Mark Twain one of her best mates. Really? How'd she say that? Yeah.

How'd she say that? Through an interpreter. Can you give us an impression? She toured the United States and had a 20-minute act where she would have Q&A afterwards. What was she touring? She couldn't see shit. She got probably a tight five at least. She was

nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize in 1953. What was her acceptance speech? She didn't win. She was an author. And she also flew an airplane. No, she did not. She did not fly an airplane. Was it one of those simulators?

Is she Amelia Earhart? No. Is that why they lost the plane? She just kept going up. I lost her. No, this is all true. You can look it up. They're all facts.

And you said she's real. These are all facts about her. Okay. What's the catch? What is happening right now? So now, she was deaf and and blind but she did have quotes so please read these as she would have said them can i go first hey so you have to tell me did Did Helen Keller say it? Okay. Okay? Do you want to go first, Guskey?

Guskey goes first. You want to go first? Did Helen Keller say it? Do you want to give a quote that you think she said? You're cutting that out. It sounded like the moose from Brother Bear. I said a lot with that. The Canadian moose. I'll just recordings of Alan Keller talking about Mark Twain.

He's my best friend. Oh, shit. All right. So this is the game. Did Helen Keller say it? You going to be all right over there? All right. Again, you guys have to buzz in.

All right. This is good. Only way to do great work is to love what you do. Did Helen Keller say that? She did not say that. She didn't have a job. Kuski? Which probably sounded a lot more like what she said.

She did say that. She loved being probably right all the time. Correct. That was Helen Keller. Helen Keller did. That was a quote. Contributed to Helen Keller. Michael has one point.

Who signed for her? Here's the thing. Helen Keller's gotta be a different person that he's bringing up. Like, Helen Keller of Alright.

2008. No. These are all Helen Keller. Alright. Who said, or did Helen Keller say it? You can't have everything.

Where would you put it? Does she know where she put it? No, she doesn't even know what a storage unit looks like. So did Helen Keller say it? No, she didn't. She didn't? She didn't say it. That is correct.

That is Stephen Wright who said that as a very funny comedian, Stephen Wright. Do you guys know who Stephen Wright is? Yeah, he's a really funny comedian. Yeah. Who said that famous quote? You guys do not know who Stephen Wright is. Stephen Wright was Mitch Hed he's a really funny comedian. Who said that famous quote? You guys do not know who Stephen Wright is. Stephen Wright was Mitch Hedberg

before Mitch Hedberg. He's like an old comedian. Old, old, old. Yeah, I love him. I have some more Stephen Wright quotes. If you first don't succeed, destroy all evidence

of you trying. That's a good one. That's a good one. He's very abstract. He was like, the other night I was laying in bed looking up at the stars and the moon and wondering, where the hell is my roof? That's annoying.

Now I know where your sense of humor comes from. I busted a mirror and I got seven years of bad luck. But when a lawyer thinks he can get me five. That was Stephen Wright. Yeah, that is definitely some inspiration for you there. Stephen Wright's great. He's probably one of the first comedians I've ever known. Did Helen Keller say this?

He was in the 60s. He was old. He's very old. I would like to live like a poor man, only with lots of money. Did Helen Keller say that? Buzz, yes. Jack is correct.

Helen Keller did not say that. It was Pablo Picasso who said that. All right. Who said... You're an idiot. ...currently coughing up blood again? Did Helen Keller say that? No, she did not.

No. That is Jack Sarasoli Currently who said that one? Jack Sarasoli When did I say that? 2015 Is this going to go into your shit? Did Helen Keller say Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow?

Yes. Buzz, yes. That is correct. Helen Keller did say that. Did Helen Keller say, Chase looks like such a coach, such a coach, meaning catch, with his glasses and new haircut. Buzz. No, she did not say that. She doesn't know what a buzz cut is.

That is a Jack Sarasota quote. Did she say the only thing worse about being blind is having sight but no vision? No, I said that. Buzz, no, she said that. She said that. That is correct. Dude, I got this one in the bag. Yeah, I think so.

Did she say bathroom light decided not to work today, so I showered in the dark. Hashtag staying alive. Buzz. I said that. That's correct. At least you're not as lonely as I was. No, I had company in that shower.

What? I couldn't see him. Actually, Helen Keller could have said that. The light's not working again. Who said, water? Water. This is a toss-up all right did Helen Keller say, the amount of food I've consumed on this bus ride back, unspeakable. Did Helen Keller say that?

I'm going to say no. She didn't get on a bus. They didn't have buses. They did have buses. That's stupid. Did she say say life is either daring adventure Or nothing at all Probably That is true she said that

Did she say When your mom calls you downstairs from playing Xbox So you have to teach her how to use the camera on her phone Hashtag Zelda Oh yeah Hey you play a fun game though No no Zelda was what we called my mom I was not playing Zelda Hey, you played a fun game, though. No, no, Zelda was what we called my mom.

I was not playing Zelda. That's even funnier with the context. The people thought I was saying hashtag I was playing Zelda, but no, I was calling my mom Zelda. That's even funnier. I thought I got rid of all those. Every time a memory pops up, I delete it now out of PTSD From Jordan Did Helen Keller say never bend your head Always hold it high

And look the world straight in the eye What was she looking at Hmm It was her That was her She can't have said any of this She was definitely an ear biter And a wrist grabber.

Did she say, you know what's going to be a good trip at 5.15 a.m. when Matt puts on Don't Trust a Ho as the first song? I think Ellen did that. That's a really good one. Don't Trust a Ho. 303. What a jam. 303 is great.

Good road trip. I remember that road trip. Did she say, Good job tonight, boys, with the win. Shout out to my O-line. Hashtag family. I definitely said that. Hashtag family I definitely said that

Yeah yeah yeah Did she say Hey guys How do you clean a futon Did you piss it Yeah Jack Sarasoli 2016

I definitely peed on the futon That was only 8 years ago Yeah it was college Oh yeah that checks out And did she say I'm a big fan of hot dogs She could have I definitely didn't say Oh no Was Helen Keller Jewish Yeah, it was college. Oh, yeah, that checks out. And did she say, I'm a big fan of hot dogs? She could have.

Oh, no. Was Helen Keller Jewish? Nobody knows. Did she know? She loved hot dogs. I feel like that's not kosher. You think of Anne Frank. Oh, I am thinking of Anne Frank or that one.

That's ridiculous that you got those two confused. That's really bad. Yeah, it was. Oh, that one was good. Yeah, I don't know how Earth hasn't picked them out yet. Clip it. We'll edit that in post. And that's how you play it, did Helen Keller say. God.

That was good. Those were good. Yeah. I did delete a lot of much worse ones. Unless you found them in your save mode. No, I didn't. I didn't. You were basically more of a retweeter, I noticed, than anything.

Yeah. What did... How old is Helen Keller? She's dead. But, like, how old would she be now? Cheese curd not included. Guys. Yeah.

We got to booze better. We need to booze better. Do we need to booze better? We got to booze better? She would be. I actually want one of those this Saturday. $52,571. Oh, 143 years, 11 months, 7 days.

Where were you getting the $52,000? I was doing days. Oh, okay. It should be $150,000 what? $143,000 years. $143,000. Happy $143,000 birthday, Helen Keller. Congrats on making it this far. You're not Anne Frank.

June 27th. Coming up. By the time this is out, happy birthday, Helen Keller. Thank you, Helen, for all the work you've done for all of us And If you're ever hung over Helen Booze better You know what could have prevented a lot of your problems?

Some booze better I don't know if it would have I don't think You don't know though She probably didn't partake in the drink Was this around during her time? But you know what's going to help your problems? Booze better

Say something, Michael. Honestly, my mind feels empty today. Are you having margs with the men? What is happening to margs with the men hanging out? You're probably going to need some booze better. Take one before you go to bed. When you wake up in the morning, take another one because you're going to feel better. Then get up and have some more margs with the men.

You should specify why you're taking another one better. Then get up and have some more margs with the men. Yeah. You should specify why you're taking another one. It comes in two parts. You have a prevention and then you have the recovery. The prevention speeds your alcohol metabolism up. So when you wake up the next morning, you're feeling pretty damn good. But, you know, if you're still a little groggy because you really got after it, why don't you recover?

Take one of these. It has a bunch of caffeine in it, which actually combats your headache. And then you're rock and rolling. Then you can go have some more margs with the men, some beers with the boys, some cocktails with the chicks. I was going to say cocks. I felt like I was a little vulgar. So just chicks.

Some, you know, just go to brunch with the boys. You're going to be feeling good. And guess what? You could just keep taking these over and over and over again, because everything in here is very good for you. What's all in there, Michael? Total fat, zero. So no fat whatsoever.

You're not going to do that, dude. Don't even think about getting fat on these. B1, B5, B6, B12, C, potassium, magnesium, and calcium. Shit. There's also a few words in here I can't pronounce. But you don't need to. But I got one, alpha-GPC-L-theanine, GABA. Yep.

Which actually is in this one. Sorry. Booze better. Booze better, not worse. You don't even need to know why it's good. Just take it, and you're going to feel better. Do lines of it in the bathroom when you're done drinking. Yeah.

You really want to mess with the bouncers? You could do a line of this and be like, no, I'm actually doing you a favor. You could pretend to be a party boy. You could pretend to say, you know what? I never want this party to end. You can cut yourself off, do a couple lines in the bathroom with all the guys doing the bad stuff,

and then you're going to feel good in the morning. And then you can get up in the morning and look like an absolute rock star because you're doing lines again in the kitchen while you're making eggs for everyone because you feel so damn good. You got up that early. You're making eggs, pancakes.

You're just snorting shit. You're having a good time. Everyone's starting to call you. What is it? Grillmaster. You're king of the castle. You feel great. Everyone's hungover.

And then you get to party before everyone else does again. You don't need to take both of them. I i wish i had one of these saturday morning but this blue one oh yeah i will i will stand i will like truthfully stand by this blue one it is i just keep shade like this all they hear right now this is phenomenal like i felt like a million bucks the next day after this and i only took half of it split it with rachel and i drank all day for that music festival earlier may good job guys i know who's better put in your mouth be better

still put in your mouth drink better too who's better so uh sunday i was at my baseball game and there was a teammate of mine pulled out a rogue uh Uh-huh. Yeah. And I was like, oh, you chew Rogues? And he goes, they're all out of Zin, but Rogues are. They give me a little twitch. Okay. Okay. I don't know if he liked that. I don't know if that was good.

I love the twitch. You love the twitch? I love the twitch. He's been famously quoted for, he says he likes that it gives you more of a little zing, a little zang. It's a bigger pouch. You don't need to put nine of them in your mouth at once. You only need one. It gets the job done. Did you know that it's yin and yang?

Yeah. For a long time, I thought it was yin and yang. Yeah, it's yin. Yeah, probably. That or I was six, but what? Why I thought it was yin and yang, I just didn't know better. I think Why I thought it was yin and yang

I just didn't know better I think I probably thought It was yin and yang Yesterday Two months ago Yeah Yeah that's wild But I could confidently say

I did know that But now he does know Now we all know Now we all know Now we know Now you know I actually have one question Well I saw

Someone asked this Not Let me backtrack. Maybe your brain isn't working today. It's not. At the beginning of this episode, you guys were talking. I go, I have nothing. I literally am just like, I'm sitting here.

I'm like, I'm just going to sit here and watch you two talk. At least you're there and not here so you don't ping pong. Yeah. You can sit there and just. I just watched you. I'm like, I could just leave right now. But. You can sit there and just. I just watched you. I'm like, I could just leave right now. But today at work, a lot of, because basketball is nearing its end, and there are some head coach vacancies at the end of almost every

professional league, someone gets fired. And they're like, hey, what's the more appealing job, the Dallas job or the Laker job? And I was thinking, what? Because they said, like, Lakers is not an appealing job at all because lebron's there he's just going to run the team i was thinking what professional sport that has a head coach if you got rid of the head coach position would it affect the least you get what i'm saying we're talking about the big major sports. So, like, any major sport, like the one that has a head coach,

if you just got rid of that, which sport would it affect the least? It would be basketball, or I don't know soccer very well, but I would assume basketball or soccer. What about baseball? No, baseball, I feel like the coaches, I mean, they're not calling plays. They're doing substitutions, maybe. You have your first base coach, third base coach. You're just getting rid of the head coach.

I guess if you get rid of coaches, you just get rid of coaches. That's a better way to put it. Maybe horse racing? That's not part of the big one. It's not, yeah. So, like, football, basketball, baseball, soccer. Hockey. Hockey, lacrosse.

No, horse riding's not in it. Lacrosseockey. Hockey. Lacrosse. No, horse riding is not in it. Lacrosse isn't in it. Lacrosse is more in it than horse riding. I don't know. I don't know about that. But those. The WNBA is more than lacrosse.

And horse riding. Is there even a coach for horse riding? Yeah, the person riding the horse. I mean, there's definitely coaches. There's trainers. Yeah. But that's not a coach. I mean, they have to coach up the horses.

What is a trainer but coaching up horses? But the horse riding is... Who coaches the horse? But it's horse riding. It's not just horses. Who trains the horse trainer? Is there a coach in NASCAR? There's a pit boss. There's a pit crew.

That's a grill guy. Crew chief. I think we can eliminate those. Let's eliminate them. Those are very stats based. Sports with balls. Football, basketball, baseball, hockey. Soccer.

Soccer and balls. I mean, I'd say baseball I think could probably be the number one of just, like, you could. Honestly, they're doing a lot of strategic things, but the players on the field could do that as well, if you know. There's leagues in Wisconsin that I know the coaches play for the team. Yeah. Like Jackie Moon, you know? I think it's got to be baseball or basketball. Mm-hmm.

But soccer, I would also see maybe not. But soccer and the only issue I'd have with baseball is the issue I'd have most with soccer and hockey is people not subbing out. So, like, people's ego are getting checked. Like, I'm fine. It's like, no, it'd probably be better if we have this person in right now because you're seeing – I'm seeing the whole field.

You're only seeing part of this field kind of thing. And, like, pitchers might not ever sub themselves out. Soccer needs to sub out. I'm sure there's some pitchers that want to sub themselves out. Oh, I'm sure there are, but I'm sure there are a lot. Like, when we were watching the Brewers-Cubs game at the open mic on Tuesday, and they had a no-hitter going, and they subbed him out. I'm like, why did they do that?

He's a high-pitched guy. I'm sure that guy would have been fine continually pitching. Yeah. He would have if he threw a no-hitter. Yeah. And then as soon as he gets to the head, then I would say, that's going to work. Yeah, I'm out.

I'm done. Yeah, but the thing is, like, I mean, this is going to bore the audience. It's a long season so like his arm you need it later on more than you need it in the beginning. No, but like that's just one of those things where it's like fuck the team for a second. This is something really cool

that could happen for that guy. For sure. Because that could also propel him later in the year then too. Yeah. Confidence is through the roof. Yeah, for sure. But I think he's been a good pitcher all year, so they're like, all right, let's keep him throwing like that for a while. And they thought they were going to win. Yeah. Did they?

No. I think they did win. Yeah. But hockey would be a tough one because hockey coaches are very much like one of the boys, but they're like a big tone setter. I think football's the least. Football, you couldn't do it. Because you have so many people calling plays.

There's so many coaches. Yeah, it'd be really tough. So many coaches. It'd be really tough. Hockey, there's like three. And they're also kind of the big, like, you try to do a lot of matchups. But I feel like a lot of players would understand it. But I feel like the head coach is actually pretty important.

Take him to buy-in. I think the more physical the sport, the more you need a coach, too. Are you a good slap shot? Yeah? Yeah, I'd have to... How fast? I could stop that and go, too.

Actually, you might, because I don't know how to aim that well, but I can hit a missile at you. Do I get pads? Yeah. Let's just set Custy up in a bunch of pads and just shoot shit at him. Throw baseballs at him. I prefer to just you be a defensive lineman

and I be the own lineman because that is my number one sport. That's not fair to me. Blocking? You want me to block you? No, you have to get to Judd. Oh. Because I was left tackle,

so you have to get to Judd. That would be tough. That would be tough. you got reach on me and size yeah i could get lucky in goal that's dropping one and i could get lucky swinging the bat once but just think that i don't know if you would you definitely stop some my pucks i will guarantee yeah i could get luckier with that than i would you for sure but trying to get around a grown-ass man that's got reach and double the size on me is going to be very difficult. Yeah, my thing is aiming. My thing is aiming. I'm just going to step on your ankle real quick.

Have you seen the one dude? It's like a gender reveal. And as soon as the gender reveal happens, he starts blocking. Like literally doing the step like a pass protector. It's very funny. Have you seen? I saw one of the gender reveals. It was a wife tossed a pitch.

And he took it. And he took the pitch. He took the pitch. He goes, I didn't like it. And it just hit the ground pink. I've seen people swing and miss. And it doesn't explode. But I would have rather swung and missed than just, nah, bitch. you see they were they were on a golf course and they're doing one and it was just

a camera of the guy like he goes when you replace your buddy's uh gender reveal ball with a real ball so just he's like driving and just drove it down the fairway and everyone watched him drive it down the fairway and they're're like, well, what color is it? Have you seen the ones, the golf balls people, like, prank you with that are, like, bombs almost? How does that happen? Like, those got to be staged. Never am I, like, unless I. You're supposed to prank the other people.

Unless. No, I know. But, like, unless, like, you and I are golfing. If I shank one in the woods, I'm like, hey, toss me another ball real quick, that'd be the only time I'm really, like... So you need to hit it. Like, you have to know that you're hitting it. No, I'm saying, like, in the videos, they don't know they're about to hit this exploding one and they freak out. Yeah, I don't know. How do you get someone to just, like, not know what ball they're hitting?

Yeah, but they have, like, a piece in it where it's, like, a shotgun shell. So you hit that, and that's what makes the... So maybe they're acting? Yeah, it's got to be all an act. But the thing is, what I assume the ball is for is the other people in the cart to scare the shit out of them. You could also be like, hey, I got these new balls. Right? Couldn't you?

All right. I hear they go far. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm going to blow up the computer and it's going to die. Oh, my gosh. Well, we actually,

we're doing pretty good on time. So, now you know. Now you know for future reference. Yeah. Okay. Well, I kind of want to watch. Yeah, now Cuskies is in Jack's shot. Yeah, let's keep talking. Yeah. Okay. Well, I kind of want to watch. Yeah, now Kuski's is in Jack's shot. Yeah, let's keep talking.

Yeah. Oh, now he's in my shot. Now he's fucking the camera. Whoever is on camera, Judd's camera, if you were watching through Judd's camera, that's probably how Helen Keller felt. That definitely is going on the Patreon. This whole episode might go on the Patreon. Shit, I didn't plan for two episodes today Oh shit

You drunkard What is going on with you You drunkard What is going on You're not even centered You're not in your shot even That's why we flipped the screens around This is

I told you That's too far Literally like When you guys were initially talking I was like I Normally ideas go through my head Or I could bounce something off and I'm, like, ready to interrupt or do whatever. And this one, I'm like...

Air. Just fucking air. That's alright. We all have those. We all have those. Does it sound like a... Like the top of a bottle when you blow over it? Does that sound like between ears?

No, it just sounded like nothing. It's like static from a TV. I honestly wanted to just sit back and be like, just do your thing. It'd be funny if you just meowed the whole time. It'd be very funny if your mic was off. It might as well have been. It's like that time when you put Aiden in the corner, and that's what it feels like. Poor Aiden.

His only contribution was, I once ate 27 Texas Roadhouse rolls, and I beat the record at the Waukesha, whatever. I'm like, we got to go take you to Texas Roadhouse now. And it was just too full. I was like, I really wanted to see this kid eat 30 rolls, and then we put him on stage for a guest spot. The other night at Open Mic, he goes up there in a purple shirt, I was like, I really wanted to see this kid eat 30 rolls, and then we put him on stage for a guest spot.

The other night at Open Mic, he goes up there in a purple shirt, and he goes walking down the street, and some guy's like, is that a Lavender shirt? Good for you. And then he goes into his joke. He didn't even know. I was like, that was it? That's all he said? I was like, all right.

Must have been a good shirt. It was Lavender. I haven't seen him perform in a while. You saw him perform the other night, I thought. No, I left. Yeah, I left. I am notorious for going to a mic, doing my spot, staying for two or three more or someone I know, and then leaving. It was so funny.

There was a bucket spot going up on Wednesday, and Kuski thought he was going to be every bucket spot. He was so amped up. He would get to the – I wanted to go home. He would walk towards the stage and then they'd call someone else's name who's not even ready and he'd be like, so depleted, and walk back. Well, what sucked too is there was a large group of people there.

It hasn't been that busy in the summer, especially in the summer. And so there was one guy there first time and you knew it was like all right first time and he's either got supportive friends or first time fantasy football punishment and so part of me wanted to go home the other part of me wanted like hey i would like to perform while there's a crowd here and the energy doesn't get sucked out kind of thing. Didn't happen. Didn't happen.

I would never ask. Looking back, I'm so happy I didn't ask any of my friends to come to that. Your first open mic? I purposely didn't tell a single person. No. The only person I knew was Jen. It's just because by happenstance. She had lived with me.

I had to tell her where I was going. Wait, she lived with you when you went to your first open mic that's supportive that's great good for her i when i well mine was a fruit was a competition so like i needed my friends to vote for me and i won it yeah because i brought so much yeah we're just smart yeah yeah but no i did my first one with a mask on and a condom on the microphone right oh yeah yeah covered covered oh he was at home i was at home i thought he was pulling like a highway and a condom on the microphone. Oh, yeah, because of COVID. Oh, he was at home. I thought he was pulling a Howie Mandel. That's what he was doing.

Yeah, I thought that was the weirdest thing. I want to deep dose his mic, but I want to be safe. I want to be safe. It also ate up three minutes to put the condom on. Yeah, I only had 30 seconds. Brandon, I think, opened my... It was either Aaron Clark or Brandon were hosting it, and it was when Brandon was doing music stuff. I don't remember that.

Brandon brought a guitar on stage for a while. For like a month. Oh, he did a couple times, yeah. Brought a guitar on stage. I was like, I'm better than this. We have to cut all this. We don't have to cut that. Yeah, we'll cut that.

Brandon, bring the guitar back out. We miss you. No, I don't. Musical comedy. How do you like it? I don't. Well, I don't not like it. I think when you see it, it's funny at the moment,

but I couldn't do a whole show of it. I don't think it's easy to do it, but I also think it's like, as someone that would go up after, it's easy to be i don't think it's easy to do it but i also think it's like as like someone that would go up after it's like fuck because for the most part like the joke is pretty much set you have the words right in front of you you know exactly what you're saying and it's i think it's much easier to frame a joke in song form than it is to do it without song form and the bullet point, the small lines. Because I'll make up a song to G-Spot and I'll be like,

I could probably take that one on stage. I could. Some of the things I'll say, I can probably do that. But then if you try to translate it to just normal talking to people it will never hit yeah

I don't think yeah it's not the same but I think it's very funny to think about if you start bombing while you're doing a song it starts bombing

you're like shit I have more I have like three refrains that I have to get through you can't just like stop it and be like oh fuck that

but I've never seen like a I've never seen a like a singing set like it's bad oh mics i haven't seen one like for a real show but i've never seen them bomb so bad obviously there's ones that like you'll fumble because you're like still practicing the song but like i genuinely don't think at a show no i've never seen it it's well put together open mics i've seen we saw saw one Wednesday last week where I just sang about making pizza at Pizza Hut. Well, I guess. Yeah, that was strange.

That was an hour. I walked in and I was like, is he rapping right now? Yeah. I'm like, okay, I'm caught up. That's sick. Yeah. Damn it. That's so fun.

By the way, really white. Really white. Do I know him or knew? No. Okay. I've seen him once before. We're getting into inside shop talk. Should we wrap this up?

You mean AJ Grill? No. That'd be so funny if AJ just hard pivoted to rap. Yeah. Anyway, well, we're going to cut the last eight minutes If you want to golf With us at Deer Track In Oconomowoc Come out

August 24th There will be a QR code right here Cusky will add that in post Right here is going to be a picture of the course And then over Cusky will like this Click this one right here If you want to see us naked.

Then click – This one. That one over there. Yep. All right. And up here, like and subscribe. Down here, Kuski's mom's Instagram. Instagram.

Nothing? You got nothing over there? You're just going to watch us? We should probably kick off the next one with the golf outing yeah for sure uh yeah august 24th we should start next episode yeah tell everyone about the golf outing listen if you want us to stop talking about the golf outing venmo is 400 the discount on the actual price to golf um and then we just won't put in the episode anymore if two of you do that just won't put in the episode anymore. If two of you do that, I won't promote it in the episode at all. If only two people buy tickets, you'll stop saying it?

No, no, no. If two people Venmo me $400 apiece to stop doing it. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. And they're not going to play. I'll stop doing the podcast. Yeah.

Venmo Judd money. My Venmo's right here. If you just want to get it right here in this square. That's going to be the only thing I put, and it's going to be a link to mine. That's just shady business practice, and that's all this guy's about. I'm a terrible business owner. All right. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.