Fat Chance Podcast - The Reddit Advice Column Ep.125

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

You'd be surprised how much of this episode couldn't make the cut. Judd combs the reddit comments and finds a few people in dire need of advice. Jack & Michael do not disappoint. SPONSORED BY: Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

I feel so bad. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend has threatened to pee on the cat last night. He's so mad. I've never seen him like that. What should I do? I could do that. Do you guys like my haircut? It's buzz cut season. Buzz cut season. Jen did it.

My sweet baby girl has become my sweet baby barber. That's the best part about a buzzcut. She tried to fade my hair, and I lost half of my... Front half of my face. In the process. Well, we cut it way shorter than it was originally, but we saved it a little bit. But I was kind of a little nervous. We survived.

You made it. How much money did you save? $40. You get a $ a 40 haircut where do you go i go downtown i because i don't do like and it's um well there's also another place in tosa but that's also the same price but like the sports clips or like any of those like quick like cheaper cuts i would love to do that but the i have to have like a specific time where i can go in yeah like because of work and there's so many times where i've done like tried to go there and then my my time gets kicked back to another 30 minutes it's like oh i have a meeting so like

i never get my that's fair that's done i have like there's one lady at the sports clips that i really like and i've gotten her twice and it's my two favorite haircuts I've gotten this year. But if I go, I'm gambling that she's there. Yep. If she's not there, I'm like, well, fuck it. This is what's going to happen. And then I try and communicate what I want. It never really happens, and I just suck it up.

All right. This is my hair. Yeah. There used to be a girl that I liked, but if you, like, request someone, it takes even longer for you to get in. Yeah. So I just get frustrated.

So I was like, I'd rather just pay the extra money. Yeah. I just go to a place that has clips in the name, and I go, one haircut, please. Don't ask me any questions. And I just sit in the seat. My favorite thing about sports clips or any of those places with the clips is they're like, oh, in your notes, it has this. I go, when was the last note taken? They're like, oh, it says 2019. I go, I go, when was the last note taken? They're like, oh, it says 2019.

I go, you guys say you update it every time. You never do. It's like this one says buzz cut. I go, does it look like I'm rocking a buzz cut right now? Absolutely not. You think I haven't gotten my hair cut in nine years? Do you think you've spent nine years since 2019? No, I'm talking about like the length of hair versus the buzz cut hair.

It's a twist off. Yeah, that's embarrassing. It's a twist off. Yeah, that's embarrassing. That is embarrassing right now. Come on. Whoa. That's just as fast as an old-fashioned. Weird.

Do you guys like a chatty barber? Depends on the day. Depends on how chatty I'm feeling. Okay, that's fair. Most of the time, no, honestly. I like to just get in and get out. The guy I go to downtown is not how chatty I'm feeling. Okay, that's fair. Most of the time, no, honestly. I like to just get in and get out. The guy I go to downtown is not very chatty, but the guy that I go to in Tosa, he loves to chat.

He's a sports memorabilia guy. He sells stuff on the side. You go in, and he's got all these graded football, basketball cards, and then he plays comedy specials while he cuts your hair. And I told him that I started working at the Milwaukee Improv when I first started going there. And then ever since then, it's been nonstop comedy talk. And then I told him I was doing some comedy, nonstop that talk. And eventually it was like, you know what?

I just kind of want to relax. I don't want to talk to you about bits. Yeah. Yeah. They probably only know you from one thing that you said and that's all they want to talk about is the one thing. You're under Jack the comic when you go in for sure.

That's what it is and it's been nice not going to him. How do you get booked at a haircut place? Who books that? Those kind of conversations I could do. It's when they have like the stereotypical one like got any plans for this week i'm like you don't care i don't care to tell you like why are you getting a haircut i'm like because i fucking want one yeah that's it my sideburns are getting longer i have i have one story about a haircut person but i can't i you would have to believe

that you'd have to believe i have a story i have to believe that i want to tell you guys too but it's not should we do should we be bleeping stories sure mine i've never had a bleep it you'd have to bleep i have a story i have to bleep that i want to tell you guys too but it's not should we do should we bleeping stories sure mine's i've never had a bleep haircut story this is bleeping stories with veterans and go and we're back we're back. We're back, baby. Now my story would bleed out. And go. And we're back. And we're back. That story, sometimes like every once in a while I go like, maybe I should stop drinking. Yeah.

And I hear stories like that. I go, you know what? If the worst thing I do is throw up every once in a while, I think we're okay. Stories like that are so crazy to me. Yeah. I've been to that point, but not to the point where I did that. But I've been hammered, but I don't resort to it. My muscle memory is get me home.

Yeah. Mine is fall asleep. And it doesn't matter where i am i don't go somewhere i just sit down in a chair and try to fall asleep i won't do it at a bar but typically i'll be ready to go like hey i need to get out of here i'm getting pretty good at that yeah i don't like not being in control i just realized this what I started with and then what we led into, this is the opening part of the episode. No, we have the music. We have the music. Yes, we have the music.

I go, do you guys like my haircut? And then we go. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That's 10 minutes of just unusual shit. Honestly, if you, this is kind of foreshadowing what we're going to do today. Oh. Because we are going to be, our episode is going to be a little bit different than what we normally have. Okay.

Would you like to communicate that with us? Yeah, yeah. So basically. Are we going to do it right away? I think we should do it right away. So those two stories, we kind of talked about experiences and what we are. And basically, we're going to give advice to people today. Yes.

I need this. I need this i went on reddit today and i found people who are legitimately asking for advice on reddit of what to do in situations and i thought who better than us to give them advice for this dude that might be quicker than... It's definitely quicker. It's definitely quicker. Does it taste better? But before we get into this, should we booze better? Let's booze better.

We should booze better. Let's plug the folks that have not backed out of helping out a charity event. These guys are looking to contribute, not withdraw from a charitable organization. If we asked these guys six months ago to help with a charity event, they probably would have stuck around for it and not pulled out last minute. But we're here.

Booze better. And let's talk about these booze better supplements because I can tell you something. I'm probably going to need to take these this weekend. I'm going to a buddy's band party. His family has a huge, I forget, I think it's 16-piece horn band, like a jazz band And they get this huge tent

And they party And they bring kegs in Can we come? This whole lake Holy shit The whole lake They'll do it at a lake The whole lake comes

And they party At this house What lake? It's in Sheboygan Oh okay And I'm gonna get Probably pretty shit can And sleep in a tent

You should take those And so basically There's the Post party drink mix, which you take immediately after your last drink for the night. And sometimes you can't even mix it in with your last one. I don't think that's how they tell you to do it. So if you do get injured doing that, that one's on us, not them.

They don't, and fair warning, if you do mix it with certain canned cocktails, it explodes. But I don't think that's the fault of the product. It's the fault of the liquid we put it in. Yeah, carbonation. Also the fault of the idiot who just watched it bubble up and then did nothing. I was like, oh, you guys see that? I wonder who that was.

But this one has a lot of vitamins. I honestly don't know what they do, but they do make me feel pretty good. Sometimes I don't even need the day after drink mix, and I think you've experienced that as well. Yeah, a million times. And basically this one has some extra caffeine to fight the headaches, fight the hangover. You take this right away when you wake up.

It's magic. It's liquid magic. It's simple. And you know what? If you're scared to do it, share one with a friend because you know what? Sharing is caring, and you both want to feel good in the morning, right? Sharing is caring, and if my aunt switched, then sharing is caring. Give it to you guys.

Boo's better. Boo's better. And it's basically like keep an economy in your pocket. They're coming out. Either they're coming out or they're already out, but they have a new flavor. It's orange. Ooh. And they're going to actually be at my residence in 45 minutes.

I had the tracking sent to me today. Be on alert. I'm just some booze better on time. Michael Kuski's residence. Take a look. If you see a box at someone's house, it might be Michael Kuski's residence. If you see a box, say a box. They sent me

a hundred samples. That's crazy. That would be sweet. I wonder if we extrapolate how much each one of those costs, if they paid you more. It's coming close. Well, they also might just really be a part of, I mean, they are going to be a part of our outing. Oh, nice. Which is great that they're going to be a part of it. That's really nice.

And they didn't even promise that yet.. And they didn't even promise that yet. No, they didn't even promise that yet. To have them there. Isn't that the darndest thing? They might be there. They're probably going to have their own tent. Whoa. They're probably going to bring product.

We're going to have to start getting pinky promises because people can't put in pinky promises. It's crazy. They're probably going to bring their product. They might even bring themselves all the way from the East Coast. You're crazy how much money you have. Yeah. It's crazy how much money you have. Yeah.

When you... Ah ah that sucks out of the game has something happened recently that really got under your skin because you seem a little on edge today all right we're gonna go You are cherry red, too. Oh, that felt really good saying that one. Let's get some advice to these people. I'll give you some advice. All right, so I have 10 different people asking for advice. And this guy, he's 22 years old.

He's asking for some advice, so we're going to give it to him. Here we go. So yesterday I wanted to surprise my girlfriend a day early from my trip because she was having a rough week. I showed up unannounced, walked into her bedroom, and her and one of her guy friends were laying on the bed, fully clothed, not cuddling in the bed, but the lights were off and the door was slightly shut.

This was upsetting to me because I am not sure what to do. She assures me that they did nothing wrong. She would never do anything like that. And she felt really remorseful last night and was crying and begging me to stay. The whole thing threw me off, really unsettling for me. She told me that he came over to talk about problems that she was having this week. And then they started to watch TV after. We were supposed to call before 30 minutes before the bed after I was over, and she swears that she told me nothing happened. And we called and said goodnight.

So if I ranted, but this is still fresh in my head what should I do I just have one question if you show up unannounced how did you break into her house and go straight to her door does she have roommates that's an important question not for this but it's an important question

that we should edit this reddit post and we should put in how that happened was there an accomplice if there was an accomplice that accomplice is trying to break you guys up. Yeah. Okay. Just so you guys know, that's an important thing to think about. Kind of like your hairdresser.

Yeah, yeah. That's got to get cut. That episode is going to be just like that. Okay. I must admit this. Did they live together? I don't think so. Okay.

From this is all we get. So someone had to let him in, or he has a key. Or the door was open. But also, I want to know how much time it takes to get from the front door to the bedroom. Is it enough time to quickly put on some clothes? Were they wearing athletic clothes? That's a quick, easy on-off. Lights off, big red flag.

That's what I was thinking. Also, who doesn't watch TV in the living room? Who doesn't have a conversation in the living room? I'm going to be honest. They were fucking. How hot's the guy? That's a good question. Can you beat him up?

If he is... Have you worried about him in the past? Yeah. He could be the next one. He could be next on deck. The big thing is... He's in the batter's box already. What movie were they watching? That's another

important one. Because if it's a good movie... If it's Inception, then they're friends. Inception, The Dark Knight, Planet of the Apes. If it's Star Wars, she's not

paying attention and she's giving gibbers. If it's like... She's not paying attention and she's giving gibbers yeah if it's like um she's not doing one thing yeah she's not doing it all over that's crazy um oh if it's any adam sandler movie they're fucking yeah if it's click they're clicking you know if it's most of anything on netflix they're fucking yeah for the most if it's HBO Max, they're probably watching the movie. Correct. Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime. Knocked up, knocking boots. Forgetting Sarah Marshall, they were fucking.

Oh, yeah, yeah. There's so many movies that are just good background movies. If it's The Office, they're fucking. If it's Parks and Rec, they're fucking. If it's a show, they're fucking. Yeah. No, I mean, but if it's one of those, if it's Game of Thrones, I don't know if they're fucking.

HBO. HBO. HBO just supersedes everything. If it's HBO, they're fine. They're just, they like. They also have Justice League on HBO, though. So if it was Justice League, they were fucking. Yeah.

There's a couple outliers. You never know. They could be like the nerdy anime type. Yeah. And maybe that's just their friend group. Speaking of movies, though, real quick, I just want to bring this up. I came home the other day,

and my dad's got the TV on volume 1,000, and I'm like, turn it, what the fuck is going on? He goes, sorry, the commercials are louder. Then I'm like, then you would turn it down. Like, what are you doing? And I go, what are you watching? He goes, oh, dude, it's great. I normally don't watch TV, but it's about like this,

it's like one of the best like circus things ever. And I was like, really? Yeah. Greatest showman. And I go, really? And I just didn't pay attention to it. And I come downstairs and I see Zac Efron and Zendaya on the screen. I go, are you watching The Greatest Showman?

He goes, no, it's about like this like world-renowned circus that happened once. I go, do you not know who that is? He goes, no. I go, this is The Greatest Showman? He goes, no, it's about this world-renowned circus that happened once ago. Do you not know who that is? He goes, no. I go, this is The Greatest Showman. This was like seven years ago or whatever. He goes, is this a movie? I go, no shit. He thought it was a documentary.

He thought it was a documentary. Not necessarily a documentary. He just thought it was like a reenactment of like, oh, this is. They've done a Ted Bundy dramatization of it. just thought it was like a reenactment of like, oh, this is like they've done a Ted Bundy dramatization of it. He thought it was like that. Like it's Zac Efron, dude. Like everyone's singing on gymnastics bars. Like this is not.

This is so insightful. This is such history. He was like, dude, this is unbelievable. I go, I don't know. I'm like, I don't think they've started singing yet. Okay, go ahead. Sorry to interrupt. All right.

So we do think, depending on the movie, they were fucking. Wait, hold on. What was our advice? We just kind of chastised him. Like, this girl was cheating on us. What should our advice be? Well, what do we all think? They were making nasty love. Either they were, and it took a while to get to the room so they were able to cover it up or they were about to and they're just really happy

they didn't get caught because she's pretty remorseful if she's not remorseful and she's just angry and defensive i think either way that dude wants to have sex with your girl. 110%. Absolutely. Either way. He is now enemy number one. I'm not laying in a bed with a female friend with the lights off

and not being like, oh, this... That'd be weird. Tell me about your feelings. I'm here for friendship. It doesn't work like that. I'm so here for friendship, we should turn these lights off. Get under the covers. You a little warm? I am too.

Ooh, do you like massages? So what's your final advice? They are, if they are not already hooking up, they're getting very close. I think a good thing to do is have a very nice, calm conversation with her and just say, if it's happening, let me know. And then we can figure it out from there. Your decision to break up with her or not is your own thing. But I think if she is getting close and about to hook up with this guy, you guys got to work on your relationship or your dick small.

I think you call that guy's girlfriend and say he's been messaging someone else and just really implode that relationship and then leave her. Yep. He's probably not dating someone else. Alright, here we go. Next one. This lady. She's 29.

I'm going on vacation next week to see my best friend for a week we've been friends since we were 11 we're both now 29 I'll be visiting her and staying at her house and doing a lot of fun activities my boyfriend of 3 years

and I are not in the best place right now I will admit I'm a bit of an alcoholic we've been at each other's throats so we've not been the best foundation right now. Before you jump on my throat, I will seek treatment August 1st. That's good. Our stories were foreshadowing these first two weeks.

Last night, while I was a little tipsy, my best friend texted me and said, we're going to the beach. So I decided to shave my pubic hair, only because I wanted to trim the mess up, so I shaved everything my boyfriend instantly noticed and since i shaved he immediately started to accuse me on cheating him because i shaved and it ruined the entire moment because he doesn't trust me and thinks i'm going to be unfaithful what should i do should i not go on the trip can i start yeah okay so basically what i've um What should I do? Should I not go on the trip? Can I start?

Yeah. Okay. So basically what I've come to the conclusion is this story is she shaved her downstairs because she was going to the beach. Boyfriend's mad. She's also an alcoholic. Yes. Cool. Boyfriend, this may be – maybe I'm taking the sexist side here, but maybe a little cause for concern.

If he's cause for concern that you're suddenly shaving your downstairs, one, if you're shaving it for hygiene because it was coming out the edges, makes sense. But if you normally don't do that and suddenly you are, maybe you're hoping for something that's going to happen and he's noticing that. Also, you're an alcoholic. he's noticing that also you're an alcoholic um decisions aren't necessarily made the right way when you're under the influence yeah uh now this boyfriend bit of a pussy um yeah again just split up some of you guys don't need to be together or procreate do us all a favor and just my my favorite thing is she said she's an alcoholic and she is gonna go to treatment but not yet get that sweet vacation and baby after that trip

after that trip you got to get the trip in that's that's the equivalent being like hey i'm starting my diet new year's but christmas time we're going balls in the wall that and that's fine too that's fine that's that's perfectly okay i think the reason why he's concerned is because he's probably fought through some thickets to make love to you. And then one day you're all of a sudden just shaved and he's like, what is going on here? I get the need to shave before you go to the beach, though. Yeah, absolutely. Every once in a while.

There's actually this one story I have where pubes that stick out from swimsuits we have named after this one specific girl. You've actually seen this in the wild? I've seen this in the wild, and it's... You're going to have to cut this. But... And we're back. All right, you didn't miss much,

but I really needed to say the name. The title of this episode. That's so funny. That is so funny. I like that. So I understand the need, why he would be concerned if he doesn't see a clean shave in you very often. But realistically, I think that this relationship's not going anywhere if that's where he draws a red flag. Also, if you're going to Reddit for relationship advice.

It happens a lot. There's a lot of it. There's a lot of Reddit. There's a lot of Reddit. There's a lot of it. Maybe we should go devil's advocate. You take one side, I take the other. Okay. I think that you guys should break up, but I don't think...

I think you didn't do anything wrong, unless you are. But I don't think you did anything wrong. Just go get treatment if you need it. That's an important part of that. Yeah. I think slight cause for concern, but also grow the fuck up. I'm assuming, how old was she? 29.

29, and she's worried about going to the beach with her best friends. I mean, time's up, sweetheart. Sorry. When you're 29, worried about pubic hair, that's a problem. Yeah, like no one cares. What do you think, Judd? Seek help. Hashtag better help.

You know what you should do? Take some of these booze bettors when you go to the beach. Maybe that should be your number one concern. Not what your downstairs looks like. You could mix in a couple waters. Yeah, you could. All right, next one. How old are you again?

28. All right, this person's 28. I'm about to move out of my parents, and they're talking about having a key to my apartment. I really don't like that idea. I feel like it's an invasion of property and privacy. I just want my own space without them bothering me. Gosh.

So how do I explain it to them without sounding too awful about it? Did you make this one up? No, that's... Okay. This has to be real, yeah. This has to be real. I mean, this is... The person was 24.

You're like... Oh, 24. Okay, okay. Complain about having a key to their apartment? Yeah, their parents want to have a key to their apartment. I think... I don't blame them for not wanting to give the key at all. I think that's pretty helicopter parent-ish.

And it's definitely been going on for a long – if they want a key at the age of 24, imagine what they were probably doing to the poor kid when he was 15, 16, 17, 18. Probably had to go to a college right next to him so they could visit every weekend, try to probably get him home. Grabbing cheeks. Yeah, just – so, like, I don't – my advice to him – What's going on over there?

Grabbing cheeks, baby. My advice to him is, listen, they probably aren't going to come over as much as you think they are. And they're not going to come over without you there. So what you should do is give them the key and then – hold on. Give them – and then immediately change the locks. So then they think they have the key. And then they're not going to come over until you you're there anyway so just have the door unlocked and then you're good to go you're good it's the best of both worlds you have your own privacy

and they think they are in control and they're not that's that's smart i think you just tell your parents you're not giving them a key unless they're paying for your apartment yeah that's a that's a that's a big difference they don't big difference. They don't get a key. They don't get a key. No. They should never have a key because guess what happens? You could be watching TV with your friend

that's helping you with your long week and your mom walks in on you and you're like, Mom, I swear I wasn't doing anything. I swear. You know how nice it is to be able to lock your door

and when no one else is around to just, and I'm going to say it, masturbate? What's your door and when no one else is around to just and i'm gonna say it masturbate what's your favorite room to do it in bathroom bathroom yeah we know my story um but it's nice because you don't have to worry about anyone coming in yeah my sweet little girl if she's gone she has a key it's fine she also lives here But it's also, if I had to do that with the same fear I had in high school at 24 years old, you're living in my personal nightmare. Yeah, you don't give them a key, and if you feel like you have to

and they won't let you move out or anything like that, which you're a grown adult, like grow a pair, just go. Give them the key and change your locks. It's not that hard to go get a new lock. Or give them a random key. They don't know. Well, you are moving to an apartment, so you getting new locks is actually on the landlord,

so that will be difficult. If you have your own house, it's a little bit different. Well, then just go get a key made up. Get a fake key. You can get like a $15 made up key. This isn't solving the problem. I think it is. It's not.

I think it's solving the problem. We're trying to solve the problem. You talk to your parents. You say, mom, I want to jerk off on Tuesdays. You're not getting your key. Just shoot me a text. I'll let you in. All right.

All right. When I'm done. My dogs are barking upstairs. I'm going to go take care of them quick. Okay. Oh, I'm going to grab a beer. Okay. And break.

Next one. Back to the advice. Oh, can you grab the Meow Spoken Here sign right now? Just hold it for this one. All right. My boyfriend recently moved in with me, and he's probably lived here for six months now, and the cat just doesn't seem to like him.

I don't know what to do. The cat will bite him, scratch him, and randomly pee on him and pee all over all his stuff. I took him to the vet, and they say he's healthy, and it's just a territorial thing. And then last night, my cat pissed on a very special drawing that his uncle gave him who passed away, and now it's finally lost. I feel so bad. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend has threatened to pee on the cat last night.

He's so mad. I've never seen him like do. My boyfriend has threatened to pee on the cat last night. He's so mad. I've never seen him like that. What should I do? Let him pee on the cat. Let him pee on the cat. Don't pee on the cat. Get rid of the boyfriend. First of all, your guys' fault for having the drawing,

this sacred drawing painting on the floor for the cat. Unless the cat is acrobatic as shit and lifting his leg up and hitting it on the wall, that's on floor for the cat unless the cat is you know acrobatic as shit and lifting his leg up and hitting it on the wall that's on you for the painting it should be framed and if it's only six months give the cat some time to lie i mean if i just moved in to your place you'd be like i really don't fucking like you here yeah um you're gonna be territorial i i understand it it's an animal if you really love this cat i get it yeah um but if you think you're gonna marry this young man that is gonna pee on this cat i think you should get rid of the cat because cats are happy anywhere it doesn't matter

who you are you could find a new home for the cat yeah yeah i think i think that's the way to go about it i'm not really a cat person i have have had good experience with cats, but I think cats are their own being. Where dogs are going to be happy with everyone, cats will fuck some shit up. So you say re-home the boyfriend, re-home the cat. Re-home the cat, yeah. But I agree with you completely. If you think you're going to marry this guy,

then yeah, probably. And how long have you had? If you had the cat for 14 years, then you know what? Tell the boyfriend to get over it. If if you had the cat for 14 years then you know what tell the boyfriend to get over if you had the cat for a year and then he moved in you think you're a man then you could rehome the cat there's plenty of people that take that cat for that for that reason yeah and but you you have to let him pee on the cat before you give it away you have to he died for an eye yeah he can't you cannot let that cat leave without any sort

of repercussions. Or just let him pee on you and don't. Because we're really going to get flagged for telling him to pee on a cat right now. You might find a new fetish. Just let him pee on you. I think that's worse. Actually, no, it's not. I take it back.

Don't be on the cat. I had to think about it. I had to retract my statements. All right. We're going back to high school. We got a question from a 15-year-old boy. Are we allowed to give advice for this one? I don't know.

I'm a 15-year-old straight boy. No, you're not. No, you're not. I'm a straight boy. People call me and bully me by saying I'm gay. Well, I'm not. My brother is and apparently we look alike

so people are calling me gay too. I don't have anything against gay people but it just pisses me off that they're bullying me. And they say that kind of stuff. How do I deal with this? Just finally come out as gay man because we all know you are.

You can't lead it with I'm a straight man. Boy. Yeah. Boy, sorry. That's a weird way to say it, but you are actually a boy. So that makes sense. You could just say male. I think the best thing to do is to just lean into it.

Yeah. Truthfully, that is the good way. Lean into it and be like, yeah. Give me those dicks. Like twin snakes. Yeah, if you lean into any joke, people, nine times out of ten, it's just going to go away because what people want out of you is the reaction. They don't give a shit that they're calling you gay.

They care that it bothers you. Yeah. If you lean into it and make a giggle out of it, that's probably the best way to do it. But also, like, shoot your shot. Maybe find a new hobby. Yeah, shoot your shot at a couple ladies. If you're a straight boy, I would say, if there's a lady.

Find a straight girl. Yeah. I think maybe just try to do that and uh pursue it but um yeah i think that's the best way to do it lean into the jokes and then uh find yourself a lady and smooch her in front of people yeah respectfully of course i look like you like it all right next one uh this lady is 26 years old basically my supervisor wants to go to the gym with me since he said he needs a spotter however i always go to the gym with me since he said he needs a spotter. However, I always go to the gym alone at completely different times than he usually goes.

I find it awkward to work out my glutes around him. And while he's pretty inconsiderate about me going to the gym when I don't want to, he's already gone a couple times when I'm there. It's pretty awkward. Plus, he has a girlfriend, which is also kind of weird to me. Overall, what's a good excuse I should tell him that I don't want to work out together?

Crabs. That's a solvable disease. You need something that's much more serious. Herpes. Maybe a pube shaverhead. That's a solvable disease. You need something that's much more serious. Herpes. Yeah. You can't, yeah. He does, he, I mean. Maybe a pube shaverhead. Does he need a spotter or does he want to be the spotter? And he doesn't really make a difference.

He's being weird. He has like, you're his work wife and he has a fascination with you. He kind of. Yeah, I think basically you just's you really just got to set ground was like listen this is not happening you got to be direct with him because he kind of just seems my guess is he shows up at the time she's there and just like hides in the corner and watches her yeah so if he can she confronts him and just kind of bullies him a little bit fine there's no way you're doing the same exercise you're not gonna going to get fired because you'll have a sexual assault claim.

Yeah, I think if you're feeling uncomfortable, that's another point, if you're feeling uncomfortable, you should definitely just go to HR. I think that's a very easy solution. It's not funny. I don't have a joke for this one, but I'd definitely just go to HR. I mean, he is your supervisor, but you can file those claims through your HR person,

and they will take care of it for you. And if it continues to happen, he will not be working. We'll take care of it for you. Yeah. He won't be your supervisor anymore. So that's probably the best way to look at it. You won't get fired because of it. All right.

How old is your dad? 58. All right. This one comes from a 58-year-old. Recently, I've been watching stuff on TikTok and the news, and it seems like every major country is hating on us. China has a problem with Taiwan. Kim Jong-un and Putin seem to be on very good terms for some reason. And with everything between Palestine and Israel and Ukraine and Russia

and unrest in the US and the age of being drafted is being lowered in the army and Canada's exhuming Libyan citizens and all these things that are setting up very big and all these things are putting me on the edge and I think my worst fear is that World War 3 is going to come and happen

what should I do or how should I prepare that if nukes are coming my way Please help Start digging a hole In your backyard You have to dig a really deep hole And then get a lid

Yep You could do Probably like a toilet seat Toilet seat You could do garbage Like cut the top off a garbage can And then you have that flap And you definitely need to start

Stocking up on non-perishables Tuna Baked beans Corn Lots of beans Corn Canned corn Which is useless that flap and you definitely need to start stocking up a non-perishables tuna baked beans corn lots of beans corn canned corn which is useless peach oh really maybe pears you're a canned pear those are pretty good in the syrup that like cocktail mix where it's got like a one or two cherries in it and the cut up peaches those were good i would say start if you don't have firearms training i would say start doing that. Buy a gun. Start practicing. Buy multiple guns.

And then here's the thing. Put it on Facebook that you've bought multiple guns. You shouldn't be talking about it. Buy them from Facebook Marketplace. You need Confederate flags all around your property. Don't tread on me flags. Lift your truck. Yes.

Lift your truck. Start being more racist. All camo all the time. And here's the thing, you're going to run out of ammo if there's World War III because eventually you're not going to be able to buy it anywhere if people are attacking us.

So I would say get your hands on a well-made sword. All right? A well-made sword can save your life. I'm more of a hatchet guy because it's multifunctional. Yeah, but you lose it. Yeah. You're not throwing the hatchet.

You're telling me you're getting really close? If you have a huge sword... No, you get a longer one. You get the longer hatchet. Oh, yeah. I forgot the extendable hatchet. Yeah. You've never seen the ones that use your chopping tree. Not a full-on axe, but just like an axe miniature. A hatchet. Hatchet is handheld.

Yeah. Get a sword. Don't get a sword. Get a sword. Or at the very least least two hatchets. You could probably buy a grenade somewhere. That'd be good. That'd get a lot. I think this might be just me. If you're going to get some canned beans, get a grenade.

But I think maybe break your TV. Get off TikTok. Sorry, that's a good answer. Stop doing anything. Get off the internet.. That's a good answer. Sorry. Stop doing anything. Get off the internet. All right. Next one. All right.

I'm going to be into my sophomore year this fall. Of high school or college? Ooh. Oh, high school. My school advised us to start thinking about activities that would get us more involved and look for good colleges. I'm not sure where to start. I run track.

I have a good GPA. There's not a lot going on for me if I don't get my extracurriculars up. So I'm looking for you guys. What should I do? You do not need extracurriculars unless you're going to a very big school that loves those. But what I did is I befriended the local chess club supervisor, and I told her I am the president of chess club. I never went to chess club, but she said,

yes, Jack, you are president of chess club. And so I put that on my resume, on my applications. I was president of chess club, and apparently it helped. It did help. So just befriend a club supervisor that you like and say, hey, can I just be the president of this? You don't have to do anything. You could join a lot of clubs.

I was in National Honor Society, and one of the requirements is 60 hours of volunteer work that I never did. And I graduated with honors in National Honor Society from high school, which really helps with colleges. So maybe get your grades up. You're fine as long as you're playing a sport do something in the summer you don't always have to do something you just need to show that you're willing to be busy yeah you can work that's it just get a job you're gonna

be fine just a job that isn't fast food something where you have to have some skills that aren't interacting with people through a tiny window and not to rip on everyone who does do that, but it's a little more transferable skills rather than... Work outside. If you're a kid and you have the summers off, work outside. Landscape perfect. I work for, yeah, I work landscaping. I work for the streets, parks, department. Dude, it's the best job you can do. And you make good money and you get a tan.

Yeah, make good money. And then when you get to college and you need more extracurriculars your job should work at a bar because then you stop paying for drinks at that bar the people you're going to meet coming in out of that bar every day phenomenal and you're probably going to make some friends for life and you're gonna have some great stories so get a fucking job you bimbo. Or just lie on your application. Or lie. Get a job or lie. Lie about having a job.

All right, this lady, she recently noticed that I'm getting really jealous of my best friend, down to the point where I'm obsessed with what underwear she's wearing and compare it to my own. That sounds ridiculous, but it's unfortunately what it's gotten to this point. My best friend and I are type of but we recently been butting heads. And it seems like anytime I get jealous of her, I keep pushing her away. I don't know what to do about it because I don't want to be like this. Why am I so obsessed with everything?

Even her underwear. Is it because of my own insecurities? Please help. Yeah. Yeah. You fucking idiot. Simple as that. Absolutely.

It's because of your own insecurities. I have never once cared about what my buddy's underwear was, and I never cared about what was inside of that underwear. What kind of underwear are you wearing right now? A pair of thieves. A pair of thieves? A pair of thieves. I do like the pair of thieves.

Oh, no. This is American Eagle. They got beer and pretzels on it, but typically I have a pair of thieves. Technically, I don't have it. I have the lining in my shorts right now. Of course you do. Yeah. Wait, does your shorts have a place you can put your phone?

On the inside? In the liner? Yeah. Okay. I like them. We'll talk after. What kind of underwear are you wearing? I'm wearing probably Hanes right now.

I do wear Thieves. I do have Tommy Johns. I have some Nike dry fit ones I really like. They're almost silky. Yeah. Are you boxer briefs? You're a boxer. Really?

No briefs. I hate boxers. I hate boxers. Because of my incident. You need to keep them. I should have boxers. I hate boxers. Because of my incident. You need to keep them. I should have known that. I do boxer briefs. They're mostly camo because I support my troops.

Hell yeah. And you don't want people to see you. My boys are fighting a war down there. But in all honesty, I just heard what underwear they have, and I'm not even worried about it. So I think you've got to take a deep, long look in the mirror and just think about what's going on. Maybe buy yourself new underwear. Buy yourself some new underwear.

Get something cute. Go to Victoria's Secret or other places. I know there's like Skims. There's other nice places. If you're concerned about that and that's something that's really giving you a bother, I would recommend going get take yourself under a shopping spree this could also be like the 15 year old boy again just admit to yourself you like her yeah you could just like her or whatever dude she's talking to and just i don't know text him

who gives a shit well let's not bring up friendships here let's just change our i don't clearly i don't think they're that that of friends. One likes one way more than the other. Yeah. Well, maybe they just got to... It could start becoming an unhealthy obsession with your friend. Just kiss already. Yeah. And send vids.

Okay. Hey, at what point do you think one of these things is going to be something he wants advice on? I think it's been all of them. He's been that 15-year-old boy. I've noticed his shave down there. He's really listening. Your pants are significantly less filled. I'm going on vacation in a bit.

All right, here we go. The last one. Hey, I'm looking for some advice on what to do for my maid of honor speech. Oh, boy. I'm currently having a falling out with the bride. Underwear again. I don't want to ruin her day and give a speech because she wants me to lie in a speech. She doesn't want me to lie in her speech either.

She's been a bridezilla the whole time, and the wedding's in two days, and I've had this feeling for months. I have nothing. We no longer talk. She seems if it's not something about the wedding, we don't talk at all. I have a loss for words and I don't know what to say for the speech.

We've been friends for five years. This is easy. What should I say? This one's easy. One, you're not upset with her. You're upset the fact that she's a bride and you're not. Whoa! Whoa! You think that's the problem? No, it's that she's a bridezilla.'re not. Whoa. You think that's the problem?

No, it's that she's a bridezilla. Yeah, I think that's right. And she has a falling out, but she's probably a little upset that she's not the bride too, but the bridezilla part. So if you're wondering about what to say, why don't you channel the memories you have pre-planning a wedding? I think this bridezilla thing is going to blow over.

It's going to blow over. Once the wedding's over, you're going to have six months of her not shutting the fuck up about getting married. And then after that, you're fine. Just get through that. You don't have to. Let her go on her honeymoon. You take your little break, and then you're going to be excited to hear about it.

Yeah. Channel what you did before she got engaged, because that's all they care about. Why did you know them? No one cares about the time from engagement to wedding. They want to know why you're friends with them in the first place and what you like about them i'm sure you have things the stop making this wedding planning process is tough um i didn't experience a whole lot of that neither did my wife but it has been like a lot for some other people your what wife i didn't like that it doesn't sound weird yeah you're what my sweet what? My sweet baby girl. My sweet baby barber. Can you say it again?

Sweet baby barber. Can you say it in a Borat voice? My wife! There we go. My wife! Hit it! My buddy did that in his, when they got married. When they're like, can you please repeat after me?

And he goes, my wife. That's a wife. But I think definitely just channel the good things. This bridezilla thing will blow over. She's probably really stressed out, especially if it's two days before the wedding. But I think definitely just channel the good things. This bridezilla thing will blow over. She's probably really stressed out, especially if that's two days before the wedding. And by the time you get this advice, it's probably too late. Oh, you think we're going to send her this?

That was posted probably six months ago. We should respond, though. We should respond with these clips. We should respond to them with the clips and see what comes up from it. But, yeah, definitely,, just water on the bridge. Brides of the Luzar. I always think start with a joke. Tell some tale about you being friends. And then who gives a shit?

Keep it short. Don't say anything long. It does not matter. No one's going to go home and be like, no five minutes. No. You don't think it's easy? Shorter than five minutes. It should be quick and easy.

I've been to so many weddings, and I can tell you right now, I do not remember anything but a bad speech. That's 100% of it. The only one I remember, oh, that was a shitty speech. And just keep it short. Like, oh, they went on too long. Who cares? Everyone's there to drink, dance, have fun.

Yeah, they're waiting to get to the food, and they're like, we've got to finish this up now. Yeah, you could even crank a joke about how you're going to go fast because you know everyone wants to party and celebrate the wedding. I'm going to just talk about how much I love this person. We've had such a good friendship these past five years. Ignore the bride's little part. Just go into the jokes.

Go. Cut it. Keep the passive. And before the light. The passive-aggressive energy, yeah, that can go. I jokes. Go. Cut it. Keep the passive. Head before the light. The passive aggressive energy. Yeah, that can go. I like that format. Joke.

How we met. Sentimental. Out. Get out of there. Get out of there. Done. All right. Well, that's how we give advice.

We should do advice more often. We should do that probably. I think we could do that every week. We could. Because I think we're really going to start changing lives. Yeah. I don't know for the better. We'll be changing some lives.

I think doing some Reddit advice would be a good idea. You know what would be good? If we could just throw the TV up and we could just put it up there. Yes. I'd sift through a lot. A lot of them are those relationship problems. You've got one of them. Just read the other one.

Read the answer to the above post. It's like any video or TikTok or anything like that. People are probably posting just to get likes on that stuff, too. Where it's like, oh, this is clearly fabricated, or your life is absolutely insane. I think a lot of it, a lot of it is them just trying to get this out. Yeah, that's fair. Like a venting session. A lot of them, just i would just write see a therapist like yeah they'll be able to talk can you imagine venting though and be like i just gotta

get this out and then just getting absolutely torched in the comments like no you're the fucking problem like this this backfired real fast have you ever seen the am i the asshole ones no those are so funny it's like am i the asshole my roommate keeps putting her eggs in the fridge and i hate eggs so i throw them out every time it's like shit like that and it's it's like am i the asshole my roommate keeps putting her eggs in the fridge and i hate eggs so i throw them out every time it's like shit like that and it's it's just like such like weird like yeah you are the absolute asshole like i think if everyone around you stopped talking to you and you're posting on reddit now because of this weird thing yeah you're the asshole yeah those are really funny to listen to that's funny. But, yeah, that was a fun one.

I think we did. If they do find these answers, I think we have changed a couple people's lives for the better. Just, I really hope we don't get a video of this guy pissing on a cat. Jack, you changed my life, and Mr. Whiskers is no more. Jack is the next Cesar Millan. Just piss on him. Just piss on him. Yeah, just piss on him and pee.

So we have 15 minutes so far of an episode. Oh, yeah, yeah. Come to the golf hunting. Yeah, we should probably put golf out here. So let's give you a list of sponsors. We have five, wait, no have four sponsors that will be there and will not back out. They're wonderful people.

We have more than four sponsors. Deer Track, August 24th in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. We have a wonderful time planned and that we're still planning. I cannot wait to see everyone. We are actually starting to fill up pretty well right now.

Yeah, we're over. We got a lot. My buddy still needs to get his team in. I'll see him this weekend. I've been bothering my friends with these teams. I'm going to ask him this weekend. I'm going to see the person I can corner. I think a lot of them are like, we have three.

We've just got the fourth one. That's a lot of people. And this weekend, I had probably five different people pledge, five different groups. I'm like, cool, get it. I mean, it's on me now to remind them, stuff like that. But what's nice is everyone that has signed up now, we really don't know. Like a lot of them, we don't know, at least as a group.

I will be doing my fantasy football draft after that. So if you guys want to come to the golf outing, give me fantasy advice. I have the 12th pick because I'm a champion. So if you guys want to tell me who I should pick with my first round pick. We'll make you a deal. If you sign up from this video on the link, okay? And in the other comment section,

no, stop doing that because the video glitches out. Every time you point, it goes. If you comment fantasy football, we'll send you a confirmation email, and you're allowed to pick Judd's, let's say, third-round pick. Why don't you have your first-round pick? My first-round pick is already picked. No, no, no. First-round pick you can pick.

Second-round pick is not. So let's go third. We want you to be the pick. No, no, no. First round pick you can pick. Second round pick is not. Let's go third. We want you to be first. Third round pick. First person to do let's call it promo code Judd's Jewish. You can pick his third round pick. Yes. Did you know that?

I thought he was Amish. He's one of the people coming after everyone. That's why you're building holes. Roman Catholic. I'm a Roman you're building holes. Roman Catholic. I'm a Roman Catholic. I'm a Roman Catholic. I'm a Roman Catholic boy. I'm a strange Roman Catholic boy.

How dare you. So stupid. Roman Catholic. Are you telling me I'm a Roman Catholic? I don't know how to roll my R's I do not know how to roll my R's Roll your No I can't

Can you use the back of your throat to roll? Like gargle? Just gargle This is going to be terrible audio Wait that's all That's all Rollers 3, 2, 1 Just gargle. This is going to be terrible audio. Wait, that's all rollers. Three, two, one. Do a Chewbacca voice.

How do you do Chewbacca? I can't do it. Before you say Roman Catholic. I'm in Catholic. It does not work. It doesn't work. People are definitely going to think I'm in Catholic It does not work It doesn't work People are definitely Going to think I'm Jewish Oh man

You sound like a cat Drowning in piss Koski can do the Clicking thing I can roll my tongue Pretty good What can I do? Yeah we'll have to figure out

Your secret Secret mouth talent I don't have a mouth talent. It has to be a mouth talent. You've got to have a mouth talent. Can you tie a cherry stem? I have a fat tongue. Wait, can you...

Why do you wink at me? Sorry. I thought you were Roman Catholic. Can you do that? That's not bad. It's a fat tongue, and it's short, too. Did your dentist tell you you have a powerful tongue ever? What?

Yeah. No. No, my dentist has never hit on me, Michael. Wait a second. No, you're – All right, cut that. Cut that. Cut it.

We got to cut it. Jeez. No, I haven't been to the dentist in years, but – Because of that? Because of that, yeah. No, like you have a powerful tongue, and I'm like, what does that mean? He goes, it fights me every time you, you have a powerful tongue. I'm like, what does that mean? He goes, it fights me every time I put like a tool in there.

Oh, you're probably like, I didn't think tool was going to be the word. Yeah. It did my dicks in there. You got like real close. Keep pushing it around. No,

I don't think I have a mouth talent. I can't, I do have, but since my incident, I can like kind of clack, but no, like since my, yeah, if I go like that, I can't. I do, since my incident, I can kind of clack. But no, if I go like that, I can clack. If I flick my leg, my... Like a grandfather clack?

Yeah. I can make a noise with it. If I come out of the shower, yeah. Do you need like... Do you got to be naked? Yeah, I can't do it in my clothes. Do you guys want to get like 3,000 views on this video? You have a hole in your sock. Throw it up there. Wait, I do? do it in my clothes. Do you guys want to get like 3,000 views on this video? You have a hole in your sock.

Throw it up there. Wait, I do? Wait, which one? Usually I take such good care of my socks. Oh, I do have a hole in my sock. Yeah. Let me see it. It's right there.

Oh, I do too. Oh, man. I have two holes in my sock. Watch this. I just got new socks. Oh, my God. Everyone put them up right now. What about that?

Oh, my God. A piggy has left the market. This piggy's running home. I repeat. A piggy has left the market. This piggy's running home. I repeat. A piggy has left the market. I just got new socks. Wait, are those? These are pair of thieves.

No, are those the socks, like the mittens? You can take them. Yeah. Folds over. Oh, my toes are little. In case I want to grab a snowball with my fingers, I can take the mitinose. All right, guys.

I think we still have about 40 minutes. We've cut so much out. We can end it at any point. Anything new happen recently for us? No, not really. Come to golf outing. Come to golf outing. Come to a golf outing. Come to a golf outing. Come to some shows.

I almost got into a fight at the brewery game. You almost got into a fight at the brewery game. We'll save that. We'll save that. We'll save that until next week. I was told by Rachel I can't talk about that. I was like, the guy was a prick. Oh, I saw a prick.

I saw a guy. We're at a stoplight. Just throw his chew bottle. Was it a blue truck? It was right in front of me. No, it's not a blue truck. It was a car. Okay, that's not my dad.

He just literally threw it out right in front of me and there's like cars in front of him. And I just beep and he goes, I was like, everybody saw you.

That's wild. So did he just dump it or he threw the bottle? He threw the bottle. What a dick. You could dump it out fine, but leave the bottle in your car. Yeah. What an asshole.

That guy sucks. We can end this. If you post, am I the asshole on Reddit, Mr. Chewbottles Thrower, we'll fucking tear you up. I got one for Reddit. Actually, let's say bye first. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Would a good am I the asshole be