Fat Chance Podcast - True Crime & Fake News Ep. 115

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

Judd dives into some True Crime! Jack finds Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory Michael has been watching too much Fox News SPONSORED BY: @DrinkWisconsinbly & Drink Wisconsinbly Beverage Co. DW produces high-quality beverages at an approachable price, perfect for toasting all the people, places, and things that make our home state unlike any other place in the world. Find them near you https://www.wisconsibly.com/beverages/ Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

Climate activist Greta Thornburg told people in China to stop using chopsticks to save trees. Probably. That woman's batshit. But I'm going to say false. I'm going to say it's true. That is false. That is a Fox News headline. I've been hanging out with my dad too much. This is how we're going to start. Is it?

You need to tell us about the serial killer. Oh, okay. So, some of this is going to have to get cut. Why? If I give you the full tea, I'm going to name names. It's on the news, isn't it? Not the stuff I know. Well, this is the best part.

You know more than the news? I know more than the news. Breaking news. Coming to you live from the corner pub in the Deer District. This is coming out in two weeks. I'll be breaking then. Yeah, this person will be in prison. So you're safe.

He's already in prison. He's already in prison. What's his name? Where does he work? Who did he kill? Stop. What's his favorite body part? There's been body parts showing up in milwaukee

oh i did see that on the news yeah yeah there's there they found a leg in cutahoe and then they found a appendage as they said uh kind of on the north side, and then somebody's car on fire with the airbags off, no one inside, close to where they found the first appendage. Okay. So, then they, but there's a leg in Cudahy that they found, and then they said they have a person of interest in. Are they missing a leg?

No, person of interest is arrested for them missing a leg? No, person of interest is arrested for them missing a leg. Oh, I thought that leg hopped there on its own. But then they also say that there's a missing 19-year-old girl. And they won't say that if that...

But that was her car that was on fire. Okay. So they won't say if it's her body parts or not, but they have a dude in custody um but we they haven't charged him with anything yet but he's in custody uh and he also used to work at the high note yeah for everyone else that doesn't know, that's where we do comedy sometimes. Holy shit. The thing I did, I looked at him on Facebook, and there's like 30 people that are mutual friends. Can you say, I'll beat this out, what's his name?

Would I know this person? Yeah, he would have been after COVID. Oh, shit. Pull him up. Pull him up. I got some would have been after COVID. Oh, shit. Pull him up. Pull him up. I got some mutual friends here as well. Oh, shit. I love this.

That's him. So there's more. I have plenty more. You want me to keep going? Yeah. All right. So the reason that he got pulled into this as a person of interest is because he now works at Victor's

and the co-workers at Victor's I know isn't that wild and then apparently the people at Victor's told the police that he was going on a date

with her on Monday so that he was going on a date with her on Monday. So I got to believe that that's her leg. Right. I mean, deductive reasoning would put her leg in Cudahy. So that's why. But then also there's appendages by the car. So there's got to be body parts, you know.

All over. Yeah. We got to find. It's like geocaching. Yeah. parts you know all over yeah we gotta fight we it's like geocaching yeah so and then he gets he gets uh arrested a lot of stuff taken out of his apartment or his duplex that he lives in and apparently somebody who's been in there said he was friends with the guy had he dug himself a trench in his basement like for what for what reason is the trench no no

probably to put the body the rest of the body or to have a standoff I don't I do they do not know and it's all speculation and then um

allegedly all this is allegedly here all this is allegedly he did it um allegedly you have to bleep this but I'm gonna

tell you this in confidence um so apparently I can say it without cue music So apparently I can say it without Cue music Holy shit My god

Isn't that wild? Also innocent to proven guilty I should say that That's wild Crazy stuff though right? Also innocent to proven guilty. I should say that. Why? That's wild. Crazy stuff, though, right? Well, now that I know what he looks like, I'm not going on any dates with him. Also, on his Facebook, because a lot of it is public that you can see.

You don't even have to be friends with him. It says that three days days ago and this was like right before he got uh arrested he was asking anyone if they want to join him volunteering at feed feed hungry for america i thought you're gonna say he changed his relationship i don't think he did it i don't think he did it he likes to feed he's feeding that's such a blatant wouldn't like it a lot wouldn't like it a time. Wouldn't like it a dime. Dude, that's crazy. Mm-hmm. Holy shit. Pretty wild stuff.

Damn. We like... Milwaukee's got a lot of these. That's our Dahmer. I don't know if it's our Dahmer. I don't know if he's... Our Dahmer. You had your Dahmer. Okay, okay.

He lived below him. But it's crazy. That's really crazy. That is crazy. How do you know more than the news? So I was told that there was – the lake missing was by that par three. Yeah, and I saw that, yeah. By the par three and then the whatever it was.

Where Pesky's been. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah yeah so that was a that was where the lake was so it's not too far from where i live so people were like oh do you know about this i don't know and then someone that asked me if i knew about it i said i don't know then they followed up they're like oh my gosh i went to high school with the guy and i was like what and then and then they were like oh it's also by this person's house where he lives now, and that's where the police were taking stuff out.

So it was like crazy. Do you think that's why we don't do comedy there anymore? They just knew there was going to be a plethora of jokes coming at them? So he worked at the High Note and then worked at the Rave and then worked at Victor's as the last one. That's a good transition to Serial Killer. The High note to rave to serial killer do you do you think do you think victims you've spent enough time at our open mics that yeah yeah is that what you're gonna say yeah sorry sorry you hear me talking about jerking off a few too many times you want

to get your fudge packed in prison which he might might now. Well, first of all, he's not been charged. Let's say that. We oped his name. We oped the other information. We should start a true crime podcast. You got any other true crime stories? Fat Chance is on the scene. Those are our live events.

Can we mic you up real quick? We're holding our live mics up to him. Did you or did you not kill her? Our condolences to the family of the victim. Well, that's a morbid way to start. I know, but you asked me. I know, but that's interesting. I think I've seen that guy once or twice.

I was kind of hoping it was someone I really knew. I'm not dropping names, but it would have been real cool. I mean, it would have been real scary. I thought he was going to drop a name there. I thought he was like, not dropping names, but... It was this person. Which one was it? I thought you were going to shave your face.

Oh, it's too late now. Well, Judd got here. Wait. Wait. Why were you going to shave your face? Oh, it's too late now. Well, Judd got here. Wait. Wait. Why were you going to shave your face? The beard's getting long. Oh, okay. I thought, like, I couldn't see your beard for so long.

No, you just got here, and I was like, oh, he's here. Let's just start setting up. I thought it was like a surprise for me. No. You're like, whoo-hoo. Judd's got here. Damn it. Judd's going to like this.

You've done the mutton chops before, though, once. Not on cam. Really? I just do it to mess with Jen. Oh, do you do it, and then when she gets home, you have to shave it right away? Typically, I do it when she goes to bed, because typically I come to bed like 30 minutes after her, because I'm like locking up and doing all that stuff. And then I go up there, and I don't say anything.

And then probably 45 minutes into me being in bed, she looks at me and she goes, go downstairs and shave your fucking face. And then we argue about it for 20 minutes. And then I go downstairs and shave my face. Because she hates the mutton chops. Yeah, Rachel hates the mustache. Which, speaking of mustache. I have a mustache for my wedding.

She's like, are you going to shave your beard for the wedding? I go, yeah. Like, just stubble and probably a mustache. And he just goes, oh, okay. And I was like, clearly you think that that's a bad idea. Well, I just know G hates the facial hair, so I didn't think she'd be like, oh, let's definitely do a mustache.

She likes it with a beard or just a mustache? Really? God, I wish. Okay. I think they do. No. Is there a countdown to how many days they get married?

From today. Yeah. It's got to be getting close. It's really close. From the day to get married? From today. Yeah, it's got to be getting close. It's really close. From the day this is released? The day this is released to get married has got to be like 14 days. I don't know. I don't want to do the math.

That's even more math than he's doing right now. But right now, we'll do the math together when I get to the website. 25 days. From right now. So'll do the math together when I get to the website. 25 days. From right now. So 11 days, basically. I'm going to come back, and I'm just going to have so much more life and energy afterwards. I can't wait for the episode afterwards. It's going to be a great time.

We're going to do more mug shots. G's just going to be in every one of them. Well, so is it wedding then honeymoon? No, because we're going to be down there. We're in Cancun for a week, so we're like going to party down there, relax, hang out with friends, and then what we'll probably do is just find like a

time to take like a trip, like a nice trip. But we're doing everything super crazily planned out. Yeah, this is a very relaxed wedding. Usually people around this time, they're like, we've got to get the flowers, got to get the food, got to whatever. They're like full panic mode. Yep.

You wouldn't know you two are getting married in less than a month. No. You would have no clue. I mean, like, the two things you listed, I think they would have right away. You get what I'm saying, but they're kind of panic-moved. Yeah, we're talking to bridesmaids, we're talking to groomsmen, all that stuff. But you guys are very well put together for this, especially G. Yeah, G is nice because we're at a resort,

so they pretty much have probably done our exact same wedding like 80 times. So we just kind of tell them what we want, and they'll do it. Yeah, Elvis. Yeah. Yeah, I want this. And they're like, all right, cool.'re like all right cool and then the guy in a leprechaun the one thing i'm worried about is um one of my best men he lives in florida and he's supposed to he was supposed to get his like um pants and shirt fitted and it took like an extra three months because he's like such an odd shape. He's got like really long legs. You can say fat.

No, no, he's tall and like lanky. Really? What, is he like Slenderman? He's like 6'5", not Slenderman because he's got a little bit more meat on his bones, but it's just like 6'5", longest legs you've ever seen, long arms. Like, it's hard to explain. So he got measured at a tailor i brought the measurements to this tailor and um they were like this makes no sense

they're like we're gonna have to facetime this guy like it make like there's no way a guy's shaped like this and then so they're like all right so we took like three more weeks for them to get in contact with them and then when they, the guy that fitted me wasn't the guy that I was giving his measurements to. And the guy that was fitting me was like, oh, yeah, this is easy. So it's either my friend has a weird shape and this guy is overconfident or the other guy was just an idiot. And so now I'm like hoping that everything still gets done in time for the wedding. But it's going to be okay. I'm hoping his outfit is either way too fucking short like everything's like the

capri pants or whatever they're called yeah or just super long like even for him the there's a he's rolling up his suit jacket there's a person i know we were in a wedding together and they they got pants and everything and all the stuff came in and they're they're probably shorter than kuski god that makes me feel so good he had a 38 length pants that sucks that's double his pants yeah it was literally just rolling down like it was unreal yeah so he had to hem a full pant. That's not hemming. That's scissors.

It's going and getting some trunks. I was going to send it to you. I get these TikTok ads on a clothing brand. This guy was talking about how no clothes fit me. I was like,

I need to make a clothing brand. I like all right he looks like normal person to me and like this and that and all of a sudden i go to his website and it's literally it's athletic clothing for short people that's literally the tagline instead of big and tall is short and stout yeah yeah yeah oh that's funny. I don't struggle really finding clothes. I think pants are the hardest. Jeans are the hardest thing to find. I'm very picky with the way jeans look. That's why I never wear them.

I like jeans. I have my work jeans, which fit like a dad's jeans, but like my other jeans. I'll get into a phase like, I'm really liking jeans. I guess those black pants I wear are jeans. i just also don't have a lot of pants i think i have like because you don't because legitimately your job is a sweatpants job i know i can go in sweatpants it's great i have more sweatpants than i do i think i have equal amount sweatpants than i do regular pants really yeah that's weird that's odd i would not have guessed that how many pairs of sweatpants than I do regular pants. Really? Yeah. That's weird. That's odd. I would not have guessed that. How many pairs of sweatpants do you have?

Seven, maybe? How many of those do you actually wear? I think that's a better question. Seven? I think it is. You wear all seven? Once I go through all the sweatpants. I mean, when I'm around the house, sweatpants. Yeah, it doesn't really matter. When I'm running errands, sweatpants.

There's sweatpants right now! Well really matter when i'm running errands sweatpants i don't know there's certain there's sweatpants right now well that's because i wore these yesterday and i was wearing my work jeans and i was like i don't remember my work jeans in the pod you are a jeans guy i i'll wear jeans if i'm going to go do physical like when i work on my mom's house i'll wear jeans or shitty sweatpants when i was painting this past weekend. But I also wasn't informed I was painting this past weekend. I thought I was just moving stuff over. I go, hey, you're not at your condo. She goes, oh, yeah, we're painting all day today. I go, I didn't wear the right clothes for this.

Moms have a tendency to do that. Yeah, get there. And she goes, well, better grab some sweatpants for your brother. I go, he's got none. So I found, like, the smallest pair of sweatpants that are, like, just tucked in the back of his closet, and I painted ceilings for eight hours. Did you paint the finger one?

The what? The 16th Chapel ceiling is where they have... Have you ever seen the picture of... All right, Jesus. Those art snobs are so... What are you talking about? Am I painting people on this? Did you paint the finger one?

The 16th of April. And you pointed like there's something over here. You pointed at the door like there's a finger. I know. You pointed. I know what you're talking about. No, that's what he does. That's what he does.

I was doing it on camera. You dumb idiot. Did you ever do this thing? Speaking of Instagram ads, I got one today. And it was a jewelry artist having women that just recently had kids sending in

a sample of their breast milk and her turning it into a necklace they turned it into a necklace would they just put a little of the

breast milk probably some acrylic or something she sprinkled the breast milk in to this tube and then it was in the shape of a breast milk in? Probably some acrylic or something. She sprinkled the breast milk in to this tube, and then it was in the shape of a gem, and then sprinkled some other stuff in there.

And I think that's pretty cool. You could do that with probably, like, anything you want. What's worse, that or the belly button? Jack, say what you want to say. Come on. You were holding that one in. You're not so devious about pretty much anything. Can I?

Can I? There's one thing that goes through my mind a lot. Yeah, it's like when Chris Farley goes, we can fit a pack of soda in here. Could you tell me so funny to have a cum like a cum drop necklace like oh you would give it to G for sure

thank you you got my darling a cum drop necklace you break it open in case of emergencies in case of emergencies in case of need of rapid impregnation

I keep that thing on me so stupid and so good I have a bunch of kids Impregnation. I keep that thing on me. So stupid. That's so good. I have a bunch of kids around my neck. What are you doing? What's the matter with you, Kuski, over there? Just a cum necklace.

It's so loud. It's like the same kind of thing like the pearl necklace. You know what I mean? But it's your own. It's actually cum. You know what I mean? I guess if you own. It's actually cum. You know what I mean? I guess if you've ever seen the ones where, like, the people had the bracelets where there's, like, ocean water actually and ocean sand. It's that, but not PG.

Yeah. PG-13. A vial of cum is also very funny. It's like a vial of it. Like, someone needs this. Yeah. That's very funny. You guys want to play the game? Yeah, let's play the game. It's time to play the game. someone needs this to survive. That's very funny. You guys want to play the game?

Yeah, let's play the game. It's time to play the game! Speaking of that because that's the Triple H's theme song I watched WrestleMania this weekend and got absolutely slobber and awkward.

It was so fun. I heard it was a great one. It was as good as wrestling can be actually but I got pretty messed up on Saturday and watched it and I had the time of my life just pretending like I knew what was up on Saturday and watched it.

And I had the time of my life just pretending like I knew what was going on and like talking shit because it was a last-minute decision to watch it. And then last night I was pretty hungover. And so I did all my stuff in the morning, and I got back from like my errands and like cooking and stuff to sit down and watch day two of Wrestlemania by myself and then Jen came into the living room and basically called me a homo for four hours.

She was like this is so stupid. This is the worst thing ever. She was at a baby sprinkle you called it. That's what it's called. It's a mini shower. Were they midgets? Hey next time you're home over, I think you should have

some of these. Some of what? Our Booze Better Supplements packets. Booze Better Supplements. Last time I took these, I actually didn't feel too bad after that. I felt great. I think they gave me a second wind. Half of it did go all over the car, but... You have one when you're done?

Speaking of which, Paul just messaged me now. over the car. Day after party. So you have one post-party. You have one when you're done? I'll take one right after I have this brand new old-fashioned from the country of Wisconsin. Speaking of which, Paul just messaged me now. Is Paul the pill guy? Paul is our booze butter guy. Hi, Paul. Booze butter. Thank you for these. Honestly, hangover, take it before you go to sleep,

and then you take it when you wake up in the morning. You're going to feel better. And then you can do it again. You can just keep doing it. It's a constant cycle. There's morning. You're going to feel better. And then you can do it again. You can just keep doing it. It's a constant cycle. There's no way you're going to feel bad on these. It's like liquid IV on steroids. They're really good, actually.

Have you ever wanted to party, wake up, do it again? Do this in between. Bachelor parties, bachelorette parties, divorce parties, getting married parties, weddings. Getting married then divorced, annulment parties. Working up the courage to get a divorce. Circumcisions. Vasectomies. Sending in your cum to make a necklace.

Mammograms. Post. Mammograms. Post in the mail. Post Malone uses them. Brunch. That's all? That's all the parties? I think we end up brunch. That wasone uses them. Brunch. That's all? That's all the parties?

I think we ended up brunch. That was a banger. That was good. Alright, you guys ready to play the game? Yeah. Alright, this game's called Real or Fake. I'm going to tell you a news headline. And you have to tell me if it's real or if it's fake.

I thought we were going to do boobs. Dude, can we do real or fake boobs? It'd be so easy. It'd be so easy. It'd be so easy. All right. Also, whether or not these are real things or whether or not these are fake things. NASA is installing internet on the moon. Real or fake?

Real. It's already there. Fake. That's the point for Kuski. It is real. It's already there. Fake. That's the point for Kuski. It is real. Can I do the same guess he has? You can do whatever the fuck you want. Fuck you.

I thought I had it going the other end. NASA is building a 4G network on the moon to enable their control of the lunar roll arts better. Okay, that's pretty cool. Wait, is it 4G or 5G that causes COVID? Oh, yeah, that's 5G for sure.

That's 5G. You can't get 5G at the... You can't get COVID on the moon, though. No. I mean, if they have 5G, though, then obviously it's going to interact with the

neural chip that they put in your brain and the chip that they have in your arm for the COVID vaccine. You know, everyone knows that. What if we kill all the aliens on the moon

by giving them COVID? Fuck. And total takeover. All right. A university... Real or fake? University banned the use of capital letters to avoid scaring students. This is real.

I write in all capital letters. Do you really? Mm-hmm. So I hope this is fake. But how quickly you said real makes you want to say real final answers yes it is fake fuck uh actually good for me wait do you think he's also just making up articles that you find that is a that is a satire article that when it came out in the onion oh that's where I saw the article then. Alright.

Couple in California named their baby with an emoji. It's California. Yeah, I'd say real. It's gonna be real. That is fake. That's another story that's made up satirically for a new site.

You guys are doing good on this. I'm winning. Eight-year-old pulls medieval sword from lake with fishing pole. That one's real. That's real. That is correct. Two real stories there, baby.

Did you read that one? Yeah. Do you think I don't know things about medieval swords? Yeah, that's kind of why I kind of bought into you right away there. Yeah. I was believing you. German street covered in chocolate after leak from chocolate factory.

That's a movie. Please be true. It's fake. True, true. That's a movie. That is real. Jack gets the point. Willy Wonka's real.

Willy Wonka. Yeah, a vat leaked from a chocolate factory and covered all over the pavement. You know how funny it is that a vat is real? I always hear vat. I'm always picturing comic book stuff. But a vat of chocolate? Yeah. That's a real thing.

Someone goes to work and works on a vat. On vats. Do you work on vats or do you just monitor vats? You stir vats with giant spoons. I hope this doesn't spill. You think it's a giant wooden spoon up there? You're on a platform near this giant wooden spoon, and you're just like, man, I hope some guy that has questionable morals doesn't fall in this.

I had to go counter-talk. I'll tell you what, that Willie is insane. Honestly, he's a crazy guy to work for. School bans parents for sporting events due to bad behavior. That's real. That's got to be real. That could be real in every state. My dad's been kicked out of games.

Yeah. They banned all parents. Your parents get kicked out of? All parents. Oh. All parents were sporting because they became too competitive and threatening at the staff. Wait, what sport? They said sports.

I got pretty beat up when I reffed hockey, so I can understand that. Do your parents ever get kicked out of your own sporting events? No. My dad and my uncle got kicked out of my basketball games. And I went to church school. They're like, sir, you need to leave. They would make them sit in the hallway and watch through the window. You don't have to leave the building, but you need to watch where no one can hear you.

Did you ever get ejected from a game? No. Did you ever get ejected from a game? No, but I got like, it was when I was a kid, so the opposing team's coach took me into their bench. It was hockey, so they took me over to their side of the bench. And fucking ripped into me. And I actually became really good friends with his son afterwards.

Wow. Because I was just like seven and you're not allowed to check. But god damn did I love putting the body on some people. So I got in a lot of trouble

and I was like back to the bench just like made seven kids cry and I just got kind of yelled at because I hit them like a lot. And I was like just like crying so hard. Like snot coming out of my nose.

You don't know what to do when you're that young and you actually just get really reprimanded. You really felt like you just ruined the world. You know what's cool though? That guy did that. He's not like my parents. He probably shouldn't have done that. But my parents were like, it's probably a good move. They didn't care. They didn't care. He was care he was nice it was but i also don't think

it's a bad thing i still think like people like kids need to get disciplined like when you're on the rink or the court or the field or whatever the two coaches are your two parents like your coaches are your parents on the field like your parents can't come down and helicopter you while you're playing a game it is your coach's responsibility to teach you, one, how to play and how to respect other people. So I think that's actually a good thing. Yeah. But today, the guy wouldn't fly.

Should it have been York? Oh, my God, that coach would be in prison with the serial killer. Should it have probably been York coach? Yeah. Yeah, but my coach was loving it. That's the problem. No, it's fine. All right, next one.

Spinach can be taught to send emails god this is what's been like from veggie tail spinach i'm gonna go false i'm gonna say i'm gonna say this is real kuski is right is real that was too outlandish. During COVID, you could... Always COVID. A man had his spinach. Send his emails for him so he could lay on the couch. If you put sun towards it, they'll go towards it. So he would put his laptop towards the window,

and basically the spinach would go towards the sun. Like in real time? If you were spinach, and I put my phone light to you, you would gradually start coming towards me? Yeah, I assume. So is that teaching the spinach to send emails? No, you typed up the email. Yeah, and hoping the leaf had sent. I don't think you deserve that point.

I don't think that deserve that point. In the Telegraph and the Huffington Post. I don't think that article deserves to be published. That article was written by idiots. It was written by the spinach. And the guy that made spinach go towards the laptop, good move, dude, because that wiggles your mouth on teams. Good move. But bullshit, you get a point for that

because that spinach was not like, let me type up a, please see attached. That would be crazy if it did. Yeah yeah what does the spinach plant look like i know it's spinach leaves look like but it was like but i always just buy it in i guess you never buy the plant i never i was right in the bag yeah vines yeah like a bushel grilla learns to knit yeah that's got to be true. I don't think it's gentle. I don't think it's gentle enough to do it. But monkeys are like communicating with us. But gorillas.

I'm gonna say false. I'm gonna say it's true. Jacket's point. That is false. Their opposable thumbs stop them from doing anything. You think the opposable thumbs would help them? Oh, that's a gorilla. They have not mastered the knitting yet. You're on your choosy.

Oh, my God. An oldie but a goodie. Hope you're doing all right, Sully. I saw a YouTube video recently, actually today, where he went to the solar eclipse thing. No, I watched it. That's okay. Well, we gotta hope that. We gotta hope that.

We don't need to hope it. Because people are gonna watch it now. Orangutans use slang just like humans. I would agree. Yeah, I would agree. That is correct. That's a real article. They use slang. Just like you and me.

I don't like the way he said that. Just like you and me. It sounded like something else was coming after that. That's so mid. All right. Polar bears scream when they poo. Yeah, that's real. No.

That is very false. Can you imagine? You think that's what a polar bear sounds like? When it's pooping. Allegedly. I think there's some more bass in it. It's not screaming. That's more just like...

But like louder. Climate activist Greta Thornburg told people in China to stop using chopsticks to save trees. Probably. That woman's batshit. But I'm going to say false. I'm going to say it's true. That is false. That is a Fox News headline.

I've been hanging out with my dad too much. That's funny. Raccoons break in a California bank. That's funny. Raccoons break in a California bank. That's true. Were they on surfboards? I'm going to say it's false. That is true. Jack takes the lead.

These trash bandits are real bandits as they broke into a bank in Redwood City. Is that the only one you wrote a follow-up for? No, that was the actual follow-up. Oh, really? Yeah, that was not me. I have, like, they have, like, the news source as well, just in case you came at me and were like, that's not real, and I can tell you exactly what article it is.

I like to check my facts. All right. Let's see what United Airlines did recently. California theme park banned screaming because of COVID-19. Again, with the California, it's a little wishy-washy. Can you imagine banning screaming when you're getting shot out of a cannon? What? Imagine how hard it would be for a polar bear.

Okay, well, Universal Studios in Orlando, they have the Hulk ride, and basically you sit in this thing and all of a sudden it just goes, and it shoots you out. Not real cannon, but it shoots you at really fast speeds. Imagine how lame all those pictures would be when you get off the ride and everyone's just like this. Don't do this. I'm going to say... I'm going to say it's false.

False, I hope. This is going to be true. That is correct. That is false. All right. Last question. Jack is up by be true. That is correct. That is false. All right. Last question. Jack is up by one. Can Michael tie it up?

Can you tie it up? An artist sells invisible sculptures for more than $13,000. True. That's true. That's true. That is correct. That is true. I think that's from one of my don't you knows where a lady was selling like $10,000 artwork

from a museum of never existed or something like that before. That's crazy. People are dumb enough to buy that. The sculptures don't exist and the artist claims it's in the mind of the creators. What a great business plan. Not going to lie. Could you imagine just being like, yeah, look at that sculpture I just bought.

13 grand. And you point and you're like, what is it? Exactly. What do you see? And there's a plaque next to it. I mean, that's the painting to your left right now. That cost us 20 grand.

We snuck that down here when you were sleeping. That's also our wedding gift to you. Yeah. That was a good one. That was a good callback, dude. Thank you. Thank you very much. Callback.

Tag still isn't off the hat. No. How much is that hat? $4,000. It's in the mind of the creator. This hat doesn't have price tag on it because... It's pr000. It's in the mind of the creator. This hat doesn't have price tag on it because it's priceless.

But it's a damn good hat. I actually used to have this when I worked for them. I had this hat. I don't know where it went but now I have a new one which is cool. Drink Wisconsinably. Think Wisconsinably as well. We do something different for that every time

I know But it's going to be fun when we mash it all together at the end of the year Who's we? Make it as hard as we can for Michael Kuski to edit this Just won't happen Not happening today Well Now we do have to talk about

We're going to be at the comedy cabin yes we should I think by the time this is out we should be promoting this yeah maybe we should cut everything we just did and then start from here so that people see it when they play well this will be the intro

join us at the comedy cabin May 31st 2024 for a night of laughs love and laughs you got that from chat gbt you should have seen the fucking thing you wrote for for that thing you should have seen it i looked at it i go there's no way there's no way we could send this in it was the way i described it get ready to meet your favorite bozos i didn't say if we were Rice Krispie Streets, we would be, what was it, short, old, and nerdy. I was like. Have you ever done a chore so bad you never have to do it again?

Yeah, actually, Nathan actually texted me after he saw that and said that there was actually negative tickets. We owe them. Can you pay us money for just looking at this? That's my least favorite thing to do. Speak. May 31st we'll be live from the Comedy Cabinet

in Janesville, Wisconsin. Yes, it will be. Janesville, Wisconsin. It's a great club. Janesville, Wisconsin. It's a great club. I've been there before. He's been there before as well. It's going to be a blast. Come on out. Please. Come on out. That's bullshit. It's Jack's first time he's headlining it.

Will we be doing it barefoot? That's going to be a good question. That is a good question. We might be doing it barefoot. I guess you have to come out May 31st at the Comedy Cabin to see it. Keywords. Feet. We'll be doing a live podcast as well as having some stand-up.

Who is the headliner that will be joining us? We're not going to say that just yet. I don't think we're going to say that just yet. Okay. But come on out, Bi-Tickets. It's going to be a blast. I think it's going to be very similar to a late night thing for us. Or we just get a hangout, talk some shit, maybe give away a few things.

We're going to be playing games. I'm still going to bring some games. We're going to vet the games, don't worry. We're also going to have some audience participation? Question mark? Drink Wisconsin will be there. Drink Wisconsin will be there. Drink Wisconsin will be there. Yeah, it's going to be a blast.

And they have a surprise for everyone. Rachel will not be there. She doesn't love me. And I just want to put that into the universe. Before you said that, we have a surprise for everybody? Yeah, we'll have a surprise for everyone. Drink Wisconsin will have a surprise for everyone.

Oh, that's exciting. I love surprises. I don't even know what it is, and I'm part of this. You know what it is. You know what it is. Oh, I've been told it, and I don't remember what it is. So that's fun. This is really fun for me. Judd may or may not be at the show.

The surprise is Judd's not there. They'd replace me as a surprise. With ChatGBT for games. I've seen ChatGBT write a couple descriptions. I don't think ChatGBT is really... We don't have to worry about it yet. No, we don't have to worry about them yet. They do pretty much the same thing.

I do ChatGBT for the subject line in newsletters and stuff. Because it's super easy. So I'd be like, hey, give me a subject line of this paragraph. And I'd literally just copy and paste the paragraph. And it's always the same exact thing. It's like, explore, and that's all it is. Yeah. Well, what they're using is keywords. They're pulling – I mean, it works

because they're pulling the words that're it works because they're pulling like the words they have gotten clicks from other articles so explore is definitely what's drawing people into things or like urgent or just like really attacking words that are gonna serial killer in milwaukee yeah but i missing leg yeah but i can't just keep having the things to explore every email says explore nightmare nightmare nightmare click this link below keywords baby we did that with i did that with our thumbnails once where it was uh something about like i don't know if we were doing aliens or like ghost stories that i didn't notice it back-to-back thumbnails were like um missing person or like the story of

back-to-back thumbnails were like um missing person or like the story of whatever haunted house with aj in the next one it's like you same exact shit i go i think we should start switching this shit up do you ever like look at the the analytics of what the best thumbnail is no not really i i try and make them relevant enough or catchy enough. But other than that, I mean, I'll look at some of the analytics just to see how we're doing. If I get too involved in that, it takes away the fun of this a lot. And I'm trying to, like, dial that down. That was a light one. That was forced and wet.

Yeah, it was. But it didn't take away any of the fun. I hate that you put it towards your face after that. I'm almost going to smell it. How else am I going to smell it? How does it smell? Like a microphone. Like a microphone?

It just got thrown around. I don't think these microphones have any smell. I don't think this podcast has gotten a little... Wait, let me smell yours now. I'm just kidding. Anyone want a Bobo's I already had one

Okay I thought you were gonna eat one I was like wait Yeah Oh This is gonna come on after But I'm doing a comedy show

Did I tell you guys this yet Oh my god You're doing a comedy show No fucking way When did you start Just shut up I'm doing a comedy show And

Halfway through You eat a habanero And finish your sentence Oh I really wanna a comedy show And Halfway through you eat a habanero And finish your sentence Oh I really want to do that show That would be My nightmare When I agreed to it I did not know this That's even better That's the greatest thing

You want to do a show Yeah yeah yeah This is in Madison correct No it's Chicago I'm doing it at the Laugh Factory I've got something for you Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a buddy of mine. He said, you want to do a show? I was like, yeah, I'll come. This is in Madison, correct? No, it's Chicago. It's Chicago? Yeah. Oh, who does it? I'm doing it at the Laugh Factory.

I've got something for you. Oh, your sneak. That's what the flask with... I was so... I got to sneak milk in. I said, can I... That's when I found out. You're going to put milk in it?

I'm going to put milk in the flask, which is going to be great for my set, but also keeping me alive. I think that'd be fun. Who runs that show? Because I know there's one. I think Sasha does one in Madison. Then Sasha.

God, he is such a fucking dick. I quit. One day, because he's going to storm off the podcast. I hope your camera isn't recording. Honestly, that's... I hope your mic's unplugged. That would actually be a nightmare. That would also not be the first time.

It's always your shit, too. Yeah, it's interesting how it's always my stuff. That's okay. Just so everyone knows, I have a different microphone than everyone else here, which is even more skeptical. It's your microphone. It is. It is, but it's plugged in differently than everyone else's. Because we can't plug all three in that one.

That's true. So I almost wore shorts here because it's 60 degrees okay it's beautiful out i really want to go golfing with you guys soon but can we uh we're gonna have to go after your wedding correct yeah because i really want to go and i'm going to see rachel this weekend every time i go see her during this time of the year it's the nicest weekend of the year after a bunch of rain and i'm upset well i'm not upset that you're gonna see her not at all backpedal backpedal edit that out but we need to schedule time to do it um and i can't mention callaway golf poles anymore i was telling jack we got flagged big time.

Was it for Callaway Golf Poles? Or was it because I popped open a beer with my teeth? He popped open a beer with his teeth. And YouTube's like, this is inappropriate for children. We are going to flag your content from here on out. Yeah. That's wild. No, it is. It's the TikTok live thing all over again.

Okay, well, it's so wild, though. Sometimes there's so many crazy tiktoks of just like girls showing their starfish and like i can't talk about drinking beers you don't drink it you open it and pour it i do think drinking is a big thing especially for an advertisement you can't any alcohol ad you can't actually take a sip of it yeah so every every heineken every budweiser they never drink the alcohol in there. So you're just holding on to it. Go watch any alcohol.

They've never taken a sip of it. That's why I thought the TikTok got flagged because we were drinking in there. Yeah, that one makes more sense. But he doesn't say it. The only thing that I thought could get flagged for is you're like, hey, you dumb, stupid brain motherfucker. And I call them a smooth brain. Wasn't it the shorts? It was like, hey, you dumb stupid brain motherfucker. And I called him a smooth brain. Was it the shorts? It was like, hey, do you know anything about money?

And I was like, I don't know much about money, but I know a lot about drinking beer. And I opened the bottle. I flagged twice, and I appealed it, and they're like, nah, this sucks. Like, okay. No, they just said it sucked. Thank you for just stupid shit.

We're doing you a favor right now. You don't want to show this? Let's not show this. We got to wear the pink hard hats, too. We do not need to wear the pink hard hats. Why not? Where even are they? They're in the closet.

One of them is broken. Are they really? Those are nice hard hats, though. Yeah, they're nice. Hungry, hungry hippo hard hats. What else? Oh, did you guys look at the eclipse today it's so underwhelming the way i would have described it is like i was sitting in my office and i thought like wow it feels cloudy outside but i could still see the sun and i didn't even know it was happening today and then our ptm came and goes is it happening i want to

see i'm like i don't know walked outside and it was it was just like did you look at it without protective eyewear yeah but it was almost like you just put i didn't go outside either it was like you put a filter on the sun is all it was like it was still sunny but just darker there was people there's people at work that were like we're going outside at this time to this time to watch the eclipse we're bringing our laptops if anyone wants to come and i was like no where do you work didn't don't worry about it this just happened like a couple years ago yeah it's not like a once in a lifetime thing and like also the fact that you have to get 3d glasses somewhere like it's so the fact that you can just go buy cardboard glasses just like a little piece of paper that's a scam from big 3d though yeah but here's the thing i don't i don't want to look up

because i don't want to ruin my eyesight but also i really want to look up because i want to see if i'll actually ruin my eyesight you don't does that happen to you too it's it's so dumb because also then it's just the same jokes every single year that I hate so much. It's like someone put a beer can over it or whatever and they eat it. I saw someone who just did the Oreo one. David Lewis was funny, actually. David Lewis, his Oreo one was very funny. But I saw someone like

literally do it with like a thing and then go hug like I like when it was in front of that and then they do the same I did one years ago

when the eclipse happened it was like I already saw this and it was just a picture of the Twilight Eclipse DVD so you're part of the problem I'm very much part of the problem it would be funny if we got a good angle of it and one of us

just dipped our balls over the side. The two I've seen that I didn't hate was your mom's house studios. They put a white guy and then they just had a black guy go in front of it.

Or what is this? You're going to have to pass this phone over. That's so funny. That's good comedy. Pass it over. The other one was. Those stray hairs. Someone just put like in a, what was it?

The Eclipse gum or whatever. Oh, yeah. Just in front of it. I go, you know what? Clever enough. We should put Bobo's PPJ front of it. I go, you know what? Clever enough. We should put Bobo's PPJs over it. The grape one. Also, this is like three weeks late.

I love that. Everyone's like, why the fuck do they keep talking about the Eclipse? We really liked it. All of this stuff already happened, which is very funny. We just start planning ahead We should be like What's a big thing that's happening in a week What's happening in three weeks

What is in three weeks The Masters is over He's getting married So alright who won the Masters Who won the Masters Oh the Masters is soon It's this week Is it

It's Thursday Shut up Fuck I'm so behind So did we like like the Masters was a good was it good it was a good Masters I thought this year I was shocked by who won it which was oh sorry um you're the fucking the white guy no no it was they Rory was close and I thought he was going to pull it out. Is it oval? This is done. You are the worst yes and partner I've ever met in my entire life.

Don't like a joke. It's done. No, who won it? Fitzpatrick. Matt Fitzpatrick? Yeah. Wyndham Clark. That's a really good pick.

Thank you. Yeah. That's also the name he's seen online the most recently. The place where I used to work. I'm very happy for Tommy Fleetwood. I'm so happy that he finally got one. Tommy Fleetwood, baby. We're kidding.

We're kidding. We honestly know Brooks won it. Bryson, we're happy you won. Tiger. Holy shit, we're happy you won. Tiger. Holy shit, Phil, you finally did. Can you edit this for whoever wins? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that.

What if we haven't hit it yet? So let's get the list. So go through the whole thing, all the names we just said, but you have to say it because he asked you. Could you believe seven-year-old Phil Mickelson won the Masters? All right. Give me a list of all the golf. We have Rory.

We have Tiger. We have Phil. I can't say it like that. Yeah, you can't say it like that. Did you say Rory? Rory won the Masters. Rory won the Masters. You have to say a different person.

I just said that. Oh. Tiger Woods, congrats on another unbelievable win at the Masters. We didn't think you'd get it done. Wyndham Clark, he's hot right now. He's just getting better and better every time. Sergio Garcia, what a spicy meatball that was when you were at the Masters. That's not an Italian guy.

That's not getting cut. Scotty Scheffler, glad you're keeping that hot streak going. Congrats on winning the Masters. Jon Rahm, you... Wait, you want to give us an accent for that one too? No, you're Spanish, I know that. You could probably... Wait, remember his Jackie Chan?

Get to the chopper. That was pretty good. Also, Jon Rahm, your oddly shaped body won the Masters again. Good for you. He has a club foot. That's how he hits the balls, idiot. What do you mean he has a club foot? Yeah, he's got a club foot.

A golf club foot? I was so late. That is so late. I will put in the episode after that. All you can do is hope to keep up, buddy. Those short legs are having small steps. I need to go get that athleisure wear, whatever that guy's making. What is it called?

I'll send you some links. I don't remember what it's called. What does he just sell? Mediums to extra smalls? You can just get a smaller size for short people. He's just selling crop top shirts. He's just buying name brand shit and putting it in the wash. Trying to get rid of my sister's clothing.

Oh, you mean all right? Long COVID. Lung COVID? It's the vaccine. It's getting to me. Is Raw on yet? I got to follow up what happens with WrestleMania. Now you're into wrestling, aren't you?

Wait, wait, what? I thought it was over. Yeah. But Monday Night Raw's on tonight. Yeah, but didn't someone win? Yeah. Cody Rhodes finished his story. He beat the tribal chief.

Who's the tribal chief? Roman Reigns. Acknowledged. Didn't he get to pick that he got to fight him? Yes. But because he wanted to win the championship. And the championship's the top of the pyramid, man. All right?

You get to the tippy top. But in the beginning on Saturday, him, Cody Rhodes, and Seth freaking Rollins, all right, had a tag team match against Roman Reigns and The Rock, all right? If The Rock and Roman Reigns won, then the match on Sunday was Bloodline Rules, which means no disqualifications, anything goes, all right? Cody lost, so then there was no disqualifications. Anything goes. You could use weapons.

You could have people come in and help you. So basically, what happens is... That's kind of scripted to me. I wonder why. So what happens was, someone came in to go save Roman because Roman was losing. And then that person that came in to fight Roman Reigns,

his twin brother came and speared him off of the stage. All right? That's number one. Another guy came in, started beating up on Cody Rhodes. John Cena comes in. Puts him through a table. Alright.

After that. The Rock comes in. To fight John Cena. John Cena. Gets beaten by The Rock. The Undertaker comes in. Under the cover of darkness. Destroys.

Destroys The Rock. Cody Rhodes finishes off Roman Reigns with three crossroads in a row alright see you guys I'll keep going so here on Monday Night Raw

we will see what happens because Cody Rhodes' story is finished but the second chapter has only begun tonight on Monday Night Raw which is actually

last night's Monday last week's Monday Night Raw alright because wrestling is a wild business baby 365 days a year tonight on Monday Night Raw, which is actually last night's Monday, last week's Monday Night Raw, all right? Because wrestling is a wild business, baby. 365 days a year, no days off. Drink Wisconsinably. Think Wisconsinably.