Fat Chance Podcast - Twice Baked - Peanut Butter Cookies

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

In a crunch for time and ingredients, we give you Peanut Butter Cookies

I think we're good. Okay, so this is I'm dead serious. This is so easy peanut butter cookies You need one cup sugar one cup peanut butter and one egg. Are we recording? Oh, yeah I saw the hard one had honey in it and a bunch of other things and It said shortening, but I don't have shortening. They said I think it's like butter and then There's something with water and like letting it wait i don't want to wait for anything so i'm gonna watch you scoop out a cup of peanut butter okay i should get you a spoon a cup of sugar and then as much honey as you'd like this is

homemade honey i think all honey's homemade right is it homemade or it's bee made homemade with bees my old neighbors make this in their backyard and they named it this is boo bees honey that's the name of the the this jar or this type of yeah boo bees honey you can't find it online okay but i have some yeah it looks good it tastes really good what's that remind you the consistency semen yeah good. It tastes really good. What's that remind you of? Tea? The consistency. Seamen? Yeah.

Dude, if your cum looked like this, I bet that'd be... It's a health condition. If your cum was yellow? Yeah. Yeah, I would say go see a physician right away. Your cum's been yellow? I got a new cum joke. It's pretty good.

Well, my... I don't want to out my mom's friend, but I'm going to tell it anyways. One full cup of peanut butter? One full cup of peanut butter. Yeah. No, just nine-eighths of a cup of peanut butter, please. That's what I thought. Nine-eighths? That's more than a cup. Yeah, I know. How dare you?

I was going to say, no, I was at the fair with my mom and we you know that section at the fair that sells leather belts and leather wallets and leather cowboy hats and t-shirts and like the gimp yeah and it's on yeah it's underneath the uh the bleachers and stuff like that. Where did you go? But it's got – so it's this tent at the fair, and we were looking at all those, like, meme T-shirts, and I just, like, scoffed at one that said, you, sir, should have been swallowed. And my mom, without hesitation, goes, that brings back great memories. I was like, what the fuck? God damn.

What did she explain what the memories were in detail? She was like, well, she goes, relax. What's your mom look like? Shut up. She goes, relax. It's in college. I go, that's making it worse. Okay.

But, like, long story short, she goes, no. She was cleaning her dorm one day, and she found this Solo cup with some questionable liquid on the windowsill. And she's like, I'm going to ask my roommate what this is. And her roommate just said, I can't swallow it. My mom's roommate had a cum cup. Oh, God. A semen sipper. So she just would like collect it in a cup?

It would just, you know, and then she'd be. She had a spitter. Oh, wow. She had a spitter. Well, hey, ingenuity, I suppose, right? Yeah. I don't know. That's bananas.

There's a good chance I get a text from my mom after she listens to the first four minutes of this being like. Say that again? Gross. That is disgusting. Just chug it all, yeah. Okay. It's like a collective. Throw more peanut butter in there.

More peanut butter. Yeah. Look at that. I see a gap there. This is a conservative cup. I want a liberal cup. Yeah, look at this. Is that good?

Dude, I can't believe. So, yeah, we're starting off with a bang, a suck, and a spit. And then you know this person's almost a grandmother at this point in time? Yeah. Man, that's just good for her, though, I suppose. We need people like that. I'm pro-ho. I am pro-ho.

A lot of people are against hoes. I'm pro-ho. I am pro-ho. A lot of people are against hoes. You know, I'm pro-ho. I think there should be more of them. That's, yeah. I mean, I don't do that. You know what? I'll help you with. I'll crack the egg.

Should I put this in here? Yeah. Just dump it in there. See how it works. All right. Well, hold on. Oh, we need more peanut butter. Yeah.

Honestly, I don't know, but I think I'm more intrigued about, like, I'm looking forward to watching you try and mix this all together. Oh, God. Ugh. Ugh. Are you trying to suppress your coughs? Your producer is dying in the background right now. More?

Oh, yeah. That's good. Sure, more. More peanut butter? No, no, that's plenty. Now, we definitely should have done the sugar first. It's going to be all sticky and nasty. Oh, we got it.

Yeah, it's peanut butter. A cup of sugar. Doesn't this seem like so much? We're going to not do a cup of sugar. Yeah, it just seems like overkill. Oh, God. Diabetes. Diabetes.

It's so much. And then you know what they say you should do is once you, you got to mix this up and then we have to make it into balls. And then we roll it around in more sugar and we press it down and we bake it for like 18 minutes and we're done wow this is the easiest recipe we haven't fucked this one up yet do this why didn't we do this first we should have started with this this is up you know when i bought this sugar for um the apartment i didn't think i'd even come close to using all of it we're gonna finish it in about two weeks i have like a pound.

Oh, yeah, we have the honey. How much honey do we need? I think we just, you know. A dab. Yeah, let me. I'll do the dab. That's Michael's way of saying I don't trust you. Well, I feel like the whole jar would end up in there.

Peanut butter honey cookies. Oh, fuck. What's my jar, honey? Hey, does this... I got a question for you. Yeah. I might have an answer for you. I got a question. Does that look like

monkey pox? Oh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, I've been trying to not tell you about the tail that's coming out of your ass um what is that uh i think it's just a rash my cat bit me and then it just had an allergic reaction to it because cats are disgusting i love cats i know but they're just vile creatures they're like all germs and nastiness cats Cats are pretty clean, aren't they? They clean themselves all the time. Yeah, but like their mouths. Their mouths are just nasty.

Their claws are. I think their mouths feel, like when they lick you, it feels like sandpaper. Dude, you want to know why that is? I actually know why their tongue feels like that. Why? Because like, you know, they come from big cats. I don't know long enough timeline. And these cats, they would like lick the meat off the

bone so it's really hard like that because it takes so it's like a third hand yeah it's it's like a little knife that just scrapes all the meat off the bone interesting it's pretty cool all right mix that together okay you're the strongest out of the two of us oh no all right i gotta set this down there was one person who's been commenting on the the These videos said they oh that's mixing way easier than I thought Make sure you get the edges remember that's one of the keys to baking Someone commented on that saying, you know what one One of the keys is not over mixing either.

Guys, we're just vigorously doing this. I've learned a lot from the comments. A lot of people don't find this funny either. It's okay. You got to like, you got to mix it so it's not gritty. Put some like elbow grease into it. I'm just over here eating peanut butter. Yo, we gotta make it into balls.

I don't know if we're supposed to chill it at all. Let's see. Mix ingredients. And roll into balls. And flatten with fork. That's it. We can't fuck this one up. I'll do a little mixing. You want to try?

Yeah, I'll do a little mixing too. You want to try to fuck it up? Yeah, I think we could. I think maybe the honey helped. Dude, the honey smells. Oh, my God. It's so good. Look at this guy.

Yeah. It's good, so good look at this guy yeah it's good man look at this guy all right so how i was training steve i know actually i gotta ask i know the answer did his leg fall off yeah what yeah well at one point it popped off he like hit a button we actually did jiu-jitsu so this guy has a fake leg um and he lost in the craziest way possible he goes on a hunting trip uh to africa i want to say gets a little drunk at a campsite and has a spider bite it like a poisonous spider bites it and then have to amputate his leg at like 50 years old or so i don't know how old yeah for some reason he walks around with it so well i was like i thought he had it for like eight to ten years that's what this was two years ago i know i i assumed that like this had been like this for more of his life than not like yeah

he had a fake leg for more of no he's been he kills it i mean you should see the weight he puts up too and like he's big like i know i can But I'm like, dude, you got one leg. He has super set for legs to start for this way. He'll do squats right into leg press. And he'll, like, go up to two plates squatting and then four plates on the leg press. Dude, that's so impressive. Back to back, I'm like, that's intense. That's so impressive.

That's so cool. Yeah, he was – I was very blown away by him because when he came in, I was like, you know, we were doing some boxing and some jujitsu and I was like, well, I'm just going to see how this guy moves around first. And I have expected him to, you know, like almost fall over. Yeah. Some of the, just getting his balance down, but he moves so well. And then we did jujitsu and like uh i took his fake leg and i tried heel

hooking it and i was like dude it was so sweet that thing's a weapon though like nothing you get in a grappling exchange even rolling with him and we were just doing very basic stuff like that metal dry grinding into you sucks dude sucks like you gotta be so careful on how you initiate anything i don't like when your leg is like ripping up my leg hair that on me would suck now just imagine that but like adamantium steel wipe your finger on the edge try it's a little i think maybe the grittiness will bake out yeah it's probably it's kind of good that's really good yeah i'm gonna start rolling i'm gonna wet my hands a little bit because I think it won't stick as much. Okay.

Then I'm going to roll these in the balls. Okay. And then you keep telling me about Steve. Okay. All right. Sounds good. Yeah. And then, dude, Steve, he's just awesome, man.

Like, we did some boxing. His leg did pop off at one point in time. We were rolling around. And then he has, like, this little lever on his fake leg that's like a button. If you push the button, it essentially, essentially like ejects the leg, you know? And somehow during the wrestle, like the jujitsu, my elbow must've pushed the button and it popped off. Cause I went to go like show him how to pass guard and like,

which is where you just get past your, your opponent's legs. And as I go to pass his leg, his leg falls off. And I'm like, oh, my God. I killed Steve. Oh, no. But he's just like, oh, I does that all the time. But then, like, when he gets sweaty, I don't know if you've dealt with this, but when he gets sweaty, it essentially, like, slides right off.

So we have to be a little bit more careful about doing the jiu-jitsu in the beginning parts of the workout. So Steve is my first ever client, personal training. Dude, that's wild. Yeah. I mean, he really wants us to use him in one of our bits too. I've tried. I've tried.

And it hasn't worked yet. But literally the first client ever. And I get through the workout. I'm like, all right, I did it. Nothing bad happened. Then he's trying to plank. And he goes, I'm having a hard time trying to balance. And I look over. I'm like, well, it might help if you have both legs on the ground.

Like, it literally fell off while he was trying to plank. Oh, God. Yeah. I know. I would be – I was very, like, passive in our workout. Like, I really, like, eased him into it because I was a little nervous because that's the first person with a fake leg who I've ever trained in martial arts i just wasn't sure but i mean dude he blew me away it was cool and i mean the fact that he's like how old is he 50

something years old like you know he's got a that's just amazing to see and like dude i want to be on his life where i go hunting on wild trips all the time. That would be fucking awesome. I would love that. Am I not talking? Oh, you're good. My hands are full of peanut butter and whatever. Yeah, ask him about it. Did he tell you about the last trip you went on, Argentina?

He said – he mentioned it briefly, not in detail. He's going on another one here soon. I think he's doing New Mexico soon. He did prairie dog hunting not too long ago. Like, he just – I mean. He has connections through work. Ask him to show you the pictures of what he's killed and a picture of his office.

As Ace Ventura would say, that's a lovely wall of death. That's awesome though. It was cool. I'm very fortunate to meet him. It was just bananas. I heel hooked him as hard as I could and, like, on his fake leg, obviously.

And I wasn't sure because it is connected to his leg. If you feel any twinge on his knee because the heel hook usually pops the heel and then, like, the Achilles tendon and then falls all the way up to the knee line. So I was like, just let me know. But, dude, it was kind of crazy. Like, I was twerking on this thing, and I just didn't want to break it because i was like dude if i break this thing that's like at least a ten thousand dollar it's so much money but he's got a really good doctor because he's gone he wants to like put on like do a bunch of weight i'm only gonna

roll three of these in sugar okay and then if we like them because they don't take long we can do another batch oh sure but for now I think we start with this. Yeah. It's a lot of sugar, too. It's just so much sugar. I need to put a fork and we need to mush them down. We got to mush it. Let's mush it.

Man. Good. I, uh, how's comedy going? You having fun doing comedy? Doing good? Is it a good time? I've been, uh, chilling this week. I had a crazy busy week.

We just got everybody has fights coming up. And so it's like full on training camp right now. That's good. I will talk about me. Do you want to do that? Like the, you know what to do. Yep. And then down the other way.

Yep. So just one of each. One in the middle of each. Yeah. And then, yep yeah definitely too deep let's toss it back in there we can reform them look at that we're doing real good right now um no comedy's fine i did laughing tap yesterday bremen on monday i have the high note um uh that's probably perfect it's like that yesterday, Bremen on Monday. I have the high note. That's probably perfect.

It's like that. And then I have to, I'm helping Evan now put on the showcases at high note. Oh, sweet. So I got to find, do you want to do the showcase in September? Yes, depending on the date. I got to figure out the date too. But I need to put on a lineup. Evan's gonna put some serious i think money and time into trying to get people in there and he's gonna mount a camera there so he can record for all the oh that's nice that'd be sweet yeah people might start taking it more seriously then there it'll be fun i uh i'll put these in the oven okay

man we really fucked up that one. That's okay. I can't believe we still fucked up these cookies. The easiest recipe. We still couldn't get it. The only thing we did was just mush them too hard, and you did that. Look at all the... Honestly, if you told me a cup of peanut sorry is it asbestos in here i can't breathe we have asbestos i mean it's open concept there could be do you know our high school we had asbestos in the ceiling and the walls and so

their solution was to take the ceiling off like the drop-down ceiling and just let the students roam the halls for a year while they were like planning on fixing it that's why fentanyl is a problem now dude because it just fucked up everybody's development and everybody's breathing fentanyl in fentanyl no that's like a prescription drug uh that people like abused now uh i know it's in cocaine yeah yeah and they cut it with fentanyl because it's like cheaper than cocaine uh so they cut it with fentanyl but you only need like a tiny bit and then you'll like overdose and die so like what's the point if you know you're gonna kill your customers why would you do that um because it's cheaper to make i guess and like it's not coming

from the direct guy who like like you're like your're dude like Ricky doesn't fucking know it's cut with fentanyl. But Ricky's getting it from a guy who's getting it maybe from another guy that's like linked to the cartel that pushes out so many of these kilos that it's like so when you're looking at like 20 different kilos, you know, then you cut half of them. You only have 10 kilos of coke 10 kilos of fentanyl and now you're just like you're cutting your profits basically or do you're doubling your profits essentially and you don't really care about like who's gonna lie to you I was in and out zoning out of that that's okay basically it's cheaper to make yeah and so like who's putting the fentanyl in the top guy or is it like the cart, Kevin you're getting it from?

Well, that's, like, the thing, too, because they'll cut it and then they'll fill it. Like, so, say, like, Kevin gets a kilo of Coke. He'll take, like, half of – like, a fourth of that Coke for himself and then fill the rest of the kilo with fentanyl. That's nuts. Which is wild. I mean, that's how Mac Miller died. How do you get fentanyl?

You can get it from Which is wild It's like a cancer Medication Apparently Which like They give to people In like severe

Amounts of pain So two wrongs Can make a right? Yeah I think If it's like Administered Carefully

Like through A professional Who like Their whole education is like you're under supervision under supervision it can be safe and i know it helps like mitigate uh pain um for like these guys in chemo and everything but i know if you're just sniffing it and not knowing it's about to enter your body and then you'd like sniff your normal amount of regular yeah and then it's laced with fentanyl and you do and then you're probably drinking and you're out i mean my my buddy's friend od'd in uh las vegas because of that i have on his uh friends bachelor's party it was fucking terrifying friends who have od'd on it too it's scary it's scary my buddy he overdosed

he was in the army and then he was like on deployment and then comes back from deployment and just did like his regular use like what he used to shoot up and everything cause he was like pretty into heroin and he did his regular amount

and then just overdosed cause it had been so long since he had done it. And then when he did it, it was laced with fentanyl. And he just like fucking home for like 24 hours and then died. It was wild. Nothing says Thursday night like drug overdoses and peanut butter cookies. Yeah, fucking love it, dude. What the fuck?

This got depressing real quick. Yeah, it did. What are we doing? Real quick. Time is going by faster, though. Usually these, I'm like, oh, that was only a minute. That was four minutes. Yeah, it did. What are we doing? Real quick. Time is going by faster, though. Usually these, I'm like, oh, that was only a minute. That was four minutes. That's pretty good.

See, we just got to talk about death and destruction and monkeypox. Death, drugs, and monkeypox. You do have monkeypox. I do have monkeypox. Is monkeypox real? I think it is made up to basically make people afraid of gay people. That's my thing. No, I'm just kidding.

So it's the new era AIDS. Yeah, it's like the new AIDS. But I mean, I don't doubt it's real, but I have friends that are gay that like, I didn't realize there was already a monkeypox vaccine. I had a friend come in, we were hanging out the other day. It's just a bad name for something you, like if you have to, monkeypox.

I know. Like, hmm. name for something you like if you have to monkey pox like well it's like it's like that uh chapelle's joke like um with his aids bit you know like where he's just like uh he's like they say the aids came from having sex with a monkey that some guy had sex with a monkey he's like you realize how hard it would be to fuck a monkey first you gotta find said monkey then you gotta fuck the monkey but yeah so they like say it came from a monkey but who's out here banging monkeys you know what i mean i don't know do we know where we came from where the like who like i don't know didn't we all someone fucked a monkey and we're here right yeah i mean not a long enough timeline i personally believe in the stoned ape theory which is where we took

apes like our ancestors when our apes took a bunch of mushrooms and then it like sucked us into another dimension and then uh that's what made us like wonder about like life out there and evolution and everything and spiked the primate's noggin when he takes the mushrooms and he's like, we can build things. We can do this. I personally don't think anything's real. No? You think this is a simulation?

This is all fake. It's all fake. It's all fake, Jerry. Jake's not actually there until I turn around and then he just appears. It's like a computer program. Where's Jake when you're not looking he doesn't exist he's looking at us right now though i'm seeing all in my head it's just programmed a voice because i'm not looking at now like when you play a video game and all of a sudden the map just keeps appearing it's not

always there yeah that's true exactly this is just the video game i did like i had this thought what if every video game you're controlling someone like it's just a bunch of video games that's why video games are so popular it's like oh we're just creating new life so everyone's oh and like in every video game it's you and like another life so like right now someone's playing sims and be like you know it'd be fun Let's get two open micro comedians to get high and bake peanut butter cookies while one guy just sits and stares at him. That's someone's version of fun right now. You know. Is watching this live.

You're listening at least. I got Jake. Jake's just like, do you think I'm staring at you? Jake, you should join us for one of these. I was looking at lapel mics. Lapel? How much are they? Don't remember.

All right. Yeah. But we should get them. We should get them. Because someone, again, I've been reading the comments. I shouldn't. They're like, why are you guys holding microphones? You know, you can get the ones that you don't.

You read the comments too much, Michael. It's just every once in a while I'll go look at them. I like looking at the ones on videos most people don't watch of the TikToks. So I'm like, oh, you went out of your way to go see this one. Those are usually fun. The ones that are on the viral video, I don't care. They all just say, like, where are hamsters? I don't fucking care.

But some are fun. She was just like, Why are you guys holding microphones I'm like well because we're broke They're cheaper Yeah We already had them So there's your answer Stephanie Yeah

You dumb bitch I don't remember her name If it was Stephanie that's impressive Yeah I've I dated this girl named Stephanie once And dude this lady was a god damn disaster Oh my gosh Like I want This girl named Stephanie once, and dude, this lady was a goddamn disaster. Oh, my gosh.

Like, I don't even know if I should tell this on the podcast. I'd love to hear it. Oh, my gosh. So we're, like, hanging out one day, and this was years ago. And it's, like, 2 a.m. I'm, like, trying to go to bed because I have to work at like seven in the morning. I was like, hey, we got to shut it down right now. So she wouldn't shut it down.

So I was like, hey, can you get the fuck out? Yeah. It's bedtime. It's Avery's bedtime right now. And so she I fall asleep, wake up the next day. My PlayStation is gone. my weed is gone, my pipe, just a bunch of paraphernalia is basically stolen, my PlayStation, and my cable box, or my internet box, my router. You were dating a toddler who had a temper tantrum that it was bedtime.

Oh, yeah, and the best part, had a temper tantrum that it was bedtime. Oh, yeah. And the best part, the weirdest part about this, a microwave was missing. Was it like a microwave that's in there? No. It was on the counter that you could just unplug and shit. I was like, if she got it out of that. And then it gets even wilder. So I hit her up.

I'm like, dude, what the fuck? Like, what are you doing? I was like, list off all the shit that's missing and then she's just like oh yeah i woke up and it was i was like i didn't notice anything but maybe you had somebody break in and then i told her like i'm just like dude i'm gonna call the cops on you yeah and then she hits me up later and uh's just like, check your porch. I checked my porch and it was all there. Yeah. Did you see her again? I don't want to answer that question.

We did it at her house, though. I was like, you're not allowed here anymore. You should have taken all her shit. I should have. I should have. You know what's fucked up, though? I did end up giving her my microwave because I felt bad. Did she just not have a microwave?

She didn't have a microwave, and she was, like, complaining about it. Was she homeless? I'm pretty, you know, she wasn't homeless in the sense of, like, no home, but she had homeless energy. You know what I mean? Like, she was just barely getting by. Like, everything has potential yeah i mean i wouldn't fully that box could be a blanket right yeah exactly so that was uh stephanie um but

she's dead now yeah she's dead she overdosed she got the monkey box oh boy yeah yeah That was pretty wild. Oh, 530. We're doing pretty good. We're doing good. Do you think these are going to turn out? Yeah, I do. I don't.

You don't? I don't know why. Have some faith. I don't have faith in us. No, that's fair. Yeah, we don't. Our baking skills are trash. We tried making an apple pie last time.

Blueberry cookies were pretty good, though. Do you want one? Yeah, I'll get one after the pie. Yeah, so I don't want to. They're like, they've been sitting in there a while, so it's basically just like a muffin now. But it's still got the flavor. It's good. I enjoy it.

Jake hasn't won a day now. I learned, I actually forgot they're in the oven for the second batch, and I cooked them a little longer. They taste better if cooked a little. A little crispier? They had a little bite to them. Yeah, they were good. That's good, man. Yeah, those are pretty good.

I enjoyed those. We're probably peaked at blueberry cookies. them. Yeah, they were good. Yeah, those are pretty good. I enjoyed those. That's probably we're probably peaked at blueberry cookies. Yeah. Yeah. I peaked in the Bush administration, you know, so it's like actually maybe Obama.

But. I don't they don't do anything in politics. I don't know anything that's going on. I didn't. I'm not saying because Obama. Do you want to hear something

wild? Yeah. Wild. My girlfriend last week found out Steve Jobs is dead. Wait, what? Last week she found out Steve Jobs is dead.

She was at a She was at a trivia night with their new coworkers, and one of the questions was, like, when did Steve Jobs die? No. Yeah, that would be a really morbid question. I was like, found Apple or whatever. Oh, sure.

And her friends were like, well, he died in 2011, so it's before then. She's like, he's dead? How do you not know Steve Jobs? She goes, I don't read all that stuff. I go, I don't care if you don't read it. That comes across your phone. I suppose if it was 2011, 12-ish when he died, she'd be, what, 10 years ago?

But no, like nothing like – I mean, yeah, but still. Like how do you not – how do you – I mean, come. Yeah, but still, like, how do you not? Yeah. No, I mean, come on. It's Steve Jobs. That's kind of being like, what do you mean JFK got shot? Exactly. We landed on the moon.

She won't like that part, but she definitely just found out Steve Jobs is dead. And then I found out I confirmed my mom does not know how to play rock, paper, scissors. What'd she do? She just doesn't know. And I was like, do you want me to teach you? And this is again, part of one of the bits where like, Oh, you want me to teach you guys? No, I don't have the time. I go, don't have the time.

The game is three words. The instructions are nine. Like ask her roommate or roommate. I have the time. Oh, she's too busy sucking and spitting. Oh, God. Oh, imagine it. Yeah, that's intense.

Okay, you walk. You go, and you're going to step. Stephanie seems like she would have had a cum cup. No, that chick. Mainly because she's like, oh, it looks like shampoo. It could have been shampoo. She probably used it as shampoo. But if you walked into a girl's room, and you're about to hook hook up with her and you saw that she had a cup full of semen, what do you do?

Not kiss. Not at all. Still go through with it. You're like, I'm going to contribute. Let's fill this cup up, baby. These lips don't touch, though. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Oh.

I can't wait for these cookies. Dude, this does look pretty good. I'm going to have a little bit of this. Usually, like, cookie dough freaks me out because I'm like, it's got raw. Oh, it does have raw eggs in it. Yeah, that's not bad. It's not terrible. One in 10,000 eggs, I believe, has salmonella.

Really? Yeah. So I wonder if that's the one egg. Hope not. We just eat shit our's the one egg. Hope not. We just eat shit our pants at the end of the night. How are the cookies good? We had violent diarrhea. Shit my pants. Dude, I do.

I am no stranger to poop in my pants. So I was a grown up. You know, you talk about the Dells one. Yeah. Dells. Did I tell you about my buddy who shit his pants in the elevator? No. It might be.

Does he live in this apartment because someone pissed in our elevator yeah that's hilarious it's not like human piss jake how long did it smell like piss for in that elevator forever he said forever yeah still smells like piss yeah that's disgusting i uh but okay so this guy he me and my buddy nick we were this is back when i was fighting um he had to cut a bunch of weight, and he couldn't cut the last three pounds. I think he had to weigh in at 145 pounds. He was like 148, 149 or something. We were sitting in the sauna the whole day doing all this weight cutting.

He just couldn't cut the last three pounds out. And so he takes a diuretic. I'm sorry, not a diuretic, a laxative. So he just shits it out. And then so he makes the weight. And then we're like on our way to the ceremonial lands, which is like where you weigh in. You weigh in behind stage first. And then you do like the big weigh in where like there's people there and like they take pictures.

And then you're like, yeah. And we're at so at the ceremonial land and he's like getting trying to get rehydrated. And the second he like sips on his Pedialyte, his body opens up and we're in this elevator and he's in a big sweatsuit. Right. And he looks over at me. He's like, Avery, what's up? He's like, I just shit my pants.

I'm like, are you serious, dude? He's like, yeah. What do we do? I was like, I don't fucking know. Like go, let's go to the bathroom. He's like, no, it's like in my leg. And he's like holding on to his pant leg like this. And I'm like, yeah, what do we do? I was like, I don't fucking know. Let's go to the bathroom. He's like, no, it's in my leg. And he's holding on to his pant leg like this. And I'm like, oh, no.

So I open the elevator and I look around. There's this fancy hotel on this Native American reservation. And I see a garbage can in the hotel hallway. I grab it and I ran into the elevator. And he just shimmies it down his leg And it runs down his leg You can see the whole poop trail down his cap and stuff That's fucking gross

And I looked at him and I was like You better win after this If you lose after this experience, dude Did he win? Yeah, he did I'm getting the cookies Oh yeah, it's done Oh my gosh, we did it

Oh, this is so exciting. I don't think we fucked it up, Michael. We have some faith. Yeah, we have faith. We got the drum roll. Oh, we got the drum roll. Look at that. We did it.

I told you I have some faith. And even the fucked up one doesn't look all that bad. Holy shit, they look good. We made cookies. We can do this. Well, let's shit, they look good. We made cookies. We can do this. Well, let's see what they taste like. We gotta let them cool a little bit because I bet those are pretty hot. Yeah, I definitely

should have used the bigger tray. Yeah, they did spread a little bit. But you know, this is portion control. Yeah, this is how we don't each eat seven cookies in a single sitting. If you watch back the blueberry one and I'm like, I feel comforted. And you're just like, I feel like John Wayne or whatever.

And I go, I'm going to have another one immediately. And you're like, yeah, me too. And then we had like two more off camera. I know. I went home. I was like, do you want to take any home? And I was like, I don't know if they're going to make it there. I know.

I was like, I don't. Yeah, I ate all of them before I got to God damn house. It was awesome, man. Yeah, this might be the easiest one. We should just do this every week. We just, yeah, twice-baked peanut butter cookies every time. Which one looks? I think this one.

These two look the best. Yeah. Yeah, this one got a little crinkled. That's all right. That one doesn't look too bad. No. Except for this little guy right there. No.

I like the indentations. They look good. This one looks fine. Adds character to it. Ooh, that's character dude that's so soft yeah i let it harden up dude gotta give it time yeah hard enough it said 16 to 18 minutes maybe i didn't we didn't uh cook it long enough how long did you put it in 16 minutes oh okay well should we put it in for two more no no we'll figure it out it's paint i mean the eggs definitely

cook yeah right and that's like the only thing that'll kill us. Dude, I can't believe, I know I was telling you, I think we were talking about this a little bit before the podcast, but my ex-girlfriend, she had, so she had this guy, she was babysitting this kid who had a peanut butter allergy. And her, the kid's parents went off to a brewers game. And she's just watching the kid. The kid is like, I want to say five years old. And he asks my ex-girlfriend, he's like, hey, can I have a cookie? And she's like, yeah.

And just reaches into the cupboard. And it's like a box of cookies that are unmarked. Gives him a cookie. Doesn't think anything of it. Who has peanut butter cookies in the house with a like, a kid that has a peanut butter allergy? Idiots. I have no idea. Because I know people who, like, my friends, not to completely interrupt you, but my friend's sister has a peanut allergy.

And I offered him a candy bar that had almonds in it, like those almond Hershey's. Oh, sure. Like the movies when you're younger. And he's like, does it have almonds in it? And I'm like, yeah. He goes, I can't have it. I'm like, why? He goes, Steph's allergic to nuts. And I'm like, she's not going to eat yeah. He goes, I can't have it. I'm like, why? He goes, Steph's allergic to nuts.

And I'm like, she's not going to eat it. He goes, it can't be in the house. Right. Even like the smell, like the little touch of it, anything. Like it's rough. And like, yeah. So I have no idea why it was in the house in the first place. But so she basically gives this kid the cookie.

And this little boy just starts going like. And she's like, oh, shit, what's going on? And then he's like, my throat, my throat. And then she looks at the box, smells the box. She's like, oh my God, there's peanut butter in there. Freaks out, grabs an EpiPen and stabs, tries stabbing him in the arm, flips the pen upside down on accident because she's never done this before.

Stabs herself in the thumb with this EpiPen. And so now they both, she calls the paramedics, calls 911, you know. Paramedics come to pick him up. And then she had to go to the ER with them because she had to get her thumb, like, drained. That's disgusting. Dude, and it's just bananas. And then, like, the parents obviously came to the hospital and everything,

and they just felt like the world's biggest idiots. Yeah. But it's like, dude, what? First of all, why would you have that in the house? Second of all, unmarked. Unmarked. Second of all, why the fuck wouldn't you tell the babysitter? You know, peanut allergy.

Yeah. Well, I think she might know. She knew there was an EpiPen. So thank God. I mean, actually not. Thank God she didn't even stab him with it. But how? OK, when you go to stab someone with an EpiPen, that is honestly be a fear of mine that I'd have it the wrong way.

I've never really seen one. Jay, can I see your EpiPen? Jake has one. Of course he does. He looks like he would. Jake, I mean this. I love Jake. I love his family.

But if you saw the family, they all surprised they're alive. Yeah. Jake, how are you alive, dude? Let me see your happy pen. I would go to stab like this, so I wouldn't put my thumb there. You've got a good enough grip to get into a five-year-old. Yeah. You don't need that extra little push.

Yeah, I don't know what she was thinking. That's weird. You have a good enough grip to get into a five-year-old. That's not great. That's so weird. Like, you clip, you have a good enough grip to get into a five-year-old. That's not great. That's a good clip. Yeah, that's a good clip. We should just leave that out of context. If you could find your way inside of a five-year-old, you did a pretty good job.

You know what I mean? With no thumb? We're going to get canceled. We should look at these cookies. They're soft. Oh. Oh, okay. Take off part of that.

Let's see what it tastes like. This is soft. All right. This is good. This is soft. I think we need to cook it more. They're not bad. Well, we didn't even let them cool.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, not bad. Oh, yeah. Jake even let them cool Yeah oh yeah They're not bad Oh yeah Jake You got your F you can Wait what do you mean That's a tester Oh so

Is this a Are you fucking with me Cause if I stab myself With your F you can right now Dude that'd be hilarious You do it first. Did I do it right? I broke it? Really?

Oh, fuck. Sorry, man. Wait, did we break it? Alright, I can't do that with one hand. Just pull it. Well. Yeah, so you don't need to have your thumb there. Yeah. Probably just broke a $300 testing piece of equipment.

Yeah, asshole. How funny would that be if that was not a tester though? Yeah. I just stabbed myself in the leg. I swear to God, that's a tester. Like, well, this podcast is ended. We're going to the ER. These aren't bad though.

They look pretty good. They need to cool so they're firmer. We'll make a, I think we can do a second batch off camera. So how hard are you supposed to stab yourself? Well, you broke it, so probably not that hard. Right. Well, you know what? I think after we just...

This is my problem, right? And this is my problem in everything, including baking. Clear instructions on the back. Very clear instructions on the back. Didn't read them, just saw it, and I was like, ooh, I've seen this before. Stab. Kind of looks like a tube of toothpaste now. I was thinking

glue. Like an Elmer's glue stick. Yeah. Trainer for practice only. Well, I think we should end this. Alright. We did it. We did it. We'll make more. Cheers. Cheers, man. Boom. Bye.