Fat Chance Podcast - WE GOT SENT MYSTERY WEAPONS Ep. 104

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Jack received a mystery weapon in the mail. Judd channels his inner Bob Barker. Michael almost dies from a moose attack. SPONSORED BY: @DrinkWisconsinbly **Stop by the corner bar of the Deer District for not only the fastest, but the best Old Fashioned in Milwaukee!** PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs @FatChanceShorts Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

The sandworms that come and eat everything. But it also kind of looks like a fleshlight. It definitely looks like a fleshlight. To the point where people's... The best meet-up I saw was one ticket to the Sydney Sweeney movie and one dune popcorn, please. Okay, okay. It was still delicious.

Kuski, you missed out. Is bread and butter your bread and butter? It is my bread and butter. That and 2% reduced fat milk. You do need to get these. I have a good story. Remember when you had all that milk there for the hot ones thing? Yeah.

One of the people that were over on Saturday, she was like, I kind of want some milk. And I was like, we got chocolate milk. Do you want chocolate milk? She goes, yeah. So I give her the chocolate milk and I leave,

go to the bathroom or something and I come back and she's got like the sickest look on her face. It has to be bad. It's got to be expired. It was bad by like three weeks. I think it was barely bad when we had it.

It was barely, yeah. So these are basically all for you, or as many as you want on the back of your clipboard. I think there's doubles of one. But, yeah, she did offer to make you a custom clipboard. I was like, that's too much for Judd. We don't treat him that well on this show. I'm buying a new car, and I went to the dealership with the clipboard you got me, and it just

like, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. And they're like, oh, you've come prepared. I was like, yeah, I brought a file cabinet. That's hilarious. Yeah, they're a lot. What car are you going to settle on? I got the car that I wanted, and we settled on it, and everything was going good. And then they're like, yeah, it's in Michigan.

We have to drive it over. And I was like, wait a second. The miles are going to be a little higher than we thought. That's what I just said. I was like, this is a new car you're going to put miles on, so what's the new price then when it gets here? And they haven't told me anything. So I went to another dealership, and then they're like, yeah, you can do whatever you want,

but it's just obviously more expensive to match what I had in the other one. Gotcha. Yeah. But we'll see what I come up with. It's going to be this week. We shall be waiting with a bit of breath. I'm eager to know about your gift you received yes I received a

mystery present in the mail today a secret knife so I got a package and the gentleman was like hey you have a package and I was like whoa and I opened it up and at first I thought it was like she ordered I thought it was something she got at Amazon because she gets her makeup from Amazon

and it looked like it was like a little lipstick tube I was like oh it must have just been your at Amazon because she gets her makeup from Amazon. And it looked like it was like a little lipstick tube. I was like, oh, it must have just been your makeup. She goes, no, it is not from Amazon. I go, what? And I open it up, and it is a secret knife. We have to probably blur that. We're going to have to blur that.

But it was just a knife just sitting in my mailbox. I have no idea. No note, no nothing. I've looked through my emails. I've looked through it. There, no nothing? I've texted everyone. I've looked through my emails. I've looked through it. There's no note. I've messaged everyone it possibly could be, and it's just from some game store in Florida,

Hollywood, Florida. I wouldn't say. I looked up the website. They sell a lot of ammunition. I don't know if I would call it a game store. Game, like a big game. Oh, like a big game, yeah. I was going to say it's more of a doomsday preppers kind of website it's fun yeah it was a fun it was like oh sweet this is i'm jealous i wish i got mystery knives

yeah dude mystery knife you want to hold my mystery knife yeah i do i just have a mystery knife now i'm gonna be using it quite frequently i used to cut something today yeah when you get something like cool that's right we all just you just think of reasons to use it. Oh, absolutely. I've had it in my pocket since I came home today. I got a knife for Christmas and I took it skiing this weekend. I don't know why I was going to need a knife skiing, but... Because a bear came out and tried to take you out.

Fun fact, we did run into two moose. Meese. I was debating whether or not to say meese. Two mice? Moose-ias. Moose. Meese. We'll settle on meese. Yeah, they I was debating whether or not to say Mies. Two Mies? Moussias. Moussias. Mies. We'll settle on Mies. Yeah, they opened this new...

Oh, I'm so intrigued by this. Sorry. A little ADD. You're a toy now. I've been playing with it. It's so satisfying to just go like... You know what I mean? I feel like I can cut someone up for not giving me the protection money.

You know what I'm talking about? They opened this new whatever run on the side of Steamboat, and it's called Mahogany Ridge. And my buddy's like, we got to go. We got to check it out. I'm like, I'm not really a black diamond skier, but okay. And it was a lot of fun. But then they're like, yeah, you're going through trees.

I'm like, oh, trees sounds fun unless you're going on a 90-degree angle down and the turns are real tight. Like I ate it a bunch. And at one point I lost all of my friends. I'm like, I live here now. I'm in the woods. Good thing you had your knife. And no, I actually didn't carry my knife. I left it in my travel bag.

So the reason we did that those our buddies went before and like we saw a moose we're like oh we got to go check this moose out like uh we think it's gone they're closing the run like what we're gonna try anyways and so i go through this hellish run still a lot of fun and i make it to the bottom and there's a bunch of people sitting at the bottom going hey hey my dumb brain goes oh they're cheering me on for making it to the bottom i legitimately thought oh they're congratulating me because they knew it was hard for me to do that and i got closer no fucking stop and then there's a mom and a baby moose uh just sitting there and they had to close the run i think we were about 50 feet from it wow yeah our buddy got in between the mom and the baby

like about 30 feet because there was no one there cheering him in between the mom and the baby, like about 30 feet, because there was no one there cheering him on at the bottom and telling him to stop. So we just went right, oh, God, imagine if your buddy just got fucked up by a moose. Well, they were collared. That'd be wild. They were collared. So, like, it could have been scary, but they definitely have been around humans a little bit. I don't know too much about meese, but, yeah, they were collared.

So they had names for them Like we know who's there It's like the mom's this The baby's that They're super friendly You should have just Pulled out your secret knife And just went down full speed Like this into it

Just like Zoop Like a bayonet Just like The hungard That'd be so wild. Like, hey, stop. Slide by killing.

Like, don't worry, guys. I'll save you. You guys see me telling that moose? Just come back covered in blood. With the baby. You just murdered Karen. I think the name was like Millie or something. It was such a sweet name. Yeah, that's definitely a moose name.

Not to all women. How fun is it opening those knives? It's so fun. I'm just looking for excuses. Do you guys want to talk to a story about sword fighting or something? We need to go just order a bunch of Amazon packages so you can cut the tape for us. Yeah. Or like have

me point at things like, oh, do you like that monkey thing over there? We should just tape it. If you guys want to send us stuff, we'll unbox it with Jack's new knife. With Jack's new knife. With my secret knife. Also, if this is a weapon

that's been used, all our fingerprints are on it now. Yeah. And Jack's saliva. Let no one be confused with your secret knife business. Have you checked your credit card at all? I've never bought the knife.

Do you think one of your friends gave you a knife? I've reached out to anyone that I think it could be. And they've told me that they're not the source of my secret knife. Tell you what, if I find out this company didn't send Judd and I a knife, but sent Jack one. It's interesting that Jack's getting all these perks. Yeah. I've got one knife. Jack got a knife.

I got merch. You got stickers. Yeah. That looks good. It's a good sticker. Yeah, I was putting some stickers. You see that knife? That one says, I mean, that sticker, it says Ope.

My favorite one is the one up top that says, I love day drinking. Oh, you mean this one? Yeah that one Careful you might cut right through With that brand new secret knife It's not so secret anymore No intruders will come to this house How many more gifts do you think we can send him

And he thinks it's from someone else Dude that'd be so fun Please send me some of your gifts I'll be like guys I found this secret firearm Like it's AR We're just building him a It's a fucking cave An armory

A doomsday cave We're gonna building him a fucking cave. An armory. A doomsday cave. We're going to send him a bunch of peaches next. How funny would this whole podcast was, us giving him gifts. You two are putting the feet comments on there. We really don't have any followers. It's just us three trying really hard to make it look like this is a good time. Because he's just watching it on loop at the gym. It's just on every TV.

Why is this shitty podcast on? They're all like, some of the guys on the other end are like, fuck, here's easy. He's like, man, just back. That'd be insane. No, but I am in need of a secret knife. This is actually really good. And you said how much it cost? I think it was a $75 knife.

On sale for $20. When I looked it up today. He knows a lot about the knife. Like, maybe he drunkenly bought it one night no I looked up look up the name of the package at the website but I needed to so I was trying to go to bed the other night and there was a rose chuck its ladder as you know Santa Claus rose such a clatter yeah but there was actually it's sound like Santa Claus fell off our roof it did and I was okay it's probably the snow melting so yeah and so i'm sitting there

and it's like did you fucking hear that and i was like yes i heard that it's probably the snow melting she's like can you go check and so she's really nervous there's now an intruder i check everywhere on On the roof? No, just inside the house. She thought someone got into the house from the roof. We don't have a chimney. And so I checked every single closet I could possibly find. Come up to her and she goes, anything?

I go, I probably wouldn't be here if there was. Oh, yeah, he's downstairs, but we're good. Do you hear me breathing heavily, covered in the blood of my enemies? He said he's not going to murder us. So we can go back to sleep. And she goes, well, do you have anything to protect us? And I was like, no, I didn't grab anything. And she's like, go get something.

I didn't have a gun at the time. Wink, wink. I went downstairs and I grabbed my new Christmas hammer. Jen got me a Milwaukee tool hammer. And so I took it up to bed with me. And I was like, you know how shitty it would be if the first time I use this knife is to not do anything handy with it. It's just you completely brain somebody. Imagine taking it to work the next week

and it's just all red, and you're like, yeah, someone got in from the roof. It's the new Milwaukee paint job. You'd be pretty confident hammering nails in, though. If you could hammer in a head, you could hammer in dude dude if i had if i had a hammer in my hands and someone did invade the sanctity of my home i think they would be dismantled swiftly and efficiently okay but now with my secret what side are you going with the claw or oh i'm going brute force but what i'll probably do is go down brute force and

then obviously they'll probably yeah they'll probably get away from that first one because they probably maybe honestly i don't think so i'm pretty fast but if they did get away i would just go bang and hit him right in the thigh just gouge him a new one yeah you know thigh meat's pretty good pretty good i mean yeah and then i would murder them and I would butcher them with my secret knife. And then I would feed them to my family. Well, you would have had to wait a day to butcher them with your secret knife. Yes. I would have had to wait for the secret knife to arrive in the mail.

But we knew whoever's looking out for old Jackie Bucks. All right. Do you think that someone broke into your house and ordered you a knife? You know what? This guy has nothing to protect himself. I want to make this a little difficult for myself. So let's send him a knife, and I'm going to come back on Tuesday.

Someone breaking in and accidentally using his Amazon account. This guy, his home defense is abysmal. Let's send him a secret knife, and I'll come back in a couple days. Do you guys want to play the game? Sure, why not? Okay, well, the game kind of, I was kind of leading in the game.

Jack last We gave me A Good idea Price is right We haven't done any Price is right games What did I call that idea Yeah one

You outbid me Oh Yes You outbid me I'm quite the strategist Yeah yeah Wait excuse me When did you outbid him

On the last week's episode For my secret knife. No. It was you. I did 370 for something, and then he literally did 375. Oh, for how many Coke products? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what we're going to do is we're going to play a little Price is Right game. I like this. And you guys are going to guess the price of these crazy objects I found on the internet. Oh, I like this. My secret knife was $20. Okay. Okay. And obviously, Bob Barker used to have a good intro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He used to have a good voice. So I wrote a few of those. Crash in style with these Louis Vuitton airbags. How much do you guys think Louis Vuitton airbags cost for your car? No, it's so funny. Getting into an accident and then just getting decapitated by a Louis Vuitton airbag. It's like, at least it was designer.

Death by designer. That's so fucking stupid. Death by designer. I'm going to say, is it a pair of airbags or? All of them. All the airbags in the car. All airbags. I'm going to say $24,000, Bob. $24,000 is Michael's bid.

Jack? I will go $27,450. Bob? And the market value for these Louis Vuitton airbags, $39,000. That's as much as your new car. That's insane, right? Insane. You know what?

Let's double the price of this car. Let me total this thing. I want everyone to know I don't give a fuck. You know what would be best, though? As if they were putting into like a 1999 Toyota Camry. Not like anything nice. It's just...

Dude, some sort of Subaru or like a Mitsubishi Eclipse. Yeah. All right. Going from airbags to fun bags, how much does it cost to get your boobs done? On average. A good one? On average. I'll let you go first this time. Next to fun bags, how much does it cost to get your boobs done on average?

A good one? On average. I'll let you go first this time. Breast enlargement surgery. It's got to be like veneers, right? Got to be. Don't they have to shave down your teeth for veneers? I don't think they're... Yeah, but they got to cut open your boobs.

They have to shave. And then they got to put a new nipple on. you know what i mean that's a lot of work have you ever have you ever seen someone try to put icing on a cake in some sort of design they're not putting a new nipple on you gotta rearrange where the nipple sits yeah but you're not putting a new nipple on like it's a lego like you're popping it off and popping it on typically what you do is you cut around the nipple you make an inc, and then you slide the boob bag in. With less expensive boob jobs, they cut straight line below the nipple. And that's what you see in a lot of porn stars these days.

If you don't have this answer exactly, I'm going to be upset. Why do you know so much about this? Because I like breasts. No, that's breast surgery. Yeah, I'm interested with how that happens. Okay. All right, Jack, you got to go first. You won the last one.

This is the thing is I would hope someone spent a lot of money on it. I'm going to say $13,000. $13,000 average cost. Boom. Okay. I'm going to say $9,999. $9,999. That goes to Kuski.

It's actually pretty cheap. It's $4,294. Those boob bags are gross. What boobs? Those are uneven boobs for sure. That means it's $2,147 per boob. Yeah. So if you only want one boob, you can get one for $2,000.

Yeah, but when they pull those out, they look like this. You know what I mean? That's a lazy eye nipple. You got one definitely over here, one looking right at you. All right. They're still fun to squeeze. Well, think about it. What are those like?

Remember those Jell-O things you get like through the dollar store or something? Where you like squeeze the tube and it pops out? Yeah, that's basically what a boob egg is. I feel like some have got to be way harder than others. Imagine if you knew our podcast, they'd be so mad. What if Jen told you there were dinosaurs in her boobs? How hard would you try and get to the center?

It was my secret knife. I would find those dinos. All right. Spit me, baby, one more time. How much did somebody in 2004 put up a chewed piece of gum that was in Britney Spears' mouth? Oh, this is going to be outrageous, like half a million. Eight grand.

I'm going to say Britney Spears. She's got fake boobs, right? No. No? She doesn't? I don't know. She could use them.

I don't know. I'm just kidding, Britney. We love you. Two grand boobs? Isn't she crazy now? That's a crazy one, right?

This is in 2004. 2004. This is when she had her hair? Is Britney Spears toxic? Oh, okay. Can I change my answer then? 2004? This is pre her smashing the car window with the umbrella.

$25,000. $25,000. $48,932. $48,932. The winner on this one is Jack. $14,000. Damn. For one single. I thought your fans were crazier, Britney. You did. Okay, so it's 2-1. 2-1,. $14,000. Damn. For one single.

I thought your fans were crazier, Brittany. You did. Okay, so it's 2-1. 2-1, 2-1, 2-1. All right. Wait, did someone buy it? Yeah, someone bought it. You could get a great boob job with that money.

You could get a really good boob job. You could get three boobs for that kind of money. Do you think the person that bought it... Tell me, wasn't in the market for a boob job. I can get three boobs for that kind of money. Do you think the person that bought it wasn't in the market for a boob job? I'm going to tell you that. Do you think the person that bought it

just keeps it framed or they chewed it? They chewed it. I don't know. I think they swallowed it. They have to be dead. They're making terrible pieces of Britney's

always inside them. At least they think because they're dumb enough to buy it so they think she's always inside them. You don't poop it out. Oh yeah.

Well yeah also gum sticks in you for seven years. Seven years? So, yes. Seven years of Britney Spears. So, he probably pooped it out in your body. Pooped it out and put it back in. 2011, he pooped it out.

All right. Sometimes, do you feel like a culture potato, or do you want to send your bud some spud? How much does it cost to mail a potato from mysterypotato.com? Oh, I've seen this. It's not much. It's like, I think I'm going to go $22.99. $22.99?

It only costs $8.99 to mail a potato through the mail. I actually thought about doing that a few times. Jackets, what are you going to get next? You're getting a secret potato. Now I know. But now at least I have something to cube it up with. All right. Now I know. But now at least I have something to cube it up with. All right. 2-2.

Are you lonely at night or have a long-distance lover? Get the boyfriend pillow. A half-shaped man with arms and torso. I'm hoping this one's cheap because I might send it to my... How much is a boyfriend pillow? $249. $149. Real cheap.

$34.95 on Amazon. That cannot be anything close to the warming arms of your significant other. You might as well just get a pocket pussy. You're going to get a dodo too. I don't want a pocket pussy wife You're gonna do it Don't want a pocket pussy You're gonna do it too It's fine You know

It's the same price And it's arguably so much better Than a pillow Alright Hey babe Didn't wanna get you the Body pillow Here's a pocket pussy

Let me know how you use it. No, why don't you just get it? I feel like Jack might know this one. Chinese food and Star Wars have never merged until now. Panda Express strikes back with lightsaber chopsticks. How much are lightsaber chopsticks? $7.99. $7.99.

$16.99. $16.99. This one goes to Kuski. They are $10.97. $10.97. He said $16.99. Yeah, I'm over. He would win. You technically are over, but you're closer.

No, I'm closer. I said $6.99. Yeah, he got that one. He got that one. He said $7.99. So $8 9, 10. I said 1499. How much is it?

It's 1097. Oh, me and my dad. There, he's closer. I'm closer? But I went over. Yeah, that's a count. We're not doing that? Okay.

My secret knife says otherwise, Judd. We're not doing that? Okay My secret knife says otherwise, Jed Cusky would love to do this to his cats A giant tongue that you can lick and groom your pussy It's a giant tongue you lick your cats with Where do you attach it? Yes, you put it in your mouth and you lick your cats

It's on Amazon How much? How big? How big's the tongue? how big is the tongue it's probably about yay big you lick your cats with it i feel like much like the boob job is gonna be cheaper than we think yeah because you'd want a quality tongue but you're not going to feel it anyway. You're going to bathe a significant other. Ooh. Giant tongue. I'm going to say it's cheaper than we think. $21.99, Bob.

$21.99. That's what I thought. That's what I was thinking. So I'm just going to go $20. Jack wins this. It's $17.49. That's so crazy because you can buy a boyfriend pillow for just a little bit more than that. You can also just use your own tongue.

Lick your cats? Yeah. And you have a hairy tongue. All right. If Kung Fu Panda has inspired you and you just want to send Jack one, how much for this high performance battle ready Japanese katana sword? $399. Battle ready. $399, Bob.

If it says battle ready, it probably isn't. I'm going to go $249, Bob. You way underbid this one. Kuski wins with $4,679. Think how many body pillows you can get with that? Think how many body pillows you can cut in half with that katana. Think how many secret knives you can get.

You can cut off those shitty tits you just bought. Wow, $4,000 for a sword. Or boobs. Which one are you taking? Boobs. Kuski. Not my own. I'm not getting boobs.

But if you... Okay. In all honesty, my sweet baby girl, she's got... She doesn't need them. She's great. All right.

Kuski can use this because he's not a baller and he doesn't have 20-inch blades on his Impala. Lengthening surgery. How much does it cost to lengthen your legs?

That's a lot of money. To lengthen your tits is four. To lengthen your legs gotta be twenty. You're not lengthening nipples. You're cutting them out apparently. Engorging them. Twenty, I would

say, it's like a knee surgery. You gotta go. I'm gonna go $50,000 say it's like a knee surgery. You've got to go. I'm going to go $50,000, Bob. Is this with insurance? I don't know. I'm going to say $20,000, Bob. Jack wins this one with, it is $120,000. Holy shit.

Drink Wisconsin, we better start paying. It only costs $4,000 to cut those off again. With Jack's secret knife. All right, we have three left. What is it, 4-3? Yeah, it's 4-3 Jack. All right. When your man goes away for the weekend weekend you better put your cock on a leash

with this yeast-o chicken harness and leash it's a comfortable breathing harness that fits a six pound chicken are you serious for a chicken 12.99. $15.99. $12.99. Kuski wins at $19.99. Chicken harness. Think of all the gifts you're about to get just from this game. Do you think Kuski's mom sent him a knife? Or boobs.

All right, we have two left. All right. We have two left. All right. Syphilis. This one out. You want to buy this house before it's gone. Aria Al Capone's house. How much did Al Capone's house sell for? Fucking stupid.

It's a good one. You did a good job. Thank you. Did the government take it? Does that is that like a trick answer? It's sold. OK. a trick answer? It sold. Okay. Al Capone's house sold.

When did it sell? I don't know. 1.8 million. 1.8 million. Three quarters of a million. Three quarters of a million. Jack is dangerously close. 1.3 million.

Wow. Damn. What'd you say? 1.8.3 million. Wow. Damn. What'd you say? 1.8? All right. Did your car break down and you need to get to the hospital?

Use these Adept GTO Pro Rollerblades. Professional rollerblades for people who love inline skating. $129.99. $129? $139.99. $129? $139.99.

Kuski wins it. It's $1,449. This is the top of the line. That's a quarter of a tit. That's the nipples. That's just a nipple. It'll be a damn good nipple, though. And that's how you play.

Is the price right? It should be played. Why are you buying this? Yeah, there's some things on there. The fact that someone is manufacturing a six-pound chicken harness. So the research for this was very funny because all the stuff was insane. What did you Google to find this stuff? Insane things on Amazon.

Stupid expensive things that no one will ever buy and things like that. That's when I came with the Louis Vuitton airbags is so wild. Insane. That's almost as crazy as getting a funny water themed Tesla. Yeah. It's crazy. That's a goal. I would love to get that funny water Tesla.

Just do the podcast in there. Well, honestly, you live on it. I would live on it. Funny Water Tesla. Just do the podcast in there. Well, honestly, you'd live out of the Tesla. Yeah, I would live out of it. That's all the money you'd have. Funny Water sponsors us again. Give us a Tesla. Give us a Tesla. Think of all the stuff we could do with it.

Well, I mean. One of us could do something. We would cut out the airbags with Jack's secret knife and put in some Louis Vuitton ones. We'd have to sell the Tesla to buy those. How funny would it be? We're driving along in a car. You're in the passenger seat. And all of a sudden, they get an accident.

Poof! And the airbag comes on. You go, are these Louis Vuitton? Yeah, they wrote a Supreme. Louis Vuitton airbags. That's crazy. What was it? $39,000? $39, 39 000 you could literally buy the car

yeah yeah the type of car you're putting louis vuitton airbags in it better not be a 39 000 but also then you're hoping to crash to show people this show be like i do i have louis vuitton airbags there yeah that's bananas i need a glass car to show you're just trying to spend money at that point though you're like have so much money you're like what else can I do yeah there's some people in the world that there's like you have so much money you're like I can't spend this if I wanted to that's what else I can get they said they said like uh Bill Gates or something like if he drops a hundred dollar bills a hundred dollar bill on the takes him, like, by the time he picks it up, he's already made triple that.

That's disgusting. That's fuck you money is what it is. Yeah. What do you do with that much money? Move a ton of your bags. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, also, but, like, a lot of the, well, your dad probably, the conspiracy theorists, were like, oh, he bought all this farmland and stuff.

I was like, yeah, you have all this farmland and stuff I was like yeah you have all this money what do you want him to do with it yeah I would buy farmland oh absolutely I'd buy land

that's great what would you do in that land chickens harnesses no they would roam free they'd roam free if I had a chicken

in the city it would definitely be on a harness if you gave someone eggs from your harnessed chicken thing do you think you'd have to put that

on the carton harnessed not free range harn from your harnessed chicken thing, do you think you'd have to put that on the carton? Harnessed? Not free range. Harnessed eggs. Harnessed chickens. Not free range. There was people walking multiple dogs outside,

like a bunch of them. Imagine just walking down the street and just a bunch of chickens. Just literally rolling deep with some cocks. The thing is they don't listen like dogs. So eventually at one point when they decide to stop, you're just going to have to drag them with you. And then you got dinner. Oh, yeah, the walk went great.

We got dinner. If you're buying a harness, you're not eating your chickens. What's the point of them? I don't get it. What's the point of having a chicken if you're not going to eat them? I guess the eggs. You answered your own question. Real quick, real quick.

Just trying to think that one through. I just don't get it. The tongue one really pisses me off. The tongue one? They have a picture of it. That's got to be for the furries of the world that actually think they're a cat. Also, they're all out of them. They were sold out?

They were sold out. It's for furries. And they're all out of them like it was they're sold out they were sold out it's for furries and they're licking each other they're probably not actually licking no they probably are licking actual cats yeah yeah um they definitely are doing that i was just talking with somebody and they were they were like uh they they were a convention, and there was a furry convention going on there. And it took him until day three to realize it was a furry convention. He thought, oh, man, they have a lot of mascots. It's a mascot convention. Yeah, yeah.

Which he didn't know until he saw a furry being on a leash being led by another furry. Like, I don't know. They were crawling on floors. Really selling the bit. Yeah. I don't know if the furry convention would be the number one. I really want to see what Comic-Con is like. Like, the big one, is that in San Diego?

Yeah, that would be pretty much it. Just to see, because some people go all out for that. There's a Comic-Con almost. There's one in Milwaukee, I think. You would go to it. Yeah. Would you dress up? I wouldn't probably dress up.

If we paid you, would you dress up? Yeah, if I got a really cool costume. We'll give you some cameras that you go be on the floor at Comic-Con. Let me talk with some people, and then just have you talk nerd with people. But hammered That would be amazing It would be amazing watching us Try and talk to someone

So what are you You would be our I could be decent at it I would find my niche Like oh I know who you are But then there would be some character Not a clue You would be like...

I would know Batman and that's pretty much it. There's a lot of things that I don't know. I'm very specific with what I do pay attention to. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and also,

some of them are animated and I was like, that doesn't make sense. Yeah, the animated ones I probably won't be able to get. Anything video games I can maybe pick up. Some people get just so niche

with that stuff, it's like oh i really like super mario bros but they go as like the green pipes like they're very specific with their characters i don't think they're going as the green pipes that'd be hysterical i think that's what we should go as that's a new halloween costume i'm the green pipes from mario you could be mario we'd be green pipes. I just am a plunger. It's me, a Mario's plunger. Is a plunger ever show up

in a Mario video game? No, because he's jumping on the pipes and snaking it out himself. That's a very good point. Did you watch the Mario movie? No I did not I wanted to

Did we talk about that? I said it scratched the itch You did say that Yeah it scratched the itch Like if you grew up playing Mario And all the games A lot of people I think I heard complained about it

It's like oh it's not a great movie I'm like it's a fucking Mario movie Yeah You're not gonna go home and go Man that's up there with What is Okay Chris Chris Pratt's gonna win an Oscar For that man, that's up there with... Chris Pratt's going to win an Oscar for that voiceover.

That's up there with Oppenheimer. I didn't... Oppenheimer's great, but they all look the same. Every one of the people besides Oppenheimer look like Josh Peck. To the point where I'm watching the movie, I'm like, is that Josh Peck? Oh, no, it's a different one. No, that's not Josh Peck. That's Josh Peck. I's not Josh Peck that's

Josh Peck I haven't watched it yet I want to watch it it's so long the problem is it's yeah it's so long and I can't I can't get her to sit and watch for a three-hour movie and I'm not the person that will start a movie and then go you know what we're an hour and a half in let's finish the rest tomorrow yeah the amount of times I try to get her to watch Star Wars with me, and they're like two-hour-long movies. We'd get in there for 30 minutes. It'd start at 9.30. It'd be 10. She goes, I'm a little tired.

I'm going to go to bed. I'd be like, you haven't even gotten to anything that makes you want to watch it yet. I'd get so frustrated. Yeah, that's annoying. Have you seen the new thing they're doing with the Dune? No, I haven't even seen Dune 1. It's a good one. The new promotion is you can put over the top of the popcorn bucket.

It's basically like a Venus flytrap for your hand. You slide it down. It's like the worm. But it's rubbery. It's like a worm's mouth. And you put your hand in there and you get the popcorn in there. You have the sandworms that come and eat everything. But it also kind of looks like a worm's mouth, and you put your hand in there, and you get the popcorn in there. You have the sandworms that come and eat everything. But it also kind of looks like a fleshlight.

It definitely looks like a fleshlight. To the point where the best meet-up I saw was one ticket to the Sidney Sweeney movie, and one dune popcorn, please. And one dune popcorn, please. That's incredible. Dude, it does look like a... I haven't seen that. How have I not seen that?

Yeah. See if we have the computer. They do... Movies need to not be three hours anymore, though. It's too much. I wonder... I like the... Two hours?

I used to be excited for a two-hour movie. I was like, oh, this is a lot and i'm gonna really enjoy it because it's something i really want to see always most movies hour and a half this is that's a flashlight that is a alien flashlight all it costs is like 13 for a large popcorn the more you know bob but yeah two hours i think the max. It's got to be the max for a movie. Three is just... Well, they're trying to... The thing is like the reason you go to the movies is, you know...

It's an experience. Yeah. So they're like, well, let's get them there for as long as possible because they can't get us on streaming. Right. Because if you can get on streaming, it's going to fucking do it. Well, that's why they have like restaurants attached to movie theaters now and the bar. Also, I think I understand the bar and all that stuff. In my opinion, that's the dumbest decision ever, at least as a moviegoer.

I'm not going to start drinking during a movie and then have to get up and pee nine times during that three-hour movie. Because if I start drinking and I'm having a time, I'm going to keep drinking. And then after beer four and you've got to pee, that seal's broken. You're like, well, I'm not seeing the rest of this movie. You can't do it during a serious movie. I did get pretty fucking hammered for Burt Kreischer's movie, though. That's different. Did you hold your pee?

No, because the movie wasn't good. But also, you do that at concerts, too. You drink at concerts. You're like, shit, the headliner's coming out, and I'm going to pee, and I'm going to lose my spot. I just did it for Shane Gillis on Friday. We went over drinks beforehand, and we drank during the show. And Josh was like, well, you might as well get two, because we're not going to come back here. I was like, yeah, that's so smart.

So now I'm double fisting 24-ounce beers. And then we get like We get through We get through the openers My friends that I know Johnny and AJ Were the openers And then I drink I drink both drinks

And Shane's Does it a full hour And I'm like Oh he I just have to wait For his closer I need to wait For his closer

But I need to pee So fucking bad And I'm in the middle Like I would have to like Rush And I was like Alright As soon as his closer I fucking bad. And I'm in the middle. Like, I would have to, like, rush. And I was like, all right. As soon as it's closer, I just got up and I'm like,

me too! And I just like, run! They're there. And like... It's the worst feeling because you almost don't enjoy what you're watching as much because you're thinking about not pissing your pants. It's like when I was in college and we would take a bus to go to the Brewer game.

Drinking on a school bus knowing you're going to go drink in a parking lot at Miller Park, amazing. But that first 30 minutes, great time. The last 45 minutes, you're like, 15 minutes, you're like, I feel like I kind of have to pee. And that's all you can think about is you have to pee. And then it comes on quicker. And all of a sudden, you really got to pee. You're like, there is no bathroom on this bus we're not stopping we're in traffic and you're not even thinking about what anyone's talking to you about because they just pissed in a bottle and they used up all the empty space for you and so now you get off the bus you can't stand up straight because if you do you're gonna piss your pants so you're watching like march of the penguins all the guys run to the port-a-pies it sucks it takes the fun out of a lot of events.

Yeah. The focus thing is big for me. If I'm at a concert and I need to go to the bathroom, I'm like, fuck. I'm only thinking about how can I go to the bathroom as quick as possible. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever peed in a Gatorade bottle? I have a good one of those.

On the way to a formal in college i peed in a champagne bottle and then um people took um all the bottles off and i got a text from one of our buddies in a group chat like um this girl carly just took a sip out of the champagne bottle thinking it was like oh it was full took a swig of my piss it's like listen the bottle was open and warm why are you drinking out of it that's on you that's on you but she just took a big and imagine that shock i've never made someone drink my own pee but i used to pretend i was tying my shoes in bars that were you mean it sound like i made her drink that used to what pretend i was tying my shoes so i'd get down on a knee and i'd fake tie my shoe and I'd just be in the corner of a bar or something like that.

That's crazy. I can't be blamed for that. We might need to cut that. We might need to cut that. You let me know. The old shoe-tied chick and then the shriek. The best part is one hand would just be flinging the laces around to make it look like it was,

and the other one would be shooting it behind me. You could only do that if you were in shorts. That's a summer activity, right? Oh, no. No, because I would just undo. Undo. Yeah. Oh, damn.

How many times do you actually piss all over yourself? That's happened a couple times. That's actually why I stopped, because it went all down the back of my sock. Did you slip while you were tying your shoes? I used to do that. Now, honestly, I have such a weak bladder now where it's just like, you know what? I'm just going to get up and go.

I'll miss it. I'll miss it. Yeah. Yeah, there's times where I'm just like, oh, we're close to the bathroom. Perfect. Yeah, that's fine. A concert, I don't mind as much

because usually you can still hear it. You miss out on the excitement of everyone hearing the like big song or whatever you try and go during a song like i don't really give a shit about this one the the comedy thing and a movie thing you don't know what's coming next which is a little more tough to go through yeah that's concerts pretty easy to go pn yeah the movies are becoming too long though i love a good two-hour movie. I just watched... We are on movies. I just watched Loving, which is the first legally married interracial couple.

And that was... In a movie? Yeah, it's just a movie about it. Oh, about it. Okay. Yeah. Do you think it just happened? I was like, I've seen movies. And so I just generally wanted to watch it.

And I was like, okay, well, how long is it? If it's going to be a really emotional one, I don't want to be emotional for like three hours. Because I get pretty caught up in my feels. And so it was two hours and four minutes. This is the perfect amount of time for me to be really serious about a movie. And then walk away from it going, all right, now time for me to play video games. It won't affect my whole night. And that was perfect. It was two hours, now time for me to play video games. It won't affect my whole night. That was perfect.

It was two hours, good length. Got all the important parts. And you're a big crier in movies? It depends on the movie. At the end of Avengers Infinity War, definitely cried at that. When they all come out of the portals, it's just such an epic cinematic moment

where you're just seeing all of the work from when 2014, when those movies started, and they're about to kick Thanos' ass for the third year. Didn't they start in 08? Didn't Iron Man? Wasn't that 08? Oh, it was 08.

2014 was the first Avengers, I think. Yeah. I wasn't crying because of the story. I was crying because I was like, this is really fucking cool. This is a cool visual moment. I thought. But I also cried at the end of Brave, which is a Disney movie. I cry.

Every once in a while, I get a couple good ones where I'm like, fuck. The Avengers one, I watched with my buddy. He teared up. I was more like a, I like the, like with stand-up, you bring everything together. That was like a big, almost like goosebump moment where I'm like, oh, that was so well written. That was really cool. Didn't necessarily tear up for it. I was like,

this is metal. But that one definitely scratched the itches of like, oh, they finally, they did full circle with it. I don't know. I started tearing up. You start, you get a significant other, like, oh, emotions unlocked.

It's not cool. Like, you see like a homecoming video of like your dog or something like that. unlocked it's not it's not cool like you see like a homecoming video like your dog or something like that like oh that's kind of sad but yeah movies what homecoming video of your dog dog or like a homecoming like military one yeah or um your dog was gone for like a month and they somehow found it or something like that, or they're rescuing dogs now and stuff like that. It seems like you only cry over dog movies. Should we unpack that?

I'm an animal lover. You've never owned a dog. I still like animals. I was crying about it. I was in a dog. They lost their dog and they got it back, and I haven't even had one. I couldn't even lose it. This dog is running for homecoming, King.

I can't believe it. He's not even going to win. They gave it to the cat. They gave it to the varsity captain. That dog deserved it. Did you cry at Air Bud? I've never seen it. I'm not a fan of sports movies.

Honestly, the best one is i don't a lot of sports movies are tough i don't they're awful they're they're terrible the best sports movie is space jam okay that's enough that's a hard no it is it is my favorite sports movie what's your favorite sports movie it's's going to be like Remember the Titans. It's called The Comebacks. It's like the Not Another Teen movie. It's like a spoof on sports movies. And literally the guy's name is Aseel Terry, but the coach running calls him ACL Ter. Go tear it up, ACL.

Go tear it up. And the dude gets like hits by buses. He gets mangled and like he just pops up. And then randomly one of the coaches spits like, hits by buses. He gets mangled. And, like, he just pops up. And then randomly one of the coaches spits a sunflower seed on him. He spits a sunflower seed on the thing. And he accidentally steps on the sunflower seed and breaks both his ACOs. It's like. What is this called?

It's called The Comebacks. It's, like, a silly, stupid movie. And, like. I kind of want to see it now. It's the traditional, traditional like they spoof all the sports movies see i like that i like that that would be good one i i'll put that in my top three sports movies i've never seen it it'd probably go space jam benchwarmers comebacks benchwarmers is great not a sports movie kind of is but like what what kind of movie is it

it's a movie about some fucking guys that talk about their wieners the whole time. With baseball in the background. Must be steroids and mac and cheese. But it's a good, it's a fun movie. I have a lot of fun with that movie. I don't know about my favorite sports movies. They're terrible.

The thing is like, they're always gonna end... I'm gonna tell you how Space Jam is terrible. It's a nostalgic thing for me. It's not the plot. Have you seen the new one? Miracle. Miracle is a nostalgic thing for me. It's not the plot. Have you seen the new one? Miracle. Miracle is a good one for me. Haven't cried at that one, though.

I thought Blades of Glory was pretty good. Blades of Glory. Talladega Nights. Talladega Nights. Those are good, yeah. We're really stretching the sports movie. What I hate about sports movies is because I play sports, and there's never a time in the bottom of the ninth of the inning

where you just, like, you think about, oh, like, your father's in the crowd, and you point to him or something like that. You've got to hit a home run. If I'm sitting in, like, literally in the batter's box, and the thing I'm thinking about is, oh, my dad's watching this, I'm going to shrug out so easily. Like, you don't think about that. That would only happen for me if angels were in the outfield.

Flying good dead people, as I called them. What? The other... That's right. That's still one of the best hints ever for the angels on the outfield. Flying good dead people.

The other thing with sports is I hate when they try and be different. You have that moment, bottom of the ninth, think about your dad, gotta hit a home run, bases are loaded, down three, and then they strike out like they're trying to be different. It'd be way better if they actually just hit the fucking home run. Just give me the moment. Don't try and be

different and be like, oh, he struck out. They never want to. One of the best movies in sports movies that everyone says is Friday Night Lights. One of the best movies, sports movies that everyone says is Friday Night Lights. Everyone's like, oh, I love Friday Night Lights. It's nostalgic. You know, everything is in that.

In Friday Night Lights, I'm going to root it for everyone who hasn't seen it. In Friday Night Lights, their star running back gets hurt and they have to come together and they get to the state championship and lose. And then,

right before the credits roll, they go, after that, they won four state titles in a row. Show us those movies. Show us that season. Show us the dynasty. Why didn't you show us the one that lost? Dude, okay, this is not sports-related,

but this is about the movie that I watched called Loving, which was about the first legally married interracial couple. And so it ends with them getting the actual wedding, like, okay, this is legal now, all right? And it goes, seven years later, whatever his name is, got killed by a drunk driver. That was the first thing that happened. It all got good. Everyone was like, first thing that happened. Like, it all got good. Everyone was like,

woo, yeah, they're married now. And then it goes, killed by a drunk driver. And Jen goes, what the fuck? That was an unnecessary fact. Yeah, you didn't have to know that. Oh, another sports movie, Iron Claw.

Did you guys see Iron Claw? No, but I heard that's emotional as fuck. It's so fucking sad. Everyone dies. Spoiler alert. That's an actual spoiler because it just came out. Literally everyone fucking dies. I won't tell you how or what happens, but it all becomes sad.

My guess is drugs and emotional abuse. Well, here's the thing is, Jen and I thought it was going to be like a wrestling movie. So we're like, oh shit, we're going to have a bunch of like rip Zac Efron, like suplexing people. Zac Efron's in it? Yeah. Yeah. Jeremy Allen White and. Jeremy Allen White, some other guy.

Yeah. But it was a good movie, but like literally it's just like, it talks about how the family's cursed. And the movie is just nonstop, nonstop. And Jen thought it was going to be one of this really fun wrestling movie. Zac Efron ripped just wrestling another oiled guy. Got so sad, and every time something happened, I'd look over at her, and she'd be like... She was trying to deal with it.

She stayed up until 2.30 in the morning after that movie because she was so pissed off. But it was so sad. And then even they had Ric Flair in it. The guy played Ric Flair. And it was just this soft-bodied guy that looked nothing like Ric Flair in a big yellow wig. You wish his body was harder? No, it was just this big fat

guy with fake tan on and a wig. It was like you could have at least tried to make him look like Ric Flair. You could have brought in the real Ric Flair. Jesus Christ. Just give Zac Efron another wig. Zac Efron played everyone in that movie. Real Eddie Murphy in the clumps.

It was wild. But if you're ready to go through it, watch that movie. So movies are too long, is what we're going to... And sometimes they're too long and they're sad. We need more avengers jack needs to cry at iron man one more time oh that's wild i don't think i've ever i've never seen any avengers so i stopped after end game i was like that was that was my version of it

that was your end game that was my end game. The rest of the ones apparently suck now, so I'm happy I don't watch it anymore. They came out with She-Hulk. She-Hulk, Attorney at Law. I was like, okay. I was like, okay,

someone needs to pitch this again. This is so stupid. Here's this giant ripped green girl, but she's also great with law. One call, that's all. She-Hulk.

It's stupid. It's like, you know she could kill everyone in here. Said she's gonna use her words. Said she's gonna go, Your Honor.

I object. Objection, Your Honor? She could punch through his... You don't wanna see me, man. She could punch through that guy's face. She's going,

actually, I disagree because of this book. Fucking stupid. And she's green and no one's addressing it. No one's addressing it. Everyone's like, it's a really well thought out argument, She-Hulk. So stupid. How many episodes have you watched? None of them, but that's all I picture it.

That's why I wouldn't watch it. It's so fucking stupid. Do you want to pitch now? Pitch a movie? Some Drink Wisconsin, please. I wish the glass broke there. Dude, that would be a good pitch. Honestly, if the glass breaks, that would be unreal.

That would be the end of it. You guys want to see She-Hulk in person? Let me break this. Should we just have one? Yeah, we should have one. Let me open it with my secret knife. Look at us coming full circle. Why are we here today?

It's hard for full circles. I do. You should see him in half circles. Flaccid. He sees a full circle. Why are we here today? Because he gets hard for full circles. I do. You should see him in half circles. Flaccid. We have... He sees a full circle? The fastest old... Oh, wow, I can't talk.

Old Brandy. Old fashion. Brandy Old Fashion. Yeah, this is your thing. I'm choking up. We got the fastest old fashion called... Drink Wisconsin Brandy Old Fashioned.

Out of a can. This is why we don't talk for ad reads. Thank you very much. Look at that. Already done. Already made. It's ready to enjoy.

I've done that a few times. All right, what we got here is a Drink Wisconsin with Brandy Old Fashioned made with Drink Wisconsin with brandy and other natural flavors It's the fastest old-fashioned you can ever make in your tile life the Judd crack it That's as fast as it takes you can take you can just pretend that you mixologist the fuck out of it and bring it Upstairs to your friends or bring it back from the bar and they'll go man

That's a damn good brandy old-fashioned and they're gonna think that you're a mixologist They're gonna think you're a seasoned bartenderky, take a drink. Tell us what you think. Wish I had some cheese curds with this. Okay, well, we don't. Next pitch. Cheese curds, not included. That's exactly true. But you're going to enjoy

this cocktail. It's a damn good brand new old-fashioned. You can catch this at the Corner Bar in the Deer District at the Drink Wisconsin Pub or any of your local retailers.

Drink Wisconsin, think responsibly. That is the actual tagline. It is. What else does it say on this can that I can read? It said cheese cure not included, which is why I said I wish I had some cheese cure. Oh, it did say that?

Yeah. Oh, it does say that. That's actually pretty cool. I didn't read the can while I did this pitch this time. I know. From basements to beaches and pontoon. That was fucking stupid. I'm like, hmm.

This is the thing I got to be. See, it says, it does say, It is also 100% gluten-free for all our... That's wild. This is gluten-free? For our celiacs out there. Could you imagine if they put some gluten in this? For our celiacs.

And if you're a diabetic, please send us your whiskey. Quit the central cocktail anywhere. From basements to beaches and pontoons to parking lots. Please send us your whiskey Quintessential Oh that's true From basements to beaches And pontoons to parking lots Pour over ice or sip it Straight from the can That's what we're doing right now So good

We did pour this over ice When we first had it I went to a fancy I went to a fancy bar In Madison The corner bar At the Deer District No

I went to one in Madison It was The Botanist Or the botanical social something like that and i said give me an old-fashioned how long did it take better the cane was better it took so long a man with a curly mustache made it with a lot of tattoos and shook it so violently like he was trying to be on an episode of like cocktail or something like that it was wild and i'm gonna 10 of 10, I would rather drink the drink Wisconsin be brand new old fashioned out of the can.

It's way better. It's way better. And the bartender is this cute little guy. Oh, that cute little guy. This is happy. Happy. This is a tried and true recipe. You go to a bar, they're kind of fucking around.

They're eyeballing it. I made old fashions a couple times, and they're really bad. This one's really good. I worked at a college bar, and they're like, oh, whenever it would be parents weekend, I'm like, can I get an old-fashioned? I go, you can get what we think is an old-fashioned here. You want me to muddle cherries right now?

I don't even know what that means, man. You're chewing it up and spitting it into the cup. My owner's like, this is what you do for an old-fashioned year. I was like, you'll get the corbel. You get one lemon, one lime, one cherry, a little bit of juice. Muddle it. Throw some sugar in there. And then soda water.

I was like, I think that's kind of wrong. I'm like, what about bitters? If they ask for them, I i'm like i'm pretty sure that's in the recipe they're asking for it by saying can i have an old-fashioned and i'm like what kind of glass we put in he goes oh you can just put in one of the plastic ones we're putting the vodka sodas imagine if you had these though you could have been like sure we got it and they're gonna be like damn and you were like man this is the best you'd be surprised how many like drinks you have at restaurants that are already pre-made like that.

That's awesome. There are a lot of – some of them scare me. This one does not. But the ones that are like, yeah, we have cocktails on tap, I don't like that. I don't. Like a bar is like – oh, you want a Cosmopolitan? Let me pull the old – Usually that's their specialty.

Usually when they do that, it's like their specialty. Yeah, but it's in a keg. At the brewery game, they have Long Island's on tap. Yeah. I'm like, that's crazy. Imagine getting a keg of Long Island's. They'll get you murdered.

We did that with Vegas Bums. A keg of Vegas Bums? Not a keg. We should have. Is it getting a cooler Vegas Bums? It was, you know, like those giant lemonade things you'd see at like Panera? Yeah.

We'd get, it was like. What, Achilles? What? Lemonades Achilles at Panera? Lemonades Achilles at Panera. Wait, you guys have not read a headline in the past two weeks? I was watching the Iron Claw. Please enlighten me before I.

The charged lemonades at Panera have been killing people. How so? Just because they're so full of sugar? And people thought they were just lemonades. Oh, there's caffeine in it? Yeah. So people are just housing these. There's caffeine in the lemonade?

Super charged lemonades. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The charged lemonades at Panera killed multiple people. That's insane. Damn. Yeah. That's really funny. That's not funny that people. That's insane. Damn. Yeah. That's really funny. That's not funny that people are dying from lemonade.

But if there was one thing to die from, it's kind of funny. It's lemonade. Go on with the story. And secret knives. Yeah, no, we took one of those, like, take two of those, put them together, and we would do the mix for Vegas Moms. So ours was Crown, Kinky, and Peach schnapps we just fill it up it was shit brown liquid that was on tap and they're like yeah can we get 12 vegas bombs like sure

and then and then red ball it's so much more efficient but there's just i would rather see you make it fresh out of the bottle i know those bottles have little plastic snow cone things on top so the bugs don't go in them and whatnot but just mentally i think it's going to taste better if it hasn't been sitting in your plastic vat since god knows when yeah yeah i agree that makes sense i think we got we should all get happy tattooed on our on our body i feel like happy tattooed on our body. I feel like happy tattooed on your body would make the most sense. I think it would fit with your theme. What? Lightsabers? Alligators? Colorful and whimsical.

That's a black and white tattoo. That would fit your walk the line, buddy. It might fit the W down here. Yeah, it would. But I can see you getting it colored. Is there a happy on your clipboard? Yeah, happy's on my clipboard.

Look, that cherry's red. Yeah, but that looked way too sophisticated for my leg. Yeah. It looked like I got kicked out of a bike. You know what? That's one of Judd's secret tattoos this year. Hey, can you do a tattoo reveal for us? Maybe. Put it on the Patreon. We get enough Patreon year. Hey. Can you do a tattoo reveal for us? Maybe.

Put it on the Patreon. We get enough Patreon subscribers. I'll show you my tattoo. We get to 10 Patreon subscribers. Judd will strip down and show you his tattoos. And I'm getting another one in like a month, two months. I really want to get another one. I do too.

I don't know what I want. Where are you going to get yours? In how many Michigan? No, I mean on your body. Where do you get all these secret little things? Would you get Fat Chance if we paid for it? If you paid for it, sure. I'll get FC.

No, no, no. Fat Chance. Fat Chance, I'm going to do that. What if you did Fat Chance Buddy? Also, there's a movie called Fat Chance. We're going to get fucked by copyright. No, no. There's a movie just called Fat Chance

and every time you just type into YouTube Fat Chance that shows up the movie does? yeah so I think one time we should

just watch the movie together that's fine what if we watch I'm gonna we ripped off the podcast it's four dudes

well you let me know when you go to Michigan how much it costs for an FC tattoo and I'll Venmo you. Would you get Fat Chance tattooed on you? Yeah, with Happy on it. Honestly, let's give this

another six months. Alright, guys. I'm going to tell you right now. Fat Chance is a romantic comedy. I'd say this is a bit of a romance. About love and acceptance. Fat Chance tells the story of Allison, an overweight dental assistant.

That's a funny character. Oh, my God. Who is challenged to find her self-worth when she falls for an online relationship for her long-term friend and crush, Justin. But there's a problem. He's an underweight McDonald's cashier. But there's a problem. She used a photo of her attractive friend in an online dating profile, which that's what caught Justin's eye. Oh, no. Starring Sidney Sweeney,

Chris Pratt, and Super Mario. Yeah, and Allison spends the summer with Justin balancing both versions of herself until a secret slips out. Inspired by a true story. Can you imagine that? The reveal, he goes, wait, you're fat?

Roll credits. No, we should watch Fat Chance. That'd be amazing. Wait, you're really fucking fat? That's the plot of Nutty Professor. It's the plot of probably so many movies. Yeah. Let's end this.

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Bye. We're sitting here right here at the corner bar in the Deer District where they have the best brand new old-fashioned. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Don't you know? The urine of a diabetic contains so much sugar that it can be purified and made into whiskey. Don't you know?

That's Darren. And cranberries. One, two, three, four! Oh, that missed! And it's four guys against one, but he also was a college wrestler? So now we have to wrestle these pants off a guy who's very good at wrestling. Chainsaws were first invented for childbirth.

They're like, you know what? This is better on trees. What do you mean, why? Do you not know science? Oh my god, you're done. You're already done. Don't do it. I'm average.