Fat Chance Podcast - We Missed Our Best Friends Wedding Ep.118

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Jack is off getting married! Michael and Judd Unfortunately can't make the trip. SPONSORED BY: @DrinkWisconsinbly & Drink Wisconsinbly Beverage Co. DW produces high-quality beverages at an approachable price, perfect for toasting all the people, places, and things that make our home state unlike any other place in the world. Find them near you https://www.wisconsibly.com/beverages/ Booze Better Supplements: Use the link below to start drinking better and recovering faster! https://www.supplementsolutions.us/?ref=67FwapSjNHdTKo PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy Diego Avila - @trashpimp (photography)

Ah, man, if I'm doing karaoke, I'm not really good at much. Probably Lil Jon, get low, you know? I would love to see you do that and dance to it. Because I think you getting low would be like really uncomfortable. Whoa, you don't think I can get low? I think you can get low, but I think you're not getting up quickly. You know, this is how my feet getting in there for you. Look at those tickle monsters.

Hi, and welcome to Fat Chance. We did not make it to Jack and G's wedding. No, we're currently sitting in the airport lobby. And I have my party shirt on. I'm ready to go. I have a shirt that has birds on it. You were dressed like it was the wedding day. Yeah. I mean, honestly, you dress for the job you want so basically you want to party the whole

time you have to have multiple bird shirts would you have actually worn a tie at a beach wedding yes i see i like the button down no tie look yeah but then what are you gonna put on your head when you're dancing that's a good point maybe a palm tree lead that would be nice i did say off camera you do look like a presidential candidate on a zoom interview if you guys can see his shorts actually you can see both are are under thighs which is uh gonna get a demographic we're used to yeah i think it's it's i mean we're on point right now we are hitting and checking every box. Well, we lost a jack and we gained a G, so.

But we lost them both right now because we missed our flights. We did, and apparently, I don't have a passport. You don't have a passport? I don't have a passport. What do you mean you don't have a passport? Like it expired and you never got a new one? So you know those words that say that I don't have a passport? No, I understand that, but like. Okay, so what part of that do you mean you don't have a passport? Like it expired and you never got a new one? So you know those words that say that I don't have a passport? No, I understand that, but like...

Okay, so what part of that do you not understand? Have you ever left the country? No, I've never left the country. Okay, well then that makes sense. Because you know why I haven't left the country? You're adopted? No, I don't have a passport. You know what?

I don't think I test well. You know what? I don't think I test well. I don't think you realize what you're hearing until a bit. Yeah, no. It takes me a while to process a lot of information. A lot of information. This is not good that I can twist the bottom of this. Yeah, let's not twist the bottom of the mics while we're talking into them.

I know, I know. I like this microphone, though. I kind of like holding them yeah i'm gonna hold it with two hands this whole time it feels more like a prayer like a prayer but the you know the the pilots lounge in delta great no one's here surprisingly you would think more people would be here but you'll hear some echoes you'll hear some people sound like they're coming into and out of a gym we don't know what that is delta lounge got a great facility they have gym they have people grilling outside somehow i don't know how they pass security they brought their own

food um it's almost like we weren't invited to the wedding and we're just pretending that we missed the flight to feel like we were a part of an event that they definitely didn't want us at jack's actually quit the podcast how hard was it like, hey, you guys can come if you want, but how much of it worked to be like, oh, we wish you could have invited me. They did invite us. No, they didn't. Yes, they did. They invited us?

Yes. And we missed our flight? Yeah. No, it was crazy. No, they invited us. It was just after our 100th episode or something like that and g came downstairs but you weren't there yet and she goes oh i just want to let you guys know like you guys are invited to the wedding you are love like we would love to have you there um

it's this date or whatever and we both were like all right i had just booked my weekend with rachel for her birthday, and you were loaded with shows. I was like, I'd love to make it happen, but we can't. Let's do this. Jack and G's first dance song. What is it? Ooh, first dance.

Act like we're here. Everyone watching, close your eyes. You see his sweaty, muscular arms, and then G saunter in. His white button-down tucked into his khaki shorts oh yeah oh yeah he's ready for that boat shoes which is his real look i don't know if i can't remember if he had the mustache or not their first song i think they told me it oh and i think it's like um oh is it a part it's a country song oh yeah i think it's like a country song. Oh, okay. I don't know if it was like a Parker McCollum song or it was –

it's about maybe a Chris Lane song about getting married. But it's a country song about getting married. Okay, fair enough. Which checks. That checks, yeah. I would have went like KC and JoJo. Who's that? Okay, this is where my age shows that

i say casey and jojo you've definitely danced to casey and jojo jojo siwa no casey and jojo was like an eighth grade dance like like slow jam i was in probably first grade by then oh i'm gonna get my phone we're probably my phone. We're probably going to get copyrighted for this. That's fine. We get copyrighted at the start of every episode for our intro song. What's another copyright? Except maybe they're like,

take it down this time. I'm kind of feeling this. My suit jacket. Maybe I should get a serious job or I got to dress up. No, fuck that. I used to always want to dress up. This is

Mozart. Yeah. Hang on. This is just the beginning part. This is when they would get just be slowly dancing. You know what this sounds like? Like it being the Lion King movie.

Yeah, yeah. Like someone's dying. Is there words in this? After 30 seconds, then it goes. Oh, my God. You tell me this is not a first dance song? This is a first dance song for an Adam Sandler comedy movie where they actually get married on a beach.

So, yeah, actually that checks out. Where your buddy's somehow the band singing. What's the guy from Eastbound and Down? Danny McBride? Yeahy mcbride is singing this on stage right now at an adam sandler wedding movie yeah that's it you tell me that that's not a first dance song like that's like every eighth grade dance we'd have we try to like put that in the requests so you could like slow dance you could slow dance with your crush yeah were you um were you bold in middle school were

you having like the were you doing arms out oh saving room for jesus saving room for jesus i saved room for jesus and like all 12 disciples or apostles or whatever you never dance with them yeah i was like hey over there by the food yeah uh i i i think it was always just like fun to like because that's where you like made up and broke up that was like the big thing it's like oh this person danced with uh jason oh no they're a couple you know i'm so did you were you at a public school or private school public so i'm surprised because the the public schools near me didn't have really middle school dances. They had lock-ins, which basically just trapped every kid in the school for 24 hours so the parents didn't need to get a babysitter and they had a bunch of games in the gym.

They didn't really have dances. My private school, surprisingly enough, had dances. Shocked. Michael went to private school. Private school. I went to Jesus school. And I still don't know if they're— Wait, Lutheran? Catholic. Catholic private school went to private school. I went to Jesus school. And I still don't know if they're... Wait, Lutheran?

Catholic. Catholic private school. Catholic private school. St. Mary's hails corners. I'm going to wipe under the collar. You're going to do a button here. Yeah. I went to public school way up in the boondocks of Wisconsin.

So, obviously obviously great education. How many people were at your school? Those dances couldn't have been that big. Was it grade by grade? Do you really want to know how many people were in my school? Yeah. You're going to laugh at it. So my class size was 50.

50? 50 kids. In high school? In high school. In high school? So there's 200 kids in high school. 200. There was double that in my grade alone.

Yeah, I know. I know. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. So I knew everybody. I could tell you all their names. I can tell you probably what they're doing now.

I fucking hope so. They're all working at the factory. The same one. Yeah, but yeah. Was it Lynchburg, Tennessee? Which is an unfortunate name. That's a terrible name. Which is where Jack Daniels is made.

Oh, you watched the commercial? What's the commercial? It says, this is Lynchburg, Tennessee. Everyone here works at Jack Daniels. It's true. And they took everyone in the picture. So I did the Jack Daniels tour and they like take you to the town i think everyone in the town legitimately works at jack daniel yeah which is wild there's there's like like you can't escape work ever yeah there's like three factories like within distance that I know that probably majority of my classmates have gone and women,

men and women. Yeah. Yeah. That pretty much worked there. Like, yeah, it's, it's crazy. And, uh, I used to say, tell this bit about like, I know who's at the bar and I haven't been there in years, but if I go to that bar to like tonight, they'll there like it's like they're like very creatures of habits it's see that's my nightmare is like there's not a lot of people from my high school i talk to people from north yeah the northerners really scare me um and going to barns just all people from high school because i'm not afraid but I hate with a passion that small talk of like, oh, how are you doing? What are you going to do? I don't care.

You don't care. Let's do one of these, go our separate ways, and then do our own thing. Yeah, it's fine for me. Like for me, I get it when I go back home. It's fine. But it's just been like, okay, well, now maybe don't go home as much, you know. But I'm busy enough. Do you guys do the blackout wednesday no no no i i that's basically just every weekend for you guys high school reunion well i mean black wednesday is the day before thanksgiving right

correct and everyone yeah and that's when jack and g got back together that's true yeah i think it's also when they broke up once. Yeah. Yeah. I think they came full circle. I don't think they've ever broken up. They were just on a break. You know that, right, Ross?

Okay. That's the meanest thing. Just to recall such a hurtful thing G said to me. On the day of their wedding, of all things. I know. This is wild. Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. No.

I've already, I mean, we're big hunting out there. So, I've already been there for a week and a half. That's fair. I think hunting is a different mindset. I guess I would assume everyone in your town actually hunts because they need to to survive. But – To stay warm in the winter with the pelts. Yeah, they're just going – what is that Leo movie where he hides in a bear?

Oh, yeah, Titanic. Yeah, that one. There was enough room on the bear pelt for both of them. There was. They should have just – that movie could have ended so much better. There's enough room in the bear pelt. He doesn't – no, he gets inside a horse. He gets inside of a horse There's enough room in the bear. He doesn't know. He gets inside a horse.

He gets inside of a horse? I thought it was a bear. No. He gets inside a horse? I thought it was a... Does he get inside his horse? That's what I thought. What is it called?

Irrelevant? Not irrelevant. The Revenant. The Revenant. Irrelevant, Revenant. The Revenant. The Revenant. I mean, we can look this up.

I mean, I like these shorts up enough. It looks like I am naked. Underneath? Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy, like, the hunting. Like, the people that do hunt, the conversations don't go to high school. They go to hunting.

And that's kind of your mindset when you're, obviously, when you're hunting. I like those stories, and everyone's in that mode. But the minute it goes, dude, you remember when we were playing Milwaukee Pulaski? I go, I'm out. I'm out. Don't care. Like, I loved it. It's fun to reminisce with very specific people.

But when it's everyone, I'm like, I just genuinely am over it. Yeah, I mean, I. It also wasn't that good, so I have nothing to contribute. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot of remiss but like those are stories i haven't heard in forever for me some so it's like different because i don't go back that often but when i do and i hear those stories like oh yeah yeah i remember those and like people have obviously if you live up there you have like this like the fish gets bigger and bigger each time yeah so it's just it's always funny to hear them say it and then me be like oh i know exactly what really happened what's fun is watching everyone else's faces when your buddy starts a story he's told numerous times and you

guys are all just in agreeance let them tell it we're like oh yeah and then when they're done start like telling their story like and the next one they just move on no one gives any rebuttal or anything but it's weird because like i don't like reminiscing a ton i mean it's not that i don't like reminiscing on high school or anything i had a lot of fun but i feel like you're thrown into that pond and you're like that's just your people yeah i have no problem and I love reminiscing with my college buddies because I feel like I was able to choose those people. I mean, you can still choose your friends in high school.

Yeah. But there's something different. I'll get together with them, and we'll tell stories I have heard a million times, and I will still cry laughing. Well, I think it's also your frontal lobe is more developed when you're in college than when you're not. And a frontal lobe is part of your brain michael um what but it's like but it's like you're in college you're being uh you know making these these connections with people that are older and more adult so it's it's more of a bigger connection i just have more fun too you didn't have fun in high school i did yeah we read your tweets we know yeah or text me um

yeah i uh i know i had more fun in college i was just like you have more freedom i wasn't yeah you grow and you also just grow into who you are. Do you feel like you've grown to who you are? I feel like I'm getting there. I actually don't feel like I've peaked yet. Ooh, that's fun. You don't think you've peaked? No. I peaked probably seventh grade maybe.

I think I'm coming into the next best six years. I really do. That's good. That's good. I really do. Rachel said a lot of people were like um like adults or whatever are saying like 28 to 34 35 is kind of when you're like i mean you have adult money you know what you want to do you hope yeah and you're pursuing something i feel like we're

kind of we're both in the same like it's fun like actually seeing something come to fruition a little more yeah like it's entered it's better than like college is fun it's like a four-year party um and then you get hit with that like dose of reality from 22 to 26 i think a lot of people that's even scarier than high school for them because you're like i need to be an adult i need to have everything together all of a sudden you start thinking about um a wife or husband and kids and settling down and whatever reality you don't need to panic about it and then i think you kind of you mature a ton between then and like i don't know 27 28 yeah and then you just not settle down but you can actually relax and be like,

I don't know, what I'm doing is fine. Yeah, they say, like, mid-30s is, like, the less stressful time. Yeah. Because you've already went through the stress of trying to figure out everything. But I always do this to myself, like, would 18-year-old me think I'm super cool? Like, would he be proud in, like, what I'm doing today? Right now, would he be proud and like where he's where i'm what i'm doing right now would he be proud oh yeah my 18 year old me would love it 18 year old me would really love it but it's like that stuff like that it's always something cool to see it'd be really i always wonder like when we do something like this in public yeah um hi guys you're good don't worry about it. What do other people think about?

What's that? I always wonder what people walk by. Oh, I mean, obviously they think a bunch of cool kids are having a weird interview. Yeah, this would look more legit like we're supposed to be doing this if we had pants on. It looks like, it genuinely looks like you're not wearing pants. Even from here, because they're a little bit tighter. They're tight. It looks like you're not wearing pants even from here because they're a little bit tighter they're tight that i uh it looks like you're wearing compression shorts i got them from amber crombie but to your original question you've asked me this before would 18 year old me think i'm cool yes yeah um be a little surprised but also very happy that i'm doing something like this yeah and

i think i think like looking back and like reflecting is good but also not to get caught up in it as well my biggest thing is and i try and get off like social media a lot and just my phone because you'll constantly compare yourself to like someone else who's like this past weekend i saw post malone noah k, Stevie Nicks. Both Post Malone and Noah Khan are my age. And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing right now? Because it's like you just watch two people sell out their night of a music festival. Sell out. They're 27.

But also you see how quickly someone like Noah Khan, who has been making music for seven years, professionally, quote unquote, but then during COVID, so two years ago, he started posting online. One song. Four years ago. COVID was four years ago. COVID's four years, whatever.

Yeah. But like in that two year span, that man went from performing one song snippets of it in his backyard and then was on tour yeah opening for people and then two years later he just he sold out a i don't know how many thousand yeah park yeah it's great it's great to see that like development everything but what you also tell yourself is you don't make music yes that's that's where i end up every time and i go oh yeah you don't one you're not this talented you can't sing for shit um two it you're just like you said you're

not making music music will always always trump comedy yeah for sure oh my god and and also i think i mean you've made your set like the podcast and everything has been great but also um you have plenty more audience to build yeah you know you might sell out one day of because the whole arena it'd be amazing but it is like that is like uh even since i was like 18, 19, 20, you kind of compare yourself, even to your friends at a time who all of a sudden they get like, I had friends that go into finance right away. You go into finance and you're good at it. You're smart.

You're making a lot of money out of college. You're 23 and you're making $150,000, especially five years ago. You're looking at, and you you're not you're looking at yourself like what the i should have just done that and then i have to tell myself if i was an accountant or an investment banking there'd be a bullet between my eyes you get you get to the point where it's like oh you make a certain amount of money well that's not this much money you know that's not if you make a hundred thousand dollars you're not oh that's not two hundred thousand dollars yes oh i'm a billionaire oh this guy's a two billionaire like it's like oh what do you you're never gonna

be happy that way doing that no and and that's like i said where that that um four year gap of maturity has happened like i genuinely think probably since covid which was four years ago never existed anyways um by the way my girlfriend's friend's boyfriend couldn't come to the festival because he had covid does that even exist anymore yeah it's not exist it's a sniffle and a cough get over yourself and ibuprofen and a pancake and you're but if he also was sick or had the flu he probably couldn't come too he texted um his girlfriend on the last day he's like i'm feeling pretty good pretty good. I'm probably going to go fishing.

Nick, get away from people. Sure. Which, by the way, Nick, just show up next time, buddy. I need another male presence there. Nick. He didn't want to hang out with Michael Kuski. COVID's not real. Fox News.

CNN. With your blazer, it kind of looks like a Fox News headline. My island shirt with a little lettuce. You did say you couldn't sing. I can't sing. What would be... All right, we're at Jack and G's wedding. What am I singing?

What are you singing karaoke if they have a little karaoke station? Gimme, gimme, gimme ABBA. Okay. That is, by the way, the best wedding song. Okay. That, without a doubt, will get people to dance. If no one's dancing or they're kind of just standing on the dance floor, you play that song, all hell will break loose.

Also, I've never had a DJ go, I'll think about it, because if they haven't played it yet and you suggested it, they're like, oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. I've never had one be upset that that's your suggestion. It's like you're going up and be like can you play what is it six foot seven foot by little wayne like they're like i don't think that fits the vibe right now we're in a church yeah um but give me give me a rap fuck yeah yeah that was great dancing queen's a good one man that's a classic wedding with two i'll take mine over dancing queen but i'm fine with dancing

queen yeah what would you say uh man if i'm doing karaoke i'm not really good at much um pride little john get low you know i would love to see you do that and dance to it because i think you getting low would be like really uncomfortable whoa you don't think i can get low i think you get low but i think you're not getting up quickly i'm gonna definitely groan when getting up making noises i think a great cop-out karaoke song that everyone will like too is tequila yeah that's a good one i mean just put on the chicken dance and have some fun there was a wedding i was in and the they hired a dj and the first the first thing out of the dj's mouth was like well obviously we're gonna play black eyed

peas let's get this party started get you know good people on the dance floor and the bride was like absolutely not we're not playing that and uh the groom told us that before the wedding, which he shouldn't have. Yeah. So when we got to the party bus, we knew that it was no black eyed peas at all going to be played at the wedding. We knew that was going to happen at the reception. So when we got to the party bus, we're like, hey, hook up your phone. We have the wedding playlist and everything. we're like hey hook up your phone we have the wedding playlist and everything and we made a duplicate wedding playlist with just black eyed peas let's get this party started

just mixed into pretty much every song we didn't shuffle it so it was like one song one song black eyed peas let's get this party started one song one song black eyed peas let's get this party started and it the the moment she realized what was happening was so amazing it was amazing to hear the party started and he see that's such a fun joke if everyone's in on it and like one person's not because you know like let's say that's not planned or like no one really knows it every time that comes on you're like what the fuck but for some reason that song gets better and better each time you hear it dude it is but also when it's a bit it's funny oh it's

incredible but then they got us back so then they got us back without knowing so usually you get on the party bus you go to where the pictures are going to be happening and you want to just drink as much as possible because you're going to sober up during pictures because you have to stand in a field for about three hours it feels like um but so everyone's sitting on the party bus and one of the party buses where you where everyone's facing each other. So we're just passing around bottles and stuff and just taking shots and playing, you know, just stupid black-eyed peas and, like, stupid games. But we're having fun, and we're all drinking like our legs are going to get chopped off because it's the Civil War, you know? But about 40 minutes go by, and we're like, where are these pictures? Like, we're just driving into no-man's land.

And then we pull into a gas station. We're like, what is going on? We've been chugging stuff. We're like, all right, well, we're taking pictures at this gas station, or do they need more beer? They just love Quick Trip, yeah. And they just turn right back around in the parking lot and come back out, and we start going the other way.

And the bride and groom stands up and goes, oh, by the way, we're just taking pictures at the venue. We just thought it'd be fun to hang out with you guys for a bit. I was like, well, we were just slamming drinks. Was this the day of? This is after the wedding. In between the reception.

That's a gamble letting everyone just get shit canned. It was so fun. It was a blast. I fell asleep at the head table. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah, there's a picture of the groom's dad behind me going,

and it's in their wedding elbow. Yeah, that's awesome. That's a fun wedding then. That's a fun couple to be getting married. You don't want to be at the weddings where you just feel like, I feel like I've been watched going to the bar every time no i did i did spill a drink on a few people um which is fine it happens yeah as long as it's not a grandma or grandpa yeah i was carrying apparently i was carrying a stem of white wine just horizontal at some point like i was just holding like a handlebar

like you'd like to pump some iron i didn't know like i like it's probably started here but as soon as i talked it was like can i help you someone said anything over here uh but yeah it was a good time good times i love weddings i'm excited i'm bummed i have to miss one wedding this year just because it's on the same date. Jackson G's? Yeah, so I missed two weddings this year. If I didn't have, if I hadn't already bought Rachel her birthday present, I would have been like, listen, for her birthday this year, we're going to Mexico. How would her entrance be? Because obviously it would have somehow paid the DJ into saying,

all right, now up, before the ushers, before the people, the groomsmen. Jack's co-host on his podcast. Jack's co-host on his podcast. Jack's co-host on the Bad Chance podcast. And just fireworks go off and me and you come up in. I think we should have been the, instead of like the ring bearers, we should have been the beer boys. Have you seen that? Yeah.

I passed out Drink Wisconsin Brandy Old Fashions. Yeah. Which are, like, that's the name of the game. Yes. Drink Wisconsin Brandy Old Fashions would have been the perfect, because it's like a crisp. They would have been cool enough that it would, like, just clench their thirst. And everyone could have made it before we even got down to the aisle. And what do you have for cocktail hour anyways?

Exactly. No one's serving while you're actually there. Jack wouldn't have mind. G might have been a little pissed. Yeah. But guess what? You finish them real quick. Toss them. Not onto the beach. anyways exactly no one's serving while you're actually there jack wouldn't have mind g might have been a little yeah but guess what you finish them real quick toss them not onto the beach that's littering and turtles do not like that no turtles don't like straws then maybe they can't um don't that's just a bad message covid wasn't real um but you know i don't think dw is gonna like that message i attached i think as long as you cut out the last part, you were on a roll.

Yeah. No, it's okay. What I think how we should enter the wedding, though, like for groomsmen, I think we do the dirty dancing scene where you jump up and I push you. Why do I have to jump up? Well, I mean, I could jump up. Okay. Yeah, that's fine.

What if we just take turns jumping up? I have less to jump up then. That's fair. Yeah. I would think you're a little heavier than me. If we would choreograph the full dirty dancing scene they would have had nothing to say to us for no no it would have been even funnier if we did it before anything started like you're saying no music it's just like that's how

we no we weren't announced we weren't like we just walked in and we just started doing it i think if we know because then we want our eye people have their eyes on us. So we want to bribe the DJ. We'd slip him some sort of $20 bill. How much? $5 bill? All-inclusive resort. I think a $20 bill is good. Okay.

$20 bill and be like, hey, before the entrances, just call us out there. I need you to play our intro music to the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. us out there i need you to play our intro music to the episode yeah yeah the bad chance intro music and g's eyes would literally be flames oh man g's would do we would like jack whatever the superheroes that shoot jack would be as red as sunburn like if he wasn't sunburned he would look sunburned after, but he would do one of these and go. He would be worried about what we have planned. And then we would do a full dance number. He would want to laugh so hard,

but I think G would have his dick in her hands and about to rip it off. Like, where the fuck? We shouldn't even have, like. No, I think if we do the full dance number, they applaud, standing ovation. Do we sit down after that? Yeah, we go sit down. Head table, obviously. Would it be funny? Maybe the corners.

Maybe the corners. Yeah. What if we did go to the wedding and there were tables? You know if there's 17 tables, we're at the 17th table. Not if we nail that dance number. You think we upgrade mid-wedding? Yeah. They change the seating

list like hey you're with mom and dad yeah oh that'd be great no i think it'd be like if we went because i think it's a last minute addition we were going and i don't know if we had a seat ready for us but then again i feel like it can't be that hard now all-inclusive to just throw out another white chair kind of thing. I'm assuming they're definitely white for a beach wedding. It's not like one of these things. But if we weren't invited, they can't shut down the whole resort, can they? But if we're just on the beach in the back the whole time, just doing our own thing, like you're building a sandcastle and I'm playing mermaids in the ocean what i thought would be very funny is to go there the next weekend and like just be where they were and then just photoshop yourself into all their pictures that'd be an expensive bit very expensive bit but honestly i could do it i

photoshop it'd be funny if like we really committed to and we're like hey we're going but we go a week early and we're like hey when do you guys get here and they're like what the fuck do you think we can get the dance number down by may 31st when we're at the comedy cabin do you think we get dirty dancing down by absolutely do i think we have the space absolutely not no all right guys on may 31st we're going to be at the comedy cabin in j Janesville. If you want to see an attempted Dirty Dancing remake, at least the catch. We might be able to get the catch. Maybe that's how I'll enter the stage. Yes, absolutely.

I think that'd be so fun. If I set the edge and you run up and I just toss you into your seat, that would be great. Oh, I can't wait for that day. May 31st, Janesville, Wisconsin, Comedy Cabin. Get your tickets at cabinlaffs.com. Drink Wisconsin. We will be there. Drink Wisconsin.

We're going to be there. Doing a very special tasting of something very special that you guys are going to think is super special because we're a part of it. We can't even announce it yet. That's how special it's going to be. Spoiler, we're not coming out with our own booze line. That would be way too premature for us to have our own. What would you have? I was just going to ask that.

What would you have? What would I do? I've thought about this a lot because when I wasn't working after I came back from Miami, I was like, maybe I just start a liquor line. I didn't know how it worked. I was like, maybe I just start a liquor line. I didn't know how it worked. I was 23. I don't know.

I think whiskey would be fun, but I don't think it's that marketable. You need a clear liquor to really be marketable. It's going to be real hard to break into the Jameson, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels world. Vodka's so overplayed, I think, in a lot of places. But there are some good ones. To name a few would probably be like Grey Goose, Drink Wisconsin Believe Vodka, Fleshman's, maybe Svedka, the Boston Twins, I used to call them. You get two bottles of Boston vodka, some lemonade, twisted tea. You have yourself a fun party.

It's great. Tequila. Everyone's getting mad at celebrities for doing tequila. We talked about that in something we filmed earlier. I used to think, hey, that's a good idea. Celebrities should stop getting into alcohol. And then I think, why do we care it's people who are upset about it are wannabe celebrities but their whole shtick is reviewing alcohol you're just upset you don't have the funds to fund your own tequila guess what

and if you did when you get to that point guess what you're gonna fund an even shittier tequila than kendall jenner's 818 so guess what shut it i want to get my own line of for loco that's what i want to be that checks i want because my favorite thing is the flavors are just like gold there's like the flavors are just like what would you do what would you name your flavors just colors well yeah so that's so gold is is a flavor of for local which is very funny to me so i would be So I'd make a Packers version. I'd be like green and gold, you know? You should name them after street signs like stop, yield, cross when flashing.

That's a good one. I like that. That would be fun. Honestly, Four Local, hit us up. Let's do something. Let's do a fat chance line. Fat chance line of Four be great line of four locals at least just a celebrity camp to answer your question though of what what would i do i i think

if i really got into anything i would do whiskey i think it'd be fun yeah um i don't think it'd be like i'm not if i made something it wouldn't be like the biggest thing i would do it simply for me at that point if we ever did it as a marketing thing let's say this one day is like cool um we would have to do like a seltzer which is just dumb i don't want to do it oh i do a seltzer i would do different versions of it that we don't fit a seltzer though why don't we fit a seltzer i could fit a seltzer where could you fit a seltzer oh i'll tell you where i can fit a seltzer give me a few of them i'll let you know no i don't i don't know what our brand is for alcohol like we would be fat chance like ours we're definitely like the we're just a jug of shit yeah that's what we are yeah

we'd be like the moonshine that makes you go blind we'd be like the beat boxes like it's just it's it's liquor you don't know what it is. Oh, yeah. We come in like, yeah, yeah. We're going to come in like a weird contraption. Like, it's like, why is this in cardboard? I want, no, I want ours to be sold in like old school, like, glass milk jar things. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be fun.

Or it comes in a crate, an actual crate. Yeah, that's fun. It spoils after like two weeks. You just got to drink it. Yeah, just like those cement mixer shots that curdle. Which, as a bartender, one of the most entertaining things to give someone. When they're naive about it and you're like, hey, I got something for you to try. And they're like, what?

And I go, lime juice and Baileys. And they're like, gross. I go, no, no, no. When you mix it together in your mouth, it actually tastes like chocolate. Which it kind of does, if I'm being honest with you. It kind of tastes like that. they're like gross i go no no when you mix it together in your mouth it actually tastes like chocolate which it kind of does by being absolutely kind of they're like really i go yeah and they do it and then you watch their mouth go from this to this and they go what the fuck is this and they oh it's amazing you spit it out and it's just it's like chocolate cottage cheese it's disgusting yeah that's what we'll be we'll be disgusting cottage cheese. It's disgusting. Yeah, that's what we'll be.

We'll be disgusting cottage cheese, which is just old milk, I'm pretty sure. Is it? No. I love cottage cheese. Do you like cottage cheese? It's fine. It's not my favorite.

I wouldn't put it on a charcuterie board, but... That'd be a messy charcuterie board. How big should a charcuterie board be? Oh, as big as you want it to be. Five people. At least five things. I mean, charcuterie board be? Oh, as big as you want it to be. Five people. At least five things. I mean, charcuterie boards are fun. You can make them anything you want.

Give me a charcuterie board. Cottage. Give me your four cheeses. String. Cheese whiz. It's a trailer park board. Yeah. No, I mean, like, for me, it's got to be all the farm stuff mean like for me it's got to be all the farm stuff i mean

it's gonna be different you're gonna probably be a fancy boy franklin boy oh fuck off well i did do a charcuterie board with a full leg of ham once uh yeah because you do guys do boards all the time i never knew what charcuterie board was probably until covid maybe a little bit before yeah because my parents didn't make that we didn didn't either. It was just a spread of stuff. Yeah. I never did. We had, it was always, you guys want some cheese and crackers, and it was a Ritz cracker, a block of cheese, and then summer sausage.

Yeah, we had venison always. That was venison too, yeah. I think if you did a charcuterie board now, I actually don't want it super fancy, or that fancy. Olives have to be on there. Some form of fruit um decent crackers none of this like whole grain biscuit bullshit some soft cheese a hard cheese and then something sweet that isn't fruit okay so like honey yeah fair enough fair enough i mean i

it's simple i don't think i've ever seen a charcuterie board and I'm like, I won't eat that. I'll mess up a charcuterie board anytime. Yeah, the only thing I won't eat is blue cheese. Okay. Do you like blue cheese? I mean, it's fine. I'm never open about it, but I'm like, it's fine. You're getting chicken wings.

You're doing ranch over blue cheese. I don't dip anything in my really no if the chicken wings are that good i don't have to dip them in anything i'm talking to you guys chicken wing people i usually do if i get chicken wings i will do first bite is no sauce yeah and then after that it's sauce because then you kind of take all the sauce away uh but i mean if they're tender enough they have enough flavor you should be good i also am convinced food is just a vessel for condiments do you think the condiment industry has been invented food yes okay like before french fries came ketchup kind of thing. Because let's be honest. It's true.

It's true. How many times – this stemmed from – we used to have all-you-can-eat tacos on Fridays at the bar I worked at in college. It was $5 all-you-can-eat tacos and like 25 cent whatever for beer. And you get five tacos. It's a shitty shell, shitty meat, lettuce, cheese, tomato. That's it. And they weren't that good, but I love the taste of Cholula. And so I would get tacos just to douse them in Cholula. However, I will not just have Cholula. I need something to have Cholula. I will, I love ranch, but I will not just have a finger full of ranch. I think that's disgusting.

I like condiment-flavored food is basically what it is. And I think most of us do too. Like chicken wings, you like sauce. You don't actually like the wing. Like a wing with no sauce, like this is kind of boring. I would eat a wing with no sauce. With nothing on it. Yeah.

No salt, no pepper, no nothing. I'm a raw dog. But sauce. With nothing on it. Yeah. No salt, no pepper, no nothing. I'll raw dog a chicken wing. Yeah, but you would get bored of it so quickly. You know what tastes better? A honey barbecue wing or a Parmesan garlic. But you will never just have honey barbecue on its own. Okay. All right.

That's a Michael Kuski finest. Yeah. Condiments are invented food. Yeah, condiments or invented food yeah condiments before potatoes came ketchup food is just a vessel for condiments you can quote me on that that and grocery donuts should be free we need a board of michael's philosophies meow spoken here meow spoken here free donuts well i think we're i think we're pretty much done, man. Basically done, yeah.

The only thing we have to talk about, first of all, congratulations, Jack and G, again. You guys did it. Sorry we couldn't be there. We even have our luggage. We have our luggage, but we couldn't find the gate. Could not find the gate. Could not find the gate. So we're going to get a boat.

We might be there. We're going to Mexico. We don't need a boat. So if you're seeing this right now and we didn't make it, we're sorry. We didn't make it. We couldn't get a boat. So if you guys have a honeymoon and care to have some free entertainment. Let's be there.

We'll be there. We're coming to your honeymoon. whether you like it or not. We're in Europe. That's our. That's our. You go to Russia, we'll go to Russia. That's our. I'm sorry to missing the wedding.

We'll be at your honeymoon. Yeah. You go to North Korea, we'll see you at the border at South Korea. I know how you got in. Yeah. But also, the Comedy Cabin's coming up. May 31st. Jack's going to be there.

He'll have his wedding ring on. It'll be fun. We're going to have... Doesn't it feel like he's had his wedding ring on for a while? Hey, you know what? It feels like G's been part of the Fat Chance family forever. I know. Yeah.

Comedy Cabin, May 31st. We have the golf outing at deer track in o'connor walk um august august 24th spots are actually filling up pretty fast so you need to come get those real quick and then this is so far in advance we will be at the ideal theater in cedar rapids iowa september 14th yeah uh don't know how that happened, but we're there. We're taking fat chance on the road. So if you have a city that you want to come see our feet in, let us know. Please let us know.

You did end up getting kind of dark. I know. That's all right. The light's right on you. I know. That's okay. Jack and G, we'll see you next week. We kind of need to catch our Uber so I gotta go figure out

this boarding pass alright