Fat Chance Podcast - Winter Wonder Boys #2

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

IT'S TIIIIIIMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Jack has a leaky D*ck. Judd has offically been crowned the milk man. Michaels Xmas list is quite tall. CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

Oh, what I was talking to you when I was in the bathroom, have you guys ever had drippy dick? You know, when you finish peeing and like you zip up and all of a sudden you just have a wet spot in front of you? Oh, this is upstairs? Yeah, go ahead. What? Has it ever happened to you? Drippy dick? Yeah.

Why are you going to say it like that? That's all you said. You guys ever had drippy dick? You think you're done and then you up, and then there's still more. Do you guys want one of these funny waters? Yeah, give me a funny water. Do you want to finish these hot chocolates first? I mean, I want to finish the hot chocolate.

Let's finish the hot chocolate first. Are you done with yours already? No, but I get all calcified in the back of my throat. Yeah, a little sticky. I got a little bit of that. But you just keep trying to get comfortable, buddy. I do love the mugs. The mugs are big and burly.

Like, it's like a normal mug. She was originally going to give us these little ones. I was like, we need more. You know what I want more than anything for, like, a Christmas gift? Is I want to be tall. I'd like to be promoted to head elf. All right, I can't say it anymore. We're done.

No, you have to finish. Hang it up. Just turn the mics off. You'd appreciate it. I want the snow globe from the Santa Claus movie or the mugs. They put the hot chocolate in the beginning. Those look so good. Those would be so cool.

They make hot chocolate look so amazing. It really is delicious. There's pop-up Christmas bars happening all over the town. So we need to message them tomorrow. The problem is they get very, like... Busy? Yeah, very busy. So I went to Tin Widow.

Do you know where that is? I've heard of it. Walker's Point. You walk in, and it is like... You look like you just went in a tanning booth because you are just massively hit with lights. It's insane. Check the levels? Yeah, check the levels.

Can you hear me in the back? Can you hear me now? It's more so just him. I've been told by someone recently who actually listens to it on a regular basis. We're their number one podcast they listen to. Friend of a friend. When he listens to it in the car, sometimes your audio goes really quiet, but anywhere else it's fine, just the car.

I think that's your radio situation. Yeah, it just hates Judd's feet. I think that's your radio situation. Yeah. It just hates Judd's feet. Oh, speaking of feet, this is my small first gift to you guys. Oh. Are you ready to blur something out?

We're going to have to blur our actual feet out, but I got you guys Christmas socks. Hell yeah. So I want you guys to pick who gets what. I got these. Express your elf because I'm the shortest express your uh do you want santa's naughty list or do you want a bunch of santa so what do you prefer my theory was uh you'd have santa with the shades because you like wearing the shades you're the champion i am the champ and let's be honest judd's done some pretty naughty shit he has you have honestly you know what you've done way more naughty things than me i have never given people false tickets i have never impersonated a

police officer i've never done anything bad and i guarantee everyone thinks i've done more naughty things than this guy right here absolutely but when you're on rumspringa you know i get i get yeah you gotta live and let loose i get it all the socks. Should we put them on? Put them on. You're sweet. We got to put them on. Do we put them over our socks? No, you're going to have to take your socks off. We are going to.

We're really going to make someone, you know. This is going to be someone's day. Oh, boy. You guys got hairy feet? I got hair like hairy knuckles. Put the mic really close to your feet. We're putting the socks over so it makes a sliding sound. I don't think that's a thing.

You're going to pick that up on mic two. I'll just see that right now. These are nice. They're way less warm. My feet are so fussy and sweaty. Oh, I'm digging these. Express your air. I'm so excited to get the comments.

I'm like, oh, my God, we almost had it. The backpack was in the way. Well, there you go. Present one I have. Thank you very much. I don't have anything for Judd yet for his big one. I do have a medium size for Mr. Sarasoli over here right now.

I have ideas. One almost cost me so much money. I go, it ain't worth it. You're going to fly the Reading Rainbow guy? Well, I mean, I already got both your gifts. They're going to be wrapped very soon. I'm terrible at wrapping so uh deal with that

i will have to deal with that we're gonna get something that just he didn't want in his old house now kuski kuski knows your gift yeah it's a good one it's a good one to be honest i probably would have given me another day would have thought of the same thing it was it was great oh boy i'm gonna really have to really have to think no but i i did bring a gift for the pot i don't know if you want to do that right now yeah let's do it now let's teach him something yeah we're gonna learn something so obviously it's the holiday season and i say the holiday season has more candy than Halloween or Thanksgiving. I think Christmas has way more candy. Absolutely.

We've been talking about this for a while, but you've never had any. That's angel food, isn't it? It is. It's angel food. I got you a full-on big box. Okay. It's called angel food. Explain to me what is angel food.

I've probably had this before. It's not called angel food. What's it called? It's called light sponge candy, which is the most unsexy name. Where'd you get this? Menards? Barnes. Barnes.

Blains. Blains. Barnes and Nobles. Barnes and Nobles. No, it's angel food, but it was clearly made by the people. Well, crack one open. Let me give it a... Okay, so basically it's like...

Have you ever had toffee before? Yeah, I like toffee. Yeah, like... This is it. Basically what it is, it's like bigger, aerated toffee. Aerated toffee, yep. That's what it is. Like a wafer toffee.

All right, well, hit me with something. So I like the smaller pieces. I don't know if you like... Oh, I take the... The Big Daddy's the smaller pieces. Jack, I don't know if you like the big daddies. Any of them. Because the little pieces, they're a little bit crunchier. So we like the little pieces? Both of them are great.

Okay. If you want more aerated, kind of like crumbly. Well, I think that's the point of the food. So give me one that's going to give me the aeration. That one looks like a heart. I'll take that one. Give me a love. Hand that over to him. Jack, I to give me the aeration. That one looks like a heart. I'll take that one. Give me a love. Hand that over to him.

Jack, I'll give you a big boy. All right. Okay. Not what I was expecting. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, hell yeah. This is Christmas for me.

If toffee in a really stale packing peanut is covered in chocolate, it's kind of this. My mom makes this. Really? Yeah. Really? That's so sick. Yeah. This is like a holiday tradition for me right now.

What farm ingredient makes this? I think butter. Probably a lot of butter. Yeah. This is so good. I think the holiday with the most butter is Thanksgiving. I mean, the amount of butter I put into making dinner last Thursday was insane. I mean, it was just every recipe is like two sticks of butter.

Just toss it in there. I'm like, all right, no wonder why everyone likes this food and falls asleep right away. You make dinner? I make dinner every year. I'll make Christmas dinner, too. I smoked the turkey. I did the stuffing, homemade stuffing. The only thing I don't make is the cornbread.

That's my mom. Her famous little cornbread. It's delicious. But I'll make everything else, yeah. That's a lot of food. Did the veggie, the salad. Knock it out of the bar. I'm telling you right now.

You're a big chef. I love cooking. I love cooking, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was good. I i like entertaining i think it's fun um i wish the only bad part about entertaining though is you don't get to enjoy it as much you're kind of worried about um like you if you guys did it here now jen would be so worried about the house the entire time i'm the worried one really oh shit all right would you do the cooking or would she do the cooking i would do the cooking and okay she would do we would split cleaning she would be the one that's like hosting everyone

making them feel welcome yeah and i'd be the one like furiously cooking worried about everything so yeah we're in the same boat like slamming jmo or something and by the time i eat i don't remember if it was good or not oh i don't even like half the time i don't even eat like i prefer i like prefer just like i want before yeah i'm making up new words um just i forget making sure everyone else likes the food i get more joy out of if i made you guys something me like oh this is really good than me even eating it myself and it could be my favorite food in the world. I don't care. What's your best thing you cook?

You've asked me this before. Yeah, what did you say? I think, did I say I like smoking meats? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got good at that. Which is real sexual. Real dad. Express your elf, dude. Express your elf.

I don't know. Like appetizer stuff. Finger foods. Yeah. I appetizer stuff. Finger foods. I assume you like the finger foods. That's what this was. That's what this was. I literally thought you were like, I'll finger you later. I was like, I'm going to get Cheeto dust on my fingers because she's getting a spray tan.

Jack's lady was leaving and he just goes. It was like, what's that? I was just saying bye. She's like, you've never done that before. I was like, way to goes it was like what's that like i was just saying bye she's like you've never done that before i was like way to play it cool honey like so you've done that before what you've done that before with her no no but i did make the joke when she was getting spray tans i'm gonna get cheeto dust on these fingers and so that was the joke yeah let's get her a real tanning membership what is it like i feel like if I got a spray tan, I'd be like, no one touch me for at least 48 hours. Yeah, that's pretty much what it is.

Where does she sleep? Do you, like, just saran wrap her? No, we just put a towel down. You can't shower. I think it's for, like, 24 hours. But you have to shower right before you go and exfoliate. And she goes. Yeah, because you really want to get all those chemicals in your skin.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and she goes... Yeah, because you really want to get all those chemicals in your skin. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, spray tanning and then regular tanning bed,

like, both are just... I don't get it. Will I probably have to do it for my wedding so I don't look pale? Absolutely. I'll blend into the sand. Yeah, I get pale. I tan so well.

Same, but I get so white in the winter. So pale. I tan so well. Same, but I get so white in the winter. I get so pale. When Kuski sent me last week's podcast when I cut us out, I was trying to like, should I just put a filter on me? Because I look like a- Oh, I hate the podcast, how I look in the winter versus how we look in the summer. Vastly, we look happier. We're so much happier in the summer.

Always. So much happier. People even comment, like, oh, how did Judd get so tan? Well, one, the lights were off, basically. Everyone was like, that's so dark. Like, he's in, like, the corner. There's no light. Forgot to turn the light on the TV.

I tan very well. I like that. Can I have another small piece? I get why you like the small ones. Too big is like, you can't have a lot of these. Well, try a big one. Try a big one. I like that. Can I have another small piece? I get why you like the small ones. Too big is like, you can't have a lot of these. Well, try a big one. Try a big one. See the difference. Big ones are like, you just have to take it in chunks. Yeah.

The small ones, you get chocolate on every bite. That's what I like. I like the chocolate that surrounds it. That's what I like. That's the best thing about like the themed Reese's peanut butter cups because there's like more chocolate and more peanut butter than a regular Reese's peanut butter cup. Have you ever had that?

Like the pumpkins or the Easter eggs versus the standard ones? That's like the same vibe with that. I like it. Yeah, they're so good. I think they're good. I actually had food for you guys too. I left it in my car. It's those like the bottom of the ice cream cone things.

You ever seen those? Oh, yeah. They got peppermint in them. Oh, my gosh. It's holiday season. Dude, I love the kisses, the holiday kisses. Oh, shit. Like the peppermint ones?

They have the candy cane ones, and then they have hot chocolate ones that are just like fudge in the middle. It's like so good. I think around this time I see more of the white chocolate ones, which I think you're a big white chocolate guy. I'm a big white chocolate fan. That's what they called me in high school when I was on the basketball floor.

They never called you that. No. But I knew a guy. You were only surrounded by white chocolate on your basketball team. Everyone was white chocolate on your basketball team, dude. How many black guys went to your school? Zero. Everyone kept calling each other white chocolate.

It was only the chocolate cows. I graduated with 50 kids There was like very few I had that many people in one class No There was a few I mean there was a few up north One of my good buddies Joe Green

He was a great athlete Can't be that great he was white No he wasn't He's black but he didn't go to your school he didn't go to school the town over uh he went to tigerton wisconsin and there's one of my favorite stories is uh we partied a lot when we were in high school when we would drink and and go to parties and you have to party in like random garages yeah like and stuff and like houses that are like oh their parents are gone for a weekend and stuff.

So we're at a party, and the cops come and bust it. They put their lights on right in front of the house, so everyone shoots out the back. You had to have known the cop's dad, though, or the son of the cop. Yeah, yeah. I didn't really I mean, I was No one was going to catch the fast kid, so I just ran So that was my thing, I just run Joe Green was in front of him

So wait, just So Joe Green Joe Green has this idea where he's going to go out the back The cops are going to come through the front door And he's going to sneak out the front He's going to go around the house And go out the front But and he's going to sneak out the front. He's going to go around the house and go out the front. But the thing is, when a police lights her on, that means the camera's on.

And Joe Green thinks he's slick and hood slides like he's in the Dukes of Hazards, the front of the cop car. His hood slides it and then runs away. Well, the cops now just have an image of the only black kid in town just foot sliding their car. I think this was you. What do you think of me? So he couldn't play, like, four football games or something.

There were two football games. Joe Green, the best it ever was. And that's how they won state. Then he went to St. Norbert's College, and he's the leading receiver at all times and kick return went to St. Norbert's College, and he's the leading receiver at all times and kick returner for St. Norbert's College. With the stuff he's done in his hometown that we've heard about, I feel like the farther you go north in Wisconsin,

the slower they are at catching up into society. I feel like you're still like your town was when my dad was a kid, just playing in sewers. My dad used to go in the sewer and then sneak into the zoo so they could get in for free yeah he goes we would just spend days in the sewer i go fucking weird man that's very imagine just like smelling like shit and playing with a giraffe like they smell like the girls had to smell like the girls like this guy's like shit. This guy's terrible. That's funny.

That's very funny. Yeah, I mean like back home is just, you have to find stuff to do. Yeah, yeah. You got to get creative and I think you get better stories. You got to be creative rather than like, let's just go. Like I hated the kids. Like when growing up and you go to the mall with your mom, you're like, I need new shoes.

And then you just see kids hanging out at the mall. That's a thing I never did. One, where are your parents? Two, why don't they love you? Three, I need new shoes, and then you just see kids hanging out at the mall. That's a thing I never get. One, where are your parents? Two, why don't they love you? Three, like, find something else to do. Well, that's still a thing. I went to the mall the other day

and it was just high scores hanging out. I don't care. You want to know what I think it is? I think it's because they don't want to be at home. Yeah. They don't want to flirt

with girls or guys. And so they just go to the mall and walk around and then like flirt, maybe find a place to make out because they can't do it at home because parents are strict. So you go and go to the mall

and then you meet up with your significant other that they don't know about because they're strict. And you can do whatever you want over there. I understand it. It's just like...

I mean, I went in middle school. High school was not... That was not a thing. I don't know. I never... I guess I don't know if I had enough friends to ask to go to the mall. I think if you have enough friends, you just hang out. I also liked being outside. Jack grew up with the best mall, though.

The Foxborough Mall. That's true. Yeah. It's a good mall for hanging out. That is one of the best. I grew up with Southridge. Southridge is fine. Not a bad mall.

Little ghetto. Yeah, it's fine. The Appleton Mall, not ghetto. Appleton Mall. Full food court still. I met Jim Marcos Russell at the Appleton Mall. That Little ghetto. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, the Appleton Mall, not ghetto. Appleton Mall. Full food court still. I met Jim Marcus Russell at the Appleton Mall. That's true. Really?

Yeah. He had a full mink coat. The biggest bust in the NFL history shook my hand. That's wild. How'd you feel afterwards? Oh, his hand's so massive. And I was like, who makes me Jim Marcus? I saw this guy.

I was at target getting some stuff for the house with my lady and there was a guy with a half white half brown full fur coat that went down to his feet getting starbucks and he was this short skinny white man and that was his outfit for the day, was that. He went out and he's like, this is what I'm wearing. And he's walking with a girl

who's wearing a crew neck sweater. And I was like, dude, I hope this is a joke, because if not, you are the biggest joke. Honey. You as a human. I'm going to wear my coat.

You're not wearing that to Target. You're not wearing that to Target. Did you snore, buddy? Oh I forgot He was there, yeah Put him up, put him up Cusky, you got a game for us this week? Kinda

Oh my gosh You made it sound like you had a big game I have a game for you How the rules have reversed. Did you know about this? To like 20 minutes before you do. So, because it will get away when I get it, we'll just preface this.

For anyone who watched the last episode, we talked a lot about dairy. And Judd's like, I can tell the difference between real milk and all these other milks. So, I went to the store this morning, and I bought a lot about dairy. And Judd's like, I can tell the difference between real milk and all these other milks. So I went to the store this morning and I bought a bunch of milks. We're going to blindfold you. Okay, yeah, hell yeah. And we're going to see if you can tell the difference between some milks.

Let's do this. This will be good. Are you ready to do it? All right, you guys have to talk. The blindfold is my socks. Yep, you got to use socks to blindfold you, though. That's why I had you take your socks off. Let's put this in front of me.

Yep. This is perfect. Oh, what I was talking to you when I was in the bathroom, have you guys ever had drippy dick? You know, when you finish peeing and, like, you zip up and all of a sudden you just have a wet spot in front of you? Oh, this is upstairs? Yeah, go ahead.

Has it ever happened to you drippy dick why are you gonna say it like that you guys ever have a drippy dick you think you're done and then you zip up and then there's still more no matter and actually this is what oh okay so there's been times like at the packer game where i feel like i've been in line so long and i have to pee i pee i get done and i'm like shit i gotta pee again so i just go on the other side and stand in like line for another urinal no that's not me i think i'm done and it just leaks out and this is the thing is i've noticed this happen before but pete holmes new special just talked about it and i was, this happens to other people?

So I wanted to ask you guys. So that's, okay, it happens to Michael. Okay. Do I have to tie my socks together? Or you can put, like, a blanket over you if you want. I think this is probably going to do it for somebody. Yeah, we could just put the blanket over you, because I don't think we're going to be able to tie. Give me that blanket. Give me that blanket.

Give me that blanket. Oh, Christmas blanket. Christmas blanket. All right, so I'm going to have you set it up in front of you, which is why you have it. But you have seven cups, okay? This might be sticky. If I wanted to spend more than $14 on this, I would have. But, again, don't want to spend too much.

If I knew someone that was pregnant, breast milk would have been one of the options. That's very funny. Unfortunately, I don't, so I had to do one. The first one is whole milk. I hope you can find whole milk. Second one is 2%. Then skim. Then buttermilk.

Chocolate milk. Almond milk. And milk with hot sauce. Okay. I think I i could do that i think i could probably do that okay i'm not like a just so the the fans know i'm not like a massive milk person i'm not like dairy farm i don't i don't even i eat my this This is my serial killer trait. You help me set this up? Yeah, I'll set these up. I eat my cereal dry without milk. What? That's even more insane.

Isn't that crazy? So the other thing is, Jack, I apologize. I know you guys are moving, but you have a lot of milk if you want it. Otherwise, we can send it home. We'll send it home with you. I don't know the last time I had it. The buttermilk, I'm going to be honest. I have never had a sip of buttermilk before.

It's probably more rich. Yeah, I feel like it's going to be sour. You're going to be in trouble today, Buster. I feel like I'm going to do good. I feel like I'm going to do okay. Good to okay. You don't think that – hang on. Here's the thing. I guess who do you. You don't think that... Hang on.

Here's the thing. I guess, who do you think out of you two that would do better? I bet I could figure out probably Jack. No hot sauce in it better than you could. The thing is...

I don't know if you know how... I need you to close your eyes when you said two because if you see it, you'll be able to tell better. It's not being able to see is going to make it harder. Yeah, yeah,

because I'll be able to do the hot chocolate one. Or the chocolate one. You'd think. make it harder. Yeah, yeah, because I'll be able to do the hot chocolate one. Or the chocolate one. You'd think. You'd think. In the meantime, let's not promote anything, but I got these funny waters. I haven't had a drink yet, so it's time to. That'd be good to give me a funny water just to have me do my.

Okay, so there's three flavors of the funny water. Do you want ginger, lemon, jalapeno, lime, or blueberry acai? Acai. Of course, the one that's at the bottom of the fucking box. Give me the top one. If I were the dad, that would have been better. You got them in the right cups, right? No.

Okay. I was going to say, you know what, buddy? No. Okay. You're going to... Everyone loses. Hey, come on now. So if we were good hosts, we would have probably prepped this beforehand. Yeah. This is really funny, though. And then this is the only hot sauce I could find in your fridge. There was some mango stuff in there.

Dude. Was it just like the green one? Yeah. My mouth is so sensitive to like hot sauce. It's wild. Yeah. What kind of milk do we want to put in there I don't think we should tell them I think we should put this one in there

alright this is going to be fun I can't wait they used to do milk chugging competitions at my high school on like a for FFA week and there's never a time where you chug milk

where you don't vomit. In our fraternity, we had a talent show and one of the guy's challenges or his talents was smoke a bowl, chug milk. Smoke another bowl, chug milk. His goal was to just keep smoking

until he chugged a gallon of milk. I've never seen more milk come up out of someone's body in my entire life. Dude, you can't chug a gallon of milk. It's impossible. You can't, like, I don't think people understand. There's a lot of liquid you probably shouldn't be putting in your body. Do you remember when they had the water drinking contest over the radio for a Wii? Oh, yeah, that person died.

That person died. They drowned themselves. Yeah. There's just so much. I don't think they drowned themselves. They drowned themselves, yeah. There's just so much. I don't think they drown themselves. They don't. They drown themselves from the inside. Jackson, would you like a acai, lemon ginger, or jalapeno? Ooh, jalapeno.

Jalapeno. All right. Judith. Yes, sir. Way too really palate cleansed with the blueberry acai before the milk. Thank you. I also thought the milk would be good with the chocolate. We'll wait for Jack to get back here.

This is fun. Okay, do you want to make a bet on how many you get right? How many are there? There are seven. Seven. Okay. So I'm going to go at least four out of the seven. I'm going to go over that. Okay, I think three should be easy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I think chocolate, hot sauce, and buttermilk should be the easiest. No, I'll be able to tell Skim. I'll be able to tell Skim pretty easily. Should we tie the sweatshirt around his head? Let's do that. Close his eyes. Make sure he closes his fucking eyes. By the way, Judge, did you get a haircut?

I did It looks nice Thank you very much You don't cut much off the top, do you? The lady was the angriest I've ever met a hairstylist in my life Really? I went to a new place What's the new place? I still have clips in the name

Great or sport? Great. But she violently just rammed my head where I needed to be. And then tied her on there. I was like, you can take a little bit off the top if you want, but it's up to you. And she goes, I don't feel like doing that. I was like, okay. We definitely look like we're

doing a ransom video. Honestly? I'm the one who's going to get the least amount of money. Who wants this old washed up comedian? Alright, sir. We'll feed you the cups.

Okay. Make sure you put it in the camera for him. This is the blind milk taste test. Okay. And there's seven of them. There's seven of them, yep. Do you want what they are again? Yeah.

So we have whole milk. We have 2%. We have skim. We have buttermilk. We have chocolate. Yeah, so. So we have whole milk. We have 2%. Okay. We have skim. Okay. We have buttermilk. Okay. We have chocolate.

Okay. We have almond. Okay. And we have milk with hot sauce. Okay. All right. Let me know when you're putting it in my right hand. Oh, they can see.

I'll just edit. No, I can't. I know. I'll edit it in. You don't need to go close to the camera. Okay. All right, sir. First try.

First try. Why are you drinking so slow? This isn't the blood of Christ. There's not a lot in there. Well, it didn't come out. This one has to be the hot sauce one. Okay. Put it down?

I don't know where down is. Hold on. I'm staying here. All right. Oh, this is either 2% or skim. Okay. Or that could be almond. I'm going to go 2% or skim.

Okay, so what are we going with? I'm going to write these down, put them in order. Give me skim on that. You want skim? I haven't had milk. Give me 2%. You want 2%? No, give me skim. You want skim?

Okay, which one do you want? Skim. Hot sauce, skim. Okay. I haven't had fucking skim milk since Nam, I think. All right, next one. Oh, that's fine. That's the one with the fucking hot sauce.

That's one of the hot sauces. The best part is that that's fine. That's the one with the fucking hot sauce. That's one of the hot sauces. The best part is that that's somehow spicy. The other one's somehow spicy. Yeah. What do you think the first one is then? Can I do the first one again? At the end, at the end, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Okay, that's the one with the hot sauce in it. Let's put buttermilk for the first one. Okay, okay. It was just so creamy. It was so hard to get. He liked that one. He did. He's had this before.

Oh, so this is... Oh, shit. So this is probably whole milk. Okay. So that one's whole too. That's an actual milk. That's an actual milk. God, I really wish I did have breast milk and just didn't tell him about it.

That'd be pretty funny. I wonder who he could get some from at this late hour. That's chocolate. All right. Love that one. Two left. This is going to be the quietest clip. It's going to be a lot of...

Ooh. I'm going to go... This is... Oh, shit. I'm gonna go this is oh shit probably gotta be it's the blindfold that gets me yeah give me 2% on this

2%, okay. 2% on that. This is almond milk. Okay. Is that all of them? Yep. How do I do? All right, you can take the blindfold off. I kind of want to know when I have it on.

So the first one you tried that you originally thought was hot sauce was buttermilk. So that was a good switch. That was a good switch. This is just like talking. Oh, that's because I'm touching the voice to talk thing. The next one that you thought was skim, almond milk. Oh, fuck. That's great.

Now I'm starting to think I should have got some cashews and some soy and some coconut. It's just so like. The one that you definitely thought was hot sauce was hot sauce. So good switch, good switch. You got whole milk correct next. Chocolate. Chocolate. I was beginning to think you weren't going to get chocolate right after you got buttermilk wrong. Because the chocolate one was also with hot sauce, which I think threw you off a little bit.

And then 2% was actually skim. And then you did get almond milk correct, I believe. No, you didn't. What was the last one? Skim and almond milk. 2%. He said skim was almond milk, and he said 2% was almond. Yeah, that's probably why.

But I got four right. You got four right, yeah. That's what I said. What I was going to do was four right. Yeah, that's pretty good. You're always following through with what you're saying you're going to do. The buttermilk just took so long to get to my mouth. Yeah.

I was like, it was thick going into the cup. Try some of that. That's some thick stuff. No, I don't get to my mouth. Yeah. I was like, it was thick going into the cup. It was like, uh, uh. Try it. Try some of that. That's some thick stuff. No, I don't want to drink that. It's good in pancakes. That's about it.

It smells good. And you like fried chicken with that? Yeah. I want to try that almond again. Taking them back to his roots.

See, you would know the difference. Yeah, you would put it in a great order. Yeah. Because I just had the thickest thing in the world. Yeah. But, like, such a light thing. I'm like, oh, that's got to be skim. Yeah, and the hot sauce was good.

So, yeah, now have your blueberry acai water, and we'll be good to go. So that was the only thing I thought of. I know it wasn't too entertaining, but I wanted to see if you actually could put your udder where your mouth is. Seriously, your udder did a good job. You did well. You did be very flexible. You did udder fantastic. We were good with that.

That was nice. I thought about having you do it, but that was too much setup for me. Yeah, and I've never once talked about how well I know milk. What's one thing you think you could do like a blind taste test with? Because I've seen people do frozen pizza. It's the same

pizza, same pepperoni. That's Jack's, that's Red Baron, that's DiGiorno. I actually might be able to pull that off. I'd also be good with hot sauce. Obviously, you're going to know Buffalo. I could probably do hot sauce flavors. Could you do the hot ones? So that's the next thing I want to do is I'm going to buy the hot one sauce for us, and we're just going to do it.

So the hot ones, when you buy them, it's that month's one. Yeah. So it's not like they have ones every month. Yeah. I think you always get to bomb Yeah But I would like to try it I think it would be fun

For us to do it Literally when I was doing this I was like You know what I think hot ones You're gonna watch me Fucking cry Yeah I can't wait

Okay I'm gonna be watering At the mouth Have you ever been To Quaker Steak and Lube The car place No It's like

Just like a wing spot Oh yeah I have they're like super atomic hot sauce was crazy they made us put on gloves and i went there with a couple buddies of mine and we each were like all right let's have one and we did it and all of us were like all right this is gonna be all right we're gonna be fine and it started to hurt like me a little bit it started to hurt my buddy a little bit and my other friend was sitting over there like this and then we we just saw tears just start streaming down his face he was covered in tears he would not stop crying for probably 15 minutes have you have you seen the video of uh no sean moreno before the broncos game at one time where he has the longest tear that is me when I hit medium wings.

Oh, we're definitely doing this then. It is rough stuff. I know Josh talked about it on the podcast before, but I am bad with it. Well, you're going to have to do it. It's even worse when you laugh. Or you know what? You're going to have to be laughing at each other, reacting, and the exhale of breath is going to hurt so bad.

Just look like fire. I actually saw Josh one day. We could do basically reverse. Well, first of all. Yeah, we heard. So last, when we. Whatever last week when we recorded. Last week when we podcast.

Was the same day you saw our friend on the podcast, Josh. At a store. Yeah. And he texted us about it. And he texted me and Kuski and goes, hey, just saw Jack at the store. No, Jack in the wild. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jack in the wild. And he yeah. Yeah, Jack in the Wild.

And he said we should probably get together. We should all get together soon. And then we go, I go, hey, we're a podcast tonight. You want to be on? Ah! Instantly backed out of it. Yeah, he was bluff called real fast. Bluff called.

That's so funny. And he was like, what's going on, man? I was like, I'm just looking at alcohol. My buddy's coming into town. Yeah, because he's a liquor. Yeah, he was trying to sell me on some stuff, I thought. And I was like, you know what? I would really appreciate your expertise right now,

but I'm just trying to get in and get out. Because the pick and saves and metro markets are running into the ground. They don't have anyone checking people out now. It's all self-checkout. Dude, you steal so much shit there. It's insane. It's insane how self-checkouts are the only thing, and it takes hours to get out. Also, half the self-checkouts are never open, too.

Right. Key to self-checkouts now, buy all your stuff organic. Just bring it up normal. Get the nice stuff. Bring it up as if it's got pesticides in it. That's what I did. Yeah. And then I always, my grocery store rule, usually I go Sunday shopping.

Sunday, I'm like, I can eat whatever I want. It's the end of the week. I deserve a little treat. So I'll go to Metro or when I was downtown or pick and save save and i go right to the deli bakery after i get my vegetables and i get myself a grocery store donut and i just put one in the bag and i just eat a donut while i grocery shop the rest of the time and then i just put the bag in the trash and i'm good i just a free donut i think that's what the donuts are there for dude you were this totally you switch socks. You guys need to switch socks. You're on the naughty list, dude.

That's so fucked up. That's really bad. Tell me right now, you're not going to think about it next time you go. I will think about it, but I won't do it because Santa's always watching. I am Santa. That's the old Drew Flaggy joke. Everything in the grocery store is bananas. Your spring number is bananas.

He goes, how much is a case of beer? Bananas. Code for bananas is 4011. It is, yeah. I think everywhere, right? Everywhere, yeah. It's a universal code for bananas. Good thing I know that now.

Good thing I have that locked in my vault. Next time you go to Best Buy and you want a PS5, 4011. Bananas. Emergency electronic bananas. I think it's very funny like we have things

in our subconscious that we will never use and it's like why

how'd that get in there why is it stuck in there it's a useless

fact yeah I know so many useless facts they're necessary

for survival though otherwise we'd all have important facts and you

know how boring it would be to be a person with only important And you know how boring it would be To be a person with only important facts You know how shitty it would be to talk to that person The code for bananas is 4011 And you're like wait how do you know that

Like that's a fun thing Yeah no that's good Because if someone always gave you important facts It means if you're getting important information You need that information So you're probably in trouble That's not a fun person to be around you guys seen slumdog millionaire slim jim millionaire what no

slumdog millionaire it's a it's a movie about this uh basically who wants to be a millionaire but it's based in india like the version of that and they have this kid on who basically they're doing like a junior version and he gets every question right because it just so happened the question had to randomly do something where he crossed his paths with it, like just randomly in his life. Oh. So it was like the perfect storm,

and then they were thinking about shutting the show down because it's like, oh, this kid can't win this money. They're going to give him a million dollars. So they were like, how does this kid know this win this money. They're not going to give him a million dollars. So they were like, how does this kid know this and stuff? So that's called Slumdog Millionaire because he was a poor kid. He just randomly was on the set and stuff.

Did he end up winning? I mean, I'm not going to spoil the movie. I'm pretty sure that movie came out in 2008. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's also called Slumdog Millionaire, so I think he won the million dollars. Well, a millionaire to a guy in the slums is like, hey, I found a turkey sandwich on the subway today.

Yeah, but he plays who wants a million. It's a 375. But anyways, so they ask him the question, and then you see the flashback of how he knows this question. Oh, okay. Of him countering a tiger in the wild and knowing that they have this many teeth because he had to like count them while he was in their mouth no no like he he like had like price on the first seat that's why i was like yeah okay anyways so it's like craziness so one time i was on a date and um

and we went to explorium which is is a bar in the downtown area. Yeah. And we just went for drinks and some appetizers. And trivia was playing. And I was like, oh, well, we don't want to play trivia. I mean, it's going on. But you listened from afar. But I was like, we'll play off our own just because it would be fun to play around.

We don't want to stay. I got every single question right. To the point where it was such like a... I didn't know this person enough that they were like, he brought me to trivia. To show off how good he is at trivia. But it was like the craziest thing. What was the weirdest one you knew?

I knew that Brad Pitt was uncredited in Deadpool 2. Because I heard this story of like Brad Pitt was doing a movie. Here's the flashback starting. Brad Pitt was doing a movie right next to Ryan Reynolds while they're shooting Deadpool 2 and just like moseyed on to their thing. And then Ryan thought that was so funny and was like, can I use you in the movie? He's like, yeah, just put me in a scene and put him in a scene.

I mean, his scene is like 0.2 seconds long. Doesn't he get electrocuted? Yeah. He's the invisible man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, yeah. That's funny.

So he's uncredited in Deadpool 2. Should we go do trivia? We could win some money. We could win some money. You could win some money. It's more, you know, I'd feel better about winning that money than just tossing these puppies on. Well, taking these puppies off is worth a lot more than a $5 coupon for a pitcher. Are we going to win the trivia? Because, like, trivia teams that are around, they're, like, built for success.

So what would your specialty be? Produce. Trivia teams that are around, they're built for success. So what would your specialty be? Produce. You know that classic trivia category, produce. Food. I could tell you a lot about food, cooking techniques. Do you know the trivia category? It's pretty much Star Wars, movies, pop culture, sports. No, it's like trivia crack.

It's history. Sports. I can do sports. I could give you some history and I could give you some movies. Yeah. I mean, I did social studies growing up. So the trivia categories are usually geography, sports, science, pop culture, history. Yeah, that's usually what they are.

Yeah, I can maybe do history and pop culture. Sports, I could get maybe one out of ten. I'll be good on the sports. You're good on the sports, yeah. Pop culture, I'm okay with. Can you do geography? How do you do geography? I mean, I know where India is.

I know where Canada is is i know where canada is i know we know where kuski knows we're india because you love slumdog millionaire yeah i'm shot ask ask your girlfriend she knows that movie you guys put me in the dog house all the time what well the worst the worst one was you're like let's ride the carpet i go jesus that i said that not you you're not allowed in the dog house for that. I said that. I was racially insensitive in the moment, but God, was it funny. Worth it.

It's very funny. Because of the funny waters. No, it's funny. We just bundled our home and auto insurance. Did you actually? I've never met someone who's actually bundled our home and auto insurance. Did you actually? I've never met someone who's actually bundled. We did bundle. And the best part is when we were signing up,

they were like, do you want to do the safe driver app? And I was like, no, we don't want to do that. And she's like, yeah, we're doing it. We need the discount. And so we both have downloaded. We've had it for about a week. And my app has been pretty much five out of five stars except for like one or two and it was because

of poor traffic and hers was like one star one star one star one star i have my 10 discount and so i looked at her app and she's at three percent i was like you made me sign up for this shit and you're losing us money this is insane i was so mad wait so like hold on what is the bundle achievement what does bundling mean basically they give you a discount if you have multiple insurance policies with the same group oh okay it's not really so what were you through progressive financial where country financial country financial never heard of it can i sponsor the pod it was just through our um our lender they were like i work with this person a lot okay but yeah so they did i was so pissed when i saw that today i was like

are you serious i'm like downloading different apps to like block the app so that i don't get caught with stuff and i was like and you're hitting me with three percent discount does it monitor like how fast you break and stuff like that fast braking fast, fast acceleration, and then phone touches, times you touch your phone. I would just turn my phone off before I went somewhere. I need the GPS, dude. Why did you get that? I didn't want it. But so far, I'm stealing 10% of what I should be paying.

You'd be a great Uber driver. Oh, no. If I'm Ubering. Yeah, I would be good. You'd be five I'm Ubering. Yeah, I would be good. You'd be five out of five stars. Yeah, I would actually probably. But I wouldn't have any waters in the back. You ever get into one of those Ubers and they're like, how are you driving?

Yeah, I literally, I told you that story, didn't I? The bad. I think you might have. Yeah, I think I told you. It's in her memory. I got in an Uber going to the airport and the lady who was supposed to be driving me was in the passenger seat. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And then it turns out, you didn't hear this? No. He talks about it on stage. Yeah. The lady who, the way the joke goes, like, you've ever been so distracted, you just ignore key details in your life. And I get in the Uber, and I look up, and I don't even notice who's supposed to be my driver.

And she turns around, and she goes, hey, I hope you don't mind, but my husband's going to be driving you today. And I'm like, okay. In my head, I'm like, oh, it's just like, you know, a couple. They're trying to hang out. This is their side gig. And we make one turn. She goes, don't forget your signal. I go, well, that was weird.

And then he makes a turn, and he slams on his brakes. And he goes, is this a one way and I'm like oh shit and there's no line so I let it go again and then she makes the comment look at your signal every time he turns and in my head I'm like are you teaching him to fucking drive right now

we're getting paid and she was and then like every turn it's like check your signal speed up stop sign and then we get to the freeway like every good driver's head instructor and she goes i'm gonna take a nap you good and out of she i'm not kidding out of sheer panic he's like he doesn't say a word and she goes to sleep and we hit the freeway and this is what i really knew like he was this close to the steering wheel

just like and like trying to like look at her to like wake her up and then his directions are down here and I'm like dude and we're in the fast lane and he went like 20 and he's going 40

and then 80 and then back down to 60 and then back to 80 and then 20 and then he realizes that we missed a stop because i was like ah please look at your phone and so he comes to a complete stop in the fast lane waits for all four lanes of traffic to clear cuts over gets off does a u-turn gets me to the airport

the lady wakes up and she goes i I hope you enjoyed your ride. Have a safe flight. Where did you rate that, Uber? I was like, hey, just in case you're aware, I'm pretty sure a guy with no license was driving me today. My actual driver was in the passenger seat. And they're like, we appreciate your concern. We have refunded your account immediately they are no longer to drive with uber until a full investigation has been done i was like all right

i've never rated an uber that's the only one i've ever rated oh i rate ubers every time if they're good they're decent i just give them five stars yeah that's their lifeblood man you're taking away their life i'm not taking selfish ubersish. I've taken Ubers. I've never given them stars. This one's like, give them little stickers. Like, doesn't talk too much. Or very talkative. Like, fun stuff. Oh.

Accommodating. If I'm like, I don't know. If I'm going to the airport, maybe, yeah. But if I'm just getting dropped off at a bar, it's not the first thing I'm looking at is my phone when I get dropped off. Dude, that's at least five bucks right there. He's spreading his toes. I can't believe you don't remember. I've definitely told you that story.

There's a person that I just knew of, and he's one of those people on TikTok that must be buying and selling trades or whatever, like stocks or whatever, and it made it look like his life is like some jet setting life like oh yeah he gets in like a courtyard marriott like conference room and like teaches these young kids about buying and trading you can make money now and like lions and all this stupid shit and makes it like look like he's jet setting on yachts and things like that. And he's a Tesla.

He Ubers in Milwaukee. No way. He has thousands and thousands of followers on Instagram. And then apparently someone I know got into his Uber. And he was like, yeah, you follow me on Instagram. You guys are great. I like you guys he's like trying to hit on these people yeah and uh turns out this dude like they looked at and they're like

this has and they're like john how do you know this person because i also was on they saw my name too and i was like uh i just know of them and like he's like yeah i was like how do you know oh use my uber drive it was a while the dude doesn't stop hustling oh yeah but he's like yeah i was like how do you know if they oh use my uber drive it was a while yeah it doesn't stop hustling oh yeah but that's like his hustler mentality i love when you get a good uber though like when you're actually in the mood to be social like a good uber makes like the night that much better yep um like a cash cab uber yeah like i i got they're sick i've actually had one of those really like a trivia one the only one i've never had that i had uh in denver colorado we took an uber to uh a concert and i got its

business card i lost it but it was called tornado mike tornado mike and he was just telling us stories he goes yeah uh not too long ago in uber and i drove right through a tornado uh i was like i don't know if i want to be in this car anymore um but he was a hoot and a holler like it was a great thing great even if he was lying to us um he was a great storyteller business card said tornado mike that is a tornado mike yeah like that was his story he tells every time you get in the car that's hilarious that's amazing one time i took an uber it was from bar close my stupid girl and i were coming back from the strip club.

And we get into an Uber. We're on our way home. Was this her second job she was talking about? No. It was when we were in Florida. And every once in a while, we went for Valentine's Day one day to the club. And we went there. We were Ubering back home.

And it was like 2 in the morning. We were this guy gets our uber gets a flat tire i'm piss drunk this guy has no idea how to change a tire and so and it's raining so i take my shirt off put it on my sweet baby girl so that she can stay warm and i tell her oh you good. I tell her, be ready to run because he pulled off into this trailer park, back alley kind of spot. Oh yeah, she loves to do that. And I'm shirtless, piss drunk, changing this Uber's tire. Why are you shirtless?

Because I put my shirt over my Supergirl because it was raining. Okay. And so I'm changing this tire. He does not have a jack that works properly. So I'm like... He's got a jack that works properly? Not that night. And so I went and I found a

jack. The jack got us up enough but it wasn't holding. So I went and found this boulder next to the road and I jacked it up enough, and I held it there, and I shoved the boulder underneath the car and changed the Uber driver's tire, and then he brought us home. He got three stars.

I changed the tire today. One of my coworkers had a flat tire. You're a good man. Do not start doing that shit. This is one of my coworkers. She has now gotten three flat tires with this car in the past year. Two is unfortunate. Three, it's her fault.

All three different tires. She's just like going through junkyards? What is she doing? Today's one was not like underneath, like she ran over something. It was the wall on the side that just deteriorated. We had a flat tire in Florida. I wouldn't even call it a flat tire. It looked like someone took a knife and just put it into the tire and just kept it running.

and just put it into the tire and just kept it running. My buddy and I were going to Miami-ish area to Fort Lauderdale in an Uber. We're like 15 minutes away, and the car just goes and slows down. She just keeps driving. She says nothing. I look at my buddy and go, I think something's wrong with the car. then she starts pulling goes do you think something's wrong with the car i go yeah it's basically smoke like absolutely all i hear is week she pulls off she pulls into like a sporting goods parking lot like i said knife through the

tire just shredded and we're like all right we'll like we'll change your tire we'll help you out and she goes okay where's my tire i'm like okay there's a few places it could be like if it's one that's underneath your car it's gonna probably be in your trunk um and she goes that's gonna be a problem i go would you just not have a trunk and she opens it up she's a hoarder there is i've never seen more stuff in a trunk in my entire life i'm like we got to get all this out and uh homeless guy then finds this as his opportunity just bikes over and ding ding he goes you guys need help charging changing a tire i'm like no we got he goes i got it i go no we got he goes i got it and she's like

i think we should let him do him like he's gonna ask you for money after this and she goes we just let him do it and i'm like okay so this homeless guy then now is digging all this stuff out of her car pulls the tire up changes her tire and then he's like so she's like okay here's like 10 bucks and she goes i don't know if i should drive you guys anymore i go are you fucking kidding me? So then we had to call another Uber from our Uber to the bar. You get on the homeless guy's bicycle. Hey, man, can you get us there? Yeah.

That's funny. I ride Lyft. I had a punny at Grand Prix, and I got a flat tire on the highway, and I pulled into like a gas station and I was just perfectly like got a flat tire and the gas station's right there so I was like oh just coast into the gas station so I coasted into the

gas station and I opened to where my tire would be and it was just an empty ring of sadness apparently it was a pre-owned car and they already had the flat and it was gone. There was nothing there.

Did you buy it from a dealership? Yeah, I bought it from a dealership back home and I was going on my way to Milwaukee. Do you know how weird it is that a dealership doesn't go, oh, we need to put a tire in here? That's bullshit. I know. I was like, shit, oh, we need to put a tire in here? Yeah. That's bullshit. I know.

Anyways, so I was like, shit, what am I going to do? Also, no jack, no tire iron. Yeah. So I was like, shit. I'm close enough where I know where my friends are so I can call them. And I go into this gas station just to get like because it started raining then i was like shit i'm gonna get i'm calling from the inside and the guy and it's just me and this dude behind the counter and he goes what's up are you uh and i was like i'm just

waiting out the rain i got a flat tire he goes i bought a jack today i was like what do you mean you bought a jack he goes i bought one this morning like well do you mean you bought a jack? He goes, I bought one this morning. I'm like, well, do you have an extra wheel? And I was like, really? He goes, yeah, do you need it? And I was like, that was Joe? So I undid this dude's actual, like, and he bought one of those jacks where you, like, put it on the car and he's. Oh, yeah. He was like a race car driver.

Like actual mechanics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you just do-do-do-do-do-do-do. And I got the wheel off, and my buddy came around, and we just took the wheel straight to the closest tire place. And we're like, give me one of these. And they just gave me the random tire. Never had to put a donut on it or anything. Oh, that's so lucky.

That's so sweet. And then I put it back in the box, everything just like he bought it. And I was like, oh, thanks, man. You're the best. Like, awesome. I blanked on getting his name, though. I never got his name. I was like, this dude is amazing.

I bet you it was Jack. And I went back there probably like a couple weeks later. And I was like, hey, there's this guy. He works here. He gave me a jacket. I really want to help him out. I want to give him like 50 bucks. You help me out so much.

And they're like, there is no guy that works here. This is a fever dream jacket. Judd actually just lifted up the car himself, put a boulder underneath it. Did a ghost just help him? You're so wild. Maybe you're at the wrong gas station. We'll keep the tire story going, but I also want to tell you why.

I want to tell you how the people who promoted this to me described it. But the last, my favorite flat tire story is i'm all over the place but they described this my favorite flat tire story my favorite flat i am all over the place spring break we're going down to south padre island in texas and we have enough people that we need two cars and so we're like you know what be the smart ideas let's put everyone's stuff in one car and then we'll put some of the stuff and all the booze in the other car not one of us is of age we get into texas and one of the the car with the booze gets the flat tire and they're like guys just like you can keep going you can

wait for us and i'm not in that car so like we'll stop at in and out we'll get some food and uh we'll wait and they're like all right we're gonna call triple a they can't find like their triple a cards they don't have anything like that they're like the cops are here i go oh cool they'll help you change the tire they go michael we are all underage there are nine cases of beer in here and 14 handles of burnett's vodka and so the cop gets here and they're like how you guys doing they're like flat tire and my buddy sam says he goes i have never been more quiet in my life popping open a trunk having someone hold it up barely and i'm slowly grabbing handle by handle as he's looking at the tire and putting

it in the front seat where i think we get an even bigger ticket if everything's the front seat and puts everything back then pushes the beer back covers it up and was like here's the tire gets the tire out and then like all right here's the donut go to the the mechanic shop. And they're like, all right, they're putting a tire in. Like, we're just going to keep driving. We'll meet you there. And they're driving, I don't know, an hour or so down the road. And they're like, I feel like we're losing air in the tire again. And they go back and they're like, they sold us a tire with a nail in it.

Which I've later learned that's kind of how a lot of places nail in it. Which I've later learned that's kind of how a lot of places fix the hole. If the hole's small enough, you'll put a nail through it because it plugs the hole. The nail wasn't big enough. So they're like, what the fuck? So they had to then drive back

and get a different tire without the nail and then come back. And our first question is, do you guys still have the booze? You're like sitting there jonesing for it you're like waiting but that's also like when they got there they're like i need a drink so fucking yeah absolutely you get done from one of those road trips especially like south powder that's like a 26 hour drive to get all the way down there that's like twice that's yeah and that's with like out stops yeah it's crazy she went there for one spring break we used to do uh adrianiacs baby fort myers fort myers 20 28 hours in a bus

for our spring training that was every every year do you party during spring training uh we get to party one day uh wednesdays we used to go to the beach and And so my best friend, his name's Tyler Shane. Shout out to Tyler Shane. Yeah. He played on a team called Wisconsin Lutheran where Josh played. And some of my friends, Doug and TP and all them, they played on Wisconsin Lutheran. You know those guys, right? We're talking.

We're just talking, chap. They're not funny waters. This is the after hours. But they had the same off days as us. So we would meet at the Lonnie Kai. And we would meet at the Lonnie Kai, which is a hotel down there that would have booty shaking contests on Wednesdays. We're going to Fort Myers for Fat Chance Spring Break. It was what you thought it was. What you see in spring break on TVs, that's what Lonnie Kai was.

It was insane. It's every Florida spring break. We had so much fun. And I remember there's someone on the team. So it's like Doug and everyone's having fun. And Doug goes, oh, that's David Sell over there. And David Sell is passed out in the sand, just straight, just laying in the sand, head down.

He goes, watch this. Sell! And then all of a sudden he just rises from the sand and goes, ah! And puts his face back down. That's all he could do. That's all he could do. It was very funny.

That's one of those, like, when you're drunk moments, like, all I can do is be alive. I ain't moving. I'm here. So I can talk. I'm here. So I can I can talk. I'm just this is where I landed. I'm going to lay here for a

little bit for a while. Yeah. Bounce back. This was my bachelor party. I was like I want to see you bad once. No you don't. Yeah I do.

I'm I'm a pretty fun time when I'm bad. But well I think you'll probably see my genitals. I think if we get to. I think if we. I kind of want to see I kind of want to see your balls because how much you've talked about my'll probably see my genitals. I think if we get to... I kind of want to see your balls because of how much you've talked about them.

I actually showed my buddy's dad my genitals because he was our boat driver for the weekend at my bachelor party. And I was like... We went up to a buddy's face and I was like talking to him through it. I was like, hey, what's up, buddy?

My buddy's dad turns around And he goes Jack what the fuck And I was wearing a dress I did not know That story was going to end I didn't think it would end with That was in a dress

So I just dropped my dress And I was like sorry Todd Oh man So I just dropped my dress and I was like, sorry, Todd. Oh, man. That's so funny. So stupid. Are you surprised, though? No.

Not even a little bit. Not even a little bit. Also, I think out of the three of us, who do you think is the worst drunk? Like the one that's like incoherent, like just blatant. I actually think of the three of us this is probably one of the better groups you'd want to go out with um like at our worst yeah yeah like who's who's the worst one like who's the one that we have to worry about i mean i i would say jack is from the peeing you think you i've never seen you i if i'm like just three sheets to the wind um i'll probably my big thing is i'm gonna run away oh we gotta fucking worry about it but like by run away i mean like i'm

gonna be talking to someone else the other side of the bar or like if we're in an outdoor setting yeah maybe i'm on the other end of like if we go to like a music festival and Kuski's like – you're like, Kuski's gone. Yeah, he might actually be gone. I haven't been like that in a long time, but I don't know if – You can't get behind the bar at camp. Yeah. I can't – I can't if I'm in like an setting, allow myself mentally to get that bad. When I was in Madison, I could get that drunk

because muscle memory would get me home no matter what. I'm getting home. I don't know how, but I got home. But if we all of a sudden did a road trip to wherever and we got drunk, I would still be like, hey, I know how we're like once we hit the door i'm like then i'm out dude i used to do this thing in college where i would let my phone die and then tell my friends you can't lose me at night you just can't yeah you

just gotta fucking yeah no i think you'd be a sneaky wild card for being just yeah i mean when i when i get drunk it's not even like bad it's just i get quiet and then i giggle to myself i feel like trying to get you to do something would be tough. When I'm drunk? Yeah, I feel like you are in your set ways when you get drunk. You could ask either one of us to be like, hey, we're going to go jump

naked off the bridge. You'd be like, I'm already there. I'm already naked, so this is perfect. I'm already in my dress. Okay, I'll go get my dress. I'll run home. I should wrap this up. Okay, real quick.

Let me know if you found a better Wisconsin. I told her when she had my mom and I taste these in the liquor store the other day. I go, that's the most Wisconsin way to advertise your drink. She goes, these are funny waters, which are like mom waters. I don't know if you've ever heard of mom waters. I didn't until last weekend. It's just like alcohol-infused water in the can, say, Carol or Karen or Susan or stuff like that.

And she goes, yeah, these are funny waters. They're a lot like mom waters. It's alcohol-infused water. They're lower in ABV, so you don't get really drunk off them. They're great for when you're in between drinks or you're ready to go home. I go, the most Wisconsin thing ever is you're like, you know what you're trying to do when you're sober up? Just have one with a little less alcohol in it.

A little less alcohol. Or when you're too sick of drinking, just have this one. Yeah. You think you have a problem? Let's tone it down just a bit. Here's water with vodka in it. I've thrown 30 of these back. I'm fine to drive.

You're being real funny right now. I've actually gotten mom waters before. And legitimately, you could go through 40 cases of them. Yeah, it's very low in alcohol. I wanted to try a full can. It's not just because they're so low. It's also because you're just pumping in water as well. It's been great.

Mixing a water. It's been sitting in alcohol for a while, but mixing a water. I put some vodka in there to keep you even, but yeah, no, those are good. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Okay, real quick before we, I mean, this is just for us. Merry Christmas Merry Christmas Okay Real quick Before we I mean this is just for us

I can end it now But um We all need a message A bar Tomorrow Like hey Can we get into one With this place

We're gonna do it here For Christmas My only request is It gets progressively More Christmassy Each episode We can do that Something's gotta be on the wall

You need to look like You fucking care I'll bring I'll bring That's kinda Christmassy each episode. We can do that. Something's got to be on the wall. You need to look like you fucking care. That's kind of Christmassy. Did you just watch Killers of the Flower Moon? What? Never mind. You're going to wear that every week, aren't you? Pretty much. I have some Christmas.

I just need to find them. I bought a sweater with a cat on it. I have a sick one. You can feel it. It's one of those 3D ones. Same. Ooh. I used to have one. You can feel it. It's like one of those 3D ones. Same. Ooh. I used to have one that had antlers on the hood.

That's pretty nice. Yeah. Yeah, this is the other one. Yeah, I mean. I have a Grinch one. Maybe I'll throw that on it. I also said the one right before Christmas. I want to dress up as the Grinch.

I know I should probably be the elf, but I think I might be the grumpiest one here. No. You think probably the crank. I'm probably the crank of the whole family. Who's the crankiest? Oh, me. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm the old man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not super cranky. Crank Santa and Buddy the Elf. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty funny.

That's probably it. I'm just so jolly. Santa, stop showing your dick. We're at a mall. All right, we're done. Bye-bye. Congrats on the new house, by the way. Thank you.

Stop showing your dick. Well, if I was Santa, that's what we'd do. What are we going to do with all this milk? If I was Santa, that's what we'd do.