Fat Chance Podcast - Winter Wonder Boys #4

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

The boys had a whoopsie this week. Jack discovers the past TIME POY winners. Judd returns gifts of love. Michael has turned into the Grinch. PLEASE go to https://www.funnywater.com and use promo code FAT10 for 10% off your order. PATREON!!!! (Check out what we really got each other for Christmas) patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

In case we, like, we have all the Hot Wheels we ever had growing up and stuff like that. And Power Rangers for, you know, the grandkids to play with if they ever just get dropped off at Grammy and Grandpa's house. Why do you think our mics don't work? I am literally out of the bag. I have PTSD. There is a satanic Christmas tree, which I think is the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. What is it, just an upside down one? No, it's the National Train Museum in Green Bay.

They put a satanic Christmas tree in there because you get to sponsor a train. And the satanic thing sponsored a train and they put a satanic Christmas tree in front of it. Didn't someone just defile that? I assume they would but it's also to get a rise out of people. What the heck's a satanic Christmas tree? It's just a black and red one maybe?

Save your cans. We're going to need them. Yeah. We're going to need them for our ad read. The problem is They're just so damn good We drank most of them already We drank them all before We drank them all already

Should we tell the camera Should we tell the people Why we're doing Well no They won't know They won't know But I wanna Like you know what

We fucked up I fucked up Someone fucked up The computer fucked up Yeah How did the levels sound by the way I don't know We checked them

And you know what if we do a whole episode and it sounds like glitchy robots again we're just done doing we cancel christmas yeah we cancel christmas we're not telling blair dude that's gonna be a that's gonna hurt some people the production value has dropped significantly compared to last last weeks last weeks we had christmas music we had poinsettias. We had lights. The wallpaper was not falling down. It was a great episode. But this, we gave presents.

And I think we should describe what our presents were. I gave Jack a custom miniature of the podcast, all of us. And Judd got box seats to the Packers Christmas Eve game from me, which was, I mean, the fact that you can't see that is. And it's crazy because that's in the Vikings. That's in the Vikings stadium. Yeah, so. I mean, your guys' gifts were phenomenal.

Mine was all right. I gave you guys both two things that I didn't want for my house during the move. So we really misread the situation. Yeah, I spent like three grand. You spent three minutes digging through your trash. And I didn't get them anything, so I'll suck it. I'm a Grinch. We had a little bit of a restart button.

We're celebrating Christmas twice, which is awesome. It's like I'm growing up in a divorced family now. Yeah, it's a divorced family. This is great. Also, I do not know what I'm talking about twice which is awesome it's like i'm growing up in a divorce yeah it's divorce family this is great also i do not know this is definitely this is definitely dad's christmas this is dad's christmas this is dad's christmas we should title that moms and dad's christmas i mean mom's christmas is gonna be on patreon yeah yeah if you want to hear the shitty audio by the patreon but also like i like i was like I don't know what I said last time. Couldn't tell you what we played. I know you played a game

where you guys were asking me questions. We got to know you and now we just, I don't even remember you. If I watch it back, I get irritated. That probably happened.

These guys can't fucking know me. Judd's spirit corrupted the file. We talked about our new favorite drink. Honey water. Our new favorite partner. Can we say that?

I think we can. We each have our favorite flavor with us. We both like jalapeno lime. Because we didn't drink all of them last episode. They're so good, we did. They're gone. They sent us a nice 12-pack. Well, they sent us two six-packs with each of their flavors.

Yeah. And we decided to taste them all. We had eight of them. Yeah, we had a good time. In the course of the episode. And that's what happened. The audio got corrupted because Kuski got too drunk and accidentally dumped his funny water on his computer.

Yeah. Well, no. I wasn't too drunk because we were drinking funny water. Maybe if I did get drunk, it was from the eggnog. It wasn't from the funny water. You didn't go through the merch. Yeah, and the merch was phenomenal, which if you want to see the merch, Patreon. We're just going to say Patreon a million times this episode.

This episode is also sponsored by Patreon. Our Patreon. But yeah, we might as well just do this read right now before I drink this whole thing super fast because I love it so much. Here's the thing. We wanted to get more. We wanted to get more, but they were sold out at the total wine near here.

So if that's the case near you, fat10 at funnywater.com gives you a little discount. So first, go try it in stores, but if they're sold out like they are just about everywhere, fat10 online, a little discount. They're changing the way you drink. Trust me. There are a lot of times where I've been at a bar wanting one final drink, and I know I shouldn't.

And if I take one, I'm going to get a little bit silly, and I'm going to get yelled at by my sweet baby girl. Guess what happens? If I mix in a funny water, I can't get that attitude tossed my way. You want to know why? Because they go, honey, I'm drinking water. And then I don't wake up naked in a patio zip-tied to a backpack. I actually have my clothes on this time zip-tied to a backpack. So we are changing the way you drink.

You're going to be more responsible. They taste delicious. They got jalapeno lime, ginger lemon. Ginger lemon, cucumber mint, watermelon. Cucumber mint, watermelon, blackberry, acai. Citrus. Citrus. That one's a good one, too.

I really like them. They're all delicious. Judd likes them. The fun thing is because- they got a holiday flavor too cranberry oh yeah cranberry that's awesome the best part is because it's low alcohol volume you actually can get silly with the boys and butt chug this holiday season yeah dude bring it to christmas give it to your mom give it to your mom's friends have fun give it to someone who isn't funny maybe they'll be a little funny this Christmas. It's the best way to drink.

I am honestly going to get a bunch of No sugar. No carbonation. That's the best. I was trying to describe them and they're like oh so it's like Celsius or like some sort of. I was like no. These are water

infused alcohol. Yeah. Like have you ever had a Brita filter and you put a few cucumbers in it because you're trying to be healthy? Dude. Just think of this as your adult Brita filter. It kicks you in the dick and gets you drunk. You ever been to like a fancy restaurant and they have like cucumber mint water?

It's that but better. With a kick. Yeah. It's like that but the cook's pissed in it because they're still drunk. And you have a little bit of extra alcohol. Not full alcohol. It's 3pper batter. With a kick. Yeah. It's like that, but the cook's pissing it because they're still drunk. And you have a little bit of extra alcohol. Not full alcohol. It's 3.75. It's a little bit diluted.

But it tastes good. I don't know if we're going to keep in the cook's piss. But it was pretty good. It was good, yeah. It doesn't have that... Do you ever have the name brand, the popular like carbonated or whatever flavored waters from the store? They kind of have like a flavor in the back of your throat.

No, just water. Yeah, that's the thing. It's just fucking water. It's water. That's it. That's the slogan. It's fucking water. It's fucking water.

It's so funny. I have a funny feeling that you're in these funny ones. Do I look funny, speaking of which? You look like a small child. I feel like I'm wearing his blankie. You do look like you're wearing my blankie. So, I do have a question.

Where do... You get this. That's Target. Where do dinosaurs come into Christmas? I mean, since the beginning of time. I would say a land before time. Those are two perfect answers. That's very true. I mean, honestly, they've been around.

Some people think they don't exist, just like Santa. Santa exists. I just watched Santa Claus. Tim Allen's my Santa Claus. You mean you watched the first one? Yeah, and the second one. It's the best one. I haven't watched it. I watched Christmas Village last night, so I put on Santa Claus. You mean you watched the first one? Yeah, and the second one. It's the best one. I haven't watched it.

I put up a Christmas village last night, so I put on Santa Claus, too, and went away. I accidentally dropped the Naughty or Nice Detective Agency. Don't worry. Super glue fixed that one. What is he talking about? He made a village. Christmas village? The Lego thing?

No, no, no. You put snow up there and everything? No. We have to get the snow covers, but everything's up there. I have the flaky snow, but you're not just just gonna put the flaky snow on top of like wood because it's just gonna go everywhere so i gotta get the little like cotton like cover that's my sister house yeah every year my sister gets one more thing for a village every year that's that's what my family used to do when i was growing up but then it got problematic because we ran out of

like length of table and it was eventually just so much work. We barely fit it all up there today, I mean, yesterday, but it's pretty cool. Is it like the North Pole, or is it like a city-city? It's like a city-city. It's cool. Rachel sent me the Lego Christmas Village thing,

where Lego comes out with a new thing every year, and I think I want to start doing that. That'd be pretty sweet. I think I want to start building Legos every Christmas, just like I was a kid again. That's really fun. When did you stop building Legos? Pandemic. You stopped during the pandemic?

That seems like the time to start. Well, I did start, but then I also stopped again. Okay. Yeah. No, my family has a Lego bucket, actually. Because my mom and dad have a lot of stuff saved just in case they ever have like grandchildren because right now that's their best bet. There's one? Just – I mean one would be nice I think.

But my dad's like I can wait. It's just a bucket full of Legos? It's just a bucket full – all the Legos we've ever had. Just in case an intruder comes, you're going to throw them down. Yeah, we just throw them down. Yeah, a little Home Alone action. Kevin McAllister. No, but it's in case we – like throw him down. A little Home Alone action. Come in the Callister. No, but it's in case we have all the Hot Wheels we ever had growing up

and stuff like that and Power Rangers for the grandkids to play with if they ever just get dropped off at Grammy and Grandpa's house. Why do you think our mics don't work? The reverb on that one is going to be stellar. I just whammied bar all over this thing. Yeah, he did it to himself. You all know something else? I bought a new shade for the camera.

It doesn't fit. Kuski has no idea how any of his equipment works. We are falling apart. The thing that's funnier than it wasn't working right when we got here, Kuski goes, I'm just going to turn it off, turn it back on. Like classic, like doesn't know how to solve it. That's what Apple had me do today. And then I'm on the phone with them, 9.30 in the morning.

I go to the, 9 o'clock in the morning I go to Best Buy. I'm like, hey. Geek Squad. Geek Squad. Help me out. I walk in, they're like, can I help you, sir? I'm like, I'm clearly carrying my own electronics. You know where I'm going.

And she goes, do you have an appointment? I go, no. But you opened four minutes ago. I think they can squeeze me. They're like, we'll see. Let me call back there. And I just go back there. I'm like, have you tried?

I don't even tell them what's wrong. I pull out a Mac. He goes, have you tried Apple next door? That's great business. No, they're trying to avoid responsibility. Yeah, and then I... They don't do anything anymore. Give them the description of what's going on,

and I'm like, it sounds like two robots fucking. Like, it's not good. The problem is with a lot of these things, if Mac, they put so much different shit in their new stuff, that if your Mac is four or five years old, they won't touch it. Yeah. And this one's from 2019, so I guess it's older.

At Apple Store, they won't touch it? Yeah. Do you know how many people work at the Apple Store at Mayfair? 400. 400. I got there at 930. I was like, oh, they don't open until 10. I just, I'm not going to work yet.

Called the Apple support line, and they're like, hey, have you tried uninstalling it and installing it again? I'm like, this is going to go nowhere. He goes, I'll schedule you an appointment for 11. I go, I need 10. He goes, well, there isn't any available. I go. So the audio was just shitty.

Yeah, so what I noticed something, too, it's like reverb failed when we first tried it, and that could be it. I don't know what reverb is. So reverb is the echo in the thing. So if you have a good mic, you have the bass, you have the treble, you have the reverb. And usually the reverb is how echoey it will sound, but it also bounces the sound off in the mic. Yeah. So it could be that. You need to put something in there.

The Geek Squad guy said it could be latency. I was like, okay. Latency, what does that mean? I don't know. Things are late in the mic. I'm not sure. I think it's like those vegetable soup things. Oh, yeah, yeah, like a ladle.

Yeah. But I presented. You fucking idiot. I presented Apple with a dire situation. I go, I need this for work in the next 30 minutes. Can you guys please help me in two seconds? Just identify the problem. They're like, well, let us check our schedules.

We have four Macs in front of you. You will be here at 11 o'clock. I go, I was the fourth person in here. You're helping no one else. The other three people are trying to buy an iPod right now. They're like, well, we'll get you in at 11. I go, that's not going to work.

She goes, would you like a later time? I go, you're going backwards. You're going backwards. She goes, well, what would you like to do? I go, I'm going to fucking leave now. You got to call ahead on those things because they're fucking awful. There was the team meeting. I'm not kidding.

It was 40 people in there. 40. I'm like, where'd you guys come from? They're all in Christmas sweaters. That's so... Oh, God, that would suck. They're all in Apple Christmas sweaters. They're just red sweaters.

No one was dressed like we were. No. I'm surprised we're dressed like we were. We were down in the dumps today. And for that... Yeah, Jack was a little down when I got here, too. Him and his lady are fighting. That's not true.

Is it about the t-shirt? She didn't like the pictures? She didn't like the pictures. My favorite thing is she goes, we're not even on Facebook. Like, Instagram, where did you get these pictures? I mean, I'm going to creep right away. It was for a reason. It was for a reason.

I actually wore that out on Friday. I wore mine on Friday, too. Oh, yeah, dude. I didn't do it. I love that Rachel's like, let me see the pictures. And I send her the mug and I send her the shirt. And right away she goes, I'm stealing the shirt. That's amazing.

Also, I was getting you that mug. That's great. That's the third present I've ruined this year for her. I'm going to tell you right now, I don't think anyone's getting me a clip order of candy. I can promise you that. By the way, I love ruined this year for her. I'm going to tell you right now, I don't think anyone's getting me a clip order of candy. I can promise you that. By the way, I love candy so much. Why? That would be so easy to kidnap. Just so easy.

Yeah, you would be. Just like a little gummy worm. You would chase it. Oh, it says free candy inside? Yeah, I'll go in there. Free Twin Snakes. One sour, one sweet. I don't know what I did this weekend. I did a show on Saturday. What the fuck did I do on Friday? snakes one sour one sweet the other one

you chose show on Saturday I don't know have you tried any other gummies yet yes so I've any new ones the dinosaurs done they're done well so uh thank god so my i i visited my parents on sunday uh i had to go there because my sister's in town and um i get home and my lights shut off my lights don't work anymore i was like what the fuck and my engine and my check engine's on so i had to switch cars with my parents, and now they took my car, because I couldn't drive home in the dark. Yeah.

There weren't any lights. That's true. So we had to switch cars. So I have my parents' car, and thank God that this one was at home. Oh. So we still have one. And you have your game in there still, too.

I still have my game in there, yeah. That's convenient. But all the candy, all the presents are in my Jeep. That's silly. I haven't used your mug again yet, but I cleaned it thoroughly because I was a little worried. Is that it right there?

No, that's just the box it came in. I left that with you. I do have two things I wanted to bring up. One I wanted to bring up last time. Can we go over the time person of the year candidates? Sure. I don't know any candidates. Well, Taylor Swift won, but the Trump prosecutors was one.

Kim Jong-un, I think, was one. No way. I'm serious. None of them make sense. Kim Jong-un. That, and I also want to bring up, and I know you- Trump prosecutors is so funny. Yeah, isn't it?

Read them off. Who are the candidates that Taylor Swift beat out? Oh, Xi Jinping. That's who I thought Kim Jong-un was. You're a racist. That's very funny. Read them off. Here are the finalists. Hollywood strikers.

Yeah. Hollywood screenwriters and actors were on strike the other day. You're putting a pause. That's fair. On the creation of- That's a big thing in the world Person of the year One that's multiple people

Yeah but obviously they didn't win it Yeah because the writer The Chinese president was in That's ridiculous I mean You know who did more He also leads over the biggest country in the world. Taylor Swift still won.

Taylor Swift should have won. Trump prosecutors. There's not even a name. They don't even name them. Again, multiple people. Barbie. Barbie. A fake person.

It's just a movie. Did the dude who made Chet GPT? Putin. Putin was in it. Putin was in it. Putin was in it. King Charles III. King Charles III with his sausage fingers. Who is working at time?

It's like, you know what? Putin's a good candidate for this. Yeah, but also... The only one that makes sense is Taylor Swift. Yeah, but also, who's won in the past? The other thing is, they don't specify what kind of person of the year. Like, it could be bad person of the year. It could be okayest person of the year.

Do you think OJ won it once? Oh. Yeah, after he killed people. He at least was a candidate. Here we go. All right. Time people of the year. Ready?

Greta Thornburg was last year. Or she was. The Guardians of war on truth the year before i don't know what the hell does that mean do not know but before that was the silence breakers in 2017 these are just dance groups 2016 donald trump adolf hitler won in 1938 2015 is the Ebola fighters? Pope Francis won. Stalin won in 39.

Ebola's not even real. Stalin won in 42. He was a two-time Thai Person of the Year winner, Joseph Stalin. Putin won in 2007. What the fuck? You're allowed to win that twice? Albert Einstein won. Leo took how many years to get an Oscar and Putin's almost won

person of the year twice Stalin won twice Adolf won once Hitler won it Clinton won twice it was in 38 it was before all the bad stuff happened but who works at time

that's like you know what this is the list Richard Nixon won twice if you work at time you can make the list wherever the fuck you want

okay give me your top five person of the year credits. American women. Person of the year? Yeah. Just for me personally? I think you guys are up there. One and two. In 1975, all American women won

person of the year. Amen, sister. Am I right? Vote time. What a step backwards we have taken. I think Taylor Swift has to be on there just because she has, you know, her and Kelsey have to be on there. Kanye? I don't think. No, Kanye doesn't like Jews. Why?

Hitler was on there. I wouldn't put Kanye on there right now, this year. Maybe next year. Next year? Okay. When his album drops, maybe. He could do it. Taylor Swift, yes.

Travis Kelsey, I think that's the person of the year. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Have you seen his numbers this year? No way. He's a full yard short receiver. Yeah, he didn't do good yesterday. No.

He lost to the Packers. Yeah, but then we went and lost to the Giants and the Buccaneers. We just gave up the only perfect passer rating to a quarterback. The only person there, Joe Barry. You get nothing for Christmas. That's such a sad reality that he's going to have to live in now.

What, that he's getting fired for Christmas? You're getting fired for Christmas. You're on the naughty list. You ain't getting shit. Who went 0-1-16 with the Lions and were like, yeah, we should hurt this guy? That's also bananas, Pyre. That's a bananas. That's almost as ridiculous.

Who's our GM? Giving Adolf Hitler personal deer. We should kill Gunther Kust. Gunther Kust. Do you think Gandhi won it? Probably not. Off the logic, no. Gandhi did win.

He did? Yeah, but he also diddled little girls. Or he didn't diddle them. He just slept next to them while they were naked and tried to fight off his sexual urges. That's a real abducted in plain sight situation over there. That's interesting. That's like a weird move. That's what my sweet little girl does to me.

She has trouble controlling her urges. Do you want to know a fun fact? Do you want to know a fun fact? our urges. Do you want to know a fun fact? Do you want to know a fun fact? Just seeing Matt sleeping next to Jack and be like, I can't stop touching him. I can't.

Oh no. Too much pee. I'm drowning. I'm drowning. Get away from me. I know he sleeps in there oh absolutely he hasn't washed it

honey you need to control your urges alright what's the fun fact fun fact he doesn't call his lady sweet baby girl oh yeah for sure

she came down and goes why are you calling me that yeah I mean yeah it's more like he's calling her in the third person he's protecting her yeah and Yeah, it's more like he's calling her the third person. He's protecting her. Yeah.

And I like it even more now. Yeah, it's just... Like, I'll do it at work. Like, I'll say that at work. My sweet baby girl. That's how I say it because I feel like it's... Oh, yeah.

But her name is at this address. I did get a reply. Late Christmas present. Did get a reply from the territory manager for Swisher and Rogue. He goes, I'm not sure how long it would take him to reply, but let me see what I can put together. And I gave him an address.

Did give him work address, though. Did not give him any of our addresses. Just in case he's, like, a weird person. That's a good idea. Yeah. If you want our work address, we'll give it to you. Yeah, if you're trying to send stuff. Anytime Fitness.

Yeah, if you want to send money or socks, send it to us. We'll wear them. Yeah, I almost made the P.O. box today. Oh, you want to know a total scam that happened to me today? P.O. boxes? No, that would be cheaper. If you put our socks in the P.O. box, we should start calling it the P.U. box. Or if you get anywhere near it, it's the P.O. box.

Just the P.O. box. The P.P.P. box. I had to change my business address for the LLC just because all the mail for tax purposes are going to go there, and I'm not going to be able to get in. It cost me $140 to hit edit. Dude, you should have went into the post office. Pissed. Because they are worthless there.

I've been trying to change my address. Change my address. I've been trying to change it for months and finally they keep sending me the thing back. So I finally went in there and I was like, hey, you keep sending me this i filled it

out on september 1st that i'm changing my address can you please forward all my mail to this address i'm like okay and then look at it and they're like yeah it's it's past uh 30 days so you have to fill another one and i was like I? Just change the address. Edit, save changes. I can just write 10 instead of 9. Just do that. And they're like, no, you'd fill it out. So I filled in another one.

And then they're like, all right, well, we're going to send it to you in the mail. Look for it. Once you get that, bring it in. I was like, what kind of world are we living in? Well, you're still trying to change from your last apartment to your new one? Just wait. So then I looked for it in the mail, waiting, waiting. Finally get something in the mail probably last month.

And it said, I actually have it. Why do you have this? So we're keeping it as important. Wait, wait, it's the top. Dear postal customer. Why do you have this? Submarine keeps on pointing to where it is. Dear postal customer, your letter is here to advise you your change of address submitted for effective move 901. They keep talking this 901 date.

Could not be accepted because postal standards which state we do not start date cannot be 45 days in the past. No shit. I've been trying to do this for so long. And then you're like, well, it's just too long to do it. Just fucking do it now. Just do it now.

So this is still from your last place. Yes. To this new one. Yeah. To the point where like everyone, everything's getting sent back. So they'll figure it out. Just ask me for my new address. You should talk to my honey bear about it.

Do you like honey bear? No, I like sweet baby girl. Sweet baby girl about it because she changed our address and we haven't had any issues. Did she do it in 30 days? She just did it online. She just did it online.

Yeah, I tried that. But the problem with me, and this might be a different problem, my billing address is not the same as my new address. Yeah, like for your cards? Or my old address. Yeah, is it like you're back home? Yeah. I have two of my cards, two of them, completely different addresses.

Now I live at a place and one card i have three different addresses the same way as you like my credit cards got one my debit cards got another where i'm actually staying right now like you can change that address my whole thing is like why why change it because i that's never gonna leave that that place is not gonna because once my parents pass away what's not good um once they pass away, I own that. That's true. So it's not going anywhere. That's true.

So I can move around as much as I want. Oh, can we do it from the farm? We can do it from the farm. You want to be surrounded by farm animals? That would be great. What's your favorite farm animal? It's not a cow, is it? I don't know.

I mean, I don't know what favorite would be. I like pigs. Pigs are kind of dope. They smell and just eat shit all day. Yeah, they don't know i mean they're i don't know what favor would be i think pigs pigs are kind of dope they're like they smell and just eat shit all day yeah they don't do anything that's like i've never had one like inside your like house i'm like those little pigs i've never had an animal in the house until i moved to college then my parents got a dog in the house and i was like whoa what. What? What the hell is this? Are teacup pigs really a thing?

Yeah, they're real. Yeah, we don't get them. How do you get those? It's like getting a dog. How do you make them? How do you make them? It's like a southern thing. It's like, how do you make different types of dogs?

Well, you let them fuck, but what is a pig fucking that makes it a teacup? It's not fucking a teacup. It's just fucking small pigs over and over and over again. Yeah, run to the litter. Think about how many candy cans Hershey Kisses had to fuck to get that flavor profile correct. So sooner or later, my generation is just going to be teacup cuskies. Yeah. Fuck.

I think you're almost there. You need short and spread. Yeah, your kids need to really change the gene pool and start going some d1 basketball yeah yeah i'll get you a step stool son yeah you gotta like there's a really tall young lady that went to my high school she was like six six and she did a quite a quite a small young man in high school and I always thought that guy's planning correctly for his future

his future yeah breeding purposes you changed the gene pool yep it's important to do that what was her name what if she was the recessive one though

let's put it on blast sweet tall baby girl how old is this lady were you really short in high school no she's on 6'6 I'm still waiting on my

You're tall She's a taller lady She's what 6 foot? No she's like 5'8 She's like 5'8 I'm still waiting on that growth spurt Doc said it might come Never did

What's the tallest lady I mean His girlfriend Earmuffs What's the tallest lady you ever My his girlfriend earmuffs what's the tallest lady you ever my height really yeah never dated a taller i've dated three people before my sweet baby girl and that didn't sound right you'll be a funny new one that you're one. My honey muffin and my honey bun. My honey bunches oats.

No, I always joked around. I had three girlfriends before Rachel. They totaled less than a year. One was an extended weekend. One was a month. One was ten months. All right, rank them. Which one do you like best?

Rachel. Right answer. All right, turn the cameras off. Patreon. Who is your actual favorite? Rachel. Where's Rachel? Oh, your dots are still here.

They're here. They're going to come out for New Year's. Hell yeah. You guys want to play the game? Yeah. Why not? to come out for New Year's. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. You guys want to play the game? Yeah. Why not? Or was there other things you said you'd do? Oh, yeah.

I had the other thing. You'll know about this. If you haven't, I'd be surprised. It's a sports question. Weirdly, I sometimes think you're just not into sports. I don't have cable, so I don't watch it. But it's a football question. Okay.

Did you hear about this recent one? I forgot what his name is. Someone proposed that the Pro Bowl should be all black players versus all white players. So Rashad Mendenhall, who is the ex-Steelers running back, said he hates

when white people talk to him about football because none of you can play football actually. They should make an all white versus all-black team and then see who really wins because I'd be better than all your guys' favorites. Here's the thing.

I'm not worried about us on offense. Defense, we got some work cut out for us. Yeah, there hasn't been a white safety or white cornerback since Jason C. Yeah. Isn't there a guy in Iowa that's pretty damn good? Well, he's not in the NFL. If we're bringing college players to the Pro Bowl,

nobody's going this year. Will Compton. Seahorn, I's going this year. Will Compton. Seahorn, I believe, is his name. Will Compton broke it down. I saw it right before I came here. Offensively, we're fine. We're so fine. We have McCaffrey.

You can have whatever fullback you wanted. The pick of any good quarterback. Any good quarterback? Josh Allen, Joe Burrow. The pick of any good quarterback. Any good quarterback? Josh Allen, Joe Burrow. The pick of any good quarterback. Oh, yeah. Who's the only good black quarterback is Lamar Jackson? Patrick Mahomes.

Hurts is pretty good. Oh, yeah. Mahomes is caramel. He can go either or. Let's think. It's like being born in the United States but having Chinese heritage. Do we get Puka Nakua? No.

He's Hawaiian, right? Yeah, but I think you break it down like who says the word and who doesn't. Like if you don't say the word, you're on our team. If you don't say the word. We don't need. Yeah, we don't need. But our receivers are significantly lacking height. Jordy Nelson and who's – I mean if it's old and new players, Jordy.

But Cooper Cup would be our number one. Cooper Cup is number one. We'd be fine with Cooper Cup. We have no height, though. It's a bunch of me's playing receiver. But they're fast. Yeah, we just have all slot receivers. Linemen would be fine.

Linemen were great. Jason Kelsey, we got the two-foot. Defensive line would be fine, too. The funniest thing about it is he said this, that he's better than what you think the best is. But the reason Rashawn Mendenhall, even anyone remembers who the fuck he is, is because he fumbled the ball in the Super Bowl.

And guess who the person who made him fumble was? AJ Hawk. Clay Matthews. White guy, bitch. Yeah, the picture for the article of him saying that was him losing the ball and Clay Matthews just shoving his head into the ground. It's amazing.

But that's Rashad Mendenhall. He used to play for the Steelers. I think we know what we should do. We should get on Madden together and let's make these teams. Let's make these teams and let's see what happens. Let's see what happens. I'd do it with you. You got 24? Alright, let's make these teams. Yeah. Let's make these teams and let's see what happens. Yeah. Let's see what happens. I'd do it with you.

You got 24? Mm-hmm. All right, let's do it. You have PlayStation, right? Mm-hmm. Fuck yeah, let's do it. I got to get the online stuff. It's so expensive.

It's like 60 bucks for a year. It's a lot more now. It's like 100. I'm going to try turning it on and off. That's it. All right, we can play the game. We can play the game. I'm going to hang myself if the audio doesn't work.

Should we stop and test quick? No, because I don't know how to match it up. You should Google some things. I should Google someone to do the... The fact that we've gotten this far. That's insane. We're halfway through. No, we're a quarter of the way through.

Do you want... How long have we done? Wait, we're in quarter of the way through. Well, are we doing a twofer? Are we doing a twofer? Okay, then I quarter of the way through. Do you want... How long have we done? Wait, we're in quarter of the way through? Well, are we doing a twofer? Are we doing a twofer? Okay, then I'll save the second one. Because the second game is actually just like... We could probably do that longer.

But the first game is the categories game. Okay. Do you guys know categories? Where we get a category and then we just go around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just only in categories. Until someone's done. This is like, what's the

Kings Cup game you ever play in college? Like where you draw a card and you put it in the circle of death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it. Let's go. Question. White receivers. My first one is pretty easy. Cereals.

Jack, I'll let you start. Cereals. Cheerios, I'll let you start. Cereals. Cheerios. Frosted Flakes. Captain Crunch. Trix. Cocoa Puffs. Fruit Loops.

Honey Bunches of Oats. Rice Krispies. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Fruity Pebbles. Chex. Cheerios. I already said that. That was the first thing.

I suck at my own game. All right, here we go. Second round, beers. Oh, dang it. I don't drink any of those. Kusky, you're starting. Bud Light. Of course you said it like that. I've been drinking funny waters, and I'm being a little funny.

I've been drinking funny waters And I feel a little funny It only takes you one Half of a 3.75% To start sucking dick dude I don't blame it on the funny water That'd be so funny Now it all sucks I had one whole funny water

I feel like I've sobered up a little bit We gave him a normal water We just tossed jalapeno in there He's looking for any excuse to suck dick I feel like I've sobered up a little bit. We gave him a normal water. We just tossed jalapeno in there. He's just looking for any excuse to suck his dick. I think you guys are just looking for blood light. One time I went to the gay club. It was a bunch of people.

Yeah, I'm the problem. And all I did was play pull tabs. What, you just got grabbed by the dick? No one's been playing these. It's got to be a freshman machine. Big money, big money, big money, big money. I won $100. Nice. All right, category.

We're on beers. Bud Light. Bush Light. Bud Weiser? Bud Light. Bush Light. Bud Weiser. Miller Light. Miller High Life. Hams. Can I say Miller High Life again because there's three beers?

Landshark. I also think that's on the last episode. Bringing up Landshark. Oh, the High Life. Yeah, the three beers. Yeah. That's such a good fucking play. Bush Heavy. Bush. Ooh. Guin a good fucking play. Bush Heavy.

Bush. Ooh. Guinness. Coors Banquets. Blue Moon. Smithwicks. Hazy, what's it called, IPA? Isn't that one?

Linen Kugels. Spotted Cow. Nicola Balsher. Belly Lime Bud Light Orange Stella Ardois That's a good one Whole Garden Heineken

Lakefront O'Briens Weekend at Louie's Supper Club We're gonna just go through like Really niche Really niche We're naming like specific

Point Yeah I think we all know our beer pretty damn well Point Light You fucking asshole Pacifico Point Amber. Corona.

Oh, there you go. That was on there. Corona Premiere. Dos Equis. Modelo. Heineken. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. all right. all right. all right gonna forget sooner or later yeah I feel like we broke some of the rules they're going Corona Corona like the entire company of yeah I was a dangerly took

away my body cow moon man next one is birds Birds. That's sick. That's so good. You can start. Penguins. Chickens. Cardinals.

Ostriches. Robin. Orioles. Kuski's mama, Swallow. Done. This episode's done. Kuski's mama, Blue blue-footed boobie. I quit.

Ostrich. I already said that. You did? We distracted it by insulting your mother. No, your mother. We take it back because she's a sweet, sweet mother. All right. Next category, people you hate.

Can I start? Both of you. Elder Adolf Hitler. I also do hate Sir Adolf. Greta Thornburg. Stalin. Whoever makes the Times list. God damn it, that was an excellent one.

Trump's prosecutors. The Apple Genius Bar. The U.S. Postal Service. Bouncers that cut me off. When's the last time you've been cut off? Last year at a Packer game. That's not even a bouncer. No.

No, it was at Stadium View. No. Really? They found you in Stadium in stadium how bad were you in stadium view they'd cut you off i was bad but i ran away there was a guy at the show friday that he was i mean i could visibly hammered during the show and we had packed up for a while i'm walking out i'm about to go line dancing and he stands stands up. And I'm not kidding. Stiff as a board. Just went straight down. Hit the ground.

Missed the wall like his head by that much. I go, dude, you good? He goes, I didn't drive here. That's important information, though. Don't worry. He didn't drive here. I'm like, can he walk home? He goes, it's across the street.

I'm like, I don't think he's going to make it. We were at a Disney show Saturday, and AJ spotted someone who was real drunk and was slurring his words, trying to get back. AJ goes, man, you've had a few tonight. He goes, yeah, I have. He goes, you're not driving, are you? And he goes, looks around. And he goes, you know what?

Don't answer that. Don't answer that. Drunk drivers. People who don't like Christmas Jews I'm just kidding you guys both I do love Jews Abraham's sons

the people of Abraham free Palestine alright love jews abraham's sons the people of abraham um free palestine man these funny waters just keep saying ridiculous things you've had half a one and you get racist yeah he's sucking dick we have to cut that. Guess what? We're not. Oh, man.

You want to split this one? No. I'm going to corrupt the audio. It's ginger lemon. That might be spicy for you. I would love that. Here, take it. I don't need it.

Give me the beer. I like how the guy facilitating the game. Will you toss one out too? Do you want the ginger lemon or would you like the bush light? Because I will drink either. I don't need this. I'll just take the bush light. Did you just do that?

I was going to throw it to him in the garage. The old fake out right to the nuts. Where's the Nutteroos? Category? Category. Shoes. Okay. What's like brands or just like specific shoes?

We can do shoe brands. We can do shoe brands. Okay. Adidas. Nike. Jordan. Skechers. That's a good one.

Asics. Reebok. K-Swiss. Wow. A6. Reebok. K-Swiss. Wow. Deep cut. Brooks. On Cloud. Etnies.

Those? Just the E? Yeah. Osirises, right? Isn't that the same thing? Is it the same thing? No, they're like the same kind of... DC then? Oh, that was going to? Is it the same thing? No, they're like the same kind of... DC then?

Oh, that was going to be mine. That was my next one. Fuck. Wellington. That's a boots. That's what works. Vans. Birkenstock.

Every time he looks at... When I say something, You go into think mode But it's like I think you're thinking About my answer Like oh was that Actually an answer I feel stupid instantly

And I don't like it That's why I just look Forward at the camera When I say things Because otherwise I feel silly Prada Uggs

Would Gucci then be one Yep Sweet Louis Vuitton Steve Madden Allbirds that'd be one? Yep. Sweet. Louis Vuitton. Steve Madden. All birds. You already did it on cloud.

Yeah. Oh. Wave Waves. Noble. Never heard of those. Those are good. Foot Joy. Oh, yeah. Shit, I already did them.

Puma. Wow. Crocs. G4. I don't know what those are. It's a golf shoe. Damn it. I think we got them.

I think we got them. I we got them I think we might have yeah I mean Red Wings damn it Twisted X Carhartt I don't think they make boots

they do just bought some from my brother God damn it Brahma the police officer uniform shoes Thursday boots God damn it. Brahma. The police officer uniform shoes. Thursday boots.

Sorrel. And their boots too. Oh, I got one. Toe hold flip flops. Lacoste? That's a good one. This game's going too long. We'll finish it.

I don't got anything. I don't have anything either. That was good. We went around the horn a few times. That's impressive, yeah. How many of those do you own? Very few. I own like six. How many pairs of shoes do you think you own?

Actually, I know how many you guys own. It's 900 pairs in those boxes back there. I own a lot. I own like nine How many pairs of shoes Do you think you own Actually I know how many You guys own It's 900 pairs In those boxes Those are hers I own a lot I wish I need Do I need more shoes

When I got enough shoes Oh my god New balance Holy shit I was only going Through my foot line Of what I wear Yeah

I have four Underarmor Underarmor We didn't say Underarmor Hoka What are we doing We're back in No yeah I have a. Under Armour. Under Armour. We didn't say Under Armour. Hoka. What are we doing? We're back here.

No, yeah, I have a lot of shoes. I wear a lot of them. I have now three pairs of boots. I treated myself this year. I got a new pair of boots. Shoe the Bear. Great brand. Stupid expensive.

But I went to Nordstrom Rack. Got them about 75% off. Nice. Still about $90. I one time was in a wedding, and the person I was in the wedding, the groom's gift was socks and the tie. And they were all sitting out for everyone to grab, and you grab it. And it just so happened that this person left the price tag on the tie, and it was from Nordstrom.

How much do you think the tie was? I think the tie, $27. $120. Me in the middle, it was $90. That's a stupid amount for a tie. $30 max. Tell me if this is morally wrong. It probably is.

So I put the tag in the tie, like just shoved it in the tie. And then after the wedding, I took the tie back. That's so good. I got $90 to Nordstrom. That's so funny. How close were you to this? I mean, you were in the wedding. I was in the wedding.

So you're pretty close to them? I think... Also, it's a tie that I would never wear. Who gives a fuck? Do you think, if you're getting ties and socks as your groomsman gives to, that guy didn't give a shit about what he was giving you either. He was just making sure that you didn't have to pay for the socks and

ties, though. But did you have to wear that socks and ties for the event? For the wedding. You did? Oh, okay. Typically, when people grooms give the groomsmen is like ties and like the socks to match everything so they don't have to pay for it and then like every once in a while they throw in like a tchotchke or something i got a a yeti like tumblr like a small one for for coffee. Lost it in the first month. That was one of my Christmases last year was Rachel re-gifting it to me, which was really nice of her.

I've gotten Yetis. I've gotten the shaving kit thing. I've gotten knives. I've gotten glassware. I've gotten a lot of socks, a lot of ties. Only returned one though yeah I mean like not all of them have the tags on

not everyone's that lucky when I see $90 just pointing at my face it was just the most absurd tie too a color that I would never wear what color was it? I can't give that away what would you give?

If you're not going to give away socks and ties, what would you give to your groomsmen? I probably would give them something. I don't know. I've gotten some useful things, and I've gotten things I've never used. I got a traveling kit with my name on it. I like that.

And then my buddy gave me a knife also with my name on it, but it's like a buck knife, so it flips out. I like the knife route and stuff like that. Like a knife and an outdoorsy kit. You have like a tin mug or something like that, like a camping thing, knife. Depending on who your friends are. Yeah, Co-Buddies, they make it specifically for the person, so they'll, like, make a full kit

of, like, their favorite beer or their favorite whiskey or something like that. Yeah, for, like, my asking my two buddies, like, they were going to be my groups, but I gave one of them, he likes to smoke a lot, so I gave him, like, a... Instead of it being, like, a cigar box,

it was, like, basically a weed box, but I had someone, like, paint it, and box it was like basically a weed box but I had someone like paint it and they did like I think it was like a bunch of different animals on it so it was like

hand painted it was pretty sweet and for my other buddy I just had like an engraved like decanter and sent for that and then like

for the wedding decanters nice yeah I think decanters are like just sweet to look at yeah if you get a really

cool one yeah I got a few I found from my grandpa's house you don't drink out of it you like pour that's Yeah. If you get a really cool one. Yeah. I got a few I found from my grandpa's house. You don't drink out of it. You like pour it. That's an insane move. You have a problem if you're drinking straight from the decanter.

I've never put anything out of the decanter. No, I don't even know what it does. It's supposed to let the alcohol breathe. People do it for wine and whiskey. I don't fucking know. I think that was the right answer, and I. So it becomes... I don't fucking know. I just, I think that was the right answer and I want to move on.

I want to move on. But I don't know how many of them for, like, the day of the wedding because it was a little different because you have to go

through customs. Oh. Yeah. Oh, can I tell him what your sweet baby girl told me? Yeah. Twins.

Our babies? Yeah. Someone we both got in there it was weird it's one of each one jew one midget it's really and i'm the midget i know and he hates you i know i'm midget no we got invited to the wedding i actually really do enjoy midgets i know that's why i'm here we got invited to the wedding. We just got un-invited. We'll beep that out. That's the one thing Kuski Fine learns to edit. Finally. This cut button one time is so difficult. No, it's not even like a beep over. I just cut the footage out and slide the rest over.

It's just a weird jump. I mean, that's the classic Bo Burnham. And it's just a weird jump I mean that's the classic Bo Burnham and it's one of his special he goes video editors are so fucking stupid and then just cuts to talking about something else well should we wrap this one up because you know no specific reason but I think

we've reached it's course how long have we been going about 50 minutes. 15? 49 minutes and 35 seconds. All right. Get your funny water. I guess technically, Merry Christmas, have a funny water, check out the Patreon.

We apologize. If you want to see what presents we really got each other, there'll be a link to a private YouTube video on Patreon. Not sure what we're going to charge you to see it, but I need to make money back from these sweet tickets because I am broke as fuck. I'm homeless. I'm actually living...

Actually, not homeless. I'm living in Jack's basement. He doesn't know. But in order to make sure he can finally move into his own place, make sure you go check out www.funnywater.com and use the code FAT10 at checkout to get 10% off your order. They're changing the way you drink. They also have a Tesla on there. Use the promo code for that.

Use the promo code to get 10% off a Tesla with Funny Water logos all over it. You guys are going to save money driving that thing. And if anyone buys any merch, send us a picture and we'll do something to Judd. Tickle him. We'll tickle him on the Patreon. Hell yeah.

Barefoot tickling. I'm gonna... I'm gonna...