F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 1 - Meat Cubes and Meet Cuties

Episode Date: September 29, 2018

Our very first episode! We're here to take all of your sticky, sexy questions and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Topics covered in this episode include ghosting, making a man feel sexy and whether or not you're wasting your time.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I am Miles Spang And this might come as a surprise to some of you, we're your fuck buddies This is a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky

situations the reason we decided to do this podcast is uh like there's a few uh you know we're both creative people I wonder if you can hear our joints clicking in the background creative people but not uh limber people, apparently. Basically, after having enough people come up to us and say, like, you know, thanks for the advice, or like, you know,

we've given it out and people have said, you guys should, you know, make a podcast. We decided to take their advice. We did it. Well, we're doing it. We're doing it right now.

But the time people listen to this, we have done it. Hopefully. Unless they're outside the closet. Listening. Also, yeah, we're recording this in a closet, we have done it. Hopefully. Unless they're outside the closet listening. Also, yeah, we're recording this in a closet, so deal with it. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's important to us because we live in Toronto,

and it's got a culture of some really shitty dudes. And there have been numerous occasions where we've either been out and have to get in between dudes being shitty to women um or just having friends be like this is what happened to me and us being like are you fucked like is that actually kind of shit you wouldn't believe was like real um which shouldn't be real um and so our goal i think is to sort of uh hopefully educate people and be like hey sex and dating doesn't have to be as complicated as most people make it. Or as shitty.

Yeah, or as shitty. And sex isn't hard to have if you're not a fucking asshole. Yeah. And I think that's a big hang-up. But I think we're going to get into that a little later. One thing we want to say is we are not trained professionals. No. Nor the medical or psychological. podcasting or podcasting.

So we're going to make mistakes in both advice that we give you every now and then. And by that, I mean, probably in language that we use. Yeah, entirely. Like, we're not perfect. And I'm sure you'll come to see that probably quite soon. We're giving our best shot here. If you ever feel like, you know, you have anything to add, if we ever did anything that you feel is wrong, um, or even if you want to send us in your questions, we're going to provide you with the email address and you can, uh, you know, educate us. Hopefully we'll learn as

much as hopefully, you know, other people will throughout this, uh, little journey. Uh, you know, other people will throughout this little journey. You want to do a question? Sure. Let's do it. I think this is actually one that was sent in specifically to us on Reddit. That's cool. And it's a pretty vague one, but I think it's important to talk about. And it's from MizM437 off Reddit. MizM437 off reddit mism437 and he and or she

and or they ask why do people ghost? I think that's a good question that's an important one and I think especially nowadays we've all done it that's the thing, we're not going to sit here

and act like we haven't done the whole really busy this, and then never respond to them ever again. And sometimes that's fine, and sometimes it's warranted, and sometimes you're just being a little coward. Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, sometimes there are, I think especially for women and online dating and stuff, I think there are red flags that pop up. And the only real safe way to bring that to a conclusion is to stop talking to them yeah and like some people they don't necessarily deserve like i guess like an outro like if you're being a shitty person you can expect to get ghosted and you can't really be upset about it yeah if like yeah if you're say

you match with someone on tinder and and the conversation is good up to a point and then it's just like, hey, let's fuck. And that's not the flavor that you're looking for. Yeah. I think you're talking about one tree hill and all of a sudden he's just, you know, proposition. No. Yeah. And like, I think that's, that's a valid reason of ghosting. Yeah.

I think what happens more often than not however is that people we're in an age where like there's literally like a catalog of people that you can either sleep with or date or or whatever you're looking for and you can swipe through like a thousand different apps yeah from the comfort of your toilet yeah exactly and that's that's a lot of options and i think a lot of people are afraid to be like, make a concrete plan with someone because something quote unquote better can come around. Yeah. I also feel like a lot of people are like, you know, I get it.

It's hard to have a face to face. It's even hard to like bring up a lot of issues. But like if you're ending something with somebody, it's the easier fucking way for a lot of people for them anyway, because they don't have to face it they just get to wash their hands of it and they're gone especially if someone

like who isn't in your social circle again like online dating if your if your only interaction with that person was like maybe one date and it didn't go well

it's almost easier for a lot of people who are like you said are afraid of like confrontation or whatever to just not return a call or a text yeah

because nobody fucking calls anymore no and if you do you're fucking sociopath that's your first piece of advice get off the fucking phone don't call anyone ever whenever it would happen to me it would be like i would be on tinder and i'd you know match with someone and i would be like yeah let's hang out on thursday and it would be tuesday or whatever and then thursday comes around and either i'm significantly less horny or I'm tired from work or you know what I mean?

Any other reason. And like we live in this age of instant... Oh no. Can you hear the cats? Yeah, you can hear the cats. Do you want to open the door? It won't make too much noise. He won't come in.

He just wants to know what's going on. That's fair. This is our first special guest star. That's Oliver. Hey, buddy. He's upset because we just ghosted him. We didn't tell him we were going into his closet. I like...

Yeah, I feel like it's not always a bad thing. So, for example, if someone's being a dick, that's, you know, that's fair. I also feel like occasionally... Like, most of the time, if not the only times I've really done it are like in the early stages of something when it's kind of like when it's definitely fizzled out or like they've done something and you know you're not interested in them and to me it's almost like more awkward to try and end it because it isn't something yeah you know if you've met up with someone once or twice like it's kind of weird to be like like you don't break up with someone you're not

going out with you know what i mean yeah i hear you so you almost need to label it to end it and when it's not really even started it's hard to label it so sometimes you can just kind of like and i don't do the straight up ghost usually i had to go out once and oh god i don't know do you want to pick that up and just throw it aside? Sure. Nice and crinkly. Perfect. Perfect. Got that tactile audio. We're also coming from a position where, like, we don't really, like, we won't really suffer from much if we were to be straightforward. You know what I mean? Like, if I would always try to, if I could, do the whole, like, thanks, but, like, you know, I wasn't really feeling any sort of connection.

Had a great time um but i'm not really interested in doing like number two and like that's safe for me to do whereas like generally yeah generally um whereas with i think a lot of women you know i mean just general rejection there can be backlash exactly really shitty really scary backlash so like i totally understand it uh from a like a female perspective yeah exactly that like the safest thing sometimes might be to just ghost yeah that's fine so if you're out there and you've been ghosted maybe think about it from their perspective because like you can understand it can be dangerous i'm like yeah it sucks nobody likes being ghosted. But also, you should move the fuck on.

Like, I know it sucks. But, like, don't be that person still texting, still calling Facebook. You know, like, just let it go. Yeah. I don't believe too heavily in, like, rules of dating. But I had a pretty strict, like, if I text someone three times, like, in separate different occasions, and they never get back to me, that person is done. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Maybe, like, if they text me later, like, oh, hey, I was actually on vacation. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, again, if it's one of those things where you're in the beginning stages, chances are they're not going to be like, hey, I'm going away for a week. You know what I mean? They don't need to keep you appraised on everything that's happening.

So, like, every now and then, if that's the situation i'll be like okay cool but if it's just like if i've texted you three times over the course of like a week yeah two weeks in different occasions and you haven't found the time it's like no one is that busy yeah exactly i mean like that's the thing if someone is not texting you back it's they've made the choice not to exactly nine times out of ten and like you're not owed anything off these people so it it's like, just move on, man. There's a lot of fish in the sea. Do you have a question? Sure.

Oh, baby. I don't know. Do we want to go serious? Do we want to go funny? You just hit me. Whatever you're feeling, whatever's in your gut right now. Okay, I kind of like this one. What do butterflies feel like?

I assume they're talking about butterflies in the stomach and not... No, like when you're visiting one of those butterfly conservatories. But apparently they're barred. No, yeah, it's that. So my boyfriend, 20, and I, 19, have been together for about three years now. A few days ago, he told me he still feel butterflies in his stomach when I'm around. We said I started thinking or thinking. I don't know if I've ever felt butterflies in my stomach before,

or maybe I just don't associate what it is with being butterflies. I love him so much. This isn't the issue. I don't have my love for him nor his for me. I was just wondering what it feels like to know if I've ever felt it or not. Thanks for the help. Smiley face. What do butterflies feel like?

And I just love this because like they're assuming that like they felt something similar, but like given that a different, like I feel moths. Yeah. Not butterflies. My stomach is filled with spiders when I look at you. Yeah. Like how do you quantify that shit? You can't really.

Yeah. I don't know what I would. I mean, like I understand what I assume is that feeling, but how do you quantify that shit you can't really yeah i don't know what i would i mean like i understand what i assume is that feeling but how do you describe it but it's also a case of like being hung up on shit that doesn't matter and like i've i've known people before uh to get hung up on these things that don't really have any bearing on relationships and then like they get in their head and they're like is this proper like the important shit is in the question it's like i love them yeah and things are going well and it's been a long yeah and they're freaking out about this to the point where they've gone to the internet what i love is like i don't know if i should even read out some of these answers

oh please so the first one is ever remember having a crush on someone yeah she's fucking in the middle of one. Like, it's been three years of a relationship, who she loves. She doesn't need to remember. Anyway, it's kind of like that. It's not helpful at all. It's not helpful at all. Hey, have you ever, what has being burnt felt like?

You know that time when you burn yourself? It's kind of like that. Yeah. Is there a good, like an actual good description of butterflies in the stomach in there? Because now I'm curious. Well, now I need to read them more. Is there a good, like an actual good description of butterflies in the stomach in there? Um. Because now I'm curious. Well, now I need to read them more. Because now I don't know.

Well. I don't know if I've ever felt butterflies in my stomach. I actually brought a jar with us so we could help this poster. Yeah, not really. Someone else said it's similar to the feeling of worry without the negative thoughts and feelings associated with worry, which I kind of get. I mean, yeah, that's actually pretty good because you can get butterflies just some for like an audition or some shit yeah yeah i guess the point that i was trying to bring up here is that like don't focus on this bullshit so you don't need to have the exact same butterflies as them you can have

moths yeah just because this person is is feeling butterflies and you might not be, that doesn't at all. Like it's not an indication of, of what your feelings are and the fact that like, maybe he loves you more, you know what I mean? Or maybe he's more in love with you than you are. And them yeah it should be enough exactly yeah it's it's just a way like we all process shit so differently like with everything as well yeah exactly yeah you know and i two points here one is like yeah some people when they're hungry they fucking hangry myself included yeah i'm the worst yeah some people are chill like yourself yep you know so there you go we're both hungry we both want those butterflies but um and secondly i guess the uh like i guess it's like that, like, love language or whatever. Languages of love. Like, people fucking show their love different ways. They feel it different ways, you know.

I just feel like, oh, God, the cat. Yeah. Damn it all over. This just has to be open. Yeah, I guess, like, message is, like, don't worry about that shit when you, like, what matters is, you know, that's a good relationship, that you like each other. Yeah. You know, don't get hung up on like bullshit like what your fucking favorite

you don't know your favorite color um what's happened before yo um here's the thing yeah I feel like

this ties in nicely uh this comes from which I am assuming probably isn't their real username uh from reddit

it's throwaway ssn 23456126 um and they say I'm not gonna thank that name because I can't remember it already. You have to all the numbers. Thanks, ThrowawaySSN12346. The question is, how can you make a man who isn't traditionally attractive feel sexy?

And I'm bringing this up because you mentioned the language of love. There's a little bit of background here. I recently started seeing this guy who has lost a bit of weight, but is still unhappy with his current physique. He is also very hairy. Combine that with the fact that he's very inexperienced, and you have a man who can be incredibly self-conscious

in bed. I like his body. I'm attracted to him. I don't mind the hair. He turns me on. I tell him these things, and he smiles and feels good for a bit, but sometimes when I touch him in a certain way or in an area he's self-conscious about, it seems to knock him off his game. It goes into a little bit more, like, detail, but I think that's... Okay, yeah, that's...

That's enough to get going. And I think this is interesting because, like you said, everyone's got this way that they are appreciated and the way that, like, love is shown to, I think. Well, my first response was like fucking tell them which apparently they have yeah um and well actually just before we do that another point is like as much as we all have our individual languages of love or that we also have our individual like hang-ups like everybody's self-conscious and weird about this one thing

and i feel like for a lot of people fuck it takes forever to get over that you know what i mean there's all these people like they think they're overweight or they think their certain part of their body looks weird when like it doesn't or it shouldn't you know because clearly like you're with somebody they don't give a fuck they're not like she she even describes herself as like someone who's very uh positive about their their own like image um and she says it's partly in due uh to the fact that my body type fits what society says is sexy. But I'll bet you 100% there's something she freaks out about.

Oh, for sure. I think you're right. I think I agree with you here. I think it's persistence. I think she's doing everything right. And I would say, anyone who has someone... I used to date a girl who was super weird about her legs she was like convinced her legs were fat yeah um and they were 100 normal

people legs i've dated someone who had like a birthmark that like you wouldn't even fucking notice or care about yes it was literally like smaller than a penny and like it wasn't any more dramatic it wasn't on her pupil um which even then, I don't know. But it was fine. But for her, I don't know how or why, but it was this big fucking thing that would just never go away. Yeah. And it's kind of hard to be like, hey, girl, how you doing? I like that.

You know, like some of them don't come up as naturally, but, like, again, it's kind of like, I feel like you have to toe the line between making a big deal of it while not making a big deal of it. Or make a constant deal

out of it, but don't make a big deal out of it. Like, don't be all showy and theatrical and, like, you know,

but if you're just constantly affirming, you know. Yeah, and I think there's also something to be said about, like,

just appreciating people's own insecurities, you know what I mean? Like, if someone is, like, really upset about something again like legs um yeah i'm not gonna be like damn girl those legs look so good you know what i mean because like then it just seems like i'm pandering exactly i think it might be nice like every now and then if they're wearing a dress or like their skirt or something and you're just like that looks great on you don't mention a specific just be like yeah something that shows off your legs that looks

that looks great her legs are showing and therefore she looks good when you know what i mean it's like hopefully that that process because if you're worried about your legs that's when you're going to feel your most self-conscious as well right it's probably a brave move to fucking wear that dress so exactly yeah so i yeah i think reward people when they make choices. There was also another thing. I keep hitting the fucking table. Sorry, I keep hitting the door. You are bad at this.

She's talking about like, she's like, I love like asses and he's got this great ass, but he's so self-conscious about it. And I was like, you know, I think what like would be a good way to approach this is texts.

You know what I mean mean like throughout the day fucking just drop a text and be like well i thought that sweet ass yeah i can where'd you get my hands on it but you know what i mean like or just be like like when they leave like in work you're going to work the morning he walks off you send a little text say your ass looks great yeah i like what you want exactly boy yeah or or just like let them know you're thinking of their body yeah you know what i mean like send them a sexy text it doesn't have to be explicit but like be like or explicit yeah i mean if that's if that's the flavor of the day for you guys and i think you know you do obviously have to respect people's like stuff but at the same time i do think if you're just complete or like hands off

never touch it that's also going to give the wrong impressions yeah i think uh i think it's it's persistence i think it's knowing and appreciating people's insecurities do you think we helped her i think we helped her i don't know just yeah like i guess persistence and like i you know sometimes it's not even something you're directly doing like you're with them and you're like you know like being around someone who loves you makes you more confident and happy and makes you get over these issues yeah also like they say he's inexperienced if i'm sleeping with like with someone who's super into me sex becomes way more enjoyable when it's not just like a transaction where you're both trying to make each other come and then call it a day yeah you know what i mean like if someone is, really enjoying the body, like, you just feel like a fucking god.

Exactly. And you can tell. Again, there's all these nonverbal things that, you know, don't be afraid to let them know how much you love the sex. Also, if they're inexperienced, I'm hoping you're, you know, helping them along if you're a little bit more so. Like, let them know what you like, what you don't like. You know, be be verbal be nice but like if they know they can rock your fucking world they're not gonna be yep like they're gonna be happy um do you have any more butterfly questions uh yeah so the next one is uh it's like by uh let's say tentacles uh I meant

antenna but no uh no more no more butterflies or tentacles oh no um no. I have... Pick one or three. Pick one or three. Three. Three is actually one of my favorite numbers. Three and seven. That's a little Dane fact for you. That's our new segment, Dane facts. Dane facts.

Does anyone else feel increasing pressure to make relationship decisions earlier on so you don't risk wasting anyone's time? Does anyone else project into the future and think, huh, nah, fuck that. He, she is X, Y, Z. It might not work out long term. I might as well end it now so I don't risk wasting anyone's time does anyone else project into the future and think huh nah fuck that he she is xyz it might not work out long term i might as well end it now so i don't risk wasting anyone's time i could go into background but i guess it doesn't matter long story short they're with someone they're having a great time they're unclear as to whether certain things in the future might affect

them and whether or not to end it now and the the funny thing i find about this question is they're not worried about wasting their own time. They're worried about wasting the other person's time. I mean, that's a good place to be, I think. In terms of the mindset and going into it. You know what I mean? Like, if you're thinking about your partner. Well, yeah.

You know what I mean? You're worried about their concern? That's a good sign. Probably a sign that you shouldn't end things. Yeah. Like, this is something that's really important to me. There was a big point in time where I was very single for a very long time and i'm seeing other like lots of people um and every now and then like i'd meet someone i was actually really really comfortable

with and i really clicked with but then you'd get like that ultimatum of hey it's been three months and like i've actually i've been with girls who have had like a time frame and three months is usually a lot longer than the time um yeah and it's like you know it's been x amount of time what are we yeah and it's like cool like yes we're done yes yes three yeah yes three months have passed but we've hung out maybe six times you know what i mean it's like i i don't know yeah i don't fucking know exactly um and if i like i don't the worst time to make a choice on whether to be in a relationship with someone is when you don't know exactly because it I operate by a policy of like

it's either a yes or it's a no that's what it should be you know what I mean like if it's a maybe then it's a no exactly you know what I mean like unless it's an absolutely and I learned that lesson from my past relationship where I was we were seeing each other and we were open and like we were both knew we were seeing each other and we were open um and

like we were both knew we were sleeping with other people yeah um and then she was like you know what i don't want to sleep with anyone else um so like if this isn't going to go anywhere i don't want to do it anymore yeah and i was like well fuck like i really like you and i really like spending time with you and i've had a great time with you so i was like i don't want to lose you so yeah yeah and then like that relationship imploded because I was not ready to be in a relationship and I ended up getting this shitty ultimatum that I agreed to. And then it like, then we both wasted our time. Cause the thing is like relationships are pretty fucking serious things. Like you're committing yourself to somebody, uh, that involves a lot of time and effort and like, you know,

feelings at which point, you know, people are going to get hurt. There's a whole bunch of, there's just so much shit. So they shouldn't be taken lightly. And I agree with you in that, uh, I disagree with this person, like this question, like, should you like, yeah, you should worry about your partner's feelings, but like, if you're enjoying things and things are going well, like they don't have to be future perfect. Cause you don't fucking know what's going to happen. Like the only really important thing in the relationship is that it's going well yeah and like if there's if there's something that you're like oh that might not pay like if it's what if it's one of those big things like if she's a hardcore religious person and like religion is a big part of her life and that's not gonna change and you're a complete yeah and you're you know what i mean

it's like then yeah that's probably not gonna pan out well you're a complete. Yeah. And you're, you know what I mean? It's like, then, yeah, that's probably not going to pan out for you. It's probably the time to talk about it. Yeah. You know, that might then. But if it's, if it's one of those things where like, oh, she does this thing that kind of annoys me. Yeah. I, it's fine now, but maybe like, I get what I mean.

It's like, well, then you might also like find that endearing. I think a lot of the time when you're thinking and you're like, oh, this, you know, this could like, if it's a problem, it's a problem. If it's not a problem, it's not a problem. If you're thinking something might be a problem, it's not a problem. That's probably you overthinking things or like just being scared and looking. Exactly. Looking for issues.

Yeah. I think a lot of people try to find like if if they're worried or scared, they look for problems like they're almost everyone we've known has gone through that thing where someone's like oh he's great but you know what i mean he's like oh he wears you know brown shoes that's oh his favorite color is blue it's like yeah but that's not a fucking issue exactly it's like but everything else is great yeah yeah but the blue thing you're like okay cool exactly and that ties into actually worried about that ties it's almost like the opposite with the like deadline relationship deadline thing yeah that's kind of like doing the opposite instead of ending things because they might be good it's i want to fucking date this because it could be good you're not doing it because you want to be in a relationship

necessarily you're doing it because your insecure things might not work out or because you feel like society tells you have to or because like there's a variety of reasons but like people jump on that shit so quickly and it's ridiculous yeah and as you said when people have this strict time window like sure maybe you meet someone and you fucking fall in love with them within a week and you want to date i personally think that's way too quick but there's's always a case by case basis. Yeah. But if you just have a set time limit, that's fucking bullshit. Yeah. You can meet like so arbitrary. It's like, Oh, I met this guy. He's all right. But it's been three months. Yeah. It's been three months. Better lock it down. Yeah. Um, it's one of those things. It's like, you don't marry someone or shouldn't before you've been dating them a while. You don't move

into some, like, I feel like you need to take the time. If, if relationships are serious to you, which they should be. Yeah. You know? Um, I think it's also like, important to say, or like,

know that, it's okay to see other people. Um, I know that's not everyone's thing, but like, I think, I think nowadays, I think it's so important.

I think, I mean, always, I think it's been important to sort of like, if you're seeing someone, see other people. Like, if you're worried about wasting someone's time, invite them it's so important. I think, I mean, always, I think it's been important to sort of like, if you're seeing someone, see other people. Like if you're worried about wasting someone's time, invite them to date other people. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And then like, if it comes up where it's one of those situations where they meet someone they would rather be with. Then you're off for the better anyway. Yeah. Then it's great because they weren't a hundred percent committed to the idea of being with you anyway. Or it might come to the point where like, they've sampled from a couple of different plates and they're like,

oh, you're, you're actually the dish I want. You know what I mean? I was going to be like, make it like, you know, you're applying for universities.

Don't just go, I want this one. I'm like, well, if you don't fucking get in, you're like, oh shit. Yeah.

You, you apply around, maybe you get three or four offers. You know, it's just weird to me that people are just like this one and it's like you know the irony is if you do spend all your time with this one person and you're not like you know looking around or like open to dating other people and that doesn't work out then you may have slightly wasted your time if you're enjoying

yourself like as per the question asker you're not wasting your time if it doesn't work out fuck it like you wouldn't be in that time if it doesn't work out fuck it like you wouldn't be in that situation if you weren't enjoying it so why would you deny yourself what you're enjoying what's going well on the basis that it might possibly fall apart like it's not a waste of time if you're having fun you also don't get to make the decision for somebody else that you're wasting their time like that's up to them right like so just fucking enjoy it yeah unless you're on some like crazy I've gotta get married

in like two years which is bullshit which don't do that yeah if you ever have like just straight up if you have some kind of timeline like

life doesn't work like that it doesn't go by your whims you can decide fucking anything arbitrarily I can be like I need to be a millionaire by the end of the week

fucking tough luck yeah cause then you start like cramming you know the square block in the circle hole. And you might be able to squeeze it through, but it's not right. It's going to rust its corners and will be bleeding. Yeah. It's an organic.

What the fuck kind of block is this? It's an organic square. What did they play with in Ireland? Here's your meat block. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's alive, too? Yeah.

Why else would it bleed? I don't know. I thought it just like chunks of meat no but like like a sentient block i actually brought a few with me they're in the box next to the butterflies yeah like it just like shit doesn't work like that and people always say it as well like how many fucking times you heard like oh you'll meet someone when you're not looking for them that's true because when you're looking for someone you don't act naturally you fucking like try and move things too quickly or too desperately or too whatever yeah like you meet someone it works out or it doesn't and like you get on or you don't like that's kind of just how it is yeah how it should be anyway you can try and just like make life unless you're a fucking magician it's just not going to like bend itself to your will

yeah yeah it's not so just have some fucking fun and like enjoy it find somebody you weirdos I think we got one more question in us I think we I don't know we gotta get to my shit at some point well how long is that

here's a really quick one we'll do this one rapid fire rapid fire it's a really quick one we'll do this one rapid fire rapid fire it's a one word question sorry not one word it's a one line question there's no like details

it's just just a question does anyone have any good ideas for first dates that aren't a meal in a movie yeah okay firstly meal in a movie

that's a shitty first date the worst fucking first date ever that's my fucking firstly both no you're picking the two worst dates yeah putting them together yeah meal is expensive as shit and i think this is kind of the reason why people latch on so quick because it's expensive especially for guys like guys tend to shoulder a lot of the the financial burden so like don't go to meals yeah on a like, don't go to meals. Yeah. On a first date, don't go to meals. There's so much pressure.

One, it's expensive. Yeah. So, like, you're worried about that. Unless you're, like, really well off. Just flat out ball and shirt. And two, there's, like, all the social pressure of, like, is there food on my face? Am I going to order the right thing?

Yeah. Is she going to order the right thing? You know what I mean? When he awkwardly asks me which wine to choose, but I don't know what wines are. Yeah. I have to fucking pick one, but I don't want to pick the cheapest one because then you're putting out the wrong sake you know exactly and like on the flip side like if you

if you know they're gonna pick up the bill was usually like the guy is going to offer to do it then maybe you feel fucking awkward then you're like oh i like this is the dish that i want but it's more expensive but if i was paying it for myself i would yeah i would get it you know he's gonna fucking wrestle you for the bill at the end. Yeah. And it's just such a stupid fucking thing to do. I like this with all... And it's so much commitment. That's like two hours of...

And like... Then you follow it with a fucking movie? And like, how do you talk with your mouth full? Yeah. And then, yes, how do you talk in a movie? No, you don't. You look at the screen. Yeah.

And you like maybe touch, but like you just met. So like there's, you know, you're not 16. Yeah. Unless you're 14 yeah 14 go to the fucking movies go to the movies that's great because then you can go see a shitty romantic comedy

hold hands halfway through maybe kiss and then like make out I was once in a movie and someone timed how long me and the girl I was dating

made out for and like it became this weird thing at the school that like we had kissed for it was like it was a long time it was like three minutes of like unbroken like french kissing um and i was like why would you time this it's also fucking weird man who was it was this a person in your school yeah okay it was a person i thought it was just a fucking stranger who came up after it's like 40 minutes 17 seconds nice not bad it's your boy

no what movie was it it was oh fuck it was a i think a jerry o'connell movie it was he was in sliders i think the fuck um uh oh fuck what was it he was like a cartoon i think tomcats or something like that one of his friends gets testicular cancer and like there's a scene where he like they drop the testicle and it like rolls through the hospital and they're chasing as fuck and they're chasing the testicle i can see why i got you in the mood yeah um i think it's tomcats something about cats okay well that makes sense for you anyway yeah no it don't movies and and meals yeah i like the meal thing we're saying it's expensive

because that's kind of predicated on the fact that like unless you just like get it right the first time which how will you know if you're only on one date yeah but like if you go on two dates like let's be fair two people with a drink each in this city it's about a hundred dollars with tip or if not a little bit more depending where you Because again, you're not going to the cheapest place, presumably. Yeah, you're looking at like $60 to $100 plus. Yeah. And then if you do two, that's, you know, even more. If you do fucking $20,

that's a lot. That's a mortgage. Yeah. Like, movies are something that you do when you're with someone. When you're officially dating. Or even like day five or six, if something fucking cool comes out that you guys are both into. Like, one, you want to get to know the person that's the point yeah you don't want to go to a movie and then be like shit i'm back to square one like we've met up once but now i still don't know them that makes day two even worse yeah um okay so what are some good first

dates where are your well there's the classic drinks drinks are fun actually fuck that pub crawl yeah i i think i met my current girlfriend we went for a pub crawl and it was amazing because it's i find like the best of a lot of worlds because you go like if you're into drinking like it can help like take the edge off you're not so nervous you know i mean you go somewhere like you can you know sample some like you know interesting drinks blah blah get the conversation flowing but what's good about pub crawls is that like not only do you go to a few different places you're not just sitting there it's not just like yeah we're in this seat we're looking at each other we just gotta like full-on chat you're going from place to place you're walking you get to hang out in different locales there's always going to be

something new in every place you go that'll like fuel conversation that's nice to just kind of like take the break in between bars and like walk maybe you'll hold hands maybe you know and maybe see something on the way and you can just spontaneously do that. I, I just feel like it's a really good way. And you get a good gauge on people as well, because you're essentially seeing them in like eight different like scenarios, right? Um, I feel like that's a fun way to do it. Yeah. I, yeah, that's, I mean, most of my first dates were at a local bar of mine. Um, I think, yeah, check out your area. If you're in a big city, it's going to be no problem. Try to find a cool place.

Somewhere that you would take friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? Don't take them to a really fancy French bistro. It's kind of the same thing as the meal. And also, you want to be comfortable. Yeah. You want to sort of be in your element.

If you're the one initiating the date, you want to be as comfortable as possible so you're as much yourself as possible. I guess the bar should almost be a... No, maybe not. Like, a reflection of you. But, like, the bar you choose is going to be kind of, like, within your, like, you know, spectrum. Yeah, no, no, I think you're right.

Like, um... It just seemed a little dramatic. If you go to, like to a really shitty sports bar... That's an indication of who you are. And if that's what you love, and they fucking hate it, then that's probably an indication that you guys won't get on too well. But if they fucking love it, and you love it, that's awesome. Or if you have a reason why you love it...

Then you can show them that reason. You can be like, oh, I know this place sucks, but they have this sick-ass jukebox that has the best songs or like this bartender's fucking great like he will mix you up you say what liquor you like he'll make you this cool cocktail like yeah and then that gives them information about you that's another talking point exactly you guys you know don't put on airs be yourself yeah but i guess that's a different question um i know what you're gonna say yeah cake yeah hell yeah the Dane Miller approach this is so here's the thing it's like sometimes day dates like especially

with online dating like I think it's kind of cool to uh cater to women's fears of meeting terrible people well-founded fears yeah absolutely um so like i i usually or i used to suggest meeting up like early evening or like in the afternoon or for like lunch or something um and i didn't drink for the longest time um when i was single for like the first time as an adult i didn't drink so it was difficult to be like hey let's grab a drink but i'm just gonna sit here and have like a cranberry juice i also want to like, go back to the pub crawl thing and just be like, don't drink too much. Yeah, don't get hammered. Or don't try and get people to drink too much.

You want to, you know, aim for, like, no higher than tipsy, I guess. I don't know, I just, I didn't want to seem creepy, like, get her drunk. Yeah, get hammered. No, and if anyone does get drunk, fucking end the date there. Yeah, go find a diner, get some food. Yeah, sit on some church steps and eat smart food. Yeah, nice. Yeah. Um, sorry, continue. the date there go find a diner get some food yeah sit on some church steps and eat smart food yeah nice yeah um sorry continue yeah like uh i did cake i would there was this really really cool

bakery um and like they served alcohol as well so if she wanted to drink she was welcome to do so um but it was awesome because like and then it became a game where like i don't know i would always try to guess what cake they were going to get. And like, that's how often I ate cake there. Um, and it wasn't even like the amount of dates I was going, I was just, I was just there all the time eating cake because when I was, when I was that young, like that was my diet and my metabolism could handle it.

Um, but yeah, like I, and like you, you find, find a place like also ice cream is a real, I used to do, um, like, uh, yogurties or menchies or like any sort of like frozen yogurt place where you then put toppings on top of your frozen yogurt. Um, toppings are a talking point. That's, and it's also like a good indication of like what that person's about. That's true. Yeah. You guys are both piling on the gummy bears.

Like it's a good sign. I went on a date once to a frozen yogurt place and she got vanilla frozen yogurt and all she put on it was like four strawberries. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? I was down with the vanilla. I was like, fuck yeah. Yeah, no, that's a good base.

But then you gotta put just too much jelly on there. Too much gummy bears. Yeah, and I was just like, that's not what this is about. That's another thing. And then I ghosted her. Oh, god damn it. On that date, I was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

And then just climb out the window again. We used to call Dan Spider-Man for this exact reason. Yeah, keep me away from the vents. Yeah. I don't know whether we should point that out when we're joking, because I'm not sure if that is necessary. That was a joke. It was a joke. Nobody fucking knows. I did, however. he's actually in the vents right now i never saw her again that's fine and that was the reason why that's the thing you you get indications and like fuck

it you don't waste that's when you're wasting your time if you keep going even when you don't like somebody um i will say coffee is a half and a half for me um i like coffee because it's one of those things where you can it's like a move on to something else yeah well me um i like coffee because it's one of those things where you can it's like a move on to something else yeah well true um i went on a coffee date once with someone who specifically didn't want to drink and it was winter so there was like a not like you couldn't go for a fucking walk it was minus 30 out or something stupid so like we arrived we're miserable we went to like a sit-down coffee place which was awful because we had a coffee each and the poor server was like watching this date unfold knowing that we're gonna take up

a table intersection when like our bill was like fucking twelve dollars or something and you know unless i tip them like sixty dollars on top of that like twelve dollars for two coffees it's a fancy place yeah fuck i know i picked my coffee right it? It was the meal, yeah. No, like, yeah, I didn't want to just go to Starbucks, you know? Yeah, no, that's me. Well, I'm boring. So, yeah, like, also I kind of wanted to check the place out. It was meant to be cool. And it was, like, a giant, like, fancy, like, Chilean fucking, like, hot chocolate thing with, like, chilies and stuff.

I don't know. It was cool. Either way, like, the date went really well. But eventually just the general, like, you're not going to get multiple coffees, right? Usually general rule, like even if you get two, you're probably fucking wired. So at that point, like if the date goes well, you need, as you say, you need like a jumping off point or else it just kind of gets weird. And like we could have gone for a walk if it was the summer, we could have gone for a drink if it was someone else, you know? So I just feel like coffee is either go there and then do something else or like make it a quick, like I can meet you for like two hours.

Let's grab a coffee to figure out if you like them or not. Cause you can get a decent enough idea from that. And then you don't commit too much time, money, et cetera. I feel like that's another way they're useful. Yeah. It's tough. Cause like a lot of people are always like go bowling go like trampolining

yeah and it's like they make really good second and third and fourth kind of dates but like first time it's a commitment again

for all this time what if you go and you fucking hate them yeah and you're stuck over the lane for like two hours yeah you've gotta

yeah and I don't know the idea like the romance behind going on a first date that's like really kitschy like that is sweet. But I think in practice, like there's nothing beats sort of being able to interact one-on-one. And like if you end up in a bar that has like arcade games or pinball games, cool, great. You know what I mean?

But at least like you're going to have met, you're not going to be like, hey, arcade games. You're going to talk to them for at least half an hour, at which point you generally know if like you want to stick around for at least the arcade game time or

not. I also, fuck, I was going to say something and I completely forgot it. I don't know. Fuck. Oh, whatever.

Perfect. Classic. Are you ready to, you ready for some fucking bullshit? bullshit i'm ready i think we can wrap it up what have you got what do you got for us so this is i figured like you know we're doing a bit of advice we're new to this you know it's a little it feels a little weird to just be throwing that sort of advice so i thought i'd go and uh find some advice out there oh no are you ready for this absolute iute. I mean, this is great. It's so good. Okay.

This is our sage advice to end the program? Well, no. This is someone else's advice. Okay, yeah. So, this is an article, and it's called How to Talk to a Woman

Who's Wearing Headphones. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone

or tablet device or often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time. How dare they? How fucking dare they? These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time. How dare they? How fucking dare they? These days, fucking mind. These goddamn days. Yes. It doesn't mean that you or anyone else can say hello to her.

Oh, that's exactly what I mean. If a woman who's wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a new boyfriend or even a new lover, she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to you an opportunity career spark with her fuck no like fuck sorry if one isn't single she'll usually be nice god i hope they're gonna be nice fucking better be yeah i'd take off her headphones if a confident normal guy so be confident normal oh they do want to know their recommended opening line oh my god yes is there like a dialogue? Oh, there's four examples back and forth. Oh, there is theoretical dialogue. Yeah.

Smile and say in a friendly, easygoing manner manner, Hey, how you doing? Not how are you doing? How you doing? Oh, no. I was walking along and saw you with your little headphones on and thought, wow, she's hot. I have to come over and say hi.

I'm Dan. What's your name? Woman. Jessica. Man, add in some light humor to get her smiling, create a spark between you. Let me guess, you were listening to heavy metal music, right? Because women can't listen to heavy metal. Of course, right?

Most likely laughing and saying, no, I was listening to most likely latest pop music. Oh, for fuck's sake. Well, that's all women listen to, of course. Oh my God. And this is... Oh, it actually just keeps getting worse. You had me worried there. I thought you were like a heavy metal girl who likes headbanging at concerts.

Woman, possibly smiling or laughing. Oh my God. What's the name of this guy? Dan something. Oh, you know what I love is that not only did in his example, the guy had his name so that's good and there's the whole fucking website is this just like is this just this guy's weird fan fiction about himself and talking to yeah basically but like look how many people there

are like if you feel the need to preface your article with about seven pages of people saying you're right, you know you're wrong. Also, he probably just went on Instagram and stole pictures and was like... Oh, probably, yeah. This whole thing is just Dan's fucking sick self-fanfiction. Yeah, exactly. Regular women. He has a Twitter that's, like, pretty much as bad. Either way, this is the point of the show where we're like, this is bad advice.

This is the advice that people are getting and we're trying to... That's one of the reasons we started the show is because people think this bullshit is okay. It's not. If you can't meet someone in a normal environment, just fucking don't. Again, plenty more efficiency. You see someone jogging by with fucking headphones on, you need to... I'm sorry. Tough luck.

Also, the regular world is not your dating profile. Nope. Like, it's just not. It's people doing stuff. These people are out doing their fucking day-to-day lives. No one's like, I want to get laid,

I'm going to go jog around with headphones on. Yeah, you know what I want to do? I want to get hit on while I fucking try to find decent avocados. And there's nothing wrong with listening to heavy metal. Ladies, if you listen to heavy, keep listening to heavy metal. I think that's fucking awesome. I listen to heavy metal. Ladies, if you listen to heavy metal, keep listening to heavy metal.

I think that's fucking awesome. I listen to heavy metal, so, yeah. I'd interrupt you. I'd chase you down. I'm wearing headphones right now,

you motherfucker. Get the fuck out of my face. I can't go anywhere without a closet. It's true. You're trapped. Thank you for listening, friends.

This has been our very first episode of Fuck Buddies. Thanks for spending some time with us. Thanks for coming coming along we hope you had as much fun as we did um if you have a question that you would like to ask us um and please don't be afraid uh we'll be completely confidential with all of your information obviously um just give us a handle as so you know it's your question and we'll use that instead of your name or anything you can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com or you can shoot us a twitter message at fck underscore buddies also feel free to you know add anything you know if you had a thought

while you're watching if you disagreed with something if you want to add something you want to send some hate mail just go for it. Yeah, for sure. Reach out and let us know what you think. Like I said, we want this to be a conversation so that we can learn and get better advice and move people away from interrupting women

with their headphones and into good, fun, sexy times. Just having cake. Just having so much cake. Eating cake and fucking and butterflies. good fun sexy times. Just having cake. Just having so much cake. And fucking. Eating cake and fucking and butterflies.

And being nice to each other. And meat cubes. Meat cubes. I thought you were going to say meat cute. So I was like yeah. Yeah meat cuties and meat cubes.

And thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest City for their song Paper Stars which is our song at the beginning and it hasn't happened yet but also at the end. And if you guys could

follow us and subscribe and rate us on itunes that would be excellent uh if you could also uh give a visit over to our facebook so it's fck buddies podcast after facebook.com or you can just look up fuck buddies podcast on facebook we will see you shortly, hopefully in two weeks. Yeah. If things go well, maybe weekly. Weekly. But we're going to try to do bi-weekly for the start, just until we get the hang of things. Yeah, see how things go. And if they go shit, then this might be it. Or we'll just do it out of spite. Yeah. Punish your ears. Thank you again for listening. My name is Dane Miller. And I am Niles Payneain and we're your fuck buddies we love you