F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 10 - Ham-Candle

Episode Date: December 3, 2018

We made it into the double digits!  We celebrate by giving you more of the sex and dating advice you need, didn't know you needed and maybe didn't want.  Topics include butt-grab defense force, how to learn her name (again), denying a second date and making man-meat sexy again.

I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Lyle Spann And we're your fuck buddies This is a weekly dating and sex advice podcast

Where we turn your sticky sexy situations into sexy sticky situations. Fuck me. In other words, we sex questions. We do sex questions. We sex questions. Oh, fuck you. We're gonna break these glasses. Yeah.

We're not even cheersing anymore. We're like playing Conkers. How you doing? I'm good. I'm having a great day. Conkers. How you doing? I'm good. I'm having a great day. Good. How are you doing? I'm doing well. I wasn't talking.

Sorry. The joke that will never get old. Or funny. Yeah. No, I'm glad you're doing well. We do have a solemn request from a listener to introduce the cat back into the podcast. So we've cunningly closed the door in an effort to entice him. Yeah, we'll see.

I mean, as long as we're alone in this apartment, there's a good chance that he might come say hello. But if my girlfriend comes home, then we're fucked. I feel like once we have the door closed, he's like, what? But if we have it open, he's like, I don't give a fuck. You want me in there? Nope. That's, yeah, that's pretty much what cats do. Yeah.

Especially that bastard. You realize this is episode 10? Oh, shit. I was going to buy us champagne so we could go boop. Well. Can you edit that in instead of the clink? Yeah. The abrasive, violent clink.

Okay, let's pretend that we popped some champagne. We'll do that for episode 25. That'll be our champagne episode. Because it's like a quarter, right? Boop. Oh, shh. We did a clink. Glug, glug, glug.

This episode is brought to you by SoundFX. Shit. Shit audio. You know what is funny? I have gotten three reasons why this podcast is a good thing this week. Okay. Or a terrible thing. I'm not sure.

So every now and then, sometimes I bring a question to the podcast just because it's like fucking hilarious or baffling, such as like the dickly hallows. You know, the whole piss below in the toilet. So that's that it's a thing and it upsets me that that exists. Another person who had not listened to the show when I met her, told her about the show and asked her to ask the question, half joking because people usually listen and then send they don't just off the bat have one she did have one off the bat and we had literally answered it the day before and it was about how do i get my man to clean his butt so that's also more of a thing than we ever wished it was i mean yeah just just two people yeah that's already way fucking more and third thirdly, and this you know about, but our humble, beautiful listeners do not. We have gotten two messages from people we don't know.

And it's amazing because they are so thirsty and they seem to think that we are some kind of like sex website or sexy girls or something like a hookup site of some sort yeah we've gotten one guy messages and says hey boo and then sent us another message that said anybody cute but literally anybody not anybody uh so yeah my buddy dane is cute if you're listening but i've got a lot of cute buddies. You interested, bro? You interested? And then another guy just messaged, like, hey, what's up? What's up?

And I asked him if he had a question, and he packed a big retreat. So if you see something and you automatically think it might want to sleep with you without even reading the description and or, I don't know, getting any information about it. It might get you laid. Yeah, you're part of the problem, guys. Yeah. Like, who's just on the internet? Also, I'd love to know what it popped up on, like, but, or how they found us.

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they're just, like, looking up, like, fucking on Facebook over and over again. They're like, oh, fuck buddies. They just went so far down the rabbit hole they found us. Yeah. At that point, they are willing to. They just went so far down the rabbit hole they found us. Yeah. At that point, they are willing to fuck a podcast.

So grab the audio file and give it a go. You want to start off while I start off? Yeah. So this comes from Reddit user TheAngryRaisin. I didn't think you were about to say raisin. I 100% read it the first time as angry Asian. Oh, I thought you were about to say angry racist oh no those are later questions um and he says what's the appropriate way to handle a drunk guy

grabbing a girl's butt at a party uh for the details i was invited to a party and there's a solid mix of guys and girls having fun drinking and hanging out but not really a hookup scene i see a drunk guy friend of the, that I don't know grab a woman's butt. Clearly trying to initiate something, but she looked uncomfortable, just pretended it didn't happen and walked away. It happened so fast, nobody else saw it except for me, who was across the room. My question is, is it a concessence to intervene and confront a blacked out drunk, well, a blacked out drunk guy, ored out drunk guy or to let the female in the situation handle it if she's able to and avoid causing a scene as a guest of the party

i feel real disgusted seeing it happen and i felt guilty that i didn't say anything that's a good question um i see there's three ways to do this obviously there's go up and confront them but as he kind of seems to realize drunk totally blackout guy who you don't know apt to get aggressive and yeah you're at a party blah blah blah blah so it's an option but you got to be you know aware that it could escalate or whatever option two which i think is maybe the better one but depends on again like how bad it is and how easily you can get this done and whatever if it's the host friend that's the host place go to the host and be like hey your friend's being a fucking dick bag get him to sort out because presumably he knows how to interact with his

friend and presumably will know if his friend is you know what to do as you would hope yeah and third option is talk to the girl and see what she wants you know if you go up and be like hey are you okay is this guy bothering you like and then you know or even just like hang around and make sure it is done with you know what i mean like if he it does it more if he does anything worse you know i would say what i would do would be number three i would go to the girl and be like are you okay and then if he does it again or you feel unsafe just come hang out with me and my friends yeah um and you know and that way if he like follows you over you've got a considerable amount of people who know what's

going on who will you know i mean back you up and also if like say it's her boyfriend who's gotten a little drunk and she's annoyed that he's a little drunk not necessarily that he's touching her butt. Then you're not just provoking an angry drunk guy for no reason. And maybe her depending on like there's nothing worse than getting involved in a situation that is objectively just bad. And then because they're in a relationship, both of them turn around and start haranguing you. That's the thing that like always drives me nuts is when people just expect guys to jump into the fire and it's like nine times out of ten you and i will um and most guys will but like there's a level of danger to confronting someone

the same way like most people acknowledge the fact that like women rejecting guys could turn ugly it's like now imagine a guy interjecting himself into that position and either like, you know, quote unquote cock blocking him. And like society doesn't say anything about guys hitting other guys. You know what I mean? So like that barrier is already removed. Like obviously like there's a very slim chance that he's going to like start wailing on a girl in public. I mean, it's happened. Yeah.

But like there's a way larger chance of you you know either getting bottled or followed out or like followed up to the bathroom or just like there yeah um so like it always annoys me when people are like men need to do more about it's like i understand like if if if you're with a guy and he's catcalling a girl tell him to shut the fuck up yeah i mean like take but like if you're on the streetcar and like the sporadic dudes jumped on the bus you know what i mean and is it is now like yelling at women like you kind of have to like take sort of inventory being like if i get involved is it going to be worse yeah am i putting myself in mortal danger as well because like as much as it's important to like look out for everyone you also have to not

die yeah yeah and that's the thing like in in that situation at the party like i've seen it before where like someone goes up and they talk to the guy and you don't really solve the problem you create a newer bigger one you know what i mean yeah because now he's going to be brewing about that yeah or if he just starts a fight with you there and then which again i've seen happen a million times like all of a sudden you've got two people like you know he's probably running into you grabbing you guys might bump into people people might actually get hurt like that girl might get knocked over that girl might like whatever you know and you're doing all the shit so it's like yeah by all means i think when it's necessary yeah do it right but it's not always necessary

and often if you do take that direct approach, you're just creating a different problem, not necessarily solving the first one. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's like it could go so wrong so fast, even like especially for her, because it could be one of those situations where like you go and be like, hey, man, knock it off. He's like, oh, sorry, sorry. And then next time he sees her alone, he's like, hey, bitch, why did you like. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then like if they're if she's, you know, going to the bathroom and he pushes his way in behind her, like... Yeah, you're making somebody who's clearly already shitty and or in a shitty fucking headspace, you know, worse. Yeah, it's, you know... It's so, like, it's so shitty because, like, nine times out of ten, like I said, like, we've interjected ourselves into dangerous positions ourselves into dangerous positions we've done that when we've had to though you know what i mean like if we were at a party and someone was doing that and like we knew the person we'd probably be like

hey man your friend's being a dickhead or talk to her you know go around it and then if neither of those things worked or if he got worse we would 100 get in the way but we've never done it at the expense of a better way to do it because as far as i remember there was a night where i was leaving probably the underground um and there was these two like hammered girls and there was these two guys in the car just being like hey yeah where your uber get in get it get it it was like did you guys order an uber and they're like no and they were getting in the car and i was like don't get in the fucking car so they were i was like where are you guys trying to go and they're like oh we live down the street i was like okay cool i'm walking that way so let's walk together um and at one point her boyfriend called

and she answered and she's like you know was just like i'm fucking hammered and um and then she's like someone is helping us get home so i was like practically carrying her friend yeah um and when i got there the guy pulled a knife on me. That's fun. The guy was like, what the fuck are you doing touching my girlfriend? I was like, one, I'm not touching her at all. Like I'm physically holding up her friend. And the guy like turned on me.

I was just like, all right, cool. Like your girlfriend would literally be in the back of just some random dude's car right now if it wasn't for me. I know. But like the worst thing is for him, I guess he just sees strange guy, drunk girls, and it's like you kind of assume the worst, although you're bringing them home and everyone had full knowledge, but still. It's shit. Well, fuck, we've been in situations.

Remember those group of dudes tried to fight us because there was, like... Yeah, someone who was, well, I don't know if we can say their name. I guess. But, um, and they were just, like, completely fucking blacked out, and, like, yeah, someone who was, well, I don't know if we can say their name. I guess. But, um, and they were just like completely fucking blacked out. And like, the guys were like, yeah, we don't care. It's like, you can't take this girl home. She is literally blackout drunk and you don't know her. So, still going to.

Yeah, you can stop us. Yeah. And then like. Boy, did they learn that we could stop them. Yeah. That was, uh, it's just, you know, shitty. Yeah. I mean, like there was one dude who tried to fight our friend who like again just the worst idea the guy's training like seven different martial arts but still you never know the guy could have worked a dude over a step over a step and like i had a

guy who was like twice my size follow me into the bathroom and just like stand menacing while i took a piss yeah it was a weird night yeah but yeah there are dickheads everywhere so i don't know there's always like i feel like sometimes like from tv and from just what people say it's automatically assumed that going straight over is the best response and again sometimes you have to and if you can and if you do that's great and fair play and we do need more people who are able to interject when it's needed um but if there is a better route, like talking to the girl, making sure they're safe, talking to that person's friend, if they seem like a better person or a more sober person, you know, there are better ways to do things. So just be careful, be cautious. Yeah.

Be ready to leap into action if someone needs help. And that's like guy or girl. It doesn't matter. Yeah, exactly. If someone is... In general, yeah. But yeah, always sort of like,

I think, look for the route that doesn't potentially lead to violence. Well, I think you just, you need to know what could happen and like just be ready

for that. You know? And also, if there is a better route, fucking why wouldn't you take it? Yeah. You're not going to get any brownie points

for getting glassed. Yeah, but like, that like fucking shitty macho attitude. You know what I mean? Like some people who like I imagine there are also guys out there who'd be like, this girl's going to love me now. You know what I mean? Like who thinks they're going to be able to swing favor with her as opposed to just looking out for her. Well, I'm 100% sure there's probably people who go out to see people bothering people to go to fight those people just be like oh girl there's like you know back home there are people who just go out on nights out to fucking fight people

there's definitely those people did we solve it we did no fuck the world's a better place we did yep all right so i got i got a duo of questions from a friend of ours. Mr. Sharky sends two in. And first one is, how do I get a girl's name if I got her number while really drunk and spelled it wrong? And they've been texting. But he doesn't remember her name and spelled it wrong on his phone

and has no idea what it is. I mean... Fuck. I was going to say, you could just be like, did I spell your name right? But if it's... But, like, if you have no idea. If there's, like, just, like, a number in there,

you definitely have... Ooh, question. What if there'd be a number in there? If you're hammered and you're trying to type in, like, a name and you've somehow thrown a number in there... That's pretty bad. Okay, you send your garbled version you say like hey blah blah blah how are you and she's like what the fuck and you'd be like oh my god my

phone auto-corrected to your name like ha ha ha and then you always refer to her like that on text because it's now your inside joke oh and either she gets pissy and goes just call me clara or why is it always Clara? Why not? Okay, fair. And either you have a funny, cutesy inside joke and eventually you'll get her name or she'll get angry and yell her name at you. Yeah. I mean, also you could be like, add me on Facebook.

That's what I was going to say. Then you've got the whole situation. You know what I mean? Like the whole name. But how would you get there? I feel like back in the day, it was easier to be like, yo, add me on Facebook. Whereas these days, it's kind of like, what? Everyone's a little more guarded.

Yeah, like why? What do you need? Like, I don't know. Maybe it was just because you were younger or Facebook was newer. But it was just like, yeah, Facebook. Now it's like, why? What do you want? You could also ask for a Snapchat.

Yeah, true. But then you also seem a little creepy. I feel like if you ask for someone's Snapchat, it's like, unless you kind of have a reason to, you just seem like you want nudes. Yeah, or be like. Or you're 14. Go somewhere that has puppies and be like, there are so many puppies here. What's your snap? I want to send them to you.

Or you find a really cool event that you want to bring her to on facebook and you go hey i really want to bring you to this event like what do you think and she'll be like oh cool what is it and you go it's easier if i just send you the invite on facebook what's like add me and send their your name or and this is a pro move i've learned because i've done this at least three times right if you have whatsapp or if you have what's the other one? I don't know. One of those messaging things. All your contacts are like, if you go into contacts in WhatsApp and you go down, if they have it, their name is going to be on it.

Yeah, you can also search phone numbers on Facebook. But if you're a fucking weirdo, who the fuck puts their number on Facebook? Please tell me your number is not on Facebook. No, no. Okay, good. Because if it is, I'm just just saying if her number is on Facebook she's an idiot there's a ton of times where I've

I would match with someone on Tinder and I'd be like I can't tell what you actually look like or the alternative is you're so incredibly attractive that I don't think you're real so I will I'll just copy and paste their number

into facebook and if they pop up then they're weird who puts their fucking number on facebook a lot of people don't know that like back in the day if you if you synced your phone up so that you would get notifications on your mobile um it automatically added it to your profile so people didn't know to change that that's why like I don't think it happens anymore because people are like privacy. Yeah. But you sort of fuck. Didn't know that. Yeah.

If you like mine was up there for the longest time. But yeah, it'll give you an on WhatsApp as well. Cause it like, it has also just like, be like, Hey, I was fucking hammer.

I guess you're admitting you don't know her name. Yeah. No one likes that. Especially like if you don't do it instantly as well. Like they've been talking for a few days, you know? And I think even instantly it's kind of a, it's a 50-50 chance whether they're like, fuck this guy. Yeah. Or, fuck this guy later.

It's probably not going to go your way. Yeah. Although it is Sharky. Yeah, anything's going to go his way. That sexy bastard. He's so nice. I think we solved it. Yeah.

Okay, second one. And this one is kind of filthy. Yeah. He's wondering. No. It's, we kind of answered it before, but when he asked it, I was going to, anyway, I'll just say that out. He basically went on a date with someone.

I like it was fine, but he doesn't really want to do it again. However, she seemed, of course, because he's amazing, to really want to have another one. And she'd been messaging him. He hasn't really gotten a chance to reply yet and he's wondering would it be better to just message her and say hey it didn't really work out don't really want to see you again or just leave it no i don't think this is a case where ghosting is appropriate really yeah once one day yeah no i think it's i think it's totally fair to be like, hey, I'm really sorry. Didn't really feel the connection. Thank you so much.

Good luck. You know what I mean? I'm going to switch up the question then. Would you be more or less hurt if you went out on a date and got a message back being like, hey, sorry, I don't really want to see you again? No, I would, I would way prefer that. Really? Yeah. Because for me, right, if someone's like, hey, I don't want to see you, it's like, wow,

I'm that bad or like I'm that whatever that they literally have to be like, hey. Whereas if they just ghost me, they might be an asshole. It's like their problem, I'm that bad or like I'm that whatever that they literally have to be like, hey. Whereas if they just ghost me, they might be an asshole. It's like their problem as opposed to my problem. Well, no, I don't think it's like I think it's a respect thing, right? Like if you if you just go someone because you don't think they're worth. Well, that's the thing. I was like, I think that's a I think that's a shittier thing to do to someone. Yeah.

Well, that's the thing. Instantly, I was going to be like, look, it's the easier way to ghost. It's the harder way to go talk to them. But it's the right thing to do. Yeah. But then I thought about it and I wasantly, I was going to be like, look, it's the easier way to ghost. It's the harder way to go talk to them, but it's the right thing to do. Yeah. But then I thought about it and I was like, I think I'd be because it's like ghosting hurts the longer you know somebody. Right. So if it's been like a few months and all of a sudden they disappear, that's fucked.

It's just been like a date or like a few texts. It doesn't really matter. Think about it this way. Like if you're on a date and then like you just never hear anything from them ever again, you're like, wow, fuck. Like I was so bad that they couldn't even dignify me with a response. Yes. I wouldn't think that way. I'd just be like, eh.

I mean, yeah, I guess. But like if she's super keen on meeting up, I think it would be a little harsher. No, again, I totally agree. And it was my first response. But I do actually think personally I'd probably be less hurt by just nothing because it's only been one date. What the fuck are your cats doing out there?'t worry about it they wanted they wanted cats i don't know if you can hear it through the mic but you got cats um so i guess he just has to give her a message and say i think so i think like i've been on a few dates where um like what i think

i mentioned before one of my favorite dates that i ever went on on Tinder was this date where like. They were the banana. Uh, no, like we, we met up and like about like an hour in, we were just like, we just kind of had like that moment where, you know, when you run out of things to say and you're just like. See, that's different. That's mutual. That, that awkward.

I know. But if, if we had like, I don't know, just kept pretending, we wouldn't have had a good time. Because, like, after that, we were just like, let's just get fucking hammered. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you're telling he should message her and say, hey, this isn't going to work. Didn't really feel a connection. Let's go get hammered.

Let's get fucked. No, but, like, there were also dates where I would go and, like, at the end of of the date I would go for a kiss or whatever and like it would be a polite kiss and they'd be like ah just so you know like didn't really feel anything I was like cool I appreciate that I know no longer to invest my time and effort yeah or energy in this you know what I mean and I'd way rather that than like be like oh I wonder if I wonder if uh I wonder if they got my. I wonder if, you know what I mean? There's all those what ifs. I'd rather just have the door closed for me and be like, cool, I can move on.

I know. For me, I'd just be like, message her too. And I'm like, meh. It's how I sort of adopted a breakup policy. I'm very happy at the end of a breakup to just be like, I know that i can no longer put energy into this you've made that apparent via whatever way or i've made it apparent and we can like just close that door and lock it and leave it there oh yeah what else do you do after a breakup a lot of people linger yeah but people are fucking weird a lot of people message podcasts trying to hook up with them when

they don't know what they are yeah what i'm just saying it's like people don't clean their butt a lot of people ghost and that like i imagine that's that's not the right way to do it no i i know it isn't but i do think personally i would just like the ghost i wouldn't even like think about ever again whereas if they were like hey i'd be like oh really not that badly i mean you could always just be like could you fill out my comment card oh yeah yeah. The ones we have on our website. Yeah. And get like, uh, get some feedback on your first date. Yeah.

No, it was weird. Cause like, I know the answer is right, but I just personally feel like I'd be less offended that way. I think that's the first time we've ever had like a differing opinion. No. On the show. Well, on the show maybe. Yeah.

Definitely not in person. Yeah. And even then, like, I'm not hardcore there cause I know like what the right thing to do is but i just think someone does for me i'd be like me but yeah send her a fucking message man yeah just just let her know though she fucks too wild just tell you think she fucks too well just be like sorry yeah i can look at it i've looked into your eyes and all I see is a wild fucker. Tell her you don't clean your butt. Tell her you splash water.

Or you know what? Tell her I was not listening to this episode and we'll do it right now for you. Oh, yeah. Clara. Anastasia. I'm really sorry, but. You may seem, you put out the image of just fucking too wild. Yeah.

And while Sharky had a great time on his date with you. He also has a great dick and it is a national monument. We can't allow risk like that to befall him. Yeah. You are not covered by his dick insurance policy. Nope. So unfortunately, we're going to have to cut you loose. We're sorry. Um, I imagine

you have a long lineup of men waiting to just have their dick snapped off. Um, and I would suggest to help in this grieving process, get one of them and clit them down into that mattress that you just clit them right down deep. I like that. You can dick her into the mattress and you can clit them into the mattress. I love it. More equal opportunities here. Ready for another question? Yeah, do it. Also, sorry, Clara.

Yeah. Don't dwell. Just move on. This is a really long question that I am going to- Read entirely. That's the rest of the episode, guys. Just roll the credits. I'm going to um summarize so this comes

from reddit user hustle muscle racing i did not think you were saying racing there i told you i'm leading up to it he's asking how to not have such a negative outlook on women um and he has a long history of um women being shitty to him and he's young he's only 18 oh sure the history's real long well he his mother divorced his dad and then would like would not let him okay i thought you were talking specifically about like romantic relationships no no so like it started young with like um and she sort of like cut him off from his dad so he didn't really have much of like a male role model or like a male influence in his life. And she was very apathetic and then adopted sort of like a like cliche man hating, you know, single mom attitude.

From then he had a childhood female friend who they got along super well with until junior high at which point she sort of like switched over to like a mean girl click and just sort of like disowned him and humiliated him and bullied him like his entire junior high and then once uh he got into high school sort of like the same thing he had a crush on a girl she told everyone and everyone made fun of him for it um and it's just sort of like women have sort of done him wrong um and he he like actively acknowledges he's like i know this isn't like every women's fault but he's like there is this like underwhelming you know hatred of women that is growing and he wants to figure out a way to crush that before it becomes like an actual problem in his in his life uh well firstly i think he needs to kill the bad writer

that's been scripting his life because he's just like victim to his cliche disease i know this is like a augustus burroughs novel yeah like what the fuck like also i'm pretty sure mean girls can sue so he better be careful um i i don't know see things like this and i guess at least he has like it seems like a lifetime of reasons whereas like i met people who are just so bitter after like their relationship like this one person or these two it's like we've all had shit happen to us it's like you just get the fuck and it goes both ways too like how many times have you heard like men are shit it's well, why do you think that? Because like,

this one guy did something shitty that you like ignored probably all the warning signs for. Or not. But like, either way, like someone can come out of nowhere and be the worst fucker.

And it's like, like you literally can't just be like, well, this entire gender or this entire city or this entire race or this entire anything. It's like literally every

time that i've been mugged and jumped has been by someone who has not been white but like i don't immediately assume that everyone who isn't white is gonna jump me you know what i mean every time i've been mugged or jump it has been a white person well white people are the worst yeah that's fair no one thing we can agree on yeah but yeah like it just and i see this with relationships where people are like oh my this one guy like fuck me over like i never trust men or like i'm never going to be in a relationship again because i was like yeah those things suck but like you don't think i've had shitty ass fucking relationships and like i'm not like well all women are next relationship going in like with my fucking like guns out being like you make a move like fuck you

yeah i think and i do get it i get the inclination why you want to but like it it just fucks your life up it fucks everyone else's lives up you have to do um kind of something that i did when i was a little younger because like i was really reckless with women when i was when i was much younger um and their feelings at least i felt that i did or i was um and i did a thing that I called a karmic reset. And I reached out to everyone that I thought I did wrong to. Oh, God, you're in a TV show as well. Right?

And I just sent them a message on either Facebook or if I had their number, I would call them. You know what I mean? Whatever means of communication I had with them, I would send them a message and just be like, hey, I remember this time. I'm really sorry. I understand that what I did was shitty.

And I apologize, like, genuinely and sincerely. And I did that in order to help myself forgive my ex for what she did to me. Okay. If that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like, I realized that if those people could forgive me, I could sort of at least accept what has happened and move on okay um and i think it's kind of important to sort of like in order to uh deal with negative shit that's happened to you to also look and see what negative shit you've put onto the world and try to rectify

that as a way of you know balancing the scales i feel like honestly and this is probably going to sound a bit weird, the shittier things that happen to you, it's almost for the better because you get stronger as a person and you are more able to deal with shitty things in the future. If you get assaulted, you freeze. You go into shock.

You don't do anything. You get beaten up or you get mugged or you do whatever. But then the next time it happens or you're assaulted or you're attacked or whatever you're less able you're less frozen you're more able to act under pressure etc you burn your finger or you start playing guitar you build up calluses when you're a person if you've been through this shit you're one more able to deal with it in the future and two hopefully more able to recognize it and get out of the way like we've all seen those people who are in shitty relationships who don't realize that they're so bad because

they're not out of them yet i don't know if i agree with that because like those people have a pattern of going into the same relationship over and over and over again well yeah i don't know do you really think this guy's mom and the mean girl have the same yeah no i i'm but i mean like if like i learned from my mistakes and my shit relationships and like now it's like i know when to cut things off and i know how to avoid them like instead of sticking around during shit that before i try make excuses for and i try to like look past and like i'd see if you know i just i'm like not i'm done yeah i think that i think the really important thing is to sort of understand that everything is isolated and everything is transient.

So like the pain you felt in high school was heightened because you're going through adolescence and hormones. You know what I mean? Like, and that was your world. The world is so much smaller when you're younger. You know what I mean? Like your world exists in the walls of your school. And people are shittier as well. Like, yeah, there's no real repercussions

to being a fucking asshole in like high school and shit you know what i mean um so i think it's like really important to be like that was a thing that happened and it in no way is an indication that it's going to happen again or that everyone who was involved or like every kind of person that was involved yeah are also going to do the same thing you will notice personality traits absolutely you know what i mean like you're going to notice that like there are other assholes and other terrible people in the world but they're not going to look the same as the ones who you've already encountered yeah but also like i think like if you like take solace in the fact that you're a good person if you are hopefully you are and like i get the feeling he is because he is actively being like

i don't want this to fuck me so that's the thing like fuck fuck people who are shitty like you're there's always gonna be shitty people out there and just like make that make the fact that you're a good person feel even better yeah you know i mean like relish the fact that you're good and like stay good like be extra good almost in defiance right that's the thing it's like to spite them be a good person don't it sync to their bullshit because they're just terrified little people who are probably have some kind of hatred or at one point they gave up maybe something bad happened to them or maybe they're just so scared that now that's how they deal with shit and like if you let them affect you that way and start to hate women then you're becoming that person abuse is cyclical

yeah you know what i mean it's like the people who are abused as kids are more likely to grow and start to hate women, then you're becoming that person. Abuse is cyclical. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like the people who are abused as kids are more likely to grow up to be abusers. You know what I mean? But then there are those people who, like you said, like grow up and become better in spite of it. You take every piece of shit that's thrown your way. You know what I mean? Like either you let it affect you and you become

a product of that abuse yeah or you become a product in spite of it exactly and i hated if i ever felt a certain way because of a shitty thing somebody did to me so anytime i felt that it would be like mentally just middle fingers fuck that like be better and like it feels good and it's great yeah you know and it's like don't let them win don't let them like change you you know but also you obviously realize a certain amount of what's wrong with the situation by mess like by messaging into reddit but like hating any one group is literally insane it's crazy like but remember that because unless you actually consciously think of it it may be like the amount of people in the world who do it is fucking ridiculous but realize that it is fucking insane because every single fucking person is

different literally yeah walk into a room of five people who grew up in the same house and they're all fucking different so just realize that that's fucking insanity yeah that's i mean like yeah you have to you have to isolate your incidents and and realize that like like i said like those happened and there's a chance of something similar happening again of course that's the way life is anything can happen um but don't assume that it will happen yeah you also kind of attract that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? If you try to fill the voids of the people who have let you down, you're probably just going to attract the same people that let you down,

and they're going to let you down again. And then that'll reinforce it, right? Yeah. And that's the thing. If you're, like, standoffish or a little bit hatred-y or mean or something, you might repel people who are nicer. You know what I mean? When someone else will see you as like an

easy target and then you know it's such a scary time for this too because like well all the incel bullshit that's the thing it's like when i was younger there wasn't really like an online presence of well there wasn't an online i'm not that old um i mean like at least i wasn't aware of it again because i was young when like the internet became sort of more popular back then like it wasn't sure there was to have an online presence there wasn't facebook right there wasn't like all this shit so like and it's and it's so easy to like there wasn't smartphones these days everyone is like infinitely more connected day by fucking day so whether or not they were there before it's one more easy for them to connect like you know 10 people in 10 different cities is one lonely

bastard right now it's 10 lonely bastards who are forming a group online right yeah it's it's a group instead of just a single person and like with the rise of all the bullshit around the world like it it lends kind of like weight to these people and like they feel like they can step out of the shadows and this thing is like they i understand that their narratives and their rhetoric is like it's attractive when you're hurt yeah i mean like when you're when you're at your lowest having someone tell you that it's like someone you have a reason yeah to be upset is it's really intoxicating and it's really alluring but like do you really want to be that person? And you really think your life's going to get better by being really shit to people?

Yeah. Well, I mean, like, thankfully it sounds like he knows. Yeah, this guy sounds like he's doing all right. And I think like, maybe use your experience to sort of help mentor other people. And you might realize that like, other people have it worse because I promise you other people have it worse.

There's always someone who has it worse. And that like your struggles and like I mean the whole podcast that we've had even if we help one person out of this.

Oh that would be amazing. Like our entire like every 10 episodes that we've done so far it's come from our personal experience. So you know what I mean? And if we've helped one person

I'm fucking I'm over the moon. Yeah that would be great. I'm perfectly content with this project. I'm like that's what we wanted to do. Like I know we have fun doing it and we like laugh a lot but a lot of it was because we saw a lot of actual bullshit going on and we hoped that because we dealt with or seen a lot of it you know we've been through a lot of shit that maybe you know we would be able

to help somebody yeah um so okay let's get serious here for a second. If you have an issue like this and if you need someone to just listen to you and talk it out with, please don't hesitate to shoot us a message on Facebook or send us an email. And this isn't like a self-promotion thing. This isn't anything like that. And also, like, if you don't want it on the show or any mentioned, we won't. Yes. We're not asking for submissions here. We're asking if you feel like... If your options are between shooting us an email and joining the incel subreddit.

Or even just anything. You know what I mean? Talk it out with us. Yeah. We're happy to do it. We're not trained professionals, as we've said. At all. But we...

If you just need a placed event, an ear. Yeah. We'll listen. We'll happily listen yeah um and we will do our best to like respond and and let you know that you're not alone because i promise you you're not alone you're not like growing up is fucking hard and everybody has a bunch of problems and they're growing up and a bunch of shit and like you can choose to let them fuck you up or you can try and fight against that you know and i always feel that like being shitty to people

and like you know hating people being shitty it's never the right way forward yeah no i mean like in the perfect world in like the ideal setting is that we could like cultivate a group of people who would support each other you know what i mean like if if the people who would fall into like the incel line of thinking were to like create another group and just sort of reinforced each other and well that's the thing because you don't have to like trend like entrench yourself in this misery you can like build a supportive group and actually try and like help each other and be better people. And I feel like that's a harder option maybe, but it's a better one. Yeah. And it sucks, but your misery is a learning tool for other people who are going through the same thing. Yeah. But it's also a learning tool in general. Like have you ever met super rich people who've just grown up super rich? Yeah. They generally

suck because they haven't really had to deal with a lot of shit. You know what I mean? I know that's a big blanket term and it's definitely not correct, but like in my experience, yeah, you know what? I don't even need to go into that. Basically all you need to say is like, it's like in school, if you get nine things wrong or nine things right on one thing wrong in 10 years, you'll probably remember the one thing you got wrong more than the other nine things, because that's how you literally learn by making mistakes. You see a kid touch the snow and it's they get a shock because it's so cold that feels like they get burnt they're gonna be wary around snow yeah if they hadn't touched snow before they're gonna dive right into it you know what i mean like it's

it's a growing up thing it's a human thing you learn by fucking up so take the shit and you know turn it to gold yep how. Alchemy-like. But yeah, no, seriously, we're always here for anybody, any situation, just a message. Again, not professionals, but we are willing to listen and we're, you know, willing to chat about it. So, yeah. I, 19-year-old female, find it incredibly hot when my BF, 19-year-old male,

lets me know when he's manhandling his ham candle. That's not a question! I find it sexy when my boyfriend lets me know when he's touching himself, especially to the thought of me. He rarely ever tells me unless I'm already getting pretty steamy via text in this shade conversation. Otherwise, he just keeps to himself. I wish he'd tell me more spontaneously and get into the yummy details. Does anyone else have a problem slash desire for this? Why are guys so private about it?

Because we're like taught from a young age that masturbation is the worst. Like it's a secret shame and don't do it. And like even just like male masturbation in general is taboo. Yeah. You know, like it's it's such a joke. Yeah. I mean, there's almost no movie that has a scene being like oh you walked in on you know your daughter masturbating like it no that would be super you know what's funny it's like a

lot of movies do have the like walk in on the son masturbating or masturbating jokes it's all funny but like if you walked in on the daughter masturbating probably be really creepy it's yeah because it's like there's just such like a straight divide between the yeah and again like it's it's yeah because it's like there's just such like a straight divide between the two and again like it's it's a sexual revolution i totally understand it also it's the way that men have carried themselves like it's far more common for like creepy people to start jerking off in public than it is for women to be just maybe that's also because it's been so repressed i don't know because it's almost like priests or like people in like situations where they're like sexually repressed then fucking just do weird shit. Yeah, but like women were sexually repressed for fucking years.

Yeah. Again, the easiest solution for this is just be like, yo, next time you're jerking off and thinking of me, let me know. Like, I promise you, any guy will jump at the chance to do to feel sexy because i don't know i feel like if you look at the list of like how does a guy be sexy it's not that long or at least conventionally it's not and i promise you masturbating is not on that list no not generally there is no general list like i remember a girl told me my legs were hot once and i was like i was like what yeah what are you talking about? That's not on the list. I have arms

and I have dick and I have abs and occasionally peck. Like, not me, but I mean, they're on the list and that's it. Right?

Butt isn't on there. Legs aren't on there. Butt's on there sometimes. It is now. Didn't used to be. Right? Like, it's weird. Man handling my camp,

camp, camp. Ham candle is the best term. I half chose the question because of that. Yeah. I thought you'd appreciate it more. I did. I did. I was more bewildered as to where this question was going.

Yeah, it's weird because, like, a lot of guys aren't supposed to let you know. Also, if you're dating, like, I think a lot of guys really think that, like, jerking off is sort of a betrayal. Well, some girls do feel that way. Well, yeah, and that's the thing. It's like, if you're into it, you've got to let him know. If he doesn't know, he'll never do it. It's not like one day he's going to be like,

you know what I think my girlfriend really wants to know? Yeah, you're not, like, at work, and you just, like, get messed with, like, hey, I'm having a wank. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, i feel like it's just one of those things that isn't portrayed as typically sexy like women masturbating is always portrayed as sexy oh yeah i mean constantly if anyone when i was single was like i'm fingering

myself or like boom yeah i'm like all right how does fuck hell yeah yeah and i feel like if you're like flirting with a guy or you're trying to get all steamy you can be like hey i am doing that we're like other way around i feel like you're at a 70 30 positivity rate like you know 70 fail chance there i mean i guess it's different if like if you're dating um but even then i guess you're walking off my line because like you'd be like wow cool yeah just jerking off by yourself awesome nice i mean i guess it's like you have the caveat of being like, I'm thinking about you. Yeah.

I mean, that's the thing. He's probably watching porn. Yeah. But like, you can do both. I don't know. Yeah, no, for sure. You can totally watch porn and imagine, think of your significant other.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to let them know. You have to tell. Exactly. I feel like it's just one of those things that it's almost like inbuilt on, in guys that like, it's just taboo or like no one's gonna want to know that or that you like you shouldn't do that yeah no one wants like on the list of things that people want to hear about

guys jerking off is not on that list which i find is like really weirdly ironic considering there's also a problem of people just getting dick pics and like masturbation videos like completely out of the blue so it's this weird dichotomy of like if you're in a relationship you like keep it to yourself and all this shit but if you're just an ass bag you're sending it to everybody i'm surprised we haven't gotten one off our thirsty thirsty followers yet i'm because those two dudes are one if i'd sent them anything slightly more suggestive than hey got any questions you should just say hey with three y's oh shit or like just be swimming in dicks just so many dicks i think that's gonna do it for us well that was a lethargic finish the name of the insect's tape

so yeah i mean yeah as as always thank you for listening yeah thanks for going I appreciate all the feedback hopefully the little cat interlude earlier on was good enough I don't know if the mic even picked that up probably not

but I really hope that you could hear the cats freaking out because they they obliged they did which is funny because they haven't done

anything since episode one yeah if you have a question or if you just want to reach out, please email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. You can also shoot us a tweet at fck underscore buddies. And you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. And thank you for Josh Cities and the Eagle Papers for their

song Harvest Stars I'm gonna kill you what I'll beat you to death is that wrong sorry Josh Paper

and the Harvest Eagles no for their song City City stop this uh fuck now I can't even remember

thank you for Josh Eagle Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for the song Paper Stars. There it is. Yeah, wow. I fucked my own brain there on that one.

We sex questions. And, send out every episode. Niall delves into the endless chasm of misery that is the Danverse, who is a, I don't even know what the fuck to call him. He's just like a... Just a dick? Yeah, just an asshole on Twitter who writes articles. Yeah.

He is the antithesis of us. We hope. Yeah. No, he is. He is. So Dan, this week, in a slight... Well, maybe in a hopeful note, Dan asks, Is no contact the only way to heal myself

and fix my issues to which I answer yes yeah Dan absolutely cloister yourself up man delete that twitter account get over your shit delete every article

you've ever written get away from the world get the fuck away just disappear just fucking Thanos snap into lock yourself in a cave with these 10 episodes

and play them on repeat until you're a better man. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies.