F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 137 - Sibling Cuddle Time

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

Turns out, after all this time, it's not the step-brother you need to fear, it's the REAL brother!  Topics include toxic relationship blackmail, the attractiveness of being direct, sibling jealousy, proximity masturbation, future regrets of casual sex, Rex Starwars and the Helmet of Space Sex.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I am Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Ooh, you fucked that up. Simply put, we get questions either online or from our wonderful army of listeners. And we answer them on the topic of sex and dating. How are you doing? I'm good, how are you? I am fine. Fantastic. Question time. Yeah. Are we just doing it? I don't think we have anything. We're just fucking

getting into it, you know? Yeah. I did read a thing where apparently they did a study and COVID can give you erectile dysfunction. Oh, I bet that's going to change a lot of people's stances on... I was going to bring it to the podcast as our sex news, but then I just wasn't arsed reading the entire thing, so I felt like it would be irresponsible, but I kind of half did it to the podcast as our sex news, but then I just wasn't arsed reading the entire thing.

So I felt like it would be irresponsible, but I kind of half did it. So there you go. Look it up if you want, I guess. It apparently was like the erectile tissue in your penis had COVID cells in it or some shit. And I was like, man, I wonder if this would cure what's-her-name sneezing. Oh, yeah. But anyway, I'm going to hit you with a question. You ready?

Yeah, sure. Pick a number. Three. Always three. Okay, perfect. This is My? Yeah, sure. Pick a number. Three. Always three. Okay, perfect. This is My Girlfriend is Destroying My Life. Christ. By Watch Your Mouth G.

Hey, guys. So I'm currently having a panic attack writing this, and my emotions are all over the place. Meanwhile, my fingers are moving 100 miles a second writing this, so please bear with me. I've been with Katie, fake name, for a few years now. We dated for one and a half years, broke up for a year, and got back together six months ago. We broke up to better ourselves, no hard feelings, whatever. Second time around, though, she's a complete dictator. She threatens to leave me if I want to hang out with only my guy friends, since that's what she permits. I'm not allowed to talk to, hang with, interact with any of my girlfriends, because she has trust issues, so I'm a sucker, I know. Anyway, she only

wants me to hang with her and see her and all that toxic stuff. But here's where it gets interesting. I threatened to break up with her if she doesn't approve how she treats me. I brought this up in a very calm tone when she was in a good mood. And she proceeded to say if I break up with her, she'll expose all my nudes, all embarrassing pictures and videos of me, as well as faking screenshots of me being abusive on all platforms of social media, as well as sending to my friends and family. She said it to my face and I just started bawling.

I've never felt so restricted to the point that I am suffocating more and more each second i spend with her please help i'm so scared i don't want my most private moments and made up beat bullshit out there ultimately destroying me i really cannot keep doing this holy shit i mean she's committing crimes currently lots of them yeah she's currently blackmailing you and fraud for making up things. And I'm pretty, I don't remember what the charges, but like releasing porn. Yeah.

Like releasing nude photos of your partner or like anyone without their consent is also a crime. So like, but here's the thing. It's like her doing it. The fact that their crimes won't stop her from doing it and won't stop the damage of having it done to you. Yeah.

Even if she does get punished for it it's like by that point it's kind of too late you know or not too late but it's it's quite fucking late so i mean like i don't know what really to here's what i might attempt to do and knowing like i would try to get her phone and try to wipe that yeah somehow but like there's no chance like there's also a chance that she has them saved on a fucking Google Drive somewhere. If she's fucking photoshopping text and shit, you know what I mean? Like, I'm sure she has a contingency plan for this. At least that's what it sounds like. So I'm not really sure what you can I think maybe talking to someone in law authority, either police or a lawyer and being like, hey, so this is what what my partner has threatened me with is there anything i can do to stop this preemptively also maybe try to get her on tape yeah that's what i was gonna say is like step one is proof that she intends to do this because if you have her on tape or via text saying these things then you have so much more of a leg to stand

on you know what I mean? Because if you just go to the police and they're like, oh, she's saying this, maybe something will come of it, maybe it won't. But if you literally have texts saying this and you have a recording, especially if she actually does do something, more so for the abuse, screenshots and texts, if you can prove that they are fake in some way or that she would victimize you like this, I think it'll do a world of good. Some amount of proof is like step zero, if you can prove that they are fake in some way or that she would victimize you like this, I think it'll do a world of good. Some amount of proof is like step zero if you can get it. And then I think also being armed with the knowledge of like what she could be facing in terms of punishment for doing this.

Everyone talks a big fucking game. But when they find out that like you have proof and they could go to jail for like, I don't know how long it would be, but like a certain amount of time. I think calling her bluff on that could be enough to maybe save your ass because like no one wants to go to jail yeah i again like proof 100 first thing you don't want to tip her off that you're like working against her before you kind of have your ducks in a row so i really think like either record her saying it or get her texting you about it or something and then like maybe there are a bunch of law subreddits that are really good and can offer you legal next steps. Me and Dane are not legal professionals. We could spitball, we can assume, but if you go to one of those, they will be able to give you a roadmap of what you should do next, which might be talk to a lawyer first, might be

talk to police, or might be do both. And I think if the police are involved and they come and talk to her before anything happens, then like, if it does happen, she's fucked, you know, like even if they can't delete the nudes or whatever, if this gets, if anything happens thereafter, she's going to look real fucking bad. You know what I mean? So I think that alone should be enough to, to make her stop. And at least it'll nip the abusive shit in the bud, hopefully. And Hey, maybe, maybe even talk to a lawyer first before you gather the proof, because they might have a better idea on how to do it or what you need. I think that might be the good call because collection of evidence and proof, if it's, if you do it incorrectly or illegally,

then it can't be used as proof. So yeah, I think, I think talking to someone in the, the law, you know, sector, I think is a good idea because like you need to know one how like what exactly she's doing that is illegal in terms of the law in your area, what your rights are as a person who's being threatened with this and how to go about the best legal way to go about preventing it. But yeah, this is a horrendous situation to be in. I'm really sorry to hear it. So I really hope you're able to find the help you need.

And I hope this person, I hope they're bluffing in a sick, fucked up way. I hope they're not being serious and I hope they never get to live on their threat. And hey, it's another case for people are exes for a reason. Yeah. Also, how fucking wild is a movie to be like, hey, let's take a break and like better ourselves and only to be a complete worse person after this like what happened during that time where they were quote-unquote bettering themselves someone found female dating subreddit yeah

fucking female dating strategy i was gonna make that joke and i was like i won't i went there all right hit me give me something lighter yeah. This comes from illustrious ad 1973. Do men like it when girls are direct? I'm usually very direct with people. I was wondering if men like it when women are direct, when asking them questions or telling them what they want. I usually will ask directly my friends with benefit if I can suck his dick. We could literally just be talking and I will directly say to him,

can I suck your dick? Sometimes I will just directly ask him for sex as well. But I'm not sure if this is a turnoff. God, no. That's my immediate response. But then I'm also like, there's time and a place. Yeah. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt for no reason. You know, like I'm assuming, cause again, there's a difference between being direct and being just completely socially unaware. That's the thing is like, we could literally just be talking and I will directly say to him, can I suck suck your dick imagine like trying to have a conversation with someone and being interrupted with like hey can i suck your dick like as cool as that is as much as like

you know a surprise immediate blow job could be there are also times where like i kind of want my words to mean something it just seems like you're completely disregarding everything he's saying and he's now just a dick and that could be kind of dehumanizing. Okay, so we don't know if that's happening or not. So I think before we delve into that, deal with the question as asked, which is, is being direct a turnoff? And I think no, like just flat out no, right? Yeah, again, like no.

If you're being clear about what you want, great. If as you're saying, like, because I can't imagine this person is coming to us unless there is an issue. And I would hope that there is no issue based on them just being direct because that's crazy. So you're kind of inferring that maybe the issue is in fact that which I totally agree. It's like you can't be completely like socially unaware and then blame it on being direct. Yes. Anyone's upset at you for like, hey, this is what I, you know, for being straightforward. But it's like if you're not doing it the right way, like if you're ignoring what they're saying or just blurting things out, if that's what you're doing,

then yes, that'll be an issue. But the directness in and of itself should not be like I said, like time and place as it goes with everything. You know, if you make jokes and you're a very funny person, you know, I don't think that's really a turnoff,

but if you're cracking jokes at the funeral of your, you know, partner's mother, then yeah, like that's super shitty thing to do whereas like i feel like the same thing it's like if you guys are out with your friends and she's you're hanging out with them and you know you guys are all hanging out and having a good conversation and you're just like i want to go have sex okay cool i guess but like it's like technically yes you are being direct but also you're being tone deaf so if someone is i guess complaining that you are being direct, but also you're being tone deaf. So if someone is, I guess, complaining that you are direct, maybe look at when and how you're doing it because you don't get to hide behind. Oh, I'm just being direct.

If you're being weird, you know what I mean? If you're just like fucking shit up and being awkward and like you can't then hide behind the, you know, the cape of, oh, but it's me being direct. I'm being straightforward. On the flip side, if you aren't doing that and they're upset that you're being direct, maybe they just have low self esteem and can't deal with like people actually, you know, engaging on them like in that sense. Or like fucked up views of gender

roles of being like women shouldn't be allowed to do that. Because I feel like some people are weird with sex and like whether it's just that they've been socialized that way or like they grew up. It's like some people are weird about being direct where they they like to kind of like dance around the issues and it's like if it's something like that then fuck it that's their problem not yours you know find someone who can appreciate you as a fucking adult i was just like i brought that i brought this in because like we've had sort of like we've definitely talked

about this kind of thing where like men are weirded out by women who are direct and you know vice versa we're like women don't want to be direct because of you know they've been socialized that like that's not what they're supposed to do but the the whole like sometimes we'll be talking and i'll just say it i was like i think that would annoy me after a certain point in time if like i can't finish a sentence or i can't have a conversation with you without you just being like i'm gonna suck your dick now yeah i guess it's kind of hard to like read the situation based on like what they're saying because we don't really have more context but like if that's the case which is why as i said look at how you're doing it and when you're doing it because you can't just hide behind that excuse if you're doing it like a fucking weirdo

yeah because like it was just like if she was like hey how's your day and you're like oh well okay i'm gonna suck your dick now that might work once i think it would be like cool if you know or or sexy or attractive or whatever if like you know you guys are just kind of shooting the shit before you you get to the dirty and just like halfway through you guys like clearly neither of you are invested in this conversation and you're just doing it as pleasantries and you skip ahead. That's cool. That's fine. But I think if you guys are actually having a conversation and you just decide that you're over it and no longer want to participate, I think that's kind of a shitty.

And I think that would drive me fucking wild. I would be so like, I hate being interrupted. So I think that would drive. So anyway, next question. There's our co-host energy. This is why we didn't get nominated. This is why I'm the best co-host. You were dragging me.

No, 100%. So again, like I really don't think anyone's going to be upset unless they have kind of weird views about like, as you said, like gender roles and shit. And it's like, that's their problem. But if not, maybe look at how you're being direct right i think it's i think it's something we've covered in like red flags where it's like you know oh i'm so sarcastic or something and it's like you're generally just like an asshole there are things that that should just be sort of like a part of who you are as opposed to being like this is who i am if that makes sense yeah like it's like it's part of you but it shouldn't just be you this shouldn't be the thing that you

broadcast out as who you are. Like small facets of personality shouldn't be the like neon sign that points to you. Ready for another one? This is by ThrowRA 2132123133 Sorry for any errors.

So me, 22 year old female, and my boyfriend 22 year old male had a fight two days ago. We live in the same apartment with one Okay. gave me a hug, pat my head, made me soup, and cooked me dinner. I told him what happened, but he said he couldn't get in between us as we had to work it out ourselves. I hoped to crash on his couch, but it was really bumpy, so he and I slept in the same bed. It was big enough for both of us, and we both shared beds all the time, even when we were teenagers, so I didn't give it much thought. In the morning, my brother had already woke up and cooked breakfast

and started work, so I ate my share and went back to my apartment. My boyfriend greeted me with an apology, told me he was out of line, and hoped I could forgive him. I was happy, We talked about it and it all seemed fine. Then he asked where I was last night and jokingly says, I hope you didn't sleep with another guy. I was taken aback. So I just said, oh, I slept at my brother's house. He asked on his couch. I replied, no, the couch was a loft. So we just shared a bed. Then it began. He said, how could I have done such a thing? I didn't understand. And he explained, even though he is my brother,

he is still a guy. And it was wrong of me to sleep in the same bed as him. That he probably sees me not as a sister, but another woman. I was so pissed that he was insinuating my brother's a perv who sees his sister that way. I went inside my room and called my friend and told her all of this.

And even she thinks it's weird that we still do this. It was the reaction of many people I messaged. And I'm honestly wondering if it's weird to do this. I want to know what you people think of this and even she thinks it's weird that we still do this it was the reaction to many people i messaged and i'm honestly wondering if it's weird to do this i want to know what you people think of this situation if it is exactly as my boyfriend suggests or not and how i should proceed further so i mean like i don't have a sister so i think you'll be able to speak on this more than i will in terms of you know reality but like what yeah like is that fair to say that like i don't think like many brother i would say a very very small percentage of siblings like see their sister as like a potential sexual partner or at least like i don't think anyone well like i'm sure there are people out there but like it it's not a like no that's like me and you have slept in the same

bed yeah is that sexual it's it's weird because that's like me and you've slept in the same bed yeah is that sexual it's it's weird because i had like two or three other questions i was gonna bring for this episode as well that were all like weird like brother and i think it's a fucking step sister step sibling porn thing that like just took over the internet however many years ago that's that's it this guy clearly like it's such a wild move to be like i'm jealous of your brother what i'm sexually threatened by your brother yeah that's like you know you're hanging out and you're like oh so uh hey when you were uh like a kid did you get like you know bottle fed it's like huh did you get bottle feather like were you breastfed uh breastfed i think wait what you fucking sick fuck you sucked on your mom's titties she didn't see you as a baby she saw you

as another woman like it is it's kind of a fucking wild move it's like do i think most people sleep in a bed with their brother and sister like i don't know like i'm sure some families do you know not everybody has the luxury of you, separate rooms and maybe there's holidays and all this shit. Like, it's fucking insane to turn around and be like, you're cheating on me with your brother. It's also like specific circumstances. It's not like she went over with the intention of like sharing a bed with her brother. Or and it's also like this isn't what they do. It's just this was a situation.

The couch sucked. So they shared a bed for, you know what I mean? Like, this isn't what they do it's just this was a situation the bed the couch sucked so they shared a bed for you know i mean like this isn't like a recurring thing if it was like you know oh every time we go home for the holidays they insist on sharing the same bed yeah like i get to sleep by myself and even though there's another room they crawl into bed together that'd be kind of weird yeah i would i would totally get on board and be like okay this seems strange i still wouldn't be like they're fucking you know i would definitely be like this is bizarre the people have gotten so fucking weird about like boundaries and how that they actually exist because i know people who are also like people don't want like you know their girlfriends working with like male co-workers on certain shifts i had i used to work with um she was a hostess at the time we would all

go for drinks after work like literally the entire staff would go for drinks and her and i used to live fairly close so either we shared uber or like we would take the streetcar in the same direction home after the night and her boyfriend i guess like found out that this was happening and i had met the dude like hundreds of times as well and he would even come out with us sometimes but he was literally like was upset if we ever worked the same shifts together it's insane also like you guys don't have like it's all fair on her because like she doesn't make the fucking schedule right so it's like cool I'm gonna like you you get your schedule for me okay great I'm gonna have three fights this week can't wait

I know it's like and there's so many like questions that i see about this and so many like things i overhear at the bar and stuff of people being fucking so weird and overprotective and being like oh if there's any sort like semblance of not even affection but like proximity yeah people get so fucking weird about it yeah like i feel like if your boyfriend thinks you're cheating on him with your family, one, they shouldn't date you, and two, you shouldn't date them. Also, you left because he blew up at you and said some

fucked up shit that he had to apologize and beg for forgiveness. So to do that and then immediately whirl around with this, it doesn't sound like a great relationship. Yeah. One, it sounds like he's definitely insecure. He definitely is riddled with insecurities. And two it one sounds like he's definitely insecure like he definitely is just riddled with insecurities and two sounds like he is very like it sounded like he was looking for a

reason to sort of like undo the shit he did the last night because now you're the one in trouble yeah either this person is legitimately so like brokenly jealous and insecure that, like, he thinks your own family is a threat, or he's going out of his way to create some issue where he gets to wash his hands and be like, oh, I guess you're the one who's fucked up now. It also said that, like, all of our friends were like, that's weird too. So, like, this isn't an isolated incident. No, true. That's the whole other issue. I guess it depends on, like, how she explained the situation too. If she just said, oh, my boyfriend's mad that I

shared a bed with my brother. If that's all the context you gave, then I understand some people being like, yeah, that's a little weird. Two adult siblings sleeping together. I think with the context, it makes complete sense. I just, I don't know. I don't

get it. And I blame the step sister porn 100 as i blame most problems in the world on this yeah um but anyway like like dane said if it was like every family party you like squirreled yourself away and abandoned everyone to like have cuddle time with your siblings yeah that'd be a little weird but like just sleeping in the same bed as someone in a platonic sense because again if it was a friend of yours like what would be wrong with that i don't know your your boyfriend needs needs help and your relationship probably needs to dissolve yeah this doesn't sound great you're gonna have to sit down and have a real heart to heart and then decide if it's worth it uh this comes from speaking of you know sleeping in the

same area this comes from red user lettucetuceCowboyHat. My roommate is masturbating at night. They're both 18. Me and my friend moved in together in a studio apartment. Her parents were abusive and mine kicked me out, so this seemed like a best option. In the middle of the night, sometimes she will masturbate. I can hear her and I can see her arms moving under the covers to touch herself. She thinks I'm asleep.

Sometimes she'll even move the blankets off her boobs and I can see her and I can see her arms moving out of the covers to touch herself. She thinks I'm asleep. Sometimes she should even move the blankets off her boobs and I can see her bare boobs. Twice she kicked the whole blanket off and I can see her just going at it completely naked, which was really, really awkward. I understand it's frustrating not to be able to get off easily sharing this apartment with me, but I feel very awkward when it happens, especially when her breasts are out. I only masturbate when she's gone or in the bathroom, so I think she could do the same. I decided to tell her. I told her I could see and hear her masturbate at night

and asked her not to. She got super red in the face and said she thought I was asleep. She got mad, said she has needs to fulfill, and I should go back to sleep and not try to control her body, and that she wouldn't care if I masturbated at night. I'm thinking about buying a curtain to separate our sections of the room. Should I have not mentioned it?

Should I have not asked her to stop? Should I get a curtain? Should I just apologize and try to ignore it? Why would you live in this situation if you don't have to? Well, I think... Is it like university? I don't know, but I think it specifically is like they're young and they... Like her parents are abusive and he got kicked out.

So I don't know if they have a whole lot of options. Yeah, sorry. I was trying to like listen to see if it was like a university thing. Because I know when I first came over here, I was going to be staying in university accommodation. And then I heard that that's like a thing over here. And I was like, what the fuck? Because it's not a thing back home. It's pretty common in like dorm rooms to have like two beds in an open space.

I was like, when I was in my residence, we literally had like a common area. Like you had a kitchen and a bathroom and then two separate rooms. Yeah. Well, they had to give you a whole different place, right? Because they couldn't have you with the adults, right? Like until you turned 15 or something, didn't they have to sequester you? Yeah. I spent most of my time in the daycare.

Yeah. Yeah. Firstly, curtain. Yeah. 100%. If you can get a curtain, why not? Even if this problem gets solved, it's like privacy is privacy. And I feel like I would need it.

So for me, if there's some way to put up a curtain, by all means, go for it. Should you have not said anything? No. I think it's pretty good of you to... That's an awkward conversation. So I think it's pretty cool for you to have reached out and hopefully done this maturely, but from the sounds of it you did well her response kind of shit but like I don't know

it's like I don't think here's the thing I don't think you overstep your lines by asking someone not to masturbate in front of you yeah I think that's that's totally fine and I think like in general it's like you know if the role was reversed and it was just like oh I get home and my male roommate walks around with his dick out like like we would be instantly being like, no, what the fuck?

That's not OK. She's probably trying to either one, make it seem like not a big deal so she doesn't have to feel so embarrassed because like that's an embarrassing thing. So it could be that when she calms down, she won't be as aggressive about the whole situation. Or two, in her mind, it literally isn't that big of a deal. And she thinks you're being overbearing i don't really want to take this in this direction but like depending on the abuse she suffered while at home the boundaries of like what's appropriate sexually and not can be blurred so like her idea of what should or shouldn't be a public act it could be a bit skewed depending on the trauma she had to face as a kid. Yeah.

So, and it's like, it would definitely trigger defense mechanisms to be called out on. Well, yeah, that's, that's another thing. I think like most people when they're called out on it, they, you know, they act defensive. That's, you know, where it comes from. It's like, you know, she's being defensive. She's kind of lashing out. And it's like, by, by doing this, it makes what she's feeling like smaller. You know what I mean?

She doesn't have to feel as bad. She tries to normalize it and make you the bad guy. I would love to know if anything changed after they had this conversation. You know? Yeah. Same. Cause it could, could have just been like,

Oh no, like, fuck you. What I do is normal. And then she doesn't do it again, you know, or she, you know,

spite masturbates twice as hard. Masturbation should be a private thing unless you it again you know or she you know spite masturbates twice as hard masturbation should be a private thing unless you are you know doing mutual masturbation which by all means go for it or you're in like a sex club or something but like nine times out of ten i think masturbation is uh an act of self-love and should be a private matter and i think that if you're sharing a small space with someone and you guys don't really have the option to not be in the small space you need to respect each other's privacy and you also need to respect each other's boundaries and i don't think having someone say hey do you mind not masturbating in front of me i don't think that's an unreasonable answer or request because like you know if this dude was just like

yeah you know she comes in and he's just jerking off on the couch yeah i think we could all agree that's inappropriate um regardless of whether they are cool with masturbation regardless of whether they want you know are are into it or not i still think there there needs to be a line drawn in the sand especially if you're living in such a small space of like what is public behavior and what is like private behavior. Well, like if you went and did it in the hallway, you get go to jail. You know what I mean? Like it's not like an act that's just kind of like, oh, he's a little fussy about it. You know what I mean?

Like it's a thing people are, you know, sensitive about. Yeah. And I think with like fair reason, you know what I mean? Like, you know, you have people who walk around in trench coats and like masturbated people and flash them. And it's like it can be like sexually like abusive. Anyway, I feel like, you know, maybe a compromise can be reached. Like if you're not being very loud and you have your covers on and like he could tell you're masturbating because he can see your hands are moving fuck it right if you're not being loud and whatever i think that should maybe

be allowed you know what i mean yeah i mean like as long as you're not you know absolutely fucking destroying your bed while you do it yeah yeah if you're quiet and you're clothed to or at least you know covered uh like fuck it i don't really see the issue with that. You know what I mean? Cause like maybe he thinks you're masturbating or he, he knows, but still, I feel like that's maybe a decent compromise, but like you can't throw your nudity and like your sex sounds and your bodily functions in people's faces. Yeah.

You know, it's like, just because you don't think there's anything wrong with it. Does it like, you don't get to determine what does or doesn't make another person uncomfortable yeah exactly if it come up again if it come up if it comes up again uh try to you know have the conversation again and like you know keep it civil and explain where you're coming from and you know don't don't shame them and try to frame it in a way that like doesn't make them ashamed but like just let them know that it makes you uncomfortable and like you know it doesn't really matter what her views on the thing are because it's not one of those things that you just get to decide for somebody else yeah and also why not the curtain you know what i mean like if you can find a way to do it i personally think i would

feel a lot happier with that oh yeah man even if she wasn't masturbating like even if it was just like like i i don't want to be able to like roll over and see my roommate sleeping like a couple meters away from me fuck that give me a curtain yeah give me give me my space i was actually like kind of pleased when university of toronto were like oops we forgot to give you a dorm you have two weeks to find a place lol even though it did end up with me being like homeless for a month but i didn't have to share a dorm room with some uh this is by pm me dogs please as a younger guy am i going to regret avoiding casual sex when i'm older this seems to be the most appropriate sub to ask they're asking seduction i'm asking as a 23 year old guy and want more experienced man's

opinions i've never had a problem getting women. I was lucky to be born with good genes. I lift competitively, have a good job and interesting hobbies, and connecting with women is pretty natural to me. Thing is, I'm not crazy about casual sex. I can see why others would go for it, but to me, it just isn't my thing. It isn't an insecurity thing. I just can't get a hell yes kind of feeling about casual sex as opposed to dealing with someone I love.

I've been with two women total when I was in a loving relationship with them. Throughout college, I've had direct opportunities from sex to boob touches from a wide variety of women. I never thought twice about turning down older slash creepier women towards me. However, I have also turned down anything casual offered by women my age throughout college if we weren't in a relationship first. I've danced with women and had them ask point blank which place we're going back to, and I turned them down. I've had lady friends ask if I consider a friends with benefits scenario with them, and I say no because it isn't what I'm into.

I've never had anyone give me shit about it. As I am now, I very much don't regret it, and I'm happily saving myself for loving relationships. However, I have the occasional thought about the sex I could have. Every once in a while, I think about how nice sex would have been with my crush. I think about how my body count, even if I just said yes to direct approaches from women, would be in double digits. Hell, if I put effort into casual sex, I don't want to think about what that number could be. I've had friends tell me I'd be drowning in sex if I used Tinder. As much as I'd like to

drown in sex, I really am uncomfortable and casual. My friends who do drown in sex tell me they regret it. I only focus on finding serious relationships. But this is how I think at 23. When I'm 33, will I regret not getting all the sex I can? Will I look back and kick myself for not hooking up as much as possible? Will I be glad I didn't? I mean, there's a lot of variables at play there. One, like, if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it.

Fuck it. It's super easy. That is the answer. I think there is a bit of, there'll probably be a bit of regret. Maybe, you know, when you're 60 year old and wrinkly and like, could have been like, man, I could have just been plowing through sex. I think, yeah. Is that a thing? Sure.

Probably. Everyone's going to look back at their, like their glory days and be like, I wish I could do that again. Yeah. Like, I don't think there's going to be anyone who doesn't look back and have if not full-fledged regret then like a little twinge or like a what could have been you know because yeah the world is kind of fucking infinite right you could have done anything so looking back you never know whether you know if you took that job or if you dated that person how it would have ended up and it's easy to look back with rose tinted goggles and fucking imagine shit and whatever but like exactly what dane says like

if you don't want to why the fuck would you do it it also sounds like you don't really have an unhealthy relationship with sex because it says like it's not a confidence thing and it's not a so it's like you know if you're not avoiding sex if you've done casual encounters and casual sex and you're just like man not really interested in it then like cool if you've done casual encounters and casual sex, and you're just like, man, not really interested in it, then like, cool. If you've, I would say maybe give it a few more tries depending on how many times you've done it. Like if you had one sort of like shitty one night standing, you're like, well, casual is not for me. Then yeah, I would say you're young, good looking dude who has no trouble having sex. I would say, yeah, just for the college experience,

you know, try it out a few more times and see if like maybe it was just a mismatch in chemistry. But if you've if you have done it a number of times and every time you haven't enjoyed it, despite, you know, how attractive you were to the partner or how good the sex was, if it just hasn't clicked for you, then, you know, you know what I mean? It would be the same thing as like, you know, trying and being well it's not for me you're not obligated to keep doing it if you don't like something you don't like it it's just as simple as that yeah it's like me being like oh i hate this meal will i regret not eating it when i'm like older maybe i should eat it every day for a month you know like it's insane if you don't like something don't do it you know and it seems to me unless you don't like something, don't do it. You know? And it seems to me, unless, you know, you are, unless there is a hidden issue that you're not really expressing to us, blah, blah, blah. But like, it's almost like you're judging yourself by other people's

metrics. You know what I mean? Like whether it be TV or the fucking seduction subreddit where people are always like, oh, I want to have all the sex I can and body counts are really important. And like all this shit, it's like, it may I want to have all the sex I can, and body counts are really important, and all this shit. It's like maybe seeing all those things, you're like, oh, fuck. Will I change my mind, or should I be thinking that way? But that's not what everybody thinks like, and it's not what you think like. So don't put yourself through other people's standards. You know what I mean?

If you don't want something, you don't want it. Yeah, you're't want it. a no-go like you're asking people who are so desperate for validation through physical contact whether or not you should have more physical like i would do you have any of the comments you know what the comments are pretty great as in like actual great like regret is every part of your life you're gonna regret not going out and getting that ass or you'll regret getting an std or you'll regret not meeting your wife because you're too afraid, or regret missing your chance with your wife because you were too busy messing around. You just have to decide what's happy now and what you think will make you happy in the long run. Trust the process.

Don't drag yourself doing things out of fear of regret. Okay. Pretty cool for, you know. All right, seduction. Right? Random sex is overrated. Sex with the right person is underrated, even if it's only casual. A lot of people want sex as a means of validation. It seems like you've already got that validation from the attention you're getting. Blah, blah, blah. Like, people are actually all being really chill. Hell yeah.

It's actually weirdly positive, apart from one person who's just like, yes. And that's the one guy who's not fucking. Yeah. Like legitimately, I was very surprised by the amount of like positive answers, especially for seduction. I don't know who these people were, where they came from. Honestly, that first answer I read out is most of the other answers. It's them. People just saying that his answer was great. So well done seduction. You get our you get our nod for once.

Yeah. Well done. I'm impressed. I'm very impressed and I like it. So, well done. I'm impressed. I'm very impressed, and I like it. So yeah, I think that says it all. If you can even get that answer off Seduction, you know the answer. Yeah, if Seduction agrees that you don't need to have pointless sex if you don't want to. They're just trying to get a chat off the playing field.

Yeah. But yeah, do what makes you happy now like if you change your mind later fuck it maybe it'll happen but like that's probably less likely than the certainty of you not enjoying it right now like you can't go for like misery in the in the like present hoping that you'll appreciate it in the future yeah you know man i'm so glad i had all those uncomfortable awkward sexual experiences in my 20s and that's the thing it's like even if you would have looked back and like shit i wish i had more sex dane nailed it right there it's like you're not gonna have good sex if you don't want it so it's like you're gonna look back and regret it no matter what

if if you do that because it's not going to have been good because you won't have enjoyed it because you didn't want to do it. You're pretty much guaranteeing the fact that you'll look back and regret it. Like, oh man, should I touch this really hot stove? I might regret if I don't. Yeah. It's like, you know, you're going to hate the experience. Yeah.

I could eat this food right now, but I have food poisoning. But what if I'll look back and wish like, no, you know, eating that food is going to make you more ill. Like just, you know, right now it will not be a good experience because you don't want to do it so do not do it i got a new i got a question for you okay yeah why'd you say it's a weird i got a new question we don't do old questions dane no this is a brand new one that's hot off the presses okay and it's and it's wait wait let me blow on that first that's good audio thank you this comes from a reddit user that is just seemingly just a bunch of letters uh would it be insulting if i asked a guy to have his face covered during sex wait is does it look too much like her sibling

no it does not okay i thought okay continue uh start, I'm a 24 year old female that does cosplay as a hobby. I got really into costuming and make everything myself. And it's basically how I spend my free time before the pandemic hit. I had a group of people who I didn't really know as friends or anything, but we'd end up at the same cons and events and stuff. And I kind of had the hots for one of them, late twenties or mid thirties, uh,

male. He lives in another state, so I wouldn't consider dating him, but he's cute and funny and nice. I also always got the feeling that he'd I wouldn't consider dating him, but he's cute and funny and nice. I also always got the feeling that he'd be interested in hooking up, but he's never asked. I sometimes get creepy, or I sometimes get creepers at cons when I cosplay a character that

shows more skin, and I think he doesn't want to be another creepy dude. Anyway, he's cute. I don't want to insinuate that he's ugly or make him feel self-conscious, but he also occasionally cosplays Rex from Star Wars, and I've always had a crush on that character, and I've had this fantasy where he'll fuck me, but he'll keep the Rex helmet on.

I know it's weird as fuck. I know. I've only had sex a couple times, and I'm kind of bad at navigating the social aspect of things and not being awkward. But I was thinking maybe once we're going to cons again, I might admit my fantasy and see if he's interested. Would this totally be insulting?

For a first time casual thing, I would say maybe don't suggest it for the first one. If you find this guy cute and attractive anyway, maybe just let your intentions be known. And if you guys fuck, awesome. And then maybe you can be like, hey, next time, maybe we can do a little cosplay swap. I'll wear what you want. You wear what I want. And then he'll know that you like him. So the possibility of being offended by you asking him to wear a costume is,

has thus been minimized. Cause I do think it's kind of a wild thing to be like, Hey, I want to sleep with you, but you have to wear this thing. And it's the first time we're going to hook up. Yes. I,

yeah, absolutely. That's, that's what I was going to say is maybe give it a, a dry run first do you know what I mean like do a time where you guys get to actually connect because one I'm sure that helmet sucks

to wear let's be real and I'm sure it sucks even more to wear while you're having sex and like what if the visibility is poor and he wants to see your hot hot body right also you can't kiss yeah like there's a lot of things the first time you guys are fucking, that's going to be weird.

Because again, if you fuck like 20 times and this is the 21st time, not as big of a deal whatsoever. But if it's like the only time maybe you guys will fuck, kind of weird. There's a lot of things you miss. Also, you can't make eye contact. You can't kiss.

He probably can't see that well. He probably can't breathe that well. He's probably going to be sweaty as fuck under there. contact you can't kiss he probably can't see that well he probably can't breathe that well he's probably going to be sweaty as fuck under there there's a lot of things that could like negatively impact the sex and if it's not good the first time you're going to just assume that it's not good sex whereas the deciding factor could be that helmet so have sex first quote unquote normally and that is to say without one of you pretends you're hagrid um and then you know introduce the idea maybe hint at prior to the sex that you're into his character and he might suggest it himself he might playfully put it on for you of his own accord if

you you know during your flirtation your pre-sex flirtation you mentioned that you think rex from star wars who i have no idea who that is by the way no i just looked it up it's like a uh a storm trooper storm trooper okay so it's basically like a storm trooper helmet yeah which imagine wearing that during sex yeah i don't fucking suck um yeah yeah so like i don't know i i think we're both on the same page here like presumably you would have sex more than once don't make suck i'm yeah yeah so like i don't know i i think we're both on the same page here like presumably you would have sex more than once don't make the first one be this because you have to navigate so much shit it's so much easier to have had sex and be like hey next time you can put on that rex helmet for me like wink and like if he's like uh no then cool you know it's fine

but like if he's like yeah easy you know it's it's so much easier to just be like to do that and also like they're not going to feel offended or weird that you don't like them which like i'm sure you get because you have creepers coming up to you at cons who probably aren't even looking at you really they're just looking at the costume and like the exposed skin yeah you know also this guy is probably not expressing interest for that exact reason because i get it 100 and and if that's the case Cause I get it. 100%. And, and if that's the case, it's like, it seems like he seems like a pretty chill dude.

If he's able to be like, okay, she a cutie, but I'm also going to respect, you know, the work here, you know, the art that you're,

you're creating right here. I'm not going to fucking, you know, minimize you to whatever your costume is and like if things go well like i'm sure there are costumes you're wearing they're sexy as hell for him you guys just do a costume swap and it's like win-win you guys are in this beautiful position of being hot cosplayers it's great you got it this will be fun but yeah i just fuck normally the first time yeah and like i don't even think you're running the risk of like him thinking he's ugly.

I just think you're running the risk of having really bad sex the first time. If I'm being honest. Well, you never know. Maybe he'll be sad that like you don't like him for him. Yeah, that's true. You know, like as as a cosplayer, like who should get it? You know, it might be sad that like you seem to not get it. Yeah, that's that's a good point

all right should we call it yeah let's do some tinders hell yeah at the end of the episode we'd like to peruse uh online dating platforms and find profiles that either uh nail it or fuck it up immediately uh and then we write them and give you some advice on how to avoid it or you know a way to tailor your online dating experience to craft a better profile and hopefully increase your successful chances as jessica downtown toronto family dogs food tattoos traveling science and good vibes five eight homebody pisces so you could literally put that, I feel like, on literally anyone's profile. Well, no, this is pretty unique.

Like, come on, food? Yeah, big into food, big into travel. Who really likes food and travel, but also family and tattoos and good vibes? And fucking dogs. And dogs. That's the deal breaker, I think. The only thing that stands out there is science, but then they kind of, like, ruined that by saying there are Pisces. Yeah.

I like science, but also astrology. Canceling that out immediately. Guys, it's been a while since I swiped on Tinder, and now that I know how Tinder works again, because apparently I couldn't figure it out the past couple weeks, I don't know why. You can't admit that on our sex dating podcast. Sure I can. That just means I'm so successful at dating i haven't had to use tinder well yeah fair it just

means we're useless old men who can't use the apps yeah how did this app work thank you to agent valorant who not only taught dane how to use tinder but sent in this profile yeah um the the profiles that people put i'm just like are you confused as to i get why like the super super sort of like really hot people just have their height or their instagram accounts i get it you're you're not struggling you're fine your looks are carrying you all the way to right swipe phil but for us normies out there you need something more than saying that you're into travel and good vibes. You need it.

You need to do something. You need to put in some sort of effort. For the love of God, put in any sort of effort. Even if it's a bad pickup line. Even if it's a stupid question. Do something. Other than listing the things that everyone likes. Food is not an interest.

We need this. Yeah, she has one of the most bland profiles i've ever read and i'm gonna give it a four i and i'm begging you if your profile just remotely resembles that you need to overhaul it you need to do something unless you have incredible photos you need to do something even then it's like don't reduce yourself to just your lux i don't know like there's there's more to you well when i say incredible photos i mean interesting photos not like hot i mean like even then are you in a banana costume are you gonna show up to a date in that banana costume okay i don't know i feel like you still need to just

give something but this is the most boring shit. I'm sorry, Jessica. Yeah. Actually, fuck that. You get a three. I'm going to give it a three as well, just because I know what I've got in my pocket, and I don't think I'm going to go lower than that. This is Alan. Okay.

Simple guy with an extraordinary dream. Bluer than blue. I was dumped by a guy who accused me wrongly, then later found out he's in a relationship With someone else that broke my heart into pieces I'm trying my luck here Message me guys, I'll be glad to know you Damn, this is garbage Yeah It's the most desperate, sad

Needy, miserable Drama filled fucking shit It's like, it kind of sounds like Better Batch A little bit Well, he does mention dreams so yeah no one needs this misery and drama and like bluer than blue what's your incredible dream yeah that's the only draw is that i really want to know what this exceptional dream is but like calling yourself simple bluer than blue and then just detailing all this fucking like baggage no thank you that's a

thank you again it's a pretty common rule and again we are not a big fan of rules but i think not talking about your ex on a first date is a really good rule to have yeah and this isn't even a fucking first date like imagine someone walked up to the bar and was like hey my ex dumped me and then accused me of stuff and then later, I found out they were in a relationship. You'd be like, cool, you're a lunatic. Goodbye. But Niall, that's happened to us. I know.

We've had women approach us with that move. Did we think they were lunatics and say goodbye? Of course. Exactly. But there are people out there who think this is a good idea. I know. And we're here to tell you it's not. Just don't.

This is a two. Yeah. All right, this is Cindy. Don't belong to no city. Don't belong to no man. If you're just looking for a quick huck up or nudes or snap, you can swipe a hard left. Get that thirst out of here. I like unconventional beauties.

You know, like you think you're medium hot. Heart eyes emoji. I have so much love for the weirdos, the guys, gals who are struggling but trying their best. Don't give up. Taking small steps forward is still a step forward. Natural woman can't afford plastic surgery. Crying face. At first I was really worried at the end when they said

natural woman because I thought it was anti-trans, like transphobic but I think they're just saying they don't have fake boobs and stuff. Which is fine fine i didn't really hear any like it was kind of an uplifting profile in terms of online dating i don't know it's almost like if you swipe on her you're saying you're not that hot and you're struggling just like those who are struggling or who you think are medium hot it's like like i don't want to get when we match to be a slight burn that's fair that's that's a pretty good point you know like it's also weird it's like

i've loved for the weirdos the guys gals who are struggling with trying their best what does that have to do with this dating profile i mean maybe they've got a type and that type is a fixer-upper i guess it's it's a i don't like i'm not necessarily against it but i'm very confused by it yeah i mean like i kind of understand the like medium hot thing because like i also i i'm more attracted to people who aren't the instagram model framework of attractiveness like that doesn't interest me so like you're not looking at people saying i think you're medium hot you're like you are hot you're just you're hot is different and i'm sure that's what she means but it's weird that it's like i don't know it's such a bizarre profile i don't

love it i don't know much about this person i'm gonna give it a five because it gets a five. Yeah. This is, this is, I don't know. So it's, the profile is empty completely. And it's just a single picture of a cartoon woman holding her nose. And the caption is when you're inches away from sucking your crush's dick, but you change your mind because his tip smells like warm mayonnaise. Oh God. And someone thought that's how i want to enter

dating oh it's awful there's nothing you could even like i guess you could just be like my tip doesn't wink like my dick smells like normal mayonnaise and there's like there's no picture of them it's just that there's nothing in there just a blank profile i brought it because i thought it was funny i'm gonna give you a real profile though. No, it's pretty great, but I got to give it a two. Yeah. I mean like in terms of dating profile, I'm giving it a one because like there's literally nothing to it. You're not.

I mean, yeah, I'm going to give you the two because it is a funny, a funny picture. This is row. I love it. When you make the first move, like sitting monkey emoji,

quality matters. And then it's a down arrow. If you know what I mean, I assume it emoji quality matters and then it's a down arrow if you know what i mean i assume it's quality matters downstairs no no he's saying he's a bottom um which is hard to it's hard to uh really nail this home but like i've been on man tinder for all of you know not much very short amount of time and even i know what it means so i find it hard to believe that there are men oh so if you know what i mean part is totally redundant yeah it's like i don't think anyone's having a hard time figuring out what like the top bottom verse yeah like symbology is my dude because i'm a straight man who's never had sex with a man and has no intention on having sex

with a man and even i know what that means i didn't but the way you said it it sounded like quality matters down arrow if you know what i mean that's fair no it is it is quality matters new line down emoji if you know what i mean and he's saying he's a bottom that's fair uh it's kind of like weird it's it's almost like you know those not a cop like tweets. It's like, yeah, are you? Are you like trying to infiltrate? What's happening here? Maybe he's like a baby gay. Maybe.

And he's like, he just figured it out. So he's like, huh? This is the secret lingo. Yeah, maybe. Maybe we won't brag on him for that. Yeah. Kind of a boring profile, though. It's a really bad profile.

So like five. Yeah, I'm going to give it a four. Mm though. It's a really bad profile. It's like five. Yeah, I'm going to give it a four. This is Bijou, the angsty, problematic antagonist. Then we have their Instagram, her Instagram, her Twitter, and then her SoundCloud. Interested in creating with other artists, mostly music and video, but down for any art. Not looking to date unless you fit with my brand hell yeah this is some fucking like i was gonna say kesha energy but i i have a lot more respect for kesha now as an artist but that like that's that sort of like uh what's the guy from fucking weezer who makes all of his

songs based on brand and mathematics and statistics instead of emotion and art um but yeah there's there's a there's a way of constructing music that is almost guaranteed to make a hit. Kesha did it when she was making music. And the guy from Weezer does it as well. I'm sure a ton of other fucking people do it. That's kind of what this sounds like

except for dating. This just sounds douchey as fuck. Yeah. You gotta fit with my brand. It's like, you're gonna wear that can't date you sorry you gotta get your aesthetic fixed boy I like dark academia okay that's all the rage these days dark academia

yeah I see it I can like I close my eyes and I can see what it looks like I bet you fucking love it too you spooky fuck I probably would let's not be let's not a dark anything I think I'm kind of into it gets a four for me fuck. I probably would. Let's not be let's not. Dark anything I think I'm kind of into. It gets a four for me.

Three maybe. I'm going to give it a two because I've I'm not a big fan of the like you got to be on my brand. Hate it. Yeah. Alright. Ready for one more? Do you have another one? Oh I've got another one. Okay. Okay. This is Jim. Okay. Just a big chub guy seeing what the world has to offer.

I'm 5'10 and a big guy, about 380 pounds. And I'm a bottom for back activities. So I'm not a top, not versatile. I'm a bottom. So if you've asked me, you'll be told to read the profile. I'm morally addicted, getting and giving. Love to find a man on my own. And that was actually written? Yeah. All that? Yeah. I'm morally addicted, getting and giving. Love to find a man on my own.

And that was actually written? Yeah. All that? Yeah. Damn. Is he a top or a bottom, though? I have no idea. He seems to like repeating himself a lot.

I'm big. And also, here's my weight again. I'm a bottom, I'm a bottom, I'm a bottom, I'm a bottom. Also, if you don't know, I'm a bottom. Read the profile. I don't really love the antagonistic kind of like aggression and like maybe that's just the way i'm reading is it playful is it playful i don't know on one hand it is is quite illustrative you do know he's a bottom you know he's got an oral fixation he likes to give and get and he's not shy about telling he's a big boy

so those are all positives yeah but then he overdoes it so i think six i'm gonna give it a five because he needs to fucking chill yeah actually you know what i'm gonna give it less i'm gonna give it a four because it's not a good profile regardless but his like weird fucking obsession with being like this is what i am is knocking it like if he just chilled a bit it would be up to a five because it's like a meh profile anyway, right? Here's one to end it off with some good positive healthy vibes. This is Judy, and this is a hinge snippet. I'm looking for someone who does not wear a mask to bed, have a COVID beard, or want to do a virtual meet instead of grabbing a beer. I mean, I feel attacked as someone who has dedicated pretty much this entire lockdown, actually both lockdowns

to COVID beards. Also, where the fuck you getting a beer from? Yeah, I'm just going to assume that this person is garbage because they've decided to make a significant portion of their profile like, I don't want to date anyone who takes this pandemic seriously. Yeah. So,

no? That's a zero for me? Yeah. You pulled it out out i thought it wasn't gonna go lower but like it's gonna be a one i do like however when i was swiping how many people have listed whether or not they got the shot and what shot they got nice that's the new like star sign it's like fuck pisces no one gives a shit i want to know if you've been vaccinated i want to know if you got that pfizer that's the hot you got that Pfizer. That's a hot vaccine. Pfizer is the hot person vaccine. And we know that because we both got it. We did get it.

And our loving girlfriends also got it. It's true. It's true. So we can prove it two times over. Guys, thank you for coming along. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being amazing. As per always, if you're a Canadianadian podcaster by all means please vote for

us in the can pod awards.ca because you know that'd be awesome specifically the adult i really want to get the adult category i mean i'd love i would love either fit in a little bit more there but i would love it fucking best adults like thingy cat that'd be amazing also uh if you don't know what we're talking about and you missed last week's episode, we were nominated for two Canadian Podcast Awards, one for Best Adult Series and one for Best Educational Series or Show. How we got in the educational one, we still don't know, but we're not going to tell anyone. I don't think we're- We educate people.

I guess. You know, sex education. Yeah, sure. Not just a show, Dane. I still feel like we accidentally wandered into a room and no one's asked us to leave. Yeah, I feel like we do lean very heavily on the crude side of things. So it does feel weird. It's like we walked into the teacher's lounge.

Everyone's wearing sweaters and drinking tea and we're a little disheveled and have whiskey. Yeah. But hey, we're still up for bestveled and have whiskey yeah but hey we're still up for best teacher award in this here school exactly all the students fucking love us the kids love us we're the cool teacher everyone else are nerds fucking narcs you want to vote for narcs is that what you want to do hell no um but yeah if you're a canadian podcaster that would be incredible if you're not a canadian pod, start a goddamn podcast, then vote now. We just appreciate you guys being here, and we love the fuck out of it.

So thank you for coming back, for being just amazing. And I hope everyone's still doing all right out there. If you have a question for us or just want to say, hey, whatever, we're cool. You can hit us up at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca and find all of our social media and a contact form you can send us to, you know, say hey or send in a question.

You get to choose your agent name on that contact form. So we'll give you a secret agent name that no one will know who you are. It's completely anonymous and we will love you forever. Thank you for listening. Oh, yeah. Thank you to josh eagle in

the harvest cities for their song paper stars and dame would you like to get comfortable so i could so we got we got a repeat offender haruki murakami he's been on here a few fucking times and you know what i know so many people whose literary tastes I appreciate. And a lot of people have been telling me to read them because they love them. But everything we've read has been utter garbage. And I just cannot take them seriously. And I'm sorry, any Murakami fans out there. But I think you'll have to forgive me.

This is from Killing Commendatore, which we've also read from before. Her breasts were beginning to noticeably develop. Her heart might have problems, but her flesh continued growing nonetheless. It felt strange to see my little sister's breasts grow by the day. Up till then, she'd just been a little child, but now she'd suddenly had her first period, and her breasts

were slowly starting to take shape. Yet within that tiny chest, my sister's heart was defective. I'm glad this man, or I guess I don't know how old he is, but this person, this dude, is like, you're going to die,

but them titties though. Yeah, one, it's his little sister, so come on, dude. Next he'll be sharing a bed with her. But also it's like, mention her heart problems twice, but mentions her titties four times, or times sorry so which is more important priorities yeah the only way we could save her is if her titties get bigger also what a bizarre term her heart

might have problems but her flesh continued growing nonetheless like girl, I see your flesh has continued growing nonetheless. Imagine if that was, you know, like, instead of, like, grandparents being like, oh, look how big you've gotten. It's like, oh, my, look how much flesh you've gained. Your flesh has continued growing. I'm sorry, Grandma, are you a witch? What? You know that granny's going to cook you. 100%.

My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. We've been your fuck buddies. Hope your flesh grows.