F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 138 - Tit for Cat

Episode Date: May 24, 2021

I'm not going to lie, if someone offered me really cute kittens, I'd probably have sex with them too.  Wait, I mean the person.  Not the kittens!  Topics include a suspiciously sexy feline pick-up, a sitcom worthy legal lie and one of the longest answers we've ever given that pretty much covers every aspect of dating.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Tate Miller. And I am Niles Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we get questions either from our wonderful listeners or we find them on the internet and we answer them on the topics of sex and dating. Do you have anything new going on with you? No. No? Weather's nice. That's nice. Weather's very nice. It is peak sweat closet right now.

Not peak sweat closet because it's still 30. It's not peak sweat closet because I'm not in there with you. Yes. But it is quite warm. It saddened me to have to close the window so you wouldn't hear all that nice sweet street sound. I remember what I wanted to ask you. Oh, God. Are you ready?

Sure. What you wearing? Nothing but some blue stripy boxers hell yeah i'm doing the same thing hell yeah stripy blue stripy well it's plaid blue mine are blue and white stripes good job hell yeah ready for some fucking questions yes now i will say last week when i was editing it was kind of a bummer. We had a lot of bummer questions. Can you start us off with something that isn't blackmail? Oh, damn. The one I literally had a blackmail thing. That's depressing, that's depressing, that's depressing. That's depressing. This one's kind of weird. Okay, yeah, there we go. That's... This is by user DaddyPose. Boyfriend wants to pretend to be single to get a free cat?

Okay. I don't even know why I have to ask because I know the answer, but guys, help? My boyfriend has a friend that's a female on Instagram that wants to rehome her Sphinx cat. I always wanted one and I'm super excited, but she doesn't know he has a GF. He doesn't post me on Instagram and I don't want to be the GF that gets mad over social media. I hardly post him as well. Oh, okay. See, I like this to go on him. Just be mad. I'm there, too. I don't know, man. Any advice? Oh, OK. See, I like this.

This is nice. This is OK. They are in their 30s for reference. Sure. I think it all depends on the conversation and like how he knows this person. Is he a constant, you know, shirt, half up, abs, flash and thirst trap guy? Well, what else he posting if he's not posting his girlfriend right so like if that's the case then i kind of understand where he's coming from

if all he posts are say let's say naruto memes then i would find it a little more suspicious that women are just throwing free cats at him especially sphinx cats because they're the hairless ones right i think so that's what i thought but i never really checked i'm pretty sure they're they're the hairless ones and as far as i know they're pretty fucking expensive they're the ones with the big ears and they're somewhat hairless yeah why the fuck is this person not just going to give you a like why would you having a girlfriend matter unless it's like some kind of like oh like you know it's it maybe it's like you know those streamers who pretend

they don't have a relationship and will never answer a question about whether they're in a relationship so that their legion of simps keep hoping sure yeah like maybe that's his thing where like this isn't the first free thing he's gotten that's all just like the mystery the mystique it's like the damn one day i might be with this guy yeah um and like if this is the only issue you've had with this boyfriend like if this is the only thing you're suspicious about and you want this cat anyway let me go pick up the cat i assume her angle is like maybe maybe there's another transaction involved in getting this cat that is not monetary maybe this is a uh you know a tit for tat. If you pussy, get me pussy. Exactly. I'm assuming that maybe this person, like, hey, some people I'm sure have done it, but I doubt it's going to be as bold as like, hey, you've shown up.

Cat is free. However, you have to touch my vagina. Sorry. But what I'm saying is this might be a pre. Yes. Yes, I'm assuming it's like the most reasonable way that a girlfriend would interfere with this is that they're giving them the cat, but hoping that either one, you know, this will give them brownie points in future or two, they'll be able to like, hey, I want to stop by and see my cat wink, you know, see-through white t-shirt she's like oh let me just let me just go grab something real quick and she you know lots of bending over maybe an accidental spill of some cold water all over this shirt yeah yeah maybe it starts to rain inside and you both have to get out of those wet clothes exactly i remember i once went on a tinder date

one of the few tinder dates where i like just went over to her place right away um but she was i don't remember what she was doing i think she was like studying for an exam or finals or something and she was like just so you know it's not a hookup i know it's weird but like i just need a break from studying and you seem cool come we'll have some drinks i was like yeah great cool so i went over and she should open the door in like a thong and like a white t-shirt that was see-through and could barely fit her and i was like she knew what she was doing this is an interesting play for someone who does not want to hook up let me tell you i wrote that like i was i was a perfect gentleman the whole time until she cracked that's the way to do it i'm not on them yeah so i okay if it is some instagram situation where this

somehow makes sense and if this is the only thing that's suspicious just let me get the cat you get a cat you know you can time him if you want tell me as a 10 minute limit stay and get seduced by her wet t-shirt wiles yeah i mean there's also no harm in being like why do you think like what makes you think that she's not going to give you a cat if you have a girlfriend because like again the only reason that makes sense is if he's leading her on with the idea that he he's single for whatever reason as we've just explained so like you know asking that question isn't a bad thing because it is again if he is like an influence or whatever it's like i get it you know i mean there are lots of people male and female now that i've started training like i know there are there

are dudes who have significant others but like often don't say anything because they're popular with the ladies and you gotta keep the simps alive yeah the thing is i think this question would be different if it was like oh my boyfriend was gonna get a cat and then she said no because he found out she had a girlfriend i think it would be kind of along the lines of where we're going we could probably figure it out i think it's actually stranger that he's hypothesizing that she would already say no if he had you know what i mean like he's already thought this out and like that would indicate that this is very squarely already established to be some kind of either current or like future booty call thing which either means one he is okay with it which you know that's not

good or two he's just like willing to ignore that and lead them on and then take the cat and the thing is like if it is some like you know take my cat then i'll visit like wink wink like we can always be in contact i can come over occasionally and it's this whole ploy what do you think's gonna happen when either she comes over finds out you live with your girlfriend or wait which i don't know if they do actually well it'd be weird to be like we're gonna get a cat i've always wanted this cat like i assume yeah together but even even so it's like if she finds out you have a girlfriend is she just gonna take the cat back yeah i mean that's the thing it's like also going with your girlfriend and she's like no you can't have this cat you could be like well you know i mean like i it's i get it you want this cat sure but like do you really want a cat on like sex

like almost like blood money this is a blood money cat it's oh shit it's a black male cat and we damn it i'm sorry we're not meant to do a blackmail thing but this is a blackmail kitty i i don't know what to do here because i understand both sides of it i mean like he again i i think he is being a little sus i think there's a little sus behavior on his end nothing about this is is really all right you know none of it's really right it is sus i would jettison him out the airlock door if we were playing right now. He's sus as hell. But there's stuff we don't know about, right?

It's like if this is a pattern of behavior, this becomes a lot more sus. If he has a certain type of Instagram or like online presence, it becomes a little bit less sus. Either way, you need to figure this out. But I think it's like you need to talk to him and be like, if this is the case, what's to stop this from going down the shitter once we get the cat at which point things are a lot messier in my opinion even if they say oh you can't have the cat you should just fucking go anyway because then at least that's done for you know it's better to not get a cat than to get a cat and have to lose the cat or to get a cat and then be in this like crazy cat fight with this random girl even if it is just

you know, whatever. The fact that you're like, what do you do to get this cat? You're not going to love this cat. This cat's going to be a constant reminder of maybe he had to do some unspeakable cat deals to get it. Look, we've all had to fuck someone to get a cat, but you can't do it if you're cheating on someone. That's what I'm saying. So I think, yeah, I think you need to go. But like, I also hate the idea of like being overbearing and being like, I'm not letting you go pick up a cat.

Yeah, I know. That's, that's the thing. I guess you need to talk to him first and try to like get more of a, just more of an idea of what's going on. Like maybe, you know, enough based on what we've been talking about that it makes sense. Or maybe you don't, but like talk to him and try to like nail down exactly why he thinks she'd be upset. And like what that might mean for the future of you guys with this cat but either way good luck i hope you get this cat and i hope you love it i hope it's the sweetest cat ever but i hope that it does not come at the detriment of your trust or your

relationship so i went and clicked on their thing to see if there's more post history that would just like give me any kind of like insight because the one of the comments says they're in their 30s but like i don't know i just want to see more and there's an update okay and the update is just says cat ended up in like being sick in the quotation marks after he told her i was coming he blamed me on the ride back and said he's going solo on wednesday now this is a whole different question because now she knows you have a girlfriend so if the girlfriend isn't the issue is going with the girlfriend the issue this is more sus then yeah this is 100 more suspicious to be like oh sorry you can't have the cat it's sick but you can come another day like like alone

yeah because now she knows he she knows he has a girlfriend so the the like presence of him having a girlfriend isn't an issue but the presence of the girlfriend at the hand of is an issue yeah this is way more suspicious here's the thing do we think he's even gonna come back with this cat oh my god right do you think he's just gonna go and be like uh actually you know the cat was was too attached to her and didn't want to go i mean this is a wild fucking gambit to like tell your girlfriend that you're getting a cat that she really wanted i don't know this whole thing doesn't make any sense to me i can't wrap my brain around it but yes this this doesn't seem good um and i i think i would as the girlfriend just be like you know what we don't need this cat this cat seems very

suspicious and i would rather acquire a cat not with these pretenses so yeah just like rescue a cat because rescuing animals is tight and on top of that you won't have this weird like sex baggage on top of it you won't have a person who might swing by and either make things annoying and awkward for a day like hey even if her intentions are pure no one wants to have a rando in their house one day when they don't want them and on top of that maybe they're not pure and then you have to deal with this person who might also just decide to take their cat back just rescue an animal and and ignore all this weird bullshit i'm gonna say right here this might be an unpopular opinion but i think like craving a certain breed of animal when there are so many animals that need homes is kind of a shitty

thing to do i honestly think breeders should just be like completely put out of business i mean maybe not that bad because like there would be a finite amount of animals at that point but what i'm saying is there are so many animals most likely at your local like shelter that need a home more than yeah someone's like designer cat they're trying to elicit sex from your boyfriend for. Yeah. So avoid this. Ooh.

How much like a sitcom do you want to go? Full. All right. This is my 27-year-old male girlfriend, 27-year-old female of one year lied to me. She told me she was a lawyer, but was actually a janitor at a law firm. I'm thinking of breaking up with her. This is by Middle surprise 4339. Samantha and I have been together for two years. I met her on Tinder and we hit it off very well.

Told me she was an associate at a law firm and I was like, cool. I told her one of my deal breakers was that I wanted to be with an educated woman with a good career and she agreed that she wanted the same. We had good times and we've been planning on moving in together. Just so you know, I never once suspected she wasn't a lawyer. She was always reading books about laws and was always talking to other lawyers in her company. I even dropped her to work a few times. She was wearing what a lawyer would typically wear. I wanted to surprise her at work once and I dropped by her office.

I went to the reception and asked for her and the lady had no idea who I was talking about. I just left confused because she told me she worked there. As I was figuring out what was happening, I came across a notice board and saw Samantha on it. she was the shift janitor at the law firm firm for i don't know why i keep saying firm and a few other floors i then went home angrily and confronted her she immediately broke down and told me she wanted to date a man who was decent apparently as a janitor no one would date her she was only meeting drug addicts she told me sorry it's such a wild claim. She didn't tell me she wanted to be a lawyer, but after community college failed to get into law school, she told me she really loved me,

and that's why she put so much effort into lying to hide this from me, and she was knowledgeable as per my deal breaker. I asked for some time and went back home. I don't think I can get past this lie. Her education was a lie, and so was her career. She's a janitor who tried to be a lawyer. I think there's no trust, and she's not career-oriented like I thought she was. So here's the thing, my dude dude your deal breaker was an educated woman your deal breaker was not an honest woman no that's a bad i hell yeah it's a genie witch you got it yeah the thing is like you are like oh i couldn't be

able to woman who's not educated but at no point in times do you think this woman wasn't a lawyer so obviously she's a smart woman this is probably a situation where she told you you probably gave the like inclination that like you would definitely not be interested in janitor because let me tell you this question alone makes it seem like that so she probably made up the fact that like you know you probably mentioned that you work at a law office and he got all excited thinking you were a lawyer and you know i mean like true as you said sitcom fucking snowballing of a lie turning into a big thing now i'm not excusing her lying about this because it's a dumb thing to fucking do and a shitty thing to do persistently

you know i mean to constantly lie about this kind of thing but at the same time her not being a lawyer doesn't change anything yeah it doesn't change a single thing about her personality her education or lack thereof you know what i mean like you've got to know her you know she's an intelligent woman the only thing it changes is like this shallow designation in a in a sense you what I mean? Like clearly she can afford her end of things or you're paying. Either one apparently doesn't matter if you thought she was a lawyer this whole time. Was the lie bad? Yes. Was it malicious? No. Can you understand where she's coming from? Yes. But the thing is, I don't think he can because he says the whole big thing is like, oh, it's a deal breaker for me if the woman isn't intelligent.

It's a deal breaker. But then says, oh, intelligent it's a deal breaker but then says oh i don't think she's career as career focused as i originally thought it's like okay so intelligent isn't your metric or your deal breaker what it seems like your deal breaker is a high paying job and the thing is it's like she wants to be a lawyer so she's career oriented you know what i mean like she tried she's still studying like she's doing all these things and like maybe she even got this job to be around a law firm in the hopes that again in sitcom land she will somehow become a lawyer just from you know being there yeah she'll accidentally be like sweeping a courtroom and needs to object because you know some plucky you know young lawyer the like boss's son is is tanking a case exactly now i i have an issue the lie is pretty big they've been together for

two years that's a pretty big lie i would love to know if the deal breaker was spoken before she told you she was an associate law firm that's That's what I'm kind of thinking. I'm assuming it was probably, she was like, oh yeah, I work in a law office. Oh, one of my big deal breakers is, you know, I've always wanted, like I have to date an intelligent. And then it's like, well, can't say I'm a janitor now. I think judging someone for being a janitor is a really shitty thing to do. 100%. Honestly, the only issue I have is the lie, which let's be fair, it's not great, but it's not a malicious lie. And clearly it didn't matter. You know what I mean? On a day to day basis. And again, you can understand why she did it because not only is society pretty harsh sometimes when it comes to, you know, where you work and what you do, but on top of that, you were a little bit harsh about that too, you know? So if you do break up with this person, do it because of the lie.

Don't do it because you found out she was a janitor because that's proving you wrong because you didn't care about her career or her education once you thought it was something different. When like the reality, what you had to live with was the reality of what she was doing, right? Like she was still as intelligent as she was when you talked to her when you guys had dinner. She was still as wealthy as she was when you guys, you know, split dinner.

These are all things that didn't change, you know? And if you really, you know, did like this person enough to be with them for two years and are, you know, supportive of people who go after a good career, maybe you can fucking help her become a lawyer. You know what I mean? Maybe now that her secret's out,

you guys can work together and like hopefully you have a well-paying job if you're going to be high and mighty with everybody else. So maybe, you know, you can take the burden off her slightly. And again, if you guys are dating and you're willing to do that and you do love this woman

and like maybe you can help her get there because obviously that's kind of what you want. It's what she wants, you know? This is tough for me because i don't think i i think i would be and this is coming from a much different place than this guy is i think but i think i would be so upset that they thought they had to lie to me about this for two years and the fact that they also lied to me for two years i don't think i'd be able to get over that i think that would be too much for me to overlook be like one do you really think that little of me that i would give a shit about what you did as long as you're doing you know you're not hurting anyone

but like if you're working hard it doesn't change who you are as a person like you said i think it's super shit to judge people by their job because you have no idea why they're in those jobs whether or not you know it's all they can get whether or not it's you know something that they love also being a janitor is probably a lot harder job than most the ones out there and it's also like depending on where you are it could be a still a fucking decent paying job i i think the idea of like basing people's worth on their job is such a fucking garbage archaic thing to do obviously it still happens it's stupid and i hate it um but like i said i i think what you the way you put it was break up over the lie not over the job and i totally agree with you because the ability to lie for that long as well as feeling the need

to would both hurt me quite a bit. But again, this person's pretty clear that she did need to ease up on these weird requirements that you have from people because it's like, yeah, we get it. You technically want these things, but it's like in those two years, she never proved you wrong until now. And it's a very shallow thing. Again, the lie lie that's a whole other issue but and and on the flip side of things on her end i think this is a great idea of being like anytime you start a relationship on anything other than trust if you build your foundation of a relationship on a lie it's gonna crumble it's like putting fucking cinder blocks in a swamp

it's not this is not a long lasting plan here yeah you might be fine for however long but eventually the swamp gonna swallow you whole yeah and then the longer you've been there the more belongings you lose to the swamp you you've got to understand that like lying is never a great idea you could little lies you know there's always exceptions white lies here and there non-malicious lies cool whatever blah blah blah but to base like i don't know to like every day when you're like oh how was work you you must have lied about what you did on a daily basis there's no way she didn't like come home and tell him about a case right yeah that's fucking wild that that fucking sucks because at that point you're like cool a good like i don't know maybe 30 40

50 percent of our conversations were entirely made up yeah you know what like as much as i sympathize our position i really don't think i could continue now this relationship just based on like even that you're right it's like every time she came home from work and you had a chat about it it's bullshit if she was like oh my lawyer friend it's you know maybe it's her friend and maybe it's her lawyer but i doubt they were friends in the capacity she's talking about because they weren't co-workers well they you know what i mean they were co-workers but they weren't you know immediate colleagues or whatever yeah yeah so again don't be shit about the education and the career, but as for the lies, I get it. So this comes in from another one of our incredible listeners, and they did congratulate us on our nominees, so thank you very much.

Hell yeah, we love it. We are going to say you are Agent Jet Setter. I'm looking at my travel pillow, and it makes me want to fucking travel really fast. Your travel pillow? Oh, like the neck pillow? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I just imagined like, you know, those like anime body pillows, but with like, you know, Paris on it.

With a plane. Just snuggle up with my 747 pillow. Anyway, thanks Dave for a little bit of background. I am now 22, and I've always known that I've had a thing for older men, at least four or plus. Not like a fetish or something, but a general perception of maturity level if I were to seriously date and be in a relationship.

I met someone last month from the usual dating app. He just turned 34. He's a lawyer who's still in the early stages of his career. Now, how early is he still a janitor? Yeah. I say still because he tends to compare his pace in life to mine, where I'm the faster one at 22. And yet I've already already have slash achieved X, Y, Z. Not because I'm belittling him or anything.

We started off fast because he insisted on meeting up already a day after we began talking. I said yes, because of the cabin fever has really been getting to me. He was quick to warm up and he was really clear with his intentions with me. He said he's not trying to just be my friend, although he says that if that's all there is, he'll still be around. I guess I believe that and attribute his clarity and conviction to where he is in life, since he's really trying to get his shit together. We got to talking about my past quote-unquote dating experience. None of them really serious, but mostly casual things hookups. Although I did make it clear I'm not on the app to do that anymore. Chances are low of finding finding a real thing there but there's still the pandemic going on

and i don't really have much of a choice he visited me a lot during the first week of quote unquote talking then only a couple of times after that during the past three weeks i totally understand though because he's busy setting up his own law practice and then in brackets question question question question question whereas i'm busy juggling work and post-grad and he makes it clear that he doesn't want to get in the way during his visits sleepovers the past week we did things but never really let it get to a home run i can also or i also can't fully enjoy third base on me now i've never really understood what the basis to be is third base oral i believe so yeah okay cool so wait what's first base is hand jobs though right or is that just kissing I think first

base is kissing second base is like hand stuff and then I guess third is mouth stuff and then fourth is sex stuff yeah well there's no fourth base alright it's home base it's a home run so what's anal that's a grand slam baby elusive

fifth base I always tell them I'm not ready yet but internally I just don't want our short interactions during the week to be mostly physical. If it were my past guys, I would have no problem hooking up. But with this guy, I really want to try to make it work, so I'm also trying my best not to give in to desires of the flesh. And this is with a bunch of tildes, like squiggly lines. It seemed very serious. I want to be convinced he doesn't like me

just for my body although he's assured me uh once when i brought it up but right now i'm kind of having a hard time convincing myself i guess to summarize here a few points of concerns i i overthink and again to give kane exactly my first dating venture he doesn't message a lot i'm usually the one checking up on him or sending random things, which I'm now cautious of because I don't want to be disturbing him as well. Maybe I'm being too clingy. I get that we're both busy and to the point that we don't, sorry, I get that we're both busy, but is it to the point that we don't need to message? What's the normal amount of talking between two people dating, especially during a pandemic? He's very touchy and sexually expressive when we're together he said once knowing that i've never been in a relationship before that this is mostly what

the couples do make out and have sex when we get the chance is this really true i'd say i'm religious but not so much of a fan of no sex till marriage i intend on waiting until we're officially together what do you guys think about this is sex really that big of a factor now in terms of progression of relationship from taking or from talking to dating to exclusively dating to relationship stages we both have tendencies you know what let's answer these questions because this is a lot yeah yeah i want to make sure i don't miss one out now firstly this guy's definitely a janitor at a law firm right a hundred percent like he's not first he's like oh you're ahead of me at 22 but then he's like i'm setting up a law firm i'm setting up my own practice.

He's a janitor in a law firm. I'm sorry. Which again, you know, where do you want to start? So we'll start at the first of how often should we message? How often should we be talking, especially in a pandemic? So there is no metric, unfortunately. Everybody talks different amounts. I've been with people who talk all the time.

I've been with people who apparently can't use a phone. And I've honestly fallen between those two lines as well. I tend to be very hyperactive in general. So when I'm ever doing something, I'm doing nine things at once. So I generally text quite a lot. Some people don't. So unfortunately, there is no metric. Arguably, you should do what you want to do maybe tempered slightly by their level you know what i mean like if they're not a big texter but you are maybe dampen it down a little bit but it's like it's gonna suck to completely cut that off if that's how you are right you know so that could if you texting more is a big issue could just mean that you guys are not a good match yeah i mean that's it you you did it

um i'm i'm the same way where i i really like to engage over text but then there are times at the same time like i if i'm doing something like if i'm playing video games or if i'm watching a movie or whatever like i try not to text when i'm doing something that i should be focusing on out with your friends or whatever, or like studying or, you know, if you're trying to get shit done or trying to enjoy like a walk, I a hundred percent get like trying to have these moments of like phone freeness because you can get way too wrapped up in it.

I think it's, it's not a bad idea to talk about your partner's texting habits. I know that's kind of a weird thing. I don't think a lot of people talk about it or even like advocate for it. But I think like being like, hey, are you a big texter? Because I'm a big texter and I don't want to,

one, I don't want to inundate you with messages. And two, I don't want to wonder if, like if something's up, you know what I mean? So if I know you're not a big texter, I'm not going to expect texts from you. And if I know you're not a big texter, I'm not going to flood you with messages.

I'll send you messages when, you know, something pertinent should be talked about. But otherwise, you know, I'll keep the, the like just miscellaneous chatter to a minimum because I know you're not a fan of it. It's, it's learning the languages and the ways that people communicate. Cause like that can be applied later down the line with relationships with like love languages and even just the way you guys want to communicate because i know some people like want to talk about everything and some people are like if it's not an issue like there's no reason to fucking like hash out hypotheticals you know

what i mean so i don't think there's any problem with with trying to determine what kind of a texture your your new partners are yeah and you know what Like it can also even just be as simple as like, Hey, you're, you know, you're really busy. So like, you know, getting a handle on that level of business mean like, you know, I don't want to bother you. So like, when are you free? Or like, when is it easier for you, for me to text you or like, you know, stuff like that. Cause depending on his level of busyness, like if he's, you know, hammer and nailing this entire law firm brick by brick together in the morning from nine till five, he's probably not going to want to text because he's out with his hammer building this law firm. But maybe he will then be more open to communicating in the evening or maybe evenings or when he's studying and he has more time in the morning on his lunch breaker. You know what I mean?

So getting a handle on how busy he is. And like, it's also kind of nice if he said he's busy and you're trying to like figure that out for him because then he doesn't have to feel bad not texting you back because you've already discussed it kind of. I will say also a caveat to this whole thing is that the pandemic, of course, is a thing and it's going to fuck up everybody's relationship with their phones because in one sense, you're like, yes, I need connection and i have more ability to be on my phone because i have my phone here all the time there's nothing to really take me away from it but on the other hand i have my phone here all the time i need to get away from it you know

it can be it can be both there where it's like it's you might have more free time or you might be so sick of just texting you know so it could go either way. Next question is, he's very touchy and sexually expressive when we're together. He says things like, making out and having sex is what you do when you're in a relationship. You know what? Again, everybody's like, you know, there are asexual people

who are in relationships and don't do that. You know, there are some people who have really high libidos, some people have low libidos. Personally, if I'm like beginning to see someone yeah super touchy and horny and affectionate and would always want to have sex does that mean that person should always have sex with me not at all you know what i mean it is entirely it's still consent based you know what i mean if you're into whether you're not again that might be where he's coming from

it doesn't mean that has to be where you're coming from yeah now like i totally understand like his point to an extent of being and and kind of like what you're saying was like when i first start seeing someone if i'm only getting to see you you know once a week or you know every couple weeks or whatever it's like i would definitely want to have sex with you or at the very least like a solid makeout sesh every time i see also it's like when you first start seeing someone it's at its most exciting you know what i mean like yeah you're in the honeymoon period of of like everything is new even if you've already had sex sex again like there's uh the the possibilities of experiencing new sensations and new experiences with your partner as a sexual partner is are are the all-time high and

the more you have sex you know that sort of like peters down to being like okay we kind of know what we're getting into yeah but like that initial period is like just it's like drugs it's just like euphoria you know yeah oh yeah it's the first time i start seeing people it's all i want to do like yes i want to have sex with you a. 100%. Does that mean you should feel the same way? Not at all. No. I think you should figure out how you feel. You know what I mean?

If you want to be physical, if you want to be physical to a certain amount, or if you just don't want to be physical at all, figure that out. But do I blame him for feeling that way? No. Now, I also do want to roll back to when you're describing the situation where it seems like you're not having sex for an arbitrary reason of being like, I want this to work it. Yeah. Well, I think that was another question. Was it, were we going to get to that? Cause I was holding off until we got there, but let's do it.

Let's do it right now. Yes, I guess it is. Yeah. It's the next part. That's why I kind of mentioned like you need to figure out what you want. Having sex with someone doesn't mean that you're going to like that things end or are ruined at all and arguably if it is it's still gonna mean it when you finally do it yes yeah like we've we've talked about this a lot in the sense of being like if you want to have sex have sex it doesn't cheapen you as a person and if the part if you're with someone who thinks that like after you've had sex with them you are less of a human being then they're a bad partner yeah i understand that like you don't want to run the risk of being like oh i put in all this effort it turns out this guy's a dick

but if if you want to put in this effort you should want to you know find out that he is a good person and and not saying that like sex needs to be a litmus test of of whether or not a person is worthy of your attention or your time but you know if if you want to have if you're getting hot and heavy with this guy and you want to have sex and the only thing that's stopping you is a concept of something that you think you shouldn't do i don't think that should be what you base your sexual relationship on if you want to have sex and you're excited about the concept and you want to do it, then I say go for it.

If you, again, and very specifically me and Dan are talking about if you want to have sex. If you want to have sex and you have sex and then, you know, that's good. You did something you want to do. Presumably, hopefully you enjoyed it. If he turns around and is like, right, peace, I'm out. I got what I came for. Then one, that wasn't going to change in two weeks,

you know what I mean? Or three weeks or four weeks or whatever. He's not going to stick around if all he wanted was to get a quick lay and bounce. Or if he does, he's still going to get that quick lay and bounce. That's kind of it. You're not really losing anything. The only issue you're getting into is, or the only possible issues you can get into is if you have sex when you don't want to, which, you know, is not good for you because then you're going to feel twice as bad if he bounces because you did something you didn't want to do and shitty things happen as a result, right? So if you, if you don't want to have sex for, you know, a variety of reasons, don't by all means, keep enjoying the way you guys are going and and getting what you can out of it but

if you do want to have sex there's no reason to wait you know once you think this person is you know if you're comfortable with them and they're safe and blah blah blah blah which again i would imagine factors into you wanting to have it yeah and also i i think i like to warn people with being like i don't want to have sex with you until we're exclusive because a sexual relationship is a or the sexual aspect of a relationship is a fairly important one and if you guys aren't sexually compatible then you've just sort of like entered into a relationship where both of you are like and then now you then have to be like well sex ain't great should we just break up that's a weird fucking conversation to have

i don't necessarily see the harm in exploring all facets of a relationship prior to being like yeah you're the one i want to commit to and like by all means wait until you know them better if that's what you want like i would definitely stray away from the relationship thing like dane i've had people say that before and like to, it almost feels like I don't want to say blackmail, but it almost seems like, oh, you got to you got to date me first, you know, you got to do this thing that I want. And then, you know, it always strikes me as strange. I also like to, as Dan was saying, you know, fully explore relationships before I get into them, because to me, relationships are like a really big deal. You know, like, I don't get

into them lightly. You know, all my relationships have been like really long term, you know. I don't think like there's not much of a difference in being like, well, we talk great. We have sex. We've only had sex in a dark room. So like, you know, we we fuck great. I have no idea what you look like, though. But let's get in a relationship or be like, you know, I know what you look like. We've had sex, but we haven't talked yet. But let's get in a relationship. It like, you know, I know what you look like. We've had sex, but we haven't talked yet,

but let's get in a relationship. It's like, those are all facets of a, of a relationship. Like you kind of need to see the whole picture. I'm not going to let you see what I look like in person until we get in a relationship. Yeah.

You know? Um, and again, by all means, like see this person for a month or two or three or four and only have sex them when you're comfortable you know i in no way are we saying to have sex with this person if you're not comfortable if you don't feel like you like them or know them or whatever but it's like by that time

you will know as much about them as if you had entered in a relationship in half that time or at that time you know what i mean like the knowing the person and the spending that time together is more important than the relationship because it's just words that you've said to each other and as as your first relationship venture as you put it there's no harm in getting into the the habit of discussing boundaries and discussing expectations with your partner at the the you know the beginning of a relationship you can like explain to them your hesitancy of having sex if you're worried about something about having sex explain it to them talk to them about it and the

this will start like your relationship off on the note that like you guys can talk about things right out the gate this isn't something you need to earn this isn't something that you need to develop this is just how a relationship with you is. It is honest and it's open and you're willing to communicate. You're willing to be vulnerable and you're willing to be like open to hearing their side of things. You know what I mean? If you're sitting there being like, well, I don't want him to see me as, you know, just a person to have sex with. Talk about that open up to them and let them know that

like this is your stance and this is where you stand and this is kind of like the boundary you have with sex this is your expectations you have with sex and and what sex means to you and let them you know see who you are this is someone you want to with. So show them what it's like to be with you. And if they're like, oh, no, that's not what relationships are like. Like, no, that's not what dating people is like. Then they're shit. You know what I mean? Because there is no one metric. You know what I mean? Everybody moves at different paces. They go to different places. They, you know, express themselves differently, blah, blah, blah. Don't let this person pressure you if they have a different opinion than what you want, you know? But Dane's 100% right. If you know, express themselves differently, blah, blah, blah. Don't let this person pressure you if they have a different opinion than what you want, you know, but Dane's a hundred percent

right. If you're, if you get in front of this and you like show your boundaries and what you're looking for and what you're comfortable with, then you'll get one, you'll be happy because you're like kind of carving out your own place. And if they meet you halfway or they, they accept what you're putting forward, things are going to be great. But secondly, it's like, if they can't accept that and they're being shitty, then you probably know enough about this person. That's that you don't want to date them. Yeah.

You need to make sure you need to like the big red flag. You need to watch out with this is him using his age and experience to tailor what a relationship is because there isn't, that is not a definition that you know what i mean so if every time you bring up a concern or how you feel about something or how you want to approach something and they're like oh no no no trust me i've done this before i'm older than you i've been in relationships that's not what this is that's not what that is that's not how this goes i would i would be very concerned about that that is a huge red flag because one

that's going to lead to gaslighting it's going to lead to manipulation and it could lead to like a fairly abusive relationship in in terms of like controlling you they're basically lying to you just so everything goes exactly how they want it all right what's the next bit uh finally we both have tendencies to use our age gap card with him saying you'll get there you'll understand eventually in practice i hate it and with me saying things like never mind you won't understand or me putting a disclaimer you don't have to tell me what to do i'm just ranting i figured it out already before i tell him a story is this like a red flag from both me and him him being like you'll get there eventually maybe it's playful i would hope it's in a playful sense but like it's playful. I would hope it's in a playful sense, but like, it's not nice to be condescended down to because of your age.

Um, I also would worry that it would go into what Dane just said about the, like, Oh, like I know more than you got to do things my way. Yeah. I think what you guys need to do, uh,

and this is, this is my, my big recommendation is sit down and talk about the gap in your age, because it's going to come up and it's going to become a thing. And I promise you this. I've dated people who are, I think she was four years older than me and it was a fucking thing. You're dating someone who I believe is 10 years older than you and it's going

to become a fucking thing. And I promise you that. Oh, he's 34, right? Yeah. Yeah. So 12 years,

that's a, that's a fairly big age difference. Um, I think you guys need to sit down and be like, there's an age difference there is an age gap between us and we need to make sure one you're cool with it like actually cool with it and two you need to make sure that you're not going to weaponize this you guys need to be like hey we need like a code phrase where one of us starts feeling the age gap card is being played,

where we can take a step back from our immediate conversation and be like this. I, I don't like this. Um, and I think that's something you really, really need to establish early on because it's going to be the first big fight you have.

I promise you, whoever, whoever the aggressor is or whoever, or both of you are going to pull a, uh, an age card and it's going to fucking suck. Whether you mean it or not, whether,

whether it's just out of anger and you say it, but you need to agree early on. I think that you, that like the age thing is something you guys both agree with. You're both okay with, and you're not going to use it to hurt each other. And like, even just being like,

Hey, I feel really like it feels really condescending when you say like, to use it to hurt each other. And like, even just being like, Hey, I feel really like it feels really condescending when you say like, Oh, you'll get there eventually and just tell them that you don't like it. You know, that can be a really simple thing. And again, if they can't understand that or get on board with that, that's a pretty decent sign that things aren't going to go great. Um, now the only thing I would say is that from your perspective, it seemed like what you were saying and correct me if I'm wrong, Dane, it was almost like when you're trying to tell them a story, you want empathy more than solutions. I think that might be a different issue to the age gap. Because I know a lot of people have this concern. And there was a sentence that people were sharing a while ago where they were like, I want sympathy, not solutions or something.

Where it's like, you want to tell someone a story and like vent to them. And instead of that, they're like, well, why don't you do this? And you don't want to hear it at that moment. Yeah. The like, are we in the talking phase or the solution phase? Yeah. Yeah. So maybe I don't know if that has an age correlation. I don't think so, but it's, it's definitely a thing because there are times you just want to vent and you don't want someone trying to fix your shit. So maybe, look into that things seem good so far i think you guys would benefit greatly from just like a good old-fashioned like talk and i don't know specifically what the bullet points are but i think just kind of like dancing around with it so the thing is is

and this is my the best relationship advice i can give to someone who's never been in a relationship before is the more you're able to communicate what you want and discern what your partner wants the less guessing you're going to be doing on both parts and the less guesswork that's in a relationship the better it's going to be the the people who are least satisfied in sexual relationships are the the people the the questions that we have where it's like my partner won't tell me what they like you know i've i've they said i'm not doing it right and they won't tell me how to do it i have to figure it out on my own yeah it's like those are the people who aren't satisfied because they're making their partner guess if you have the answer to your solution or your problem and you're not giving it to your partner, then it's the relationship fucking sucks. So the more you can remove guesswork out of a relationship, even at the very the smallest things, the tiniest fucking things, the better your relationship is going to be. And the only way you can do that is by communicating, talking openly and honestly about as much as you want to as anything that comes up and i'm not necessarily saying you need to sit down and just fucking you know let the floodgates open and talk about literally everything but when little things happen like niall said when he does kind of condescend you

over your age take a moment don't let it get heated and just be like hey when you say things like that that kind of like feels condescending and it really bothers me do you mind if we avoid that boom because otherwise he does not know yeah and like the longer it goes on as well it's like no one wants to be like oh so i've been upsetting you this whole time you never told me because you feel bad that you've done it and sometimes that can come out defensively and you're having an argument. And it's easier to nip things in the bud when they start. So for me, the two things that probably need to get sorted out to tweet are the busyness thing, like texting, which I think would be a very easy conversation. He says he's busy. You just go, hey, is there a particular time you want me to text you at? Or when would it suit you for us to communicate? Something easy like that, get that out of the way and secondly i think you need to figure out what you want with

regards to to sex and then let them know you know because if they're kind of always going to be testing that boundary and you know because they don't know so why wouldn't they it's gonna lead to an upset where like he's always kind of like wondering and you're always kind of like repelling and it's not going to be fun if he knows sex isn't on the like cards for you know the immediate future and he wants to bail you've done yourself you know probably a service and not wasted a bunch of time and if he knows that it's not on the table and he doesn't bail then you have learned something about him and things are probably going to get really good. If you want sex and he sticks around, great. And if you want sex and he doesn't stick around, you've also figured yourself out. So it's win,

win, win, win once you're doing what you want to do and you're communicating it. So as usual, the answer is communication. But I'm hopeful. Things sound good. And you seem to be asking the right questions to build up, you know, the right stuff. So I hope it goes well. And I think you got this. And for any questions you have in the future, we are here for you. And hopefully this wasn't the longest answer ever. Probably will be.

We should wrap this boy up at the end of the episode. We'd like to take a quick look through online dating and try to gauge people's profiles, give you an idea of what to do, what not to do, in an effort to make your online dating experience more successful. Are you ready for Andrea? Yeah. I'm the sweetest girl you'll ever meet, orange heart. I don't want to go through having to explain to a man how he should treat me.

Ring size 8, lol. And then her Instagram and hashtag the gains with a Z. And so here we go. This is exactly what I just said. Don't make your partners guess what you want. But she doesn't want to have to go through having to explain to man how he should treat me. We're going to rapid fire these. Let's rapid fire these.

This is a 2 for me. Yeah, the ring size. It's not a cute joke. 2. You got one or do you want me to keep going? Yeah, no, I got one. This is Carrie. for me. Yeah. The ring size. It's not a cute joke too. You got one or do you want me to keep going? Yeah, you know, I got one.

This is Carrie. I love this energy. I am both flirting and starting a fight. Oh, that's it. That's it. You know what? Seven out of 10.

It's, it gives me enough. It's like the show. Don't tell thing from writing. They're not saying I'm this kind of person. They're showing me exactly what kind of person they are. And you've got a lot to to start with there it's funny and for me like i i don't know why but like i just

feel like this is a playful thing like it's not a hundred percent you know what i mean like i don't i'm not like oh yeah so i'm gonna give it a seven as well um this is katie check mark emoji and a bunch of vegetable emojis check Checkmark emoji and like a person meditating, a bicep, and another person meditating. Checkmark emoji, sun and plants and a landscape. Cross emoji, smoking and 420. Cross emoji,

wine emoji. Cross emoji, drugs emoji. Healthy, clean, pure life, diamond emoji. Radiate love and healing energy. Body as temple, praying emoji. Organic, vibrant food, movement and nature, sun life, diamond emoji. Radiate love and healing energy. Body as temple, praying emoji. Organic, vibrant food, movement and nature, sun emoji, plant emoji. Intention. Connect with soulmate, heart emoji.

Divine love, laughter, joy, bliss, relaxation, productivity, up leveling, and then two more praying emojis. Up leveling? Is that just like leveling up? I can only assume they want to get to level 20 get those mythic tears fuck yeah i hate everything except for that if you're gonna be leveling up if i find like someone to grind with just fucking farm some exp i'm gonna say one for dating 10 for party member there's also a very threatening picture of them spooning what i assume is chili out of a bowl but she looks like she's about to murder you everyone needs a cleric man it's a two for me

as well uh this is franz avid baker no not that kind pardon avid baker no not that kind oh is that the whole thing that's the whole thing fuck yeah that is so confusing i don't know what they're talking about not a fucking clue i have no idea what the other kind of baker is do they mean like getting baked like weed maybe because i don't think anyone calls someone who's smoking a baker yeah oh man i am such a baker no i don't know i have no idea what it, I don't know. I have no idea what it is. I don't know what it means. I'm giving it a one. Five out of 10, because I'd have to ask. Fair.

Right? Like if they're hot, especially. This is Christina. Looking for serious relationship and someone who is secure attachment style. No games, no different behaviors after the first months. No perception of loves make you lose your independence. Knows how well to treat person in loving, caring, and respectful way, etc. Can converse and love hikes and long walks.

Also, I love traveling and potentially might move somewhere else, so if you stuck in Toronto for life, sorry, but no thanks. My shallow preference, height of 5'8". It's a 1. I hate all of it. It is absolutely garbage. Hey, you have roots here? Maybe you have lots of lifelong friends? Fuck it, you're gonna

move because I don't want to. Not even I want to. I might. Also, no perception of love that makes you lose your independence. Are they talking about your love makes them lose or their love makes you lose? Either way, it's a one. I'm sorry. Do you have another one or can I

finish off with this one? I got one. Do you want me to hit you and then you... Do you have a ringer to finish this off with? No, I don't. No. This is Miranda. Five foot. INFP. Taurus.

Sun. Aqua. Moon. Sorry. Sun. Aqua. Moon. Sag.

Rising. Liberal. Interested in hygienic men with clean homes. Garden women with plant homes. Not interested in the fisher hold being your third. The end is alright right ish the start is so garbage oh my god like telling me your star sign and your infp like i know you think it tells us about what you are but it really doesn't do you think also does do you think there are

people out there who know exactly what like all of the yes 100 combination because like nighttime like i know like you could say your star sign okay cool i know what a taurus is i don't know any of the fucking class but i don't know what a taurus is meant to mean no but like bullheaded at least i know that like you know that's a star sign but like you just putting random letters in to i don't like like, I'm not going to Google it. Let me tell you, I'm not going to Google it. Yeah. If you can boil yourself down to like a classification of who you just use those adjectives. Yeah.

Just give me those adjectives. You know what I mean? Like, I don't give a fuck about like your, like if you're able, if you're confident being like, this is so much me that I'm going to put it in here and describe myself as four letters.

Then like, just use the adjectives that I'm sure I could look in here and describe myself as four letters. Then like, just use the adjectives that I'm sure I could look up what that means. You know what I mean? I don't know. Yeah. What was the INFP? INFP. INFP.

They are introverted, intuitive feeling and prospecting. I think there's gold down the road. Yeah. Like I don't even know what that means. Now that I know what those, I don't know what those mean. I assume they're shy and awkward um i don't know like for me it's all you need to know because like if someone really thinks their star sign and their thing like actually encompasses them then i'm assuming that they're a very like stunted person

coming hard well realistically a person should be so much more than four fucking adjectives someone on the internet just threw together yes you know i know i'd like you could breathe it and be like oh that encapsulates me pretty well but like that's different to being like that is me i don't know maybe i was a little harsh but i feel the same about star signs it's like it's seeing i'm a fucking sag i shouldn't expect you to be like, oh, I get it. Anyway, you ready? That's a one for me. Yeah, it's a one for me as well. This is Christine. She, her polyamorous neurodivergent non-vanilla Gothic geek. She's got some battle scars, dude. If you get that quote, we are starting out well. Looking for someone whose love language is touch, minor touch and acts of service.

Public only for now, masks required. When we can go private, raincoats mandatory, your place, not mine. No swurfs, no swingers, no unicorn hunters. I will rarely message first, I'm awkward. I mean, like, there are some things I feel like, like, the condoms required. I don't really think that's necessary on a introductory... When they said raincoats mandatory, I just thought they were a giant squirter. No, I think they mean like you got to wear condoms because they're polyamorous, presumably of the multiple partners.

Like, I get it. That's cool. I respect it. I feel like saying it is bizarre because it's like, yeah, you would. I would assume. And I think it should be just the baseline. There's a lot there that like I don't hate, but there's a lot there that like i'm like why like your place not mine that's weird i mean again i'm assuming because it's polyamorous they might have rules of being like not allowed to have partners in the

same like sexual partners okay yeah actually that makes sense i guess right like that's a pretty common practice of like couples who live together are like well we don't you know this is our bed we don't bring other people here yeah okay for some reason when i just think polyamorous i just think like open to the idea i don't necessarily think am with a partner and um okay you know what i give it like a five yeah i mean i'm not the worst i'm gonna give it a six because like i appreciate the the concepts of it i just think the delivery is a bit clumsy also i tried to look up the quote i think it's a song it is a song yes i did too did you know did you know no no i thought honestly i thought it was a scott pilgrim reference well i think it

might be because it's also in scott pilgrim oh really yeah so it's the first like the song comes up and immediately under that is scott pilgrim versus the world on reddit so it's the first like the song comes up and immediately under that is scott pelger versus the world on reddit so probably yeah it is it's it's yeah i see i was gonna say i feel like it was the when he first meets ramona flowers yeah so i think she just jumped up at least one for you didn't she yeah she did yeah that's i'm gonna move it up to a seven well guys i think this episode might be long we had some. So if it's very long or if suddenly things change in the middle of the episode, I don't know. We're sorry. I'm sure Dane will do an incredible job with his editing as always.

But I feel like we've been recording for like two and a half hours. We started at six and it's 820. This could be a nightmare, kids. Yeah, we had a bunch of technical difficulties, so I don't know how this is going to pan out. We're going to do our best. You know what? That's all we can ask for.

Cut out everything we said and replace it with this. So thank you for our Sagittarius Rising special. We decided to celebrate this time of year, the 19th of May. What the hell are you talking about? I'm trying to pretend we're doing a special so we don't seem like failures who accidentally made the two-hour episode. Oh, in case it's really long.

Maybe we'll just do a sweet two-parter. Anyway, if you have a question and you would like to send us in, please hit up our website at fbuddiespodcast.com. You can hit the contact info. You can find all our social medias. Reach out to us. Give us a message. If you have a Canadian podcast and you're eligible to vote in the Canadian Podcast Awards,

please consider voting for us in the education and the adult fields. We would appreciate it. We love you. And thank you very much. Oh, yeah. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. And would you like to comfort yourself and listen to sex writing? That sounded weird.

Sure. That's a good way to say that. So a little context for this. The main character, her brother, is wanted for murder. She doesn't know where he is, and she spent the whole night worrying. She could not sleep, right? I pushed back my sheets and down comforter, sat on the edge of my bed,

and caught the naked girl staring at me from the full-length mirror in the corner of my room. Even from that distance, I spotted the bags under my eyes, the tangled mess of my brown hair. At least my boobs look good. I gave my nipples a tweak. I could always count on the girls.

You know what? In times of trouble, just tweak your own nipples. I don't think taking comfort in the fact that you've got incredible tits is a bad thing. I wish I had tits to look down and just be like, ah, thank God you got me.

I guess I could look at my dick. Anyway, my name's Dave Miller. And my name's Nas Bain. And we've been your fuck buddies.