F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 139 - Dain Ruins Rom-Coms

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Look, someone had to say it, but your favourite rom-com couple probably broke up.  Topics include the dangers of grand gestures, integrating Tinder's Instagram integration into your dating, comparing yourself to other couples' unrealistic standards, the evolution of Game, a check-in with our favourite dreamer, annoying flirt tactics and perhaps the perfect Tinder bio.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I am Niall Spain And we're your fuck buddies We are a dating and sex advice. And we're your fuck buddies.

We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or from our lovely listeners, and we answer them on the topics of sex and dating. It is very warm. Also, I apologize in advance. I am stuck in this closet with a very, very rowdy, anxious cat boy. Yeah, he's been chirping and vibrating and rumbling and batting wires. And that's only the last 10 minutes. So who knows what kind of cat antics we have in store for you? We usually don't record this early.

So usually he's in his little food coma, but he has not been fed yet. Or at least his mid-meal or his mid-day snack. His mid-meal. His mid-meal. He hasn't had second breakfast yet. Exactly. So he's got strong boy energy right now. I just had a shit ton of cold brew, which I have more than I should have, honestly.

So that's homemade. So you never know how much caffeine is in there. So I'm fucking riding high. I'm vibing. This is cold coffee, right? It is, yeah. But you have to put an obscene amount of coffee grounds in to brew it from cold water. And when you're done, it's just so caffeinated.

So let's get going! Alright, let's do it. Are you ready for some Twitter drama? Ooh, yeah. Hell yeah, I am. So this is kind of like sex news, kind of a question, kind of just a story that we're going to fucking discuss because there was a bunch of Twitter drama and like a new thing that's really popular on Twitter is

a sub-tweeting where you like tweet about something, but you don't like it's kind of like being passive aggressive where you make like these comments and you're talking about it, but you don't actually ever say what you're talking about. So everyone kind of has to figure out like what you're actually talking about and then people are like so msn handles like msn names pretty much kind of you're just being really fucking vague you know what i mean um so a lot of sub tweets were going around about

it took me a while to track down as a result what was actually happening but there's a person who i won't name but they have an upcoming novel coming out and they're like they're not unknown right they have enough of a twitter following and a presence and all this shit so she posted a tweet about like a week ago and it says last night a personal tragedy reminded me that life is uncertain and too goddamn short so i booked a plane ticket and i'm about to fly across the country to tell the love of my life how I feel. Wish me luck and don't wait another day to tell those you love that you love them. Then it ends 19

hours later with, well, this is me in my shitty hotel room after getting rejected. I don't know whether to be sad or angry, but I'll live to love another day. Hopefully that love will be for someone who values it. Sorry to disappoint you, Twitter. And then she leaked the name of the guy after this like blew up right so she leaked the name of the guy and did a whole bunch of like articles and interviews and which i think is really shitty because it then turns out

that the guy they had dated like not even like exclusively they'd like seen each other for like three weeks and he had said that he didn't want anything more serious they also live on other ends of the fucking country um and he had ended things with her and then she was like okay someone died in my family i'm gonna surprise him by flying across the country showing up in his doorstep and ignoring that and like the whole internet's like oh this idiot one day like you're and her exact weight at the end is like yeah i don't know whether to be sad or angry, but I'll live another day. Hopefully that level will be for someone who values it. What do you,

what are your thoughts on this situation, Dane? So I think we've kind of talked about this of like your expectations aren't like you're, you're allowed to have expectations. It's usually stupid to, to do it, but like other people aren't,

aren't meant to just fill in the gaps of like what you want them to do it's like this guy is a sentient human being who has his own free will and it's like despite the fact that yeah in your a book you may have written or in a movie you might watch this would be the end of the movie where you you know run up to his doorstep drenched in rain and proclaim your love to him and he's like oh damn yeah me too but that's not life 100 and like even if you know feelings were different which again it's kind of shitty to completely ignore someone being like look this isn't going to work out i don't want anything more serious it's like someone dying in your family doesn't change their situation you know what i mean if it had been the opposite if you were the one who was like hey i don't want this to work out and then you change your mind you you'd have a better chance

of succeeding i wouldn't say it's a percent but even then grand gestures like this you put someone in such a shitty position and it's totally unfair to put your put them in that position and then blame them because you did all this effort that they were consulted on right like it's not his fault you flew across the fucking country you didn't insult him you can't then be like wow i flew all the way here you asshole it would be a very different story if there was like some sort of like pre-existing communication prior to like if he was like oh yeah i've kind of regretted it and then you get there and like he's married you know what i mean like okay yeah sure then you're allowed to be angry but if you just go there expecting high romance then like sorry it didn't pan out that's life like even even if like there was some kind of like possibility like maybe you guys were talking

and it's it's not dead but you know and maybe there's a little flirtiness or whatever going on 10 hours of a flight to show up on someone's doorstep is still very fucking intense. By all means, shoot your shot if you want to, but do it in a way that's not going to screw somebody over, put them in a really awkward position, and also put yourself out so badly. Like, this could have been solved by a message or a phone call. You know what I mean? Same result, but everybody's feelings are solved. Or like feelings are like so much more protected in that situation. Also guess what?

Turning around and fucking leaking his name to the press. And telling everyone on Twitter. That's a shit move. That's the thing that I want to talk about. Because you essentially like dox this dude. Oh 100%. Like this is. You've essentially like set a precedent of being like hey if you

reject me i'm going to send my masses after you because i assume this guy probably got fucking hit on social media and instagram and all that shit yeah guess what she was getting masses there were 4.6 000 comments on the like i got rejected blah blah blah being like yo fuck that guy blah blah like a lot of them to be fair. And that's why I saw it was most of the people like sub tweeting about it. We're like, this is pretty fucked up. Like if a guy did this and then started blasting the girl on social media and, you know, ignored her rejection and didn't take her ending the relationship and then did all this thing, he would be completely lambasted or lambasted or however you fucking say that word whereas like with her she gets all these pity and like everyone's

like oh you did the right thing it's like no it's it's shitty you can't just ignore someone else's input in the relationship put them in this horrible position of like just showing up on their doorstep and then blast them online and dox them and you know it's pretty messed up yeah because like again you're setting the precedent of like in your future relationships if someone like you know happens to google you or find out about this this stuff it's like oh cool so if if things don't go exactly your way are you going to then just trash me like just ruin my fucking life because that sucks yeah it's kind of like just having somebody pointing a gun at you in the background for the whole of your relationship yeah yeah it's a shitty terrible thing to do to somebody let's remove the fact that this person is a famous

author or at least well-known author like removing that aspect from it you still haven't done anything right you know what i mean it's like even if you were to post something like even if this is like an unknown person and she posted this online or you told your friends and everything and now all of your all of her friends hate this guy or send him abuse or whatever it's like that's still a really shitty thing to do to someone of being like either do exactly what i want you to do, or you're going to be verbally assaulted online. There's a total difference if like, he had done something wrong or whatever, which again, like, we don't always have the ins and outs. So maybe there's something that hasn't been released. But

again, she's been getting a lot of shit since and like, she didn't see any problem with sharing his name online and sharing a lot of personal things. So I'm sure if there was something that would make her position look better, she probably would have shared it by now. I could be wrong. I don't know. I don't know. Grand gestures like this is movie thinking and movies like porn should not be applied to relationships, at least healthy relationships. Grand gestures like this, they are only in like any way not toxic in very specific situations even showing up on someone's doorstep with the weight of like i dropped everything i came here 10 hour flight

like i'm just here like it's so hard to turn someone down in that situation i would also just be like well i'm in the middle of you know a, a Rainbow Six Siege game. So can you just like hang out a second? Because, you know, it is a clutch win right now. So I've literally had a girl show up on my doorstep before having asked a friend like where I lived. And like, she's like, oh, I got this takeout, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, you can't just do that. But again, for me, and maybe this was stupid, probably was. I felt terrible turning them away after they'd come, again, quite a while. It was like an hour bus ride into the city at least. And then to, you know, fucking subway from downtown up to where I live and all this shit. So it's like, I let them in and then they stayed the night because they'd know where to stay. And it's like, all this shit I didn't want to do, but it's like, you're being like held up at gunpoint. It's like, you have the two choices and it's like, you kind of acquiesce to like these demands,

which you feel guilty to not do, or you're an asshole. Cause as far as like, yeah, I don't want you showing up unannounced. I'm not hungry. Yeah. Go travel another two hours back home. Fuck you. Like, I'm sure people will like, Hey, you're a dick. Yeah. You know? So I just, I feel for this guy and people think life isn't a movie. Grand gestures can be cool, but like, you're a dick yeah you know so i just i feel for this guy and people think life isn't a movie grand gestures can be cool but like you really have to make sure you're not extorting someone for like you know the thing is i like movies have it backwards kind of i think grand gestures are great if you're in a relationship with someone because like you know what i mean like going out of your way to prove to your partner that you are currently with and are you

know both of you are aware of the fact that you guys are in a relationship and then doing something extravagant for them i think is a super nice thing because there isn't the pressure of them being like oh i have to decide whether or not how i feel about you like at the drop of a hat they know how they feel about you again with all the weight of the effort that you've put in right yeah because like walking down the street to say that to someone that's like no okay you go home 10 hour fucking flight to a place you probably haven't booked accommodation because you assume you're going to be staying with them like that that's a lot of shit to then be like yeah i'm sorry you wasted the money and the time and the journey and you're here i know you can't come in i know you can't over. Go buy accommodation and then go home in shame.

Like, but also tweet about it and fucking drop my name to the press. Yeah. Guys, don't do this. Like I said, by all means, if you have a partner that you're, you know, both consciously aware of the relationship you're in, by all means, make a grand gesture. That's fine. But if you think that a grand gesture is like at the beginning and end of a relationship that's not the time for grand gestures though like the time for grand gestures are in the middle when you're both on the same page to to drop it at the beginning relationship is unfair because you're then putting all kinds of pressure on them to make a decision

on how they feel and if you try to do it at the end of a relationship you're almost blackmailing them to stay with you because you put in all this effort, which is such a shit thing to do. If they want to leave, just, just cool it. Life's not a movie as much as we would love to have these,

you know, fairytale endings. The thing you have to remember about movies and books is those people's lives don't end when the credits roll or you close the book. Like there's still a very good chance that these characters break up in four years or get a divorce. You know what I mean? Like everyone thinks that, oh, they're together.

Great. It's a happy ending. But statistically, chances are the heroes at the end of every romantic comedy probably break up. Wow, Dan, you can't drop that realness on us. Isn't that a shit thing to think about? But it's true. Eh, who cares? on us isn't that a shit thing to think about but like it's true cares the thing is like why do we

think that the relationships the person had prior to are you know the doomed ones like just because we've seen this one from beginning to end doesn't really make it a difference in in the grand scheme of things like you might and also the the idea that like when you're in a relationship with quote-unquote the one it lasts forever it's like no sometimes relationships just end because you guys have changed as who you are anyway this is a whole different subject so the one thing i would say is that like in this situation it still could have worked out fucking great if you have the time ability and desire to go to travel to see this person that you really like that you think there's a chance with you can fucking text them or call them and just be like hey look i really want to give this another shot like i really like

you um if you're down like i can fucking get a plane ticket today and we can hang out tomorrow like you know i'm reaching out i just want to like let you know blah blah blah blah and then if they say yes this is great with a very simple step you've turned this shitty possibility and the the like the question and all this mystery and you don't know what into still a super romantic super nice great time that presumably you'll both fucking really enjoy and like looking back it'll still be a great story it'll never be like oh wait you actually told him you were coming ruined it as opposed to showing up being miserable wasting time money putting them in awkward position you know there's there's literally no difference apart from the fact that

you're making sure they're chill and the thing is they could have work they could have friends with like plans with a friend you know i mean they could have all this these things it's like some plans aren't easily droppable so you could show up and they might have the best of intentions but it's like yeah i have to go to like a work thing for the next fucking 10 hours. Like what are you going to do? Anyway, let's get some questions. Okay. All right. We got, we got a nice, let's start off with a, with a user submitted

question. This is by agent Charleville. So what is the deal with people putting their Instagram handles on their dating profiles? I've had several occasions where I follow someone on Instagram from a dating site, even if we didn't match and end up connecting with them through DMs at a later date. Some of these encounters have even ended in dates or sexual encounters. I was recently speaking to some friends who were very shocked by this and thought it was not acceptable behavior

to follow someone if you hadn't already matched. What are your guys' thoughts? If someone puts their Instagram handle on their Tinder bio, I assume they want people to follow them a hundred percent. Like why else would you do it? I know, like, I know there's a way to like link your thing to show more photos and stuff, but like, if you don't want people on Tinder to follow you on Instagram, don't share your Instagram with the people on Tinder. It's that simple. Yeah. A hundred percent. I, the only two reasons i could see for putting it on there is one just like as you said get more followers or two to like prove who you are and like show people more but either way it's like why would you then expect them to go through and not follow you if they didn't want to you know what i mean if you have an open profile anyone in the fucking world

can come follow you anyway so no i think there is a like a line to be drawn in the sand of being like if they don't match with you to don't treat instagram like it's tinder if that makes sense you know what i mean like i don't think you should especially if the if it's because i tinder used to i can't remember if it's still but like you can like actually integrate instagram into your profile so like as you scroll down, you can see the Instagram feed. So I don't think if someone's done that, if someone's done that, I don't think you can be like, well, they didn't match me. So now I'm going to go to Tinder and be like, Hey, what up cutie?

Like, I think, I think that shouldn't be encouraged. And I don't think that is what people are hoping for unless it, because there is a ton of profiles being like, I'm never on here. Message me on Instagram. That's like, okay, great. You it, because there is a ton of profiles being like, I'm never on here. Message me on Instagram. That's like, okay, great. You have,

you have permission to do this. I think unless there is explicit permission to do that, I don't think you should message people on other social media, like private social media as if it's a dating app. Yeah. So it's funny. My girlfriend has a story where she had seen a guy like swipe left on him. And then he found her. She's never Instagram linked or mentioned, but he found her on Instagram and was

like, Hey, I saw you on Tinder. And like, we didn't match lol. And then start sending her really creepy messages. And it's one of her like, Hey, look at this big creep stories. And it is totally a different scenario than this. Right. And it's also, so I think there's like three levels to this. If someone has their Instagram on their page, just like straight up, like, here's my Instagram. I would imagine they are, you know, they want you to follow them. You know, I'm pretty sure we can all agree on that. If it's just linked at the bottom through like the extra pictures, I think that's like in between the two scenarios. And if they just swipe left on you and you're like,

well, shit, got to keep trying. Don't, don't do that. Yeah. Don't like fucking MacGyver or, you know,

like piece together, beautiful mind style, Sherlock style. I'd be like, well, she's wearing a, you know, university of British Columbia sweatshirt in this picture.

And this picture, we see that this is in the background. And these people have this kind of, like... And when I look her up, I know that there's eight people of this name who go to BC, you know, like... No, because that is inherently creepy. Because you've already kind of been rejected with the swipe. So now you're like, with full knowledge

that you're not going to be successful there, you're like tracking them down and pursuing them in this awkward way. So get rid of that. That's out. Third option is just a no-go. If they have their thing on their profile and you're sending them a message that's not fucking creepy and you're willing to accept if they either don't reply or say no, sure. I think that's what we've said about DMs in general. It's like reaching out to people you don't really know. It's kind of creepy and weird, but at the same time, if you're polite and you don't fucking get weird about it sure yeah i mean i've i've actually done this myself they were like oh like do you have an instagram so i can see if you're like a person and i was like well i don't really like sharing my social media but like yeah

sure so i follow or she followed me and then i was like well i follow her back whatever but we never actually like met up or whatever and then one day one of her stories was something like a cute cat or something messaged her on the story and we got talking from there but like prior to that we hadn't really chatted a whole lot like we sent maybe like two or three messages on tinder and then that was it I assumed you know she got a better look at me and wasn't interested I was like okay cool whatever but then you know I ended up going on a couple dates with her because you know i started talking to her about her cat and the thing is the very fact that you guys were on you know social media linked together i'd like for a while and like talked naturally i'm pretty sure that helped break the

ice because she wasn't like oh here's just a creep messaging me just to fuck or whatever it's like an actual genuine interaction that you probably had a better idea of who you were as a result of seeing your social media for a while exactly yeah i think the number one thing you have to do here is don't respond to every like don't like every picture don't comment on every picture in hopes of like you know in hopes of them seeing that and being like oh this guy's into me it's like look she knows you're into her you know what i hopes of them seeing that and being like, oh, this guy's into me. It's like, look, she knows you're into her. You know what I mean? You follow her on Instagram.

Most people aren't following people they don't find unattractive or find unattractive off Tinder on Instagram. No one's like, oh, don't like the look of that. I would love to see more. Also, like a stranger. Yeah. You know, people follow their friends who I'm sure they don't find attractive. But like, you know, if you're a complete stranger and someone's following you and you know, you're not like a super successful,

amazing sex and dating podcast, obviously it's because they find you hot. In fact, most like, you know, quote unquote hot girls on Tinder, their profiles are just their Instagram. I would say like nine out of 10,

nine out of tens. No. Oh God. But yeah, i would say like nine out of ten nine out of tens no um oh god um but yeah a lot of the like women that most people would be like damn uh their their thing is literally just their instagram handle and i assume it's just fishing for follows yeah so again i think if they have it provided and even linked if you're chill and you're cool. And like, I mean that at the start, in the middle and at the end, almost more especially. Fuck it. It's fine. Here's how I would break it down.

I would say if it's on there, like written explicitly on their Instagram page, I think it's perfectly fine to follow. If it's just integrated on their profile, I think it's okay to follow if you guys have matched and taught. And then if it's not listed anywhere don't hunt them down yeah don't hunt them down at all like come on ever but no matter what when you reach out like that's i think the most important part apart from maybe don't hunt them down that could be the most important part yeah it needs to be something that you both connect on so like if she posts a bunch of bullshit stories of like you know her doing her makeup whatever but if eventually she posts a picture of bullshit stories of like, you know, her doing her makeup, whatever. But if eventually she posts a picture of your favorite bar.

What's wrong with makeup? Hey, if you're super into makeup, that's fine. But like, you know, she posts a picture at your favorite bar drinking your favorite beer. That's something you can connect over. That's a prime opportunity to connect. But like, if you're just like, looks good. Makeup looks great. You look beautiful today.

That means nothing. Because I promise you there's 19 other dudes doing the same thing. Yeah. So just be fucking chill. But yeah, no, I think you there's 19 other dudes doing the same thing. Yeah. So just be fucking chill. But yeah, no, I think you're in the right here. Question asker. It's working out if it's led to dates and sexes. Yeah.

Okay. This one is I'm going to try to remove some stuff, specifically ages and like genders because there's a lot of players in here and I think it's going to be very confusing. Okay. So if you get confused following the plot a little bit, just stop me and I will clarify. I'm sure I will. Continue. My pregnant wife

keeps comparing how I'm handling her pregnancy to how her brother-in-law is treating her stepsisters and I finally reached my boiling point. Now I'm being given the silent treatment. My wife and I have been married for five years. We have one son and are currently expecting our second. My wife has three sisters,

two stepsisters, Leah and Grace, and a biological sister, Emma. Her stepsister, Leah, is also pregnant and expecting her first child. My wife is five months pregnant, and I think Leah is in her sixth month. My wife isn't exactly close to Leah. My wife. My wife. So we only

see her and her husband Luca at family events. Through the grapevine, aka Grace and Emma, which are her two sisters, we find out Luca took Leah on a fancy island vacation to celebrate her pregnancy. Ever since, my wife has been incredibly interested and jealous in the things Luca does for his wife's pregnancy.

He has done some really over-the-top things which my wife thinks I should do for her, even though they're just not realistic for us. She's constantly picking fights with me and making it seem like whatever I do for her isn't good enough or that I don't care enough about our baby. I've tried suggesting she stop asking Grace and Emma for updates on Leah, but she's obsessed with finding out about her life. I finally reached my boiling point yesterday. We had a family dinner at her parents' house. While there, Leah made a comment about craving brownies constantly. the parents didn't have any so luca went to buy some on the drive

home my wife kept berating me for not doing the bare minimum and getting her breadsticks even though she didn't mention craving them until that moment i offered to go pick some up on our way home but she refused claiming it wasn't romantic if i didn't do it without having to ask she then brought up how amazing their nursery looks and how I should have hired a professional to do ours. The whole drive home. She kept going on and on about how great of a dad Luca is going to be and how Leah is lucky to have him.

I tried to be patient because she's pregnant, but I finally snapped and told her maybe Luca does all these things. Jesus. I finally snapped and told her maybe Luca does all these things for his wife because she isn't constantly bitching at him. He doesn't need advice. He's nailing it. My wife hasn't spoke to me since, even though I've apologized multiple times. How do I fix this?

Oh, man. The question is, how do I fix this and not all the other shit? Yeah. Because this situation is fucking shit. Firstly, I think we can all agree he should have been, you know, he should have read her mind and gotten the breadsticks. If he hasn't developed those psychic powers yet, like, what's even doing having children? What's the point of, yeah, you already have a kid,

and you're telling me you can't read your wife's pregnancy cravings? You know, the things that are known for being completely uncharacteristic to what the person usually likes? Yeah, like, that's so unfair. And especially, like, just, like, you should never compare your relationship to somebody else's. Kind of like how you shouldn't really compare your life to somebody else's. And even if you do, it's, like, it should be a, like, bettering yourself thing, not a, I want that person to be more like that person. If you see someone, you're like, damn, they're working out and they're getting fit and they're getting healthy and they're really putting in the work. I should fucking do that.

Sure, if you want to do that and you want to, by all means, make it positive, don't get jealous and beat yourself up or anything like that. But you can't just be like, oh, damn, look at that person. They're working out and they're getting fit. Why don't you fucking do that? Like, that's a shitty thing to do. All the things from the wife's perspective or like from what she's doing, from what I could see, it seems pretty shitty. It seems really unfair.

Because again, it's like a fucking tropical vacation doesn't mean you care about the baby more or less. A lot of people don't have tropical vacations for their pregnant wives and managed to be wonderful fucking parents so like even just equating those two is absolutely batshit it's also important to note that like like the guy said it's like it's not realistic for us it's like people have like there are so many variables in relationships as you mentioned earlier where it's like you shouldn't be comparing what one partner is doing for another partner another relationships because it's like you have no idea if that person comes from money you have no idea what they do for work you have no idea like their financial status you have no idea what their like work situation is it's like

a lot of people can't just fuck off and go on vacation whenever they want because not even like a money thing but even just a work like they have commitments this guy might be a fucking you know an influencer or a you know an entrepreneur and he owns his own business and can just bounce whenever he wants he might have a wildly successful sex and dating advice podcast and it's just rolling in the money yeah i mean sarcasm um but on top of that like again hello irony it's like you not doing this when it's not appropriate if you do that is you caring for this baby. Because guess what?

If you blow all your fucking money on a tropical vacation and then have a baby you can't look after, you've done fucked up. I think that's the solution. In a roundabout way, I think you need to sit down. All it seems to mention in the question is you talk to her sisters about not sharing details of lucas or leah's pregnancy but you haven't talked to your wife yeah i think like talking to her and like maybe if you know now let's say the five things that that they've talked about like the professional thing the wedding like the cravings you could be like look i am assuming professional like bedroom and the tropical vacation maybe it, maybe it is a money thing.

And that's fine. Look, I get that you want these. Where are we going to get the money for this? I'm thinking realistically here, discuss it. And with the craving, they'd be like, look, I get that you're upset. But at the same time, I can't read your mind. You didn't tell me these things. And you're saying it's not romantic once you've told me this.

But at the same time, I can't know until you've told me. There is no middle ground here. So we need to work it out and like talk and let her know how you're feeling because maybe it's, you've been spending too long being kind to her because she's pregnant to the point where like, she doesn't know how you feel about the situation and how she feels is just kind of like snowballed and kept getting worse.

You know, the funny thing about the cravings is like you mentioned specifically that leah was constantly talking about how much she wanted brownies so like yes did she ask luca to go and get her brownies no but she did talk about brownies non-stop and i think anyone would like i'm sure the same thing where if your wife was going on and on about something you might have offered maybe not to like run out of the dinner because also i think that's kind of rude yeah i think he's simping a little hard um it also like i don't know there's there just seems to be like anytime something seems to be too good to be true there's usually like underlying factors of it so i don't know if there's like a guilt thing going on i like who

knows what's going on in their relationship which is another reason not to compare yourself to the relationship for all we know luca cheated on you know leah and now is trying to do you know be best husband tm to make up for it maybe leah is massively abusive and it's just like i want these things i need these things and he's terrified not to get them for you know what i mean we literally know nothing and on top of that i would like like we live in the day and age where like especially i feel like parents do this a lot we all fucking do it but like with social media there's this thing where you always try to present your life as like perfect and stylish and stylized and like i've seen people who are parents and like they have these almost like almost like influencer

worthy instagrams like super curated highly curated and like everything's designer. And it's like, they present their life. Like it's this beautiful, like diorama of like perfect parenthood. And then you hang out with them and you're like, that's not what your life is at all. You're covered in paint and jam and like your kids fucking screaming and punching a wall and eating bugs, you know, but no one's fucking videoing that. No one's putting a sepia filter over their child, just like mushing worms into their eyeballs. So it's like you, you're looking at this fiction and you're thinking that that fiction is

truth. Again, it's like looking at rom-coms or porn and being like, yep, that's reality. I very much doubt things are as perfect as they seem. First, I think you need to sit down and maybe do

one more apology because calling your pregnant wife a bitch you know like saying that it's like look you didn't say it out of nowhere there was wasn't like there was no reason for you to say the things you said it is it's still a shitty thing to say yes you know so like we get where you're coming from but you gotta know you handled that bad. Yeah, and, like, I think he does. I think he's well aware that he fucked up. And I probably knew it immediately. So, make sure you do apologize and don't half-ass it. You know, straight up own that you were being shitty.

But at the same time, don't back down on the fact that she is also being shitty. The apology needs to come with an explanation. You can't just be like, I'm sorry I called you a bitch. It's like, I'm sorry I called you a bitch it's like i'm sorry i called you a bitch but i was at my breaking point because you've constantly compared me to this other man and are having such unrealistic expectations from us financially us in terms of our commitments and in terms of like i can't read your mind if you wanted bread sticks there's no way of me knowing this and like just put it on the table and be like, I, I will happily, if you're craving fucking, you know, pickles and rocky road ice cream at four in the morning, just tell me. I will happily go and run and grab these things for you.

Even then, let's be fair. Like, should you be beholden to? Well, I'm being hyperbolic. I know, but I feel like there's a lot of... And again, I'm not a person dealing with a... Oh, God. Sorry. Oh, dear God. Are you okay?

Yeah, I took a big gulp and it went down the wrong way. Did you get a water gun and shoot it into your mouth? That's like the weirdest, wettest sound following by like... That was me spitting the water back into the glass. Oh, you're not allowed to cut any of this. Are you okay? Yeah. You hear this wettest sound following by like... That was me spitting the water back into the glass. Oh. You're not allowed to cut any of this. Are you okay? Yeah.

It's just because I'm so funny. I don't have a pregnant person in my life that I have to look after, thankfully. And like, I don't know, but I feel like there's almost this unfair, and again, correct me if I'm wrong, expectation that's like, as the husband, you go and you do everything you know four in the morning i want ice cream you fucking run to the shop and you get ice cream i feel like you doing that is a very nice thing i don't know if it's something you should be helped to i don't know maybe i'm wrong yeah my point was just like you know was hyperbolic and you're absolutely right you're not beholden to everyone's you know, was hyperbolic. And you're absolutely right. You're not beholden to everyone's, you know, whims and fancies. But, like, show that you are eager to, you know, please.

And, like, that you do, you are there as a supportive partner. But in the facet that you are capable, like, you as a couple and you as a human being are capable of doing. One, you can't read minds. Like, it's just an unrealistic expectation. And you need to set that, like, i think that's the most bullshit thing of being like you got upset that i didn't know you wanted breadsticks despite the fact that you never told me you wanted breadsticks how would i know this if you could tell me how i would know this then you know and you make a good

point then i'll apologize and i should have gotten it or you know but like to to expect me to be able to read your mind and know exactly and anticipate every desire you have it's unrealistic whether you're pregnant or not but also to say like you don't care about the baby and like that you're you know you're kind of almost like insinuating that you're not going to be a good father because you're saying oh this person does this they're going to be a good father like those are really fucking hurtful shitty things to say as well like pretty damn offensive and pretty awful you know i think probably worse than being like oh they're not bitching at him because like that's a pretty generic insult you know what i mean it's almost it's almost not even offensive in a sense because it's just like look at a cliche someone's gonna

say about their wife on tv whereas like looking at someone being like you are you don't care about the baby you're not gonna be a good father Those are horrible things to say either way. You guys need to fucking talk. You need to take the like issues one by one and explain, you know, are they possible? Are they not possible? If they are, why are you not doing them? If they aren't, why are you do, you know, et cetera. And on top of that, just be like, let them know how they're making you feel. Apologize for the shitty thing you said. And like work through that, just be like, let them know how they're making you feel. Apologize for the shitty thing you said. And like work through this. I'm sure hormones are playing a part, but as we've said before, you don't get to just be like, Oh, I got my hormones. I'm going to be an asshole. So good luck. But you really got to like sit down and fucking talk this

shit out. All right. You ready? Let's go into seduction. This is by LikeMyTurkeyCold. Stop taking the fun out of game. A little bit about me. 23 years old, been obsessed with game slash seduction since I was 18. Last year before the pandemic, I met a beautiful professional ballerina and knew that's who I wanted to date early on. Been in an awesome relationship since then, and while being with one girl was an adjustment earlier on, love is a pretty cool feeling. When I was 18, I was 5'8 and weighed between 130-135 pounds. I'm 23, still 5'8 and maybe 140 pounds. Going to the gym is awesome the few weeks I tried, but I haven't loved it like I loved

learning game. Game is about exploring personal freedom. The freedom to say whatever you want to a person that you may or may not see ever again. That sounds fun to me. Every night you go out, you have the opportunity to express yourself however you want, and that can result in a lot of creative ideas. Don't tie yourself down what you think society thinks you should say or do. I used to help write Tinder messages for my friends. When I showed them the message, they'd laugh at the idea of someone saying such a thing. Regardless of the outcome, if you can message a girl and laugh at the conversation, you're having more fun than 95% of the guys out there. Walk up to a girl and speak a different language.

Fake a terrible British accent. Talk about your future together as husband and wife. I've seen all of these work. Or whatever sounds fun to you. This is your pickup journey. Make some awesome memories and put in the work. It's absolutely worth it. I hate to say it, there are little nuggets,

little tiny nuggets of things I agree with in there wrapped in loose poop, loose stool. Yeah, just like a big wet turd coating. Yeah. The thing that really stood out for me where I was like, okay, that actually is a good point, is the make sure you're having fun. Like, if you're trying to flirt with someone,

make sure you're having fun. Don't take it too seriously. Like, nothing sucks more than going in and being like, pick up mode, activate activate because people sense that a fucking mile away we talk about all the time like pickup lines and shit like that if you're going and like you're having fun then you're probably going to exude a a pretty cool aura of you and and be more attractive because of that however if you having fun is like if you're gonna like go over there and be like mr meme 3000 and be like hey your shoes are stupid and be like hey i just you know run back to your buddy and be like yeah i told her his shoes were stupid and you all have a good laugh it's like no that's that sucks you're

being a shitty person a hundred percent i feel i totally agree with you should have fun it almost seems positive yet at the same time the whole like fuck what society thinks you should have fun. It almost seems positive. Yet at the same time, the whole like, fuck what society thinks you should say or do. Society's probably telling them not to be a fucking asshole. And for him, it's like, once you're having fun, that's all that matters. That's like, well, no, because there is another person. Yes. And they're fun and their safety and their comfort is massively important. And I think this person is upset that other people might consider that you can't go and say whatever the fuck you want to somebody. No, because you could be a cruel, you could be creepy, you could be weird. And it doesn't matter if you're having fun.

They're not having fun. Yeah. And I feel like he's very much on the Oh, society's trying to ruin this for us. We can do whatever we want camp. And I think that's absolute bullshit. Yeah, I mean, like, that's, I think that's the the crux of it is they're upset that people are now being socially conscious and and for what you're telling me of how seduction is rolling uh it seems like seduction is also kind of like cluing into the fact that the best way to attract women is to treat them like human beings yeah you know what we had remember like one or two decent questions in the past two weeks where the comments were all right and this week i had a question i was going to bring and the mods removed it and dissected it and basically told the person all the ways they were wrong and were really positive so seduction might be having a turnaround guys

and this is like this is great this is the kind of like this is what i think the the initial pushback and the initial like oh you know betas and all that it's like no no like you are just insecure because you know what you're doing is shitty and you're worried that times are a changing and you know what i mean it's like the pushback of any sort of social progress we're now entering a realm where like you can realize that like going out flirting flirting hasn't changed your tactics might, because you're now realizing that like, oh, women are allowed to, to flirt back and women are human beings and women are, you know, their, their state of being is also very important to your end game, whatever it may be.

The funny thing about game is women were never included in the equation until the end you know what i mean it was always like plot this plus this plus this equals women and it's like women weren't the prize you know i mean like women need to be included in the the equation of equals you know romance or whatever the you know the the goal is because like they're an active participant in social interactions yeah the just the like complete removal of women as an entity in in most of the like pickup bullshit is it's just baffling you know and like the funny thing is whenever you talk like whenever anyone says anything like that the old line of you don't

ask a fish how to go like a fisherman doesn't ask a fish how to catch them or some bullshit and it's like one you're reducing women to fucking fish and you to like a hunter and like fish like fishermen trick people and then or they trick fish and then spear them

through the fucking mouth brutally haul them out of the water till they choke on air and cut them up and eat them this is a terrible analogy niall sometimes they hit them really hard against the boat that's true and they take pictures with their corpse like this is all awful um but on top of that if you could talk to a fish even if you wanted to get this awful analogy going you could be like hey which one of these lures is most attractive to you? And they'd be like, oh, that one.

I'd munch the shit out of that. So it would actually be really helpful. So it's just batshit in general. Anyway, there is like they say personal freedom to say whatever you want to a person that you may or may not ever see again. Sounds fun to me. Yeah, but it might not be fun for them. And if you're not taking their fun into account, you're probably a shitty person. You're definitely shit at picking people up.

Yeah. So like by all means have fun. By all means, get goofy with it if you want, although don't be weird. If you aren't considering the other person's feelings and safety and comfort, you're an asshole and you're doing it wrong. All right, I'm going to hit you with a quick one. In my dream, I would walk a thousand miles to my ex's house, but never see him, only to see his shadow. And that's all I wanted to do. I think I miss him, but it's not worth seeing him. And also no self-respect to myself.

My body has came a long way from healing people. I feel like that sentence doesn't mean what she thinks it means. Well, to be fair, his body came a long way from healing too, because he was at one point dead. Yeah. So I think he's at one point dead. Yeah. So I think he's winning that race. People make one stupid mistake and their life is ruined. I know why he was doing this. He has feelings for me like I have feelings for him.

But we don't belong together. We want different things. And sadly, we are different people. He thinks I'll never understand why and that he can fool me. But truthfully, he can't fool me anymore. He doesn't want us to last. I didn't touch his heart and he didn't touch mine either. I'm starting to think I can want anyone to last.

It doesn't have to be him. I don't think I love him deeply as I wouldn't take a bullet for him. I wouldn't give him any money. I wouldn't help him if he was in need. If he asked me for help, I wouldn't do it. Even if his life is in danger, even if he was about to die die i would actually want to watch him die and make sure he does i think i actually hate him i just have mild affections for him i think these emotions will go away with time i don't think you can say you have mild affection for someone if you would

will not only not help them if they were dying, but want to watch them die and ensure that he did in fact die. Well, you would have to stay around to make sure with this slippery bastard. Death's tried to get him before and he just walked right back out. This is very, very true. Maybe she just wants to watch him die because

you know, how often do we get to watch someone immortal you know, get cut in half or whatever? And then, yeah, reform. And yeah, she knows like it's like someone else getting a cold in a few days. He's fine. You just need some hot chicken soup. After being run down by a car, I believe he was hit by a car.

Yeah. Man, how recent was this? This is this was fairly recent. She's discovered the breakup and unsent letter sub-category of Reddit. So she's been writing a lot of like, and to be fair, the unsent letters do hit, hit like a beat poetry. So she's, she's sitting there straight there. And let me tell you, people are still not reading it.

Has she, has she found like the people that analyze dreams reddit because i feel like she's a fucking gold mine for that i'm pretty sure she does post in dream subreddit i think she might have been banned because i think it's pretty clear like when she gets banned because she spams like one subreddit and then never goes back to it so i assume the mods are just like okay we've heard the fucking your ex gave you an sti you love your ex but you hate your ex he might be bisexual and you know now you have a dream about being in a pool yeah um also i'm not sure a lot of reddits are chill what you want wishing death upon people apparently the breakup subreddit

is fine with it remember when we got banned from the sex reddit yeah oops yeah this is wild for those who don't know what the fuck we've been talking about for the last five minutes it's the ongoing saga of of better batch who is just regaling us with her fever dream relationship analysis i guess yep uh it's it's a fucking wild saga. It is a woman who has admittedly gone through some hardships. How much of it is real? I have no idea because literally everything she says is different in every post other than like, you know, the,

the staples of, she has a terrible ex-boyfriend who was stinky, gave her a disease and he and immortal. And now she runs the gamut of hating him, realizing she'll never be with him, and maybe having feelings for him. To be fair, hate is a feeling, so cool. Yeah. Mild Affection.

This is by Sarda12. This girl put her legs up on my chair's rest. I jokingly grabbed her legs and threw them off. Then she smiled at me and put her legs back up. Is she flirting yeah i guess maybe like i think it depends on what age you are i think if you are in like junior high or high school yeah this could be flirting and like you know i'm for some reason the younger you are like

the main the main flirtation tactic we have is to annoy and or proximity you know just getting any way near you in some fashion and this is both uh yeah i mean like there's really no way of knowing anything other than but like if she smiles when you threw her feet off and isn't upset or injured then yeah one can assume that like maybe she liked the attention. I feel like we need to know who this girl is to you and what kind of smile. Like, was it like a fuck you smile? Like, oh, yeah, you think you can do that? Putting them right back up. Try me, motherfucker.

Or was it like a hee hee hee? Yeah. And then put them back up, you know? Is this your friend? No. Okay. Is it a stranger? In that scenario now, which one do you think is more flirty?

Definitely the try me again motherfucker. Yeah, absolutely. That's just a prop gun she's pulling out. There's something about antagonistic women. And I don't mean women who are... Why didn't you read my fucking breadcrumb mind? Or breadstick mind? Not women who are actively telling me to go.

But women who are a bit fighty. That immediately drags my attention. Strange. I'm spooky and feisty it's true that's why you love me so much it's true it's it's highly possible that she's flirting but guess what flirting and connections and all that is not as simple as you being able to give us four sentences or three sentences and then one question and just be able to like yep it's likely hey it's a good it's a good thing if she's smiling and you guys are being playful at the very least things are positive just you know be chill and go for it eventually i guess like there's you could transition any number of ways out of foot rest territory to be like hey do you want to grab a

drink so we're facing each other and that way way you can put your feet up on my chair. You know, depending again, it could be super creepy. Like you got to gauge the situation yourself. But like if she wants your chair, you could be like we could share it, you know, or like you give her the chair and then you put her feet your feet up on her. Like be playful. But the main part is be chill. You know what I mean? If you get really weird, I can only imagine that this happened.

And he was like, I turned around, just started texting on the phone and she's just like oh hello yeah i think you definitely need to initiate some sort of communication with her other than like this is a fun like you know playful introduction this is your meet cute but you definitely need to sort of like talk to her about anything first before making a move i think like again we don't know if this is you know a classmate you've been in school with all year or you know your entire life we don't know anything about her or you really but i think like i think it'd be funny is if like you know you get to class a little early and take her seat in the next day you know what i mean be like what are

you gonna do and the thing is like flirting is an ongoing process you're you know it's not like this happens you're like shit she's flirting move know, it's not like this happens. You're like, shit, she's flirting, move now. Like it's usually a bunch of different things. It's like so far, all we know is that things are somewhat positive. So it's like, cool, roll with it. Be positive and playful back. Be, again, I can't stress this enough.

Be chill. And like, hopefully things will progress. If she puts her feet up on your chair again, throw out the fucking window. You gave her a warning. Yeah, yeah. Like, but just her legs. Yeah. Alright. Tinder time?

Tinder time. At the end of the episode, we like to look through online dating, peruse it, and find profiles that either work or don't work, and we pick apart, find the red flags, and hopefully teach you how to have a better online dating experience. This is Jessica. Okay. Before

I begin, I don't like being used as bait in social movements. Markle's second baby is not Harry's. I wrote one ebook called Beep on Amazon Kindle. I'm also interested in cyber policy history, independent and related to other fields and its future. I have an Instagram named Beep about cybersecurity. Not traveling too much. However, I like looking at people's profiles to see what everyone is up to around the world and what they are doing kiss emoji super into like spy stuff huh i guess yeah cyber security also i like to watch everyone and know what they're doing also some wild claims about megan markle yeah how many babies do they have is that is the second one

the most recent one is she pregnant number two i don't know i don't really know but either way it's like i'm pretty sure we would have heard if it was not harry so how's she privy to this information the cyber security now you're not paying attention i don't like being used as bait and social movements that's how she opens it right yeah it's powerful like the whole thing is at first i thought she was making like a harry potter reference and was like spilling some like fan theory but no to just assume that the royal family i i would believe it like there's nothing to not believe there you know me like who fucking cares um but like for that to make your tinder profile yeah i don't even know what that means but like

how often has this happened what would you talk about on a date with this person like that's my thing it's like i don't know what to say to this person other than like uh-huh oh yeah wow crazy like that's the kind of like she would get the like rambling person at the end of my bar that i'm pretending to make drinks or like you know punch things in so that i don't have to actively engage with her which makes me not want to go on a date with you it also just seems like a just like a shotgun blast of unrelated sentences and things that like to move from like i don't like being used as bait in social movements not really sure what you mean by that not sure why it's here, but okay. Markle's second baby is not Harry's. What? I wrote an ebook. Okay, cool. I like cyber policy.

All right. Here's my Instagram. Okay. Not traveling. Sure. But I like looking at people who are traveling. What? I don't know anything about you apart from the fact that it's hard for you to make a coherent post. This is like a one for me. The thing is, I think I know too much about her and none of it is good. I know too much, none of it's good, and I don't know enough, all at the same time. Yeah, I'm giving it a one, too. That's a one. This is Angie. Mexican.

Intellinent. No. No. No. Amazing. I assume they meant to say intelligent. I also assume so too that's fucking beautiful yeah i liked it or damn or do you think i looked up intelligence and it's an international intelligence network intelinet i mean this could be connected to jessica yeah right jessica and her

have like a fucking cyber oh my god we've We've linked the dots. They're going to come assassinate us now. Fuck. Well, first, okay, hold on. Welcome to a Royal buzz where we talk about how Megan Markle's kid is in Harry's.

Yeah. So guys, we've got the load and we've got the scoop. We've done the paternity test visually. Anyone who claims this is correct and certainly doesn't need to kill us uh and she's getting a 10 because this is irony at its finest is that just it that the whole post that's the whole thing fuck yeah that's incredible and i can only hope it's legit so i'm only gonna read out their name okay horse girl nice i'm gonna give that a zero That's a 10 for now. It's just a zero.

Is there a profile? The profile is cut off. The person who sent this in, they knew what I like and dislike. Fair enough. This is Otis. When people give me compliments, I feel like a vending machine trying to accept a wrinkly dollar. And it's just really frustrating for everyone involved. Things I enjoy.

Binge watching TV. Food. Food. And more food. Camping, traveling, and finding fault with humanity. Everyone says dogs love you unconditionally, but I'm pretty sure my dog hates me. Is finding a cuddle buddy to go away to the cottage with and watch movies

while stuffing our faces really too much to ask for? I will give this a nine. I really like it. I think it's very funny. The compliments and wrinkly dollar bill. It's great. i see you falling for otis's trap the dog line the dog line is a clear indicator that he is either one a terrible person to a ghost dogs don't hate anyone well i mean i guess i don't know what kind of dog it is if it's

a little shitty dog like a chihuahua or something then those things hate everything those things don't have the capability to love but if it's anything else he's just let loose that he's undead yeah he's either he's either a specter a haunt a revenant if you will a phantasm a ghoul a did i say specter already yes fuck i ruined it well you win you did yeah or or like a terrible person like those are the only two people dogs hate. On the contrary, is he doing a clever? Because he's got a good profile, but he's got this irresistible hook. Because I need to know what the fuck's going on here.

And it's like, all that's really good. And then there's this one inflammatory thing that makes you want to slap the man in the face. So it's like you almost have to reach out. And then he's got this backbone of positivity aside from that. So like goes why the fuck's your dog hate you and you go oh i'm joking and he sends you a cute picture and boom you've made contact you've been reeled in the fisherman has got the fish and soon he'll be posing with your corpse it's a good point because to be fair the the first message i would send to him would be about like like you need to tell me why your dog hates you and like if if he just gives you any kind of like uh you know he's just a grump or like a cute story

or like something to to get rid of that worry that he's some kind of ghoul then things are good and you've been drawn in i think this might be a masterful masterful profile it's a very good profile unless the answer to that question is oh my dog barks at me all the time and when it tries to snap at me and bite me my incorporeal form won't let him grapple me and therefore it just further infuriates him yeah or like you know he says that no my dog legit hates me and then says it's like a golden retriever or something and you're like those dogs are incapable of hate but but nine, I'm giving them the nine, maybe even a 10, maybe even 11. I don't know. I think it's actually maybe the perfect profile.

It's it's, I think it's certainly one of the best we've, we've had here and I'm going to give it a nine as well because I need to know how the dog thing plays out. It's funny. It flows well. You know a lot about this person. The cottage cuddle buddy thing is great but on top of that and i think this is maybe important it has a very contentious issue in the middle that you need resolved so i don't know it's pretty good actually good job it gives a lot of flavor of who he is and then also a hook for a first message yeah that's that's good. You did it, Otis. Although he spells his name O-T-U-S. Hmm. Yeah, it's an eight.

Now, who cares? Fuck it. Well, guys, thank you for being here. You might have seen this post about having the longest episode ever last week and then been surprised when it wasn't the longest episode ever. We were able to cut an entire extra episode from that episode. Yeah, so we got we got one in the back pocket. Who knows?

We have some plans. We might do something with it. Yeah, thank you very much for listening. I think, is the Podcast Awards announced this week? I believe voting closes on the 29th, which when this comes out will be too late. So thank you to everybody who did vote, if you did, and who, you know, supported us and sent us positive messages about it and liked the posts and all that shit. We really, really appreciate it. It would be really cool if we did win something, but it is quite literally an honor to be nominated because it was, what, top five out of a thousand?

I don't know. A lot. There are a lot of podcasts. Yeah. So once again, thank you very much for choosing to spend an hour of your time with us we couldn't be happier that this is what you've chose to do um we appreciate it we love you um thanks for listening if you do enjoy the show please consider uh sharing it as the world opens and people are traveling again and uh you know going to work and commuting more

uh people are going to need some podcasts to put in their ear holes. Also, as horny people are unleashed on the unprepared world, hopefully we can help them do it the right way. Yeah, there is a tidal wave of horniness about to sweep the world. And we're here. We're here. We are the... Jism everywhere. We are the levy, right? We are the levy.

Right? We are the levy that will hopefully protect you. Is that what levies do? We could be your boy, Dan. Either way, thank you very much. If you have a question you would like us to answer it prior to the time where everything gets buckwild, please shoot us a message. You can find us at fbuddiespodcast.com. You can hit the contact form.

All of our social media is there and reach out to us on whatever platform you, you prefer. And we'll get back to you and we'll answer your question as soon as we can. Oh yeah. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvard cities for the song paper stars. Now you're ready for some bad sex writing. Now I'm very sad because this is by a writer. I like,

and a book series I like, but you know what? One of the only criticisms I could levy against it is that his treatment of women, not great. She pushed back her asphalt colored hair with one hand, gave me a look of pure calculation. Then she simply crossed her legs so that the cut of her dress left one pale leg bare to mid thigh. A subtle motion of her back thrust out her young, firm breasts so that their tips pressed visibly against the fabric. Of course Mr. Dresden, I'm sure we can do business. The look she gave me was direct,

sensual, and willing. Nipple erection on command. Now that's method action. Method acting. As we all know, women can just like, on command, mentally harden their nipples to do better business with men. I mean,

how do you think people get a, women get out of the driving tickets? It's true. It's true. I've been trying to practice my own nipple hardening on command and it's just not working. I've actually been fired from so many bars for giving away free shit to women because they're just like,

boop. Oh, there it is. Yeah, there it is. Hard nipples. Give me free drinks. So this is Jim Butcher's Dresden files and jim come on man i don't

want to see you in this list thank you very much for listening my name is dave miller and i'm niles we've been your fuck buddies no grand gestures this week none