F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 143 - Tight Little Lobster Roll

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

Dain's all juiced up on that sweet Pfizer/Moderna cocktail and not even feeling like absolute hot garbage will stop him.  Topics include Sam and Bucky's relationship, guessing if your date expects sex, a penial perjury, the untrustworthy lack of jealousy, navigating STD tests with your FWB and what to do when your cool mom really likes your cool sex painting.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Spain And we are your fuck buddies We are a dating sex advice podcast And we are your fuck buddies.

We are a dating sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we answer sex questions. Yep. And dating questions. I apologize in advance for this episode because I am now a fully juiced boy as well. And I feel like I was hit by a truck. Thankfully, a very small truck, but a truck nonetheless. And a truck

that will possibly save your life in the future. Oh yeah, 100%. It knocked me out of the way of the bigger trucks. And future bigger trucks. It's like a temporal truck, but you're still feeling a little tender. I also got the sweet, sweet cocktail. And future bigger truck. It's like a temporal truck, but you're still feeling a little tender. Yeah.

I also got the sweet, sweet cocktail. Oh, yeah. I've heard cocktails you feel a little. I'm rocking half Pfizer, half Moderna. It was a bit alarming that when I was getting it, the nurse was like, oh, just so you know, it can happen a couple days after getting your shot. Your whole arm could get, to paraphrase, pretty fucked up.

Okay. And she's like, it could get red and swollen and develop a serious rash. And she's like, that's okay. I was like, well, it doesn't sound okay. That's nice of her to warn you, I guess. Yeah, 100%. The place I went was a lot more haphazard.

I was like, oh, so I just sit down here for 15 minutes, and they were like, nah, you'll be fine. I was like, what? They're like, you can just go. You'll be fine. I'm like, okay. Oh, man. Well, you went to a pharmacy.

I went to one of the actual big-ass fucking clinics. Let me tell you, they're running that place like fucking clockwork. So good for you guys. The volunteers and everyone who are running those sites are literal heroes. They're just making everything move. We got there at 3 o'clock. Our point was at 3 o'clock. We were out by 4.

Even the one we went to to get our first dose, it ran like ran like a well fucking little machine yeah that's pretty badass so yeah fair play to everyone on those and the one i went to on yesterday was like triple the size it was fucking huge and everyone was in such good spirits too there was a couple paramedics who were like monitoring the like the checkout room, I guess. One guy was literally just dancing and pointing and giving a thumbs up, and you'd have to give him a thumbs up back, and just doing his thing, and I loved it. Yeah, well, I guess it's probably great for them,

because they've been through some fucked up shit this year, so it's like to see what is hopefully a reduction in that fucked up shit in the future, you know? There's so many frustrating things that people are using to be like the vaccine's not working where there was like an outbreak of the variants in a toronto hospital but no one mentioned that like literally no one was suffering symptoms they were all all asymptomatic or like minor like cold symptoms yeah i was like also at no point was the vaccine like you will never get

this again the fact that it's effective against the variants and essentially like negating the worry of it i'm like this is why are you focusing on the fact that people are getting it and not the fact that the people who are still catching it even while vaccinated are doing fine like that's that's the point yeah like i don't understand how like there's some one person in particular on my instagram who's like do you feel safe oh like oh look you've been tricked and it's like what like all you're sharing is that someone got ill but like if you look anywhere it's literally just case after case of like, wow, all these numbers are dropping rapidly. Hospitalizations are dropping even more rapidly. And basically the only people doing badly right now are those unvaccinated.

Anyway, let's not make this a vaccine podcast. I have some sex news for you. Is it that they came out and announced that Robin does go down? Is that a thing? No, it's not. But I was going to come in with some some fake dc news well i have some marvel news oh shit um and this is it's something i wanted to talk about um it is is it that it's really bad if spider-man shoots a web up there

it's actually the science of well did you know it? It's real bad if he shoots a web just right up there. So a lot of people might not know this, but a legitimate arc of Spider-Man is that he kills Mary Jane with his radioactive semen. Oh, I've heard about that. That he's just busting nuts in her unprotected for years and just slowly irradiating her that's so bad man that is how the there's a canon reason as to why mj dies and like one of the spider-man arcs was like damn i've got the best idea it's the worst idea let's do it Let's go for it. Some people. Yeah, some comic book writers. Anyway, this is Anthony Mackie talking about

people who have been shipping Bucky and Sam Wilson in the Winter Soldier show. He was upset about the fact that... I'll read the quotes. So many things are twisted and convoluted.

There's so many things that people latch onto with their own devices to make themselves relevant and rational. He said, the idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality. It used to be guys can be friends. We can hang out. And it was cool. You know, always meet your friends

at the bar, you know. You can't do that anymore because something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves. He also said, something that's always been very important to me is showing sensitive masculine figures. There's nothing more masculine than being a superhero and flying around and beating people up, but there's nothing more sensitive than having emotional conversations and a kindred spirit friendship with someone that you love and care about. I wanted to get your thoughts on that well it's actually really interesting because have you ever watched supernatural no so supernatural is about two

brothers who you know basically like road trip across america fighting monsters um and they are shipped all the time despite again the fact that they are two brothers and the fact that he mentions like you know sensitive masculine like role models it was one of those shows that kind of like it took like the masculine like parts of you know the viewership by storm um so like it's the most requested like dvd back in in the day and like iran and iraq like by the american troops it was like the most requested thing that people watched and like it showed a lot of like positive masculinity and that like they're two brothers that love each other very much and like you know they hug and they you know pretty much do everything out of love of each other especially much and like you know they hug and they you know pretty much do everything out

of love of each other especially in the later seasons it's like now shit everything everything um and it's really weird that they are like just violently shipped and i wonder if it's like this thing where it's like yeah you can't just be emotionally available without people being like damn must be gayness so i think that's like his his weird phrasing of like homosexually exploitation or the exploitation of homosexual i don't really know what he means but i think what he's trying to say is that like the only way that two men can be seen as compassionate is if they're homosexual as opposed to the fact that like, it, that's not a,

that's not like a cornered market of homosexual men. You know what I mean? And I think that's what, but like that, that was the only term in, or like the only phrasing that he uses that I have a problem with. Cause I'm not 100% sure what he means by that. Um,

but exactly like you said, I think it's, especially with like sort of the rumors and like soft canon that Bucky Barnes is bisexual. So it's there's this like idea that, oh, these men can't possibly just be very close. You know, like as he says, kindred spirits who care deeply about one another through, you know, hardships that they go through. No, it's got to be sexual. And I think that is it's so damaging and i think a lot of people who talk about and complain about male representation and toxic masculinity in the media are themselves guilty of this well in another way it's like

if you had also been like oh there's some subtext came out or anthony mackie came out and said they're like yeah the writer said they totally are like i also would have been hyped for that because i really like both characters and it would have been like cool to have like two really good prominent awesome badass characters who do have this good relationship be gay together and i think some people might be coming at it from that standpoint i and I think that's it, which is, is the messy part. Because when you initially said that, I was like,

oh, cool. And then when you kept reading, I was like, shit, this does actually make a lot of sense. And it's like, you know,

what is more progressive and what is more like helpful in society is like having this thing where they both are gay and this is really cool or having them be really close, emotional man friends. And it'd be really cool. Cause like, hell the whole fucking arc of that show was them like basically being able to be close friends right yeah like they literally hate each other's guts for most of the show yeah and a lot of it is just kind of bullshit like hyper masculinity stuff and like yeah i

think that's powerful because a lot of people can emulate with that. Yeah. I mean, like there's that scene where he, they're training with the shield and throwing it back and forth, which I think is sort of like the pivotal scene of the series. And it really breaks, like it, it addresses pretty much like all the main themes of the,

it's like male camaraderie, racism, and you know, the optics of assuming the mantle and that kind of stuff. But I think you bring up a good point of the fact that I think the reason people are so desperate to do this and are so quick to do this is because there is such few gay, like,

I don't think, I think actually, I think one of the Marvel newer Marvel heroes will be the first canon, like gay character in the MCU. um and i think it's in the eternals i can't remember correctly but i mean that alone is indicative of like what the problem is like if someone was like hey name one of the gay characters in the mcu i don't know i would not be able to be like this character so i think i think you right. I think there is a bit of, I mean, not desperation, but, uh,

like hope and wishful film and kind of urgency that we can get these, you know, strong male, masculine, compassionate characters, um, that also fit the role outside of, you know,

the standard, you know, socially typical heteronormative, um, functions. like it would be great if if they just kind of came out and said like yeah bucky's bisexual and i don't think they have i think they've i think it's very very implied but i don't think it's like a canon thing within the mcu and like when was the last time we saw a fucking bisexual? One, a good bisexual character anywhere, because usually it's very bad. Yeah, usually they are purely defined by being bisexual, right?

Exactly. And like the butt of the joke of being like, oh, you're the lazy one. You can. Yeah. Or like every single thing they do is just like, oh, look, they like it both ways. Yeah. Would you like red or white? I'll have both turned

to the camera you know like i get it yeah it's uh it was just something i thought was interesting and i didn't think about it from like that side of things because i was i was like yeah 100 it actually really annoys me when people uh complain that or or ship these male characters who finally have like a genuine on-screen bond with one another and i'm like we need this this is what like this is what men need to see in order to realize that oh you can still be a badass and still hug your friends and you know tell them you love them and care about them and show you know emotional availability and emotional, not dependency, but openness and be vulnerable around them. Yeah, and it sucks because we also need more gay representation, especially in superhero movies.

And it's like, fuck, I just want us to have both instead of having to kind of, through subtext, battle it out. You know what i mean yeah 100 um so yeah no it's actually a good point because like just that like masculine friendships and healthy ones they're so they're like kind of missing from a lot of shit you know and the two biggest examples i'm thinking of right now they're both wildly shipped yeah i mean like if you think about like all throughout the mcu most of the like male pairings are like contentious you know i mean you got tony stark and captain america you got thor and uh hulk like they've always been sort of like butting heads you know star lord and thor they're like

the the whole thing between most of the male relationships in the MCU are, you know, them being either actual rivals or, you know, friendly rivals. Yeah. Yeah. It's like either played off for jokes or for tension, right? Yeah, it's interesting. That's my sex news for the week. Alright, I dig it. You ready to

hop into a question? Yeah. This is by you, Bybe, and they don't seem to believe in full stop so just pay attention good luck we made out and he gave me a back massage you think he wants sex the next date so i went out with an amazing first date last night he paid for everything looked hotter in person and smelled good and the sexual chemistry was there we made out for like five minutes straight and he started giving me a back massage in his car and he looked at me like he wanted to do more but i told him to calm down i probably didn't even shave we both laughed and

he said i can't wait to see you again does this mean he probably wants to have sex on the second date what do you mean you probably didn't shave you don't know i did i said calm down i didn't even shave oh i thought you said probably didn't shave probably was on the line right below it and i was running out of oxygen at that point so it could have been i mean yeah probably yeah he probably wants to have sex with you do you have to no yeah he probably wanted to have sex on the first date like also he might change his mind between now and then like why does why does this matter i mean like people's desires i'm sure at some point in time he's gonna see a picture that you might have sent or when you text him he's probably gonna think damn i'd like to be

fucking her right now because that's how the human brain works when it comes to sex oh you know what's weird they reposted it again the same question with a different title and the new title is he just gonna use me for sex and ghost me or am i overreacting and everything else the exact same um which is a very different question right which we also cannot answer no and well you know what maybe we can it's like what is being used for sex i guess it's if you go into something like if i'm like oh yeah we're gonna get married uh come over and have sex and you're like okay i'm having sex so i can get marriage and then i have sex with you and say like peace and run away and yeah like that then yes you're used in that situation if you want to have sex and they want to have sex and it doesn't go anywhere after that, you've both done something you've wanted.

So I think what you need to do is get clear on what you want out of this situation. And if you want sex and if you don't, don't have it. It doesn't matter if they want it. In fact, if they want it and you don't want it and they freak out, that's a pretty good indication that all they want is sex. Yeah. Yeah. This just seems like a classic textbook case of like having very, very strange feelings towards sex or having a strange relationship with sex as if like it sort of like is the be all and end all to hang a relationship on and that's not necessary and that shouldn't be the case like if that's if if all you have to offer

for someone to stay around is having sex with them then you're probably with the wrong partner or you haven't really spent any time developing yourself as a person. Yeah. It's like, if you, again, if you want to have sex, have sex,

and then nothing further happens, you weren't used, right? You did what you wanted. Presumably you got enough out of it as, as they did. You know what I mean? And it's like,

that's fine. If you're having sex hoping, or like with the thought that it means you're owed either a relationship or a next date or whatever, then yeah, you might feel used, but that's also unrealistic unless you've communicated that to someone. And if you have communicated that to somebody, one, I don't know if like, I don't think you should use sex as a bargaining tool. Like, okay, well fuck, but, um, because again, you do it if you want it or you don't do it because you don't want to. So yeah, I feel like you got to get your head out of this mindset that sex isn't for you.

It's like, if you don't want sex, don't have it. If you do want sex, have it. But it's sex. It's not a contract for a date. It's not a contract for marriage. It's not a contract for anything else. And that should be its own thing. I mean, it's important

to talk about and remind people that uh sex is and of itself like a a singular thing and if it's and like look you're welcome to put a lot of weight on sex you're welcome to think that sex is important to you but communicate that to your partners and let them know and be like hey just so you know it's like i'm not gonna rush into sex i like to take my time and get to know someone before i have sex that's fine you're welcome to do that if that is your relationship with sex or how you like to approach sex with people but if you don't express that to someone and then have sex because you think you're supposed to then it's going to get real fucking messy real fucking fast and you can't really expect people to read your mind on what what's happening here um so just make sure you're clear with your

expectations and clear with you know what how you want to approach having sex because it might be one of those things would be like hey i i usually don't feel comfortable having sex with someone when i first meet them so let's go on a few like, if, if someone's not willing to wait that, then great, you found the wrong partner. You're not going to feel like you've been used because you're, you're like kind of filtering them out, right? You're doing what you want to do. And that's like, that's, I know we've given this advice before, but we clearly need to keep giving it. It's like, like make sex your own. You know what I mean? Don't have sex on other people's schedules and other people's ways unless those ways fit you if you don't want to have sex don't have sex if you do want to have sex have sex but don't have sex be something else right just have it be what

it is you know if you want to get to know somebody get to know them if you want to wait wait you know what i mean like there's it's never going to be good if you're doing something you don't want to do or in a way you don't want to do it yeah and like if you've done it the way you want to do how are you being used and then you'll start to enjoy sex for sex's sake and hopefully enjoy a relationship for relationship's sake and stop like conflating them in

this weird way that like one has to like make the other like give it validation or something you know yeah this comes from Naked Sleepwalker. My girlfriend, 25 year old, will be introducing me, a 28 year old male, to our friends tonight and wants me to entertain them with lies about my penis. Pardon?

This morning, my girlfriend decided to tell me that her friends are under the impression that I have a monster cock. I asked what made them think that, and she said that it's what they've come to expect based on my past relationships. My girlfriend joked about having a reputation for being a size queen, a reputation that recently had to make room for my average size penis. I had to read between

the lines here and there because my girlfriend seemed ashamed and I didn't want to push too hard. But from what I'm gathered, she really enjoys bragging about her ex's super-sized cum cannons and it kind of got to the point where it's become a running joke amongst her friends. My girlfriend informed me that her friends are literally betting on how big I am below the belt and encouraged me to play along,

because it's become somewhat of a tradition to tease the new man in her life about his big dick. It was a lot to process. I asked my girlfriend to give me some time to figure out how I feel. I'm at work now, obsessing instead of focusing. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my... I'm proud to have an average penis. It's probably unremarkable compared to the penises in porn, but mine makes me happy. And before this morning, I had zero

doubts that it also made my girlfriend happy. It also doesn't help that she prefers that I withhold the truth about my size in front of her friends. Not that it's any of their business to begin with, but here we are. How do I proceed? Man, this situation sucks yeah fair play to this guy for his his penis confidence because like no matter your penis i think it's it's a hard

road to travel from childhood to adolescence and like to to come to like that that confidence and accepting yourself again whether you be huge or small or whatever yeah so play because you know let's draw some positives out that's great you do you the rest of the situation is balls because like one she's just like yeah hey how about i just detail this this history of gigantic penises yeah just real quick which hey might not even be true at this point. Well, I mean, she's lying about this guy's dick. Right? Like, what if it's always been lies? So there's more.

There's some silver linings there. Not that anyone's past partner penis sizes should matter. But anyway. Two, it's like, why the fuck are the friends involved? And why should you have to play along? And it just, it sucks. It's like, I wouldn't want to be part of this no i mean like i know i've worked with people in the past who will i casually be like oh yeah he's got a giant dick

and it's like i meet him like i i see him sometimes m-e-e-t or m-e-a-t um and you know i mean it's like this guy shouldn't have to worry about who knows 80. And you know what I mean? It's like, this guy shouldn't have to worry about who knows that he's just, like, slang in a whopper dong. And, like, also being reduced to just that.

Yeah, it's like, tell me he's good at fucking puzzles or some shit. Oh, no, never tell me someone's good at puzzles. That's all I'll be able to think about. I'll have to have a puzzle off with him um but i don't know it's real weird because i think there would be a far more stigma and far more disapproval if i went around describing like the qualities of you know my female partner's vaginas you know what i mean or or if i spent a lot of time be like oh man her tits look like this and then like draw you know photorealistic pictures of their tits on paper and shit well i think i think all that is gross we had that question the other week about

like you know the whole like squirter thing right so imagine if you were like oh she's just a huge squirter like blah blah blah it's like all the girls have been with. I told them they're all squirters. So like you just have to like, I don't know, pretend you're squirter. They're going to tease you about it. Like that would be such an uncomfortable position to put a girl into. Yeah. You know, I think here's here's my suggestion. Straight up is to go in.

And when they're like, I hear you have a giant dick. No, it's completely normal. And like if she gets upset at you for doing this, then. go in and when they're like i hear you have a giant dick no that's completely normal and like if she gets upset at you for doing this then it's a very good indication that you don't need to be with this person you know i mean now she doesn't have the reputation so now you don't have to lie about your penis and to be like hey the only like the way that your friends are gonna like me or the way that you're gonna get like popularity points with your friends is for me to like lie about my super personal zone.

That's fucked. You know what I mean? Like there's no there is like it would be the same as asking her to go like, oh, you're going to meet my friends. They're super into tits. So I'm going to need you where to push up bra and like a really low cut top just so they can get like get a gander up. Yeah, 100%.

I think that would be a very funny way to do it. The thing is, if for some reason her friends had this running joke without her input, and it was just the way things get silly from high school or whatever, and she was just giving him a heads up in this scenario, like, oh, they might make weird comments, that would be one thing, And that would be chill. But like to be like, yeah,

play along is fucked. Yeah. And like, that's the funny thing is I think we got lucky or the person in this scenario got lucky because they, they do have this confidence, but for most people you would be preying on one of the most common and most powerful areas of insecurity.

So it's like, this could have been awful for somebody yeah i mean because the thing is like any time it would be any sort of situation when you're asking your partner to lie about something that is so fundamentally a part of who they are whether it's a body part or like their hobbies you mentioned like going to meet your friends and being like oh hey uh don't mention comic books or don't mention the fact that you like horror movies don't make like censoring your partner for the approval of other people it's such a shitty thing to do it's horrendous i went on a first date like a tinder

uh where she invited me to like a party with her or she was like yeah come out of the bar i was like okay then when i was on the way she's like oh it's like a friend's birthday and there's a few of us here and i was like okay well that would have been nicer to know on the way out but whatever and then she texts me again uh when i'm on the streetcar like five minutes away she's like oh my brother just arrived you have to pretend to be a friend i met in germany like not like a tinder date and like then i got there she introduced me as this guy she met while she was backpacking and all this shit. I was already drunk, so it was funny

to me, but it very quickly got very tiresome. Also, I never went and saw this person again because if you don't have the confidence to be like, oh yeah, I'm meeting up with a guy off Tinder or I'm meeting up with a guy, then this was not a young

person she was in like her 30s you know it's like no i just i don't have the patience for you well she was 30 but you know it's still too too old for that shit oh old huh yeah for for bullshit like that yes yeah yes um so yeah. So, yeah, no, fuck this. I think you would be like, look, if you want to play along, do it. I don't know why you would want to because, like, presumably if you're dating someone, you're dating them. You're not going like, oh, I'll do this for two years and bounce. You're doing it because for the foreseeable future, you want to be with this person. So once you start this, you are are gonna have to just keep doing it

yeah or things are just gonna get very weird and strange and i don't think you want to keep doing this if you want to at all so it's like either if you want to continue this relationship this needs to be done in a way that won't have you like well i fucked myself forever with this friend group um so i think either it's talking to your girlfriend and being like, hey, this is a really weird situation. And I'm not going to like play up. I'm not going to pretend I have a different size penis. Like, does that bother you? And if she's like, no, it doesn't bother me.

Then cool. Great. Just ignore their bullshit. It's also strange that like you didn't she didn't ask her friends to be like, hey, maybe cool it with the dick stuff with my boyfriends. You asked the boyfriend to be cool with the dick stuff. That also seems pretty fucked. Yeah, I don't know. Part of me wants to hope that maybe she was just trying to give him a heads up and he misconstrued it as like a play along.

And maybe she didn't want to tell the friends because she also didn't want to be like, no, his dick isn't huge. You know what I mean? Like maybe that was where she's coming from, from like protecting him. I just like to see the best in people, but more likely she seems to really like this reputation. It sounds like she loves this reputation, in fact. And it seems like that's more important to preserve than honesty or his own comfort.

And that's not a great thing to have in a partner. So my two suggestions would be one, I either just straight up be like, oh yeah, no, my dick is super average nothing special about it i really like it but like not not that impressive or be like yeah it's fucking huge like we're still working on stretching her vagina out every night for us to have sex we still haven't had sex it's impossible for us so like we've been really widening that canal for us it's getting pretty pretty big, but we're not there yet. I'm assuming they're girls,

the friends. So like maybe if they were like, oh, so like, how's that, you know, that dick and you go, how's your vagina actually?

What's it like? Yeah. Could you give me a rundown on this? Maybe diameter, you know, perhaps the flappiness of labia. If you could, what are we talking about down there?

We're talking like, you know, tight little lobster roll. We're talking walrus's mouth. What do we got? down there? We talking like, you know, tight little lobster roll? We talking walrus's mouth? What do we got? Yeah, every single time any of them mention something, just turn it immediately on their genitals. It's like you're fighting Medusa with a mirror, right?

Turn them to stone. I'm sorry that I just referred to a vagina as a tight little lobster roll. That was very uncomfortable. I was trying to, I panicked. I was trying to think of something yeah but you said it with such familiarity dave i know i know i don't know why that was i think it was because i literally just looked at instagram earlier and saw a very good looking lobster roll again not that there's a correlation between lobster rolls and vaginas i'm sorry we gotta stop them we gotta

stop them the vaccine's bringing out the truth. Oh God. It's it's Bill. Bill Gates is telling me to say this. So, yeah, I think just like you got to cut this off before it starts one way or another, either by talking to the girlfriend and saying you're not going to do it by pedally replying in the ways we have laid out or by getting out of this relationship, because it sounds like she prefers a uh like a reputation over you get one of those like cock sleeves and at one point have tearaway pants or something and then like start like accidentally slamming on the table and like knock over

everyone's strengths but ah this damn giant dick pretend say that like every time you get a bone or you pass out because all your blood goes to it i periodically pass out for the rest of the night just every time anything's getting yeah or every time anything's getting interesting like just ruin the party it's like it's your turn to go when you're playing fucking like you know katan and you're gone or they're just like yeah i'm really sad like my dog died oh no oh dear i heard you uh i heard you recently lost an ant yeah she was oh dear oh boy so did you get here the covid cases are the rising oh so is my and then you're gone this is where i wish that we had time travel so that like you could just replay this night over and over again with various bullshit.

You really only get one chance at this. It's a tough choice. I don't know what I would do because we've presented some excellent options. You know what I think you do? You walk in. You turn the mirror on their genitals. You be very aggressive and strange and

then just when they're upset you say look guys i'm sorry i did this i only did it because when i get an erection i pass out and i was using like humor and and kind of like am i cutting wit to to diffuse the situation of any sexual tension and then you just yeah then you get at least two of them in this is from not reddit this is from a instagram account called college fessing where people send in anonymous confessions or questions about college most of which are garbage fires this doesn't necessarily disappoint guess that uh a guy in my calc class only wanted to have sex and did not want to commit he claims to have changed now but soon after we start dating i realized he never gets jealous which makes you question his true feelings should i

break up with him that's an interesting swing in the other direction of just being like hey you're not jealous enough you must be cheating on me or like you're not into me it is just about sex because you're not jealous yeah which is i inaccurate. I mean, like he said initially that he wasn't into a relationship, right? Like he just wanted sex and no commitment. I mean, like the dude seems like he's got his shit together. Yeah. It sounds like he was honest in the first place. Let you know when he changed his mind.

Now that he's dating you, it sounds like he was, you know, being honest. And jealousy is not a thing you should want. So. Yeah. It sounds like he's you know being honest and jealousy is not a thing you should want so yeah it sounds like he's done some work on himself got into a place where he was comfortable getting into a relationship with you and now even necessarily work because let's be fair there's nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship yeah of course you know uh maybe he just got to that point you know yeah i'm sorry it's just saying like he did some work on himself makes it sound like you know you're he needed work done, Dan. And that's not the message we put out here.

I know. All right. Dan, I got to teach you about sex and dating. I can't stop thinking about the lobster roll. I'm sorry. I'm very hungry. Can you just dial it back to 4G for a minute? It's too many Gs.

Yeah. Like, it's, yes, break up this guy because you are not ready for a relationship you do not have if you don't trust a dude don't don't date him it's as simple as that we've said it a thousand times you if you do not trust your partner you should not be with them regardless of whether they give you a reason to trust you or trust them or not like if they're doing something shitty that you're like, Oh, I don't trust that. Then like, great. Break up with them.

If they're not doing anything wrong and you're like, don't trust them, then break up with them. There's no reason to start a relationship that doesn't have the foundation of trust. Yeah. It's also really cruel to just be like, I don't trust you for no reason.

But also like jealousy is like, it happens. We've all been there. We've all done it. You know, some of us will still do it. Some of us will do it later on. It'll happen. It is in no way a positive trait, I don't think.

And I don't think it's a, like, if you're like handling jealousy, well, the partner will either be aware of it and like, you know, you'll move past it. Or maybe you just won't show it, you know, which could be happening here. But in no relationship should you be hoping for validation based on someone else's like jealousy? Yeah, there's no place in the relationship equation where like jealousy helps balance out the quality of a relationship. And like you said, everyone feels it at some point in time. And like for me, it's rare that I ever express it

because when I take like 10 minutes to think about it, I'm like, okay when I take like 10 minutes to think about it I'm like okay I'm being irrational I'm projecting a bunch of bullshit on someone that they don't have any right to have that put on them so I'm not jealous anymore because I've realized that it's my fault or if vice versa if like if someone is doing something and it seems like they are trying to make me jealous or doing something that you know they shouldn't be doing or i feel like they shouldn't be doing i'll talk to them about it at no point in time would i be like hmm i was talking to marcus over there and you didn't try to fight him well i'm also going to go out on a limb and assume that this poster is going to or has or is currently doing things to try and make this person jealous 100 like which

again is so toxic and fucked up so i can only imagine the hell that this relationship is and it probably needs to die yeah so to answer the question yes break up with him for his sake yes but like jealousy is not a positive thing so if someone if your partner isn't jealous good yeah be thankful like do you want to have an argument every time you talk to someone of the opposite sex do you want to only have friends of your current gender you know do you like what do you want you know like it's not even like that like i know people get jealous when like they're out with their friends you know what i mean like it's it's so fucking toxic to strive for jealousy, we will say it's not toxic to be jealous because that is a human emotion and you're allowed to feel it.

It's how you deal with jealousy that manifests or manifests as toxic to search for it is insane. Yeah, exactly. If you feel jealous, we are not at all saying anything bad about you. But like, you know, if you feel jealous and then decide to like smash all the plates in the kitchen. Yes, you suck. so like any emotion like if you're if you get angry at your partner you're allowed to be angry at your partner it's how you fucking deal with it that becomes problematic one way or the other like if you manage like if you need to go take a walk and then come back and talk to them there's no harm in that you've done nothing wrong you're allowed to get angry but if if, like you said,

like if the second they do something that annoys you, you go fucking batshit and start smashing shit, then yeah, you've done something wrong. Yeah, exactly. Don't look for jealousy. Don't try to foster jealousy and don't be upset if there is none there. This is a good thing.

This comes from Reddit user. This is your private one. Should I tell my friends with benefit? So I have this friends with benefit for three months now. We never had the chat about exclusivity, but I do know that we both only seeing each other. However, I have had unprotected sex with someone else last week. I don't feel like there are risks for STD or STDs, but I'm planning on getting tested next week. Either way. The problem is I'm seeing my friends with benefit tonight. Would it be smart to tell them I slept with someone else to avert the STD risk but risk upsetting them? Or

do I just refrain from sex and come up with an excuse until I get tested? I don't know what would be the wise thing to do. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. The wise thing to do would have been fucking wear a condom that first time. Yes.

Now, I would love to know if they also have unprotected sex with the friends with benefit. Yeah. Right. Because, like, if you guys have a agreement that you don't use condoms, but you're only sleeping with each other, which doesn't seem to be the case because you haven't talked about exclusivity. But you seem to know that you're the only people you're sleeping with. Then, OK, I don't know if I would suggest it or recommend that, but you know, you do you,

if that is the case, then you should be using a condom with literally everybody else. If, yeah, if you have some sort of agreement like that, a hundred percent, but it sounds like they don't have any sort of agreement like that. And it's like,

then my mind is going to like, why did he do this thing? If there was, if it just kind of came out of nowhere, because it's like, if you knew the person or the situation to the point where like, you trusted that they didn't have an STD, it doesn't make sense to have done it and then turn around and be like, oops, maybe. Yeah. I mean, like we all make mistakes.

We all have laps in judgment. You know what I mean? Like I get it. It's happened to me where, you know, for whatever reason, we didn't use a condom and then I go get tested. But at the same time, it's, you know, for whatever reason, we didn't use a condom and then I go get tested. But at the same time, it's I would I would disclose this with partners that I was with or I would tell people and like just be like, hey, so, you know, I had unprotected sex and I would like I'm going to go test it. I have no reason to believe that anything is wrong. But if you want to wait until I get my test results or if you know if you're cool with us wearing a condom and proceeding that's up to you but here's

a situation yeah i think that's the best way to do it right because it takes into account their safety their autonomy you're being honest all this stuff i yeah i don't see anything wrong with that at all yeah i would appreciate that and like i think the world would be a much safer place if people if more people did it instead of worrying about like oh no they like this might be the end of the sex thing if i tell them but it's like you guys aren't exclusive you've specifically are friends with benefits you know that you're sleeping with other people then like and like hey it still might be and if it is fuck it like you run that risk when you're having sex with other people, because,

you know, sometimes they hear about it and they don't, they realize they don't want to do this, you know? Yeah. Or even just people being like, Hey, I don't know if I can trust you as a sexual partner anymore.

If this is going to be a common thing, it's like, you know, it's up to them to really decide how they feel about it. But I think you should give them all of the information for them to make the decision. Yeah. A hundred percent.

Like their health, like your combined health and like respect is more important than the possibility of fucking more. I mean, like I don't really think there's anything really wrong with putting it off. Like if you know, you're going to get your test results in like a week and you, you only see each other like every couple of weeks,

then like, I don't really see the harm in in maybe canceling one thing but like it's it's not a good practice to be in you know i mean yeah it's funny because it's not necessarily dishonest but it feels dishonest yeah so it's i mean like it's up to you i i would go the the more direct and and personal route because like at the same time they could be like that's fine we'll just wear condom yeah yeah you get to have sex again and they know they can trust you and you're responsible yeah or hey we'll wait a week and you know we'll just wait till you get results or even if they just end things it's like it was gonna happen anyway if they're not comfortable you're sleeping

with other people and that's a thing you're doing right so yeah i feel like it's win win win even if like one of the wins doesn't feel like it because it ends your guy's relationship. Either way, it was going to happen, right? Yeah. So yeah, do it. Be straightforward. Go have that chat. Hmm.

Where do you want to go with this one? I don't know, man. I'm barely holding it together. Well, let's do this then. This is my wild child. My 23-year-old female boyfriend, 23-year-old male, showed his mom our sex painting and i'm embarrassed his mother 63 year old female was talking about getting something framed and he said oh i got something framed once it's not cheap his mom asked what it was and he sent the painting to his to my

mom oh to his mom here's where it gets weird his mom showed the painting to a random woman in her office the woman was like hmm that looks like a sex painting so my boyfriend never actually told his mom was a sex painting but sent it to her and she figured it out. Next thing you know, we meet his mom and some of her friends at the bar, and they were looking at our painting and discussing it. When I sat down, she started asking me about it and getting all excited, saying I need to show her I got it so her and her husband can do it. She then wanted me to go sit next to one of her co-workers and tell them about it as well. All the time I was extremely embarrassed, and my boyfriend was trying to get his mother to shut up. I understand he didn't explicitly tell his mom it was a sex painting,

but he still sent it to her without making sure it was okay with me first. I feel like he betrayed me because this was a private painting that was between us that we have hanging in our bedroom. It really wasn't intended for all eyes, especially his mother and all her co-workers. I asked him why he did it. He said, because she asked to see it. I didn't think she'd show other people. Is it my being upset

and embarrassed warranted, or is it an overreaction what can we what can we slash i do to fix this any advice would be appreciated thank you in advance edit a sex painting is where you put non-toxic paint on each other's bodies and have sex on the canvas okay i was gonna say what the fuck is a sex painting it's where you submerge something in squirt and then you let yours go i was gonna say i feel like it would be pretty fucking obvious if it was a sex painting are It's where you submerge something in squirt and then you let yours go. I was going to say, I feel like it would be pretty fucking obvious if it was a sex painting. Are there two men that look like your boyfriend or your son and his boyfriend having sex on it? It's a guy and a girl. Oh, sorry.

I thought it was those two guys. But yes, I thought it would be very clear if it was just them having sex in a painting. Huh? I don't know i i think it is a wild thing to send to your mother but at the same time it's abstract enough i mean like it sucks the co-worker was like oh sex painting that's a wild move to be like oh that's that's your son's sex painting huh i mean maybe she didn't know it was her son exactly it seems like they don't know specifically whose sex painting it is because they asked where they got it i assumed that was like a where did

you get the the stuff to make it oh to me it sounded like they were asking where they got the painting because like if that's the situation just do a quick google search for people who sell sex paintings and be like we got it here yeah this is saying to shore where i got it so her and her husband can do it so i assume it's like the supplies more than yeah fair it might be a little embarrassing but this mob seems cool as fuck that's that's the thing for me it's like i don't understand why they're necessarily embarrassed because it's like yeah sure if like someone's like oh god my mom found out about your like sex painting um and then met up and was like oh this is so cool i want to do that i'd be like oh hey your sound it's not like oh my god

you slept with my son and you do you know it's like she's chill and wants to do it like that sounds like a best case scenario honestly it's probably more awkward for the fucking son because it's like great you get to like imagine your mom and dad rolling around to paint and then come home and find it hung up somewhere that's way worse i don't know what you're complaining about yeah that's a very good point he's probably going through all this he's like damn my mom won't stop talking about covering herself in paint and banging my dad to my new girlfriend and she just keeps complaining about the fact i sent her a picture of this frame it it seems like a complete non-issue also it sounds like like her and her friends seem rad as fuck you meet them out at a bar and they're all just like yeah girl get it

every sex painting it's like what why why would you be upset about this if if i i mean thankfully again my you know in-laws i guess at this point you can call them are super fucking chill and super understanding uh her amanda's dad listens to this from time to time what yeah he he comments on the puck on the twitter and everything and he just seems completely awesome and it's like that's that's what you want that's the dream like i live in fear of uh our podcast accidentally coming on in the car when like my girlfriend's parents get in because they're incredible people, but I don't think they want to listen to this at all. And that's the point. It could be like if her dad wasn't chill, this could be really fucking weird.

You know what i mean like him being like like it could be very easy for a partner's father to be like you know stern man being like you're talking about sex huh and like it could be so uncomfortable but he's so supportive so and like i wouldn't change that for the fucking world because it could be so much worse i'm not even involved in your guy's relationship and i wouldn't change for the world he's awesome every time he posts or likes our shit on twitter it's great and i'm very impressed he's a badass so like embrace this you like why not have another really cool sex positive female role in your life like this sounds like a a mom that if you ever needed help with something you could go to and she'd be chill as fuck and like why wouldn't you want those resources at your disposal why wouldn't you want someone who's lived longer than you

who knows probably way more than you and who's chill with all this shit like on your side yeah and it's like if you ever you know fucking went on a family vacation with them they wouldn't be like no we're gonna get a room with that two two big beds in one room so we can all sleep in the same room awkwardly they'd be like get a room get her some paint go wild yeah like it's so good to be able to have just like that sex isn't taboo you know what i mean yeah like that you don't have to worry that she'll go into your bathroom and find a condom when they're visiting your apartment or like you know even though we all know we all know you're fucking, you know, they know, they've known you're fucking. They've known for a long time. But a lot of people don't like to admit that they know yet you're fucking.

So it's like to not have to worry about that is a blessing. Yeah. Just roll with it. And like, hey, maybe we should be giving you advice that you ask, but I'm saying just roll with it. This is great. Yeah. Hang out with your cool fucking mom-in-law. literally she's cool and she's fucking like and the thing is like there's such a stereotype of mother-in-laws being nightmares granted i've never had to deal with

that thankfully but like i know plenty like you go on reddit you see how many people have a hard time dealing with their mother-in-laws i go on facebook i'm sure people are complaining about their in-laws you have you have cool mom 2000 on your side fucking like model too it could be so much worse so like get out of here with your bullshit yeah i'm sorry just fucking enjoy this enjoy this for all of us who can't talk about fucking with their in-laws um and like i get it i understand why you're embarrassed it's an intimate thing that has now been put into the public sphere and specifically with people that like you shouldn't cross that line with i get it you're allowed to be embarrassed but it's it's met with such acceptance that it shouldn't be embarrassing

anymore i feel like and and i think that's what you need to focus on i feel like i don't understand because there are sometimes questions like oh i heard my boyfriend just like you know mentioning something about his sex life um and in the question it wasn't like any it wasn't like he was you know delving into personal details about her more that like i think i don't know it was like oh we had sex at this place once or whatever and they were so mortified it's like how dare he talk about their sex life with anybody and it's like maybe just doing this podcast desensitizes it because like i don't get it yeah yeah i don't either all right ready for some tinders yes please okay dan was a sleepy boy so i'm gonna rapid fire a bunch of tinders at you uh because i have too many because i complained

that we didn't get our our usual shipment last week and our supplier redoubled their efforts. And it's incredible. Also, Agent Valiant Heart is like single handedly fueled this segment because they're a badass. So all the ones that you've laughed your ass off at, you have them to thank. Thank you. This is Juan Juan. I don't know how to pronounce this name. I feel like a bad person.

X, U, A, N, X, U, A, N. I think X's are Z I hope this doesn't offend anyone I'm bad at I don't know this I have lived in the UK for 5 years and I've just arrived in Toronto for over a month I'm Asian I'm not that open don't talk about sex with me I will hate it

do you want to hear me tell Chinese jokes I mean it's a pretty it's kind of a cute profile but like also you're on a dating profile or a dating service i mean like i get it maybe she's just like maybe it's a translation error in the sense of being like hey don't be fucking crude right off the bat and don't be like hey you want to see my dick like maybe she's cool with sex and she just doesn't want to have like people bombard her with sexual requests which is

fine I want to hear these Chinese jokes I feel like it's very like disarming and like charming like I just like love don't talk sex with me I'll hate it it's just it's very nice it's funny I don't know if they themselves are Chinese

though so I'm hesitant to hear that Chinese jokes right oh is it mmm because right if they themselves are Chinese, though, so I'm hesitant to hear the Chinese jokes, right? Oh, is it? Because if they're not, that's not great. Yeah, I don't know enough about naming conventions. No. It's definitely a Chinese name. Me neither, right?

So that's my only where the coin is bounced on the side. It's not heads or tails. I'll give it a six. Yeah. I'll give it a six. Yeah, I'll give it a six, too, because maybe these are really racist Chinese jokes. That's the thing, right? I don't know. Yeah. This is Megan. Oh, hi, nail emoji.

I can't wait to rave, sweat on other people, and spit in each other's mouths. And then two vaccine things, which I assume means they've been fully juiced. I'm a break your heart now and let me know that I don't fuck with me. A bunch of plant emojis, just yours.

Huh? That's some wild energy. Like I assumed the beginning was like a joke of being like, we're going to go buck wild. Cause like I kept joking about licking everything on the, like licking the bus home and shit like that uh when i got my stuff so i was like okay you did it which is weird i if i say i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it fair do listen to our last week's episode um but the like break anytime someone says they're gonna break your heart i'm just so fucking over it in the context i find it kind of funny

what's the context maybe i'm gonna break your heart now and let you know I don't fuck with meat. Because you know what? People are so weird about vegans and vegetarians on just yours. I thought that was two separate thoughts. Like, I'm going to break your heart, period, just so you know I don't fuck with meat.

No, when you're reading it, it's like, I'm going to break your heart and let you know I don't fuck with meat, just yours. I like it yes okay no that I've flipped my stance around I'm back on board with Megan I'm gonna give it a 7 I'm gonna give it a 9 I'm gonna give it an 8 I think that's funny I don't fuck with meat just yours

it's sexy it's funny it's a good way to throw shade at the people that are really weird about people being vegetarian or vegan while also being a little flirty and sexy. Yeah. I dig it. If you're going to do it, it's a good way to do it. This is Isa. Looking for a gentleman and interesting man.

Friendship will last forever and build a better relationship. I like to do anything comfortable and natural. Happy, satisfied emoji. If I find my half, I will disappear in Tinder. If you're asking me to buy something please stop contacting me oh no is she like a simulacrum or something like that like she'll just disappear into the app yeah i think it's like that other person who was cursed that businessman she's cursed that like she has to be on tinder looking for a gentleman and friendship

forever but if she finds them, the app absorbs her. Yeah, the Tinder will absorb her power and become even more even stronger than before. I'm going to give it a zero in the hopes that she remains sentient and not part of the Tinder hide mind. I'm going to join you on that. I hope you never find your half. This is Erica, business owner, non MLM, pro BLMBLM, sex positivity slash work, anti-diet culture. I like dates on a Tuesday.

I'm working all day Sunday. Sober, brackets, patios are overrated, side eye. I don't get the hype around dogs, lol. Bonus points if you go to therapy, butterfly emoji. Actually really funny and full of joy. Shocking, I know, face surrounded by hearts emoji. There's some, some things.

One patios are fantastic. Also the, really the only option to go out right now to, you don't get the hype about dogs. Yeah. Have you? And it's like, I know I give shit about people like always talking about,

Oh, bacon. Oh, Nutella. But like it's dogs. Have you never met dogs? Yeah. Dogs are the best.

This like gigantically fluffy dog kept coming into work called Bow Bow. And like, he's my boy now. He sees me, he knows I'll bring him water. I know Bow Bow. The big fluffer? Yeah. Yeah. He comes by back when we had like a little takeout stand on our, we had a, we had like

a little thing. We had treats and we had a dog bowl. So the highlight of my day was having, yeah, I baobab oh he's so great right such a cool name too but like it's like okay i get it if the only thing you've ever met in terms of dogs were like shivering chihuahuas and like little shih tzus and stuff and like even then i don't this is just such a weird fucking sentence to throw out and why like if you if you feel the need to put this in in such a sparse profile you probably hate dogs and that means you're trying to like be edgy so either you're trying too hard or but like i can't

imagine imagine being on a date with someone and you're walking down the street and this golden retriever is happily flopping his way over to you. And he like stops and looks at you all happy. You're like, oh, my God, this is the best part of my day. And they're like, can I pass? Yeah, I don't get it. It's like, I'm sorry. This avatar of cuteness has just rolled up with his big droopy tongue.

He's licking my hand now, even though he just met me. Yeah, it's like that would be I think I would literally keep walking with the dog owner and leave my date behind if that happened i'd be like he just he sat on my foot i've been chosen and now i'm feeling an immense warm glow inside i'm very very sorry sir uh my date just decided she was a terrible person do you mind if i walk with you for the next five minutes just to get away from them yeah and also i don't think any dog owner would be like you don't like dog like i think most dog owners would be like yes please let me get you away oh yeah our sweet fluffy boy here will protect you from the bad woman yeah and the thing is the last line actually really funny and full of joy shocking i know it's like why is that so joy. Shocking. I know it's like,

why is that so bitter and miserable? That's the thing. It's like, if you portray yourself as so fucking edgy and like, like I hate everything. It's like, if, if then you need to clarify that you're actually like a good spirited person,

perhaps rethink the rest of your profile. Like maybe delete all the things that require that disclaimer yeah and it's like you don't have to shit on patios because you're sober because like you could be on the patio and not drink one of my favorite things to do and it happened to me a lot last week was for some reason we had a bunch of people who weren't drinking and they asked me if i could make them a fun mocktail and i was was like, absolutely. Like, I will make you the tastiest, prettiest cocktail. And people are going to be like, ooh, what did you get? And you're going to be like, I don't know what it is.

The bartender made it up. But like, even just if you've never been to a good coffee shop, just had some fucking coffee in the sun or have like a lemonade. It just I hate this profile. I'm sorry. It started fine. It got progressively worse. It's going to be a one for me.

It's going to be zero. Okay. This is Jen. If you enjoy golf, our differences are likely too great to overcome. I mean, it's a funny profile. It doesn't tell us anything about it, but I think it tells you enough. Yeah, I like it. It was like my profile back in the day where it didn't really tell me anything,

but I think the people who resonated with it was going to resonate with. So, yeah, I'm going to give that a seven. Yeah, I'm going to give it a nine. It's just funny. It tickled me pink. I don't know why I should stop because we still have more, but I'm doing at least this one. This is by WelcomeLove35. Looking for an easygoing phone photographer, brackets, my phone is great,

who would join me for a short trip to Niagara Falls. Romance, entrepreneurship, photography, real estate, and visual arts. Cooking and dining, exercise, sightseeing, not into long texting i'm five two sagittarius i'm so confused as to what they want i don't know phone for that is that just people who use their smartphones for photography because like i'm okay with that are they looking for like an instagram boyfriend to take pictures of them while they go to Niagara. Yeah. But like, like with their phone, because it says my phone is great,

but they also say they're a photographer or I guess they're into photography. I don't know. It's very confusing. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, like I definitely wouldn't go far away with this person. No,

I think that is a recipe for disaster. Either the murder variety or the awkward variety. Yeah, I'm gonna give this a three, because I'm gonna give it a one, because it's kind of terrifying and confusing. How many more do you want? Give me two more. Alright, uh, we got

Sarah. And tell me if we've done this one, because I can't remember. Hot mess on the internet, moon emoji, but my rack is legit, cherry emoji. Lockdown has me bored as fuck so let's chat happy emoji sorry for the hustle wink emoji and then there's their snapchat and instagram i'll give it a five yeah hot mess on the internet is a weird thing that i don't like i don't see what's positive about that no but good rack rack is legit oh we're bumping it up to a five right in the middle that's that's i agree you give me a good and a bad therefore if you gave me two goods maybe it'd

be a 10 but you didn't uh this is louisa just message me on instagram if you're really tall or have some really good stories i might let you knock me up adhd baby i love naps big hips bigger heart if you can sing or freestyle a song, I already love you. Wild, but also like a mom. Down to meet some good humans. Please don't ask what I'm looking for. Because it depends on the person and the date, lol. I might obsessively want to date you, or we could become best friends.

I just don't know yet, BB. That's a weird way to phrase it, but I understand what she's saying there. There's a bunch of other things that upset me. The fact of being like, hey, you have a really good story. Maybe put your semen inside me. Because I love a good story as much as the next person. I love hearing wild stories. Special dreams.

I don't think that has ever been like, you know what? I'd like to have a child with you. I'd like to irresponsibly have you give birth uh there were some other things in there that were troubling and i don't really remember because my brain is pretty much mush right now uh if you're really tall or have good stories um let you knock me up adhd baby i love naps big hips bigger heart if you can oh that's yeah big hips are they looking for ladies because like big hips on dudes tends to not really be a thing. A lot of guys don't have the hourglass figure. I assume they're describing themselves.

Oh, okay. You really are zonked. Yeah. For some reason, they said, what was the start of that? I love naps. They're talking about themselves. Big hips, bigger heart. Oh, see, I thought it was I love naps, comma, big hips, comma, big heart. That's fair. It's all a different line. There's no way for me to vocalize that.

Yeah. You could start reading them like telegrams. Space. Break. Give it a four. I'll give it a four as well because I do like big hips. Also, like being unable to say What you're looking for and warning Somebody you might obsessively want to date them

Those are kind of Yeah like big red flags like legitimate Ones you know what I mean it's like you could just be like Oh I'm looking to keep it casual for now Which I presume is what they want right Yeah so it's like that that will suffice Anyway I think we're done With Tindies yes this is

The end of our show. We've made it. Specifically, I've made it. I'm very proud. Thank you. We were going to record another day, but I said no. We do it today. Day power through just for you.

I did it just for you. I did my once bi-yearly naps earlier, and I woke up and dragged myself out of my bed feeling twice as bad as before the nap. Naps just don't work for me, man. I hate naps. They're garbage. That's why I never have them, but I was just so tired and I was like, I can power through with some

Apex and then no one's around, so I'm like, okay, nap it is. And it felt like the best thing in the world and I did it and I was like, whoa. I think my problem is when I nap, I end up sleeping for like two and a half hours and I was like i think my problem is like when i nap i end up sleeping for like two and a half hours and i know that's really bad for you um but i just like 50 minutes but either way i i dragged myself out of bed for you guys so you're welcome i hope we weren't too too sleepy and slovenly in this in this episode it's probably the complete opposite of last week's

energy which was raucous yeah i'm just gonna get you to drink more this week i was in fact also gonna drink more this week but hey no don't want to touch anything we'll get hammered on our first in closet uh yeah yeah we'll do a shot per question oh god and we'll do a double length episode thank you very much for listening friends it is always a pleasure to do this, regardless of how shitty we feel. It's a light in my week to come in here and do this for you. So thank you very much for listening. If you have a question that you'd like us to answer, by all means, please pop over to fbuddiespodcast.com. You can then jump over to the contact form or hit us up on all the social

medias that are right there. Um, and you can send us in a question. You can choose your own agent name and we'll keep it anonymous and we will answer it as soon as we can for you. Thank you. Josh Eagle and the Harvard cities for their song paper stars. You're ready for some bad sex writing.

This'll, this'll soothe you. Dan, don't worry. Oh good. I have two short, like almost like a moose bushes for Don't worry. Oh, good. I have two short, like, almost like amuse-bouches for you. The first one

is a letter to the editor in the newspaper. I don't know which newspaper, but it says not so appealing. Ladies, please consider the following. Long, straight hair gives you that witchy look. Facial studs and rings give you that ugly look. Tattoos give you that incarcerated prison look.

None of the above give you that attractive ladylike look that men find very appealing and i know a certain dane miller would beg to differ yeah they literally hit all my things and then we have a tweet by space ghost perp vamp 420 what if pussy was one big ass eye socket without an eye and when women fuck they take the eye out right before you stick it in but never show you it because they know you're going to freak out. My name is Dave Miller.

Did you not hear that? Do you want me to read it again? Please end this. What if pussy was one big ass eye socket without an eye? We've been your fuck buddies and when women fuck you they take the eye out right before you stick it in but they never show you it