F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 144 - Well, That's a Penis

Episode Date: July 5, 2021

If you've had a tough week and you're coming to your boys for a little bit of consistency... maybe skip this week?  Topics include does online dating suck, ignoring obvious red flags, answering questions about penis size, breaking up with a FWB and appreciating smaller boobs.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, that's Dane Miller That's Dyle Spade And these are your... Fuck buddies.

We did it. Well, welcome to the podcast guys, how's it going? That's gonna ruin someone's day, you know that right? And not just mine. I only wanted it to ruin Dane's. Someone's gonna tune in and be like, you know, they're gonna have a, maybe they've had a really rough week and they're like, a little bit of consistency from the boys will be exactly what I need. And then that's gonna happen and they're gonna have a maybe they've had a really rough week and they're like a little bit of consistency from the boys will be exactly what i need and then that's gonna happen and they're gonna spiral well we're known for being consistent well i mean if anything i think that is the one thing we could be considered well in terms of releasing episodes maybe but and the

episode's still going out unless dane decides not to make it so yeah maybe i'll put it out on a sunday just to fuck with that one person up you monster uh we so we are a sex and dating advice podcast where we find questions either online or sent in to us through our wonderful listeners and we answer them for you and we take your sticky sexy situations it's hard i've ruined this whole thing i'm so sorry i don't know like i i feel've, you know, when you go outside and you're like, oh, no, I'm wearing two different colored socks. Or, you know, maybe your shirt's on backwards. Or maybe you've put your underwear on backwards. You want to know a fact about me? I pretty much always have two of the wrong socks on.

Yeah, that doesn't surprise me at all. I never, like, consciously make a match. I know. You're a fucking mess. We love you. Thank you. Can I get any sex news? I got no sex news.

Last week, actually, we have, like, a string of superhero sex news. So let's just keep it going, because last week we got confirmation, and it's not really a spoiler. But if you haven't listened, then no, no, no. If you haven't watched Loki, you'll get over it. He's bi. Loki admitted he he was bi so there you go we just talked last week about the fact that you know bookie was like maybe bi and that we wanted more people to just straight up come out and say it and you know there you go i think he's a little more complicated than that because he is gender fluid so i think i think technically he might be pansexual if we want to really dig into terms.

That's fair. I think, yeah. Well, I guess if we're talking like mythological Loki, he's omnisexual. Yes. Because I'm pretty sure he fucks a horse. I mean, in mythology, I assume pretty much every god is omnnisexual because You can't stop those Super powerful Beings from

Those horny bearded boys From turning into all sorts I mean I don't know how bad it is in Norse mythology But like Greek mythology Good lord like Zeus alone I'm pretty sure has fucked literally Like if you think about the ark from the bible Zeus has fucked his way through that boat.

Probably. Yeah. Half of it was him as a swan. Yeah. You ready for a question? Don't start you off with not a question. Cause we're doing things weird. Let's start you off with not a question.

Sure. So this is off that weird Instagram college fasting thing. Okay. And it's just a statement. Okay. And it says, I hate this dating culture. i don't want sex i want a cute relationship full of love and respect dating apps suck and i can't meet anyone what

do you think about that weird it's there was something very very similar to that on reddit today that i was going to bring i understand people's frustrations of the because i really do think that the the amount of options people now have at their disposal kind of like skews people towards not prioritizing commitment. And that's not to say that we should be prioritizing commitment or that commitment needs to be a crucial part in a healthy, loving relationship. But like, I think for the more traditional folk out there, I definitely do understand that there is some more unique challenges for them to face. Because before it was, I think it was very cut and dry of like, you know, before you could text or communicate with, you know, seven people all at the same time without any of them knowing. I think it was probably a lot easier to date in the sense that I am seeing you, we're going on a date on Friday, and I don't have to really worry about you when you're in the bathroom,

still swiping on Tinder. That being said, I actually kind of have a question that fits in with this. I think there's also a, this idea that like online dating has ruined dating and people have just dug their heels into that. And as opposed to sort of embracing change or new possibilities, they have now decided that no matter what they do, they can't win because online dating sucks. Yeah. And I, we've talked about this before and I never understood that. And I mean, in, in the overarching sense, there

are definitely days when like online dating sucks you know what i mean and hey you might say it sucks in general but like not in the way where like people do think it has room dating because one you don't have to do it yeah and like i also don't think it should ever be your be all and end all i think it's like a nice little addition you know what i I mean? It's like just an extra way to like kind of spread yourself around and like maybe you get some catches, maybe you don't. But like it's just like an addendum on your dating life. It's like another way out of hopefully many you can meet people. But also just like this whole I don't want sex, I want a cute relationship full of love and respect. Cute relationship, I think is a really problematic term,

because it's like an outsider's view of a relationship in which like, you know, it's probably what you've seen on TV or in a movie or like on some fake ass catering to your view, like Instagram or YouTube, whatever. It's like you're looking at like an unrealistic relationship, but like you want love and that's great you could also have sex along with love and respect yeah they're not mutually exclusive it's not like well i've got to just be completely degraded and used as a fuck toy or i could be loved and respected like also you could still be used as a fuck toy and still be loved and respected like exactly i hate this dichotomy between like love and sex or like respect and sex or, you know. And yes, there are some people out there who all they want is sex and they don't want to love you or respect you or do whatever. But like that's not sex's fault.

That's that person's fault. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I just hate this weird like negativity surrounding sex that like it's not the act. It's kind of what you do with it or the people you're doing it with. Yeah. Like, I just hate this weird, like, negativity surrounding sex that, like, it's not the act. It's kind of what you do with it or the people you're doing it with. Yeah. I mean, you go on to any of, like, the dating or sex subreddits and you'll find, like, every other post is, I'm done with online dating. Online dating is the worst.

And it's like, well, then don't do it. Yeah, that's another thing. It's like you could just entirely not do it. Like, obviously, with the pandemic, things have gotten a little bit more focused towards online dating. But at the same time, it's like you still have to meet up at some point. So but this all happened long before the pandemic was a thing as well. Yeah, you were right. Like, there are days where online dating can can really suck.

And like for people who haven't really got a handle on their self-worth, I can also see it being pretty detrimental in the fact of like people who count matches or try to find validation in the amount of matches that you get. It's like, there was definitely times where it hurt my self-esteem where I was like, it's been like two weeks and I haven't gotten a match or I haven't gotten a date off of Tinder. Oh yeah. A hundred percent. There were a bunch of matches I got

that went nowhere and days where I'm swiping and swiping and nothing happened. But one, I understand that it's a numbers game and it's like, whatever. And my profile was never great, let's be fair. And on top of that, it's like, sometimes you do get them, but otherwise I was out in the world. I feel like the fact that it's so easily accessible and the fact that you hear about people just using Tinder so successfully, you feel like people and matches and dates are also easily accessible and they're not. And I was like, it's really not a great idea to sort of like, fuck your way through either of those industries. Cause like,

it's going to suck. Eventually, like, you know what I mean? Like it's, it's going to add up and eventually you're either going to run out of people to have sex with, or it's all going to blow up in your face.

Um, most likely the latter. Yeah. I've definitely made, uh, you know, the odd mistake in that regard. Yeah. I, and, and that's like specific.

So like when I got on Tinder, I was like, this is great. I don't really have a whole lot of time to, you know, go out and foster a new, you know, pool of people in which I could date. So this was a way for me to get out of my workplaces and easily match with people that I don't have to work with. Yeah, exactly. And that like, I just feel like it should never be your be all and end all. And I just want people to stop this kind of like vision of sex as this negative thing. Because like, by all means, it can be negative. It can be horrible. But like, that's not the act. You know what I mean? But it's these people who think that sex is this negative thing. And it just kind of like, by all means, it can be negative. It can be horrible. But like, that's not the act. You know what I mean? But it's these people who think that sex is this negative thing.

And it just kind of like, I think, perpetuates a lot of the problems that people have with like dating because it becomes this taboo thing. And like, then there's like this given, it's just, it's a whole fucking deal. And I hate seeing this, like, I don't want sex. I want, you know, positive things. And it's like, if you're want sex i want you know positive things it's like if you're having sex and not having those positive things you're doing it wrong yeah i mean like you could have sex without love for sure oh yeah but like but like you know there's there's love love and then there's like casual love if you get what i mean you know what i mean like no one's saying

you have to be in love but like doing something with love can just be like doing it like for the right reasons and with positivity. And like, you know, I feel like it's a very weighted word, but like it doesn't have to be this deep, like epic fucking saga. Yeah. I also like,

I think that the real word there to focus in on was the respect. Like I can't imagine having sex with someone that you don't respect. And like, look, I'm sure there are people that I've had sex with that was, you know, I don't want to say a crime of passion because that sets a very bad tone, but a an opportunity of passion. And it might not be someone who I would have, you know, eagerly chosen as a sexual partner. Yeah, it's all been there. I don't think there's anyone listening to this who's like, I've only slept with people who are 10 out of 10 my perfect person every time if you feel

like you're not being respected during sex then you absolutely need to re-gauge who you're having sex with and you know what the best thing is it's like just don't have sex unless you want to and that's that's that you know like if they want it and you don't that's fine just tell them you don't and like if they fuck off you're doing yourself a service even if you know you're missing out on the relationship but you wouldn't want to go into it anyway if you had to like you know do things you don't want to do to get there i feel like we've said this i know a thousand times but hey in the past couple episodes we're gonna have to keep saying it, I think. Yeah.

Let's get into a question. All right. Do you want to do one or do you want me to hit you with one? I'm going to do one because I think it kind of ties into this and we can dive into a little bit more of a specific situation. This comes from Sophia Ambina. Boyfriend told me he laughed at his ex once during anal. He mentioned they were having regular sex and he wanted to change it to anal since they were already in doggy. He says she agreed and without easing it in there, he just fast dropped his dick in there and told me she started crying in pain.

And he told me he started laughing silently because had she known he was laughing, she would have slapped him or something. Him and I haven't had sex yet, known one another for a couple of months. Is this a red flag or is his laughing at him at her crying from him forcing his penis into her normal reaction my 2020 vision on these things isn't always greatest sorry if this is a dumb question i'm very curious because i felt a little off about it yeah i fucking feel off about it too i don't even know why he's telling her this there's a lot to unpack i just want to I just want to read one part over again. Is this a red flag or is his laughing

at her crying from him forcing his penis in her? Yeah. A normal reaction. Yeah, that's a wild sentence. That sentence makes me cringe and feel terrible and hate life. I think we can just

flat out say no, that is not a normal reaction. No, no reaction. Like a lot of the things we talk about have, you know, gray areas and responses where like, it's an opinion and it's whatever. This is a flat.

No. Yeah. We always try to not deal in absolutes. And like, we like, we always talk about being like, well, we don't know what,

what's happening on their end of things. Or like, we're only getting it from one side. I don't care. Like someone saying, hey, I hurt my girlfriend so badly that she cried and then I laughed about it. Yeah. While also having sex with her and had the wherewithal to keep it to myself so she wouldn't get upset. Yeah. So that I may have the opportunity to do this again

yeah so i can get away with it it the idea that there is someone out there who's like i don't i don't know if that's a problem i think is is indicative of why a lot of people have trouble on online dating and this is how i think it ties into it like and the girl it's like as you said there's so much here that's like before we even dive in i'm hung up on the fact that he's even telling someone this story yeah i don't know that confuses me because it's like what is he trying to get across here unless you know in double red flag fashion he thinks that this story somehow portrays him in a good light or he's just trying to test the waters and see how much he can get away with with this person that's kind of what i'm thinking i think it's like a preemptive grooming being like yeah it seems like peak manipulation and like

sociopathy where like he's saying this really fucked up thing and it's almost maybe like testing the water so when it happens later he'd be like i told you the story like or he's just like testing her limits because if she's like okay i can deal with this then he's like cool i can do whatever i want yeah this is fucked up i assume that is the case that like that's the only thing that really makes sense to me because like this the only other time i think this story should hear the light of day is if you're like being a disgusting human being and you know bro bragging to your other disgusting bros yeah i guess the third option is like you're repenting fucking yeah you're in trial or you're like in therapy and you're like man i can't believe how terrible i was as a person because

there's there's kind of like no redeeming this situation like to hurt someone which like hey you might say oh maybe they didn't know or didn't think ahead sure we can be charitable and say that or we could not be charitable and be like you should know if you're having sex and you're doing something like this that you should lube up and prepare and not spring it on someone in the middle of sex and be like hey i'm just gonna do this real quick but even all that aside to laugh while someone else is like crying out in pain and also to have the wherewithal to like pull back just enough that you get your enjoyment out of it but they don't know that's fucked this whole thing is fucked. And yeah, red flags everywhere.

Do not sleep with this man because clearly he's a terrible human being. So the reason I was saying like, oh, this ties into the last question is like, I think people are in such a dire state and so desperate for companionship or whatever that they literally have to ask for clarification if this is okay you know what i mean because i think if if you have to go on the internet and be like hey should i be worried about this means that like you don't think you should be worried like you think you might be like maybe you know 50 50 on the fence i assume it's like you're worried but you don't know if you're overreacting right so it's like you're worried, but you don't know if you're overreacting, right? So it's like you're worried, but like, am I being dumb?

And I feel that comes from a lack of like self-confidence and like an excess of self-doubt where it's just like, damn, like, am I being too prudish or am I being too innocent? Or like, I think that stems from a lot of like sex and dating being kind of terrifying. And it's like, when you're new to it which i'm assuming and hoping you you kind of wonder like am i missing something here and this

is yes exactly and i think a lot of people are like imagine for how many times this like for every question that we see on reddit how many people have ignored it and gone through with it anyway because they think he's cute or because they want a boyfriend or because you know what I mean? Like and I think this is what taints the pool of people being like, oh, online dating is terrible because you find guys like this. And it's like, sure, yes. But they're also like we also need to start working like stop looking at things as i'm trying to think of a way to phrase this that i'm not victim blaming because that's not what i'm doing what i want people to do is start being more critical about the decisions that they make because like there's no reason that this situation should ever be a gray area

for anyone and i don't know if it's a matter of you know let's we need to work on our self-worth or i don't know if it's a matter of we need to start educating better or people better about consent and like you know i mean i don't know what necessarily we need to do to get to the place where we don't need to make questions about hey a man just assaulted a woman and thinks it's funny is this a red flag and like also is telling me about it and i don't again understand what that play is again though i really do think it just comes from an area of like lack of knowledge and like you know everyone wants to be in a relationship right and they well not everyone but like most people want to be in a relationship and want to have sex and want to do all these

things because like even if you didn't personally want to on like uh you know a hormone level or like a whatever level like all our media it's all about getting relationships and having sex and getting married and like all this shit so it's like your entire life you're hammered and then when you like come to it and like i'm sure this guy's attractive and i'm sure he makes her feel special and in certain ways even if it's just you know her reading between the lines i mean like oh he's nice maybe he's a very good manipulator maybe he you know all these things so it's like you're feeling that on one hand and then you're seeing this, which, you know, is arguably just, or not arguably, it's just legitimately terrible. And they're conflicting then in your head. And you're like,

in that confusion, you're wondering if there's something wrong with you, and not the person. And like, yeah, I would hope that our podcast would give people the confidence to question these situations, or to have someone to reach out to, to talk to about these or to know enough about similar situations that when they come up, they know that they are able to listen to that voice and be like, yeah, this is fucked up and I shouldn't have to deal with this. This is a red flag and I can step away from this and not be a bad dater or a bad partner or a coward or too innocent or too prudish and you know respect themselves yeah and there's there's also like you know how many years of socialization that like sex is something that happens to women you know what i mean like there's so much there's so many layers

as to like things we need to unteach and then replace with real education and and it's it's a big undertaking and and the reason i brought this and the the one thing i really wanted to hammer home is like like we need to start erring on the side of caution for just a little bit of being like if something seems off then trust your gut instinct you know what i mean like don't try to convince yourself otherwise don't try to convince or like find validation otherwise, because nine times out of 10, like you're if you feel like something is off, you're probably right. And I know we've had questions where people have been like, this seems like a red flag, like the person being upset that the boyfriend wasn't jealous. Yeah.

But at the same time, inadvertently saving someone else's trouble. Yeah. inadvertently saving someone else the trouble yeah even if you are wrong about the red flag it's like if you're gonna get upset about it anyway you probably shouldn't be in that relationship good or bad because you're either saving yourself or you're saving them yeah so i i don't know it's it's something that like we need to talk about and and i think we need to really focus in and be like we need to start putting ourselves first and if you first. And if you wouldn't want to be in the position that you're unsure of, then don't put yourself in that position. On the topic of media, a lot of it is to blame

because if you look at a lot of romantic fiction, a lot of YA romances, a lot of fucking romantic comedies, almost all reality TV. These horrible, toxic relationships are like applauded. You know what I mean? Like Twilight, it's a guy who's what, 20 times older than the girl stalking her and like watching her and like pursuing her in this really weird way. And it's like, oh my God, so romantic.

Like fucking Fifty Shades of Grey is a guy who's like oh my god so romantic like fucking 50 shades of gray is a guy who's like i'm terrible but i'm hot and have money um have you have you watched too hot to handle no it's it's such garbage tv but there's this one like you know couple that are like so bad that even the cast in the show are like you guys aren't even a fucking couple but like everything they do to each other which is horrendous they just play all this really romantic music over it and i know there's people out there who are like oh my god no there's their true love people just don't see it yeah a couple goals oh yeah this guy is a fucking massive manipulator and this girl has zero self-esteem and like keeps coming back to him for no reason and then keeps like they're just the worst so

I feel like a lot of that shit if we could get away with that that would be great someone on writing Twitter recently posted up being like like rebelling against what I just said being not that I had said it in the original post but being like no we need to stop trying to make like relationships positive and shit because

like that's no fun, effectively. It's like, no, you're spouting all this toxic crap and it's awful. Anyway, let's move on. Yes. This is by Chaotix EDM. Ugh, girl curious about my size. I'll just flat out say it. I wasn't blessed by the gods.

The chick I'm talking to is like, I'm very curious about the size of yours. Winky face. And I have no idea what the hell to say to that. Now it's like, she's insinuating. I better have a big dick when it's mediocre at best. LMAO. How do I even answer that question? Hey,

it's not huge. Like dot, dot, dot at all. Dot, dot, dot. But guess what,

girl, I know how to use it. Fuck me. Lol. The whole thing. That's the whole thing. I mean, like I get it.

Like, you know, I'm a, I'm a fairly average size uh i mean like i get it like you know i'm a fairly average sized dude so like anytime everyone's like i bet you have a huge dick it's like well i bet you're gonna be disappointed at least like in terms of looks you know i mean like i don't like i don't think anyone would see a picture of my dick and be like wow look at that but at the same time it's like i've i've gotten many compliments i've had very few complaints in terms of like sex so like i i've always had the confidence of being like it's nothing really to look at but it it gets it gets the job done good for me for me i just wouldn't answer this with anything like what she's asking, if that makes any sense. Of course. You don't say, hey, hold on, let me get my ruler.

It's, you know, four inches and seven, whatever. Or like, oh, it's not like his suggested. It's not huge, like at all. But guess what? I know how to use it. Throw that out the window. Yeah. You say, why don't you come over and find out?

Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's great. It's such a perfect opening. I don't think you ever really win by being like, these are my specifications. Unless it's fucking something glorious. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And even then, it's like, you might just end up building it up too much or scaring someone off. I feel like there's something clinical about stats that like no one really wants right no there's nothing sexy about it and like even about like i've once had a woman brag to me on i'm pretty sure it was on tinder that like she had double d's and i was like cool like like this like numbers and sizes and like, they don't really mean anything. They don't translate to anything. So, yeah, I agree. Like, don't ever give people measurements.

They're so fucking boring. So, like, if someone is like, oh, how big are you? Like, like you said, the best way, it's like, come on over and find out. Like, only one, only really one way to find out. Yeah. I'd like, that's the thing. If she comes over and like pulls down your trousers, like, way to find out yeah i'd like that's the thing if she comes over and like pulls down your trousers like i'm out it's like cool you things weren't gonna go better when you just like message them the fucking number you know and also that

person sucks i've never heard of that happening just i i would say this is a chance to like spice things up play a little coy have fun it's not a chance for you to freak out and get you know upset and let's be fair if this person is no i need to know i need to know the exact like yeah they probably suck and you can just be like you know what you're being weird get out of here yeah that's the thing it's like i i get it man maybe this is the first time you this is the closest you've ever come to sex or whatever but like that's not how people do it if someone is that obsessed about size chances are it's not going to go your way anyway unless again like you've got like a 12

inch dick um and and like you could lie and say yes but like you know it's that's also not going to work out although i will also say i've noticed that like women have a very skewed sense of size and i think it comes to dudes lying i remember i was at a bar once and someone was like oh it's about six inches and like we were talking about dicks but they were like talking about i don't know we were talking about measurements and she was like yeah it's about six inches she like held up her hand and i was like i saw six inches and she's like what are you talking about i was like that's like maybe three i I was like, you're, you're about half off in terms of like, and I think like a lot of people will say they have X sized penis.

And like, unless you're breaking out of ruler or again, you have just like a massive fucking dog where you don't need a ruler. Cause you're just like, that thing's fucking huge. I like, I don't know. I, that's a hundred percent.

When you mentioned the double D thing, it's like, I feel like people really do not know what they're talking about when they talk about dick size. They talk in broad strokes, right? So it's like, if you say nine inches, they go, this is a big dick, like a very big dick. If you say like four, they might be like,

oh, that's a small dick. But then if they see a four inch dick, they're like, that's a six inch, seven inch dick. Yeah, I feel like there are only two sizes of dick like nine inches and plus like big and then like anything after that people in their head are just like oh like you know what i mean like i i think there's like they're like everyone's dick is either you know five inches or 12 inches yeah that's like the those are the two like mental images people get of that and like fuck it whatever it doesn't matter because i i would wager that most women have had like a fairly broad spectrum the only ones that probably stand out are the ones that

either that probably hurt them you know what i mean or scared them those are the ones that probably are like have been etched in their memory everyone else probably just blends together and like especially if you know you are good in bed you know what i mean like again we've been through the like biggest dick and the smallest dick posts on reddit and it's like the ones that people remember the ones that are good in bed regardless of dick size right it's like as i'm sure like i don't remember the exact quote but it's like i came three times what do i care right but again like if you put a number in here she might not know what that means in reality and also as we said it's clinical it's not great just fucking avoid that get flirty i'm i'm willing to let you find out you know what i mean come over

and see these are the way you reply to this fuck this clinical bullshit and and fuck the the lack of self-confidence yeah it's it's such an easy open and it's such an easy and like i feel like most people who say that aren't looking for an answer no and again unless you're like something obscene they probably don't really know what to do with it and even if you do they probably also don't know what to do with it. And even if you do, they probably also don't know what to do with that. Yeah, I would imagine most people can't imagine what, like, a six and a half inch dick looks like. No, not at all.

Because it's not, you know, we're not talking about, like, that foot-long sub-dick that you see. And the other one is, like, you know, you just think of dick. Yeah, exactly. Like, you just think of a penis. I don't know how big it is think of dick. Yeah, exactly. Like you just think of his penis. I don't know how big it is. It's penis, though.

Yeah, I don't think you're doing yourself any favors by getting into numbers. Just fucking be like, come over. This question comes from who I assume is your mortal enemy, Niall. Oh, no. Is it like Apple Horse Boy? Inevitable tomato, because it just means sooner or later, a tomato's going to get you. Well, will it get me in the form of ketchup? No.

No. It'll get you on the most delicious sandwich you've ever eaten. No. There it is. Sitting under your wilted spinach. No. My friend with benefits ended things after I confessed my feelings for him. I had started a friend with benefits with a guy friend

of mine who was very chill and I felt very comfortable with. It was exciting for me. I'm very inexperienced with sex and I thought this would be great because I would be able to experiment with someone who understands what I'm comfortable or not comfortable with. And while we did try penetration once, we didn't get far, it hurt me,

we did have a great time just doing foreplay and all that. But then I caught feelings. It hurt me. We did have a great time just doing foreplay and all that. But then I caught feelings. I tried to hold them in for a while, but until I just confessed out of the blue through text. He did take it well and says he treasures our friendship. But I asked if he wanted to continue the friendship benefits. He said that while he'd want to, he just feels like someone's going to get hurt and just cut it off. And to say I feel hurt is an understatement. I understand this was a possibility, but that doesn't stop me from feeling awful. He made me feel wanted and like I was someone who is sexually desirable. Now I just feel like a loser. I feel like an idiot and I feel so insecure now. His reception wasn't bad at all. I'm still left feeling bad. Well, this sucks because

I think he did the right thing and I think he did it nicely and I think he did the right thing. And I think he did it nicely. And I think he did it kindly. And I think the list that you gave of all the things he made you feel like he in no way invalidated any of them. No, I think he was like, and it's like, hey, let's get a few things out on the table. One, fair play for speaking up

and being honest about your feelings. Not a lot of people can do that. It's very tough. And it's even more tough when it doesn't go your way. So fair play for speaking up and being honest about your feelings. Not a lot of people can do that. It's very tough and it's, it's even more tough when it doesn't go your way. So fair play to you, uh, fair play to him for being a, like emotionally like sound enough to,

to take what you said and like to, to be cool about it and to be nice about it. And to obviously he, he thinks very highly of you and you know, I think he did a very good job, even if you don't feel that way right now. Yeah. But I don't think him valuing how you feel

in any way invalidates everything that you've said. It arguably does the opposite, that like he cares about you so much that even though, as he said, he would like to keep having sex with you and doing, you know, whatever with you, he will not do that at risk of you you know for risk of you being hurt and i think that's what any kind of like you know nice person would do it's the worst case scenario but done in the best possible way yeah and like yeah there's a lot of things here that i like and i think a lot

of thing here that people overlook one she told she told him through text, as opposed to this big, grand romantic gesture where she plans a dinner and tries to confess her feelings. It's like, you don't need to do that. We've said a bunch of times, if you need to just say something, there's no harm in doing it in text. It might not always be the best way to do it, but if it's the only way you have the courage to do it and it's something that needs to be said, then fucking great. Because like the danger here is she would have always been nervous, never would have told him, and he wouldn't have been able to take the steps that he did. And she would have gotten hurt far worse. It's also like there's pros and cons, right? Like, obviously, sometimes it is better to have the personal conversation face to face. But like, you're giving someone the room to respond properly.

You know what I mean? Like, if you blindside someone, maybe they say something the wrong way. And it gives them a chance to do this. And also, like, if you're going to be upset, you get a chance to kind of like, not be in front of them and not cry and not lash out. Right. So like, there are things to and not lash out. Right. So like there, there are things to be said for text. Yeah.

And it's like, I rarely think text is the best way to do it, but it's always an option. If like, if the alternative is not doing it, then I think Texas is a fine alternative or fine option to do it. So that I think, you know,

good job. Like now said, it's, it's impressive and commendable that you took the risk in the first place because a lot of people wouldn't and don't. But then he comes in and does exactly what I think a friends with benefits situation should. Like a lot of people think friends with benefits is, you know, fuck buddy. And like, it's just sex. But it's like the first word there is friend and like

you don't hate your friends no you don't you don't treat your friends shitty no so like you don't keep them at arm's length you don't treat them coldly you don't like you're not scared to hug them like the point is like there's a closeness with sex and like the best sex happens when you're also close in other ways. Yeah. So, you know, not to, you know, philosophicalize the word friends with benefit or like the phrase friends with benefits. But he's he's made it very clear that he cares about you and knows that he's not going or he doesn't see himself feeling the same way about you in in any you know manner of time and that's why he's not going to risk it because it would totally suck and i've been in this position where someone was like i remember meeting up with someone um it was a friends with benefits situation and i think like her cat got really sick and she was really upset and i was like hey like i know we don't really hang out but if you want

to go grab a coffee or something like uh you know i'm not doing anything if i get it i own a cat i will be there to hang out with you and like we ended up talking and hanging out and it was like one of the like three times we didn't meet up specifically just to have sex um and she ended up being like hey so like i guess this is as good a time as any. But like, I'm starting to develop feelings for you. And I was just like, cool, I'm not. And and I'm really sorry. But like I and she's like, OK, cool. Well, then let's just forget I ever said anything.

I was like, I can't do that. I'm sorry. But like knowing that you have feelings to continue to have sex with you would be super irresponsible of me and and like super dismissive of your feeling because like you're not gonna just like these feelings aren't gonna magically go away and i feel like if i continue if we continue our sexual relationship your brain will like proxy that this this relationship is continuing in the way that you want it to and it's or every time you have sex it'll be like a little knife in the chest yeah and when i you

know you know throw the condom out and clean up and leave five minutes after that's gonna suck yeah and it's also gonna feel weird for you like you won't necessarily feel like throwing the condom out and leaving is appropriate you might be like well shit now i gotta like at least stay for a little bit yeah it's kind of emotional blackmail on both sides of like me now knowing this is going to change the way i'm now going to approach our relationship and and vice versa so i think the dangers of it of not or continue to have sex with someone you know who is starting to develop you know real feelings for you is that one it's going to be a detriment to you you're going to feel like shit probably like if you're a decent person you're probably going

to start feeling like you're using this person unfairly yeah and on top of that i like i've been in situations where someone's done this to me and then afterwards been like okay well we'll just go back to it and i'm there saying like well you know i'm worried someone's gonna get hurt and they're like no but i won't and it feels really shitty to be like either i don't believe you or i still feel like yeah it feels like you're making the decision for them or you're getting rid of their agency and i think a lot of the time they get upset whether it's for that or or for other reasons and i've felt like a complete piece of shit being in this situation when they're assuring me that like now i'm overreacting because like no they're they're not gonna feel weird about this they're not gonna do x they're not gonna do y we can totally keep

going and it's like you feel or i i have felt like an asshole like maybe i am putting too much on this but like i don't think you're ever wrong in that situation because they've come out and told you and they're not doing that lightly but i mean like i there is a ton of situations where i think that kind of feeling of like oh i don't believe you um kind of like thing creeps up in a ton of different situations and not this this but i think that like if it's still our responsibility as someone like in this situation where like, if you and I have both decided that like, we're not going to keep seeing someone because they've confessed feelings to us. I think it's still like the onus is still on us to take a firm stand.

And even if they do say, Oh, I, it nevermind. Like it's, I'm, I'll be able to put it past us. It's like, you you're still let's say

i'm not comfortable with this yeah and i think you're probably doing the right thing as well in that situation because you know we've all been there like feelings don't just fucking vanish you know that's why the hey let's still be friends very rarely works out yeah but at the same time like the list of things that you said that he made you feel is in no way invalidated by this. And even the fact that the fact that he's not willing to date you when you have had such a positive fuck buddies relationship does not in any way invalidate you or any part of you because you have no idea why he isn't willing to date you. And it could be anything. There are a lot of people I've met in my life in different circumstances i would have loved to date you know what i mean there were some people

i met who were phenomenal and i i wasn't ready and it was no fault of theirs not necessarily a fault of mine it was just like timing or situations or or random shit you know what i mean like it's in no way an indication of them being bad or lacking or anything like that. Yeah, I remember there was someone I was really into that I met on Tinder. And it was like the first time after like my big breakup that I met someone and like felt that sort of like, you know, that spark, those butterflies. And I was just like so into them. And it was it was very, very quick. It was like a first date.

And I was just like, okay, I'm into you. And it's been a very long time since I felt this way about someone. And they were like, hey, I don't want to see you again kind of situation. And then a couple months later, I tried to maybe, I was like, hey, I know you said this, but if you ever want to grab a drink, just let me know. And then it turned out that like their, uh, fucking like visa expired and they were going to have to go back home.

I think she was from London. Um, and, and like, that was the reason why I don't know why she didn't tell me at the time. And I, but I think it was a lot of like, there was a lot of question marks in our life and like,

didn't really want to add a potential romance that was going to get cut off at the knees and hey as someone who's moved countries uh many times with potential romances around i agree with her because it fucking sucks yeah and like i totally understood it and i was just like it's it's also another thing to like tell someone to be like hey i also really like you but I don't know what's going to happen in the next month or two. Like that's also kind of a shit thing to put on someone as well. Yeah, I feel like with if she had explained it, it might have given you either like false hope or like it also wouldn't have severed the thread. So then you you could have been like, oh, well, you're not gone for a month. Or, well, you know, there's always that gray area.

And maybe if she had shit to deal with, especially if her visa was running out and she had to move home maybe. It's so much fucking stress that even a good distraction is a distraction. Yeah. And if she knew you liked her, then it's also unfair on you as much as it, I'm sure fucking sucked. Yeah, no, I like, I'm the kind of person who would have probably stood on the line. You know what I mean? Until we got a final answer and like, I wouldn't want to do that to someone. So I appreciate that she didn't do it to me.

You know what I mean? Like that's just like, that's a long winded way of saying there are infinite numbers of reasons why he might not want to date you right now. I'm going to say that the majority of them, if not all of them, are not negative because he's spending this time with you and he's spending this time with you in a positive way. You're not a fuck toy. He brings in rails and discards. You're someone he cares about emotionally. You're someone he cares about emotionally you're someone he cares about physically you're someone who he is checking all the boxes with you and for you and he's not doing that for no reason

yeah he's literally put your emotional like well-being before his sexual satisfaction which is a super rare thing nowadays as we go back to if we look back at the problems of tinder and whatever the you know the problems that everyone's having with online dating right now you found a rare breed of man apparently that is deciding being like hey actually i want to make sure that you're happy and not miserable and you don't get hurt at the expense of my sexual pleasure he's also risking your guy's friendship in the hopes of keeping your guy's friendship you know what i mean like because he still wants to be friends so it's just like

everything here is positive and like hey i fucking get it it sucks one when you like someone that doesn't like you back but like two when you're close and in this situation and then that happens and then you have to end it and then they're still in your life and like all these things of course you're gonna feel like shit of course it's gonna fucking suck of course you're gonna think these things but that doesn't make them true yeah it's it's uh it's fine to feel the way you're feeling you're allowed to feel rejected but also remember that like he did want you sexually so you're not undesirable and also more than sexually it seems because again it wasn't just sex like friends with benefits especially of a close nature like this there's more shit to it you're still sexually desirable you're not a loser because

he actually cares about you know i mean like there's we've said it a bunch of times already there's a huge laundry list laundry list of things that are positive about this. And you know what? Take the time and feel the rejection and feel sad. That's fine. You're a human being. You just got rejected. It sucks.

It hurts. It's going to sting a while. But try to refocus. And I think this is what both of us are trying to say at this point and understand why it was why he did what he did why what you did was a super brave and and positive thing as well like you guys handled this well it didn't go your way that sucks i'm sorry but don't let this stop you from doing it again and i i think that's really the like on both sides you know i mean like he followed what he thought was the right thing to do i agree with him she did what she thought was the right thing to do i agree with her didn't work out but i think if you guys keep doing what you're doing eventually you guys

will find someone who works with you and you'll match and you'll you'll click and you'll be great just don't let this make you bitter don't let it make you j. Don't let it like stop you from being taking risks in the future. Just keep doing what you're doing and believing in yourself and, and, you know, have a pint of ice cream, listen to some Lizzo and then get back out there. You'll be great.

Like it would be an absolute tragedy if this positive situation became something negative. And I know it doesn't feel positive, but like you did the right thing. He did the right thing he did the right thing you guys both seem like you're very mature and like communicative and like emotionally powerful i keep it that way don't let this turn sour i i think one of the most important things that i i think we talk about a lot on this show is like recentering yourself and kind of like

bringing yourself back to neutral so that you can look at what just happened from an objective point of view and or subjective i didn't can never remember what objective objective i think that's like it's such an important thing to do after a fight with a partner or after a breakup or after a first date that didn't go quite well or you know what i mean like there's so many things that you can do to sort of bring yourself back to zero and like look at the big picture and be like, oh, okay, this person might have ghosted me for any number of reasons. There's no reason to believe that it was anything I did. So fuck it.

I'm not going to feel bad about it. Be like, okay, cool. My girlfriend, this fight that we had, my girlfriend actually had a really great point and I'm going to process it now and try to make sure that I don't make that mistake in the future. Like there's so many things you can do from just sort of taking a deep breath,

clearing your mind, clearing your like bullshit for a second and putting yourself in like the dead center of the issue, the eye of the storm, if you will, and surveying the whole situation. All right. You ready for the quickest question ever? Yes. One word answer. This is by O-N-S-K-Hkh are small boobs attractive absolutely absolutely all right i'm literally now like just beautiful mind flashing through all of the women who have had smaller boobs in my life and just be like yeah absolutely yeah like it upsets me how much i see this question and it's just absolutely have so much love for the small

boob community and all boob community or no boob community it doesn't doesn't matter you're good don't worry i think like one of the most important things for me is when it comes to like body shape and body proportion obviously fantastic but i think in no, if you look at any sex advice or any dating advice anywhere, confidence is there. It's everywhere. It's the one unifying thing because it's just it's a fucking game changer. I remember I was with a woman once who she always wore like those like lace bralettes. Again, she did not have very large boobs. They were were you know

considerably smaller than than most women's um but she never took it off during sex and i i would try uh you know towards the beginning and then she you know we had a conversation she was like i'm so insecure about them that i don't i'd never take it off and i was like absolutely i was like let me just tell you right now i adore your your body and I find it very, very attractive. So I was like, if you ever feel comfortable or want to take it off with me, know that you are in literally the safest environment ever. And she finally trusted me enough once to take off her shirt. And I kissed her nipples or licked her nipples or something. And she lost her fucking mind.

And she had never let anyone use their mouth on her nipples because she never, and she'd missed that whole thing. And like from then on, she had no problem taking off her shirt because she just wanted some nipple action. Good. And that's the thing. Like,

Hey, I fucking remember when I started having sex and Hey, for, for a good while after that, I would throw my boxers on the second we were done. Hell yeah. I didn't want anyone seeing my soft dick. No.

I would like, I would hide that motherfucker like in nobody's business. It didn't make any sense. No. But at the time, it was like objective numero uno. I was like, damn, duck, roll, cover, boxers on. He's still hard or at least semi-hard thank god fuck cuddling i just gotta make sure you don't see my small soft penis yeah which of course doesn't matter because you just saw my heart penis and clearly liked it but hey i'm an idiot

yeah and that lasted for years i'd love to be able to pinpoint the time when i was like i remember once i uh after sex like bent over to grab something and my girlfriend went ew i was like what i guess she saw my butt or something and i was like oh that sucks i am pretty aware of my butthole and and exposing it when in sexual situations i don't really care anymore but like that that one like got me i was like damn should i be more upset about my butthole it took me like i still think about it i still hear it thankfully thankfully no one's ever ewed me but like i got ewed i know that's rough man i'm sorry

to hear that yeah it's pretty hairy so i get it i mean yeah i imagine mine is probably not something anyone really wants an eyeful. It's a butthole. It's like, what do you expect? Yeah. But yeah, like there are these things. It's like, don't be shit to your partners. They can cut deep.

But again, we get it. We get the insecurity, but you don't need it. Not here, not anywhere. All right. You ready for some tinders? Yeah. Every week we go through some tinders. We look at the best and the worst.

And we try to give you some advice based on it. Not necessarily advice, but we'll show you what's wrong. We'll do it. tinders yeah uh every week we go through some tinders we look at the best and the worst and we try to give you some advice based on it not necessarily advice but we'll show you what's wrong we'll do it like my butthole we will do it faster than niles x's ewed his butthole no one could do anything faster than she used my butthole um and this is hey if you're having trouble with online dating this is this is the section you need to to. This is where we will get you through it. You're fine. Let's go. This is Heidi.

I cried at Spring Breakers. I once showed my third nipple at an Urban Outfitters interview. I'm sober all the time. Swipe left if you're going to be weird about it. Touch is the most vital of the five senses. If you disagree, you're wrong. 5'8". Currently cat-free, but cats are always in my heart.

Fully vaccinated. Do you like pineapples on your pizza great i don't give a shit looking for more than just sex i was thinking about the other day what i would make my uh tinder profile and i think i was i was trying to find a fun way to include the pineapple on pizza thing and just being like it doesn't matter oh give a fuck but i did it i couldn't figure out a way to make it like not sound angry or bitter um this is i like this profile it's great uh it's it's got a lot of action in there um i will say the only time i've ever been in urban outfitters i got applauded for my butt because i was buying leggings for my david bowie goblin King outfit. Pretty powerful.

So for bringing that memory up, I'm going to give this a nine. You know what? I think it's a nine or a 10. It's like, I like that they point out that they're sober, but they're not like aggressive. You know what I mean? They're not like, yo, fuck you. They're like, hey, so I've left. You're gonna be weird about it because so many people are fucking weird about it.

So it's like they're being cool despite all that shit. You know what I mean? I'm like, I just, I like it. It's fucking like they're being cool despite all that shit. You know what I mean? I'm like, I just, I like it. It's fucking concise. It gives you a lot of personality. Nine,

nine, 9.5. Go on, Heidi. This is MJ. Makes spaghetti, but drops it all in the sink. Can't point to North,

South, East, or West on a Toronto street. Splits pants when on the dance floor. Looking for a long-term relationship, not into hookups. Send me a message. I love it,

but I wouldn't date this person because they sound very useless apart from the splitting pants thing which i've done so yeah i feel that but it's like if you can't make spaghetti and you can't point north south east or west in toronto when you got a big giant fucking south sticking up in the sky basically um i feel like you are a useless baby child that needs my care and attention or you'll be eaten by wolves i don't want to give that but it's a funny enough profile that you get a six yeah i mean like i feel that my cardinal direction sense is fucking terrible but like you said if he just said can't point north south east west or east web like fine great yeah me neither dude i'm not fucking compass

but in toronto we do have the sand tower is always south unless you're in the water and if you're in the water then you should know where you are yeah exactly uh it concerns me and i had to come from another fucking country and learn northeast south and west when we don't fucking if you said that to anyone back home you would get punched they'd be like what do you what are you fucking talking about so i had to do it you guys don't use cardinal directions in our wall we don't have a grid everything's a fucking spider web of streets you like uh i know it's like a joke but like you literally just say go to this pub and turn right or go to that pub and turn left like because there's fucking pubs everywhere. They're more reliable than

directions. Okay, that's fair. But yeah, no, you like the most, you know, is like north side south side. That's it. You ready for another one? Well, what do you rate in it? I'm going to give it a seven. Okay, this is Tracy. We are a couple looking for a third slash another couple to have fun with. He's

exuberant, funny, pragmatic, and a doer. His dream vacation will be solo time writing music in the woods. I'm gentle, kind, adventurous, and a daydreamer. My dream vacation will be solo travels and wild times in Mexico City. Together we're into building, camping, portaging, crafting, and fussing over our cat. Into all kinds of humans. He's straight and I'm not. Both six foot.

Don't mind this. This is how you do couple profiles correctly, I think. I i don't know i feel like it's a cry for help okay both their dreams are to travel without their partner like my dream vacation is solo time my dream vacation is solo travel it's like guys just break up that's that's a good point i just find that really bizarre because it's like of all the things like you have to specify that you want to travel alone like that's really weird to me but anyway um it's okay i find it a little bland i like i i under i get it i had a couple's profile with amanda for a while which we used like three times and they were like wow none of you people

have any fucking chill because it was literally like you matched with someone to be like, first time threesome. It's like, can you fucking relax? Can you say hello first? Yeah. I doubt you were like, she's kind,

gentle, adventurous and a daydreamer. Cause that's boring. And no one knows what that really means. Yeah, no, I guess we were a little more specific in, in what we were about.

Yeah. I'm giving it a five. Yeah. I'm going to give it a five too. Like, it's fine, but it also is a little, like, bland, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like boiled chicken. This is Vaughn,

former child, professional napper. Too shy to even start a conversation, so if we match, message me with the missing letters, and we'll go from there. And then it's the alphabet, and H and I are missing. I like it. It's funny. It it's witty concise to the point former child hilarious yeah i like that i liked it as well i think again i'm not crazy about people who are like put all the it's like if you're too shy to start a conversation online i don't really want to know what kind of energy

you're bringing on the first date wait did they say they're too shy or if you're too shy? No, they are too shy. Oh, I misheard you for some reason. It's dropping down to a seven. Yeah, I'm going to give it a six. Yeah, get over it. This is Gigi about a bumble about me. I'm tall, funny and smart.

We'll get along if you aren't strong and confident non-negotiable you cannot be vaccinated or wear a mask and put my interests are museums and galleries comedy documentaries coffee and country escapes i would love to know what documentaries this person is watching hey i can give you one it's called plandemic yeah oh man the documentary the only documentaries they watch are YouTube videos. But like they're all they've all been sized incorrectly. So there is that black box around it. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like that's the only documentary they're allowed to watch. This fucking sucks that I hate it. And I don't want this person to be anywhere near me. So I'm going to give it a zero. A hundred percent zero.

This person is useless. Although I would love to make out with them. And then right when it's getting real hot and heavy, just whisper in there and be like, I have Pfizer and Moderna in my body right now. And then it's too late. We've already swapped spit. Hey, you want to take it? You want to fucking take it?

You want to take my spike proteins? No! This is Larissa. We've already swapped spit. Hey, you want to take it? You want to fucking take it? You want to take my spike proteins? No! This is Larissa. My pussy glitter as gold. Boys says I'm just cute to be as big of a prick as I am. Kiss face. Wow, that's incredible. I'm going to give this a good old-fashioned, nah, butthole.

Ew. Uh-huh. I'm going to give it a two. Hey, she wishes she was my butthole. Yeah, it gets a two, but only because the other one gets a zero yeah exactly thank you for joining us guys thank you very much for listening to us this week

as always we appreciate you spending the time with us because we know you could be doing a lot of things and you consciously decided to hang out with us and that means a lot to us so thank you very much we've been really enjoying living in your ears for this last hour um we're gonna leave in a second we'll shut the

door on the way out don't worry um but you know make sure to visit us not in our ears or maybe but on our social media yeah you can head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com we have links to all of our social media there you can also listen to the podcast there. I don't know why I would tell you that because you've already found a way to listen to it, but that's okay. But maybe you haven't. You can also hit us up on our contact page if you have a question you want to ask us or even if you just want to say hello, that's fine too. You can choose your agent name.

We'll keep it completely anonymous and we'll answer it as soon as possible. That's fbuddiespodcast.com. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for their song, Paper Stars. Ready for some bad sex writing? Yeah. Though Elsie was plump, her breasts were small as if still developing.

When he had advanced to taking off her bra and pushing the sweater way up, her chest seemed hardly different from his own. A breast of hers in his hand felt as delicate as a tear bulging in his eye. One night, parked this time by the Victory Garden wasteland where the streetlamp was closer than on Cedar Top, he watched raindrops on the windshield make shadows on her chest, thin trails that hesitated, then fell as his fingertips traced and tried to stop them there and there. She had dear little nipples like rabbit noses. She let him kiss them, suck on them, until she said in her breathy, undutchy voice, Ow, Owen, enough, baby,

and touched his head the way the barber did when he wanted it to move. Sitting up, he made circles with his finger and his saliva around her nipples, softly round and round, loving the sight of them so much he felt dizzy, as the parallel shadows of the raindrops faintly streaked her chest and the backs of his hands. She never touched

his prick. It was too sacred, too potent. There are some actually really beautiful imagery, like the idea of the rain, like, you know, the shadows on her chest. I was like, oh, that's really nice. And then he's like, also her nipples look like bunny noses. What? Yeah, like that image

is good, but the fact that he's like trying to catch the shadows of the raindrops on her chest while presumably not explaining it because he doesn't sound like a great communicator you imagine someone's just like what do you fucking do it he's just like gotta catch them all gotta get them gotta stop them they're getting away but hey small titty committee he loved the side of them so much he felt dizzy. Yeah, hell yeah. And penis committee, it's too sacred, too potent.

I want, at one point in time, someone to describe my dick as potent. Too potent, even. Too potent. I'll take too sacred. All right, well then we'll split it. Can we do a D&D campaign that's just like the cleric version of Fast and Furious called Too Sacred, Too Potent? Ooh, I like that. That's's dane miller this is now spain and we've been your fuck buddies terrible