F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 147 - A Shoulder To Sleep On

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

Hey, Olympics stop being trash and let your athletes bone down (among other things).  Topics include getting She's All That'd, threesome troubles, how to not hit on the woman asleep on your shoulder, the comparison between sex and orgasms, jealous of your new party member and as always a whole new slew of Tinder profiles.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And my name is Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we give sex and dating advice. A lot of it comes from questions we find online, and the rest of it comes from our lovely listeners, such as yourself. And then we answer them. I said a lot of it. It sounds like I'm saying the advice comes from you guys. But no, usually it's the questions that come from you guys. It is the advice. We don't do anything. No, we recycle them. I said a lot of it. It sounds like I'm saying the advice comes from you guys. But no, usually it's the questions that come from you guys. It is. It is the advice. We don't do anything.

No, we recycle it. Yeah. We just got to sit here, repost. It's pretty much an hour of silence. Yeah, basically. We sit in a Ouija board and the ghosts of our fans possess us as they astrally jump into our bodies. And then they speak through our mouths, which is why every week we sound like a totally different person. You ever fuck with

Ouija boards? Uh no I remember I wanted to once and you wouldn't join me Me? Yeah remember I lived in my haunted apartment? I don't know if I wouldn't I probably just wasn't able to. I would've I mean although the only time I ever played with a Ouija board was in a barn where

a dude hung himself and it caught fire. It's cool. Yeah. It's real cool. Did you hear they're doing their best to get the Olympic athletes not to fuck? Yes, I've heard that. I do want to just make sure it was clear that the Ouija board caught fire and not the barn. Oh, that's much more normal.

I've heard it's also been disproven that they're giving them like cardboard beds and shit. No, they are legit giving them cardboard beds. But they're like eco-friendly and like sturdy and apparently very comfortable. So it's not like as shitty as most people. Well, there was a video of like an Irish gymnastic or something. Or some gymnast. An Irish gymnastic? I don't know. i'm pretty sure maybe i

was just thinking he's irish because i saw your brother posted pretty sure it was your brother who posted it but it was a dude like literally like doing backflips on it and shit like jumping on it oh yeah they're completely sturdy they can support up to two people but they're usually that's that's not the thing the anti-sex beds that's silly it's ridiculous who would who would not fuck on the bed would just fuck on the floor or break the bed who cares also are we pretending like we don't know that the olympic village is literally just like the elitist the most elitist fuck fest ever yeah that's like there's been times i've considered becoming the olympic athlete which is of course very possible for me um but i just you know i would want to get in on that

maybe one day yeah i mean like there have been so many stories of people being like yeah man it's it's a fucking nightmare they all get on fucking tinder and shoot like crush their their like range to because they're all beautiful yeah um but no so apparently there's a custom where they get free condoms when they arrive. Um, and Japan are saying that they're going to give them, uh, after the games and not before them, which is a lame effort at best, but. Yeah, I'm pretty sure some of the most, you know, impressive athletes in the world can afford their own condoms. Or just can have sexy babies. Yeah. That's a weird thing to say. All right, hit me'm gonna hit you you ready okay actually hold on before we get into this can we

just i i do want to bring this up because i've i've been very upset by it but can we just say fuck the olympics for a while just like we should not be supporting this uh ass backwards fucking organization i i don't boycott things often i don't really care about sports so this is a pretty easy one for me but i really do want to call on people to not watch the olympics because one uh the the olympic like council or whatever the fuck they're called uh is garbage like they do terrible things when they were in vancouver they essentially like put homeless people in concentration camps, uh,

and killed a bunch of fucking dogs. They, uh, and now there's all this shit with, um, you know, telling women what to wear, what not to wear.

It's like the, like Norwegian volleyball team got fined for not wearing bikini bottoms. Yeah. And then someone else was fined for wearing something that was too revealing apparently yes there was like a runner or a sprinter or something uh and i think she was a paralympic who was told that her shorts were too short so it's like hey the olympics fuck off also the thing where it's like they banned a bunch of uh black athletes black female athletes because their testosterone levels were too high. They banned the headgear for

swimmers with afros or whatever, or dreadlocks or whatever the qualification was because it was like, it's not becoming of the sport. That's fucking dumb. Yeah, it's so not inclusive. I'm kind of hyped for

this year's, well hype for this year's. Well, not this year's, but the next Olympic because climbing is finally in it and skateboarding. It sucks because I just want to be able to watch something and not be like, cool, I'm supporting assholes. But I can always just watch on YouTube. The X Games like exist, and I'm sure that's probably going to be cooler than fucking the Olympics skateboarding. There's no way it won't be. I can't imagine the X Games being shitty about things but anyway yeah the olympic sucks are you ready yep no no title i'm not going to give it to you okay i 22 year old female have been seeing my

boyfriend 21 year old male for nearly half a year now been official for about three months we met on tinder and from the very first date he had had my heart. He was charismatic, handsome. We literally just walked around town and talked, and I really enjoyed it. He wanted to be exclusive quite quickly, and I was okay with that. I'm not that attractive. I've been told this by others, and I really didn't have many options anyway. Damn. He was cute, athletic, legitimately someone I would have thought was unattainable in high school. He was the first guy to show that much seemingly legitimate interest and attraction towards me.

We definitely did go fast, but the last several months with him months have been wonderful i fell in love with him quickly and he also reciprocated that he has treated me well apparently hyping me up for his friends never hesitated to show affection in public just being an overall great guy told me the other day he wanted to tell me something important now historically when he said that's been something good like him saying i love you for the first time okay hold on hold on can i get is this a she's all that situation uh i doubt it okay um i asked him if it was bad news i always do and unlike the other times he dodged the question he sat down admitted to me that he'd started a tinder conversation with me and committed to my to a first date as a joke some of his friends were there and he swiped right so it is

a situation it 100 is i every time i see a question that's like a sitcom or a rom-com i i just have to bring it in a few of them are aware of this which is embarrassed some of his friends were there when he swiped right so a few of them are aware of this which is embarrassing embarrassing as hell to me we said he legitimately ends up liking me during that date and he does love and care for me he said nothing he said since about his feelings have been false he wanted to be honest with me because he sees a future with me despite his reassurances this really sucked to hear but told by a friend before when i was a teenager she thought it'd be unapproachable based on appearance alone but she had a conversation with me she realized i was actually all right so this isn't

a revelation i haven't heard before but hearing it from the person i loved was different i still love and maybe see a future with him but my trust in him has been tested by this i've been bullied as a kid and i assumed then that when i became an adult things would get better i feel like this reminder that they don't not sure how to feel or how i should move forward knowing this information uh how old are they 21 you said uh 22 and 21 yes okay um so i don't this is tough because he could have not said anything and no but then his his bitter friend in the third act will tell her 100 once they were once the makeover like to on your part are you still wearing overalls glasses and a ponytail because if you are i need to know is this pre-makeover or post-makeover yeah no okay so in

all seriousness i think what he did was a very hard thing to do, but I think it was a necessary thing to do because we talk about how relationships are built on the foundation of trust. And I think if he didn't reveal this to you, I won't say that what he did wasn't shitty because it definitely is. It's a terrible thing to treat someone like the punchline of a joke especially someone you don't know at all like yeah it would have cost him nothing to not do this but i think it is kind of important to be like hey so this is the situation because for all you know like five years down the line the asshole friend is going to be like isn't it crazy that you met out as a joke and that's gonna be a lot worse having had it withheld that time right at least it's still early days so like if you decide this

is too much for you you can bail you know but it is also telling of his character that he is being honest even about one of the shittiest things i think you could say to someone yeah and firstly let's take a minute and realize how shitty that must have been to hear so like yeah by all means like feel it you know what i mean whether you decide to move on with this relationship or not like you can take a moment and fucking feel out that wound because that that's not nice that's horrible and especially from someone you care about and in this the middle of this like idyllic situation to just have someone shit all over it. You know, you're allowed to be upset. Yeah, 100%.

You know, regardless of us saying it's good that he said it and you know, all these things, which yeah, it is. But it's also would have been better if he had not done it in the first place. The honesty was there, at least, you know, now. And I don't think he would have been with you this long if things weren't serious. In fact, the fact that it started as a joke and got to this point arguably mean it's more serious because he was starting from not even a zero, but a minus. You know what I mean? He had already written you off, and then you were so incredible that once he got to know

you, he was completely swayed by you, but then also driven to admit that he was an asshole in the hopes of, you know, keeping you around. So go you for being awesome. Yeah, I think you should try to steer yourself. I think the lesson here, whether you decide to keep dating this person or not, which, as now said, is completely your choice. And you don't I don't think there is a wrong answer here. If you can look past it and realize that he was trying to be honest and own up to a mistake he made, which, let's be real, we're all humans. We're going to do it. This one was particularly nasty.

But, you know, if he's being genuine, you believe it, there's no harm in following through with it. But I don't think anyone would fault you for being like, hey, fuck you, dude. That's a terrible thing to do. I'm out. The best part is, clearly, you're just such an amazing person that you don't need this fucker. Next person you talk to is gonna be like, damn, this person's incredible too. So what I think you should take away from this is that like, stop telling yourself that you're not attractive.

You know what I mean? Like, or stop trying to say that like you're like you're subpar or mediocre or whatever, because it's clearly not true. And like, I understand that there is a precedent of people being like, you're that good looking but you're awesome you're a cool person you're just not that good looking don't look at it as like two different facets of things like you gotta sort of marry the two ideas of being like you're awesome people like you people like being around you and people are attracted to you it like regardless of whether it's an initial physical attraction or not doesn't really mean anything if people are attracted to you if that makes sense do you

know what i mean yeah also kind of just makes me sad though like you're being told two things i'm like hey i fucking get it you're fixating on the bad one you know i mean it's like people are like oh you know initially you seemed unapproachable but i got to know you and you're fucking awesome and it's like one of those things is like a shallow aside and you're fully focused on that the other thing is the reality and it's very massively positive because committing to a friendship or any kind of relationship with someone takes far more than just looking at someone being like you know i'd touch them yeah you know so it's like you have the important shit so like maybe i know what obviously easier said than done but like focus on that you're awesome don't let your personality suffer suffer at the

expense of what you think people are perceiving you as a physical person you know if i'm trying to like really hammer home that like they're not it's not like there are two attractive ratings of being like oh well i'm a six on the the physical attractive and i'm a 10 on the, it's not like there are two attractive ratings of being like, oh, well, I'm a six on the physical attractive and I'm a 10 on the personality. It's like, no, that's not how it works. And like, I understand that there are sort of those initial, especially on things like Tinder where, you know, physical first impressions are more or less the whole thing. But at the same time, that's not really how the world works.

And online dating doesn't work for everyone that's fine do you know what i mean like if you if you shine when you talk to someone go out meet people out in the real world it doesn't matter but either way don't let this drag you down i hope make the choice that you want to make and don't like if you don't want to date this guy anymore don't worry about being like i might never find someone like him again fuck that like if you don't want to date this guy anymore, don't worry about being like, I might never find someone like him again. Fuck that shit. If you don't want to date him, don't date him. Don't don't compromise because you're worried that like this is your only chance.

And the thing is, if you don't want to date him, then you don't want to find somebody else like him. You know what I mean? Like you can't have both ways. You can't be like, yeah, I don't want to date him, but I also really like him. It's like, no, you're not dating him for a reason. That reason being that you can't deal with the shitty thing he did, you know, or you don't want to deal with. Or, you know, sorry, these sound like very you problem. But you know what I mean?

Like what he did was too shitty for you, which is, again, more than fair. So like if you're breaking up with him, break up with him. You don't want to be with a person like that. And if you can get past it, which, again, it's valid depending on how you feel about the situation i do feel like you have to try to get over it fully and not bring it up well you know what i mean don't let it be i'll take out most of the the wound but leave some splinters in there that are going to be brought up and like faster and rot which again easier said than done but it's like if you're gonna get over it i think you need to get over and if you're not gonna get over it you need to get out you know i don't think

you should gray area this yes i think we like we've given this advice before on other things where someone has revealed something or whatever where it's like if you're going to accept it then it's you don't get to keep that in your back pocket as a get a deal free card or a this is what i'm going to use when we get into fights it's like if you accept that this has happened and you forgive him then it is done you bury it you walk away from it it's not a oh next time you know he didn't do the dishes you're like wow you didn't do the dishes this is just like that time that you you know didn't yeah went on his first date with me like that's that's not how these things work because that's gonna go so bad so quickly so if you do want to keep dating him you do need to make sure that you're ready to put this to bed and not

drag it around with you for the rest of your relationship which of course easier said than done but you're awesome so i believe in you it was really hard not to make a lot of rom-com jokes during that. This comes from ShamelessShane85. I, a 28-year-old female, feel betrayed by my husband, a 36-year-old male, after a threesome. It's always been a fantasy of mine to have a male-female-female threesome. After a few conversations with my husband, he agreed it was time to start looking for a third. We found an amazing woman. We'll call her Amy.

I set my ground rules that no one has to be excluded and or no one was to be excluded. And there was no coming inside of Amy. We've met up with her before and all had a great time. Last night was our third time hooking up with Amy. I felt excluded for the majority of the evening. I was the third wheel. He fucked me three times last night and he fucked her six times and he came inside of her. I feel betrayed. I kept my cool at the time because I didn't want Amy to be uncomfortable. As soon as she left, I let my husband have it. He said that he'd forgotten

that it was one of my rules and that he just came and couldn't stop or pull out. My argument was that he never accidentally came inside me and that I felt that I was excluded. I have videos and you can clearly see me trying to get involved and was just being ignored. I don't know why I'm writing this. Not sure if I'm venting or looking for advice. Am I overreacting? Well,

let's be fair. It's bullshit that he forgot. And that's bullshit that he just had to come. Yeah. I mean, like unless she was, unless she was like, you know,

wrapped her impossible tentacles around him and wasn't letting him leave out of the sheer power of her physical strength. Unless he got Bridgerton. Yeah, but it doesn't sound like that has happened. No. And what the fuck is the point of having like if you go to make rules you don't get to then claim oh i forgot because then what's the fucking making the rules like then it means you don't care enough about the rules which is not a better problem you know yeah it's like it's such a shitty excuse to be like oopsies it's like no you even if that's true that's a shit thing because these are like

these are casual rules this is your relationship at stake right it's not a an excuse to be because like no matter what reason you forgot about them you know i mean like because it just proves her point of being like one either he doesn't care about the rules and never did two he was so focused on amy that he you know, didn't think about his wife, which was excluding her or he knew about them and didn't care. And none of these are good. Yeah. So like those, that argument from this dude, not going to cut it, unfortunately, sir. Not at all, sir.

Also, it's like maybe make a safe word for when you're feeling excluded. Yeah. Yes. That's a great idea and the idea of like he fucked her six times and he fucked me three times like i don't i've had a few threesomes and i wouldn't like during that time i don't know if i would be able to quantify how many times i fucked yeah one person or the. It's one of those things where it's like, it's hard to quantify being left out because like you feel it more than you are it. Right.

Like you could be happy sitting back and watching someone fuck and like either catching your breath or enjoying the spectacle or, you know, touching yourself or, you know, doing dirty talk or whatever, if that's what you're into or, you know, they could be fingering you while fucking someone else and you feel left out. Cause you're not getting fucked, you know, doing dirty talk or whatever, if that's what you're into. Or, you know, they could be fingering you while fucking someone else and you feel left out because you're not getting fucked. You know, it is very hard to quantify, which is why it's a tricky rule, which is why I think a word to determine, you know,

to like say that you are feeling left out without, you know, stopping everything and grinding it to a halt and blah blah blah is i think a good idea i will also say that there is there needs to be some leeway of like i like i'd love to know what she means by being excluded yeah because like there's a limit to what you can do at one time you really do only have one dick so someone is always going to be getting fucked and someone will not be getting fucked yeah like that it's six to three. Yes. I'd also love to know Does that mean like separate insertions? Nine times?

That's insane. When did he come inside Amy? Because if it was round nine, hey, guess what? You got eight loads. Well, not even that. It's just like if he didn't finish inside of her until nine, there's nothing left. Yeah. How did you even tell? he didn't finish inside of her until nine it's like there's nothing left yeah how did you even tell he did not come inside amy no man there's some sad dust yeah um and

that's the thing it's like i'm assuming it was like they swapped partners like you know because it can't have been nine times i'm assuming it doesn't make any sense because it would have to be like a one-to-one ratio. Well, if he started with eight, like you could maybe have four and three. Or if he started with Amy, wife, Amy, wife, Amy. That's what I mean. But like, where'd the other two come from? Did they all like stop, have a Lucas aid, and then he went back, start fucking Amy, and then they stopped again. And the wife was like, excuse me. And then he's like, hold on. And then he went back, start fucking Amy. And then they stopped again. And the wife was like, excuse me.

And then he's like, wait, hold on. And then he just came in Amy. Cause in that case, that's pretty terrible. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know how all that shakes out.

So I don't know. I think relationships and threesomes are so tricky because like, if you haven't had, especially if you haven't had them before, you don't really know. I'm sure everyone kind of has their own idea of what a threesome is going to look like or how it's going to play out. And there are things that you're definitely not going to think about prior to. I think the rules that she set up here are completely fine.

And I think are good rules of being like, hey, here are the things I'm not comfortable with. And here are the things I'm expecting. Great. The thing is, one of them is very actionable. And he threw that out the window. So good job, you dumbass. The other one, like there would be more gray area was just the other one, right? Because like, without a way to kind of like, communicate that it's highly possible he didn't realize, right? You right you know because because again feeling it and being it are very different things especially other people you know etc and also like the the flow of time greatly alters during sex so what you think is just like a couple minutes or a couple

seconds of fucking amy could be a lot longer for the person who's not being fucked or being fucked. Yeah. Yeah. So, so I think what you said, the, the fucking like safe word of being able to like, you know, just get on his back and, or like wrap yourself around him and just whisper something in his ear to

let him know that you need a little attention. Either. It's like, bone me, papa, papa. We've gotten into dimension 20 i'm sorry um even if it just means a change in position so that you can get in front of her and she can go down on you or he leans up a bit

more so you can like play with her boobs like just something as as simple as that to get you back in the action uh i think is a great idea yeah and like this doesn't even have to like slow things down. He could just be like, what do you want? You know what I mean? Like, where do you want to be? Where do you want her? Where do you want me?

Those are all sexy things to hear. You know? Where do you want me? Boom, hot. You know what I mean? You don't have to be like, oh, what now? Damn it, woman. Can't you see I'm fucking Amy?

I'm trying to come in Amy. And the thing is i would have more sympathy for the gray area if it wasn't for the fact that he completely disregarded the one very clear rule and that's not okay so you guys need to stop having threesomes until you sort this out which i'm going to assume he will not be okay with and just like hash it out get that like explain why you felt the way you felt, and like, what it was that made you feel that way. Talk about how rules are fucking important and non negotiable. Because the thing is, like, I don't know if you like clued Amy in on that clue, which aren't that not that

clue that rule, which like, I would imagine is probably a good practice. But like, if that's the case, that's really fucked up to disregard her and this as well so i think that's a i think now that you have a consistent partner and a third that you have sort of latched on to you've done this three times with her yeah she needs to be involved in the rules process this isn't like she's now an active participant in your relationship even if it is just a sexual uh you know aspect of it but like she now plays a role in your relationship, even if it is just a sexual, uh, you know, aspect of it, but like she now plays a role in your guy's relationship and she needs to be invited into the discussions based on the realm that she's a part of.

So I think, I think you definitely want to need to have a private conversation with your husband, discuss your, the feelings of betrayal and, and make sure he understands why you feel that way. And, you know, how to broach it in the future, come up with some solutions. And then I think you guys need to sort of renegotiate the terms of threesome

activities with your partner. So that we like, because one, it's great that you guys are getting satisfied, but maybe Amy wants something out of this. Maybe Amy wants something different. Maybe Amy has certain levels of comfort that she's not like, maybe there's something else that Amy wants out of this.

And if you're going to make it a recurring thing with her, now's the time to bring her into the fold and make sure that she's also getting the same amount of pleasure out of it. Then you are, because it sucks to sort of just be like, you know, even though it could be really fun, but to just sort of have your desires. Yeaharded for the sake of you know this married couple who

are essentially using you as a potentially like fetish object yeah yeah no i would say like and i don't want this to preclude what dane said but like that your relationship is more important than her you know what i mean like i think by, like 100% need to take her needs and her well-being and her everything into account when you guys are fucking. But at the same time, your relationship comes first. Yeah. And it should come first. I also just like I'm confused by this coming inside of Amy thing because I'm sure at some point you guys must have talked to Amy about boundaries. And protection and that kind of stuff yeah and if amy's like yeah i'm cool with you coming in me

that was the time to be like oh okay no like that's one of the things we're not going to do at which point amy's glued in so it seems really strange to have had that conversation and to have not done that and if you have it's double fucked up that your husband did this you know what i mean that's the bit that's kind of thrown me for it and like i don't know if it's far more common but like in my sexual experiences i would never do that without running it past someone and i have i have literally never done that in my entire you know 33 years of life and however many people i've had sex with i have never finished inside someone without i have but yeah um we've talked about it yeah and it's it's not like it's something i'm very very

uncomfortable with because in my mind that is there is one reason to do that and one reason only um it's pure pleasure and it is a certain dominance no yeah it seems very strange that like if amy wasn't you know brought into the fold of being like i'm just gonna come inside you that's fucking crazy to me and alternatively the other option is he was like i'm gonna come and she was like yeah do it inside me yeah and you stood there and did nothing which is super awkward yeah but i mean like what else can you do other than being like slow motion you know taking a bullet for the president diving to push him out like there's it's so fucked so there

definitely needs to be again private conversation with your husband sort it out if you can't sort it out threesome time is done until you guys do get it sorted out and then talk about as well and that's like one the fact that he cannot ignore rules like that is like that is a big issue in and of itself the rules are set in stone and you cannot just disregard them for no fucking reason and then make baby excuses yeah you know what i mean like that is a huge issue and you need to almost hash them out separately for risk of just like you know glossing over one or the other because the other one is again as i said more of a gray area where it's like you need to explain why you felt what you felt and when you felt it and what you want don to fix it i guess he needs to explain where he's coming from as well

and like hopefully you guys meet in the middle or meet somewhere good um because it's more of a discussion i think than the rules thing which isn't a discussion which is uh what the fuck are you doing we made these rules for a reason you need to respect them or nothing like there there's no negotiating yeah um but yeah you guys need to go back to the drawing board a little bit all right hey me um this is by worried complex from seduction a random girl slept on my shoulder in bus what should i do nothing let her fucking sleep it's the purest thing today i was traveling to give my exams and random girl slept on my shoulder i didn't have guts to ask her number what should i do when situation like this happens again and what should i do when i met this girl again nothing leave her the fuck alone but dane Dane, I don't know if you heard, she slept on his shoulder and bus.

I used to see the same dude on the go bus back when I was commuting like two and a half hours, but like one way in college before I moved into residence. And there was a day that, uh, we had to sit beside each other and he was like, it was like an older asian dude and like usually he would always be like on his blackberry or like doing something on his laptop always working but

the one day he just like i don't know hard day at the office just fucking conked out and fell asleep like on my shoulder that's adorable and did you ask for his number it's literally the cutest thing ever and but when he woke up he was like oh i'm so sorry i was like honestly my dude i get it i'm fucking zonk too and then like a couple months later we had to sit beside each other again and he was like i promise i'm not gonna fall asleep by you this time i was like yeah don't worry about it but did he 15 seconds or 15 minutes later we were falling asleep on each other so we literally woke up like head to head you know what i mean like his head was on my shoulder and i was like on his head and it just kind of like became,

I mean, I don't think it ever happened again. I think it was just that kind of thing, but I think he very like willingly chose to never sit beside me again. Out of fear that I was just his like cuddle buddy. Yeah. His power. I love this.

I know. And like, very sweet. It's sweet. It's pure. And like, that's, that's what you got to leave it.

Just be this, just be the safe shoulder for you got to leave it. Just be this, just be the safe shoulder for this woman to sleep on. Don't do anything. You're not going to lose out on anything. Let's be fair. Someone's sleeping on your shoulder. You know, that's an indication of they're so tired that they aren't able to not do that.

Yeah. I mean, no one's like, oh yeah, he looks like he's got good shoulders or like, Hey, this is my one gambit into this stranger's heart. I won't ask him anything.

I won't look at him, flirt with him, nothing. She's going to fall asleep. I'm just going to be unconscious around him. Yeah. Guys like that, right? That's not a thing at all. The only thing you could do is be chill about it. And hey, maybe take a Dane leaf out of a Dane book and fall asleep back on her.

And then the balls in her court. Then she'll be like, hey, a guy fell asleep on me while I was sleeping. Does this mean he likes me? And like, I'm not going to say that there isn't a chance to strike up a conversation. Of course there is. There's a playful moment to like have a conversation. I'm not going to tell you to be like, you know, don't say anything to wherever, leave her alone. But like, you know, if she wakes up and she's embarrassed, reass her strike up a conversation be normal that's the thing for me it would be my goal to

make sure they don't feel terribly embarrassed about this right wake up because like i will put myself in their shoes i would wake up and be like oh god and like for me that would be the be all and end all of my social interaction there is to make sure they don't feel like a shitty person or a terrible person afterwards and like fuck it if that happens i feel like they're gonna feel pretty positively towards you and if they like you maybe they'll be like maybe you can go from there who knows but the point of the interaction is to be a good person there if they fuck off who cares you know what i mean like that that should be your aim it doesn't always have to be about you it's like you're helping this person who's clearly tired not feel bad about a thing they kind of embarrassingly did and it's like if it goes from there sure but like if it doesn't go

from there don't be fucking weird because you know what's worse than accidentally falling asleep on a stranger's shoulder waking up and having them like hey you want fuck yeah can i get your number yeah like what you are you slept on my shoulder and i them like hey you want fuck yeah can i get your number yeah like what you are you slapped in my shoulder and i thought about touching you great cool that is so good subtext isn't it yeah while you were asleep i thought about all the things i'd like to do to you yeah while you were touching me and unconscious i thought about touching you when you were conscious yeah it's there's really no i mean like i said there's a way this could play out in your favor sure if you just treat it organically

and naturally and just let things happen but as now said that shouldn't be the goal as as we've said with a lot of things from seduction that's the thing a lot of things that shouldn't be the goal yeah it's like just being a decent human being if imagine if we lived in a world where every woman felt safe enough to fall asleep on the man next door like that that's a pretty great fucking world in my opinion and also a world where a guy felt safe falling asleep on the guy beside him because again i'm touched by your story. Yeah. It's like these are this is the world. We need kindness. And and if someone needs a shoulder to fucking rest on, be that shoulder and nothing else.

You know what I mean? Or or if you do want to like be that shoulder and friendly when they wake up, be like, I get it. I've been there. You're tired. If you ever need a shoulder, it's here. Yeah. Like a joke. Buy a T-shirt with pillow prints on the shoulders.

So when you see her next, you wink and you look at your shoulder and you give her the thumbs up. That's the thing. Like, if you are going to see her again, there's no harm in like, being like, you know, I've been working out my shoulder to give it a little extra pat. Like. But again, not in a weird way. Not in a weird way.

Like in a way where you're clearly making a joke to make her feel less embarrassed about the situation and if she's like do you mind that's fun great and if she's like thanks and go sit somewhere else don't just like follow her and sit beside her and just like cause only get a shoulder yeah um what i do love is like what should i do when this situation happens again it's like uh no one has ever randomly fallen asleep on my shoulder. I don't think it's going to happen again, dude. So maybe don't freak out about it. Don't put that much effort into it. Yeah, just let her fucking sleep.

You're a shoulder man now. That's fine. This is the role you play in her life. And that's all right. Just be fucking chill. Speaking of chill. Oh, God. life and that's that's all right just be fucking chill uh speaking of chill oh god if an orgasm is a 10 out of 10 in terms of how good it feels how good does sex feel without the orgasm what i'm a virgin i'm trying to get an idea how good sex will feel

other than climaxing are they a guy or a girl straight, by the way. It'll feel all right, but your main thing is at the end, bud. I was thinking about that, and I thought it was kind of interesting because I was like, having sex feels great, of course. You know what I mean? I really enjoy having sex and the act of having sex, but I was like, that's more fun time for me than pleasure time, if that makes sense. That's the thing.

It's enjoyable and it's good, but it's like, you're not strictly like, Oh, there's an incredible sensation in my penis. You know? Yeah. It's kind of like,

I don't know. Like if you really enjoy cooking, it's, it's the part where you're actually cooking and the orgasm is when you finally get to eat it. You know what I mean? Maybe if that makes sense, I don't really want to 100 like when i cook my

orgasms with eating it i like you okay or not you i'm sorry so you know people do it it's cool yeah um when i cook i really like the process it's like you know therapeutic and like it's whatever and you know you do it all but when i eat yeah that's why that's why i do it i don't i don't fucking do it for the other shit i do it again sweet feeling in my life however i think if you were a girl this guy should be different because one you would feel better during the act and two most guys won't be able to make you come yeah i didn't want to speak on the ladies have because i i don't have we can make broad statements but like yeah i'm not gonna go into i'm like well first my clit starts to sing then my inner goddess twirls the yoni

my yoni awakens but yeah i was it's funny because i never really thought about it it's like while sex always feels good from beginning to end you know i mean i really enjoy it but it's like i really do it's kind of the like sex is fun time for me i really like having sex it's it's it's an enjoyable activity also i think there's probably a word i'm i could use but like seeing your partner i get pleasure gives you pleasure you know what i mean yes yes it's in a very different way to physical pleasure but it's like fucking incredible you know i mean like there's something so great about like being the person who can please your partner so well that i think is is

what i enjoy about it is there's like a mental pleasure of knowing that you're doing a good job like something for them that's also just fun it's like a collaborative like you know and like depending on what you're doing it could be like really like intense and like hot and erotic and like frantic or it can be like really fun and funny you know it could be like it could be so many different things you know what i mean once you're doing it in a good way um and of course it still does feel good but like yeah you know what i'm thinking about it right now i think i i think i fuck for the fucking and not for the coming yeah of course it's like you could have a wank if you want to just come and let's be fair you're saying the orgasm is 10 out of 10 not all orgasms are the same yeah but hey hey let's i have a question that we can circle back

i guess actually we might not have enough time okay this is do you want me to hit you with a question yeah yeah this is by mage boy My 26-year-old male partner, 24-year-old female, is inviting the guy I shouldn't worry about to a long-term tabletop campaign. My partner of three years started a new job this year and made a new friend, and it's made me uncomfortable. Let me preface by saying it's fine for my significant other to have friends of the opposite sex, but she has only had same-sex friends for as long as I've known her. So this situation is new to us. She wasn't as friendly with me when we were just friends, as well as any new friend she's made this situation is new to us. She wasn't as friendly with me when we were just friends, as well as any new friends she's made in the span of our relationship haven't made it this far.

Here are notable events from my perspective. During training, she told me some dude liked her outfit, and after that, they've been Snapchatting daily outside of work, like a lot, like wake up in the morning, text him till bedtime. Moreover, she would talk about him a lot and say things like, he really likes this or that about me. She mentioned they already had a conversation, that they were only to be friends and nothing romantic would

ensue, which also seems worrisome. I told her the relationship bothers me and she said, it's not like that, he reminds me of my sister. And her sister is her best friend, so that wasn't exactly comforting. Though after this conversation, communication outside of work seems to have died down. Then she invited him over for a one-shot and they were both dressed up for the occasion. And when I complimented his outfit, he said, my sister said I should actually try instead of just wearing sweats all the time, which to me sounds like he's trying to make a big impression. Lately, she's just been trying to get a campaign together, and she's been working really hard, and I've been excited to play. She wants at least four people, and our party was

set until one of her friends dropped out. Take a wild guess who their replacement is. I want some outside opinions. I don't want to be the guy that limits my partner's options and friend groups, but again, this relationship makes me really uncomfortable. I'm not sure I want to hang out with them on a weekly basis for who knows how long. Any advice? This is the wildest reasons. Okay, the beginning, opening,

you're jealous. I think most people would probably feel that way. You know what I mean? I get that, but then you bring it up to her. You say you're uncomfortable and she cools it. It seems like, you know what I mean? Like she,

he, a noticeable change in how much they're communicating outside of work. I think that is her listening to your insecurity, your concern. And she immediately acted upon it. That sounds like a good partner. Yeah, because she didn't even need to. It's not like you asked her to.

It seems like she just kind of did it for your sake. Or she might have been like, okay, yeah, I could see how this might be misleading to the dude, so I'm going to cool it on that front too to ensure that this doesn't go sideways. Either way, she seems to have made all the right decisions, hasn't done anything wrong

as far as we know this dude shows up trying to you know dressing up for your one shot that doesn't necessarily mean like he's trying to make a good impression on you as well i assume because also like my sister said i should try instead of just wearing sweat that's such a like i don't know why he would say that like if he was trying to impress the girl or anybody really yeah like that seems like a very awkward modest kind of statement where she's probably true like he probably just his sister was like hey you finally have friends wear some real clothes please do something put on real pants yeah it doesn't sound like a power play it's such a disarming statement it's yeah it's not a power play it's not like yeah buddy one day you could

dress like me like it seems like a little awkward and i love it yeah and then you're like oh i don't want to see this dude on every on a weekly it's like if you're worried that something is going to transpire like one you shouldn't be worried about that she's giving you no worried that something is going to transpire, like one, you shouldn't be worried about that. She's giving you no indication that that is going to go that way. But now you get a chance to get to know this dude, become friends with him and like disarm any sort of romantic tension he might have with her. A hundred percent. Like if he is actually like slowly lusting after her,

if he gets to know you and her both individually and as a couple and he'll have something he wouldn't want to ruin which is this like uh dnd or pathfinder game yeah i'm not sure if people know the the various terminology that was thrown up there but like you know it's a dnd or pathfinder game or something similar um so he's not gonna want to ruin that he's gonna know you he's gonna know He's going to know you both as a couple. Like these are all things that shut down people being attracted to people, you know what I mean? In, in positive ways, right?

Meanwhile, you're being a good partner to your girlfriend who seems to have made a friend and seems to want to include them in stuff, which again is really good way of shutting down her attraction for him in that, like, if you freak out and get jealous and start being shitty, you're just going to kill your attraction for her attraction for him in that like if you freak out and get jealous and start being shitty you're just gonna kill your attraction for her attraction for you yeah and on top of that it's like if i was gonna cheat on someone i wouldn't be like hey let's commit to seeing them once a week with my partner yeah let's hang out like for four or five hours a week in front of the dude that we're trying to keep this a secret for weeks, if not years. Yeah. I mean, we've been in our, our campaign has been going for five years.

Yeah. Pretty sure it was five years. Yeah. It's like, no, this is not a smart thing that people would do. Also like to your point, I,

when I, we were open and I was dating a Polly woman. She was like, you are not meeting my boyfriend because everyone who meets him no longer wants to fuck me. So, sorry, but you're not meeting him. Specifically, and it was because he's a real cool dude.

I understood. Thankfully, I was in a mindset where I can compartmentalize and realize that that's fine. So when I finally did meet him, I was still very much attracted to her. But regardless, there are things that like this puts up no red flags from her end.

I'm going to give you the things that you need to watch out for, for yourself. That is don't be shitty at this game. You know what I mean? Don't try to see, it sounds like she might be the GM in game revenge. Yeah. Or,

you know, like trying to find reasons why he can't do certain things or like rules lawyering him or every chance you get like you're always being super lovey and cutie and kissy with her like be relaxed be yourself try to see this dude as a potential new friend as opposed to a like rival or a threat to your masculinity or your relationship it's stupid to do that i think we've we've all we definitely have said it there's nothing wrong with being jealous we all do it we all will do it at some point it's a very natural thing but what you need to do is not act on that jealousy and realize where it's coming from from this it seems like a lot of it is coming from you you say you're cool with her having friends the opposite sex yet she

doesn't have any and this is the first one she's had and you're freaking out yeah you know so it's like cool you can say it all you want but actions speak louder than words you know you don't have any reasons not trust her and if you don't trust her don't date her so you do trust her so trust her you know what i mean like become friends with this guy let him in your friend group it maybe he needs friends you know what i mean yeah you guys i'm sure can always do another one it it just it seems like this could be such a positive thing and it seems like you're looking at it in such a negative way so don't be be that guy don't fall into that trap because you're gonna poison your own relationship out of fear of somebody else you can also i i think this is here's what i would do to be honest i would uh let her know

and you already have kind of let her know that you're uncomfortable with this dude a little bit i think that's fine and i think that was the right thing to do i think you could be like hey just so you know it's like i you know i still have that like you know in my stomach gurgly feeling about this guy um but i want him to join the campaign he's your friend and i want to be his friend too while we're playing together you know please let me know if i'm acting weird so that i can correct it because you might be doing things that you might not think about or might not clock yourself but like after the first session be like hey was i being weird because i do want to make sure this guy stays in our group and that you guys can still be friends.

And I don't want to be weird about this and let her help you, you know, point out any flaws before it becomes a big fucking issue where, you know, she doesn't want to throw the game. She doesn't want to upset you. She doesn't want to lose her friend. But opening the door to let her sort of like be like, yeah, you were kind of being a dick to him here and here. I think that gives you a position to, you know, learn. Then she'll know as well where you're coming from.

So that one, you know, if you're like blow up because of something they did, it's not going to come out of nowhere. But two, it's like, if you're being weird, like Dane said,

you guys don't have to have this awkward conversation. You can straight up just be like, I'm sorry. I let Chelsea get the best of best of me and like you can work on it together like that's the positive thing this doesn't have to be a hidden dark festering secret you can be open just like uh there's something about i'm just like a little jealous i'm trying to get over it and i will do my best and like you know just be open be honest communicate and like make a friend dude yeah make a real cool friend. Also, you will never turn...

Once this man is in your fucking adventuring party, he's there for life. No one is going to risk fucking that up. Yeah, save his life in-game and just, you know... Make your character's best friends. Make your character a sexy, romantic interest. Fuck him in-game to assert dominance. Right, yeah yeah or let him fuck you make him make you the new love object yeah snapchat him from day to night uh yeah you

got this it's fine one day soon you can be the guy his sister tells him to put on good clothes for also what is threatening about being like oh that guy yeah he's like my sister yeah don't be weird don't be yeah at the end of the episode we like to uh peruse online dating and get some profiles so that we can uh peruse them comb them for red flags and uh point out what works and what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable well i have a question on tinder from seduction that is help with Tinder bio. So let's start with that. How's my Tinder sound? I don't want to come off as a guy looking for

serious relationship right away, but neither the super horny guy looking for only sex. I want to come off as chill dude who likes to hang with nice people who like to have fun and see where it goes. Also with no expectations. First part is about myself. Second one is who I'm looking for. And here we go. Assertive yet still charming. Spontaneous. If you are a cool and positive girl with sense of humor, then we probably get along. Does it sound like I ask too much? It could scare young girls off, and that's why they don't reply to my opener? It seems like not having a bio at all works better than having one. What's your experience? It's not a good bio. It's absolutely garbage. I mean, I wouldn't say it's garbage. It's so bland. It's not a good bio. It's absolutely garbage.

I mean, like, I wouldn't say it's garbage. It's just, it's so bland. Like, it's the same as literally every other person's. Well, I'm saying it's garbage because it's bland. Like, it's not offensive. You know what I mean? Like, it's probably a four. You know what I mean? But, like, I know nothing about this person.

Calling yourself charming, you don't really get the points for calling yourself other things. know what i mean it's like you say you're funny you say you're hot you say you're these things it's like no that's for other people to decide right yeah i want to see it when i look at a unless your thing like i just opened up tinder and the first profile was a woman named jayden and her like her tinder profile was I'm burdened by glorious purpose. That's great. You've told me nothing other than that you've watched at least the first episode of the Loki TV show.

Also, it's just kind of funny. It's like that that's the only way you can get away with not putting shit about yourself in. Yeah, but it's also like that's a great opener because chances are if you know what it's from, you're going to make another reference. You know what I mean? You could take the conversation and run with that.

Saying I'm a charming guy and I'm looking for a cool girl doesn't mean shit. So I would put more stuff about yourself in here. You know what I mean? Like, what do you like? Yeah, there's no simple way to do it. do it what do you like boom put them in there there's no like talk about hobbies pastimes interests music like nothing other than like what person is gonna be like i'm not charmed well i mean we've had people say they're garbage i'm a maniac i'm a violent maniac and i will hate you but yeah it's it just i mean it's all advice I will hate you. But yeah, it's, it just, I mean,

it's all advice we've given a thousand times to people. It's like, you need to give more. And it's like, don't worry about fucking. Like if you say what you would like to do with people, I think that's more demonstrative than being like, Oh, I want someone cool and positive. You know what I mean? If you're like, Oh, I'd love to go bowling,

hit up a brewery and maybe hike on the weekends like if those are things you like to do people that see them will either be like oh hiking fuck no or be like oh this sounds great and that's actually something you can kind of like engage with as opposed to being like hey i'm cool this is ama which i assume is ama and not ask me anything. If you have one picture on here, swipe left. LOL, I'll never bother. X emoji, like canceled emoji. I just love having a good time. I love drinking wine.

I love gifts, all capitals. And to be spoiled, a shit ton of emojis. I love going out to eat, a few emojis. A genuine kind person knows how to handle money. Good at investing and can teach me a few things. So I can grow and build with the right person financially. Treat and i am yours all capital letters a few emojis i love love and i am a people's person i love makeup and also work with my clients vaccinated two out of two and then a rainbow and ladies so i assume they're by that's i feel like we've always been

like you gotta give more That felt like too much. Yeah, it was painful to read. This is an exception to the rule. We're back on the fucking investment thing, huh? Yeah, Tinder is just about financial advice these days. I'm mostly on gay Tinder for whatever reason. They don't show me a whole lot of ladies. Dudes don't give a shit about finances.

They don't care. But yeah, it was like, it's too manic there's too much happening condense it yeah it does it's not even like laid out well either it's a fucking jumble i'm giving it a four because like yeah i don't think there's anything in there i don't really love that they're like i love gifts all in capital letters you know what i mean i love to be spoiled you gotta teach me investing and like help me grow financially that's a weird thing you know what I mean? I love to be spoiled you gotta teach me investing and like help me grow financially that's a weird thing, you know what I mean? Treat me and I'm yours. These are all very

like gold diggery terms and I don't really love it, so it's a it's a four. Yeah, sure, I'll give it a four. Yeah, at least they're giving stuff even if it's too much, but between the too muchness and the like money grubbery it's not my favorite

Yeah. This is Luna the too muchness and the like money grubbery it's not my favorite yeah this is luna no sex no love just friends i have an amazing brain only english speaker please i mean uh it's cool but like you're on a dating platform uh they're like bumble has an option to look for friends so i don't understand why people go on to dating platforms, specifically Tinder that has the reputation. I mean, like not so much anymore, but like,

uh, back in the day, Tinder was known as like the hookup app. So to go onto like that platform and then be like, I don't want to have sex or romance or date. I just want friends is strange when there are platforms available for specifically that yeah also like if you want to make friends it's the same as dating you gotta give me more than i have an amazing brain like what the fuck is that like what does that mean you're super smart

you're so smart you have to tell me and that's it like that's a batshit thing to lead with and to only have as well as the weird only english speakers please yeah so i'm gonna give it a one because you shouldn't be on this platform yeah it's a one uh no this is amanda wedding him wedding yeah hey wedding and boudoir photographer nanny love to travel go on adventures chase sunsets i have four cats yep you read that right and i'm also a crazy plant lady i have three bunnies welcome to the fuzzy family and don't swipe oh god i just super liked her uh it was something along the lines of like don't swipe right if you think the vaccine is bullshit we need to get this done okay well we do need to get it done the vaccine ain't bullshit I love cute animals

and I like sorry sorry I just got it don't swipe right if you believe in this vaccine bullshit but seriously yeah like do her pets have shots because if not she's a terrible pet owner wait do I know this person

oh dear no I don't I don't i don't i don't uh well it's just shot to a minus 10 yeah it was almost good i was gonna give it like a seven or an eight uh you ready for yulia yeah born in the soviet union grew up during the collapse and aftermath of non-achievable communism currently living with a roommate tato short for potato who was a one-year-old hamster going through a midlife crisis on sundays especially if it rains I love it. Right? Yeah, I'm going to give that a 10. Yeah, it's got personality.

You know enough about them. It's cute. It's charming. Hell yeah. I really want to meet Potato. I want to to give that a 10. Yeah, it's got personality. You know enough about them. It's cute. It's charming. Hell yeah. I really want to meet Potato. I want to fucking watch some Soviet cartoons. I imagine those are fucking nightmarish. Yeah, that's why I want to see them.

Have you ever seen any of the, I feel like I've mentioned this before, but the Disney propaganda film from World War II? No. Christ, they're terrible. There's literally one where it's Donald Duck working in a Nazi bomb factory. I think you did tell me about some of these. Yeah, they're fucking crazy. I will say, and this has nothing to do with anything,

but for everyone listening, if you want a good show with good LGBT rep, go watch The Owl House. It's somehow made by Disney because usually they don't have the balls to actually say things straight out, but it's very good. And if you never want to be able to look at Donald Duck ever again,

go look up this. I don't watch him being a Nazi bomb maker. Yeah. You want one more? Yeah, let's do one more. This is Christy. Some say I'm a mindfuck. Others say I'm crazy crazy it's all about perspective

i mean i imagine they're not that different but no one's too neither one's good yeah it's not really a perspective thing it's just it's all about using different words to describe the same bad situation it's just whether or not you have a thesaurus i'm gonna give it i'm gonna give it a two yeah i think i'm just gonna give it a one yeah you know what i'm gonna give it i'm gonna give it a two yeah i think i'm just gonna give it a one yeah you know what i'm gonna give it a one two thank you very much for listening friends that is our show that was a very very fast hour it was could have been the speed and the fact that my heart is racing could have been all the amphetamines we've been doing it's true just huffing if you have a question for us and you'd like to ask it to us

so that we can answer it to you, hit us up on our... That was real eloquent. Yeah, I did it. You can go to our website at fbuddiespodcast.com. All of our social media is there. You can send us a message

on any of those or just say hello. That's fine too. Or you can use our contact form on the site you can choose your own agent name and we will keep it completely anonymous and we'll answer it as soon as possible i also just want to state that like all the philippines are like there are og there are go-to ride or dies cambodia has been coming out of nowhere and we've been

reaching a pretty high in the charts over there so hello to all our cambodian listeners we've been reaching pretty high in the charts over there. So hello to all our Cambodian listeners. We've also been growing in New Zealand as well. So hello, Kiwis. I assume that's probably the result of our good friend, Sarah. Hell yeah. So if you are in New Zealand, hello. Yeah. We always love hearing and seeing new fans. So show us a message, even if it's just like, hey.

Yeah, just be like, yeah, what up? Yeah. Uh, thank you to Josh Eagle and the harvest season song paper stars. Bad sex writing for me. Oh, you know, actually this time it's,

is it even bad sex writing or is it just factual? Imagine waking up in the morning and 73 chicks have liked your selfie from yesterday. You head into work and stop at the coffee shop. A slamming 23 year old with curly hair and a toe ring chats you up and buys your coffee. Cashier slips you her number with their receipt with a note that says, I see you come in here every day and I think you're hot. You cross the street to get to your office and five girls smile big smiles, look you in the eye and say, how are you? Great morning today. You get into the elevator and glance at your phone.

32 more girls have liked your selfie. You get into the office and everyone in there is a chick. They're all happy to see you. Big smiles all around. Your co-workers comment on how good you look and come and hang out just to chat a few times throughout the day. All the while you know you can go online 15 minutes before you get off work tonight and line up a date with any girl you see in the online catalog. It's as simple as you sending them the message, hi. And two hours later you'll be getting a steak dinner. Their treat. You really don't have to interact with them.

Just show up and play on your phone till the date is over. This is what it's like for women. It's non-stop all the time. In their face. People that want to fuck them all the time. No wonder they've all inflated ego. I don't see how any human could resist wanting to monkey branch in this environment.

Yikes. Yikes. So my dude's doing well, it sounds. My dude has a firm grasp on reality. I like that, like, the woman with the curly hair and the toe ring. You know what? It was so specific that I'm assuming he is a 23-year-old with curly hair and a toe ring who thinks he's slamming, who tried to chat someone up who came in to buy coffee off him, and it didn't work out. And that's what sent him spiraling into this.

He spent a small fortune buying women coffee. Yeah. And like any sane person, noticed that he was wearing a toe ring and ran as far and as fast as they possibly can. It's such a bizarre thing to include. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I like,

yeah. My name is Dave Miller. This, this person has no idea what reality is. And I'm now Spain. And we've been your funk buddies. you