F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 148 - Kidnaptivating

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

There's a time and a place to brag about all your cool rocks and it's literally anywhere and always.  Topics include hitting on cuties at the beach with your really cool bucket, a masturbation to sex food comparison, the most sexual vagina to head contact, is it shallow to find someone unattractive, reverse materialistic girlfriend, cunnilingus (but from behind) and pick-up personality archetype selection.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and we turn them into sexy stinky situations.

Simply put, we find questions online on the topic of sex and dating and we answer them for you. Or we get them sent in by our wonderful listeners. We have a show for you today. Oh shit. Was I meant to bring that? Yep. Well, never. Oh, shit. Was I meant to bring that? Yep. Well, never mind, guys. Sorry. I thought this was just the midweek hello.

I thought we had it, but no. All right, well, my name is Niles Bain. And I'm Dave Miller. And this was not, I guess, a podcast. I would love to know how many times we've done fake sign-offs. I think at least three. But hey, you know what? Congrats to the Philippines.

No, I refuse. I refuse to talk about this. Congrats to the Philippines. First ever Olympic gold. I love it. Now let's no more Olympics. We're not going to rant about it. See, that's why I said I was boycotting it.

Yeah, well, you can boycott it. I'm saying congrats to the Philippines because the Philippines are our fucking people. So they support us. I support them. Fucking hell yeah, Philippines. We love you right back. They have a gold medal of my heart. That's true. And one that ages ago. And I'm not a garbage organization. So it means more. Are you ready? Yeah. This is by OutOfMySystem1. What is the proper but honest way of approaching women at the beach?

Hey guys, I'm about to go to the beach right now. And usually I approach women at the beach the same way I would anywhere else. I go up to them, kneel down, say that they look cute and start a short conversation before moving on. I won't have anyone to help me out. Now, the way the question is, or this is phrase,

is that he always kneels down when he starts a conversation. It's very true. At no point does he ever clarify that. So I won't have anyone to help me out because all my friends are busy and I usually prefer to go alone anyways. I want to avoid bringing things like balls or pails spelt wrong because it feels awkward bringing them just to talk to girls. Not to mention,

I don't have them since I usually just like to sunbathe, collect rocks, seashells and chill. I'd also like to know how I can approach groups of women or doubles. I still have a bad approach anxiety when approaching groups. So at first I'm not sure how I can interact with them without making things too awkward for my level. Any help would be appreciated now can you imagine the sight of a grown man just walking around with a fucking like plastic

bright red pale yeah i like how he's like damn i know i should have a ball or a bucket but i just don't want to bring one but i know it will in fact hurt my chances with these random women i'm harassing on the beach now you said bucket he didn't say bucket he said pale and to me i immediately think of those like you know the the like plastic kits that you buy at the dollar store for children to mix and castles and i want to come with like the matching shovel yeah exactly the little like hand shovel and like maybe a couple other you know accoutrement and like what why why would that be uh like you're talking about collecting rocks and seashells okay like what are you putting in those like where are you collecting them in his pants he's just good just it's like hey guys how do i approach women when my

pants constantly are weighed down by all these cool rocks that i found help someone thinks i'm really hung or has a disease because i've just got a lumpy hard mass the front of my shorts all caught in the netting but it's just rocks just all these cool rocks i found you know what that's the only endearing part about this is that he likes to collect rocks or seashells. Because the rest of it, you just go on the beach alone to creep. We can all agree that opening with, hey, I just thought I had to tell you. I saw you over there. I just really had to tell you.

I think you're cute. It's such a canned line that I'm sure everyone hears all the time. I'm sure it works. You know what I mean? Probably every now and then with certain people. I'm pretty sure everything works every now and then. You know, like just laws of possibility and whatnot. Doesn't mean it's good.

I think if you really want to meet people at the beach, like use this fucking seashell stone collecting thing. Is that a weird thing? Like one one don't like leave people alone like if they're just fucking chilling reading a book on the beach leave them alone they don't they're not there for you to hit on but if you happen to find yourself in a social situation where you can actually strike up a conversation invite invite the cutie to like look for seashells with you yeah i think our advice here is kind of similar to our advice in like a bar which again actually less so because bar it's a lot more socially acceptable to go chat someone up right and you're wearing more clothes so it's less creepy but like yeah you know if something's

happening like if people are playing volleyball and you're there and you're like oh like do you guys mind if i join in or something you know maybe they have one less player or whatever or maybe you just want to be like oh this i don't know like you join them in a natural way like ask them if you could play volleyball with them ask them like what the music they're listening to is if they're you know blasting a boom box you know what i mean do do something natural if you have to which let's be fair you shouldn't have to you know don't just go up and be like you look cute yeah like no one goes i mean i'm not gonna say no one goes to the beach to get compliments because i'm sure again people are

there just to flex um but like i said like if someone is you know got their hat over their head sunbathing or you know got their nose in a book reading while they're just enjoying the beach that's not like nothing about that or they have their headphones in like nothing about that says hey i want you to come talk to me and like if they're with their friends they're not gonna be like hey random guy who said i look cute and not my other three friends sit down with us now the whole day is about you the caveat here is get a boat because people on the beach specifically women i have two women i work with at work we're like yeah we wanted some random guy's boat the other day he picked us up on a

seadew yeah i was like what and she's like yeah he rode up and was like hey do you want to come on my boat and we're like yeah and got on the seadew i was like terrible and was like, hey, do you want to come on my boat? And we're like, yeah, and got on the Sea-Doo. I was like, what? I was like, would you do that if someone came up to you in a car or a motorcycle? It was like, hey, I got a real cool house. You want to see it? You know what's better? Is that like, if you go to a house, they have to dispose of the body somehow. You go to a boat, just throw it off the edge.

Or you could run away. If you're on a fucking boat, it's like. Unless you're Jesus, you're going nowhere. Yeah, you're stuck there until they decide that they're bringing you back. This is my beach safety lesson. Don't go to random boats with random men. It's very true. Now, I'm going to dip into the comments here because we got some incredible advice.

One is kind of like yours, but it's a little bit more budget friendly. Instead of hopping on a boat or bringing a boat, hop on a surfboard. Ooh. Now the poster says, I don't have one. And that's not the attitude we like to see here. But now we got some incredible advice.

You know, every now and then I come across advice that just shows we don't need to be here. Right. Okay. We're irrelevant. So Kenick in MD says, girls know they look cute. Be specific. what about them made you go up to them you don't have to be pervy or disgusting right now dang you don't have

to be pervy or disgusting just hyper specific just let them know the specifics such as the way the sun was catching your clear skin lured me over here how you like that one i love that like there are i would say there are three things that you can never compliment without being absolutely creepy and that's teeth hair and skin i think the any any time you you mentioned that someone has really nice teeth or i love your hair your hair smells really good no even those aren't that great. Skin. Yeah. Skin is weird.

Skin is the top of the list. Clear skin is a very like, it's not a great compliment. You know what I mean? It's like, that sounds like you couldn't get anything else. And you're like, your skin's clear.

You don't have things on your skin. Even then, it's not the kind of thing you can peg from distance anyway yeah right so it's like what also the sun was catching your clear skin and then lured me over here it sounds like you're used to luring people places which is why i use that i don't know yeah there's also like there are also words that you don't want to use in certain situations. Like when you're approaching a random woman, don't use the word lure. Like, like, just don't do it.

You know what I mean? Like, you're, you're the way the sun hit your removable eyes. I mean, your eyes was just like kidnap, activate, I'm captivated. Kidnap, activating is a very powerful Toronto energy term. It's true. Because I feel like most dudes have that energy with them. Like, okay, I do want to throw out some possible ways to mingle on the beach.

Because, look, we're all horny. We've all been locked up. It's time to mingle. Online dating is a cesspool meeting people in person is always the best way to go so i think we've cleared up the things not to do don't fucking just randomly approach people i think having a surfboard isn't a bad idea if you know how to surf now or power move you walk up to a girl and go hey teach me how to surfboard i don't know how to use this and if you don't teach me i'm gonna drown and it's on you that would actually be an

incredible flex now the only thing is what if they don't know how to use it well then you don't die alone it's true and that's actually the perfect response for when they say oh i don't know how to surf either so at least we'll die together. And then hold their hand. And call them mommy, just in case. Just in case. See, we're trying to cast a wide net. You're on the beach. I think what I really think that you need to find a way to to incentivize this rock collecting seashell gathering thing because if someone's just strolling around and or you know skipping rocks or you know just going for a walk i think a like a fine thing of being like hey you

let me know if you see any cool rocks cool seashells i'm the guy with the bright red bucket you come find me because that's it that you're inviting them don't don't be like hey do you mind if i join you and look for rocks because then you're imposing also let's be fair it's mysterious as fuck because like what are you what are you doing with these you know you just you just like them is it like a business thing what's happening here well and also it kind of shows you're badass you're that confident that you're like hey this isn't the most masculine thing you know what i mean looking for rocks and seashells but i'm such a badass that i will openly be like yeah that's 100% what i'm doing at the beach and if someone laughs at you'd be like why are you laughing like this is have you never looked for rocks at the beach they're like cool rocks at the beach it's like this is the best place to do boom you're in

a conversation with them and you now have the opportunity to be like okay give me give me 10 minutes we're gonna find a badass rock a badass seashell and you're gonna see why this is awesome and and now you now you have a way in and they can say oh no thanks that's not my thing and walk right and great perfect that's fine let them walk away they're not interested move on but you now have yourself a like an activity that you're doing that you enjoy doing so it's not like you're just wasting time looking for, but you also have a way to like incorporate people and invite people to join you. Also, don't just focus on

women. You know what I mean? Like if you get like, if you start making some bro friends and you're all just combing the beach for fucking sweet seashells, because look, if I was on the beach, like you and I, if someone was like looking for seashells, I promise you, you and I would get involved in that. A hundred percent.

And like, if they were chill, we would bring them back to our friends, I'm sure at some point. Or all our friends would just come with us looking for sweet seashells. Yeah. And now you have a group that can approach groups. Yeah. And also you don't seem creepy if there's a few of you. Yeah. If there's like one person.

And let's be fair. You talk about your fucking seashells. That's a conversation. You go up's like one person and let's be fair you talk about your fucking seashells that's a conversation you go up to someone say you're cute that what would you say that cool thanks yeah appreciate it yeah because then you're just in like pickup mode and like we've said it a thousand times people smell that shit from a mile away and it's so exhausting that like there's no reason to continue this. Cause like nine times out of 10, I imagine most people like, fuck how long until this stops.

Yeah. Whereas if like, how many times do you talk about seashells with a stranger? It's so disarming. It's a thing. It's non-threatening as well. And it's interesting. And it's like,

people get aroused most from their brain. You know what I mean? Like you're into someone most like mentally, you know, it can really be the spice on that fucking, whatever you are, the mean like you're into someone most like mentally you know it can really be the spice on that fucking whatever you are the rest of you it's gonna twist it one way or another if they start talking to you and you're a fucking plank they're gonna hate it you know you're gonna go down five points but if let's say you're you know unassuming and they talk to you and you're

just fucking hilarious all of a sudden they're seeing you in new eyes. Yeah. It's, it's such a, a treat to run into someone and have an interesting conversation or an unexpected conversation that isn't like slathered in altered or ulterior motives. It's so nice to just be like, like, just keep it about the fucking,

the rocks and the seashells. And if you have an opening, go for it great cool do it yeah but especially for girls who've been hit on like all day every day for the last few weeks you just be like you're cute that's nothing that's absolutely nothing to them that's an annoyance at best whereas like if you are having a conversation it's going to be refreshing it's going to be nice that like you see them as a person which you should but like you're cute no one cares there's and again we we say it all the time literally everyone says it all

the time confidence is sexy and there's a certain amount of confidence to admit that you are looking for seashells and i love it i i also love it so that's my that's my suggestion for you, my dude. Go out, be fucking adorable, and again, make friends. Walk right up to a girl and just say, I seek seashells on the sea floor. Say it back, or you have to help me with seashells. Say it ten times. Now. Quickly. Faster. Faster.

Faster. And then if they fuck up, just like, walk away. Yeah, 100%. This comes from Reddit user. It's just a bunch of letters and numbers. How would you compare sex to masturbation in terms of food? So as a follow up to my previous post, I'm a virgin trying to understand sex more. Is this the one who talked about the orgasms last week?

Yes, I'm pretty sure this is the one. Why does he try to keep comparing sex to things? I have viewed porn and masturbated to it, and I want to know how that compares to sex. My guess, using a food analogy, would be is porn slash masturbating is like eating candy, whereas sex is like a full course meal. Would you say that's an accurate analogy? If not, what would be a better analogy? See, I fear that we're helping someone pretend to have had sex before right like he's he's definitely going to be on his first date like well i always

think a wanking it is more like a candy whereas you know sex with me is more of a three-courser you know this is what's happening he's he's doing like grassroots research to try and sound like not a virgin i appreciate that he's on this quest to sort of like really nail it down before he does it yeah learn more sex stuff and kind of like you know expand his horizons but he's asking the fucking craziest questions that don't help at all that's the thing this like if i'm like oh yeah wanking is a hot dog but like sex that's a that's a beef brisket sandwich that doesn't mean anything to anyone and it's not helping him especially if you're a vegan right like it's like or maybe you're a vegetarian or or maybe you're allergic to dairy yeah it's like or yeah like food is so subjective and i guess

you know what fair Fair point to him. Sex is also, you know, everyone has their own particular flavors, but that's why you can't ask like, what, what is good sex? Because that question doesn't mean anything when it's internalized.

You can't be like, Oh, good sex is, you know, X amount of positions lasting this amount of time. Like that doesn't mean anything. That doesn't necessarily mean sex. You can have great sex that is missionary that lasts for, you know, three minutes.

That is a very possible great sex moment for you. Or arguably some of the worst sex is the one that does last really long and has multiple positions because you're usually just like it's not working. Stop trying to figure this out with these weird asinine ways but to get to his question what is what is masturbation like if it was a food masturbation is like a soup dumpling because you got a thing and then eventually to finish liquid has to spurt out yeah and if you don't sort of know what you're doing you could really hurt yourself exactly right whereas sex is like what's food where you put a thing in another thing it's like it's like mashed potato but your dick is the spoon now i i also wanted like what i wanted to bring it up would be like hey like stop trying to find

these arbitrary comparisons if you're trying to learn about sex really the only way to do it is learn the anatomy of sex learn the science of it and even that's not all that useful really the only way to sort of get experience and learn about it is to experience it and i think like being open and confident are two of the most important things because it's like you could read the kama sutra like our good old not a virgin friend from 100 episodes ago yeah and like it doesn't really mean shit if you're not like a lover that cares about your partner and also like has the confidence to either ask for what you want and also to act on what they want. Yeah.

Or just be so like removed from the situation because you're so focused on pulling off the like the mantis lotus. Yeah. You know, pretzel move. And it's like if that like I've had sex with people who, you know, have been very focused on their posturing and like what they look like and it's like it's so not sexy when people are trying actively to you know brace their arms back a little further so their their tits are out more and arch their back more so that they they're you know i mean it's like i know what you're doing and like it's so obvious that this isn't comfortable for you and you're doing it for my sake and like just relax like

i don't care if you've got some roles while you're writing me yeah we all have roles all the time i have them right now i'm hunched over a mic it's like i don't care about those things that's that's not at all what sex should be sex should be you know our roles and our our natural bodies and our you know the weird noises. And the mess. And everything. That's sex. And trying to remove that aspect of it. Greatly diminishes the joy.

And purity of it all. But let me read some questions. Can I also just say that. Even just assuming sex is one thing. All the time. Or even masturbation. Not all masturbation is the same yeah like sometimes you just crank one out because like you know you just need to sometimes you take

some time you luxuriate in it you know what i mean that's one's candy and one's like pulled pork well i see i would i would argue that masturbating is pulled pork. You're slow cocking it. Slow cocking it. Anyway, hit me with those comments because I can't wait. Masturbation is like eating ice cubes. It looks like you're eating, but it's just a crunchy drink. Sex is, well, a five-course meal. My eyes are bigger than my stomach, so it takes a while to finish. Dear God.

This person must have the worst masturbation and arguably the worst sex uh well i've got one to beat that for you masturbating to me is like plain unseasoned grits bland and unenjoyable sex is like beef wellington tender savory best i've ever had what does that mean sex what you've ever had sex is the best you've ever had. What does that mean? Best what you've ever had? Sex is the best you've ever had? Or even just beef Wellington is the best? Like every beef Wellington you've ever had? Yeah. Have you just had one beef Wellington?

Here's another one that masturbation is like yogurt, reliable and always there in the fridge when you need it. No, it's not. I run out of yogurt all the time. Also, it's very perishable. Yeah. Is this Gilear? Right?

Sex is like ice cream. You can't wait to have it, and your mouth waters for it. But when it's always there in the freezer, you start to take it for granted. What? So this guy doesn't take yogurt for granted, but does take ice cream for granted? Yeah.

Masturbation, yogurt, and it's always there for you. But if sex is also always there for you, it's... Then you got a problem. It's fucking bullshit right then. Sex is like yogurt because if you spill it, you get dried white stains on your pants. I mean, masturbation is like yogurt. I'm going to reverse it because they start with sex.

Masturbating or masturbation is making a food you know you like the way you like it. It's like, yeah, okay, that makes sense. Sex is making a meal for another person. There's a lot of work involved and maybe you'll get to sample the dish. How would you not get to sample the dish? Huh? What? Hey, I made you a sex uh it's in the bedroom let me know what you think if you like it i'll come join them if not you just do it just go do what you want with that sex i made you so it's it's questions like these where i'm just like

okay i deal with imposter syndrome a lot and it's like i read these and i'm like okay there is a reason for us to do this podcast if this is if this is the attitude people are bringing to both sex and masturbation yeah bland unsalted grits damn that's sad bud right how is anyone ever gonna love you if you can't even on unsalted grits yourself i don't know i'm sure there's been times where i've half-heartedly jerked off but oh yeah i would say that's a meat problem not a jerking off problem yeah more often than not if i'm gonna jerk off i'm gonna enjoy it right like that's it's a great way for me to unwind i like i'm not i it's very rare that i do sort of a uh what's the word i'm looking

for sort of a uh um not objective but like a you know a a functional masturbation you know like i'm doing it because i need to to come it's it's rare that i ever have like one of those situations because like i'm a grown man i can i can handle not coming for a while whoa you shut your mouth but like if i'm gonna jerk off i'm gonna do it to enjoy it but for real it's like you should be able to enjoy your own pleasure like you know you should be able to pleasure yourself because like if you don't if you can't for whatever reason it either means that you don't know what you want or you don't think you deserve it or like you're doing it wrong masturbation should be fun i don't understand why it wouldn't be unless they're just saying it's so bad in comparison to sex which like seems hyperbolic and maybe they've only had sex a few times that's fine but still

it's like enjoy touching yourself and then enjoy touching other people even then i can there i can definitely tell you that i've had better better jerking off sessions than i've had sex like i've had sex it's been worse than oh yeah of course yeah because it's like there are moving parts it's like if it's just me jerking it's like i know how i I feel. If I want to go faster, guess what? I can do that very easily. I'm kicking it into overdrive, baby. Yeah. You ready?

Yep. This is by Sad Highway 4635. Oh. Boyfriend 20 sees nothing wrong with having random Spanish girl in bikini sit on his shoulders in the pool. My boyfriend 20 is on a lad's holiday. They've been hanging out with a group of girls while there. I assume she's sitting on his shoulders like like they're in the pool playing like a you know like i assume like that or they she just hops on his shoulders for picture i i look i get it i understand the jealousy here it is it's never you know a fun

thing to see a half-naked lady presumably attractive on your boyfriend's shoulders but they're like the likelihood of anything like it would be such a power play stupid bullshit move to be like i'm cheating on you with this hot woman and here's a picture of me it's probably they were just fucking around in the pool i feel like if anything was happening they would definitely be like oh don't take a picture of me with you know but even then it's, it's like, look, you're jealous. That's fine. We've been through this before.

Being jealous is fine. It's how you act on it, right? Is there really anything wrong with, like, I've had many people on my back, on the back of my neck, like, under my shoulders for, like, a concert, for example. Or, like, Dane, I think, was suggesting some kind of pool-based, like, knock-em-over game, you know? Yeah. Which I believe is the technical term. Yeah. Those are not inherently sexual things.

It's like, yes, his head is between her legs, but it's the back of his head that's not hot. You know what I mean? It would be one thing if he was just nuzzling her vagina through the fucking swimwear. Yeah, if he was just getting a full face of cooch, then yes, I would understand you're upset. But is it really something wrong? Also, there's no harm in saying like, you know, just saying, mentioning being like,

hey, that picture may be a bit uncomfortable. But like, as much as I think it's important to be honest about this thing, I think there's also an onus on you as a partner to be like, do I have reason to believe that this is anything more than harmless, you know, holiday fun? If the answer is no, then you kind of have to move past it yourself. If you do think for whatever reason,

like if he's with this person all the time and she's kissing him on the cheek every five seconds and you know, everything seems to be like, he's very much latched on to this one specific person and there's just instance after instance after instance of suspicious activity then i don't think there's a problem being like hey uh you know your your interactions with this lady's making me a bit insecure and a bit jealous but if if it is just sort of like a group photo of them all dicking around in a pool, get over it. Yeah.

Like, you know what? Every single post in this is like, oh, my God, I would never accept that. 100% dump him. He's cheating on you. What a piece of shit. Like over and over and over and over. Every single one. Like, imagine if it just makes no sense to me because it's you.

As we've said a thousand times, you date someone because you trust them and if you don't trust them you shouldn't be dating them if imagine if like every time i'm back when burlesque performances were a thing i was so jealous that there is like you know amanda's rubbing her bow on the back of some dude in the audience and i was like i believe you know like it's so exhausting to do that it's like i know that considering the circumstances that this is nothing so i'm not jealous about it yeah so like for all you know he's wingmanning his buddy so that's what i was gonna get to apparently he said the only reason they're hanging out with the girls because one of the guys was single was talking to one of them and he was like

you know chatting to the other ones kind of like to help his friend out yeah everyone's like what he was entertaining them is he a clown or something and the original post like oh i laughed out loud when he said that it's such a dumb thing to say i mean it's like do you not have friends like have you never been with a single friend who talked to somebody else? Also like, look, if you want to be upset by this, that's okay. You know, do you think it's worth a giant fight and all these things? Cause arguably it's just someone sitting on the back of someone's shoulders. There's nothing inherently sexual. No, you know, he's around people and it's like, look, you trust him or you don't. And that's kind of what this comes down to. I think. Yeah. You can't have it both ways you can't be like no i trust you but the very act of having

someone on your shoulders is just so unforgivably sexual because it's just not no it really isn't and like literally the first thing that i thought of was probably there's a dude with another woman right beside him and that's the single guy at the girl that she's or the the woman he's interested in yeah you know what i mean and they they're just playing a game and he's just helping his buddy out and arguably that's kind of what like that's that's what i would do for you know as someone who's in a committed relationship i would actively be trying to help them because it's like i've got nothing to lose so i can i can do whatever i want and and say whatever i want and like i don't care if these girls are into me or not yeah i'm gonna try to do is is you know make my buddy look good and that's the thing it's the best way to be a

wingman is when you're taking because like you just you have no skin in the game you just get to like fucking help your friend out and like it's so easy and then if the girl turns around you'd be like oops girlfriend sorry lol bye you don't have to like engage awkwardly or like you know it's great so i don't know like to me this is pretty inoffensive if there are other things that made you suspicious like dane said sure maybe you have more of a like to stand on but like as it is it's like i get it it sucks he's on holidays you're not he's with a girl you're not with a guy but It's like, I get it. It sucks. He's on holidays. You're not, he's with a girl. You're not with a guy, but it's like, just because you feel all these things because you're not there.

It doesn't mean it's fair for you to take it out on it. No. And this is like, again, it's, it's the internet validation sort of move where I think she probably knows she doesn't have a, the leg to stand on here and that she's being irrational in her anger about this situation

and has now gone elsewhere and given minimal information because like she didn't mention the the friend wingman thing in the post no that was goaded out of her later on you know what i mean so like it seems strange that you wouldn't put anything on in his defense in the original post, but, you know, completely frame it in a sense that you are the victim here. But the thing is, by now, after this post, she definitely thinks she has the right to explode on this guy. Yeah. So I was like, oh, he had a random vagina on the back of his neck, but that's fine. You know what? Like, imagine if you actually were like, hey like i'm so sorry something happens like what happened

i let a girl put her vagina on the back of my neck what i laid down i laid down she stripped off and just went right onto it and she got up and she left it's like i don't even know if i consider that cheating i'd be like what are you doing yeah why are you okay yeah this is weird should we should we call the cops yeah so i don't know again like by all means be jealous but like think about why you're jealous process those feelings and deal with them in a healthy way but seriously these fucking things make sure he does an std test when he returns this is a case of someone showing you who he is and you just needing to believe him. What does our being Spanish have to do with it?

That's a good point. He's 100% doing it on purpose. You can't lack that much self-awareness. This comes from a Reddit user. Throw the whole... just a bunch of letters at the end. I thought it was going to be thrown to something away, but it's not. Anyway, am I being shallow?

I got us out on a date. I actually had a good time, but the first thing I noticed about him are his stretched earlobes from wearing gauges. I don't like gauges anyway, or I don't like gauges anyway, but his ears are grossing me out and I'm trying really hard not to focus on it or look at them. Now I don't know what to do because he's nice, but I don't find him attractive.

Yeah. I'm just going to make those sounds. It's over. Look, it's like if you don't find someone attractive, you don't find someone attractive. You know what I mean? Is it shallow?

Like, I don't know. It's based on physical appearance. So I guess kind of, but like, I don't think if you see someone, you know what i mean is it shallow like i don't know it's based on physical appearance so i guess kind of but like i don't think if you see someone you're like oh i'm not attracted to them damn that's shallow gotta date them now it's like yes fuck it if you if you don't find them attractive you don't find them attractive like i don't see the point in trying to power through and there are things like i i'm on her side i i think the stretched earlobe like that actually like physically makes me uneasy it it weirds me out and it is one of the things that i have a hard time not looking at in like morbid fascination now is this are you talking like the saggy danglers or are you talking

when they still have the gauges in either either of them they They freak me out. I don't mind like the little ones. Like if you've got like just little tiny ones. But I'm talking about like if I can get like two fingers through there, it weirds me out. What if you can get like, you know, a finger and a half? No, too big. Anything bigger than like my pinky finger freaks me out um and it's and it's just like i don't having skin that's got a hole that big in it that it shouldn't like it that's weird to me so i i get where you're coming from and i don't think like it's your like everyone has their own preferences you know what i mean like there

are people who don't like beards there are people who don't like you know piercings and that doesn't make you shallow those are just preferences that for whatever reason you don't like, you know, piercings and that doesn't make you shallow. Those are just preferences that for whatever reason you don't like. And you know what? Like I, I don't have any issues with space years, so I don't particularly understand, but like there's a million other things like you could have just gone out with them and had like a run of the mill thing. You don't lie. No, it's like if you don't think you're going to get get over it like what's the point in trying to stretch this out because if all you're gonna do is tell them you're

not attracted to them better now than in four dates time you know yeah i if it's something that took you by surprise and maybe you're you know not sure about fuck it give it one if you want if you really like the person otherwise but it's like you're always going to be attracted to someone or not and it's always going to be based on a bunch of things you know what i mean it's like is it very specific sure but like fuck it yeah i think you end up being shallow if you think this person if you make a judgment call based on them like if you look at them and you're like ah that person's dirty because they have gauged ears or that person is you know x y or z because they are this i think that's where shallowness kicks in i don't think you're shallow for not finding people attractive

yeah if that makes sense you know i mean like i think like if you look at someone who's overweight and you're like oh that person's lazy i don't want to date them because they're gross i think that's being shallow absolutely but if for whatever reason you look at someone, you're like, I don't find you attractive. The onus isn't on you to find everyone who comes your way or expresses interest in you. It's not your job to find them attractive. Yeah. So like, you know what? Just be kind when you dip out.

But like, fuck it. You know, that's my answer is fuck it. Yeah. Yes. I think if you if you can find a way to get over it, if you did have a really, really good time, I think it's worth trying for a second date and maybe seeing if it was just

sort of initial system shock immediately, like a one-time thing where you're like, Oh geez, yikes. And maybe it could be something that you get used to. If not sucks, but fuck it. This is by pizza rating. seven no pizza rating am i the

asshole for buying my boyfriend birthday gifts i'm confused and upset boyfriend turned 21 last week and i bought him new video game he'd been wanting and a t-shirt he started ignoring me and leaving me on red after that i asked him what was wrong and he finally said it was unfair i got him birthday presents because now he's going to have to get me something for my birthday and then i'm Wow. the card but he keeps saying he's unsure he can deal with a materialistic girlfriend was it wrong that i got him gifts i can't understand anymore wow no i don't think you're the asshole i think it is quite the opposite i think this guy is gaslighting you to try to make a very nice thing you did seem like a very shit thing for some reason i guess so that he can have his cake i eat the presents and eat it meaning that he now is you're in further debt to him almost and he doesn't have to do anything for you

yeah or he's just got like some really bad money issues like some really bad insecurities involving money yeah but even either even if that's the case this is not the fucking way to deal with it oh absolutely not 100 this is the wrong way to do anything really like regardless of what the reason he's doing this it's bad i feel like maybe try to get to the bottom of it and just be like hey okay well first of all is it wrong you got gifts absolutely not like let's get that out of the way that was the question you're fine you did a very nice thing um i would be fucking hype as hell if i got a video game in a t-shirt it's fucking best yeah um so just get that out of the way you're not doing anything wrong whatsoever unless you guys had a chat where like he said oh look i can't afford presents i don't want to do this like let's agree not to and you were like oh fuck you i'm gonna spend 120 on two

presents and make you feel bad that's the only situation in which this is a bad yeah so that's out of the way um if what dane says is right and this person has some embarrassing or like awkward or bad money situation or some shit like that it's still a very terrible thing for him to have done but it becomes slightly more understandable and i think you need to get to the bottom of that and if that isn't the case this guy is a complete garbage shithead and you need to run yeah like i i really don't know what advice i can give to her because she did everything i would tell someone to do she was like hey i don't want anything it's cool don't worry about it let's just spend some time together that's all i want it's like other than like other than actually

pressing the dude and being like hey why do these upset you so much i need you to like i don't care about gifts i've said that so claiming i'm materialistic just because i wanted to do something nice to you it like that's not what materialism is. You know what I mean? Like even giving, so it's like you're telling him something. He's refusing to believe you. Yeah.

I, like I said, I really don't know what I could, what to suggest to you that you haven't already done because the dude has shut down really what any logical part, like the logical next steps of being like, oh, Hey,

here's the reason why I did it. Here's, you know, I don't want to think blah, blah, blah. Those all are the things that you should do after a conversation like this. But the fact that he still is being super aggressive and punishing you for

what is ultimately a very nice thing to do for someone is, uh, unforgivable in my opinion i really think this is something to be like cool if you don't want a materialistic girlfriend enjoy your fucking video game and now you don't have a girlfriend yeah problem solved i i really don't like just going right to the to the breakup uh and i i you know we always try to give you a an alternative if you want to make the the thing survive the relationship survive but i in this case i don't think it's worth it yeah again the only thing i wanted to i just like if somebody has like a really bad economic situation and like

just kind of panic freaked out i didn't want to just like throw them under the bus but at the same time i said it at the start and it's still true it's like even if you have shit it's like that's on you to be a good partner to not dump that shit on somebody else you know and it wasn't even just one blow up it's consistent and it's cruel and it's mean and it's punishing you for doing something nice i think you just need to get out of this fucking relationship yep so here's something let's come to some reddit user mojo uh jivo mojo jivo mojo jivo how do you eat the pussy from the back i've done it before i don't know do you do you tongue fuck them i don't know or i don't know how or what to do that makes it so pleasurable to women

like he doesn't know how he's so pleasurable to women when he does it from the back how do you eat the pussy from the back i think he's saying is like do they like it i can't figure out a way to make them like it uh okay yeah it was just very confusing he did say i don't know a lot which was funny yes um so i think you gotta like one make sure they're comfortable with it because it's a very like revealing and like your nose is going in the asshole like yeah your nose is pretty much going the asshole and like a lot of people aren't gonna be comfortable with that and even in general it's like a lot of people like it's kind of different if you're doggy style fucking someone then just like having your face like eye eye to eye with with their butt eye um so a lot of people aren't comfortable with having their pussy eaten from the back

which is why just maybe make sure they're cool with it because if they're not, they're not going to enjoy it no matter what you do, really it's definitely something that would be alarming if you are mid position switch, maybe you're a missionary and you're in the switching

position of standing to get into doggy and then all of a sudden it was just like bam face in the ass like that would be alarming for like even if someone did that to like you know if we were switching positions and i wasn't expecting someone to like put my dick in their mouth it would still be jarring a welcome surprise but still like oh okay well all right you know that could have been dangerous because i didn't know you're putting your head there yeah but like even just you know flat out if you're like hey like turn over ben like turn around bend over i'm gonna like give you a lick out or whatever if they're not comfortable the worst the worst way to call it

lick out yeah i fucking hate it it's better than like eating out or like i don't i mean i know this is a cultural thing like that's weird i i know this is just you know terminology that we've become accustomed to we've been socialized what's your favorite way to do it uh go down on you i think i think it's my my preferred way or or eat you out eat you out is terrible a lick out sounds terrible too lick out sounds like because like what dogs do to kongs to get peanut butter out of them yeah but guess what dogs do the tennis balls when they eat them out they have to throw it in the garbage because it's dead now exactly that's how that's how i deal with sexual partner god like so what a done situation as soon as like i'm gonna

lick your dick i'm like cool if someone's like i'm gonna eat your dick i'm like no i need that i guess also eating out it's like gonna lick out your dick lick it out that's like going in and i don't want that but guess what still better than eating out i would take someone licking into my dick tip over them eating it especially eating out because it's almost like they've hollowed it from within so they're not just eating my dick they're like spreading my dick like they're splitting it it from within. So they're not just eating my dick. They're like spreading my dick like they're splitting it like a banana or something. Like a demogorgon kind of situation. Exactly. And then they're just gonna

like gorge on the flesh within. Like I don't want just like four limp strips of flesh left afterwards. Thank you Dean. Although apparently that is a surefire way to increase penis sensitivity what uh people have like split their dicks like they yeah you know what i don't need more sensitivity it's good

right yeah i'm like i i don't need that no if i could keep it in one piece and oh my god thank you i could do a lot worse and still i would want it in one piece. Anyway, back to what we were talking about. Yeah, you could tongue flick them if you want, but like that I don't think should ever be the goal. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like, you know, there's a lot of parts around there that can get attention from your tongue in your mouth. But like, I think the clit is still where it's at. I think I'm going to say it. I don't think this is a productive use of your time, really, in my opinion,

because you put yourself at such a disadvantage that you're correct. The clit is sort of like if you're going to go down on someone, as much as someone may have sensitive labia or even going into the vagina itself, the main reason to go down on someone is to stimulate the clit. Yes. It would be as if someone just was going to give you a hand and just work the balls. Yeah, or the shaft. Yeah.

Just went to town, just like licking around the shaft. And even then you'd probably have more success. So like putting your to eat someone out from behind while they're bent over, you've put the clit literally from the furthest part away from you. So unless you are going underneath and almost like a face sitting situation,

really throwing that ass up in the air and like bending over, you can get to it pretty easily. It also depends on how well she can arch. You know what I mean? Like the, that's true. Her, her sort of engagement in it as well

so if she's offering it up then yes you might have a better opportunity to to stimulate the the clit but if it's just sort of you know she's ready for sex and you're trying to like get in there at the wrong angle yeah yeah that's the thing you really need to like put that ass up get that back down and like it needs to be as dane said like presented it needs to be given to you like like an unappreciated video game and a t-shirt on your birthday right and and you need to get in there you can't just kind of like go for it like if they're in doggy position because like a lot of the time that like face down ass up thing is not the best way to start

doggy style at all, you know, cause it gets so intense or deep or just like fucks off the angle. So it's like, there are two different positions that you really need to like work around. So it's like, if your aim is to just go and lick someone out from behind, it could definitely work, but they need to be able to, as Dane said said contort themselves to that space where like the clit is accessible uh they need to be comfortable in that position being completely you know unveiled for the world you know you need to be okay with having a butthole probably in your nose or eyes uh no one's allowed fart during this just while we're on it um it'd be funny if they did

though it would be very funny if they did um it could be great and i think the fact that you are in this unusual position and it is a little bit more kind of like vulnerable etc can really heighten it for for the woman and like sometimes it can be easier depending on the angles you get or at least you can do things like a little differently so it can be really fun but you know you gotta just make sure you're doing things right. Cause there's nothing worse than like awkward head, you know, an awkward,

you're just kind of like slobbing in the general area, but you're not really getting it done. Yeah. Not really achieving anything. Yeah. You're just like throwing a tongue around downstairs. I think the only time I've ever really successfully pulled anything off was uh i was having sex on a couch and we were switching to doggy but she wanted to bent over

sort of like the arm of the the thing and so what she did was she was her her elbows were on the cushions of the couch and her knees were up on the arms of the yeah and that's a great angle because you've so much to work with. Yeah, I was sort of like almost face level with the ass. So all I had to do was just go down, you know what I mean? Like crouch a little bit. But at that point, it's like,

there are so many better ways to go about this. And like, yes, time and place. I don't think this should be added into like a repertoire of signature moves because it's so dependent on so many different things if you want to like go down on someone mid-fuck just just go down on them like if they're riding you bring them up have them sit on your face it easy easy way to get get access to the clit they control the pressure they control you know where position you pretty much just have to like flex your tongue and you're good to go that's pretty

much the easiest way to do it yeah or you know just if it's missionary go down you're you're right there they're already in position just go to town on them i think trying to eat someone out from behind is a fool's errand for the most part. So I don't think this is something I disagree. It's totally fine to do. You just like it takes a little bit more effort than the other ones. Like I've done on the bed where someone's just bending over and it's like you can get in there, but you can't. But you need more work than the others. So it's like I think what you're saying is there's often more like baggage to it and like

success, you know what I mean? Yes. There's way more chances to mess it up. And like the only real benefits are shaking things up. And maybe that kind of like vulnerable feeling that like she might enjoy or might not enjoy. So,

you know, I don't think it's exactly gonna, you know, change someone's lookout game, but you know, throw it in there every now and then try it you know i definitely feel like it's more of a partner thing than a one night stand thing yes you can communicate and they won't just be like what's he doing is he trying to sniff my butt and that's the other thing is like you know eating ass is a very common thing so like to go down there unannounced someone might be like cool i have

not prepared myself for this and get very very self- unannounced someone might be like cool i have not prepared myself for this and get very very self-conscious or they might just be like hell yeah and like dump their butthole on your tongue and you didn't want that you know i'm changing my lookout is now second place and dump your butthole on their tongue is probably probably the king of things i don't ever want to hear you say again. Oh yeah. Well, do you want to hear this question? Sure. Now, Dane, you gotta listen to the question, alright? Oh, it's like

a riddle, okay. No, it's not, but like No, it's like a riddle. I just want you to, you know, work within the parameters of the question. Like a riddle. Yes. This is by FreeBobbySchmurder. What is the best frame to attract women, in brackets, and male friends? And this is in Outer Game, in Seduction. Option one, happy idiot. Smiling, good vibes, chill, not the sharpest, somewhat goofy. Option two, serious, sharp, witty, serious, sarcastic, bordering on mean. Thanks. I see.

So this is like an archetype. This is a pickup archetype. Yes. And it's a game that's only, it's in beta. So there's only two options. And both of them are bad. You can be an idiot or you can be mean. So I like, if I have to choose, if you're making me play in the game i'd be the idiot

100 there's no question asked why like the options of being funny and friendly and you know approachable or the alternative is like i'm gonna be stern and kind of a dick like what why would i want to do that now harry got got disagreesrees with you. He says, don't be goofy. Men will take you seriously and women won't open their legs for you. I would strongly disagree with that because that is, I mean, goofy is, I mean, I don't know if goofy is the right word to describe me, but definitely not serious and kind of mean. You're definitely serious. I've never seen you make a joke ever. Matt Guyver says, probably an intriguing combination of both.

Ooh. Be goofy and mean. Hey. Have like one of those spinning like flower petals that squirts them in the face when you... Yeah, but it's acid. Yeah. It's just pepper spray.

Electric hand buzzers? Mm-hmm. Pretty much just be a clown. Yeah. I love that this person thinks those are the only two ways to go but also that like you need to affect something like this it's like no what are you yeah how about how about that one hey bruh you you don't have a framework you have a personality hopefully that's like i don't wake up and like bleep bloop what personality would i like to install today

bleep bloop that's not how it works at least it shouldn't be yeah because mine are pre-installed i mean if you're if you're multi-classing you're always going to be worse than someone who's straight up you know going that's deep all right although i don't agree with that because i made it pretty bad i know you did you multi-class character. Five or six multi-class character once. To everyone who has no idea what you're talking about, let's move on. This is insane. There is no

two options. And either way, the option should just be BU. We've done this a million times. Stop it. Alright, let's do some tinders. At the end of the episode, we like to peruse online dating and comb through some profiles looking for red flags. What works? What doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable?

So we got this one sent in. I'm going to call them Agent Meow. And it just says, I think I'd make a pretty good cult leader. Yeah, the trouble with this is like,'s funny and i'm assuming it's a joke i'm like 90 sure it's a joke but she's definitely joking there is also the chance the slight hint that they do think they would be a good cult leader and but the thing is i think thinking you'd be a good cult leader is one thing like someone might be like i think i'd be a good cult leader is one thing. Like, someone might be like, I think I'd make a good murderer. But being a murderer?

That's not okay. That's true. You know, I'm charismatic as hell. I could be a cult leader. Doesn't mean, like, you're thinking that. You know, you could say that. That's a good point. Still not acting on it.

That's a good point. Yeah, either way, this is going to be a 10 for me because I think it's funny. I think it's funny. It's new. And you know what? We haven't even seen anything remotely like that. So, good job, get 10 this is james i don't want to brag but i once picked a movie i had to watch on netflix in under 30 minutes whoa if you don't like going for late night adventures don't talk to me car emoji i like it a lot it's a 10 i i like it until the like i'm

not a big fan of the like if you don't like this then don't do like don't talk to me even like there it starts with a joke but like late night adventures doesn't there's no punch line there so it's like yeah it takes a bit of a serious turn and i'm just like so i'm gonna give it a seven i don't take it as seriously because of the joke you know like i'm riding that comedic high and you know it's also kind of like it's in your court it's like if you if you want to talk then there's some presumed level of like adventure having i don't know it's fine by me yeah but i don't mind i don't hate it i'm just saying that those those phrases always give me the hebes a little bit so i'm gonna give it a seven

okay uh this was also sent in. This is going to be from Agent Zed. Now this isn't their profile. But they found it and sent it in. Not looking for a hookup. Read that again. This is my first time on Tinder. I honestly didn't want to sign up but here I am. I'm not your average

girl you see on here. And I'm also not trying to brag or anything but I really have a lot to offer and I would want the same in return.'m an intelligent hard-working independent woman who has her shit together ultimately i'm looking for a deep connection to see where that takes us i like how she's like i'm not the typical person but i'm almost positive we could say we've heard this profile word for word i actually i'm 90 sure yes um I'm going to give it a two because you can't come up with the energy that you are this fresh new God's gift, Messiah, you know, generously gifting yourself upon the masses because you didn't even want to be here. Well, that's firstly, that's the biggest red flag. Well, not the biggest, but like for song tender, I don't care.

This doesn't matter. Why are you ashamed of online dating? I didn't want to sign up. So you had to. Yeah. Who made you? Either someone made you or you failed so much in like real life dating that this was your last. Like you had to reluctantly sign up here.

Neither one is good. Yeah. Now you're average girl. How do you know? It's your first time on Tinder. Now you're average girl you see on here. Anyone who says that is the average person because everyone says that. Also, I'm not trying to brag, but here I am bragging.

Yeah. It's yeah. I'm giving it a two. I'm going to say two. I think I'm not trying to brag, but here I am bragging. Yeah, I'm giving it a two. I'm going to say two. I think I'm just going to give it a one because there's nothing redeeming here. This is Abigail. Just looking for someone who will go to the gym with me, but will also drink an entire box of wine with me. I do those things. Right? Hell yeah.

I like it. Getting a ten. I'm just going to give her a 10 as well. I'm a little biased because I do see her picture and she is a cutie. But with that profile, I'm great. Perfect. See,

it's fun. It's so she likes fitness and partying. Yeah. This is Lee Shan. There is no racial discrimination. I like traveling, watching movies and yoga. I'm an independent girl.

I like to make friends and drink coffee together. I hope I can find someone who loves me, treats me well, is self-motivated, filial to my parents, and finds a sunny, handsome, charming, and financially independent person. What? Filial to my parents? What is that? Filial. Like F-I-L-I-A-L, which I believe means like act like a son. Oh.

It's like a filial relationship. It's like you'd be like their son. That's strange to want from a romantic sexual partner to be sort of the adopted son to your parents. I assume that's like part of being like a good son-in-law, you know what I mean? Yeah, fit into the family. It's still a few steps ahead of where you're beginning. I don't hate this. The opening line of no racial discrimination is strange, but also might be necessary from where they're from.

Yeah. Because I know there is a lot of like, you know, not won't date this type of person. You know what I mean? So like, good for you. I, it's, it's sad that we have to preface things with that,

but you know, depending on where you are in the world, I'm glad that you are, you're open. Now, what if they are the opposite and they're claiming that racial discrimination doesn't exist? Well, that changes everything.

I assume it's like a typo or like a translation thing but i like how they say like i hope i can find someone who loves me blah blah and finds a sunny handsome charming and financially independent person it's like wait you want someone who finds a sunny handsome charming and financially independent person. It's funny. But no, I like the whole thing. It seems very positive and nice, and it's cute. Yeah, I'm gonna give it a 10. Fuck it. I'm giving all 10s today. I'm gonna give it a

7. Goddamn. This is Archie. I like to think I have a wicked sense of humor. Ideally looking for long-term, since my last long-term became short-term. You do the cooking, I bring the wine, and do the washing up. That's a 7. That's a 6 like you do the cooking kind of weird and like talking about your old relationship it's like saying you want a relationship because your old relationship failed that's kind of weird see i like it i almost like it because like it long

term became short term like that's funny but yeah like i i think it's i don't think it's and i tuck it maybe yeah i think it's a little bit more like obviously like most people who are on tinder last relationship ended well i hope so right like it's it's kind of so like i don't know i i think it's i think it's the right amount of sarcastic for me to appreciate. And I got no harm with the, like, if you cook, I'll clean. Like, I like that. I'm the opposite. I would rather cook and have someone clean up. Oh, yeah, 100%.

But, like, this dude is, I might match with him. But there's something a little more charged if you're a guy saying to a woman, you cook. Oh, it is. He's a man looking for men. Oh, OK. There you go. So that is less bad. Either way, it's a seven for me.

It didn't quite get there. This is Kat. And on Hinge, they just say, change my mind about men are all good liars. Hmm. Cool. Yeah. I mean, like I we always talk about how relationships are built on trust and you need a foundation to trust to make a solid relationship. If the first or your

prevalent opinions of me as a man is that I'm a good liar, seems hard that you would find a place in your psyche to trust me. me yeah it's super negative and aggressive to start off and it's like hey by all means you know you could have gone through some shit i'm not like that's totally fine but that's your shit that's not our shit or my shit you know what i mean so to come out with that in a dating profile i think is super weird i also like have no interest in trying to date someone i have to convince I'm not terrible. Yeah, exactly. I'm not going to start in negatives. Fuck that. Yeah, no, absolutely

not. Yeah, get out of here. That's our show. Thank you very much for listening. I hope you had a great time. I know I did. I also did. Well then, there you go. Now we had a great time and it'd be really uncomfortable if you said you didn't have a great time. So if you could

just maybe tell you that you had a good time. You have to, I guess. Yeah, I mean, you don't want to make things weird. If you have a question for us or you would like to just say hello, you can reach out to us. Head us up on our website at fbuddiespodcast.com. You can

find all of our social media. You can find a contact form that you can choose your own agent name we'll keep it completely anonymous and we will respond to you asap thank you to josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars and also thank you to everyone for getting us into the top 12 or to number 12 in the top 100 health and wellness uh podcasts on good pods so if you have that app, come follow us. Come give us a listen because we're blowing up. We're blowing up. We're coming big.

Yeah, come like us. Come star episodes or just follow the show. I don't know how it works yet, but it'd be great. Do you have some bad sex writing for me? Yeah, this is going to be a tweet. And it's about your favorite topic, the Olympics. It's a picture of, I believe the... or it's a female weightlifter and they said, not an empowerment,

but beginning of a destruction. 26 years old, unmarried girl, destroying her fertile years. Has already destroyed her most fertile years too. Can't be called as the icon of female empowerment. She could have brought new beautiful lives to the planet Earth. How dare she lift weights in the Olympics?

I mean, did she lift weights so hard her uterus exploded like i think they're just like she spent her time training and not having kids yeah i mean up till 26 wow what an asshole she can still have children also she doesn't have to yeah this person sucks don't be like this boy i mean the the sheer amount of people criticizing the simone who's about mobile like the amount of men who are like i saw one uh guy post like she made the u.s even weaker now i can't believe like we're a laughing stock blah blah blah and i was like yes the man with the double chin and a weak jawline is the epitome of american strength get the fuck out of here also saying this to one of the like literally best athletes to ever come out of the america like america like she's you do better than any one

thing that she does do one single thing and i'm talking just the running startup to anything that she's done accomplish that and then you can talk about weakness but until you can do literally anything on an olympic level you don't get to talk shit about this also it's like she's been proven to just be the best gymnast in the world at the moment it's like she has nothing left to prove so it's like if she thinks she'll be better off like bowing out of the competition for like mental health or whatever. It's like, yeah, that's a,

that's a fucking, like, there's no thought about that. Of course you would. What do you have to prove? You have all the medals, you have all the fame, you have the reputation.

And on top of that, she's not even getting the proper scoring because she's too good. Now you son of a bitch. You tricked me into talking about the Olympics. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm now Spain. We've been your fuck buddies.