F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 150 - Ranch for the Table

Episode Date: August 16, 2021

This is exactly why we ask for separate bills, Jessica.  Topics include launching our Patreon, playing hard to get extremely poorly, adventures in inappropriate lube, the sinister undertones of hiding your age, wanting your date to suffer, does he hate you or want to date you, deepthroat despair and a new slew of Tinders. Patreon Link: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Niall Spain And we're your fuck buddies We're a dating and sex advice. And we're your fuck buddies.

We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we dig your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we answer questions on the topics of sex and dating that we either find online or are sent in to us by our lovely listeners. And then we answer them. How do we get these questions, Dane? Yes. If you would like to be one of those lovely listeners who sends in a question, you can hit up our website at fbuddiespodcast.com. From there, you have access to all of our social media, which is a suitable way to get in contact with us, whether to just say hello or to send in a question. Or you can use our contact form on our website. You can choose your own agent name.

We keep it completely anonymous. And we will get you on the show ASAP. Hell yeah. Aside from that, we've got some other exciting news, don't we? So, for a long time, people have been asking us how they could support us and reaching out and, you know, being the incredible fans

that you guys are, and we finally have an answer for you. So, we have set up a Patreon, which should be live by the time this episode is if it isn't blame them not us you know um and yeah we're gonna have a few tiers there um you know from from simple things like just like to add a little support to you know getting priority uh like priority membership i guess that sounds kind of fun. Where you can get like skip the queue. A priority queue.

Yeah. We will give you the options. If you want to send in a question, if you're a member of this tier, your question will be answered before anyone else's. And we also have, excitingly, an extra monthly episode. That's right. Called Pillow Talk. Have we decided?

All right. Yep. I think it works i think so too um so if you like us and you want a little bit more of us this is going to be a way to do it but seriously we love all the support you guys have given us if anybody can't contribute by all means don't feel you know like you have to we know the world's still crazy and even if it wasn't sometimes you're not in a position to, and that is 1000% okay.

And, but for everyone who can and everyone who does and everyone who will, we love you so much. And it will let us continue to do this. We've done it. What? Two years now. Yep.

Over that. No longer than that. I think, right. Three years, three years. I don't even know anymore. Yeah. Almost three years.

Yeah, which is insane. And, you know, we pay for hosting. We pay for the website. We put our time aside every week, not just to record, but to research. And Dane spends a lot of time editing. And we've done all this because we love you guys and we love what we do. But, you know, this will ensure hopefully that not only we can continue doing it, but, you know, get better, get better recording spaces and mics and, you know, maintain the website, maintain the hosting and maybe even move on to diversify our podcast portfolio. Yeah. I don't want to spoil too much, but we are working on a new project and being able to count on a little bit of,

of extra money in order to make this something that we can dedicate a little bit more of our time towards we'll go a long way. And it's, it's a project I'm super, super excited about. I know Niall is it's, it's something I think a lot of people are going to enjoy and we're really excited to get it out.

But any extra support available to us is going to make this show and our secret little project all the more manageable for us to continue producing. And like Nell said, we appreciate the support. And if for whatever reason you don't have the extra cash in your pockets right now that's fine. A simple share, a simple like, go on rating us on things like Good Beans, Good Pod, what is it? Good Pods. Good Pods. Good Beans though.

I was thinking of Podbean which is our host. Yeah, Good Pods if you want to go like us on there, follow us on any of the social media platforms, anything like that helps us out and we can't thank you enough for the support you've given us uh from the very beginning and we can't thank you enough for the support that you uh could potentially be giving us in the future so thank you very much like we don't plan on stopping this podcast unless we have to and you know hopefully we won't ever have to but this will definitely

make that further away if it you know gets, gets off the ground. So with that in mind, question time? It's question time. You ready? Yep. This is by Hungrybelt5653. This is a bit of a trip, so strap in. New lady I'm dating wants me to be more aggressive and dominant, but at the same time wants to get to know me better before we have sex? This has been so confusing. We've only been together for two weeks and been on four dates, but things seem to

be moving really fast. First day we spent together, she told me she wanted me inside her, but backed out because her friend walked into the room we were in. Next night we were drinking on my deck and she told me she loved me and how attracted she was to me. Of course she was drunk and I didn't take what she said seriously. She didn't ask what I liked during sex. I said if she comes to my bedroom, I'll show her. She declined and said she doesn't like having sex too early because she easily becomes attached. Lowly for that, I think, considering she just said she

loves him, but about an hour later, she wants to go to my room and fuck. We get in bed naked and she immediately passes out. After a few minutes, I do too. Next day, she's sober and doesn't remember much of the previous night. We go to a winery and bed and breakfast the next weekend and have a great time. We come back to the Airbnb, get in the hot tub and start making out, and I start sucking on her titties.

She then backs out again, saying it's dangerous to be drunk in a tub, we might drown. She'd go to the deck and drink instead. I'm like, sure, whatever. Then she starts asking me why I'm avoiding having sex with her. And she wants a man who's more aggressive and dominant. And she feels I've been avoiding having sex with her. I tell her I've been constantly trying, and you're the one who's avoiding my advances. What do you want me to do?

Rape you? She then laughs and says, yeah, maybe. We then cuddle and listen to some awful Hawaii Jimmy Buffett sounding band she's into and drink the rest of the wine. We go to our room again, she immediately passes out. I take a Xanax and do as well. Next day we spend completely sober. Drive around the countryside, do some thrift shops, and she showed me her new apartment. Finished the night watching some boring Eddie Murphy movie

where he's like a boxer and a spy. During the movie, she was affectionate despite being sober, which is a good sign. We're going to Six Flags next weekend. We'll bring her to my place to try to fuck again. Guys have any tips on how to deal with this girl? There's so many. Like, I don't know where to start here.

One, it sounds like y'all might have some substance abuse problems. If. Yeah. The like passing outness, which doesn't sound like, you know, there's like, oh, I passed out like hard as in like I went to sleep. This doesn't sound like it's, I don't want to say consensual passing out it sounds like it's you're you're blacking out i'm like conking out yeah and then he's also like i popped a xanax after fucking drinking to the point where your date is passed out like like there's so many issues of like consent as well where it's like you seem to want to have sex with this person

after the drinking but if they're blacking out or, like, passing out the second they hit the bed, it's like, obviously, this is not a time to be trying to have sex with them. Yeah. Also, I think my first thought when I was, like, reading this is, like, if they're not mature enough to communicate when and how they want to have sex they're not mature enough to have sex i yeah that's a fair point but i think the thing we really need to focus on is there's no such thing as a boring eddie murphy movie and which movie is he a boxer and a spy uh the i think it's the one where he played it's owen wilson oh tinker taylor boxer spy god damn it um i think it's called i spy and i think i think that is the thing is she seems to be very hot and cold with regards to like oh let's fuck let's not let's fuck let's not uh it also seems to follow the trend of how drunk or not she is yeah and on top of that she's then criticizing you for not making moves when in all the times you should have well in her mind you

shouldn't have you know because she's too drunk or has said the opposite you guys need to literally like talk and not make a throwaway comment like that you know which you then get a throwaway reply to you need to be like if you want to have sex like let's let's do it you know what i mean let's have sex you know sober or have a drink or two or whatever. But, like, you guys should be able to discuss this and not have this weird, like, I want a dominant man. Why haven't you? Like, that's so weird. It's, like, as if she's not even, like, part of the decision-making process.

Like, why haven't you? Like, what was wrong with you? Like, it's not just ball in your court, you know? It takes two to fucking tango anytime the only conversation they seem to have had about having sex and consent is maybe you should rape me is that's is so fucking awful that is not an adult mature conversation about consent or boundaries or it's like you know there are fetishes that you know that include rape play and and fantasies and stuff like that which are something to be explored and very thoroughly

discussed but but this isn't even that no you're literally talking about having sex for the first time and so far it seems like she refused she does not want to give consent it seems like she wants you to take it and that is such a toxic unhealthy way to not only instigate a sexual relationship but to encourage it i would cut my losses on her and be like no thank you you don't seem to have a healthy relationship with sex or consent or you don't seem too sure what you want because you did just tell someone that you love them on a second date and also don't want to have sex with someone because you get too attached too quickly it's like these things all don't line up to what you're saying yeah everything is a contradiction and most of them are also red flags, like the amount of red flags you're being pelted with, you're basically going to six flags already, you're already at six flags, at least maybe nine flags, either bail, which I think is not going to be a bad decision, or have an actual mature adult conversation where you don't just make throwaway statements like that you go, we're adults here if you want to sleep together

let's do it you know let's let's do it and not when you're very drunk and not when i'm very drunk and not when we're fucked off our head on xanax or whatever like if you want to have sex let's do it but like i'm gonna need consent because i respect you and i respect myself and also the law the law yeah you know it's there it's like no this is terrible you just need to make like either have that conversation to be absolutely explicit and break through all this immature bullshit or get out of there and we've talked about it before of the sense it's like behavior like this from a woman completely and again i'm not trying to shift blame or, but it's like, this is the kind of thing that like men who might have thought one way, get jaded or start thinking that like,

this is the, like, this is what I have to do to have sex is to, you know, ignore consent. And you know what I mean? Like playing these weird fucking games is harmful for every woman. Yeah.

And every dude, you know what i mean like it's harmful for a healthy sexual society to to play a game where consent means nothing and i'm gonna say i want to have sex but i'm not going to say that i want to have sex and the only way that you're going to be able to have sex is if you essentially pin me down and fuck me which is is you know you might think that's hot but yes pinning down someone and fucking them super sexy but with consent exactly yeah and that's the kind of thing you need to discuss and disclose and give and it this is just such a shitty situation so bail or firmly established boundaries. There is no other option.

Yeah. Cause I mean, all like all it's going to take is, uh, and again, not to, but like if she decides that, you know,

or if you guys do a breakup and you tell her, or, you know, on their fourth date, you say you don't love her. All she has to do is like, yeah, you've,

you took advantage of me when I was drunk and you're fucked as well so it's like you're you have to protect yourself in the same situation i i would say run from this as fast as you can i don't think uh you know a conversation is a great place to start but i honestly do not think that i i have a feeling she's going to see that as a beta move yeah i i don't think a conversation is going to go well, but you know what? I feel like it needs to be done regardless. Yeah, because if enough people sort of have that talk with her, hopefully she will learn to not be as garbage.

Yes. Yeah. There's nothing sexy about this gray area. Just to throw it out there. This is the worst and it's terrible. And if you ever find yourself doing this on either side of the fence, like there's no, like there's nothing that's not a thing.

That's not anything a healthy person does, or, you know, you need to be upfront. You need to give consent or not give consent, but either way it needs to be a decision and you need to be able to communicate like maturely and respectfully and safely.

Yeah. And have good safe, healthy sex. Yep. This comes from Reddit user Carlos with a bunch of numbers. This gets places and does some things, so hopefully you understand. If not, I'll try to parse it. Great. I don't feel like this is safe.

So me, 17 male, and my girlfriend of a year now 16 year old female have been doing more things recently a couple months ago we did anal for the first time she got used to it after a couple times anyway about three weeks ago we were in the mood and didn't have a rubber so she suggested hole two i agreed and asked her where her lotion was she said she didn't have any that that she meant raw. We tried. It didn't work. Too much friction. She told me to use her discharge.

Is that the right word? As lube. We did that and did it again like twice after in the time since. I don't feel like this is medically safe. She says it is, but I'm not so sure. And wanted to ask you guys also, does it change if sometimes I eat her out and then after do that, like, does the saliva make it worse? What discharge?

I'm assuming he's like, he means like vaginal secretions. Like, like, I think that's what he's talking about. Like, she's wet and he's sort of like the wetness in her butt. Yeah. Oh, not even like, but I think, i think maybe like when he says we're using hole two is he talking about her butt or yes yes yes yes they're having anal sex with anal sex he used her like vaginal juices yes um as luke and thinks it's unsafe yes and then i don't know what he means at the end where he's talking about eating her out does that change things and make

it worse i have no idea what that means i don't know what he means at the end where he's talking about eating her out does that change things and make it worse i have no idea what that means i don't know what that means like is he worried that saliva getting in the butt is bad because it's not no unless there's something wrong with your saliva like you're you know and if it's adequately lubricating her butt to the point where she's not hurt you know what i mean like i think the danger is that it doesn't work very well. And you, you know, go in unlooped and like hurt her or that between like scooping and's like once you're adequately lubed i think there's always like a concern about like utis or whatever if you then get matter in your unprotected penis but like other than the fact or the possibility of like introducing things that you don't want onto either of your genitals i think you're fine once she's not in dire discomfort now also on top of this i do want to make a note that lotion is not lube yeah that was kind of tripping me up too i wasn't sure if it was just like

a word they used for it but i'm i guess beginning to suspect it's not yeah it seems like you guys are very eager to fuck great cool you're 17 you're not doing it well um the idea of having raw anal sex unlubricated should be a nightmare to anyone who has ever imagined this like um and i'm sure there are people who are comfortable with it i'm sure there are people who can do it fine but for someone who are fairly new to sex and just want to take care of your partner you you need to think plan ahead there are some times where like if you're horny and you don't have a condom maybe you just have to either walk to the fucking you know drugstore and buy some condoms or hang out for a bit you won't die do hand stuff or oral stuff. There's all kinds of stuff you can do.

To have unprotected sex, regardless of whether it's, like, the only real risk you're avoiding is pregnancy by having anal sex. You can still get STDs. You can still get infections. You know, like, there's still a long list of things that can go wrong. Really, the only thing you're not going to do is get pregnant. you need to one use the right tools for the job um and lotion is not that there are so many chemicals and fragrances that can irritate and infect and allergic reactions and no one wants an allergic reaction in their butt no not at all and also it's like you're young enough that like you probably have to go through your parents if something happens and like no one wants to have an allergic reaction in their butt. No, not at all. And also, it's like you're young enough that, like,

you probably have to go through your parents if something happens. And, like, no one wants to have that discussion. It's like, hey, I've got a big infected butt, Mom. Mom, my butt is just rancid right now. I've got a rancid butt because of Dave. And then Dave has to come over for Sunday dinner, and it's terrible. Now, my fear is that, like, she is not letting you know how uncomfortable she is because she wants to be a good, cool partner, you know, because I feel like that is a very significant danger that people in these new relationships and these young relationships don't have the knowledge self-confidence or like wherewithal to to realize when they're putting themselves in harm they did say that they stopped

because there's too much friction yeah but that might have just been actually like it just wasn't working as opposed to like you know that's fair so I just know there's the danger of like, you know, you should be as into your partner's safety as, as possible, you know? And even sometimes if they're like, I don't know, you should have it in mind and make sure that you're not kind of like rolling with something that cause you're horny, even when it's not the best for them. But yeah, like, like Dane says, a hundred percent, don't use lotion wrong tools for the job.

And if you're horny and you're going to make bad decisions, do something else, like get a fucking blow job or get a hand job it's still fucking great and guess what it's so much better than infecting your butt or your bits or getting pregnant and if you're using lotion as lube during uh vaginal intercourse you might as well not wear a condom either because that stuff degrades and and erodes condoms depending on what type of lotion and what type of condom you're using so it's like you're thinking that's a safe method buy lube buy water-based lube please for the love of god it's cheap you can probably get some free samples at like if there is health clinics and stuff nearby like it's not that expensive it lasts a fucking lifetime you know what i mean like a

little goes a long way when it comes to lube. So treat your, make sure you're using the right tools for the right job. I'm glad you posted this because a lot of people in the Reddit were like, stop using lotion. So that's good. You know what I mean? Like you,

you need to learn a bunch of things. The, my rule of thumb, anytime I was like, is this safe for my dick? I would look it up. I never did anything to my penis without making sure that it was okay to do. Right?

Fair. Even using regular lotion and creams and stuff on your penis is ill-advised because it's not meant for that kind of skin yeah i'm very like nervous of any cream near my dick after i once put moisturizer on my face and like jerked off later on and then my dick was real sore and red and i was like and i was like i must have still had like cream on my hand and you know even like scents scented fucking uh like soap and shit can be really bad for it so just you gotta look after your dick yeah and your vagina and each other's dicks and vaginas. And butts. So also, don't worry about the safety of the literal fluid that women produce for the sole purpose of lubrication.

Like, how is that your concern and not fucking, you know, your bottle of jerkins? Also, the inherent danger of like touching a butt and then like going straight to the vagina. Like the old cross pollination. You don't want to cross pollinate. No. You will make the worst flower. You ready? All right.

Yep. This is by Hold Me for Mata. Guy on Tinder hit his age. How to proceed? I'm 34 year old female chatting with a guy on Tinder who's very cute. Catchy is that he has his age hidden Typically I swipe left on guys who hide their age It icks me out

I assume they must be trying to trick younger women to sleep with them Trying to decide whether to listen to my gut and bail Or if I should give him the benefit of the doubt and go on a first date Thoughts? I mean have you asked how old he is? I feel like that's a pretty easy way to go about it Or jokingly ask him why he's hiding his age i feel like it's a very strange thing to assume right well how old

is she did it's 34 so it's like i don't know like does this guy look like he's very young or very old because otherwise what's the fucking what's the what's the harm like if this dude looks like he's 50 and he's trying to hit you know sleep with 19 year olds on tinder yeah they're not like hiding his age isn't gonna change much yeah it's like okay that's fine but like if he's also 30 trying to sleep with like 24 year olds that much of a difference really you know like like the age gap quickly means less when you're in your like 30s. Because you can kind of like, you know, you can play in the 20s, you can play in the 30s. Hell, dabble in the 40s if you want.

You know what I mean? Like none of it really matters. So if you're just making up this crazy assumption that he's manipulating younger women, if that's the only basis you have is because like you think that's the only reason someone would ever hide their age. I feel like it's such a leap in logic. Yeah. And like also women dating older people is like so much more common and accepted than men dating older women. You know what I mean? It's almost like societally fine.

So it's like if he's in his 30s or 40s, like he wouldn't need to really hide his age. You know what I mean? Like no one's going to be like, ew. If you're hot and you're 40, that's probably almost cooler. Because it's like, oh, you probably have your shit together. You're probably wealthy. This will be a fun experience as opposed to Chad who fucking sleeps on a mattress on the ground. Right?

I really don't think it's necessary. I feel like this is just such a strange thing to go to. But on the other hand, if your gut instinct is telling you to bail, then follow your gut instinct. And I, because this is the thing is I, I feel like you're saying either you're right and you did well,

or you're wrong and you're saving the guy. Well, it's not even that, but it's like, if there's something about someone and your, you know, your gut is being like, this is bad news, then follow it. Yeah. But it doesn't seem to say it's like if there's something about someone and your you know your gut is being like this is bad news then follow it yeah but it doesn't seem to say it's about this guy it seems

to say it's about this thing which is people hiding their age which i feel like is a very strange thing to to get hung up on especially when you say you typically assume they're trying to trick younger women to sleep with them because that to me sounds crazy i agree i i'm with you i'm on your side on this i think if that is the like it's it's a dumb thing to assume um but at the same time i i also think like i strongly encourage people to follow their gut instincts of being like you know i mean like especially on online dating if if something if you're like you know i mean like there have been a ton of times where I've matched with people and be like, I'm pretty sure you're a fucking catfish. And the only real reason I have from that is like your pictures are a little too hot. Right.

It's like, that's also a leap in logic, really. But I followed my gut and didn't meet up with those people. It's like, could I have met up with a very, very hot person? Maybe or probably would have had my kidneys ripped out in an alley somewhere. Well, that's why you meet somewhere safe. It doesn't matter if they're very big. You're just going to drag you out of a Kelsey's and stuff you in a van? Yeah.

Who's going to stop them? See, my only reason why I'm not going with your thing is because I don't want people just like stay in their problematic ruts. You know what I mean? It's like, if you feel this way, you shouldn't just be like, oh, accept it. I'm going with it. It's like, challenge it. Think about why you feel this way. Like apply logic to it and see if it makes sense. You know what I mean? Ask him his age, you know, like maybe, I don't know, maybe he doesn't even know he has it off. Like maybe it doesn't matter to him because I don't really see the point of it, especially because half the profiles are like not that age. Lol. I mean, that could be the case.

Maybe he accidentally put in the wrong age and it's easier to hide it than be like, I'm actually not 63. You know, my phone freaked out when I was putting in my age because you can't change it on any of the platforms or like any on Tinder or anything. Like once you put in your age age it's locked in there forever so it's like maybe that's the situation and it's yeah it's like yes you should investigate and you should follow up and ask these questions and also be like why do i immediately assume the absolute worst and also is there anything really wrong with someone slightly older sleeping with younger women again as long as they're consensual and it's you know yeah with the reasonable boundaries yeah adults are adults let them do their own fucking thing yeah i don't

know it it's none of it really makes any sense so my advice is like think about why you jump to this very specific assumption and on top of that if you have an issue with someone ask them questions like what's the harm being like oh what age are you and like oh why do you hide your age and it's like if they start getting weird about it yeah you're probably right if they're just like oh you know it says i'm 67 then that makes sense you know if they're like oh i'm this age and that age is fine with you then why not you know again maybe don't go over to his house on the first date but i think that's a general date online dating rule yeah meet somewhere safe somewhere public fuck it he's cute you like him don't leap to assumptions unfounded assumptions now speaking of unfounded assumptions this is from reddit user afraid of ghosts oh god is it

the person from last week the tinder no have you ever been on a date and realize you weren't compatible because they haven't been through what you've been through? I'm a 26-year-old woman, and I went on a date with a guy I met through work. It was fine. He was a gentleman and a good guy. But the whole time I felt uneasy, and I realized it's because his life has been so very generically pleasant. I had no problem relating to him because I was him at one point, very cute and carefree, but I feel like I need someone who speaks the language of loss and grief to the same degree that I do. It's confusing because on one hand I want someone who is stable and has

their head on straight, which is what attracted me to this guy in the first place. But I feel like I need someone who knows the cold, dark depth of human suffering. Has anyone else felt this way after going on a date? Jesus. Written by the guy who did Nightmare Beforemas yeah tim burton yeah yeah written by tim burton submitted by um this seems insane to me because like you don't really know people after

a first date kind of at all especially not in a i'm judging you that harshly kind of way like i'd love to know what made her think like he's just has a generically pleasant life which is just a very strange thing to come away from a date thinking especially a first date our first dates you're not supposed to fucking unload all of your trauma on them that's the thing it's like i would imagine that most often you wouldn't mention it at all in the first few dates you know and that if you are doing it it's probably something you haven't come to terms with yet and maybe you shouldn't be dating you know what i mean like i feel like it's it's a pretty generally accepted rule that you like keep the deep dark shit tucked away for a little bit

at least and also like just because like you know maybe his mom died in a horrible car crash one that's not something that you bring up on a fucking first date and two maybe he's made peace with it you know what i mean like maybe he's dealt with it he's gone through therapy or you know for whatever reason has moved on and has made peace with this horrible loss and it's like it's not his responsibility to not be able to move on on the same level that you might not be able to like judging other people and their worth and their compatibility to you based on how much they have or haven't suffered yeah is a fucking stupid thing to do to look at someone be like you're a good man that i'm attracted to and i have all the great vibes from you except i feel like you haven't been hurt enough yeah that's the most sociopathic thing

like why about someone. Why would you want someone to have been hurt? Like the only thing I could imagine is that she is worried that like whatever she's gone through, which she never mentioned. So that's a whole other thing. Is that like she would worry that they don't understand you or can't be empathetic. But like, I don't think you need to have suffered to be empathetic. Absolutely not. You know, like I have had a fairly you know easygoing life i haven't not suffered any major tragedies in my life i've gone through some shit for sure i've you know been depressed and i've

been sad and all these things but like you know in comparison to a lot of people's lives i haven't had any major traumas or tragedies but i can still under like i can still empathize with people who have lost a parent or lost a kid or lost a you know what i mean like i can empathize with these people i don't need to have gone through the shit myself to look down and know that someone's standing in shit yeah like when i like if i've ever lost a pet i know friends who have never had a pet and they didn't just look at me blankly and go don't get it yeah like no they they understood they talked to me they were friendly you know what i mean it's like i just it's such a strange thing to assume or like to have that be a red flag and also even if you knew this the fact is that you just don't after a first date no like i said

it's you've got to be a pretty special person to be like i desperately need you to have suffered to like want that from a partner is really sick in my opinion and like it's so fucked up like if i could you know with with amanda if there was something in her life that was really traumatizing for her if i could could sort of undo that trauma, I would do it in an instant. Yeah. But I would never look at someone and be like, I need you to hurt more. Like I,

I like you, but like, I just, I really need you to go through something really terrible. And that's, that's such a, like a monstrous thing to say to someone. It's such a horrible way to process human emotions and human connections and i

i feel like it's so unforgivable i worry that if this person did get with him that one they would be constantly like you don't know you haven't suffered or two like either like indirectly like trying to cause them to or wanting them to or like if anything did happen i think there'd be a lot of gloating and like weirdness like oh you're finally there now you know i i just feel like this person is red flag city and yeah you should bail for their sake yeah it's like do this man a favor and and do everyone a favor and just like go live in a fucking forest of sadness somewhere and revel in your suffering and don't don't bring it out to anyone else like we don't need there's enough pain and suffering in this world without you trying to will and manifest it upon people like get out of here yeah done with you this i didn't

realize how angry this may be i'm actually surprised by how angry it's made you um and it's funny because like i'm sure there are situations where it's like you know you might talk to someone who's just been so privileged that like they don't understand like where you're coming from where like you know you have lived like a life that isn't as privileged or like you're you know a minority or whatever and blah blah blah and like you're on a date you're talking to someone that they don't get it and i could understand being like i don't think i could date this person because they just don't have the same worldview as me. You know what I mean? Or like, they just don't understand reality to like that degree, but like, that's not what's happening here. No, you know, like, and, and that's,

I just don't want anyone to think that that's what we're saying because I could totally understand if someone was coming with like that kind of thing. And this just really seems like, it seems like they want like a misery circle jerk you know like they don't want someone who can deal with misery or like has gotten over it or whatever it seems like they want to find someone equally miserable and just like rub each other's misery juices all over each other i want to believe that she typoed 26 and actually meant 16 because this is like the kind of shit that like a high schooler would say you know I mean like this is the kind of shit that like someone who has a my chemical romance obsession

has you know I mean who's like oh you know my parents are going through a divorce you don't know what suffering is you're I can't I'm sorry Brad I can't date you but you live a generically pleasant life like your generically pleasant

music you listen to not my dark shit like Hawthorne Heights. If I could wish, like, I would love for everyone to have a generically pleasant life. Do you know what I mean? Like, what's wrong with that? What would be terrible about everyone having a pleasant life? I mean, like, hopefully you could have peaks and valleys of, you know, experiences. But if the overarching feeling of your life at the end of the day is generically pleasant it's not bad yeah hell yeah because i would tell you there are like

kids around the world who would kill for generically pleasant yeah and and to think that like someone's lesser because of it or it's it's so so messed up and like now said we're not saying like if this was a person of color saying hey i want to date and this white guy i was dating is trying to convince me that racism isn't real like if that was the thing yeah fuck this guy but that's not what's happening what's happening here is someone is literally just saying someone hasn't suffered enough for their own personal tastes which is wild. It's a brand new red flag for me. Yeah. What I thought I would never have to have to hold. This is by fickleambition7102. Does he hate me or want to date me? This guy works in the place as

me. We are both in completely different lines of work, but are always near each other. Whenever he walks by, he doesn't acknowledge me, doesn't say hi, completely avoids eye contact. I always catch him looking at me from a distance. Sometimes he holds it. Sometimes he walks away. He has also caught me looking at himself a few times. I fancy him. Recently, it's been me catching him though. The only time we've ever spoke was a few weeks ago. I cracked a small joke and he gave me the biggest smile. He then said bye to me later that day. Since then, it's the same old story. He whistled a song when walking past me yesterday and I couldn't help but feel it was from my attention. He is really quite guy, I assume quiet, with everyone. I will love to talk to him, but I never have the chance. I'm also afraid if he doesn't like me at all and

I would never want to make him uncomfortable. Has anyone ever met someone like this? I'm also leaving the job on Friday and he is leaving the Friday after. I know if he knows I'm leaving. He might. I assume she means I don't know if he knows I'm leaving? Mm-hmm. Well, look, I thought this was going to be a little more cut and dry, because, like, it could be a little office romance. Could it be, you know, shy guy

who doesn't really know how to muster up the courage? Now, Dane, there's a very simple question here. Does he hate me or want to date me? Pick one. I don't think he hates you. So he wants to date her? Yep.

Okay. That is that. Next question. That would be my guess. If those are my two options, I imagine he's probably leading toward. Because here's the thing. If he hated you, he wouldn't have laughed at your joke. I don't laugh at people's jokes.

Or given you the biggest smile or said bye to you later that day like yeah these are three things that sure maybe he doesn't want to propose to you but it means he doesn't despise you yeah he doesn't hate you so we can rule that off the we can we could scratch that off the the list now does he throw in the old whistle a song gambit that we always say to do yeah so classic whistle whistle pass by you're in like the best position you're leaving the job ask him out right like oh no you have to suffer another week of fucking embarrassment if he's like oh sorry actually i'm married or oh sorry i have a girlfriend or sorry not interested or the other thing is he'd be like ah really busy at work right now you know starting a new job, because apparently you know he's leaving as well.

And that's like his nice way of letting you out. Yeah, and then you don't have to worry about it, right? Better to have done and regretted than never to have done at all. Do or do not, there is no try. There is no try. Don't try to date him. You date him or you do not. Yeah, go up. Be like, hey,

I'm leaving the office. I think you're really cute. Here's my number if you'd like to grab a drink sometime i would be super down or even just you know you don't have to be as forward if you're shy yourself you could literally just be like hey you know uh like i'm leaving i don't know if you know but like yeah i just feel like you know you're really cool you seem really nice but we never really got a chance to know each other i was wondering if you wanted to like hang out sometime yeah you know boom know, boom, boom, explosions, sparks, maybe. Is that romance I hear in the air?

Oh, my God. It's in the air, Dane, the romance. And then you can just move on with your life. You're at a new workplace. You don't have to worry about workplace drama. If he's into you, great. If he's not, you never have to see him again. Yeah, that's...

Unless... Oh, what if that's the new job? The new job is also your new job. You think you're free and clear. And who walks in whistling a jaunty tune the next Monday? Damn it. What tune do you think he whistled? If you were trying to get.

I'm not a big whistler. I think most. I think most. Dane, we all know you fucked before. And there's no way to fuck without having whistled. I'm trying to think of a song that would be instantly recognizable by whistling. I think I would just be whistling nonsense. I don't think I

whistle normal songs. I think I just kind of like jazz. Like jazz, you know what I mean? You like jazz? Hey, let me tell you. Let me tell you, whistling on an audio medium fucking sucks. Oh yeah, I should probably stop doing that. Well, we've tell you, let me tell you, whistling on an audio medium fucking sucks. Oh yeah, I should probably stop doing that.

Well, we've lost everybody, so now we can just shoot the shit for the next 20 minutes. Yeah, now we can go through Tinders. Either way, my advice is, I think, go for it. It's all pros, no cons. If he says no, you don't have to deal with it. If he says yes, you don't have to worry about working with someone you're dating. It's all good. This comes from Reddit user There's A Toast.

How to stop throwing up when giving a blowjob? I, 20-year-old female, love giving BJs. And this has never really been an issue, but my new partner is quite dominant, which I love and loves to throw fuck me. I would be totally into this if it wasn't for the fact that I can't help but throw up a little when he's ramming it down my throat. And he keeps going, making me throw up a bit more in my mouth. He says the idea of me throwing up is kind of hot, as long as I'm okay with it.

I am okay with it, but the last time I threw up three times before he let me pull off, but afterwards, he felt quite bad. I'm also starting to worry about developing some sort of ulcer or something, because throwing up so frequently can't be good for you, even if it's not a lot. Yeah, it's not great. I guess the important part here is that you're okay with it, and I'm assuming that maybe you're not because you're even if it's not a lot. Yeah, it's not great. I guess the important part here is that you're okay with it. And I'm assuming that maybe you're not because you're posting about it, you know, but I guess it does sound like they only want to be able to do it and not throw up,

which I don't actually have any advice for. I think there are some ways to train your gag reflex. And that's something you can work on. I don't know that it's not something that i've ever had to do or have any interest in doing because i don't suck penises uh so it's not really on my my list to do things i would say that the onus is on him to maybe fucking chill a little bit well that's exactly what i was going to say is that her goal is to be able to be throw fucked without vomiting. Yeah. But his goal is to make her vomit because he thinks it's hot and he's like, oh, you're okay with it. Cool.

So he's like, it seems like actively doing this, which means it's going to be even harder for her to not. Because I feel like even if she starts to, you know, develop like a resistance to whatever they're currently doing, I feel like he's only going to push it harder because him being like, Oh, I'm okay with it once you are. And she's like, I am. He's like,

cool. That's his carte blanche to make her vomit because he finds it hot. And like, she seems okay with it for now, but obviously wants to make it stop. So it's like, there's a disconnect there. Yeah.

So I think you need to sit him down and be like, Hey, so I really do enjoy, like, like I love being throat fucked but the the throwing up isn't really my bag anymore or you know it's like it's something i don't want to do like you know if it's a byproduct if if it happens i'm not gonna get weird about it and and it seems like you're not gonna get weird about it but it's like i don't i don't want it to happen um and and it's like it's 100 on his onus to if you've got a mouthful of puke like he should let you get rid of it you know what i mean like throwing up three times before he lets you

up for air is a bit fucked up um and it's like so you felt bad your teeth yeah yeah what you weren't about ulcers worry about that poor enamel um so definitely like you need to tell him and maybe you guys have like a non-verbal maybe you like tap his leg or you know something to let him know that you need a break um and you also like you can throw like you can throw fuck someone without giving it your all you know what i mean like without like really try like it's it's a hundred percent possible it's you know it can be done so maybe it just needs to fucking reel it back a bit cool it just a touch and and you guys need to work on that together but it is

at the end of the day like the difference between not face fucking you so hard you throw up and learning how not to throw up like there are there's one that can be very actionable the other one is kind of out of the realm of possibility yeah i also feel like getting like coming to terms with what you actually want is important because it sounds to me like you're okay with it for now obviously because you're on here posting trying to stop doing it right and for that it seems like you're not actually enjoying the puking you know you're on here posting, trying to stop doing it. Right. And for that, it seems like you're not actually enjoying the puking. You know, you're enjoying that your partner's enjoying it. And you're like,

I don't want to be a buzzkill. I don't want to whatever, but you're actually not okay with it because you're trying not to do it. So you telling your partner that you're okay with it when you're not, I don't think is the correct thing to do here. You know, even if you're coming at it from like a positive, like, you know, I think you're, I don't think you're doing it negatively or maliciously but i do think you're

hurting both of you because he presumably believes you and thinks that things are fine but you don't feel that way and i worry that like eventually you will start to develop negative feelings about that or you're just suffering in silence this whole time and neither of those is good yeah it's a very good point you know um because you can't be okay with it if you're actively suffering in silence this whole time. And neither of those is good. Yeah. It's a very good point. You know, because you can't be okay with it if you're actively trying to not do it. Right? Yeah. No, I see. I see what you're saying.

Like, I'm following your, your thread of logic there. And it makes sense. It checks out. Yeah. And it's like, obviously you, you want to like be able to suffer through for now. And like, you know, I don't think that's positive. I also think you're telling him the opposite. Right?

Yeah. and like you know i don't think that's positive i also think you're telling him the opposite right yeah um so i do think maybe just another conversation where you're like you know sure if it happens whatever like i'm not repulsed or you know but like my goal is definitely not to vomit and like if we could dial it back or various things including like what dane said the signal like maybe if it's becoming too much you can like tap and like hopefully your partner will be receptive to that if he's not then maybe it's time to find a new partner yeah it's that time it's tender time at the end of the episode we like to comb through online dating profiles and figure out what works and what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience more enjoyable and successful and this is stephanie 28 i am 27 and a mom to six children who currently don't stay with me. I'm looking for a guy I can trust, has children slash would like children, has a car,

lives in Exeter, UofL, Sher, Bourne, or Poole. I'm looking for long-term relationship marriage. Guy has to be age 18 and over and accept the fact that I'm currently pregnant by my ex, looking to get married. Wow. It's cool that he has to be of legal age for you to want to marry him i mean i guess technically age of consent could be different from where they are but um that's a lot to be like hey i'm pregnant with my ex's baby and i'm going to marry you yeah it the thing i find interesting you point out the like age 18 and over why would that need to be stated yeah like it's it's pretty commonly assumed that like if you're an adult yeah you you want to be 18 yeah i would hope so

which which worries me but also mom to six children currently that's a lot to not necessarily didn't hear the six children part oh yeah i'm 27 and a mom to six children who currently don't stay with me which like hey having kids it's not red flag, but that's a lot of kids. That is a lot of kids. I will say, points for honesty though. She is being very upfront about everything. I just don't think particularly that this is going to be a very successful profile. Yeah, I think the level of specificity she's looking for like you have to live in these

specific towns have a car you know etc and marry me it's it's gonna be a two for me yeah i'm gonna give it a two only for that wiggle room only so i have somewhere to go down uh this is nicole i may be vague but i'm also a few other things. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. That's so good. I like it. 10 out of 10. There's other, it was a hinge. No, it was a Bumble profile. So there were other little like snippets about themselves, but that's like the opening line.

And I thought it was great. 10. I love it. I love it. All right. This is Brit. I'm a busy lady. I tell my friends everything.

I read a lot. Sci-fi. Value Village is my happy place. I have way too many plans going through a recent breakup maybe you need to know that maybe you don't uh again it's like it's one of those things where it's like yeah we assume you've been broke like we assume you've gone through a breakup you assume you're single you don't need to say that no and if it's something that needs to be disclaimed maybe you shouldn't be dating right now maybe you should

deal with maybe you should finish going through this breakup so that you can be broken up and start dating someone new. Yeah, that's a major red flag. And I think it immediately knocks it down five points. The rest of it is fine. I don't really like the, I tell my friends everything. Yeah. Cause that seems like they're going to know about my dick size and shape. And it seems like significant're gonna know about my dick size and shape and it seems like significant to say that right yeah it seems like there's gonna be an intrusion of privacy on my my side of things yeah it feels like the only reason she knows that she does that is because people have commented on it and i can only assume they've commented on it because

it's been an issue right i feel like that's not a normal thing to say. So I'm going to give it a three. Yeah. Busy lady. That's a weird one. I'm not sure I love it. I don't know what that adds to this. Other than it assumes that maybe you won't text back or be available. It doesn't matter.

But it's not a massive red flag. This one, I think, might be one of my favorite things. Okay. We'll get along. If you agree that when we die, our bones should be donated to dogs. Is that the whole thing? Is it? That's very good. That's a

10, yeah. Yeah, that's another 10 for me. That's very good. It's also quite sweet. It's got some strong Griffin McElroy energy, and I love it. Yeah, it's sweet, it's funny, it's very off-kilter. It's not what I expected, and I love it. It, it's sweet. It's funny. It's very off kilter. Like it's not what I expected and like I love it. It's very unique.

Yeah, that's very fucking funny. Also gives you a solid opener. Now this is I think hinge, you know where they like give you like the snippets. Yep. So for Jessica, it's what I order for the table and she says a side of ranch sauce. Hey,

what's her name? Jessicaica jessica everyone else i got calamari yeah steve got wings i got nachos for for the table yeah mike got coconut shrimp even if we like push the cost aside you can't really inside the ranch sauce it doesn't go far yeah no one's sharing inside a ranch ranch. Did you not understand the homework? Did you not read the question? I assume she's trying to say it's like, oh, she eats ranch with everything. I assume so, but like... But no.

Jessica. Yeah, you got to start throwing your weight around here. You got to start pulling your weight. Is she trying to say she's boring and doesn't understand things? Because that's what I'm getting from this. Very cheap. Freeloader. Oh, just does not understand restaurants.

I'm going to give this a two as well because it upsets me. Yeah, it's a two. It's so bad. If we all got our bills and we're like, yeah, no, we'll all just take our own appetizers. And Jessica's over there being like, I got this 25 cent thing of ranch. Nailed it. Little did they know ranch was free. This is Ryan.

6'10". Aspiring MILF. That's very tall. I assume. Not true. Aspiring MILF. Wonderful. It's confusing, but I like it.

Yeah. It's an eight. I think it's an eight. Yeah. I'm going to give it a seven because I really wanted... I want something else. like it yeah it's it's an eight like it's an eight yeah i'm gonna give it a seven uh because i like i really wanted i want something else it's it's yeah it's like it's funny but it's weird like it's confusing like i you know yeah i don't really know where he's going with that oh ryan is a lady

oh okay that's better yeah that's better okay for some reason i just thought ryan was a guy and i thought a guy saying he was aspiring MILF was both very funny, but very strange. Yeah, I'm going to give it a seven because it's funny. Okay. This is Chrissy. I love having great conversations, red wine, and workouts. Man, she loves having great conversations.

That's so unique. Yeah. I'm working out and wine? In this day and age? In this economy? I'll search all movies on IMDb and if they have a rating below 7, I won't watch it, lol. I also like ordering a lot of food, but can never

pass the appetizer. I probably work too much. Disclaimer, not interested in hookups. She never gets past the appetizer? Yeah. Like, she orders too much food and then can't finish it all is that what she's saying i'm assuming she says can never pass the appetizer or does she not like to share i assume do we have another jessica on our hands here yeah maybe i i assume it's that she doesn't

get past the appetizer which also upsets me yeah how much are you eating i mean not enough i don't think not enough not to shame anybody but like maybe she just goes to places with great apps. Like, maybe she's the opposite of Jessica. She knows her way around the restaurants. She only orders apps. Bang for your buck, you'll get a fucking solid play the wings. It'll fill you up. Yeah.

I'm going to give it a five because it's kind of nothing. I'm going to give it a four because it's just a little less than nothing. Now, Maddie's a special. Just follow me with this. Is this Matty's a special. Just follow me with this. Is this Matty or Maddy? Maddy with a D. It is a lady, 28-year-old lady. Me, a freak in the fridge.

You, with a freaked-up finger. If you want to see where this can go, hot we up, freak to be you and me. Am I having a dissociative episode, or did that make zero sense? Oh, yeah, no, it starts like, huh? I like, you know, me freaking the fridge. I was like, OK, I'm, you know, I was waiting for a fun twist on like, you know, lady in the bridge.

I don't know. Nope. Freaking the fridge. Lady in the bridge. Ooh, she's a chef, but also a commander in the Navy. What the hell are you talking about here? Like the bridge. Ooh. She's a chef but also a commander in the Navy. What the hell are you talking about here? Like the bridge of a ship. I understand, but how did you get there? Because she said freak in the

fridge, right? Yes. I was trying to rhyme it. It's like freaking the sheets lady in the streets. Because that's what they were obviously playing off of, I thought, and then it just was fucked. Why would you have a freaked up finger? What does that mean? As someone who recovered from a finger injury last year i don't like that at all yeah i mean like like i said like it goes from strange to incoherent like if you want to

see where this goes hot we up which i'm assuming is supposed to be hit me up hit me up yeah and then but the last line also these are all this is broken down into four separate lines uh the last line is freak to be you and me it's very upsetting what maddie what this is a one i'm glad i saved my one because i think it's a zero because it doesn't register on my anything but then again it i've so many questions that maybe it's the perfect profile maybe i was like hey hi maddie so glad we matched what's happening to my finger what are you doing in my fridge this is justice if you're not obsessed with me you're not my type literature pop culture writing leftist politics social justice liberation abolition blm pro lgbtqia2s Social justice, liberation, abolition, BLM, pro-LGBTQIA2S, plus ACAB, defund police, architecture, music, poetry, theater, interior design, indie films, emotional intelligence,

wit, repartee, unlearning, friendship, chosen family, a connection that outlives us, wanted, monog, creative, self-aware, emotionally intelligent, socially conscious, funny, leftist, radically soft, fanboy who rejects toxic masculinity and worships women oof there's a lot in there that i actually really do like there's a lot in there that i think is okay and then it's just sandwiched between two slices of garbage yeah right like a lot of the stuff in the middle cool it's a lot you said a lot of things the things themselves in the middle none of them are bad i don't think no um none of them at all it's weird to just fucking shotgun them into my face like that and just like a while there's not even spaces

there's just like full stops between them all so it's actually like hard to read you know like literature full stop no space pop culture full stop writing full stop leftist like there's it all looks like one word almost but then it's like if you're not obsessed me you're not my type i need someone who worships women it seems very like counterintuitive yeah yeah it's like i'm all pro positivity but like also fuck you yeah have no other personality trait other than your you know devotion to me which is not a healthy relationship also they say their their job is resident witch that doesn't surprise me i think it's a one yeah i'm gonna give that a one as well anyone this

needy this like desperate for codependency is a bad news yeah extra this is chaneria extra pineapple on my pizza chivalry is not dead you're just an asshole if i super liked you i promise it was an accident someone who can fuck me on vacation um it what was the middle one there was like pineapple on pizza that's fine that's you know everyone says that now that's apparently a thing that needs to be on every dating profile. Um, and then what was after that?

Uh, sure is not dead. You're just an asshole. Okay. It's usually not dudes who talk about chivalry being dead. It's rare. You know what I mean? Like it's rare that men declare chivalry dead.

Yeah. So maybe she's saying women are assholes. I don't know. Maybe,holes. I don't know. Maybe, maybe, I don't know. If I super liked you, I promise it was an accident.

Oh my God. Get over it. Get over it. I hate that. It's so pathetic. Yeah. Um, and then someone to fuck you on vacation.

Great. Okay. Yeah. Go for it. That's, that's fine. That's the only thing I really do like, like about this profile.

So I'm only going to give it a four, though. Yeah. Well, we did it. We did do it. Thank you very much for listening. That has been our show for this week. It means a lot to us that you've hung out with us for the hour. We know time is precious, and you spending it

with us is very, very important to us. Hell yeah. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for the song, Paper Stars. And again, thank important to us. Hell yeah. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for the song Paper Stars. And again, thank you to everyone who, you know, looks at our Patreon. We like, you know,

would appreciate every piece of support you guys could give us. And, you know, we like to do what we do and we love that you guys have been so incredible for this whole journey. And let's keep it going.

Yeah. You guys have best sex waiting for us? Yeah. This was sent in to me by my brother. She spreads wide open and he touches her like the finest piece of literature he's ever read. Damn. Did they,

did an actual grown adult write that in a published? It's credited to noob face. So I don't really know. Okay. So this isn't a published book. Oh, it's a, someone who is a self acclaimed writer and know. Okay. So this isn't a published book. Oh, it's someone who is a self-acclaimed writer and poet. Okay.

Oh, it's a poem. And it is serious. Yes. Okay. Well. Neat. Clitlature is pretty fucking good, though. Clitlature is pretty funny.

A good friend of mine, who is a good friend of Kyle's, who is a up-and-coming screenwriter in toronto uh let me read one of his things recently and it's like kind of like a horror twist on mean girls and it's incredible and they say clitorally in it and it's very funny nice well uh my name is hey stop that my name is dame miller and my name is nasping we've been your fuck buddies