F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 152 - Stacy Sucksalot

Episode Date: August 30, 2021

There's got to be at least one person that has used their real name as their porn name and it makes sense that it would be Stacy Sucksalot.  Topics include the heat, a suspicious sunset snap, subtly sussing out someone's status, teenage drama, only wanting surface level relationships, pondering partner's porn past and, as usual, a new batch of Tinders. Support the show by joining our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Spang And we're your fuck buddies We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either from Reddit or from our wonderful listeners. We answer them on the topics of sex and dating. And let me tell you, this is, I think, going to be the hottest episode of Fuck Buddies. Yeah, yeah, we're in the 40s over here right now, I think going to be the hottest episode of fuck buddies. Yeah. Yeah. We're in the forties over here right now. I think we are. If you're in the Americas or anywhere else that uses Fahrenheit, which I think is just America nowadays. But we're a hundred plus.

It is, it is over a hundred degrees in Toronto right now. And I'm in a closet about the size of a, I could touch both sides of the walls without fully extending my arm. Both of which I'm sure are wet by now. Yeah, I just wish I could put a fan on

or an air conditioner while we're recording but I can't. And you know what? It's okay. It's a sacrifice I make for you guys. Now, if you do hear crinkling, much like this, that's because I have a bag of ice cubes on my lap right now. And that is how I'm keeping cool, or at least trying to. And if you hear slurping, it's because I decided to do what Dane told me not to,

and I got an ice pop from the freezer. You're welcome, friends, for dissuading Niall from slurping on a fucking icicle. Says Mr. Fucking Ice Cube Balls. Well, the only time I've made noise so far has been to demonstrate the noise that they may hear. So far. So far. But I'll definitely be switching it from side to side. It's also really good because I can put my wrists on it, and that's a good way to cool yourself down.

Well, fuck you. I don't have shit. Should have brought my ingenious ice cube bag well no but i will take this moment to thank everyone who signed up for our patreon we love you yes thank you very much uh your contributions will allow us to maybe one day record in something that isn't a human torture or on the very least let me buy more ice cubes yeah it's it's looking like it'll be the first year that we're not you know like losing money on the podcast which is nice so thanks uh thank you very much guys it means the world to us that you're you're supporting and uh we you guys

have always supported us one way or the other uh and this is just an extra step and we we cannot thank you enough and for those who who can't like don't worry about it obviously there are other ways to support us so you know a review telling friend sharing us all that stuff and thank you to everyone who was uh joining us on a little tipsy instagram question last night yeah we kind of wanted a lot of the crinkling you asshole you fucking you said you said there'd be none yeah but you don't have to worry about because if i'm not talking i can edit it out but now i can't because you've referenced it well there you go you've ruined it yes we we ended up going out for like the first real time uh since we were allowed out in the world and uh you guys kind of joined us and that

was fun as well um so the more the more we get to out, I guess we'll kind of do that because answering your questions and asking you questions was a lot of fun. Yeah. Alright, you ready for a question? Yes. Before we get started, I do want to say if you have a question and you want to send it in to us, please feel free to head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com

Fill out the contact form. You get to choose your own agent name. We'll keep it completely anonymous and we'll answer it as soon as we can. On top of that, our link to our Patreon is also on there. And one of the tiers has a priority question option. So if you want to make sure that your question gets answered even faster, that is an option. We also have a bonus podcast once a month. You get an extra episode of something we're calling Pillow Talk.

And you get that as well by becoming a patreon member yeah and the first one of that is coming out when uh august 31st the day after this launches so yes for all you wonderful people who already have it there you go it's tomorrow get hype and for all the people who don't you still can all right ready yep this is from background chemical 17 should i tell him that the picture he uploaded with his ex upset me don't. You still can. All right, ready? Yep. This is from backgroundchemical17. Should I tell him that the picture he uploaded with his ex upset me? For the last three weeks, I, female 31, have been seeing a guy, male 30, and we have a great connection. We've been spending alone time and he confessed that he liked me, but I told him I just went through a difficult breakup and needed to go slow. Last weekend, he went to the beach with some friends, including

his ex. They broke up four months ago. He told me, and I was okay with that. I'm also friends with an ex. Last night, we finally slept together. He spent the night at my place, and it was great, romantic, and intimate. Very special. We were both looking for a relationship and not just to hook up. This morning, right after he left my house, he posted some photos from the weekend. One of them was he and his ex holding hands, looking at the sunset.

I mean, the photo was taken before we even kissed kissed but why post it today after our special night he's always so caring respectful and sensitive and i can't wrap my head around why he had to do this should i tell him the fact he uploaded the photo made me feel upset should i ask him if he still has feelings for his ex things have just started and i don't want to overreact i don't think there's any harm and i mean i think we're always been big advocates of like telling your partner how you feel i don't think coming right out of the gates of being like do you still you know do you still have feelings for your ex i don't think that's the play but i don't think there's any harm in being like hey like i know you told me about your ex at the beach and i i appreciate

that you were honest about that um but i want to be honest with you it's like seeing this picture of you guys holding hands together uh you know it gives me some reservations and i just want to be honest with you. It's like seeing this picture of you guys holding hands together, uh, you know, it gives me some reservations and I just want to check in and see and let you know that. And like, you know, see how you're feeling about that whole situation as well. You know what? I probably would have said,

don't bring it up because it's been three weeks and you just kissed and fucked for the first time. And like, I don't know. I feel like that early coming in that hot is a little intense and like maybe just keep it as like a little like warning flag and see if there's anything else weird about him and his ex because it's like yeah it's a little weird that he's taking a picture holding her hand and gazing off into the sunset like i feel like anybody you had a picture like

that with would be like i think it would be a little intimate and weird, but like, at least he was open about it. And like, it seems like a weird move to be like, oh, look, we're actually a thing on Instagram and like telling you they're not, you know what I mean? But then again, you're probably right here. I think the good thing is that he had brought it up previously. Like he mentioned you were going. So like you have kind of like a rung to climb up that ladder from you can be like oh hey you mentioned before and like obviously i was cool with you seeing her but like you know it is kind of strange that you then had this like

really intimate picture like what was that about yeah and like i said like i don't think going in hot and heavy with like the you know do you still have feelings for like i don't think that's the play i really think that has the air of like you might get labeled as like jealous girl tm you know what i mean like i don't think that's like but i don't think there's any harm in expressing sort of an uneasiness of the you know what i mean because like trying to gauge where someone stands in a past relationship is directly uh connected to how you're going to proceed with that person in your current relationship so like if he does say like oh yeah you know there is you know still a little bit of a spark between us that might be all you need to hear to bounce on out of there especially if he freaks out when you try to communicate healthily that's pretty pretty good red flag right there the the options here are never bring it up and

stew on it forever you know what i mean until the point where like you know a month later and it has uh like a warning flag where like you know then the next thing that happens you'll be like okay there's more to go on here it is definitely significant but then if nothing happens it's like okay yeah i don't know i feel like that's a good way for things to fester you know i mean like to that's not to not talk about it i think there will always be that like nagging voice in the back your head of being like oh he's not answering your text today he might be with his ex you know what i mean like that that kind of like toxic what if isms yeah could really cut things off of the knees my only fear is that it is pretty early so it's like i feel like there's a big risk of you coming in and looking like a big jealous person which you know maybe that's all you need to know about the person again if they do take it badly

like that's probably a pretty good indication of them you know in a relationship it's just like i know personally i have a lot less patience for people at the start of something because it's like if they start to throw out warning flags i used to be so bad at like making excuses for them and getting over it and then ending up like with terrible people that like now i'm very hair trigger and i'm just like fuck you you're gone so like my worry is that like you would come off a little you know bad what i want to know is what's the fucking caption on this picture yeah what's the hashtag is it hashtag situationship because that's a red flag is it hashtag like we broke up and are still friends because that's okay is it on instagram or is it just like a facebook photo dump where like they don't have individual captions yeah i don't know i again i

do i do agree with you i think it is a fucking strange picture to upload especially when like you have like put it on the radar of being like hey i'm going to the beach with my ex nothing to worry about you know we're over each other we're just you know either still friends or she's part of our mutual friend group so she's going to be there and i don't really like want to put a wedge in there um but to then be like now i'm going to hold hands with her and stare at a sunset which has like pretty strong romantic connotations yeah and then also post that picture yourself it'd be one thing if like this was someone photo dumping you know what i mean and you happen to get tagged in it and it's like

well you know maybe it was left to judge it maybe they were drunk you know like there's so many variables in here but to to rationally and like soberly post that on your own accord after verbally expressing that there was nothing to worry about is a strange thing to do. So I get why you, you have like apprehensions about this photo. No, I definitely understand it. In my opinion,

I think you should, you should bring it up. You should bring it up calmly and rationally and just sort of like test the waters. I don't think you should make any accusations. I don't think you make any assumptions. Just let them know, be like,

Hey, that picture with you and your ex at the beach, uh, kind of rattled me a little bit. And, uh, you know, I just, I just wanted you make any assumptions. Just let them know. Be like, hey, that picture with you and your ex at the beach kind of rattled me a little bit. And, you know, I just wanted you to know that and see where that goes. Because it could be like, hey, yeah, I'm sorry. I'll take it down. That was just a really bad lapse in judgment. And then he might explain why and how that picture came to be.

Yeah. Or even just be like, you know, I appreciate that you were so open about like going to the beach or X. And like, I want to kind of return that favor. And like, I will say it seems like a really intimate, you know, picture.

And like, I know you guys only broke up recently enough. I just want to make sure like, why are you guys stand in relation with each other? Cause obviously like I'm looking for relationship and like, you know, if you're chill like that, even if you're just like,

I just don't want to like get in the middle of this. If you guys have a thing. Yeah. I feel like, you know if you're chill like that even if you're just like i just don't want to like get in the middle of this if you guys have a thing yeah i feel like you know that's a pretty open and like non-aggressive way to do it you know yeah i mean yeah i've i've pulled that card a couple times of just being like hey so i've noticed that you and this person have kind of a thing going it's like i especially when like i wasn't looking for a relationship and you know what I mean? I was like, I was always like, I'm happy to bow out. I don't want to complicate matters. And if you would like to focus on them,

that's cool. But if I'm misreading the situation, let me know because I, you know, I am into you and I would like to pursue what we're doing. But like if the options are between you pursuing something serious and long-term with them

and that's what you want or, you know, casually just hooking up with me i would rather you focus on the thing that matters more to you um and i've posed that to a fair number of people and people have either been like cool thank you yeah we're kind of getting serious and i i would like to move on i was like great cool i have no problem with that best of luck to you i hope it works out and then other people who have been like oh no like it this is a situation i still very much want to keep hanging out with you and it's like okay great and then you have to worry about it yeah yeah and then it's just like they they also then know that if something does progress with someone else that i will be cool with it and that they will they they don't have to hide it you

know i mean they can just come to me and be like hey so i've met someone and it's going to give it serious and i would like to sort of devote my attention to them and i'd be like great go for it um so i i think the way to approach like approaching this is the most important thing and like approaching it with tact and uh calmness i think is the way to do it. And I think you'll be okay. Yeah. All right. Hit me.

This comes from Benny without jets. Is there a good way to ask if someone is single with most people who I meet IRL and want to ask out, there is always the, I have a boyfriend answer and then the unavoidable awkwardness that comes after it. So I was wondering, is there a polite,

respectful, non-awkward way for a guy to ask if you were single nope yeah i mean pretty much i feel like is it like the tv one is always like oh is are you doing that with your boyfriend later or something i feel like that's what's always on tv shows yes they're like oh and you know the second they mention anything of being like oh yeah i like cooking oh you must your wife must be very lucky yeah it's like oh you must have a very lucky boyfriend and then just like then you say no and you like bat your eyelids yeah i also don't think there's any harm in the i have a boyfriend thing annoys me when it's not a romantic situation like i think i've told this story before where I saw a woman and her mom

trying to move a couch into a new apartment. And I was like, hey, do you need a help? Or like a hand? Because I'm not doing anything. I can help you get up the stairs. And the woman was like, I have a boyfriend. And the mom was like, the fuck is wrong with you? Yes, we would love a hand.

I was like, cool. Maybe she thought you meant like, you know, you were going to drop the finger. Why? Why, why? You said a hand. Maybe that's where she's from. That's terminology for like, do you want a hand? Like, instead of a finger, you get the whole five digits.

I think context-wise, it was pretty clear what I was offering. You know what sucks is like, I'm sure that was just like a hip fire like you know reaction where like it was just like oh i've been hit on so many times like i'm just like it sucks that society is at a place where a poor girl struggling with a couch that's her immediate response yeah well yeah i mean like it's also you're you know a stranger who is now going to be helping you into like your home like i understand the knee jerk and like that's unfortunately also the only thing a lot of dudes will respect as i know um which is also problematic and it's in its own way and that's a whole other conversation so

like i get it but like if i ask someone out and they say oh sorry i'm seeing someone right now i'm not awkward about it because like one how was i supposed to know and two okay cool like i won't ask you out again like and that's also not going to change how i like act around you other than i will be less flirty with you yeah and that's the thing it's like i feel like you don't necessarily need to know if someone's dating someone or not like it will come up when you kind of progress right if you're like oh hey you want to like grab a drink me and you to someone you don't really know like it's pretty clear that it's flirty at which point they'll be like oh like i have plans with my boyfriend like

wink and you know you get the picture they're saying they're not single and like that's kind of i think the easiest way for it to happen yeah 100 like just you know i i was gonna say treat everyone as if they don't have a boyfriend which yes that's not the advice that's not the advice i want to give here well realistically you should be not treating people different just because they're single in a sense you know what i mean like people are more than the relationship status and it's like if you like someone you should still be chill if they have a fucking boyfriend you know yes yeah i was so i mean i know where you're coming from and i i meant more like when if you're pursuing someone romantically like you said it'll come up organically like to a point where when you finally ask them out hopefully they're not a terrible

person who is willing to cheat on their partner yeah but otherwise and i and like if that is the case and you don't know also nothing you can do about it right like so it's it's something that's going to come up organically and i think i think asking someone straight out if they're single tips your hand a bit and kind of ruins any sort of like flirty banter that you have you know what i mean because it's like you're just straight up being like i find you attractive like again nothing wrong with being forward but like asking are you single it's so crude yeah it's like the most unfun way of asking somebody out you know yeah like you're still doing the same thing if you're like hey do you want to go out for drinks or whatever now the only issue is if they think you're trying to be friends. Yes. And like, I also

do feel that like most people know, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like it's very hard to misconstrue that. And like, I feel like most people, even if they're on the fence, will then be like, oh, like plans. I don't know. I have to check with my boyfriend, see if we're busy on Wednesday. And if you're like, okay, cool. Yeah. But like, let me know. Then they probably will get the hint that you're, you know, chill with them having a boyfriend and that's not your angle. Yeah. You know, I feel like that's what I usually do. Like a girl, uh, I had hooked up with like 10 years ago, reaches out to me periodically every few years. And it's like, we should go get drinks. And I'm like, oh, I think I've plans with my girlfriend that night. Cause like I'm 95% sure

that's the only reason why she wants to hang out. And she usually then just stops replying. So yeah, yes, I'm right. I once had someone send me a message and it was just like, you still with what's her face? I was like, why do you think that's the move that's going to work? Well, the thing is, if you guys broke up and hated each other, maybe you'd be like, yeah, fucking what's her face? I don't even know her name either.'s bone i mean maybe i mean yeah i guess i guess that actually would work if i was single but i don't know i don't know because for me that's like weirdly aggressive yeah like so

unnecessarily bitter yeah because it was like like i it wasn't like a her versus you know i mean it wasn't like i was choosing one of the other and i chose not her i don't know it just makes me fucking laugh every time i think about it i feel like that's someone who listened to too much paramour or like that ever levine song and just like was high off that like i should be your girlfriend like fuck that other girl like or even like don't you wish your girlfriend was like fuck you who's what's her face you want a bone i feel like it's just pure that power it was yeah it was a powerful attempt and i i can think back and be like all right good good try but was her name olivia rodriguez no it wasn't because like some of her songs are bangers but my god they're all so bitter

i've oh i've only heard that one that is pretty much just misery business. Yeah. I don't know. I listened to some other one and it's just like, she's so miserable. It's very funny. Anyway. She's the new Paramore, man. She's the new like angry girl music.

Yeah. Teenagers everywhere are going to have them. I wish MSN was still a thing so the the current generation of our teenage girls could write her lyrics in their yeah and their name is that like is there anywhere to do that anymore not really right discord fair is that like a thing that teenagers are using a lot i don't know i don't know it doesn matter. We should do a whole episode where we deconstruct her lyrics because I feel like a lot of them are not the most healthy relationship views, actually. Oh, yeah. I can almost guarantee you that pretty much no music that is meant to appeal to teenagers is good relationship advice.

All right. You ready? Yep. This is by Make Fun Faces. My teen daughter is cheating on her boyfriend. I first found out my daughter, 17-year-old female, had been cheating on her boyfriend, 16-year-old male, about five months ago. She said she ended with the other boy and told her boyfriend.

Yesterday, I saw her kissing different boys she knows. I told her she needed to tell her boyfriend or I would. She got really upset, begging me not to. I'm conflicted. I know she's young and all make mistakes and learn at that age, but she also knows better. This has been ongoing for months and now involves three different boys. Damn, this is just a regular old Tina Palooza over here. That's true. Holy shit. over here that's true holy shit um this is tough because i i think i do agree with the mom

in this situation and i'm assuming this is the mom right yes question actually yeah actually i don't know okay it's a whoever i also assumed it was the mom and that reading it's like there's no indication yeah because it's a partner right yeah yeah so i mean it doesn't matter i agree with the question asker while normally we advocate for like oh stay out of like your kids sex life and all that at this age and with this behavior this seems like there's probably like a huge self-esteem issue for the daughter which is probably why she's trying to like make out with every boy that will give her any attention but i think like this is the formative years of like this is where she

needs to be taught how terrible this is to do to someone yeah right like this is where you need to sit her down and explain how absolutely miserable this is to do to another human being well like that's the thing it's like i think being like you can or can't fuck in these ways is one thing but like this is you know when you're a parent you're meant to teach your kid how to grow up to be a good person and you know like you teach them what shit and what's not like that's the whole job so it's like just because this is tangentially related to or is about dating and whatnot doesn't mean you just get to be like oh shit can't teach her it's like you need to sit her down and be like hey the fuck why why are you

doing this you know and maybe get to the bottom of like it's a possibility that she's have some kind of like poly relationship she feels too embarrassed to talk about with you guys that could be a possibility i'm gonna guess it isn it isn't. And otherwise just be like, why are you doing this? And like, this is a very shitty thing. And hopefully you can get through to her because like, she is your fucking daughter. You're her parent. This is your job to make them not a terrible person. And it's like, if this stuff doesn't get nipped in the bud now, I don't think it ever will. And to be fair, you're doing this for your daughter almost more so than, or at least as much as everybody else, because they're not going to live a happy fucking life if they think that cheating is the way to go. And like, you know, they're not going to have a good relationship.

They're going to be miserable. It's just going to fucking snowball from here. Yeah, it's it's such a like it's so important to get this out of the way as soon as possible. And I think it's like this is one of the times where you need to bust out the, I'm not mad. Just disappointed. Oh yeah. Like get out the big guns.

Like you need to, like, I think that's the only fucking way that this will really come across. You also need to play like a, like a what if game of being like, Hey, imagine that you found someone that you really liked and they did this to you. Like,

how would you feel about that? And like, maybe this did happen to her. You know what I mean? For all we know, the boyfriend has cheated on her and this is her getting revenge. Like try, what you need to do is open the communication doors and,

and hopefully the floodgates of whatever she's up to will also open and you will get the torrent of like teen drama. And like, because again, it's like, it's easy to look at this and be like this is a terrible thing to do to someone but also forget that like there's hormones and teenagers are fucking terrible to each other and you know i mean like there's such a long securities and there's like tv shows fucking give you the wrong like a lot of media are so awful with regards to healthy relationships etc also maybe whip out the i thought i taught you better than this you know like just hit it with the big guns you know be chill but like a hundred percent open up because

these things usually don't happen in a vacuum unless they're a sociopath they're probably doing it because they're insecure or because they think it makes them cool, which again is probably them being insecure that they're not cool or they've been hurt or like, you know, there's something behind this. And like, as a good parent, I think it's time for you to like open the communication, make sure they know that you're there for them and like get to the bottom of it and make them a better person. I think it's girls night time. You know what I mean? Like tell your, if this is the mother or whoever. if it's dads you can still have a girls night with yeah it's true it's like tell tell your partner and any other siblings like you guys are going to the movies and we're gonna hang out at home and we're gonna like we're gonna order pizza we're

gonna watch your favorite movie you know i mean maybe mean girls or something to really like hammer the point home because if she's a teenager now she probably hasn mean maybe mean girls or something to really like hammer the point home because if she's a teenager now she probably hasn't seen mean girls and definitely needs to just be like cool what you tell me tonight is like private this is our time to like get to the bottom of this and figure it out and i will not get angry i will you know what i mean and just just be like the most parenty parent that has ever parented and just let them know that like this is safe time. This is time that we're going to work things out. And this is the time that like by the end of the night, it's like you will not do this again.

And that's like a promise that you're going to make me. And I'm going to make the promise that like I will tell you anything. Yeah, I will impart the wisdom to you to make sure that you don't feel the need to do this again and also like even from a safety perspective it's like if people find out you're cheating on them no one's not angry yeah right and it's like people do crazy shit when they're angry and you don't know it's like you need to protect your daughter from putting herself in this situation where you're gonna have people pissed you know what i mean yeah i'm very terrible enough yeah as it is when they're chill on the fucking street you know what i mean it's like an enraged teenager like whether it's trashing her at school or like

you know if they exchange nudes him leaking them or him getting physically like violent you know like there's a myriad of things that can happen and also like i don't think most people are friends with people who cheat and if they are they're usually kind of like you know what i mean i don't think that's that was the point yeah upstanding people accept when their friends do things that are shitty you know what i mean well i'm also like we don't know if these boys have girlfriends and it's like you really think this is gonna go well when like the girls find out that you're making it like your daughter's making it with their boyfriends like that's going to be a fucking nightmare scenario yeah like teenage girls are the scariest thing in the world you you don't think that your daughter will hate school if it comes to light that like she made out with like stacy's boyfriend

and now stacy is running a fucking smear campaign on her in high school and that's the thing that it could totally affect her grades and like it it can just be so bad and it's like there's no need for this to happen so sit her down talk to her it's entirely your responsibility because you're a fucking parent yeah the like the laundry list of like things you can be like look if someone finds out about this you're gonna you could be bullied mercilessly online and it's like we've seen what happens when that happens to teenagers you know i mean depression suicide like there are so many scary things that can happen because of this yeah um and it's like you might think this is harmless fun you might not think

anyone's getting hurt but like at the end of the day you could get hurt you know what i mean like this could drive you to the point of a really dark place and you know as your parent i refuse to allow it to go any further let alone the people she'll be driving to a really dark place by being a horrible person to them so it's just like there's no redeeming kind of qualities to this scenario like you got to get to the nitty-gritty of it and ignoring it is not the way to do that because the thing is it's like you might think like oh this problem will solve itself and it's like maybe she might learn but like how is that lesson going to come around and is it going to be better than the one you'd give her that's the thing it's like she learns her lesson when this kid hangs himself you know what i mean like that like that's really

as grim as that is but like that's really really the how this lesson is learned is either she becomes a pariah in the school or one of these kids is so fragile because being a teen is fucked and like tries to OD on his mom's pain meds or some shit. Yeah. Right. It's like and then then she has to deal with the guilt of that, which isn't going to go well. So it's like you really do need to sort of lay out like the grimmest possible realities for her. And even just like hypotheticals of being like, you know,

how would you feel if they did this to you? How would you feel if like you walked in and saw mom with another man? Yeah. Or, or dad with another person. You know what I mean? Like, how would you like,

you would probably feel super betrayed by us and really disappointed really angry and it's like why do you think those emotions don't apply to other people or to what you're doing 100 so sit her down get to the bottom of this and again this lesson that you're going to give is going to be better than any lesson she could learn out in the wild because the dangers and the risks both for them and for everyone else involved, are way worse. You have a controlled environment to a degree and it's your fucking responsibility because you're a parent. So get to it.

Here's a question. This comes from Royal Ad in 3090. And I don't want to have deep personal discussions. I've noticed a trend when I'm dating. I don't like to talk to the person about how their day went, their past, their lives currently. Talking about these things

actually makes my brain shut down and I can't push the combo forward. I'd prefer to have experiences with the person. Flirt lightheartedly, discuss interests, etc. That's really good enough for me. I'm feeling like this mindset is keeping me from building true intimacy with partners. Maybe? I should follow this up by saying that I'm horrible at maintaining relationships, obviously. Anyone else experience this?

How do I get past the disinterest in deep personal discussions? Is it actually important? And this is a woman. This is weird because, like, how's your day is the opposite of, I think, a deep personal interesting conversation. The whole thing reeks of just, like, sociopathy to me. Yeah, I don't know what it is. Like, I feel like they just don't know how to human in a way which i guess is exactly what you're saying but it's like some of the

stuff they mentioned like their past yeah you can get into that and that can be i think a very deep very personal thing how's your day is usually the most boring like oh work was shit like you know it's very rare i think it goes anywhere deeper than that, unless you're having a particularly crazy day, you know? Well, do you want to hear my theory on this? Well, for me, to conflate both those things just shows the complete lack of understanding. Well, see, here's my thing is, I don't think that these, like, I don't think she sees people as equals. And that they are simply, like, set pieces for her to do things with and to if that makes sense because she says i'm looking for i'm just looking for experiences um and i

don't care like how your day is or your past or your current life so it seems like she's literally stripping people of like who they are and their personality and like anything that makes them unique and being like you're my person that i go to concerts with so that's what we are your concert person and you your date person your sex person your weekend drinks person but please don't talk to me about what you like you know i mean or like what you think i don't care about your opinions i don't care about your family or even your life. Like that seems fucking crazy to me. It does seem a little dramatic to jump to them being a sociopath. But at the same time, like I think the bottom line is you're not going to have a relationship on surface level shit.

No, like you literally can't. You just can't. Like that's that's not it. So I don't know if I specifically have any advice to make your brain not turn off when someone talks to you about something that's not like, you know, Game of Thrones or the roller coaster you just went on. The advice I can give you is that like there is no other option. Like, I don't think there is a way you can have a relationship and just be like, yeah, we have experiences together. And then we go home and we ignore each other, you know? And then they try to tell me anything about anything and i stop listening and i'm out and like even if you could make that like if you could get in a situation like that that's not a good healthy relationship so you know you're damned if you

do and damned if you don't if that's all you want to do so i don't understand why you want a relationship what is it that you want well that's because you don't know what a relationship is it sounds like they just want mannequin person to slot into the activities that they want to do right and like that is a terrible thing to subject another human being to like one of one of like the key roles as a partner uh even like as a friend but like let's let's stick open to uh like romantic partners for now um it's like if amanda's had a bad day the first thing i'm gonna ask when she gets in and i know she's upset is hey are you okay how was your day and then she's gonna talk to me and i'm gonna listen for as long as she needs to rant about whatever the fuck happened during the day. And it's like, if I then just immediately shut down because I don't care, that makes me not only a bad partner, but a bad person.

I was even going to be like, well, I would recommend like casual relationships because, you know, then you can have like these one off kind of like, let's go to a movie or let's go fuck or let's go to a theme park kind of and like not have it be too deep because it's just occasional whatever's but i think even as like a casual partner it's like you're shitty if you don't give a fuck about them like we've talked about this before like people's fear of intimacy with like fuck buddy situations for example it's like you're not gonna have a good one if you're like oh no don't don't tell me anything i cannot know about you because that kills it for me it's like no can't hold hands we even posted someone suggested the other day for unspoken like sex rules is that like intimacy is required you know what i mean like and yeah it is like you're not gonna have as good of a time. And I think you're going to be frankly a bad partner if you refuse to care about anything

that's not like very surface level. And there's also like, there are things about people's personality that informs how to handle them in sexual relationships as well. You know what I mean? Like if someone mentions that like, oh, they're from an abusive family, it's like, maybe don't like try to choke them in bed unless they've asked, you know what i mean like if someone mentions that like oh they're from an abusive family it's like maybe don't like try to choke them in bed unless they've asked you know i mean like there are like there are cues that like you pick up and you learn from people and like there are things like i know there was a woman that i used to sleep with um and she got out of a really shitty relationship uh and it was like abusive and so like when we would have sex i

wouldn't do things like hold her wrists down or pin her down or like you know me like things that could be fun and and sexy and hot i avoided them because i was like i don't know if this is going to trigger her and that's the last thing i want to do yeah but if i didn't allow myself to get to know her and open those lines of communications i would never known and i could have done really terrible things to her and not like you know like things that she would have found very terrible honestly to this person for advice i don't think you will have a relationship until you can participate and do these things that you seem to hate about being more personal and like going below the surface and i think this first step of that is like things that you seem to hate about being more personal and like going

below the surface. And I think the first step of that is like knowing that you need to like there is no other option here, right? So maybe that's a good first step is like admitting that it is a thing you need to work on. Because I feel like in this question, you're kind of still hoping there's a way to get past that. And I don't know whether it's that you need to realize that you need to care about the other person um because you do or if it's that like maybe you don't feel like you have enough to bring to the table like maybe that's it or you don't want to talk about your past either because you don't know you have anything to add or because it's so terrible because i feel like there's something going on here and maybe it's just that you're not comfortable with being vulnerable or emotional or whatever.

And like, sure, maybe go see a therapist about that. But flat out, you will not be able to have a relationship if you cannot get any way deeper than surface level experiences. I think you nailed it. Like, I think if this is something that you need to talk to a professional mental health expert, a therapist, to work through. Because there is, as you said, there is a block in here. And you will not find a meaningful relationship until you remove it. Unfortunately. And that's my personal opinion.

But I think you need to go to a therapist and literally say, hey, I'm incapable of being able to be interested in people's personal lives. And anytime they want to talk about themselves, I don't care. You know what I would love to know is like, does this person have friends? Well, they say they're horrible at maintaining relationships. So I assume not. Well, I assume they meant like romantic relationships. Maybe, you know, because it's like maintaining i don't know i i would never use the word as like like maintaining relationships to me sounds like i know i would use

relationship almost exclusively for like you know dating that's fair i have relationships with you and with whatever but like i don't say that word i'd be like friendships or like you know if i was like oh i don't really have much friends or I can't keep friends around, like that could just be me. But like, cause if they cannot engage with friends on that level either, it's a massive problem. And if they can engage with friends, but can't engage with partners, that itself is its whole other problem. Because then it's like, you're not seeing partners as people, you know what I mean? So it's like, for me, like it's, it's just, that's the thing I'm really interested in. Is it a partner specific problem or is it just in general? And I think either way, go to a therapist.

Yeah, I think that's true. That's the answer. Unfortunately, it's like it's rare that we kind of just shove it on over to therapy. therapy, but I think at this point, you need someone who has studied this and can really sort of ask the right questions. You know what, Dane? A true leader delegates. We're nothing if not true leaders.

It's true. Okay. This is by BigPuddingThrowaway. My 32-year-old female boyfriend, 34-year-old male, has been searching for porn and sex tapes with me in it. There aren't any. We've been together a year and a half, live together, have a great relationship with mostly really good communication, although there are some sexual topics like past history and the kind of porn we watch that have been slower to open up to each other about.

I'm 32, he's 34. Yesterday we were in the car looking for a place to eat and my phone died, so he let me use his phone to find directions to this one spot we thought was nearby. Neither of us are super private about our phones, but usually when I've used his, it's been for a Maps app, and this time it was Google, because I couldn't remember the exact restaurant name. I typed in the first letter on my place, which happens to be the first letter of my name, and it brought up a search history list of my full name, porn, my full name, nude, my full name, sex tape. I stared at it for a minute like, what the fuck, and then kept going with the restaurant search. When I went to close the window, it did that thing where it shows you all the other most recent windows open at Safari. On a couple windows back, there was a Google search with the title, how to tell if your

partner has a sex tape or something along those lines. I really didn't mean to snoop, but I was already sort of stunned and trying to process everything. I immediately gave his phone back and didn't say anything. I can't stop thinking about it now and have so many questions. Like, does he think I have a background in porn? Was he hoping to find something on there because he's into that? Was it a one-time curiosity, or has he been searching for a while? I know these searches were recent because he clears his browser history pretty regularly.

Whenever he's Googled on his phone in front of me, there are no autofilled search history things. I have no idea whether to bring it up. I don't want to embarrass him. I can't think of anything that happened that would make him think he would find things of me online. We have good communication about the sex we have, but he's gotten weird before, and I've mentioned stuff from my past. Not even anything very detailed.

Which always made me careful about what I share, unless he asked directly. I guess I'm still kind of surprised about it all. I'm really not sure whether it's something to bring up or just accept that maybe dudes do this sometimes with the girlfriends out of curiosity. I'd love some outside perspectives. Man, this is interesting because nine times out of 10,

when a person who isn't a professional porn star has a sex tape that's leaked, they don't attach their name to it yeah that's that's the funny part for me it's like i would never consider searching someone's actual name if i was like because who does that yeah like nine times out of ten it's it's someone leaked it you know i mean like it's it's an old partner who's doing some revenge porn bullshit and like if you if you've ever been on any website ever, unless they are like establishing

themselves as a porn star, they're going to use their name for brand recognition. But otherwise, it's just like Big Tit Brunette fucks after party. Even then, they don't use their real name. Well, no, that's what I mean. It's like all the other, like if you're doing like

an amateur thing, but like you're actually trying to build build a brand you're gonna have like your name whatever it may be but like yeah but that's the only time i'm pretty sure they pick a fake name no no that's yes i'm agreeing with you it's a fake name but what i'm saying is nine times out of ten porn names or like like titles of porn videos don't have names in it yeah you know what i mean it's usually just like you know blonde blows dude and ally right so it's like unless you are a porn star then it would be like you know stacy sucks a lot blows dude and ally yeah at which point it's still not their name which is why this is insane yeah no i don't like what are you doing like this is this is not the way to find your partner's sex tape no the way you do it is you

play a game and you pull out that card of the game that makes you be honest just so honest that you ruin every relationship and you go what would your porn name be and as they're typing you go or as they're saying it you just type it in you're like gotcha and they're like damn it i am stacy sucks a lot um so i think for the question asker you should have been like like this is something that if i saw on my partner's phone i would have been like uh explain yourself yeah and i would have done it playfully because like if i had a secret torrid porn history which you do i do um but like like i would be a little bit more nervous or whatever especially if it was something i wanted to leave in my past but this person doesn't so this should be a funny situation of being like why are you trying to find porn of me using my real name? You idiot.

Honestly, like that's the worst part. It's like, he's too dumb for you to date at this point. Yeah. Like I, like it would just be such a wild, like if so,

like if I opened up Amanda's phone and it was like Dane Miller porn video, I would be like, you're, you're better than this. Yeah. Come on, baby. Like,

come on. You're so much better than this. come on baby like come on you're so much better than this yeah i do feel either way you gotta bring it up and you know what it's harder because you didn't do it at the time but you could be like look the other day when we were looking for the restaurant like i typed in whatever and all this shit popped up i wasn't snooping obviously and i should have brought it up but i didn't want it to get weird because we were going to a restaurant and I kind of hemmed and hawed about talking about, but like it's, it's playing, it's preying on my mind and I just need to know what's going on here and see what they have to say, because it sounds like he's very insecure about your history. And I'm assuming he has some weird fear that you were a secret porn star or that you had an

ex that fucked like a train and he just wants to like see what he's up against or something like it's definitely some weird insecurity thing you know i would say 95 chance of that five percent chance of some porn or like not some porn some kink of his now you could do that you could do the open communication thing or or if you could really work some SEO magic and create a website that has your full name. And like, so when you search your name and nudes, it goes to a website that you've created that just has a video on it of you looking dead in the camera. Just being like, seriously, man. Yes. Really?

I take back everything I said. This is exactly what you need to do. Upload to Pornhub. And I'm pretty sure you can upload whatever you want on Pornhub there's a dude playing Minecraft on Pornhub oh yeah they've uploaded all the James Bond movies and shit on it so you go onto Pornhub

you upload a thing and it's you wearing something that in the thumbnail looks a little sexual and then just be like hey why are you searching my porn videos and then like name him and then like the best thing and this is going to be the most difficult, why are you searching my porn videos? And then name him. The best thing, and this is going to be the most difficult part, is that you need to

creep up on him when he finds it. So that in the video it says, I'm behind you, by the way, and he turns around. That's where you are. And then you say, I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. Damn, got him. Got him again. Or, maybe, spend some time on porn sites until you find someone who looks like you,

like an amateur porn actress who kind of looks like you and be like, hey, I'm going to give you $100. So and just tell whoever's fucking you in your next video to call me, call you by this name. Stacey sucks a lot. Stacey sucks a lot. And then if there's like a one in a trillion chance because there are infinite amounts of porn videos that he might see this video and be like oh it's her but then

how do you prove it isn't you i guess you have the history i mean this is a bad thing because like an employer could see this as well yeah yeah maybe don't do that but i think you definitely gotta talk to him because like i i imagine it's some kind of deep seated insecurity issue either about himself, about you or about your ex. And I don't think it's a positive thing. Like, I honestly imagine it's some kind of like toxic. It's like an ownership thing. Probably. You know what I mean?

Like, he's like, you're my girlfriend and I don't want it on the internet. Yeah. I'm going to guess it's not coming from a good place so the sooner you can talk about it the sooner you can kind of like nip that in the bud slash figure it out you know because like if if it is a lost cause you guys live together but it's only been a year and a half the sooner you get out the better and if it is some kind of like vaguely okay thing maybe you can fix it before it kind of spires also Also, hey, just throwing it out here. Don't record videos with this guy.

Yeah. Just until you get to the bottom of this. I don't know if you guys do that, if you make your own sex tapes, but like, just don't. Yeah, because he's dumb enough to name you in them. Yeah. Yeah, he's got like a whole fucking catalog of women he slept with, like with their full fucking names, I guess. Yeah. So, yeah yeah good luck but you have to bring it up because one

I don't think you're gonna forget about it and two there's something there something's going on yeah he's it's enough that he's like made multiple google searches about yeah and that's even just since he cleared his history which he apparently does all the time I'm gonna search

now Spain porn video no nothing for me no that's good i didn't search you and i'll never tell you who i did search oh well i looked it up and literally first response is my twitter second response is ragdoll facial by fuck buddies a sex and dating advice ragdoll oh right that's the name of an episode. Third one is most relevant video results from Pornhub. Spanish porn star? Hell yeah. We did it. Yeah. At the end of the episode, we like to peruse online dating platforms for red flags.

We tell you what works, what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Hell yeah. You ready for this? So this is Alvin. So their profile picture is a tattoo that says Megan. Hi, is your name Megan? If yes, well, today is your lucky day here. You have the chance to possibly meet your soulmate. I had a mystic reading two years ago, and I was told my soulmate's name was Megan.

So I took it upon myself to prepare for the future and start the crazy adventure to find her. Whoa. How is Megan spelt? M-E-G-A-N. Okay. So it's like I've seen I've met a lot of Megan's in my life and all of them are spelt very strangely. Like M-E-A-G-H-A-N. Yeah.

And then I also knew M-A-E-G-H-A-N. Yeah, that was just dyslexic parents. So I'm like, did you ask your psychic reader how megan was shit because you could be looking for the complete wrong megan yeah like mae gan is looking at this being like so close but i like moxie but i won't even message yeah it's not me couldn't be me this is a super wild way to try to do anything sir and i'm sure but here's the thing i'm sure there is someone who fucking loves it you know what i mean like i'm sure at some point in time or or there there are groups of women out there who think this is super romantic well you don't think like tell me that there's no megan out there who's like an I N T F J like second house Aquarius moon rising.

Yeah, exactly. This is like fucking kismet. Exactly. Yeah. So it's like for me, I'm going to give this a one because it's not good. Categorically bad for me. It's a 10. Fair enough.

This is. Oh, no, I cut off her name. Oh, no, it's Heidi 10 uh fair enough um this is oh no i cut off her name oh no it's heidi it's heidi okay um and this is off of hinge i believe and the prompt is my most irrational fear and then in all capitals she answers all my fears are perfectly rational how dare you uh i like it it's a 10 yeah it was a 10 for me as well. Ready to vote low? Yeah. This is Christy.

Swipe left if you're vaccinated. Hell yeah. Minus 10. That's it. That's it. Yeah, that's a hard minus. I'm going to keep garbage, but if that's your only thing, get the fuck out. Go. Well, I'm going to keep with that energy.

This is Tanya, non-vaxxed and looking for same. Even with your jab, you'll be getting many lockdowns. Many is in brackets for some reason. And then laughing face, rat emoji. It's all pre-planned and exactly going by the plan. Just out of relationship and seeking a new one with a good person. Nothing casual. So go somewhere else. You you're gross i wonder why she's single downtown professional well traveled to remote places easter island easter island to himalayas uh mushrooms dmt

weed qhh t i work in psychiatry at a hospital looking into a side business in the same field at the moment also you must like and want kids anything else just ask is she looking for a side business in the same field at the moment. Also, you must like and want kids. Anything else? Just ask. Is she looking for a side business because medical professionals need to be vaccinated and she no longer has a job? Well, it's like you work in psychiatry and then looking into a side business in the same field.

Like, huh? Do you want to just open your own practice as a psychiatrist? Doesn't sound like it. Or is there some crazy sort of weird psychiatry side hustle? I don't know. I don't know what the fuck it is, but it's going to be a zero for me, Tanya. This might be the worst one we've done. It's really bad. That's a minus 20 for me.

Ready for Asia? Yep. I'm a very busy person, and I'm currently not interested in a relationship, but have urges that need to be satisfied. Okay. I'm going to give it a five because like, I appreciate it. You're upfront about what you're looking for. Don't really say too much.

If I was to guess, this profile probably doesn't have a picture. It's a lot of landscapes and a flower. It was a flowy dress from like mid chest down yeah so i get it i you see these people from time to time and it's like well all right um so i'm gonna give it a five it's nothing really anything i appreciate the horny energy but yeah that's about it so yeah that's all yeah um this is kukai i believe uh she's 37 i'm a little girl who loves photography travels loves nature and loves coffee that's it uh i do appreciate how you said i'm a little girl in a high-pitched voice a little bit and i don't know if that was intentional

uh yeah because she is 37 she's a little girl maybe Maybe she just is tiny. It's a five. It's very bland. I'm going to give it a three because it reads like a 16-year-old's MySpace. Yeah. Right? Like, photography, travel, nature, and coffee. Like, whoa. That means nothing.

You've said nothing. Also, you're 37. Don't refer to yourself as a little girl. Ready for Tina? Yeah. Talk to me how you would talk in person, and we good. Also, you're 37, don't refer to yourself as a little girl Ready for Tina? Yeah Talk to me how you would talk in person, and we good If you state your pronoun in bio, you are not for me Hmm, interesting

Talk to me how you'd talk to me in pro- None of it makes any sense And then the weird sort of like binary affirmation Is not for me I'm gonna give this a 2 Hey Tina, you're not for me That's a 1 Yeah Uh, this is my last one This is Sharon not for me. I'm going to give this a two. Hey, Tina, you're not for me. That's a one.

This is my last one. This is Sharon. Berea Tacos and a blunt is the way to my heart. Her Instagram handle. If you've matched with my sister already, please swipe left. How would you know? How would you know? Is there any indication? I mean, there are pictures

of her with another woman, which you could maybe assume that's her sister. But also, I have Tinder face blindness. So the likelihood of me remembering that, you know what I mean? Like piecing those two things together, it's not going to happen. You know what I love?

That's got to have happened. There's some drama there that prompted her happen well you know what i love that's gotta have happened something some there's some drama there that prompted you know it's like when they're like hey don't microwave your cat like on the fucking thing it's like someone fucking did this you're the reason why we have this rule uh i'd love it but as a profile it's like a five yeah yeah yes uh ready for vivian okay so vivian's profile picture is like what looks like a fancy event. There are two people shaking hands. There's three people in frame.

The two whose faces you can see are obscured by emojis about me. I'm being secretive for a reason, but happy to send you photos if I match with you. Okay. So some sort of emoji business deal happening in this picture is what you're saying to me. I can only assume this is when they greenlit the emoji movie. It's a zero because I'm not going to match with you if I don't know what you look like. The intrigue though. I'm assuming they have to be a celebrity.

No. Maybe a... They're probably married. Maybe. Or it's Doug Ford's daughter. or it's doug ford's daughter or it's doug ford's daughter and they're just like i know i will get a lot of hate and i will only match with you if you say if you're vaccinated swipe left yeah i'm gonna give it a zero because it's literally not a profile you know what i'm it's getting a five for me because i am intrigued because you want to you want to reveal whose face I want to know whose face it is.

Yeah. Are they the Handshaker? We'll never know. Okay, last one. You ready? Yep. This is Haley. Back in Toronto after two amazing years in Australia, I need a tour guide to show me around. I go to bed early, so if I don't respond late at night, don't delete me! That's just rude. About to have

a baby boy. Not looking for a daddy, but wants a genuine connection um okay is the don't delete me in capitals well the don't is in capitals that's a i don't understand tinder anymore i just it's like is that a thing where like if someone messages you at a certain time and you don't respond you get fucking unmatched i mean it seems like it would be a thing i don't know i assume she's like i'm not gonna be there for your you up text yeah i'm preempting that with a reasonable excuse so keep trying to date me i guess i guess i like i don't hate it i'm gonna give it a seven because like there's there's some australia drama here right she come back from australia with a baby What's happening there? She fled the country with a baby.

Well, she said she's about to have it. She still has it. It's just in her. Yeah. I don't know. I appreciate the honesty. I appreciate her commitment to just be like, I'm a single mom. I'm going to rock this shit.

And I would rather find someone I get along with than someone who fills the paternal father role. I appreciate all of it. So I'm going to give it a seven. Yeah. Because there's not really much else. There's nothing about her. So it's losing some points for me, but I'll give it like a six. I appreciate the honesty. And that's that. That's our

show, friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us. As we've mentioned the past couple weeks since this launch, thank you for joining our Patreon. If you have have if you are interested in supporting the show please head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com click the patreon link it'll send you over there there are three options there's a three dollar option which lets you support us and let us know that you love us there's a seven dollar option which gives you access to our uh new monthly podcast pillow talk uh releasing it'll be as if you're listening to this when this comes out,

it'll be tomorrow, August 31st is our first episode. And then there's a $13.50 option, which gives you, it lets us know you love us, gets you access to Pillow Talk, and it also will give you priority question access. So if you have a burning question that you need answered, it will be answered the fastest among all the other questions.

Now, Dane is wrong. There are actually four levels, but the fourth one is our powerful sugar daddy level that gets you everything, but also will blow us out of the water if you ever do it. So, you know, don't worry about it. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harbor Cities for their song Paper Stars. Ready for some bad sex writing? Yes. Now this is a quote from what I believe is an American pastor, Pastor Mark

Driscoll. Ultimately God created you and it is his penis you are simply borrowing it for a while knowing that his penis would need a home God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home that is this like a weird sunday school sex ed sermon like who says that mark pat mark driscoll does like i think everyone

in church is like yeah dude we know we know how this works you know that you're borrowing you've like leased a penis from God? I mean, I think it's the fact that like, if I look down at a woman, I'll be like, I'm not flabbergasted. I'm not like, hey, where's God's penis? What did you do with God's penis? Now, so are we also going to assume that it's also God's vagina? Where did God get the vagina? God's a hermaphrodite.

That's not what he's saying. He doesn't say that. He just says God made a home. God made a sweet penis home. And that's a lady. That's what women are. That's all women are. God's transient penis home. Yeah, this is garbage and so are you, pastor. Goodbye. I hate it. My name is Dane Miller.

And I'm Niles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies.