F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 153 - Toss It In Your Roommate

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

I don't want to get you too hyped, but I think we finally found our sign off and we definitely execute it perfectly.  Topics include the expectations in embarrassment, the abnormality of setting age based milestones, managing your standards and sleeping with your roommate.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our lovely listeners on the topics of sex and dating and we answer them for you. And I'm just so happy that today I don't need a bag of ice to keep myself at a temperature that will keep me conscious. It's kind of beautiful out today. It's lovely outside. I know this is kind of like a weather podcast recently, but I will say it's nice to be in something other than

the level in Mario where the sun's trying to kill you. It's true. It's beautiful. I was about to say, you know what episode we don't talk about the weather in? Our secret episode, but I'm pretty sure we also talk about the weather in that one yeah we do yeah but we did release our first uh members only episode pillow talk on our patreon yesterday um so you know if you're interested in that a week ago ah fuck yeah you're right well eight days ago or whatever amount of time. Either way, it's there. If you want to have a look at it,

check it out. Just sign up for our second tier. And if we're feeling generous, maybe we'll give you a little morsel to find out what you're missing. Ooh. And yeah, if you do want to support the show and get your sweaty little hands all

over Pillow Talk, which is our Patreon exclusive podcast, just head on over to our website, fbuddiespodcast.com, click the Patreon link, it'll bring you over, and you have three options. Only two of them, however, will give you access to Pillow Talk. Well, technically three of them will. Three of them, yes. I always forget about our very cheek secret cheeky expensive tier yeah um so the first one is is a low tier thing that you can use just to support us and we appreciate you um the

middle tier and the higher tier uh will give you access to uh pillow talk and the the second highest will also give you priority question access so if you want to ask us a question you'll be skipped to the front of the line. And we appreciate every single person so far who has become a member. We love you guys. Thank you so much for supporting us and letting us continue to this podcast. Thank you very much. Also letting us pursue other projects, which I'm very excited about.

All right. You ready for your first question? This is by deleted user. My dick came in his pants and never talked to me again lol what did i do wrong hey reddit can you read the title again my date came in his pants i'll never talk to me again lol what did i do wrong i thought it was my dick came in his pants hell yeah and i was like i need i can't wait for this one hey Reddit, I'm a 24 year old female who just got out of a three year relationship about half a year ago. Not a good guy.

Trying to get back into the dating world and hopefully meet someone I can just hang with occasionally since I have to move back to my parents after being away for six to seven years. Anyway, I met this guy my age off of Bumble who asked me to hang out. We set up a date, went to a brewery and a bar, probably had two to three drinks each over the course of five hours. He initiated a kiss, held hands, walking back to the car, invited me up to his flat. And since we were getting along, I was like, sure. Plus, I live 30 minutes away and didn't want to drive that far after drinking. It's not really the distance, but okay. It's the drinking. Okay. We got to his flat, put on the TV, started kissing more. I told him I wasn't interested in sex sex to which he understood and told me it was totally cool. He asked me to spend the night though and said,

but don't worry, I'm really not asking for sex. It was late. So I stayed, we grinded lack of better words in bed and he ended up stopping and started grunting. Man, it came in his pants. We sat for a minute and I tried joking around with him.

He told me, honestly, I'm just really embarrassed. So I told him I really didn't think anything of it, which was true. It was just kind of funny. He stopped cuddling with me after that and didn't really acknowledge me

when it was time for him to leave for work and me to go, not even a hug or whatever. He didn't text me the other day, so I text him this afternoon saying, hey, just reaching out to wish you a good day or whatever. He didn't respond, lol. I'm really new to the dating world and a little self-conscious due to coming from an abusive relationship,

which I only mentioned to him once and explaining my move down to the area anyway is this how dates usually pan out should i be taking it personally thanks lol i'm just confused i mean like do you really think that this is how dates usually pan out that's every one of my dates has been this way she comes in her pants gets angry at me like like surely you must not like surely you know that this is how every date pans out like are we really at that point where it's like one thing happens and you're like this is it this is how it works it's like no this isn't how dates usually pan out the mean with the butterfly and it's like is this a normal date yeah yeah like come on just because one thing happens once like you didn't like so to be like oh

what did i do wrong like nothing well this this guy had an embarrassing thing or something he thought was embarrassing he got insecure about it got super defensive and probably yeah he probably never wants to see you again because he will always be ashamed of what happened whether he should be or not is completely irrelevant to you and completely independent of you yeah i think the only thing you might have done wrong is like how you handled it when it happened and like i don't really see any red flags in the description but you know if someone said they were embarrassed you're like i don't think anything of it and just kind of like ignored it you know what i mean because it at least he was able to open up and let you know that he was really embarrassed and it's like that's

kind of your cue to then you know assuage that embarrassment yeah or at the very least because i know they said they were joking about it as well as like at least then like stop joking about it yeah um but i like i really don't know what else to offer especially when you're like oh he said he was embarrassed i said it wasn't a big deal and i meant it it's like well that's like a short of taking a polygraph test at that very moment to prove that you and like in fact did not care i don't really know what else you could have done in that situation well like i don't know i i feel like why i want to bring this is that like something like that is super embarrassing for a guy, right? As someone's partner, even if it's just casual or first time, it's like you're still like you still should care about where they're coming from in terms of like if they're comfortable, if they're happy, if they're, you know.

And like if someone's super embarrassed, like as a good partner, you should be there to reassure them. That's what good sex is. It's like sex can be a pretty intimidating thing for a lot of people. So it's like, I don't know if you did the best you could in this situation or not. And it's like, if you have, sure, whatever. Sometimes people are just so in their own head that they're not going to be able to take what you're giving out. But think sometimes either people one don't know how embarrassing that can be for a guy because it's not really a thing they have to deal with or to just think that like they've done it like they say oh i don't care and like roll over and that's it yeah which it like definitely doesn't seem like that's the situation here proclaim his embarrassment

it'd be weird to be like you know imagine if like people who just like fucked for their own pleasure and didn't care about their own partner was just like super embarrassed by this like i don't care about your pleasure but really embarrassed about it can i so i think what you're saying is you had the only way she could have handled this properly would be to billy madison style come in her own pants that would definitely help just like stare at him and like clench your face as it slowly grows hotter

but you don't break eye contact and your face reddens and you just focus and you tense it looks like you're about to shoot yourself but you just spontaneously just cream yeah and then you'd be like I did it too now this is what cool people do on dates you know what? I think that would have actually solved it.

I don't know. I mean, especially if the way you come is the way that you just described. That's what happens in every date. That's a usual date, yes. Yeah. I just feel like, you know, it sounds like very little in terms of reassurance happened in this situation. I don't know what else to... Okay, let's do a little roleplay.

I've just come out of my pants. And someone is like, oh, I'm really embarrassed about this. What would you say what would you say that well the thing is it's less that and more of like in this question by all means they could have but like we don't have the context right we don't really have much just like i told her i didn't really think anything of it and it's like we stopped cuddling went to bed you know if you just go like oh that's it and roll over and go to bed that's probably not very reassuring you know what i mean and i think it's fair to want and to advise partners to be caring

and to like to really try to like assuage people oh see i got the vibe that it was like his decision to like out of embarrassment he was just like it's done because then he like ignores her for the rest of the day and that's totally possible and that's the thing it's like we don't really have the exact context like we don't have the dialogue like a script so i'm not saying they didn't do it i'm saying it's possible they didn't do it you know yeah also entirely possible this guy was just like male ego fractured must regress to childlike state you know which happens but i just want people out there to be you know to be those good partners if they can be it's like we've had a lot of questions about like women shitting or pissing

themselves on dates and we've always been very gung-ho about how the guy should be like you know reassuring and nice and how the girl should like laugh it off and i feel like we should do the same here oh 100 yeah i mean like that's why like i i was commending her when she was like once because i think it does say that she was like once because i think it does say that she was like trying to make light of the situation or like joking about it and then like once she uh you know acknowledged that it was embarrassing for him she knocked it off and it's like that yes i mean like i don't think the problem is is like there's been so many punch lines like rarely have we seen in media women shitting the pants like shitting the bed

you know i mean like that's not a super common trope but dudes jizzing in their pants is a pretty common punchline especially for like teens and younger men or coming early or you know anything like that yeah yeah so it's like there's there's all that societal pressure as well of being like oh no now i'm a punchline like now i'm now i'm the joke that i saw in like every sitcom fucking ever yeah so yeah i i think it's yeah like you said it's super important to especially when someone has verbally announced like i'm embarrassed to do whatever's in your power to uh to to like you said assuage that that embarrassment however i think there is also like a statue of limitations where like if someone is so embarrassed that they

then start getting shitty or you know what i mean like if it did play out in the way that you know i mean this happened you're like oh no it's not a big deal don't worry about it and then he like rolled over to his back and just like it's bedtime now you know what i mean like yeah it's like well then like you've done your part if they turn the situation around into now it's your problem somehow fuck that you know what i mean like you're right there's a limit to how nice you should be because like some people just won't or don't or can't take it at that time. And to all the guys out there or, or ladies, if something embarrassing happens,

it's like, try not to get caught up in your head like that. You know what I mean? If someone's like, Hey, don't worry about like, you shouldn't be embarrassed. Don't construct an alternate narrative in your head where like,

they're really still embarrassed and they're still laughing at you. They're just saying that it's like, take them at their word. Try to move past this for both your sakes because like there's no benefit in in having a little child fit you know and like i get it sometimes things happen that are that are fucking mortifying and like you just want to cut ties this is your first date with this guy i assume right like it was yeah yeah it's like i I kind of understand this guy just being like, again, coming too early

or coming in your pants really isn't that big of a deal. It would be much different if you guys were fucking and he just had explosive diarrhea and just plastered his wall and shit. That would be a little bit more in my realm of like i

can never see this person ever and the funny thing is i think he'd probably prefer that yeah maybe you know um i definitely i remember i was dating a girl when i must have been 15 and we were up we were fooling around like in my house and we were gonna go out and i had like nice jeans on and whatever and we were doing various things and like it wasn't house and we were going to go out and I had like nice jeans on and whatever. And we were doing various things. And like, it wasn't even that we were grinding. Like she was like jerking me off in my jeans, but like I came obviously and like had this like big wet patch on my jeans. And for some reason was so embarrassed that she would see it and like came up with like weird excuses to like hide my leg and like went downstairs and like changed my jeans and came back and hope she didn't i don't like she was jerking me off she knew what happened like i don't know

why like it wasn't a mystery to anybody and it's not like you know she wasn't culpable and it was a thing we both did but for some reason i was just like so embarrassed and ashamed about i don't know why and it's like sometimes i think back i'm, what the fuck was going on there? Why? Like, this was a thing we willingly did together. Yeah, I get it. Like, it's one of those things where like, you, of course, are going to be embarrassed about about various things. But it's like, you got to get over it. And you got to like, let your partner help if they're trying, right?

Don't use this as an excuse to like, just ruin everything, you know, because it's only going to get worse. The more you're in your own head, the more you refuse to step away from it it gets worse and that's like you can't go back to this person be like whoa sorry that i not only came my past but then was a child about it it's like yeah you gotta you gotta not do that second part yeah and like so the advice for this guy i think is like relax it's not the end of the world it might have been a little embarrassing for you at the moment but like fucking get over it and for you and for for the question answer it's try to do your best to assuage these this embarrassment moment but at the same time it's like if this

guy has chosen to just cut you out like you did nothing wrong presumably you know what i mean like you've given us no reason to think that you've done something terrible to earn a blacklisting but it's like like just move on like this no this isn't a normal occurrence this was a like a a random thing that happened on one date like to to assume that like this is how it's going to go is a strange thing to do so just just move on go on another date and maybe stop being so good at grinding that's it maybe you're way too good at grinding do you ever think about that but also like you say should i be taking personally it's like not at all like put yourself in their shoes and realize that like dane said this is a thing that's been mocked in the media for like ever it's a thing

that is a source of shame and embarrassment for a lot of guys. And it's like, I'm assuming you don't understand how much of an embarrassment it is to this guy, which is why you're thinking, oh, should I take it personally? This guy's so embarrassed that he's too scared to see you again. And that's kind of understandable. You know what I mean? To a degree, it's not unfathomable. So it's nothing to do with you. He's embarrassed. He needs some shame time and that's fine. But maybe next time don't grind so hard. Yeah. I mean, like the, the phrase he's embarrassed he needs some shame time and that's fine but maybe next time don't grind so hard yeah i mean like the the phrase he's so embarrassed he can't see you again is telling it's not like you embarrassed him so much that he doesn't want to see you know what i mean like it's it's very clear that like this is all on his end and shrug like yeah it yeah, it's like, if you were, if you did all you could and wanted to,

uh, you know, assuage his shame, then fuck it. You've done your part and he needs to figure out stuff on his end. We've used the word assuage too many times. So many times. While we're on the topic of shame,

uh, this comes from Reddit user tops for guts. Is it normal to not have a single girl like me at the age of 20? I don't know. Just feels abnormal. Most people make me feel like I'm a freak for it. I've never had a girl remotely interested in me. Not even one having a crush on me.

And when I say not one, I genuinely mean not one. Not, well, there was this one, but I didn't like her. Just zero point blank. I'm the only person I know like this blank i'm the only person i know like this i'm the only person i know that has that's never been kissed i'm the only person i know that's never been on a date i just don't feel right most of my friends constantly make fun of me for it the ones that don't still have made it clear that they don't that they think it's weird even my parents and brothers think i'm weird my parents always ask me if I'm fat and why I've never brought a girl home. Which we'll

talk about, I guess. Okay. My younger brother has had girlfriends. My older brother has never had problems with girls. I'm the one who struggles. Am I normal? And I'm not looking for the bullshit. There's no such thing as normal. Everyone's unique answers. There's things that are commonly accepted as weird.

Or it's weird to be a virgin at 30. Most people think it's abnormal. Are the things that are commonly accepted as weird. Or it's weird to be a virgin at 30. Most people think it's abnormal. Are the things that are wrong with me that abnormal? What age is he again? He's 20. Okay. So a lot to unpack here. But he does say, not a single girl's ever liked me.

How do you know, bro? How do you fucking know, bro? You literally have no idea. Yeah. You haven't figured it out or like to think that no one has, but like clearly your mindset is a little bit negative. But also a lot of people, especially when you're younger and like, especially with less experience, you don't know when someone likes you. Like when you're, when you're a kid in high school and you're talking to people and like, someone's like, they like you and you're like, no, they don't. And you don't fucking know.

They could like you. They might not like you. You don't know. So shut the fuck up with that firstly right no absolutely the second i read that i was like that's a pretty definitive statement like unless you're all like unless the abnormal thing you keep referring to is you can read people's minds like that's really the only like unless you have one of those big sort of like alien shaped heads because your brain is so developed that you can read people's thoughts and you know exactly how everyone feels about it's like you there's no way of knowing that no one's ever had a crush on you

yeah because hey guess what if your attitude is this shitty maybe they did have a crush on you and you they talked to you for five fucking minutes and they were like oh never mind you're a buzzkill. Yeah, and I don't want to jump on the guy's attitude too much because it's like, it does suck to, you know, it's almost like a self-defeating cycle where it's like you feeling like this and feeling so insecure or bad about this

makes you kind of act a certain way, which makes you less desirable, which makes you act worse. And it's like a whole fucking clusterfuck. But like, it does seem like the negativity is going to be a factor here because it's already spewing through the post and like the whole there is no normal i don't want that bullshit it is true though it doesn't matter if you think it's bullshit everybody is on different time scales with regards to everything and 20 is pretty young as well yeah i mean like this is the reason I brought it was like, this is like a Fisher's Price, my first incel post.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. That's the fear I have is that that's where it's going, right? It's like, you've really had no, like, everything is outward, right? It's like, my, like, everyone likes my brothers. My brothers have girlfriends. This, no one's liked me.

And like, am I that, like, am I that abnormal? It's like, what are you talking about? You've given us am i that like am i that abnormal it's like what are you talking about you've given us no indication that anything about you is abnormal other than like you haven't gone on a date as a 20 year old and i promise you 22 fucking young i promise you you're not the only like get on reddit for three fucking seconds in any of the dating subreddits and you'll see floods of people being like i've i'm 27 and i've never been kissed i'm 18 and never been kissed i'm 16 it's like there are people all over the fucking age spectrum that have never had sex or been kissed or had a boyfriend it's like why i don't understand why you've arbitrarily chosen like 20 i have these i haven't hit these

milestones so therefore i'm a pariah. Yeah. And the thing is, a lot of people don't find themselves until 20 or until 25 or until 30. You know what I mean? It's like high school is fucking wild. You know what I mean? It's like you have a bad day at the start and you can be a pariah for the whole thing, not necessarily due to anything that's your fault.

You might just be in a weird high school where you don't fit in. You might just be a weird kid. I'm not saying that in a bad way yeah i'm saying like to learn who you are and to become yourself it takes a lot of time and let's be clear about one thing i don't know if your shitty parents and shitty friends are helping because they sound not great the question are like my are you fat is a wild question it's like because hey have you not seen them in years like yeah it's like there's a pretty easy question to answer if i mean granted both his parents could be blind but if they hug him that's another way of indicating if this man is also being overweight or anything has no,

like it has no bearing on whether you're going to date people or not. Like that's an insane thing. You know what I mean? So anyway, you need to figure out your shit, right? Like you need to get yourself together because Dane pointed out that you seem to be very negative about like things all in an outward sense. Like it's,

it's other people's fault that you're not dating. Like they haven't chosen you yet. It's like, okay, well, are you the best you, you can be? You know what I mean? Like your friends sound like they might suck. Again, I don't know if it's that you're in, in bitter post mode and you're, you know, going off like the one joke they said, or if they're actually always on your ass about this. Cause if they are, they're probably not good friends. They're probably assholes. You're probably their punching bag and like that's not going to do you any favors both for your personality for your mental health for your happiness and for potential partners because if you're surrounded by four people that rip into you at every moment like anyone who meets you in

that regard probably isn't going to fall head over heels about you because they're going to be fucked off by this whole situation um so maybe get new friends. Your parents sound like assholes. I don't know. But like, you know, you need to figure out what you like and what you want and realize that like, you know, there is no arbitrary like, oh shit, you haven't, you know, hit a three pointer nine times by the age of 24. You're useless human. Everybody's working on a different time scale everybody's hits different milestones at different ages and it's like on top of that sex and dating is incredible but like you can't let it be the be all and end all you know you can't be like i haven't had a date i'm 20 i'm useless what else have you done you know what i mean i'm sure you know maybe you graduated

high school maybe you are an incredible swimmer. Maybe you could fucking like are good. Like those are things that matter. And that's like, if they're important to you, the other things will happen. You know what I mean? If you're yourself, if you're a person, that's step one. And this idea that like, like, I think you mentioned briefly of being like, oh, I'm abnormal. I'm weird.

And therefore no one likes me because of that it's like there was a kid in high school who was like categorically one of the strangest people i've ever met like just a fucking weirdo um and he like nice kid he wasn't like toxic weird he was just like i couldn't talk to him longer than five minutes because he was so fucking like loony and loopy and he would just like say crazy shit all the time um but now he's like found his like people i guess and is a like a staple at comic-con conventions and like anime conventions and stuff and like he's like kind of like this weird like idol amongst people he's like a cosplayer now um and like i like i guess he was just like just didn't fit in with whatever and has now found like

his group of friends and now he's like you know the the cool quote unquote because he's he's found his like group and that's all really that like what we're trying to do in life essentially it's just buying the people that we get to be authentically ourselves around and the second you do that you start thriving whatever that means you know what i mean like are you a dnd nerd great find yourself a dnd group where you guys get to like be absolute fucking nerds together once or twice a week cool like that should that should bring you joy in the same way that like you know if you find a really good fucking rugby team to play on you know like you find your family

and your group of friends and like suddenly that becomes the chance that you get to grow into the you that you are as opposed to like in high school where you're being pelted with hormones and you're getting pelted by like peer pressure and you know the fact that you're so insecure because maybe you're not as tall or as strong or as fast or as good looking and it's like none of that shit matters it's all so fucking like microcosm-y in school and the second you get out into the world it's like oh wait the cool kids in high school don't mean anything

and on top of that it's like when you're in high school you don't really have much like mobility you know you're thrown in with the people you're thrown into and it's like whatever they are like you either gel with or don't I guess but like when you get out of that it's like you could be into like the most niche shit and

you could find an entire fucking group of people that are going to be all about that. Don't get me wrong. I understand it sucks if you're not dating, if you're not sexually active, if you're not all these things. It can feel like garbage, especially if people are mocking you and being assholes about it. Totally get it. But getting bitter about it and making it other people's problem is not the way forward in any way. You're definitely not going to fix the problem and you're going to make a whole bunch more problems. The way to go forward is to do it positively, to work on yourself. And I don't just mean like going to the gym, but yeah, if you want to, by all means,

it's never going to hurt. Being physically fit is always a good thing. Even if you're not shredded, work on what you would love to do and surround yourself with people you like and who very importantly, like you, you know, and you'll find yourself so much more able to date and in a position to do it as opposed to right now where it doesn't seem like you are. You also haven't mentioned what you're doing in an effort to date like are you on dating platforms are you on tinder or hinge or whatever like are you looking for dates or are you just sitting passively being like no one's expressed interest in me and therefore i can't date because like yeah guess what my dude even the most attractive dude rarely gets approached you know what i mean like it's it very is like it really is a a thing that you

have to take an active role in that's yeah it takes work so like if you're not doing that like if you're not trying to date if you're not trying to interact with people and meet people then yeah no sorry buddy but like i would also still be single and dateless if i just you know sat in a corner and was like no one said anything to me huh no one likes me huh it's like also i feel like it might be like almost a weird version of survivorship bias where it's like maybe you thought someone liked you but then you never did anything about it and they didn't do anything about it so you're like oh they definitely didn't like me so it's like you're discounting all the times that people did like you just because nothing came of it it's like sadly you're the one that kind of has to really take the you know lead in

these situations so it's like if you haven't then it's kind of no wonder they haven't gone anywhere you know what i mean because it is as dane said pretty rare for women to like take the lead dating on sadly you know society is kind of like not about that I I would go for as far as to say is like it's rare that anyone male woman or outside in between if you're not engaging with people like if I had a crush on on someone sitting at a bar or you know I saw them and I was like oh damn she's cute as hell I'd love to talk to her and then don't regardless of how she feels about me you know what i mean like it's it's not just like oh as men we have to sort of

take the initiative it's like if you don't make any attempt to make any connection regardless of whether you're flirting or asking out but like if you just stand in the peripheral of everyone then no one will yeah no one will develop crushes on you because you're not doing anything like someone might look at you be like oh he's cute and then walk right by and that's it especially in like classes and stuff like if you don't talk to anyone no one's going to develop a crush on someone they don't talk to yeah or don't interact with that's just how it works especially if that person doesn't give anything back or anything out you know what i mean yeah don't be be afraid to engage people and also find better friends.

Damn, we are long gaming these questions. I know. Let's do a quick one. Oh, fuck. I have a good one, but it's not going to be quick, I don't think. Yeah, we'll make it quick. No. God.

No, we're going to do this. We're going to see how it goes, and then i have a short one for later uh this is by trail hate being home am i setting my standards too high i am a single 22 year old female who's a huge weeb and loves to cosplay and go to conventions i think i'm okay in the looks department i want to find a guy with the same interests as me but is also physically attractive to me thing is i'm really into muscular guys i know nowadays stereotypes stereotypes like the typical nerd or jock mean nothing, because they used to be set in stone.

But I really only tend to attract guys I'm not physically attracted to when I engage in my interests. When I dress up and go to parties, I can attract the guys I find hot, but they have different interests. I know looks aren't everything, but I've tried to date guys purely on interest and personality alone, and it doesn't work for me. Am I setting my standards too high? Edit.

Clarify a little. My definition is muscular, or at the very least, toned and lean. I'm a pretty small person, so even a little bulk fits the bill in my eyes. No, I'm not looking for a fellow cosplayer, although that would be nice. Cosplay is, in my opinion,

less common with guys from my experience. I would be happy with a casual anime fan or someone who is open-minded, like many of you had said. I mean, I've never really been to anime conventions or anything but the pictures i've seen most of the dudes are pretty fucking jacked so the funny thing like and all the comments are yeah you like anime anime guys are scrawny like nerds and it's just like it's so dumb that it hurts because like i know so many people who are into

anime and they are in every spectrum of build because that's how life is literally our fucking pathfinder group like i'm the only one who's not into anime but you literally have the the like gamut of body types pretty much but. You literally have the whole spectrum of everything you could want in a dude in our group who are anime fans, in my opinion. Yeah, I know people who are like my old roommate was like a brick

of a man, and I mean that in terms of just like he was a buff, beefy dude. Biggest anime nerd I know. Just a solid man. Right? You know what I mean? Like, one of my good friends from back home is, like, an actual bodybuilder, like, fucking shredded. He's a gigantic anime nerd. In fact,

I think most people I know who are very, like, into the gym are also very into anime, and I don't know if it's linked or not. And I also feel like I'm kind of an outlier. Like, it's rare that you meet someone who doesn't like anime, I feel like. You know what I mean? Like, unless you're literally an outlier i like it's rare that you meet someone who doesn't like anime i feel like you know what i mean like unless you're literally hanging out at like mma gyms and

shit like that but like even then that's see that's a that's a generalization i know but i was gonna say i was like every like like if most like look at the fucking olympics look how many olympic athletes were making anime references during the fucking olympics yeah it was like it became like a thing and i'm like so like i don't it's rare these days i feel like again i feel like the outlier of people who just like don't really have much of an interest in anime but like and this isn't me gushing about anime this is me saying that like you can't be like oh i you know i like dnd but i also like attractive men what do i do it's like just because you like dnd or just because you like i don't know

racing or just because you like fucking gardening like you're not just like oh you're sliding into that body type now like it's insane to me well gardeners are pretty shredded yeah you're right because of all that digging. So firstly, let's throw that out the fucking window. But secondly, it's like your standards are your standards. If you want to keep them, keep them. If you're upset, change them, I guess. You know what I mean?

It's like maybe you're looking at things the wrong way at the start because you're saying you meet guys who are attractive, but it's like they don't have your interests. You're like, nope. It's kind of fun having someone who isn't immediately into your interest because you get to share things with them. Maybe this guy, you'll get him super into anime, you know? That's the thing. It's like just because someone's not like a diehard fucking anime nerd doesn't mean that like you won't show him a couple cool animes. And he's like, hell yeah, these are fucking awesome. Yeah. And like he presumably then will introduce something into your life as well.

So it's like, are your standards too high? I don't know. But maybe you're looking at it the wrong way where it's like, just because I don't like this movie doesn't mean I don't like the things that make that movie good. You know what I mean? idea is are you are you like slotting people like are you meeting people who you might like who you get along with but are like you don't fit my like you know this you must be this tall it must be this buff to ride like stature requirement and just cutting that off its knees because like nine times out of ten the people i tend to be most attractive to or attracted to are usually the people i don't start attracted to. If that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like the people that like really kind of get me going are the people that

I've been like, ah, you're cute. But then once I get to know, I'm like, oh, you're actually very attractive. Like,

yeah. Who someone is very much informs how attractive they are visually. Once you do get to know them and they can go both ways. So I feel like you're, you running this like you're you're actively working against yourself of being like when you find someone you meet you don't give them a chance to be introduced to your interests you're just like oh don't like anime and no thanks and next and then you meet people who are into your stuff and be like oh sorry, sorry, you're not buff enough. Bye. And it's like, give these people a chance. That's another thing is like,

even just looking at the comments, you can tell the people are still in this like, animes for nerds mindset. And it's like, maybe the people you're meeting aren't like, hey, I'm super into anime because they're worried that you're going to be like, loser. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I don't know if it would be like the strongest. I mean, I was going to be like loser. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I don't know if,

if it would be like the strongest. I mean, I was going to say, but like, I do pretty much openly talk about D and D all the fucking time. But like, there's, yes,

there's also that of people being like, is this good? Like, I'm talking to a really hot girl right now. Should I fucking gush about anime? Although to be fair, I'm assuming she's bringing it up as well. If they, so like i feel like if if i was talking to an attractive woman at a party and she was like oh yeah my level 13 cleric like just got cool new spell slots i was like hell

yeah i'm sorry tell what's your most prepared spell go let's hear it that'd be great what domains you got who you worship but like the thing is when i was younger like i would be embarrassed kind of and and for me it's like when i got embarrassed about it i would almost like go against myself to make sure i said it because i hated the fact i felt that way but like about saying like i write fantasy novels and shit you know what i mean because like back then fantasy wasn't as fucking cool as is now where like everyone's obsessed with game of thrones and lord of the rings and shit like back then people were like why do you read it so people can be insecure about these things you might not be getting the whole picture immediately in both senses so i say just give things a little bit more of a chance like maybe your standards aren't too

high maybe they're too rigid yeah i think that's a great way to put it maybe let them blur at the edges a little bit and be a little bit more loosey-goosey because you know even if those are things you want i don't think you're gonna know if they fulfill those criteria immediately you know yeah also i like i said i highly doubt that you're going to fucking cons and and dressing up and doing cosplay and you're not running into like there are people who make a career out of being fucking like oh i'm i'm shirtless goku because i'm jacked to shit the only guy i know who does cosplay is a friend of my girlfriend's who's like just the most shredded tall attractive

man like he looks like superman and as a result often cosplays as Superman. Yeah, of course. Like he he's hotter than Henry Cavill. It's crazy. OK, well, he because he basically just looks like Henry Cavill, but like just a little better. I'll find you this man one day. And fucking your man from Magic Mike, who's a big D&D guy, right? Like, I mean, like, yeah, Joe Mantendulio. All I'm saying is there's people of every types who like things of every type. So don't let yourself be fucking putting people in weird brackets like, you know, like a stupid teen comedy.

And that's it. And maybe just let the walls of those rigid standards wobble a little bit. Yeah. Give people a chance. Don't come up with these, like, preconceived notions of the person that you're going to be attracted to let yourself have a chance to be attracted to people regardless of what that means um this is from hot mess 077 no i didn't send this in i actually missed i did not read that name at all correctly hot mess 0. Oh, then that's not me. Feeling some type of way with my roommate after sex.

So I've been living with my roommate for about two months only, and I was never attracted to him. Two nights ago, he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, and I agree. But in my room, since I was tired and I was probably going to fall asleep. We both ended up falling asleep together in my room, cuddling all night. It felt so good. The next day we kind of did the same thing but ended up having sex throughout the night. The next day I had to work at 6am and he woke up at 4.45 to make me breakfast

and pack me lunch. No one has ever done that to me before and I felt some type of way and the sex was amazing. He's my roommate and I don't know what to do. Help, please. We signed a year contract and I don't want to ruin things around the house. Well, it's too late for that. Yep.

That is, yeah. Not that it's necessarily ruined, but, like, you can't be like, oh, help. Like, we can't undo what you did. You done did it. Yeah, you done did it. It's been done. Yeah, it's so funny. That was literally, like, when I read that, I was like, you done did it already. It's already done. You've done it. That's it's so funny that was literally like when i read that i was like you done did

it already it's already done you've done it that's the thing it's like you should be taking this into account before you do a thing like this you know what i mean like you don't lightly toss it into your roommate or have it tossed into you by your roommate which is the technical term yeah you know why are you saying it like that um and that like look sometimes you want to do it sometimes you do do it sometimes you shouldn't have done it but the one thing you should be able to do is stand by what you did and why you've done it you know what i mean so when you do something like this you need to be prepared for everything to go fucky and if you haven't you've already failed step one now i will say i will say having already done it and failing step one lean into it well that's the thing it's like

i think maybe boundaries need to be established you know what i mean like because if he has a girl over or you have a boy over um i assume it is a guy and a girl, right? I assume so. I think so. You know, we shouldn't assume. We shouldn't. But I'm going to. No, but like if they have a partner over or you have a partner over now, like that is going to be a very dodgy maneuver.

Like that could be ruining everything right there. So like you need to kind of establish where you're at right um and before you do that you need to figure out where you want to be at because you don't want to do the thing me and dana both talked down upon which is showing up being like what are we like putting it in his court being like it's your issue now to to tell us what we are need to figure out what you want you guys to be and what you're like, you know, ready to agree to, right? It's one of those things where like you, like I, maybe it's because it's my anniversary today or anniversary-ish today.

So I'm a little like, you know, heart glasses on this. Congrats. Thanks. So like, I'm kind of just like, just go for it. But then the cynic in me and the realist in me is like well this could be a like did you know him beforehand is he a complete stranger you know what i mean like if he's just a complete stranger this could be a real cool way to be a way to get

his hooks in you and have a really toxic relationship you know what i mean like i know that seems counter i thought it could be a real cool like romantic thing and i was like hell yeah dane and then you were like he's got socks in you no but like yes it could be adorable this could be amazing you know i mean like if he is a genuinely nice guy who's gonna get up at fucking almost like before 5 a.m to make you breakfast like that's really nice and really sweet. And you guys have the opportunity to have an unconventional but great relationship.

But at the same time, like I said, people are terrible. And having just signed a lease makes you pretty dependent on them. Well, I want to establish something that you're not dependent. And don't let that lease ruin your life. You know what I mean?

Yeah, you can sub-lease get out you can break leases in certain ways you can do a million things so like don't let that be a thing if this does go south like trapping you in a shitty position because it may not it's definitely not gonna be good for your mental health and depending on how it goes and what this person's like could be very bad for your physical health like who fucking knows don't let something arbitrary like that yes it's stressful yes it's hard but like there are options right you're not trapped in this lease so let's get that out of the way first yeah but secondly i think you need to establish boundaries like 100 because you're going to be hurt if he brings someone over without your knowledge he's going to be hurt if you do it and like there's nothing worse than not knowing if knowledge. He's gonna be hurt if you do it. And like, there's nothing worse than not knowing if you could do it or not, because

if you do it, and you really hurt them, you're fucked. But if you don't do it, but then they do it, you're gonna be really upset too. You know what I mean? Because you're like, fuck, I could've banged Dave, and now he's banging Klesander, and goddammit. Klesander. Klesander. That's the

next step up, the next evolution from classandra classander sander class classander sander um so like you know it's gonna be kind of awkward because you guys just did the thing but at the same time you gotta you gotta adult it up and just be like hey so we've done this and don't be afraid to be like look we're both roommates we know that's a risky maneuver that we've done so where really steph did it here but so where are we at with regards to ourselves and like just lay down some ground rules you know what i mean it's like i think we've talked about it before but it's like because you're living together you're not gonna be in a relationship immediately i assume they're just like no get married yeah but like knowing like when it's appropriate to like invade their space you know what i mean because people need space so it's like if you're

horny like you need to be able to like say yes and no clearly and not like dance around each other and like piss each other off and like so just try to establish some boundaries like are you guys having people over uh are you sleeping with other some boundaries. Are you guys having people over? Are you sleeping with other people? If so, are you allowed to bring them over? Do you have to sleep at theirs? I have a color-coded sock system. If you want to be left alone, it's a white sock.

If you're cool to chill, but horny and down to fuck, black sock. If you just need it, you need it, you need to get thrown in you, it's an orange sock. Plaid sock. You, it's an orange sock, you know what I mean? Plaid sock, plaid sock.

Yes, obviously. Okay. No, if you really need it, you just put on, you know, thigh high socks and walk down to wherever they are. Yeah.

Man or woman and nothing else. So yeah, just try, try to set out the boundaries and just try to be a respectful roommate. Still, you know what I mean? Like, don't let that absolve you. Like you're now going to have to be out the boundaries and just try to be a respectful roommate still. You know what I mean? Like, don't let that absolve you.

Like, you're now going to have to be a good partner and a good roommate to a degree. So like, don't let one get in the way of the other and try to be chill. Like, I've done the roommate thing and it worked out great. We're still good friends. Yeah, I mean, it can work out.

And I believe in you guys. Just be very clear. Be very open. Be very honest with one another. Set your boundaries, as Nell said, and be careful. I'm just going to leave it there. Just be careful.

Yeah, like we sat down after we did it and had a chat as to like where we were at and what we wanted and like, you know, what we wanted was something very casual and occasional and it was great. You know, she was really chill. I was very chill. Neither of us got jealous of the other person doing other things. And then even after we stopped

living together, occasionally we'd meet up and hook up and it was great. So it can be done because this was during a year of me making terrible decisions on paper, such as sleeping with a good friend, sleeping with a boss, sleeping with a roommate like i basically did all the things you shouldn't do i realistically only want they didn't really not work out nile stumbled so you could run is what he's saying it was one small step for nile spain one large step for listener kind yeah so just be chill and you should be all right but if you're worried about these things think about them before you do them. Yeah, maybe don't have sex with your roommate if you need to undo things like this. But it's too late for that. Have fun.

Good luck. Best of luck. Please let us know how it goes. Now, I'm going to hit you with a quick question because I don't have that many Tinders. Okay. This shouldn't be long. This is by Chummy Jimmy.

What's the correct response when your girlfriend or significant other asks, what am I out of 10? 18. Sure. Yeah. Any number over 10 works. Yes.

Why would you ever say less than 10? Yeah. Don't say less than 10. No. Or trip them up by saying five. And then when they get upset, be like, out of five. And they'll be like, I said out of 10. You'll be like, oops.

Yeah. Be like, I'm just reducing fractions. It's the same thing. Exactly. God, you're such an idiot. That's why you're an eight. Out of eight.

At the end of the show, we like to peruse online dating platforms, such as Tinder and Hinge and Bumble. And we pick out red flags. We comb through them, find what works, what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Tay.

Your profile makes me laugh, but please don't fall in love with me. Hmm. I'm a cat person. I'm sorry if you're not. Hmm. I like white wine and tequila. Italian food has my heart. Hmm.

Well, there you go. What do you think? I don't hate it. I think it's a six. Yeah. Right? Maybe it's a four think i don't hate it i think it's a six yeah right maybe it's a four i don't know your profile makes me laugh not necessarily because this is your bio you haven't necessarily looked at it so don't lie to my face tay secondly please don't fall in love with me both of you to assume i'd fall in love with you don Don't ask me not to. Cat person? Great. Sorry if you're not? Great. I like white wine and tequila?

Basic as fuck. Italian food has my heart. No shit. It's great. Give me something I can work with here. The cat thing? Sure. But like even that's not much. Imagine running into someone who's like, pasta and pizza? No thank you. Not for me. That'd be very sad.

Really sad. Like even people who are celiac, who can't eat wheat, still manage to find a way to love Italian food. You can do gluten-free pizza, gluten-free pasta. I know. So it's like, get out of here. I don't know why I make great people who don't like pasta. I've missed the... I failed this assignment.

Either way, I think it's a six. I don't care. It's a four for me. This is Kelsey, and this, I think, is going to be a real stumper for you. Okay. Neurobiologist. Horse mom. Pinot Grigio gal passionate about using cell therapy to treat brain injuries in children. Cell therapy or self therapy?

Cell therapy. Oh, thank God. That was self therapy. And I was like, oh, no. Do you hate horses and horse girls more than you hate children who are dying? Now, Dane, I'm giving it a five. Okay. Very diplomatic answer. So now you know I feel the same about horses and dying children.

But this is out of five. It's out of six, actually. Ooh. Okay. You know know what she gets points neuroscience neuroscientist neurobiologist neurobiologist that's cool uh helping dying children in a cool neuroscientist way that's cool horse mom not cool i'm gonna give an eight out of ten okay okay so all Saving Dying Kids gives a pretty significant boost in comparison to the penalty that being a horse mom gives. Yeah. All right, we're learning things. This is Gabby.

No money, no prospects, burn into my parents, frightened. Frightened? Oh, man, that's great. Now, does she look frightened in her pictures she's the type of lady that i feel like this could be an accurate profile description oh man i love it so much i don't want to give it a 10. I don't want to. Maybe give it an 8. I'm giving it a minus 2 for the chance that this could all be very accurate information. I'm very worried that it is, but yeah, I find it very

funny. You know what? I'm going to give it a 5 because I don't know if it would like... I find it very funny out of context, but in the context of dating, I don't know if I would find it funny if she was incredibly hot at swipe, but I don i don't know so i'm gonna give it a five okay are you ready for mine yes this is kimberly and this is a hinge like snippet all i ask is that you don't murder me hey we had a whole question about standards and i think she's keeping hers

reasonable yeah that's fair and you know what i won't. This is another hinge snippet. Believe it or not, I haven't showered in half a year. You sent this to me during the week. I did. I just sent it to you. And I'm going to go zero because that's not funny. You know what I mean? Like, even if it's not true, it's not like, uh-huh.

I don't know. There's this whole celebrity thing of people not bathing. Yeah, but like, is she referencing that? Because I don't feel like she is. No, I don't know. There's this whole celebrity thing of people not bathing. Yeah, but is she referencing that? Because I don't feel like she is. No, I don't think so. There's a lot of sparkly hearts afterwards as well. It seems like a point of pride. Yeah, that's a zero for me, because you do need to shower. Yeah, basic human hygiene. I'm not asking you to do a skincare routine. I'm just asking you to wash your parts. Yeah. And the rest of you.

It's 40 fucking degrees outside. Yeah. I need to shower like after a day, if not by daily. You know what I mean? Oh my God. If I went through one shift of work, one Friday night, and I was like, I'm not going to shower. I would feel like the most disgusting swamp person the next day. The idea of

doing an entire weekend of work during 40 degrees just makes me want to throw up in my mouth. The idea of doing 6 times 4 is 24? No? It is 24.

Hell yeah, I did it. Imagine doing 24 weeks of work shifts and not bathing, let alone whatever else you're doing during the rest of the week. See, I'd be dead because I'd be so sticky I wouldn't be able to sleep. You know? I would stick to my sheets and I'd want to carve all my skin off.

This is a minus 10, in fact. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. I agree. So be your flex. Why would you do that? I don't know. This is Christy. I love myself, but I don't like the way I am.

Trixie Maxwell or Mattel. Trixie Mattel, which is a drag performer. Yeah, yeah. And then are you my baby toe? Because I'd like to bang you on all my furniture. Okay, I like that. I don't love the first thing but i do like that they like drag race yeah seven seven yeah i'm gonna give it a seven as well

because it's a little like emo-y of a first like you know like like it seems like you got some issues girl you know like and that's not the way to bring them up. And it's also a bit of a red flag. I'm going to finish with this one. Okay. Oh, actually, you know what? No, I'm going to go with this one. Okay. I want a guy that'll buy me stuff. I'd put a crying emoji, but I'm using a laptop. I'm serious as fuck, though.

If you can't or don't want to, that's okay. My Instagram is this. I literally have over 5k likes on here over 2k in toronto alone so if you want a fast reply or any at all hit me up on instagram i also live in america not canada um zero it's a garbage profile yeah i thought maybe they were being funny at the start with the whole laptop thing and and i'm just like no they just seem like also who counts likes it's on i don't remember what platform this is on but like it uh it gives you a running total of like how many people have liked you on it oh they

weren't talking about their instagram no i don't think so i think they're saying that like over 5 000 people have liked them on this app. That's even weirder. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. You shouldn't have to use that metric to prove yourself if you're worth anything. Also, why are you flexing it being like, I have 2K in Toronto,

and have your location set into Toronto, and then be like, by the way, I'm not even in the country. Yeah. This seems like an awkward Instagram harvesting harvesting thing where they just yeah but yeah it's a zero for me i'm sorry also a zero it's not even a fun zero you know i'm not even repulsed i'm just bored um that's our show friends thank you very much for hanging out with us it's been a pleasure and i hope you've enjoyed your time as much as I've enjoyed my time. I've also had a fun time.

If you have a question or you would like to support our show, you can head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the Patreon link to bring yourself to the Patreon page in which you can then choose which level you'd like to become a patron of ours. And we thank you regardless of what one you choose. And then if you have a question, you can head on over to our contact page and send us a message and we would be happy to answer your question.

And we will be happy to answer it too. Thank you, Josh Eagle. You said we would be. I don't know. It's just a weird phrase. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. Are you ready for some bad text writing?

I am. So this is from Dan Dida's The Way of the Superior Man. This is chapter 46. Oh boy. And it's called Ejaculate Up the Spine. Oh. For most men, ejaculation involves spewing their energy and semen out through their genitals. Afterward, they feel they have released stress.

The superior man's orgasm more often explodes up his spine and into his brain, from there raining down through his body like an ambrosial bliss of rejuvenation. The technique for converting depletive orgasms into rejuvenative orgasms involve contracting the pelvic floor near the genitals, drawing energy upward along the spine through the use of breath, feeling, and intention. Now he's talking metaphorically here, right? He's not suggesting that you can shoot your jizz up into your brain? I have no idea.

My name is Dane Miller. And I'm going to ejaculate up my spine. Did we finally find our sign off? Hell yeah. Do you want to hear some other chapter titles from this book? No, we've done our sign-off. We got Allow Older Women Their Magic. She Wants the Killer in You.

Use Her Attractiveness as a Slingshot Through Appearance. What? Live As If Your Father Were Dead. Live With an Open Heart, even if it hurts. Enjoy your friend's criticism. All these things sound like if they were taken literally, would cause a ton of pain.

Tolerating her leads to resenting her. Oh boy. Okay, hold on. Are you ready? We're going to do this again. We're going to do our ending again. You're going to use your sign-off. Alright, let's do this. My name is Dave Miller, and I'm now a spine. I'm now a spine.

No! Oh, man. I'm going to ejaculate up my spine. Oh, man. oh man